Publicly embarrassing your kids causes anxiety.. especially if you also dismiss valid points your kid makes in arguments just be to the "right" parent. Also, some parents shouldn't use their kids as therapists to tell them all their problems because kids remember alot, especially the bad behaviors and stuff. Great job to all the good parents out there.
My dad wad the embarrasing me type and my mom the i am "Right" type, i cut almost all contact with my dad and i dont tell anything to my mom so she doesn't even know what i like.
My father is the "i'm always right" parent, you can't discuss anything with him without him doubting everything you say or straight up call you a liar if he doesn't believe you, even when you have evidence or valid points against him. He plays the victim and acts super condescending to guilt-trip you, so you apologize to him. He gaslights you, screams at you and emotionally invalidates you to win ANY argument, just like his mother. Kind off sociopathic, if you ask me.
@@devotion__x1206 anything a child is passionate about, they can become successful at it, if properly supported. If your son/daughter is laughed at for trying to dance when everyone is a beginner at one point, they will lose interest and become more closed in.
I have a lot of things but I'll say first "Belittling what they like" "Not consider that they may tell the truth, regardless of you liking it or not." "Take them seriously, or you can be sure we won't like giving visits when we'll be grown. You are warned, no complaints in the future."
"I know what I'm passionate about and good at in life! I'm good at X and Y!" "That's nice, but you're never getting into that field. Why don't you go into the Navy instead?" "Yeah, well, make sure you get your MBA. When are you getting a job in business?" Yeah, thanks for living vicariously through me, mom and dad.
Hiroshi, you know. About how it feel always being trap between truth & lies. It hell. Parents like them always abuse the rule. Mom and dad blamed on technology. In reality, I’ve treated like a door mat from my (former) friends during school. All he does ruined my friendship with Krystal. He loves to take advantage of people. I felt he mentality ill when he was born. My brain is damage since 13 years old. We ended our friendship when I came came to school in august 2017. He was 18 when first day of school. He told lies about still being friends. And the teacher want to know we’re still friends. I say flat no. And she sensed truth on that. And she let it be. You can’t forced love. You have to deal with hate or love.
THATS WHAT MY MOM DID This messed me up while being in school. Now sience i endet my appentriceship (2014-2017) i am now working a 100% job and am better but... Srsly... Thanks mom... Nothing
OH GOD to this day I still hate that!! Why can't you do this? Why don't be more like so and so? They've got a car and a house and three kids! Why are you the single asexual weirdo whose so passive all the time? Me: 🤦♀️
Or my favorite “I don’t want to compare you to your sister because you two are different people… but I am gonna compare you with her anyways on everything she does right and everything you do wrong…”
The 'tell the truth; get punished' 'Lie and hope you don't' thing happened so much in my childhood. And my family wonders I lie and make so many excuses for things
I bought a cool dragon with my own money. When my dad asked me how much, I was honest and gave him the price. He wouldn't stop scolding me for two days. Taught me how harmful telling the truth is with that man.
Mom: The girl next door gets all A marks in school, wins swimming championships and cleans the windows every day! Why can’t you be more like Sabina? Me: The mom of the girl next door wakes up at four every morning just to make pancakes for her daughters and drives them to school. Why can’t you be more like Sabina’s mom? Mom: Stop comparing me to other people, I am my own person!
It's kinda here and there for this one..., But I have ADHD and my mom wanted me on medication so I could do good in school but it always made me feel like crap, tired but could never sleep, hungry but also sick to my stomach, irritated, slow, everything annoyed me, ECT. I hated taking it but it "wasn't optional" so I started finding ways to not take it, I would put it in my cheek, or act like I threw it in my mouth but stuff it in my pocket, but she caught on and would make me show her as I swallowed it, but I hated it so much I would swallow it and quickly go to the bathroom and make myself vomit so I wouldn't have to actually take it, so I'd just vomit the pill up and my breakfast every morning, I did that for probably like 6 or 7 years, but even now I'm afraid to really take any kind of medication no matter what it's for.
Same thing happens to me when I take my pill but I would recommend that if you taking meds then eat breakfast then take the pill so you wont vomit it and I have adhd too! But I would recommend if u drink the pill with water or eat and then take the pill otherwise might cause u to vomit if u just take the pill by itself
@@lilvino23 no I used to make myself vomit just so I wouldn't have to take it, I don't use medication anymore I've since found work that's more hands on so I can focus better, but I hated taking my meds so much I would force myself to vomit it up everyday just so I wouldn't feel like that
yeh i hated those pills too, tho thankfully my mom let it become optional when i was 7th grade which allowed me to learn how to control the adhd and i managed to out grow it
Screaming at them and calling them horrific names if they get overwhelmed from you yelling at someone else, and they just have to step out of the room for a moment.
Emma Cat as someone who was a victim of this, can confirm that it messes up your children. Anytime someone raises their voice at me I automatically flinch and start crying because I get flashbacks of all those horrible memories
There's just 1 thing to note being a parent: "you do realize... the kids can put you in a home?" you want to be visted by your kids have them look after you bit by bit and not in a home alone never be visited? (not bashing retirement homes but imagine never being visited)
Exactly,my parents are always finding something to lecture me about,from peices of clothes on the floor to an 87 on a History test. My parents say that they want to go back to their country to spend their last days,but I don't think they realize that the things they've done to me and my siblings are going to affect that choice.
_Remember, parents: You don't always have to be right. If you act like you know everything and then some, and your children can say for a fact that you're wrong, your kids are way less likely to listen to any advice you give. I'm running a business and doing college and my dad told me that I need to give my business some more attention. I told him I would at the end of winter classes so I don't overwhelm myself. He told me that sounded like an excuse and I just walked away from him because I know by now that he's not gonna listen. Even if I explain to heaven and back about burnout and how either my education or business would fail if I tried to peruse both with my current schedule, I know he won't listen. Because he's always right._
Blaming stuff on your kids that they didn't do (from experience, I'm still a kid tho) such as (I'm using irl examples that happen to me) blaming ur kid for being late even tho it was the parents fault for leaving the wallet at the house. Another example is when it cousin fell while on the chair and parent blames it on u for pushing off the chair because you are jealous even tho that didnt happen. Another is over using the word back talk and that's why I dont know the definition of back talk and probably makes you to unable to stand up for yourself against your parent for blaming something on you even tho it wasnt your fault. Forcing you to have good grades or else taking away stuff which makes you stress and makes you fail test because of that (and makes me feel dumb which makes me not having confidence) giving your child alot of chores and are unmanageable when u have adhd which causes you to forget alot and not motivated and when your parent get mad at you for not listening or doing what she or he says. And also when your parent yells at you and making you cry and which causes when anyone else yells at (not in a talking manner or come and get food way) you, u cry or when a whole lot of people yell at you, you cry. And when you cry just because the parent yelled at you they would threaten you to make stop crying such as "I will give u something to cry about if dont stop crying" and also when your parent tells you how your grandma treated her (badly treated, she or he got spanked by a wooden spoon just bec of grades and hardly got any toys and had alot of chores that's basically what she or he told me but I summarized it) and says she or he will treat how grandma treated her or him to you if you dont do anything what she tells you to do. And my mom tells me that I'm smart but I think that's why I dont ask for help when I need help with something. Overall I have adhd and I think my mom had messed me up the most because the reasons I listed was from my mom treats me while my dad is nice and hardly gets mad, and I'm not sure if this is normal but I feel guilty every time I dont give someone what they wanted from the lunch menu.
And then they don’t admit what they did was wrong, like, you aren’t the second coming of christ, you make mistakes, just admit it, the most annoying thing is when someone is obviously wrong and don’t admit it.
Yup my dad does this to not get in trouble. My mom gets angry at him. Well most of the time he get caught blaming me for no reason. He is really childish so I don't care about this.
My biggest one is probably treating their kids like their problems aren't justified or as bad as theirs. Basically making it a competition as to who can be damaged or traumatized even though there are many different types of both.
Invalidating their kids (specially their feelings) and not allowing to express themselves or to set boundaries or question anything. If you're constantly telling your kid that they're being intense, too emotional/snowflake, overreacting, being brats and censoring, punishing or shaming them when they try to speak their mind even if it's with a lot of respect and education, you're teaching your kids that their needs are not important and that they must always make sacrifices for everyone, and this is really problematic, because that kind of parenting leads to kids, teens and adults who are pushovers, who don't know how to stand up for themselves or to say no or set boundaries, who stay quiet to avoid any kind of trouble or out of fear of retaliation, communication and trust issues, mental health issues like anxiety, and also being anxious and worried about how they'll be perceived by others for just expressing their needs or feelings. It also becomes the onset for a lot of unhealthy attachments issues, like avoidant attachment, anxious attachment or desorganized attachment. Kids who are raised like this, end up feeling lonely because they feel they have no one to turn to because they think they'll be a burden or a nuisance for others. Communication is the key for relationships, and if you raise your kid like that, they will fail miserably at having deep, meaningful and long-lasting relationships. Now, for the expressing themselves, the boundaries and questioning, is pretty much the same. Parents are human beings, they can mess up too, they can't be always right, and they can hurt or piss someone off intentionally or accidentally. Kids are not properties to control and manipulate or dogs to be trained, they're people, and as such, they will have their own set of tastes, beliefs systems, styles, opinions, ideologies, sexualities and identities, wishes, dreams, goals, careers, abilities, and any other facet of human life. If you're not ready to understand that your kid wasn't born to please you, or to cater to every single demand of yours or to be like you, don't have children. It is one thing to have rules and authority laid in your household so there's discipline and structure, but when rules and authority go past the point of abuse and control to the point of your kid not having any breathing room, that's an issue, and if you're overbearing and don't wanna change, okay, do what you want, but I'll tell you in advance that everything in life comes with a price, and you better be ready to kiss your kids goodbye once they have the chance to move out, because even the person who loves you the most, gets tired of getting their hearts and spirits broken time and time again, you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Your kid's gonna live their life and be himself and try new things and do it, whether you like it or not. As long as we don't harm anyone and it's within the parameters of the law, we're allowed to do anything with our lives. You're allowed not to like men with long hair, but if your son starts growing his hair, what you gonna do? Forcing him to cut his hair or cutting it off while he's sleeping? You're allowed not to like tattoos or fancy-colored hair, that's alright, but if your child decides to get a tattoo or dye their hair in a fancy color, what you gonna do? Forcing your child to go get it removed with laser or throwing an amount of natural-colored hair dye on your child's head? You're allowed not to like, I don't know, the color red in clothes and decide not to use them, perfect, but if your child gets a red t-shirt as a present for their birthday and they like them and it's their size, what you gonna do? Force them to wear other colors and go to the store and change the t-shirt because it has a color you don't like? You're allowed not to be attracted by dad-bods or big men, that's more than perfect, but what if you have a gay or bi son and he's into bears or chubby guys or dad-bods? Will you disown him? You're allowed no to like goth or punk clothing, perfect, but what if your child has that style? Will you burn your kid's clothes and put them in the trash or selling them without their consent and behind their backs? How pathetic, it's really narcissistic and entitled to think that your kids were born to tailor to your whims, that's not the way it works. And also, being a parent doesn't make you immune to judgement or criticism, including from your children. You can't expect your kids to tell you that you're always right or doing everything okay.
Update my parents aren't horrible (Hell any time teacher fucked with me it was off with their heads) but they're flawed like anybody this was one they've gotten way better and come to realize how much I do for them (and how lazy my sister is)
My dad and uncle used to call me dumb and laugh at me when I got things wrong. They still do sometimes. It has led to me thinking everything I get wrong makes me stupid. Got the wrong answer in class? Stupid Accidentally mixed up my words? Dumb Accidentally added the wrong ingredient when cooking food? Lots of laughs at my expense. I never tried to get the right answer in school or... enywhere really. I was scared that if I got is wrong everyone would hate me and think im dumb. If I am proven wrong I will get defensive and try to explain why they were being dumb. I am trying to brake the habit and I am getting better at it.
Trying to manipulate their child like he/she is a puppet rather than a human who has has his/her own free will, almost always backfires And it backfires really badly when they are bad at doing it
2:39 My dad does this alot to my sister, Most of the time comparing her with me....And I really cant say anything to stop him because he has the "your always wrong because your a child and I'm always right because I'm a parent" mentality....
“Making fun of someone when they have a crush on someone” Yeah... that actually cause a relationship to be ruined cause it made me act weird. I am glad that’s pretty much the only problem.
My family raised me as a door mat but then wonder why from about 15-now I’m a asshole and I’m not a yes man. But they are more than happy to try (and fail) ask for money because I’m currently making more with a single income than they are with 3 incomes two full time jobs and a part time job.
The majority of my family (aunt, uncles,) are all selfish arseholes who basically treated me like a poor lost little puppy when it was convenient for them then dumped me when they lost interest. Also not supporting my mum when she was a neglectful drunk for most of my life.
8:43 YES! If there are any parents who do this reading this, STOP. My parents do it and it makes me not trust them- they also come into my room without knocking or asking if it's okay. Kids should be allowed to have PRIVACY! Even as a parent, you should not feel like you have the right to invade someones private things, but get angry at them if THEY invade your privacy!
Told my parents I wanted to be a marine biologist, they told me to "pick something more realistic". Two years out of high school and I still haven't managed to start college and pick a major.
Then, unless you want them to rule your life forever, go start college and become a Marine Biologist. Inb4: "but I can't just snap my fingers and do that!" Cut the expectations of instant gratification, they're bullshit. Build yourself a plan and stick to it like stink on quim.
Being able to talk to parents without being laugh at is huge. I’m asking you for help not looking to be your entertainment. I never told my parents about my crushes because they’d tease or criticize me. I refused to let my dad teach me how to shave because he’d mock me. I taught myself and have mild scars on my face. I hoped that removing hair would keep them from making fun of me.
1) Push their kids and pry stuff out of them. My mom did this to me and it made me not want to open up to anyone about my emotions and feelings. Anytime I seemed “off” she would say “what’s wrong” and wouldn’t take nothing as an answer. If I didn’t she would start yelling and screaming at me and threatening to take my phone and read through my messages. Because of that I bottle up all my emotions and would rather die or get hurt then tell someone if I’m feeling sad or uncomfortable about something. I make decisions based on what others want than what’s best for me. When I told my mom, I described it as trying to pull a turtle or tortoise out of its shell. She said that she does it because I don’t open up about stuff. HMM I WONDER WHY?!?! 2) Don’t tease or push having an SO onto your kids/assume that your kid has a crush on their friend of the opposite gender. My mom would always say stuff like any cute boys or when will you get a boyfriend or oh [male friend] is really cute you should date him. Because of it I would force myself to have crushes on other guys. When I finally realized my taste ran in the other direction, I got a girlfriend and finally felt comfortable with dating. My mom kept pushing and pushing for me to get a boyfriend and would tell me that I better not have a girlfriend in a threatening tone. After that she would claim to accept the lgbtq community, then go back to making really anti-lqbtq comments. When she found out she flipped and banned me from dating and hanging with friends in my room
getting mad at kids for "talking back" when they make an argument. Now I can't stand up for myself when someones giving me shit for anything, even if I know and have proof that I'm in the right.
Don’t you just hate when parents scare their children into eating something they don’t want to eat, and the child is just sitting there crying while eating?
invalidating your children's fears. i got in a car wreck 3 years ago and have a panic attack any time i get behind the wheel of a car. my mother constantly tells me "oh, it's not that bad" or "suck it up, you're exaggerating."
This is becoming less of a problem now than when I was growing up but it still applies to some people. Parents of teenagers listen up! A lot of video games in this day and age take a lot of time to progress, I saw a video a few days ago of this mother ripping out a power cable from an Xbox while the teenager was in the middle of playing and his save files got corrupted (Meaning they couldn't be played) this guy had put 70+ hours into this game and it was destroyed in a single moment, the mother could not understand why the teen was so furious at her for. "It's just a bloody game!" No, it's not! That was 70 hours of your kid's effort and time that YOU just destroyed for no reason whatsoever. So, here's the conclusion: If your kid's gaming is a problem DON'T JUST DESTROY IT! That WILL permanently damage your relationship with them, possibly even irreparably.
The “I gave birth to you” or “I carried you for nine months” excuse that every mother has tried at least once. Yeah, I appreciate that, but we’re talking about why I don’t get to hang out with my friends as often as I like (rarely as of this moment), not talking about you being pregnant.
Don't ever yell at your kid over a potty accident or while they're on the toilet. Your kid will be afraid to go in the toilet and possibly at all. Source: Someone who peed themselves until they were 5 and pooped themselves until they were 14. You'd be surprised at how few people notice/say anything about stuff like that, especially when it only happens once a month.
Oh, I think I got this one beat. So, my father, when I was two and three years old, used to flick spit at me, tease me, and then if I were to get upset, he would start beating me. And then, years later, he wondered, why don't I sit with them and have family time, or watch movies or TV with them? Also, when we would eat, sometimes he would not like the way I eat. I have a tongue tie, for those who do not know what that is, please look it up. So, because of the way I eat, which is different, basically, my father would get upset. Basically, once I ate a hot dog, not to his satisfaction, so he took a hot dog and shoved it up my nose when I was six years old. Believe it or not, even if you have a tiny nose, you could get an entire hot dog up there. I know, because I remember the six-year-old me trying to dig it out, because it was all the way up there. It was horrifying. Oh, and then, for my entire life, while I was a kid and a teen, he would brag to his friends and family members that he did this and laugh in front of me. In 2013, I decided I would have no relationship with them and cease talking with them. I've gone on 10 years now of no contact.
Not believing their child when their child tries to tell them that they think they may have a mental health issue/issues and then turning around and shaming the child for a symptom of said mental health issue.
Never keeping their promises and acting like you being upset is you being overly sensitive or a crybaby, not acknowledging that their broken word can break a person's heart, and is so similar to being lied to that it really fucks up a kid's ability to trust their parents, or even have an optimistic outlook on life since they're afraid of the crushing blow of disappointment.
@@chimpwimp9407 She thought was jerking off one time I randomly got searched for no reason when we had a guest over (she found nothing) and another time she searched me cus she'd walked in when I was shutting down my laptop to spend time with them and I guess that was suspicion some how (I did not spend time with them for a long time after that)
@@chimpwimp9407 It was wired I literally just forgot to zip up but it still hurt and made me not trust them (especially the random search when a guest was over) my parents aren't horrible but they're flawed like anybody they've gotten better over the years
Physical and Verbal "discipline". I.E. Hitting/Spanking them for showing basic emotions like crying for something. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE TODDLERS and then bad mouthing them like "I don't want to hear you crying!!!!" It also applies to making mistakes. *Kids 👏 have 👏emotions. Invalidating your kid's emotions only makes you look ignorant or not able to handle the situations. Sorry if you can't handle crying, but that's what kids do. Telling them not to cry will only make it worse. It will possibly teach them that crying or any negative emotions is weakness.*
3:03 Felt that. Grandmother constantly compares me to celebrities and historical figures, mainly people in the civil rights movement, and tries to have me grow up like them. I get it, America today is still pretty fricked up, but unfortunately with how little people listen to me already, i feel I'm gonna have little impact in the real world.
I can 100% relate to the emotional neglect one. Mum was a drunk who ignored me for most of my childhood so I grew up to be the weird shy kid. Still have social anxiety now. But she would always say I was strong bc I had to deal with all her crap. No mum, I'm not strong. I just had to put up with your idiotic bullshit and you f**ked me up. Also, not being able to express my feelings bc she was passed out 95% of the time.
Nephew of mine called out his father as a bully for playing jokes on the new hires at his work. He'd purposely humiliate them and tell them lies so they look stupid when they repeat them to others. Kid made valid points, too. He knew about this because his father would tell his him all about it with a grin when he'd get home from work. What did the father do? he grounded his son for a month. According to him, he was being "disrespectful." Children are painfully honest. Oftentimes if they consider you a bully, you probably are one.
Oversheltering your kids. My uncles never let me do anything, be it going outside to buy something or even housework. All I was to do is go to school, study and sleep. I was only allowed to play outside for like 1 hour and not further than my street. All group projects were to be done at our house because they won't let me go to their houses. First time I moved out to study and first week of living alone and the portable electric socket fused. All I had to do was buy a new fuse and replace it. But I didn't know where to buy fuse. I fricking went to a grocery store and clerk looked at me like I was the dumbest creature alive when I asked if they had a fuse. Fun times.
Bringing life stress home and making it the kid's problem. You may need to vent, but that doesn't mean you should vent to your kid. Your stress is your responsibility, not theirs. You should let the kid know that you're in a mad mood because of x, but not go on and on and on about problems that the kid can't solve for you. All that accomplishes is putting needless stress on the child as they're forced to have you unload on them, and they know they can't help you or themselves to avoid the barrage. Don't even get me started on parents who have the immaturity to belittle and scream at their kids on a huge tirade because the chores didn't get finished after someone ticked them off at work. Yes, it was wrong of them to neglect responsibilities, but it's substantially worse of the parent to take all that aggression out on their child. Bonus points if the parent uses the superiority complex "I am the parent, I am the boss. You are the child. You don't contradict me." Yes, you are the parent. It's your job to lead, raise, and teach your kid, NOT to dominate them. If you can't put aside outer forces and deal with your kid's actions solely based on their actions, get help. Not from your kid, but from an adult who is actually prepared to deal with and capable of helping you solve your problems.
With the financial thing, that’s really got me into the savings idea of buying, when we go out to McDonald’s for example, I could get that thing that’s $15 but instead I ask for the $8 thing because back in the day we had to buy things around that price, to the point where now when we have the money I still say the cheap option, but to tell the truth, I don’t mind.
She became very overprotective of me in my teen years and completely screwed up my entire head! These are the dangers of being an overprotective parent, you'll screw up your own kids and they'll never know how to function properly in real life due to your very own coddling of them!
With the whole eating everything thing my dads side used to do that. I think they stopped after I tried hiding my leftovers from them. Sometimes in the furniture and sometimes I would stuff it all in my mouth go to the bathroom spit it out and hide it with a bunch of toilet paper.
'You won't be able to do that' How about you let me try My most bitter memories are that I wasn't allowed on a plane till I was 15 cause my mum said I wouldn't even be able to get on it, so I never saw family members. She always talks about happy holiday memories I never got to share, and I missed years of getting to know my amazing extended family. Now she gushes about how determined I am and how I 'don't let anyone tell me I can't do anything' yeah well actually that's because of you
I’m just reading this to know what things I can’t putt into words are effecting me, and learning that my parents won’t change so I have to change the way it effects me because I’m the one at the end of the day who will be suffering from it years later then there the ones who will have nothing but empty regret that won’t change anything
Just a bit of a story, but uh. Basically, I don’t really no how to put this simply. It’s happened twice, where if my mom gets pissed enough at me, whether that be for a good or bad reason, she decides to make me stand in the corner beside the front door (Keep in mind, I am 13 soon to be 14) and wait there. Everytime this happens, she’ll threaten me with things such as, ‘I’m taking away your phone’, ‘I’m sending you to boot camp/military school’, things like that. Now, that never is too bad, no matter how much I hate it. The worst part is when my mom grabs her phone and pretends to call the police. Damn, it hurts. Whether or not I know it’s fake, which I’m quite sure it is, seeing as the police have never once showed up at my doorstep, it still really hurts to have the only parent figure in your life at that moment (I live with only my mom, no siblings, and I see my dad a few times a year) ‘call the police’ on you. Even though I’m not sure what effect this will have on me in the future, I know currently it makes me so damn afraid to make mistakes, whether that be new ones or ones I’ve made before. That also stems from the fact she gets mad at every small screw up I do, but anyways, the biggest things that come out of it, is I’m somewhat afraid of authority. I’m afraid that if I were to call the police, or talk to teachers even, anything like that, then I’ll always be the one to get in trouble. I feel like that I’m in the wrong for ever daring to go against someone else, and trying to do the right thing or be an independent person. Obviously not all of this stems from the same thing, but they all do come from things my mom does and I just felt like I had to share this- Thanks to anyone who bothered to try and read this, I appreciate it.
comparing your kids to the others. I got compared to the 2 trouble makers, and I literally heard "why can you be like so and so" the perfect brothers. she accused me of doing things the bad siblings did all the time when i did nothing... eventually i told her "if you are going to accuse me of those things i might aw well do them since im already in trouble for it" that stopped that part of it anyway
Make fun of a child’s fears. Yeah mom I‘m scared of the dark even at 15 but you don’t have to pretend you’re fearless. How about I make fun of the things you’re afraid of, wouldn’t like that either would you?
3:49 THIS. My mom insisted to give me showers until i was like 9 because "she loved me" or because my hair was too long and i would not know how to wash it. It was unconfortable because i didn't wanted anyone to see me naked and she would pull all my hair. She would hurt me and then get mas at me when i punched her as a defense. And until i was 13 she insisted in wash my hair. But this time she would do it on a sink. Again, she would pull my hair, i would have shampoo in my eyes, and at the end my neck was hurting because i was like- 20 minutes having my head forced against the sink.
My life in a nutshell. Let's start with my father: he doesn't care much about me. I could disappear and he wouldn't know but he does love my sister very much. He'd move heaven and earth for her. Me not so much. My mother: I am her punching bag, scapegoat, therapist, maid and councilor. To her I am tall, fat, dark skin and ugly. Even though my sister is also fat but whose looking. I am incompetent, a liar and a glutton. Children all over the world are starving because I eat so much. If I keep eating soon I won't be able to fit through the door but I get an ear full when I refuse. My future husband will leave me for another woman because of how lazy I am. I am so stupid, I can't compare to my sister and the neighbor who are all so hard working. Etc. I could go on and on. A few decades of ridicule. At this point I just look at her with a blank look on my face.
I have to act up like once my Dad starts up to intimidate him enough to make him leave me alone or/& play nice for the rest of the day-week. Otherwise he’ll take out his stress on me like a bully. He’s oblivious but otherwise a good person.
Don't listen. Then tell your kid what they are feeling and why. Uh, yeah no, Mum. And you wonder why I go to Dad if I'm upset or in trouble. "You can always talk to me," yeah if I want to be ignored, patronised and told what I'm actually feeling by the person not living my life who doesn't have a clue. Most recently, I don't know why (or why I bothered to try talking to Mum about it) but my body has started screaming at me to 'have a baby right dang now!' I'm a single virgin. No husband, no house. I'm not in any position, mentally, emotionally, financially, to have a baby now. It's frustrating as heck. Biologically really want a baby; psychologically know it's a very bad idea right now. Mum tells me I can't possibly have baby fever because I'm 28 and she didn't get baby fever until her late 30's. Oh, right. I guess I don't have baby fever then, problem solved. Thanks Mum. *Headesk*
I can understand this tantrum rule but I think it really screwed me up. Bc it turns out i have high functioning autism and so the tantrums were beaten out of me. So I was until now incapable of expressing dislike, discomfort or inability to do something. It was all either a tantrum so u should knock it off. Or two well ur not crying so it must not be that bad. I have finally learned how to set boundaries and express my needs. Like too bright of a room or this shirt isnt just uncomfortable its unwearable bc if the fabric. It also destroyed my sense of risk. Bc I was forced to try everything no matter the age or danger so I cannot regulate risk.
Not allowing us to experience emotions let alone allowing us to release said emotions in any form. I swear ‘chronic repressed emotion syndrome’ is a thing.
My father has the tendency to think that hes right and everything someone else says is then wrong It gets incredibly annoying because he will do anything to show that hes right when someone argues with him, resulting in us not wanting to try to have a discussion with him. He also always has such a strong opinion on everything which makes it hard for me to tell about less good stuff that happened, like really low marks or the complete thing about what i like doing [being a furry, and dont waste your time now saying ‘ew furry’ because it contributes nothing to the conversation and you’ll only be ignored. Its just some time wasted typing] because i think he will judge me hard for it. Yesterday was an example of that. I was at home, we started talking about the test week (for which they dont know i didnt study hard for, so i had insufficients) and then the insufficients came up. I told them about me finding it really hard to focus and my father immediately goes to ‘huh, where have i seen that before?’ Immediately judging my brother because he had the same problem. It makes it a bit harder for me to trust my father and say these kind of things to him Ive noticed ive become less close to my father because of this, whenever something is wrong i go to my mom and i always say things first to my mom, im trying to break this cycle of first going to my mom for telling stories but its hard when you kind of trust your mother more with hard things than your father.
6:04 this. Right here. Always. Oh you swept the floor. You made tea. And you took care of your hygiene, well what about this and this and this that you didnt do?? Parents, if your reading this. Please don't relate their accomplishments and milestones to the failures they've made. Its really fucked me up because my mom does this intentionally. Always relates my accomplishments to things i havent done or things i coulda done. Im doing things little by little, Im not some machine. My mom always complains. So i go above and beyond and exhaust all my motivation on one day of the week to finally get recognition. also doesnt help that i have adhd. Her actions and responses have royally damaged me to the point I am depressed she doesnt see how well im actually doing. And instead sees the accomplishments she wants to see. This is slightly in the past now. I know my worth now, i got help for my depression and anxiety. Im on proper medication for my adhd. But her words dont faze me like they used too because of my knowledge of my self worth and capability to strive. I still want to my accomplishments to be noticed by her. But I dont need the congratulations. Because I already congratulate myself.
My mom and dad have a big fight about something when I was 4. I don’t what. They’re were arguing about the visits in Philadelphians. It was hell. Dad apologized to mom and it wasn’t a happy ending. They still continue to fight til I got my own room away from my sister in 2010. My dad always a helicopter parent, won’t let me trick or treat alone, & never let me have the computer in my room when I was in 6th grade. He was a paranoid asshole who think he was doing good. He often trigger anyone temper. He even broke my door. I always wanted to have a new bedroom door for a decade. And have a lock. So I wouldn’t let anyone in my room when the fight starting to happen. Also I used to have a awful friend that rather be using me to get more friend to get popular. I wanted to ended our friendship beginning in 6th grade. But, nope. He always like to play my emotions like he own me. Never treating people as people. Only as cult. He always told lies and broke my mental state. Mom and dad always believed him. I just snapped at them. I never wanted to be involved in parties when I was six. I always have a feeling it won’t end well. Dad don’t want me to be a introvert. He forces me to socialize, it didn’t end well. I’m a picky socializing with people. Til in high school. My sister want to met her friends, again, it didn’t end well🤦♀️. My parents always think I was making excuses to avoid school. (Since middle school. My broken mental health cause me to skip out school. Thank, Caleb C.😡😒). My dad never listens. My half bros called out his bullshit. He just insane and won’t admit it his faults that the family falling apart. He blamed my half sis for nothing. He kept buying smart phone that he never understood. He brought useful/useless stuff. He make a mess in the kitchen every time I went in. He screw up his first mirage. He didn’t used the cup bottle from the hospital in this July. And he never will at all. He just sit there complains if someone wasn’t very nice. He spend money on stuff he’ll never use. He just take advantage on anyone who was nice and threading people. He’ll never learned what he caused😞
Abuse. Look up the case of baby p if ya wanna know why. Warning as it’s heartbreaking! Also my mum kept complaining if I don’t work hard I won’t get a job which is true for others but me. I’m literally in the midst of publishing! She has finally realised.
I could Talk with my mom about my problems Not with my dad Me and my dad just dont always get along well. Why ? Because i effin stand up for myself (i am 21w btw) thats what he hates.
Projecting their childhood trauma off on you. Sorry you were a teenage mother with my brother, mom... please don't slut shame me I was only 13 in a virgin thanks for discounting everything my father did to try to raise me right..
Taking from the thumbnail, hitting your child. It doesn’t teach them not to do something. It teaches them you are an asshole and don’t care that you are humiliating them.
I have instagram and my mom goes on my phone and looks at the stuff i post, who i follow, what im typing to friends ( my acc is private so i only accept friends and family ) for htis reason I've barely used insta now (please no comments i don't like having many notifications)
Publicly embarrassing your kids causes anxiety.. especially if you also dismiss valid points your kid makes in arguments just be to the "right" parent. Also, some parents shouldn't use their kids as therapists to tell them all their problems because kids remember alot, especially the bad behaviors and stuff. Great job to all the good parents out there.
Embarrased over weight put in me in a dress far too small I just want my size.
My dad wad the embarrasing me type and my mom the i am "Right" type, i cut almost all contact with my dad and i dont tell anything to my mom so she doesn't even know what i like.
My father is the "i'm always right" parent, you can't discuss anything with him without him doubting everything you say or straight up call you a liar if he doesn't believe you, even when you have evidence or valid points against him. He plays the victim and acts super condescending to guilt-trip you, so you apologize to him. He gaslights you, screams at you and emotionally invalidates you to win ANY argument, just like his mother. Kind off sociopathic, if you ask me.
The one where the kid got yelled at for telling the truth really hit home.
Laughing at anything intimate to their child's passion...
Not to be rude but what exactly do you mean
@@devotion__x1206 anything a child is passionate about, they can become successful at it, if properly supported. If your son/daughter is laughed at for trying to dance when everyone is a beginner at one point, they will lose interest and become more closed in.
@Yasmeen Yusufzai i had to buy my own guitar and teach myself
@Yasmeen Yusufzai i was 13 bro 😆
Laughing when their kid has thoughts about suicide...
I have a lot of things but I'll say first "Belittling what they like"
"Not consider that they may tell the truth, regardless of you liking it or not."
"Take them seriously, or you can be sure we won't like giving visits when we'll be grown. You are warned, no complaints in the future."
Mocking your child for their appearance, particularly their weight. Just ruins their self confidence and can lead to anorexia in some cases
"I know what I'm passionate about and good at in life! I'm good at X and Y!"
"That's nice, but you're never getting into that field. Why don't you go into the Navy instead?"
"Yeah, well, make sure you get your MBA. When are you getting a job in business?"
Yeah, thanks for living vicariously through me, mom and dad.
I wished I have a dad & mom don’t have to be hypocritical.
@@lilllyeevee6536?
Hiroshi, you know. About how it feel always being trap between truth & lies. It hell. Parents like them always abuse the rule.
Mom and dad blamed on technology. In reality, I’ve treated like a door mat from my (former) friends during school. All he does ruined my friendship with Krystal. He loves to take advantage of people. I felt he mentality ill when he was born. My brain is damage since 13 years old. We ended our friendship when I came came to school in august 2017. He was 18 when first day of school. He told lies about still being friends. And the teacher want to know we’re still friends. I say flat no. And she sensed truth on that. And she let it be. You can’t forced love. You have to deal with hate or love.
my mum compares me to my sister, always saying how she’s the angel child. My sisters 8, i’m 15.
They always love the younger child but never get frustrated on her she doesn't know how hard it is
Yeah my dad treating like a doll and never let anyone have space
My parents: dont compare yourself to other kids
Also my parents: hey you see so and so did this and that, you should be like him/her
THATS WHAT MY MOM DID
This messed me up while being in school. Now sience i endet my appentriceship (2014-2017) i am now working a 100% job and am better but... Srsly... Thanks mom... Nothing
OH GOD to this day I still hate that!! Why can't you do this? Why don't be more like so and so? They've got a car and a house and three kids! Why are you the single asexual weirdo whose so passive all the time? Me: 🤦♀️
Or my favorite “I don’t want to compare you to your sister because you two are different people… but I am gonna compare you with her anyways on everything she does right and everything you do wrong…”
The 'tell the truth; get punished' 'Lie and hope you don't' thing happened so much in my childhood. And my family wonders I lie and make so many excuses for things
Same
"Hope you don't" thing?
Overly harsh punishments.
That only encourages lying. To keep it from happening
Yeah. “Good” Parents won’t grow up at all. It see how much people hate theirs parents always being hypocrites. Also mine.
I bought a cool dragon with my own money. When my dad asked me how much, I was honest and gave him the price. He wouldn't stop scolding me for two days. Taught me how harmful telling the truth is with that man.
Mom: The girl next door gets all A marks in school, wins swimming championships and cleans the windows every day! Why can’t you be more like Sabina?
Me: The mom of the girl next door wakes up at four every morning just to make pancakes for her daughters and drives them to school. Why can’t you be more like Sabina’s mom?
Mom: Stop comparing me to other people, I am my own person!
My parents "aww you're playing with that girl, is she your girlfriend?"
Don't do that crap to your kids.
It's kinda here and there for this one..., But I have ADHD and my mom wanted me on medication so I could do good in school but it always made me feel like crap, tired but could never sleep, hungry but also sick to my stomach, irritated, slow, everything annoyed me, ECT. I hated taking it but it "wasn't optional" so I started finding ways to not take it, I would put it in my cheek, or act like I threw it in my mouth but stuff it in my pocket, but she caught on and would make me show her as I swallowed it, but I hated it so much I would swallow it and quickly go to the bathroom and make myself vomit so I wouldn't have to actually take it, so I'd just vomit the pill up and my breakfast every morning, I did that for probably like 6 or 7 years, but even now I'm afraid to really take any kind of medication no matter what it's for.
Same thing happens to me when I take my pill but I would recommend that if you taking meds then eat breakfast then take the pill so you wont vomit it and I have adhd too! But I would recommend if u drink the pill with water or eat and then take the pill otherwise might cause u to vomit if u just take the pill by itself
@@lilvino23 no I used to make myself vomit just so I wouldn't have to take it, I don't use medication anymore I've since found work that's more hands on so I can focus better, but I hated taking my meds so much I would force myself to vomit it up everyday just so I wouldn't feel like that
yeh i hated those pills too, tho thankfully my mom let it become optional when i was 7th grade which allowed me to learn how to control the adhd and i managed to out grow it
I had ADHD as a kid, my dad decided I didn't so I never got help until my 30's.
@@OfficerGogeta
You don't outgrow ADHD, its _genetic._
You probably didn't have it in the first place.
Screaming at them and calling them horrific names if they get overwhelmed from you yelling at someone else, and they just have to step out of the room for a moment.
Emma Cat as someone who was a victim of this, can confirm that it messes up your children. Anytime someone raises their voice at me I automatically flinch and start crying because I get flashbacks of all those horrible memories
I got called a retard.
Screaming at them harshly is already bad enough
There's just 1 thing to note being a parent: "you do realize... the kids can put you in a home?"
you want to be visted by your kids have them look after you bit by bit and not in a home alone never be visited? (not bashing retirement homes but imagine never being visited)
Exactly,my parents are always finding something to lecture me about,from peices of clothes on the floor to an 87 on a History test. My parents say that they want to go back to their country to spend their last days,but I don't think they realize that the things they've done to me and my siblings are going to affect that choice.
_Remember, parents: You don't always have to be right. If you act like you know everything and then some, and your children can say for a fact that you're wrong, your kids are way less likely to listen to any advice you give. I'm running a business and doing college and my dad told me that I need to give my business some more attention. I told him I would at the end of winter classes so I don't overwhelm myself. He told me that sounded like an excuse and I just walked away from him because I know by now that he's not gonna listen. Even if I explain to heaven and back about burnout and how either my education or business would fail if I tried to peruse both with my current schedule, I know he won't listen. Because he's always right._
Blaming stuff on your kids that they didn't do (from experience, I'm still a kid tho) such as (I'm using irl examples that happen to me) blaming ur kid for being late even tho it was the parents fault for leaving the wallet at the house. Another example is when it cousin fell while on the chair and parent blames it on u for pushing off the chair because you are jealous even tho that didnt happen. Another is over using the word back talk and that's why I dont know the definition of back talk and probably makes you to unable to stand up for yourself against your parent for blaming something on you even tho it wasnt your fault. Forcing you to have good grades or else taking away stuff which makes you stress and makes you fail test because of that (and makes me feel dumb which makes me not having confidence) giving your child alot of chores and are unmanageable when u have adhd which causes you to forget alot and not motivated and when your parent get mad at you for not listening or doing what she or he says. And also when your parent yells at you and making you cry and which causes when anyone else yells at (not in a talking manner or come and get food way) you, u cry or when a whole lot of people yell at you, you cry. And when you cry just because the parent yelled at you they would threaten you to make stop crying such as "I will give u something to cry about if dont stop crying" and also when your parent tells you how your grandma treated her (badly treated, she or he got spanked by a wooden spoon just bec of grades and hardly got any toys and had alot of chores that's basically what she or he told me but I summarized it) and says she or he will treat how grandma treated her or him to you if you dont do anything what she tells you to do. And my mom tells me that I'm smart but I think that's why I dont ask for help when I need help with something. Overall I have adhd and I think my mom had messed me up the most because the reasons I listed was from my mom treats me while my dad is nice and hardly gets mad, and I'm not sure if this is normal but I feel guilty every time I dont give someone what they wanted from the lunch menu.
Wow
You had a hard time aren't you?
And then they don’t admit what they did was wrong, like, you aren’t the second coming of christ, you make mistakes, just admit it, the most annoying thing is when someone is obviously wrong and don’t admit it.
Yup my dad does this to not get in trouble. My mom gets angry at him. Well most of the time he get caught blaming me for no reason. He is really childish so I don't care about this.
My father did the comparing thing to my cousin to me alot.
My biggest one is probably treating their kids like their problems aren't justified or as bad as theirs. Basically making it a competition as to who can be damaged or traumatized even though there are many different types of both.
Invalidating their kids (specially their feelings) and not allowing to express themselves or to set boundaries or question anything. If you're constantly telling your kid that they're being intense, too emotional/snowflake, overreacting, being brats and censoring, punishing or shaming them when they try to speak their mind even if it's with a lot of respect and education, you're teaching your kids that their needs are not important and that they must always make sacrifices for everyone, and this is really problematic, because that kind of parenting leads to kids, teens and adults who are pushovers, who don't know how to stand up for themselves or to say no or set boundaries, who stay quiet to avoid any kind of trouble or out of fear of retaliation, communication and trust issues, mental health issues like anxiety, and also being anxious and worried about how they'll be perceived by others for just expressing their needs or feelings. It also becomes the onset for a lot of unhealthy attachments issues, like avoidant attachment, anxious attachment or desorganized attachment. Kids who are raised like this, end up feeling lonely because they feel they have no one to turn to because they think they'll be a burden or a nuisance for others. Communication is the key for relationships, and if you raise your kid like that, they will fail miserably at having deep, meaningful and long-lasting relationships.
Now, for the expressing themselves, the boundaries and questioning, is pretty much the same. Parents are human beings, they can mess up too, they can't be always right, and they can hurt or piss someone off intentionally or accidentally. Kids are not properties to control and manipulate or dogs to be trained, they're people, and as such, they will have their own set of tastes, beliefs systems, styles, opinions, ideologies, sexualities and identities, wishes, dreams, goals, careers, abilities, and any other facet of human life. If you're not ready to understand that your kid wasn't born to please you, or to cater to every single demand of yours or to be like you, don't have children. It is one thing to have rules and authority laid in your household so there's discipline and structure, but when rules and authority go past the point of abuse and control to the point of your kid not having any breathing room, that's an issue, and if you're overbearing and don't wanna change, okay, do what you want, but I'll tell you in advance that everything in life comes with a price, and you better be ready to kiss your kids goodbye once they have the chance to move out, because even the person who loves you the most, gets tired of getting their hearts and spirits broken time and time again, you don't know what you got 'til it's gone. Your kid's gonna live their life and be himself and try new things and do it, whether you like it or not. As long as we don't harm anyone and it's within the parameters of the law, we're allowed to do anything with our lives.
You're allowed not to like men with long hair, but if your son starts growing his hair, what you gonna do? Forcing him to cut his hair or cutting it off while he's sleeping?
You're allowed not to like tattoos or fancy-colored hair, that's alright, but if your child decides to get a tattoo or dye their hair in a fancy color, what you gonna do? Forcing your child to go get it removed with laser or throwing an amount of natural-colored hair dye on your child's head?
You're allowed not to like, I don't know, the color red in clothes and decide not to use them, perfect, but if your child gets a red t-shirt as a present for their birthday and they like them and it's their size, what you gonna do? Force them to wear other colors and go to the store and change the t-shirt because it has a color you don't like?
You're allowed not to be attracted by dad-bods or big men, that's more than perfect, but what if you have a gay or bi son and he's into bears or chubby guys or dad-bods? Will you disown him?
You're allowed no to like goth or punk clothing, perfect, but what if your child has that style? Will you burn your kid's clothes and put them in the trash or selling them without their consent and behind their backs?
How pathetic, it's really narcissistic and entitled to think that your kids were born to tailor to your whims, that's not the way it works.
And also, being a parent doesn't make you immune to judgement or criticism, including from your children. You can't expect your kids to tell you that you're always right or doing everything okay.
And humans wonder why they can never get along with one another...
Yeah. I rather the aliens race to take a look at humans parents. And thinking they’re cause the life of their own kids.
-👽
6:14 my parents do this to me all the y
Time, it's awful
Show you appreciate their help, my parents would sometimes act like I don't do anything and it made me feel like a worthless burden
Update my parents aren't horrible (Hell any time teacher fucked with me it was off with their heads) but they're flawed like anybody this was one they've gotten way better and come to realize how much I do for them (and how lazy my sister is)
Telling them to "toughen up' when they come home from school crying and then punishing them for failing school.
well. my parents checked off on more than half these things. woopee.
My dad and uncle used to call me dumb and laugh at me when I got things wrong. They still do sometimes.
It has led to me thinking everything I get wrong makes me stupid.
Got the wrong answer in class?
Stupid
Accidentally mixed up my words?
Dumb
Accidentally added the wrong ingredient when cooking food?
Lots of laughs at my expense.
I never tried to get the right answer in school or... enywhere really. I was scared that if I got is wrong everyone would hate me and think im dumb.
If I am proven wrong I will get defensive and try to explain why they were being dumb. I am trying to brake the habit and I am getting better at it.
Having them while in an unstable relationship
12:27 yea that also sucks
Trying to manipulate their child like he/she is a puppet rather than a human who has has his/her own free will, almost always backfires
And it backfires really badly when they are bad at doing it
2:39
My dad does this alot to my sister, Most of the time comparing her with me....And I really cant say anything to stop him because he has the "your always wrong because your a child and I'm always right because I'm a parent" mentality....
Giving them to much stuff they didn't earn and not giving them enough attention or correction when it was needed.
“Making fun of someone when they have a crush on someone”
Yeah... that actually cause a relationship to be ruined cause it made me act weird.
I am glad that’s pretty much the only problem.
Me: Searching for a reason why i am social incompetent
Me, 20 years later: *realising I've been the socially awkward freak for most of my life.*
My family raised me as a door mat but then wonder why from about 15-now I’m a asshole and I’m not a yes man. But they are more than happy to try (and fail) ask for money because I’m currently making more with a single income than they are with 3 incomes two full time jobs and a part time job.
The majority of my family (aunt, uncles,) are all selfish arseholes who basically treated me like a poor lost little puppy when it was convenient for them then dumped me when they lost interest. Also not supporting my mum when she was a neglectful drunk for most of my life.
Blaming your kids for problems in your marriage, thanks Mom
8:43 YES! If there are any parents who do this reading this, STOP. My parents do it and it makes me not trust them- they also come into my room without knocking or asking if it's okay. Kids should be allowed to have PRIVACY! Even as a parent, you should not feel like you have the right to invade someones private things, but get angry at them if THEY invade your privacy!
Told my parents I wanted to be a marine biologist, they told me to "pick something more realistic". Two years out of high school and I still haven't managed to start college and pick a major.
Then, unless you want them to rule your life forever, go start college and become a Marine Biologist.
Inb4: "but I can't just snap my fingers and do that!" Cut the expectations of instant gratification, they're bullshit. Build yourself a plan and stick to it like stink on quim.
Being able to talk to parents without being laugh at is huge. I’m asking you for help not looking to be your entertainment. I never told my parents about my crushes because they’d tease or criticize me. I refused to let my dad teach me how to shave because he’d mock me. I taught myself and have mild scars on my face. I hoped that removing hair would keep them from making fun of me.
1) Push their kids and pry stuff out of them. My mom did this to me and it made me not want to open up to anyone about my emotions and feelings. Anytime I seemed “off” she would say “what’s wrong” and wouldn’t take nothing as an answer. If I didn’t she would start yelling and screaming at me and threatening to take my phone and read through my messages. Because of that I bottle up all my emotions and would rather die or get hurt then tell someone if I’m feeling sad or uncomfortable about something. I make decisions based on what others want than what’s best for me. When I told my mom, I described it as trying to pull a turtle or tortoise out of its shell. She said that she does it because I don’t open up about stuff. HMM I WONDER WHY?!?!
2) Don’t tease or push having an SO onto your kids/assume that your kid has a crush on their friend of the opposite gender. My mom would always say stuff like any cute boys or when will you get a boyfriend or oh [male friend] is really cute you should date him. Because of it I would force myself to have crushes on other guys. When I finally realized my taste ran in the other direction, I got a girlfriend and finally felt comfortable with dating. My mom kept pushing and pushing for me to get a boyfriend and would tell me that I better not have a girlfriend in a threatening tone. After that she would claim to accept the lgbtq community, then go back to making really anti-lqbtq comments. When she found out she flipped and banned me from dating and hanging with friends in my room
My dad tells it is how he thinks he could fix things.
Well, sorry for being born, dad. Bio dad thought that too back in '92. Fun.
getting mad at kids for "talking back" when they make an argument.
Now I can't stand up for myself when someones giving me shit for anything, even if I know and have proof that I'm in the right.
"For the most part, do the opposite of what Boomers did to raise you,"
Don’t you just hate when parents scare their children into eating something they don’t want to eat, and the child is just sitting there crying while eating?
invalidating your children's fears.
i got in a car wreck 3 years ago and have a panic attack any time i get behind the wheel of a car. my mother constantly tells me "oh, it's not that bad" or "suck it up, you're exaggerating."
This is becoming less of a problem now than when I was growing up but it still applies to some people.
Parents of teenagers listen up! A lot of video games in this day and age take a lot of time to progress, I saw a video a few days ago of this mother ripping out a power cable from an Xbox while the teenager was in the middle of playing and his save files got corrupted (Meaning they couldn't be played) this guy had put 70+ hours into this game and it was destroyed in a single moment, the mother could not understand why the teen was so furious at her for. "It's just a bloody game!" No, it's not! That was 70 hours of your kid's effort and time that YOU just destroyed for no reason whatsoever. So, here's the conclusion: If your kid's gaming is a problem DON'T JUST DESTROY IT! That WILL permanently damage your relationship with them, possibly even irreparably.
The “I gave birth to you” or “I carried you for nine months” excuse that every mother has tried at least once. Yeah, I appreciate that, but we’re talking about why I don’t get to hang out with my friends as often as I like (rarely as of this moment), not talking about you being pregnant.
And I would reply to them
"I never asked to be born, why should that matter to me?"
Damn am I messed up.
Don't ever yell at your kid over a potty accident or while they're on the toilet. Your kid will be afraid to go in the toilet and possibly at all. Source: Someone who peed themselves until they were 5 and pooped themselves until they were 14. You'd be surprised at how few people notice/say anything about stuff like that, especially when it only happens once a month.
Best choice of thumbnail.
Oh, I think I got this one beat. So, my father, when I was two and three years old, used to flick spit at me, tease me, and then if I were to get upset, he would start beating me. And then, years later, he wondered, why don't I sit with them and have family time, or watch movies or TV with them? Also, when we would eat, sometimes he would not like the way I eat. I have a tongue tie, for those who do not know what that is, please look it up. So, because of the way I eat, which is different, basically, my father would get upset. Basically, once I ate a hot dog, not to his satisfaction, so he took a hot dog and shoved it up my nose when I was six years old. Believe it or not, even if you have a tiny nose, you could get an entire hot dog up there. I know, because I remember the six-year-old me trying to dig it out, because it was all the way up there. It was horrifying. Oh, and then, for my entire life, while I was a kid and a teen, he would brag to his friends and family members that he did this and laugh in front of me. In 2013, I decided I would have no relationship with them and cease talking with them. I've gone on 10 years now of no contact.
Being a tiger parent is definitely the worst thing you can do to a child.
Not believing their child when their child tries to tell them that they think they may have a mental health issue/issues and then turning around and shaming the child for a symptom of said mental health issue.
Never keeping their promises and acting like you being upset is you being overly sensitive or a crybaby, not acknowledging that their broken word can break a person's heart, and is so similar to being lied to that it really fucks up a kid's ability to trust their parents, or even have an optimistic outlook on life since they're afraid of the crushing blow of disappointment.
💯yes
"The cheapest nursing home will have to do" THIS.
12:21 well said
I love my parents but once my mom searched my laptop because I forgot to zip up my shorts
Wtf. Why?
@@chimpwimp9407 She thought was jerking off one time I randomly got searched for no reason when we had a guest over (she found nothing) and another time she searched me cus she'd walked in when I was shutting down my laptop to spend time with them and I guess that was suspicion some how (I did not spend time with them for a long time after that)
Even if you were, I still don't see her logic. That's so suspect.
@@chimpwimp9407 It was wired I literally just forgot to zip up but it still hurt and made me not trust them (especially the random search when a guest was over) my parents aren't horrible but they're flawed like anybody they've gotten better over the years
Physical and Verbal "discipline". I.E. Hitting/Spanking them for showing basic emotions like crying for something. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ARE TODDLERS and then bad mouthing them like "I don't want to hear you crying!!!!" It also applies to making mistakes.
*Kids 👏 have 👏emotions. Invalidating your kid's emotions only makes you look ignorant or not able to handle the situations. Sorry if you can't handle crying, but that's what kids do. Telling them not to cry will only make it worse. It will possibly teach them that crying or any negative emotions is weakness.*
3:03 Felt that. Grandmother constantly compares me to celebrities and historical figures, mainly people in the civil rights movement, and tries to have me grow up like them. I get it, America today is still pretty fricked up, but unfortunately with how little people listen to me already, i feel I'm gonna have little impact in the real world.
I can 100% relate to the emotional neglect one. Mum was a drunk who ignored me for most of my childhood so I grew up to be the weird shy kid. Still have social anxiety now. But she would always say I was strong bc I had to deal with all her crap. No mum, I'm not strong. I just had to put up with your idiotic bullshit and you f**ked me up. Also, not being able to express my feelings bc she was passed out 95% of the time.
Nephew of mine called out his father as a bully for playing jokes on the new hires at his work.
He'd purposely humiliate them and tell them lies so they look stupid when they repeat them to others. Kid made valid points, too. He knew about this because his father would tell his him all about it with a grin when he'd get home from work.
What did the father do? he grounded his son for a month.
According to him, he was being "disrespectful."
Children are painfully honest.
Oftentimes if they consider you a bully, you probably are one.
I just realized I'm not being practicle when explaining the hardships of my nieces crazy ideas. I'm just crushing her self esteem.
Treating our little sisters with more respect than us
Oversheltering your kids. My uncles never let me do anything, be it going outside to buy something or even housework. All I was to do is go to school, study and sleep. I was only allowed to play outside for like 1 hour and not further than my street. All group projects were to be done at our house because they won't let me go to their houses. First time I moved out to study and first week of living alone and the portable electric socket fused. All I had to do was buy a new fuse and replace it. But I didn't know where to buy fuse. I fricking went to a grocery store and clerk looked at me like I was the dumbest creature alive when I asked if they had a fuse. Fun times.
Bringing life stress home and making it the kid's problem. You may need to vent, but that doesn't mean you should vent to your kid. Your stress is your responsibility, not theirs. You should let the kid know that you're in a mad mood because of x, but not go on and on and on about problems that the kid can't solve for you. All that accomplishes is putting needless stress on the child as they're forced to have you unload on them, and they know they can't help you or themselves to avoid the barrage.
Don't even get me started on parents who have the immaturity to belittle and scream at their kids on a huge tirade because the chores didn't get finished after someone ticked them off at work. Yes, it was wrong of them to neglect responsibilities, but it's substantially worse of the parent to take all that aggression out on their child. Bonus points if the parent uses the superiority complex "I am the parent, I am the boss. You are the child. You don't contradict me." Yes, you are the parent. It's your job to lead, raise, and teach your kid, NOT to dominate them.
If you can't put aside outer forces and deal with your kid's actions solely based on their actions, get help. Not from your kid, but from an adult who is actually prepared to deal with and capable of helping you solve your problems.
The silent treatment sucks ass until I did the silent treatment as well and then she realized it wouldn’t work anymore
With the financial thing, that’s really got me into the savings idea of buying, when we go out to McDonald’s for example, I could get that thing that’s $15 but instead I ask for the $8 thing because back in the day we had to buy things around that price, to the point where now when we have the money I still say the cheap option, but to tell the truth, I don’t mind.
Yelling and screaming for no reason
She became very overprotective of me in my teen years and completely screwed up my entire head! These are the dangers of being an overprotective parent, you'll screw up your own kids and they'll never know how to function properly in real life due to your very own coddling of them!
this makes me furious and sad at the same time.
they don't know how to raise a child mentally.
With the whole eating everything thing my dads side used to do that. I think they stopped after I tried hiding my leftovers from them. Sometimes in the furniture and sometimes I would stuff it all in my mouth go to the bathroom spit it out and hide it with a bunch of toilet paper.
Not accepting them for who they are/what they are
'You won't be able to do that'
How about you let me try
My most bitter memories are that I wasn't allowed on a plane till I was 15 cause my mum said I wouldn't even be able to get on it, so I never saw family members. She always talks about happy holiday memories I never got to share, and I missed years of getting to know my amazing extended family.
Now she gushes about how determined I am and how I 'don't let anyone tell me I can't do anything' yeah well actually that's because of you
I’m just reading this to know what things I can’t putt into words are effecting me, and learning that my parents won’t change so I have to change the way it effects me because I’m the one at the end of the day who will be suffering from it years later then there the ones who will have nothing but empty regret that won’t change anything
Just a bit of a story, but uh. Basically, I don’t really no how to put this simply. It’s happened twice, where if my mom gets pissed enough at me, whether that be for a good or bad reason, she decides to make me stand in the corner beside the front door (Keep in mind, I am 13 soon to be 14) and wait there. Everytime this happens, she’ll threaten me with things such as, ‘I’m taking away your phone’, ‘I’m sending you to boot camp/military school’, things like that. Now, that never is too bad, no matter how much I hate it. The worst part is when my mom grabs her phone and pretends to call the police. Damn, it hurts. Whether or not I know it’s fake, which I’m quite sure it is, seeing as the police have never once showed up at my doorstep, it still really hurts to have the only parent figure in your life at that moment (I live with only my mom, no siblings, and I see my dad a few times a year) ‘call the police’ on you. Even though I’m not sure what effect this will have on me in the future, I know currently it makes me so damn afraid to make mistakes, whether that be new ones or ones I’ve made before. That also stems from the fact she gets mad at every small screw up I do, but anyways, the biggest things that come out of it, is I’m somewhat afraid of authority. I’m afraid that if I were to call the police, or talk to teachers even, anything like that, then I’ll always be the one to get in trouble. I feel like that I’m in the wrong for ever daring to go against someone else, and trying to do the right thing or be an independent person. Obviously not all of this stems from the same thing, but they all do come from things my mom does and I just felt like I had to share this- Thanks to anyone who bothered to try and read this, I appreciate it.
Wow, no wonder I'm so messed up.
comparing your kids to the others. I got compared to the 2 trouble makers, and I literally heard "why can you be like so and so" the perfect brothers. she accused me of doing things the bad siblings did all the time when i did nothing... eventually i told her "if you are going to accuse me of those things i might aw well do them since im already in trouble for it" that stopped that part of it anyway
Make fun of a child’s fears. Yeah mom I‘m scared of the dark even at 15 but you don’t have to pretend you’re fearless. How about I make fun of the things you’re afraid of, wouldn’t like that either would you?
3:49
THIS. My mom insisted to give me showers until i was like 9 because "she loved me" or because my hair was too long and i would not know how to wash it.
It was unconfortable because i didn't wanted anyone to see me naked and she would pull all my hair. She would hurt me and then get mas at me when i punched her as a defense.
And until i was 13 she insisted in wash my hair. But this time she would do it on a sink. Again, she would pull my hair, i would have shampoo in my eyes, and at the end my neck was hurting because i was like- 20 minutes having my head forced against the sink.
My life in a nutshell. Let's start with my father: he doesn't care much about me. I could disappear and he wouldn't know but he does love my sister very much. He'd move heaven and earth for her. Me not so much.
My mother: I am her punching bag, scapegoat, therapist, maid and councilor. To her I am tall, fat, dark skin and ugly. Even though my sister is also fat but whose looking. I am incompetent, a liar and a glutton. Children all over the world are starving because I eat so much. If I keep eating soon I won't be able to fit through the door but I get an ear full when I refuse. My future husband will leave me for another woman because of how lazy I am. I am so stupid, I can't compare to my sister and the neighbor who are all so hard working. Etc. I could go on and on. A few decades of ridicule. At this point I just look at her with a blank look on my face.
I have to act up like once my Dad starts up to intimidate him enough to make him leave me alone or/& play nice for the rest of the day-week. Otherwise he’ll take out his stress on me like a bully. He’s oblivious but otherwise a good person.
Nitpicking or slapping. I'm very serious about training. It's hard though.
No one noticed what the thumbnail said in green?
Don't listen. Then tell your kid what they are feeling and why. Uh, yeah no, Mum. And you wonder why I go to Dad if I'm upset or in trouble. "You can always talk to me," yeah if I want to be ignored, patronised and told what I'm actually feeling by the person not living my life who doesn't have a clue.
Most recently, I don't know why (or why I bothered to try talking to Mum about it) but my body has started screaming at me to 'have a baby right dang now!' I'm a single virgin. No husband, no house. I'm not in any position, mentally, emotionally, financially, to have a baby now. It's frustrating as heck. Biologically really want a baby; psychologically know it's a very bad idea right now. Mum tells me I can't possibly have baby fever because I'm 28 and she didn't get baby fever until her late 30's. Oh, right. I guess I don't have baby fever then, problem solved. Thanks Mum. *Headesk*
I can understand this tantrum rule but I think it really screwed me up. Bc it turns out i have high functioning autism and so the tantrums were beaten out of me. So I was until now incapable of expressing dislike, discomfort or inability to do something. It was all either a tantrum so u should knock it off. Or two well ur not crying so it must not be that bad. I have finally learned how to set boundaries and express my needs. Like too bright of a room or this shirt isnt just uncomfortable its unwearable bc if the fabric. It also destroyed my sense of risk. Bc I was forced to try everything no matter the age or danger so I cannot regulate risk.
Not allowing us to experience emotions let alone allowing us to release said emotions in any form. I swear ‘chronic repressed emotion syndrome’ is a thing.
Taking something they gave to one child then giving it to the younger child with a shitty excuse as to why they did it
Comparing them to other kids
My father has the tendency to think that hes right and everything someone else says is then wrong
It gets incredibly annoying because he will do anything to show that hes right when someone argues with him, resulting in us not wanting to try to have a discussion with him.
He also always has such a strong opinion on everything which makes it hard for me to tell about less good stuff that happened, like really low marks or the complete thing about what i like doing [being a furry, and dont waste your time now saying ‘ew furry’ because it contributes nothing to the conversation and you’ll only be ignored. Its just some time wasted typing] because i think he will judge me hard for it. Yesterday was an example of that. I was at home, we started talking about the test week (for which they dont know i didnt study hard for, so i had insufficients) and then the insufficients came up. I told them about me finding it really hard to focus and my father immediately goes to ‘huh, where have i seen that before?’ Immediately judging my brother because he had the same problem. It makes it a bit harder for me to trust my father and say these kind of things to him
Ive noticed ive become less close to my father because of this, whenever something is wrong i go to my mom and i always say things first to my mom, im trying to break this cycle of first going to my mom for telling stories but its hard when you kind of trust your mother more with hard things than your father.
6:04 this. Right here. Always. Oh you swept the floor. You made tea. And you took care of your hygiene, well what about this and this and this that you didnt do??
Parents, if your reading this. Please don't relate their accomplishments and milestones to the failures they've made. Its really fucked me up because my mom does this intentionally. Always relates my accomplishments to things i havent done or things i coulda done. Im doing things little by little, Im not some machine.
My mom always complains. So i go above and beyond and exhaust all my motivation on one day of the week to finally get recognition. also doesnt help that i have adhd.
Her actions and responses have royally damaged me to the point I am depressed she doesnt see how well im actually doing. And instead sees the accomplishments she wants to see.
This is slightly in the past now. I know my worth now, i got help for my depression and anxiety. Im on proper medication for my adhd. But her words dont faze me like they used too because of my knowledge of my self worth and capability to strive. I still want to my accomplishments to be noticed by her. But I dont need the congratulations. Because I already congratulate myself.
My mom and dad have a big fight about something when I was 4. I don’t what. They’re were arguing about the visits in Philadelphians. It was hell. Dad apologized to mom and it wasn’t a happy ending. They still continue to fight til I got my own room away from my sister in 2010.
My dad always a helicopter parent, won’t let me trick or treat alone, & never let me have the computer in my room when I was in 6th grade. He was a paranoid asshole who think he was doing good.
He often trigger anyone temper.
He even broke my door. I always wanted to have a new bedroom door for a decade. And have a lock. So I wouldn’t let anyone in my room when the fight starting to happen.
Also I used to have a awful friend that rather be using me to get more friend to get popular. I wanted to ended our friendship beginning in 6th grade. But, nope. He always like to play my emotions like he own me. Never treating people as people. Only as cult.
He always told lies and broke my mental state. Mom and dad always believed him. I just snapped at them. I never wanted to be involved in parties when I was six. I always have a feeling it won’t end well.
Dad don’t want me to be a introvert. He forces me to socialize, it didn’t end well. I’m a picky socializing with people.
Til in high school. My sister want to met her friends, again, it didn’t end well🤦♀️. My parents always think I was making excuses to avoid school. (Since middle school. My broken mental health cause me to skip out school. Thank, Caleb C.😡😒).
My dad never listens. My half bros called out his bullshit. He just insane and won’t admit it his faults that the family falling apart. He blamed my half sis for nothing. He kept buying smart phone that he never understood. He brought useful/useless stuff. He make a mess in the kitchen every time I went in. He screw up his first mirage. He didn’t used the cup bottle from the hospital in this July. And he never will at all. He just sit there complains if someone wasn’t very nice. He spend money on stuff he’ll never use.
He just take advantage on anyone who was nice and threading people. He’ll never learned what he caused😞
Damn. Y’all had doors as kids? I didn’t have one from like 7 to 13
I'm 14
Using my mom's TH-cam account
And I don't have a door
11:30 - Dead Poet's Society?
Thumbnail :
"Parent that mess up their kids"
is it scary that my parents do some of this shit
being in a dommsday cult
Abuse. Look up the case of baby p if ya wanna know why. Warning as it’s heartbreaking!
Also my mum kept complaining if I don’t work hard I won’t get a job which is true for others but me. I’m literally in the midst of publishing! She has finally realised.
When I was like 8 I didn’t know how to tie and my mother got so mad she hit me in the eye with a belt and it hurt for 3 days
8:35
Being beat everyday
I could Talk with my mom about my problems
Not with my dad
Me and my dad just dont always get along well.
Why ?
Because i effin stand up for myself (i am 21w btw) thats what he hates.
Projecting their childhood trauma off on you. Sorry you were a teenage mother with my brother, mom... please don't slut shame me I was only 13 in a virgin thanks for discounting everything my father did to try to raise me right..
Taking from the thumbnail, hitting your child. It doesn’t teach them not to do something. It teaches them you are an asshole and don’t care that you are humiliating them.
Not listen to them
Humans :)
I have instagram and my mom goes on my phone and looks at the stuff i post, who i follow, what im typing to friends ( my acc is private so i only accept friends and family ) for htis reason I've barely used insta now (please no comments i don't like having many notifications)