I saw him feeling guilty and ashamed, fearing my judgment, my possible rejection and being a people pleaser, probably like with his intrusive mother. Unable to express his deep feelings. And I also saw him avoiding me, feeling easily annoyed and having no patience towards me, basically feeling anger. I thought it could be traits of borderline personality. Because I felt "split", sometimes loved and appreciated, sometimes and for no reason, seen as "bad mother" and almost feared. If only he could see this all comes from his trauma with her and not me being the wrong person. He preferred to end it, and dismissed his own needs and happiness. He believed his mother saying he's not the relationship type, like it's who he is, at age 39 now. Thank you for helpful videos.
oh... so I felt like I couldn't support a girl... and my mom? or I didn't want to lose myself under her needs? I know how to deal with my mom... but a new lady.. I cant deal with unknown needs
Thanks so much for this video, I’ve been having difficulties all the years to wait for him to seek for professional help but each time I bring up his strange attachment with his mother he become defensive or depressed. I’ve been praying and hoping that someday he will address the issue. Listening to what you’re saying helping me to come close to the decision to Get Out even he keeps coming back with his guilts after doing wrong thing to me to lure me into Calming phase with his promise to change but now I realize it definitely makes me Doubt my reality and it keeps him in Denials.
I stayed and got into a marriage despite sister’s aggression toward me by proxy of mother when we were engaged. I was told this would not get better. I had a bad childhood with an inconsistet unavailable self centered mother and abusive father. Neither stood up for me when I was abused and neglected by the other one. She did not stop my father’s abuse I basically recreated my childhood.
Classic emotional incest, this is a horrible thing to do to your own child. Unfortunately it happens in too many single parent households.
I saw him feeling guilty and ashamed, fearing my judgment, my possible rejection and being a people pleaser, probably like with his intrusive mother. Unable to express his deep feelings. And I also saw him avoiding me, feeling easily annoyed and having no patience towards me, basically feeling anger. I thought it could be traits of borderline personality. Because I felt "split", sometimes loved and appreciated, sometimes and for no reason, seen as "bad mother" and almost feared. If only he could see this all comes from his trauma with her and not me being the wrong person. He preferred to end it, and dismissed his own needs and happiness. He believed his mother saying he's not the relationship type, like it's who he is, at age 39 now.
Thank you for helpful videos.
oh... so I felt like I couldn't support a girl... and my mom?
or I didn't want to lose myself under her needs?
I know how to deal with my mom... but a new lady.. I cant deal with unknown needs
Thanks so much for this video, I’ve been having difficulties all the years to wait for him to seek for professional help but each time I bring up his strange attachment with his mother he become defensive or depressed. I’ve been praying and hoping that someday he will address the issue.
Listening to what you’re saying helping me to come close to the decision to Get Out even he keeps coming back with his guilts after doing wrong thing to me to lure me into Calming phase with his promise to change but now I realize it definitely makes me Doubt my reality and it keeps him in Denials.
I'm pleased that it assisted you, Thi.
Same here!
I stayed and got into a marriage despite sister’s aggression toward me by proxy of mother when we were engaged.
I was told this would not get better.
I had a bad childhood with an inconsistet unavailable self centered mother and abusive father.
Neither stood up for me when I was abused and neglected by the other one.
She did not stop my father’s abuse
I basically recreated my childhood.
Thank you for these videos.
You are very welcome.