If I am not attracted to him physically, then him "compatible" with me on other fields can't develop into anything beyond just talking. If a man is attractive, but not open to any sort of relationship, then I end things too.
Finding a growth mindset is top of my list for my next partner. I had someone that would get upset when I achieved a goal or moved forward, which confused the hell out of me. Once single, it felt like I was unleashed from years of stagnation. Having someone flexible and inspiring to move through life with sounds awesome.
Yes, a growth mindset is so important, and so very challenging to find, even in friendships. I'm finding this even more challenging, now that I'm 65. I love being a life long learner. I continue to work on my mental, intellectual, physical and spiritual health. It's hard to find others with that mindset.
This makes complete sense. I'm 48 and single out of choice. Most iv met, dated or come across offer nothing substantial or valuable and are super erratic and inconsistent. I always say this as I feel it v strongly. That I won't marry or look at a long term relationship if I don't meet someone I can see life together with and if I cant grow and evolve with him.
You are ALWAYS so on point Susan. You always have the best and right answer. "A sexy best friend". The third option. This is all I'm actually looking for. And, even though it often feels impossible to find nowadays, ... thank you so much, for still giving me hope. You have been saving me ❤
My problem is that I haven't found anyone I am 100% compatible with which, in turn, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I have started working on myself and I'm actively trying to love myself more since I know this will reflect on a lot of things. It's a bit discouraging though, specially if you don't do online dating and if you only start seeing someone as a partner only after you have developed a deeper friendship with that person.
I am in the same boat. Just keep the hope alive and work on yourself...I would also stay clear of online dating - it became extremely toxic and causes more harm than good (in my experience).
I received some helpful advice on this: don’t look for 100% compatibility. That is impossible and it would be boring (like Susan explains). Look for 80% in the areas that truly matter for you to align in life: overlapping lifestyles, shared values, shared goals for the relationship. The rest will remain interesting, novel, and provide some contrast.
Oh Susan, this was heaven sent! I've been questioning myself so much lately, and this just cleared all the doubts I've been having. Thank you-thank you! ❤
@@SusanWinter honestly you are so wise and so clear with what you say, you really get to the heart of these questions. And the advice that you give is always so on point x Thank YOU! X 😘❤️ lots of love from the Uk 🇬🇧 🥰x
I’m struggling with finding someone who I’m compatible with who I feel a spark with too. The “safe” option doesn’t excite me. Doesn’t draw me in. I’m bored with them very quickly. My last partner I had a strong connection, many similar interests, similar values. I just don’t know if I’ll feel that again with someone. I’m not feeling it with anyone else yet.
Holding out for something that is a blend of chemistry and compatibility is perfectly normal. And that’s where either healthiest relationships tend to be.
I would really reevaluate the "excitement part" because this can attract a potential narcissist and you don't want to have that relationship experience.
@@SusanWinter what if I hold out forever…. And never find that. I live in a rural resort area. Dating pool is small. And I feel like I’m being too picky (good character, strong faith, similar interest and values, attraction, compatibility). It’s like finding a needle in several large haystacks!!!
Finding a compatible partner (35+, child-free, conservative/old school values, straightedge, driven, free-thinking) is proven to be impossible...I can't see myself being attracted to someone I am not compatible with. Alignment and mutual understanding is what attracts me.
Your requirements are coming from a very healthy perspective. And that is fantastic. I love that you're not compromising on what you want, and though it is feeling more and more like that needle in the Haystack these days, I have no doubt that you will meet your match given your level of clarity
THANK YOU needed this!! But what if you were attracted to their emotionally availability but then you discover they were enotionally unavailable all along?
Keep holding your standards high. Edify your own life. Though the level of great behavior has declined, it's a numbers game. You're here. So, so the possibility exists that they must also be here.
@@SusanWinter Thanks Susan. Working on sorting my own life out at the moment and I am sure once I am in the right place the rest will follow. What's meant for us will find us once we are ready for it.
I agree with you. But as a woman with a strong personality and opinions, I have experienced that men get insecure and at some point want to put me down. Men have fragile ego's and want to be in control. I never insult them, I am actually quite caring and polite too, but it is in situations when I outsmart them in a discussion for example.
It sounds like you’re not dating men that are confident enough to date a strong woman. Trust me, those men are out there so keep looking and never change
If I am not attracted to him physically, then him "compatible" with me on other fields can't develop into anything beyond just talking. If a man is attractive, but not open to any sort of relationship, then I end things too.
Exactly
Finding a growth mindset is top of my list for my next partner. I had someone that would get upset when I achieved a goal or moved forward, which confused the hell out of me. Once single, it felt like I was unleashed from years of stagnation. Having someone flexible and inspiring to move through life with sounds awesome.
Chris, this is a fabulous comment. And yes a growth mindset is absolutely so important. And it's very sexy! Thank you for your share
Yes, a growth mindset is so important, and so very challenging to find, even in friendships. I'm finding this even more challenging, now that I'm 65. I love being a life long learner. I continue to work on my mental, intellectual, physical and spiritual health. It's hard to find others with that mindset.
Compromise is necessary in healthy relationships
This makes complete sense. I'm 48 and single out of choice. Most iv met, dated or come across offer nothing substantial or valuable and are super erratic and inconsistent. I always say this as I feel it v strongly. That I won't marry or look at a long term relationship if I don't meet someone I can see life together with and if I cant grow and evolve with him.
You are ALWAYS so on point Susan. You always have the best and right answer.
"A sexy best friend". The third option. This is all I'm actually looking for.
And, even though it often feels impossible to find nowadays, ... thank you so much, for still giving me hope. You have been saving me ❤
You’re so sweet! Hearing these words means a lot to me! Glad I’ve been able to help
Susan, you're so on point! The most successful couples are more similar than different.
My problem is that I haven't found anyone I am 100% compatible with which, in turn, makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. I have started working on myself and I'm actively trying to love myself more since I know this will reflect on a lot of things. It's a bit discouraging though, specially if you don't do online dating and if you only start seeing someone as a partner only after you have developed a deeper friendship with that person.
I am in the same boat. Just keep the hope alive and work on yourself...I would also stay clear of online dating - it became extremely toxic and causes more harm than good (in my experience).
I received some helpful advice on this: don’t look for 100% compatibility. That is impossible and it would be boring (like Susan explains). Look for 80% in the areas that truly matter for you to align in life: overlapping lifestyles, shared values, shared goals for the relationship. The rest will remain interesting, novel, and provide some contrast.
@@anon_yaperfect! Thanks for this share
Oh Susan, this was heaven sent! I've been questioning myself so much lately, and this just cleared all the doubts I've been having. Thank you-thank you! ❤
You are so welcome! Trust yourself. You innately know more than you think!
I loved this Susan! Best love/relationship coach on TH-cam!💯 x ❤
Wow, thank you!
@@SusanWinter honestly you are so wise and so clear with what you say, you really get to the heart of these questions. And the advice that you give is always so on point x Thank YOU! X 😘❤️ lots of love from the Uk 🇬🇧 🥰x
you are so right Susan, thank you. ❤
You are so welcome
good points, iam listening and not taking notes.
❤❤❤
Very good and helpful video. Thanks.
Glad it was helpful!
That’s right!!
This is an amazing video and sounds great explains all my questions. I am in isolation :) How will I find these people I guess is the problem.
Very insightful and helpful, Susan! Thank you!!!
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
Amen Susan 👏
Hi Teri/ thank you!!
I’m struggling with finding someone who I’m compatible with who I feel a spark with too. The “safe” option doesn’t excite me. Doesn’t draw me in. I’m bored with them very quickly. My last partner I had a strong connection, many similar interests, similar values. I just don’t know if I’ll feel that again with someone. I’m not feeling it with anyone else yet.
Holding out for something that is a blend of chemistry and compatibility is perfectly normal. And that’s where either healthiest relationships tend to be.
I would really reevaluate the "excitement part" because this can attract a potential narcissist and you don't want to have that relationship experience.
@@SusanWinter what if I hold out forever…. And never find that. I live in a rural resort area. Dating pool is small. And I feel like I’m being too picky (good character, strong faith, similar interest and values, attraction, compatibility). It’s like finding a needle in several large haystacks!!!
Finding a compatible partner (35+, child-free, conservative/old school values, straightedge, driven, free-thinking) is proven to be impossible...I can't see myself being attracted to someone I am not compatible with. Alignment and mutual understanding is what attracts me.
Your requirements are coming from a very healthy perspective. And that is fantastic. I love that you're not compromising on what you want, and though it is feeling more and more like that needle in the Haystack these days, I have no doubt that you will meet your match given your level of clarity
@@SusanWinter thank you so much. I really hope so and in the meantime I will work on myself and becoming even a better partner for my future match ❤
@@fatcatontario We are out there! Ha :)
@@bobflowers681 glad to hear that there is at least one 🤣 You're probably in the mid-west?
@@fatcatontario I’m in the southeast!
I have this, but I had to walk away as I was not being treated well. Hopefully he wakes up.
I hope things get better for you! ❤
@@SusanWinter thank you 🙏🏼❤️
Meant to be OR Chance Luck??? A little of BOTH probably??
I’m not an extremist on either end. Fatalism is a philosophy as is self determinism. I would steer more towards self determinism.
THANK YOU needed this!! But what if you were attracted to their emotionally availability but then you discover they were enotionally unavailable all along?
Then you might have been deceived and that’s not your fault
♥️♥️♥️ Hi Doll
Hi Lynda
That's all great but where do you find that kind of person?
Keep holding your standards high. Edify your own life. Though the level of great behavior has declined, it's a numbers game. You're here. So, so the possibility exists that they must also be here.
@@SusanWinter Thanks Susan. Working on sorting my own life out at the moment and I am sure once I am in the right place the rest will follow. What's meant for us will find us once we are ready for it.
Blue chip partners can maintain the spark.
Cute term. I like it.
I agree with you. But as a woman with a strong personality and opinions, I have experienced that men get insecure and at some point want to put me down. Men have fragile ego's and want to be in control. I never insult them, I am actually quite caring and polite too, but it is in situations when I outsmart them in a discussion for example.
It sounds like you’re not dating men that are confident enough to date a strong woman. Trust me, those men are out there so keep looking and never change
@@SusanWinter Thank you so much for your encouragement!
Luck??? Chance???
Why not decision. Vision. Creation. Then… believe that luck will find its connection to that source
I have a sexy best friend. He doesn't "love" me.
Find a new sexy best friend. ❤️