True. My Ex legit yelled at me. And when I was hurt, because she yelled at me. It was this, oh you hurt me so badly with your sesitivity. Wtf?! And then litteraly said, I´M the cause, that she can´t heal. Like if I would have been responable for that in first place...
Spot on. My ex asked a friend for advice, literally said, “what do you think I should do about my situation?” And got, in my opinion, great advice but he didn’t like being told he could do something to improve his situation. I ended up having to baby him all night because he was so hurt by the advice he literally asked for. 😂
If you’re someone going through the process of walking away, know that you’re the lucky ones. Some people never find the strength or clarity of mind to walk away. Forever living that life. Count your blessings if you are waking up. Do it. You’ll be glad you did. 🙏♥️
@@sumernoel1553 Thanks SO MUCH for this opportunity for perspective. This is such a hard thing to go through, and it’s helpful to remember that I’m so very fortunate to have my freedom now. Sending love to all my brothers and sisters lucky enough to have found the healing path. ❤️🩹💜💪
Thank you for saying "clarity of mind." I've been trying to figure things out for so long and trying to explain to the other people in my life, but it's difficult to explain and no one really seems to understand so then I just feel confused thinking, maybe I'm the one who's wrong here. But videos like this are helping to shed light on the situation and finding people who understand is invaluable ❤
I walked away from an unsafe environment and was made to feel bad for it, drove 800km before I felt somewhat safe. It was the hardest thing I've done and took all my courage. Sending my love and support to anyone who needs to or wants to walk away
Maybe we need to make peace with being told disparate things; they told us that they cared (or society did it for them) so our guess was compromised, becausewe neededto believe that we were loved, somehow. Retrospectively, have I done that, not a single person would have been in my life for long. It looks like people wanted me around for what they could get from me, not for me. Even now, I'm having to como to terms with the fact that my beloved grandmother was more concerned about appeasing the narcissists than care for me.
I feel like I do, why someone wants to tear you down and take your confidence I just can't comprehend. I'm leaving for good. He doesn't need me to shelter him from his poor mistakes anymore. And it was wrong of him to come back, love bomb me, then pick apart my every action because it makes him feel in control. Completely toxic. I think maybe it's his way of making himself feel valued without meeting my boundaries. Not good at all. Makes my stomach ache.
@@Rosey_Squirrel and it doesn't even matter that much! The only thing that matters is you. To feel, to be and to expirience. That you feel save and loved, that you will be the best version of yourself, and that you will expirience your life the way you deserved. There are bad people around, and it doesn't matter if there are bad for everyone. They are not good for you and thats the only thing that is important. I also tried to understand why someone would do something this bad for me, but its just doesn't matter.
“You will become physically sick” This hit home. I’m 52, getting divorced after 28 years of marriage. Last month my wife said she thinks I’m a narcissist so I came on TH-cam to see if I could find ways to tell if I really was. Turns out she checks all the boxes for a female covert narcissist. Now that my eyes were open I can see that she has been manipulating me and tearing me down for a long time. It was very subtle at first, but the last few years have been hell. She had me convinced it was all my fault. For the last couple years I’ve been so constantly stressed and depressed that I start every day dry heaving. My weight fluctuates crazily, I have stress headaches all the time and joint and body aches. But I go to work every day, put on my happy face, and grind on. Nobody knows what I’m dealing with inside. I cannot wait to be free and start healing.
some people never have the courage to leave and you do. Once you see the narcissist clearly and for who they are, you can never unsee it. Day by day you'll know you made a step in the right direction and now your healing can begin.
28 years is a long time. I've dated 6 narcissist now. Probably about 13 years or so total between the 6. I've "seen" and slept with tons of women. I've had 11 relationships and out of that I've gotten into relationships with 6 of them. They flock to me like flies. I'm about to leave my current one of 4 years. It never gets better with any of them. It only continues to get worse.
@@SuaveHousexx its hard to find one that isnt a narcissists. by nature they are self centered, add to the mix a society that actually encourages it, and thats quite a mess to deal with.
@@vickibazter3446 Or narcissism. The attachment theory seems more than a simple theory although people confuse avoidant attachment with narcissism. Narcissists don't attach.
Honestly, i came from a loving home and a single mom that took good care of me. Still trying to figure out my wounds. I have self awareness but don’t know whats missing inside me.
He has said that weekly for years! I am just now gathering the strength after 9 years to do that. I have to get out! It’s only getting worse and worse and I’m running out of time. I’m 60 now and feel like how can this be my reality? I never knew about Narcissism.
I hear that one all the time too. I've dated 6 narcs now and 2 of them have said that to me. My current one all the time. I can't get wait to get tf away from this toxic pos too.
I couldn't believe that people like this actually exist...until I was IN IT! The past four years of this treatment made me, now, NOT TRUST ANYONE. He's gone and NO MAS!
Being skeptical is a positive step forward to the reality that not everybody is on our team and not everybody wants well for us, regardless of what they say and what we were taught. The reality of the world is obviously that there are bad people who will do bad things and there’s a lot of value in being good because it’s so difficult to be. so obviously the bad people doing bad things will and want to be seen as good to empower them to continue extracting value from others that they wouldn’t otherwise be given the privilege of if they were honest about their motives and who they are. Still, there may be another step after this, which would look like doing healing to the point where you allow yourself to trust people again, people who show that they are trustworthy. Because if we don’t do the healing, we could end up being the worst of the person that tried to project onto us. Trust, but verify lol
I stupidly went back to communicating again with my toxic 75 year old mother as a result of shame and guilt and because she said she regretted her behaviour and showed genuine signs that she had changed. 2 months in, the same abusive patterns started again (this time not just with me, but with other family members as well). It's like being retraumatised. The ultimate emotional rollercoaster. When she sends a text or calls, my whole body goes into PTSD mode. Why do we do these things to ourselves?
I told my older daughter once that I was going to act like him for 1 week to see how he would be able to manage it. It lasted 3 days. He ended up in the back of a cop car after trying to murder me. Then he went and told everyone that I was purposefully trying to get him arrested by acting like a total biotch. No. Not at all. I was dismissive. Avoidant. Acted like I didn't care and walked out of the room while he was in mid sentence. I forgot to make him food or forgot to wake him up. He said I was treating him poorly to try and provoke him. Nope. Just acting like him.
I'm sorry you had to go through any of that. Isn't it ironically how they can't handle being treated the same way they treat us? Perfect example of no empathy and being unaccountable and selfish. I hope you stay safe and be well. 💕
to be honest - it feels completly weird to slowly disconnect from someone you love so unbelievable deeply. i have to activly remind myself of all those reasons why he is toxic and why, for the sake of my kids and my sanity, i should leave him and its HARD. Jimmys Videos always make me tear up and give me, at least over time, the strength to finally stick with my boundaries and stop letting him run them over and over again. so - thank you jimmy for giving us the hope for a better life and reminding us that we are worthy of receiving the same amount of love that we give out so freely. ♥
When I was prepping to get out of my relationship with my abusive ex, I made myself an online list he didn't know about and couldn't access just titled "why" and I listed all the reasons our breakup needed to happen. When I felt conflicted or felt myself excusing things or mentally tucking myself back into the relationship, I'd read the list. It made it a lot easier to disconnect and find the strength to actually end things.
You can do it. You must do it. And one day, when you’ve truly let go & begun to heal, it won’t tug at your heart the same. You’ll repel from that person & behavior and be free. It absolutely gets better. Just make sure to take time to assess why you were attracted to a person like that in the first place so that you can avoid repeating the same thing. Just my personal experience.
@@critfailinglife I am in the process of doing this. It is taking me a while and I had to heal quite a bit before doing this, but I used to journal quite a bit - so I have record of a lot of reasons. Writing it all out just shows pages upon pages of reasons why. Sometimes, I do think it could have gone differently, but then I look at where it's located and I am reminded about the pages of reasons. It also helps I use the item quite frequently, so I am reminded often.
Listen to him when he says, 8:14 "...eventually you'll get sick...I mean like physically sick from being walked all over and trying trying to give the benefit of the doubt and continuing to love them even though your body is screaming they aren't safe and you deserve better and you can continue to war with your heart and mind..." It's real.
You are correct. I was told by the Narc that I am married to that I was worthless to him and that he could have done so much better than me. I felt like someone had stabbed me thru my heart. And because I refused to sleep with other men so he could watch. I keep a beautiful home and cook and clean and try to please and make him happy. I never knew what a Narc was. I am learning. I feel so unwanted and unloved. It has taken me months to partially accept it. I am now saving my money, forca divorce (silently) so I can keep my home. Thank you for teaching me that wanting love was normal and that not everything is my fault. GOD Bless you sir for teaching me...
3 years with a narcissist. 6 months since I accepted his another 100 discard, was blamed for not loving him enough, not chasing him, not trying, all my fault. 6 months in trauma, so ill. Slowly getting there. Happier he's not in my life anymore. When I was with him, I was becoming him, angry, shouting, I wasn't recognising myself no more. Now I'm back to who I was before, kind, loving, sensitive, empathic and positive lady.
Omgosh, this sounds sooo familiar, "I was becoming him" exactly, starting to not like who I was . Now were divorced and I'm getting to know my real self again, the one I originally liked. His famous quote, " I can't make you love me" the stupid thing was he didn't have to, I still love him,. He just couldn't handle me living my life. Nor could be understand that he wasn't my safe place anymore because of his MOUTH, not to mention his anger & hostility toward me. Stay strong, and may God bless you.:)
It’s incredibly dangerous to keep focusing solely on a narcissist's fits of rage, because passive-aggressive behavior can be just as destructive. Narcissists don’t just explode-they also sabotage through subtle means, destroy property, and set traps to undermine others. This kind of calculated aggression is just as harmful, if not more so, because it can go unnoticed while still causing immense damage. Both forms of anger deserve serious attention, as they equally contribute to chaos and harm.
Yes I understand this too. My husband has been extremely destructive through sly under the radar means. You right it is calculated and they sabotage everywhere. Mine has also been aggressive. Marcy described it well too as diabolical.
Yes exactly- they pride themselves on how well they are undetected…. They get you to emotionally react but you have no awareness that it was being done on purpose until it was done many many times.
The hard part for me is believing that people like this truly exist. It makes life so much more heartwrenching to know that people choose to hurt others on purpose. 💔
It’s the hardest thing to do, and the rewards are huge. You get a shot at having a peaceful happy existence. No chance of that living with a narcissist. You’ve got this! 💪💜
Save this video and watch it again. And again. And again. You could watch hundreds of videos and never get it all in a nutshell like Jimmy presents it here. BELIEVE IT!!!
@@christelleny Only thing missing from the video, is him telling us that if we wait too long removing ourselves from the narcissist, they might end up being the ones dumping us. Especially when we have become so drained, and is of no use for them anymore. That often sends the victim into an even deeper hole, ruminating about the fake relationship, and being gasligt to think they where the problem.. since they got dumped
@@kjell-olavmossestad5401 Just remember that you are being "dumped" (AKA abandoned) every day that you are with this partner right now. Your needs are dumped. Your loving or nurturing deeds are dumped for lack of reciprocity. Your very worth as a human being is being dumped. Every year you stay right where you are is a year lost. I lost 35 years. Been out 6 and still healing. Plan your escape quietly and then leave. It was the hardest thing I ever did but trust me when I say that I had become suicidal. When someone else in your life causes you to hate your life, it is a powerful message that this person does not deserve to be in your life.
@@gailrosenberg48 I know. I am out, but I was the one that got dumped, so In a way.. she "won". It was like she gradually year by year had less and less use for me as I got more and more worn out and neglected. Breadcrumbs was the reason I stayed. I know the truth.. but still, I would have liked to go back in time and being the one that left, to get some dignity out of it. But hey, what happened happened. And maybe it(she) was sent my way to be forced to deal with some traumas I had within from before her. Self accountability is the only healing here.
@@kjell-olavmossestad5401 Maybe she thinks she "won" by being the dumper, but let's reframe it: she is stuck with herself, and you are free. In my experience, the N never learns, grows, or self-reflects so their entire life is spent as a prisoner of childhood trauma. Mine refused to admit any past trauma. I agree with you that being in these soul-sucking relationships can enable us to look at the things in our past that made us susceptible to accepting breadcrumbs as a full meal. I figured out my early programming and still work to redeem what is left of my life. Let me tell you this: you are brave, and you survived. God has better things in mind for you!
@yawngaming4188 Agreed. I guess it takes one to know one? At least at some point he became self-aware, did the work to recover for his wife and is now a champion for healing everyone else going through this.
It means so much when someone understands and validates what we are experiencing. Im in a relationship with someone with narcissistic traits AND im ADHD ( which i think is from trauma/abuse) its so frustrating. I pray i get the strength to leave but of course i wish hed change🤪🤯
I can just SEE how my ex could twist this into calling me a narcissist because of my reactions to their weaponized incompetence. "I can't do anything right"
Oh my gosh this is the one that was used on me so much. Every time they messed up big time and I called them out on it they would say they can't do anything right or do the very empty apology that means nothing and turn around and do it again. They play the victim when they are indeed the abuser.
Actions not words works 100% of the time. And this is true regardless of Disordered Personality types or just toxicity in general. Do the actions match up with the words. No? THEN Over & DONE.
@@sassykat2000I believe most empaths were immature and evolved through hard work, so they think everyone displaying immaturity has the same capacity to grow out of it. But this journey isn't for everyone. Maybe it's an IQ related problem.
This is such and incredible video 😊. Wow! I can relate to pretty much everything. I just broke off a 4 year relationship because I was getting physically sick and just couldn't take it anymore. That part when you said that you'll feel guilty for leaving and abandoning them resignated with me 100% Thank you for your time and effort into making this video 🎉
Growing up in my family I wasn't used to being treated kindly, it wasn't how our household operated. Later in life, when someone was exceptionally kind to me ie: a teach or professor going out of their way to treat me with kindness, I would literally cry afterwards, and never knew why. It all makes sense now. Thank you.
Any guy here watching this, you're not alone. You ain't weak for watching this, nor does it mean you are any less of a man. You simply care enough to seek out a solution for the problems your experiencing. What these videos are for, he is sharing what he has learned from therapy, and his own personal knowledge and experiences. It's not going to fix everything, but it is helpful for ideas and also to identify certain things about yours partner so you can apply some things or not.
Narcs can “take” supply from a “perfect” partner. They groom a “perfect” partner and THEN feel incredibly insecure. They “know” you are too good for them, and they undermine you in order to trap you in the idea that you are at fault, so they gain “supply” by making their “perfect” partner “less than” them. It’s insane. It’s pathetic. You neeeeeed to get away from these utter losers.
This has been so validating. I was abused, robbed by my ex, and I can never really get justice in this life. I have to believe that God sees everything.
This is such exceptional content! I've suffered narcissist abuse since I was a child (father and then brother and husband) but have freed myself finally. Self worth/love is the key. You really get how the mind of a victim thinks. I'm a survivor now, not a victim. I took my power back. Content like this is very helpful. Thank you!
This is DEF ONE OF YOUR TOP 10! Brutally honest with compassion, hard words said with kindness, difficult things to hear said by someone who truely cares....ty...left my abuser 4 years ago and have NEVER looked back! Being single is waaayyy better than being "stuck" in abusive relationships...and not just physical, mentally, verbal, emotionally , neglect and financial.....ty God for freedom and courage
I’m so disturbed and distressed and sad and broken. I will never get used to being stonewalled and abandoned. It’s crazy making. It hurts to be so unworthy. It’s scary to love someone who breaks my heart over and over
It is ESSENTIAL that you work consistently on your self-esteem and strict boundaries. Empower yourself. BELIEVE in your power and get out. Watch Dr. Ramani as well. It could physically kill you, because the trauma bond could cause serious health issues. Love and light to you. Stay strong 🤗
Please get help. There is an abuse center in nearly every metropolitan area, reach out to them. You’ll get support, strategies to get out, ways to heal etc. It’s all one step at a time, one baby step is GREAT! I imagine you cannot see right now how your life can change, but I’m here to tell you that your life CAN change. Don’t try to solve everything now, just start one thing. The fact that you’re here is a huge step forward. Just keep going. The other comment is right: Dr Ramani is very good, too. I wish you the best, and know you can do it. Jesus definitely helps. God bless you! 🤗🥰♥️
I agree 💯! Do not let this person take your power away! You’ve got to find all the wonderful things in you, grab into them, nurture them get your power back, say things like “ I will get through this, I deserve more”, “ I am worthy of genuine love and respect “, I will never put myself in this position again” grab that power and make a plan and go, please! You have more to offer the world, you have more life to come a better life. One filled with happiness, joy, authenticity, connection, love and people who support and love you. That’s our birthright. We all deserve that. You deserve that. Dig deep grab that power back! You can do it! 💪🏻💪🏻❤️
You are believing a lie. You are NOT unworthy. You are worth the blood of Jesus! You are looking to someone who is very unhealthy to provide you with love and acceptance, but because they are very unhealthy, they will never be able to give you what you want and need. You need to start to accept and act on that fact to save yourself. Get professional help to work through your feelings and false beliefs. Share only with safe people who love and accept you. It will take time, tears, prayers, and good support from healthy people, but a year from now you will be amazed at how much healing you have received! 🤗
It hurts. I get you 😢 I couldn't imagine being angry at someone else's emotions. Uncomfortable yes, because I grew up not being allowed to have them, but I deal with the discomfort for the people I love. My husband seems to hate me for having them. A burden no matter how much I hold in to not rock the boat. Being stonewalled is mentally exhausting. Emotionally draining. He won't ever love me completely yet i love him through it all :( Big big hugs to you.
I finally decided to just express my feelings by saying" I feel...". He mimicked me with a squicky voice. I walked out with a smile and said "It's not you, it's me". I went and bought myself flowers.❤
Awesome video! Totally describes my ex-husband and our marriage. Crazy that it took me 18 years to finally know that I didn't have to stay married.... eventhough many would say Christians should not get divorced. However, real Christians act like Jesus not narcissistically. God showed me the way out. Freedom and PEACE for 4 years now!
Fellow Christian here and I stayed married to a covert narcissist alcoholic for 22 years for the same reason. When my kids were 18 and 21 finally was able to leave.
Jimmy, I was in a toxic relationship for two decades before deciding divorce was the right thing for me. I have been watching your videos for some time and have really appreciated your insight on what healthy relationships take. I am happy to report that I am dating a gal who values me and I value her. I didn’t realize how good it feels to be loved and give love.
I'm watching and listening and my eyes are wide and I'm saying yes over and over. I walked away in June 2020. Being in the relationship left me with long term illnesses. I believe it triggered fibromyalgia. I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life now. My life, despite illnesses, is good and I've remained single since I walked away.
This I relate to so much. I only woke up and got out 4 months ago, and I'd been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I have ptsd from the relationship but thankfully the work I've done to heal my core wounds, through books, therapy, hypothesis and videos from wonderful people like Jimmy I'm no longer in constant pain from fibromyalgia
My story is so relatable except I still haven’t left after 38 years of marriage. Was misdiagnosed for over 30 years with fibromyalgia and other issues and almost 3 years ago, lost ability to see and function as well. Guess what. I have MS. Neuro ophthalmologist could not catch it for years I never had support for the years I suffered and am suffering so much more now. Terrible isolation and still growing but struggling somewhat emotionally. 😊I appreciate you for your comment because it is very helpful for me at 57. Still learning 🙏🏻thanks again and best wishes 😊
God bless you all. I feel you all. My experience was different, but I paid a dear price for it. And I was left alone in the cold while he chose and commited to someone else, got married, and started a family... I loved him for 15 years and still he didn't see my value and said he never loved me... God has been the only safe place I could reach out to, and like all of you, Jimmy's videos have been enlightening and somehow comforting and reassuring. Thank you all, and God bless you all... Take care. 🙏🏽❤️😢🕯️
Jimmy, you are absolutely the best. I don't know how you know all of this (you're not a self-aware narcissist, I believe), but the insight , empathy, and advice you offer is exceptional. And your comic-relief shorts are AWESOME, too. Thank you for what you do; it is God's work. Be blessed.
I’ve been binging these videos because they honestly give me comfort. I was dating someone with extreme narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies for a year, and I was beginning to question my reality. I loved her with all my heart and would have married her… Ultimately she left me, or I finally gave up on fighting for us to work out… It was probably the best/WORST RELATIONSHIP of my life because she wasn’t a bad person. Anyway…these videos really bring reassurance to me.
Single now for 2 months after a 4.5 year relationship that you summarized in a 17 minute video. Thank you Jimmy. Your videos have helped me sort out my feelings and thoughts over the last few months because gaslighting, manipulation and emotional violence can make you lose perspective. Your videos are always to the point. I was so deeply unhappy for so many years and was firmly convinced that I was the problem. Yet I wanted to fix, heal, find solutions and did everything imaginable to save it. I finally understood everything and put it behind me. It felt like I had suddenly woken up. When I was ready to end the relationship, he ended it at that moment too, so it was a mutual separation. I left that to his ego too. But he didn't get the hug he wanted from me the day I moved out of the apartment we shared. It's not a separation on good terms, it's a peaceful separation. But there is no longer any friendship or trust. I feel so good now and my stomach pain is nearly gone since that day. I will recommend your videos to others. Best regards from Berlin 😊
I have never felt so much like someone was talking directly to me. Hearing this makes me feel much less crazy for thinking and feeling the way that I have in been in my relationship. I would never let my child be treated the way he sees me being treated. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Jimmy I'm so glad that you also included addicts and avoidants because especially something like alcoholism substance abuse it often masks the other unhealthy attachment styles
Yes, my ex was an alcoholic and self-sabotaging, dismissive, flip flopped, rehashed already resolved issues we both agreed upon, played mind games, was physically abusive, lied, cheated and got arrested (Before, during and after our relationship) glad Jimmy mentioned this also it represents a lot of unhealthy relationships and people who are unwilling to do the work.
@@yazajag yes. Really difficult situation. You think you're dealing with alcoholism which is super hard, but actually it's a behavior style that is unchangeable. I wish I knew about NPD before wasting 22 years on it.
Thank you. I’m now at the very end of a relationship with someone who is a narcissist (my therapist insists that’s what he is). It is very very hard. I appreciate any and every support. Thank you, Jimmy…
I am also! It sure hurts because we were friends first. Now I realize I was just his target. It’s still hard even knowing the truth. I don’t want to be use, abuse and discarded.
Such good information and was explained so well. The fact that we get punished for denying them access to ourselves really resonates with me. They use that to shift blame for their abusive behavior as though we are wrong for setting boundaries and accuse us for not "loving" them. It's so frustrating.
It’s so comforting to understand that doing the right thing is not always the easiest thing to do but it’s possible. If someone doesn’t care about how you feel why should we bother to keep that person in our life, I know it’s easier said than done but hard decisions today easier life tomorrow, easy decisions or no decisions right now harder tomorrow and the rest of the week. We are responsible for figuring out our needs and wants and getting them met by interacting with people who genuinely care about us. The best feeling on earth is that we make someone feel like we care about them deeply and it was reciprocated.
The guy is extremely good. A million dollar advice. Am so helped. I have been struggling with this for years. Look how God has brought me this professional therapist. Thanks for helping the world. Keep it up.
I have to say a huge Thankyou Jimmy!!! This is the first time I have EVER truly understood what a "Narcissist" is, and how to diagnose/detect this personality. I can't change my behaviour in the past, and how allowing myself to be be manipulated by narcissistic behaviour has damaged me, but I'm grateful I can finally recognise and avoid such negative treatment in the future! Thankyou for sharing this very valuable understanding.
The thing that really ended it for me was that he told me, just before I broke up with him, “your emotions grate on me.” Not my actions. Not anything I could have said or done. Simply having emotions was too much for him. And, being a highly sensitive person my emotions are not only integral to who I am as a person, but one of my favorite things about myself. Im so grateful I don’t have to deal with his cold, calculating, manipulative heart anymore and can finally be myself again.
The problem is that this doesn’t just describes a narcissist but an avoidant dismissive attachment. To me a lot of this overlaps so much, it just comes down to how you feel while with them.
@@lisalambert81865 I hear you on the DA diagnosis. BELIEVE me I hear you. For two years I would research “how to make an avoidant love you, how to get them to be vulnerable, etc.” Here’s the thing. When I broke up with him, I thought he was a DA. But upon reflection, I came to realize that his putting his hands on me was not a DA attachment. Then I come to find out about the secret baby, the cheating, the SA, endangering my bodily health. I reflected on the number of times he gaslit, shut down, stonewalled, and raged at me when I was upset or brought up a need. Trust me, I would have LOVED to have been with a DA over a narcissist any day.
@@lisalambert81865dismissive avoidant is the Least likely attachment style for a narcissistic to have.. it's not impossible but the traits are opposite. Narcs are about big needs and using others, so they usually have either of the the other two attachment styles.
@charliebotz the vulnerable/covert narc shuts others down because they believe they have suffered more than you and therefore your emotions don't count (in their mind). They want all the attention and supply for themselves. Supply means validation and attention.. they fill up their emotional gas tank and get further at the expense of everyone else around them.
@@ashton1952 no it’s most likely that they are one or the other because the traits are similar. There are only a few things that differ the two. Many videos have the close comparisons. Me and my therapist have been doing a lot of looking into it because adhd autism and just plan out trauma can look or have similar traits as a narcissist.
The physical symptoms is so true. The last 2-3 months of my abusive relationship i was waking up and puking a weird white foam most mornings…once she was gone, the symptoms were gone and i hadnt since i tried dating someone and she was def abusive too but i left before i was stuck haha
That's crazy. Must have really freaked you out, huh? So sorry you had to go through it again right afterwards. You are worth taking the time out to heal so you have the strength and wisdom to avoid such people again and to have a full cup for yourself and whoever G-d sends your way next. 🙏🏼
So true! I get horrible neck pain and migraine type headaches. And my stomach is always hurting or something, tension. I’ve been stopping myself when I’m getting overwhelmed, more like fear I think, my heart rate goes up, I feel adrenaline running through my body, I’m shaky and I get terrible headache in my eye too! Awful, I’m working hard at being aware of this, stopping closing my eyes and taking deep breaths until everything calms down, then I check in with myself “ ok what’s going on? Why are you flipping out?” And I realized it was the time before he would be home from work, or me worrying at 11 am about if dinner will be ok and no chaos happens at dinner that would cause me distress! I’ve gotten past that most of the time and my future is changing in November and I’ll be away from this, I know that a month in my body won’t hurt all the time, my neck won’t be a rock and I won’t have constant headache and other major pain issues. I know I will shed all that and I’m looking to the sun with a smile and lots of hope. And I also will be 10 min from my brother! 🥳 I am blessed ❤️💪🏻🙏🏻
I love you @Jimmy on Relationships . Thank You ❣️ This was like you were speaking Directly to me with what I've been through. Especially the last seven days of September while he moved his things out & left. I went NO Contact on October 1, 2024 The hardest thing that I'm still doing after our 8 year relationship. This video of yours has HELPED me to see & understand now with clarity.
You are a god sent human. One of the few real men that every good woman deserves. Being a man myself I can’t tell how much you resonate to my own feelings and this toxic world. Thank you so much brother! This one video summarizes all that one goes through be it a man or a woman. Can’t thank you enough to the reassurance you bring with this. This sums up sessions of therapy in 1 single video bro
You are so right. We need to start teaching classes to teens about narcissistic abuse and what healthy looks like. I grew up in foster care/hospitals and it never occurred to me until I was 43 and by accident I found out the problem hasn’t been that I’m a worthless cow. I honestly believed them because nobody ever told me there were people who had that problem. I’m anxious to see what healthy looks like, but I’m still getting fooled because it’s the only pattern of behavior I’ve ever seen. And ya know what? It happened to my kids right under my nose and too late I learned about alienation. I don’t know how to think or behave anymore
Thanks Jimmy! Your insights on narcissist are invaluable, I’ve learned so much about my relationship from your videos. Pretty certain my wife is a narcissist, but as you mentioned, the label less important than she is simply a person that lies, manipulates, devalues and constantly ignores my boundaries. She hurt me badly with a romantic affair but had me gaslit for so long, I started questioning myself, could I really have co created her cheating on me, as well as her emotional and physical abuse. I’m learning and healing, thank you so much for your content.
You don't know how much your videos mean to me. You hit the nail on the head every time but with so much clarity and gentleness and I can tell you actually do care about us.❤
Thank you. You make me feel so heard and you are not an a hole about this topic compared to other TH-camrs. This made me realize that I NEVER mistreated or neglected the people I was with. They all neglected me when I have treated them with love and respect.
Oh God, every word you say is sooooo true about my ex boyfriend. Thank you so much for the knoledge you give, Jimmy! Your videos really helped me to crawl out of relationship with a narcissist. I've never went trough such hard time before. And Im really glad that now I know what is narcissism is about.
I'm grateful to have found your profile Jimmy. Your words are powerful and helpful in times of 'healing'. I truly appreciate you sharing this content, you're helping out a lot of people out there whether they're ready or not to 'receive' these messages. A huge thank you❤️
I know it feels like you can't go anywhere but eventually The Narcissist may unalive you, I am a self-aware diagnosed narcissist , I only turned my life around through God, if you're interested in learning more, my channel name is Narcissist Hex here on TH-cam ,God bless stay safe!
I really needed this today. My mother stopped talking to me last year when my grandmother died on my birthday and she reached out to me this morning trying to act like nothing has happened between us.
Jimmy I've been listening to you for many years now. Living with a narcissist partner, I can totally relate and yes getting to the point of indifference - as in no contact - takes a lot of hard work but it's the only way to set boundaries in a relationship that has none. Keep up the amazing work! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Your fantastic insight into narcissisme has helped me so much in the proces of leaving after 4 painful yrs and now understanding my own patterns in the healing proces. Thank you from my ❤🙌🙌
Oh wow, ypur words went straight to my heart... This video is the best and most helpful video for my broken heart after a very toxic relationship... ❤ thank you
I'm sure I am not alone here but I am in the process of walking away now after 15 years. I wish I would have known a lot of this information and been stronger sooner. I am thankful for it now and am excited to see my growth and strength to come. For anyone not there yet, I know it's hard. I would say you will know when the time is right but sometimes you just need support and make a plan. 🤗
OMG the having to comfort them for the situations they created... 😮
True. My Ex legit yelled at me. And when I was hurt, because she yelled at me.
It was this, oh you hurt me so badly with your sesitivity. Wtf?!
And then litteraly said, I´M the cause, that she can´t heal.
Like if I would have been responable for that in first place...
Spot on. My ex asked a friend for advice, literally said, “what do you think I should do about my situation?” And got, in my opinion, great advice but he didn’t like being told he could do something to improve his situation. I ended up having to baby him all night because he was so hurt by the advice he literally asked for. 😂
@@NewNameNaomi wtf🤦 this is childish next level
It's like pulling teeth😢
It’s a Narcs unconscious defense mechanism to avoid ‘shame’ at all costs.That should tell you how very fragile they are.
If you’re someone going through the process of walking away, know that you’re the lucky ones. Some people never find the strength or clarity of mind to walk away. Forever living that life. Count your blessings if you are waking up. Do it. You’ll be glad you did. 🙏♥️
🙏thank you with blessings!!!
@@sumernoel1553 Thanks SO MUCH for this opportunity for perspective. This is such a hard thing to go through, and it’s helpful to remember that I’m so very fortunate to have my freedom now. Sending love to all my brothers and sisters lucky enough to have found the healing path. ❤️🩹💜💪
Thank you.
So much. I need to take care of that.
Thank you for saying "clarity of mind." I've been trying to figure things out for so long and trying to explain to the other people in my life, but it's difficult to explain and no one really seems to understand so then I just feel confused thinking, maybe I'm the one who's wrong here. But videos like this are helping to shed light on the situation and finding people who understand is invaluable ❤
I walked away from an unsafe environment and was made to feel bad for it, drove 800km before I felt somewhat safe. It was the hardest thing I've done and took all my courage.
Sending my love and support to anyone who needs to or wants to walk away
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time! I wish I had followed this advice.
Same here such simple advice would have saved me years of hurt and grief and pain
Maybe we need to make peace with being told disparate things; they told us that they cared (or society did it for them) so our guess was compromised, becausewe neededto believe that we were loved, somehow.
Retrospectively, have I done that, not a single person would have been in my life for long. It looks like people wanted me around for what they could get from me, not for me. Even now, I'm having to como to terms with the fact that my beloved grandmother was more concerned about appeasing the narcissists than care for me.
Remember this in 2024 election
That quote was from the great Maya Angelou. ❤
I hear Doctor Ramani's voice in my head💖
"You never have to abandon yourself in order to feel loved and accepted and valued in relationship" 🕊
I feel like I do, why someone wants to tear you down and take your confidence I just can't comprehend. I'm leaving for good. He doesn't need me to shelter him from his poor mistakes anymore. And it was wrong of him to come back, love bomb me, then pick apart my every action because it makes him feel in control. Completely toxic. I think maybe it's his way of making himself feel valued without meeting my boundaries. Not good at all. Makes my stomach ache.
@@Rosey_Squirrel and it doesn't even matter that much! The only thing that matters is you. To feel, to be and to expirience. That you feel save and loved, that you will be the best version of yourself, and that you will expirience your life the way you deserved. There are bad people around, and it doesn't matter if there are bad for everyone. They are not good for you and thats the only thing that is important.
I also tried to understand why someone would do something this bad for me, but its just doesn't matter.
Exactly!
“You will become physically sick” This hit home. I’m 52, getting divorced after 28 years of marriage. Last month my wife said she thinks I’m a narcissist so I came on TH-cam to see if I could find ways to tell if I really was. Turns out she checks all the boxes for a female covert narcissist. Now that my eyes were open I can see that she has been manipulating me and tearing me down for a long time. It was very subtle at first, but the last few years have been hell. She had me convinced it was all my fault. For the last couple years I’ve been so constantly stressed and depressed that I start every day dry heaving. My weight fluctuates crazily, I have stress headaches all the time and joint and body aches.
But I go to work every day, put on my happy face, and grind on. Nobody knows what I’m dealing with inside.
I cannot wait to be free and start healing.
So proud of you it takes a lot of courage to recognize that .
some people never have the courage to leave and you do. Once you see the narcissist clearly and for who they are, you can never unsee it. Day by day you'll know you made a step in the right direction and now your healing can begin.
ranks right up there with "your cheating on me". the one accusing, is the one doing it.
28 years is a long time. I've dated 6 narcissist now. Probably about 13 years or so total between the 6. I've "seen" and slept with tons of women. I've had 11 relationships and out of that I've gotten into relationships with 6 of them. They flock to me like flies. I'm about to leave my current one of 4 years. It never gets better with any of them. It only continues to get worse.
@@SuaveHousexx its hard to find one that isnt a narcissists. by nature they are self centered, add to the mix a society that actually encourages it, and thats quite a mess to deal with.
It would be infinitely better to be single than to have to deal with a narcissist.💯
Most people who find themselves in a narcissistic relationship had some neglectful or toxic person in their childhood.
Absolutely 💯
I think bonding problems in childhood produce codependency.
And is something we have to heal to stop getting into abusive or any way of toxic relationships
@@vickibazter3446
Or narcissism. The attachment theory seems more than a simple theory although people confuse avoidant attachment with narcissism. Narcissists don't attach.
Honestly, i came from a loving home and a single mom that took good care of me. Still trying to figure out my wounds. I have self awareness but don’t know whats missing inside me.
My ex said, if you don’t like it, leave, so after hearing that over and over I finally did.
Congratulations! 🎉
Congratulations, stay firm, keep going forward. I wish you all good.
He has said that weekly for years! I am just now gathering the strength after 9 years to do that. I have to get out! It’s only getting worse and worse and I’m running out of time. I’m 60 now and feel like how can this be my reality? I never knew about Narcissism.
My ex said the same thing!
I hear that one all the time too. I've dated 6 narcs now and 2 of them have said that to me. My current one all the time. I can't get wait to get tf away from this toxic pos too.
I couldn't believe that people like this actually exist...until I was IN IT! The past four years of this treatment made me, now, NOT TRUST ANYONE. He's gone and NO MAS!
Well done!
Being skeptical is a positive step forward to the reality that not everybody is on our team and not everybody wants well for us, regardless of what they say and what we were taught.
The reality of the world is obviously that there are bad people who will do bad things and there’s a lot of value in being good because it’s so difficult to be. so obviously the bad people doing bad things will and want to be seen as good to empower them to continue extracting value from others that they wouldn’t otherwise be given the privilege of if they were honest about their motives and who they are.
Still, there may be another step after this, which would look like doing healing to the point where you allow yourself to trust people again, people who show that they are trustworthy.
Because if we don’t do the healing, we could end up being the worst of the person that tried to project onto us.
Trust, but verify lol
That's why most people think we're crazy. Because they don't believe anyone can be like that... Or they're Narcs themselves.
Same! Finally out after 18 years!
@@jessicabartolini2499 I'm so sorry. It's definitely a healing journey, but now you can be your true, authentic, AWESOME self! Prayers to you.
I stupidly went back to communicating again with my toxic 75 year old mother as a result of shame and guilt and because she said she regretted her behaviour and showed genuine signs that she had changed. 2 months in, the same abusive patterns started again (this time not just with me, but with other family members as well). It's like being retraumatised. The ultimate emotional rollercoaster. When she sends a text or calls, my whole body goes into PTSD mode. Why do we do these things to ourselves?
Benefit of the doubt 😮💨
‘They are a walking double standard.’ I love that! Humour really helps to blast narcissist nonsense.
Yeah, I like to say a walking contradiction lol 😂
😂 so funny, I have said the same, walking contradiction 😂
Most definitely!
I told my older daughter once that I was going to act like him for 1 week to see how he would be able to manage it. It lasted 3 days. He ended up in the back of a cop car after trying to murder me. Then he went and told everyone that I was purposefully trying to get him arrested by acting like a total biotch. No. Not at all. I was dismissive. Avoidant. Acted like I didn't care and walked out of the room while he was in mid sentence. I forgot to make him food or forgot to wake him up. He said I was treating him poorly to try and provoke him. Nope. Just acting like him.
I'm sorry you had to go through any of that. Isn't it ironically how they can't handle being treated the same way they treat us? Perfect example of no empathy and being unaccountable and selfish. I hope you stay safe and be well. 💕
I am so proud of you!! I wish I had the courage to do as you did. I left after 47 years after he purposefully killed my dog.
@@janetfreetobeme5721 I'm very sorry to hear that happened 💙
😂😂😂
@@janetfreetobeme5721i'm so sorry that this happened to you. This is really cruel 😢
I hope you heal and laugh again. ❤
to be honest - it feels completly weird to slowly disconnect from someone you love so unbelievable deeply. i have to activly remind myself of all those reasons why he is toxic and why, for the sake of my kids and my sanity, i should leave him and its HARD. Jimmys Videos always make me tear up and give me, at least over time, the strength to finally stick with my boundaries and stop letting him run them over and over again. so - thank you jimmy for giving us the hope for a better life and reminding us that we are worthy of receiving the same amount of love that we give out so freely.
♥
When I was prepping to get out of my relationship with my abusive ex, I made myself an online list he didn't know about and couldn't access just titled "why" and I listed all the reasons our breakup needed to happen. When I felt conflicted or felt myself excusing things or mentally tucking myself back into the relationship, I'd read the list. It made it a lot easier to disconnect and find the strength to actually end things.
@@critfailinglifegreat advice!
You can do it. You must do it. And one day, when you’ve truly let go & begun to heal, it won’t tug at your heart the same. You’ll repel from that person & behavior and be free. It absolutely gets better. Just make sure to take time to assess why you were attracted to a person like that in the first place so that you can avoid repeating the same thing. Just my personal experience.
@@critfailinglife I am in the process of doing this. It is taking me a while and I had to heal quite a bit before doing this, but I used to journal quite a bit - so I have record of a lot of reasons. Writing it all out just shows pages upon pages of reasons why.
Sometimes, I do think it could have gone differently, but then I look at where it's located and I am reminded about the pages of reasons. It also helps I use the item quite frequently, so I am reminded often.
@@sumernoel1553 ditto
Listen to him when he says, 8:14 "...eventually you'll get sick...I mean like physically sick from being walked all over and trying trying to give the benefit of the doubt and continuing to love them even though your body is screaming they aren't safe and you deserve better and you can continue to war with your heart and mind..." It's real.
@Flower those words hit me hard, 💯% true 😢
Yep, that's why victims of relationship abuse are far more likely to suffer from an autoimmune condition. The body keeps the score.
You are correct. I was told by the Narc that I am married to that I was worthless to him and that he could have done so much better than me. I felt like someone had stabbed me thru my heart. And because I refused to sleep with other men so he could watch. I keep a beautiful home and cook and clean and try to please and make him happy. I never knew what a Narc was. I am learning. I feel so unwanted and unloved. It has taken me months to partially accept it. I am now saving my money, forca divorce (silently) so I can keep my home. Thank you for teaching me that wanting love was normal and that not everything is my fault. GOD Bless you sir for teaching me...
I am so sorry for all you have been through & so thankful that you're learning so you don't have to go through this again. 💚
3 years with a narcissist. 6 months since I accepted his another 100 discard, was blamed for not loving him enough, not chasing him, not trying, all my fault. 6 months in trauma, so ill. Slowly getting there. Happier he's not in my life anymore. When I was with him, I was becoming him, angry, shouting, I wasn't recognising myself no more. Now I'm back to who I was before, kind, loving, sensitive, empathic and positive lady.
Omgosh, this sounds sooo familiar, "I was becoming him" exactly, starting to not like who I was . Now were divorced and I'm getting to know my real self again, the one I originally liked. His famous quote, " I can't make you love me" the stupid thing was he didn't have to, I still love him,. He just couldn't handle me living my life. Nor could be understand that he wasn't my safe place anymore because of his MOUTH, not to mention his anger & hostility toward me. Stay strong, and may God bless you.:)
It’s incredibly dangerous to keep focusing solely on a narcissist's fits of rage, because passive-aggressive behavior can be just as destructive. Narcissists don’t just explode-they also sabotage through subtle means, destroy property, and set traps to undermine others. This kind of calculated aggression is just as harmful, if not more so, because it can go unnoticed while still causing immense damage. Both forms of anger deserve serious attention, as they equally contribute to chaos and harm.
I believe you are describing a covert narcissist and they are truly diabolical. Sending you love and strength. 💪💜
Yes I understand this too. My husband has been extremely destructive through sly under the radar means. You right it is calculated and they sabotage everywhere. Mine has also been aggressive. Marcy described it well too as diabolical.
Absolutely. There are COVERT & OVERT Malignant narcissists. The coverts are harder to spot sometimes but the manipulation is absolutely damaging too.
Agreed worse that him getting angry or name calling would be the silent treatment for weeks or a month at a time! It was emotional torture and cruel
Yes exactly- they pride themselves on how well they are undetected…. They get you to emotionally react but you have no awareness that it was being done on purpose until it was done many many times.
The hard part for me is believing that people like this truly exist. It makes life so much more heartwrenching to know that people choose to hurt others on purpose. 💔
I hope you never ever find out first hand.
@cindybrewer1856 I have but nothing too traumatic. I still have a hard time believing it. 🥺
Believe it. Imagine telling your partner - I am sad, I miss you, in response, he chooses not to call you for a week. He said I was being manipulative.
Absolutely and since I was made out to be the problem I decided to be the problem solver and walk away. 😊
I really needed to hear this right now. I have to toughen my resolve, walk away and never turn back.
this is the best thing you can do for yourself!!!!! Stay tough!
It’s the hardest thing to do, and the rewards are huge. You get a shot at having a peaceful happy existence. No chance of that living with a narcissist. You’ve got this! 💪💜
You can do it ❤
Me too.
Save this video and watch it again. And again. And again. You could watch hundreds of videos and never get it all in a nutshell like Jimmy presents it here. BELIEVE IT!!!
Agreed ..
@@christelleny Only thing missing from the video, is him telling us that if we wait too long removing ourselves from the narcissist, they might end up being the ones dumping us. Especially when we have become so drained, and is of no use for them anymore. That often sends the victim into an even deeper hole, ruminating about the fake relationship, and being gasligt to think they where the problem.. since they got dumped
@@kjell-olavmossestad5401 Just remember that you are being "dumped" (AKA abandoned) every day that you are with this partner right now. Your needs are dumped. Your loving or nurturing deeds are dumped for lack of reciprocity. Your very worth as a human being is being dumped. Every year you stay right where you are is a year lost. I lost 35 years. Been out 6 and still healing. Plan your escape quietly and then leave. It was the hardest thing I ever did but trust me when I say that I had become suicidal. When someone else in your life causes you to hate your life, it is a powerful message that this person does not deserve to be in your life.
@@gailrosenberg48 I know. I am out, but I was the one that got dumped, so In a way.. she "won".
It was like she gradually year by year had less and less use for me as I got more and more worn out and neglected. Breadcrumbs was the reason I stayed. I know the truth.. but still, I would have liked to go back in time and being the one that left, to get some dignity out of it. But hey, what happened happened. And maybe it(she) was sent my way to be forced to deal with some traumas I had within from before her.
Self accountability is the only healing here.
@@kjell-olavmossestad5401 Maybe she thinks she "won" by being the dumper, but let's reframe it: she is stuck with herself, and you are free. In my experience, the N never learns, grows, or self-reflects so their entire life is spent as a prisoner of childhood trauma. Mine refused to admit any past trauma. I agree with you that being in these soul-sucking relationships can enable us to look at the things in our past that made us susceptible to accepting breadcrumbs as a full meal. I figured out my early programming and still work to redeem what is left of my life. Let me tell you this: you are brave, and you survived. God has better things in mind for you!
Escaped 2 weeks ago with our 2 children. Better to be homeless than continue with this abuse. New home on Monday!
Prayers to you and your young one.
I have never seen a youtuber hit so perfectly on a subject and make you feel like they know exactly how you feel like they are there with you
@yawngaming4188 Agreed. I guess it takes one to know one? At least at some point he became self-aware, did the work to recover for his wife and is now a champion for healing everyone else going through this.
@@KhassiaK right he is a blessing from god
💯
It means so much when someone understands and validates what we are experiencing. Im in a relationship with someone with narcissistic traits AND im ADHD ( which i think is from trauma/abuse) its so frustrating. I pray i get the strength to leave but of course i wish hed change🤪🤯
You’re anointed, Jimmy. Thank you for your wisdom. You’re right. The label doesn’t matter. My divorce takes place in less than two weeks.
I can just SEE how my ex could twist this into calling me a narcissist because of my reactions to their weaponized incompetence. "I can't do anything right"
Oh my gosh this is the one that was used on me so much.
Every time they messed up big time and I called them out on it they would say they can't do anything right or do the very empty apology that means nothing and turn around and do it again.
They play the victim when they are indeed the abuser.
I hate when they use weaponised incompetence!
'Weaponized incompetence' is such a great way of putting it! 👏👏👏
Mine would do this, and then tell me I was controlling because I was doing what he wanted.
My counselor just taught me about weaponized incompetence a few weeks ago! 🤯 🔔 🔔 🔔 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The problem I see is that a narcissist is often a sociopath and you often don't realize someone's a sociopath until it's too late.
Actually the signs are pretty clear once you educate yourself. What's hard is educating our emotional selves
Actions not words works 100% of the time.
And this is true regardless of Disordered Personality types or just toxicity in general.
Do the actions match up with the words. No? THEN Over & DONE.
@@sassykat2000I believe most empaths were immature and evolved through hard work, so they think everyone displaying immaturity has the same capacity to grow out of it. But this journey isn't for everyone. Maybe it's an IQ related problem.
?!?!?!?!
Life threatening if I leave.
This is such and incredible video 😊. Wow! I can relate to pretty much everything. I just broke off a 4 year relationship because I was getting physically sick and just couldn't take it anymore.
That part when you said that you'll feel guilty for leaving and abandoning them resignated with me 100%
Thank you for your time and effort into making this video 🎉
Growing up in my family I wasn't used to being treated kindly, it wasn't how our household operated. Later in life, when someone was exceptionally kind to me ie: a teach or professor going out of their way to treat me with kindness, I would literally cry afterwards, and never knew why. It all makes sense now. Thank you.
Narcissist can be kind too! Keep studying people. Don’t just rely on what they show you first.
@tailsthefox6568 yes, during the lovebombing period especially
Any guy here watching this, you're not alone. You ain't weak for watching this, nor does it mean you are any less of a man. You simply care enough to seek out a solution for the problems your experiencing. What these videos are for, he is sharing what he has learned from therapy, and his own personal knowledge and experiences. It's not going to fix everything, but it is helpful for ideas and also to identify certain things about yours partner so you can apply some things or not.
Real men are honest about their feelings. Haters gonna hate 🎉
❤
The first two minutes of this video just reflected the last two years of my life.
"You are valuable" brought me to tears immediately.
🤗🤗❤️❤️
And they tell you they don't have issues with anybody else. Oh my God, these are my daughter's exact words to me.
Narcs can “take” supply from a “perfect” partner. They groom a “perfect” partner and THEN feel incredibly insecure. They “know” you are too good for them, and they undermine you in order to trap you in the idea that you are at fault, so they gain “supply” by making their “perfect” partner “less than” them. It’s insane. It’s pathetic. You neeeeeed to get away from these utter losers.
Exactly, when they're raging, everything they spew, is really everything they don't like about themselves. Very insecure people.
This has been so validating. I was abused, robbed by my ex, and I can never really get justice in this life. I have to believe that God sees everything.
Yes, it's bites back multiplied.
The rage and mood dysregulation is hard
My ex thought I was supposed to regulate his moods for him!
Worst is when they dont take accountability for their wrong doing and blame you and create a story to validate they are right. SMDH
“What would you do if you found out your kids were being treated like that?” 💣 🎯 Wow. Let that sink in…
This is such exceptional content! I've suffered narcissist abuse since I was a child (father and then brother and husband) but have freed myself finally. Self worth/love is the key.
You really get how the mind of a victim thinks. I'm a survivor now, not a victim. I took my power back.
Content like this is very helpful. Thank you!
This is DEF ONE OF YOUR TOP 10! Brutally honest with compassion, hard words said with kindness, difficult things to hear said by someone who truely cares....ty...left my abuser 4 years ago and have NEVER looked back! Being single is waaayyy better than being "stuck" in abusive relationships...and not just physical, mentally, verbal, emotionally , neglect and financial.....ty God for freedom and courage
I’m so disturbed and distressed and sad and broken. I will never get used to being stonewalled and abandoned. It’s crazy making. It hurts to be so unworthy. It’s scary to love someone who breaks my heart over and over
It is ESSENTIAL that you work consistently on your self-esteem and strict boundaries. Empower yourself. BELIEVE in your power and get out. Watch Dr. Ramani as well. It could physically kill you, because the trauma bond could cause serious health issues.
Love and light to you. Stay strong 🤗
Please get help. There is an abuse center in nearly every metropolitan area, reach out to them. You’ll get support, strategies to get out, ways to heal etc.
It’s all one step at a time, one baby step is GREAT! I imagine you cannot see right now how your life can change, but I’m here to tell you that your life CAN change.
Don’t try to solve everything now, just start one thing. The fact that you’re here is a huge step forward. Just keep going. The other comment is right: Dr Ramani is very good, too.
I wish you the best, and know you can do it. Jesus definitely helps.
God bless you! 🤗🥰♥️
I agree 💯! Do not let this person take your power away! You’ve got to find all the wonderful things in you, grab into them, nurture them get your power back, say things like “ I will get through this, I deserve more”, “ I am worthy of genuine love and respect “, I will never put myself in this position again” grab that power and make a plan and go, please!
You have more to offer the world, you have more life to come a better life. One filled with happiness, joy, authenticity, connection, love and people who support and love you. That’s our birthright. We all deserve that. You deserve that. Dig deep grab that power back! You can do it! 💪🏻💪🏻❤️
You are believing a lie. You are NOT unworthy. You are worth the blood of Jesus! You are looking to someone who is very unhealthy to provide you with love and acceptance, but because they are very unhealthy, they will never be able to give you what you want and need. You need to start to accept and act on that fact to save yourself. Get professional help to work through your feelings and false beliefs. Share only with safe people who love and accept you. It will take time, tears, prayers, and good support from healthy people, but a year from now you will be amazed at how much healing you have received! 🤗
It hurts. I get you 😢 I couldn't imagine being angry at someone else's emotions. Uncomfortable yes, because I grew up not being allowed to have them, but I deal with the discomfort for the people I love. My husband seems to hate me for having them. A burden no matter how much I hold in to not rock the boat. Being stonewalled is mentally exhausting. Emotionally draining. He won't ever love me completely yet i love him through it all :( Big big hugs to you.
I finally decided to just express my feelings by saying" I feel...". He mimicked me with a squicky voice. I walked out with a smile and said "It's not you, it's me". I went and bought myself flowers.❤
Good on you x
Free yourself ❤
Awesome video! Totally describes my ex-husband and our marriage. Crazy that it took me 18 years to finally know that I didn't have to stay married.... eventhough many would say Christians should not get divorced. However, real Christians act like Jesus not narcissistically. God showed me the way out. Freedom and PEACE for 4 years now!
❤
Fellow Christian here and I stayed married to a covert narcissist alcoholic for 22 years for the same reason.
When my kids were 18 and 21 finally was able to leave.
Jimmy, I was in a toxic relationship for two decades before deciding divorce was the right thing for me. I have been watching your videos for some time and have really appreciated your insight on what healthy relationships take. I am happy to report that I am dating a gal who values me and I value her. I didn’t realize how good it feels to be loved and give love.
I'm watching and listening and my eyes are wide and I'm saying yes over and over. I walked away in June 2020. Being in the relationship left me with long term illnesses. I believe it triggered fibromyalgia. I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life now. My life, despite illnesses, is good and I've remained single since I walked away.
This I relate to so much. I only woke up and got out 4 months ago, and I'd been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I have ptsd from the relationship but thankfully the work I've done to heal my core wounds, through books, therapy, hypothesis and videos from wonderful people like Jimmy I'm no longer in constant pain from fibromyalgia
My story is so relatable except I still haven’t left after 38 years of marriage. Was misdiagnosed for over 30 years with fibromyalgia and other issues and almost 3 years ago, lost ability to see and function as well. Guess what. I have MS. Neuro ophthalmologist could not catch it for years I never had support for the years I suffered and am suffering so much more now. Terrible isolation and still growing but struggling somewhat emotionally. 😊I appreciate you for your comment because it is very helpful for me at 57. Still learning 🙏🏻thanks again and best wishes 😊
@lainaentzminger9903 oh my goodness. Blessings be upon you. 😊
God bless you all. I feel you all. My experience was different, but I paid a dear price for it. And I was left alone in the cold while he chose and commited to someone else, got married, and started a family... I loved him for 15 years and still he didn't see my value and said he never loved me... God has been the only safe place I could reach out to, and like all of you, Jimmy's videos have been enlightening and somehow comforting and reassuring. Thank you all, and God bless you all... Take care. 🙏🏽❤️😢🕯️
Exact same boat. The damage inflicted by long-term stress is real. ❤
Jimmy, you are absolutely the best. I don't know how you know all of this (you're not a self-aware narcissist, I believe), but the insight , empathy, and advice you offer is exceptional. And your comic-relief shorts are AWESOME, too. Thank you for what you do; it is God's work. Be blessed.
I’ve been binging these videos because they honestly give me comfort. I was dating someone with extreme narcissistic/sociopathic tendencies for a year, and I was beginning to question my reality. I loved her with all my heart and would have married her… Ultimately she left me, or I finally gave up on fighting for us to work out… It was probably the best/WORST RELATIONSHIP of my life because she wasn’t a bad person. Anyway…these videos really bring reassurance to me.
Single now for 2 months after a 4.5 year relationship that you summarized in a 17 minute video.
Thank you Jimmy. Your videos have helped me sort out my feelings and thoughts over the last few months because gaslighting, manipulation and emotional violence can make you lose perspective.
Your videos are always to the point.
I was so deeply unhappy for so many years and was firmly convinced that I was the problem. Yet I wanted to fix, heal, find solutions and did everything imaginable to save it.
I finally understood everything and put it behind me. It felt like I had suddenly woken up. When I was ready to end the relationship, he ended it at that moment too, so it was a mutual separation. I left that to his ego too.
But he didn't get the hug he wanted from me the day I moved out of the apartment we shared. It's not a separation on good terms, it's a peaceful separation. But there is no longer any friendship or trust.
I feel so good now and my stomach pain is nearly gone since that day.
I will recommend your videos to others.
Best regards from Berlin 😊
Congratulations on finding your freedom.
I have never felt so much like someone was talking directly to me. Hearing this makes me feel much less crazy for thinking and feeling the way that I have in been in my relationship. I would never let my child be treated the way he sees me being treated. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Scary how modeling that in front of children sets them up for adulthood trauma they carry forward.
I’ve been there .. walked away on time ❤ thank God , I saw thru things soon , I respect and love myself enough to see thru 💕
Jimmy I'm so glad that you also included addicts and avoidants because especially something like alcoholism substance abuse it often masks the other unhealthy attachment styles
Yes, my ex was an alcoholic and self-sabotaging, dismissive, flip flopped, rehashed already resolved issues we both agreed upon, played mind games, was physically abusive, lied, cheated and got arrested (Before, during and after our relationship) glad Jimmy mentioned this also it represents a lot of unhealthy relationships and people who are unwilling to do the work.
@@yazajag yes. Really difficult situation. You think you're dealing with alcoholism which is super hard, but actually it's a behavior style that is unchangeable. I wish I knew about NPD before wasting 22 years on it.
Never understand why anyone would want to marry a substance abuser, they have nothing to offer you in a relationship but problems
@@motowngirl5891 absolutely true but you usually don't know that they are an addict until it's too late
@@motowngirl5891 Hindsight is 20/20 because they're so good at hiding it under wraps for so long.
Thank you.
I’m now at the very end of a relationship with someone who is a narcissist (my therapist insists that’s what he is).
It is very very hard.
I appreciate any and every support.
Thank you, Jimmy…
I’m so sorry for the pain you’ve went through :(
I am also! It sure hurts because we were friends first. Now I realize I was just his target. It’s still hard even knowing the truth. I don’t want to be use, abuse and discarded.
I wish I'd known these things 28 yrs ago.
Me too!!!
Me three..
Me four
18 here!
Me five!
Such good information and was explained so well. The fact that we get punished for denying them access to ourselves really resonates with me. They use that to shift blame for their abusive behavior as though we are wrong for setting boundaries and accuse us for not "loving" them. It's so frustrating.
It’s so comforting to understand that doing the right thing is not always the easiest thing to do but it’s possible. If someone doesn’t care about how you feel why should we bother to keep that person in our life, I know it’s easier said than done but hard decisions today easier life tomorrow, easy decisions or no decisions right now harder tomorrow and the rest of the week. We are responsible for figuring out our needs and wants and getting them met by interacting with people who genuinely care about us. The best feeling on earth is that we make someone feel like we care about them deeply and it was reciprocated.
Yes!❤❤
Dang. Truth just slapped me in the face.
I'm always told by my partner ' Oh your Perfect!!
Because I decided to heal myself and now I speak from 'i' and these are my boundaries.
The guy is extremely good. A million dollar advice. Am so helped. I have been struggling with this for years. Look how God has brought me this professional therapist. Thanks for helping the world. Keep it up.
I have to say a huge Thankyou Jimmy!!! This is the first time I have EVER truly understood what a "Narcissist" is, and how to diagnose/detect this personality. I can't change my behaviour in the past, and how allowing myself to be be manipulated by narcissistic behaviour has damaged me, but I'm grateful I can finally recognise and avoid such negative treatment in the future! Thankyou for sharing this very valuable understanding.
You are nailing it. Crazy making and round and round we go. No thank you. I am opting to remain free from crazy making. 🌈
Perfectly described 💯‼️Thank you for your empathetic mission and your dedication to this community 🙏🏼😌🙋🏻♂️
Words can not express how grateful I am to hear what you have to say. I need to listen to this exact video over and over. Thank you so much . ❤
Jimmy you have explained narcissistic abuse 100% I really appreciate the clarity of your videos ❤
The thing that really ended it for me was that he told me, just before I broke up with him, “your emotions grate on me.”
Not my actions. Not anything I could have said or done. Simply having emotions was too much for him. And, being a highly sensitive person my emotions are not only integral to who I am as a person, but one of my favorite things about myself.
Im so grateful I don’t have to deal with his cold, calculating, manipulative heart anymore and can finally be myself again.
The problem is that this doesn’t just describes a narcissist but an avoidant dismissive attachment.
To me a lot of this overlaps so much, it just comes down to how you feel while with them.
@@lisalambert81865 I hear you on the DA diagnosis. BELIEVE me I hear you. For two years I would research “how to make an avoidant love you, how to get them to be vulnerable, etc.”
Here’s the thing. When I broke up with him, I thought he was a DA. But upon reflection, I came to realize that his putting his hands on me was not a DA attachment. Then I come to find out about the secret baby, the cheating, the SA, endangering my bodily health. I reflected on the number of times he gaslit, shut down, stonewalled, and raged at me when I was upset or brought up a need.
Trust me, I would have LOVED to have been with a DA over a narcissist any day.
@@lisalambert81865dismissive avoidant is the Least likely attachment style for a narcissistic to have.. it's not impossible but the traits are opposite. Narcs are about big needs and using others, so they usually have either of the the other two attachment styles.
@charliebotz the vulnerable/covert narc shuts others down because they believe they have suffered more than you and therefore your emotions don't count (in their mind). They want all the attention and supply for themselves. Supply means validation and attention.. they fill up their emotional gas tank and get further at the expense of everyone else around them.
@@ashton1952 no it’s most likely that they are one or the other because the traits are similar. There are only a few things that differ the two.
Many videos have the close comparisons. Me and my therapist have been doing a lot of looking into it because adhd autism and just plan out trauma can look or have similar traits as a narcissist.
They insult you saying you always in a bad mood which isn't true and in public insult and laugh at you
Blessings to you Jimmy. You are opening eyes and likely saving lives. Thank you!
Wow! You hit this one out of the park, Jimmy!
The physical symptoms is so true. The last 2-3 months of my abusive relationship i was waking up and puking a weird white foam most mornings…once she was gone, the symptoms were gone and i hadnt since i tried dating someone and she was def abusive too but i left before i was stuck haha
That's crazy. Must have really freaked you out, huh? So sorry you had to go through it again right afterwards. You are worth taking the time out to heal so you have the strength and wisdom to avoid such people again and to have a full cup for yourself and whoever G-d sends your way next. 🙏🏼
So true! I get horrible neck pain and migraine type headaches. And my stomach is always hurting or something, tension. I’ve been stopping myself when I’m getting overwhelmed, more like fear I think, my heart rate goes up, I feel adrenaline running through my body, I’m shaky and I get terrible headache in my eye too! Awful, I’m working hard at being aware of this, stopping closing my eyes and taking deep breaths until everything calms down, then I check in with myself “ ok what’s going on? Why are you flipping out?” And I realized it was the time before he would be home from work, or me worrying at 11 am about if dinner will be ok and no chaos happens at dinner that would cause me distress!
I’ve gotten past that most of the time and my future is changing in November and I’ll be away from this, I know that a month in my body won’t hurt all the time, my neck won’t be a rock and I won’t have constant headache and other major pain issues. I know I will shed all that and I’m looking to the sun with a smile and lots of hope. And I also will be 10 min from my brother! 🥳
I am blessed ❤️💪🏻🙏🏻
This is helpful. I will be listening to this over and over.
I love you @Jimmy on Relationships .
Thank You ❣️
This was like you were speaking Directly to me with what I've been through. Especially the last seven days of September while he moved his things out & left.
I went NO Contact on October 1, 2024
The hardest thing that I'm still doing after our 8 year relationship.
This video of yours has HELPED me to see & understand now with clarity.
You are a god sent human. One of the few real men that every good woman deserves. Being a man myself I can’t tell how much you resonate to my own feelings and this toxic world. Thank you so much brother! This one video summarizes all that one goes through be it a man or a woman. Can’t thank you enough to the reassurance you bring with this. This sums up sessions of therapy in 1 single video bro
You are so right. We need to start teaching classes to teens about narcissistic abuse and what healthy looks like. I grew up in foster care/hospitals and it never occurred to me until I was 43 and by accident I found out the problem hasn’t been that I’m a worthless cow. I honestly believed them because nobody ever told me there were people who had that problem. I’m anxious to see what healthy looks like, but I’m still getting fooled because it’s the only pattern of behavior I’ve ever seen. And ya know what? It happened to my kids right under my nose and too late I learned about alienation. I don’t know how to think or behave anymore
This channel is helping people heal
Good Lord! Thats on que and ouch ouch ouch. Extremely accurate.
Thank you so much for your wise words and your kindness as you describe these confusing and damaging relationship dynamics….
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thanks Jimmy! Your insights on narcissist are invaluable, I’ve learned so much about my relationship from your videos. Pretty certain my wife is a narcissist, but as you mentioned, the label less important than she is simply a person that lies, manipulates, devalues and constantly ignores my boundaries. She hurt me badly with a romantic affair but had me gaslit for so long, I started questioning myself, could I really have co created her cheating on me, as well as her emotional and physical abuse. I’m learning and healing, thank you so much for your content.
I'm so sorry that she was abusive to you.
I'm glad you got away from her.
Yes I do deserve this. I do deserve love and I do deserve respect. I matter too.
Thank you, a very powerfull message. Who ARE you? You're like a hidden inner voice, or an angel of peace❤
You don't know how much your videos mean to me. You hit the nail on the head every time but with so much clarity and gentleness and I can tell you actually do care about us.❤
This is so on point, very useful it touches all the parts of the dynamic, trauma bond and thought processes
This is the most important video I ever watched… and which I will keep watching again and again until I am finally healed. Thank you. A million times.
Thank you. You make me feel so heard and you are not an a hole about this topic compared to other TH-camrs. This made me realize that I NEVER mistreated or neglected the people I was with. They all neglected me when I have treated them with love and respect.
I appreciate this man cares for me
Thank you for reminding me why I'm out!!!
Oh God, every word you say is sooooo true about my ex boyfriend. Thank you so much for the knoledge you give, Jimmy! Your videos really helped me to crawl out of relationship with a narcissist. I've never went trough such hard time before. And Im really glad that now I know what is narcissism is about.
I’m drained and exhausted, I hope to find the strength to get out
You deserve the "after them" life.
Jimmy … you are a TREASURE.
I'm grateful to have found your profile Jimmy. Your words are powerful and helpful in times of 'healing'. I truly appreciate you sharing this content, you're helping out a lot of people out there whether they're ready or not to 'receive' these messages.
A huge thank you❤️
Thank you Jimmy .. so helpful
Wow, I’m 60 seconds in and it feels like you’re talking directly to me. Things are getting decidedly worse over time and I can’t go anywhere.
I know it feels like you can't go anywhere but eventually The Narcissist may unalive you,
I am a self-aware diagnosed narcissist , I only turned my life around through God, if you're interested in learning more, my channel name is Narcissist Hex here on TH-cam ,God bless stay safe!
I really needed this today. My mother stopped talking to me last year when my grandmother died on my birthday and she reached out to me this morning trying to act like nothing has happened between us.
I’ve seen a million videos on NPD and this is def the clearest and best one to encourage you and guide you through how to handle these monsters
You are so correct on every single thing. Especially about “eventually you will get sick, majorly sick.” So so true!! Thank you for your videos
There's just no empathy possible, even if he tries.
Not worth even bringing up the subject .
Such a well lvl headed advice very rich too this is one of my favourite channels ❤
Jimmy I've been listening to you for many years now. Living with a narcissist partner, I can totally relate and yes getting to the point of indifference - as in no contact - takes a lot of hard work but it's the only way to set boundaries in a relationship that has none. Keep up the amazing work! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Your fantastic insight into narcissisme has helped me so much in the proces of leaving after 4 painful yrs and now understanding my own patterns in the healing proces. Thank you from my ❤🙌🙌
I love this so much!
Oh wow, ypur words went straight to my heart... This video is the best and most helpful video for my broken heart after a very toxic relationship... ❤ thank you
I'm sure I am not alone here but I am in the process of walking away now after 15 years. I wish I would have known a lot of this information and been stronger sooner. I am thankful for it now and am excited to see my growth and strength to come.
For anyone not there yet, I know it's hard. I would say you will know when the time is right but sometimes you just need support and make a plan. 🤗
I have this on repeat, repeat, repeat! I need to hear every word, every sentence. I can’t believe this is my current relationship that is ending.
Thank you for this video, perfectly explained ❤