UPDATE: it’s been a little over a year I wouldn’t trade my peace of mind for anything!!!! No contact, minimal contact and setting boundaries and sticking to them saved my life!!! Thank you Lee! Every time I start to miss him I think about how unhappy I was! After 10 years and 3 kids , I’m 4 1/2 months sober from him💪🏽
What makes this so difficult is that all those little reminders of the narcissist in your life can turn into PTSD triggers. Certain songs, phrases, movies, group games, and even some foods triggers me and makes me feel like I am back in the situation of abuse.
It is brutal ... One day she adored me “you’re my soulmate “ blah blah blah .. The next day I’m erratic and she won’t accept the abuse anymore “ stonewalls me for 5 days then sends me a stupid quote .. repeat repeat repeat ... until I found videos like this and woke the F up.. I need to heal..... and find out who the heck I am again .... stay sober and be alert 🙏🏼 like he says it’s a marathon and the real way to win is to surrender... White flag it... no contact !! Delete all pictures/ videos .. btw - I know what to do.... but doing it all is brutal ....
I can relate to this as well. And I get triggered so easily. I just keep reminding myself that I am in control, it's in the past, and the past doesn't control me. It's not easy, but it gets better daily.
@@stevetrivago DUDE, YOU TOO??? Like suddenly EVERYTHING about you became “toxic and abusive?!” Probably got accused of “turning your partner into an emotional punching bag,” even though - after you researched what that was - you NEVER did anything like that? Then you sit there racking your brain wondering what in the FUCK this person could be talking about by accusing you of “turning them into an emotional punching bag,” and all you can remember ever doing is nigh-completely unfucking their entire house, cleaning, and/or coming to the bedroom to kiss them good “morning” (they usually wake up some time in the afternoon) and say “I Love You?” And/or “How are you feeling, Babe?” and they always give you short, terse, dismissive responses? Either that, or literally the only thing you ever did to them besides all that was try to sit and/or talk with them just for some kind of human connectedness or intimacy? Beside all of that, did they NEVER notice or appreciate the things you did and/or were still doing for them? Or mercilessly criticize HOW you did this or that? Did they make you feel like ALL you were ever good for was frustrating them? Take you completely for granted? Completely avoid any/all interaction with you like you were a rabid dog? Suddenly everything they used to love about you is everything they seem to utterly despise about you? Suddenly you can’t do ANYTHING right in their eyes? Then they emotionally and psychologically traumatize you, treat you like you’re crazy when you try to reach out to them to talk about that abuse, then flip their fucking lid when you go to speak to friends about it instead? Like they didn’t just weaponize the concept of “healthy boundaries” to justify stonewalling you for a conversation about something they did/said that was EXTREMELY hurtful and traumatic for you? SO WHO THE FUCK ELSE SHOULD I COME TO WITH THIS? THE MIRROR? Are you also now RACKED with post-separation anxiety and fear because you’ve been racking your brain for months, wondering if YOU’RE the narcissist? Maybe it really WAS you that was being completely self-centered and horribly abusive? Maybe it really IS you that’s toxic and controlling and constantly watching their every move under a microscope for the purpose of mercilessly fault-finding everything they said/did? Is this you too?
We tell *ourselves* that we’re crazy and we need to leave, but the trauma bond is real. When he left with the police I was so scared, but it only took a couple days for me to miss him so much. It’s real.
Your videos have helped me so much. I think for me the thing with the trauma bond is I became so starved for emotional connection with my narcissist, that when I would get a small snippet of it, it would give me hope and then sustain me longer. You see these little glimpses of the “old” them. So then you think “we could get back to that” and when you’re in it and you don’t understand narcissism, you think their mask is them, and you don’t understand why they’ve changed. So when you see little bits of that person again, it gives you hope and makes you want to stay. It took me a year of being out to accept that the mask wasn’t real and that person wasn’t coming back. I hadn’t even thought about the ways the narcissist can be reinforced even when they aren’t around. Good insight.
I remember telling him that I couldn't remember what I liked about him (that hit him like a bullet) I realise now what I liked back then was the mask, the version that I didn't like was the real him 😮💨
Thank you! The fact that you said that you have to be in control over EVERYTHING! It makes sense why I was discarded. He told me that I had become a problem, and it was because he could no longer control me.
Wow this hit home so much when you said ‘ the bad times outweigh the good and you so focused on getting back to the good times that’s you’ll accept a breadcrumb of the good times’ I love you for sharing key information on this
Thank you Lee for being so honest. My ex is so lost in his narcissistic ways. He is much older and just cannot be honest. Needless to say we are not together anymore after 18 years. I don't miss him at all. I feel peace now. I live peace now. I honestly didn't know what to make of you at first. But you are seeking and giving help to the thousands who don't know. I didn't know what I was dealing with at first, but when I left I asked God to show me. Well He did and I have learned so much since.
I use to think the same thing before I got involved with a narc. The narc even told me about her friend Janie that'd get hit by her husband "she likes it, she likes the attention. If SOMEONE (meaning me) doesn't like to get hit, they'd leave (also meaning me) The problem is we are SOOOOO damn attached that leaving hurts WORSE than the abuse. Life outside the narcissist seems pointless. Hopeless. We came into your world and gave you ours. It's like having a stove with 2 burners. One says STAY and is set to medium. The other says EXIT and is set to BROIL. You MUST put your hand on one and make a decision. If you don't, then one will be made for you. If the narc doesn't discard you, your hand is put on the medium burn. If the narc discards you, your hand is FORCED on that broiling exit. You litterally feel like you'd rather just die than to feel like this empty feeling. Hopeless. Pointless. No motivation confidence. Etc. We think so highly of you. What you've shown proves that you CAN do it. So we don't understand why you WON'T or flat out REFUSE to do it. We don't get it. We begin working for crumbs. I've told myself damn Dave.. Look at all the crap you go through just to put it in and have her lay her head on your shoulder.. Like.. She's a BIG GIRL too.. It was her face and personality that drew me in. And her huge black eyes with black hair. Idk why.. I never even knew the things they left behind would also have an effect on me. They're triggers. It's all new to me man. Just sucks.. Letting that go feels like you're letting a part of yourself go as well. And you can't EVER get it back..
Trauma bonding can also be caused by unresolved childhood trauma. For example, Adult children of alcoholics are 12x more likely to be married to Narcs or people who suffer from substance abuse issues.
Traumabonding was also used in wars and in cults. When people where worn out by sleepdeprevation and lack of food, they could do anything with the victims.
Great episode! So much covered on this one. Trauma bond is to the “false self” of the narc. These relationships take 2 to tango. To me the trauma bond is an addiction of sorts. You become addicted to the emotions you’re feeling and when those feelings go away you crave more. Especially if you have lived a generally “love starved” life. Lust is strong. It would be like if you were an addict and lived with your drug of choice 24/7 but couldn’t use it. Eventually you will break down and use, even though you know the destruction that follows. Same with narc, that’s why you go no contact. It’s why you relapse when you see them. As survivors we have to be willing to dig dip and ask ourselves why TF we do this...there’s a hole that needs to be filled and a toxic relationship is not the answer....Love that you’re on TH-cam now with longer content!! Keep it up...you’re opening eyes in a real and applicable way. Truth leads to healing.
Actually, there is a lot more to it. The give and take of the relationship actually causes certain chemicals to be released in the brain just like a drug addiction. It can take six months or more of no contact to break that bond.
This reminds me of how they tell you in AA "You can't go back to old playmates or old playgrounds." I avoid the music, movies, places, meals, people. It's been a wonderful journey to find music and foods that I REALLY enjoy and that give ME joy! He has been listening to the same music for decades and hasn't expanded his world AT ALL except for what I brought into our lives. I would feel sorry for him, but I don't because it's not on me anymore to give him his world. Freedom is so sweet!! STAY STRONG!!!
Exactly. I can’t listen to music anymore. I can’t even scroll on Netflix, because I see all the series that we watch together, and I start to hyperventilate. I am now a shell of myself because of this man.
If it makes you feel any better, I have been in a 20 year trauma bond and I still do not understand why I'm not smart or strong enough to walk away from someone who is highly abusive, toxic and manipulative. I no longer sympathize with my abuser and I surely don't feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for myself, but I struggle to walk away. I struggle to save myself or put myself first. He uses me and I find myself giving all my time, energy and resources to him over myself. His needs comes first to him and his needs come first to me and I hate that about myself. He and I both completely neglect my needs and happiness to cater to his own. Yes, he does manipulate me a lot of times to get things he needs... but a lot of times I find myself volunteering and going out of my way to rescue this monster without needing to be asked, tricked or abused into it. I truly hate every fiber of my being at this point and I regret not walking away many years ago with all the very valid reasons given. Till this day, I am still being treated like garbage and I truly hate myself. In fact, my alters hate me too.
They way I got away from mine, is I started going out and doing things by myself like going to the zoo or doing things that I loved that made me happy. I started setting boundaries, but wasn't cruel. They eventually leave when they can't manipulate you anymore, but they will be looking for other supply at this time to take your place. When you find that they have a new supply, that is when you get out. They are distracted, and it will give you the time you need to detox.
I,m really Sooo glad. That you started this channel. Because you are helping me, helping all of us. Everything you say. It,s exactly how it is . Thank you very much . Greetz from Holland...
Instead of me calling it trauma bond I've been calling it my drug. I'm addicted to him and I realize no matter how much I try to kick that habit and find a new drug (friend) that they are not going to give me that high (love bombing) that I once had. So now I'm in rehab (myself therapy) to find me and love me. I've been month in a half clean (no contact). Yea me.
It also happens by connecting through similar trauma/wounds/issues. Like both have control issues, both have abandonment issues, codependency, etc. It's not a real bond but one rooted in trauma
This video is seriously great content!! thanks. I have been following experts and also coaches, but this connections explained together make a whole new sense
Does the Narc NOT also see, hear and smell things that remind them of ME? And WANT to go back to those HAPPY, LOVING, HOT times?? Why did WE leave those times? Do NARC'S always want to leave EVERYONE they are with? I HAVE been studying this for a long time because of my mother. But now my marriage is falling apart and I STILL CAN NOT BELIEVE I MARRIED ONE OF THESE EVIL PEOPLE!! Its there in black and white(their way of thinking) BUT I AM SLOWLY DYING INSIDE AND OUT SEEING THIS RELATIONSHIP FOR WHAT IT IS...I want to scream at the universe and scratch his eyes out and then just cease to exist. But I still seem to get up and put one foot in front of the other. I loved...love...him so much its killing me to let go. Thanks for this video. Bless all you guys out there!
Good luck me to six months separation. I’ve been in therapy and I also listen to Lee’s videos, his videos give me more strength in my therapist. I hate to say it puts the relationship in perspective he even says sentences that my ex came out with.
I thank God for the bee analogy! What I’ve learned about my own trauma bond experience is: (1) somewhere along the line, I’ve had experiences with bees. For me, it was during my childhood. (2) Bees make honey. I remembered that and the bees know it. So, every now and then, the bee comes with a li’l ‘honey’ (breadcrumb) to remind me of its ‘sweetness’ and just enough to convince me to ‘Leave the Door Open’. (And I don’t mean the one from Silk Sonic🙂). But one day, I learned (and you will too) to close the door...Keep doing great work because you are helping so many people. Thx🏀👊🏽🙂
I wish I could leave but with no job, no money, he pushed my family and friends away I feel like death is the only way out anymore. I’ve turned into someone ugly I hate myself I hate everything.
@@MentalHealness I’m trying it’s definitely tough. Because I’ve been out of work people judge me and obviously I don’t want to tell my story I just say I was house wife and they frown upon that.
@@bean8354 same situation! I am planning a way out at the moment. Please don’t get discouraged. Start today, put some cash away bit by bit and give urself a chance to go to therapy. Trust the Lord in the process and distance urself emotionally. M so sorry for what u are going through...death is never the answer. The Lord is going to see u through this, pls pray, trust Him and get to planning🌺🌸🙏🏾
One thing I'm going through, which is directly related to what you're saying about "why would you want to miss out on this person? The mental abuse?" For me it's almost like being afraid of being alone again and feeling like I'm not worthy of anyone elses love. She is very good and the degrading/devaluing part and making me actually believe I'm less than a person and not worthy of her or anyone. For me this is a huge role in why I was and am afraid to leave for good, that I'll never find love again or that nobody will actually love me...not to mention I helped raise her kid for 4 years even through all the stuff she put me through so I'm not only having to say goodbye to the person who I thought that I'd spend the rest of my life with but a beautiful young soul I helped raise, which is really a victim of all of this too. He's been dragged through the coals every time I leave (because she either kicks me out of our house or breaks up with me) and is directly effected by this yoyo effect she has done for the entire duration of our relationship. It's crazy because reading what I'm typing looking from the outside sounds absolutely crazy, but thing is, it didn't happen over night, it's been a conditioning type deal where this behavior has little by little come out and when I DO notice something she'd either love bomb me and find a way to basically flip the script so to speak
MY JAW DROPPED WHEN U MENTIONED THE MUSIC AND THE SMELLS. My ex always played his music when I drove.. I never played mine and it was the same songs!! I can’t listen to them without getting upset. SAME THING W THE SMELLS!! He knew I loved his cologne and deodorant he’d give me his hoodies and shit just Bc I loved how it smelled. Wow. This is mind-blowing
Formerly known as @girlsloveguns2 on TikTok. My narcissist made me shut down my TikTok last year but I went no contact yesterday and guess what... I went back to TikTok and you’re the only page I went back and followed!
My ex just did this. We have two boys and my birthday was last month, he helped our sons plan to take me to dinner and my ex decided to pick the restaurant which was his fav Italian restaurant. And I instantly knew he wanted me to think about him on my birthday 😔
Mine left-accused me of cheating, thought I had a man living in my basement, then I let him come back and it was the best month. He was the most attentive, loving, actually gave me sex and then did the same thing and left. This time still accusing me of cheating then admitting he was cheating our whole relationship. Total discard and was ghosted after saying he’d marry me the day before, met my parents finally the day before. Showed me his new women and explicit videos of him with women. Saying I’m the toxic narcissist. Felt like I was going through hell. But now that I know what he is it alllllll makes sense.
This sounds like NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) techniques. High level stuff that even the government uses during interrogations and ect... Good video bro!
Going thru a narc discard and finally got separated from my stbxw of 12 years...HEAVY no contact but it doesn't seem to bother her since she has new supply...I think... I don't understand the trauma bonding thing either. You would think that I'd be glad to rid of a person who constantly cheated, humiliated, and gaslit the f out of me for the last 5 years. Not to mention basically no sex, but it got really weird when we did....I won't go into detail, but putting it out there to see if anyone else experienced that too. But for some odd reason it was really hard to let it go at first. We have a kid and I didn't want him to be a statistic of a single parent household...but now I'm thinking that it was an excuse to not let it go. Either way, thanks for the content. I am still healing. Damaged AF when it comes to trusting women, but now I'm on the fence if I really can. For now, I'm trying to learn how to love without getting so attached....dunno if that's toxic or not. But I can't do another heartbreak. I'm learning to just let it go and forgive. It's been by far the hardest and most painful thing that I ever went through. But I am feeling so much better now and the anxiety attacks and phantom pain when I think about her are much less frequent. No contact is so essential. Has anyone else experienced this weird pain feeling in their body? Like something literally hurt, but u just didn't know where it came from. Like a tooth ache or something but instead of feeling it in the area of your tooth...your whole body was in pain? It was like everywhere but nowhere specific
She gave me hope when she opened up a bit after 3 years. she actually gave me a piece of hope... she shared about her communication issues.. how instead of opening up when she’s triggered from her so called abandonment issues she gets angry ... thought she was working on trust issues as well.. Hindsight told me she knew I was into her... she knew I knew
I’ve heard it explained like your abuser holds your head under water and when you can’t breathe anymore, they bring you back up just so you can catch your breath again before doing it again. Ugh 😑
So trauma bonded it’s sickening…… I have began to say to myself he is so predictable 😳. I know if I do this he wail act this way so I shouldn’t. However if I act this way he’ll be ok . What in the actual hell
What your saying is completely true, it’s taken 25 years to realise he is just evil and the nice him never was real . It was just a way of manipulating me . Xxx
Every time a watch one of his videos I be like this narcissist sh*t crazy!! I truly feel like I'm dealing with a narcissist. This guy describes all the behaviors he shows. Smh
I’ve told a few therapist I don’t want group therapy bc once was enough of the best crier got the attention, then end of session. Or, for thé most part someone saw me as a “ good person “ and wanted to exchange phone number saying we have things in common… No !
I just found you and Thank you! This video really helped me... Ima watchin all your video's! I'm curious, how did you become aware that you're a narcissist?
Do Narcissists know that they are a narcissist…like what do narcissists them selves call whatever they do like steal lie cheat etc do they say I’m about to be narcissistic???
Sometimes you can be tied fianiancially sometimes it could be health reasons you can be older and just feel like you have no way out but that is something you have been through so much you just feel like you have no way out also trauma destabilized your thinking to the point you need help to get out.
No, it was bad right from the beginning I should’ve known better between his singing career. Every ex that he kept in contact with all three baby mamas and the groupies that ran after him it should’ve been a one and done but no, I kind of love bombed him he always had walls up, it was three months into our relationship when he told me he thought he was falling in love with me and he never pushed for the future. Never he always talked about his past and would always use the term or you know if we ever break up and he started that the first year end but yet we were five years together, but he was never projecting a future with me, and then three months after I walked from everything I owned to move in with him in the most ungodly conditions ever he had the nerve to tell me I wasn’t marriage material I had too many red flags, there were no words. The expression on my face must’ve been priceless. I was so hurt, I walked away from an empire that I built for 30 years with someone else who is a narcissist as well but he made a high six figures a year I live in a half $1 million home. I hadn’t made material wise and I left this person to go with, my new ex Newark, who had nothing more to offer me his birth certificate, because why I was in love, and it didn’t matter I gave up my life to be with this man, and he would scream at me that I didn’t like him the way he loved me. No wonder I’m in friggin therapy.
The question you need to ask is why THEY don't leave. They are obviously not in love with you so why do they stay? Why do they keep in the realtionship to just treat you shitty? As soon as I saw that and asked that tough question I got my answer. Just don't understand why they enjoy doing this.
Because they need to feel empowered and be in control of you. Keeping you on a string while walking on egg shells ..They are never really done with you they're just gonna put you on a shelf. They stay because you are grade A+ supply to them, even if they have other supplies in their back pockets. You are not a person to them but an extension of them. You are light, they have darkness in them, you balance them out. They are selfish, they don't want nobody to have you but have no issues showing you they don't want you. They sick in the head, they all play by the same play book . Lovebomb, Devalue , Abuse , Discard
I took the liberty of deleting narc phone numbers and then I took the liberty to build up myself so next time i come across narc i just bluntly accused them then gasslight them; then i ghost them and then i go spear compaign and then i will retire.
Toxic idk but he had narc traits from his mom and absent dad. I’m not a narc but Christmas 1991 I played silent night by the temptations back to back … he probably hates any version by anyone lol
I don't think that anyone is happy with breadcrumbs. I think people are very unhappy with breadcrumbs. If they're capable of leaving but still sticking around then they still have hope.
Please, my ex narc is a celebrity entertainer here in South Florida. He has women lined up for him. It was a five year battle. I don’t care if the women were 30 or seven gay they knew he was in a relationship. He would see me sit by his side, show after show, and they would still approach him and look over their shoulder at me and snare, and I would just sit there with a grin on my face going. Sorry a man’s going home with me and not you and you ain’t getting nowhere but God knows how many phone numbers he would get and I work days so he could’ve been on the phone with anybody who tickles his fancy I never once in five years picked his phone up, even though he was sly enough to delete he used to him his phone and told me to go through it and I wouldn’t what I should’ve had was a recorder under the bed. I’m sorry I never did that. Then the truth would’ve come out but it’s so hard now because there’s so many places that we went to, for for the five months of our separation, I went to the West Coast of Florida and stayed with my sister just to get out of the area. I couldn’t deal with the memories.
You are not my favorite! However I learn a lot from you because you are another narcissist! I have literally have to get rid of my Gmail account to escape my narcissistic X
Yes! Can someone explain? My narc ex was diagnosed with ocd and got treatment for that so very confusing to differeance. Took a long time to realize the narc abuse..
Do narcissists ever feel bad for the damage they do? Do they have any feelings for their partner who has supported them and been there? And tried to help them? After the love bombing do they seriously just think to themselves... ok now I'm going to start treating her like shit and this is going to be fun?? He accused me of the most ridiculous things... does he actually believe these things that are literally impossible to have happened? For example he said I had a man in my car with me and he had a picture. THE PICTURE WAS NOT EVEN MY CAR. It looked like my car but obviously wasn't. Did he actually believe this or was he just f***ing with me? He has to see through his own bullshit.
For them is not necessarily bad treatment , it's just using mind-fuckery to get you under total submission and turning you into a puppet and that's gives them a great sense of power. They feel safe only if they dominate you...they just can't help it. You feel hurt because you have expectations from them... not blaming you, been there done that.. Once you get it you actually feel sorry for them
@@laciko12 I felt sorry for him as soon as I realized what he is. Feeling sorry for him and trying to understand him is what kept me around so long. I need to hate him. I need to be pissed instead of feeling love for him so I can finally get him out of my life for good. I have to go no contact because he keeps pulling me back in. I pray every night for the strength to resist him. I'm also hating myself even more every time I allow him to hurt me again. For a while I thought I could learn to live with it but I know he is way too cruel and hurtful for me to ever be able to deal with. I just don't have that in me. Thanks for your reply. I'm going to get away from him. I am trying to remind myself that I deserve better.
@@maddie8153 Please don't beat yourself self up because you still have emotions for him, having emotions is not a weakness, however this is exactly what his looking for an emotional respons from you. He uses your emotional triggers like butons that he can push. This is what controling you is all about. He NEVER loved you, he just wants to have power over you. That's the naked ugly truth. So in the end all you need to do is deny access to you butons and see the almighty narc crash and crumble. You CAN DO THIS!!!!
@@laciko12 THANK YOU SO MUCH! I need to hear that. No one understands why I put up with the abuse for so long. I hid it from my family for a long time so they wouldn't hate him and so he would not feel uncomfortable at family gatherings and holidays (of course he made excuses not to go and ruined every single holiday and special occasion anyway) he also told me they didn't love me as much as he did... that's why he was so honest 🙄 with me because he told me the truth and they were only enabling me. All lies to isolate me from the truth. After being completely torn down and feeling so alone and him telling me good luck finding someone who will put up with me... I actually started to believe I was lucky to have him or anyone. So crazy. I'm learning that was all part of his plan to control me but it's hard to snap out of that. Trauma bond is real. Thank you for your encouragement. I really needed to hear it ❤
@@maddie8153 with all do respect for Mental Healness and his wonderful work let me recommend you another video about rumination th-cam.com/video/Mu59IJaO60A/w-d-xo.html
UPDATE: it’s been a little over a year I wouldn’t trade my peace of mind for anything!!!! No contact, minimal contact and setting boundaries and sticking to them saved my life!!! Thank you Lee!
Every time I start to miss him I think about how unhappy I was! After 10 years and 3 kids , I’m 4 1/2 months sober from him💪🏽
Thinking about how bad and stressful I felt. Wakes me up .
Yes this reasonats so much. Thinking stress and feeling trauma is part of love.
30yrs, learn...just learn!
17 years and I understand. We don't even be happy, but still try to save the relationship. So crazy
How are your other relationships after no/low contact?
What makes this so difficult is that all those little reminders of the narcissist in your life can turn into PTSD triggers. Certain songs, phrases, movies, group games, and even some foods triggers me and makes me feel like I am back in the situation of abuse.
Yea that sucks so bad 😔
It is brutal ... One day she adored me “you’re my soulmate “ blah blah blah .. The next day I’m erratic and she won’t accept the abuse anymore “ stonewalls me for 5 days then sends me a stupid quote .. repeat repeat repeat ... until I found videos like this and woke the F up.. I need to heal..... and find out who the heck I am again .... stay sober and be alert 🙏🏼 like he says it’s a marathon and the real way to win is to surrender... White flag it... no contact !! Delete all pictures/ videos .. btw - I know what to do.... but doing it all is brutal ....
I can relate to this as well. And I get triggered so easily. I just keep reminding myself that I am in control, it's in the past, and the past doesn't control me. It's not easy, but it gets better daily.
Yes
@@stevetrivago DUDE, YOU TOO??? Like suddenly EVERYTHING about you became “toxic and abusive?!” Probably got accused of “turning your partner into an emotional punching bag,” even though - after you researched what that was - you NEVER did anything like that? Then you sit there racking your brain wondering what in the FUCK this person could be talking about by accusing you of “turning them into an emotional punching bag,” and all you can remember ever doing is nigh-completely unfucking their entire house, cleaning, and/or coming to the bedroom to kiss them good “morning” (they usually wake up some time in the afternoon) and say “I Love You?” And/or “How are you feeling, Babe?” and they always give you short, terse, dismissive responses? Either that, or literally the only thing you ever did to them besides all that was try to sit and/or talk with them just for some kind of human connectedness or intimacy? Beside all of that, did they NEVER notice or appreciate the things you did and/or were still doing for them? Or mercilessly criticize HOW you did this or that? Did they make you feel like ALL you were ever good for was frustrating them? Take you completely for granted? Completely avoid any/all interaction with you like you were a rabid dog? Suddenly everything they used to love about you is everything they seem to utterly despise about you? Suddenly you can’t do ANYTHING right in their eyes? Then they emotionally and psychologically traumatize you, treat you like you’re crazy when you try to reach out to them to talk about that abuse, then flip their fucking lid when you go to speak to friends about it instead? Like they didn’t just weaponize the concept of “healthy boundaries” to justify stonewalling you for a conversation about something they did/said that was EXTREMELY hurtful and traumatic for you? SO WHO THE FUCK ELSE SHOULD I COME TO WITH THIS? THE MIRROR? Are you also now RACKED with post-separation anxiety and fear because you’ve been racking your brain for months, wondering if YOU’RE the narcissist? Maybe it really WAS you that was being completely self-centered and horribly abusive? Maybe it really IS you that’s toxic and controlling and constantly watching their every move under a microscope for the purpose of mercilessly fault-finding everything they said/did? Is this you too?
We tell *ourselves* that we’re crazy and we need to leave, but the trauma bond is real. When he left with the police I was so scared, but it only took a couple days for me to miss him so much. It’s real.
Yep they made us think. We are the crazy ones
Oh yeah. When I left mine long term the first time (because we were off and on for a long time in the beginning), I went through mental withdrawal.
@@pajamacladangel9920 I’m going through that right now ☹️
how are you now?
It’s hard to give it up and go no contact, but it’s absolutely necessary to heal. Thanks, Lee.
Your videos have helped me so much. I think for me the thing with the trauma bond is I became so starved for emotional connection with my narcissist, that when I would get a small snippet of it, it would give me hope and then sustain me longer. You see these little glimpses of the “old” them. So then you think “we could get back to that” and when you’re in it and you don’t understand narcissism, you think their mask is them, and you don’t understand why they’ve changed. So when you see little bits of that person again, it gives you hope and makes you want to stay. It took me a year of being out to accept that the mask wasn’t real and that person wasn’t coming back.
I hadn’t even thought about the ways the narcissist can be reinforced even when they aren’t around. Good insight.
Stay strong
I couldnt have explained it better 💞
It’s so addicting..
yes this is exactly it. Almost like a drug...
I remember telling him that I couldn't remember what I liked about him (that hit him like a bullet) I realise now what I liked back then was the mask, the version that I didn't like was the real him 😮💨
You weren't lying when you said you were our favorite Narcissist💯 keep the videos coming very informative
Thank you! The fact that you said that you have to be in control over EVERYTHING! It makes sense why I was discarded. He told me that I had become a problem, and it was because he could no longer control me.
@ least ur free
mine in my house (I'll never do that again)
JUS makes him mistreat me but I'm detachin...he uses night time & im soooo vulnerable
Wow this hit home so much when you said ‘ the bad times outweigh the good and you so focused on getting back to the good times that’s you’ll accept a breadcrumb of the good times’ I love you for sharing key information on this
Thank you Lee for being so honest. My ex is so lost in his narcissistic ways. He is much older and just cannot be honest. Needless to say we are not together anymore after 18 years. I don't miss him at all. I feel peace now. I live peace now. I honestly didn't know what to make of you at first. But you are seeking and giving help to the thousands who don't know. I didn't know what I was dealing with at first, but when I left I asked God to show me. Well He did and I have learned so much since.
That’s so powerful
You are an incredibly impressive individual for what your doing. Thank you.
Thanks for watching!
I use to think the same thing before I got involved with a narc.
The narc even told me about her friend Janie that'd get hit by her husband "she likes it, she likes the attention. If SOMEONE (meaning me) doesn't like to get hit, they'd leave (also meaning me)
The problem is we are SOOOOO damn attached that leaving hurts WORSE than the abuse. Life outside the narcissist seems pointless. Hopeless. We came into your world and gave you ours.
It's like having a stove with 2 burners. One says STAY and is set to medium. The other says EXIT and is set to BROIL.
You MUST put your hand on one and make a decision. If you don't, then one will be made for you. If the narc doesn't discard you, your hand is put on the medium burn.
If the narc discards you, your hand is FORCED on that broiling exit. You litterally feel like you'd rather just die than to feel like this empty feeling. Hopeless. Pointless. No motivation confidence. Etc.
We think so highly of you. What you've shown proves that you CAN do it. So we don't understand why you WON'T or flat out REFUSE to do it. We don't get it. We begin working for crumbs.
I've told myself damn Dave.. Look at all the crap you go through just to put it in and have her lay her head on your shoulder.. Like.. She's a BIG GIRL too.. It was her face and personality that drew me in. And her huge black eyes with black hair. Idk why..
I never even knew the things they left behind would also have an effect on me. They're triggers. It's all new to me man. Just sucks.. Letting that go feels like you're letting a part of yourself go as well. And you can't EVER get it back..
I feel you. 100X loud and clear. 😭
Well said too btw
Trauma bonding can also be caused by unresolved childhood trauma. For example, Adult children of alcoholics are 12x more likely to be married to Narcs or people who suffer from substance abuse issues.
Traumabonding was also used in wars and in cults. When people where worn out by sleepdeprevation and lack of food, they could do anything with the victims.
🤯🤯🤯
Great episode! So much covered on this one. Trauma bond is to the “false self” of the narc. These relationships take 2 to tango. To me the trauma bond is an addiction of sorts. You become addicted to the emotions you’re feeling and when those feelings go away you crave more. Especially if you have lived a generally “love starved” life. Lust is strong. It would be like if you were an addict and lived with your drug of choice 24/7 but couldn’t use it. Eventually you will break down and use, even though you know the destruction that follows. Same with narc, that’s why you go no contact. It’s why you relapse when you see them. As survivors we have to be willing to dig dip and ask ourselves why TF we do this...there’s a hole that needs to be filled and a toxic relationship is not the answer....Love that you’re on TH-cam now with longer content!! Keep it up...you’re opening eyes in a real and applicable way. Truth leads to healing.
Actually, there is a lot more to it. The give and take of the relationship actually causes certain chemicals to be released in the brain just like a drug addiction. It can take six months or more of no contact to break that bond.
Thank U So Much! U Saved My Life!!! Dear! ❤️🙏🏽💞
Wow. Thank you
This reminds me of how they tell you in AA "You can't go back to old playmates or old playgrounds." I avoid the music, movies, places, meals, people. It's been a wonderful journey to find music and foods that I REALLY enjoy and that give ME joy! He has been listening to the same music for decades and hasn't expanded his world AT ALL except for what I brought into our lives. I would feel sorry for him, but I don't because it's not on me anymore to give him his world. Freedom is so sweet!! STAY STRONG!!!
💪🏽💪🏽
Exactly. I can’t listen to music anymore. I can’t even scroll on Netflix, because I see all the series that we watch together, and I start to hyperventilate. I am now a shell of myself because of this man.
If it makes you feel any better, I have been in a 20 year trauma bond and I still do not understand why I'm not smart or strong enough to walk away from someone who is highly abusive, toxic and manipulative. I no longer sympathize with my abuser and I surely don't feel sorry for him. I feel sorry for myself, but I struggle to walk away. I struggle to save myself or put myself first. He uses me and I find myself giving all my time, energy and resources to him over myself. His needs comes first to him and his needs come first to me and I hate that about myself. He and I both completely neglect my needs and happiness to cater to his own. Yes, he does manipulate me a lot of times to get things he needs... but a lot of times I find myself volunteering and going out of my way to rescue this monster without needing to be asked, tricked or abused into it. I truly hate every fiber of my being at this point and I regret not walking away many years ago with all the very valid reasons given. Till this day, I am still being treated like garbage and I truly hate myself. In fact, my alters hate me too.
They way I got away from mine, is I started going out and doing things by myself like going to the zoo or doing things that I loved that made me happy. I started setting boundaries, but wasn't cruel. They eventually leave when they can't manipulate you anymore, but they will be looking for other supply at this time to take your place. When you find that they have a new supply, that is when you get out. They are distracted, and it will give you the time you need to detox.
You're incredibly brave. Thank you for sharing your experience ❤
I,m really Sooo glad. That you started this channel. Because you are helping me, helping all of us. Everything you say. It,s exactly how it is . Thank you very much . Greetz from Holland...
The breadcrumbs Lee... nooo 😭 That’s hitting close to my soul rn 💔
😔
Usher has been confessing his narcissism for years through his music! Case and point. "Bad habits"
lol Usher is my fav
True
@@MentalHealness LOL!
Instead of me calling it trauma bond I've been calling it my drug. I'm addicted to him and I realize no matter how much I try to kick that habit and find a new drug (friend) that they are not going to give me that high (love bombing) that I once had. So now I'm in rehab (myself therapy) to find me and love me. I've been month in a half clean (no contact). Yea me.
It also happens by connecting through similar trauma/wounds/issues. Like both have control issues, both have abandonment issues, codependency, etc. It's not a real bond but one rooted in trauma
I really needed to see this video. Thank you for talking about this!
No problem. Stay empowered
Thank you for all you do - three months free from my narrassist thanks to you!
Wow, thank you! stay strong
"Baby steps are still steps."
Encouraging reminder 🤗👣
This video is seriously great content!! thanks. I have been following experts and also coaches, but this connections explained together make a whole new sense
Glad it was helpful!
Does the Narc NOT also see, hear and smell things that remind them of ME? And WANT to go back to those HAPPY, LOVING, HOT times??
Why did WE leave those times?
Do NARC'S always want to leave EVERYONE they are with?
I HAVE been studying this for a long time because of my mother.
But now my marriage is falling apart and I STILL CAN NOT BELIEVE I MARRIED ONE OF THESE EVIL PEOPLE!!
Its there in black and white(their way of thinking) BUT I AM SLOWLY DYING INSIDE AND OUT SEEING THIS RELATIONSHIP FOR WHAT IT IS...I want to scream at the universe and scratch his eyes out and then just cease to exist.
But I still seem to get up and put one foot in front of the other.
I loved...love...him so much its killing me to let go.
Thanks for this video.
Bless all you guys out there!
I want to know the answer to this as well
Its like missing a headache!!
I’m the process of breaking the trauma bond 🙏🏽
Same
Me too we can do this.
I hate my finances are not in order
I soooo want him goneeeee..now
jus deal with the pain and move on
Good luck me to six months separation. I’ve been in therapy and I also listen to Lee’s videos, his videos give me more strength in my therapist. I hate to say it puts the relationship in perspective he even says sentences that my ex came out with.
I thank God for the bee analogy! What I’ve learned about my own trauma bond experience is: (1) somewhere along the line, I’ve had experiences with bees. For me, it was during my childhood. (2) Bees make honey. I remembered that and the bees know it. So, every now and then, the bee comes with a li’l ‘honey’ (breadcrumb) to remind me of its ‘sweetness’ and just enough to convince me to ‘Leave the Door Open’. (And I don’t mean the one from Silk Sonic🙂). But one day, I learned (and you will too) to close the door...Keep doing great work because you are helping so many people. Thx🏀👊🏽🙂
I wish I could leave but with no job, no money, he pushed my family and friends away I feel like death is the only way out anymore. I’ve turned into someone ugly I hate myself I hate everything.
baby steps. Make a plan
@@MentalHealness I’m trying it’s definitely tough. Because I’ve been out of work people judge me and obviously I don’t want to tell my story I just say I was house wife and they frown upon that.
@@bean8354 same situation! I am planning a way out at the moment. Please don’t get discouraged. Start today, put some cash away bit by bit and give urself a chance to go to therapy. Trust the Lord in the process and distance urself emotionally. M so sorry for what u are going through...death is never the answer. The Lord is going to see u through this, pls pray, trust Him and get to planning🌺🌸🙏🏾
Leaving is free! I’ve walked away from every thing , to start over. God open doors up once I left. 23 years off and on. Smh
Wow
One thing I'm going through, which is directly related to what you're saying about "why would you want to miss out on this person? The mental abuse?" For me it's almost like being afraid of being alone again and feeling like I'm not worthy of anyone elses love. She is very good and the degrading/devaluing part and making me actually believe I'm less than a person and not worthy of her or anyone. For me this is a huge role in why I was and am afraid to leave for good, that I'll never find love again or that nobody will actually love me...not to mention I helped raise her kid for 4 years even through all the stuff she put me through so I'm not only having to say goodbye to the person who I thought that I'd spend the rest of my life with but a beautiful young soul I helped raise, which is really a victim of all of this too. He's been dragged through the coals every time I leave (because she either kicks me out of our house or breaks up with me) and is directly effected by this yoyo effect she has done for the entire duration of our relationship. It's crazy because reading what I'm typing looking from the outside sounds absolutely crazy, but thing is, it didn't happen over night, it's been a conditioning type deal where this behavior has little by little come out and when I DO notice something she'd either love bomb me and find a way to basically flip the script so to speak
I moved to a whole other country and still took months to let go despite years of cruelness and manipulation...these trauma bonds are no joke
MY JAW DROPPED WHEN U MENTIONED THE MUSIC AND THE SMELLS. My ex always played his music when I drove.. I never played mine and it was the same songs!! I can’t listen to them without getting upset. SAME THING W THE SMELLS!! He knew I loved his cologne and deodorant he’d give me his hoodies and shit just Bc I loved how it smelled. Wow. This is mind-blowing
Same
Formerly known as @girlsloveguns2 on TikTok. My narcissist made me shut down my TikTok last year but I went no contact yesterday and guess what... I went back to TikTok and you’re the only page I went back and followed!
THANK U! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW I WAS EXPERIENCE THIS! UR SAVING LIVES!! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️
Stay empowered
My ex just did this. We have two boys and my birthday was last month, he helped our sons plan to take me to dinner and my ex decided to pick the restaurant which was his fav Italian restaurant. And I instantly knew he wanted me to think about him on my birthday 😔
Hope u went somewhere else smdh thats such a low ball move.
@@miemie4238 nope I went because my children wanted to. But I sent him to the same place with the kids for his birthday
Mine left-accused me of cheating, thought I had a man living in my basement, then I let him come back and it was the best month. He was the most attentive, loving, actually gave me sex and then did the same thing and left. This time still accusing me of cheating then admitting he was cheating our whole relationship. Total discard and was ghosted after saying he’d marry me the day before, met my parents finally the day before. Showed me his new women and explicit videos of him with women. Saying I’m the toxic narcissist. Felt like I was going through hell. But now that I know what he is it alllllll makes sense.
Love watching you , thank you for keeping it real and spreading awareness xx
This sounds like NLP (Neuro-linguistic programming) techniques. High level stuff that even the government uses during interrogations and ect... Good video bro!
I learned about NLP from Tony Robbins
The bee wanted some screen time 🤣🤣
😂
You're amazing bruh thanks💯✊🏾
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Going thru a narc discard and finally got separated from my stbxw of 12 years...HEAVY no contact but it doesn't seem to bother her since she has new supply...I think...
I don't understand the trauma bonding thing either. You would think that I'd be glad to rid of a person who constantly cheated, humiliated, and gaslit the f out of me for the last 5 years. Not to mention basically no sex, but it got really weird when we did....I won't go into detail, but putting it out there to see if anyone else experienced that too. But for some odd reason it was really hard to let it go at first.
We have a kid and I didn't want him to be a statistic of a single parent household...but now I'm thinking that it was an excuse to not let it go.
Either way, thanks for the content. I am still healing. Damaged AF when it comes to trusting women, but now I'm on the fence if I really can. For now, I'm trying to learn how to love without getting so attached....dunno if that's toxic or not. But I can't do another heartbreak.
I'm learning to just let it go and forgive. It's been by far the hardest and most painful thing that I ever went through. But I am feeling so much better now and the anxiety attacks and phantom pain when I think about her are much less frequent.
No contact is so essential.
Has anyone else experienced this weird pain feeling in their body? Like something literally hurt, but u just didn't know where it came from. Like a tooth ache or something but instead of feeling it in the area of your tooth...your whole body was in pain? It was like everywhere but nowhere specific
Yes, I have phantom pain also.
@@lindaabbott7284
She gave me hope when she opened up a bit after 3 years. she actually gave me a piece of hope... she shared about her communication issues.. how instead of opening up when she’s triggered from her so called abandonment issues she gets angry ... thought she was working on trust issues as well.. Hindsight told me she knew I was into her... she knew I knew
I’ve heard it explained like your abuser holds your head under water and when you can’t breathe anymore, they bring you back up just so you can catch your breath again before doing it again. Ugh 😑
🙌🏾
Your hair .... awesome 👏
thank you. appreciate it
Wow i didn't realize that's what my ex narc was doing. I would notice he'd listen to the same songs and movies over and over again
I Love Tropic Thunder
Whew that Curve for Men used to be the sh!t. Sigh, what a time to be alive.
You are a July 85er aren’t you Lee!
Ok, this video is going to my favorites! 🐝
Wow.. just wow… thank you for this, currently doing the non-contact detox now
you’re welcome
So trauma bonded it’s sickening…… I have began to say to myself he is so predictable 😳. I know if I do this he wail act this way so I shouldn’t. However if I act this way he’ll be ok . What in the actual hell
Thank you thank you thank you
The bee 🐝 stings and it also makes honey 🍯 .. just like the trauma bond.
that is an awesome point
What your saying is completely true, it’s taken 25 years to realise he is just evil and the nice him never was real . It was just a way of manipulating me . Xxx
You are so fine. My narcissist was the most attractive man ever to me which made it 1000x hard to leave it alone.
Studies show most are attractive
I’m literally every thing you described
If someone does something purposely to bother you, how would a narcissistic respond to that? Still trying to figure out what I'm dealing with...
1:47- Spots the bee lol.
I’m terrified of bees I would’ve cut the video and freaked out
😂🤣🤣
Great 🐝 analogy.
Trauma bond 😭😖
The bee was meant to come in
Every time a watch one of his videos I be like this narcissist sh*t crazy!! I truly feel like I'm dealing with a narcissist. This guy describes all the behaviors he shows. Smh
I’ve told a few therapist I don’t want group therapy bc once was enough of the best crier got the attention, then end of session. Or, for thé most part someone saw me as a “ good person “ and wanted to exchange phone number saying we have things in common… No !
stay safe
I know a narcissist that is trauma bonded just like his victim
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣YOU ARE SOMETHING SOMETHING GOOD AS ALWAYS GREAT CONTENT ❤️⭐🔥👑🕯️
I appreciate it
Breath you are helping all us the bee 🐝 just observer I pray he don't sting you.....
🙌🏾🙌🏾
The 🐝 is God's example. God sent 🙏
God when the discard happens its like FUCK your CRAZY
I just found you and Thank you! This video really helped me... Ima watchin all your video's! I'm curious, how did you become aware that you're a narcissist?
His wife told him he was a Narcissist during a breakup ..
Do Narcissists know that they are a narcissist…like what do narcissists them selves call whatever they do like steal lie cheat etc do they say I’m about to be narcissistic???
Do you have your own personal testimony when you realized you had NPD your symptoms the results that happened in your life
i go over it in my first video
Sometimes you can be tied fianiancially sometimes it could be health reasons you can be older and just feel like you have no way out but that is something you have been through so much you just feel like you have no way out also trauma destabilized your thinking to the point you need help to get out.
No, it was bad right from the beginning I should’ve known better between his singing career. Every ex that he kept in contact with all three baby mamas and the groupies that ran after him it should’ve been a one and done but no, I kind of love bombed him he always had walls up, it was three months into our relationship when he told me he thought he was falling in love with me and he never pushed for the future. Never he always talked about his past and would always use the term or you know if we ever break up and he started that the first year end but yet we were five years together, but he was never projecting a future with me, and then three months after I walked from everything I owned to move in with him in the most ungodly conditions ever he had the nerve to tell me I wasn’t marriage material I had too many red flags, there were no words. The expression on my face must’ve been priceless. I was so hurt, I walked away from an empire that I built for 30 years with someone else who is a narcissist as well but he made a high six figures a year I live in a half $1 million home. I hadn’t made material wise and I left this person to go with, my new ex Newark, who had nothing more to offer me his birth certificate, because why I was in love, and it didn’t matter I gave up my life to be with this man, and he would scream at me that I didn’t like him the way he loved me. No wonder I’m in friggin therapy.
the symbolic insect was real
My ex hated I had no bond for him!
i bet
The question you need to ask is why THEY don't leave. They are obviously not in love with you so why do they stay? Why do they keep in the realtionship to just treat you shitty? As soon as I saw that and asked that tough question I got my answer. Just don't understand why they enjoy doing this.
Because they need to feel empowered and be in control of you. Keeping you on a string while walking on egg shells ..They are never really done with you they're just gonna put you on a shelf. They stay because you are grade A+ supply to them, even if they have other supplies in their back pockets. You are not a person to them but an extension of them. You are light, they have darkness in them, you balance them out. They are selfish, they don't want nobody to have you but have no issues showing you they don't want you. They sick in the head, they all play by the same play book . Lovebomb, Devalue , Abuse , Discard
How does your wife deal with you. Is she also aware of herself? I'm just trying to understand. Thank you for your video's
My question as well!!
lolll trauma bond with the 🐝
I took the liberty of deleting narc phone numbers and then I took the liberty to build up myself so next time i come across narc i just bluntly accused them then gasslight them; then i ghost them and then i go spear compaign and then i will retire.
My daughter is trauma bonded to her Dad and boyfriend
😩😩
What about us? Is it the same? Do they think of us with smells and songs and still?
sometimes
🤔😮
Punishment and reward …. that stuff will shackle you for life … used by slave masters to control their slaves ….
Toxic idk but he had narc traits from his mom and absent dad. I’m not a narc but Christmas 1991 I played silent night by the temptations back to back … he probably hates any version by anyone lol
😩😩
How do I get a zoom call?
Check me out on tiktok at mentalhealness or on Instagram. The link is in my bio
Will your wife come on and explain her role and why she is staying with you?
maybe one day.
😆🤣🤣🤣🤣Please don't sting me!
😂😂😂😂
I don't think that anyone is happy with breadcrumbs. I think people are very unhappy with breadcrumbs. If they're capable of leaving but still sticking around then they still have hope.
How do I contact you?
Please, my ex narc is a celebrity entertainer here in South Florida. He has women lined up for him. It was a five year battle. I don’t care if the women were 30 or seven gay they knew he was in a relationship. He would see me sit by his side, show after show, and they would still approach him and look over their shoulder at me and snare, and I would just sit there with a grin on my face going. Sorry a man’s going home with me and not you and you ain’t getting nowhere but God knows how many phone numbers he would get and I work days so he could’ve been on the phone with anybody who tickles his fancy I never once in five years picked his phone up, even though he was sly enough to delete he used to him his phone and told me to go through it and I wouldn’t what I should’ve had was a recorder under the bed. I’m sorry I never did that. Then the truth would’ve come out but it’s so hard now because there’s so many places that we went to, for for the five months of our separation, I went to the West Coast of Florida and stayed with my sister just to get out of the area. I couldn’t deal with the memories.
Frightening.
💯💯
Trama bonding to the bee😂
I can’t even explain how hilarious this wasp is in the video :) so narcissist have real fears lol ?
lol it was something else
You are not my favorite! However I learn a lot from you because you are another narcissist! I have literally have to get rid of my Gmail account to escape my narcissistic X
🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝🐝
Why does the Narcissist need to be in contro? is OCD associated with that.
Yes! Can someone explain? My narc ex was diagnosed with ocd and got treatment for that so very confusing to differeance. Took a long time to realize the narc abuse..
How do you break trauma bonds.,no kids, no white picket fence, no no no..say no love is a trap. They all bad
Do narcissists ever feel bad for the damage they do? Do they have any feelings for their partner who has supported them and been there? And tried to help them? After the love bombing do they seriously just think to themselves... ok now I'm going to start treating her like shit and this is going to be fun?? He accused me of the most ridiculous things... does he actually believe these things that are literally impossible to have happened? For example he said I had a man in my car with me and he had a picture. THE PICTURE WAS NOT EVEN MY CAR. It looked like my car but obviously wasn't. Did he actually believe this or was he just f***ing with me? He has to see through his own bullshit.
For them is not necessarily bad treatment , it's just using mind-fuckery to get you under total submission and turning you into a puppet and that's gives them a great sense of power. They feel safe only if they dominate you...they just can't help it. You feel hurt because you have expectations from them... not blaming you, been there done that.. Once you get it you actually feel sorry for them
@@laciko12 I felt sorry for him as soon as I realized what he is. Feeling sorry for him and trying to understand him is what kept me around so long. I need to hate him. I need to be pissed instead of feeling love for him so I can finally get him out of my life for good. I have to go no contact because he keeps pulling me back in. I pray every night for the strength to resist him. I'm also hating myself even more every time I allow him to hurt me again. For a while I thought I could learn to live with it but I know he is way too cruel and hurtful for me to ever be able to deal with. I just don't have that in me. Thanks for your reply. I'm going to get away from him. I am trying to remind myself that I deserve better.
@@maddie8153 Please don't beat yourself self up because you still have emotions for him, having emotions is not a weakness, however this is exactly what his looking for an emotional respons from you. He uses your emotional triggers like butons that he can push. This is what controling you is all about. He NEVER loved you, he just wants to have power over you. That's the naked ugly truth. So in the end all you need to do is deny access to you butons and see the almighty narc crash and crumble. You CAN DO THIS!!!!
@@laciko12 THANK YOU SO MUCH! I need to hear that. No one understands why I put up with the abuse for so long. I hid it from my family for a long time so they wouldn't hate him and so he would not feel uncomfortable at family gatherings and holidays (of course he made excuses not to go and ruined every single holiday and special occasion anyway) he also told me they didn't love me as much as he did... that's why he was so honest 🙄 with me because he told me the truth and they were only enabling me. All lies to isolate me from the truth. After being completely torn down and feeling so alone and him telling me good luck finding someone who will put up with me... I actually started to believe I was lucky to have him or anyone. So crazy. I'm learning that was all part of his plan to control me but it's hard to snap out of that. Trauma bond is real. Thank you for your encouragement. I really needed to hear it ❤
@@maddie8153 with all do respect for Mental Healness and his wonderful work let me recommend you another video about rumination
th-cam.com/video/Mu59IJaO60A/w-d-xo.html
Lol, smell, songs, made me MAD, I SWITCHED STATIONS, HATED THAT SMELL, WENT STRAIGHT I CANT STAND HIM!..
And visions of lying, straight liar! That's how I moved on..
Started remembering all the bad, instead of good! That cologne, for others not you! All up in others yuk..
🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🐝 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dont feel sorry for them omg that will get you in trouble