Gaslighting & Abuse Cycles
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ย. 2024
- Thank you all so much for watching, ilu ❤❤❤
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"Leaving is never abusive" 😭😭😭😭😭 needed to hear this
Same
I just left a toxic friendship and this made me realize that shes been gaslighting me for the last two years
same, a few months ago i did too, aaron shows he genuinely gets it
Me to girl, me to!!
Came here after your twitter call-out because I have no other ways of contacting you and um I know you just want that to be over but ye I really support you and thank you for calling out Chase on his shit, it was really brave and important so yeah, thanks. Take care.
I got an ad for The Center for Gender Confirmation Surgery in Chicago and it made me so happy
I dont know what compelled you to post this today but I finally have the words to explain my feelings. I drove 18 hours cross country alone to get away from my abuser and back to my family and the universe used you to give me the confidence and words I needed. Thank you so much for existing Aaron! I love you and your contentt and I cant waiting to see what wonderful things the universe has in store for you.
Thank you so much for this comment ❤️❤️❤️
I’m very sorry that you’ve been through something like this, but I appreciate you taking the time to share this with me. I hope for the best for you ❤️❤️❤️
i love when plant daddy explains complex topics
hey, i kinda came here from twitter and i really hope you’re okay, or at least feel safe right now.
what you’re going through is horrible, and a lot like a relationship i was in as well as with my parent, and i promise it gets better.
i love you. we all love you.
you’re amazing and strong, even if you can’t see it.
take care of yourself. none of this is your fault.
poly88888888 does that make you feel good about yourself? Telling other people to go kill themselves. Wtf is wrong with you, why you gonna wish that one anyone? You don’t like his content cool go unsubscribe from his channel, why you gotta bring someone down. Whether or not he does keep blaming other people for his mental health why does that piss you off so much to tell them to go take their own life. Just get the fuck off his channel 😂
Imagine how sad your life must be that you have to bring down others to lift yourself up.
My mom is emotionally abusive. She's convinced the adults in my life that I am deserving of it. The therapist I have now is the only therapist/adult that has actually believed me. I keep falling into abusive relationships and I don't even realize it until after I leave. I'm terrified that what has happened isn't abuse and that I'm the one who is in the wrong.
it's wild how accurately you just explained my relationship w my mom
Me too. Man... Crazy right?
oof a mood but it’s my dad
Me too, good lord
That “false hope” shit you talked about is the most painful part for me and I can look back and see it in many of my relationships. There’s been many studies about why humans respond the way they do to intermittent acts of kindness in an abusive/neglectful relationship, I see a lot of myself if these studies. Also I’ve noticed abusers LOOOOOOVE to be the victim and there’s always something wrong, abusers don’t seem to know how to be okay so you always feel bad for them.
This video was crucial to escaping my abuser nearly a year ago. Thank you.
dude you are so well spoken. Its that mix of careful thoughts, research and actually caring about the topic that makes your videos so great.
"Why do you feel entitled to my ENTIRE life"
This.
The comment you made abt gaslighting being hard to explain and being the only one to know the full extent is so important.
I've dealt with gaslighting and manipulation several times in my life and when I explained what was said/what happened would sometimes get ppl not understanding what was so wrong or why I was so upset, because they didnt fully understand all the facets of the situation and the way the strings had been pulled leading up to, during, and after the actual incident. It's tough, and I def think you did a wonderful job breaking this down and explaining it so ppl can have better words to explain what they're going thru.
Thank you for making this. I've watched it many times and even showed it to my husband. Gaslighting doesn't have to be exclusively between people in a romantic relationship. In our case, the gaslighter is my husband's mother. She constantly belittles, manipulates, and abuses both he and I, mainly because she doesn't believe my invisible illnesses are real. One of mine is EDS too, so hi fellow EDSers out there, including Aaron! This video really helped our marriage in helping him realize her behavior is not acceptable, and that what she does is wrong and hurtful. So again, thank you for making a video where the gaslighting is more general than just a romantic relationship. You're always so good at covering smaller spaces that are typically over looked and not talked about as much as they should be!
Extremely clear, objective, and intelligent explanation. All of this shows incredible strength. Stay strong and autonomous!
Aaron, thank you so much for making the effort to make this video. After 4 years, I can see how my daughter was abused by her dad (my husband).you made a perfect video. Michelle
This sounds like my parents tbh. I love you Aaron and I hope you are doing really well dude ❤️
Sounds like my parents too. It's so hard cuz I always go from hating them for causing me so much mental/emotional distress, and hating myself for just not being able to get along with them. I wish healthy relationships for you in the future ❤️❤️❤️
I needed to hear this. I didn't know what gaslighting was and I didn't realize that it was happening to me until now. Thank you
i tried talking about gaslighting i experienced to a 'friend', who accused me of overreacting and being dramatic
I’ve dealt with abuse from friends and parents alike and I’m still living in an abusive household that for an amalgam of reasons I am not in the position to leave right now. I think it’s extremely important for us to support each other as a community and to figure out how to talk about these things
Thank you for making this video 💕
this sounds like my parents, with me always looking at the 'positives' they did for me and blaming myself for just overreacting. there's even a similar dynamic between my parents, with one gaslighting the other. actually, i think the gaslighting stretches back farther, with my grandparents. it's countless cycles of abuse. thank you for making this video 🖤 helps validate my feelings a little
Aaron, when I hear that you’ve been abused, my blood boils!!!
I absolutely hate that you’ve been put through this!!!
I’ve always wanted a little brother and I wish it was you!!!
Lots of love and hugs!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Aaron, for coming out with all this stuff on Twitter. Looking back and re-watching this video puts a lot of things into perspective. You’re a lovely person. Please, take care of yourself.
I’m not gonna pretend that this doesn’t break my heart, but I could never ignore something like this.
And I feel like abuse is often taken as romantic and familial, but there are abusive friendships as well. Just this year, being an abuse survivor since childhood and knowing ALL the signs...found myself in an abusive friendship where gaslighting was the main tactic. I felt so incredibly taken advantage of for not being "smart enough" to see the signs. It's not about intelligence, it's just you don't ever see examples of it in media or in serious discussions, so it's so much harder to recognize but it is absolutely there. And of course, once I spoke out, I was villainized and publicly humiliated by my abuser's friends online. Would not wish it on anyone. Took me MONTHS to finally be okay again and stop blaming myself, but jesus does it damage your trust.
This video (and later videos) can really help some people realize certain things they didn't and I've been hoping you'd make these types of videos for a long time bc they're so rarely talked about
You're so lovely Aaron and keep on being you and doing what you love!
He is such a great guy, & I love that he explains himself without going on the attack.
the part i really needed to hear was the whole it might not be intentional but it's still manipulative thing. thank you so much for making this
Gaslighting is part of the bullying I am experiencing at work. Thank you for revealing the word I was looking for.
Thank you so much for making this video. It puts words to something that's really hard to explain. A while ago, I started trying to write an essay about abuse and how to recognize it, but I ran into a lot of trouble articulating it and separating myself enough from it. I also felt like maybe it wasn't my place to try to write it because I'm not a psychologist, I'm just someone with an abusive narcissistic father and PTSD from his abuse. But I feel like you did a great job of presenting the info and I don't think you're overstepping by talking about it, so maybe I was just being too harsh on myself. My partially outlined essay has been sitting untouched for months at this point, but maybe I'll try again.
This reminds me so much of school. A lot of “friendships” have that dynamic during that time. That happens in real life but we also see it on high school movies and stuff.
I remember back then I’d always think “why are these people like this? How could you be friends with someone like that?” Maybe they thought that’s how it was supposed to be like or maybe they didn’t even realize what was happening. That never happened to me thankfully, I was kinda invisible in school anyways, maybe that’s why.
I feel like we should learn more about that stuff during school, during the time those relationships start to be really important, not only to defend ourselves but also to prevent us to eventually becoming an abuser without realizing :/
Repzilla's channel literally caught me up on the highlights of what's going on and it's so sad to see how the friendship just went down and all
This was so HEALING to watch. A lot of this resonated with me and actively gave me more information for dealing with an abusive person trying to get back into my life. Thank you SO much, Aaron for this amazing, informative video. I can only imagine how much mental energy it must take to be out there talking about this, so I wanted to send lots of love and thanks. You're amazing.
Another video that is so well done & so important. Journaling was the only way that I was able to sort out that I WAS being lied to & my words & actions twisted. Even so, gaslighting can be so personal & intimate & private. The other person can be salt of the earth, everyone's buddy, except to the one being controlled. Narcissists can be so frickin' charming - with all their confidence & charisma. Makes it that much harder to challenge them - even in your own mind. Thank you for this video & your eloquent, tender description. xo
This is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. I just sat here nodding the entire time while watching this video because I experienced every single thing you talked about. I also highly encourage everyone who finds themselves in a situation like this to step away from the situation. It may be hard but it's what you need to do
It's been many years since I walked away from an abusive friendship/relationship and I am still unfolding all the damage that was done. This person is still friends with other people in my circle. And while no one says anything to me, I hear from others, they wonder why I cut ties with them and why I just won't be reasonable and make up. I have always felt like I am the only one, outside of this person's family, that saw them for who they truly are because I didn't set boundaries. Gaslighting was something that I never acknowledged. I became guarded and never let that guard down because I still have so much to address in that relationship. Thank you. I'm really glad you not only got away, but are recognizing all the nuances of abuse, so you know your worth and never enter that cycle again. This is a wonderful, important video.
I am in the same situation now and I understand fully how hard it is. And the worst thing is, he made me the guilty one and he continues to turns people against me and is trying to separate me from everyone in my life. He is preaching about how I am horrible person and how everything is my fault. It's truly horrible
I love you, Aaron. Never forget that you are believed and loved
shiiiit. this video made me realize that I was gaslighted in a past relationship. after it ended, I had the sense that she was controlling, but i suppose I didn't realize how much of my self-loathing/self doubt stemmed from being with her. wow. thank you so much for this
I watched this with my mouth hung open when he kept explaining what gaslighting is, because it painted a picture of my mother perfectly. I just remember everything she’s done and everything that’s happened in the last 3 or more years, my thought process, and my actions, but more importantly her actions. Thank you for explaining this to me, because it helps me better with everything with my mom and how I can better recognize her behavior or actions.
This really resonated with me about me and my moms relationship. Wish it was easy to just cut her off like if she was a bad friend or break up with her like she’s a bad partner, but I don’t have that choice. Ugh it’s so annoying cuz again, she’s my mother so it makes me even MORE anxious as it’s harder to deal with overall. It’s been this way since as long as I can remember, it’s so much harder and complicated when it’s your own family. Thank you for posting this, it really opened my eyes and validated my feelings.
I had a friend do this to me last year, he got mad at me for looking at the other colleges I got in to because he didn’t like how far away they were (we’d been hanging out around a month) and he tried to convince me that I’m autistic (to the point that I asked my therapist about it because I was starting to think I was, I’m not) because I couldn’t anticipate exactly what he wanted me to say. This video is actually super helpful and it’s explaining what was happening to me in a clear way
Thank you so much and I’m sorry this is happening to you
Holy shitoli this makes so much sense. I was in an abusive relationship in the past and didn't realize what was going on until he cheated on me. I've been recovering for months since then and it's so hard but I'm glad I got out of that situation even though it was really rough. I love these videos that you make because I feel like I have someone else I can relate to.
I remember watching the videos where Aaron is post top surgery and feeling like they were blatantly not about Aaron. They were, and are still very uncomfortable to watch. Wishing him all the best moving forward 😊
I don’t usually comment on youtube videos, but this was really a good and helpful explanation. Thank you Aaron Linguini!
I come back and watch this from time to time to really feel understood and seen.
First of all this was an amazing video! I've been in an abusive relationship (a friendship) and they did everything that you said right now. I never knew there was a word for it, though.
I think one of the most important parts of the video is the last one. LEAVING IS NOT ABUSE, LEAVING IS SELF-CARE. Because when I left the relationship (which I did in a terrible manner tbh, I just stopped talking at all cause I knew that if i did I would go back) I realised I'd lost contact with many friends, and the friends that I had just pushed me back to talk to them and try again, and it was the worst.
So if you are in this situation and feel that you need to leave, LEAVE no matter what other people tell you. I am now much happier than before.
Big hugs from the UK. I guess a lot of us have been at the receiving end of gas lighting to various degrees either subconsciously or on purpose. It's hard to see it when you're in it but hopefully your vid will make people more aware even though the gas lighter might not be doing it on purpose. As always you make things so clear and personal. Never blame yourself xxx
Just sent this video to a friend/coworker who has an abusive partner and I knew by what she told me that this was what she was experiencing. Thanks a ton for making this video! You're awesome
Your video turned out so informative and nice. Thank you for making this video, you are a gem
it took me so long to watch this video because its so hard to accept that not only have i been a victim of abusive behavior, i've also engaged in abusive behavior against someone. i feel like such a piece of s*it
anyways aaron, i wish you all the best and hope you can heal from all you went through. you deserve to be so happy. thank you for all your content, you're a light in my life
love you
I'm SHOOK! This hit a nerve with a friendship of mine, and I knew about gaslighting before hearing this. How have I not realized before...
This video spoke to my tired, sad soul. It honestly explains my entire past relationship. It’s so messed up how messed up it makes you feel to walk away from someone who makes you feel so messed up. 😑
I feel you Aaron. I´ve been in that situation for 3 years, I know how hard it is to leave your abuser. It takes a lot of strengh. I wish you all the best! Take care of yourself, you are worth it!
Aaron... im so proud of you. This is an EXTREMELY difficult situation for one to remove themselves from. Ive grown to be such a huge fan and supporter of you. And i wish you all the best. Things will get better. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
Much love and support,
Misty
My dude this video was so helpful this really has really helped me out.
And all of ur videos r amazing just keep up doing wut u love man
Thank you, Aaron. This is the only kind of relationship I have ever known. And I certainly felt crazy, and trapped, and alone.
Thank you for posting this. I’m in a relationship right now where everything is my fault. I don’t see my friends anymore because my SO thinks they are all “terrible people trying to ruin our relationship”. If I ever bring up our issues, it always ends up my fault. To the point I just bow my head down and succumb to their demands. It sucks because I know what to do, but when I try my partner says I’m a sociopath and I only care about myself. However, your video was enlightening. Thank you.
This is so incredibly well explained! Wow!
Thanks so much!!!
@@AaronAnsuini seriously it's the best formulaic breakdown of the process I've ever encountered. I struggle to explain it to others. I've been through a lot of emotional abuse so I see when people are doing it to others but explaining it all is hard. Listening to this also really affirmed me in my decision to leave my ex 3 years ago. I've not been able to "justify" leaving I just knew that I had to. Everything you said helped break through that fog of confusion I often have whenever I think of him. Thank you do much for making this video! I've already shared it with another friend suffering emotional abuse, put it on my fb and am considering sharing it with another victim as well. I'm so glad to have a resource like this that explains the complexity of emotional abuse so well in one video!
I've dealt with a gaslighter and it almost destroyed me. To this day I don't know if they actually consciously knew what they were doing.
I got trapped in a relationship with a girl who abused and gaslit me for 8 months. This video was almost like you were describing my every day with her. She invalidated my mental health and my gender regularly to control me. I had to ghost her and leave in the night after she fell asleep. She came screaming and banging on my door begging me to come back to the point where her dad had to come get her, but I don’t regret it in the slightest. Maybe it wasn’t the most efficient way of doing it but I knew I didn’t have the strength to face her with it because I’d tried and failed many times, and the second I left my life changed in the best way possible and I found happiness for the first time and the freedom to express myself free of shame.
Gaslighting is real and ruins lives, thanks Aaron for informing us all on it 💜
Thank you. Just, thank you. Sending you so much love ♥️
Edit: I don’t want to publicly say who this reminds me of but hearing you say that boundaries aren’t abusive was exactly what I needed. Thank you.
This makes me realize that i was totally being abused in a past relationship. Like the whole time. Way worse than i thought. Im so glad im not with them anymore and that they took themself out of my life, even if they were a huge asshole during it. If nothing else, that ending made me realize "wait. Theyre abusive". Anyways thank you for the info and i wish you and me the best of luck in recovery
I have to watch this video semi regularly because I grew up in a family where this was done on a large scale between several people over many many years and it often feels like I'm just painting them as these bad people and they have good parts but it's several abusive relationships and this helps me not feel like I'm over reacting/painting myself as a false victim (none of them get boundaries and are guilt driven and codependent). Thanks. I always watch it twice whenever I do because it's hard to feel valid at times if you're the only one trying not to enable.
I did all of this..... smh I was wrong and I messed up. I hurt a person I cared deeply about and now we are no longer friends.
I got out of a really hard relationship a few months ago and as much as I try to blame them or try to twist it to paint myself as the abuser, the more I realize that the relationship was just bad and that isn't either of our faults.
I came to watch this video to support Aaron with all the shit going on with Chase, but after watching this it made me realize that my previous relationship was actually abusive. All the times of beating myself up because I felt unworthy, all the times of rolling over and letting her hurt me (physically and emotionally), among so many other things that Aaron mentioned....and I still blamed myself through all of it, even when she basically bullied me into letting her cheat, I blamed myself. Thank you so much, Aaron, for creating this, because I'm sure there are plenty of others out there who realized they are/were in an abusive relationship because of it
Also, for those of you who's abusers are women, it is still abuse. Whether they are a man or woman, whether you are a man or woman, if someone treats you like this, they are abusing you.
9:30 hit the nail on the head. I am so glad I am free once again from the abusive relationsihip ive been in for 3 years. a breath of fresh air to hear this from someone else who dealt with it. NOTHING was ever done right. 10:26 once again right on the nail. Thank you this video helped so much
Thank you for this, Aaron. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Hearing words that describe what I have experienced so exactly and seeing how wrong it was so clearly makes me feel like I finally have permission to heal. Thank you.
My abusive relationship didn’t exactly follow that format, but it was the most awful almost 2 years of my life. I’m so glad I’m out of that now. I was crying every night and my anxiety was the worst it had ever been. You can do this. You can get out of the relationship or friendship. I believe in you💗
This has put a lot of things from my past into perspective and I now realise that I've been emotionally abused in past relationships and it's taken a lot of time to realise it. My ex was a gaslighter and I always blamed myself for everything, but now I know that I wasn't wrong, they were. Thank you for making this video because it's helped me and I'm sure it's helped so many others too
I love you, I needed this, I've watched it several times periodically. I moved across the country to get away from a relationship like this a year ago, and I still feel like maybe I overreacted, maybe it wasn't that bad, maybe it was just me. But hearing you describe it so well really helped. The isolation is a huge part of gaslighting, and you talking openly about it helps break the spell. You're so well-spoken, Aaron, and so genuine, I'm glad you choose to share with us, I'm glad I get to hear what you have to say.
Wow, this honestly opened my eyes so much. I recently had a friend decide to leave me and took all of our mutual friends with him. It's ruined my mental state, and I felt like I was completely in the wrong. I was told that I was the abuser, even though all I wanted to do was help them. He was always bringing up things that I was doing 'wrong' and how I had become the horrible abusive person. He knew I'm currently suicidal and while he said all of this he added "don't use this as a reason to off your self" which just made me want to die more. The only reason I didn't attempt suicide again was because my roomate talked me down from it, and my roomates pointed out to me that what he was saying wasn't okay at all. Even with hearing that I felt like this was all my fault, but seeing this made me realize all the things he did to me. All the things he said to me, how he treated me, and how he reacted when I tried to fix a situation without consulting him first. Thank you for this.
Don't be hard on yourself, Plant Daddy. You explained this very well, to the point it made me cry as I know how true these things are. Thank you for yet another incredible video.
This sounds like how my granny (or as I like to call her .. “the devil”) treats me .. she’s also convinced lots of people that I abuse her .. but she’s been gaslighting me and physically abusing me for most of my life .. and I can’t escape no matter how long I live in my room (I’m stuck living in the same house as her) she starts arguments or yells at me as soon as she sees me or pretends to be nice ... thank you for making this video Aaron. I wouldn’t have known what gaslighting it without seeing this
THANK YOU for making this video! You are excellent at explaining this very confusing topic... and it’s so validating to hear you express that it’s hard to explain. In my experience, people who haven’t been through it, don’t understand why it’s so harmful or how it feels to go through it.
Thank you so much for making these awesome videos! 💕👏👏👏
I was in an abusive relationship and knowing what your going through I hope you’re doing well. I bet everyone here is glad you’re moving on from this person and helping yourself. ❤️❤️ Thank you for making a video like this. I’m sure it will help enlighten may people in these types of relationships and change their lives.
This was honestly difficult to watch because I had this happen to me recently and I finally got out when I ended up being enveloped with anger. It was only at that point when I was able to get myself to leave.
Jen White that same thing happened to me, I finally got the sense of “How dare they” when I realized they really didn’t care at all, I was with my whole family during Easter weekend and they validated that what I was feeling was sane and an okay response. However after it was ended, they still dodged all the places I blocked them on, yet they still found a way to infiltrate my blocking through email to once again blame me and to blame me for narcissism as well. It’s all very rough. The problem is that I still don’t see them as a bad person.
The whole being nice, doing inredible things, only to use it as leverage later... really helped me truly establish that yeah, that's what I've been experiencing. Also on the gaslightee being owned by them, and you owe them, and if you dont do something they like all hell breaks loose.... All that. Im going to try to get out of this dynamic asap. Thanks for this
My whole family and I have been an abusive situation for more than 9 Fucking years by my “brother”. He pitted use against each other....i never realized how much I love my sisters company till he left. He gaslight us in so many ways. He convinced all of us that we where bad paranoid people....physical and emotional and mental torment for years has left my family as a Fucking shell of what it could be...don’t underestimate the power of people in any position...right now he’s 16 but he has been manipulating and hurting us for years and as he aged it got Fucking worse....This whole video series has been helping me and my family to heal...slowly but we’re still healing so thank u.
Man, the timing on this couldn't be better because I needed this so bad right now.
I'm 27 and I've lived at home with my disabled (verbally/emotionally abusive) mother since my dad passed away suddenly 10 years ago. I work a seasonal job that is done for the year, which is sort of fortunate since I have no running car right now. That being said, I'm super stuck with no car and no income. Not that that's stopped my mother from choosing now to "throw me out" every time I exercise any autonomy.
I have been "kicked out" 4 times in last two weeks because I've been working on establishing/maintaining some boundaries is year because I want to move out next year. Even better, I also got my unwanted monthly wave of hormones yesterday so my emotional defenses are in shambles as it is.
It has been an absolutely horrible, EXHAUSTING time and I can't tell if the calm today means the current storm has passed or if I'm just in the eye and there's more to come.
Either way, the self doubt was already worming its way in today but when I opened TH-cam this was the first video on my homepage and it was exactly the reminder I needed.
Thank you Aaron. I'm gonna go watch it again. 🌱🐝
I'm really glad you shared this, Aaron. I had somewhat similar situation in a friendship... but I never felt like I could call it abusive, because the "abuser" wasn't like... dominant? Loud? The person in charge? I was always the one who talked more, the one asking how they're doing, the one who came back to them after feeling like shit about the last time. I knew the friendship wasn't working, I tried to talk about my feelings almost every time we met (how I feel like they don't care about my feelings and maybe we should stop meeting), but it always ended up just me "overreacting". They wouldn't say it like that tho, they would always say "you're probably right, maybe I'm just a really bad person... if You think it's the right thing to do... I don't know what to say to make you feel better..." and they would get really sad and I felt SO BAD. I felt like I was being too harsh. So I was the one who then would proceed to continue talking with them, trying to work twice as hard since the last time, believing I could make it work.
Like I really hoped that the next time I feel like shit and talk about it to them, they would let go of me? Tell me that "you're right, this is unhealthy so we should take some space between us" but they never didn't. They always made me feel really guilty, even say that they DO care about me but don't know how to say it, but they would never try to make things better the next time. They would still belittle my emotions, not talk to me about their own feelings and leave me hanging. And it would be just these endless cycles of me getting really tired of trying to please them, then proceeding to talk about it with them, them getting all sad and me then trying to be even more flexible.
And I really feel like it was all my fault? How could I have been such an idiot? Why didn't I just say to them that "it's over" and leave? Why was I the one who mostly still took contact with them? Because usually it goes like... the abuser keeps taking contact and pushing the victim, but my situation wasn't like that? I still feel great remorse about the whole thing, how it wasn't actual abuse and I was the one who tried too hard to make it work.
Nevertheless, if anyone is ever in similar situation, PLEASE, just leave the person! Even if you feel like you failed, even if you feel like you are the one who was abusive, don't try to force it to make it work! It took me a year to finally say the final "it's over" and actually leave them (and that was also just because I got major support from some of my friends) and I really don't want anyone else to suffer in that kind of situation that I had in the past. You WILL feel relieved. You might get PTSD symptoms and overall just feel shitty but those feelings WILL get better and you WILL be okay.
This was a great video Aaron. Just remember that if you forget something then you can always add it in the comments/description or make a little video about it. There's no pressure to be perfect.
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this video! it' perfectly captures the topic and the different dynamics - lots of people don't realize how incredibly *common* this is and how normalized in our society.
And as you pointed out - a huge thing for me to realize was that the gaslighter isn't even necessarily aware of the ways the abuse their victim - and well it's a basically lost cause to expect them to understand what their doing - especially since they probably have been doing this their whole life and it's so normalized.
Best advice for me was always - Run. don't have people in your life that are putting you down. _easier said than done_
But we all deserve good people in our lives, people that empower us and bring out the best in us - and that we can give the same things back
I have no way to show support to you elsewhere cause I don't have Twitter, but I just wanna say even if you might never read this : I SUPPORT YOU ALL THE WAY. And that comes from someone who used to watch a lot of Chase's videos and not that many of yours (I didn't know you that well), and that really looked up to him. I didn't want to believe it, but I had to, because it was very clear to me that you were telling the truth, even if it hurt me.
I unsubscribed to him because it felt like the right thing to do at the moment, telling myself I might subscribe back if he really owned up to it, truly saw what he did wrong, apologized and did better. However, he didn't do that in his apology. I was feeling uneasy the whole time, especially in the first paragraphs: "I thought it was a safe space", "I told you all my darkest secrets",... It was very clear that HE could, indeed, tell you all of his darkest secrets, but it doesn't mean that YOU could. If someone tells you "you can tell me everything", but then creates a climate in which you don't feel safe doing so, then it's not a safe space.
Same goes with the last line saying we shouldn't victim blame. He can say that all he wants, but if he actually does victim blame you in the entire document, this sentence holds no meaning.
So. Just to say: don't worry, people see trough his bullshit, even if some are blinded by it and WE'VE GOT YOUR BACK. Keep doing what you're doing
YOU JUST EXPLAINED EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING TO SAY!!!!!! I LOVE YOU
Aaron. Thank you. I needed this more than I thought. I'm in a situation that this video really shed clarity on, and just hearing what I have experienced put into such clear and concise terms.. I feel like I can breathe again. For all you have done and continue to do. Bless.
I was in an abusive friendship, and they recommended I watch your stuff about manipulation as part of an effort to tell me they weren't manipulative. I didn't watch it then, because I didn't want to think they were. Eventually, I found out everything they were was a lie, and I had been more than just gaslighted.
When I first saw this video around 5 months ago, I didn’t think that I would be back here and relating so much to it now.
The difference with my abuser though is that they used isolation. They apparently feel like I gaslighted them because I would ask for time (just some) but they wouldn’t give me time and would instead just ghost me, however I only ever asked for a simple “ttyl” or “I gtg” when they left-this was due to my anxiety that cripples me and I have a constant fear of people dying if I have no contact with them and being told that people need to get away from their electronics helps me have the reassurance that I need about their state of life. I put a lot of time, love and seemingly obsession into the relationship. I threatened to leave however with the intention to leave multiple times but I got pulled back in multiple times due to their false promises of change. I’m still struggling to feel sane and that my feelings are valid.
They have now convinced other people that I am a narcissist, yet, I still see the things we both did wrong and they refuse to acknowledge what they did-or that they did anything wrong at all. I don’t even know how to gain full closure after all of this has happened.
Seeing this was so important! it helped me connect all the pieces together, now that i'm thinking about it, i think i've been gaslighted for almost seven years by my friend, only recently i started to really really doubt everything she did to me. everytime i "fucked" up like not being around as she wanted me to (i was going through hard times she did nothing to help or support me whatsoever) she punished me emotionally, but when she fucked up she never owned it and apologized, like she thought it was ok. i don't think she's aware of the fact she's acting this way, but now that my other friends are noticing it themselves i feel like it's time for me to walk away from this relationship.
sadly, my mum does this to me as a child & even now as an adult. thanks to her lies my sister cut me from her life for years.
Excellent topic Aaron. It's just amazing how another person can twist you into knots to the point where you think you're in the wrong because you've selected to set up personal boundaries to protect yourself.
Once you can step away & say "no more", it's like an emotional rollercoaster, but at some point you will get off, & feel better that you did stand up for yourself no matter what anyone else thinks you should've done.
I'm looking forward to part 2. 😊
You are an inspiration Aaron. You gave my son the courage to be himself. You give my wife courage. Being a person with chronic illnesses and trans come with a lot of need for education. Thank you for being someone to look up to. We love you!!!!
Thank you so much!! I love & appreciate you ❤️❤️❤️
While watching this video, I realized that my ex best friend has been gaslighting me all this time we were friends. All of these things just align perfectly, all of it explains how I felt and how I still feel, and this guilt I have been carrying since he left. I am beginning to understand why and it's so damn hard
Me too.
This was really helpful! I didn't know there was a word for this and now that I know what it is, it's useful in analyzing current and future relationships. I'll keep what you said in mind, thank you 💕
Knowledge is the first step to self empowerment and healing. Thank you for tackling difficult topics to help others, Aaron! Much love and respect 🌱
I appreciate the video. Ive had a couple of gaslight-y interactions, but nothing ongoing because I was lucky enough to realize the signs early on. This stuff helps me better understand my friends who get stuck in abusive relationships and why they stay and how to empathize so I can have patience to give them more attention so that they can know they have someone on their side when they do leave. Hopefully I can send these to my friends as well and maybe they'll see what's going on too.
I'm sorry you went through these things, but I'm grateful that you are trying to educate others on difficult topics like this.
I appreciate this video so much. It’s great because it helps people who are the gaslightee and those who may be gaslighting someone without realizing it. Thank you for this.
Damn Aaron, I'm glad you've removed yourself from this person. It sounds like to him you were his sidekick rather than an independent person, and I'm sorry you were treated that way. No one deserves that.
Looking back, I've experienced gaslighting to a small extent from an ex gf and a former friend. With the ex, she would make me feel like I was crazy and overdramatic any time I was upset with something insensitive she said or did, to the point where I felt like I had to pretend I was okay with rude behaviors of hers for fear of being the crazy jealous drama queen girlfriend.
With the friend, we had never fought about anything before and had only ever been nice to each other over the course of our 9 year friendship. Then she did something I saw as inconsiderate that hurt my feelings, so instead of bottling it up and pretending it was okay I called her out on it. All hell broke loose and suddenly I was being demonized as this awful person trying to make her feel horrible. She held money I borrowed over my head (which was offered to me, I didn't ask her) as a reason for me not to be upset and tried to make me believe she was going through such a hard time that she didn't need to be held accountable for her actions. I've since realized that she is the type of person who voluntarily does nice things for people and then acts like she's being taken advantage of. I miss the good times we've had and I've thought about reaching out to try to make amends, but then I remember how she treated me and that I don't want someone like that in my life.
Anyway, all that to say that a lot of what you said was spot on with what I experienced, so thank you for helping me feel a little more validated.
I love videos like this. It's great for people telling their stories or straight out explaining what things are to help bring awarness to something that people may not even see it happening.
Videos like this make me realize things I didn't see growing up with certain people in ny life, but also appreciate the current me who has decided not to allow myself to be taken advantage of, mentally toyed with, excessively guilt tripped, disrespected, etc.
Moving away for college helped me end the cycle and grow stronger. I still struggle when I go back home for break, but it's become so much better because I've made a line that they can't cross. I've been forced to cut people off completely but it was for the best. Each day I get better at putting myself first and taking care of my health and, though it's a struggle, in the end it's worth it.
I wondered why I hadn't been seeing podcast notifications. Bummer, but I'm so happy you made the step to freedom. I've had to do the same before and it was brutal. They tried to sabotage me with all our friends. Luckily it mostly backfired. ♥️♥️♥️
I came from all the Twitter threads I did tweet you but I understand that you have a lot on at the moment and feel overwhelmed as such. I went through this kind of abuse with somebody who I was best friends with for over 2 years and understand how difficult it can be. I want to thank you for opening my eyes to chases toxicity and manipulation. He was somebody who I looked up to yet I can also see in videos how dismissive he was of you. I think you’re a pretty cool guy, I hope that you will begin to feel better soon. I know I did after leaving a situation of being gas lighted.