"you will feel unloved" - sadly, it took over 2 decades to finally realize that I was living with a narcissist and nothing was going to change for the better, ever. Time to move on. thank you, lisa.
Mine actually said this, he drinks so his excuse is he doesn’t remember ( so it didn’t happen, IKR). It was at a motel for work, he’s got a bad habit of kicking me out of motels with my dog knowing good and well I have no money and no ride as I’m on the road working with him… so new year’s night he said “ I get great pleasure out of destroying your life” I never felt so small and humiliated in my entire life … he’s a different breed of narcissist, Sociopathic even. Very cruel, vile and stoops so low to insult my grown children who he never met my daughter and only my son twice …. I want to leave, I’m stuck with no car right now, it needs to be fixed. Then I’ll flee. I send healing energies to all who suffer from these sun human beings … being a sensitive person I never in my life expected at my age I’d fall for a trickster imposter of a person
Love this! I have felt these things and been living with this for 25 years! Thank God I can see it now for what it really is! Now that I know, it’s such a relief but so scary that I never heard of this until recently! Thank you Lisa, and all of you out there going through this with me. I hope I have the strength and courage to let go and let God and move forward in health and peace💗
Been down this road for 48 yrs.&now I see what it really is. Always trying to keep it together.,am 74 yrs old, too late to start over. Thought it was alcoholic behavior pattern, but now I see.,God was always there for me. I have no relationship w/him, but am taking the punishment. Thank you for opening my eyes, truth is easier to deal with. I have never been loved by him & know he's not capable. I am still learning thank you.
@@teresahicks7009 Teresa you like me dident know about narcs only through u tube do we know now what they are im 63 thank u tube now I know Teresa you are like me now we know their is a reason and a name for what we have put up with
Thank you Lisa for the reinforcement. It's astounding how a narc can squash you like a bug, never apologize or acknowledge what they did, and then Lovebomb you the next day because they are a bloodsucking leach. God forbid they should say "oops".
I started learning about narcissism about 2-3 years ago and I have gotten better at recognizing a narcissists. It's really tough when you have Bipolar so they use that to attack me. Yet, I have a bubbly personality and high functioning despite my illness so people think I'm extroverted, but I'm highly introverted and love my solitude. So I don't start anything as long as it's not brought to me. It took me realizing that the only reason these kind of ppl were attracted to me was because I used to believe the put downs and I would always go the extra mile for them and never paying attention to myself. Yey they were nowhere to be found while I was in the hospital or once I lost everything. They disguise the daily/hourly put downs as being honest with you and you're wrong for removing yourself from them and their cyclone. I just dodged one who returned and I sent them on their merry way. I refuse to allow them back in my life once they show their colors. No more devaluing! I've opened my eyes and realized that I have value and I will give it to those who appreciate it.
I have to remember shutty, shutty and Grey rock. He's very manipulative and I get drawn into lopsided conversations to where anything I say is flipped to make him the victim.
This sounds exactly like an in-law. She has everything turned around to make him look like the victim. In reality she and her children are the victims. I can't wait till the 'rule of three' does it's thing on him and all his flying monkeys!!!
My ex would apologize, but…never changed. For me, as you noted, the lack of empathy was so concerning and invalidating. He could only conceptualize my pain in regards to how it effected him. The king 30 yard stare as I sat there crying. I can’t even try to understand that. And, who cares ultimately. If you love someone, Then you SHOW IT. Love❤️is👏🏻a VERB!
Ty so much. You have helped me so much. I spent a decade believing his fantasy. His lack of empathy tore me apart. He constantly put me down and used my insecurities to beat me down. After the physical abuse our 3 year old witnessed I left him. I did not want him modeling behavior like that in front of our 3 year old. My son's dad is w my twin (flying monkey.) His ultimate payback. His abuse and her betrayal depleted me. I'm learning to evolve into the woman my hp designed me to be..its a working progress. I choose me.
Good for you! It's so hard when your family of origin is in on the cycle and joins the narcissist's team. I can imagine what you're going through, although the narcissists in my life are my overt malignant older brother and my covert, enabling mother, both extraordinarily transparent, fragile bullies that abused me for decades. Don't be thrown or fooled when your sister reaches out as "victim" and kindred soul after her discard. Your impulse may be to empathize and try to comfort and console her. She definitely will consider herself a victim, but that is the only portion of the story that's accurate. She can and will exploit you, hurt you, use you, abuse you, etc. in order to gain his favor and attention, and will do so without any reservation, convinced you would do the same in her position. I often think it would be funny to turn the tables on the flying monkey dynamic and feed a false narrative to them just to see how long it takes for the narcissist to act on the false narrative, just to prove to them that you know what they're up to. But it wouldn't matter to them ultimately and it wouldn't prove anything you don't already know. The far better strategy is to never, ever share personal info, even minor facts, with your sister. Avoid sharing the info with people who would pass it on to her, too. You can probably do this without being obvious - I just change the subject when my mother or her friends ask me personal questions because I know my answer will be a topic in my mother's next conversation with my brother, to my disadvantage. Try your best to project a positive, happy, content public face when you're around anyone who maintains contact with your sister so that what gets back to her is that you seem very happy. If you occasionally have to be around her, maintain a flat but pleasant expression (I call mine "my waiting room face") toward her, and save your smiling, happy and engaging self for everyone else that you're pleased to see. (I'm assuming you have to navigate the occasional family holiday, wedding, funeral, etc.) What I'm trying to say is to never let the bullies affect your ability to convey your happiness to be with others or to enjoy others' company. Besides genuinely helping you progress and grow through this, this drives the narcissist and the flying monkey absolutely to distraction (or at least it does mine) because they wish and intend to disrupt that for you - it's what drives a great deal of their behavior and it takes them a long time to adjust to the idea that they've lost that power over you. (There may be some unpleasantness once that sinks in, so anticipate that, too. You'll be better equipped to handle their final temper tantrum, though.) They really only have a few, limited tricks in their little arsenal, and you've probably seen all of them. The only painful "surprise" is learning whom among your family and friends will be duped or intimidated into joining in on the narcissists' abuse of you. I've been lucky in that several family members have experienced my brother's hostility first-hand, so they don't buy his act and are suspicious of Mom's cheerleading campaign on his behalf. I hope you experience all the personal growth that can come from dealing effectively with this incredibly painful process. It sounds like you are well on your way! Best wishes to you for strength and peace! 💕
I feel that narcissists also idealize you at the beginning of a relationship and as you show your weaknesses and faults over time they first devalue you to themselves and this leads to overt devaluing on a regular basis. Once they see your faults they can no longer treat you as an equal because they believe they have no faults.
Listening to Lisa talk about Narcissists and Narcissism sends a shiver down my spine and makes my blood run cold as I now realise I was in a relationship with an evil Narcissist! I managed to wriggle free a few years ago after a traumatic incident involving his mother during Lockdown! I am still dealing with consequences and trying to accept professionals telling me I was in a domestic abusive relationship. How the hell did I let it happen?? is what I've been saying to myself.
Lisa this video should be mandatory viewing for all victims of narcissist. All of your points were right on but the point you made about them not hearing is is so important. Thank you so much.
Thank you for continuing to put out videos and content. Interesting that narcissistism is such deep and complex subject that even if I listen to all your videos, I will listen to them a second and third time. It helps validate that what I'm feeling is real and that I have a right to put myself first instead of catering and tip toeing to the narc. You continue to help me on my journey of growth and thank you for what you do to help us.
Wow... I have just escaped being in a situationship that I ended one month ago and it was everything that you have explained and talked about in this one video. My ex live-in girlfriend is also diagnosed by a certified psychiatrist with having anxiety, bipolar disorders with suicidal thoughts and I found that she's been very permisquis throughout the entire time that we were living together after seeing videos, pictures and reading as many of the text messages that was going on from the time that she announced to all of her male and female supplies. I felt a little guilty about invading her privacy even though I felt that I would be a fool if I didn't take the opportunity to find out what she was doing behind my back because of the way she was moving. I'm still not proud of crossing the line of trust but she had got so disrespectful once I told her that I was not going to sign the next rental agreement because she was not only coming to the apartment high and using illegal drugs almost every single day she had started having guys that she was hooking up with from out of town switch cars to go party all night and day at hotels not far from where we shared the apartment that I was the only one paying all of the bills right outside in the parking lot in plain view of the livingroom window where we were living. She did everything in her power to hurt me and even told me to my face that she runs circles around everybody that also included me while having one of her manic episodes that causes her to verbally rant and rave while she has one of her temper tantrums that I have been a victim of in public places like a shopping mall and hospital whenever things don't go exactly the way she wants. I'm very proud of myself for not putting myself in a very bad situation that could have easily ended up with me being in jail or worse by physically reacting to any of the different types of disrespectful things that I was witnessing and living through until I finally hired a moving company to move everything that I own out of the apartment so that I could stop allowing her come and go in my life as she pleased without any care of treating me like her own personal doormat just to keep from having any police contact or destruction of my personal property. I find myself more disappointed than hurt that what I thought and was hoping was going to be a good relationship failed so drastically. I have deleted all of her phone messages and numbers, and every app that we used to communicate with one another that includes my own Facebook account. Being strong gets lonely at times but I'd rather feel alone all by myself than continue feeling alone living with a stranger that has some really serious mental health and commitment issues in my heart and home. I truly tried to work things out with her because she's twenty years younger than I am. She is now in a situationship with a new guy that is now in the process of being love bombed just like I was exactly one year ago today. I don't think that he realizes that she picked him at a time when I had already stopped having sex with her because I had decided to end our very toxic situation and she had no choice but to find someplace else to live as well as find someone else to victimize. I'm thinking about turning this real life drama into my second self-published novel because I think that there's a lot of people that need to know that they're not going through a toxic, narcissistic situationship alone and how they can escape thinking that they're caught in a hellish emotional and mental trap that they can't walk away from. Thank you for all of great work that you are doing to enlighten your followers.
@@gretacooper6080... I do share,and I'm also going to write a short self-published story in the near future once I get settled into my new life outside of the state where we were living together.
4 yrs ago I wrote in my journal that my love tank was empty and felt unloved. I was so done but didn’t know what I was dealing with. Thank God he discarded me 2 yrs later. I’ve felt everyone of these unfortunately
I am with you. It’s been miserable 20 years but now through Lisa A Romano and Dr. Ramani’s knowledge I have learnt a lot and trying to take some spiritual path. Thanks to this amazing teacher lovely Lisa A Romano.🙏🙏
What Lisa shared about her ex's blatant and unapologetic revelation reminded me of something a so-called friend did to me some years ago. In hindsight, she was a A1 Narcissist! We were out one night and like other Narcissists I have had pleasure of dealing with, she decided to declare war without substantiating the problem. Apparently I had been talking badly about her to her boyfriend's friend with whom they were trying set me up. (I know right; what better way to make a killer romantic first impression than bitching about one's friend??) I had stepped outside with this guy for literally one minute so he could show me his new car (I really liked cars and my friend knew this)... But this was ALL the proof my friend needed that I was backstabbing her! Her wrath was unending and eventually, after continuing to protest my innocence to zero avail, I lost it and broke down in tears. This softened her... then she admitted she had been deliberately working to bring me to that point. Mission accomplished!
I agree that there lack of empathy is the reason why every single relationship they have goes wrong and also due to the fact that they don’t love themselves because if you can’t love yourself you can’t love others simple as that 🤦🏼♂️
He made me feel alone n not loved n lonely . N he was living with me. I was invisible. He antagonized me and when I gave it back because he pushed me he called me toxic n negative. He brought the worst out of me. I would feel so tired I was falling asleep on the couch while sitting n was falling over. He drained me
Yes Wayne, I agree. The battery analogy is very helpful for understanding the narc's perspective. It helps for not being pulled back in by blaming myself.
Thank you so much for these videos. I go to meet my first therapist today, after independently making the realization that I have been in a co dependent narcissistic relationship for 16 months.
I like how you use different analogies in your videos to get a point across... The first one I remember is " If you grew up eating rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner... And that's all you knew etc... And now the battery analogy one... 👍.
14 years, I was so exhausted and drained by all the things you said; There was never peace. I walked away and was subsequently discarded. And she moved on right away. I've had so much anguish and hurt. 6 months later I got hooverd and triangulated with the new supply. I fell for it, and was brutally discarded again. 1.5 months of NC. The ruminating hasn't stopped however, but everyday I am rewiring my brain. It's a rough road- but what other choice do I have.
Or they do say sorry but it’s so infuriating because it’s empty just like their love it’s just a word that is easy to say like “I care about you” but I’m like “when have you ever shown care?” The act of caring is the caring not just saying the words
Thank you for this wonderful session, Lisa. I struggle with and through relationships with narcissistic people, and these common sense and insightful words you give here help me not lose myself as I navigate. Namaste and God bless you, :) Johnny
I had ‘friends’, in different times, periods of my life , now I understand (took me many years) that they all narcissistic. Than I thought if I tell somebody that they are all narcissists people will say that I am not good in my head, but it was for me finally clear that they all come to me, with my character I am just perfect for them, also later I realized that nobody would do what I did for everybody in my life. I sincerely believed in friendship, but they all were using me, of course we had some fun but also when it was comfortable for them, no matter if I have time or how I feel etc etc, I can tell thousands stories:)).
In my early 60's, when I started finding out (porn addict). Went to couples therapy he ALWAYS insisted on female therapist, and then charmed her as I continued to believe things would work out. By my mid 60s, too late to leave but had discovered Patrica Evans. Reading her books helped me to realize I wasn't the crazy one. Somewhere along the line I discovered Lisa, and always come to her for a reality check and a bit of kindness and understanding. .
They tried to make me jealous by discarding me then mentioning that they where hanging out with one of their many ex's, i prefered to call the f*ck buddies. But yes, i couldn't believe they would torment me that way. I pulled them up about it and they say that they didn't realise what they where saying. Either way, wether they did or they didn't, they werent taking my feeling into account. I'm not a jealous person, so for them to do that to me was painful in a lot of ways. But I decided that my feelings where valid under the circumstances.
Lisa , I must thank you dearly for your therapeutic contents. As always you've crossed every " T and dotted every i " to a point where I'm sure that I'll have to slip out the back - Jack - make a new plan Stan , don't need to be coy - Roy , just set yourself free . I'll hop on the bus- Gus , won't need to discuss much , just drop off the key - Lee , and set myself free.. .
As much as I understand the dynamics of this kind of relationship, I struggle with guilt of wanting to let go completely as the narcissist is my elderly mother and we are a small dysfunctional family. I'm the only daughter and just want to do the right thing. It's a difficult situation that I feel I can't step away from.
Whatever I do in life i keep ending up in my narcissist mothers life. I feel I can't get away. She hates me, I hate her. So why are we in each other's life?
You HELP MORE THAN ANYONE..AND FOR FREE ..YOU HAVE SAVED ME FROM PHYSICAL ABUSE WITH SHUTTY AND GRAY ROCK..BEING INFORMED IS A WEAPON.. sorry for the caps..it's my VISION..IM NOT MAD.
Will you consider doing a video on unresolved cptsd? And if that correlates to narcissistic behaviors? I'm a codependent in recovery from an ex with unresolved cptsd and exhibits high narcissistic behaviors. I am thankful for what I have learned from watching your videos, you have saved my life.
Hi Lisa A Romano! Have you ever read the book called Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to move beyond your past to create an abuse-free future By Beverly Engel? I highly recommend you and your audience to read it .
He called me his enemy. Plus when I finally said no more he flipped out. That's when my he'll started. He never said sorry for anything. Said he did nothing wrong. Everything was my fault. I blamed myself for everything. I apologized for things I didn't do. I took him back over n over n his voice sucked me in every time. He degraded me. Insulted me. Yelled in my face, he called me crazy, idiot, moron. Said I has no value, . I became afraid of him. He made me cry all the time. His Snyde remarks hurt. Said I was jealous of him, he draws, n has nothing else. No car, no place of his own. He couch surfs. When he wanted money n I said no he would get in my face n follow me n said he wouldn't stop till I gave it.
Took me 9 years but I’m getting out. Have a hearing for divorce next month. The one good thing is once you leave you now actually have a chance for real change.
Hi I need the strength to break this off - I have to realize it’s my my job to send this person to the light beyond these narc traits- any advice for the strength to end it? I have tried a few times.
that say sorry ...every other word...and or i love you every other word... wow.... you know its wrong but you can't put your finger on it...??///// Damn
I am feeling so low as I am pregnant and I caught him on a dating website asking girls to meet at hotel rooms, and even caught him trying to pay a stranger for sex. A completely uninterested person who he met at a bar while he was drunk and on coke (which I didn’t know about before this night) he was begging her for sex and offered up front cash. But because I found out, and have an issue with this behavior, he got a new number and hasn’t contacted me at all since I found out. We were together a year and a half and were close friends in early childhood. So why is he punishing me with no contact if he’s the one who betrayed me? I just want to say goodbye and have all of our kids say goodbye… especially his daughter who calls me mom and secretly texts me saying she misses me and apologizing for her fathers behavior. I am so confused. I need help. One day I feel empowered and set goals and the next day I’m in a puddle and pregnant worried with horrible trauma. This was all just over a week ago… and he was starting to belittle and degrade and control my little by little over the past couple of months in a way that was shocking. We were both sober and he started relapsing more and more. He had a bad past with drugs and alcohol before we got together but I thought that was all behind him. I’m just shocked. When he was drunk it was like he was possessed and would say things like “you don’t know who I am or what I’ve done” and then threaten to kill any male if he ever saw me around a male. But yet he’s the one cheating…? He would get angry and mad if anyone looked at me in public and he’d pull me close and just acted so weird. I cared about him and his kids and I know he’s toxic and needs help but I feel so slapped in the face… he gets caught and then he shuts me out. I wish I had a ton of money I would move and never look back and raise the baby alone. I hope that does happen and he stays away because any good man or woman wouldn’t do this all to another human being…
Saddening Stephanie. The only thing that is worse is putting 30 years into them and winding up trauma bonded, gas lighted, manipulated and abused. Sometimes there might not be a right answer, but there can be worse ones. Good luck, raise your little one in the clean air free of toxic narcs
I only read the first couple of sentences but I’ve been there and I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I couldn’t keep reading because it hurt too much. Take your love and your baby and love your baby and someone who loves you back. Godspeed may you find happiness
What in the would do u do when there are sweet innocent grandchildren involved.??? Age 7 and 4 ,,, Seeing some strange changes in both of them ,,, the 7 year old used to adore me ... we were such good good buddies,, now hes been more sarcastic ,, and unhappy :( She always makes him feel guilty if he wants to sleep over ,,, makes her sooo ANGRY ,, GOD HELP ME !!!!
Could you please do a video on Johnny depp? Just feel like he is the narcissist; wondering what you think? Because i been here; with my ex. So if she is the narcissist so am I.
Have you ever had a narcissistic start a conversation or argument and then tell you that you cant speak to respond or defend yourself because they started the conversation?
I tried shutty shutty, but it’s so damn hard. I blew up in childrens court on a Thursday. How long must one take this nonsense and shutty shutty! Believe me. Since I started watching your programs, I’ve found myself. I’m more in control, but gees!! At times you have to let it out. Otherwise it damages me. Shutty shutty doesn’t allow me to tell my side of the story. I’m not Jesus Christ. I’m learning from the prick side of life. You’d agree 25 years of shutty shutty must come to an end at some point… right?
There’s really no Healthy Narcissism Dr. Cater says narcissism isn’t healthy in anyway saying somethings healthy narcissism that’s there’s no such thing
"you will feel unloved" - sadly, it took over 2 decades to finally realize that I was living with a narcissist and nothing was going to change for the better, ever.
Time to move on.
thank you, lisa.
Mine actually said this, he drinks so his excuse is he doesn’t remember ( so it didn’t happen, IKR). It was at a motel for work, he’s got a bad habit of kicking me out of motels with my dog knowing good and well I have no money and no ride as I’m on the road working with him… so new year’s night he said “ I get great pleasure out of destroying your life”
I never felt so small and humiliated in my entire life … he’s a different breed of narcissist, Sociopathic even. Very cruel, vile and stoops so low to insult my grown children who he never met my daughter and only my son twice …. I want to leave, I’m stuck with no car right now, it needs to be fixed. Then I’ll flee. I send healing energies to all who suffer from these sun human beings … being a sensitive person I never in my life expected at my age I’d fall for a trickster imposter of a person
15 years here.
20 years here. Grew up in family just like it
@@anissa-joneal5277 can you get your adult kids to help you? Can you stay with them and leave him? Is there anyone that can help you?
🙏
Love this! I have felt these things and been living with this for 25 years! Thank God I can see it now for what it really is! Now that I know, it’s such a relief but so scary that I never heard of this until recently! Thank you Lisa, and all of you out there going through this with me. I hope I have the strength and courage to let go and let God and move forward in health and peace💗
You can get through this if only you believe you can. Whatever you believe is what is possible. What the mind harbors, the body will manifest.
Been down this road for 48 yrs.&now I see what it really is. Always trying to keep it together.,am 74 yrs old, too late to start over. Thought it was alcoholic behavior pattern, but now I see.,God was always there for me.
I have no relationship w/him, but am taking the punishment. Thank you for opening my eyes, truth is easier to deal with. I have never been loved by him & know he's not capable. I
am still learning thank you.
Good for you..HAVING THIS FORUM IS A WEAPON..KNOWLEDGE IS KEY...AND OUR GUN!!
@@teresahicks7009 Teresa you like me dident know about narcs only through u tube do we know now what they are im 63 thank u tube now I know Teresa you are like me now we know their is a reason and a name for what we have put up with
Is it your spouse? How are you coping? Because I feel like I’m falling apart.
Thank you Lisa for the reinforcement. It's astounding how a narc can squash you like a bug, never apologize or acknowledge what they did, and then Lovebomb you the next day because they are a bloodsucking leach. God forbid they should say "oops".
Ditto✅👍
So completely true..my story is too long..but them making you jealous is his favorite..what a cruel spiteful man..
I started learning about narcissism about 2-3 years ago and I have gotten better at recognizing a narcissists. It's really tough when you have Bipolar so they use that to attack me.
Yet, I have a bubbly personality and high functioning despite my illness so people think I'm extroverted, but I'm highly introverted and love my solitude. So I don't start anything as long as it's not brought to me.
It took me realizing that the only reason these kind of ppl were attracted to me was because I used to believe the put downs and I would always go the extra mile for them and never paying attention to myself. Yey they were nowhere to be found while I was in the hospital or once I lost everything. They disguise the daily/hourly put downs as being honest with you and you're wrong for removing yourself from them and their cyclone.
I just dodged one who returned and I sent them on their merry way. I refuse to allow them back in my life once they show their colors. No more devaluing! I've opened my eyes and realized that I have value and I will give it to those who appreciate it.
I have to remember shutty, shutty and Grey rock. He's very manipulative and I get drawn into lopsided conversations to where anything I say is flipped to make him the victim.
This sounds exactly like an in-law. She has everything turned around to make him look like the victim. In reality she and her children are the victims. I can't wait till the 'rule of three' does it's thing on him and all his flying monkeys!!!
Consider getting out!
@@FreedomProjects i said to myself, will she leave him--probably not...
My ex would apologize, but…never changed. For me, as you noted, the lack of empathy was so concerning and invalidating. He could only conceptualize my pain in regards to how it effected him. The king 30 yard stare as I sat there crying. I can’t even try to understand that. And, who cares ultimately.
If you love someone, Then you SHOW IT.
Love❤️is👏🏻a VERB!
Ty so much. You have helped me so much. I spent a decade believing his fantasy. His lack of empathy tore me apart. He constantly put me down and used my insecurities to beat me down. After the physical abuse our 3 year old witnessed I left him. I did not want him modeling behavior like that in front of our 3 year old. My son's dad is w my twin (flying monkey.) His ultimate payback. His abuse and her betrayal depleted me. I'm learning to evolve into the woman my hp designed me to be..its a working progress. I choose me.
Good for you! It's so hard when your family of origin is in on the cycle and joins the narcissist's team. I can imagine what you're going through, although the narcissists in my life are my overt malignant older brother and my covert, enabling mother, both extraordinarily transparent, fragile bullies that abused me for decades.
Don't be thrown or fooled when your sister reaches out as "victim" and kindred soul after her discard. Your impulse may be to empathize and try to comfort and console her. She definitely will consider herself a victim, but that is the only portion of the story that's accurate. She can and will exploit you, hurt you, use you, abuse you, etc. in order to gain his favor and attention, and will do so without any reservation, convinced you would do the same in her position.
I often think it would be funny to turn the tables on the flying monkey dynamic and feed a false narrative to them just to see how long it takes for the narcissist to act on the false narrative, just to prove to them that you know what they're up to. But it wouldn't matter to them ultimately and it wouldn't prove anything you don't already know. The far better strategy is to never, ever share personal info, even minor facts, with your sister. Avoid sharing the info with people who would pass it on to her, too. You can probably do this without being obvious - I just change the subject when my mother or her friends ask me personal questions because I know my answer will be a topic in my mother's next conversation with my brother, to my disadvantage. Try your best to project a positive, happy, content public face when you're around anyone who maintains contact with your sister so that what gets back to her is that you seem very happy. If you occasionally have to be around her, maintain a flat but pleasant expression (I call mine "my waiting room face") toward her, and save your smiling, happy and engaging self for everyone else that you're pleased to see. (I'm assuming you have to navigate the occasional family holiday, wedding, funeral, etc.) What I'm trying to say is to never let the bullies affect your ability to convey your happiness to be with others or to enjoy others' company. Besides genuinely helping you progress and grow through this, this drives the narcissist and the flying monkey absolutely to distraction (or at least it does mine) because they wish and intend to disrupt that for you - it's what drives a great deal of their behavior and it takes them a long time to adjust to the idea that they've lost that power over you. (There may be some unpleasantness once that sinks in, so anticipate that, too. You'll be better equipped to handle their final temper tantrum, though.) They really only have a few, limited tricks in their little arsenal, and you've probably seen all of them. The only painful "surprise" is learning whom among your family and friends will be duped or intimidated into joining in on the narcissists' abuse of you.
I've been lucky in that several family members have experienced my brother's hostility first-hand, so they don't buy his act and are suspicious of Mom's cheerleading campaign on his behalf.
I hope you experience all the personal growth that can come from dealing effectively with this incredibly painful process. It sounds like you are well on your way! Best wishes to you for strength and peace! 💕
I feel that narcissists also idealize you at the beginning of a relationship and as you show your weaknesses and faults over time they first devalue you to themselves and this leads to overt devaluing on a regular basis. Once they see your faults they can no longer treat you as an equal because they believe they have no faults.
Beautifully written
Everything you said here Lisa is true. I have experienced it too. Thank you for your incredible help and support!
Yep, so true!!
Listening to Lisa talk about Narcissists and Narcissism sends a shiver down my spine and makes my blood run cold as I now realise I was in a relationship with an evil Narcissist! I managed to wriggle free a few years ago after a traumatic incident involving his mother during Lockdown! I am still dealing with consequences and trying to accept professionals telling me I was in a domestic abusive relationship. How the hell did I let it happen?? is what I've been saying to myself.
I love how you talk without hollering at us. This is him.
Definitely can relate to all of these. That is why I left. Really good video❤
I accused my ex of at least emotionally cheating because I know most narcs do, and it looked that way. Very confusing people to be with.
Thank you Lisa , you know exactly what I’m going through and even more . Thank you for helping us put a name to all the craziness. Thank you 🙏🏾
Lisa this video should be mandatory viewing for all victims of narcissist. All of your points were right on but the point you made about them not hearing is is so important. Thank you so much.
Thank you for continuing to put out videos and content. Interesting that narcissistism is such deep and complex subject that even if I listen to all your videos, I will listen to them a second and third time. It helps validate that what I'm feeling is real and that I have a right to put myself first instead of catering and tip toeing to the narc. You continue to help me on my journey of growth and thank you for what you do to help us.
Wow...
I have just escaped being in a situationship that I ended one month ago and it was everything that you have explained and talked about in this one video. My ex live-in girlfriend is also diagnosed by a certified psychiatrist with having anxiety, bipolar disorders with suicidal thoughts and I found that she's been very permisquis throughout the entire time that we were living together after seeing videos, pictures and reading as many of the text messages that was going on from the time that she announced to all of her male and female supplies. I felt a little guilty about invading her privacy even though I felt that I would be a fool if I didn't take the opportunity to find out what she was doing behind my back because of the way she was moving. I'm still not proud of crossing the line of trust but she had got so disrespectful once I told her that I was not going to sign the next rental agreement because she was not only coming to the apartment high and using illegal drugs almost every single day she had started having guys that she was hooking up with from out of town switch cars to go party all night and day at hotels not far from where we shared the apartment that I was the only one paying all of the bills right outside in the parking lot in plain view of the livingroom window where we were living. She did everything in her power to hurt me and even told me to my face that she runs circles around everybody that also included me while having one of her manic episodes that causes her to verbally rant and rave while she has one of her temper tantrums that I have been a victim of in public places like a shopping mall and hospital whenever things don't go exactly the way she wants. I'm very proud of myself for not putting myself in a very bad situation that could have easily ended up with me being in jail or worse by physically reacting to any of the different types of disrespectful things that I was witnessing and living through until I finally hired a moving company to move everything that I own out of the apartment so that I could stop allowing her come and go in my life as she pleased without any care of treating me like her own personal doormat just to keep from having any police contact or destruction of my personal property.
I find myself more disappointed than hurt that what I thought and was hoping was going to be a good relationship failed so drastically. I have deleted all of her phone messages and numbers, and every app that we used to communicate with one another that includes my own Facebook account. Being strong gets lonely at times but I'd rather feel alone all by myself than continue feeling alone living with a stranger that has some really serious mental health and commitment issues in my heart and home. I truly tried to work things out with her because she's twenty years younger than I am. She is now in a situationship with a new guy that is now in the process of being love bombed just like I was exactly one year ago today. I don't think that he realizes that she picked him at a time when I had already stopped having sex with her because I had decided to end our very toxic situation and she had no choice but to find someplace else to live as well as find someone else to victimize.
I'm thinking about turning this real life drama into my second self-published novel because I think that there's a lot of people that need to know that they're not going through a toxic, narcissistic situationship alone and how they can escape thinking that they're caught in a hellish emotional and mental trap that they can't walk away from.
Thank you for all of great work that you are doing to enlighten your followers.
Very well written I hope you share about your experiences
@@gretacooper6080... I do share,and I'm also going to write a short self-published story in the near future once I get settled into my new life outside of the state where we were living together.
4 yrs ago I wrote in my journal that my love tank was empty and felt unloved. I was so done but didn’t know what I was dealing with. Thank God he discarded me 2 yrs later. I’ve felt everyone of these unfortunately
I am with you. It’s been miserable 20 years but now through Lisa A Romano and Dr. Ramani’s knowledge I have learnt a lot and trying to take some spiritual path. Thanks to this amazing teacher lovely Lisa A Romano.🙏🙏
What Lisa shared about her ex's blatant and unapologetic revelation reminded me of something a so-called friend did to me some years ago. In hindsight, she was a A1 Narcissist!
We were out one night and like other Narcissists I have had pleasure of dealing with, she decided to declare war without substantiating the problem. Apparently I had been talking badly about her to her boyfriend's friend with whom they were trying set me up. (I know right; what better way to make a killer romantic first impression than bitching about one's friend??) I had stepped outside with this guy for literally one minute so he could show me his new car (I really liked cars and my friend knew this)... But this was ALL the proof my friend needed that I was backstabbing her! Her wrath was unending and eventually, after continuing to protest my innocence to zero avail, I lost it and broke down in tears. This softened her... then she admitted she had been deliberately working to bring me to that point. Mission accomplished!
I'm so sorry 😔 I hope you have found people who care about you and treat you better ✌🏼✨
Another act the narcissist does is pouting. Which drives me crazy. Thank you for your words. Your books are amazing ❤
I agree that there lack of empathy is the reason why every single relationship they have goes wrong and also due to the fact that they don’t love themselves because if you can’t love yourself you can’t love others simple as that 🤦🏼♂️
He made me feel alone n not loved n lonely . N he was living with me. I was invisible. He antagonized me and when I gave it back because he pushed me he called me toxic n negative. He brought the worst out of me. I would feel so tired I was falling asleep on the couch while sitting n was falling over. He drained me
The depth of destruction is mind ending...for someone you are supposed to love????
Thank you again for helping me understand what is going on with me and some of the feelings I'm going through after my decision to leave 🌅
I really like the battery analogy. That made a lot of sense to me and thank you for the clarity you give me!
Yes Wayne, I agree. The battery analogy is very helpful for understanding the narc's perspective. It helps for not being pulled back in by blaming myself.
Thank you so much for these videos. I go to meet my first therapist today, after independently making the realization that I have been in a co dependent narcissistic relationship for 16 months.
I like how you use different analogies in your videos to get a point across... The first one I remember is " If you grew up eating rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner... And that's all you knew etc... And now the battery analogy one... 👍.
14 years, I was so exhausted and drained by all the things you said; There was never peace. I walked away and was subsequently discarded. And she moved on right away. I've had so much anguish and hurt. 6 months later I got hooverd and triangulated with the new supply. I fell for it, and was brutally discarded again. 1.5 months of NC. The ruminating hasn't stopped however, but everyday I am rewiring my brain. It's a rough road- but what other choice do I have.
Or they do say sorry but it’s so infuriating because it’s empty just like their love it’s just a word that is easy to say like “I care about you” but I’m like “when have you ever shown care?” The act of caring is the caring not just saying the words
This is a damn good video. It’s a perfect snapshot of the fuckery. It’s like clockwork.
Thank you Lisa Romano! I appreciate these videos, namaste.
Thank you, you have helped me so much. 💕
Agree, it pollutes everything.
Thank you for this wonderful session, Lisa. I struggle with and through relationships with narcissistic people, and these common sense and insightful words you give here help me not lose myself as I navigate. Namaste and God bless you, :) Johnny
Thank you! ♥️♥️💟✨All of this!
My God. This is so on point....
I was told "I thought I could talk you into anything"
And then was gaslit with "That is not what I said" even though I have it on recording
Such great information.🙏
Your books have been incremental in my healing.
You are so right Lisa, thank you for this... I remember en can relate all of thesr.. :"(
I am so grateful for this informative videos. Thank you 😊
U hit IT right !!!!!!!!!!!!!totaly Right!!!!!!! ❤️
Thank you so much Lisa 💓 💗 💛
Lisa, your video isn't playing
I had ‘friends’, in different times, periods of my life , now I understand (took me many years) that they all narcissistic. Than I thought if I tell somebody that they are all narcissists people will say that I am not good in my head, but it was for me finally clear that they all come to me, with my character I am just perfect for them, also later I realized that nobody would do what I did for everybody in my life. I sincerely believed in friendship, but they all were using me, of course we had some fun but also when it was comfortable for them, no matter if I have time or how I feel etc etc, I can tell thousands stories:)).
You are amazing Lisa. Namaste. 🙏🏻♥️
In my early 60's, when I started finding out (porn addict). Went to couples therapy he ALWAYS insisted on female therapist, and then charmed her as I continued to believe things would work out. By my mid 60s, too late to leave but had discovered Patrica Evans. Reading her books helped me to realize I wasn't the crazy one. Somewhere along the line I discovered Lisa, and always come to her for a reality check and a bit of kindness and understanding. .
Thank you.
Wow! This is what I am going through right now.
Sounds like someone we all know!!
Thanks Lisa.
Love this video Lisa ❤️ Could you do a video on the Reverse Hoover??
They tried to make me jealous by discarding me then mentioning that they where hanging out with one of their many ex's, i prefered to call the f*ck buddies. But yes, i couldn't believe they would torment me that way. I pulled them up about it and they say that they didn't realise what they where saying. Either way, wether they did or they didn't, they werent taking my feeling into account. I'm not a jealous person, so for them to do that to me was painful in a lot of ways. But I decided that my feelings where valid under the circumstances.
They are sick, man.
And I believe they were doing that to torment you. Sick people.
Thanks Lisa! 😊
Lisa , I must thank you dearly for your therapeutic contents. As always you've crossed every " T and dotted every i " to a point where I'm sure that I'll have to slip out the back - Jack - make a new plan Stan , don't need to be coy - Roy , just set yourself free . I'll hop on the bus- Gus , won't need to discuss much , just drop off the key - Lee , and set myself free.. .
Yes exactly 💯🎯♥️!!!!
As always, on target. Much gratitude 🤍
Ty feeling all that - crazy etc
As much as I understand the dynamics of this kind of relationship, I struggle with guilt of wanting to let go completely as the narcissist is my elderly mother and we are a small dysfunctional family. I'm the only daughter and just want to do the right thing. It's a difficult situation that I feel I can't step away from.
Whatever I do in life i keep ending up in my narcissist mothers life. I feel I can't get away. She hates me, I hate her. So why are we in each other's life?
You HELP MORE THAN ANYONE..AND FOR FREE
..YOU HAVE SAVED ME FROM PHYSICAL ABUSE WITH SHUTTY AND GRAY ROCK..BEING INFORMED IS A WEAPON.. sorry for the caps..it's my VISION..IM NOT MAD.
Will you consider doing a video on unresolved cptsd? And if that correlates to narcissistic behaviors? I'm a codependent in recovery from an ex with unresolved cptsd and exhibits high narcissistic behaviors. I am thankful for what I have learned from watching your videos, you have saved my life.
You can't be in a relationship with a Narcissist if she just announces it & walks out within 60 seconds.!!! She also launched a smear campaign.
Change the locks Patrick. She did u a favour leaving
Best ever:
Hi Lisa A Romano! Have you ever read the book called Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to move beyond your past to create an abuse-free future By Beverly Engel? I highly recommend you and your audience to read it .
Hi Lisa, how can I get an appointment for you?
He called me his enemy. Plus when I finally said no more he flipped out. That's when my he'll started. He never said sorry for anything. Said he did nothing wrong. Everything was my fault. I blamed myself for everything. I apologized for things I didn't do. I took him back over n over n his voice sucked me in every time. He degraded me. Insulted me. Yelled in my face, he called me crazy, idiot, moron. Said I has no value, . I became afraid of him. He made me cry all the time. His Snyde remarks hurt. Said I was jealous of him, he draws, n has nothing else. No car, no place of his own. He couch surfs. When he wanted money n I said no he would get in my face n follow me n said he wouldn't stop till I gave it.
Hopefully he's gone and you're evaluating why you put up with that.
Took me 9 years but I’m getting out. Have a hearing for divorce next month. The one good thing is once you leave you now actually have a chance for real change.
Hi I need the strength to break this off - I have to realize it’s my my job to send this person to the light beyond these narc traits- any advice for the strength to end it? I have tried a few times.
What do you do when it's your daughter and you want to have relationship with your grandchildren??
❤️ thank you
Happy Birthday🎂
I heard one apology in 41 years, but it didn't mean a thing bc it was pretense.
What about the ones
that say sorry ...every other word...and or i love you every other word... wow.... you know its wrong but you can't put your finger on it...??///// Damn
@@michaelschasteen2407 that's the covert begging you not to leave.
@@Laura-nl8df dang....thank you...
I am feeling so low as I am pregnant and I caught him on a dating website asking girls to meet at hotel rooms, and even caught him trying to pay a stranger for sex. A completely uninterested person who he met at a bar while he was drunk and on coke (which I didn’t know about before this night) he was begging her for sex and offered up front cash. But because I found out, and have an issue with this behavior, he got a new number and hasn’t contacted me at all since I found out. We were together a year and a half and were close friends in early childhood. So why is he punishing me with no contact if he’s the one who betrayed me? I just want to say goodbye and have all of our kids say goodbye… especially his daughter who calls me mom and secretly texts me saying she misses me and apologizing for her fathers behavior. I am so confused. I need help. One day I feel empowered and set goals and the next day I’m in a puddle and pregnant worried with horrible trauma. This was all just over a week ago… and he was starting to belittle and degrade and control my little by little over the past couple of months in a way that was shocking. We were both sober and he started relapsing more and more. He had a bad past with drugs and alcohol before we got together but I thought that was all behind him. I’m just shocked. When he was drunk it was like he was possessed and would say things like “you don’t know who I am or what I’ve done” and then threaten to kill any male if he ever saw me around a male. But yet he’s the one cheating…? He would get angry and mad if anyone looked at me in public and he’d pull me close and just acted so weird. I cared about him and his kids and I know he’s toxic and needs help but I feel so slapped in the face… he gets caught and then he shuts me out. I wish I had a ton of money I would move and never look back and raise the baby alone. I hope that does happen and he stays away because any good man or woman wouldn’t do this all to another human being…
Definitely a difficult situation.
He's a very sick and toxic person. Save you and your child and keep away.
Sorry for you, your baby and his daughter who calls you secretly, poor child can't get away from him. I pray 🙏 for all of you 💔.
Saddening Stephanie. The only thing that is worse is putting 30 years into them and winding up trauma bonded, gas lighted, manipulated and abused. Sometimes there might not be a right answer, but there can be worse ones. Good luck, raise your little one in the clean air free of toxic narcs
I only read the first couple of sentences but I’ve been there and I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I couldn’t keep reading because it hurt too much. Take your love and your baby and love your baby and someone who loves you back. Godspeed may you find happiness
That is one thing a narcissist will not do; is apologize.
What in the would do u do when there are sweet innocent grandchildren involved.??? Age 7 and 4 ,,, Seeing some strange changes in both of them ,,, the 7 year old used to adore me ... we were such good good buddies,, now hes been more sarcastic ,, and unhappy :( She always makes him feel guilty if he wants to sleep over ,,, makes her sooo ANGRY ,, GOD HELP ME !!!!
14:14… 😩😩😩💔💔💔
I love your accent
true
So true. Narcs feel always right when they are wrong. Always right agenda on narcs mind and expression.
Constant affirmation. "I lost 2 pounds. Can you tell?"
Could you please do a video on Johnny depp? Just feel like he is the narcissist; wondering what you think? Because i been here; with my ex. So if she is the narcissist so am I.
Have you ever had a narcissistic start a conversation or argument and then tell you that you cant speak to respond or defend yourself because they started the conversation?
Yup
@@rachelleorr4119 glad I am not the only one.
I tried shutty shutty, but it’s so damn hard. I blew up in childrens court on a Thursday. How long must one take this nonsense and shutty shutty!
Believe me. Since I started watching your programs, I’ve found myself. I’m more in control, but gees!! At times you have to let it out. Otherwise it damages me. Shutty shutty doesn’t allow me to tell my side of the story.
I’m not Jesus Christ. I’m learning from the prick side of life. You’d agree 25 years of shutty shutty must come to an end at some point… right?
Waisted time and district able to your life leave....
🙏
There’s really no Healthy Narcissism Dr. Cater says narcissism isn’t healthy in anyway saying somethings healthy narcissism that’s there’s no such thing
Maybe Lisa meant that everyone can have healthy self-esteem.
❤
I would close the door behind me before videotaping
😎
They don’t listen to a word you say. Pointless.
...💋💞💞💞!" -PapáJOE-
💜♾🙏🏼🕉
😘 Xoxoxoxoxo
🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
❤