Been reading some comments here and wish to make some observations. 1) Paul Elam is not trying to heal BPD. He's helping men recognize the symptoms of BPD in a potential mate or an established partner and shows how to avoid them or get out of the relationship with one. 2) Mr. Elam sometimes uses strong, perceptibly mysogynistic language to get through to the men he is trying to help. Some men need a 2x4 to the head to get the message. Some men need that approach to understand what is going on in their lives. He's not doing this to hate on women. 3) A person with Boderline Personality Disorder is just that - borderline. This means they can move go towards reason and healthier relationships or deeper into psychosis and unhealthy relationships. It's not the man's responsibility to help a woman with BPD overcome it. That is better left to the woman herself, reflecting on her own condition, and any mental health professionals she seeks. 4) The people criticizing Mr. Elam don't get him. He does however, communicate with a tone of anger and ass-kicking. It's a communication style and it's effective for some people. If you don't like it, move on and find someone who's communication style works better for you. If you are going to find fault with Mr. Elam, you are either trolling or maybe you have BPD yourself and can't stand feeling exposed. Whatever it is, no one who feels helped by Mr. Elam's counsel here, gives a shit about your opinions. You might as well just move along.
John Houlgate Is it me or is there some resistance to pointing out bad behavior in women? All things being equal, we men leave our homes knowing 3 things: 1.) We're not the first or the last 2.) Someone just might kick our ass 3.) If we genuinely fuck up, own up, fix it up n don't fuck up again. Why can't these rules apply to BPD women Paul's describing? It's less of an indictment of the gender and more of an indictment of the societial, legal and governmental apparti enabling these ladies to get away with horrors worthy of a Lifetime movie were the genders reversed.
john these people have no remorse for the destruction they leave behind i was involved with one i was helping her daughter alot and at the end of it all you know what she told me " I should of done Friends with benefits with ( a cocaine dealer) I walked away from the evil and never look back Her name Was Casandra Rojas
Hardest thing I have ever had to do. And I am not exagerating. I have done some very difficult things in my life, but this takes the cake. Ghosting my ex. Hitting the road as a commercial driver was my ticket out. I couldn't be in the same area code. The burlap sack I throw in the deep water has become many. Every time I get a guilt inducing text. Or contemplate her inevitable demise which will brand me for life. It is what it is. Be careful who you "love"! I have to watch these videos just to stay true to me. It's a battle. Thank you Elam! For your wisdom. Your generosity of spirit. And your hilarious anecdotes.
3 months away from mine. Such a sick human being. Gave her and her 7 kids to other men everything I could and the thanks I got was destruction of my soul, my finances, my job and my reputation :( There's a special place in hell for her
This man is SPOT ON. This describes my ex-fiancé in all details. I kinda figured out by myself that she was a covert narc/BPD _before_ we got married ... after then there was only one option left: cut her loose and RUN. I broke up with her over the phone. I had written down and piled up BRUTAL answers to each and every of her mind twisting games she used to play on me. The rest was a pure MASSACRE ... really "Chainsaw Style": I crushed her inner mental asylum within 15 minutes. I could literally "witness" her breaking down over the phone. It's been ten years since then ... never heard a word from her again. Thank God.
Mr. Elam, you are my hero. I'm 25 years old and have 2 little kids with a woman that I've been separated from since 1 year ago. She's everything you describe and I've felt so lonely and misunderstood until I stumbled upon your channel. Your words of wisdom give me strength and confidence. I feel like I've woken up from a slumber where I was the useless idiot who never did anything right and deserved the lying, the cheating, the abuse, the insults and the humiliation. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I wish you all the best in the world. You are a good man and I hope to be just like you one day.
@@guacaquio I can not even begin to imagine how hard that would be, have never been married or have any children. It does make logical sense to me however that the outcome with the children is going to be pretty similar no matter what you do at this point. My advice would be to follow Paul's advice, save yourself, then pray that someday your children will see through the lies.
Found out the other day that my BPD "wife" (can't really call her a wife since she's acted like a four-year-old since we first met and doesn't know the first thing about what a wife actually does) has been having a cyber-affair with a guy 12 years younger than she is who lives on the other side of the country. They met playing The Walking Dead game on their phones. I discovered that they've been cyber-fucking each other, masturbating in the bathroom with the door locked like fucking teenagers, pledging their undying love for each other. My spouse suffers from depression, takes Prozac, has OCD, and knows that she has BPD (she admitted a few years ago that she is borderline but has since denied it vehemently) but refuses to get help. (Instead, my two sons and I each have our own therapists we are currently seeing.) When someone is sick, whether it be a physical or mental illness, and flat out refuses to get the help they need, FUCK THEM. Her mental illness has torn our family apart and done irreparable damage, scars to last a lifetime. Our elder son despises her, our younger son is too young to fully understand (he's 11) but he's starting to. But, she has her new little boyfriend to sob on his cyber-shoulder so everything's good. If only he knew what kind of a fucking monster she is. I have no sympathy for him. If they ever end up together, he'll learn the hard way. Like I did.
Hi I don't mean to come off challenging to you, but how come you've known your wife has acted like a four-year-old since you first met and you've known her for well more than 11 years? You've had two sons with her, the youngest of which is 11 years-old and all three of you are in therapy. Sounds like you were incapable' of discerning your wife's (or ex-wife's) BPD disorders over a long period of time. I've had at least one relationship where I recognized there was some personality disorder and got out of that situation in less than four years. Fortunately, we never married.
John: I think I can explain why Pan did not dump his ex when she first displayed her BPD. Mostly, he was infatuated with her by the "love bombing" & could not see the signs or did not want to see. Nor did he know what BPD was. I am saying this from experience. It is just a messy situation all the way around. Sad but wiser.
I've been living in this BPD hell for thirty-four years now. I am listening, hearing, heeding and ready to move on. Thank you Paul Elam. You nailed it.
I spent ten years in court fighting my own borderline ex's craziness, and you're absolutely right that compromise with a borderline is impossible. Eventually it was established beyond doubt that she had BPD although she was unable to admit that, even under oath.
When I first watched Elams channel, I wasn’t so impressed. Now I think it is one of the most useful resources on the internet/and definitely on U tube. Well done Paul. 👍
great advice I always recorded my x whenever I was near her always recording had Witnesses took pictures and it did pay off she has been arrested five times. I have full custody and she is not allowed to be around my child and she pays me child support.
most important thing I've learned from being with a borderline for about 6 months: You can NOT stay friends with your Ex. YOU need to make her abandon you by abandoning her to be free again. YOU decide whether she thinks she can still get you back. Don't give her any hope that she might get you back in any way shape or form. most importantly: Never trade your sanity for sex.
Was with her for 5 years. I wished for days and weeks and months that she'd leave. January 3, 2020 she cleaned out the bank account and left, telling everyone that I abused her. I've maintained a strict no contact. I assure you, there is NO chance in hell we'll ever get back together. She told me she had BPD when we first got together. I'd never heard of it and never gave it another thought until she finally left. I'm just shocked at everything I've learned about this disorder. Had I done this research when we first got together, I could have saved myself 5 years of pure hell plus all the damage she's still trying to do to my life :( What a sick human being
It took me entirely too long to find this out on my own. It was really hard at first to fight against my years of programming and actually stand up for myself, but after she started backing off and turning her "game", instead, onto easier men to manipulate, a sudden weight was lifted off my shoulders and my life. I only wish I could have heard words like these a little earlier. Thank you for what you do.
It's like listening to my own life's story before I pulled the plug. But it cost me 21 years of my life (because I felt responsible for my kids). My advice to young men who are considering marriage: if there is the slighted aspect or event that causes or caused irritation during courtship, get out because it is a signal. It will get much worse after marriage. I compromised on the warning signs instead of just walking away.
Your ordeal is substantively similar to mine. I didn't figure out what the Monster was until the love-bombing phase morphed into devaluation. It was nearly 20 years ago, now, but I remember the day I got it all figured out like it happened yesterday. The problem was I figured it out too late and far later than my education and training in abnormal psychology should have led me to. During the love-bombing phase, I was fucking her three or four times a day, every single day. She couldn't get enough. Fuck that much, and you get a life lesson in why contraception isn't always 100% effective. The day I saw the light, so to speak, I vowed to break up with her the following day. The following day came and I went from "The time has come for us to redefine the nature of our association" in the morning to making wedding plans that evening. When I told her I was done, she said she totally understood, but there was just one little tiny thing that I should know. That "tiny thing" was that she was over three months pregnant with what I presumed to be our child. Not wanting this innocent life that I presumed that I had created to have to endure disordered parenting, I chose to marry the mother as a legal means of providing a full-time moderating influence to disordered behavior. I made this move convinced that she was a borderline, knowing that she would eventually discard me, and so on. I was narcissistic enough to delude myself into believing that my education in abnormal psychology and training in psychological warfare would equip me to keep the monster under control. For the most part, I do believe I was able to do this. The end came as I always knew it likely would, with her adultery being grounds for divorce. I didn't think I would catch her in the act of playing unicorn for a married couple, but I am eternally grateful that I did. I am more grateful that I was able to mind-fuck her into an pro se uncontested divorce filing, in which she agreed to give me full custody of our children and to only take that mutually-acquired property that I wanted her to have, and to pay child support. It was an 18 year tour of psychological warfare duty in my own home. One of the benefits of living with this human lab rat for that long was that I know just exactly what someone diagnosed with BPD co-morbid with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is capable of where attempts at pre-meditated abuse with malice aforethought is concerned. I know first-hand that people with Cluster B personality disorders are not harmless Muppets, but real monsters with a real capacity to cause real emotional and psychological harm. I also know, from my own experience and similar experiences of other men, that some of what I learned about the personality disordered sounded great in the classroom but proved to be pure bullshit in reality.
There are so many factions to borderline personalities and An Ear for Men is doing an excellent job at pointing out how to spot them and walk away... Excellent series it is so necessary..
These last two video's on borderline hit a mark with me. Having been freed from a four year relationship with BPD SO (diagnosed shortly after being dumped) for over a year now I am feeling much, much better. But I would infer from my experience that men in the midst of a relationship with a BPD would be hard pressed to understand what's happening to them. Let alone understand that they are the victim. I as an individual will know the signs now, and these videos only serve to further open my eyes. Thanks!
Thank you so much for this post! I am dealing with a female friend I only knew for a few weeks, and thank God I saw the warning signs. I have worked in the mental health field, and I have never encountered such evil in all my life. Stop and Block! Thats my motto. I am relieved I never introduced her to my children, pets, or had her to my house!
I haven't seen nor heard of my ex in 4 decades. Don't want to, Don't need to. Anytime she is talking, she is lying. Best to shut her out of my life. Last I heard, she is on husband no. 3 now & somebody else's problem.
This man is soo right to the T! It was hilarious some of the things he said tho. I haven't heard from my BPD in 5 months and have my divorce court date in a month and a half! She was 5 months pregnant but had a miscarriage (i dodged a huge bullet). Good luck to you other guys who are dealing with this.
I had suffered alot and still suffering from my husband who is a maleborderline . Your videos are great and really helping I hope you talk to us to .... women who suffered from male borderlines and thank you Mr Ellam
Thank you Paul. I may not be a man but I was with a female BPD for 3 years & growing the backbone you speak of was really the only way! I appreciate your information, your puns... hehe... and the way you use ur wit while you teach.... especially since CRAZY IS 2 French fries SHORT of a value meal which means a lot more to one when he or she is starving, lost, confused, and feeling like damned is the only drive thru! Thanks again...
Paul, your work is amazingly helpful. Not only did you redpilled me, you also handed me the key of my prison. Tanks to your work and book, I was able to bring back some sanity to my life. For that, I Will be forever grateful. Your videos changed my life in a way I never tought possible. I now feel free, strong and confident. Tanks To YOU ! Paul, you are a light in the darkness. I found my way out of a living hell and it saved my life, litteraly.
I am an idiot who was married to someone with BPD which I didn't know at the time. Everything you said about kids, courts and having to turn into an asshole is spot on. I took my daughter at the age of 3 through the courts after barely seeing her for a year. Then I spent the next 11 years going to court and winning. Now my daughter is 19 and a law student. There is no chance of negotiating with a BDP ex. Such a long story to put in a comment sufficiently. You have to cut off completely. No sympathy.
Thank you! You're so right! My husband's ex is exactly everything you said. I use to always defend women and let me express my utter disappointment in my gender. I can't believe the crazy that lays under most females. I don't get the arrogance and false sense of grandeur that comes out from some of my gender. Just because you can bake a baby doesn't make you a mother or more important. This girl and I say girl because a real woman Wouldn't behavior in such a manner, has made it her mission to poison my stepson, friends, family, and went as far as to ruin my career. I came into the picture long after their breakup. (He never wanted to marry her and he didn't) even though she now has another child by another victim, it still doesn't matter because to her the one that got away is my husband. We have been documenting her every move and ignorant comments for the past 4 years. Coming this February she'll be in for a big surprise when we have our evaluation from this child custody case. It's been brutal but my stepson and my husband are well worth the free fight. I love them both dearly and I refuse to give up on either. Justice will prevail and the truth WILL be known.
Listen to this man. I was the victim of a borderline, who made my life a misery with her manipulative, controlling behaviour, eventually running off to the other side of the world, taking my children and the proceeds from my house and business with her. She literally destroyed my life, and then attempted to turn my children against me. They saw through her bullshit to a large extent, but she largely succeeded in preventing me being with them until they were adults. I cannot forgive her, nor do I want to. It took me years to pull my life back together, and only barely made it through a suicidal depression. More recently, thanks to Paul's warnings, I spotted the symptoms in another woman with whom I was starting a relationship and managed to pull myself out before it was too late. Be warned, guys: learn to spot these traits ahead of time and save your own lives.
Its fantastic that these videos exist. Years ago I was in an awful relationship with a borderline woman. I had no idea she was, then a person I trusted and respected gave me a book about borderlines but I still didn't really know what it was going to take to get out of it. It took an entire additional couple of years...
You're are not kidding, the fight will always escaladed to beyond imagination. The goal for her is to win, to control, and to cause as much misery as possible. She would prefer to lose everything, than to lose. It's a pissing match, more closer to a nuclear war,than a pissing match.
Sir, you helped me a lot, I can't give you enough credit for it. Very articulate, serious and on the point. Your videos were an eye opener to me. Thank you for supporting me, when I was in serious trouble!
I can not thank God enough for this man and his channel because of the living hell I've been going through. There is no one you can talk to that would understand the true fuckery and understand the emotional pain we are going through with a woman like that. To society as men we are automatically always viewed as the bastards in domestic situations no matter what. This channel and its contents will only hit you directly between the eyes and will be the hand book/bible answer to all your needs emotionally, spiritually,legally and so on as a man once you reached that wall in the relationship and as a person and realized you been dealing with a true crazy person!! His information is Spot dafuk on! And he speaks to you man to man as if he is speaking directly and personally to You at a time in your life when you truly feel defeated. His videos will definitely give you your balls back so to speak, and clear directions on how to get out and also deal with a woman/person with Border line Personality Disorder. Thank you so much for this channel! At times I felt suicidal because I loved this woman so much and fell for every trick in the book because I never been with someone like this before,your videos which I just found truly saved me from the inside out! I can't thank you enough as a man and as a person!
Good morning John. I am most grateful for your much needed message as it saddens me that so many men still are unable to understand Paul's point of view in his almost thankless attempt to provide much needed and sometimes life saving advice to help men avoid such women. Happy New year.
Just great advice, Paul. A very accurate description of their behaviour and a very clear approach to dealing with it. Love your no-nonsense delivery. Thank you
Everything that Paul Elam is talking about I've been dealing with for almost a decade. He's right about how to deal with the craziness. Unfortunately, I had two kids in my twenties with a BPD broad. I'm still fighting the fight against her for the sake of my seeds... Thanks for the video
You are dead on. Thank you for just identifying what evil these psychos are. I had one exactly as you describe. It's been 3 years since I sent her packing and I'm still dealing with hurt. These bpd and a narcs are some evil shit.
Time is the healer of all....just view it as water under the bridge .chalk it up .lesson learned and put your focus on loving yourself man ..i wasted years hurting over lost failed relations ..i found freedom in a higher power and learning to love myself and forgiveness
TY for your video's you have uploaded. I enjoy your very abrasive and "take it or leave it" type of approach. This is the type of approach some of us men need. And the simple fact that not only are these BPD person's dangerous, and emotionally toxic, but everyday life and society going about this "Fallacy" or "circular reasoning" of how men are suppose to treat women. Respect is vital in building a relationship, but also finding that balance of "Reciprocation" to where your balls aren't in a vice! I'm 28 Years old and finding out now that 80% of what society sees as being a "gentlemen" so to speak, is total bullshit!! And your video's have helped me open my eyes and stand up for what's actually right! I'm going to purchase your book you co authored. I hope you continue to help me and other troubled, confused Men! Once again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
Paul, your videos are extremely important especially for young adults. My dad was telling me most of the stuff you are saying now when I was growing up and I remember thinking that he's being extreme, but as I grew older and started to run into all the different personalities I began to realize that he's right. Just to throw it out there - If you want to reach a bigger audience I suggest getting on a podcast such as "The Joe Rogan Experience" Or Adam Corolla's podcast, they have a lot of guests with important messages such as yourself. I'm in no way affiliated with them, but listed to their podcasts a lot. Keep up the good work.
Got diagnosed with BPD after I totaled my relationship with my ex-gf. Always felt there was something wrong with me because she was genuinely a great chick, but I didn’t figure it out in time. Good to know how the other side sees this.
Thanks for your videos Paul, they're very insightful in coming to understand why borderlines do what they do. The mother of my child is a diagnosed borderline who was basically a tornado that almost destroyed my life. We are no longer together and share legal custody of our child, while she is the primary care giver. The court process was absolutely miserable; domestic violence accusations came up, sexual abuse accusations were made, and countless other lies were told in an attempt to alienate me from my son. I fought back and ultimately proved my innocence. Now we "co-parent" together (co-parent meaning her way or the higher way) and she acts like nothing ever happened and like we're best friends. Despite knowing how mentally unstable she is, I can't stop myself from thinking of "reconciling" with her because that would be the easiest way to be involved in my sons life. I don't really know why I'm saying this, I guess I'm trying to vent about my current struggles
I've had a borderline girlfriend and it lasted 3 years. The ending came swiftly when I set boundaries and said no about substantial matters. The breakup was brutal but I am 2 years removed and healing myself. She is now engaged to a much older man and miserable.
Almost like personal direct therapy. Can relate to everything said here. Fortunately have been taking this actions for some time now, and it's a HUGE relieve to know I'm not the only one going through this.
At first I enjoyed the attention my ex showed me. It's flattering when a woman is so obsessed with you that she can't spend 5 min w/o you. But that gets old after a few weeks. Then you're doomed.
In the beginning it feels so right but once the honeymoon phase fades that’s when you should run away. I miss her sometimes but staying with her felt wrong to me, she would’ve destroyed me if I stayed.
So hard, i have tried everything and I'm completely worn down, i love her but lately I can't remember how I feel because i put my own emotions aside months ago, i think having my beautiful 3 year old in the middle makes me want to fight for him, but im losing.. she has been to numerous councillors and Psychologists lately to come back telling me they don't think she is bpd. I have lived it for nearly 6 years and its only educating myself that was able to make sense of it and be there for her and my son. This weight on my shoulders i have no support, its been over 3 months and just a very stressful circus really, she stopped drinking but that numbing out every weekend i think is what kept her in her false sense of belief that everything was ok. Since no alcohol the self harming came back and basically dealing with the bpd in the raw which is terrible. Bit lost as of what to do as i keep empathising with her even after all the hurt.. theres no logic, no rational thinking, you agree on a plan of action that gets you feeling positive that could have imense importance from discussion, then all of a sudden its like it was never even spoke about?! i think i know whats going on but a part of me just doesn't want to believe it, or be one of those dads that are in and out of his sons life, having a failed relationship that your son was entitled to have a loving mum and dad environment that i myself had. Thanks Paul this video hits hard its a terrible thing but its REAL, i wish anyone else sharing my situation strength and to believe in themselves.
You are not alone just be cautious when you plan to leave study up and have an exit plan because when they feel abandoned you will suffer every attack possible which could include assault, sexual assault, fraud to name a few trumped up psychotic things. Good luck get some friends and family behind you.
My ex created whatever scenario she wanted to trap you or gain sympathy elsewhere by conveying her feelings like this “her thoughts were not her thoughts” her thoughts were “ her thoughts about your thoughts about her” Only they weren’t thoughts they were factsWhen she expressed to themits a impossible nightmare. She would tell you about completely unrelated intentions and then expect you to praise her for her destructive and ridiculous behavior. To say that a different way she could do anything evil and when she told you she had pure & Godly intentions... she wanted to be praised for evil..., when you refused you became the evil, unsupportive and abandoning?
Sounds kinda like Leftist logic, when they start destroying public & private property; "you made us riot, by victimizing criminals, i. e. police doing their jobs.
This is the very best advice l have heard on this topic. It took me years to figure it out on my own. Following these points will save you much heartache and valuable time in your life.
I am a woman (despite what some may think- in addition to being streight) ...and I can understand how difficult it can be to deal with a BPD ! It can be so difficult ! Men...put your foot down...especially if you have children with her ! I am all for FACTS and truth ! I AM not gender bias, however, I have zero tolerate for those who play games and manipulate !
I don't know about the statistics, but I've known more male sociopaths, and at least 2 diagnosed female borderlines. All of them are nightmares, and videos like this are deeply helpful for the victims.
I didn't know the definition back then, but from 1999 to 2009 I was with a boderline. If I'd known what I now know back then, she'd've been gone in 2000
Good advice. As a divorce lawyer when I have a client in this situation I give very similar advice. You can’t argue or negotiate with crazy any more than you can with terrorists.
You are so spot on. I'm not a victim by a warrior who needed to go through this to be who I'm now. I listen to you and Tom Leykus all the time. I have buddies who have gone though the same who also listen as well. Thank you so much for the time you have spent helping us out! I will do the same someday soon as well!!!
The opener hits home with me, I did quite a few things, that i otherwise would never do, both during and after a relationship with a borderline personality disordered alcoholic woman. I went "bare knuckles on her crazy ass". Ten years later now and I must say my life is very changed....her, not so much...disability nut check and free drugs are her thing.
I was always under the (layman's) impression that the reason there are relatively few male borderlines, is that males who display the same traits are more likely to be labeled "sociopaths." More of that "anti-female bias" of course.
Suzanne is the reason you use a cartoon character as a profile picture because it's reconciles with your incredibly low emotional IQ? Only an idiot would bash men on a men's activist channel. You and your bullshit are not welcome. If you want my respect, show me your real ugly mug.
Fattboy26 I agree bro, thanks. Have a great night, I did not take it as an attack; I'm not perfect and don't want to be, I appreciate the feedback we need to stick together, us red pills. Have a blessed night.
Male NPD's get found out and put in jail, the exact same behaviour from females gets sympathy for her. Jail for him, sympathy for her. Equality in action.
I had to do horrible things to my borderline ex, she would threaten or even attempt suicide to stop me from leaving her. The number one thing to do is have the dirt to expose her and dont be afraid to show her you can expose the truth about her. Get gone and never let her know where you live after you leave her.
Update, i had my day in court, she tried to get me for domestic violence (it never happened) but i had documented plenty of evidence over the years of her behaviour and for warned her I was prepared to go for the jugular and expose her. She showed up with nothing and no charges could be filed but she has to pay the court fees. Stack evidence and prepare for the worst. IM FREE!!!
So powerful! I'm so glad I subscribed! I'm older in years and never married but after watching these video's? Wow! God what an eye opener! I'll never get married fuck that it's just not worth it anymore. Like one person said "If you were a betting man? And you knew you had an 80% Chance of losing all your money, would you bet on that Horse?"
38 years ago I left my wife of 12 Years and two daughters. When I left I took only the bare necessities giving her to home a car renters in half the house a second house. I only took the necessities. Last month I met her 2 say our apologies to each other. First we were married when she was 17 I was 19 and she was pregnant. Archie has never let go and demands more money after I've given more than I should have and paid up the child support. Acura 1979 we had spent a year going to a husband wife counselors. All during that time she was secretly addicted to alcohol, wine. Long story short, I left her. And now I have a 40 year old daughter with two sons that refuses you have anything to do with me. The older one is an advocate and understands both sides but her advice, to regain contact with the younger daughter is to make nice with the mother. Yes I'm in that trap
Paul I don't know when you started doing this, why you started doing this or what was the genesis. However I am truly grateful to come across this. My only regret is that I have only now discovered your material. 20yrs ago this would have made a huge difference in my life. Thank you ever so much.
Thank you sir you are spot on and I systematically experienced everything you said from my ex-wife before and after the divorce. Divorcing her and having my inner a******be at the table more often did help where things were not right I was able to put my foot down and she was not able to control it so she had to live with consequences amen and thanks again.
Our materialist/feminist society breeds borderlines by the million. I would never touch another American woman. You just described my ex very and scarily accurately. I couldn't begin to count how much heartache, money and misery she inflicted on me. I am wiser and more able to take care of myself but why would I go where I know there is surely only problems. Thanks for the educational vids.
Great vid. I have watched and read a lot of your stuff and this is one of the best if you ask me. It's so easy to get caught up in the feeling sorry for the mess they got themselves into but any and I mean any weakness invites suffering for the entire family. You also have to accept that many people buy into their BS and it makes you look like a total ass hole when you are only defending yourself and your children. Public opinion becomes more than you can fight back against. It gets exhausting trying to explain to everyone how she is lying her ass off and how they are Not the voice of reason but nothing more than an extension of her abuse when they try to assist. People get very confused who the ass hole really is with a Borderline.
Thank you once again Paul, I struggle with my BPD ex that I have two children with and I was only granted the opportunity to be a weekend dad after she moved far away. And yes she was diagnosed by professionals but that didn’t help me in court. You have great advice 👍🏼
Although I do not have the wealth of education on the matter as you do I, unfortunately, have had relationships with quite a few borderlines, it seems like an epidemic, and share a daughter with a borderline. Yet, with her the opposite of what you suggest is true. With women's access to free legal representation it is very, very, unwise to be a chainsaw with them. Borderline women actually enjoy and love confilct, at least my ex does, it's what makes her tick and allows her to play the victim card that she loves so much. The best way I handle her is to kill her with kindness, when she realizes that nothing she does get's me upset she leaves me alone and goes looking for an easier mark. I also love to use reverse psychology on her and it works each and every single time. Borderlines are nothing if not predictable. If I want to take my daughter to her dance recital all I have to do is have her believe I want her to take her. Next thing you know she has a conflict and cannot take her...once you figure this out with a borderline it is a beautiful thing. My daughter also has her figured out and plays her like a fiddle. If you do not share a child with one then yes, go to town on the bitch!
This is good advice particularly the part about recording and documenting everything. I recently won sole custody of my daughter against her borderline mother. Most of these type of women abuse drugs and alcohol and will wind up on the wrong side of the law. With patience and proper record keeping you can prevail over a borderline. In the end, she will always be her own worst enemy and the truth always comes out.
Truth amazingly honest. Tough respect for reality. Where the heck did u get these keen insights into life. God bless. And please don’t stop. Men. Need. to hear. the gods honest truth. And u are the clearest voice I’ve yet heard.
I left my borderline ex after experiencing all mentioned in this video....I had built a solid respect based dynamic with my step daughters and stayed longer because of said dynamic. This made the mother question why I was willing to parent them but not her. Worst part is she would say if you are doing well by them why not me...every third time out of nowhere in discussions that led nowhere...I simply felt that if her daughters had opportunity to see not all people thought like their mother they could excel on their own as adults but never said those words aloud. This accordingly to my ex was and I quote the .(she) knew I would always come back despite her b.s. because I enjoyed being a step father. I am not even kidding. Soon after I moved out silently and within a week she wrote back stating the eldest s dad was getting divorced and she had him as her minion and deserved it after all he had done to her. She tried to triangulate stating I deserved respect but needed to understand she was a dominant woman and she could save money by getting him to drive her, her daughters from and to school and wanted to ensure his soon to be ex wife would not get the extra money he would have so needed to control him but could not tolerate his crying over the loss of his life and martyred herself...the point is these are examples of the thinking, justifications and proof of the crazy in everyday life....me well I miss doing homework with the kids and watching them be happy but I do not miss any part of the relationship....I did leave to save myself but the loneliness hurts big time....but staying just made her tell her kids I was the crazy one....had I stayed I might of felt crazy someday but ironically months out I just feel lonely but without the crazy being thrown at me within hours...I never would of abandoned my step daughters (though we were not married) but if nothing else maybe my action of stepping away will give them the option to do the same when they can. Had I rights according to the law I would of gone all out but I did not so I got myself out...ironically I have one memory that hits me like a ton of brick...her 15 year old once contacted me on fb asking if she could see my new apartment...her mother said she should see what I was choosing over them. Days later I picked her up with her bf and fast showed them the place...in front of her bf she asked me if when her mom kicked her out when she was 18 she could come live with me in a serious soft voice...I looked at her surprised and said you will never be in the streets. When it is your choice and if that is what you will need we will talk about it then but I can do nothing until it is your choice by law....she was not known to be so well...openly sensitive emotionally. That was super weird to me but proved she was more affected then she had shown to be and recognized I cared despite my imperfections...that hurt but somehow it proved something was out of wack and that was her mother...borderlines are dangerous for their children...I mean look as a man if I stayed so long that was my problem but what she is doing to them is horrific...anyways thx for reading..and your videos.
Does the borderline always insist on sticking around? She returned a few times, but once I cut her off, she seems to have stayed away. I mean I removed all contact completely.
I'd be pissed off too, if I'd been fooled. Then I'd admit that I'd been manipulated, pull up my big boy pants, stop trying to get even and focus my attention solely on my kids - instead of wasting time and energy thinking up ways to get revenge. Because THAT'S not attractive to attractive. Ugly is as ugly does, move on.
I fought back eventually. And, yup, she upped the ante. Our breakup was the start of every dirty trick in the book on her part. Her goal was to get me out of the house, claim the house and ALL finances, and weaponise my children against me. Thankfully my children still talk to me years later, but otherwise I lost EVERYTHING because of her antics within a corrupt court system. I wish I’d been educated about Red Flags BEFORE I met her years ago, but I learnt the hard way. Best way to deal with Crazy: Become educated about family law and the true nature of many women and to not become entangled in the first place.
Was married to a BPD for 17 years. Ended in separation and divorce, which saved my life. My children are older now and see me for who I am, without the filter, narrative, and interpretation from their mother. Now, my children form their own opinions and perspectives own their own. My relationship with my children is healing as they see the truth of who I am with their own eyes. I don't advocate harming in response, but found that separation and divorce took me out of the cross hairs of her weapon sights. I choose not to participate in her drama and antics, this has been a good strategy for me. There has been a huge personal cost to being married to her, but the freedom from her tyranny is a new chapter of my life in which there is hope,success , blessings, and great satisfaction.
I also have chosen not to participate in the drama around certain aspects of those, formerly close to me. It is heartening to read comments from other people, for whom this strategy works.
I agree with everything you've said. I beat, no... destroyed my borderline ex when I finally grew a back-bone. When I got smart and turned the game on her she wasn't ready for it and I've never looked back. I have custody and have helped my son become a strong man so he can avoid people like his mother.
😂😂😂 Wow! I dated a borderline not too long ago and somehow I was able to defend myself instinctively without myself knowing it. Once I finally figured out she was borderline, I used my weapons of assholeness and holding her accountable for her actions to full effect. When her tactics ran out and she eventually stopped talking to me, I knew I had won. Thankfully, I was able to get off the runaway train before it got off the rails I'm 21 and I'm extremely grateful for the advice I recieve from older male figures about aspects of life I have yet to experience/ have experienced. We need more men like you. Peace
Appreciate your channel man, Grew up with a mom that have borderline, as well as going through a gf 1.5years that have it, i wasn't really aware what was going on but since i was so used to this borderline behavior of my mom i just accepted that women can be really off LOL. Not untill now i started doing research on it and i realized so much what was actually going on. Tbh these days when people tell me their issues they sound like little bitches to me when they talk. Me telling someone about how my childhood was is like hearing a horror thriller drama romance story combined into a mess. Made me into a rocksolid humanbeing tho, so i appreciate the experience somehow. Because now i see how freaking small peoples problems are.
I love it, Paul. Our bedside manners are somewhat different, but the take no prisoners approach is something we both share. Keep on keeping on. So many bodies, so little time.
Been reading some comments here and wish to make some observations.
1) Paul Elam is not trying to heal BPD. He's helping men recognize the symptoms of BPD in a potential mate or an established partner and shows how to avoid them or get out of the relationship with one.
2) Mr. Elam sometimes uses strong, perceptibly mysogynistic language to get through to the men he is trying to help. Some men need a 2x4 to the head to get the message. Some men need that approach to understand what is going on in their lives. He's not doing this to hate on women.
3) A person with Boderline Personality Disorder is just that - borderline. This means they can move go towards reason and healthier relationships or deeper into psychosis and unhealthy relationships. It's not the man's responsibility to help a woman with BPD overcome it. That is better left to the woman herself, reflecting on her own condition, and any mental health professionals she seeks.
4) The people criticizing Mr. Elam don't get him. He does however, communicate with a tone of anger and ass-kicking. It's a communication style and it's effective for some people. If you don't like it, move on and find someone who's communication style works better for you.
If you are going to find fault with Mr. Elam, you are either trolling or maybe you have BPD yourself and can't stand feeling exposed. Whatever it is, no one who feels helped by Mr. Elam's counsel here, gives a shit about your opinions. You might as well just move along.
John Houlgate Is it me or is there some resistance to pointing out bad behavior in women?
All things being equal, we men leave our homes knowing 3 things:
1.) We're not the first or the last
2.) Someone just might kick our ass
3.) If we genuinely fuck up, own up, fix it up n don't fuck up again.
Why can't these rules apply to BPD women Paul's describing?
It's less of an indictment of the gender and more of an indictment of the societial, legal and governmental apparti enabling these ladies to get away with horrors worthy of a Lifetime movie were the genders reversed.
John Houlgate thank you brother. I could not have said this any better.
Dear John , very well said Sir ! Having been subjected to such a person , I know personally just how destructive this behaviour is ..
john these people have no remorse for the destruction they leave behind i was involved with one i was helping her daughter alot and at the end of it all you know what she told me " I should of done Friends with benefits with ( a cocaine dealer) I walked away from the evil and never look back Her name Was Casandra Rojas
Dimitri Pehlivanidis bpd's are not all the same
These An ear for men videos saved my life. I am now 4.5 months free from my BPD ex wife!
Hardest thing I have ever had to do. And I am not exagerating. I have done some very difficult things in my life, but this takes the cake. Ghosting my ex. Hitting the road as a commercial driver was my ticket out. I couldn't be in the same area code. The burlap sack I throw in the deep water has become many. Every time I get a guilt inducing text. Or contemplate her inevitable demise which will brand me for life. It is what it is. Be careful who you "love"! I have to watch these videos just to stay true to me. It's a battle. Thank you Elam! For your wisdom. Your generosity of spirit. And your hilarious anecdotes.
Good luck . You are not alone .
3 months away from mine. Such a sick human being. Gave her and her 7 kids to other men everything I could and the thanks I got was destruction of my soul, my finances, my job and my reputation :( There's a special place in hell for her
@@fergynet2225 ouch... That just hit me. "Be careful who you 'love.'"
good lucky mate. i left mine too. had to. but got 3 pre school kids too.
This man is SPOT ON. This describes my ex-fiancé in all details. I kinda figured out by myself that she was a covert narc/BPD _before_ we got married ... after then there was only one option left: cut her loose and RUN. I broke up with her over the phone. I had written down and piled up BRUTAL answers to each and every of her mind twisting games she used to play on me. The rest was a pure MASSACRE ... really "Chainsaw Style": I crushed her inner mental asylum within 15 minutes. I could literally "witness" her breaking down over the phone. It's been ten years since then ... never heard a word from her again. Thank God.
Paul is doing what any good friend would do, warning a friend of impending danger.
Mr. Elam, you are my hero. I'm 25 years old and have 2 little kids with a woman that I've been separated from since 1 year ago. She's everything you describe and I've felt so lonely and misunderstood until I stumbled upon your channel. Your words of wisdom give me strength and confidence. I feel like I've woken up from a slumber where I was the useless idiot who never did anything right and deserved the lying, the cheating, the abuse, the insults and the humiliation. I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I wish you all the best in the world. You are a good man and I hope to be just like you one day.
Any advice on dealing with the kid's part? That's my only and biggest concern
@@guacaquio I have never dealt with that situation, but would bet his advice would be the same as Paul's advice was in the video.
@@jerrybruckhart9134 it's been the toughest decision, mixed emotions super happy that I left my bpd wife but the children part have been really tough
@@guacaquio I can not even begin to imagine how hard that would be, have never been married or have any children.
It does make logical sense to me however that the outcome with the children is going to be pretty similar no matter what you do at this point.
My advice would be to follow Paul's advice, save yourself, then pray that someday your children will see through the lies.
@@jerrybruckhart9134 Jerry thanks for your words.
Found out the other day that my BPD "wife" (can't really call her a wife since she's acted like a four-year-old since we first met and doesn't know the first thing about what a wife actually does) has been having a cyber-affair with a guy 12 years younger than she is who lives on the other side of the country. They met playing The Walking Dead game on their phones. I discovered that they've been cyber-fucking each other, masturbating in the bathroom with the door locked like fucking teenagers, pledging their undying love for each other. My spouse suffers from depression, takes Prozac, has OCD, and knows that she has BPD (she admitted a few years ago that she is borderline but has since denied it vehemently) but refuses to get help. (Instead, my two sons and I each have our own therapists we are currently seeing.) When someone is sick, whether it be a physical or mental illness, and flat out refuses to get the help they need, FUCK THEM. Her mental illness has torn our family apart and done irreparable damage, scars to last a lifetime. Our elder son despises her, our younger son is too young to fully understand (he's 11) but he's starting to. But, she has her new little boyfriend to sob on his cyber-shoulder so everything's good. If only he knew what kind of a fucking monster she is. I have no sympathy for him. If they ever end up together, he'll learn the hard way. Like I did.
Hi I don't mean to come off challenging to you, but how come you've known your wife has acted like a four-year-old since you first met and you've known her for well more than 11 years? You've had two sons with her, the youngest of which is 11 years-old and all three of you are in therapy. Sounds like you were incapable' of discerning your wife's (or ex-wife's) BPD disorders over a long period of time.
I've had at least one relationship where I recognized there was some personality disorder and got out of that situation in less than four years. Fortunately, we never married.
John: I think I can explain why Pan did not dump his ex when she first displayed her BPD. Mostly, he was infatuated with her by the "love bombing" & could not see the signs or did not want to see. Nor did he know what BPD was. I am saying this from experience. It is just a messy situation all the way around. Sad but wiser.
El Chongo Loco is right.
I've been living in this BPD hell for thirty-four years now. I am listening, hearing, heeding and ready to move on. Thank you Paul Elam. You nailed it.
I spent ten years in court fighting my own borderline ex's craziness, and you're absolutely right that compromise with a borderline is impossible. Eventually it was established beyond doubt that she had BPD although she was unable to admit that, even under oath.
Deny, delay, defend. Best advice for men in court.
When I first watched Elams channel, I wasn’t so impressed. Now I think it is one of the most useful resources on the internet/and definitely on U tube. Well done Paul. 👍
..and the second you stand up for yourself, they go ballistic. How dare you.
It took 15 years and 132 grand to dislodge my ex borderline. Your book "Say Goodbye To Crazy" was right on the mark.
great advice I always recorded my x whenever I was near her always recording had Witnesses took pictures and it did pay off she has been arrested five times. I have full custody and she is not allowed to be around my child and she pays me child support.
most important thing I've learned from being with a borderline for about 6 months:
You can NOT stay friends with your Ex.
YOU need to make her abandon you by abandoning her to be free again.
YOU decide whether she thinks she can still get you back.
Don't give her any hope that she might get you back in any way shape or form.
most importantly: Never trade your sanity for sex.
Was with her for 5 years. I wished for days and weeks and months that she'd leave. January 3, 2020 she cleaned out the bank account and left, telling everyone that I abused her. I've maintained a strict no contact. I assure you, there is NO chance in hell we'll ever get back together. She told me she had BPD when we first got together. I'd never heard of it and never gave it another thought until she finally left. I'm just shocked at everything I've learned about this disorder. Had I done this research when we first got together, I could have saved myself 5 years of pure hell plus all the damage she's still trying to do to my life :( What a sick human being
It took me entirely too long to find this out on my own. It was really hard at first to fight against my years of programming and actually stand up for myself, but after she started backing off and turning her "game", instead, onto easier men to manipulate, a sudden weight was lifted off my shoulders and my life. I only wish I could have heard words like these a little earlier. Thank you for what you do.
It's like listening to my own life's story before I pulled the plug. But it cost me 21 years of my life (because I felt responsible for my kids). My advice to young men who are considering marriage: if there is the slighted aspect or event that causes or caused irritation during courtship, get out because it is a signal. It will get much worse after marriage. I compromised on the warning signs instead of just walking away.
Your ordeal is substantively similar to mine. I didn't figure out what the Monster was until the love-bombing phase morphed into devaluation. It was nearly 20 years ago, now, but I remember the day I got it all figured out like it happened yesterday. The problem was I figured it out too late and far later than my education and training in abnormal psychology should have led me to. During the love-bombing phase, I was fucking her three or four times a day, every single day. She couldn't get enough. Fuck that much, and you get a life lesson in why contraception isn't always 100% effective.
The day I saw the light, so to speak, I vowed to break up with her the following day. The following day came and I went from "The time has come for us to redefine the nature of our association" in the morning to making wedding plans that evening. When I told her I was done, she said she totally understood, but there was just one little tiny thing that I should know. That "tiny thing" was that she was over three months pregnant with what I presumed to be our child. Not wanting this innocent life that I presumed that I had created to have to endure disordered parenting, I chose to marry the mother as a legal means of providing a full-time moderating influence to disordered behavior. I made this move convinced that she was a borderline, knowing that she would eventually discard me, and so on. I was narcissistic enough to delude myself into believing that my education in abnormal psychology and training in psychological warfare would equip me to keep the monster under control. For the most part, I do believe I was able to do this.
The end came as I always knew it likely would, with her adultery being grounds for divorce. I didn't think I would catch her in the act of playing unicorn for a married couple, but I am eternally grateful that I did. I am more grateful that I was able to mind-fuck her into an pro se uncontested divorce filing, in which she agreed to give me full custody of our children and to only take that mutually-acquired property that I wanted her to have, and to pay child support.
It was an 18 year tour of psychological warfare duty in my own home. One of the benefits of living with this human lab rat for that long was that I know just exactly what someone diagnosed with BPD co-morbid with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is capable of where attempts at pre-meditated abuse with malice aforethought is concerned. I know first-hand that people with Cluster B personality disorders are not harmless Muppets, but real monsters with a real capacity to cause real emotional and psychological harm. I also know, from my own experience and similar experiences of other men, that some of what I learned about the personality disordered sounded great in the classroom but proved to be pure bullshit in reality.
21 years, then I found an ear for men, thank you thank you thank you.
@@jerroldshelton9367 that was a hilarious rant sad but hilarious
@@jerroldshelton9367 how did you catch her?
@@afrotraveller3768 It's a long story.
There are so many factions to borderline personalities and An Ear for Men is doing an excellent job at pointing out how to spot them and walk away... Excellent series it is so necessary..
These last two video's on borderline hit a mark with me. Having been freed from a four year relationship with BPD SO (diagnosed shortly after being dumped) for over a year now I am feeling much, much better.
But I would infer from my experience that men in the midst of a relationship with a BPD would be hard pressed to understand what's happening to them. Let alone understand that they are the victim. I as an individual will know the signs now, and these videos only serve to further open my eyes.
Thanks!
3 kids with a borderline, this is spot on advice.
Thank you so much for this post! I am dealing with a female friend I only knew for a few weeks, and thank God I saw the warning signs. I have worked in the mental health field, and I have never encountered such evil in all my life. Stop and Block! Thats my motto. I am relieved I never introduced her to my children, pets, or had her to my house!
I haven't seen nor heard of my ex in 4 decades. Don't want to, Don't need to. Anytime she is talking, she is lying. Best to shut her out of my life. Last I heard, she is on husband no. 3 now & somebody else's problem.
This man is soo right to the T! It was hilarious some of the things he said tho. I haven't heard from my BPD in 5 months and have my divorce court date in a month and a half! She was 5 months pregnant but had a miscarriage (i dodged a huge bullet). Good luck to you other guys who are dealing with this.
I had suffered alot and still suffering from my husband who is a maleborderline .
Your videos are great and really helping
I hope you talk to us to .... women who suffered from male borderlines and thank you Mr Ellam
Thank you Paul. I may not be a man but I was with a female BPD for 3 years & growing the backbone you speak of was really the only way! I appreciate your information, your puns... hehe... and the way you use ur wit while you teach.... especially since CRAZY IS 2 French fries SHORT of a value meal which means a lot more to one when he or she is starving, lost, confused, and feeling like damned is the only drive thru! Thanks again...
I've gone through this as a child with my mother. Was told that I got PTSD from my mother, never knew my father.
PTSD... really????REALLY?????...put another worm on the hook and keep fishing....
That EMT 6 it's true, I totally believe you about the PTSD!
I hear you bruv
It is CPTSD and it is real. Caused by borderlines or narcissists. Read Pete Walker if you have not already done so.
Son.. is that you?
Paul, your work is amazingly helpful. Not only did you redpilled me, you also handed me the key of my prison. Tanks to your work and book, I was able to bring back some sanity to my life. For that, I Will be forever grateful. Your videos changed my life in a way I never tought possible. I now feel free, strong and confident. Tanks To YOU ! Paul, you are a light in the darkness. I found my way out of a living hell and it saved my life, litteraly.
I am an idiot who was married to someone with BPD which I didn't know at the time. Everything you said about kids, courts and having to turn into an asshole is spot on. I took my daughter at the age of 3 through the courts after barely seeing her for a year. Then I spent the next 11 years going to court and winning. Now my daughter is 19 and a law student. There is no chance of negotiating with a BDP ex. Such a long story to put in a comment sufficiently. You have to cut off completely. No sympathy.
Thank you! You're so right! My husband's ex is exactly everything you said. I use to always defend women and let me express my utter disappointment in my gender. I can't believe the crazy that lays under most females. I don't get the arrogance and false sense of grandeur that comes out from some of my gender. Just because you can bake a baby doesn't make you a mother or more important. This girl and I say girl because a real woman Wouldn't behavior in such a manner, has made it her mission to poison my stepson, friends, family, and went as far as to ruin my career. I came into the picture long after their breakup. (He never wanted to marry her and he didn't) even though she now has another child by another victim, it still doesn't matter because to her the one that got away is my husband. We have been documenting her every move and ignorant comments for the past 4 years. Coming this February she'll be in for a big surprise when we have our evaluation from this child custody case. It's been brutal but my stepson and my husband are well worth the free fight. I love them both dearly and I refuse to give up on either. Justice will prevail and the truth WILL be known.
pincurlz79 how'd it all go for you all?
I wish you had an attractive daughter because you have a good head on your shoulders!
The first BPD woman in my life was my mother.
Listen to this man. I was the victim of a borderline, who made my life a misery with her manipulative, controlling behaviour, eventually running off to the other side of the world, taking my children and the proceeds from my house and business with her. She literally destroyed my life, and then attempted to turn my children against me. They saw through her bullshit to a large extent, but she largely succeeded in preventing me being with them until they were adults. I cannot forgive her, nor do I want to. It took me years to pull my life back together, and only barely made it through a suicidal depression. More recently, thanks to Paul's warnings, I spotted the symptoms in another woman with whom I was starting a relationship and managed to pull myself out before it was too late. Be warned, guys: learn to spot these traits ahead of time and save your own lives.
Its fantastic that these videos exist. Years ago I was in an awful relationship with a borderline woman. I had no idea she was, then a person I trusted and respected gave me a book about borderlines but I still didn't really know what it was going to take to get out of it. It took an entire additional couple of years...
You're are not kidding, the fight will always escaladed to beyond imagination. The goal for her is to win, to control, and to cause as much misery as possible. She would prefer to lose everything, than to lose. It's a pissing match, more closer to a nuclear war,than a pissing match.
Sir, you helped me a lot, I can't give you enough credit for it. Very articulate, serious and on the point. Your videos were an eye opener to me. Thank you for supporting me, when I was in serious trouble!
I can not thank God enough for this man and his channel because of the living hell I've been going through.
There is no one you can talk to that would understand the true fuckery and understand the emotional pain we are going through with a woman like that.
To society as men we are automatically always viewed as the bastards in domestic situations no matter what.
This channel and its contents will only hit you directly between the eyes and will be the hand book/bible answer to all your needs emotionally, spiritually,legally and so on as a man once you reached that wall in the relationship and as a person and realized you been dealing with a true crazy person!!
His information is Spot dafuk on! And he speaks to you man to man as if he is speaking directly and personally to You at a time in your life when you truly feel defeated. His videos will definitely give you your balls back so to speak, and clear directions on how to get out and also deal with a woman/person with Border line Personality Disorder.
Thank you so much for this channel! At times I felt suicidal because I loved this woman so much and fell for every trick in the book because I never been with someone like this before,your videos which I just found truly saved me from the inside out! I can't thank you enough as a man and as a person!
This man is being very honest run like hell! . I fucked up and paying the price
Good morning John. I am most grateful for your much needed message as it saddens me that so many men still are unable to understand Paul's point of view in his almost thankless attempt to provide much needed and sometimes life saving advice to help men avoid such women. Happy New year.
Just great advice, Paul. A very accurate description of their behaviour and a very clear approach to dealing with it. Love your no-nonsense delivery. Thank you
Everything that Paul Elam is talking about I've been dealing with for almost a decade. He's right about how to deal with the craziness. Unfortunately, I had two kids in my twenties with a BPD broad. I'm still fighting the fight against her for the sake of my seeds... Thanks for the video
You are dead on. Thank you for just identifying what evil these psychos are. I had one exactly as you describe. It's been 3 years since I sent her packing and I'm still dealing with hurt. These bpd and a narcs are some evil shit.
Time is the healer of all....just view it as water under the bridge .chalk it up .lesson learned and put your focus on loving yourself man ..i wasted years hurting over lost failed relations ..i found freedom in a higher power and learning to love myself and forgiveness
The entirety of this series should be required listening by ALL Highschool Boys and College Freshman Boys.
TY for your video's you have uploaded. I enjoy your very abrasive and "take it or leave it" type of approach. This is the type of approach some of us men need. And the simple fact that not only are these BPD person's dangerous, and emotionally toxic, but everyday life and society going about this "Fallacy" or "circular reasoning" of how men are suppose to treat women. Respect is vital in building a relationship, but also finding that balance of "Reciprocation" to where your balls aren't in a vice! I'm 28 Years old and finding out now that 80% of what society sees as being a "gentlemen" so to speak, is total bullshit!! And your video's have helped me open my eyes and stand up for what's actually right! I'm going to purchase your book you co authored. I hope you continue to help me and other troubled, confused Men! Once again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!!
Paul, your videos are extremely important especially for young adults. My dad was telling me most of the stuff you are saying now when I was growing up and I remember thinking that he's being extreme, but as I grew older and started to run into all the different personalities I began to realize that he's right. Just to throw it out there - If you want to reach a bigger audience I suggest getting on a podcast such as "The Joe Rogan Experience" Or Adam Corolla's podcast, they have a lot of guests with important messages such as yourself. I'm in no way affiliated with them, but listed to their podcasts a lot. Keep up the good work.
Got diagnosed with BPD after I totaled my relationship with my ex-gf. Always felt there was something wrong with me because she was genuinely a great chick, but I didn’t figure it out in time. Good to know how the other side sees this.
The main problem that trips up men with borderlines is that, "The crazier they are in the head, the crazier they are in the bed."
Thanks for your videos Paul, they're very insightful in coming to understand why borderlines do what they do. The mother of my child is a diagnosed borderline who was basically a tornado that almost destroyed my life. We are no longer together and share legal custody of our child, while she is the primary care giver. The court process was absolutely miserable; domestic violence accusations came up, sexual abuse accusations were made, and countless other lies were told in an attempt to alienate me from my son. I fought back and ultimately proved my innocence. Now we "co-parent" together (co-parent meaning her way or the higher way) and she acts like nothing ever happened and like we're best friends. Despite knowing how mentally unstable she is, I can't stop myself from thinking of "reconciling" with her because that would be the easiest way to be involved in my sons life. I don't really know why I'm saying this, I guess I'm trying to vent about my current struggles
I've had a borderline girlfriend and it lasted 3 years. The ending came swiftly when I set boundaries and said no about substantial matters. The breakup was brutal but I am 2 years removed and healing myself. She is now engaged to a much older man and miserable.
Almost like personal direct therapy. Can relate to everything said here. Fortunately have been taking this actions for some time now, and it's a HUGE relieve to know I'm not the only one going through this.
This Channel like Return of Kings for the level headed. I deeply enjoy this type of Rhetoric from an older gentleman. subbed for sure.
At first I enjoyed the attention my ex showed me. It's flattering when a woman is so obsessed with you that she can't spend 5 min w/o you. But that gets old after a few weeks. Then you're doomed.
In the beginning it feels so right but once the honeymoon phase fades that’s when you should run away.
I miss her sometimes but staying with her felt wrong to me, she would’ve destroyed me if I stayed.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE SIR
So hard, i have tried everything and I'm completely worn down, i love her but lately I can't remember how I feel because i put my own emotions aside months ago, i think having my beautiful 3 year old in the middle makes me want to fight for him, but im losing.. she has been to numerous councillors and Psychologists lately to come back telling me they don't think she is bpd. I have lived it for nearly 6 years and its only educating myself that was able to make sense of it and be there for her and my son. This weight on my shoulders i have no support, its been over 3 months and just a very stressful circus really, she stopped drinking but that numbing out every weekend i think is what kept her in her false sense of belief that everything was ok. Since no alcohol the self harming came back and basically dealing with the bpd in the raw which is terrible. Bit lost as of what to do as i keep empathising with her even after all the hurt.. theres no logic, no rational thinking, you agree on a plan of action that gets you feeling positive that could have imense importance from discussion, then all of a sudden its like it was never even spoke about?! i think i know whats going on but a part of me just doesn't want to believe it, or be one of those dads that are in and out of his sons life, having a failed relationship that your son was entitled to have a loving mum and dad environment that i myself had. Thanks Paul this video hits hard its a terrible thing but its REAL, i wish anyone else sharing my situation strength and to believe in themselves.
You are not alone just be cautious when you plan to leave study up and have an exit plan because when they feel abandoned you will suffer every attack possible which could include assault, sexual assault, fraud to name a few trumped up psychotic things. Good luck get some friends and family behind you.
You published this on my birthday..thank you for the best present i recieved..i salute you sir
My ex created whatever scenario she wanted to trap you or gain sympathy elsewhere by conveying her feelings like this “her thoughts were not her thoughts” her thoughts were “ her thoughts about your thoughts about her” Only they weren’t thoughts they were factsWhen she expressed to themits a impossible nightmare. She would tell you about completely unrelated intentions and then expect you to praise her for her destructive and ridiculous behavior. To say that a different way she could do anything evil and when she told you she had pure & Godly intentions... she wanted to be praised for evil..., when you refused you became the evil, unsupportive and abandoning?
Sounds kinda like Leftist logic, when they start destroying public & private property; "you made us riot, by victimizing criminals, i. e. police doing their jobs.
This is the very best advice l have heard on this topic. It took me years to figure it out on my own. Following these points will save you much heartache and valuable time in your life.
Just ordered your book, I'll have it in 2 days. I am going to start filing for a custody case in the near future. Pray for me.
I am a woman (despite what some may think- in addition to being streight) ...and I can understand how difficult it can be to deal with a BPD ! It can be so difficult ! Men...put your foot down...especially if you have children with her ! I am all for FACTS and truth ! I AM not gender bias, however, I have zero tolerate for those who play games and manipulate !
I don't know about the statistics, but I've known more male sociopaths, and at least 2 diagnosed female borderlines. All of them are nightmares, and videos like this are deeply helpful for the victims.
Paul, just want to say "thank you". you literally saved my Life back in 2013.
This guy is a prophet crying out from the wilderness!
I didn't know the definition back then, but from 1999 to 2009 I was with a boderline.
If I'd known what I now know back then, she'd've been gone in 2000
Has anyone heard of a Borderline that was not a Feminist?
Adam Jocepos NOPE!
In Morocco I'm sure they have one somewhere.
Good advice. As a divorce lawyer when I have a client in this situation I give very similar advice. You can’t argue or negotiate with crazy any more than you can with terrorists.
You are so spot on. I'm not a victim by a warrior who needed to go through this to be who I'm now. I listen to you and Tom Leykus all the time. I have buddies who have gone though the same who also listen as well. Thank you so much for the time you have spent helping us out! I will do the same someday soon as well!!!
The opener hits home with me, I did quite a few things, that i otherwise would never do, both during and after a relationship with a borderline personality disordered alcoholic woman. I went "bare knuckles on her crazy ass". Ten years later now and I must say my life is very changed....her, not so much...disability nut check and free drugs are her thing.
39 women with borderline disliked this video so far.
130 now
I was always under the (layman's) impression that the reason there are relatively few male borderlines, is that males who display the same traits are more likely to be labeled "sociopaths." More of that "anti-female bias" of course.
+Suzanne McCarley In this case, the layman is correct.
Suzanne is the reason you use a cartoon character as a profile picture because it's reconciles with your incredibly low emotional IQ? Only an idiot would bash men on a men's activist channel. You and your bullshit are not welcome. If you want my respect, show me your real ugly mug.
Fattboy26 thank you sir. Perhaps you're right. I'll ponder my rhetoric more carefully next time. I'm freshly wounded and I over reacted.
Fattboy26 I agree bro, thanks. Have a great night, I did not take it as an attack; I'm not perfect and don't want to be, I appreciate the feedback we need to stick together, us red pills. Have a blessed night.
Male NPD's get found out and put in jail, the exact same behaviour from females gets sympathy for her. Jail for him, sympathy for her. Equality in action.
This is an absolutely SAVAGE way to deal with BPD and I LOVE IT
I just hope it's effective
I had to do horrible things to my borderline ex, she would threaten or even attempt suicide to stop me from leaving her. The number one thing to do is have the dirt to expose her and dont be afraid to show her you can expose the truth about her. Get gone and never let her know where you live after you leave her.
Not done yet, shes bringing me to civil court tomorrow.
Thanks, i will need it.
Update, i had my day in court, she tried to get me for domestic violence (it never happened) but i had documented plenty of evidence over the years of her behaviour and for warned her I was prepared to go for the jugular and expose her. She showed up with nothing and no charges could be filed but she has to pay the court fees. Stack evidence and prepare for the worst. IM FREE!!!
Thank you, the worst part about it is I can't celebrate, i can't shake feeling sorry for her even after going through hell...
So powerful! I'm so glad I subscribed! I'm older in years and never married but after watching these video's? Wow! God what an eye opener! I'll never get married fuck that it's just not worth it anymore. Like one person said "If you were a betting man? And you knew you had an 80% Chance of losing all your money, would you bet on that Horse?"
38 years ago I left my wife of 12 Years and two daughters. When I left I took only the bare necessities giving her to home a car renters in half the house a second house. I only took the necessities. Last month I met her 2 say our apologies to each other. First we were married when she was 17 I was 19 and she was pregnant. Archie has never let go and demands more money after I've given more than I should have and paid up the child support. Acura 1979 we had spent a year going to a husband wife counselors. All during that time she was secretly addicted to alcohol, wine. Long story short, I left her. And now I have a 40 year old daughter with two sons that refuses you have anything to do with me. The older one is an advocate and understands both sides but her advice, to regain contact with the younger daughter is to make nice with the mother. Yes I'm in that trap
Excellent video!! Best mental self defense advice ever. Awareness is the key. Thank you!!!!
Paul I don't know when you started doing this, why you started doing this or what was the genesis. However I am truly grateful to come across this. My only regret is that I have only now discovered your material. 20yrs ago this would have made a huge difference in my life. Thank you ever so much.
"My dog stepped on a bee..."
Thank you sir you are spot on and I systematically experienced everything you said from my ex-wife before and after the divorce. Divorcing her and having my inner a******be at the table more often did help where things were not right I was able to put my foot down and she was not able to control it so she had to live with consequences amen and thanks again.
Our materialist/feminist society breeds borderlines by the million. I would never touch another American woman. You just described my ex very and scarily accurately. I couldn't begin to count how much heartache, money and misery she inflicted on me. I am wiser and more able to take care of myself but why would I go where I know there is surely only problems. Thanks for the educational vids.
Any woman from any culture can be borderline or narcissistic.It's a global problem.
Great vid. I have watched and read a lot of your stuff and this is one of the best if you ask me. It's so easy to get caught up in the feeling sorry for the mess they got themselves into but any and I mean any weakness invites suffering for the entire family. You also have to accept that many people buy into their BS and it makes you look like a total ass hole when you are only defending yourself and your children. Public opinion becomes more than you can fight back against. It gets exhausting trying to explain to everyone how she is lying her ass off and how they are Not the voice of reason but nothing more than an extension of her abuse when they try to assist. People get very confused who the ass hole really is with a Borderline.
Thank you once again Paul, I struggle with my BPD ex that I have two children with and I was only granted the opportunity to be a weekend dad after she moved far away. And yes she was diagnosed by professionals but that didn’t help me in court.
You have great advice 👍🏼
Although I do not have the wealth of education on the matter as you do I, unfortunately, have had relationships with quite a few borderlines, it seems like an epidemic, and share a daughter with a borderline. Yet, with her the opposite of what you suggest is true. With women's access to free legal representation it is very, very, unwise to be a chainsaw with them. Borderline women actually enjoy and love confilct, at least my ex does, it's what makes her tick and allows her to play the victim card that she loves so much. The best way I handle her is to kill her with kindness, when she realizes that nothing she does get's me upset she leaves me alone and goes looking for an easier mark. I also love to use reverse psychology on her and it works each and every single time. Borderlines are nothing if not predictable. If I want to take my daughter to her dance recital all I have to do is have her believe I want her to take her. Next thing you know she has a conflict and cannot take her...once you figure this out with a borderline it is a beautiful thing. My daughter also has her figured out and plays her like a fiddle. If you do not share a child with one then yes, go to town on the bitch!
blueeyedbull67 she's a narcissist not borderline
Definitely a narcissist, which is a trait of borderline women, She has been diagnosed borderline.
" it seems like an epidemic " Glad I am not the only one who as notice this especially with American / western women.
This is good advice particularly the part about recording and documenting everything. I recently won sole custody of my daughter against her borderline mother. Most of these type of women abuse drugs and alcohol and will wind up on the wrong side of the law. With patience and proper record keeping you can prevail over a borderline. In the end, she will always be her own worst enemy and the truth always comes out.
You are doing God's work Thank you
Truth amazingly honest. Tough respect for reality. Where the heck did u get these keen insights into life. God bless. And please don’t stop. Men. Need. to hear. the gods honest truth. And u are the clearest voice I’ve yet heard.
I left my borderline ex after experiencing all mentioned in this video....I had built a solid respect based dynamic with my step daughters and stayed longer because of said dynamic. This made the mother question why I was willing to parent them but not her. Worst part is she would say if you are doing well by them why not me...every third time out of nowhere in discussions that led nowhere...I simply felt that if her daughters had opportunity to see not all people thought like their mother they could excel on their own as adults but never said those words aloud. This accordingly to my ex was and I quote the .(she) knew I would always come back despite her b.s. because I enjoyed being a step father. I am not even kidding. Soon after I moved out silently and within a week she wrote back stating the eldest s dad was getting divorced and she had him as her minion and deserved it after all he had done to her. She tried to triangulate stating I deserved respect but needed to understand she was a dominant woman and she could save money by getting him to drive her, her daughters from and to school and wanted to ensure his soon to be ex wife would not get the extra money he would have so needed to control him but could not tolerate his crying over the loss of his life and martyred herself...the point is these are examples of the thinking, justifications and proof of the crazy in everyday life....me well I miss doing homework with the kids and watching them be happy but I do not miss any part of the relationship....I did leave to save myself but the loneliness hurts big time....but staying just made her tell her kids I was the crazy one....had I stayed I might of felt crazy someday but ironically months out I just feel lonely but without the crazy being thrown at me within hours...I never would of abandoned my step daughters (though we were not married) but if nothing else maybe my action of stepping away will give them the option to do the same when they can. Had I rights according to the law I would of gone all out but I did not so I got myself out...ironically I have one memory that hits me like a ton of brick...her 15 year old once contacted me on fb asking if she could see my new apartment...her mother said she should see what I was choosing over them. Days later I picked her up with her bf and fast showed them the place...in front of her bf she asked me if when her mom kicked her out when she was 18 she could come live with me in a serious soft voice...I looked at her surprised and said you will never be in the streets. When it is your choice and if that is what you will need we will talk about it then but I can do nothing until it is your choice by law....she was not known to be so well...openly sensitive emotionally. That was super weird to me but proved she was more affected then she had shown to be and recognized I cared despite my imperfections...that hurt but somehow it proved something was out of wack and that was her mother...borderlines are dangerous for their children...I mean look as a man if I stayed so long that was my problem but what she is doing to them is horrific...anyways thx for reading..and your videos.
Does the borderline always insist on sticking around? She returned a few times, but once I cut her off, she seems to have stayed away. I mean I removed all contact completely.
Thang good message i heard a bit late but , good info ,
The matrix cut was wonderful, keep listening to this man fella’s.
LMAO, Was I the only one to laugh with Agent Smith?
This is absolutely brilliant...and completely true... Truly thankyou...
I'd be pissed off too, if I'd been fooled. Then I'd admit that I'd been manipulated, pull up my big boy pants, stop trying to get even and focus my attention solely on my kids - instead of wasting time and energy thinking up ways to get revenge. Because THAT'S not attractive to attractive. Ugly is as ugly does, move on.
Thank you!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!! Thank you!!!
I fought back eventually. And, yup, she upped the ante. Our breakup was the start of every dirty trick in the book on her part. Her goal was to get me out of the house, claim the house and ALL finances, and weaponise my children against me. Thankfully my children still talk to me years later, but otherwise I lost EVERYTHING because of her antics within a corrupt court system. I wish I’d been educated about Red Flags BEFORE I met her years ago, but I learnt the hard way.
Best way to deal with Crazy: Become educated about family law and the true nature of many women and to not become entangled in the first place.
what ultimately happens to people with untreated BPD when they older, say after 70 years old?
Was married to a BPD for 17 years. Ended in separation and divorce, which saved my life. My children are older now and see me for who I am, without the filter, narrative, and interpretation from their mother. Now, my children form their own opinions and perspectives own their own. My relationship with my children is healing as they see the truth of who I am with their own eyes. I don't advocate harming in response, but found that separation and divorce took me out of the cross hairs of her weapon sights. I choose not to participate in her drama and antics, this has been a good strategy for me. There has been a huge personal cost to being married to her, but the freedom from her tyranny is a new chapter of my life in which there is hope,success , blessings, and great satisfaction.
I also have chosen not to participate in the drama around certain aspects of those, formerly close to me. It is heartening to read comments from other people, for whom this strategy works.
thank you. Your advice is so soothing!!
I agree with everything you've said. I beat, no... destroyed my borderline ex when I finally grew a back-bone. When I got smart and turned the game on her she wasn't ready for it and I've never looked back. I have custody and have helped my son become a strong man so he can avoid people like his mother.
Will burning or burying the bag work? Not a lot of water where I live. None of the lakes are deep enough.
😂😂😂
Wow! I dated a borderline not too long ago and somehow I was able to defend myself instinctively without myself knowing it. Once I finally figured out she was borderline, I used my weapons of assholeness and holding her accountable for her actions to full effect.
When her tactics ran out and she eventually stopped talking to me, I knew I had won.
Thankfully, I was able to get off the runaway train before it got off the rails
I'm 21 and I'm extremely grateful for the advice I recieve from older male figures about aspects of life I have yet to experience/ have experienced. We need more men like you.
Peace
Copper Colored You were real lucky.
Appreciate your channel man, Grew up with a mom that have borderline, as well as going through a gf 1.5years that have it, i wasn't really aware what was going on but since i was so used to this borderline behavior of my mom i just accepted that women can be really off LOL. Not untill now i started doing research on it and i realized so much what was actually going on.
Tbh these days when people tell me their issues they sound like little bitches to me when they talk. Me telling someone about how my childhood was is like hearing a horror thriller drama romance story combined into a mess. Made me into a rocksolid humanbeing tho, so i appreciate the experience somehow. Because now i see how freaking small peoples problems are.
Thanks so much for this video. It reminds me of people in my life I need to deal with...
I love it, Paul. Our bedside manners are somewhat different, but the take no prisoners approach is something we both share. Keep on keeping on. So many bodies, so little time.
I follow this to the T and I've been doing this for the past 10 years. WOW, perfect.