My goodness, I had no idea Steven Seagal was so prolific. I watched a couple RedEye reviews back-to-back, and it felt like some weird cosmic punishment Steven Seagal was enduring, to repeat the same movie over and over, as if he was fulfilling some karmic cycle, ushering other actors into straight-to-DVD obscurity.
Enjoying the review, but I have a tiny nitpick, FSB is not in place of KGB for "some reason or another" as you said. FSB is the successor agency to KGB, the latter having existed only in the Cold War Soviet Union, the former now the main security organization in Russian Federation. So the film gets it right. Just a nitpicky piece of trivia, love your vids man.
Thank you! I did learn this after I released the video. But it makes perfect sense. I just decided to not fact check when I wrote my script lol. Oops..lesson learned. So glad you are enjoying the videos. :)
He's mostly sitting on the tailgate of a truck beating people with a stick at one point in Fire Down Below. I believe that's the first appearance of (inappropriately) Seated Seagal, and marks the beginning of his long downward spiral to what we can all assume is his endpoint: Supine Seagal.
this man...just exploded...a fucking helicopter...with a pistol... just... 10/10, 100% Certified Fresh, Totally Accurate, Realistic as F@$#, Best Movie, Oscar Nomination for Best Aciton Film, "IT'S A MASTAH PEACE!"
The only reason I knew about this movie is because they made fun of it on Talk Soup shortly after release. It's still one of my favorite bad movies. I actually went looking for a good review to relive that hilarious discovery. Thank you for uploading :- )
I loved Talk Soup! I started watching it back in the early 90s and stopped after Joel McHale quit. Good timing too, because entertainment has gotten infinitely worse since then and even Joel wouldn't be able to make it watchable.
Oh man -- I had NO idea that this started off as a Bey Logan movie! I absolutely love his Martial Arts Cinema Commentary tracks!! In fact it was his Commentary for The Protector (Tony Jaa's) where I discovered that Steven Segal was actually working on getting distribution rights for Ong-Bak, and was actually going to film additional bits of him as Tony Jaa's master..... YES REALLY!! (Because of this, upon reflection, I realized all he could really do was have a scene at the end where he would say "Good Job Tony Jaa!", and as such, my brother and I still say that from time to time when sarcastically pointing out a well-executed moment)
This movie takes your brain on ride. Is it a good ride, absolutely not but a ride nonetheless. I once again want to thank you, because of you being a masochist and subjecting yourself to these movies I can just enjoy your reviews and actually not have to even watch them myself lol. Damn real life taking you back to it now we only get two videos a week, well 2 is better than none lol. Keep up the great work friend 👍
Oh my it is quiet the ride for sure! Haha I don't know why I am sitting through all of these but this is where we are now and the show must go on haha.
That choking scene was so weird that I ended up laughing. " hey can we get in that torture" I don't know why but these movies make me laugh a lot. Plus your comments make it even funnier. 👌
5:05 - if I am correct, this little girl played one of the lead roles in Lordi's debut (and only) horror movie "Dark Floors", where she was mentally challenged. Seeing how this movie, starring Steven, is called "Shadow Man", and here she is not ill, yet, I suppose "Dark Floors" was a spin-off or continuation, where the girl has to confront the horror of being in a Seagal movie
Love that new DVD cover. The copy and paste heads on the Shadow Man and Attack Force covers are the same one. Hated Shadow Man with its wobble cam, horrific doubles and awful plot. Funny CGI helicopter explosion. The chase comprised of cars pretty much just coasting at normal speed. Look out for the crew member peeping into shot at the far left of screen when Seagal is tearing the pipes from the wall. You’re gonna love Attack Force.
The DVD cover is definitely a Matrix ripoff, lol. Even the little code in the background. Laughing my ass off at the comment regarding Seagal's head size.
The Key rules to making a Steven Seagal movie 1 .Steven loves interest is always hot and way younger than him 2.Steven is always a former C I A or Spec Ops badass that other badass 😎 admire 3.Steven will never loose a fight or get beat up because why show any vulnerability to you lead character 4 . Steven knows everything about everything 5 . Steven is never just white 🙄 he has to be exotic some way Italian, Native American, Black!?,Asian
@@RedEyeReviews In all seriousness, stunt people are really bad ass and the unsung heroes in films. Take the motorcycle crash in this movie. That looked painful!
I can *absolutely* see why, after reviewing so many Seagal movies, you'd identify with 3:28 Juno from Betelgeuse. Take comfort in knowing that, by watching these for us, you're building up a huge karma credit.
2:55 That helmet won't prevent neck injuries. That stunt driver was barely an inch away from do0m-death. 3:19 Pretty close to a Bev Bighead voice. 4:29 The USSR collapsed in 1991, so they needed new names for everything. "FSB" translates to "Federal Security Service" since post-Soviet Russia is supposedly a "federation" and not an "empire." 10:12 That's lame and insulting. At least when John McClane did it, it wasn't the pissant handgun bullets destroying the choppah (since that type of choppah is designed to shrug off small arms fire and handguns chambered for handgun calibers are the smallest of small arms), it was the electrical wires that McClane shot while the choppah was in just the right spot. Still improbable, but less improbable than pistol bullets dealing damage to a choppah comparable to anti-material rifle rounds. 10:27 They could have given him a rocket launcher for that scene. To increase tension, he only has one rocket, so he has to make it count. Or maybe a single-shot 40mm grenade launcher and he only has one "40 Mike Mike" to go with it, so he has to nail the shot just right so it goes inside the cockpit. Otherwise, it'll just explode on the outside and do nothing but mar the choppah's armor. HE-frag (High-Explosive fragmentation) usually isn't potent enough to down a mil-spec choppah. The preferred choice is a HEAT warhead (High-Explosive Anti-Tank). If it can kill a tank, it can kill a choppah. An anti-material rifle or payload rifle could also work. 13:51 Again with his top button fastened like a dweeb-narc!
@@RedEyeReviews best Steven seagal characters A casey ryback = die hard jhon Mcclane B professor burke = Indiana Jones C jack taggart = texas Walker ranger D jake Hooper = taken Bryan mills E orin boyd = dirty harry harry callahan F Jonathan cole = Jason Bourne For my favourite seagal character I know you don't like it I would say B what's yours?
Seagal: You know what I didnt do in the last movie? Punch enough people in the dick as a government official. Only this time my character is from Brooklyn, but he moved there from Texas and his parents are actually from Jamaica so I can speak in different accents. Yea...but why?
Wow, Seagal looks STUFFED into that car. Did they have to assemble it AROUND him? His penchant for big, awkward coats doesn't help the look. Also, yes untreated syphilis eventually messes up the face. Causes lesions and the nose pretty much rots away...but it's curable with penicillin, and I guarantee you they had that in Bucharest in whatever year this is set...maybe that's leftover junk from the first draft set when penicillin was the new hotness
I assume Steen Seagal is in the abyss cause they lowered him there to plug it up. Also, writing Seagal movies does not sound like a real job, but something you do on a napkin during a coffee break. -Super bestest of the world mercenary/former cia agent/seal* *not the actual animal although he resembles one by now, but a navy seal -kicks people in the nuts after they do stuff to his family/hire him or betray him or sumthing. -add steven's pooping face in between stunt double work during fights -yadayadayada uncomfy sex scene yadayadayada. kick stuff. the end
@@RedEyeReviews I assume they have an Eric Cartman as AWESOM-O there spitting out random generated ideas. Heck, a quick google actually gave me a Steven Segall randomized movie generator page LOL
As I know syphilis can go to the bones and even to the face but its curable by antibiotics injections. Maybe that russian guy has some fear from the needles.
Even reading the plot synopsis on Wikipedia makes this movie just childish. "A retired CIA agent is an enigmatic Fortune 500 business owner..." So Steven Seagal is Bruce Wayne but not Batman.
My favorite character is the safe house. Looks completely "covert" being a big, fancy looking mansion on the outside. Then on the inside it looks like somebody trying to make the set of Mrs. Havisham's home in Great Expectations. The place looks like it should be condemned. The best agent in the known universe Steven Seagal, who already doesn't trust this other dude, just simply walks into a room that he gets dead bolted inside. Did he not see the two, massive, metal holders on the frame of the door when he walked in? Then, this place that looks like it should be knocked down by a wrecking ball has WORKING electricity, and all the easily accessible items for him to make an impromptu missile launcher, bomb, gun, and throwing knives. My Dad actually bought this movie and I have seen it numerous times as something to watch to fall asleep to since it is so God awful boring after you laugh at it the first couple of times you see it.
The safe house is so confusing lol. I don't know why he just stays seated and let's the other guy slowly walk out of the room and lock him in. Why would he ever trust that dude? It's such a weird scene. I'm with ya
@@RedEyeReviews That's another great point. "Yeah, stay put, I will go get some help/get some more intel." He already says he doesn't trust the guy. He even has the thought process of, "I don't see you for 20 years, and the first moment I do, my daughter gets kidnapped."
His movie titles originally needed at least one article or a preposition. The algorithm I created predicted his next Feature would be called "Above the Below" or "In the A"
@@RedEyeReviews Really? Odd ... anyway, I'm just binge watching all your Seagal Reviews ... man, it is a strange mix of gloating, being ashamed for the man (in German "fremdschämen") and just pure humor. Thank you for your time and effort!
@@RedEyeReviews Ah, I get it :) Yes, looking forward to go through your whole "catalog". Your Plot synopsises have saved me countless of hours ... thank you for doing this "civil service" for us! ;)
Oh man, I've watched Shadow man a few times and that Helicopter scene gets me all the time. Give the man a gun, he's superman, give the man two guns, HES GAWD. Oh wait, wrong movie. At first I thought they were going to just have him shoot out the tail rotor which is feasible but at that point, the helicopter can sorta auto gyrate downwards I think? They sure just copped out with it and oh, wasn't there a shitty car helicopter chase before that? I'll give Steven Seagal alot of credit as Karate Shlock man but they should have just had him shoot out the cockpit and have the helicopter bail away...but of course, Steven had to be the BAAAADD ASSS and blows up a helicopter with several many 9mm rounds from his pistola. I'm super excited for the alien steven seagal movie although as a great fan of scifi, I wonder why Steven never did anything like how his contemporaries, or well. Other action movie actors that were actually actors who did scifi movies like the 6th day which is one of my favorites. Bruce Willis in the fifth element is one too. Oh, lets not forget Dolph Lungren in universal soldier or retrograde. I guess any production involving steven seagal just collapses like an overloaded wagon and has to get dragged along by writers and producers trying to milk it for what they can get and concede to doing Action Shlocky modern plots that really don't, stick out in the mind... Oh that reminds me, Retroactive was another great scifi movie although Jim Belushi wasn't doing karate in it. Man, imagine Steven Seagal as the fat asshole bastard in Retrograde. If only.
Yeah the helicopter chase isn't terrible but you basically forget it exists because of his super powered pistol. He is like the Vin Diesel of guns. Vin can win any race with any car. And Seagal can kill anything with any weapon. It's a powerful combination for sure. Oh man I can't wait for alien movie! It is insane that he hasn't gone into the Sci Fi realm...or any realm that isn't gun karate garbage. But I want to watch some more Dolph Lundgren soon! I will check that movie out. I have never seen it. So I will have to give it a watch soon
It's a shame in the 80s 90s I liked him I never realised how fucked up he really is until I growed older . He has all these accents and he lies and most of his movies are just wtf but now seagal I see seagal as a joke I mean tht car haha ffs cheers for these uploads they are funny as hell
I am right there with you. I thought he was awesome until I learned more about him as a person. And yeah...it's not great. But I am so glad you found the channel and are enjoying the videos
I'm going through a divorce and these videos give me something to smile about. Thank you for that.
Oh man sorry to hear that. I am very glad I can give you something to make you smile :)
Hang in there, man. *hugs* These reviews really help me through rough times too.
Been there, stay strong.
Hang in there dude.✊🏼
Bro! Hoping you're able to appreciate time for and by yourself.. the end of a chapter but not the end of the story. Stay strong and positive 💪🏼💪🏼
"Oh man, that's no free basing accident, that's syphilis!"
One of my all-time favorite Seagal lines. I just find it hilarious
Free basing is what he said
Thanks, fixed
My goodness, I had no idea Steven Seagal was so prolific. I watched a couple RedEye reviews back-to-back, and it felt like some weird cosmic punishment Steven Seagal was enduring, to repeat the same movie over and over, as if he was fulfilling some karmic cycle, ushering other actors into straight-to-DVD obscurity.
Haha oh gosh that is a hilarious way to think of it
Your comment has a better story than most movies these days. Bravo!
Enjoying the review, but I have a tiny nitpick, FSB is not in place of KGB for "some reason or another" as you said. FSB is the successor agency to KGB, the latter having existed only in the Cold War Soviet Union, the former now the main security organization in Russian Federation. So the film gets it right.
Just a nitpicky piece of trivia, love your vids man.
Thank you! I did learn this after I released the video. But it makes perfect sense. I just decided to not fact check when I wrote my script lol. Oops..lesson learned.
So glad you are enjoying the videos. :)
@@RedEyeReviews And you can STILL meet KGB operatives.
Those are from Byelarus,
I love that he's smart enough to never say anything straight up stupid but he also never gets pedantic and annoying about things.
FSB did replace the KGB,that's the main idea,when how is not important.
Who gives a shit?
Fun fact Steven Seagull had a stuntman for his shadow
you've done a tremendous job reviewing all the Seagal films. I'm trying to pinpoint where the "sitting down" era begins
Thank you very much!
Lol it's a very subtle change. Just one day you realize....oh he's been sitting ALOT
@@RedEyeReviews Kind of like old age 🤣🤣🤣😥😭
He's sitting cuz it portrays how much of a BOSS he is.
He's mostly sitting on the tailgate of a truck beating people with a stick at one point in Fire Down Below. I believe that's the first appearance of (inappropriately) Seated Seagal, and marks the beginning of his long downward spiral to what we can all assume is his endpoint: Supine Seagal.
this man...just exploded...a fucking helicopter...with a pistol...
just...
10/10, 100% Certified Fresh, Totally Accurate, Realistic as F@$#, Best Movie, Oscar Nomination for Best Aciton Film, "IT'S A MASTAH PEACE!"
He did the same at the start of Exit Wounds where his pistol turned into a machine gun
11:23 I know he is trying to find the gun, but it kinda seems like he's searching for his lost eyeballs too 😁
"Sifu, I was very impressed with the way you broke the water melon" 🤣
Sooo good. Easily the best line of the movie
The only reason I knew about this movie is because they made fun of it on Talk Soup shortly after release. It's still one of my favorite bad movies.
I actually went looking for a good review to relive that hilarious discovery. Thank you for uploading :- )
Oh I have to check out that Talk Soup episode! So glad you found the video and enjoyed it all! :) thanks for your support
I loved Talk Soup! I started watching it back in the early 90s and stopped after Joel McHale quit. Good timing too, because entertainment has gotten infinitely worse since then and even Joel wouldn't be able to make it watchable.
Love when these come out. Please never stop 🤘🏻
Thank you! So glad you enjoy them :)
Oh man -- I had NO idea that this started off as a Bey Logan movie! I absolutely love his Martial Arts Cinema Commentary tracks!! In fact it was his Commentary for The Protector (Tony Jaa's) where I discovered that Steven Segal was actually working on getting distribution rights for Ong-Bak, and was actually going to film additional bits of him as Tony Jaa's master..... YES REALLY!!
(Because of this, upon reflection, I realized all he could really do was have a scene at the end where he would say "Good Job Tony Jaa!", and as such, my brother and I still say that from time to time when sarcastically pointing out a well-executed moment)
Seagal being able to recognize syphilis on sight actually seems quite plausible 😂
I kind of adore that your Seagal voice is never the same in any of these videos. Sifu would be proud.
I just got both of my brothers and my dad to watch your channel. We are loving these Steven Seagal reviews lol!
Haha that is amazing! It's a family event now :) you rock
FSB is the Federal Security Bureau, which was formerly known as the KGB, so at least one of the writers was awake while writing.
This movie takes your brain on ride. Is it a good ride, absolutely not but a ride nonetheless. I once again want to thank you, because of you being a masochist and subjecting yourself to these movies I can just enjoy your reviews and actually not have to even watch them myself lol. Damn real life taking you back to it now we only get two videos a week, well 2 is better than none lol. Keep up the great work friend 👍
Oh my it is quiet the ride for sure! Haha I don't know why I am sitting through all of these but this is where we are now and the show must go on haha.
That choking scene was so weird that I ended up laughing. " hey can we get in that torture" I don't know why but these movies make me laugh a lot. Plus your comments make it even funnier. 👌
Even if the sun is out. Steve will be in the shadow 🤣😅😂🤣😅
5:05 - if I am correct, this little girl played one of the lead roles in Lordi's debut (and only) horror movie "Dark Floors", where she was mentally challenged.
Seeing how this movie, starring Steven, is called "Shadow Man", and here she is not ill, yet, I suppose "Dark Floors" was a spin-off or continuation, where the girl has to confront the horror of being in a Seagal movie
Love that new DVD cover. The copy and paste heads on the Shadow Man and Attack Force covers are the same one. Hated Shadow Man with its wobble cam, horrific doubles and awful plot. Funny CGI helicopter explosion. The chase comprised of cars pretty much just coasting at normal speed. Look out for the crew member peeping into shot at the far left of screen when Seagal is tearing the pipes from the wall. You’re gonna love Attack Force.
Haha thanks! I think the new movie poster is a subtle improvement. I went back and saw the crew member lol. Good catch!
The DVD cover is definitely a Matrix ripoff, lol. Even the little code in the background. Laughing my ass off at the comment regarding Seagal's head size.
The Key rules to making a Steven Seagal movie
1 .Steven loves interest is always hot and way younger than him
2.Steven is always a former C I A or Spec Ops badass that other badass 😎 admire
3.Steven will never loose a fight or get beat up because why show any vulnerability to you lead character
4 . Steven knows everything about everything
5 . Steven is never just white 🙄 he has to be exotic some way Italian, Native American, Black!?,Asian
And you know he hits every single checkmark. Every single movie.
Wowza! What a film!! Funny review as always!
And I had to look up Dickey Beer up on IMDB and he’s been in quite a few big films! Good for Dickey Beer!
I have to do a deep dive on Dicky Beer. I'm sure the man's a legend.
@@RedEyeReviews In all seriousness, stunt people are really bad ass and the unsung heroes in films. Take the motorcycle crash in this movie. That looked painful!
@@losttribe3001 I completely agree! They make the movie. Especially in karate movies. Or anyone on the Jackie Chan Stunt Team.
These Seagal reviews have become essential viewing for me.
"You's a bad mamma jamma in the slamma wamma, man!" - Everytime I hear Seagal use this accent.
Hahaha
So glad I found your channel! Thanks for keeping me sane and entertained during my covid quarantine! :D
So glad you found it too!
Imagine Steven Seagal coaching you on your Peloton while he's seated eating a pizza that hasn't been sliced.
@8:57 is it bad I know that's a Palm Treo 600? Lol 21 years in the wireless industry. 👍. And I almost sharted over the glitch part at the end. 😂😂😂
Lol. That's some impressive phone spotting. I see keyboard and just think Blackberry
the amount of sitting he gets away with in “action” movies is impressive
I can *absolutely* see why, after reviewing so many Seagal movies, you'd identify with 3:28 Juno from Betelgeuse.
Take comfort in knowing that, by watching these for us, you're building up a huge karma credit.
All the name changes with this movie's production would have been the perfect way to segue into a Raid: Shadow Legends sponsorship ad.
You hear that RAID?!?! Sponsor me fools!
Dicky Beer was in some of the previous movies you reviewed too. I caught the name when the credits were slow motioning.
Seagal as Shadowman!!...more shadows to hide that blubber he's carrying!😄
Damn, the stolen cab doesn’t even have enough room for Steven’s chins! Shoulda used his chin double. 🤣😂
Ahh woo?? Ah woo! That’s your best wolf howl??😂
Currently deep diving the channel. Thanks for the excape! This channel needs more subs 20k should be a crime...
Thank you so much! We will get there one day :)
I honestly CANNOT believe there are still 25 videos after this one for his movies!
Taken out a helicopter with a pistol. 😂 Seagal in the car at the chase looks really strange 😅 The Armageddon Joke is great 😁
You had me laughing so hard when he shot down a helicopter with a pistol 😂😂😂😂
Seagal: The final boss... is an old man... and I’m gonna blow his back out in less than 30 seconds...
Studioheads: ....oooookay...,
Seagal ripped out Brad Dourif's eyes! Unforgivable!
4:31
They don't want to say KGB because... KGB doesn't exist anymore since november 1991.
It's officially called FSB since then.
I'm going to totally steal, "it ain't over til the wolf howles".
This feels like they were going for a parody of an action movie
2:55 That helmet won't prevent neck injuries. That stunt driver was barely an inch away from do0m-death.
3:19 Pretty close to a Bev Bighead voice.
4:29 The USSR collapsed in 1991, so they needed new names for everything. "FSB" translates to "Federal Security Service" since post-Soviet Russia is supposedly a "federation" and not an "empire."
10:12 That's lame and insulting. At least when John McClane did it, it wasn't the pissant handgun bullets destroying the choppah (since that type of choppah is designed to shrug off small arms fire and handguns chambered for handgun calibers are the smallest of small arms), it was the electrical wires that McClane shot while the choppah was in just the right spot. Still improbable, but less improbable than pistol bullets dealing damage to a choppah comparable to anti-material rifle rounds.
10:27 They could have given him a rocket launcher for that scene. To increase tension, he only has one rocket, so he has to make it count. Or maybe a single-shot 40mm grenade launcher and he only has one "40 Mike Mike" to go with it, so he has to nail the shot just right so it goes inside the cockpit. Otherwise, it'll just explode on the outside and do nothing but mar the choppah's armor. HE-frag (High-Explosive fragmentation) usually isn't potent enough to down a mil-spec choppah. The preferred choice is a HEAT warhead (High-Explosive Anti-Tank). If it can kill a tank, it can kill a choppah. An anti-material rifle or payload rifle could also work.
13:51 Again with his top button fastened like a dweeb-narc!
Love how Steven can aikido the fuck out of you at the same time he makes a fairly accurate disease diagnoses, and they say men can’t multitask.
Great video. Seagal should have retired after half past dead. His 15 minutes were up.
Thank you friend! Yeah we have started heading downhill for sure
No dont he should make more movies so we have more funny materials here lol
@@xwulfd I agree! Keep the movies coming so I can keep making videos lol
Just to clarify, Kbg was fsk and now fsb or federal security service. In pre war kgb was people Commissariat for State Security or Nkbg.
Shot in the chest? With all that blood on the wall that was a through and through and he definitely would not just walk it off. 🤣😂😂😂
Being set or filmed in Romania should be an automatic inclusion in any Seagal drinking game. Every cheap action film of this era was shot there.
Murdered 47 people and blew up a helicopter with a pistol = “We had a couple glitches…”
9:52 was supposed to be Segal??? 🤣🤣🤣
The old shoot woman shoot up scene was 👏
Damn it...i just bought like 6 Seagull movies 😂 70+ to go...good thing I found them at the DOLLAR TREE 😂
Steven seagal was on acid when he made this movie 😂
I could totally believe it.
@@RedEyeReviews best Steven seagal characters
A casey ryback = die hard jhon Mcclane
B professor burke = Indiana Jones
C jack taggart = texas Walker ranger
D jake Hooper = taken Bryan mills
E orin boyd = dirty harry harry callahan
F Jonathan cole = Jason Bourne
For my favourite seagal character I know you don't like it I would say B what's yours?
@@seekforjannah2432 oh Casey Ryback for sure! The whole world knows him and thinks he is the best thing sense sliced bread
@@RedEyeReviews what about travis hunter where does he fit in this he is bad ass as well forgot about him
@@seekforjannah2432 yeah but Travis Hunter has other worldly powers and voodoo monks helping him. So unfair advantage
Seagal: You know what I didnt do in the last movie? Punch enough people in the dick as a government official. Only this time my character is from Brooklyn, but he moved there from Texas and his parents are actually from Jamaica so I can speak in different accents.
Yea...but why?
This series has made me laugh so many times but nothing compares to the scene in this movie where he shoots that old lady in the head HAHAH!
Haha it was so unnecessary. He comes back around the corner to shoot her.
If I was an actor who ended up in Steven Seagal movie i think I'd sack my agent
So he's not driving a heli in this movie Just .45ACP a heli!Good stuff
I like the "eggscape" 😂
What can we CGI? Umm explodey pistol bullets, as we forgot to book the bazooka. Anything larger than a beretta is not good for Steve’s knees anyway.
You probably know it already, but the FSB is the post sowjet successor of the KGB
Yeah I learned that afterwards haha
Is there any in these movies that knows how to use sights?
Ur reviews are epic
Aww thank you friend
Syphilis Steven seagal should open a health centre
is it me or does the movie only have two colours? Black and beige? Is it art?
its art lol
Wow, Seagal looks STUFFED into that car. Did they have to assemble it AROUND him? His penchant for big, awkward coats doesn't help the look.
Also, yes untreated syphilis eventually messes up the face. Causes lesions and the nose pretty much rots away...but it's curable with penicillin, and I guarantee you they had that in Bucharest in whatever year this is set...maybe that's leftover junk from the first draft set when penicillin was the new hotness
It takes serious talent to turn a post WW2 period piece script into whatever this is. Just kidding, it's a formulaic DTV Steven Seagal movie.
We need a graph showing what percentage of his movies are spent with him sitting at tables across the years.
I assume Steen Seagal is in the abyss cause they lowered him there to plug it up.
Also, writing Seagal movies does not sound like a real job, but something you do on a napkin during a coffee break.
-Super bestest of the world mercenary/former cia agent/seal*
*not the actual animal although he resembles one by now, but a navy seal
-kicks people in the nuts after they do stuff to his family/hire him or betray him or sumthing.
-add steven's pooping face in between stunt double work during fights
-yadayadayada uncomfy sex scene yadayadayada. kick stuff. the end
I think you just wrote a Seagal movie. It's about how I imagine all his scripts to look
@@RedEyeReviews I assume they have an Eric Cartman as AWESOM-O there spitting out random generated ideas. Heck, a quick google actually gave me a Steven Segall randomized movie generator page LOL
To be fair. Steven Seagals Shadow is pretty big.
Not to be confused with the video game Shadowman which is actually great.
I am from the future...This video is going to be funny...don't you believe me? watch LOL
Why do you say the word "Escape" pronounced as "eck-scape" I'm knit picking but......
Lol really bad habit. I didn't know I did until I started TH-cam.
They be yelling so much Jack Jack Jack and the movies names being changed so much that it should be named...
Hi- Jack
As I know syphilis can go to the bones and even to the face but its curable by antibiotics injections. Maybe that russian guy has some fear from the needles.
Even reading the plot synopsis on Wikipedia makes this movie just childish. "A retired CIA agent is an enigmatic Fortune 500 business owner..." So Steven Seagal is Bruce Wayne but not Batman.
In every one of his movies, he’s ex CIA or ex Special Ops lmao.
This isn't anything like the N64 game it's based on.
My favorite character is the safe house. Looks completely "covert" being a big, fancy looking mansion on the outside. Then on the inside it looks like somebody trying to make the set of Mrs. Havisham's home in Great Expectations. The place looks like it should be condemned. The best agent in the known universe Steven Seagal, who already doesn't trust this other dude, just simply walks into a room that he gets dead bolted inside. Did he not see the two, massive, metal holders on the frame of the door when he walked in? Then, this place that looks like it should be knocked down by a wrecking ball has WORKING electricity, and all the easily accessible items for him to make an impromptu missile launcher, bomb, gun, and throwing knives.
My Dad actually bought this movie and I have seen it numerous times as something to watch to fall asleep to since it is so God awful boring after you laugh at it the first couple of times you see it.
The safe house is so confusing lol. I don't know why he just stays seated and let's the other guy slowly walk out of the room and lock him in. Why would he ever trust that dude?
It's such a weird scene. I'm with ya
@@RedEyeReviews That's another great point. "Yeah, stay put, I will go get some help/get some more intel." He already says he doesn't trust the guy. He even has the thought process of, "I don't see you for 20 years, and the first moment I do, my daughter gets kidnapped."
Dicky Beer....sounds like a pub trick....
His movie titles originally needed at least one article or a preposition. The algorithm I created predicted his next Feature would be called "Above the Below" or "In the A"
The car is Audi either the A4 or the A6 the model, before 1995 I think. A4 can be cramped for a rhino the size of Seagal lol.
It's not a great sign if Seagul tell's you to get a life . 😂
I can't wait until you get to the one in which he fights Mike Tyson.
I didn't realize that existed! And now I can not wait for it
I guess you already got told this a lot, the KGB became the FSB ... so at least this is correct ... ;)
Lol. No one has ever corrected me ever. ;)
@@RedEyeReviews Really? Odd ... anyway, I'm just binge watching all your Seagal Reviews ... man, it is a strange mix of gloating, being ashamed for the man (in German "fremdschämen") and just pure humor. Thank you for your time and effort!
@Shellshocked Radio lol no i get correct constantly. But I call it "learning" haha.
Thank you! I'm so glad you are enjoying all the videos :)
@@RedEyeReviews Ah, I get it :) Yes, looking forward to go through your whole "catalog". Your Plot synopsises have saved me countless of hours ... thank you for doing this "civil service" for us! ;)
Thank you for watching the second half of Seagal's career so I don't have to.
Oh man, I've watched Shadow man a few times and that Helicopter scene gets me all the time. Give the man a gun, he's superman, give the man two guns, HES GAWD. Oh wait, wrong movie. At first I thought they were going to just have him shoot out the tail rotor which is feasible but at that point, the helicopter can sorta auto gyrate downwards I think? They sure just copped out with it and oh, wasn't there a shitty car helicopter chase before that? I'll give Steven Seagal alot of credit as Karate Shlock man but they should have just had him shoot out the cockpit and have the helicopter bail away...but of course, Steven had to be the BAAAADD ASSS and blows up a helicopter with several many 9mm rounds from his pistola.
I'm super excited for the alien steven seagal movie although as a great fan of scifi, I wonder why Steven never did anything like how his contemporaries, or well. Other action movie actors that were actually actors who did scifi movies like the 6th day which is one of my favorites. Bruce Willis in the fifth element is one too. Oh, lets not forget Dolph Lungren in universal soldier or retrograde. I guess any production involving steven seagal just collapses like an overloaded wagon and has to get dragged along by writers and producers trying to milk it for what they can get and concede to doing Action Shlocky modern plots that really don't, stick out in the mind...
Oh that reminds me, Retroactive was another great scifi movie although Jim Belushi wasn't doing karate in it. Man, imagine Steven Seagal as the fat asshole bastard in Retrograde. If only.
Yeah the helicopter chase isn't terrible but you basically forget it exists because of his super powered pistol. He is like the Vin Diesel of guns. Vin can win any race with any car. And Seagal can kill anything with any weapon. It's a powerful combination for sure.
Oh man I can't wait for alien movie! It is insane that he hasn't gone into the Sci Fi realm...or any realm that isn't gun karate garbage. But I want to watch some more Dolph Lundgren soon!
I will check that movie out. I have never seen it. So I will have to give it a watch soon
@@RedEyeReviews pretty sure I could have designed a better special effect than that helicopter explosion on an etch-a-sketch.
It's a shame in the 80s 90s I liked him I never realised how fucked up he really is until I growed older . He has all these accents and he lies and most of his movies are just wtf but now seagal I see seagal as a joke I mean tht car haha ffs cheers for these uploads they are funny as hell
I am right there with you. I thought he was awesome until I learned more about him as a person. And yeah...it's not great. But I am so glad you found the channel and are enjoying the videos
FSB is a real agency in Russia
It is the successor to the KGB
I gave this movie a try my reaction honest reach bro 😴😴😴😴😴😴
The KGB was an intelligence service of the USSR. FS A & B are today like MI 5 & 6.
All that and not a stain on that jacket
he put his pistol on his stomach! That's a first.
It has a few British actors in this who are usually good so they must of done this purely for the pay check 😂😂🤣🤣
Sadly this movie left me in doubt if he totally banged the kidnapper.
Im addicted.
Yay! So glad you are enjoying the videos.
Attack Force is the sequel to Apushpin Force.
MGS the hind boss fight!
A hind D? Colonel,whats A russian Gunship doing her?
Jesus Christ. Steven Seagal is one of the worst actors of all time.