It can be hard to know, how sensitive others can react to certain informations, when you have been so desensitised to them. I was surprised, when a classmate called my father a psychopath, because I told the story of how he burned our plushed animals, because we didn't put them away after playing. To be fair, he is a narcissist(not a psychopath), but for a long time, his behavior just seemed normal to me.
Exactly this! It was just another normal day to us, but to other people it would have been like a formative event or something 😅 I’m sorry your plushies got burnt all the same, and I hope you experience more kindness in your life now!
I didn't have a concept of what being happy without looming doom until last year and I'm 34. You're inspiring and thank you for helping me and others feel less alien. Your hair is fire.
I was just thinking about this today. I can uncomfortably tolerate a bit of small talk because I have learned to by unknowingly masking for the last 50 years, but if ever they start asking me more specific questions about my life/past I am stuck, and triggered and cannot safely answer for fear of freaking them out. Too often conversations with people I don’t know wind up veering into these territories and I dread it.
Yeh i relate and dont even want to be around others these days as ive nothing positive to say and the only conversation i have is with my mum who is also negative. I'm too tired to think currently so will leave it there xx
I stuck around my family for far longer than I should have just because the conversation was at least (for the most part) fairly easy, because we were all negative and desensitised about the same things 😅 I hope we all get to experience more positives soon 💕
I'd recommend thinking about how to reframe family stories as comedy, even if it needs exaggeration or just making stuff up. Besides giving you something to talk about (even better if you can make people laugh and they like you more for it), it might help you process and get over some of that trauma. Especially if you're at a point where you feel like a totally different person than you were before, you might as well find a way to make fun of your past self.
I’ve tried this and feel like I can’t pick up on enough social cues to make it work 😩 I think I’ve managed to pull up a story that’ll make people laugh, just for it to turn out everyone is shocked or confused by whatever it is I’m saying, and I’m there like ‘I thought I’d at least get a chuckle’ 😅 Good advice, I just don’t personally have everything I’d need to be able to make it work 😂
@@DanaAndersen Don't sell yourself short! Timing, delivery, reading people, etc are all just skills that you'd have to build up over time, especially if you're not naturally good at them. Maybe you could try a playful segue like "Oh I couldn't talk about my parents, they're like that crazy family in [insert TV show here]" and only continue if you get a playful response begging you to say more, otherwise you get a free pass to just not say anything. By the way, have you thought about doing freelance video editing to make some extra money?
Oh I felt this one hard. Edit: also, your hair looks gorgeous! I was thinking it watching one of your recent videos and then you brought it up so I thought I’d just mention it too. :)
The only bits of my past life I can remember are bad bits. The rest is a complete blank. Couldn't tell you what I had for my dinner a week ago let alone what happened on 2nd of June 1984 for example.
@@DanaAndersen You know how if you leave a photograph exposed to sunlight for too long it starts to fade? Well my memories are like that, faded snapshots only instead of them fading to white they fade to black. I don't even remember people's faces, their faces are a complete blank. They aren't even like a video, just a single frame here and there. I actually thought not being able to remember your childhood was normal that everyone forgets but actually that is common among transgender people like me. You disaccoisote yourself like you not born yet. Am not saying you are trans here, you clearly are not at least from what I can see. Being non binary among autistic people can be very common though. I am non binary by the way assigned male at birth.
My life has just been hard, and it is hard currently, and I never know exactly what to respond when someone asks "how are you" or "what do you do" in a casual setting. Like I try to keep it casual, but the "what do you do" question always leaves me stumped bcs I can't really find a nice way to put it? I'm on disability, I'm trying to get my life in order after an 8 month depressive episode, I'm a caretaker for my 91 y/o grandmother who has dementia and can't remember my name most of the time. But if I say any of that, no one knows what to say so there's an awkward silence that I can't follow up by asking them what they do, since I usually asked them first. So I just have to scramble to find another question to keep the flow of the conversation moving so they don't feel uncomfortable, but sometimes I blank out. I often script beforehand what I'm supposed to say, come up with some positive things happening in my life that I can share instead. But it just makes it so ... fake? Like I'm not sharing who I am or what's actually happening in my life. And there's no positive spin I can put on "I'm on disability and spend most days trying to meet my basic needs" 😅
It can be hard to know, how sensitive others can react to certain informations, when you have been so desensitised to them.
I was surprised, when a classmate called my father a psychopath, because I told the story of how he burned our plushed animals, because we didn't put them away after playing.
To be fair, he is a narcissist(not a psychopath), but for a long time, his behavior just seemed normal to me.
Exactly this! It was just another normal day to us, but to other people it would have been like a formative event or something 😅 I’m sorry your plushies got burnt all the same, and I hope you experience more kindness in your life now!
I didn't have a concept of what being happy without looming doom until last year and I'm 34. You're inspiring and thank you for helping me and others feel less alien. Your hair is fire.
I was just thinking about this today. I can uncomfortably tolerate a bit of small talk because I have learned to by unknowingly masking for the last 50 years, but if ever they start asking me more specific questions about my life/past I am stuck, and triggered and cannot safely answer for fear of freaking them out. Too often conversations with people I don’t know wind up veering into these territories and I dread it.
Yeh i relate and dont even want to be around others these days as ive nothing positive to say and the only conversation i have is with my mum who is also negative. I'm too tired to think currently so will leave it there xx
I stuck around my family for far longer than I should have just because the conversation was at least (for the most part) fairly easy, because we were all negative and desensitised about the same things 😅 I hope we all get to experience more positives soon 💕
I'd recommend thinking about how to reframe family stories as comedy, even if it needs exaggeration or just making stuff up. Besides giving you something to talk about (even better if you can make people laugh and they like you more for it), it might help you process and get over some of that trauma. Especially if you're at a point where you feel like a totally different person than you were before, you might as well find a way to make fun of your past self.
I’ve tried this and feel like I can’t pick up on enough social cues to make it work 😩 I think I’ve managed to pull up a story that’ll make people laugh, just for it to turn out everyone is shocked or confused by whatever it is I’m saying, and I’m there like ‘I thought I’d at least get a chuckle’ 😅 Good advice, I just don’t personally have everything I’d need to be able to make it work 😂
@@DanaAndersen Don't sell yourself short! Timing, delivery, reading people, etc are all just skills that you'd have to build up over time, especially if you're not naturally good at them. Maybe you could try a playful segue like "Oh I couldn't talk about my parents, they're like that crazy family in [insert TV show here]" and only continue if you get a playful response begging you to say more, otherwise you get a free pass to just not say anything.
By the way, have you thought about doing freelance video editing to make some extra money?
Oh I felt this one hard.
Edit: also, your hair looks gorgeous! I was thinking it watching one of your recent videos and then you brought it up so I thought I’d just mention it too. :)
The only bits of my past life I can remember are bad bits. The rest is a complete blank. Couldn't tell you what I had for my dinner a week ago let alone what happened on 2nd of June 1984 for example.
I feel this 💕 Leaves you wondering if good things actually happened, or if they’ve just been overshadowed by all the rest 🫠
@@DanaAndersen You know how if you leave a photograph exposed to sunlight for too long it starts to fade? Well my memories are like that, faded snapshots only instead of them fading to white they fade to black. I don't even remember people's faces, their faces are a complete blank. They aren't even like a video, just a single frame here and there.
I actually thought not being able to remember your childhood was normal that everyone forgets but actually that is common among transgender people like me. You disaccoisote yourself like you not born yet. Am not saying you are trans here, you clearly are not at least from what I can see. Being non binary among autistic people can be very common though. I am non binary by the way assigned male at birth.
Hey i love your hair! Like a lion 🦁 its cool!!
Aw thank you!
My life has just been hard, and it is hard currently, and I never know exactly what to respond when someone asks "how are you" or "what do you do" in a casual setting. Like I try to keep it casual, but the "what do you do" question always leaves me stumped bcs I can't really find a nice way to put it? I'm on disability, I'm trying to get my life in order after an 8 month depressive episode, I'm a caretaker for my 91 y/o grandmother who has dementia and can't remember my name most of the time. But if I say any of that, no one knows what to say so there's an awkward silence that I can't follow up by asking them what they do, since I usually asked them first. So I just have to scramble to find another question to keep the flow of the conversation moving so they don't feel uncomfortable, but sometimes I blank out. I often script beforehand what I'm supposed to say, come up with some positive things happening in my life that I can share instead. But it just makes it so ... fake? Like I'm not sharing who I am or what's actually happening in my life. And there's no positive spin I can put on "I'm on disability and spend most days trying to meet my basic needs" 😅
Quite relatable.