I'm constantly asked why I'm mad and I tell people I'm happy on the inside. For some reason the emotion doesn't make it all the way to my face. I even joke with a straight face, which really confuses the neurotypicals and pretty much ruins it. It's hard when you feel happy and think it's obvious to the world, then have someone ask why you're having a completely opposite emotion.
I hate being told to smile. I rarely ever smile as a woman, and it angers me because men are much more easily respected and accepted if they dont smile as much, but if a woman does not she is usually considered a bitch, "has issues" crouchy or less attractive. The pinnacle of the worst is when men come up to me and say "Life isnt so bad, smile honey!" I want to wreck their face. Its disrespectful and inconsiderate. We are human beings with feelings, not clowns to make YOU more comfortable. Just understand and respect whatever we are feeling. Us women dont make rounds telling men "Dont be so sour, just smile!"....so dont do it to us.....ffs rant over, and yes that was an aspie rant
Oh I absolutely second that. I always feel fine or even happy until someone comes along and ruines my day with that crap. So who doesn't know how others are feelig!?
OMG. Are men still doing that?? It drove me absolutely bonkers when I was young! It happened so much that I started freaking out on them. I'd be working and they'd expect me to smile while I'm concentrating! I started doing examples of how freaky it would be if I smiled literally all the time. Just have a plastered on smile at all times no matter what was going on in my life. I also started watching the men who told me that and pointed out every time they weren't smiling. I'm now 54 and LOVE that I'm finally ignored by these freaks. Like, I don't miss anything about constantly being chased and judged by men. It was annoying af.
@@discombobulatedfishbowl7548 Freak, you said it, its one of the most annoying things in this evil planet. For example I am watching any interview with a reporter or whoever with a guy and girl, and the guy isnt smiling but the chick is, almost for the whole damn interview because God forbid if she didnt shed have a "resting bitch face". I HATE IT. Is such a double standards. Its like men are saying "we dont care how you really feel or what you experience or think, just look pretty because it makes US more comfortable. But we dont have to." I have three words. Go eff yourself. These double standards apply to so many things besides this and then men wonder why women sometimes snap. Because of these sexist unobtainable standards you place on women 24/7, prioritizing how we look and what we do only for them instead of what we think, feel, express, and who we are. I am a lot younger than you but agree, and like your analogy. The last man who tried that 'smile' BS with me got a kick into next week, especially due to his chauvanistic tone. I am aspie ranting again, but hey, there you go. I mean, what WOULD mean the world is if the guy actually respected what we felt, and show concern, not control, but asking "Hey, is everything alright? Just checking in, cause I care" or something. How I wish Guys would give a shit how we feel instead of attempting to control what we feel and express for their convenience.
I empathize heavily with your story however as a man I do in fact experience this, many women ask me to smile. I consciously try my damndest to smile in social settings so I don’t make people feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I am a pretty big black guy and unfortunately due to societal stigmas, I am judged by my outward appearance and seen as a danger because I have a “grumpy face” only my family and wife understand
@@justinbrown5722 Thanks for sharing. I haven't heard this happen as you describe (as its far more common for women) but that doesn't mean there arent the rare occurrences like your own. You sound like an awesome guy, and kind hearted. I get you 100% when it comes to social stigmas. I love diversity in human culture. I am the opposite of you, a petite fiery French goth chick. I wish people didnt marginalize or stigmatize either of us. The whole problem reflects more on the defects of social 'structures' than the value of individual people. Blessings to both of us and our percieved 'grumpy faces'. haha
I’ve always been told I have a miserable face even by my husband despite the fact most of the time I’m perfectly fine but my face only seems to have a grumpy setting ! As a child I would be told off by teachers who would accuse me of sneering and being disrespectful but I’ve never consciously sneered at anyone in my life !
Ack! That would suck so much. I'm sorry you've had this experience. My resting face is usually a bit furrowed and people rightly assume that I'm just thinking. I think my resting face is pretty blank. People have a hard time reading me. Unless I'm dysregulated. Then it's pretty dang obvious exactly what I'm feeling. Lol.
I almost got kicked out of a trade school because the other students thought I was sneering at and side-eyeing them. I was shocked when I was pulled in the office and told this information. I was just trying to avoid eye contact and innocently living with my non-reactive face.
@@thenerdgirl1 Thank you. Everything turned out okay! I felt real bad about it because I never want to cause anyone to feel that way around me. A couple weeks later one of the girls had a VIP party. I asked if I could go, went to it, had a couple beers and bought a couple toys. After that, everyone was real cool with me. I even made a few friends! I got invited places. Wound up being the happiest period of my life thus far (30 years later). I made one little effort and it changed everything. Am I still weird to most people? Yes! But I don't let my difference weigh me down. Not after that. If I notice someone is uncomfortable around me I make the first move at friendliness, even when it's scary af and I'd rather not deal with it. It's rare that the other person responds back unkindly.
Got u entirely. I used to think my son was grumpy all the time. Until I got that fact down. He's happy most of the time despite that. Good eye contact though.
I often has people growing up tell me they were afraid of me because I always looks so serious or angry. They were surprised that I was actually pretty jovial and nice when they got to know me. Thank you for the great work you are doing with this channel!
And being both autistic and an empath is like: "Somebody in this room is upset, but I can't tell who and it might even be me, but regardless I'm gonna have a meltdown if I can't fix the problem or escape."
I was bullied for a few years at high school for being “gormless” “blank and nobody home” I had an odd facial expression when I was sad or sorry but it apparently looked like I was pulling a flat smile!!! So mum, teachers and adults would think I was smiling or laughing when I’d done something wrong (even if I hadn’t done anything)… My ex had a pair of nick names for me- Grumpasaurus Rex and Many the Moody Mamouth.. Plus for years in my adult life I’ve been asked why I look permanently “pissed off” when I’m perfectly happy.!!!! 🤷♂️ it’s my face and it’s the only one I’ve got
One of the common things that happens at our house is when my son gets a gift, he doesn’t express his excitement. It’s usually the opposite. The quieter he is, the more excited he is about it. We have to kind of let family know he likes their gift. He’s 8 and going back to public school for first time post Covid so we are going to tell him about autism this week before he finds out through school. We were waiting for the right maturity and he’s there and he of course knows something’s up. I’ve been talking about my ADHD and anxiety over time. Kind of getting the fact that every brain works a bit different.
I think the caveat here is that autistic people seem to be able to do that with each other. I can see my mom's face and know her mood. But also a coworker or classmate who I don't know very well.
@@i.b.640 Okay, I would totally have to agree with you there! NT's aren't any better at understanding an ND's communication, but then they so often blame us ND's for not understanding THEM. I am trying to figure out yhe proper way to tell an NT that they really need to research autism thoroughly, instead of them taking quick look at me and saying that I don't look autistic, or that everyone else gets socially uncomfortable too! I mean, I've been researching the differences between the NT and ND brain for the past 5 months now.
I have a perma frown and neutral expression. I used to be concerned that it made me seem unapproachable. Now I have given up trying to be around others after years of it simply not working out for me. Now I exaggerate the natural look I have and people will sometimes cross the road to avoid me, such is it's effectiveness. I hardly ever have anybody approach me now, it's awesome, like a suit of armour against NT's. Helps me preserve my solitude.
I work as a cashier, so I tend to use a very cheerful, upbeat voice. However, people sometimes don’t know how to take me because I rarely smile. So, while I sound super friendly, I have an almost blank look on my face. I can tell when someone is having a hard time trying to read me. I actually find it’s kinda funny. See how you like it, neuro typical person! 🤣
I was being photographed for a newspaper article, quite a long session, I thought I was smiling in every shot but when I was shown the pictures I wasn't smiling in a single one...😅
I get this all the time. I can be in a good mood and someone may ask if I'm upset or mad about something. OR I can feel well rested after having a strong cup of coffee and pumped full of energy and someone may tell me I look tired or ask if I got enough sleep.
I understand other people most of the time, but not always. I do not always show the proper facial expression for what I am feeling as people think I am lost, upset, or confused, and I am just thinking or concentrating. Thanks for this video.
My resting face appears to many people to be an angry expression, even if I am just in my work zone. Even my family has trouble reading my face. I have a straight resting face, meaning that my facial expression rarely changes. Its something I have come to live with and accept.
Hi Dan, great vid. Yeah people have been telling me I look angry while nothing is going on since I was a kid. What about verbally communicating. Neuro typical people often confuse the hell out of me. That combined with the "body language" really messes me up very often to point where it has happened I had to laugh out of control, like someone would be putting on a monty python like show in my head. Or just leave me stunned. Any thoughts? Keep going! Greetings from Netherland
there have been comments about my face my entire life. I've been told I look really mean. I didn't understand what they meant until one day I looked in the mirror to see what they mean and my face was so screwed up. very pouty and angry looking. I've been trying to fix it but I can't. it's one of the most frustrating symptoms of this.
This also happens when you have ADHD and don't value inaccurate measurements like eye contact. Although in this ADHD scenario you often put up red herrings subconsciously to throw off the metrics to defend your stance regardless the same exact scenario happens.
I often wear a smile. I can feel it. Its exhausting at times. But I think we should acknowledge, that autistic people can also be hypersensitive to the emotions of others. I am, I can read extreme nuance much of the time, often 'feeling' the emotions of others.
Many times in my professional career I have had people comment on my face, or just get mad at what they see. It is exhausting and honestly feels like the world is gaslighting you for something you honestly have little control over. I was explaining to a mentor that in video calls I have to constantly be aware of my face, and adapt it based on other's reactions; controlling micro expressions in conscious manner so that they won't get the wrong idea. She was shocked that this was something to be concerned about.
I have trouble with expressions. Much past mad, sad, glad, or upset and I’ve got nothing; the emotions wheel is kind of baffling to me. I end up asking those close to me all the time how they are feeling. It makes raising my littles very difficult, because we are trying to name emotions, and even I have a hard time with it. (In fact, I have been corrected by one of my littles a few times, because I named a feeling incorrectly.)
Ah-ha! I interpret emotions the exact same way! Everyone looks grumpy or irritated unless they have a huge smile, are laughing, or crying; despite the fact that I am able to make some eye contact. I probably don't make as much eye contact as the average person, but enough that I can see their face for a few seconds here and there. I DO sometimes get a gut feeling that someone is angry at me, or if they aren't a very good and trustworthy person. And I also find it exhausting to be around people because I feel like I always have to have a smile on (and I feel an amount of guilt when I don't smile). Is it common for autistic people to have a hard time with facial recognition in general? Because a lot of times, if I see acquaintances in public, it takes me about a minute before I recognize them (and if it's been a few years, I sometimes won't recognize their face at all. I also got my two cousins mixed up one time (they are sisters, and have different enough faces that it shouldn't be a problem). And that was embarrassing, and I felt a sense of guilt afterwards. 😕
I'm usually great reading people. But I recognise patterns, and if someone does something a couple of times my brain goes that means that. Including emotions haha. I am terrible at recognising what i need when its pretty apparent to everyone else tho (more like alexithymia)
also as a kid I kept getting asked why i was sad so I started making an effort to appear happy so people wouldn't ask me that. And then the masking commenced!
Me too. I'm extremely good at reading other people's emotions but it doesn't come naturally tho. I've to observe them for a while before I can be able to read them efficiently. The only problem I have is expressing my emotions to others so they can understand me. Lol
@@MohammedIbrahim-uk8kg haha I thought I was naturally good at it then I realised most people don't study psychology or body language incessantly haha. But yeah, the saying "we are creatures of habit" is far too true (and that's why I can read ppl) 😂❤
My husband & I were told our kid laughs at inappropriate moments. We laughed in response. 🤦🏻♀️ 🤷🏻♀️ Neither of us have had a diagnosis, but EVERY ONE of our 5 boys had some type of SPD, ADD, ADHD, or Autism diagnosis.
I knew a girl who said 1)she didn’t eat meat due to not liking its texture 2) she claimed to not remember slot of things when it came to us (possible gaslighting tho) , she would not speak when I addressed her behavior that was very patronizing and mean to me or even if it wasn’t a super serious convo, she’d just stand there and not say much of anything, 3)she would never ask me anything about my life and the interactions seemed one sided 4), she would put me in weird sexual situation and then act like she didn’t ( she would initiate and then literally 2 seconds later roll her eyes and end it ) , she pretended she didn’t remember this stuff 4)after asking her like 3 questions in a row about some event she went to she said “Stfu “ I said what? “Stfu You ask to many questions I don’t care about anything you have to say “ 5)I’d hang with her and sometimes she’s out her fingers over her mouth and tel me to shh and literally gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the hangout . 6)she wouldn’t make eye contact but stare at her phone a lot when we spoke. Only when she was flirty would she make eye contact usually 7) she walked away from me in public multiple times and didn’t seem to know to walk side by side 8) whenever I explained how something felt negative for me (I didn’t do this much because she didn’t seem mature enough to have the convo) she never really seemed to care and never changed behavior 9) she claimed to have black outs or panic attacks although I don’t know what she fully meant by it . I didn’t know if she was exaggerating or it was serious. I asked her if she knew she could call me and have me ok then phone if she ever felt overwhelmed and she just stared away and didn’t respond to what I said At times I felt she was really cruel and was always trying to understand where her frustration came from. I didn’t know if she was having a genuine fragile issue or the cruelest person on the planet . Honestly I felt like it was some sort of aspergers communication issue combined with an inflated ego that wouldn’t address anything she did negative or even appreciate I was there for her when she put herself in very precarious situations with me and idk how other men would have treated her or taken advantage of her . I felt a vulnerability in her despite her aggressiveness but over a year spending time with her one on one and she refused to communicate . Always ignored texts, 99 percent of the time . Even though she showed me affection and later in my arms and wanted me to play with her hair and told me she liked it when I thought of her and she knew I had love for her and she threw her self at me physically, she would claim she didn’t know what I was taking about . I got her flowers one night after I was havin trust issues with her and she ended it there when a few hours prior she said we were good and I had apologized for my mistrust . I called her out for a lot of things and felt like she played me on purpose and toyed with me. I also told her I thought she might have aspergers. Some guy she happened to be on a date with the night I gave her flowers told me I was a narcissist and she was escaping her abusing relationship with me and basically doubled down on all her behavior and said a bunch of nonsense . He told me he was only her friend atfirst, (he contacted me anonymously) and later two months I emailed her to try and explain everything again and apologize and he then responded via her email that he was her bf now and they were sOo inlove . I then realized he was infact manipulating that situation to make her fall for him as if he was her savior in that moment. He claimed I was a terrible communicator and she had no real issues . He said I shed her issues for my personal gain etc. It blee my mind. I always felt she was pretty mean and explained it as just some frustration combined with communication issues OR she was very cruel and intentional since I communicators so much and was always asking her if There was anything wrong ( I couldn’t understand how she wouldn’t misinterpret anything At that point) My biggest fear was some guy taking advantage of her intimacy issues , physical and emotional. She seemed overly emotional and vulnerable because of all this to me and that’s why I was so courteous for her, I loved her but she did a good job of convincing me she was totally selfish immature/stubborn too. This guy tried to re write my interaction with her as if she got lucky she escaped me and how dangerous physically and emotionally I was to her . I can’t imagine the kind of trauma he tried to introduce by doing this, only so he could get a girlfriend and pretend to be a hero? He didn’t let her see my emails and he read and saw everything I said detailing my relationship with her . He basically got all this hard earned info on this girl and she was posting on her social how he was her soulmate etc . It’s really gross . I was mad for sure and felt played with so I used words to try and defend myself but her and I literally never had fights in real life and I always diffused any weird tension in person. She slept in my earls everytime I hung out with her for months . My heart hurts because I feel this guy is a total manipulator and she may have some serious issue and instead of addressing it and encouraging good communication , he simply doubled down on all her actions and told her what she wanted to hear. Whereas I was with her and gently guided her through the months to open up, and she was opening up on her own.
My wife is constantly asking me if I’m aware of how my facial expressions or arm / hand moments are seen by others. Normally others think I’m upset when I’m not, but I can’t tell how I look. I’m not diagnosed but I adhd and recently have had more and more issues with those I’m close too asking me why I am the way I am. I relate a lot to your videos and wonder if I do have Asperger’s potentially.
I've been accused of being envious by my friends and family just because of my facial expressions. Often times my emotions don't match my facial expression and it kinda sends weird vibes to people. At this point, I'm tired of trying to convince people that that's just the way I am and I can't change that. I'm just going to be myself no matter what.. A tip or advice from you might help tho!
my son who has aspergers finds it difficult to read faces but with me anyway he feels my mood - when I am anxious he can ask why I am angry-I think he can feel the negative vibes .I tell him that I am not angry but worried .and explain what it is that is making me feel that way.
my wife calls me grumpy, my sports colleagues also call me grumpy and being asked to smile for a photo is as difficult as going to party. i always want to say its easier to frown and than to smile, and it doesnt work well here in the land of smiles
When I was in Kindergarten and having trouble understanding other kids, I interrogated my mom after school to learn how to interpret facial expressions and body language to match them to emotions that I could understand. Then I trained myself to convey that same body language (in ways I found personally acceptable) upon the respective emotion. I was 4 to 6 years old. I'd walk around and work up a feeling, then turn to my mom and ask her how I looked. Then she'd tell me what emotion she could read. If it didn't match, we'd talk about what I was trying to do and what was off or misleading, then I'd try again. This took several months at least for me to get down.
My comment, I think, touches on a controversy about the source of autism, but I hope I can make this connection. I was left alone in my room until I went to school, being given lots of toys and crafts to keep me occupied. I know that is not everyone’s experience, but it was mine, and I think it’s significant for me. I wasn’t given eye contact for my first five years, so I have a hard time doing it now. But I try.
How do you get the protections that were awarded..but state denies that it's true, I don't know how to get legal help because I get dismissed when I'm trying to explain why I need legal help..pushed out the door.
I have ADHD and find eye contact difficult (I can do it but find it uncomfortable) I also frown ALL the time - even in my sleep! Everyone at work/socially was scared of me😵 (- resting ‘angry’ face!) And gave myself headaches! So I now have Botox to stop me looking like a psycho! I now look much more approachable… (Got rid of my migraines too!!)
When I was a TH-camr 2 - 4 years ago I would get told why do you look so angry or sad and your voice is monotone. I told them before I self diagnosed myself with possible autism "I am happy and energetic, but I can't physically express it very well". I kept getting told it over and over again throughout the years even in public and it kinda makes me disappointed inside tbh.
many times I have asked my husband why are you so angry or grumpy and he's always saying I'm not. and I also can't tell when he's mad at me or just in general so I'm always asking what did I do wrong. I wish I was able to tell these things It would make things so much easier
When I smiled a lot, I was treated like a damn fool, so I decided to stop smiling as much. It worked, now people think I’m a hard faced b@#ch and leave me alone.
I have grown to despise people telling me to smile and that I look angry or like an asshole. It happens so often even from people who know I'm autistic, and know I have no control over it. I don't understand the need for nuerotypical people to have a smile on my face. They arent just constantly smiling either, so I'm not sure what it is they're seeing and talking about when they say I'm not smiling cause it's clearly not just that, since again, they aren't either.....
Is it common for autistic people to not smile? I remember being told to smile a lot, particularly when I was younger. I was actually feeling happy but just not smiling. I remember a lot of people always going on about smiling saying how it’s easy to smile because it doesn’t use many facial muscles, but it always seemed really tricky and uncomfortable to me.
@@ellen_3 yes, social workers make horrible assumptions, they are not medically qualified to make such decisions against people.....and we suffer the stupidity of those assumptions!
QUESTION : Umm so I just recently found out that I'm autistic even though I literally never knew what it was until recently. People here seem a little more well versed than me so I thought I might just throw a question out there, I feel emotions but literally cant express them, as if their is some sort of block, I cant laugh even when I find something quite funny for example and Its very easy for me to have. blank face through a whole convo with someone I love specifically when we are in public nd I'm a little nervous is this the autism, does anybody else have this?????? Also I often find myself faking facial expressions that feel unatural and difficult to put on to the point where it literally hurts, but yeah if anybody else has this just let me now cuz yeah haha. PS I am a girl if that changes anything
Yes!! This is emotional deregulation it is a communication issue. It is difficult to regulate and express your emotions. Do not worry it’s just who you are. Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
I would like to get your help, I am not getting the helps, supports or services I should be. I need legal help to get this fixed, I cannot get the legal help because I cannot effectively communicate with people and am dismissed regularly because of severe disabilities. Falling through every conceivable crack trying to get help. Can you please help me get the legal help I need..I have multiple severe disabilities and am getting nowhere for years..please.
Can anyone help? I like someone who is on the spectrum, it would be great if someone could give some advice on what I could do or say to help her feel like she can talk to me about anything or ask for help when she needs it. Any advice would be great.
I'm constantly asked why I'm mad and I tell people I'm happy on the inside. For some reason the emotion doesn't make it all the way to my face. I even joke with a straight face, which really confuses the neurotypicals and pretty much ruins it. It's hard when you feel happy and think it's obvious to the world, then have someone ask why you're having a completely opposite emotion.
I hate being told to smile. I rarely ever smile as a woman, and it angers me because men are much more easily respected and accepted if they dont smile as much, but if a woman does not she is usually considered a bitch, "has issues" crouchy or less attractive.
The pinnacle of the worst is when men come up to me and say "Life isnt so bad, smile honey!" I want to wreck their face. Its disrespectful and inconsiderate. We are human beings with feelings, not clowns to make YOU more comfortable. Just understand and respect whatever we are feeling. Us women dont make rounds telling men "Dont be so sour, just smile!"....so dont do it to us.....ffs rant over, and yes that was an aspie rant
Oh I absolutely second that. I always feel fine or even happy until someone comes along and ruines my day with that crap. So who doesn't know how others are feelig!?
OMG. Are men still doing that?? It drove me absolutely bonkers when I was young! It happened so much that I started freaking out on them. I'd be working and they'd expect me to smile while I'm concentrating! I started doing examples of how freaky it would be if I smiled literally all the time. Just have a plastered on smile at all times no matter what was going on in my life. I also started watching the men who told me that and pointed out every time they weren't smiling. I'm now 54 and LOVE that I'm finally ignored by these freaks. Like, I don't miss anything about constantly being chased and judged by men. It was annoying af.
@@discombobulatedfishbowl7548 Freak, you said it, its one of the most annoying things in this evil planet. For example I am watching any interview with a reporter or whoever with a guy and girl, and the guy isnt smiling but the chick is, almost for the whole damn interview because God forbid if she didnt shed have a "resting bitch face".
I HATE IT. Is such a double standards. Its like men are saying "we dont care how you really feel or what you experience or think, just look pretty because it makes US more comfortable. But we dont have to."
I have three words. Go eff yourself. These double standards apply to so many things besides this and then men wonder why women sometimes snap. Because of these sexist unobtainable standards you place on women 24/7, prioritizing how we look and what we do only for them instead of what we think, feel, express, and who we are.
I am a lot younger than you but agree, and like your analogy. The last man who tried that 'smile' BS with me got a kick into next week, especially due to his chauvanistic tone. I am aspie ranting again, but hey, there you go.
I mean, what WOULD mean the world is if the guy actually respected what we felt, and show concern, not control, but asking "Hey, is everything alright? Just checking in, cause I care" or something. How I wish Guys would give a shit how we feel instead of attempting to control what we feel and express for their convenience.
I empathize heavily with your story however as a man I do in fact experience this, many women ask me to smile. I consciously try my damndest to smile in social settings so I don’t make people feel unsafe or uncomfortable.
I am a pretty big black guy and unfortunately due to societal stigmas, I am judged by my outward appearance and seen as a danger because I have a “grumpy face” only my family and wife understand
@@justinbrown5722 Thanks for sharing. I haven't heard this happen as you describe (as its far more common for women) but that doesn't mean there arent the rare occurrences like your own.
You sound like an awesome guy, and kind hearted. I get you 100% when it comes to social stigmas. I love diversity in human culture. I am the opposite of you, a petite fiery French goth chick. I wish people didnt marginalize or stigmatize either of us. The whole problem reflects more on the defects of social 'structures' than the value of individual people. Blessings to both of us and our percieved 'grumpy faces'. haha
I’ve always been told I have a miserable face even by my husband despite the fact most of the time I’m perfectly fine but my face only seems to have a grumpy setting ! As a child I would be told off by teachers who would accuse me of sneering and being disrespectful but I’ve never consciously sneered at anyone in my life !
Ack! That would suck so much. I'm sorry you've had this experience. My resting face is usually a bit furrowed and people rightly assume that I'm just thinking. I think my resting face is pretty blank. People have a hard time reading me. Unless I'm dysregulated. Then it's pretty dang obvious exactly what I'm feeling. Lol.
I almost got kicked out of a trade school because the other students thought I was sneering at and side-eyeing them. I was shocked when I was pulled in the office and told this information. I was just trying to avoid eye contact and innocently living with my non-reactive face.
@@discombobulatedfishbowl7548 I'm sorry. :(
@@thenerdgirl1 Thank you. Everything turned out okay! I felt real bad about it because I never want to cause anyone to feel that way around me. A couple weeks later one of the girls had a VIP party. I asked if I could go, went to it, had a couple beers and bought a couple toys. After that, everyone was real cool with me. I even made a few friends! I got invited places. Wound up being the happiest period of my life thus far (30 years later). I made one little effort and it changed everything. Am I still weird to most people? Yes! But I don't let my difference weigh me down. Not after that. If I notice someone is uncomfortable around me I make the first move at friendliness, even when it's scary af and I'd rather not deal with it. It's rare that the other person responds back unkindly.
Got u entirely. I used to think my son was grumpy all the time. Until I got that fact down. He's happy most of the time despite that. Good eye contact though.
I often has people growing up tell me they were afraid of me because I always looks so serious or angry.
They were surprised that I was actually pretty jovial and nice when they got to know me.
Thank you for the great work you are doing with this channel!
I have the exact same thing with me!
Yes, my family's kids are scared of me and so are dogs and cats, but I haven't got time for them anyway
And being both autistic and an empath is like: "Somebody in this room is upset, but I can't tell who and it might even be me, but regardless I'm gonna have a meltdown if I can't fix the problem or escape."
I find your videos to be genuine. Hearing you makes me feel like there is someone out there who gets it. Awesome content
I was bullied for a few years at high school for being “gormless” “blank and nobody home”
I had an odd facial expression when I was sad or sorry but it apparently looked like I was pulling a flat smile!!! So mum, teachers and adults would think I was smiling or laughing when I’d done something wrong (even if I hadn’t done anything)…
My ex had a pair of nick names for me-
Grumpasaurus Rex and Many the Moody Mamouth..
Plus for years in my adult life I’ve been asked why I look permanently “pissed off” when I’m perfectly happy.!!!!
🤷♂️ it’s my face and it’s the only one I’ve got
"Resting jerk face" I have it too lol
One of the common things that happens at our house is when my son gets a gift, he doesn’t express his excitement. It’s usually the opposite. The quieter he is, the more excited he is about it. We have to kind of let family know he likes their gift. He’s 8 and going back to public school for first time post Covid so we are going to tell him about autism this week before he finds out through school. We were waiting for the right maturity and he’s there and he of course knows something’s up. I’ve been talking about my ADHD and anxiety over time. Kind of getting the fact that every brain works a bit different.
My children always ask ..."WHATS WRONG!??"
I can totally relate to that.
I think the caveat here is that autistic people seem to be able to do that with each other. I can see my mom's face and know her mood. But also a coworker or classmate who I don't know very well.
@@i.b.640 Okay, I would totally have to agree with you there! NT's aren't any better at understanding an ND's communication, but then they so often blame us ND's for not understanding THEM. I am trying to figure out yhe proper way to tell an NT that they really need to research autism thoroughly, instead of them taking quick look at me and saying that I don't look autistic, or that everyone else gets socially uncomfortable too! I mean, I've been researching the differences between the NT and ND brain for the past 5 months now.
I have a perma frown and neutral expression. I used to be concerned that it made me seem unapproachable. Now I have given up trying to be around others after years of it simply not working out for me. Now I exaggerate the natural look I have and people will sometimes cross the road to avoid me, such is it's effectiveness. I hardly ever have anybody approach me now, it's awesome, like a suit of armour against NT's. Helps me preserve my solitude.
I work as a cashier, so I tend to use a very cheerful, upbeat voice. However, people sometimes don’t know how to take me because I rarely smile. So, while I sound super friendly, I have an almost blank look on my face. I can tell when someone is having a hard time trying to read me. I actually find it’s kinda funny. See how you like it, neuro typical person! 🤣
I was being photographed for a newspaper article, quite a long session, I thought I was smiling in every shot but when I was shown the pictures I wasn't smiling in a single one...😅
Congratulations all the subscribers!!:))
I'm told I look aggressive, and I have a screw face... But I'm actually quite happy. I feel totally misunderstood most of the time.
I get this all the time. I can be in a good mood and someone may ask if I'm upset or mad about something. OR I can feel well rested after having a strong cup of coffee and pumped full of energy and someone may tell me I look tired or ask if I got enough sleep.
I understand other people most of the time, but not always. I do not always show the proper facial expression for what I am feeling as people think I am lost, upset, or confused, and I am just thinking or concentrating. Thanks for this video.
I always feel uncomfortable to maintain eye contact.
I really love this video I really connect with this facial expression’s my mum used to say smile
Can relate💜 my facial expressions are different, too🙂
Forever, I’ve been told I look angry when I’m just thinking 🤷🏼♀️
My resting face appears to many people to be an angry expression, even if I am just in my work zone. Even my family has trouble reading my face. I have a straight resting face, meaning that my facial expression rarely changes. Its something I have come to live with and accept.
Hi Dan, great vid. Yeah people have been telling me I look angry while nothing is going on since I was a kid.
What about verbally communicating. Neuro typical people often confuse the hell out of me. That combined with the "body language" really messes me up very often to point where it has happened I had to laugh out of control, like someone would be putting on a monty python like show in my head. Or just leave me stunned. Any thoughts?
Keep going!
Greetings from Netherland
there have been comments about my face my entire life. I've been told I look really mean. I didn't understand what they meant until one day I looked in the mirror to see what they mean and my face was so screwed up. very pouty and angry looking. I've been trying to fix it but I can't. it's one of the most frustrating symptoms of this.
Very helpful channel!
As a child I remember my Mum prompting me to smile smile smile
Same here. There was also “you should look people in the eye when talking to them” as a bonus.
@@mts.camilo oh yes! 👍
I’ve been told I sometimes make odd facial expressions.
This also happens when you have ADHD and don't value inaccurate measurements like eye contact. Although in this ADHD scenario you often put up red herrings subconsciously to throw off the metrics to defend your stance regardless the same exact scenario happens.
I often wear a smile. I can feel it. Its exhausting at times. But I think we should acknowledge, that autistic people can also be hypersensitive to the emotions of others. I am, I can read extreme nuance much of the time, often 'feeling' the emotions of others.
Many times in my professional career I have had people comment on my face, or just get mad at what they see. It is exhausting and honestly feels like the world is gaslighting you for something you honestly have little control over. I was explaining to a mentor that in video calls I have to constantly be aware of my face, and adapt it based on other's reactions; controlling micro expressions in conscious manner so that they won't get the wrong idea. She was shocked that this was something to be concerned about.
I have trouble with expressions. Much past mad, sad, glad, or upset and I’ve got nothing; the emotions wheel is kind of baffling to me. I end up asking those close to me all the time how they are feeling. It makes raising my littles very difficult, because we are trying to name emotions, and even I have a hard time with it. (In fact, I have been corrected by one of my littles a few times, because I named a feeling incorrectly.)
Ah-ha! I interpret emotions the exact same way! Everyone looks grumpy or irritated unless they have a huge smile, are laughing, or crying; despite the fact that I am able to make some eye contact. I probably don't make as much eye contact as the average person, but enough that I can see their face for a few seconds here and there. I DO sometimes get a gut feeling that someone is angry at me, or if they aren't a very good and trustworthy person. And I also find it exhausting to be around people because I feel like I always have to have a smile on (and I feel an amount of guilt when I don't smile). Is it common for autistic people to have a hard time with facial recognition in general? Because a lot of times, if I see acquaintances in public, it takes me about a minute before I recognize them (and if it's been a few years, I sometimes won't recognize their face at all. I also got my two cousins mixed up one time (they are sisters, and have different enough faces that it shouldn't be a problem). And that was embarrassing, and I felt a sense of guilt afterwards. 😕
I'm usually great reading people. But I recognise patterns, and if someone does something a couple of times my brain goes that means that. Including emotions haha. I am terrible at recognising what i need when its pretty apparent to everyone else tho (more like alexithymia)
also as a kid I kept getting asked why i was sad so I started making an effort to appear happy so people wouldn't ask me that. And then the masking commenced!
Me too. I'm extremely good at reading other people's emotions but it doesn't come naturally tho. I've to observe them for a while before I can be able to read them efficiently. The only problem I have is expressing my emotions to others so they can understand me. Lol
@@MohammedIbrahim-uk8kg haha I thought I was naturally good at it then I realised most people don't study psychology or body language incessantly haha. But yeah, the saying "we are creatures of habit" is far too true (and that's why I can read ppl) 😂❤
My husband & I were told our kid laughs at inappropriate moments. We laughed in response. 🤦🏻♀️ 🤷🏻♀️
Neither of us have had a diagnosis, but EVERY ONE of our 5 boys had some type of SPD, ADD, ADHD, or Autism diagnosis.
I knew a girl who said
1)she didn’t eat meat due to not liking its texture
2)
she claimed to not remember slot of things when it came to us (possible gaslighting tho) , she would not speak when I addressed her behavior that was very patronizing and mean to me or even if it wasn’t a super serious convo, she’d just stand there and not say much of anything,
3)she would never ask me anything about my life and the interactions seemed one sided
4), she would put me in weird sexual situation and then act like she didn’t ( she would initiate and then literally 2 seconds later roll her eyes and end it ) , she pretended she didn’t remember this stuff
4)after asking her like 3 questions in a row about some event she went to she said
“Stfu “ I said what? “Stfu You ask to many questions I don’t care about anything you have to say “
5)I’d hang with her and sometimes she’s out her fingers over her mouth and tel me to shh and literally gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the hangout .
6)she wouldn’t make eye contact but stare at her phone a lot when we spoke. Only when she was flirty would she make eye contact usually
7) she walked away from me in public multiple times and didn’t seem to know to walk side by side
8) whenever I explained how something felt negative for me (I didn’t do this much because she didn’t seem mature enough to have the convo) she never really seemed to care and never changed behavior
9) she claimed to have black outs or panic attacks although I don’t know what she fully meant by it . I didn’t know if she was exaggerating or it was serious. I asked her if she knew she could call me and have me ok then phone if she ever felt overwhelmed and she just stared away and didn’t respond to what I said
At times I felt she was really cruel and was always trying to understand where her frustration came from. I didn’t know if she was having a genuine fragile issue or the cruelest person on the planet .
Honestly I felt like it was some sort of aspergers communication issue combined with an inflated ego that wouldn’t address anything she did negative or even appreciate I was there for her when she put herself in very precarious situations with me and idk how other men would have treated her or taken advantage of her .
I felt a vulnerability in her despite her aggressiveness but over a year spending time with her one on one and she refused to communicate . Always ignored texts, 99 percent of the time .
Even though she showed me affection and later in my arms and wanted me to play with her hair and told me she liked it when I thought of her and she knew I had love for her and she threw her self at me physically, she would claim she didn’t know what I was taking about .
I got her flowers one night after I was havin trust issues with her and she ended it there when a few hours prior she said we were good and I had apologized for my mistrust .
I called her out for a lot of things and felt like she played me on purpose and toyed with me. I also told her I thought she might have aspergers.
Some guy she happened to be on a date with the night I gave her flowers told me I was a narcissist and she was escaping her abusing relationship with me and basically doubled down on all her behavior and said a bunch of nonsense . He told me he was only her friend atfirst, (he contacted me anonymously) and later two months I emailed her to try and explain everything again and apologize and he then responded via her email that he was her bf now and they were sOo inlove .
I then realized he was infact manipulating that situation to make her fall for him as if he was her savior in that moment. He claimed I was a terrible communicator and she had no real issues . He said I shed her issues for my personal gain etc.
It blee my mind. I always felt she was pretty mean and explained it as just some frustration combined with communication issues OR she was very cruel and intentional since I communicators so much and was always asking her if There was anything wrong ( I couldn’t understand how she wouldn’t misinterpret anything At that point)
My biggest fear was some guy taking advantage of her intimacy issues , physical and emotional. She seemed overly emotional and vulnerable because of all this to me and that’s why I was so courteous for her, I loved her but she did a good job of convincing me she was totally selfish immature/stubborn too.
This guy tried to re write my interaction with her as if she got lucky she escaped me and how dangerous physically and emotionally I was to her . I can’t imagine the kind of trauma he tried to introduce by doing this, only so he could get a girlfriend and pretend to be a hero? He didn’t let her see my emails and he read and saw everything I said detailing my relationship with her . He basically got all this hard earned info on this girl and she was posting on her social how he was her soulmate etc .
It’s really gross . I was mad for sure and felt played with so I used words to try and defend myself but her and I literally never had fights in real life and I always diffused any weird tension in person. She slept in my earls everytime I hung out with her for months .
My heart hurts because I feel this guy is a total manipulator and she may have some serious issue and instead of addressing it and encouraging good communication , he simply doubled down on all her actions and told her what she wanted to hear. Whereas I was with her and gently guided her through the months to open up, and she was opening up on her own.
This sounds like a personality disorder. Thank you so much for the comment!
Thanks for reading all that lol I appreciate the input
My wife is constantly asking me if I’m aware of how my facial expressions or arm / hand moments are seen by others. Normally others think I’m upset when I’m not, but I can’t tell how I look. I’m not diagnosed but I adhd and recently have had more and more issues with those I’m close too asking me why I am the way I am. I relate a lot to your videos and wonder if I do have Asperger’s potentially.
I've been accused of being envious by my friends and family just because of my facial expressions. Often times my emotions don't match my facial expression and it kinda sends weird vibes to people. At this point, I'm tired of trying to convince people that that's just the way I am and I can't change that. I'm just going to be myself no matter what.. A tip or advice from you might help tho!
hi I’m new here I love your videos, I’m 19, 6’6 and have Aspergers, I like your videos ❤️❤️
Nice to know there’s still good people in the world
It's so difficult to understand great video Dan like always
my son who has aspergers finds it difficult to read faces but with me anyway he feels my mood - when I am anxious he can ask why I am angry-I think he can feel the negative vibes .I tell him that I am not angry but worried .and explain what it is that is making me feel that way.
my wife calls me grumpy, my sports colleagues also call me grumpy and being asked to smile for a photo is as difficult as going to party. i always want to say its easier to frown and than to smile, and it doesnt work well here in the land of smiles
My ex called me (affectionately) her Grumpasaurus Rex or Manny the Moody Mammoth…. I just wish I realised I may have ADC and I-ADD/ADHD….
When I was in Kindergarten and having trouble understanding other kids, I interrogated my mom after school to learn how to interpret facial expressions and body language to match them to emotions that I could understand. Then I trained myself to convey that same body language (in ways I found personally acceptable) upon the respective emotion.
I was 4 to 6 years old. I'd walk around and work up a feeling, then turn to my mom and ask her how I looked. Then she'd tell me what emotion she could read. If it didn't match, we'd talk about what I was trying to do and what was off or misleading, then I'd try again. This took several months at least for me to get down.
Most people are grumpy all the time now
My comment, I think, touches on a controversy about the source of autism, but I hope I can make this connection. I was left alone in my room until I went to school, being given lots of toys and crafts to keep me occupied. I know that is not everyone’s experience, but it was mine, and I think it’s significant for me. I wasn’t given eye contact for my first five years, so I have a hard time doing it now. But I try.
It's not a "controversy", it's proven that this isn't the cause of autism.
@@robokill387 last I heard it was accepted as a cause of 30%. Old data?
How do you get the protections that were awarded..but state denies that it's true, I don't know how to get legal help because I get dismissed when I'm trying to explain why I need legal help..pushed out the door.
I have ADHD and find eye contact difficult (I can do it but find it uncomfortable)
I also frown ALL the time - even in my sleep!
Everyone at work/socially was scared of me😵 (- resting ‘angry’ face!)
And gave myself headaches!
So I now have Botox to stop me looking like a psycho!
I now look much more approachable… (Got rid of my migraines too!!)
Good videos
I've heard the same comments about my facial expressions my entire life. I wonder if learning sign language is going to help me.
When I was a TH-camr 2 - 4 years ago I would get told why do you look so angry or sad and your voice is monotone. I told them before I self diagnosed myself with possible autism "I am happy and energetic, but I can't physically express it very well". I kept getting told it over and over again throughout the years even in public and it kinda makes me disappointed inside tbh.
many times I have asked my husband why are you so angry or grumpy and he's always saying I'm not. and I also can't tell when he's mad at me or just in general so I'm always asking what did I do wrong. I wish I was able to tell these things It would make things so much easier
When I smiled a lot, I was treated like a damn fool, so I decided to stop smiling as much. It worked, now people think I’m a hard faced b@#ch and leave me alone.
I’ve all my life been told to smile and cheer up and my mouth has always been downturned and flat I can’t do anything about it so frustrating :/
Thank u so much
I have grown to despise people telling me to smile and that I look angry or like an asshole. It happens so often even from people who know I'm autistic, and know I have no control over it. I don't understand the need for nuerotypical people to have a smile on my face. They arent just constantly smiling either, so I'm not sure what it is they're seeing and talking about when they say I'm not smiling cause it's clearly not just that, since again, they aren't either.....
Merci pour ta vidéo
Is it common for autistic people to not smile? I remember being told to smile a lot, particularly when I was younger. I was actually feeling happy but just not smiling. I remember a lot of people always going on about smiling saying how it’s easy to smile because it doesn’t use many facial muscles, but it always seemed really tricky and uncomfortable to me.
💯..... social workers can be the worst for making assumptions! "She looks angry...something not rite with her" lol aka co workers....
Or assuming that you are lying!
@@lisawhitehall1870 💔 ....yessss!
@@ellen_3 that's what has messed with my SSA! Even when fed says yes.
@@ellen_3 yes, social workers make horrible assumptions, they are not medically qualified to make such decisions against people.....and we suffer the stupidity of those assumptions!
@@ellen_3 ty!
Right ✅️
QUESTION :
Umm so I just recently found out that I'm autistic even though I literally never knew what it was until recently. People here seem a little more well versed than me so I thought I might just throw a question out there,
I feel emotions but literally cant express them, as if their is some sort of block, I cant laugh even when I find something quite funny for example and Its very easy for me to have. blank face through a whole convo with someone I love specifically when we are in public nd I'm a little nervous is this the autism, does anybody else have this??????
Also I often find myself faking facial expressions that feel unatural and difficult to put on to the point where it literally hurts,
but yeah if anybody else has this just let me now cuz yeah haha.
PS I am a girl if that changes anything
Yes!! This is emotional deregulation it is a communication issue. It is difficult to regulate and express your emotions. Do not worry it’s just who you are. Thank you so much for the comment! Please subscribe to my channel to see more videos from me :).
@@TheAspieWorld Thank you for the reply! AWESOME !!!
PS sorry if I spell some stuff wrong, I'm bad at spelling
I would like to get your help, I am not getting the helps, supports or services I should be. I need legal help to get this fixed, I cannot get the legal help because I cannot effectively communicate with people and am dismissed regularly because of severe disabilities. Falling through every conceivable crack trying to get help.
Can you please help me get the legal help I need..I have multiple severe disabilities and am getting nowhere for years..please.
I'm totally still listening, but I love Fight Club.
If you're dating someone, when should you tell them about your disorder?
hi i love your Content that u make i have autism and
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🎬🎬🎬
Can anyone help? I like someone who is on the spectrum, it would be great if someone could give some advice on what I could do or say to help her feel like she can talk to me about anything or ask for help when she needs it. Any advice would be great.
4:40
Facial expressions could also be greatly exaggerated by someone with auism. It can go either way for me.
Mine was the 187th like on this video. Hell yeah.
I have autism and I’m 11 and I want to do a duo pls
I have broken the 69 comments.
First!!!!
why does the content maker claim to have autism, while he has none of the features he describes.
I notice you look to the side a lot when you talk, I do the exact same thing! But I have no idea why I'm doing it🫠