I completely agree, but I do feel like there mightve been some missing information. I'm not excusing his behavior, it isn't excusable, but she said he was on medication, for a stomach ache? That doesn't seem right to me. I feel like something is missing there. From what I know, you don't get medication for simple stomach aches. That makes me think there are some holes in the story.
@@jbrennan381 you can have a minor stomach problem and still take medicine for it. Just cause you hear medication doesnt always associated to something more serious. When you have a simple common cold, you take medication. If you have the flu, you take medication. If you have covid, you take medication. If you're diagnosed with cancer, you're on medication which btw is a more extreme example. It just goes to show no matter what you're ill with, you dont get to behave like a child throwing a tantrum just cause you're sick. So no, nothing is missing in that story and the husband is just being immature for someone who's 26 years old. He's very entitled.
I'm with you. I'm constantly in amounts of pain that would cause most people to not even get out of bed, it BURNS ME UP hearing stories like this. Just because you can't SEE it doesn't mean it isn't real!
@@kellis6645 i couldnt relate to you but ive been in a simlair siutation as op and to think that parents and teachers could careless then the random people on the sidewalk that helped me is so infuriating. I didnt even make a sound that i was in pain but they f**king noticed unlike the teachers who had no accommodations for A CARE CRASH VICTIM
I feel like R-Slash just glossed over the fact that the husband’s sister yelled at OP for ditching him to go to her brother’s “party,” not wedding. That means the husband lied to his own sister! Well, that or he misunderstood the situation, but at this point I’m not inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.
@@lacko623 as he said in this episode he has made a THOUSAND of these. He is bound to make mistakes. People are not perfect. Everyone seems to forget that in these videos
Or, the sister knew that the "party" was a wedding, but downgraded it to make OP seem like more of an ahole. And judging based on the husband's behavior, he seems very used to being babied so I wouldn't put it past the sister
Update for the last story: With the help of medical professionals responding to the story, OP has realised that this could be very serious and hasn’t been treating her daughter right. She has booked an appointment with a specialist and she’s apologised to her daughter and it trying to make it up to her
My sister had a similar problem as the last story but her pain was due to a birth-defect in her spine. As she grew older, the problem increased but our parents dismissed her as "not wanting to help" and "being lazy" (we grew up on a farm). So yeah, she naturally stopped to say anything and just lived with the pain. Result, she is now an adult who can't lift heavy stuff anymore and is very limited, on which jobs she could do. The worst part, her birth-defect could have been corrected in her child years without a problem. So, listen to your kids when they complain about pain, especially after such an accident, as the last story.
Yes! My daughter deals with endometriosis. I didn't know how much pain she was in as a teenager until we found out what was causing it. It is hard for others to know the extent of pain you're in...But! I was never unsympathetic to her! I let her stay home from school and would go pick her up when she said she was in too much pain. I did think maybe she just couldn't tolerate pain as much but I never ever ever said anything to her. I still accommodated her. Once I found it what was causing it I felt bad for ever thinking she just didn't tolerate as well but I was so glad I never said anything to her. Because to me, she was in pain and it didn't matter what pain others think you have. She knew she hurt and I would do whatever to help her feel better!
I'm sorry that your sister went through that. I spent 13 years dealing with a hormone imbalance that caused significant pain and fatigue. I was told to toughen up and was belittled because "nothing was wrong" and I was "attention seeking". I stopped talking about it to avoid the those responses. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I finally received any help and it took over two years to get it under control because of how long it took to get treatment. It took a stranger that I decided to open up to and moving out my small town to get help. A stranger believed me more than my family or doctor. I'll never tell someone they can't feel what they're feeling.
Yeah, I had birth defects that started to get worse and worse as I got older. I was ignored until a few years ago. Turns out I have a rare muscle condition! I'm seeing a specialist now. It's getting better and I'm healthier now than I have been in the past 20 years. Doctors are shite to younger people cause they're "supposed to be healthy" so they must be faking it or all in their head and using it as an excuse. It's kinda why I like younger doctors, because they're teaching a lot more about listening to patients no matter how old/young they are and not just passing it off as stress or fake. If I had the doctor I have now when my issues started flaring up, it wouldn't have gotten to the point it did. Now I have to work 3x as hard to make sure I can keep moving, all because doctors didn't listen. Wish I got 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions instead of resigning myself to hell all those years.
Going by how the husband and his sister reacted in the first story, I'm gonna guess that the husband was the pampered baby of his family. The husband is clearly used to always getting his way. When his wife got mad at him, he threw a temper tantrum like a toddler, which tells me that he never got punished for bad behaviour. And the fact that his sister came to his defence and got mad at OP for "daring to yell at her precious baby brother" is also very telling.
@@thetruth1816 oh, we fought and I moved out. Currently not speaking to him because I'm too scared. In time I will. Especially since reconciliation is important to me.
@@ismae-rienne4991 don’t let toxic people in your life, or back into your life. Forgive him in your heart if you want but never have any contact again. Well, you can see him on his death bed if he is too weak to ride abd you can bury him but all other contact should be gone
Forth story: My daughter told me she's in pain, I told her to stop crying and shut the hell up, and magically she stopped complaining! Clearly all is well now. Wtf OP, my mom was sometimes like this and OP possesses an incredible amount of assholery.
As someone with an invisible illness and chronic pain, that story pissed me off so much. The mother gaslit her daughter about her pain and had the audacity to get mad at her daughter's literal trauma response to being medically gaslit by her own mother...just.. ugh. I've dealt with people like that too many times. That poor girl.
This is why I don't talk to, or plan to bring my future kids anywhere near my birth dad. He refused to help me get care ,for anything from colds to broken bones, when I was hurt simply because he "didn't believe me." That is abuse. I'm done letting him abuse me or anyone I care about.
For the 2nd story, NTA, the ex-husband agreed to take the daughter to and from the wedding, was aware that OP wants nothing to do with the wedding, and he couldn't do that. As the saying goes "Poor planning on your end doesn't constitute fault on my end".
It sounds like the ex just wants to control the ex-wife a bit... i seriously doubt he didn't already know that the inlaws needed a ride when he made the deal.
The last story is likely a post concussion syndrome related case (reporting symptoms beyond 4-6 weeks after incident). Sustaining a concussion after a motor vehicle accident is common. With post concussion syndrome there can be persistent symptoms of: headaches, dizziness, nausea, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, mood changes, being easily overwhelmed, neck pain and etc. Concussions aren't well diagnosed/treated, as most of medical community is not up to date on screening and/or treatment. Most of the medical community tells concussion patients to sit in a dark room and do nothing, without evulating the neck, vestibular system, ocular system, patient's cognitive fatigue levels or mood changes. Since concussions are typically categorized as a mild traumatic brain injury there isn't much change to the brain regarding imaging (MRI/CT). Time is of the essence and the daughter needs to see a interdisciplinary team medical professionals who have proper training in treating and managing persistent concussion related symptoms. Concussions are treatable; however, a good prognosis deminishes without proper treatment. The mom should be ashamed for disregarding the reported symptoms.
I was thinking it could be fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia results in widespread chronic pain and is often triggered by a traumatic event like a car accident. (For me it was triggered by a traumatic and difficult spine surgery). It also frequently causes muscle spasms, restless leg syndrome, and insomnia (often referred to as “painsomnia”) which in itself can cause dizziness and despondency. The truth is that we don’t know enough about this girl’s specific symptoms to know for sure what’s going on. We don’t know where the pain is, how often it affects her, if it’s dull, sharp, burning, etc, if it gets worse or better with activity, any other symptoms, etc. It’s impossible to diagnose her from this story, but it _is_ clear that the doctors and her mother didn’t do enough.
Story 1: "I called him horrible which made him cry" Good. Make him cry more. "You left my brother alone just to attend a PaRtY" It was a wedding, and he's a fully grown man who is fully capable of caring for himself. He's not a toddler no matter how much he may be acting like one right now. If you're insisting on someone being there to care for him while he has a tummy ache then _you_ do it. "You made him have a panic attack!" And yet he's allowed to almost make his wife have one by thinking he was injured? You wanna make your little baby brother some homemade soup and grilled cheese with the crusts cut off while you're at it? You wanna get him some more juice since he threw his other one during his tantrum? Story 2: "Her dad doesn't want to tell her at all" of course he doesn't, then he has to admit he's a piece of shit so instead, he lied to her and made _you_ look like the piece of shit because God forbid he ever looks bad despite cheating and then not prioritizing his own daughter despite wanting her at his wedding (allegedly) Why can't the in laws get an uber or something? Why can't they arrive sooner? Story 3: "I'm hurt that you don't trust me" where were you when she made the threat? Did you do or say anything? Or are you the type to keep your mouth shut until the kid isn't around and confront your spouse in private, without the kid knowing, then expect them to know you're on their side? Story 4: Pardon my language, but as someone whose had seemingly chronic pain since middle school and got brushed off and ignored repeatedly because they wouldn't find anything during tests, fuck this mom. "She hasn't complained in months but now she _suddenly_ is" because you told her not to.
I really wonder if the husband lied to his sister about where OP went when OP left that day. I'd have been really interested to hear about how the sister would respond to OP asking why she'd call a wedding "Just a party".
I don't think OP is an asshoke in story 4. The daughter is clearly trying to get sympathy, despite being a slacker. This comes from a slacker, so I know what I'm talking about
@@MeteoraZero she was literally in an accident and kept in the hospital to be monitored after, even if there's no physical injuries anymore, there could be psychological effects that are known to cause physical pain if bad enough. Coming from someone whose also a slacker. I remember getting lectured in 5th grade for slacking and then not long after I got diagnosed with adhd because my parent was decent and took me saying I was struggling seriously.
@@MeteoraZeroI have no words to describe how stupid you sound right now- THE GIRL LITERALLY GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT also I was gonna say everything that @Owl said but you might as well just read their comment
Thank you so much for how you talked about the last story! Doctors dismiss teenage girls’ pain SO frequently. I have friends who are disabled and chronically Ill and have almost died from neglect from doctors who just say it’s “anxiety”. And you’re right, even if it is caused by PTSD, it’s still real pain that needs to be taken seriously. So few people understand these things and as a disabled young adult who suffers from chronic pain, the way you responded to this is so amazing and sadly, so uncommon.
The bank account story: Why should OP trust her father with her money when he's already allowed his wife, who is not on the account, to have the bank card? It's clear he hasn't taken safeguards to keep the account secure.
Heh honestly he is pathetic bouh hou hou you don’t trust me as you father to take care of your money man shut your mouth your just a terrible father from the start so why oh why would op trust huh
I have a similar story to the wedding incident. I divorced my wife, and about 4 years later I got engaged. The wedding comes along, my ex is on board to send the kids so I have flights set up for them when suddenlt their mom goes ballistic and says they can't come. Later when she finally gave me an answer it was because "they can't miss school" 3 days, and I had it cleared with their teachers prior. Suddenly I'm a terrible person for wanting them with me on the big day. 2 months later their mom takes them out of school for a week to attend her sisters wedding. Hypocrite much?
I was a single mom with a similar situation to the story but I think the mom is wrong. This isn't about mom or dad this is about the child. When you get divorced you have to learn to put your feelings aside that you have for the ex. The child come first. Unless there was abuse then people need to stop being selfish. Especially when the other parent is a good parent! In the story out has been 5 years. Has Mom never once accommodated dad in that time for visitation? It seems like this is just bitterness and the wedding. Lol I get a little passionate because it annoys when moms do this. My daughter wanted nothing more than her dad to be part of her life so it pisses me off when good dads get tromped on. Edited to add that I feel for you with your wedding. You clearly want to be part of your kids life and have to deal with a spiteful ex.
Thank god that my mom allowed me and my sister to attend my dad's and stepmother's wedding because we were the flower girls (the other one being my stepmother's niece, my stepcousin). We had to miss a day of school because the wedding was on a Saturday and we got pick up on a Thursday. I don't get why divorced parents do that and especially with their kids. It's awful.
@@amberlindsey7112 i don't feel like the father is a good parent though. he had his entire family firing off insults at OP, but not a single one of them could have picked her up? instead, he put their daughter in the middle of it. he used his child to manipulate his wife. if OP is a bad mother for wanting her ONE condition that she have nothing to do with that wedding met, then I don't see how her ex isn't a bad father for hurting his daughter to get his way. this was no emergency, he just "didn't want" to make the drive and didn't even try to find another ride for her. talk about putting your feelings above your kid...
@@2amazing101 I don’t understand why mom couldn’t have dropped their daughter off at her father’s the day before the wedding. Surely she had dropped her daughter off for visitations before. It wouldn’t be like dropping her daughter at the venue in the midst of all the wedding preparations.
In over 1080 episodes, R/Slash has never encountered a story where the the OP is banned from seeing her brother. That's on top of the financial and psychological abuse. It's an easy 5/5 with an extra sinner metal for the level of wrath both the parents display throughout the story. Even having the father say that this changes the way he feels about his daughter and tries to guilt trip her by saying she's untrustworthy. What is this teaching her exactly? She is supposed to be a doormat and simply submit to someone simply because there's a power dynamic and allow further abuse from the father or any significant others OP may have to continue. I've seen R/slash give 5/5 for one of these things and from his tone, and this one takes the cake. Shocking that R/Slash only gave a 3.5/5 butthole rating when I've heard pettier stories get an equivalent rating.
3rd story: all of that isn’t even the worst part about that story. The worst part is that the father’s reaction to hearing the full story is to get upset with OP, not to get upset with his wife. That tells you basically everything you need to know, guaranteed he would not have protected his daughter’s money
The StepMom’s just butt hurt that she lost her “only means” of getting FREE MONEY from the step daughter. And “Dad of the Year” just shown that he chose his NEW WIFE over his OWN KIDS, EVEN willing enough to enable his wife’s financial abuse on his biological kids by saying “Ugh, I just don’t TRUST you anymore because YOU don’t trust ME to protect your money, because you hurt my wittle feewings and egotistical entitlement!” A couple of psychological abusive scumbags.
I like the fact that rSlash didn't even need to finish reading the post to determine who's the butthole here, the fact he's willing to say this to a 14 year old girl, over his step wife, shows just how much of a bastard he is
First Story, NTA: The title alone speaks volumes of how controlling and manipulative OP’s husband is. I’m thinking he had like cancer or something but all he has is a bit of stomach problems? I honestly wouldn’t want to be with a guy like this. This guy started to cry and throw juice? This guy threw a whole tantrum because OP was mad at him for tricking her into missing a wedding??? Second Story, NTA: Why would anyone want to show up to the wedding of an ex and the person they cheated on with. OP’s request is reasonable. OP’s ex sucks, the woman OP’s ex cheated with is a horrible person to go for a married man, and his family are even worse for what they said to OP Third Story, NTA: Good on OP for taking this threat seriously because what she would’ve done was theft. Punishing someone by taking their hard earned money is not a punishment. OP’s dad is a terrible father to even think that this “punishment” is ok. Imagine trying to ban someone from seeing their brother; this step-mom is horrible. OP’s dad’s logic is a form of abuse to me, he don’t trust OP because OP prevented the theft of their money?! Fourth Story, YTA: OP thinks that her daughter could be talking about physical pain when there IS emotional and mental pain. A car accident can be traumatic for a 16 year old
On the last story, it’s also true that you can be in physical pain AND the doctor can be unable to find the cause. Doctors aren’t perfect, and biology isn’t easy. Wow, that OP sucks.
@@sarahserenityqueen117 Yeah. People bashed her in the comments. She made a little edit, apologized to her daughter and for being blind about her state and has booked an appointment with a specialist. At least she realized her mistakes.
I dont believe the last story. I think op's kid is faking. Dont you think its a little suspicious for her to bring up her pain only after her mom confronts her about her grades? When op said its in her head why would she just not argue and only argue back when she gets in trouble?
@@EnverHalilHoxha1917 Simple as this: Crash happens, after release from observation, daughter already states she's in pain. Doctors didn't find anything but never considered therapy. Mom says to suck it up and kid does until confronted about performance most likely affected BY said pain. Even if it was inside her head, that's something to look at a therapist for
Thankfully there's an update on the final story, where the mom realized the error of her ways, so to speak. "I get it, I’m an awful person. I wasn’t seeing past the grades and I treated my daughter horribly. Thank you especially to the medical professionals who replied, I had no idea this could be so serious. I’ve already booked a specialist for two weeks from now (earliest appointment) and apologized to my daughter. I know I still have a lot of making up to do. We’re going out for ice cream."
Story 3: Taking money constantly just never works as a punishment for your child. Heck, I bet the stepmom wouldn't even care if OP wound up struggling as a result. And it's over one missed curfew. Talk about disproportionate punishment
Yes! Like kids working or doing chores to replace something expensive they've destroyed etc, okay. Never ever taking money! OP will need it to start in life. You can't just rob kids of that, especially self-earned money!
I wonder if it was a last resort though Dabney suggested a lot of punishments commonly used on younger kids and we know that this has been the stepmother for about as long as op has been alive By her own admission there are things that Opie simply refuses to respect her stepmother on, admittedly that thing was a rather ridiculous statement but it's possible that this just could be the outcome of 15 years of her not respecting her mother's authority and ignoring every other punishment she tries to place. I noticed that Opie gave no reason for missing the curfew in the post not trying to justify herself or anything so it's possible she simply did it because she wouldn't respect it anyway we don't know The parents do seem bad but it's possible that Opie possibly cause some of this by her blatant disrespect and refusal to take other punishments I think we need more information on the situation before we can judge anyone here
@@lahlybird895 no excuse. What theyre doing is very clearly manipulation tactics to enable abuse, even going as far as isolation from the one person they fear threatens their control over the abused party- her brother.
Story 1 - She should have just called 911 when her husband “fell down the stairs”. Let him explain THAT to the First Responders. Imagine how angry he would have been then! 😂
2nd story. I've seen this before. Both IRL and on reddit. This is tactical alienation. The ex knows that with the current relationship dynamic, if his daughter hears from her mother that he cheated, his daughter will hate him and cut him off. He also knows that op has yet to tell their daughter that he has cheated. So he's planning to alienate his daughter from her mom so that when the mom finally tells the daughter, the daughter won't believe her. Now he's smart enough to know that he can't straight up say "your mom is a b" or "your mom did this" without causing himself legal and custodial issues, so he engineers a ton of situations where Op has to either be the bad guy to their daughter or make a huge sacrifice to not be seen as the bad guy. He is going to pull stuff like this repeatedly until the relationship between op and her daughter is ruined. The only way to ensure this doesn't happen is to tell the daughter about the cheating and fill her in on why this caused op to make the choices that made her look bad
First story, I think OP should take him up on his offer of not coming back. That isn't a husband, that's a manbaby that wants another mommy to care for him with a sister, possibly family, that will attack OP for not taking on that role. He already has a mommy for that and she can take him back
As a child I complained a lot about my legs hurting. My mom supposedly took me to the doctor about it when I was 5 but the pain continued and from then on my mom told me that it was "all in my head" and I internalized it. At 13 I had an accident and it was found out that I had slow growing tumors that weren't cancerous but due to their placement and contents could have killed me by accident. Needless to say don't ignore pain.
I had a lot of joint pain as a kid, mom took me to doc, said "oh just growing pains, dry joints" and gave calcium + fish oil tablets. 10 years later I'm walking with a cane because my joints are so bad. Early onset arthritis is not fun 😔
@@sheeptasticSeb I feel this so hard as someone going through something very similar. Pain ignored for years due to being female and puberty... And now a month away from finally getting to the right kind of doctor to probably get told my spine is starting to slowly fuse together. My back pain complaints got ignored since my spine wasn't curved like my sister who has scoliosis. So obviously I didn't have anything wrong with me /s.
First story: OP should have called 911 and give them permission to break down the door to save her husband. Also afterwards she should ignore him whenever he claims to be sick...
Good point. If he was hurt and wasn't answering theyncould get there way faster. And then his text to her shows she did what was best when he didn't answer
First story: His sister is insane. Just a party? It was her BROTHER'S WEDDING. Cause him to have a panic attack? What about his lies that gave HER a panic attack? I have never seen a woman coddle their grown brother like that. The guy literally had a worse tantrum than my 4 year old son ever has!
Story no 3 is a very good example of why punishment is an ineffective method to raise children. You teach them how to avoid punishment, not how to behave better.
Avoid stupid punishment - yes If she was just grounded - I think she would just accept it - but she could not allow others to rob her which is different
The last story gave me flashbacks to the one about the mom that ignored her child’s knee pain just because she used to lie about pain when she was 5 That’s a definite YTA there
As someone who was in a car accident last month and came out with minor injuries, I can tell you firsthand that a car accident is also mentally traumatic. I’m a grad school student, and I felt so mentally drained from the accident that I started neglecting schoolwork not because I wanted to, but because I was literally in a traumatic event. Not all wounds are physical ones. It took some therapy and communicating with my professors to get extensions on assignments that really helped me get caught up. I’m 25 and I have some life experience dealing with trauma. But a 16 year old?? She needs her mother to be more understanding.
4th story is relatable: I got chronic neck pain after a bike accident when I was about 15. Ever since, I have bursts of neck pain that pop up every few months and give me migraines for a few days until disappearing again for a few months. It took me about 6 tries with 6 doctors before one finally got me a referral to a specialist and what do ya know? I had (I think it was) compression in my upper spine. I saw someone who gave me physical therapy for about 2 years. Now it's much better and even though I still get the pain every few days, now it's not as intense and if I chug pain pills it's very manageable so long as I stay on top of my exercises and stretches. TLDR: Yes, you are the AH.
I can relate too, I got a whiplash injury in a car accident (for the second time), I think about 14 years ago but despite being told it should feel better within a few months , here I am now and I still have neck and back pain. OP’s daughter probably had bruising and soft tissue damage - that takes time to heal.
That story was horrible. It’s not exactly rare that pain goes untreated, especially in female patients without a clear cause like a broken bone. You would hope that your MOM at least would have your back. I’m glad you found the cause and resolved your neck pain. Chronic pain is no joke.
I'm so sorry you had that problem to. It makes me so mad the OP thinks the pain magically disappeared after OP told the daughter to shut up because nobody cares about her pain. What the hell.
I'm glad that your pain is better. And as for the last story, OP did give an update. She glosses over how she understands she's the scum of the earth and that she arranged for a specialist to see the daughter. And that they're going for ice cream. Someone pointed it out and in one reply OP says how she knows ice cream doesn't fix everything but it's a start. If I was the daughter I'd start taking a hard stance with letting OP close after this. She is an emotionally unavailable, abusive idiot.
My parents did notice that I was stressed these past few days they proposed that I could talk to psychologist about it but I told that I didn’t need it for the moment that is what parents supposed to do say to their children if you need professional help we can go to see them op definitely butt hole
Story 1: NTA the bf is a massive baby that's throwing a tantrum who's trying to gaslight you with his "i told you clearly" bs also I agreee if his sister cares about him so much why didn't she take care of it, just dump his abusive tantrum having arse
That last story, aside from the trauma manifesting as physical pain, is an almost perfect match for what happened to my schoolwork after my grandpa died (first major loss of my life). My parents were angry at first, but then parent-teacher conferences happened and all of my teachers said I hadn’t been the same since grandpa died, and they realized what was going on and got me into therapy.
If he's that sick, he should be in the hospital. I have had multiple surgeries that made it hard to take care of myself (foot surgeries, couldn't walk, on opiods, etc.) The first day or two, the wife was there to help, but still could leave for an hour or 4...
There is a thing called "man flu" where when men get sick it's worse for them than women. I seen it happened to my guy friend. Not sure why it's a thing.
@@Yumi_Jay man flu? Never had that in over 40 years... I do understand that we spend all of our lives worrying about providing for others and want to be cared for when sick. But there is a point where it is ridiculous.
Calling for reinforcements would be the kind thing to do. Caregiving is taxing. My family had to care for me when I was recovering, from surgery and treatments. Whenever he went out for whatever recreation, another member would stepped in. Each time he'd ask and I got either my mother or brother to come and sit with me.
*First OP:* OP's husband is taking "man cold" to the extreme. I'd go off too if my hypothetical husband cried wolf causing me to miss my brother's wedding. OP is NTA. I hope she sees this as the red flag that it is. *Second OP:* Why couldn't OP's ex's in-laws take a cab or an Uber? Why couldn't OP order an Uber or taxi for her daughter? Fourteen years is old enough to take an Uber/Lyft alone, right? Assuming rideshare services are available, there's no reason why OP's daughter couldn't go to the wedding without OP. This may be a controversial opinion, but ESH except for the daughter. *Third OP:* This story is _wild._ Op's stepmother is hella abusive, and her dad lacks a spine. He also lacks a brain since he made a spreadsheet with everyone's bank account info (including PINs!) OP did the right thing by moving her money to a different account, and hopefully, she'll save enough to move out of that household. OP is NTA. I forgot about OP's brother; he's the real MVP. *Fourth OP:* The only reason OP's daughter stopped mentioning her pain is that she didn't want to get waved off again. The fact that OP cares more about her daughter's grades than the injuries her daughter sustained _from a car accident_ is appalling. OP is TA. I hope her daughter goes NC after she graduates high school.
The fact he threw a tantrum speaks volumes. Also, where does it say in the second story that OP wasn’t allowing her daughter to not go to the wedding? OP refuses to take her to the wedding but she never said that her daughter can’t go. OP told her ex that he can come get her so she can attend it
@@PhilippBorn OP should do it because she's assisting her daughter to get to an event that's important to her. Don't get me wrong, any of exes extended family who took time to call and berate op could come pick daughter. They're all AH. I don't blame op for not wanting to bring her, but daughter now has anxiety from the dad gaslighting and manipulation. Mom has the power to take that anxiety from her. And no, 14 is not the age to tell a kid bad things that were done inside the marriage. She needs to think well of both parents for her mental health. Everyone here is thinking of themselves no one is thinking about the kid.
@@mariposa9506 OP should do it and then let her daughter know why exactly she didn't want to. I mean, the ex-husband is clearly using the fact that OP said she wouldn't tell the daughter that he cheated to manipulate the daughter. OP doesn't need to eat her anger because this guy hooked up with a woman and decided to marry her after OP divorced him.
@@mariposa9506 OP didn't end the marriage, the ex did by cheating. This whole situation is entirely on him. Ergo, dude needs to pay up for an Uber. Actually, he might even be doing this in order to gain full custody and keep OP from her daughter entirely. The fact that he called her about the situation really suggests that he's trying to turn her against OP. OP needs to tell the girl ASAP because the ex is going to keep trying to separate them by blaming OP for everything.
Third story: I really hope that op’s daughter treats her the same way op is treating her really soon. “Oh your back hurts? I think you’re making that up! Go back to work, your paycheck matters more than your health!”
On the story with 14 year old Jocelyn. If her Ex husband's family are not jerks, why don't they volunteer to pick up Jocelyn? With every text that they sent her she could have easily turned the tables on them. Maybe because I grew up in Skid Row in DTLA but I don't let fools make me out to be the monster. I can be but I have learned to be soft. My answer to first mean text. Me: Wow, that is so big of you to volunteer to puck up Jocelyn, thank you for your kind heart. Second person calling me a jerk. Me: I am so glad that you are not a JERK like me and will come get Jocelyn. What time can I tell her you will get here? 3rd person: Me: I am so grateful that 3 of you are not jerks like me and will drive out of your way for the great event. I am sure that he will have no problem paying re-inversing you because he os not like me. 4the text: Me: I am overwhelmed with the love you show, offering to prove that you are better than me by coming to pick up Jocelyn so she can attend her father's wedding. Please have her back by (such time). You will have to talk to 1st, 2nd, & third text and figure out who is the better person to pick up and drop off Jocelyn. Unless you are a Jerk like me and don't care to help out.
"He started crying and throwing his juice all over the place." Are you SURE this guy is an adult? Because from this description, he sounds like a damn 5 year old kid that throws tantrums when they don't get their way. NTA. He and his sister are definitely TA.
Last story: I had wrist pain for 5 years, which had a big impact on my grades during my A level and undergrad years. I tried to get support from the doctors and they were no help and convinced it was nothing (because most doctors assume girls who are in pain are exaggerating), and said I must be fine because I was able to make it to appointments wearing clothes and not my pyjamas, and whenever I raised it with my grandparents, they said it must all be in my head and I "didn't know what a real problem was". Anyway, cut to 2016, the fifth year, and I got a second opinion from a doctor who found a (benign) cyst growing in one of my wrist bones. My grandparents finally believed me then, but too little, too late. I had surgery to remove the cyst (because if left it would break the bone apart and cause me to lose mobility in my hand), and I've been told I could get a cyst like that again, but I've been poisoned against going to the doctors. Doctors are taught not to listen to women and girls in pain. No wonder this poor girl's grades are slipping, and no wonder she's not talking about her pain -- she knows no one will listen to her.
@@Kegfarms That's been my experience, and the experience of many women and girls I know. I had tests done for gastric issues, but as they were inconclusive, I was denied the chance to opt for the next one because "it might be violating". What was violating was that my ability to decide that for myself was taken from me without listening to me. I had had many tests and procedures done before, including a surgery done on my wrist while I was fully awake, and I was at an age where I'd already had at least one internal smear test, but a colonoscopy might be "too invasive and violating"? I was denied answers for my pain and I was denied the ability to speak up for my own self and my pain, and by a new-ish doctor as well -- *that* is violating.
Second story : Seriously, just tell your daughter that you refuse to go there with your reasons. You've set your boundaries, he's the one who cheated and decided to go marry the bimbo he cheated with. Not you. He can go be happy by himself, you have no reason to go anywhere near him, even if to drop your daughter.
She really should, the dad is using it against her. She agreed to not give him grief, but that’s supposed to be mutual. That doesn’t mean he gets to walk all over her and then the daughter against her. There’s being deliberately on the attack which is wrong, but this would be playing defense, not on the attack.
I'm kinda conflicted about that. I am a kid of divorced parents in which my father cheated on my mother, remarried in an awful toxic relationship, did it again and divorced. Yet I only learned about the whole reason when I was 19 and came back from Australia. My sister got very angry and called me saying she wants a bond with her "honest" family members but her relationships are so often extremes. Either she wants you very close or will throw you away as far as possible. Neither of my parents ever tried to persuade us kids to like or hate the other parents more and my father was a good father to me. When I learned about the reason why my parents got divorced I told him so. That he was a great father to me and that I'm thankful for all the support and care he gave us and that this new knowledge won't change this for me as long as he learned. I said very clearly what he did was wrong and he should have divorced before hurting our mother like that. Whenever the topic comes up again I make it clear everytime that there have been better alternatives but he chose to hurt our mother instead out of fear of being alone which is laughable because that's how my mother ended up at the start of their divorce. Everytime I tell him that he can say when he doesn't want to talk about the topic anymore and I'll respect that boundary. All of that the first and other conversations were before he did it AGAIN with his second wife. I mean both were horrible to each other but HE is the one who was cheating again AFTER I told him he shouldn't do it again. He's in a relationship with a very caring awesome woman with two lovely kids and I told him very clearly that if he hurts her, if he cheats again, he loose me the same way he lost my sister. We both have a good religion with eachother and he tries to keep us out of family conflicts (not those that involve his cheating) in order to not shuff us against another family member. He never talked bad about his second wife even so they were fighting a lot, he said he doesn't want us to know about his conflict with his mother while out grandma tried to persuade us with cookies and her perspective to be on our side when we where like 14! He never rallied us against our mother and vise versa. That's one of the reasons, beside his caring and supportive nature, that he's a great dad but a shitty person. Idk if it were better if we learned earlier from his cheating but my dad also never rallied us against our mother and respected it when she didn't want to do with him and he had to get us somewhere. Her and him are even friends nowadays because they made up even so that doesn't excuse his past actions I.. I just don't know. All I know is that any cheating my father did was horrible and an awful thing to do. All I know is that he was a great dad supporting everything we wanted to try while teaching us the value of that. All I know is that I learned about the cheating when I was 19 and not 15 but I don't know if it would have changed my relationship with him if I learned about it earlier.
Yep, now that the daughter is being used as a pawn, I think it's probably better for her mental health to have the whole picture. Also, as suggested by @rslash, the mother should suggest a taxi (paid for by the father, natch), and if that's rejected (when the cost of a taxi is probably
I found it ironic that the ex-husband has a bunch of relatives who can give her a hard time, but apparently none of them can help out by picking someone up.
As someone who has had chronic pain most of my life, having childhood pain dismissed by family members & medical professionals was extremely damaging to my body and to my self-image.
3rd story hit close to home. My dad was the same way when my step mom started taking my stuff and invading my privacy... He said the exact same thing and now I live two states away somewhere he doesn't know and I don't talk to him. More happened of course but I really hope she can get away like I did at 18..
The last story reminds me 100% of my mom. I wasn’t able to complain about anything without her trying to argue with me and say that i don’t deserve to complain. Whether it was physical pain, tiredness, anything tbh. She’s still the same way, but now that i’m out of school, it’s less often.
The last story made me really mad, since it reminded me of myself. As a toddler I was in constant pain and no doctor knew why. Most of them just said I would be pretending (as a 2 year old. Yeah sure) My mother thankfully didn't believe that either, so she consulted lots of different doctors until finally one diagnosed me with rheumatism. If my mum would have ignored it, then I sure as hell wouldn't be able to walk at all today, nevermind that I may have been dead years ago if this had gone untreated.
Last story: Daughter was in a car accident bad enough that they kept her in the hospital for A FEW DAYS, and Mom thinks that the pain is all in her head, and school problems are just her slacking? Holy crap.
For the final story- girl in my grade and some of my classes junior year got a concussion from being kicked in the head on accident during a soccer game. The pain and other symptoms kept getting worse despite treatment and she ended up in the nurses office a lot due to it, where they would tell her it couldnt be that bad/there was nothing they could do so she should return to class. Sometimes refused to give her the prescription pains meds stored in the nurses office since she had already taken some earlier even though it allowed her to take them frequently (like this started out with one of the worst facial bruises near the eye that didnt also lead to eye damage I have ever seen, both irl and online). She eventually tried to kill herself because the pain and dizziness and everything that comes with a concussion was that bad and nobody was listening to her and she just couldn’t handle the pain. THEN she got proper treatment, though the people at the psych hospital kept insisting there was something deeper going on as if severe and constant pain that is ruining her life, on top of all the other symptoms, isnt enough to make someone want to commit aliven’t. That mom in the last story is such an asshole. Pain can cause so many other issues or can be a symptom of a more serious illness. I know this because I ended up inpatient a few days after she did. I had some pretty severe mental health issues as a teen that are mostly managed now.
4th story: I can relate. I had an accident as a kid, and because I was conscious and cognitive when arriving at the doctor they didn't do anything beyond a basic concussion scanning. They mostly focused on the broken bone. Ten years later I was diagnosed with epilepsy, the cause being that accident. The nervous system can be hard to diagnose, and is always worth second opinions, especially when there is chronic pain.
The sick dude in the first story would've had me calling 911 for a paramedic when he stopped answering the phone. Even if I also drove back over, lol. Have fun having them break the door down if you don't answer it!🤣
3rd story: I thought it was normal to get grounded from seeing family. I started crying realizing especially with Rslash’s reaction. So thank you for the realization.
When rSlash said the husband in the first story threw his juice and started to cry I went back to check the husband's age. He may be 26 but he has the mentality of a 6-year-old.
Story 4: The parent in this story is colder than ice! Your daughter just got hit by a car and any lingering pain she has just got dismissed by them saying it’s all in the daughter’s head which is massively screwed up. YTA OP since you clearly don’t care about your daughter since you think that a letter on a piece of paper is more important than your daughter’s physical or emotional well-being.
The Last Story hit home pretty hard. Something happened in my life and I was in constant pain. But I still had to go to school while having the biggest headache in my life. That went on and on. Until I couldn't take it anymore and insisted to go see a doc again... This time it came out that I needed glasses and the constant squinting of my eyes and trying to read the board and so on gave me this giant headache... And another part that started with the bullying at school was that I always said that I was feeling sick. Sometimes if your child says "I don't feel so good" Maybe there is an invisible reason for it (needing glasses for example) or the child has another reason to not go to school. Talk to your child and be supportive for fox's sake...
That last story pissed me off. As someone who dealt with multiple chronic illnesses and mental health issues throughout high school, the only reason I did well was because I was given support and treatment from my parents, teachers, and medical professionals. Professionals plural, because going to one doctor is not enough. Thankfully according to other commenters the mom realized her mistake after being blasted by Reddit. But the fact that her initial reaction was just, “deal with it” is pretty gross. Maybe my parents only reacted the way they did because my mom has also dealt with chronic pain, but I feel like basic empathy would tell you to resolve the pain of your children before worrying about their grades.
Is OP even sure her (hopefully soon ex) husband was sick in the first place? OP only said he was sick for a few days and seeing how psychotic and controlling he was to get her back, I wouldn't put it past him to also fake being sick as a preemptive blockade to keep her from going in the first place
That last story makes my blood boil. I dealt with serious mental health issues as a teenager and had similar grade and pain conflicts. Grades are important but sthe daughter already knows that! She can handle that mostly on her own. She needs you to support her dealing with unknown situations
8:00 I was thinking that op should tell her daughter that there is a very good reason for op not wanting to go to the wedding but it’s a little early to tell her the reason, that was before I found out she was 14!!! That is the right time to say it, any later and op’s ex could manipulate her more, I thought she was 9 at the time
Last story has me fuming cuz I’ve been in that exact situation before. There’s not a follow-up, so I can’t guarantee to know what the daughter is suffering from, but it’s the fact that the mother only brought her to a GP and said “nah you’re fine, stop whining” and wiped her hands clean. My mom started out doubting me and getting fed up with me “complaining” but after so long she felt guilty for thinking it was all in my head. I went through nearly two years of tests and surgeries and seeing multiple specialists to finally get a proper diagnosis of my pain which turned out to have been a developing chronic disease. Chronic diseases aren’t studied enough due to lack of funding and are difficult to diagnose due to being practically invisible. But I suffered so much pain. My heart goes out to that daughter and hope she gets proper treatment.
As someone who had undiagnosed endometriosis in my teen years, I absolutely felt that last story! My parents were dismissive of my pain and called me a baby. Fast forward to getting married and wanting a baby and it turns out that I had stage 4 endometriosis and needed a hysterectomy. I had the hysterectomy and it was less painful than my regular periods were! 🙄
That last story hits way too close to home for me😂 I developed fibromyalgia (chronic pain with no "physical" issues) when I was 17 after developing depression at 15. My parents are of the mindset of pushing through it no matter what. I ended up having a full mental breakdown and had to drop out of school because of it😂 However, that pressure of getting perfect grades is absolute bullshit as I still managed to get a 2:1 bsc from a great university and am planning on getting a PhD in my field when I feel a bit more stable.
My parents had the same mindset as yours. I decided that was BS and parented differently. Right now my daughter has a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and it took several Drs to get that diagnosis and of course we treated it right away. I can’t imagine what kind of quality of life my daughter would have if I had behaved like my parents but she did temporarily drop out of college while we were going from Dr to Dr to get answers. I am sorry you suffered without proper support.
Wow! Congratulations! Genuinely. I had a spinal injury in college and the trauma of a difficult spine surgery caused me to develop fibromyalgia. The pain was so intense that I had to drop out of school. I was going to be a teacher, but I can’t stand long enough to cook a meal, let alone teach a class. It sucks. Fibromyalgia basically stole my life. The only thing I can do to make money is knit, crochet, or paint and occasionally sell them.
My daughter had lots of improvement going on cymbalta but she has two other health issues that are linked to fibromyalgia but didn’t improve with the medication. When she is less burnt out on Drs will ask her if she wants to get some second opinions. She is doing her college classes online right now since we didn’t know how the meds would work when she signed up for classes. If you want to teach I do recommend doing online college and there are jobs that are online as well. Both my parents worked for schools and I have run into people that only teach online(before Covid even) but you have to have the energy which you might not with the fibromyalgia.
@@alexacarrillo4339 Cymbalta has helped my fibro pain and my fibro fog too! I was nervous to try it because of one potential side effect, but I've heard so much good about it from people it works for. And I'm so glad I took the chance! I still have chronic pain and it doesn't touch my chronic fatigue at all, but it helps take some of the edge off and I hope I never have to stop taking it. It's definitely better than living with the full amount of pain.
Story 1: If my SO called and told me that he had fallen down the stairs, injured his back, & had thrown up, I would have called an ambulance & met him at the hospital. The injuries described certainly warrant an ambulance for a normal person, & possibly would make a manipulative one think twice about that particular tactic. OP run, don't walk to the nearest divorce lawyer.
The last story made me cringe. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition, and chronic fatigue syndrome at 11 years old and started with symptoms at 6 years old, after a major injury. I went to over 20 doctors over a 5-year period to get the proper diagnosis. I lost count of the number of times I heard from medical professionals and teachers, "It's all in your head". Because people didn't understand my condition, I lost friends and was constantly degraded by numerous teachers and medical professionals. Chronic pain impacts you physically, mentally, and emotionally, so it makes sense that her grades would suffer. You can't focus when you're in chronic pain. Chronic post-accident/injury pain needs to be taken seriously. A few Advils a day is not going to solve the problem.
Story 1: "He said he hoped I won't ever come back" that would have been it for me, I would have gone to the wedding, got home spent some time apart thinking about how he treated me if I was in OP's shoes and assuming he's had this type of attitude before, which he probably has, I would have probably asked for a separation, the only way to fix it is for them to go see a councilor and him to realize what he is doing is wrong, he's a grown adult who can fend for himself for a few hours but either was taught it was the woman's job or is just lazy, which is probably both, either way, this isn't a lifetime partner to be with, he'll do nothing to help OP out when she's pregnant and has kids, he'll just be there to scold the kids or to play with them when he feels like it, that's it. If he doesn't want OP to go back, then she should grant his wish by giving him divorce papers because he's probably not willing to change and get herself a better partner while the husband can go have his mom or sister take care of him as they clearly believe he shouldn't take care of himself. Not to include the manipulation to pull OP out of the wedding the way he did just shows he will go to whatever extremes he feels is necessary to get his way.
As someone who had a step parent who punished often for dumb shit (like a B- on an assignment)...they hate when you take away their means of punishment. It's almost like financial punishment (amongst others) isn't discipline, it doesn't teach anything. It's about control and OP in story 3 has removed that control and that's what she's mad about
"She hasn't talked about her pain in months" [after I completely invalidated her pain and told her its all in her head] "I'm at a loss!!" Like wtf what is wrong with some people no wonder we all grow up effed up bc of our parents
First story, if i was the woman, i'd of texted back "okay i'll contact emergancy servies, ambulance will be there in a few" see how long it takes him to text back on his lie "man i fell down the stairs, imma text my wife instead of calling for an ambulance!!"
Story 4: When you teach your children that telling the truth will get them ignored and dismissed, you can't then complain that they don't tell you the truth anymore. You asked them to shut up and they did.
What the heck is the 3rd story. Not only is it strait up abuse, but preventing you from seeing your bother? In what world are they living in where they think they have the right to do that.
The pain story: Some pain is also impossible to find, even for doctors. I had a work injury some years back and needed surgery for it. I was healing well (about two weeks after surgery) when the company sent me to one of their doctors. This guy straight up assaulted me in his office and caused my pain to come back ten fold. The doctors never could find exactly what was damaged so I got allot of them pretty much writing me off. That was until about a month later when my regular doctor asked me to remove my shirt so she could poke and prod me some more. The muscles from my right shoulder to halfway down my spine were already atrophying so she realized that yes, something major was wrong. Still can't pinpoint it but at least the doctors know it's not in my head.
Second story…OP has a responsibility to her daughter to tell her the truth. Keeping her in the dark is a betrayal of the daughter’s trust. She has a right to be able to make an informed decision about her relationship with her father and step mother. She can’t do that without the information.
Last story: The OP edited the post almost immediately accepting the "YTA" judgement, said she apologized and had an appointment to take her to daughter to the doctor. Hopefully that turned out well for the teen!
In the fourth segment, reading between the lines, OP seems to believe in powering through no matter how much pain you're in. Just because one doctor can't find a physical cause for daughter's pain doesn't mean there isn't any pain, and her sudden slide at school screams that something is wrong with her.
I've started reading along while listening more and realised Dabney changes people's stories and lived experiences by missing out entire sections or completely changing what was said. I think this makes Dabney an A-hole.
The final story: mother deserves 5/5. I know it's not like other 5/5 stories but as someone who went through this exact situation, she doesn't realize the damage she's caused and that this will be damaging for A LONG TIME.
Last op is fucking crazy, I was in a car accident a little less than a year ago, I had the least amount of injuries out of everyone in my family that was involved and I was still out of commission for days because of pain. I couldn’t even lift my head without my whole neck straining. I hope her poor daughter get some real help because holy fuck I can’t imagine how much she’s been suffering
That last story basically just summarized my whole life growing up. My parents wouldn;t believe any of my complaints, physical or mental, unless they could physically see it. When I was sick, unless I was throwing up I would still have to go to school. I constantly struggled because of undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety. I sprained my ankle and still had to walk to school without crutches or anything... TWICE! Only last year I learned being in constant pain and having your joints pop out of place all the time was not normal... Turns out I have all sorts of back and joint problems, and all sorts of other fun issues. I was suicidal for so long because I didn't actually realize I was in so much pain, and hearing older people struggle with their aching back and joints made me so scared to be an adult cause I thought it would be absolute hell. It was such a relief to realize that there actually was something wrong with me, and I wasn't just a wimp. If your kid says there is something wrong, LISTEN TO THEM! They may not be able to fully communicate exactly what the issue is, but it's up to you to try and find out as their caregiver. Please do better than my parents
Story 4- (trigger warning: suicide idealism mention) AH, this story infuriates me to no end because I was in a similar situation to the daughter. I was (and still am) suffering from depression. My grades were bad and my parents took away electronics, sketch books, and other forms of entertainment because they wanted me to focus on raising my grades. I felt that my grades were the only thing that mattered never came to them about other problems I was having (I was also suffering from a bullying problem and social isolation). I took me telling the school counselor was was contemplating suicide when my parents realized how much I was suffering when they stopped the punishments. Now a days I still have depression, terrible self criticism, and low confidence. I'm in therapy so I'm looking forward to a happier future. So OP, when you act like you're daughter's pain wasn't real and therefore irrelevant. It pissed me off to no end. You are 100% the @$$hole
Last story: the daughter definitely was suffering quietly because OP made it clear she wasn't open to listen and that her pain didn't matter. Can confirm as someone with a long history of my health concerns being dismissed, even today I have difficultly asking for help because you end up convincing yourself you're faking it for attention.
Second story. I generally agree but there is one part that you suggested twice that is a flat no. Have a child be in an Uber by themselves, at that age? NOPE.
Also OP3: There needs to be a counter-score in AITA vids for people who step to help and protect victims of a-holes. In this case the brother deserves like 4 anti-buttholes.
Hello hi, recent car crash victim here. OP is ABSOLUTELY in the wrong, car crashes can cause physical and mental pain. I hope OP wakes up to the treatment she's giving her daughter
My mom had to "fine" my sister as a child due to her drawing on the walls and things. She didn't listen to anything else so she took money out of her piggy bank (maybe $5) and told her it was to replace the dresser. My sister never drew on stuff again. My mom just cleaned up the crayon and put the $5 in my sister's savings. I think that was fine and a good life lesson, but the second story is absolutely abuse and not ok. It reminds me of my ex. His mom used him like an atm. Made him work from the age of 13 and took all the money to pay for the house plus took his tax return every year. I ended up dumping him because he wouldn't get a new bank account and separate the money she would always steal. There were other reasons too but that was a big one.
With the last story, I'm having a WTF moment. I have a friend who was in a car accident, is a junior, and has been in constant pain. I'm kinda wondering if this is my friend op is talking, cause if it is, omg it's worse. My friend gave up on talking to her mom because her mom cussed her out over text. I really hope it's not my friend, cause it's so messed up to say grades are more important than phisical pain Update. I've sent the video to my friend. She's currently sleeping, but should get back to me soon
@@your_local_questerian Just got an update from her. The story wasn't about her(Thankfully). Her mom couldn't afford to keep her in the hospital for a longer time after their acsedent, but she only had a concussion and some minor wrist issues, which she is getting care for
That first story: he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was throwing a freaking tantrum
NO YOU CAN'T LEAVE I NEED YOU HERE TO TUCK ME IN AND GET ME JUICE WAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
I completely agree, but I do feel like there mightve been some missing information. I'm not excusing his behavior, it isn't excusable, but she said he was on medication, for a stomach ache? That doesn't seem right to me. I feel like something is missing there. From what I know, you don't get medication for simple stomach aches. That makes me think there are some holes in the story.
He probably gave her one tho
I feel like we glossed over the part where he tells her he hopes she never comes back. Like, that was really fucked up.
@@jbrennan381 you can have a minor stomach problem and still take medicine for it. Just cause you hear medication doesnt always associated to something more serious. When you have a simple common cold, you take medication. If you have the flu, you take medication. If you have covid, you take medication. If you're diagnosed with cancer, you're on medication which btw is a more extreme example. It just goes to show no matter what you're ill with, you dont get to behave like a child throwing a tantrum just cause you're sick. So no, nothing is missing in that story and the husband is just being immature for someone who's 26 years old. He's very entitled.
As someone with an invisible disability, the last story makes me absolutely livid. And pain like that is made so much worse with isolation
All I could think of was "she probably stopped telling you she was hurting because you kept dismissing it." Absolutely toxic.
Right there with you. Just because you can't SEE that I'm suffering doesn't mean I'm not.
So true, and suffering with chronic pain and having doctor's telling you "nothing is wrong" is so unbelievably common. OP is such a douche.
I'm with you. I'm constantly in amounts of pain that would cause most people to not even get out of bed, it BURNS ME UP hearing stories like this. Just because you can't SEE it doesn't mean it isn't real!
@@kellis6645 i couldnt relate to you but ive been in a simlair siutation as op and to think that parents and teachers could careless then the random people on the sidewalk that helped me is so infuriating. I didnt even make a sound that i was in pain but they f**king noticed unlike the teachers who had no accommodations for A CARE CRASH VICTIM
I feel like R-Slash just glossed over the fact that the husband’s sister yelled at OP for ditching him to go to her brother’s “party,” not wedding. That means the husband lied to his own sister!
Well, that or he misunderstood the situation, but at this point I’m not inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt.
Or she just downplayed it because "a wedding is just some party" to make OP feel bad.
@@Scarlett.Granger And if that’s the case, that’d make gaslighting a family trait… troubling to consider where they got it from.
Also, completely mixed up the ages. OP's 26, the husband is 23. Minor detail, but come on, Dabney! You can do better than that!
@@lacko623 as he said in this episode he has made a THOUSAND of these. He is bound to make mistakes. People are not perfect. Everyone seems to forget that in these videos
Or, the sister knew that the "party" was a wedding, but downgraded it to make OP seem like more of an ahole. And judging based on the husband's behavior, he seems very used to being babied so I wouldn't put it past the sister
Update for the last story:
With the help of medical professionals responding to the story, OP has realised that this could be very serious and hasn’t been treating her daughter right. She has booked an appointment with a specialist and she’s apologised to her daughter and it trying to make it up to her
thanks for the heads up
You make the update sound so positive, it's clear in the update OP learned absolutely nothing and is still abusing her daughter.
@@chriscarpenter3370 that's not the real update. The real update is very depressing. The OP didn't learn anything and is still abusing their daughter.
I just wanted to add, this IS the update- that's up now. I'm trying to find it now, the original update where OP excuses her behavior more 👍
@@ACAB.forcutie whoops... 😐
My sister had a similar problem as the last story but her pain was due to a birth-defect in her spine. As she grew older, the problem increased but our parents dismissed her as "not wanting to help" and "being lazy" (we grew up on a farm). So yeah, she naturally stopped to say anything and just lived with the pain. Result, she is now an adult who can't lift heavy stuff anymore and is very limited, on which jobs she could do. The worst part, her birth-defect could have been corrected in her child years without a problem. So, listen to your kids when they complain about pain, especially after such an accident, as the last story.
That's awful. What's her relationship with your parents like?
Yes! My daughter deals with endometriosis. I didn't know how much pain she was in as a teenager until we found out what was causing it. It is hard for others to know the extent of pain you're in...But! I was never unsympathetic to her! I let her stay home from school and would go pick her up when she said she was in too much pain. I did think maybe she just couldn't tolerate pain as much but I never ever ever said anything to her. I still accommodated her. Once I found it what was causing it I felt bad for ever thinking she just didn't tolerate as well but I was so glad I never said anything to her. Because to me, she was in pain and it didn't matter what pain others think you have. She knew she hurt and I would do whatever to help her feel better!
I'm sorry that your sister went through that. I spent 13 years dealing with a hormone imbalance that caused significant pain and fatigue. I was told to toughen up and was belittled because "nothing was wrong" and I was "attention seeking". I stopped talking about it to avoid the those responses. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I finally received any help and it took over two years to get it under control because of how long it took to get treatment. It took a stranger that I decided to open up to and moving out my small town to get help. A stranger believed me more than my family or doctor. I'll never tell someone they can't feel what they're feeling.
Yeah, I had birth defects that started to get worse and worse as I got older. I was ignored until a few years ago. Turns out I have a rare muscle condition! I'm seeing a specialist now. It's getting better and I'm healthier now than I have been in the past 20 years. Doctors are shite to younger people cause they're "supposed to be healthy" so they must be faking it or all in their head and using it as an excuse. It's kinda why I like younger doctors, because they're teaching a lot more about listening to patients no matter how old/young they are and not just passing it off as stress or fake. If I had the doctor I have now when my issues started flaring up, it wouldn't have gotten to the point it did. Now I have to work 3x as hard to make sure I can keep moving, all because doctors didn't listen. Wish I got 2nd, 3rd and 4th opinions instead of resigning myself to hell all those years.
@@lisacarpenter3787 the sad thing is that hormones are even worse because you get told by doctor's too that it in your head
Going by how the husband and his sister reacted in the first story, I'm gonna guess that the husband was the pampered baby of his family. The husband is clearly used to always getting his way. When his wife got mad at him, he threw a temper tantrum like a toddler, which tells me that he never got punished for bad behaviour. And the fact that his sister came to his defence and got mad at OP for "daring to yell at her precious baby brother" is also very telling.
My dad banned me from seeing my sister a while ago. Screw him, I walked the 2 miles to her house to help her because her health is bad
you’re a real one for that 😭💕
You're dad suck..you're awesome..
@@thetruth1816 oh, we fought and I moved out. Currently not speaking to him because I'm too scared. In time I will. Especially since reconciliation is important to me.
@@ismae-rienne4991 if you are the one to speak to him and break the ice he won't see the error of his ways..
@@ismae-rienne4991 don’t let toxic people in your life, or back into your life. Forgive him in your heart if you want but never have any contact again. Well, you can see him on his death bed if he is too weak to ride abd you can bury him but all other contact should be gone
Forth story: My daughter told me she's in pain, I told her to stop crying and shut the hell up, and magically she stopped complaining! Clearly all is well now.
Wtf OP, my mom was sometimes like this and OP possesses an incredible amount of assholery.
As someone with an invisible illness and chronic pain, that story pissed me off so much. The mother gaslit her daughter about her pain and had the audacity to get mad at her daughter's literal trauma response to being medically gaslit by her own mother...just.. ugh. I've dealt with people like that too many times. That poor girl.
This is why I don't talk to, or plan to bring my future kids anywhere near my birth dad. He refused to help me get care ,for anything from colds to broken bones, when I was hurt simply because he "didn't believe me."
That is abuse. I'm done letting him abuse me or anyone I care about.
For the 2nd story, NTA, the ex-husband agreed to take the daughter to and from the wedding, was aware that OP wants nothing to do with the wedding, and he couldn't do that. As the saying goes "Poor planning on your end doesn't constitute fault on my end".
This sounds like a power play since there's so many ways the husband can solve this
It sounds like the ex just wants to control the ex-wife a bit... i seriously doubt he didn't already know that the inlaws needed a ride when he made the deal.
@@afuzzycreature8387 that was my thought too. I'm not buying the dad's story
i would give OP a butthole score for hiding the truth from her daughter.
Yeah, I would tell the daughter. The ex-husband has already started poisoning the mother/daughters relationship.
It will continue.
The last story is likely a post concussion syndrome related case (reporting symptoms beyond 4-6 weeks after incident). Sustaining a concussion after a motor vehicle accident is common. With post concussion syndrome there can be persistent symptoms of: headaches, dizziness, nausea, light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, mood changes, being easily overwhelmed, neck pain and etc. Concussions aren't well diagnosed/treated, as most of medical community is not up to date on screening and/or treatment. Most of the medical community tells concussion patients to sit in a dark room and do nothing, without evulating the neck, vestibular system, ocular system, patient's cognitive fatigue levels or mood changes. Since concussions are typically categorized as a mild traumatic brain injury there isn't much change to the brain regarding imaging (MRI/CT). Time is of the essence and the daughter needs to see a interdisciplinary team medical professionals who have proper training in treating and managing persistent concussion related symptoms. Concussions are treatable; however, a good prognosis deminishes without proper treatment. The mom should be ashamed for disregarding the reported symptoms.
I was thinking it could be fibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia results in widespread chronic pain and is often triggered by a traumatic event like a car accident. (For me it was triggered by a traumatic and difficult spine surgery).
It also frequently causes muscle spasms, restless leg syndrome, and insomnia (often referred to as “painsomnia”) which in itself can cause dizziness and despondency.
The truth is that we don’t know enough about this girl’s specific symptoms to know for sure what’s going on. We don’t know where the pain is, how often it affects her, if it’s dull, sharp, burning, etc, if it gets worse or better with activity, any other symptoms, etc.
It’s impossible to diagnose her from this story, but it _is_ clear that the doctors and her mother didn’t do enough.
Story 1: "I called him horrible which made him cry" Good. Make him cry more.
"You left my brother alone just to attend a PaRtY" It was a wedding, and he's a fully grown man who is fully capable of caring for himself. He's not a toddler no matter how much he may be acting like one right now. If you're insisting on someone being there to care for him while he has a tummy ache then _you_ do it.
"You made him have a panic attack!" And yet he's allowed to almost make his wife have one by thinking he was injured?
You wanna make your little baby brother some homemade soup and grilled cheese with the crusts cut off while you're at it? You wanna get him some more juice since he threw his other one during his tantrum?
Story 2: "Her dad doesn't want to tell her at all" of course he doesn't, then he has to admit he's a piece of shit so instead, he lied to her and made _you_ look like the piece of shit because God forbid he ever looks bad despite cheating and then not prioritizing his own daughter despite wanting her at his wedding (allegedly)
Why can't the in laws get an uber or something? Why can't they arrive sooner?
Story 3: "I'm hurt that you don't trust me" where were you when she made the threat? Did you do or say anything? Or are you the type to keep your mouth shut until the kid isn't around and confront your spouse in private, without the kid knowing, then expect them to know you're on their side?
Story 4: Pardon my language, but as someone whose had seemingly chronic pain since middle school and got brushed off and ignored repeatedly because they wouldn't find anything during tests, fuck this mom.
"She hasn't complained in months but now she _suddenly_ is" because you told her not to.
Exactly- That's so fucked up- Her not talking about the pain doesn't mean that she's not in pain
I really wonder if the husband lied to his sister about where OP went when OP left that day. I'd have been really interested to hear about how the sister would respond to OP asking why she'd call a wedding "Just a party".
I don't think OP is an asshoke in story 4. The daughter is clearly trying to get sympathy, despite being a slacker. This comes from a slacker, so I know what I'm talking about
@@MeteoraZero she was literally in an accident and kept in the hospital to be monitored after, even if there's no physical injuries anymore, there could be psychological effects that are known to cause physical pain if bad enough. Coming from someone whose also a slacker. I remember getting lectured in 5th grade for slacking and then not long after I got diagnosed with adhd because my parent was decent and took me saying I was struggling seriously.
@@MeteoraZeroI have no words to describe how stupid you sound right now- THE GIRL LITERALLY GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT also I was gonna say everything that @Owl said but you might as well just read their comment
Thank you so much for how you talked about the last story! Doctors dismiss teenage girls’ pain SO frequently. I have friends who are disabled and chronically Ill and have almost died from neglect from doctors who just say it’s “anxiety”. And you’re right, even if it is caused by PTSD, it’s still real pain that needs to be taken seriously. So few people understand these things and as a disabled young adult who suffers from chronic pain, the way you responded to this is so amazing and sadly, so uncommon.
The bank account story: Why should OP trust her father with her money when he's already allowed his wife, who is not on the account, to have the bank card? It's clear he hasn't taken safeguards to keep the account secure.
dad: "I no longer trust you of being easily susceptible to being stolen from! >:("
Heh honestly he is pathetic bouh hou hou you don’t trust me as you father to take care of your money man shut your mouth your just a terrible father from the start so why oh why would op trust huh
Exactly, and why does the wife have a bank card in the first place?
@@akl2k7 I agree she is not supposed to have it
I have a similar story to the wedding incident. I divorced my wife, and about 4 years later I got engaged. The wedding comes along, my ex is on board to send the kids so I have flights set up for them when suddenlt their mom goes ballistic and says they can't come. Later when she finally gave me an answer it was because "they can't miss school" 3 days, and I had it cleared with their teachers prior. Suddenly I'm a terrible person for wanting them with me on the big day. 2 months later their mom takes them out of school for a week to attend her sisters wedding. Hypocrite much?
I was a single mom with a similar situation to the story but I think the mom is wrong. This isn't about mom or dad this is about the child. When you get divorced you have to learn to put your feelings aside that you have for the ex. The child come first. Unless there was abuse then people need to stop being selfish. Especially when the other parent is a good parent! In the story out has been 5 years. Has Mom never once accommodated dad in that time for visitation? It seems like this is just bitterness and the wedding.
Lol I get a little passionate because it annoys when moms do this. My daughter wanted nothing more than her dad to be part of her life so it pisses me off when good dads get tromped on.
Edited to add that I feel for you with your wedding. You clearly want to be part of your kids life and have to deal with a spiteful ex.
Thank god that my mom allowed me and my sister to attend my dad's and stepmother's wedding because we were the flower girls (the other one being my stepmother's niece, my stepcousin). We had to miss a day of school because the wedding was on a Saturday and we got pick up on a Thursday.
I don't get why divorced parents do that and especially with their kids. It's awful.
@@amberlindsey7112 i don't feel like the father is a good parent though. he had his entire family firing off insults at OP, but not a single one of them could have picked her up? instead, he put their daughter in the middle of it. he used his child to manipulate his wife. if OP is a bad mother for wanting her ONE condition that she have nothing to do with that wedding met, then I don't see how her ex isn't a bad father for hurting his daughter to get his way. this was no emergency, he just "didn't want" to make the drive and didn't even try to find another ride for her. talk about putting your feelings above your kid...
@@2amazing101 I don’t understand why mom couldn’t have dropped their daughter off at her father’s the day before the wedding. Surely she had dropped her daughter off for visitations before. It wouldn’t be like dropping her daughter at the venue in the midst of all the wedding preparations.
I think the abusive parents that tried to steal from their daughter deserve a 4/5
Nah nah, 5/5 that’s abuse
In over 1080 episodes, R/Slash has never encountered a story where the the OP is banned from seeing her brother. That's on top of the financial and psychological abuse. It's an easy 5/5 with an extra sinner metal for the level of wrath both the parents display throughout the story. Even having the father say that this changes the way he feels about his daughter and tries to guilt trip her by saying she's untrustworthy.
What is this teaching her exactly? She is supposed to be a doormat and simply submit to someone simply because there's a power dynamic and allow further abuse from the father or any significant others OP may have to continue.
I've seen R/slash give 5/5 for one of these things and from his tone, and this one takes the cake. Shocking that R/Slash only gave a 3.5/5 butthole rating when I've heard pettier stories get an equivalent rating.
3rd story: all of that isn’t even the worst part about that story. The worst part is that the father’s reaction to hearing the full story is to get upset with OP, not to get upset with his wife. That tells you basically everything you need to know, guaranteed he would not have protected his daughter’s money
Absolutely.
Sounds like he thought that since it was his account, it was his money and he probably wasn’t against the idea of using it.
The StepMom’s just butt hurt that she lost her “only means” of getting FREE MONEY from the step daughter.
And “Dad of the Year” just shown that he chose his NEW WIFE over his OWN KIDS, EVEN willing enough to enable his wife’s financial abuse on his biological kids by saying “Ugh, I just don’t TRUST you anymore because YOU don’t trust ME to protect your money, because you hurt my wittle feewings and egotistical entitlement!”
A couple of psychological abusive scumbags.
@@CooperGal24 the daughter really, really needs to find a new legal guardian
I like the fact that rSlash didn't even need to finish reading the post to determine who's the butthole here, the fact he's willing to say this to a 14 year old girl, over his step wife, shows just how much of a bastard he is
First Story, NTA: The title alone speaks volumes of how controlling and manipulative OP’s husband is. I’m thinking he had like cancer or something but all he has is a bit of stomach problems? I honestly wouldn’t want to be with a guy like this. This guy started to cry and throw juice? This guy threw a whole tantrum because OP was mad at him for tricking her into missing a wedding???
Second Story, NTA: Why would anyone want to show up to the wedding of an ex and the person they cheated on with. OP’s request is reasonable. OP’s ex sucks, the woman OP’s ex cheated with is a horrible person to go for a married man, and his family are even worse for what they said to OP
Third Story, NTA: Good on OP for taking this threat seriously because what she would’ve done was theft. Punishing someone by taking their hard earned money is not a punishment. OP’s dad is a terrible father to even think that this “punishment” is ok. Imagine trying to ban someone from seeing their brother; this step-mom is horrible. OP’s dad’s logic is a form of abuse to me, he don’t trust OP because OP prevented the theft of their money?!
Fourth Story, YTA: OP thinks that her daughter could be talking about physical pain when there IS emotional and mental pain. A car accident can be traumatic for a 16 year old
Any update on any of these?
On the last story, it’s also true that you can be in physical pain AND the doctor can be unable to find the cause. Doctors aren’t perfect, and biology isn’t easy. Wow, that OP sucks.
@@sarahserenityqueen117 Yeah. People bashed her in the comments. She made a little edit, apologized to her daughter and for being blind about her state and has booked an appointment with a specialist. At least she realized her mistakes.
I dont believe the last story. I think op's kid is faking. Dont you think its a little suspicious for her to bring up her pain only after her mom confronts her about her grades? When op said its in her head why would she just not argue and only argue back when she gets in trouble?
@@EnverHalilHoxha1917 Simple as this: Crash happens, after release from observation, daughter already states she's in pain. Doctors didn't find anything but never considered therapy. Mom says to suck it up and kid does until confronted about performance most likely affected BY said pain. Even if it was inside her head, that's something to look at a therapist for
Thankfully there's an update on the final story, where the mom realized the error of her ways, so to speak.
"I get it, I’m an awful person. I wasn’t seeing past the grades and I treated my daughter horribly. Thank you especially to the medical professionals who replied, I had no idea this could be so serious. I’ve already booked a specialist for two weeks from now (earliest appointment) and apologized to my daughter. I know I still have a lot of making up to do. We’re going out for ice cream."
Good she came to her sense.
Because all abuse is cured by ice cream 🍨
@@lorilancaster5917 it's a start. Can't go from zero to a thousand in 1 second..
@@lorilancaster5917 lmfao of course thats the only thing you read in that little brain of yours
That's good. I thought she would be total Karen and say "how dare you guys say I'm TA REEEEEE!!!"
Good to see OP came to her senses.
Story 3: Taking money constantly just never works as a punishment for your child. Heck, I bet the stepmom wouldn't even care if OP wound up struggling as a result.
And it's over one missed curfew. Talk about disproportionate punishment
20% is one fifth of her money. If it was 100 dollars the step would be taking 20 dollars for each offense. 500 would be 100.
Yes! Like kids working or doing chores to replace something expensive they've destroyed etc, okay. Never ever taking money! OP will need it to start in life. You can't just rob kids of that, especially self-earned money!
I wonder if it was a last resort though
Dabney suggested a lot of punishments commonly used on younger kids and we know that this has been the stepmother for about as long as op has been alive
By her own admission there are things that Opie simply refuses to respect her stepmother on, admittedly that thing was a rather ridiculous statement but it's possible that this just could be the outcome of 15 years of her not respecting her mother's authority and ignoring every other punishment she tries to place.
I noticed that Opie gave no reason for missing the curfew in the post not trying to justify herself or anything so it's possible she simply did it because she wouldn't respect it anyway we don't know
The parents do seem bad but it's possible that Opie possibly cause some of this by her blatant disrespect and refusal to take other punishments
I think we need more information on the situation before we can judge anyone here
@@lahlybird895 Actually, R/slash misread how long the stepmother was around. He said 15 years, when the post said 1.5 years.
@@lahlybird895 no excuse. What theyre doing is very clearly manipulation tactics to enable abuse, even going as far as isolation from the one person they fear threatens their control over the abused party- her brother.
Story 1 - She should have just called 911 when her husband “fell down the stairs”. Let him explain THAT to the First Responders. Imagine how angry he would have been then! 😂
2nd story. I've seen this before. Both IRL and on reddit. This is tactical alienation. The ex knows that with the current relationship dynamic, if his daughter hears from her mother that he cheated, his daughter will hate him and cut him off. He also knows that op has yet to tell their daughter that he has cheated. So he's planning to alienate his daughter from her mom so that when the mom finally tells the daughter, the daughter won't believe her. Now he's smart enough to know that he can't straight up say "your mom is a b" or "your mom did this" without causing himself legal and custodial issues, so he engineers a ton of situations where Op has to either be the bad guy to their daughter or make a huge sacrifice to not be seen as the bad guy. He is going to pull stuff like this repeatedly until the relationship between op and her daughter is ruined. The only way to ensure this doesn't happen is to tell the daughter about the cheating and fill her in on why this caused op to make the choices that made her look bad
Note to the father in the third story: If you aren’t trustworthy, people won’t trust you.
First story, I think OP should take him up on his offer of not coming back. That isn't a husband, that's a manbaby that wants another mommy to care for him with a sister, possibly family, that will attack OP for not taking on that role. He already has a mommy for that and she can take him back
Exactly and who the heck says something like that either. 🙄
As a child I complained a lot about my legs hurting. My mom supposedly took me to the doctor about it when I was 5 but the pain continued and from then on my mom told me that it was "all in my head" and I internalized it. At 13 I had an accident and it was found out that I had slow growing tumors that weren't cancerous but due to their placement and contents could have killed me by accident. Needless to say don't ignore pain.
I had a lot of joint pain as a kid, mom took me to doc, said "oh just growing pains, dry joints" and gave calcium + fish oil tablets. 10 years later I'm walking with a cane because my joints are so bad. Early onset arthritis is not fun 😔
@@sheeptasticSeb I feel this so hard as someone going through something very similar. Pain ignored for years due to being female and puberty... And now a month away from finally getting to the right kind of doctor to probably get told my spine is starting to slowly fuse together.
My back pain complaints got ignored since my spine wasn't curved like my sister who has scoliosis. So obviously I didn't have anything wrong with me /s.
First story: OP should have called 911 and give them permission to break down the door to save her husband. Also afterwards she should ignore him whenever he claims to be sick...
Good point. If he was hurt and wasn't answering theyncould get there way faster. And then his text to her shows she did what was best when he didn't answer
@@SoManyRandomRamblings, in my country calling emergency services for no good reason is punishable with hefty fine...
First story:
His sister is insane.
Just a party? It was her BROTHER'S WEDDING.
Cause him to have a panic attack? What about his lies that gave HER a panic attack?
I have never seen a woman coddle their grown brother like that. The guy literally had a worse tantrum than my 4 year old son ever has!
That last story makes me, someone with chronic pain, absolutely livid!
Story no 3 is a very good example of why punishment is an ineffective method to raise children. You teach them how to avoid punishment, not how to behave better.
Avoid stupid punishment - yes
If she was just grounded - I think she would just accept it - but she could not allow others to rob her which is different
Story 1: husband threw his juice like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Oh wow...I would be gone after that.
The last story gave me flashbacks to the one about the mom that ignored her child’s knee pain just because she used to lie about pain when she was 5
That’s a definite YTA there
same here, minus the 5/5 buttholes
I think I heard about that story. The daughter was 15 at the time, but her mom didn't trust her because she lied 10 years earlier.
As someone who was in a car accident last month and came out with minor injuries, I can tell you firsthand that a car accident is also mentally traumatic. I’m a grad school student, and I felt so mentally drained from the accident that I started neglecting schoolwork not because I wanted to, but because I was literally in a traumatic event. Not all wounds are physical ones. It took some therapy and communicating with my professors to get extensions on assignments that really helped me get caught up. I’m 25 and I have some life experience dealing with trauma. But a 16 year old?? She needs her mother to be more understanding.
Story 1: Sounds more like a husband that thinks the wife is a slave. Deffo see divorce as an option on this 1.
4th story is relatable: I got chronic neck pain after a bike accident when I was about 15. Ever since, I have bursts of neck pain that pop up every few months and give me migraines for a few days until disappearing again for a few months. It took me about 6 tries with 6 doctors before one finally got me a referral to a specialist and what do ya know? I had (I think it was) compression in my upper spine. I saw someone who gave me physical therapy for about 2 years. Now it's much better and even though I still get the pain every few days, now it's not as intense and if I chug pain pills it's very manageable so long as I stay on top of my exercises and stretches.
TLDR: Yes, you are the AH.
I can relate too, I got a whiplash injury in a car accident (for the second time), I think about 14 years ago but despite being told it should feel better within a few months , here I am now and I still have neck and back pain. OP’s daughter probably had bruising and soft tissue damage - that takes time to heal.
That story was horrible. It’s not exactly rare that pain goes untreated, especially in female patients without a clear cause like a broken bone. You would hope that your MOM at least would have your back.
I’m glad you found the cause and resolved your neck pain. Chronic pain is no joke.
I'm so sorry you had that problem to.
It makes me so mad the OP thinks the pain magically disappeared after OP told the daughter to shut up because nobody cares about her pain. What the hell.
I'm glad that your pain is better. And as for the last story, OP did give an update. She glosses over how she understands she's the scum of the earth and that she arranged for a specialist to see the daughter. And that they're going for ice cream. Someone pointed it out and in one reply OP says how she knows ice cream doesn't fix everything but it's a start.
If I was the daughter I'd start taking a hard stance with letting OP close after this. She is an emotionally unavailable, abusive idiot.
My parents did notice that I was stressed these past few days they proposed that I could talk to psychologist about it but I told that I didn’t need it for the moment that is what parents supposed to do say to their children if you need professional help we can go to see them op definitely butt hole
Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. The man-child doesn't want a wife, he wants a mommy
Story 1: NTA the bf is a massive baby that's throwing a tantrum who's trying to gaslight you with his "i told you clearly" bs also I agreee if his sister cares about him so much why didn't she take care of it, just dump his abusive tantrum having arse
"Me threw my juice, mommy get me more juice, husband want juice! I'll throw my eggs at the walls next!" /s
Worse, he's not a bf, he's a husband. She can't just dump him as easily, especially since they have a place together.
That last story, aside from the trauma manifesting as physical pain, is an almost perfect match for what happened to my schoolwork after my grandpa died (first major loss of my life). My parents were angry at first, but then parent-teacher conferences happened and all of my teachers said I hadn’t been the same since grandpa died, and they realized what was going on and got me into therapy.
Story 1: I understand the husband was sick but he could’ve easily called someone else to help him.
If he's that sick, he should be in the hospital. I have had multiple surgeries that made it hard to take care of myself (foot surgeries, couldn't walk, on opiods, etc.) The first day or two, the wife was there to help, but still could leave for an hour or 4...
Literal man baby 👶
There is a thing called "man flu" where when men get sick it's worse for them than women. I seen it happened to my guy friend. Not sure why it's a thing.
@@Yumi_Jay man flu? Never had that in over 40 years... I do understand that we spend all of our lives worrying about providing for others and want to be cared for when sick. But there is a point where it is ridiculous.
Calling for reinforcements would be the kind thing to do.
Caregiving is taxing. My family had to care for me when I was recovering, from surgery and treatments. Whenever he went out for whatever recreation, another member would stepped in. Each time he'd ask and I got either my mother or brother to come and sit with me.
"This very scenario could've happened if you stayed at the wedding!"
"Well, more reason to leave you alone."
*First OP:* OP's husband is taking "man cold" to the extreme. I'd go off too if my hypothetical husband cried wolf causing me to miss my brother's wedding. OP is NTA. I hope she sees this as the red flag that it is.
*Second OP:* Why couldn't OP's ex's in-laws take a cab or an Uber? Why couldn't OP order an Uber or taxi for her daughter? Fourteen years is old enough to take an Uber/Lyft alone, right? Assuming rideshare services are available, there's no reason why OP's daughter couldn't go to the wedding without OP. This may be a controversial opinion, but ESH except for the daughter.
*Third OP:* This story is _wild._ Op's stepmother is hella abusive, and her dad lacks a spine. He also lacks a brain since he made a spreadsheet with everyone's bank account info (including PINs!) OP did the right thing by moving her money to a different account, and hopefully, she'll save enough to move out of that household. OP is NTA. I forgot about OP's brother; he's the real MVP.
*Fourth OP:* The only reason OP's daughter stopped mentioning her pain is that she didn't want to get waved off again. The fact that OP cares more about her daughter's grades than the injuries her daughter sustained _from a car accident_ is appalling. OP is TA. I hope her daughter goes NC after she graduates high school.
The fact he threw a tantrum speaks volumes. Also, where does it say in the second story that OP wasn’t allowing her daughter to not go to the wedding? OP refuses to take her to the wedding but she never said that her daughter can’t go. OP told her ex that he can come get her so she can attend it
Why should OP order (and pay for) an Uber? That's entirely on her ex. Even more though, as it's probably more than a quick 10 minute drive.
@@PhilippBorn OP should do it because she's assisting her daughter to get to an event that's important to her. Don't get me wrong, any of exes extended family who took time to call and berate op could come pick daughter. They're all AH. I don't blame op for not wanting to bring her, but daughter now has anxiety from the dad gaslighting and manipulation. Mom has the power to take that anxiety from her. And no, 14 is not the age to tell a kid bad things that were done inside the marriage. She needs to think well of both parents for her mental health. Everyone here is thinking of themselves no one is thinking about the kid.
@@mariposa9506
OP should do it and then let her daughter know why exactly she didn't want to. I mean, the ex-husband is clearly using the fact that OP said she wouldn't tell the daughter that he cheated to manipulate the daughter. OP doesn't need to eat her anger because this guy hooked up with a woman and decided to marry her after OP divorced him.
@@mariposa9506 OP didn't end the marriage, the ex did by cheating. This whole situation is entirely on him. Ergo, dude needs to pay up for an Uber. Actually, he might even be doing this in order to gain full custody and keep OP from her daughter entirely. The fact that he called her about the situation really suggests that he's trying to turn her against OP. OP needs to tell the girl ASAP because the ex is going to keep trying to separate them by blaming OP for everything.
Third story: I really hope that op’s daughter treats her the same way op is treating her really soon. “Oh your back hurts? I think you’re making that up! Go back to work, your paycheck matters more than your health!”
Some people really don't do anything to dispel the wicked stepmother stereotype, do they? 🏰
On the story with 14 year old Jocelyn. If her Ex husband's family are not jerks, why don't they volunteer to pick up Jocelyn? With every text that they sent her she could have easily turned the tables on them. Maybe because I grew up in Skid Row in DTLA but I don't let fools make me out to be the monster. I can be but I have learned to be soft.
My answer to first mean text.
Me: Wow, that is so big of you to volunteer to puck up Jocelyn, thank you for your kind heart.
Second person calling me a jerk.
Me: I am so glad that you are not a JERK like me and will come get Jocelyn. What time can I tell her you will get here?
3rd person:
Me: I am so grateful that 3 of you are not jerks like me and will drive out of your way for the great event. I am sure that he will have no problem paying re-inversing you because he os not like me.
4the text:
Me: I am overwhelmed with the love you show, offering to prove that you are better than me by coming to pick up Jocelyn so she can attend her father's wedding. Please have her back by (such time). You will have to talk to 1st, 2nd, & third text and figure out who is the better person to pick up and drop off Jocelyn. Unless you are a Jerk like me and don't care to help out.
"He started crying and throwing his juice all over the place."
Are you SURE this guy is an adult? Because from this description, he sounds like a damn 5 year old kid that throws tantrums when they don't get their way. NTA. He and his sister are definitely TA.
I'd say closer to 3 years old. My 5 year old has never behaved that badly.
Last story: I had wrist pain for 5 years, which had a big impact on my grades during my A level and undergrad years. I tried to get support from the doctors and they were no help and convinced it was nothing (because most doctors assume girls who are in pain are exaggerating), and said I must be fine because I was able to make it to appointments wearing clothes and not my pyjamas, and whenever I raised it with my grandparents, they said it must all be in my head and I "didn't know what a real problem was". Anyway, cut to 2016, the fifth year, and I got a second opinion from a doctor who found a (benign) cyst growing in one of my wrist bones. My grandparents finally believed me then, but too little, too late. I had surgery to remove the cyst (because if left it would break the bone apart and cause me to lose mobility in my hand), and I've been told I could get a cyst like that again, but I've been poisoned against going to the doctors. Doctors are taught not to listen to women and girls in pain. No wonder this poor girl's grades are slipping, and no wonder she's not talking about her pain -- she knows no one will listen to her.
"Doctors are taught not to listen to women and girls in pain."
Sounds legit.
@@Kegfarms That's been my experience, and the experience of many women and girls I know. I had tests done for gastric issues, but as they were inconclusive, I was denied the chance to opt for the next one because "it might be violating". What was violating was that my ability to decide that for myself was taken from me without listening to me. I had had many tests and procedures done before, including a surgery done on my wrist while I was fully awake, and I was at an age where I'd already had at least one internal smear test, but a colonoscopy might be "too invasive and violating"? I was denied answers for my pain and I was denied the ability to speak up for my own self and my pain, and by a new-ish doctor as well -- *that* is violating.
@@rachelfox8108 You said they were taught that. I guarantee no medical school teaches that.
Second story : Seriously, just tell your daughter that you refuse to go there with your reasons. You've set your boundaries, he's the one who cheated and decided to go marry the bimbo he cheated with. Not you. He can go be happy by himself, you have no reason to go anywhere near him, even if to drop your daughter.
She really should, the dad is using it against her. She agreed to not give him grief, but that’s supposed to be mutual. That doesn’t mean he gets to walk all over her and then the daughter against her. There’s being deliberately on the attack which is wrong, but this would be playing defense, not on the attack.
I'm kinda conflicted about that.
I am a kid of divorced parents in which my father cheated on my mother, remarried in an awful toxic relationship, did it again and divorced. Yet I only learned about the whole reason when I was 19 and came back from Australia. My sister got very angry and called me saying she wants a bond with her "honest" family members but her relationships are so often extremes. Either she wants you very close or will throw you away as far as possible.
Neither of my parents ever tried to persuade us kids to like or hate the other parents more and my father was a good father to me. When I learned about the reason why my parents got divorced I told him so. That he was a great father to me and that I'm thankful for all the support and care he gave us and that this new knowledge won't change this for me as long as he learned. I said very clearly what he did was wrong and he should have divorced before hurting our mother like that. Whenever the topic comes up again I make it clear everytime that there have been better alternatives but he chose to hurt our mother instead out of fear of being alone which is laughable because that's how my mother ended up at the start of their divorce.
Everytime I tell him that he can say when he doesn't want to talk about the topic anymore and I'll respect that boundary. All of that the first and other conversations were before he did it AGAIN with his second wife. I mean both were horrible to each other but HE is the one who was cheating again AFTER I told him he shouldn't do it again.
He's in a relationship with a very caring awesome woman with two lovely kids and I told him very clearly that if he hurts her, if he cheats again, he loose me the same way he lost my sister.
We both have a good religion with eachother and he tries to keep us out of family conflicts (not those that involve his cheating) in order to not shuff us against another family member. He never talked bad about his second wife even so they were fighting a lot, he said he doesn't want us to know about his conflict with his mother while out grandma tried to persuade us with cookies and her perspective to be on our side when we where like 14!
He never rallied us against our mother and vise versa. That's one of the reasons, beside his caring and supportive nature, that he's a great dad but a shitty person.
Idk if it were better if we learned earlier from his cheating but my dad also never rallied us against our mother and respected it when she didn't want to do with him and he had to get us somewhere. Her and him are even friends nowadays because they made up even so that doesn't excuse his past actions I.. I just don't know. All I know is that any cheating my father did was horrible and an awful thing to do. All I know is that he was a great dad supporting everything we wanted to try while teaching us the value of that. All I know is that I learned about the cheating when I was 19 and not 15 but I don't know if it would have changed my relationship with him if I learned about it earlier.
The cheating fuck was probably afraid that his daughter was gonna do the logical choice which is to cut him off and never talk to him ever again
Yep, now that the daughter is being used as a pawn, I think it's probably better for her mental health to have the whole picture.
Also, as suggested by @rslash, the mother should suggest a taxi (paid for by the father, natch), and if that's rejected (when the cost of a taxi is probably
I found it ironic that the ex-husband has a bunch of relatives who can give her a hard time, but apparently none of them can help out by picking someone up.
Story 4: this mentality is not uncommon for most women who have pain. Nobody listens when a woman is hurting.
As someone who has had chronic pain most of my life, having childhood pain dismissed by family members & medical professionals was extremely damaging to my body and to my self-image.
3rd story hit close to home. My dad was the same way when my step mom started taking my stuff and invading my privacy... He said the exact same thing and now I live two states away somewhere he doesn't know and I don't talk to him. More happened of course but I really hope she can get away like I did at 18..
The last story reminds me 100% of my mom. I wasn’t able to complain about anything without her trying to argue with me and say that i don’t deserve to complain. Whether it was physical pain, tiredness, anything tbh. She’s still the same way, but now that i’m out of school, it’s less often.
The last story made me really mad, since it reminded me of myself.
As a toddler I was in constant pain and no doctor knew why. Most of them just said I would be pretending (as a 2 year old. Yeah sure)
My mother thankfully didn't believe that either, so she consulted lots of different doctors until finally one diagnosed me with rheumatism.
If my mum would have ignored it, then I sure as hell wouldn't be able to walk at all today, nevermind that I may have been dead years ago if this had gone untreated.
Last story: Daughter was in a car accident bad enough that they kept her in the hospital for A FEW DAYS, and Mom thinks that the pain is all in her head, and school problems are just her slacking? Holy crap.
For the final story- girl in my grade and some of my classes junior year got a concussion from being kicked in the head on accident during a soccer game. The pain and other symptoms kept getting worse despite treatment and she ended up in the nurses office a lot due to it, where they would tell her it couldnt be that bad/there was nothing they could do so she should return to class. Sometimes refused to give her the prescription pains meds stored in the nurses office since she had already taken some earlier even though it allowed her to take them frequently (like this started out with one of the worst facial bruises near the eye that didnt also lead to eye damage I have ever seen, both irl and online). She eventually tried to kill herself because the pain and dizziness and everything that comes with a concussion was that bad and nobody was listening to her and she just couldn’t handle the pain. THEN she got proper treatment, though the people at the psych hospital kept insisting there was something deeper going on as if severe and constant pain that is ruining her life, on top of all the other symptoms, isnt enough to make someone want to commit aliven’t. That mom in the last story is such an asshole. Pain can cause so many other issues or can be a symptom of a more serious illness.
I know this because I ended up inpatient a few days after she did. I had some pretty severe mental health issues as a teen that are mostly managed now.
1st story needs to run as fast as she can. Those are some crimson red flags from both hubby and his sister.
4th story: I can relate. I had an accident as a kid, and because I was conscious and cognitive when arriving at the doctor they didn't do anything beyond a basic concussion scanning. They mostly focused on the broken bone. Ten years later I was diagnosed with epilepsy, the cause being that accident.
The nervous system can be hard to diagnose, and is always worth second opinions, especially when there is chronic pain.
The sick dude in the first story would've had me calling 911 for a paramedic when he stopped answering the phone. Even if I also drove back over, lol. Have fun having them break the door down if you don't answer it!🤣
3rd story: I thought it was normal to get grounded from seeing family. I started crying realizing especially with Rslash’s reaction. So thank you for the realization.
When rSlash said the husband in the first story threw his juice and started to cry I went back to check the husband's age. He may be 26 but he has the mentality of a 6-year-old.
6 years is to old for this guy - my kids at 6 never behaved this badly.
Story 4: The parent in this story is colder than ice! Your daughter just got hit by a car and any lingering pain she has just got dismissed by them saying it’s all in the daughter’s head which is massively screwed up. YTA OP since you clearly don’t care about your daughter since you think that a letter on a piece of paper is more important than your daughter’s physical or emotional well-being.
And then acting like the daughter was obviously lying since she stopped complaining after being told nobody cares! Disgusting!
The Last Story hit home pretty hard. Something happened in my life and I was in constant pain. But I still had to go to school while having the biggest headache in my life. That went on and on. Until I couldn't take it anymore and insisted to go see a doc again... This time it came out that I needed glasses and the constant squinting of my eyes and trying to read the board and so on gave me this giant headache... And another part that started with the bullying at school was that I always said that I was feeling sick. Sometimes if your child says "I don't feel so good" Maybe there is an invisible reason for it (needing glasses for example) or the child has another reason to not go to school. Talk to your child and be supportive for fox's sake...
That last story pissed me off. As someone who dealt with multiple chronic illnesses and mental health issues throughout high school, the only reason I did well was because I was given support and treatment from my parents, teachers, and medical professionals. Professionals plural, because going to one doctor is not enough.
Thankfully according to other commenters the mom realized her mistake after being blasted by Reddit. But the fact that her initial reaction was just, “deal with it” is pretty gross. Maybe my parents only reacted the way they did because my mom has also dealt with chronic pain, but I feel like basic empathy would tell you to resolve the pain of your children before worrying about their grades.
Is OP even sure her (hopefully soon ex) husband was sick in the first place? OP only said he was sick for a few days and seeing how psychotic and controlling he was to get her back, I wouldn't put it past him to also fake being sick as a preemptive blockade to keep her from going in the first place
First story: OP is NTA. Her husband is manipulative and abusive. Also props to rSlash for calling him out for acting like a child.
That last story makes my blood boil. I dealt with serious mental health issues as a teenager and had similar grade and pain conflicts. Grades are important but sthe daughter already knows that! She can handle that mostly on her own. She needs you to support her dealing with unknown situations
I remember reading that last story on Reddit and was HEATED to say the least. What an absolute sorry excuse for a “parent”.
the worst part about the 16-year-old in The last story: who's a good chance it's fibromyalgia.
8:00 I was thinking that op should tell her daughter that there is a very good reason for op not wanting to go to the wedding but it’s a little early to tell her the reason, that was before I found out she was 14!!! That is the right time to say it, any later and op’s ex could manipulate her more, I thought she was 9 at the time
Story 3, you didn't take her source of punishment OP. You took her source of control.
Last story has me fuming cuz I’ve been in that exact situation before. There’s not a follow-up, so I can’t guarantee to know what the daughter is suffering from, but it’s the fact that the mother only brought her to a GP and said “nah you’re fine, stop whining” and wiped her hands clean. My mom started out doubting me and getting fed up with me “complaining” but after so long she felt guilty for thinking it was all in my head.
I went through nearly two years of tests and surgeries and seeing multiple specialists to finally get a proper diagnosis of my pain which turned out to have been a developing chronic disease. Chronic diseases aren’t studied enough due to lack of funding and are difficult to diagnose due to being practically invisible. But I suffered so much pain.
My heart goes out to that daughter and hope she gets proper treatment.
As someone who had undiagnosed endometriosis in my teen years, I absolutely felt that last story! My parents were dismissive of my pain and called me a baby. Fast forward to getting married and wanting a baby and it turns out that I had stage 4 endometriosis and needed a hysterectomy. I had the hysterectomy and it was less painful than my regular periods were! 🙄
Story 1: NTA; the husband's tantrum and antics are major red flags, hopefully OP sees that she deserves better.
That last story hits way too close to home for me😂 I developed fibromyalgia (chronic pain with no "physical" issues) when I was 17 after developing depression at 15. My parents are of the mindset of pushing through it no matter what. I ended up having a full mental breakdown and had to drop out of school because of it😂 However, that pressure of getting perfect grades is absolute bullshit as I still managed to get a 2:1 bsc from a great university and am planning on getting a PhD in my field when I feel a bit more stable.
My parents had the same mindset as yours. I decided that was BS and parented differently. Right now my daughter has a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and it took several Drs to get that diagnosis and of course we treated it right away. I can’t imagine what kind of quality of life my daughter would have if I had behaved like my parents but she did temporarily drop out of college while we were going from Dr to Dr to get answers. I am sorry you suffered without proper support.
Wow! Congratulations! Genuinely.
I had a spinal injury in college and the trauma of a difficult spine surgery caused me to develop fibromyalgia.
The pain was so intense that I had to drop out of school. I was going to be a teacher, but I can’t stand long enough to cook a meal, let alone teach a class.
It sucks. Fibromyalgia basically stole my life.
The only thing I can do to make money is knit, crochet, or paint and occasionally sell them.
I was born with fibromyalgia and got diagnosed at 19. School was definitely a struggle, but I managed to graduate.
My daughter had lots of improvement going on cymbalta but she has two other health issues that are linked to fibromyalgia but didn’t improve with the medication. When she is less burnt out on Drs will ask her if she wants to get some second opinions. She is doing her college classes online right now since we didn’t know how the meds would work when she signed up for classes. If you want to teach I do recommend doing online college and there are jobs that are online as well. Both my parents worked for schools and I have run into people that only teach online(before Covid even) but you have to have the energy which you might not with the fibromyalgia.
@@alexacarrillo4339 Cymbalta has helped my fibro pain and my fibro fog too! I was nervous to try it because of one potential side effect, but I've heard so much good about it from people it works for. And I'm so glad I took the chance!
I still have chronic pain and it doesn't touch my chronic fatigue at all, but it helps take some of the edge off and I hope I never have to stop taking it. It's definitely better than living with the full amount of pain.
Story 1: If my SO called and told me that he had fallen down the stairs, injured his back, & had thrown up, I would have called an ambulance & met him at the hospital. The injuries described certainly warrant an ambulance for a normal person, & possibly would make a manipulative one think twice about that particular tactic. OP run, don't walk to the nearest divorce lawyer.
The last story made me cringe. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition, and chronic fatigue syndrome at 11 years old and started with symptoms at 6 years old, after a major injury. I went to over 20 doctors over a 5-year period to get the proper diagnosis. I lost count of the number of times I heard from medical professionals and teachers, "It's all in your head". Because people didn't understand my condition, I lost friends and was constantly degraded by numerous teachers and medical professionals. Chronic pain impacts you physically, mentally, and emotionally, so it makes sense that her grades would suffer. You can't focus when you're in chronic pain. Chronic post-accident/injury pain needs to be taken seriously. A few Advils a day is not going to solve the problem.
Story 1:
"He said he hoped I won't ever come back" that would have been it for me, I would have gone to the wedding, got home spent some time apart thinking about how he treated me if I was in OP's shoes and assuming he's had this type of attitude before, which he probably has, I would have probably asked for a separation, the only way to fix it is for them to go see a councilor and him to realize what he is doing is wrong, he's a grown adult who can fend for himself for a few hours but either was taught it was the woman's job or is just lazy, which is probably both, either way, this isn't a lifetime partner to be with, he'll do nothing to help OP out when she's pregnant and has kids, he'll just be there to scold the kids or to play with them when he feels like it, that's it. If he doesn't want OP to go back, then she should grant his wish by giving him divorce papers because he's probably not willing to change and get herself a better partner while the husband can go have his mom or sister take care of him as they clearly believe he shouldn't take care of himself. Not to include the manipulation to pull OP out of the wedding the way he did just shows he will go to whatever extremes he feels is necessary to get his way.
As someone who had a step parent who punished often for dumb shit (like a B- on an assignment)...they hate when you take away their means of punishment. It's almost like financial punishment (amongst others) isn't discipline, it doesn't teach anything. It's about control and OP in story 3 has removed that control and that's what she's mad about
"She hasn't talked about her pain in months" [after I completely invalidated her pain and told her its all in her head] "I'm at a loss!!" Like wtf what is wrong with some people no wonder we all grow up effed up bc of our parents
First story, if i was the woman, i'd of texted back "okay i'll contact emergancy servies, ambulance will be there in a few" see how long it takes him to text back on his lie "man i fell down the stairs, imma text my wife instead of calling for an ambulance!!"
Story 4: When you teach your children that telling the truth will get them ignored and dismissed, you can't then complain that they don't tell you the truth anymore. You asked them to shut up and they did.
What the heck is the 3rd story. Not only is it strait up abuse, but preventing you from seeing your bother? In what world are they living in where they think they have the right to do that.
The pain story: Some pain is also impossible to find, even for doctors. I had a work injury some years back and needed surgery for it. I was healing well (about two weeks after surgery) when the company sent me to one of their doctors. This guy straight up assaulted me in his office and caused my pain to come back ten fold. The doctors never could find exactly what was damaged so I got allot of them pretty much writing me off. That was until about a month later when my regular doctor asked me to remove my shirt so she could poke and prod me some more. The muscles from my right shoulder to halfway down my spine were already atrophying so she realized that yes, something major was wrong. Still can't pinpoint it but at least the doctors know it's not in my head.
Second story…OP has a responsibility to her daughter to tell her the truth. Keeping her in the dark is a betrayal of the daughter’s trust. She has a right to be able to make an informed decision about her relationship with her father and step mother. She can’t do that without the information.
Last story: The OP edited the post almost immediately accepting the "YTA" judgement, said she apologized and had an appointment to take her to daughter to the doctor. Hopefully that turned out well for the teen!
In the fourth segment, reading between the lines, OP seems to believe in powering through no matter how much pain you're in. Just because one doctor can't find a physical cause for daughter's pain doesn't mean there isn't any pain, and her sudden slide at school screams that something is wrong with her.
I've started reading along while listening more and realised Dabney changes people's stories and lived experiences by missing out entire sections or completely changing what was said. I think this makes Dabney an A-hole.
The final story: mother deserves 5/5. I know it's not like other 5/5 stories but as someone who went through this exact situation, she doesn't realize the damage she's caused and that this will be damaging for A LONG TIME.
My jaw actually dropped when RSlash read the amount of videos that he had made. What a legend!
Yeah, when he said that i was mentally calculating how many stories that translated to... it's gotta be 5000+ at this point! 😬
The last post, I'm thinking the daughter has a concussion. An untreated concussion can lead to a chronic headache. Chronic is FOR EVER!
Last op is fucking crazy, I was in a car accident a little less than a year ago, I had the least amount of injuries out of everyone in my family that was involved and I was still out of commission for days because of pain. I couldn’t even lift my head without my whole neck straining. I hope her poor daughter get some real help because holy fuck I can’t imagine how much she’s been suffering
That first husband is the text book definition of "man child."
How could you just gloss over the fact that the husband in the first story said that he hoped she died when she left for her brother's wedding.
That last story basically just summarized my whole life growing up. My parents wouldn;t believe any of my complaints, physical or mental, unless they could physically see it. When I was sick, unless I was throwing up I would still have to go to school. I constantly struggled because of undiagnosed ADHD and anxiety. I sprained my ankle and still had to walk to school without crutches or anything... TWICE!
Only last year I learned being in constant pain and having your joints pop out of place all the time was not normal... Turns out I have all sorts of back and joint problems, and all sorts of other fun issues. I was suicidal for so long because I didn't actually realize I was in so much pain, and hearing older people struggle with their aching back and joints made me so scared to be an adult cause I thought it would be absolute hell. It was such a relief to realize that there actually was something wrong with me, and I wasn't just a wimp.
If your kid says there is something wrong, LISTEN TO THEM! They may not be able to fully communicate exactly what the issue is, but it's up to you to try and find out as their caregiver. Please do better than my parents
Story 4- (trigger warning: suicide idealism mention) AH, this story infuriates me to no end because I was in a similar situation to the daughter. I was (and still am) suffering from depression. My grades were bad and my parents took away electronics, sketch books, and other forms of entertainment because they wanted me to focus on raising my grades. I felt that my grades were the only thing that mattered never came to them about other problems I was having (I was also suffering from a bullying problem and social isolation). I took me telling the school counselor was was contemplating suicide when my parents realized how much I was suffering when they stopped the punishments. Now a days I still have depression, terrible self criticism, and low confidence. I'm in therapy so I'm looking forward to a happier future. So OP, when you act like you're daughter's pain wasn't real and therefore irrelevant. It pissed me off to no end. You are 100% the @$$hole
So glad you got and are continuing to get help. ❤️
Last story: the daughter definitely was suffering quietly because OP made it clear she wasn't open to listen and that her pain didn't matter. Can confirm as someone with a long history of my health concerns being dismissed, even today I have difficultly asking for help because you end up convincing yourself you're faking it for attention.
Second story. I generally agree but there is one part that you suggested twice that is a flat no. Have a child be in an Uber by themselves, at that age? NOPE.
Then use a taxi. The cost is almost the same now anyway.
The story: "1.5 years"
Rslash: "15 years 😀"
Also OP3: There needs to be a counter-score in AITA vids for people who step to help and protect victims of a-holes. In this case the brother deserves like 4 anti-buttholes.
Hello hi, recent car crash victim here. OP is ABSOLUTELY in the wrong, car crashes can cause physical and mental pain. I hope OP wakes up to the treatment she's giving her daughter
My mom had to "fine" my sister as a child due to her drawing on the walls and things. She didn't listen to anything else so she took money out of her piggy bank (maybe $5) and told her it was to replace the dresser. My sister never drew on stuff again. My mom just cleaned up the crayon and put the $5 in my sister's savings. I think that was fine and a good life lesson, but the second story is absolutely abuse and not ok. It reminds me of my ex. His mom used him like an atm. Made him work from the age of 13 and took all the money to pay for the house plus took his tax return every year. I ended up dumping him because he wouldn't get a new bank account and separate the money she would always steal. There were other reasons too but that was a big one.
First story: a 23-year-old manchild throws a tantrum when his tummy hurts and his wife doesn't want to pamper him 24/7.
With the last story, I'm having a WTF moment. I have a friend who was in a car accident, is a junior, and has been in constant pain. I'm kinda wondering if this is my friend op is talking, cause if it is, omg it's worse. My friend gave up on talking to her mom because her mom cussed her out over text. I really hope it's not my friend, cause it's so messed up to say grades are more important than phisical pain
Update. I've sent the video to my friend. She's currently sleeping, but should get back to me soon
how is your friend doing?
@@your_local_questerian Just got an update from her. The story wasn't about her(Thankfully). Her mom couldn't afford to keep her in the hospital for a longer time after their acsedent, but she only had a concussion and some minor wrist issues, which she is getting care for