No. And by that, I mean _hell_ no. I think it says a lot that the wife's sister is not only making excuses for her cheating, but it's so aggressive about it and turning OP into the bad guy.
If OP is on the hook for CS, could he ask for shared custody? If the wife dares to say "For what? He's not your kid." Wouldn't that be enough to cancel the CS? I've always wondered that...
Not in the US. They want a man, any man, to pay. And they will claim, "He took on the parental role, so must be held to that standard." That's why it is a bad idea to lend a cheating ex money, as she could claim it was to support her baby.
Shout out to OP's incredible sister for being his moral support through all of that drama and trauma. She's the superhero in this tragic story. Fact: When loving family members start giving partners the side eye, it's best to take their warnings seriously, out of self-interest.
I’ll never understand why people call men misogynistic for leaving their wives for cheating on them and tricking them into raising another mans child. I hope the OP recovers and I hope his BIL divorces his former SIL because she recommended he take his ex back. I’d never recommend someone stays with a cheater even for a child’s sake.
Yeah, OP is not in the wrong for what he said or did. Loyalty can never be based on lies, nor can it be based on the smugness of knowing you can always hold "you're not his dad anyways" if ever he makes you mad again. I do hope his still-BIL does take those paternity tests. If nothing else, to show his wife that her actions ripple throughout her life, not just when she drops her stones.
Always assume worse than what little information they volunteer. If she admits to being *this* quick to go fuck some rando over an argument this early in the relationship, it's very probable she's both been doing this for much much long and was continuing to do so. Hell, if this is all it took her, there must be train videos of her or something. Nah that's harsh but my point stands, you can't expect honesty so anything you think you know is probably a watered down version of the truth.
What a mess. Yes one time, sure, we must believe the cheater. OP should have done a clean break and only pay cs (if he must). Why the fugg he took the bad advice? Doormat. OP should have listened to his sister earlier and proceeded with divorce with the challenge of paternity suit. Drag the supposedly "ONS" to court for backlog cs. Yes that would cost a ton of money, time and energy but it should be able to get him a clean break.
I think it’s still wonderful you decided to at least be somewhat of a father figure to that child but I also feel like you should stop before the child becomes too attached to you I mean it looks bad having spent all that time with the child only for him to grow up and discover your not his real dad and his mom ruined his life the longer you stay in that kid’s life the harder it’s gonna be to say goodbye so best to let go now and move on with your life.
Who cares about the childs feelings. Not his child, not his problem. Moral obligation? No it seems he is a spineless man who lets others let him control his thoughts...because if reddit told him," think about "his" kids feelings." Then that's sad.
@khushalbhati4186 it's reminds me of that black judge show when she says you are not the father and pretty much gaslights him into still being there for the child.
The OP isn’t staying in the child’s life because of moral obligation or because of the child’s feelings. He’s staying in the child’s life because a part of him still sees that kid as his own. He’s just using more obligation & the child’s feelings as an excuse to stay in the child’s life when in reality he wants to stay in the child’s life because he formed a bond with that child. when you form a bond with a child that you perceived as your own, it’s not that easy just to walk away. If it was then he would’ve just dipped. If I’m being totally honest him and his wife’s dynamic sounds super fucking unhealthy and I wouldn’t be surprised if he got back together with her 😂
he is a weak man, literally not his kid, not his problem. Only time it's acceptable is if you are going into a relationship and the girlfriend has kids. If you are in a committed relationship then it's just the two of you and any children (that is yours)..once she cheats and gets pregnant by another then you need to leave.
In fact, you are a weak man. He might not be the biological father of the child, but he raised him as his own for years. Its easy to give the child up and let the child grow with resentment and hate for both the mother and the father. Instead, while it hurts him, he took the harder route to be there for his son, despite the fact that they are not biologically related. "Oh, so he is raising another man's son like a wimp." Yes, you can think of it like that, but for every dead beat dad that is ruining a child's life, I hope that there will be someone like OP who will help the innocent child, who is in fact innocent, the child had no choice in the matter.
Nope. Nope nope nope. You don’t keep it „just between the couple“. Because that’s how the one who was faithful is framed to be the bad person. Cheaters lie to make themselves look better (shocking! I know)
This dudes weak as hell… you have no moral obligation to anyone but yourself right now. She always knew you weren’t the father, don’t kid yourself. You had a bad argument? So she went to screw someone else??? How many fights have you had and how many other dudes has she screwed! GROW UP AND STOP LICKING THE BOOT.
No. And by that, I mean _hell_ no. I think it says a lot that the wife's sister is not only making excuses for her cheating, but it's so aggressive about it and turning OP into the bad guy.
If OP is on the hook for CS, could he ask for shared custody? If the wife dares to say "For what? He's not your kid." Wouldn't that be enough to cancel the CS? I've always wondered that...
Not in the US. They want a man, any man, to pay. And they will claim, "He took on the parental role, so must be held to that standard."
That's why it is a bad idea to lend a cheating ex money, as she could claim it was to support her baby.
@@Buldogg345 Nope unless paternity established at family court someone has to pay money. Usually the sap signed the birth certificate.
YEP
Shout out to OP's incredible sister for being his moral support through all of that drama and trauma. She's the superhero in this tragic story. Fact: When loving family members start giving partners the side eye, it's best to take their warnings seriously, out of self-interest.
I’ll never understand why people call men misogynistic for leaving their wives for cheating on them and tricking them into raising another mans child. I hope the OP recovers and I hope his BIL divorces his former SIL because she recommended he take his ex back. I’d never recommend someone stays with a cheater even for a child’s sake.
It is funny how people have a billion reasons why they get to cheat and lie but you should pay the price instead of them
Yeah, OP is not in the wrong for what he said or did. Loyalty can never be based on lies, nor can it be based on the smugness of knowing you can always hold "you're not his dad anyways" if ever he makes you mad again.
I do hope his still-BIL does take those paternity tests. If nothing else, to show his wife that her actions ripple throughout her life, not just when she drops her stones.
I hope he doesn't actually believe the lie that it was only one time
Always assume worse than what little information they volunteer.
If she admits to being *this* quick to go fuck some rando over an argument this early in the relationship, it's very probable she's both been doing this for much much long and was continuing to do so. Hell, if this is all it took her, there must be train videos of her or something.
Nah that's harsh but my point stands, you can't expect honesty so anything you think you know is probably a watered down version of the truth.
Pregnancy can happen from one time. It's unlikely, so her "it only happened once" is immediately suspicious.
What a mess. Yes one time, sure, we must believe the cheater. OP should have done a clean break and only pay cs (if he must). Why the fugg he took the bad advice? Doormat.
OP should have listened to his sister earlier and proceeded with divorce with the challenge of paternity suit. Drag the supposedly "ONS" to court for backlog cs. Yes that would cost a ton of money, time and energy but it should be able to get him a clean break.
I think it’s still wonderful you decided to at least be somewhat of a father figure to that child but I also feel like you should stop before the child becomes too attached to you I mean it looks bad having spent all that time with the child only for him to grow up and discover your not his real dad and his mom ruined his life the longer you stay in that kid’s life the harder it’s gonna be to say goodbye so best to let go now and move on with your life.
Who cares about the childs feelings. Not his child, not his problem. Moral obligation? No it seems he is a spineless man who lets others let him control his thoughts...because if reddit told him," think about "his" kids feelings." Then that's sad.
That is what i thought too, like what about his feelings
@khushalbhati4186 it's reminds me of that black judge show when she says you are not the father and pretty much gaslights him into still being there for the child.
The OP isn’t staying in the child’s life because of moral obligation or because of the child’s feelings. He’s staying in the child’s life because a part of him still sees that kid as his own. He’s just using more obligation & the child’s feelings as an excuse to stay in the child’s life when in reality he wants to stay in the child’s life because he formed a bond with that child. when you form a bond with a child that you perceived as your own, it’s not that easy just to walk away. If it was then he would’ve just dipped. If I’m being totally honest him and his wife’s dynamic sounds super fucking unhealthy and I wouldn’t be surprised if he got back together with her 😂
he is a weak man, literally not his kid, not his problem. Only time it's acceptable is if you are going into a relationship and the girlfriend has kids. If you are in a committed relationship then it's just the two of you and any children (that is yours)..once she cheats and gets pregnant by another then you need to leave.
In fact, you are a weak man. He might not be the biological father of the child, but he raised him as his own for years. Its easy to give the child up and let the child grow with resentment and hate for both the mother and the father. Instead, while it hurts him, he took the harder route to be there for his son, despite the fact that they are not biologically related. "Oh, so he is raising another man's son like a wimp." Yes, you can think of it like that, but for every dead beat dad that is ruining a child's life, I hope that there will be someone like OP who will help the innocent child, who is in fact innocent, the child had no choice in the matter.
Nope.
Nope nope nope.
You don’t keep it „just between the couple“. Because that’s how the one who was faithful is framed to be the bad person. Cheaters lie to make themselves look better (shocking! I know)
Yessss Oop leave that trick👏👏👏👏👏😂😂
This dudes weak as hell… you have no moral obligation to anyone but yourself right now.
She always knew you weren’t the father, don’t kid yourself. You had a bad argument? So she went to screw someone else??? How many fights have you had and how many other dudes has she screwed!
GROW UP AND STOP LICKING THE BOOT.