Trouble is they cause trouble to make you spend your time walking away, your whole life is just that,it all adds up to ruining your life and mind, making you live abnormally
Same! And I actively block any of their attempts to re-engage me. @patricia A I disappear, leave the narc completely OUTSIDE my circle. I actively & intentionally block them, so they will NOT interfere with my life & my social circle. I can also spot a narc within minutes of meeting someone new. If I encountered one, I will do the same defensive dance. I will NOT make their issues mine!
empath goddess They don't like to see you happy period , but around the Holidays they really cut up ! ! Earlier years I was so flabbergasted , but now that I know why it's a relief in knowing because I thought I was crazy !
Ignored one yesterday at campus night drawing session , he was singing out loud and kept asking "am I being loud?". But sadly my girlfriend who's his ex, still hasn't done No Contact.
Just got out of a toxic relationship. I didn’t even know what I was walking into, he manipulated me till the end. Worst year of my life and it was my first experience in a relationship.... But Im finally free, thank you for this.
When mine came toward me in the store I screamed so loud. I acted like he was trying to kill me. Lol. Everyone started asking are you ok andvscreaming at him to get out. Lol
I can not do the tourette's response since it will get me fired. My narc has been visiting my new job site. You're so right the narc will travel far in order to feed off her supply. She was my former supervisor and has since retired 5 years ago. The only thing I can do is gray rock her. She came by a few nights before with her grand daughter and went right up to my boss and had a convo with her and another lady who volunteers there once in a while. After she was done talking she comes over to my side of the room so that I can assist her with the items she wanted to buy. She started saying how glad she was not working and then she talked about my weight. And how skinny I use to be. Of course we have not worked together for years and she did see me a couple of months ago at the book store she use to work at. And when she said I gained weight I looked at her and shook my head from side to side. And I said I'm in my 40s of course things are going to be different. I looked it up. Then to top me she said well I'm 63. And I grey rocked her the whole time. When she asked me how many years have I been working for the company and I said 21 years ( I always add an extra year because of narc abuse.) I continued to say as soon as its time for me to retire I'mabsolutely going to retire, my narc looked like she was about to cry when I said that. A few days later she shows up again this time with her daughter and her two grand kids. Hoping I'd start a convo with her daughter who said hi to me and I said it back and then went back to work. When my narc was ready to check out she put her item down on the counter and the lady who was filling in that day came over and started a convo with her since she had questions on when she would be able to retire, etc.. Since they were chit chatting up a storm. I sat at my computer and wanted to finish reading an article on line I ignored them and let them chat. My narc looks over at me and says 'am I okay because I look sad'. I do not look away from my computer and my response was, 'I'm just busy'. After saying this after she goes back to finishing the convo with the sub. And 2 seconds later a patron gets in line and I call her over to help her with the items she's planing to buy. My narc supervisor and sub pick up her items and walk over to the sub's computer to finish Their convo and help her pay for her items. Every time my narc is there she's following me around the room with her eyes. Its so creepy.
VeganVintageGeek Next time she shows up stop her dead in her tracks with this, "I don't want your narcissist bullshit in my life. Get out of my life you fucking creep!" Scream it! And if that doesn't work, slap her very hard. She won't want anymore of that.
David Mayhew Nope I will not be doing this. I never ever cuss just the thought makes me cringe. And I am not violent. The good news is my ex-ex-ex-narc supervisor has not been around in nearly a month. After she stopped by with her daughter and two grand kids hoping to get me to interact I totally gray rocked every one and when she came up to the counter I did not let her gaslight me. I said I'm busy and took the customer behind her since all she wanted to do was flap her mouth at me. Thankfully there was another employee filling in on that day who gladly walked over and started a conversation and moved her to my co-worker for the day register and sent her on her way, woot, woot!
I don't know why people automatically assumes the narc you want to escape is a partner .What about family members, bosses, coworkers, friends, flatmates ...? Of course it's easy said and done to leave a bad lover,but what if you have children.? No contact is not possible in so many cases.
Hi Serena...that's true. In cases of shared custody or co-worker situations, one would want to implement Extreme Modified Contact. I use that approach with my Ex and I no longer have any problems from his side...
No contact is the only way, only sometimes hard to implement. To go no contact means having self belief and if a toxic, negative narcissist's been in our life for a while, sometimes years it's truly hard to let go of that affirmation we seek or seldom got from them. My advice is remind yourself daily of what you no longer have to contend or put up with. Even if every day, you write it down, in black and white to remind you. Feel and be safe in your own space. For believe me, when things aren't going their way, they'll be back in contact, whether it by calling, text, social media. They broke you once, do not allow it to happen again. God Bless x
57goku This example is DEFINITELY hilarious! He would probably laugh as HARD as I did given I NEVER use profanity. Which brings me to my question. Should I follow this given example and he finds It comical, would I in essence provide him what he wanted... FUEL???
This is exactly what I'm going through, in the process of leaving. He has no idea. I am so miserable and I feel like im in a prison..the Tourettes part made me laugh out loud....I needed that and I'm going to try these steps, I've done the first two but didn't follow through after months of him begging, I went back...just to repeat the same cycle..this is the end of it. So relieved.
He must be a weak, insecure little man...who can't accept a strong independent woman. These type of men need to control their woman, they feel a sense of power over something( possession). You are not looked at as an equal, its sad that you love someone and trying to make it work. However, you are not here, on this beautiful earth to offer your life as a sacrifice to someone else because they have insecurities. Live & set yourself free
The only valuable tool here is no contact. Mimicking their behavior is flat out wrong... bc then they've won, by turning you into something you're not. They've got into your head so far, that you think it's okay to behave like this. It's not. Maintaining your personal integrity, being healthy, kind, balanced you... unaffected and separate from them, despite all their efforts... this is how it's done. Believe in your own goodness.
Lilly Smith Hi Lilly. I am not asking Kim to take responsibility for my feelings. If that's the impression you got, then you are mistaken. I was simply providing feedback, just as others have, on her presentation. The curious thing about human nature, is a tendency not to see the forest for the trees, and that does seem to be the case here.
Yes, yes & YES! Finally feel empowered to be like this (ive always dealt with narcissists this way) but they really make you doubt yourself, to the point where you think you’re being selfish for wanting to be happy.
i never even heard about a narcissist until about 7 months ago ,, i just though my parents were mean and did not want me to succeed in anything , and then i thought they just wanted to use me like cheap labor , same way most parents use their children on farms ,, i am finding that many people in the working world have serious mental issues and wonder how society can even thrive with so many defects ,, why is the only place i hear about all this is on youtube ,, why do i not hear people talking about this in the communities ,, i hear lots of gossip about many other things , just not about this ,,
Many people don't know that it's a mental illness and don't want to talk about it because narcs usually accuse the victim of some sort of perverse behavior and nobody likes to bring that up. My "parents" were raised Catholic- I think that has alot to do with their narc behavior, they refused to talk to me unless they were putting me down, fed occasionally and ignored, I think I'm a lucky narc survivor. at least I didn't get beat up too much.
Finally somebody asked...I wonder too. I knew something was really off with my mom brother spouse and 2 of 3 children and I mean REALLY OFF. chaos everyday. Trying to suck every minute of my time. Never anything done for me or with me. Constant sabotaging my life....lying manipulating everrrrrry situation....and they try to justify this craziness by flipping on you. Ha. I've never thought it was me because I know what I do and don't do. Repeating a lie ON ME TO ME is NO CONTACT #no..tears..no..love..lost... Be blessed and good luck in your future...
I agree, for narcissism being the most relevant topic of all-time, it's surprisingly un-talked about. It's our job to make this topic KNOWN, it's our way to fight back.
Nothing but sympathy felt for those who feel refreshed and invigorated from emotionally harassing someone...what a horrible existence/affliction I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. This is all the motivation I need to continue shrugging it off, and keep being grateful for who I am.
What's so hard about getting a narcissist to leave you alone? When I broke up with my ex I blocked him from everything, moved, had him banned from my job, & told him if he contacts me I would go to police. Worked like a charm
dnp713 You need to check out the book Hiding From the Internet by Michael Bazzell and JJ Luna's Book How To Be Invisible, I randomly came across this book in my local public library. And JJ Luna has a website where anyone can ask questions too. When I first left my ex-ex-ex-narc supervisor I was absolutely stalked. And I even went to a psychiatrist to check to see if I was really crazy the doctor said I was not crazy and sent me home :)
@longrider I totally agree....lab rats is correct. I am with one and his day is numbered. I call him one to push his buttons...Pooooh he doesn't like it. When he falsely accuses me of everything I return it to him...I get tickled watching him take a dose of his own medicine...
if you have no money and no resources its just easier for them to smear you as crazy in some way. I laughed out loud at the not able to speak in complete sentences part. thats funny.
I got rid of my X narc 3 weeks before lock down it was hard ! but I told him i had no hormones left and he didnt like that.. but it worked lol I feel so free and happy now.
+Kim Saeed Oh thank you! I love your blog and videos too. I am on TH-cam because I am being Hoovered big time because the NARC decided to grace my city with his grossness and thinks we should do dinner after he ghosted me 18 months ago ring on finger. oh hell no...i have Tourette syndrome. I was diagnosed this afternoon.
Hi.. I want to share my story with someone that really undersatnd the narc "soul" and you're videos are really good.. seems like you know everything about them i would really appreciate it if you'll take several mins to answer this.. he was big piece in my life, after all ... (im sorry it got a little long.. btw im 20 years old, this pic is old. i don't log in to youtube alot) me and the narc were in a relationship that lasted for 3 monthes, but then we broke up cuz of some issue i had.. (eating disorder, this is pretty hard for me to tell but i have to get answers cuz it's starting to get hard for me and cunfusing) basiclly i never eaten around him so we broke up it was hard blah blah but after that we were just hooking up sometimes. it lasted for year and a half.. that's a long time everything was in the regular routine, ti'll things didn't went like he wanted them to be, and was angry all the time (I can't really remember the whole story but sometimes he was an ASS HOLE for real. he said things like I bring you to my place and being nice to you and thats how you thank me? and laughes like in a ruse way like he's supirior and it made me feel really small and weak. i was tryig to calm him everytime it happend and idk i loved him. and i think he loves me too. CUZ after it was over (it was because of me, something bad happend to me and i couldn't really tell me.. like i was getting weak and it shoed i just looked tierd sometimes.) he decided to move on after it was over i was DEVASTATED for real i thought i was going to die. but he was too... HE CRIED ALOT.. iv'e seen pictures since he's a dj (didn't mention that but it's Irrelevant) so i saw how weak he got and i'm not saying this for making me feel better or anything like that he was cracked from the inside it killed him atleast it seems like it did!! and then he was with a rebound and he knew it got me upset cuz we talked about it but i'll just get to the point . SHE REPLACED ME THIS WHOLE TIME anyway it sounds really hard but he's a monster. i know im not a "low supply" haha i was with other guy too and he knew that i worth something. but just with less ego which was good for me at that time but i didn't loved him. but REALLY i know he was thinking about me when he was with her. i just do i know him. and from the pictures he uploaded i just could see that sometimes i was getting calls from no called id and i knew it was him after he was done with that girl i was getting calls very often and i got a messege from someone that is not him on instagram anyway eventually after long conversation i knew it was him and he just said love words and how pretty and good i am.. how he needs me and im everything he wants more then eveyting he just need time to think and shit i tottally belived him till i watched you're videos you said that they can say their sorry.. but then say disrespectful things which he did this is unbelieveable.he was talking dirty and said he wanted me back blah blah blah but some of the things he said were true. im positive like i want you to be beside me and i want to love and sleeps with you i will never disappoint you again and stuff like that. he just wanted me to forgive him like nothing happend he didn't even understand i think he just wanted me to know how he really felt about me.... but then he was quite for couple of days so i asked is that it? (like why you're not saying anyting anymore) and again it took him forever to answer. more then a day It annoyed me..so I ended the conversation after alot of talknig with "ok tihs is getting really sad and pathetic. take care
The way I dealt with my narc (my ex): first, I moved out. Then, I limited and controlled his contact with our daughter (hired a lawyer). Next, I just put the phone down when he called to harass me...without hanging up. He wound up talking to himself. It made him really mad, but he stopped calling and started treating me with respect. Now, 40 years later, he is remarried, and so am I, and we are on friendly terms. He even sent me a congrats card for my recent wedding. Our only topic of conversation now is how proud we both are of our daughter. So...a success story. But, it was not easy. It took me many years to be able to trust a man again. Thankfully, I now have a wonderful husband who treats me with love and respect every minute of every day. I am happy to be alive at 69!
Have been no-contact with my narc mother for nearly 6 years. This summer she turned up at my local beach, wearing a bikini, flouncing around in my line of sight trying to trick me into giving her attention. This is a 75 year old woman! I looked the other way and she slunk back into the void. Was very satisfying to ignore her and starve her of supply. This is the mother who concocted a fantastic story with me as a police informant of all things!!! So unbelievable as to be believed by third parties who thought that no-one would go to such lengths to create something untrue. It is Real relief to know she isnt poisoning my wfe and kids. My mother who took my wife aside and told her to leave me, and has made up so many stories to create conflict and suspicion between members of the extended family. It us satisfying to know she is getting older, and withering away, and I'm not dancing to her tune. Stay strong, stsy no contact, and NEVER believe that they will mellow or somehow evolve into nicer peole with age or over time. They won't. Let them ho and begin building your new life asap. Peace, namaste. xxx
I've used the Tourettes before, its nice to see it recognized by the pros.. Sometimes I'll duck/dodge a imaginary flying object.. Gotta mix it up a bit..
Cursing them out definitely works. They get really upset when they can't control your speech and make you act like the submissive person they used to know.
5winder It's about being incredibly boring and not reacting to anything they do. Respond in single words and show no emotion whatsoever. I have tried it and it works they get bored and eventually stop bothering.
It is a trick one but I find taking all emotion and reactivity out of it works. Be factual and minimal and they get bored. They feed off positive and negative emotion give them nothing.Good luck
My sister in law is a narcissist and due to the problems she has caused with my family, I said no more and want nothing to do with her. I informed my brother (husband to narcissist) that if she causes more problems then I am out. She did that and now I have applied the no contact principle. Some of the family don't like it as they can't see through the lies and manipulation. It's the best thing you can do though! Great video! 😊
Yep living with a narracist is a living inprisonment. I can’t believe I lived it to keep him happy to Hav a family The now. ... we r all f I’d up because I became the actor. The yelling ect is an act of tRama and abuse. to the family they Hav to live with. Memories of living nitemare. The now. My boys Hav Memories of the last 7 yrs Their farther with mental health to the point I became the abuser. after 29 yrs together. A life of living hell. The now my 19 yr old has the hate for me in his eyes. As the same look as I have for his father in my eyes. I will not giv up as the person i am now is shedding old skins of life lessons ..... believe in yourself ......... 🤗💖🐻💙 My boys u r my strength to better the now.... a chance ech day to start again .... live one day at a time ..... Stay strong this will pass ..... 🦄🐞🐌🕊
My narc surprised me in the shop, after acting 1/2 interested, he asked me if I had his phone number as he wanted to come over. Grrr I have been no contact for 4yrs. So definitely going to do this next time. But now I know his game, pity, compliments and little touches and charm Watching Luke Cage my narc is exactly like Stokes....creeped me out
I live in the same very small town as my ex narc. I recall the first time I blew past him without any consideration at all. I didn't even plan it..I remember thinking "well there he is...it's so over, I have zero interest in what he's doing now, and he does not have any right or need to know anything about me" and I just blew by him, even though he said 'Hello!" The next day, as I reflected, I couldn't believe how 'rude' I had been, and wondered if it was even necessary. Was I still carrying anger, bitterness, offence, pay-back for him? Was I ignoring my own moral obligation to 'overcome evil with good' ? I prayed and was reminded of many admonishments in the Bible to 'separate from such people' 'make no friendship with an angry man' 'shake the sand from your sandal and move on down the road' Final conclusion....overcoming evil with good can be done with NO CONTACT. , STOP ENABLING HIM ! The rest speaks for itself and is plain as day. Kiss him goodbye if you must, but let 'GOODBYE" be the last thing you ever say to him. Lock the devil out.
I see serious advice here no humor. Nothing about Narcs can ever be humorous, it is dead serious. People pay a massive price if they have a Narc for a biological mother like me!
By the virtue of learning what love ISN"T we create our own idea of what love IS. We incarnate to horrible parents (IMO) to find real, true love later in life... Our horrible experiences keep us truly motivated (if we live long enough that is:))
Thank you. I'm okay with one and two. Number three I will NOT do. Bringing myself down to their level (using the tactics that narcs employ) compromises MY integrity. I won't do that to myself. I will just remove all avenues of their "getting to me" by being totally unavailable. I will return all their mail to the Post Office. I'm not the mailman. I will not acknowledge ANY attempt to contact me, be it in person, through social media or even through gossip and backbiting. And I am NEVER FORCED to do anything. All that I do is my choice. Call me an Anarchist if you like, but only I am responsible for myself therefore I will make my own rules. Rule by conscience. I don't do what I don't want done to me. Thank you again. Namaste 🙏❤️
Yet another one of your videos that is so completely spot on it's unbelievable! My ex went out of his way to turn up at a bar he knew I was working in. Luckily I was working there as a door supervisor so I politely asked him to leave, (or else). I broke contact by telling him to stop stalking and harassing me or I would involve the police or do whatever else I had to do, and have ignored all contact from him since. If you are unable to go no contact because you have kids, I know what works. His ex wife and mother of his kids would only communicate with him about logistics, facts, arrangements, sometimes money. She would completely ignore all the rest of his shit and manipulative tactics, and just not reply to anything unless she wanted to, and it used to really aggravate him. If you must communicate with a narcissist, do it all on your terms, not theirs, and do not give an inch, ever.
Too bad that a Narcissist can be diagnosed as such and then put on medication that makes them lethargic so they don't have to energy to annoy people and disrupt lives.
Dont forget everything they stole lied accussed you of everything they do and are. They are in capable of love and say you cant love because you have no heart as its breaking because they show no intimate anything towards you never say true. Or kind or necessary words never get you a card to express they even think of you for a second or have a kind or true real or anything of any sign of truth towards u.
Wow, i didnt know coping with narcissists was worthy of so many self-help tutorials. First thing i notice is their obnoxious self-absorption and they never get much further. Heres something I learned: whenever you are the new person at an established gathering like a church, club, etc., be wary of the first person who surges out of the crowd to suddenly make you his/her new best friend. These are generally the narcissists or they are people who will drop you just as fast as they take you up.
Let go to be free. I discovered some narcissists (despite personalities aren't black and white) try to make you feel like one. About no resources, it can also be your wisdom and advice.
My narc is a female. There are more of them than the media + authors let on. And since they generally are more hidden, protected, aided & supported by society, they can be more daring, dangerous & do damage to more people. Look how mother narcs can severely damage their children. Peace.
Years ago I had temporary accommodation in a house owned by a female narc (she was a chartered accountant). She terrorized the women renting a room from her. Narc made one tenant so uncomfortable she moved out and lived in her car while narc kept her rent money. Narc also physically attacked another tenant, pushing her out the door and yelling at her not to come back. Remaining tenants, including me, went to the police to report the incident and narc had to go to court. I also reported her to the association of chartered accountants after narc changed the date and forged my initials on a cheque I had written to her. Narc told association that she didn't do it, and that I was a disgruntled tenant with emotional issues! I also reported her to her employer, as she was ripping them off on her disability claim. She also forged invoices to claim money back from the co-owner of her house (her ex - she manipulated him into paying for half of her house). She was crazy, demented and super toxic and really hateful! I was so relieved when I got out of that house!
Wow! Last time I saw him where he ran up to me unexpected I felt no emotions. I was completely disconnected! He walked away looking back as if he was in disbelief. What a waste of my precious time I now realize. Giving someone like that even a split second of my energy it was. Glad it's over & done with.
Since it is a product like being a sociopath, it can be cured by understand why you are a Narcissist, I've used to be that way, I've understood myself by the way my mom have abused, neglected me, and didn't care as a child the wrong things I've done that I should have been disciplined for. With so much understanding and why I felt I needed respect and so on, it changed a lot, and it also comes with self love; there is sympathy, I am naturally empathic also, and there is more compassion for others more than I've ever have before all the abuse and so on. I support the fact that these individuals should get into meditation to self heal like I've have, or at least see a professional who is willing to help and not just do it for the money. 🙏🏼
I told my mom will call their mom as the last resort. He quickly called me with a very calm voice and instruct me to get my mom not to proceed as he has managed a very decent image around his family over the years. most important thing for him is his pretended "image" over the society persists as respectable as possible .
Good stuff here. Comments helpful too . One key point is no contact. Didn't realize it til it was too late. It must be complete no contact. Mine is in the workplace. Would deliberately speak with others around so that it did not come across as I was the rude one! Going forward total no contact. And the tip of using explicit words could be useful because I just don't use that kind of language. Thanks for the video!
This advice is amazing and valid. When you go NO CONTACT... But then what? What do you do with your heartbroken self? When you are gulping for air and fighting all impulses to call or text or email? You are good at telling us TO do it, I don't see many ways to DO IT.
OMG thats what he did!!! 6 weeks after I dumped him he showed up at my door step begging me back and was so freaking persistent and kept saying that he will prove to me that he's a great guy. Wow
going "no contact" when you share a child/ren doesn't have to be permanent, it just has to be consistent. he has to see the pattern that u will not indulge. the stress will take a toll on your single-parenthood which has its own challenges
For comic relief? There's nothing funny about dealing with a Narcissist. The first, no contact, is the only legitimate way to rid of them. The second, showing no emotion is fine, but getting up and leaving a coffee shop (someplace you want to be) is an emotional reaction, and places the narc in control of your life and decisions. Better to just turn your back to them and ignore them while continuing to enjoy your coffee. If they don't get the picture, call for the manager and tell them the individual is harassing you, or call the police. The third, pretending to develop turrets syndrome is just stupid, especially if you are a professional expressing yourself in an unprofessional manner in public. Don't you think a narc wants that? To finally be able to play the victim while making you look crazy and out of you mind? Bad idea!! Not to mention Turrets syndrome is a legitimate disorder. Those who have it struggle with it every day. It's not funny in the least sense. The last two are like throwing gas on a fire to put it out. It doesn't work.
Besides praying that they move, simply do not answer the phone when they call or text. If they come to your door, do not answer. But be aware that they are just waiting to get an oppurtunity. They'll show up at a social event uninvited just to remind you of their power over you. Eventually others will also see their machinations. That's when they talk about moving. You win.
no contact includes blocking in all forms of communication technology. If they SMS you then you shouldn't even look at their message and simply proceed to completely block them on all media!
I have got rid of my narccisist without sick smear campaign. I told my narc that my mother has cancer and she quiet her job that now I have to pay for her rent. Plus I told her I might have to spend my saving for her surgery who knows how much, then lastly I told her I have to take care of her for rest of my life being good son, along with grey rock tactics, also i told her my mothers downfall gave me depression, which gave me great excuse to grey rock on her face!!! Lmao. She finally leave me alone and I hope she doesnt come back for rest of my life!! did I went too much? I never thought I would go this far... but if to get rid of her with least damage possible, I had to.. If you value your reputation and you can't risk sickass smear campaign, try being good son with grey rock. It worked for me lol
This is my situation. He is extremely abusive and in have to allow him regular contact with my daughter. I will not accept this as my future. We will get away from these demons.
When I left my narc ex, I took my child with me. He thought he could 'drop by' anytime to see her but he would use these 'visits' to abuse me verbally. After he entered my house without permission and accosted my boyfriend and pushed me to the floor, I contacted a lawyer, documented the incident in a lawyer's letter to him, let him know the next time would involve police, instructed him to get counselling, and established limits on when and how he would see our kid. That worked. I also would not listen to his rants when he called on the phone...I just put the phone down and let him rant to himself. He hated that, and soon stopped calling. It was not easy to separate from him, but eventually he learned to respect me and we adjusted our relationship to one of equals...I think he did that because his new girlfriend became his source of supply. I was so happy and relieved when I finally had my life back under my control! You have to make a hard decision...is your sanity worth the short term pain of pushing this narc out of your life? I didn't know anything about narcissism back then. All I knew is that my ex made everything about him, and if I did not do his bidding, there was hell to pay. He also wanted/invited me to talk about him to my friends...and then he started dating them after I left him...who knows what he told them about me! I took it as his way to punish me and separate me from my friends. Really diabolical! Isn't it interesting that, after 45 years, these 'crimes' against me are still fresh in my memory! I am blessed, though...my early childhood was very positive, and my parents loved and supported each other, so I had a good role model to use for my first marriage. It helped me to diagnose my situation and realize that my ex was a toxic person, and the problem was not me, but him. You know you are involved with a toxic person when you feel the relief of not having them around you. People tell me I am a nice person because I don't go around harming people, I try to be nice and helpful...that is like a beacon for toxic people to take advantage of you. So, don't be too nice until you are sure the people you have in your life are not harmful. How do you feel when you are not around them? Do you feel lighter, happier? Listen to your own feelings, not to what they tell you about yourself. They lie. Your feelings don't lie. IMO Good luck all!
Love this! She's right on point. 8 years I put up with a narcist etc. Texted Every few weeks"Hey" or months will go by and he'll text I miss you love you. I haven't seen him in a year. Then he will send a nasty text an hour later I don't respond. Recently I did by texting EWWW NASTY! I haven't heard from him. He was more drama then the movies I've seen. Guys like this, Run!!!
We ALL WIN by going No Contact. (if you can) They'll soon get tired of not being able to get a rise out you. They feed off of drama and pain they can inflict. No Contact STOPS them in their tracks!! Happy New Year--2019!
There no written agreement. We have a shared custody type of thing. He calls whenever but most of the time its not about his son but will make referred to him or I will redirect the conversation to our son and keep it in that area. I get a sense he is getting information about me when he calls. In addition, he has a girlfriend who is a narcissist I think as well. 2 narcissts in a relationship is more drama. I made a two month no contact except when my son wants to talk to his dad and I just hand him the phone. But he will do a no contact on me at times and go ghost on me as well. What advice can you give me? He just contacted me yesterday and already start the love bombs and hovering after a two months of no contact.
Shauna Sampson you make arrangements for visitation thru someone YOU trust who won't become a flying monkey for your ex you can do it thry the court if necessary.
Having dealt with one prior, shutting them down completely just destroys them. I mean I am a grand champion with a shutdown 10yrs long. They'll try to jumpmin conversation with you and other people. I am out instantly. I walk away and refuse to participate once this happens. It very very awkward for them. This 2nd time around? I felt the drain again fast. The life being sucked right out of me. I figured it out quick and began doing as I pleased, became uncontrollable for them, started picking them apart. Oh the rage!!!!!! Like just so mad! Can't change or alter my reality-always keep that in mind. Of you feel and think it? That's how it is. Be true to yourself
I didn’t expect to laugh at this and it was really nice actually, an unexpected sign of some healing. I never thought I’d be able to smile while thinking about my childhood with an NPD mom. Hope this did the same for some others and best of luck. Recovering from trauma takes lots of work but is absolutely worth it❤️
mmm let me see . .playing silly buggers with a narcissist is pointless . .all it means is you are still engaging with them . .the ONLY WAY to extract yourself from the cesspit of hurt self doubt and delusion is NO CONTACT on all fronts . .takes a little practice, but as each day passes your resolve will build and help to heal your heart and feelings . . sure there may be fireworks depression good days bad days etc . .but if your goal is to become liberated and free to love again . .then the NO CONTACT rule is more important than all the twisty turny bullshit . .and lastly . .understanding why a narcissist behaves like they do will also help as part of the process . .
ok . .but very often a narcissist (especially a partner who knows which buttons to push etc ) will simply disarm you in some way and use your own ammunition against you . .so you still 'supply' them, be it in a twisted and incredulous way . .
Chris Ellis couldn't agree more. there's no point playing games with the Masters of Deceit in fact I think the real reason people for this is because they are afraid to go no contact. Like the narc is going to finally wake up and LOVE you and you'll have blocked the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. I felt like that before I went no contact but like you said it didn't take long at all before I realised it was the best wisest decision I ever made in my life. if you don't go no contact you're undermining yourself
some of these things are quite dangerous. If your gonna ignore better off in someplace rather than parking lot. OR Get run off the road . Be careful. They can get violent if they're feeling like losing control.
Freethinker 1Youre absolutely right!I hope that the people here reading the comments remember that.They can be dangerous.Everyone,do not piss them off and Watch your back
Ashley Blanton if the narc is your mother it's time to grow up and leave home literally and metaphorically. the fact that she gave birth to you despite her illness is sad but you don't owe her your sanity, soul, serenity, prosperity and physical health.
TheHotCoffeeHouse yup. it's part of the co-narc syndrome to feel false guilt when you FINALLY say "so long, ma, go fuck yourself." because it's the mother so-called that installed that button in the first place.
TheHotCoffeeHouse actually was my stepmother. she was FIRST one I dumped. there have been a few since then. she was the hardest but I've never looked back. The others were easy after that!
Here’s what I did, he kept forcing me to see him and won’t leave me alone. So I met him one last time, showing up like a boss, I told him I’ve realized everything and I want it to stop, if he doesn’t stop bothering me I’ll call the police. And I did all this without any emotion. Showing them you’re stronger and smarter than them makes them go crazy over you. Now I laugh and make fun of him with my best friend all the time. Trust me, being open about it is the key. Honestly I’m afraid if I too have become a narc by doing that.
THANK YOU!!! I had no idea that this was sooo prevalent. I was starting to believe I was really going CrAzY & it was somehow all my fault. I was so wound up all the time that I felt like I had my head trapped under a boot on the ground. (figuratively). Then suddenly I got some perspective & I'm floating above the situation which seems so clear now. wow!!! I reminded myself that I'm not here to fulfill anyone's expectations about who im supposed to be. This is MY journey! (I choose my path) & from now on... if someone's path runs parallel to mine they are welcome to journey w me. if not? then they can take a hike on a diff path. Thank you for this much needed moment of clarity.
Mathew Alias my parents are narcissists.... Don't know how to deal with it now...... Life is scattering with everyday passing.... Let me know if we can communicate, talk more about it...
I am going to try the No Contact again I did it for awhile and She is right after 4 months I let him find his way back ONLY to treat ME the SAME 3Months later ! He will never change.
Your last tip is where I am currently after almost 13 years of no contact with my ex, but just the email that he sent to my work email address had me spiraling. I found a book which I want to send to him anomousely entitled "**** you a thousand times", just hesitant if I should or shouldn't as really do not want to spend money on this a**hole either, but this is the last straw for me.
I HAVE learned to JUST walk AWAY. It's the simplest way to find peace.
Trouble is they cause trouble to make you spend your time walking away, your whole life is just that,it all adds up to ruining your life and mind, making you live abnormally
Same! And I actively block any of their attempts to re-engage me.
@patricia A I disappear, leave the narc completely OUTSIDE my circle. I actively & intentionally block them, so they will NOT interfere with my life & my social circle. I can also spot a narc within minutes of meeting someone new. If I encountered one, I will do the same defensive dance. I will NOT make their issues mine!
I guess I am quite randomly asking but does anybody know a good website to stream new tv shows online ?
@Luca Felipe Flixportal
@Cayden Ariel Thanks, I went there and it seems like they got a lot of movies there :) I appreciate it!!
the holidays are so beautiful without a Narc around. truly giving thanks today
empath goddess A-M-E-N!!!!!!
empath goddess my best holiday ever...Nazissist-Free!
empath goddess They don't like to see you happy period , but around the Holidays they really cut up ! ! Earlier years I was so flabbergasted , but now that I know why it's a relief in knowing because I thought I was crazy !
Meera
It's been 5 years since I broke off all contact with my female narc. Wish I had known to go no contact many years ago.
They hate being ignored. It's fun watching the temper tantrums. 😄
Haha I know, saw it last week! Acted like a 5 year old xxx🤣🤣🤣
They are very much like dealing with children.
True
Ignored one yesterday at campus night drawing session , he was singing out loud and kept asking "am I being loud?". But sadly my girlfriend who's his ex, still hasn't done No Contact.
@@sibaninzidlatu6055 in our life we learn and still learning daily 🌷thanks
Just got out of a toxic relationship. I didn’t even know what I was walking into, he manipulated me till the end.
Worst year of my life and it was my first experience in a relationship....
But Im finally free, thank you for this.
I've found that the last one works exceptionally well more so when done with a poker face. Narc's don't like confident, strong minded people.
When mine came toward me in the store I screamed so loud. I acted like he was trying to kill me. Lol. Everyone started asking are you ok andvscreaming at him to get out. Lol
@chuck wood ^ typical misogyny
I LOVE IT! 😂😂😂😂😂💯👍
@@CALIGRL888 He's probably someone's ex Narc actually. :)
That’s creepy
Lmaooo
It took me 26 years to leave my husband im glad I did he's such a loser no one should have to go through that
A two year old like a Zen master. Thats perfect.
the minute she said it I was like "thats it!
Nail on the head!
So true. My son is way more mature than my psychotic ex narc
LOVE the Tourette's hint. Brilliant. Narcs tend to hate being embarrassed, so that little gem could be a gold mine.
ChiefJosephFan Yes, my narc hates it when I express myself in front of other people. I didn't realize this was a narcissistic trait as well.
ChiefJosephFan lolol
I can not do the tourette's response since it will get me fired. My narc has been visiting my new job site. You're so right the narc will travel far in order to feed off her supply. She was my former supervisor and has since retired 5 years ago. The only thing I can do is gray rock her. She came by a few nights before with her grand daughter and went right up to my boss and had a convo with her and another lady who volunteers there once in a while. After she was done talking she comes over to my side of the room so that I can assist her with the items she wanted to buy. She started saying how glad she was not working and then she talked about my weight. And how skinny I use to be. Of course we have not worked together for years and she did see me a couple of months ago at the book store she use to work at. And when she said I gained weight I looked at her and shook my head from side to side. And I said I'm in my 40s of course things are going to be different. I looked it up. Then to top me she said well I'm 63. And I grey rocked her the whole time. When she asked me how many years have I been working for the company and I said 21 years ( I always add an extra year because of narc abuse.) I continued to say as soon as its time for me to retire I'mabsolutely going to retire, my narc looked like she was about to cry when I said that.
A few days later she shows up again this time with her daughter and her two grand kids. Hoping I'd start a convo with her daughter who said hi to me and I said it back and then went back to work.
When my narc was ready to check out she put her item down on the counter and the lady who was filling in that day came over and started a convo with her since she had questions on when she would be able to retire, etc.. Since they were chit chatting up a storm. I sat at my computer and wanted to finish reading an article on line I ignored them and let them chat. My narc looks over at me and says 'am I okay because I look sad'. I do not look away from my computer and my response was, 'I'm just busy'. After saying this after she goes back to finishing the convo with the sub. And 2 seconds later a patron gets in line and I call her over to help her with the items she's planing to buy.
My narc supervisor and sub pick up her items and walk over to the sub's computer to finish Their convo and help her pay for her items.
Every time my narc is there she's following me around the room with her eyes. Its so creepy.
VeganVintageGeek Next time she shows up stop her dead in her tracks with this, "I don't want your narcissist bullshit in my life. Get out of my life you fucking creep!" Scream it! And if that doesn't work, slap her very hard. She won't want anymore of that.
David Mayhew Nope I will not be doing this. I never ever cuss just the thought makes me cringe. And I am not violent. The good news is my ex-ex-ex-narc supervisor has not been around in nearly a month. After she stopped by with her daughter and two grand kids hoping to get me to interact I totally gray rocked every one and when she came up to the counter I did not let her gaslight me. I said I'm busy and took the customer behind her since all she wanted to do was flap her mouth at me. Thankfully there was another employee filling in on that day who gladly walked over and started a conversation and moved her to my co-worker for the day register and sent her on her way, woot, woot!
I don't know why people automatically assumes the narc you want to escape is a partner .What about family members, bosses, coworkers, friends, flatmates ...? Of course it's easy said and done to leave a bad lover,but what if you have children.? No contact is not possible in so many cases.
Hi Serena...that's true. In cases of shared custody or co-worker situations, one would want to implement Extreme Modified Contact. I use that approach with my Ex and I no longer have any problems from his side...
My Mom is a Narcissist. Sad, but, true.
Kim Saeed Oh interesting, what is it ? Do you have a video about it ? By the way, I didn't want to be rude with my comment...
Nolan Winter Same here.Stay strong and good luck !
Thank you. You too!
No contact is the only way, only sometimes hard to implement. To go no contact means having self belief and if a toxic, negative narcissist's been in our life for a while, sometimes years it's truly hard to let go of that affirmation we seek or seldom got from them. My advice is remind yourself daily of what you no longer have to contend or put up with. Even if every day, you write it down, in black and white to remind you. Feel and be safe in your own space. For believe me, when things aren't going their way, they'll be back in contact, whether it by calling, text, social media. They broke you once, do not allow it to happen again. God Bless x
Jo Fernie Good Insight Joe! 👍
Jo Fernie 5 years, and just starting to see the light. Thought I was going crazy we really thought it was me
Jo Fernie, indeed, no contact.
Wise words God bless 🙏
True, and when you have nobody else and no support, what you do? Being alone and losing your house, how to face that?
The Tourette's example is hilarious
57goku
57goku Barking like a dog works too. It's most effective at very high volumes.
I find it apt. It is as if the narc has driven you crazy.
Ha ha! Good one :)
57goku This example is DEFINITELY hilarious! He would probably laugh as HARD as I did given I NEVER use profanity. Which brings me to my question. Should I follow this given example and he finds It comical, would I in essence provide him what he wanted... FUEL???
This is exactly what I'm going through, in the process of leaving. He has no idea. I am so miserable and I feel like im in a prison..the Tourettes part made me laugh out loud....I needed that and I'm going to try these steps, I've done the first two but didn't follow through after months of him begging, I went back...just to repeat the same cycle..this is the end of it. So relieved.
🌾👍
He must be a weak, insecure little man...who can't accept a strong independent woman. These type of men need to control their woman, they feel a sense of power over something( possession). You are not looked at as an equal, its sad that you love someone and trying to make it work. However, you are not here, on this beautiful earth to offer your life as a sacrifice to someone else because they have insecurities.
Live & set yourself free
The only valuable tool here is no contact. Mimicking their behavior is flat out wrong... bc then they've won, by turning you into something you're not. They've got into your head so far, that you think it's okay to behave like this. It's not. Maintaining your personal integrity, being healthy, kind, balanced you... unaffected and separate from them, despite all their efforts... this is how it's done. Believe in your own goodness.
Hi Laurie...that's why I specified under the sub-title that this video is for comedic relief. Just for laughs and giggles...
Sorry, it doesn't come across that way. If it's a joke, it's a poor one. There's nothing humorous about a mental disorder. Kim Saeed
Kim is not responsible for your feelings of the video, although i'm sure she accepts your false perception of it anyway ;)
Lilly Smith Hi Lilly. I am not asking Kim to take responsibility for my feelings. If that's the impression you got, then you are mistaken. I was simply providing feedback, just as others have, on her presentation.
The curious thing about human nature, is a tendency not to see the forest for the trees, and that does seem to be the case here.
Laurie Paris agree!!You cant be something your not!
Yes, yes & YES! Finally feel empowered to be like this (ive always dealt with narcissists this way) but they really make you doubt yourself, to the point where you think you’re being selfish for wanting to be happy.
Giving them a beating is far and away the very most efficient route.
i never even heard about a narcissist until about 7 months ago ,, i just though my parents were mean and did not want me to succeed in anything , and then i thought they just wanted to use me like cheap labor , same way most parents use their children on farms ,, i am finding that many people in the working world have serious mental issues and wonder how society can even thrive with so many defects ,, why is the only place i hear about all this is on youtube ,, why do i not hear people talking about this in the communities ,, i hear lots of gossip about many other things , just not about this ,,
Many people don't know that it's a mental illness and don't want to talk about it because narcs usually accuse the victim of some sort of perverse behavior and nobody likes to bring that up. My "parents" were raised Catholic- I think that has alot to do with their narc behavior, they refused to talk to me unless they were putting me down, fed occasionally and ignored, I think I'm a lucky narc survivor. at least I didn't get beat up too much.
LadyLadyChickChick religion is not the problem. But your parents are
Finally somebody asked...I wonder too. I knew something was really off with my mom brother spouse and 2 of 3 children and I mean REALLY OFF. chaos everyday. Trying to suck every minute of my time. Never anything done for me or with me. Constant sabotaging my life....lying manipulating everrrrrry situation....and they try to justify this craziness by flipping on you. Ha. I've never thought it was me because I know what I do and don't do. Repeating a lie ON ME TO ME is NO CONTACT #no..tears..no..love..lost... Be blessed and good luck in your future...
I agree, for narcissism being the most relevant topic of all-time, it's surprisingly un-talked about. It's our job to make this topic KNOWN, it's our way to fight back.
Nothing but sympathy felt for those who feel refreshed and invigorated from emotionally harassing someone...what a horrible existence/affliction I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. This is all the motivation I need to continue shrugging it off, and keep being grateful for who I am.
What's so hard about getting a narcissist to leave you alone? When I broke up with my ex I blocked him from everything, moved, had him banned from my job, & told him if he contacts me I would go to police. Worked like a charm
thtktgrl I did press charges
dnp713 You need to check out the book Hiding From the Internet by Michael Bazzell and JJ Luna's Book How To Be Invisible, I randomly came across this book in my local public library. And JJ Luna has a website where anyone can ask questions too. When I first left my ex-ex-ex-narc supervisor I was absolutely stalked. And I even went to a psychiatrist to check to see if I was really crazy the doctor said I was not crazy and sent me home :)
thtktgrl I blocked mine as well, but he used spyware to clone my phone so to speak. He can email me. He resides out of state.
They can also put trackers on your cars. They find any and every way possible to track you down. It’s never over for them.
thtktgrl some are or will become extremely dangerous. One never can be too sure.
I am working on it, trouble is narc bosses are everywhere!
@longrider I totally agree....lab rats is correct. I am with one and his day is numbered. I call him one to push his buttons...Pooooh he doesn't like it. When he falsely accuses me of everything I return it to him...I get tickled watching him take a dose of his own medicine...
if you have no money and no resources its just easier for them to smear you as crazy in some way. I laughed out loud at the not able to speak in complete sentences part. thats funny.
Amy Pola true mine used manipulation to defame me all over the area
Bruh that not being able to speak in complete sentences... so accurate on my part 🤐
I got rid of my X narc
3 weeks before lock down it was hard ! but I told him i had no hormones left and he didnt like that.. but it worked lol I feel so free and happy now.
Your book saved me.
It's my piece of heaven.
I recommend it to everyone.
Thank you, Mary Lynn! I'm happy to learn my book has been helpful for you :)
Kim
+Kim Saeed Oh thank you!
I love your blog and videos too.
I am on TH-cam because I am being Hoovered big time because the NARC decided to grace my city with his grossness and thinks we should do dinner after he ghosted me 18 months ago ring on finger.
oh hell no...i have Tourette syndrome.
I was diagnosed this afternoon.
Hi.. I want to share my story with someone that really undersatnd the narc "soul" and you're videos are really good.. seems like you know everything about them
i would really appreciate it if you'll take several mins to answer this.. he was big piece in my life, after all ...
(im sorry it got a little long.. btw im 20 years old, this pic is old. i don't log in to youtube alot)
me and the narc were in a relationship that lasted for 3 monthes, but then we broke up cuz of some issue i had.. (eating disorder, this is pretty hard for me to tell but i have to get answers cuz it's starting to get hard for me and cunfusing) basiclly i never eaten around him
so we broke up it was hard blah blah but after that we were just hooking up sometimes.
it lasted for year and a half.. that's a long time
everything was in the regular routine, ti'll things didn't went like he wanted them to be, and was angry all the time (I can't really remember the whole story but sometimes he was an ASS HOLE for real. he said things like I bring you to my place and being nice to you and thats how you thank me? and laughes like in a ruse way like he's supirior and it made me feel really small and weak. i was tryig to calm him everytime it happend and idk i loved him. and i think he loves me too. CUZ after it was over (it was because of me, something bad happend to me and i couldn't really tell me.. like i was getting weak and it shoed i just looked tierd sometimes.) he decided to move on
after it was over i was DEVASTATED for real i thought i was going to die. but he was too... HE CRIED ALOT.. iv'e seen pictures since he's a dj (didn't mention that but it's Irrelevant) so i saw how weak he got and i'm not saying this for making me feel better or anything like that he was cracked from the inside it killed him atleast it seems like it did!!
and then he was with a rebound and he knew it got me upset cuz we talked about it
but i'll just get to the point
. SHE REPLACED ME THIS WHOLE TIME
anyway it sounds really hard but he's a monster. i know im not a "low supply" haha i was with other guy too and he knew that i worth something. but just with less ego which was good for me at that time but i didn't loved him. but REALLY i know he was thinking about me when he was with her. i just do i know him. and from the pictures he uploaded i just could see that
sometimes i was getting calls from no called id and i knew it was him
after he was done with that girl i was getting calls very often and i got a messege from someone that is not him on instagram
anyway eventually after long conversation i knew it was him
and he just said love words and how pretty and good i am.. how he needs me and im everything he wants more then eveyting he just need time to think and shit i tottally belived him
till i watched you're videos
you said that they can say their sorry.. but then say disrespectful things which he did
this is unbelieveable.he was talking dirty and said he wanted me back blah blah blah but some of the things he said were true. im positive
like i want you to be beside me and i want to love and sleeps with you i will never disappoint you again and stuff like that. he just wanted me to forgive him like nothing happend he didn't even understand
i think he just wanted me to know how he really felt about me.... but then he was quite for couple of days so i asked is that it? (like why you're not saying anyting anymore) and again it took him forever to answer. more then a day
It annoyed me..so I ended the conversation after alot of talknig with "ok tihs is getting really sad and pathetic.
take care
Jesus saved ME... but I might get her book... she's great.
The way I dealt with my narc (my ex): first, I moved out. Then, I limited and controlled his contact with our daughter (hired a lawyer). Next, I just put the phone down when he called to harass me...without hanging up. He wound up talking to himself. It made him really mad, but he stopped calling and started treating me with respect. Now, 40 years later, he is remarried, and so am I, and we are on friendly terms. He even sent me a congrats card for my recent wedding. Our only topic of conversation now is how proud we both are of our daughter. So...a success story. But, it was not easy. It took me many years to be able to trust a man again. Thankfully, I now have a wonderful husband who treats me with love and respect every minute of every day. I am happy to be alive at 69!
Have been no-contact with my narc mother for nearly 6 years. This summer she turned up at my local beach, wearing a bikini, flouncing around in my line of sight trying to trick me into giving her attention.
This is a 75 year old woman! I looked the other way and she slunk back into the void. Was very satisfying to ignore her and starve her of supply.
This is the mother who concocted a fantastic story with me as a police informant of all things!!! So unbelievable as to be believed by third parties who thought that no-one would go to such lengths to create something untrue.
It is Real relief to know she isnt poisoning my wfe and kids. My mother who took my wife aside and told her to leave me, and has made up so many stories to create conflict and suspicion between members of the extended family.
It us satisfying to know she is getting older, and withering away, and I'm not dancing to her tune.
Stay strong, stsy no contact, and NEVER believe that they will mellow or somehow evolve into nicer peole with age or over time. They won't. Let them ho and begin building your new life asap.
Peace, namaste. xxx
For me, I blocked narcs by being very sarcastic which really confuses their delusional mind.
I don't agree. too many games n too much energy . just get rid of narc.
I've used the Tourettes before, its nice to see it recognized by the pros.. Sometimes I'll duck/dodge a imaginary flying object.. Gotta mix it up a bit..
Bob Dillon nice one!
Bob Dillon Sometimes barking like a dog or pretending you can see their aura works too.
Yeah,,, Great idea,, Big help thanks...
laughter is healing; thanks for that
Bob Dillon 👍‼😂
Cursing them out definitely works. They get really upset when they can't control your speech and make you act like the submissive person they used to know.
Gray rock method is good when the narc is your boss, also don't ever ask for their advice.
I'll bite... what's the gray rock method?
5winder It's about being incredibly boring and not reacting to anything they do. Respond in single words and show no emotion whatsoever. I have tried it and it works they get bored and eventually stop bothering.
+Janet Williams That method enrages my boss.
It is a trick one but I find taking all emotion and reactivity out of it works. Be factual and minimal and they get bored. They feed off positive and negative emotion give them nothing.Good luck
Catherine Mathers get a different boss
Wish I had known this 5 years ago, wow! You're one smart cookie...thank-you!
OH BOY did I need this laugh right now! THANK YOU for this hilarious video. There is really no greater power than laughter! CHEERS, Kim!
My sister in law is a narcissist and due to the problems she has caused with my family, I said no more and want nothing to do with her. I informed my brother (husband to narcissist) that if she causes more problems then I am out. She did that and now I have applied the no contact principle. Some of the family don't like it as they can't see through the lies and manipulation. It's the best thing you can do though! Great video! 😊
this really is extremely amusing even though living through it wasn't. persistent little critters aka emotional tapeworm/tarantula hybrids
Yep living with a narracist is a living inprisonment. I can’t believe I lived it to keep him happy to Hav a family The now. ... we r all f I’d up because I became the actor. The yelling ect is an act of tRama and abuse. to the family they Hav to live with. Memories of living nitemare. The now. My boys Hav Memories of the last 7 yrs Their farther with mental health to the point I became the abuser. after 29 yrs together. A life of living hell. The now my 19 yr old has the hate for me in his eyes. As the same look as I have for his father in my eyes.
I will not giv up as the person i am now is shedding old skins of life lessons ..... believe in yourself ......... 🤗💖🐻💙
My boys u r my strength to better the now.... a chance ech day to start again .... live one day at a time .....
Stay strong this will pass ..... 🦄🐞🐌🕊
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera God bless them and the battles they face. And God bless us for thinking it was us
My narc surprised me in the shop, after acting 1/2 interested, he asked me if I had his phone number as he wanted to come over. Grrr I have been no contact for 4yrs. So definitely going to do this next time.
But now I know his game, pity, compliments and little touches and charm
Watching Luke Cage my narc is exactly like Stokes....creeped me out
I live in the same very small town as my ex narc. I recall the first time I blew past him without any consideration at all. I didn't even plan it..I remember thinking "well there he is...it's so over, I have zero interest in what he's doing now, and he does not have any right or need to know anything about me" and I just blew by him, even though he said 'Hello!" The next day, as I reflected, I couldn't believe how 'rude' I had been, and wondered if it was even necessary. Was I still carrying anger, bitterness, offence, pay-back for him? Was I ignoring my own moral obligation to 'overcome evil with good' ? I prayed and was reminded of many admonishments in the Bible to 'separate from such people' 'make no friendship with an angry man' 'shake the sand from your sandal and move on down the road' Final conclusion....overcoming evil with good can be done with NO CONTACT. , STOP ENABLING HIM ! The rest speaks for itself and is plain as day. Kiss him goodbye if you must, but let 'GOODBYE" be the last thing you ever say to him. Lock the devil out.
Ignore them. Its the only way to get to them!! Go no contact and if forced to see them IGNORE them!! They hate it!!
I see serious advice here no humor. Nothing about Narcs can ever be humorous, it is dead serious. People pay a massive price if they have a Narc for a biological mother like me!
Girish Venkatachalam So why would we choose to incarnate to a narc mother? What's the blessing in that?
Who said it was a blessing? It is a curse whose effects we fight all our lives to shake off.
By the virtue of learning what love ISN"T we create our own idea of what love IS. We incarnate to horrible parents (IMO) to find real, true love later in life... Our horrible experiences keep us truly motivated (if we live long enough that is:))
Tatiana Mitina ok perhaps. God alone knows it makes us quite resilient for sure.
Girish Venkatachalam me too
Thank you.
I'm okay with one and two. Number three I will NOT do. Bringing myself down to their level (using the tactics that narcs employ) compromises MY integrity. I won't do that to myself. I will just remove all avenues of their "getting to me" by being totally unavailable. I will return all their mail to the Post Office. I'm not the mailman. I will not acknowledge ANY attempt to contact me, be it in person, through social media or even through gossip and backbiting.
And I am NEVER FORCED to do anything. All that I do is my choice. Call me an Anarchist if you like, but only I am responsible for myself therefore I will make my own rules. Rule by conscience. I don't do what I don't want done to me.
Thank you again.
Namaste 🙏❤️
Yet another one of your videos that is so completely spot on it's unbelievable! My ex went out of his way to turn up at a bar he knew I was working in. Luckily I was working there as a door supervisor so I politely asked him to leave, (or else). I broke contact by telling him to stop stalking and harassing me or I would involve the police or do whatever else I had to do, and have ignored all contact from him since.
If you are unable to go no contact because you have kids, I know what works. His ex wife and mother of his kids would only communicate with him about logistics, facts, arrangements, sometimes money. She would completely ignore all the rest of his shit and manipulative tactics, and just not reply to anything unless she wanted to, and it used to really aggravate him. If you must communicate with a narcissist, do it all on your terms, not theirs, and do not give an inch, ever.
Too bad that a Narcissist can be diagnosed as such and then put on medication that makes them lethargic so they don't have to energy to annoy people and disrupt lives.
No contact , no emotions , no reaction , no nothing .
Unfortunately It has to be no contact as if you engage in any way you are feeding the Demon in them.I am learning as time goes on.
True and thank you for this.
Very true 👏God bless 🙏
I was ignoring my narc for 3 years after that he left, it was too long...
I love you Kim! This video, like all of yours, is awesome:) Thank you for empowering this community!
Wow, thank you, Krystal! Sending love and sparkly vibes your way! Kim XoXo
I have EVERYONE in my life is like this. The more ignored them the more they come around though.
Dont forget everything they stole lied accussed you of everything they do and are. They are in capable of love and say you cant love because you have no heart as its breaking because they show no intimate anything towards you never say true. Or kind or necessary words never get you a card to express they even think of you for a second or have a kind or true real or anything of any sign of truth towards u.
Wow, i didnt know coping with narcissists was worthy of so many self-help tutorials. First thing i notice is their obnoxious self-absorption and they never get much further.
Heres something I learned: whenever you are the new person at an established gathering like a church, club, etc., be wary of the first person who surges out of the crowd to suddenly make you his/her new best friend. These are generally the narcissists or they are people who will drop you just as fast as they take you up.
Let go to be free. I discovered some narcissists (despite personalities aren't black and white) try to make you feel like one. About no resources, it can also be your wisdom and advice.
I hv one if he is block, he has a way of finding ppl.
That guy is so powerful. Even the devil is afraid of him.
My narc is a female. There are more of them than the media + authors let on. And since they generally are more hidden, protected, aided & supported by society, they can be more daring, dangerous & do damage to more people. Look how mother narcs can severely damage their children. Peace.
I feel you, always the victims
Years ago I had temporary accommodation in a house owned by a female narc (she was a chartered accountant). She terrorized the women renting a room from her. Narc made one tenant so uncomfortable she moved out and lived in her car while narc kept her rent money. Narc also physically attacked another tenant, pushing her out the door and yelling at her not to come back. Remaining tenants, including me, went to the police to report the incident and narc had to go to court. I also reported her to the association of chartered accountants after narc changed the date and forged my initials on a cheque I had written to her. Narc told association that she didn't do it, and that I was a disgruntled tenant with emotional issues! I also reported her to her employer, as she was ripping them off on her disability claim. She also forged invoices to claim money back from the co-owner of her house (her ex - she manipulated him into paying for half of her house). She was crazy, demented and super toxic and really hateful! I was so relieved when I got out of that house!
Wow! Last time I saw him where he ran up to me unexpected I felt no emotions. I was completely disconnected! He walked away looking back as if he was in disbelief. What a waste of my precious time I now realize. Giving someone like that even a split second of my energy it was. Glad it's over & done with.
totally disagree with number 3: I believe reacting this way feeds the narc even more AND contradicts the first 2.
Since it is a product like being a sociopath, it can be cured by understand why you are a Narcissist, I've used to be that way, I've understood myself by the way my mom have abused, neglected me, and didn't care as a child the wrong things I've done that I should have been disciplined for. With so much understanding and why I felt I needed respect and so on, it changed a lot, and it also comes with self love; there is sympathy, I am naturally empathic also, and there is more compassion for others more than I've ever have before all the abuse and so on. I support the fact that these individuals should get into meditation to self heal like I've have, or at least see a professional who is willing to help and not just do it for the money. 🙏🏼
Draconis Romanov .
Excellent video Kim!
They are pesky critters for sure.
I told my mom will call their mom as the last resort. He quickly called me with a very calm voice and instruct me to get my mom not to proceed as he has managed a very decent image around his family over the years. most important thing for him is his pretended "image" over the society persists as respectable as possible .
That was hilarious. I love you so much.
Glad you liked it, 5winder! :)
Good stuff here. Comments helpful too . One key point is no contact. Didn't realize it til it was too late. It must be complete no contact. Mine is in the workplace. Would deliberately speak with others around so that it did not come across as I was the rude one! Going forward total no contact. And the tip of using explicit words could be useful because I just don't use that kind of language. Thanks for the video!
This advice is amazing and valid. When you go NO CONTACT...
But then what?
What do you do with your heartbroken self? When you are gulping for air and fighting all impulses to call or text or email?
You are good at telling us TO do it, I don't see many ways to DO IT.
Chrissy Stepford News flash. They don't care about you.Really.
OMG thats what he did!!! 6 weeks after I dumped him he showed up at my door step begging me back and was so freaking persistent and kept saying that he will prove to me that he's a great guy. Wow
going "no contact" when you share a child/ren doesn't have to be permanent, it just has to be consistent. he has to see the pattern that u will not indulge. the stress will take a toll on your single-parenthood which has its own challenges
lslash brun thanks I was wondering how do u handle it in that scenario
lashmagosh B i
Smart advice. I learn communication foundation everything. You once destroy communication, you destroy everything!
For comic relief? There's nothing funny about dealing with a Narcissist.
The first, no contact, is the only legitimate way to rid of them.
The second, showing no emotion is fine, but getting up and leaving a coffee shop (someplace you want to be) is an emotional reaction, and places the narc in control of your life and decisions. Better to just turn your back to them and ignore them while continuing to enjoy your coffee. If they don't get the picture, call for the manager and tell them the individual is harassing you, or call the police.
The third, pretending to develop turrets syndrome is just stupid, especially if you are a professional expressing yourself in an unprofessional manner in public. Don't you think a narc wants that? To finally be able to play the victim while making you look crazy and out of you mind? Bad idea!! Not to mention Turrets syndrome is a legitimate disorder. Those who have it struggle with it every day. It's not funny in the least sense.
The last two are like throwing gas on a fire to put it out. It doesn't work.
Besides praying that they move, simply do not answer the phone when they call or text. If they come to your door, do not answer. But be aware that they are just waiting to get an oppurtunity. They'll show up at a social event uninvited just to remind you of their power over you. Eventually others will also see their machinations. That's when they talk about moving. You win.
Ha ha ha. My favorite coffee shop is 10000 kilometers away on another continent. Still happens that he shows up
That last tip.... lmao 😂🤣 🤣 I love it😂🤣🤣
no contact includes blocking in all forms of communication technology. If they SMS you then you shouldn't even look at their message and simply proceed to completely block them on all media!
I have got rid of my narccisist without sick smear campaign.
I told my narc that my mother has cancer and she quiet her job that now I have to pay for her rent. Plus I told her I might have to spend my saving for her surgery who knows how much, then lastly I told her I have to take care of her for rest of my life being good son, along with grey rock tactics, also i told her my mothers downfall gave me depression, which gave me great excuse to grey rock on her face!!! Lmao. She finally leave me alone and I hope she doesnt come back for rest of my life!! did I went too much? I never thought I would go this far... but if to get rid of her with least damage possible, I had to..
If you value your reputation and you can't risk sickass smear campaign, try being good son with grey rock. It worked for me lol
That was awesome. Gave me a good laugh too!
Oh my gosh!! Cursing with a straight face is golden!! I’ll have to try that with my mom hahahahahaha
How does "No Contact" work if there's shared custody of a child?
This is my situation. He is extremely abusive and in have to allow him regular contact with my daughter. I will not accept this as my future. We will get away from these demons.
When I left my narc ex, I took my child with me. He thought he could 'drop by' anytime to see her but he would use these 'visits' to abuse me verbally. After he entered my house without permission and accosted my boyfriend and pushed me to the floor, I contacted a lawyer, documented the incident in a lawyer's letter to him, let him know the next time would involve police, instructed him to get counselling, and established limits on when and how he would see our kid. That worked. I also would not listen to his rants when he called on the phone...I just put the phone down and let him rant to himself. He hated that, and soon stopped calling. It was not easy to separate from him, but eventually he learned to respect me and we adjusted our relationship to one of equals...I think he did that because his new girlfriend became his source of supply. I was so happy and relieved when I finally had my life back under my control! You have to make a hard decision...is your sanity worth the short term pain of pushing this narc out of your life? I didn't know anything about narcissism back then. All I knew is that my ex made everything about him, and if I did not do his bidding, there was hell to pay. He also wanted/invited me to talk about him to my friends...and then he started dating them after I left him...who knows what he told them about me! I took it as his way to punish me and separate me from my friends. Really diabolical! Isn't it interesting that, after 45 years, these 'crimes' against me are still fresh in my memory! I am blessed, though...my early childhood was very positive, and my parents loved and supported each other, so I had a good role model to use for my first marriage. It helped me to diagnose my situation and realize that my ex was a toxic person, and the problem was not me, but him. You know you are involved with a toxic person when you feel the relief of not having them around you. People tell me I am a nice person because I don't go around harming people, I try to be nice and helpful...that is like a beacon for toxic people to take advantage of you. So, don't be too nice until you are sure the people you have in your life are not harmful. How do you feel when you are not around them? Do you feel lighter, happier? Listen to your own feelings, not to what they tell you about yourself. They lie. Your feelings don't lie. IMO Good luck all!
This was so enlightening. Thank you so much. I've definitely had this experience in the past. Pure hell. 😊❤
"Fistpumb" 😂
Love this! She's right on point. 8 years I put up with a narcist etc. Texted Every few weeks"Hey" or months will go by and he'll text I miss you love you. I haven't seen him in a year.
Then he will send a nasty text an hour later I don't respond. Recently I did by texting EWWW NASTY! I haven't heard from him.
He was more drama then the movies I've seen. Guys like this, Run!!!
1. "No contact, there's no way of getting around this one"
Yer, like try the fact you have a child with him/her...
In that case, you'd want to implement Extreme Modified Contact. I use that approach with my Ex regarding our son. Works like a charm...
We ALL WIN by going No Contact.
(if you can)
They'll soon get tired of not being able to get a rise out you.
They feed off of drama and pain they can inflict.
No Contact STOPS them in their tracks!!
Happy New Year--2019!
I don't know how to go NO CONTACT, when I have kids and co parent... I still have to email or text?
Hi Shauna, in that case, you'd need to use the Extreme Modified Contact approach. That's what I do as I share a son with my Ex. It works like a charm.
Kim Saeed .. can you explain how that works.. extreme modified no contact. I doing the no contact on my ex but we do have a child together.
It depends on what's in your custody agreement. What are the specifics on when he can call/visit?
There no written agreement. We have a shared custody type of thing. He calls whenever but most of the time its not about his son but will make referred to him or I will redirect the conversation to our son and keep it in that area. I get a sense he is getting information about me when he calls. In addition, he has a girlfriend who is a narcissist I think as well. 2 narcissts in a relationship is more drama. I made a two month no contact except when my son wants to talk to his dad and I just hand him the phone. But he will do a no contact on me at times and go ghost on me as well. What advice can you give me? He just contacted me yesterday and already start the love bombs and hovering after a two months of no contact.
Shauna Sampson you make arrangements for visitation thru someone YOU trust who won't become a flying monkey for your ex you can do it thry the court if necessary.
You’re awesom Kim,I really value this content!
Cant help but notice all these Narc videos on Y.T. imply that it is usually the Man is Narc.
Having dealt with one prior, shutting them down completely just destroys them. I mean I am a grand champion with a shutdown 10yrs long.
They'll try to jumpmin conversation with you and other people.
I am out instantly. I walk away and refuse to participate once this happens. It very very awkward for them.
This 2nd time around? I felt the drain again fast. The life being sucked right out of me.
I figured it out quick and began doing as I pleased, became uncontrollable for them, started picking them apart.
Oh the rage!!!!!! Like just so mad!
Can't change or alter my reality-always keep that in mind. Of you feel and think it? That's how it is. Be true to yourself
Lol but seriously ! This vid was awesome!
I didn’t expect to laugh at this and it was really nice actually, an unexpected sign of some healing. I never thought I’d be able to smile while thinking about my childhood with an NPD mom. Hope this did the same for some others and best of luck. Recovering from trauma takes lots of work but is absolutely worth it❤️
Glad to know it gave you a little chuckle, Nancy :)
Kim XoXo
mmm let me see . .playing silly buggers with a narcissist is pointless . .all it means is you are still engaging with them . .the ONLY WAY to extract yourself from the cesspit of hurt self doubt and delusion is NO CONTACT on all fronts . .takes a little practice, but as each day passes your resolve will build and help to heal your heart and feelings . . sure there may be fireworks depression good days bad days etc . .but if your goal is to become liberated and free to love again . .then the NO CONTACT rule is more important than all the twisty turny bullshit . .and lastly . .understanding why a narcissist behaves like they do will also help as part of the process . .
These are ways to keep no contact. Hello. If they stalk then you bring out the ammo, figuratively speaking.
ok . .but very often a narcissist (especially a partner who knows which
buttons to push etc ) will simply disarm you in some way and use your
own ammunition against you . .so you still 'supply' them, be it in a
twisted and incredulous way . .
Chris Ellis couldn't agree more. there's no point playing games with the Masters of Deceit in fact I think the real reason people for this is because they are afraid to go no contact. Like the narc is going to finally wake up and LOVE you and you'll have blocked the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE. I felt like that before I went no contact but like you said it didn't take long at all before I realised it was the best wisest decision I ever made in my life.
if you don't go no contact you're undermining yourself
This video's #1 tip is NO CONTACT...then if the narc happens to see you out...give them 0 emotion and give them a reason to leave.
Susan Kay yes cos that works.
another method is have a nervous breakdowns or develop a life threatening illness and they run away
Ignoring my narcissist step one is a charm so far so good. 😌 thanks for the other few steps incase he try coming back and sure he will.
What about a narc mother? C'mon!
some of these things are quite dangerous. If your gonna ignore better off in someplace rather than parking lot. OR Get run off the road . Be careful. They can get violent if they're feeling like losing control.
Freethinker 1Youre absolutely right!I hope that the people here reading the comments remember that.They can be dangerous.Everyone,do not piss them off and Watch your back
what if the narcissist is your mother
Ashley Blanton if the narc is your mother it's time to grow up and leave home literally and metaphorically. the fact that she gave birth to you despite her illness is sad but you don't owe her your sanity, soul, serenity, prosperity and physical health.
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera amen to that
im 11 years nc with my malignant covert narc egg donor...life is good!!
TheHotCoffeeHouse yup. it's part of the co-narc syndrome to feel false guilt when you FINALLY say "so long, ma, go fuck yourself." because it's the mother so-called that installed that button in the first place.
outofthegoldfishbowl etcetera u r right there, my friend...
TheHotCoffeeHouse actually was my stepmother. she was FIRST one I dumped. there have been a few since then. she was the hardest but I've never looked back. The others were easy after that!
Here’s what I did, he kept forcing me to see him and won’t leave me alone. So I met him one last time, showing up like a boss, I told him I’ve realized everything and I want it to stop, if he doesn’t stop bothering me I’ll call the police. And I did all this without any emotion. Showing them you’re stronger and smarter than them makes them go crazy over you. Now I laugh and make fun of him with my best friend all the time. Trust me, being open about it is the key. Honestly I’m afraid if I too have become a narc by doing that.
luv your post kim..question, how do i deal with narcissist female co worker ?
miss kazza don't
It’s called grey rock. You show no emotion, which starves them of fuel. They’re like children, negative energy is better than no energy.
THANK YOU!!! I had no idea that this was sooo prevalent. I was starting to believe I was really going CrAzY & it was somehow all my fault. I was so wound up all the time that I felt like I had my head trapped under a boot on the ground. (figuratively). Then suddenly I got some perspective & I'm floating above the situation which seems so clear now. wow!!! I reminded myself that I'm not here to fulfill anyone's expectations about who im supposed to be. This is MY journey! (I choose my path) & from now on... if someone's path runs parallel to mine they are welcome to journey w me. if not? then they can take a hike on a diff path. Thank you for this much needed moment of clarity.
I bet a few narcs are watching this.
narcs will not identify with this. remember they are perfect and there is nothing wrong with them
No contact has been the best thing I've ever done to the narc I had 🙂
The narcissist in my life is my mom..... i need help.....
Mathew Alias d
Mathew Alias my parents are narcissists.... Don't know how to deal with it now...... Life is scattering with everyday passing.... Let me know if we can communicate, talk more about it...
Perfect timing when I saw this. they won't STEP OFF!
Great points ! fist bump
Thanks! :)
I am going to try the No Contact again I did it for awhile and She is right after 4 months I let him find his way back ONLY to treat ME the SAME 3Months later ! He will never change.
Lol
Your last tip is where I am currently after almost 13 years of no contact with my ex, but just the email that he sent to my work email address had me spiraling.
I found a book which I want to send to him anomousely entitled "**** you a thousand times", just hesitant if I should or shouldn't as really do not want to spend money on this a**hole either, but this is the last straw for me.
The Fist Bump Was Too Cute!
Cannot believe that some of the people can be so screwed up. What are the shrinks doing?