The Definition of Success with author Neil Strauss | A Bit of Optimism Podcast
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มิ.ย. 2024
- In 2005, Neil Strauss published The Game, a book about his years living in the pickup artist community. The Game sold millions of copies, stirred up huge controversy, and made Neil a bestselling author.
Neil has totally reinvented himself since writing The Game, and I wanted to talk with him about walking away from that identity of success. This led to a much deeper conversation about what success even is. Is meaning tied to outcomes, or is intention enough?
Neil and I don’t see eye-to-eye on everything in this conversation, but I love talking with him because he challenges my ideas. I hope this episode challenges you as well, to continue questioning what the definition of success should be.
This…is A Bit of Optimism.
To learn more about Neil and his work, check out:
www.neilstrauss.com/
www.harpercollins.com/product...
⏰ Timestamps
0:00 Public reception for "The Game"
5:45 Simon's struggles with dating
8:00 Neil's biggest Lesson from writing The Game
10:55 Sex addiction rehab and Neil's transformation
15:29 Healthy shame vs. vulnerability
18:25 Is Mark Zuckerberg a sex symbol?
20:22 What is success?
22:42 Parable of the Farmer and Horse
24:50 Contribution debate
32:40 Simon's world vs. Neil's story
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Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together.
Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do.
Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game.
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Website: simonsinek.com/
Live Online Classes: simonsinek.com/classes/
Podcast: apple.co/simonsinek
Instagram: / simonsinek
Linkedin: / simonsinek
Twitter: / simonsinek
Facebook: / simonsinek
Simon’s books:
The Infinite Game: simonsinek.com/books/the-infi...
Start With Why: simonsinek.com/books/start-wi...
Find Your Why: simonsinek.com/books/find-you...
Leaders Eat Last: simonsinek.com/books/leaders-...
Together is Better: simonsinek.com/books/together...
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#SimonSinek
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Honestly the splitting hairs was the BEST part. I struggle with this all the time: should I strive to contribute? Is that striving self serving or even arrogant? How do I know I'll know before having done damage? Is it enough to "just" be a good parent, good husband, good family member?
I loved the debate because it gave me honest perspective.
Thank you for splitting hair!
Don't take Validation from people provide them validation 😂😂 i love this point
Neil's journey from pickup artist to advocate for genuine connection is truly inspiring! 🌟 His message about giving validation to others and prioritizing authenticity in relationships is invaluable advice for building meaningful connections in both personal and professional life.
Such a pivotal message of changing our attitude from bringing others down to building them up. We lift each other when we do this.
Dynamite! What a powerhouse interaction. Should do a once a month with these 2.
What a great conversation. I paused many times because Neil description of his relationship with his mother tracked so much with me.
Also, I agree with Neil about doing the right thing because it's right, but how I connect to Simon's concept is that we still propagate and plant the seeds for others regardless of if it has the intended outcome. Action ripple out.
The first step to contributing is being able to take care of yourself. There needs to be a solid foundation to support yourself and others. Neil's point is that sometimes that's all a person can do is care for themselves, and Simon's point is you should be aiming to contribute, meaning take care of yourself plus others. They are both correct. So sometimes all you can do is focus on yourself, especially in hard times, and then if you feel secure enough, you can take on the responsibility of others which should be the goal.
YES YES YES - SUCH great content. Hairsplitting allows us to THINK!!! And we are NOT taught to think anymore. We are not encouraged to talk things through with different opinions and views and find common ground - 2 sides of the same coin seen from different places.
My favorite quote - not quoted exactly as said but my new mantra... I am responsible and accountable for my actions and my words and will attempt to go through life in a way that I leave whatever situation, conversation, or place slightly better than when I showed up.
I'm a bit surprised at Simon just pushing on his idea. It doesn't look like him. Neil is just saying "hey you don't know , so maybe let People alone sometimes" and Simon just keep pushing and pushing, not willing to admit that Neil is right or that there is a middle ground. It's weird to see him like this.
So cool to see this.
I can't remember how I found out about the PUA community and Neil's book, 'The Game', but I was one of those that bought it hoping to help me get a girlfriend.
It's so funny to hear Neil describe the start and end of the book and saying it's about male insecurity. Because I did read it but mainly focused on the middle sections where I could get tips.
Neil did release a companion book, 'Rules of the Game' which was more of the self-help book.
This was 2007 and I was 20. I then went on learning about other 'gurus'. There was quite a bit of content on TH-cam you could find for this stuff.
I thought I wanted to be like a pickup artist. But in the end I wasn't comfortable with that. Going through the phase did teach me to communicate with people.
I'm 37 now. Married for 4 years with someone I love, have a 2 year old son, and a daughter on the way.
Thank you, Neil. Without you and your book, I wouldn't have gone on this journey and be where I am today - happy
This is great! Very much enjoyed the philosophical discussion and would love more of this type of dialogue!
I agree with Neil Strauss perspective 1000%
Very, very interesting! A guy passed me that book in 2010..i learnt alot about men and their insecurities and lack of connection with Self 👍
That was a tough one to get through... I found myself agreeing with Neil early on in the conversation. Near the end, and maybe it's that we are surrounded by self serving people living on a fantasy "island", but all I could feel was cowardice. People that are afraid to even attempt to make the world better because they may be held accountable. It made me sick to my stomach.
Good to see your hand getting better Simon. Just started the video and it was the first thing I noticed.
Read “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers”. It explains a lot about what factors generate or relieve stress in humans.
The Game was such a fun and fascinating book. I used some of the tips when I was younger and they do work! However picking up girls is not the ultimate goal in life. I’m happily married with a wonderful wife and kids and experience a lot more joy than when I was younger. We all evolve over time, hopefully towards more meaning and fulfillment.
The "hair splitting" was a very insightful discussion, good inputs from both sides. I hope to see more hair splitting like this in future episodes!
Great talk! Thank you👍
Beautiful .
Simon thankyou!
I always thought the game was tragic but still a great book.
Take care of yourself, thanks for your optimism
Oh ! Subscribed btw
I am the first person to enter in that podcast🎉
Iam too
For the record, I would totally subscribe to "philosophical hair splitting with Neil & Simon"
@SimonSinek, what happened to your hand?
I think the point is that in the larger scheme is that if everyone does something with a positive intention to contribute VS people just do whatever. The end result will be that the world and all its people as a whole are better off when everyone acts with the right intention. I do think Neil’s view on this is quite cynical.
6h passed with 2m subs, yet barely 5 comments? Weird.
Hear it in 0.75x speed you can get this clearly... Thank me later
Personally, I REALLY struggle with this. I feel like it always sounds fake, like a Hallmark card. I tend to have such high expectations of the world around me, and "meeting" my expectations doesn't deserve praise, exceeding my expectations does. It happens so seldom that it feels disingenuous to praise what feels like mediocrity to me.
Hope Simon is doing well. That thing on his elbow worries me.