ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 พ.ค. 2024
- When you've experienced trauma, the way you interact with the world and others can be shaped by the traumatic experiences you may have. Being aware of how each of these trauma affects you can help you navigate your relationships, life, and also personal success. In this video, we cover examples like how being abandoned might make you feel more avoidant and distrustful of relationships. Another example may be being abused or exploited makes you less likely to trust others.
We suggest checking out this video as well: • 7 Signs You’re Not A B...
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Vanessa Tao
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera ( / amandasilvera )
Animator: Stephanie Cárdenas
TH-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
REFERENCES
Gavin, H. (2011). Sticks and stones may break my bones: The effects of emotional abuse. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 20(5), 503-529.
Claesson, K., & Sohlberg, S. (2002). Internalized shame and early interactions characterized by indifference, abandonment and rejection: Replicated findings. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy: An International Journal of Theory & Practice, 9(4), 277-284.
Tuval-Mashiach, R., Freedman, S., Bargai, N., Boker, R., Hadar, H., & Shalev, A. Y. (2004). Coping with trauma: Narrative and cognitive perspectives. Psychiatry: Interpersonal and Biological Processes, 67(3), 280-293.
Friedberg, A., & Malefakis, D. (2018). Resilience, trauma, and coping. Psychodynamic psychiatry, 46(1), 81-113.
We also covered a video on SIgns You're Not a Bad Person, It's Your Trauma here: th-cam.com/video/L19rogwrnm0/w-d-xo.html
Be sure to watch it if you haven't.
May ask you something why is life hard and miserable to my life i im in pain, suffered,fear, is this my question and help me achieve my dream and thank you🥺
can you make a video on how to impress my crush in primary school
my man coped too hard and got copium
Would you guys be able to do a video on Pre-Verbal trauma? Or fit it in some place?
I watch these videos as they come up to better identify what I am feeling because I don’t really have the words to describe them. My therapist seems to think this is a good idea so I figured Pre-Verbal might be a subject you would be interested in making a video on because it’s hard to acknowledge a trauma that you can’t really describe.
Could you please give solutions to 0:52 abuse/exploitation coping mechanism
I just had a "That explains why I have mental health issues" moment
____________
"Evil" is the anthesis to the virtue 'humanity'.
____________
_To intelligent readers (who do 'not’ have a ‘pathological disregard for rationality and reality')..._
I recommend researching 'narcissitic personality disorder' (NPD) / 'cluster-B'; and know that they are the 'root of all evil' (especially 'ESFJ/ESTJ-narcissits'; Myers-Briggs reference, look it up)!
European 'ESFJ' are the worst personality type, and they are responsible for inventing 'racism' and colonization! It is in their neuro-psychology!!
They are extremely 'manipulative' and often use 'looking pretty' to distract others from the witch's mind-games / mind-rape, e.g. gaslighting, playing the victim or damsel in distress, creating 'flying-monkeys', and paying others to attack (or at times kill) someone for them. When caught, ESFJ will use their minions as scapegoats. European ESFJ are notorious for this especially in a racist context, e.g. Elliott Till.
Amber Heard's brain-formation is that of the ESFJ neuro-personality type (but with cluster-B). This is absolute! Due to practice, ESFJ are natural actors and manipulators. They practice in front of a mirror at a young age, usually late at night (akin to "ritual"). When they "socialise", they are screening and recruiting new (disposable) pawns. This makes their manipulative reach far and wide. This is their natural function and life cycle.
Cluster-B only worsens ESFJ's manipulative, predatory-psychology.
Undesirable neuro-personality types (ESFJ, ESFP/ISFP), and cluster-b often defend them, ignoring logic, truth and reality - these are general symptoms of their disorder/neuro-psychology.
ISFP (and ESFP) are the most complicit, narcissitic-enablers. ISFP also tend to be 'oblivious-codependants' (look up the definition).
SUMMARY:
Evil personality: ESFJ (ALL), ESTJ (cluster-b)
[Secretly] Evil and narcissit-friendly gunts/flying-monkey: ISFP (ALL), ESFP (ALL).
☝️ALL of them are secretly emotionally-disturbed and covert-narcissists (unless they've worked on themselves), hence their need to create conflict (and at other people's expense, truly evil).
Spread the word! Thank you.
___________
#Save_Soil
Same bestie :D
@@misscornicat yooooo :DDD
Welcome to the team dear (I hope you’ll leave it soon) I had this moment first time I saw a video from this channel, do seek help if you can and don’t be like me
Exactly the same, well I was quite sure that I had at least one but in the end I found out I almost have all of the ones listed…yay
clicked on this video a little too fast...
Righttt 😅
I mean I don’t think I have trauma but still lol😂
Lmao same
Same
Yea, same
So that's why I always thought that asking for help was a sign of weakness, not for others, but to let anyone but yourself know “I can't do this alone” always felt me being a burden.
I too hv a fear of asking my family for help or for anything at all. (My step dad says what do you want me to do about it. 😢)
I feel the same way- and it’s not even as if I have a good reason. Some people are just like that ig
I watched this video thinking to myself, "Eh, it's you overreacting again." Then I got to the shame one. I watched it half focusing. Then I suddenly felt something very, very familiar about what was said. The timidness. The self-hatred. The perfectionism. It all came together.
Made me realise something.
same.
"Trauma is personal, it does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated, the silent screams continue internally, heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams, healing can begin." - Danielle Bernock
I hear it, I just refuse to heal.
Damn…
@@svenskatomat why.
@@tumultuousv Because I am a man.
@@svenskatomat Is this irony?
1. Abuse: Mistrust, suspicious.
2. Abandonment: Bad self worth, negative view of others, keep people at emotional distance.
3. Emotional neglect/deprivation: inability to ask for help.
4. Shame: not feeling good enough, timid, overly apologetic, hypersensitive, overachieving, perfectionist, self critical.
5. Dependence/overprotected: underdevelop sense of self, fragile ego, self doubt, hidden insecurities, tend to be victim of emotionally co-dependent relationship.
6. Approval/recognition-seeking: self worth dependent on external, people pleasers, push overs, unsatisfactory of relationships.
7. Emotional Inhibition: suppression, avoidance, denial to deal with problems, emotional outburst, anger management problems, difficulty communicating their feeling.
It’s funny I have all of them..
Me too
Deng, the one who made you should stop making babies.
I want to like but it's already 69, btw i have them all too ... I just broke up becuz of those reason, im on the way of healing and fixing myself, good point is u already realized your symptoms, so let's change ourself now shall we ?
Insert "I'm in this and I don't like it" meme here... Everything was spot on...
@@amateruss maybe they were an accident too like me :') i was the reason my parents married
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Psychedelics definitely have potential to deal with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, I would like to give them a try but haven't found any legit grower to get it.
@@michealharris3221Is he on instagram?
The Trips I've been having have really helped me a lot,I finally feel in control of my emotions and my future and things that used to be mundane to me now seem incredible and full of nuance on top of that I'm way less driven by my ego and I have alot more empathy as well
Shrooms was the best trip I had. It was an amazing experience.
I am so happy for you! I hope the best for you and yours.
I could totally relate to emotional inhibition, often being told not to get upset by my parents and other authority figures. Invalidated for my emotions was part of my life, growing up, and still is, in my family. That is why I sometimes have outbursts and act out of character. I've even developed other personalities and am a dissociative system. I was called "cry baby" while still a child. My psychological trauma really fudged me up!
Watching this video actually made me realize how much trauma I've gone through. Is it normal to just not realize something that happened to you was actually a bad thing and that's why you're messed up?
Yuuuuuuup
You are not alone with the realization that you have suffered a great deal of trauma. I have as well though I might not have admitted it before.
I realized the same thing. I thought what I went through was normal and not worth talking about, and it turns out it completely traumatized me.
100% I never thought that an experience I went through was really that bad, but I also never tried really talking about. I've been in therapy and looking back on it, it feels like every action of my day was dictated by this thing I had been pushing down. I really just wish it hadn't taken 12 years to finally confront it.
I tend to think this is a fairly normal reaction. If someone grows up with traumatic surroundings and experiences, to them, it may be normal. They may think everyone else deals with the same things. It's only when you get out in the world that you have the realization "Oh no, that's not normal." What we may see as just another occurrence, others who didn't experience it may see as horrific.
The emotional inhibition was spot on. I’m 23 and my parents, or at least my mom, are just now realizing that how they raised me may have made me emotionally cold and inexpressive.
Turn down the temperature around her. Be even colder to her until she freezes. She sounds like she deserves it.
You can gain that back by walking in Christ ! It’s not understanding how put your foot in some one shoes not your fault do not blame yourself ! You can heal only one way! Jesus Christ
I overcame this during university abroad by being kind to others. Eventually their compassion softened me.
couldn’t agree more!
23 here as well. Similar experiences, but they never realize or acknowledge what they have done.
I sadly can see my self in almost all of the things you mentioned and it makes sense for me because i usually don’t see a very regular pattern when my mental health is at a bad state I am usually all over the place so it’s even more challenging to catch up on some things early enough to not get dragged into deep
Thank you so much for your content it really helps to see even a few things clearer for me or to be a little more aware of some of my reactions/feelings❤️
Emotional deprivation + approval / recognition-seeking were practically on spot for me, and I never realized that those were a thing until now :')
Same, I was surprised that it was an actual trauma.
Good to know am not alone
Rough, I use 6 out of 7 these coping methods. My childhood was fairly traumatic, abandoned and neglected at 5 then abused in all manors until I was 17. I never knew what love truly was until my wife gave birth to our daughter. I still cry when I hold her or put her down for bed because I don't ever want her to feel the way I did. No child deserves to be subjected to that. She's my world and I love her more with each passing day. I will move mountains and steal the stars for her
Glad to hear you didn't let your past hold you down. Keep it up king, all for her👑
It must be hard for you especially as a father, I am glad you’re getting better and that now you have a wife and daughter all to yourself ❤️I am proud of you
This is so beautiful 🥺 God bless you for breaking the cycle
I too have 6 out of 7, and its good too see that you can flourish despite your trauma, and that there is always hope, even if the way forward is long and difficult
Shame and unworthiness is so spot on. I always say sorry for everything, I overthink everything and lash out on the littlest problems that are usually my fault, and when I do something right, even perfectly right, I just sit there and can't appreciate that I did it
❤️
Mee too. You are not alone
These same truths also bind in my life today. As, for example, whenever I perform something correctly or even if I do it better compared to the average man, I just cannot enable myself whatsoever to spend even the briefest moment to applaud and appreciate my performance. No, not at all. That whatever I do I manage to succeed in, I never in return pay respect to myself nor do I think that what I did was adequate enough at all; and instead, I continue to dwell on my firmly consolidated notion that it is impossible for me upon this Earth to accomplish anything that actually merits earnest praise and reverence from people. And if it happens that someone makes an attempt in reassuring me, I then prepare myself to artfully dodge and evade that person's ointment.
@@solonada9602 I feel the same way. But we need to learn to be a friend to ourselves. We wouldn't treat someone else that way. It's like self loathing in a way. Well you can squirm all you want but YOU ARE WORTHY. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE OKAY ALL THE TIME. Make small strides to be a better friend to yourself. You deserve to be happy. I have to remind myself that I should be proud even if I just got out of bed. Even if I didn't get out the bed that is also ok. Be kind to your childhood traumatized self.
Speaking of the least important problems...
The hell is littlest?
I've dealt with most of it. Took me years to accept myself and love me for me and I'm still learning more and more. But I'm really glad I'm out of that emotional hell. I still don't share my problems and feelings with anyone though.. but I totally accept them and understand myself better.
If you're in any of this mess I hope you heal too, lots of love and healing energy 💖💗
This explains me more than my therapist could.
I've asked her many times why I do things such as thinking the worst from people, and she didn't know why I did. Watching this video, I now know
Imagine your whole school career as a kid struggling with narcissistic abuse just to hear "you're not special for graduating, everyone has to do it" thanks dad
you ARE special for doing it. congratulations! I'm in 7th grade and I've fallen in a deep depression and I'm failing all my classes, I really hope I get into a good highschool..
Well, sorry, but it's true, everyone graduates so it doesn't make you special as you're only be special if you're different
I can tell you for sure, from personal experience, not everybody graduates. Whatever situation may cause it people drop out all the time. And despite what seems to have been a not so great situation you apparently did graduate.
It is one heck of an accomplishment.
Well done.
Better than physical abuse
@@marcoborga6304 drop outs exist, way to go girl!!!!
having all 7 + already being socially stunted from autism has kept me isolated from the world for 2 decades and the loneliness is suffocating
ty for making this very accurate video
I wanted to say the same thing (except I have adhd). It’s so much easier to be traumatised if ur neurodivergent but people don’t understand
hey man, thanks for sharing your condition, i have all 7 too and just learnt a little bit about autism, the symptoms are scarily accurate for me, been wondering since childhood what made me different compared to the other kids and turns out i most likely have autism too
knowing i'm not alone with my condition made me feel better, hope you'll feel the same
I heard this is the austistic section? I have "only" 4 of these traumas, however being on the austistic scale aswell can certainly be overwhelming. Always being the odd one...
Wish for all of us to find our places in the world.
Yup I started crying. I've also experienced all 7 and am pretty sure I have autism and adhd, but haven't been diagnosed. But it definitely explains so much of my childhood and how I reacted to things.
@@zvnholy3396 especially if u didn’t realise what was wrong with you- the conditions themselves aren’t so bad- it’s how people fail u in the process
This is so far one of the videos that I really relate to. My coping mechanisms before were all of this, they weren't as traumatizing as others might have experienced but experiencing all of those as a child really made me develop all of those coping mechanisms. However, over time I overcame most of them and in the process of accepting oneself. To anyone reading this, I hope you have a great day ahead of you.
I got some of all of them. I finally figured out how to take baby steps to get better.
It’s rough, but to anyone else struggling, you got this! You absolutely got this!
In my humble opinion, this channel is hands down one of the absolute most important channels that has ever existed on TH-cam. I’ve learned so much because of it and have had to face so much within because of the videos shared. Almost every time new content comes out it feels like I’m staring at a mirror 😅 …and yeah, at first, no.. for a long time it sucked. I didn’t like my reflection staring back at me. But it got better! I know that the willingness to get uncomfortable and face my traumas honestly and with an open heart has made me stronger, and able to heal old wounds I sometimes never knew even existed.
I love this channel so much. Good luck to you and your journey towards inner peace, healing, self-awareness, and authenticity. Take care
😎🤙🏽☮️💟☯️
Oh! And numbers 1-4… I really felt those 😤
totally agree
So true, and I’m glad you’re doing better
Good for you. I feel you when you said you didn’t like your reflection. Good luck on your journey.
I unfortunately related to all of them...
@@Reiiven Thank you!!
It sucks when you actually don’t know that its trauma. You start questioning and analyzing everything. It keeps you awake at night wondering what and where it went wrong. Everyday life seems harder when you’re busy picking apart every details and situations just so that you won’t get hurt again.
Thought it was just me....
Oml im not alone...
The "Approval Recognition Seeking" is relatable for me because I've recently done a Math Final Exam, and I got a 65% on it even though it was an open note test. I've always had a B or an A in that class, and that just made me have a meltdown, but I've been getting hopes of it being at least a high C cause the test is worth 20% of my grade 😢 (The last one is so true too since my bottled up emotions can explode at random times, especially since I have anger issues).
I’ve used all of these at some point in my life, some of them have gotten much better and others not as much, this makes me realise how much trauma I actually have, or at least put a name them. As always, thanks for your videos!! ❤
I came from a family which had domestic violence, narcissism, negativity, taunt. I was sexually molested. Very obviously I cannot trust anyone. My traumatic emotions never got vented out properly. In my adulthood I had actually wasted so much time because I would ponder over those things for years and do nothing productive. And say it is fated. Comparing myself to others used to make me feel even worse. I could see everyone doing better than me. My juniors my peers everyone. I had no emotional control, I would start crying anywhere. But now I have developed a lot.
I’m so sorry to hear u I got some narcissistic parent and a sibling but it can’t compare to what u went through I’m privileged to have little violence in my family but I want u to know that life isn’t a race and everyone has their own pace so take the time u have and rise
I’m sorry too hear you had too go through that must of been awful
I’m so, so sorry you went through that. I experienced a similar childhood and healing from it is so difficult. Sending hugs ❤️
Would you mind sharing how you developed? What you said is exactly me..I want to get better tooT^T
@@lukyG8 usually starts with your parents and how they were raised.
Man, as much as it pains me to say this, you were pretty spot on. The emotional neglect one, the shame one and the emotional inhibition one were like a retelling of my life and trouble with my mom.
I love my mum but i'm seeing a trend here... Mums can really mess people up. A few hours ago I was just thinking to myself, I think I expect my mother to love me in ways she cannot. I think we have extremely high expectations of how our mothers shiuld love us. Sad to say they keep disappointing us. I think this is why mu.s can be so traumatizing. Lemme just throw it out there because I need to remember this myself... Only God can give me the kind of love I need...
I guess it's a common thing if our mums are always working and we only see them for a few hours before they sleep. Or they run off and help people while their own children are sometimes caught in the dumpster fire of our minds and they are drowning in it.
4/7 definitely have trauma :') it's good to hear these things out loud and realize that I didn't make my self this way and it was actually years and years of emotional deprivation, neglect etc. I have been working on myself for the past couple years since my parents passed and realizing frustration that I had felt against them wasn't just random.
What this video showed me is that have residual effects of all of these. Some of these things I didn’t even realize until I just watch this. Which I’m quite grateful for because that just means now I have a step in which to shoot for more self growth. Thank you guys you are awesome! much love. 🖤
3:32
My grades
I was always told that I was smart and and such a good kid and the fact that my intelligence was always highlighted. As I got older being seen as the smart kid was a burden. One A wasn’t enough. Anything less than a b was a fail. Craving academic validation constantly and if I don’t get it… I’m a failure. Self harm as a punishment for not being good enough. Being perfect got harder and harder as time grew on. As more expectations piled up. As I watched my best friend get straight A’s, do all these things with her life, get all the awards at school and just…
Be *perfect*
I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and numb days where I couldn’t feel. Was tired and couldn’t get out of bed.
Thankyou for putting this in too.
Same here, whenever i would see someone get celebrated for getting an A or high achievent award while i got only a A or B honor roll it would hurt and i would hurt myself over it
squib the libbalib. we are one you will be okay skriiiiiiiiiipip
I am what you would consider "book smart" I would make A(s) and B(s) but my mom never taught me how to be efficient as an adult (I didn't learn how to do laundry until my early 20s because I was too "stupid" to learn) my mom would say. "You used to be so smart in school; what happened to you?"
same, I used to get the perfect scores even tho I was never the best one in school, there was always someone who was better than me, I would be 2nd or 3rd person in competitions. I didn't have a problem with that, I didn't want to be the best. I wanted to be normal, average. but my mom always wanted me to be the best, the 1st. I used to cry because of her in my elementary and middle school years, cuz she was pushing me to work harder. but now I'm older and I'm in the 3rd year of high school. I have my own opinions and my own lifestyle. like I always have been, I don't care about my grades, my mom is still pushing me to study harder even tho she kinda gave up on it. I'm glad that I found what I want at a (kinda) young age. because if I didn't adopt to this carefree lifestyle and did what my parents asked of me, I'm sure I would be depressed, tired and unhealthy. I remember when I was studying for high school entrance exam, I was too stressed out that there were acnes on my face (I was also in my puberty) I wasn't even eating much fast food, I am not the type to eat too much unhealthy food (I'm thankful for my parents for that, they raised me with mostly healthy food ). but I was like depressed because a teen in their puberty must be happy, healthy, free to grow into a good person with a healthy lifestyle. but in my country the school system is so fcked up they literally want us to be the best in everything to get into a great high school or college, and if you don't graduate from a good college then you'll be unemployed. so that's why I was studying hardly but now I just don't care and I realized how happy I am by not forcing myself to do something I clearly don't want to. and my skin is so clean because I'm not stressing myself. I have my free time to myself, I can learn a new language (I'm a linguistic person, so it's one of my favourite hobbies) , I can improve my drawing skills, I can listen to music, improve my singing skills, I can watch a documentary, I can go out and observe nature, I can learn new hobbies like sewing, etc. so what I'm trying to say is academic success is not something everybody can achieve. and you don't have to force yourself. you can be good at other things, you just have to find what you're good at and do things you enjoy. I don't know if you'll agree with me, that's just my opinion and that's the way I can be happy, but if academic success is what makes you happy even tho there is not an exact outcome of what will happen in the future or if you'll be successful... that's okay too! just wanted to share my thoughts... have a good day
Same. Anything below a B or a C meant that I was a failure. I recently ended up back in a depression spiral and my grades tanked because of it. I was failing over half of my classes and was leaning on taking summer school to pass them, but I just couldn't be bothered. They wouldn't have been good enough. Just like me.
Unfortunately, I have all the above mentioned coping mechanisms. Thankyou Psych2Go for making this video. Earlier it was only my speculations about my abusive behaviour but now I can try to change it constructively.
shi u good bro
Me too
I didn't think my childhood was traumatic, I thought i was living life to the max
But I relate with every single one of these
And the worst part is I don't even care anymore. Like I used to get a little sad when I'd watch a video like this and realize the extent of how broken I am.. and it would motivate me to get better, I'd suddenly feel the urge to find help and fix myself
But I think that little shred of hope has finally slipped out of my grasp and I've completely given up
It's okay!
I'm so sorry for anyone who's been thru anything mentioned in this video... Know IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT and you're life WILL be better... You deserve it and soo much more.. Lots of love... Xx
Alright. I grew up street status. A broken home pushed me out there at about 13 and I started rolling with a crew. Starving in the street with randos, was way better than starving at home with abuse and violence. Our fam in the street protected each other, kept each other fed, made our money, and we made a fam of our own, as dysfunctional as we were.
A lot of those dudes are dead now.
I turn 40 in a week. Some years ago I went to therapy. Finally. I learned that I developed an avoidant attachment style. Seems I always thought emotions were a luxury, and would compromise my well being. Had to be tough, at all times or I’d be a liability not only to my self, but everyone else around me. People come and go, some want to hurt yah, some care for no one but themselves, some of them would dead kill yah if you got too close. To this day I’m real big on trust and it takes me a long while of knowing somebody before I do. The way I grew up greatly impacted my personality even after I became an adult and found security and stability afterward. I also used anger as a defense mechanism, since being sad or scared made me feel week and vulnerable.
It’s been difficult becoming well adjusted and emotionally mature, but if I can do it y’all can too. It’s a long road, but the secret to getting ahead, is to get started.
Also thanks psych to go. Y’all are fascinating and do great work.
Emotional neglect, shame, and unworthiness. Yup. Love that tag-team of "If I can't do it myself, without help, then I'm worth nothing good and it is better if I don't give my input, because I am not the one going through their situation, so how would I know better?"
This video is a special keeper. I'll be sending it to a very large number of people. It will be source material for a letter I'm writing to leaders of the community I grew up in. This is such vital and fundamental information to know about being a human, it ought to be taught in grade school.
I can't believe I still cry when watching your videos. Your videos always make me feel sane. Thank you for spreading mental health awareness. ❤
The dependency is a HUGE one for me... I’ve been insanely coddled my whole life and still am... it’s nearly impossible for me to mentally grow up... I’ve been trying for years... and I’m still nowhere near independent... I can relate to a couple others as well but that one’s #1...
I have this too, and it angers me so much, but my parents don't acknowledge it.
BRO SAME..
I had depression for all my puberty and adult life so my mother did almost everything for me now I cant seem to get out of this bubble since my depression and anxiety make everything worse. I have been trying but every time I get into a new depression it just regresses to start. It is pretty annoying to start over every freaking year
Hey, it's okay, you all will make it. It's not too late to learn One day at a time and have patience with yourself. Believe in your abilities :)
Coming from the same place, so I know what it's like.
Same too!!
"Until we are able to make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."
Wow! These are the words I never knew I was looking for until now.
That's precisely how I have felt (and still feel) about my own life journey and all the effort I still put into it. I definitely relate with at least 3+ of the triggers explained in the video, but I think I have achieved a lot so far. I have come a long way since the point in time when I told to myself "I've had enough", and there's still a lot to do. But I notice, every now and then, that many other people have never truly begun their own journey yet.
I hope everyone finds the time and strength to do it. We don't have to be at the mercy of "fate".
Realising you have a journey to make is one of the hardest parts. It seems never done, haha
The quote is by Carl Jung.psych2 go should reveal the source of their research.please look up Jung to help you on your journey
I had over half of them. I started visiting a mental health professional to minimize their effect and it worked. I was 29 when i started telling my parents that i love them. I was 30 when i got into real relationship. It took twenty sessions to get my life turned around. You can do it too. Have a faith in yourself and start changing your life today.
I have this and I am learning with pride of fighting through the downs and unknown. I wasn't even aware of these behaviors. I hope this video helps so many people and there family and friends understand ❤️
That last one hit so close to home I almost teared up. Like if that section of the video lasted any longer I might’ve cracked. And for anyone feeling the same way, I promise you there are ways to be helped. I’ve been seeing a counselor for the past 5+ years and while that aspect of me is still present, it is significantly easier to manage.
You talk like tears are a bad thing. They’re just our bodies’ way of attempting to recover from severe stress. Bullies don’t like them because they want to be able to inflict pain with no personal consequences, including feeling bad themselves. 😭
so you’re just gonna make an entire video about me huh.
ikrr
its crazy how each one of these brought up a memory. I thank you guys for these videos as i find out more about myself thru your videos.
Beautiful illustrations of the situations...so sensitively done! Am thinking...the whole human world is drowning in multiple traumas as you have described
I’ve had some theories about things for sure, but this definitely clears things up. Thank you, Psych2Go
Totally agree with yah! 💯
I also agree, unfortunately all of these are applicable or have been at one point or another.
I was about 9 when I refused to ever show/talk about my emotions because I knew they were a weakness that would be used against me later. And I was about 12 when I realized people only want us around when we're useful. This video is so on point it's quite scary.
Sad but true. People don't want to be around you unless you have something to offer.
Nobody really loves you for who you truly are. They just like what you can provide for them.
It's sad that we had to discover something so brutal.
I don't know why people dont understand that relationships are more important than getting benefits from people around you cuz those benefits isn't gonna give you a fortune. In the end, it's your hardwork that's gonna give you whatever you want. So you just destroyed a sweet moment you could be having with people around you, by only thinking about taking benefits out of them.
Like my friends only thought about how they could steal or take my money, instead of thinking about making good memories with me. That money they took/stole from me did nothing to get them far in life.
But only few intelligent beings think like this. Others are just stupid, they won't get this thing.
Oh man, you're so victimized. Here's your victim badge of honor 🏳🌈
@@truthoverlies6434 Wow, you're such a macho tough guy. Bet you also sit five ft away from dudes bc you're not gay, right? 🤣
I think I might relate to almost every one of these, and really explains a lot of things I do. Before watching this I felt like I was a tiny bit of an attention seeker, I denied it for a while because I don't go around trying to get attention and it's morally wrong to me, it turns out it seems like I just want people to see my success and when I'm not in the right head space just need someone to see the signs and ask me how I'm doing, I'm a very emotional person so even just someone asking me how I'm doing can have me drowning in tears, kind of tears of joy because there's someone actually there, and also tears of pain trying to explain what's going on. I found this channel about a week ago and it has actually helped me with some things I'm struggling with mentally, I'm genuinely really thankful for the person who made this channel, as it explains so much about mental health, and it helps you know that you're not alone and there will always be someone that's there to listen and to help you.
The pain is so strong and I’ve had three friends die from suicide where I don’t feel hurt that they ended their life’s, I feel envy that they were able to go through it. It must be the sweetest release of especially when the trauma is so strong and you’ve tried everything. You try to open up but damn I’m so good at finding those that use my trauma against me. Therapy helps but after 15 years of therapy I’m just exhausted and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I just want it to end.
Never judge another person because you don’t know what they could be going through and why they act the way they do.
Exactly!
We'll always judge because judging you for ourselves and our peers is a good way categorise you. You're a stranger so we need all the information we can get, surface or otherwise.
That's why it's important to recognize these coping mechanisms and break them. Don't be sorry for yourself, be better.
People abuse others because they went through trauma and had a bad coping mechanism. Hurt people hurt, doesn't mean it's ok nor they should be free of judgement.
As someone with trauma I completely disagree. If someone is being a d-ck, regardless of their trauma, they are open for judgement and to be called out. In fact it's better to set them straight then to encourage unhealthy and horrible behaviour. I myself have been judged harshly yet none of it was inaccurate.
I would also like to add on that it stopped me from becoming more abusive than I already was. You people are not helping them, you are leading to their destruction. They say "The abused becomes the abuser if the abused does no heal" And you can not heal if people keep telling you, you are fine.
Nah if you hurt people you hurt people your actions have impact whether that be positive or negative and the "why" doesn't change that
unfortunately, i relate to all of them, i'm an extremely traumatized person in every single way, i've been abused emotionally, physically and sexually, i end up being a broken mess of feelings and it's really hard to keep myself together at all times, i've grown up with people screaming at me left and right, and i couldn't take it anymore.
Now i'm in a much better spot, i have developed multiple skills extensively that helped me overcome a lot of stuff, but my traumas still play a huge role on me, and it's easy to tell, and i'm extremely overanalytical of people around me, so i can see if they're false friends, or if they're influencing me in a bad way, using me, etc.
It's honestly sad how inconsiderate of others people act sometimes, they don't understand how easy it is to traumatize someone only with words, and compromise them for basically the rest of their life, now i have a supportive group of friends, but i still can't get through the thought of them only doing it out of pity, not because they genuinely think of me as a friend, it's such a huge bubble of insecurities.
And all the way, my self-worth has been dropping like an elevator, and it's been extremely inconsistent, and i can't trust myself to do stuff, i overcriticize myself and try to find the smallest thing to blame myself with, and it happens everytime.
It seems like you’ve really had a rough go of it. It’s fantastic that you are aware of the ways you cope with your trauma and why you have the trauma in the first place, I imagine that would make it easier to recognize negative patterns which can be very helpful.
I agree with you, it is really frustrating just how many people can traumatize others without a second thought. It makes me feel very sad.
The world would be so much more pleasant if everyone was kind.
I see you and I am glad that you are still here being an empathetic person in the overwhelming world we live in.
Thankyou for sharing your story, I hope you’ll feel better and can deal with the trauma eventually at ur own pace! :) it’s really crazy how accurate these videos are…
omg that must be so horrible i feel bad for you arkyia, i hope you are now in a better mind-space then you were back when you were abused.
I've also went through the same during my childhood.
I did know about the underlying issues but I didn't know that there was documented list of traumas and I ended up having them all.
I guess now I'll be better able to differentiate
Thank you for making these. I now feel like continuing with my journey is the best decision I can make for myself. ❤
I knew that I had some pretty deep seeded abandonment issues, but I wasn't expecting to get so fully called out. Like, yeah, I already knew I tend to leave relationships before they can turn bad, but geez I didn't expect YOU to know that-
The last one kinda got me😅
I was crying over a game because the cashier forgot to ring it up and my dad told me to stop and said to stop crying over stupid stuff.The thing is I was young so I took that as stop crying completely.
Now I’m struggling with crying for no reason at random times and the only time I feel happy is when I’m with the people I love other than that I’m in a hole of sadness if something’s not occupying me
Sameee! Well, different reason ofc, like I’m pretty sensitive, so I don’t like to cry because when I get embarrassed, and it takes a toll on me 😓
Reason for me was i was often in the house when my mom started yelling at my sister for crying. I never had to deal with it directly, because i became practically emotionless around my mother. I’d put on so many masks, and when i decided to try and forgive her, she almost dissowned my sister while i was in the exact same room. I can not show certain emotions atound her, without fear of getting yelled at. So i just block them off, sadness included. Some people are able to drag those blocked emotions out of me, but thats a very short list.
@@firestar023 dang
Dude, you said you're in a hole of sadness when you're not around other people. How do you get out? I've been falling into some unhealthy habits because I feel... something I don't even know. All I know is that something in me is breaking and it's causing a lot of problems. I need help more than I want to believe. If you just want to talk about what you have I'm sure I would love to be a part of that. Maybe talking to someone will help me too
@@Wanderer24 sure we can talk in the yt comments if you we ever need someone to vent too if that’s ok with you😁
Emotional deprivation all the way. My family was there physically but emotionally removed from me. I was an unplanned child and never fit in with my own family. My coping mechanism was to retreat into the world of the mind, where I felt safe and self-confident. Now I am 49 and trying to learn how to open up and to feel love and passion and personal warmth and all the other hot emotions. I went far too far into my own mind, to the point where I have been crippled by depression and Avoidant Personality Syndrome for my entire adult life. #failuretolaunch
Your actual problem is you've lived too comfortable a life. Nothing ever forced you out of your comfort zone. This "trauma" s* and depression isn't the issue. The issue is life is too easy for you, and because of that you've never been forced to adapt.
"Going too far into the retreat of your mind". Reading that really resonated with me, I feel like I spend most my days in my mind thinking more so than interacting with the world.
@@Iistener And that's fine in small doses, but when you start to lose touch with reality, it is time for some sense work.
@@truthoverlies6434 literally stfu
I love how related the video is. This gave me a sense of being understood. Thank you!
Thank you for your support! Glad to hear our video has helped you!
@@Psych2go ❤️
Thank you for being apart of my journey of recovery
Damn, the fact that I can relate to Abandonment, Emotional Deprivation, Shame, and Incompetence is just showing me how much I need help. Even though I have gotten a bit better at showing and telling my emotions it really is a learning curve for sure.
I feel this too I struggle so hard with expressing how I’m feeling cuz I’m worried I’ll hurt the persons feelings
I’m lucky. I grew up in a single parent. We were heading down the emotional inhibition route but she corrected her ways in time and I grew up relatively healthy. I lucked out. She passed away last year and miss her terribly. She was a good mom.
I will go to a therapist for the first time in April, after 8 Years of dealing with Depressions and a lot of other problems and its rather interesting, to look through this channel, because I'm extremely nervous in terms of the therapy. Especially because it shows, that a lot of things, which played into the trauma were valid and not just oversensibility (or maybe also that). I was afraid, that the therapist would laugh at me or say, that I'm too sensible or something like that and your channel removed a bit of that anxiety. Thank you
I'm sobbing because this is way to accurate, My feelings are through the roof, and I've never felt this way before
"Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone." - Fred Rogers
one of the greats
As someone who suffers of chronic emotional abandonment, a bad sense of self-worth, negative view of others, keeping others at a distance, relying only on myself and the inability to ask for help are all very accurate. This vid is a very well done and simple way of explaining it to others, good job 🥰
are you me? You literally described me to a T. It sucks. Sometimes I feel like a bad person, but I just know it's my coping mechanisms because I'm so afraid of being hurt again.
Literally me. It's good to know i'm not alone in this. I mean it's sad, I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but you get what I mean.
It is what it is, the world isn't gonna change for us so we can't change how we are if we're not to be backstabbed again.
i was going into the video thinking i was maybe gonna highlight some things i went through in life which i did, what i did not expect however, is learning a cause of trauma to my SO, atleast in more detail than what i could gather on my own, coming from my own behavior. thank you for giving words to things i couldnt put any words on.
The most traumatic situation for me was being betrayed by my friends when I was young, and feeling that my parents were not there to support me.
That last one hit WAY to close to home, to many of my family members do this to the young ones and then wonder why we NEVER tell them how we feel, what is bothering us, or let alone tell them anything about our day that even ever so SLIGHTLY gave us a bad day.
It's always about them and the young ones don't know what Trauma or struggles is because we weren't born in their time. Um like hello old folks, trauma and @bμ$e EVOLVES!!
All because its not like what YOU suffered in your past, doesn't make it different from the harm you inflict on your children by doing an evolved version of it! 🤦🏿💢💢💢
🎯
My parents are just like this and it makes my blood BOIL!!!
Nah youre just a crybaby😂
To be honest, all of these apply to me. Although I'm in therapy. Life is just a bundle of struggles but you can always find ways to undo the knots in our worlds
This video just solidifies that all I went through makes me slowly cope with my mental health terribly. Its been years and I still havent learned how to cope healthily or open up properly without spilling everyhing in one go
I don’t even think anything bad even happened to me, but a lot of these are how I act with people.
I struggle with shame and unworthiness all the time. I find myself apologizing to my friends and family a lot. As well as being hyper sensitive. I’m a very soft person. I tend to take things personal and overwhelm myself by self criticism. For instance; if someone were to reject me, I’d be emotional. A lot of times, people would always exclude me from their groups and it was hard making friends. I was already used to being neglected as young as 6 or 7. And because of all the traumatic events that took place in my life, it really has played a large role in my adolescent and adulthood years. Thank you for providing this informative video, it really made me feel a lot more comfortable being vulnerable with those around me, and getting the help that I need by doing everything myself ❤️
while i was reading this i felt like i wrote it
@@isisnicest1647 awww 😢
@@isisnicest1647 I’m happy that I was able to express your feelings and emotions in my words. It can be hard to explain how you feel to others, but I understand that. It’s like.. they make you feel misunderstood. You try your absolute best to explain how you feel, yet they keep ignoring you. But when they need your help and you neglect them, they say ‘that’s not fair!’ I know how it feels to be misunderstood 😞
I resonated with the last one a bit too much. Throught middle school I'd have nervous breakdowns and couldn't stop crying because I was so stressed. I didn't know at the time but I had anxiety. Everyone around me made me think I was weak. They would tease by me calling me a cry baby when it really wasn't in my control. How is an 11 year old supposed to deal with anxiety?
F
It means I Feel u :c And somehow can relate
I was in k12 an online school I had really bad school anxiety too. Ppl offered help but when I asked for help they told me if I needed help I wasn't paying attention enough or berated me for asking for help so I never asked for help again. Which made my anxiety and school worse with an F average in every single class and so much anxiety that to this day I get random panic attacks and go into obvious physical and mental panic thinking I still have overdue assignments and I'm 21 now. I already had PTSD due to being abandoned by my father and suffered nightmares which gave me insomnia and could never sleep at night which ofc added to it and yk constant comments from my mom telling me how she was a gifted student which never helped and then still didn't want to help me. Ik this turned into a rant but I just really hate school now.
@@tallvinesbs1595 I failed my online classes too. Thank goodness it was only 8th grade.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I also suffered from nervous breakdowns and panic attacks during middle and high school. Some days i felt like a ticking time bomb so i kept everyone at arms length afraid of exploding in tears or anger. I hope your doing better and that youre doing better with your anxiety.
@@luisafrias7737 the anxiety hasn't gone and I now have depression as well. But on the bright side I know I'll be stronger if I make it through.
Now it all makes sense...
...my own trauma and coping mechanisms...
...and my parent's trauma and coping mechanisms.
Thank you for creating this video.
Yes, i can relate to actually all of this. Im still too scared to open up with others...in real life.. The actual fact that i open up more to strangers on the internet rather than the people in real life is possibly a problem. I've heard someone said “If a person opens up more to the people they don't know instead of the people they do know, then there's definitely a problem” Now the way i cope with my trauma is by listening to calm and soothing music, achieving the top and avoiding help and problems. Also some specific lyrics from the song “Are you satisfied” i think can explain most of my life.
“High achiever, don't you see?
Baby, nothing comes for free
They say I'm a control freak
Driven by the greed to suceed
Nobody can stop me
Cause it's my problem if i wanna pack up and run away”
Emotional Deprivation was my armor in the military. Best not to get attached when everyone around you is disposable…. But it’s a kryptonite in the civilian world, where people and things not only can have permanence, but need to…
Just learning this now in the military as well, I don’t think getting too attached with my division is very good for me
Cant begin to imagine how tough it would have been in the military and hence the need to develop detachment.
For me its very applicable in civil life.Being emotionally abandoned by family has been a thing.Also, people move on once you arent working together.no call no texts.so yeah i dont get attached either and can never ask for help cz it was always denied whenever I outright asked ( even by family).I still thimk its a great way to be,do never depend on others.
@@sadia2395 I think being careful who to attach to emotionally is important.. But not attaching to anyone is dangerous. Connection is typically the key. You won’t connect with everyone, nor do you have to. Sometimes people you feel you should be close to, like family or coworkers you spend most of your time with, isn’t as much of an option as we like. As terrible as it sounds, sometimes the social environment we’ve been dealt sucks… But life is defined by our relationships. No one sits on their deathbed wishing they’d gotten more hours in at work. Those who wish they had traveled more or experienced more, do so too loving friends, spouses, or family they are close to. Failing to connect with anyone, even by choice, is a deepening wound that will eventually bleed is to death. I learned this myself over years that were married by grey days and heart ache. But we’re not confined to the hand we’re are dealt. If it’s hard to reach out to others for help, so be it. Reach out because others out there need you too. Decide who to spend your time with carefully, but for those who seem worthy of affection, offer them yours. You may be surprised to find it is a two way street.
Deprivation, definitely. Spent the first 16-18 years of my life (depending on how you count it) being told to "be quiet", "do something else", "go away", and eventually "go to your room". I was already my mother's little unwanted shame from day one since my father was a spineless coward who fled, and none of my family was exactly too shy to admit it besides my mother herself (though her actions spoke for her). Never really interacted with my family because anything that reminded them I exist got me trouble. Asking questions got me told to go away, real great for a curious 4 year old eager to learn. Laughing out loud at jokes and puns in shows got me yelled at and spanked during TV time when everyone else was interacting, so I stopped participating. I owned plenty of toys I wasn't allowed to play with because they were always too noisy for someone in one way or another way, and if I had too much fun with a videogame where they could see me I'd get yelled at for laughing or mocked for fidgiting instead. The abuse over laughing in general still has me self-conscious about watching anything "comedy" today as a 28 year old adult. It's also why I tend to keep something in my mouth, can't laugh with cheese-its or gum in my mouth.
I've always been the fat ugly one, like objectively, and I understood that early on. Looking in a mirror always feels like a stranger is staring back at me, but what's a shut-away supposed to do about that? Crooked teeth with enormous k9s and a hint of underbite, a blubbery round face, a permanent rat's nest of hair, and lifelong pudge that started with being guilted by my grandmother for not eating enough of her cooking. So of course I never really had friends at school either, or much of a shot.
The only person I really interacted with was my uncle, and only when he wanted feedback on his mod for Unreal Tournament, a game I clung to for the attention I craved until I got too good at it and he smashed his monitor... I have the replacement he had to buy. Why am I holding onto a 20 year old LCD monitor I have no use for, when all it does is remind me I'm not allowed to be "too good" at something? I don't know, maybe it's some kind of twisted self-hatred, maybe it's a spiteful trophy, or maybe I'm just a low-key hoarder. No amount of introspection has yet revealed why...
That's rough. I hope you find happiness.
Trauma can either destroy one or develop one into a monster
I love my mum but i'm seeing a trend here... Mums can really mess people up. A few hours ago I was just thinking to myself, I think I expect my mother to love me in ways she cannot. I think we have extremely high expectations of how our mothers should love us. Sad to say they keep disappointing us. I think this is why mums can be so traumatizing. Lemme just throw it out there because I need to remember this myself... Only God can give me the kind of love I need...
I sure can relate
Sending hugs and lots of love your way...I can relate a lot with feeling like the "fat ugly one"...I cope with food and video games because all my life I was prevented from going out of the house, spending time with friends at their houses or going for outings. My dad was the primary reason of my fuked up life, he didn't believe I could ever do anything by myself & still yells at me if I make a mistake always reminding me that I'm irresponsible and useless. Therapy has helped a lot, though I could use it more, I've come to accept my body because of it and have understood that even if nobody likes me (the way I look), the only thing that matters is that I'm happy with my body and that I take care of it as an act of self love. I hope you're able to escape your family members and find some friends that turn into your real family. I wish you nothing but warm hugs, happiness and cuddles from fluffy pets :D
For me, people who can't afford therapy or medical treatment this helps so much to deal with life and psychological trauma. Thank u guys so much, I hope I get to afford therapy soon.
Growing up, I was emotionally abused by my dad. I was yelled at by him at least 3-4 times a week for not doing things right or having bad grades. When the storm was over and I was completely shattered, he would see how awful I looked and say “Can I have a hug?” in order to diffuse the situation, which I would always agree to do because it meant that it would stop. I had a childhood filled with stress and I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 10.
My mom would try her best to help by diverting my dad’s attention away from me, but that would just end up in a major argument and me hiding in the bathroom with a handheld game.
To this day, I can’t stop apologizing for things that aren’t even worth apologizing for. I even apologize for things that I didn’t do. My friends also tell me to stop self deprecating, but I’ve been doing it for so long that I genuinely can’t even tell if I’m doing it or not. To top it all off, I can’t say anything good about myself without also bringing up a few flaws. In my mind, I’m not deserving of being able to brag about my strengths because it would be selfish to do so.
I’m doing my best to work on myself, but there’s just some things that trauma pounds into your mind that takes more willpower to get over than cigarettes.
If I may.
I've experienced a lot of trauma the kind of trauma that makes you hate the entire human race, and I've found my pain has at times taken complete control of me, but Jung's concept of the Shadow and his focus on the subconscious has helped me.
What I did that helped me, was personifying and separating the part of me that was hurting... I asked her name and she told me Dragon and it felt right, and because that's what she looked like that's how she acted. Like a monster that wanted nothing more than isolation or destruction. I spoke to her like a friend, like she wasn't me, and through this dialogue we've... Improved. It's not perfect but it's gotten better.
Over the years I've realized while she may be a dragon on the outside, while I may be someone filled and surrounded by pain and hate that, inside she's much more like a mouse, small and weak and terrified of a world that hates mice.
Just... Felt if it helped me i should share it.
I’m glad that ended up helping you! I’ve tried something similar in the past but could never get past the mindset of “Those voices are from me”
This is definitely helpful, thank you for sharing! I'm also interested in learning about Jung's work, so this makes me more curious to learn about it and how it works. I hope you continue to explore and accept all the different parts of your mind and keep making progress :)
Interesting. I just talk to myself and pace. 😅
I started this process as well way back ago, and all I ended up was naming my demons lol. I don't know if it was better before but I don't feel anything changed other than me materializing him in thought and perhaps being able to argue in thought.
you said it perfectly. thank you.
4:43 "Do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned here?"
Me: "Like, 4 or 5 of them"
Glad I’m not alone
It’s really interesting how much trauma one can accumulate when being exposed to polar opposite environments throughout developing years. My parents were young and split before I was born so I grew up being tossed between parents and family members constantly. My mother was/is very overprotective because of the extensive abuse she suffered as a child and wanting to shield me from that.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, my part-time father was completely hands off whenever he had me, and like the friends he hung out with, left myself and other children vulnerable to abuse from older children that had already been abused due to their parents’ extensive neglect.
I have both been spoiled and neglected. I feel entitled to nothing, for many years even my own mental health and happiness. By separating myself from family, I’ve finally discovered who I am now and who I want to become.
I love this channel for how much it educates me about myself, especially when the people in our lives are not capable of validating our feelings, let alone traumas.
Wow.. Watching this made me realize I've been through a lot of trauma and I'm still learning to get through all of it granted it's not easy and almost all of these are things I've went through or are still currently experiencing.. All of them except approval or recognition-seeking.. I seriously need help and thank God I'm getting that help.
I feel the last one so much. I was raised by a really strict mother who used to beat/hit me very often. And I wasn’t allowed to show emotions either. For example, whenever I cried in front of my grandmother, she said in a very cold tone: “Don’t cry, it doesn’t help you” And those moments felt like my soul was ripped apart. I also weren’t allowed to be angry, cause that was considered as “disrespectful”. All this physical and mental abuse resulted in hating my mother so much that I wanted to kill her. And whenever she died, I wanted to dance on her grave. But as the years went on my mother became more calm and now I’ve forgiven her. But I tend to burst out of anger and it’s also very hard for me to stay calm/control emotions. And sometimes I just stare still randomly remembering traumatic events with tears in my eyes/running down my cheek.
It's okay, the best you can do is accept emotion as it comes and figure out what it needs. it's okay to go through emotions.
@@siriussslate6832 thank you, I appreciate it^^
You are a very strong person to forgive your mother. Well done .
I am sorry for the pain that she and your grandmother have caused.
Thanks for the story but no one cares
I think you probably helped heal someone today by being so honest about your experience and emotions. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope things continue to improve for you. ❤
At some point or another I've been through so much of this on multiple occasions in the past. Some of it still sticks to this day. I'd often get asked how I'm so good at games or pvp in multiplayers and my response sits something around "It's easy, this is what I did to cope with myself. I'd trade it any day for having my pure stability, but I know it doesn't work like that, so here we are."
Even a partner I fell in love with who baited me just so they could prey on the kind of loyalty I give, I stuck with them and put up with it for months only for a therapist to tell me they are a covert narcissist. Every invisible red flag suddenly was clear and I was more damaged than the state of my family left me in years prior. I still feel all the things I did, I am just afraid to show that love because these built in fears and insecurities from essentially what this video covers. Having to live in every day like that, with a few moments of reprieve now and then, it's hard. I had friends I thought were there, though even some of the closest can go just as new ones come. I still continue to retain my sociable approaches in hopes I'll find good friends who want to stick around, I'm used to being used and discarded by acquaintances I used to let in so easily.
Basically I live by "don't get your hopes up, don't let your guard down"
It really hurts sometimes. I also tend to meet others who have had these things happen to them, it feels less lonely and yet I feel horrible any of this happens to anyone.
The abandonment one was spot on for me, especially when she said "you leave before you get left". That hit a bit too close to home
That sprout looking out the window at the stars almost made me cry. Growing up, the sky and stars were like great friends that filled an emotional gap that was sorely lacking (heck, I looked up at the sky so much it made me have a lucid dream once.) I reconized the emotional baggage a bit ago, I just didn't know what to do. I thought the answer was in myself... predictably. I also likely have the dependant emotional baggage, but ironically the other, more powerful emotional baggage (emotional deprivation) skewed this in the complete opposite direction.
To be fair to my parents, all my life I've had autism, which they didn't know how to deal with, but that didn't mitigate the hours I spent raging or crying (often triggered by little things, or seemingly nothing) because of the emotional deprivation baggage. I also think the shame unworthiness baggage came in because of public school teachers paired with autism... So I guess all my life I've been doing a juggling act.
I've been trying to figure this out for so long, thanks for bringing it to light.
Didn't think I would cry today knowing I have these problems myself, thanks for the video.
After reckoning years of family neglect and parentifcation, recently I realized I'm avoidant in any relationship to not feel that pain of abandonment from anyone. I want to be close but only at a distance 😔
You are not alone in that. I'm there, too.
Let's connect through the internet! :)
@@Hmm-mq5tt Isn't this the internet?
@@LtRee96se yes, it is. Internet can feel as if people are close, but you can ignore the whole thing and be alone whenever you want to.
@@Hmm-mq5tt True
Great video. Thanks very much. Already added to my favourites.
Your videos helped me understand a lot of why I'm a very strange individual to be around. I've had a lot done to me over time and I couldn't figure out why I rather be alone or around family only
"approval recognition seeking" is so hard to understand that it's traumatic. I refused to acknowledge I had trauma and trauma responses up until just a few months ago because I didn't think it was anything serious. And it's not as serious as many other traumas, but it can still seriously mess you up. It leads you to think you're worthless without your status, and when you start declining due to trauma depression and anxiety, that false belief about yourself really makes everything so much worse. I'm glad people are starting to recognize it. Thanks for adding it
All of them. Spot on, and so helpful. I never thought I'd find myself depicted so well with such a cute animated character. This is an amazing channel - thank you so much for the support you provide to so many. And the narrator's voice is something I could listen to for hours, just perfect.
I feel you
The last one hit too hard. Instead of being told to “get over it”, I was always told I was being attention seeking. Now, sometimes, I can’t even tell if what I’m feeling is real, or if I’m just making it up. I’m afraid to express any emotion because I don’t want people to think I want attention, or to react negatively to me.
A few of these speak to me. Friends have betrayed me and I feel numb to it. Emotional deprivation is big. My parents did that a lot. Never there for my emotional needs. My parents fight whenever they directly communicate. Mom criticises me on every single thing and it all makes me self conscious, and feel unworthy. I've been trying to stop being timid and people pleasing, which are habits I could break out of only after spending time at a hostel for academy. Away from my mother and in an environment where saying no was necessary.
And yeah, my past consisted of approval recognition, though I realised it after I stopped getting the achievements that would help me get that approval. Overly self critical. Yeah, maybe I am that. Wondering if I can ever do anything good. I can't express my feelings easily either. Crying is hard, and I've gotten a few setbacks just recently and I'm... I don't know how to explain this. A little bit numb. A little hopeless. That's all.
I've experienced a lot of these I reckon. For this particular trauma I'm gonna explain, it would be (fear of) abandonment, emotional inhibition, and another point: pessimism. A few years ago, the news of my classmate's s**cide broke out to me when I was hanging out with a friend. I never got over it, even when I was told to. Ever since that, I've been mostly pessimistic towards anything that may happen in my life. Expecting a lower grade. Expecting an argument or rude remark instead of kindness and empathy or a compliment. Expecting that everyone hates me instead of loving me. Like MJ's quote from Spider-Man: No Way Home, "expect disappointment and you'll never be disappointed." If I expect the worst, then I won't feel (as) hurt if it does come true. If I expect the worst, I'll be happier if it doesn't come true. This constant pattern of thinking... It does cause me so much anxiety, I'll admit. It's just one of the things that helped me cope.
Wait, we’re so alike in a way of dealing with things in life
#7 can be caused just by the way people don't want to deal with mental health or issues like terminal illnesses. I spent most of my childhood with a terminally ill mom, and when she finally passed away when I was 16, my teachers were shocked. All of them said they thought she had recovered. Classmates had no idea what to say since they thought my mom was fine. Because any time anyone asked, I just shrugged and said she was "okay". I learned very early that when people ask how you are or how my mom was doing, I'd just say "okay". The month before she died, she was transferred from a hospital to hospice, and I told people she was out of the hospital and one teacher thought that meant she was better. I had a classmate shocked that my mom didn't somehow survive because people aren't supposed to die when they're in their 40s. My mom's death was the only time that teachers and classmates actually had to confront what I had been going thru for 10+ years. Before that, they honestly didn't want to hear my mom was in horrific pain and slowly dying and there was nothing doctors could do to help or save her. And at no one during those 10 years did anyone at school want to hear about that. All they wanted to hear was my mom was better.
Totally hear you. In the US (and many capitalist-centric societies), we lack a culture for grief and a culture for illness, especially chronic illness. Your personal example is clearly one. For many others, the attitudes of employers during the pandemic was a national reckoning with the lack of actual care for health, well-being, and loss. I hope you've been finding ways to heal.
This has been a great help for me. There is someone I like, but I can tell she is incredibly guarded much like I am. I'm hoping that one day she can open up.
I cried twice, first from the feelings this brought up in me by calling me out, but then I cried with happiness at the cute animations and thought that things can be ok 😊
I'd also call those coping mechanisms just survival strategies. They can become a problem over time if you are unable to adjust them when your life has become less threatening, but they are still there for keeping you safe and alive and have a very important purpose. If you let go completely, you get prone again to become abused, so it's really about moderation and finding a good balance.
I now realize I need help..
thank you.
I really did needed this so I was aware before it was to late and live with it for the rest of my life
thanks for everything again
Oh god... I knew I had trauma and I've been taking therapy that hasn't been helping, but when I watched this I realized just what I've been through....