“It’s not the ADHD that kills us; it’s the underlying shame.” That line alone hit me hard and made me cry. As a woman with ADHD, this TED talk makes me feel seen; like I’m not alone in my struggles.
ADHD can actually kill us, and I don’t mean the higher rate of suicide or substance abuse disorders - which can be tied to shame. But adults with ADHD are 1.81 times more likely to have serious car crashes (due to inattention). I personally have rear ended, and not like a fender bender rear ended but a semi serious crash,2 cars in my adulthood. Actually, people with ADHD (this includes me, and I have what is considered “severe” adhd) are twice as likely to die premature deaths from accidents in general.
As a guy with ADHD I feel the same way. Being a doctor, I'm pretty successful by most standards. However I'm constantly stuck in shame spirals just like she's describing. I'm not financially stable as would be expected from someone in my profession. I have a string of long term bit "failed" relationships, and I often find myself feeling "stuck" in a career than many would dream to have and the guilt and shame follow. You are not alone and there is no way to tell from the outside how someone is struggling. I cried at this as well, from grief for my young undiagnosed self, from relief of being seen, and from gratitude of having a partner now who sees me and shared this with me. I wish you all the best on your journey. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
talk about it with your trusted friends, they'll become your best advocates. Same is happening to me and I'm aware I'm far from being the employee of the month or the best person you can encounter lol, but hey, my homies know me and they're fine with it. Compensate with other things by "more presence" for them, meeting them more frequently or even go earlier somewhere and go for a walk, window-shopping until they come. It usually works... do not keep your mind scattered around the approval of dozens, even hundreds of people, that's something not even "neurotypical" people can handle. ;)
Adhd friends, set play speed to 1.5x, maybe even 2.0x and if on mobile go to full screen so you aren't tempted to scroll through comments. You've got a super power! You have only struggled because the world isn't designed to naturally utilize it. Figure out how you can and show them all wrong. You don't just have "so much potential". You have value you even if you haven't discovered where it is yet. Find your niche, fill it, and you'll be the best in it. You've got this!
I’ve had 126 jobs. I’m 33. I dropped out of college because I failed the same math class 7x and I went back and passed with an A. I get stressed and do something impulsive. I moved from Nebraska to Alabama and back and then to Iowa and back. I bought a hamster and a dog. I bought 2 junky vehicles and leased a brand-new car. I stress eat. I took up loom knitting, baking, calligraphy, and went back to school. I have always loved writing, but I struggle to stay focused. My parents, siblings, friends, and boyfriend are at their wits end. I used to have a huge issue with money and food and credit and bills and weight. It’s a lot better, but I’m frustrated I haven’t outgrown it. I worry and stress and spiral out of control. My parents want me to call them when I feel sad, sick, or stressed because they’re tired of my surprises. My boyfriend and I are discussing moving forward and I’m tired of disappointing him. He says I’m not upsetting him, but I know I am. I just can’t control it. I’ve been praying for self-control, but I didn’t realize it was ADHD and not a sin issue or an immaturity issue. I feel like I need a babysitter. It’s hard to stay focused.
You are very much needed in these dark times- Those with ADHD are the warriors we need for survival! Hunter gatherers once again! 🍃🦅🍃🦬🍃🦌🍃✨☀️✨👵🏽👋🏾✨💚✨🧡✨❤️✨
Eliz Filips Give a listen to Eliz Filips in the U.K. She’s a lovely woman with flowing red hair, who is also a newly minted MD. She has made many videos about all the tricks and tools she’s developed, through trial and error, to make the most of the positive aspects of ADD. You might want to listen at 0.75x to enhance the cool stuff you’re going to learn. I especially like the tool of fooling her brain chemistry on purpose by pretending to be angry at the lecturer, when the topic is dull and boring. She activates the power of the dopamine-epinephrine cycle, which allows her to hyperfocus in class. That is simply BRILLIANT. She also uses the interactive features built into the app, “BRILLIANT”, to help her learn faster. I can now better understand how my sense of touch played a big role in becoming a dentist (who had undiagnosed ADD), than say a lawyer or an MD. The more senses and emotions we can voluntarily engage, like anger, touch, smell, etc., the easier it is to soak up knowledge. I hope watching her videos I’ll give you some insight and hope. You sound desperate. I’m in my late 60s and still learning how to get the most out of this brain of mine. I’m now a “regular” person, who no longer spends his day with people who want to listen carefully to what I have to say, and then pay me for the privilege. So many hours in a week now that I can get myself into trouble with impulsive behavior. Life is never easy for people with various forms of ADD, but the quest to develop a better understanding of muse excites me. You should also listen to Simon Sinek’s (he has ADD as well) “Leaders Eat Last”. True inspiring leadership means that you also speak last. Also Renee Brown is excellent about how to handle “shame”. I’ve been helped tremendously by listening to these three for hours on end…
Realizing that I am an ADHD has actually made me much more happier than anything else. Everything makes sense now. It wasnt my fault. I was not lazy. I was not a bad girl. I am different and I say it happily. Oh yess I have an atypical brain and I am happy about it.
I'm 62, been battling it my whole life, just understanding now how much it shaped my life, I never did homework in my life Long before it's acronym it's diagnosis or it's pill they called us restless dreamers I'm a restless dreamer still
62 too, this also made my life make sense! Now that I have been taking the meds for awhile I feel like I still have a lot of the same tendencies. I guess that’s why I looked for videos like this.
I've been struggling with ADHD my whole life and it's destroyed my marriage, relationship with my father that now is in heaven. The last three years it has driven me to impulsive behavior with alcohol and decisions that make me fall behind and end up in the same circle. I'm fed up with it and I've decided to get help once and for all. If you are struggling with ADHD and are married I strongly recommend getting help immediately.
I will admit… that I am jealous. That seems to be a rare quality in a man. Having a supportive and understanding partner and employer are two of my biggest challenges.
Wow! As a parent my adhd could make things fun and carefree, at the same time struggling to get bedtime under control.. At work, it can be being able to juggle several tasks simultaneously yet consistently arriving 10 minutes late and forgetting to write down requests or just forgetting them entirely. Feeling exhilaration at new ideas and then exhausted because I take on too much. Being able to forgive and LITERALLY forget.....to being mistreated and not recognizing the patterns and being taken advantage of by others. DOUBLE EDGED SWORD.....NO KIDDING!!
Such a great message. People want to celebrate ADHD as a new super power but I’ve seen all my life the strength can be your greatest weakness if not managed.
I'm tearing up listening to this video. I could have been killed/kidnapped because of my ADHD(which I didn't find out I had until 2 years ago). I was/am a risk taker, and impulsive in my late teens and I was attention starved and just being introduced to the internet. I'm lucky to be alive..
The literal second she said 54 yo, college, and pre-approved credit cards in college ..I burst into tears...I remember those days so fully..and the power I have given myself in FORGIVENESS BECAUSE I WAS NOT DIAGNOSED UNTIL...54.
My boss is ADHD and I was completely honest with him about mine. He has defended me to others and helped me find ways to create systems for the tough stuff and celebrates my stregnths.
Oh god, I'm so glad you're talking about the impulsivity bit. Because I masked well it didn't look like I had a problem here... But my life has been a series of months of being responsible to an insane degree, followed by an impulsive moment that I'd then spend months or years accounting for. It mounts up, and I now struggle to buy anything when we need it. Been diagnosed now and its helping but the marks it leaves on your life are real.
God I remember being that little kid. I remember feeling worthless because I got bad grades because I could never find my homework even though when we did in class work I was acing it like As and Bs. I remember getting called out and feeling humiliated because I kept drawing in math class because my eyes had to be on something so I could actually hear the lesson. I remember being in band for the first time and the teacher screeching at me and waving around a drumstick like she was gonna hit me because for the forth time that week I hadn't completed my minutes of at home practice because my parents were always at work and gave me no after school structure and I couldn't motivate myself and do it independently and not get distracted l. I cried in front of everyone and quit band for good even though in my free time I later took up the ukulele on my own and taught myself how to play it. I still always wished I had learned an instrument officially and regret it to this day. I remember sitting in reading class and focusing on a paragraph so hard I was sobbing because I had the best vocabulary in my class, I could write so well and articlately and I could read really well! I knew I was smart I was so smart I knew what all the words meant individually, and I'd start reading the paragraph but then I'd have to go back and read it again and again because my brain just would not retain the meaning of the sentence, and I would get so angry, and I'd look around and see nobody else was struggling why was this happening I picked this book why can't I do it. But I remember the teachers that saw how funtional and engaged I was in the classroom and how proficient I was in the subject, that forgave the lost or procrastinated homework, or modified the assignment so that I could do it in a way that worked for me, those are the teachers that made the biggest impact on me.
During the day when I’m painting I wear headphones to block out distracting rumination. I’ll keep the headphones on when I’m doing household tasks. This helps me, so maybe it could work for others.
I am 74 years old. Twelve years ago I was diagnosed as "a high functioning ADHA person". I felt "well I 've made it this far,guess I can make it from here" WRONG. My anxiety was over the moon, because my over active brain could image every thing that could go wrong. Self shaming got in the act as well. Now I am checking out distressing therapy. The gift of my ADHD is I have never been bored!
im not impulsive like “lets just drive up to new york and spend the night tonight!” like my adhd friend, but i am realizing i have a really bad problem with impulse spending. as much as technology helps with keeping track of credit card payments and bills (autopay is literally a lifesaver), its so easy for me to see something i want online and just be able to buy it right away. on top of how satisfying it is to be constantly awaiting another package and the short lived gratification of opening it, its the worst recipe for spending my paycheck in a week
@Kimberly Quinn after listening to you, I feel like we need adhd support groups. Community where we can have wild exceptance and find that "genuine love and compassion" we so desperately need. I loved this and I hope you have more good stuff for me to listen to.
Members of ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) can access a variety of support groups, accountability support groups, and workshops. Membership is paid, so not easily accessible to everyone, but it's not horrendously expensive. Not sure if they have low-income options. I just recently joined, so I could join the Women 50+ group, and then also decided to sign up for a short term group about how to plan your day, month, year, and how to use planners. They've been really good, so far.
I was diagnosed a month before I turned 32 after a life of failing and tbh I'm so mad that I had to live with my terrible executive function for nearly 32 years! The creativity is great, but before treatment, I couldn't follow through on it even a little, or complete any education beyond high school, or keep my house clean, or manage my finances, or reach any of my goals. My life is so much better now!
@@thatdogguy9838 Just the knowledge that it wasn't that I was bad, that it wasn't because I wasn't working hard enough, that it's something that I wasn't causing, was more than enough to start forgiving myself and stop beating myself up! Also, the treatment has been life-changing, and is only accessible after diagnosis.
Thank you for sharing your story. As a 51 year old woman fighting for a diagnosis and continuing to pay a very high price for my impulsivity for many years to come 😢
@@Megdracula it’s been great. I’m so much better. When you know why you do the things you do and have an understanding of yourself, it’s fantastic. My anxiety has dropped and I’m so much happier. You may go through a journey with medication. It took me 3 goes to get it right. Much love to you!
i'm only 1:17 in and already saying thank u😣 i'm surprised this video only has 7k views!! only found it cuz i was looking up "how to deal with adhd impulsivity". it's my worst and best trait🥺. u r so lucky to have met such forgiving people in ur life. i'm only 25 so i'm hopeful i learn to embrace and manage my impulses!!
Dear Lord. This is the best. Thank You Kimberly for this talk. My son's impulsivity got him killed when he was barely 23. My heart is still shattered, almost nine years later. Shattered. 💔 I am a woman with ADHD, and I believe I passed "something" along to him, through my genes. I believe my father had it, but he too, died before he got old. Now I am seeing the most extreme case in my 5-year-old grandson. Panic. Fear. Shame. Grief. All rolled up in one wad of insanity, and the worst of these is SHAME.
I was recently diagnosed and the shame of being “not enough” or “too much” has burdened my entire life. I’ve been dying from the shame for nearly 40 years. When I decided to step away from the years of hidden shame it’s like I had my spark was ignited again. I am no longer living my life as a small quiet person that has to use every ounce of energy to hold everything tightly under control. I now that the energy to do things I’ve never been able to do and life is better than ever.
Me, and my little brother have adhd. For a very long time I tried to be something different for him, but it only made me mad when he didn’t understand what I was trying to teach him. He was diagnosed when he was 5, he’s 14 today. I was diagnosed when I was 24. Which was last year. Knowing that I am also wired different, gave me a new perspective on him and I can see how what I teach him is actually getting through, because I’m trying to teach him like I want to be taught.
My most reliable weapon against impulsivity has consistently been combining mindfulness with writing/journaling. Our ability to be self-aware can be so powerful if properly used to bring forth the reasons why behind our impulsivity. Could relate to many comments here. Much love to all!
We don't refer to it as "ADHD" in our family lol we prefer to refer to it as "ADOS" ( Attention Deficit OOOO SHIIINY) We ALL have it lol We decided long ago not to hide our crazy in our family we sit on the front porch with a cocktail LOL All joking aside she's absolutely spot-on and I am absolutely floating on a pink Cloud right now as they call it because I feel understood for once and so Vindicated
Not another talk on ADHD because you are unique and didn't talk about the usual blah blah. Really appreciated this. From one impulsive female to another... thank you, you're amazing xx
Omg!!! My mom always said I was a “Lucy” I was in a ballet class all the girls sitting nicely on the floor and me not being able to contain myself, they asked us if you wanna go anywhere in the world where would you go? They said Disney world, France, New York City, I said “home”. And when it was time to perform and all the girls were doing their pretty routines I was hanging from the bar like Lucy did. Also a total Tom boy. Huge hyperfixations on music n certain “weird” movies. But no career…. Jobs switching regularly. Moving a lot. Bad organization n planning skills. But super creative and articulate. Probably could have gotten into a better college if I just would do an essay. But I didn’t and I dropped out the one I got into anyway after 3 years of trying to keep up.
It’s not that I don’t have the money to pay my bills or the intention of paying it, it’s just that I can’t sit myself down and actually pay them off.. ☹️
If you can swing it, hire a bookkeeper. Accepting that I don't have the skills for that task is, I'm telling myself, no different than accepting that I don't have the skills to fix my car.
I have both ADHD & Autism so life can be very challenging however these conditions of neurodiversity have also given me some gifts, talents & insights.
“(1) We’re inundated with a surplus of information daily, and (2) with a significantly d’unifie diminished ability to filter any of it. This has us living in a constant state of overstimulation and thought chaos… (3) a diminished ability to see around the corner of decisions.” - Kimberly Quinn Third one really hit me because I play chess and struggle to see past the next move until I make it. And it’s the same with decisions with consequences that I later realize were obvious.
I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but I can see how throughout my life it’s definitely made it harder for me The impulsivity from lightning quick decisions hasn’t served me too badly but it’s always for things I need to find right at the last minute I’ve been pressured to impulsivity in the past and geezzz it hurt me because I trusted someone I shouldn’t have with something very important to me Decided from back then to trust my man to help me make bigger decisions I don’t impulse shop though refuse to get a credit card, temptation is something a risk taker can’t fund with the banks money haha
Let’s not forget how easy it is for us to justify these purchases too. Went to petsmart for prescription food for a dog and left with 3 new bags of food for all animals, 3 new beds, clothes for the dogs, and a new litter box for the kitten, as well as new bowls.. all justified by the “SALES”.. What was suppose to be about $80-$90, went to almost $300 and it was all worth it 🙄
I went to khiel’s to buy a simple face mask that was supposed to cost $40. In the end, I left with $200 worth of facial products because “buy one get one free” and “I’m going to need more of xyz soon anyways”!
Calling it a disorder is what ruins peoples lives, people think something is wrong with them when in truth they are simply just different, different strengths and different weaknesses.
At age 57 its finally coming out in the open. ADHD was not a part of any sort of knowledge of; at my age, especially, for Woman. Out of curiosity; how many are also O Negative Blood? (I think this needs to be Researched more.) Hoping I can find a place in Colorado, for an official diagnosis; because I am so not motivated by the same things as other humans and sincerely feel like an Alien, with my views on this human experience. Add 2 TBI's- only complicates the whole thing. Thank You for your Honesty! It has Helped Immensely! Suggestions Welcomed! Keep Educating, Please!! 😇
Hi as a medical personnel I tell my clients to always checkup on their family. To know if they are okay. But I didn't have enough time for mine and I didn't notice that my child had ADHD. But I am greatful to Dr Iyhere on youtube for providing a lasting treatment for him. I appreciate you sir.
I was diagnosed a little over 1 year ago and I am 45. After i turned 40 my ADHD came on like a runaway locomotive and hasn't stopped since. My impulsivity has gotten so bad I feel like i have no control of it. It is ruining my relationship with my fiance. I am trying to deal with it but it has been very overwhelming. Thank you for your video.
Great speech. Aside from all the valuable teachings, Mrs. Quinn has a beautiful voice. So soothing and relaxing. Reminds me of Nancy Cartwright(voice of Bart Simpson). Mrs. Quinn should look into voice acting. :)
I love her so much! She said some really great lines that I am going to use to heal myself. I just wish I didn't have to hear the mouth sounds so loudly
This reminded me when I worked for the development of Environmental Management. We had a important meaning with the uppers, it's was a couple days before Halloween ad it fell on the weekend. I was the only one to show up at the conference table in full costume as superwoman and I have to sit there during the whole meeting. Well, everybody was just in there, office wear. I wish my eyes were a camera that day, and my ears could record.
I am also 54 and have been diagnosed ADHD in the last few years. But, I live in a fairly backward southern town and don't know how to get treatment. I have gone through so much throughout my life because of it. Also my youngest son is definitely ADHD. He's 27. He's so very smart but, underachieving because of his ADHD. I really don't know where to go.
Due to the nature of my job I have been unable to try out alot of things, also I tend to be forgetful of things so I went to the hospital and I was asked to conduct some tests. When the doctors told me I had ADHD, and meeting Dr Iyhere after all these so called treatments, my life has been quite difficult.
Mine too! Was watching this to try to understand better one of the children I teach....now realised this describes me: many job changes, multiple house moves, always doing 'crazy things', very creative, a risk-taker, easily bored, smart but really struggled finishing projects & doing homework. Here's to being neurologically atypical!
Hi guys I am Maverick, my adhd symptoms, move hands randomly from left to right, look at any kind of light source with the left side of my vision, always itchy, struggling to sleep and keeping a conversation with the help of Dr Iyhere I have been sleeping and I can look at the light source directly now.
“It’s not the ADHD that kills us; it’s the underlying shame.” That line alone hit me hard and made me cry. As a woman with ADHD, this TED talk makes me feel seen; like I’m not alone in my struggles.
I was just diagnosed at 46…this video has been on repeat. Thank you for this talk! It is really helping me
ADHD can actually kill us, and I don’t mean the higher rate of suicide or substance abuse disorders - which can be tied to shame. But adults with ADHD are 1.81 times more likely to have serious car crashes (due to inattention).
I personally have rear ended, and not like a fender bender rear ended but a semi serious crash,2 cars in my adulthood. Actually, people with ADHD (this includes me, and I have what is considered “severe” adhd) are twice as likely to die premature deaths from accidents in general.
I cried as well
As a guy with ADHD I feel the same way. Being a doctor, I'm pretty successful by most standards. However I'm constantly stuck in shame spirals just like she's describing. I'm not financially stable as would be expected from someone in my profession. I have a string of long term bit "failed" relationships, and I often find myself feeling "stuck" in a career than many would dream to have and the guilt and shame follow. You are not alone and there is no way to tell from the outside how someone is struggling. I cried at this as well, from grief for my young undiagnosed self, from relief of being seen, and from gratitude of having a partner now who sees me and shared this with me. I wish you all the best on your journey. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I feel so connected to what shes saying .
The saddest part about adhd is only you understand your issues, and everyone else what’s to judge you on your behavior 🤦♀️
I just would hide
talk about it with your trusted friends, they'll become your best advocates. Same is happening to me and I'm aware I'm far from being the employee of the month or the best person you can encounter lol, but hey, my homies know me and they're fine with it. Compensate with other things by "more presence" for them, meeting them more frequently or even go earlier somewhere and go for a walk, window-shopping until they come. It usually works... do not keep your mind scattered around the approval of dozens, even hundreds of people, that's something not even "neurotypical" people can handle. ;)
Absolutely
Exactly
And the years of our own judgements of ourselves!!!
Crying watching this because I feel like ADHD has made my life so difficult.
Facts
At least we're not alone my man
Living with ADHD is essentially starting a game of life on hard mode while everyone else is on normal or easy mode.
I did too because it does, and you're not alone in that.
same here ❤️
Adhd friends, set play speed to 1.5x, maybe even 2.0x and if on mobile go to full screen so you aren't tempted to scroll through comments. You've got a super power! You have only struggled because the world isn't designed to naturally utilize it. Figure out how you can and show them all wrong. You don't just have "so much potential". You have value you even if you haven't discovered where it is yet. Find your niche, fill it, and you'll be the best in it. You've got this!
I'm scrolling right now!!
Me too!!
Going to Full Screen🤣👍
Right on🙂!
Perfect. Great tip. Thank you:)
😂 and here I am scrolling while she's talking
I’ve had 126 jobs. I’m 33. I dropped out of college because I failed the same math class 7x and I went back and passed with an A. I get stressed and do something impulsive. I moved from Nebraska to Alabama and back and then to Iowa and back. I bought a hamster and a dog. I bought 2 junky vehicles and leased a brand-new car. I stress eat. I took up loom knitting, baking, calligraphy, and went back to school. I have always loved writing, but I struggle to stay focused. My parents, siblings, friends, and boyfriend are at their wits end. I used to have a huge issue with money and food and credit and bills and weight. It’s a lot better, but I’m frustrated I haven’t outgrown it. I worry and stress and spiral out of control. My parents want me to call them when I feel sad, sick, or stressed because they’re tired of my surprises. My boyfriend and I are discussing moving forward and I’m tired of disappointing him. He says I’m not upsetting him, but I know I am. I just can’t control it. I’ve been praying for self-control, but I didn’t realize it was ADHD and not a sin issue or an immaturity issue. I feel like I need a babysitter. It’s hard to stay focused.
I had about 40 jobs over 50 years. Can hardly imagine having 126 jobs at age 33.
You are very much needed in these dark times- Those with ADHD are the warriors we need for survival! Hunter gatherers once again! 🍃🦅🍃🦬🍃🦌🍃✨☀️✨👵🏽👋🏾✨💚✨🧡✨❤️✨
You might be onto something. Maybe that’s a solution for people with adhd. Personal assistance that can keep them on track.
Eliz Filips
Give a listen to Eliz Filips in the U.K. She’s a lovely woman with flowing red hair, who is also a newly minted MD. She has made many videos about all the tricks and tools she’s developed, through trial and error, to make the most of the positive aspects of ADD. You might want to listen at 0.75x to enhance the cool stuff you’re going to learn. I especially like the tool of fooling her brain chemistry on purpose by pretending to be angry at the lecturer, when the topic is dull and boring. She activates the power of the dopamine-epinephrine cycle, which allows her to hyperfocus in class. That is simply BRILLIANT. She also uses the interactive features built into the app, “BRILLIANT”, to help her learn faster. I can now better understand how my sense of touch played a big role in becoming a dentist (who had undiagnosed ADD), than say a lawyer or an MD. The more senses and emotions we can voluntarily engage, like anger, touch, smell, etc., the easier it is to soak up knowledge. I hope watching her videos I’ll give you some insight and hope. You sound desperate. I’m in my late 60s and still learning how to get the most out of this brain of mine. I’m now a “regular” person, who no longer spends his day with people who want to listen carefully to what I have to say, and then pay me for the privilege. So many hours in a week now that I can get myself into trouble with impulsive behavior. Life is never easy for people with various forms of ADD, but the quest to develop a better understanding of muse excites me. You should also listen to Simon Sinek’s (he has ADD as well) “Leaders Eat Last”. True inspiring leadership means that you also speak last. Also Renee Brown is excellent about how to handle “shame”. I’ve been helped tremendously by listening to these three for hours on end…
Realizing that I am an ADHD has actually made me much more happier than anything else. Everything makes sense now. It wasnt my fault. I was not lazy. I was not a bad girl. I am different and I say it happily. Oh yess I have an atypical brain and I am happy about it.
Nowing what the matter is is most of the emotional issues.
I'm 62, been battling it my whole life, just understanding now how much it shaped my life, I never did homework in my life
Long before it's acronym
it's diagnosis or it's pill
they called us restless dreamers
I'm a restless dreamer still
I'm also a 62 woman with ADHD. We should swap stories!
Me too.
I’m 80 only found out when I was 78years old
64, other wise ditto the rest of your comment
62 too, this also made my life make sense! Now that I have been taking the meds for awhile I feel like I still have a lot of the same tendencies. I guess that’s why I looked for videos like this.
I've been struggling with ADHD my whole life and it's destroyed my marriage, relationship with my father that now is in heaven. The last three years it has driven me to impulsive behavior with alcohol and decisions that make me fall behind and end up in the same circle. I'm fed up with it and I've decided to get help once and for all. If you are struggling with ADHD and are married I strongly recommend getting help immediately.
What a blessing to have such a supportive spouse
Thinking the same.
I will admit… that I am jealous. That seems to be a rare quality in a man. Having a supportive and understanding partner and employer are two of my biggest challenges.
Wow! As a parent my adhd could make things fun and carefree, at the same time struggling to get bedtime under control.. At work, it can be being able to juggle several tasks simultaneously yet consistently arriving 10 minutes late and forgetting to write down requests or just forgetting them entirely. Feeling exhilaration at new ideas and then exhausted because I take on too much. Being able to forgive and LITERALLY forget.....to being mistreated and not recognizing the patterns and being taken advantage of by others. DOUBLE EDGED SWORD.....NO KIDDING!!
“Authenticity doesn’t need fixing” - stunning talk!
Always wanna be authentic
Such a great message. People want to celebrate ADHD as a new super power but I’ve seen all my life the strength can be your greatest weakness if not managed.
This
yes.
I'm tearing up listening to this video. I could have been killed/kidnapped because of my ADHD(which I didn't find out I had until 2 years ago). I was/am a risk taker, and impulsive in my late teens and I was attention starved and just being introduced to the internet. I'm lucky to be alive..
The literal second she said 54 yo, college, and pre-approved credit cards in college ..I burst into tears...I remember those days so fully..and the power I have given myself in FORGIVENESS BECAUSE I WAS NOT DIAGNOSED UNTIL...54.
An incoherent flame,
I'm fire without aim,
Playing this game that which is named,
The ADHD Brain.
DOPE⭐️
Love it
Hanging that on my wall, thanks for that☮️
@Vursa Major
If you read this , would you mind sharing who it’s from? Or is it your’s? I found a lot of comfort from this today. Thank you.
her voice is youthful, calming, and very pleasant.
My issue is my impulsive behavior. It usually comes out when I’m upset. It’s ruined my relationships
It brings me so much hope that Dr. Quinn was able to find a work environment supportive of her ADHD.
My boss is ADHD and I was completely honest with him about mine. He has defended me to others and helped me find ways to create systems for the tough stuff and celebrates my stregnths.
Oh god, I'm so glad you're talking about the impulsivity bit. Because I masked well it didn't look like I had a problem here... But my life has been a series of months of being responsible to an insane degree, followed by an impulsive moment that I'd then spend months or years accounting for.
It mounts up, and I now struggle to buy anything when we need it. Been diagnosed now and its helping but the marks it leaves on your life are real.
God I remember being that little kid. I remember feeling worthless because I got bad grades because I could never find my homework even though when we did in class work I was acing it like As and Bs. I remember getting called out and feeling humiliated because I kept drawing in math class because my eyes had to be on something so I could actually hear the lesson. I remember being in band for the first time and the teacher screeching at me and waving around a drumstick like she was gonna hit me because for the forth time that week I hadn't completed my minutes of at home practice because my parents were always at work and gave me no after school structure and I couldn't motivate myself and do it independently and not get distracted l. I cried in front of everyone and quit band for good even though in my free time I later took up the ukulele on my own and taught myself how to play it. I still always wished I had learned an instrument officially and regret it to this day. I remember sitting in reading class and focusing on a paragraph so hard I was sobbing because I had the best vocabulary in my class, I could write so well and articlately and I could read really well! I knew I was smart I was so smart I knew what all the words meant individually, and I'd start reading the paragraph but then I'd have to go back and read it again and again because my brain just would not retain the meaning of the sentence, and I would get so angry, and I'd look around and see nobody else was struggling why was this happening I picked this book why can't I do it. But I remember the teachers that saw how funtional and engaged I was in the classroom and how proficient I was in the subject, that forgave the lost or procrastinated homework, or modified the assignment so that I could do it in a way that worked for me, those are the teachers that made the biggest impact on me.
This woman makes me proud of my ADHD and impulsivity! I am jealous of her students haha would love to meet her one day
Same here!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Right?! We need more teachers with her brilliance!
the way she described the 'shame' hits me...
My life has not been "ready, aim, fire"; it's mostly been "fire...uh ohhhh
During the day when I’m painting I wear headphones to block out distracting rumination. I’ll keep the headphones on when I’m doing household tasks. This helps me, so maybe it could work for others.
My Brain is the best thing that has happened to me and also the worst
On god 😂😂
I am 74 years old. Twelve years ago I was diagnosed as "a high functioning ADHA person". I felt "well I 've made it this far,guess I can make it from here" WRONG. My anxiety was over the moon, because my over active brain could image every thing that could go wrong. Self shaming got in the act as well. Now I am checking out distressing therapy. The gift of my ADHD is I have never been bored!
Wonderful talk. She identifies impulsivity in a way no one else has. Love her gentle tone of voice and captivating narrative. ❤️
I agree. Compared to the other videos on the topic this one is most relatable with the struggles
im not impulsive like “lets just drive up to new york and spend the night tonight!” like my adhd friend, but i am realizing i have a really bad problem with impulse spending. as much as technology helps with keeping track of credit card payments and bills (autopay is literally a lifesaver), its so easy for me to see something i want online and just be able to buy it right away. on top of how satisfying it is to be constantly awaiting another package and the short lived gratification of opening it, its the worst recipe for spending my paycheck in a week
@Kimberly Quinn after listening to you, I feel like we need adhd support groups. Community where we can have wild exceptance and find that "genuine love and compassion" we so desperately need. I loved this and I hope you have more good stuff for me to listen to.
Members of ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Association) can access a variety of support groups, accountability support groups, and workshops. Membership is paid, so not easily accessible to everyone, but it's not horrendously expensive. Not sure if they have low-income options. I just recently joined, so I could join the Women 50+ group, and then also decided to sign up for a short term group about how to plan your day, month, year, and how to use planners. They've been really good, so far.
I was diagnosed a month before I turned 32 after a life of failing and tbh I'm so mad that I had to live with my terrible executive function for nearly 32 years! The creativity is great, but before treatment, I couldn't follow through on it even a little, or complete any education beyond high school, or keep my house clean, or manage my finances, or reach any of my goals. My life is so much better now!
Okay this scares me for one, but how did knowing that you have adhd change anything?
@@thatdogguy9838 Just the knowledge that it wasn't that I was bad, that it wasn't because I wasn't working hard enough, that it's something that I wasn't causing, was more than enough to start forgiving myself and stop beating myself up! Also, the treatment has been life-changing, and is only accessible after diagnosis.
“Authenticity doesn’t need fixing” really resonated with me 🥰
Thank you for sharing your story. As a 51 year old woman fighting for a diagnosis and continuing to pay a very high price for my impulsivity for many years to come 😢
Impulsivity as in.... Being unable to go to a pub without getting up on the bar and taking your top off?
@@momohlum4295 RUDE
I’m 57 and was only diagnosed 5 months ago. This woman really speaks to me.
How’s it going? Diagnosed just a week or so ago
@@Megdracula it’s been great. I’m so much better. When you know why you do the things you do and have an understanding of yourself, it’s fantastic. My anxiety has dropped and I’m so much happier. You may go through a journey with medication. It took me 3 goes to get it right. Much love to you!
Diagnosed at 64. Better now than never.
This is the best definition of ADHD I have ever heard. Nailed it!
One of the best speaches ever about the subject, honest and with lot of compassion...thank you very much for sharing your story...
Im crying, ahhhhhhhhh so many similarities, so many relationships damaged. Thank you thank you thank you!!!
i'm only 1:17 in and already saying thank u😣
i'm surprised this video only has 7k views!! only found it cuz i was looking up "how to deal with adhd impulsivity". it's my worst and best trait🥺. u r so lucky to have met such forgiving people in ur life. i'm only 25 so i'm hopeful i learn to embrace and manage my impulses!!
I think only ADHD people are watching this cause, of course most normal people might not know that things like ADHD even existed
Dear Lord.
This is the best. Thank You Kimberly for this talk. My son's impulsivity got him killed when he was barely 23. My heart is still shattered, almost nine years later. Shattered. 💔 I am a woman with ADHD, and I believe I passed "something" along to him, through my genes. I believe my father had it, but he too, died before he got old. Now I am seeing the most extreme case in my 5-year-old grandson. Panic. Fear. Shame. Grief. All rolled up in one wad of insanity, and the worst of these is SHAME.
I was recently diagnosed and the shame of being “not enough” or “too much” has burdened my entire life. I’ve been dying from the shame for nearly 40 years. When I decided to step away from the years of hidden shame it’s like I had my spark was ignited again. I am no longer living my life as a small quiet person that has to use every ounce of energy to hold everything tightly under control. I now that the energy to do things I’ve never been able to do and life is better than ever.
How did you fix your focus?
the shame is so painful… thank u for this talk
Me, and my little brother have adhd.
For a very long time I tried to be something different for him, but it only made me mad when he didn’t understand what I was trying to teach him.
He was diagnosed when he was 5, he’s 14 today. I was diagnosed when I was 24. Which was last year.
Knowing that I am also wired different, gave me a new perspective on him and I can see how what I teach him is actually getting through, because I’m trying to teach him like I want to be taught.
I just want to add that I'm very much in favour of these trousers. They literally rock.
I need to get me some of these.
My most reliable weapon against impulsivity has consistently been combining mindfulness with writing/journaling. Our ability to be self-aware can be so powerful if properly used to bring forth the reasons why behind our impulsivity. Could relate to many comments here. Much love to all!
We don't refer to it as "ADHD" in our family lol we prefer to refer to it as "ADOS" ( Attention Deficit OOOO SHIIINY)
We ALL have it lol
We decided long ago not to hide our crazy in our family we sit on the front porch with a cocktail LOL
All joking aside she's absolutely spot-on and I am absolutely floating on a pink Cloud right now as they call it because I feel understood for once and so Vindicated
So funny! We call it " OH look, a squirrel!"
Haha love it!
Not another talk on ADHD because you are unique and didn't talk about the usual blah blah. Really appreciated this. From one impulsive female to another... thank you, you're amazing xx
This video had me in tears. It's so meaningful to not be the only one who struggles with the shame of impulsivity
When she gets to the finance bit and you quickly login in to your account to pay a bill that's due that you forgot about
Diagnosed at 42. So many years lost to heal me before it got too far.
One of the best talks about ADHD that I've seen yet. Watched while getting ready for work, but need to come back and watch again!
Omg!!! My mom always said I was a “Lucy” I was in a ballet class all the girls sitting nicely on the floor and me not being able to contain myself, they asked us if you wanna go anywhere in the world where would you go? They said Disney world, France, New York City, I said “home”. And when it was time to perform and all the girls were doing their pretty routines I was hanging from the bar like Lucy did. Also a total Tom boy. Huge hyperfixations on music n certain “weird” movies. But no career…. Jobs switching regularly. Moving a lot. Bad organization n planning skills. But super creative and articulate. Probably could have gotten into a better college if I just would do an essay. But I didn’t and I dropped out the one I got into anyway after 3 years of trying to keep up.
It’s not that I don’t have the money to pay my bills or the intention of paying it, it’s just that I can’t sit myself down and actually pay them off.. ☹️
Me too
If you can swing it, hire a bookkeeper. Accepting that I don't have the skills for that task is, I'm telling myself, no different than accepting that I don't have the skills to fix my car.
I get some of my best thinking done while reading.
I have to have the TV on to study!
I have both ADHD & Autism so life can be very challenging however these conditions of neurodiversity have also given me some gifts, talents & insights.
“(1) We’re inundated with a surplus of information daily, and (2) with a significantly d’unifie diminished ability to filter any of it. This has us living in a constant state of overstimulation and thought chaos… (3) a diminished ability to see around the corner of decisions.”
- Kimberly Quinn
Third one really hit me because I play chess and struggle to see past the next move until I make it. And it’s the same with decisions with consequences that I later realize were obvious.
This is probably the best video/talk I've listened to for the fact that someone understands. Many tears shed. Thank you and a big hug to everyone ❤️
I am almost 42 and learned in past year ADHD explains my entire life. Amazing potential, huge struggle. Now homeless
I’m not diagnosed with ADHD but I can see how throughout my life it’s definitely made it harder for me
The impulsivity from lightning quick decisions hasn’t served me too badly but it’s always for things I need to find right at the last minute
I’ve been pressured to impulsivity in the past and geezzz it hurt me because I trusted someone I shouldn’t have with something very important to me
Decided from back then to trust my man to help me make bigger decisions
I don’t impulse shop though refuse to get a credit card, temptation is something a risk taker can’t fund with the banks money haha
Omgosh! Bought that time share too! And 32 years later we still have it!
Let’s not forget how easy it is for us to justify these purchases too.
Went to petsmart for prescription food for a dog and left with 3 new bags of food for all animals, 3 new beds, clothes for the dogs, and a new litter box for the kitten, as well as new bowls.. all justified by the “SALES”..
What was suppose to be about $80-$90, went to almost $300 and it was all worth it 🙄
I went to khiel’s to buy a simple face mask that was supposed to cost $40. In the end, I left with $200 worth of facial products because “buy one get one free” and “I’m going to need more of xyz soon anyways”!
AMEN LADY!! ♥️♥️♥️✌️✌️✌️✌️💯💯💯
THIS IS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD !! FELLOW SISTER
Thank you so much for this Kimberly. It makes me feel like I am not alone, and actually in a very good company. Keep up the work.
Loved listening to this woman . Would love to meet her one day. 💯 knows how it’s feels with someone who suffers with adhd
beautiful speech
Wish I knew all about this as a child
It explains so much of the problems I have faced and experienced over the years.
I wish my faculty advisor was so understanding!
I did just save my duolingo streak while watching and listening to this video
Impulse spending hit me hard. Thank you for sharing your experiences!
...I'm in tears
Calling it a disorder is what ruins peoples lives, people think something is wrong with them when in truth they are simply just different, different strengths and different weaknesses.
Aaahhhhh impulsivity..I thought I was just whimsical
At age 57 its finally coming out in the open. ADHD was not a part of any sort of knowledge of; at my age, especially, for Woman.
Out of curiosity; how many are also O Negative Blood?
(I think this needs to be Researched more.)
Hoping I can find a place in Colorado, for an official diagnosis; because I am so not motivated by the same things as other humans and sincerely feel like an Alien, with my views on this human experience.
Add 2 TBI's- only complicates the whole thing.
Thank You for your Honesty!
It has Helped Immensely!
Suggestions Welcomed!
Keep Educating, Please!! 😇
Hi as a medical personnel I tell my clients to always checkup on their family. To know if they are okay. But I didn't have enough time for mine and I didn't notice that my child had ADHD. But I am greatful to Dr Iyhere on youtube for providing a lasting treatment for him. I appreciate you sir.
Here bodylanguage is SOOOO fascenating a realy rare type of movements and so a likeable ........ cant find the word .... Big LIKE from me
I was diagnosed a little over 1 year ago and I am 45. After i turned 40 my ADHD came on like a runaway locomotive and hasn't stopped since. My impulsivity has gotten so bad I feel like i have no control of it. It is ruining my relationship with my fiance. I am trying to deal with it but it has been very overwhelming. Thank you for your video.
It's both, ADHD & hormones.
Nice, not the usual TED talk style I've seen.
awe ;-; hearing their story breaks my heart
I am so grateful for this speech. This is just what I needed to help me explain to people what it's like to live like this. Thank you!!
Great speech. Aside from all the valuable teachings, Mrs. Quinn has a beautiful voice. So soothing and relaxing. Reminds me of Nancy Cartwright(voice of Bart Simpson). Mrs. Quinn should look into voice acting. :)
Thank you for sharing! thank god for the great husband you have to help you🙏
She has a perfect voice for an animated character! Kinda sounds like Bart Simpson
This is so beautifully spoken and worded
I love her so much! She said some really great lines that I am going to use to heal myself. I just wish I didn't have to hear the mouth sounds so loudly
This reminded me when I worked for the development of Environmental Management. We had a important meaning with the uppers, it's was a couple days before Halloween ad it fell on the weekend. I was the only one to show up at the conference table in full costume as superwoman and I have to sit there during the whole meeting. Well, everybody was just in there, office wear. I wish my eyes were a camera that day, and my ears could record.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. This video helped me understand my son even more. Many thanks 🙏🏼
god i love this woman
This made me cry 💯
This resonates so much with me!!!!
This resonated with me so deeply!
I feel so good about myself after watching this. But it would be nice to live a life without impulsivity induced financial stress 😂😭
I am also 54 and have been diagnosed ADHD in the last few years. But, I live in a fairly backward southern town and don't know how to get treatment. I have gone through so much throughout my life because of it. Also my youngest son is definitely ADHD. He's 27. He's so very smart but, underachieving because of his ADHD. I really don't know where to go.
Attention Surplus High Energy Gift.... Loved it mam... There is nothing called deficiency...how do you use it as a gift is important...Thank you...
Due to the nature of my job I have been unable to try out alot of things, also I tend to be forgetful of things so I went to the hospital and I was asked to conduct some tests. When the doctors told me I had ADHD, and meeting Dr Iyhere after all these so called treatments, my life has been quite difficult.
Omg I needed this channel 😢🙏
Anyone else with ADHD watch this at 1.5x?
X2
Normal.
Practising trying to concentrate but looking at this reply you know that I'am failing 😂😂😂😂
It's taking all I've got to stay on just this video... Well I'm all over the comments section.
Excellent!
love this !! it's so true about the creativity!! :)
You’ve made my day!
Mine too! Was watching this to try to understand better one of the children I teach....now realised this describes me: many job changes, multiple house moves, always doing 'crazy things', very creative, a risk-taker, easily bored, smart but really struggled finishing projects & doing homework. Here's to being neurologically atypical!
Acceptance ❤️👏👏👏
Hi guys I am Maverick, my adhd symptoms, move hands randomly from left to right, look at any kind of light source with the left side of my vision, always itchy, struggling to sleep and keeping a conversation with the help of Dr Iyhere I have been sleeping and I can look at the light source directly now.
Very interesting. Well done ..
I am glad i was raised in a country where only house and student loans are considered acceptable no credit card mistakes for me