Why does the NARCISSIST ACCUSE ME of doing the bad things that they do? | LIVE with Dr. Kerry McAvoy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- This was a recording of a Live on August 25, 2022
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I firmly believe they get all juiced up from fighting, arguing, drama stuff.
I could totally relate. The narcissist says they are heading south, and they go north. Crazy making!!
Thank you so much. This clears up a lot of things I was wondering about. He always accused me of cheating ….. now I get it. He was. It’s very hurtful knowing I did NOT cheat ! But this and knowledge truth is comforting. It’s crazy how they keep us in confusion and your brain feels crazy. I’m thankful for people like you. You are helping a lot of people !!!
Oh I’m glad some of the nonsensical experiences make more sense now.
Always projection, even accusing me of things o had pointed out early on
They always accuse you of their ish
My experiences of over 50 years were with a horribly narcissistic mother-in-law (O the stories!) and 12 of those years in an abusive church. Just now connecting those dots; it's all the same thing, just a different package. At the end of this video, you tell people there's no correct way to leave. Funny- I said the same thing in one of my blog posts on leaving an abusive church. They want to make you think there's a "correct way", being "released" by them. Riiight. I wrote that there is no correct way- you find the EXIT, go through and don't go back!! And to me, one of the most important considerations is what it's doing to your kids. A church setting is a lot easier to deal with than your family, having to leave an abusive spouse. So very glad I never had to contend with that, and I so admire you for your recovery and subsequent accomplishments! I'm a fan. (Side note- the narcissistic one at that church was/is that wife, not the guy. She rules the roost. Women are my experience with this.)
Yes let the real you speak again. I interviewed 100 people about their car 🚗 as a form of overcoming fear of people and what kind of car to get. Healing is amazing 😅🤩
Yep they 100% are chasing someone new and they’ll claim the new person isn’t a person of interest and she’s just a friend
My first husband did projection throughout the marriage. Just like that. I ended the marriage after 16.5 years. 34 years old, 5 children and finally remarried Happily. Thank goodness!!!
How do they all know how to do this stuff? I think it’s from childhood
I think its the little demon that comes in and takes over. They are so evil, there's no class to learn this stuff...only therapy for those who suffer it.
Kerry, I’m sorry to hear you lost your sister last year :( (((HUGS)))
Thx you.
I appreciate your explanations better than many and am grateful for your videos and time. Thank you.
Thank you so much. Did you comment earlier that one of my comments sounded apathetic? It’s been one of those weeks - so sorry it felt that way.
@@KerryMcAvoyPhD Honestly, I don't recall. BECAUSE I know you're not a toxic person, but rather a survivor (as I consider myself as well) I would appreciate the chance to explain to the specific, or apologize for my words.
@@kristinmeyer489 thank you:) We are good!
I have learned that all the cluster B personality disordered are considered "egosyntonic"- which is a helpful construct. Their disorder does not bother them. Most disorders are egodistonic- which includes one PD, which is borderline. They suffer from their disorders, but lack so much self-insight and are so wrapped up into their own personal issues and pain, that they kind of de facto are narcissistic.
Yes the intermittent crumbs of attention or something 😢😮😅
Hi highs and low lows. Chasing the original person who showed up (who is a fake) and we learn to fear the outcome and also we become chemically altered by these high exciting oxytocin driven situations, contrasted with living on cortisol and adrenaline for years. It literally is a chemical addiction that we have to break. It takes about a week or two after we leave the narcissist for real for goods for sure for internal chemical situation to balance out, or start balancing out at least are other Factors.
Yes we need to re-regulate ourselves after leaving one of these relationships
I also find absolute statements are a good indication of one of these types. Shows black and white thinking and makes it difficult to defend against.
29:25 There I did it! 🙆🌄
Joyous moment Dr Kerry.
Hooray!!
Whenever I constantly have "arguments" that go from zero to weird in several minutes I know I'm dealing with someone with a PD. I put arguments in quotes because I don't even know what the row is all about. I am a professional communicator with extensive training in conflict resolution so I understand how to depersonalize and deescalate. Doesn't work with a narcissist/borderline/cluster B. Not suggesting I am a "perfect" communicator- but I can use approaches I use with normal people that are completely lost on a PD person.
Discussing leaving at the end of this vid. For me, it was a no brainier. He would come home (lit) and instead of coming in the house he'd step outside his truck, pee, grab his 12 pack and go into his shop. He was making a plane. A real one, a two seater called a "Kitfox"..loaded. Gotta appreciate it having 2 seats so the co pilot can take over when he passes out. This was everynight. He new my dtrs bedtime (who was 5 at the time) and still chose to not come in. I could keep her from knowing that. One night she caught his headlights, "daddy's home" she was sooooo excited, still naked, just after the bath she ran for the door, snow on ground. of course I stopped her to get dressed but had to walk her to his shop hoping we dont open the door to him smoking a big ol bowl! (getting high) That was it! I knew then we had to go. At 5 y/0 her self esteem is not gonna take a hit...I pictured her at a sleep over at her friends, her friends dad comes home and first thing in the door he's running around chasing them and playing. Noo way! that sob wasn't gonna do that to her. Sadly, he is doing the ultimate now.
Heartbreakingly sad? How are you doing today?
@@KerryMcAvoyPhD Kerry, I am someone I don't recognize. He's won so far. No one believes me, I'm crazy they say. I stand alone, but solid as a rock. But, I'm a mess. My mission is to get my daughter and son in law to listen to what I have to say, I can back it with texts, recordings, emails and got in touch with one of his ex's found out he told my daughter it was her fault for their break up. She didn't really understand narcissism but after looking into it she said that's him....to a "T" I've got evidence. I want my daughter and grandkids back. I want to be respected again, I want to be loved again, I want them to see me, not through his lying eyes. I'm doing bad, I am not okay. TY for asking.
So so wonderful about your son!
Im so so so thankful.
I have learned so much from your teachings. Thank you
Emotional thinking colours your thinking and influences your feelings, which creates paralysis and inaction.
Thank you my dear. I'm learning.
37:25 Really rant about something or accuse us out of nowhere are Confessions done slyly.
Wooooff 🙅♀️❄️
Yeah if we can learn to not react but to take it as info -it can give us quite an edge.
The truth sets us free eh
Agree. Problem is the ones that need the truth, (my daughter and son-in-law) are so brainwashed to see me as the bad one, wont listen to the truth, they cut me off. He's gotten to them so well, expert level narc. They think I'm making excuses for my behavior and things I (haven't) done. Its so sick and twisted. Reminds me of those serial killers they interview. He has stolen years of all our lives and keeps at it. My job is to protect my child, no matter her age, he is preventing me from doing so. Sick sick bastard!
You are such a good speaker now! I also have the same meetism. I am moving slowly out of this. Any strong stress I can fall back into it.
Thx you.
50:00 Narcissist abuse ID Questions 👏🏻👏🏻
Thx you.
So happy that your son is doing well ❤. Thanks my way is my right way to leave 😅
WOW great way to frame it Kerry. Thanks very much 👍😅
It’s called BEING IN LOVE, you don’t see them for who they are, woman are not allowed to be in LOVE
If we love so,some we have to marry them, it’s all self destructive
We are groomed from childhood to do thus
Sad. 😪❤️🩹
My partner's ego is so sick!!!!
Great video!!
I do not think you are dating yourself at all (mentioning when moms stayed home and dads worked outside the home). Most all of my friends stay home to be the ones to raise their kids.
How can you leave after you discard a narcissist with no income
They don't suffer for nothing
I want to hear almost choked me to death that look like someone had hung me from a tree my neck was in circle with the Rings I often ask myself I have to ask myself how could I have done this differently how about if I was just ran down the local courthouse and ask the judge of this that treatments of men who read the Bible eight times my Christian husband nearly choked me to death I needed to leave my neck wide open I needed to make sure that I showed up in court this man needed to go to prison he'd have been a better man it's very wrong for me I ruined my own life I ruined his I'm not showing what the heck was going on in my home with four children there he said it took the children away from their mother because she was a w**** it was a lie he didn't want to pay child support he already saw how easy it was going to get to get a new wife oh yeah some sucker come around yet yeah he prayed on me I mean it was from out of state 3500 me Michigan and I just happened to go to church and not another dangerous predator like the first husband high school sweetheart there's nothing more than a leech that boy should have been taken out of the school had no business bugging you know what this is for criminals I married three criminals and the things that I set up for these men who did not give a damn about me or my children our children the one his babysitter beat the crap out of my child he said she was okay no the witch wanted him as a husband oh my God he was cruel he was a liar liar sucks more than anything growth of gaslighting and hoovering all that stuff is just lies I have a friend girlfriend she's not a girlfriend is messing with my mind the other day and I'm like I have no business being around this woman I had no business being around this woman 10 years a girl with the other day I asked her where the bathing suit was was I had given her like in the last couple months I care for things I don't want to give stuff to people that don't want it she said I don't know what set alarm Wichita talking about are you sure you didn't you didn't give me something like that you know what that means I'm so sick I thought this phone is screwed me over so bad and she still can't be honest you know I didn't particularly lightsabers sit on myself she could have said I gave it to somebody I had given her a bag of really good clothes and they were just tops that needed to go with them they're matching outfits it's like a week later she act like she never you know what she just act like she never received this stuff and she just played me I'm such a big waste of money you know what it was just a waste because he's really nice outfits that didn't have a top or that didn't have the bottoms I believe that she gets the stuff to people and then she takes credit for it it's goodie bag I'm so sorry that I've chosen the women that I've hung out with and the three men I married total disaster I never really had any friends desperation the ones I did hang out with but just as bad as the men they wanted to kill me as well just jealousy I'm just now I'm not kidding it was jealousy that is for evil jealousy that you just wish to God you can run the Hail to the other side of the continent the hell away from this controlling monster oh my God oh my God this is what God wants really oh my God God must be horrible
Say if I would have shown my neck and if I would have done what I was supposed to do as a human being that needed to be cared for to be protected from Wicked predators to this day I believe this wicked babysitter torch my car to the ground I loved my car I worked hard for it kind of like the same story as wanting to be a cheerleader and that's very much like you know want to be a cheerleader and some creepy boy although he wasn't a boy of 17 and I was 13 he was a criminal they got good grades I'm sorry I didn't go to school and say that he took me out all day long to the county fair and absolutely didn't even buy me a coke to drink that he was cruel and that he insisted on his way my parents worked I'll go in and start picking my face my mom and dad didn't notice I never noticed I had to see him in school as a small school at least I had a stand for the first year on my high school you know that's superintendent and that principal did not care set boy cheated put in more votes than there were people he needed to be expelled it was mishandled and I'm telling you something that was very painful very painful to be treated so lonely and so awful at 13 I'm so sorry I didn't run to the office when I got beat by a teacher does a male teacher who use excessive force on me I'm so sorry I didn't run to that school office pick that phone up and call the sheriff's department they're the only ones that would have helped me exactly would have been freaked out at what they had seen but it would help me because it will show me that I'm worth while and I'm worth protecting sign the sheriff's department in Lancaster Ohio Melissa camaraderie with these teachers or with this office or with the school nurse I seriously look back and I say I'm so sad but at least I know I had an alternative I never thought of but it would have worked the sheriff's department would have been there in less than 10 minutes I said that this is a really bad beating I got today I told my dad I said I really think that you should look at it because it's bad after all my parents never use it kind of force on any of us and there were five children my parents had never left marks on me so I thought he would be so upset no my dad was a coward it's all my 5'1 mother calls the school okay so my little mother tells School authorities about this teacher who use intolerable force on a 13-year-old girl we're just talking in study hall just started really ridiculous what it did to me emotionally was really screwed up really awful so this teacher doesn't give a crap about me a 13 year old girl you think he's going to care about my mother of course not a****** said I'm sorry and that's it man arrogant and so hey I didn't know that a teacher could lose their job that easy but my dad could have sued my Dad could have beat him up and spent one weekend in jail but my dad did nothing you could beat the guy I haven't spent one weekend in jail my dad did nothing not one thing so it's okay to leave marks on me anyway I'm so upset right now I can't even stand this car I can't stand this topic is so horrible lady I mean seriously I'm 70 years old I missed out on a lot in life I wasn't sure to myself I was I was true to some Criminal a criminal husband 3 criminal husbands who had nothing to offer horrible men Liars hypocrites I'm sorry I never got the opportunity to beat the s*** out of them like they did me monsters needed to be put behind bars I'm not talking to you I'm talking prison
I said oh I don't want him to lose his job care about myself I didn't care about my life my future the marks around my neck the treatment I have been receiving since I said I do monsters no they don't love that they sure do abuse baby love to abuse black hearted Tormentor love to see me cry love to see me in pain and Agony gave Mr tough husband I know she gave him an erection give my heart on my life was sick I was so confused cuz he call himself a Christian who read the Bible 8 times. No I might as well pick him up at the insane asylum 30 miles down the road I'm sure they're capable of saying that he read the Bible eight times two hey that I'm all out he should have been put in prison also you should have been in prison the horrible people oh my God it's just something I don't even want to think about or talk about it
I beat myself up most of my life from knowing creeps no I never thought you could marry men that could be jealous of your own wife literally rob you for everything you worked hard for look you know what these 😢 straight up trash bags
When I saw The Burning Bed I couldn't sleep for three nights I seriously wanted to shock I didn't know there was a story told like that it's always been a thing you keep secrets and you're a really good woman if you keep secrets how about a dead woman to keep the secrets the most miserable thing I'll ever have to go through and then money his criminal ways cost money there are no vacations there were no special occasions there was no nothing to look forward to nothing to enjoy nope nope
I'm sorry it took so many years to know what happened but I just thank God though that I do know what happened these were truly criminal men I married three of them in the one that messed me up when I was 13 what a creep he had the nerve to say to me how could you get up with this other guy I thought to myself later on in years Look Who's talking oral sex on him all summer at 13 years old it was horrifying for me because people just don't do stuff like that people didn't even have sex all along that here's the worst part of this creep never validated me in fact he took me to the State Fair in August in Ohio the hottest day of the year and he wouldn't even buy me a Coke or anything to eat and we were there for hours you would have never thought that this person who is so smart with a fancy car would be so cruel sacral makes me sick that nobody picked up on I didn't know I had rights and I could have call the local sheriff it's sad called the local sheriff
Darn Kathleen.i hope you have got over some of that trauma, that's a lot.
I'm 70 years old now I was married three times to very mean men debate me and they say you're angry woman they were tormentors they're actually treacherous all three of them almost murdered me targeted in Chromecast that's right 13 years old targeted groomed by 17 year old boy you can all the votes for the cheerleader that year because he got straight A's his daddy got him the two magazines penthouse a brand new Z28 this guy gives me all summer long as both my parents worked and I wasn't a cheerleader because I lost the second time but he cheated for my friend oh my God I can't believe I look back and I'm like wow those people that should have been let gone from school for that situation when I try to hurt you the first time I made it but some creep and it was a small school wouldn't have been hard to take care of putting more votes than there were people that day doesn't matter I still would have gotten it so would have my friend but people are up in arms what makes circus data the scumbag like took advantage of me all summer never validated me one time I was very shy I didn't talk but one thing I noticed because I wasn't going to be a cheerleader that was my dream instead I found myself doing things that this older boy wanted me to do and he never validated me and I started mutilating myself in the beginning of my freshman year is a synonym tell you something this is a criminal and the one that put in the extra votes was a criminal and no one saw that no one cared I'm so sorry to this day I would have never thought to have called my local sheriff but I'm sorry I needed to get the local sheriff I had did not have to go through that I didn't know that I thought I was a bad girl that I would never really experienced anything good because I'm bad not saying anything to me and not validating me was horrifying
Who cares? Leave!
I only hope you've never been a victim of this.
@@jessicastribley4281 obviously not. Anyone who would write that, "leave" is announcing they have no clue!