PIMO: "What do I say to my JW parents before I'm disfellowshipped?"

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
  • When you're on the brink of being disfellowshipped as an "apostate' due to serious doubts concerning your Jehovah's Witness faith, what do you say to believing parents who will be expected to shun you? I share my advice with a caller who faces this situation.
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    #voicemails #shunning

ความคิดเห็น • 171

  • @cindyarnold8165
    @cindyarnold8165 3 ปีที่แล้ว +46

    Sending a warm virtual hug to the caller. I can hear the grief and loss in his voice. This is hard.

  • @liplockednomore
    @liplockednomore 3 ปีที่แล้ว +69

    Lloyd, I respect you more and more with each new release. Your compassion and empathy are such wonderful attributes❤❤

    • @dream_candy2173
      @dream_candy2173 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      I agree!!

    • @clarity2478
      @clarity2478 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Me too!

    • @whenyoureunwanted9508
      @whenyoureunwanted9508 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      So true Susan. He is far more compassionate than most elders.

    • @celticfiddle7605
      @celticfiddle7605 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@whenyoureunwanted9508 So true! He has calmed my poor broken heart many times.

  • @EnixQueen
    @EnixQueen 3 ปีที่แล้ว +44

    My dad has been disfellowshipped for almost 30 years. His parents never stopped speaking to him. And when the elders would tell them something my grandma threatened with stopping her generous donations to the Kingdom hall. They left my grandparents alone after that 🤣🤣🤣

    • @MichaelYoder1961
      @MichaelYoder1961 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      lol - your Grandma kicks ass! Good on her!

    • @EnixQueen
      @EnixQueen 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@MichaelYoder1961 yeah she really only went for the social aspect. My grandpa was never baptized and they still wanted him to shun my dad 🤣 crazy stuff lol

    • @jessicanerpio-cauldwell4987
      @jessicanerpio-cauldwell4987 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      LOL 😆... whomever holds the Money has the Power !!!...😁

    • @milham76
      @milham76 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I think I love your grandmother.

  • @laymanphil8513
    @laymanphil8513 3 ปีที่แล้ว +47

    I gave my letter in April 2019. My act was a political act. I am very proud of my decision. My position is not ambiguous but very clear and must shine like a "light" on my family. This "light" is a beacon that could now guide certain members of my family and friend who are still hostage to this cult. This "light" has already saved my two children. My wife will follow soon. Our withdrawal must become an opportunity for those around us and not a shame.

    • @ready2danceagain
      @ready2danceagain 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      What was the "light" that you left that helped some wake up,?

    • @ziggylaurie2268
      @ziggylaurie2268 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      GOOD FOR YOU

    • @laymanphil8513
      @laymanphil8513 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@ready2danceagain This "light" is an interior light, which has reflected on my everyday behavior. The fact of having been truly happy to deliver my letter of withdrawal and to tell them despite the consequences they were going to inflict on me that I loved them even more today than yesterday has greatly disturbed them. Bonjour de France.

    • @laymanphil8513
      @laymanphil8513 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@ready2danceagain The fact of loving my entourage even more (by acts of everyday life) even though they ostracize me, make them feel more and more guilty. Ostracizing someone who loves you and who only wants your good ends up tormenting formatted minds.

  • @DY2784
    @DY2784 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Hi Lloyd. May you and your family continue to be well during these challenging times. I am one of those people, well into my 50s, who does not want and definitely cannot afford emotionally to be separated from my immediate family, such lovely folks but all hook line and sinker deep into the WTBTS. So, I decided decades ago to live a PIMO life; my psyche is so compartmentalized to the point that it works for me just fine. Truth be told, a PIMO life is being carried out by quite a large number in the JW world, and once a PIMO then it's quite obvious to pick out who else is also one; there has been my social structure, we even gather during holidays, minus the decorations of course, and have quite a wonderful time together eating/drinking/dancing/playing games, vacationing together, etc. It can work for sure!

    • @junejunie2284
      @junejunie2284 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Wow! Good for you and your group! I've never heard of this approach before, though it is pretty much the perfect solution if you can manage it. Fantastic!

  • @robertgreen1283
    @robertgreen1283 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    I agree with Lloyd. A lot of people stay just to remain with friends and families, so that’s always an option.
    However, I was pre-shunned, at a fairly young age and it was a horrendous experience that was the final push I needed, as soon as I could leave I did.
    So from my perspective, what helped me was to surround myself with “worldly friends” you soon realise that people, for the most part, are warm, kind and loving who truly support you. By doing this I realised that my witness “friends” where never really friends.
    Basically what I’m saying is focus on the amazing life you can lead, go do all the things that you have always wanted to do, focus on education, a career, hobbies etc .
    Not saying it’s easy to leave family behind, it takes a long time to get over it. But trust me life keeps getting better, all the best.

    • @jimbobaggans1564
      @jimbobaggans1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You are exactly right! JW family and friends, sometimes you just have to shrug and say, oh well.

  • @hikingviking859
    @hikingviking859 3 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    Ex JW friends, if you, like me, were raised as a JW, I highly recommend a TH-cam channel called, The Crappy Childhood Fairy . She helps you get over childhood trauma and we certainly have that. I’m finding her info very helpful. Cheers 🍻

    • @junejunie2284
      @junejunie2284 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Hi, Ashley S - thank you for this recommendation. I watched a few of her posts and subscribed. I'm so glad you mentioned her channel! ❤

    • @hikingviking859
      @hikingviking859 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@junejunie2284 my pleasure. Glad I could help you out. 😃

  • @EmoBearRights
    @EmoBearRights 3 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    Leave a contact and say if you want to contact me if you leave. Mentally Diseased's mother eventually woke up and contacted him and she said don't blame yourself, live your life and don't hang on to hope but don't give up entirely.

  • @danibear7778
    @danibear7778 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Lloyd thank you for sharing your insight. This was helpful for me as well.

  • @michaelwinkler7841
    @michaelwinkler7841 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Thank you for raising awareness Lloyd

  • @marjutrepo9931
    @marjutrepo9931 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    I have written 2 resign letter and I cancelled both, because otherwise I lost my few dear friends. This is terrible situation but I make a decision that I no longer go those zoom-meetings so it's easier that way. I had also sending few letters to my friends. Some are still my friends and talking to me, others don't speak. But that doesn't matter. Totally blackmailing and fear-based mind control of every witnesses. But gladly many are waking up now. And that keep me strong!

  • @keirongillespie6913
    @keirongillespie6913 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    The one thing I would add would be to try and dispel the notion of the "angry, hateful apostate". Keep calm, reassure them of your love and make sure they know that the reason you are leaving is because you "love truth"... Congrats on waking up! The best part of your life is ahead of you!

    • @jimbobaggans1564
      @jimbobaggans1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Angry, hateful, apostate? Hell, that's me!! Lol

  • @worldlywoman9136
    @worldlywoman9136 3 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    So sad and messed up. Best of luck to you 🤘🏻

  • @timbothegreat7767
    @timbothegreat7767 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    One of the last shepherding calls I had involved two elders just sitting in silence on my couch after they said they couldn't answer my questions. We just sat there lol

  • @woketointelofjws6670
    @woketointelofjws6670 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    Fade I recon... Especially if family is in the Trooooth.

    • @k7450
      @k7450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Or don't pussy foot around trying to hold onto relationships with people who only love you conditionally.

    • @VivaLaaVida48
      @VivaLaaVida48 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@k7450 100% agree personally but it is a very personal decision

    • @k7450
      @k7450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@VivaLaaVida48 I know, you're completely right, everyone has to do what's best for themselves and their situation, I just feel so frustrated that so many people have to walk on egg shells around their family trying to keep the peace and hurting their own mental health in the process, for people who would happily never speak to them again just for having a different opinion. I have let go of the anger I feel towards my own family but it doesn't stop me feeling angry on behalf of everyone else. I just wish there was a magic button that would make this organisation go away :(

    • @k7450
      @k7450 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @Fazzamania it's impossible to fathom, blindly following 8 old mendacious men, putting them above all else, is so utterly delusional that it's completely incomprehensible. I'm sorry about your family situation, there's not an exjw on earth that doesn't have some shitty family history, it's heart breaking that so many people (from all high control fundamentalist groups) have to go through these things, just because of the family they happened to have been born into.

  • @rockpadstudios
    @rockpadstudios 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    "I've been watching Brother Lett and found it so faith strengthening" lol - that is funny

    • @millyday
      @millyday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      😵😂😂😂

  • @jakeleroy3186
    @jakeleroy3186 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Today is actually my 11 year anniversary of my disassociation announcement. I remember calling my mom before the meeting to let her know, definetly a hard call to make. I was born into it and was baptized at 12. It is definetly not easy, for me I became homeless for about 6 months as my roommate was the son of an elder. It's important to rememver no matter how hard things might get it will get better with time.

    • @ziggylaurie2268
      @ziggylaurie2268 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      They left u homeless. Horrible!

  • @alwayspure7709
    @alwayspure7709 3 ปีที่แล้ว +66

    There is literally no such thing as a good reason for leaving "the truth" according to JW's.. you must stay if you have doubts but not make them known. You must stay if your not happy being in which was my case. You must stay even if you disagree with doctrines and teachings. So then how do you exit?? 🤔 I guess the only way out without anyone hating you is in a body bag ⚰️

    • @millyday
      @millyday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      & still in the org. you're judged on your 'faithfulness'! Insane! I went to a couple funerals where that JW wasn't considered as 'faithful'! I feel sick thinking about it now!

    • @378sasha
      @378sasha 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      They'll hate you then too.😣

    • @ready2danceagain
      @ready2danceagain 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    • @ziggylaurie2268
      @ziggylaurie2268 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      There’s no dignified way of leaving..

  • @jeffschweizer6422
    @jeffschweizer6422 3 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    Say, good bye, praying for you.

  • @sifrade
    @sifrade 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Just sharing my experience, every person is different, of course. I was a 4th generation JW, I came to a place where I just couldn't pretend anymore. I had some hope my letter would make my family at least understand my position. It didn't. There is no reasoning good enough to undo the cognitive dissonance... On the good news, life on this side is sooooo much better. Create an outside community ASAP (if possible while still fading) and, if that is your decision, brace for impact knowing it will be tough, but it can be the best decision in your life (it surely was for me!!)
    Love for you and anyone facing similar situations xxx

  • @millyday
    @millyday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Omg! He woke up 4 days ago! Oh dear! I was in a state of waking up for months!! I wouldn't wish what I've gone through on no one!!!! I naturally faded. It helps keep the communication door open, without the stigma of a df'd which is an instant closed door and with a inuendo as if you did something bad! For me it was devestating. My whole life was a LIE!!! My life now is still OVER!!! I've gone to therapy for years on and off, as realising I was brought up in a Cult and I was INSANE!!! Insane in the sense on character I was taught to be by a Cult!!! Good luck👍

    • @clarity2478
      @clarity2478 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      How those corrupt men make your life even harder, is by forbidding friends outside the wt!
      They know you will be stranded & alone!

    • @thrivingexjw2061
      @thrivingexjw2061 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Milly Day- I faded 25 years ago. I was never disfellowshipped but when my family figured out that I was never going back, the shunning hammer came down fast & hard! Not even a goodbye 🥺 I haven’t heard from (4 generations) any of them in over 16 years. They have become strangers to me, of their own choice. It was brutal to lose all of them, hard to make new friends & be completely alone in the world.. I was in my 40’s when the shunning started, but i managed to rebuild my life, with no help from anyone! I became stronger, more independent & made a great life! I refuse to let watchtower win!! My family still live in the watchtower bubble.. whereas I’m FREE to make SUCCESSFUL choices in life. I now see the shunning as a blessing.. it gave me time to deprogram, without them trying to pull me back in, it gave me time to rebuild my life, without their influences. I win & watchtower loses 👏👍I wish you well on your freedom journey! Life can be great after watchtower!!

    • @ready2danceagain
      @ready2danceagain 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@thrivingexjw2061 so glad you made it, it IS good to be free from the terrible clutch of the WT.

  • @TorontoLibertarian
    @TorontoLibertarian 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Powerful video. The way Lloyd gave his advice, it was like he was talking to his own relatives.

  • @tarachapman916
    @tarachapman916 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    You hit the nail on the head Lloyd good job

  • @FirsteMann1929
    @FirsteMann1929 3 ปีที่แล้ว +28

    I would say watching Steven lett is a detriment to your Faith

    • @paulbuswell6566
      @paulbuswell6566 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      He's detrimental to your IQ! He is a lot of fun to watch though

    • @jimbobaggans1564
      @jimbobaggans1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I would pay money to see and hear him sing, Won't You Be My Neighbor. That would be a scream.

    • @FirsteMann1929
      @FirsteMann1929 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@paulbuswell6566 👍

    • @ready2danceagain
      @ready2danceagain 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@paulbuswell6566 lol! "Danger to your IQ" Bing! You got it 🤣

    • @willwilders1028
      @willwilders1028 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Watching the videos of him i feel like he had one too many disco biscuits back in the day

  • @sarahlee9320
    @sarahlee9320 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Is hard to say goodbye to our love ones inside that organization but is necessary in orden to live your life and be free.

  • @losingperfection
    @losingperfection 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Make sure you can stand on your own or that you have non-witness support.i was born in and I left with none of that and suffered/struggled extensively to get my feet under me. What's on the other side is worth it.

    • @clarity2478
      @clarity2478 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Great advice Zack!

  • @takeyouryokeandlearnfromme1771
    @takeyouryokeandlearnfromme1771 3 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    (Random thought): One of the best things about having been a JW, is that while you were there you successfully proved to yourself that other religions are false, baseless and misleading. So, having convinced us beyond reasonable doubt that this is the only true religion, now that you have seen lots of proof that even this religion is BS, after you get out you don't have to spend the next 30 years of your life wondering what other religion you should switch to now. No, you just walk away from all of them.
    Think about it, there is no way you would follow any religion that teaches that "The soul is immortal or the dead are conscious after taking their last breath ," so that automatically filters out 99.9 percent of religions out the window. Well, the remaining 0.1 percent who revealed that very _Truth_ to you from the Bible, also said that "Disfellowshipping is an act of love," and that God would destroy the worldly contractors who helped them build the Headquarters of his worship because they didn't want to study and get baptized under the authority of Anthony Morris and his Alcoholics Anonymous friends.

    • @takeyouryokeandlearnfromme1771
      @takeyouryokeandlearnfromme1771 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      It's like playing a video game and the boss helps you defeat other enemies, then you realize the boss was the mai villain after all. Now that you've defeated him, Level Complete.
      Move on, be a good person, live your life.

    • @sasukeuchiha8648
      @sasukeuchiha8648 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Yes, that’s why I became an Atheist after waking up.

    • @sandersson2813
      @sandersson2813 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      It's always sad when they remain theists and believing in the bible despite it being transparently false and immoral

    • @jimbobaggans1564
      @jimbobaggans1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@sasukeuchiha8648
      That's the same with many of us. We were told all about false religion then to learn that this one was just as false as the rest. We were told how special we were. That we were going to live forever. That all we had to do was be faithful and loyal to the cult. That this was God's only true organization. Chosen by Jesus himself. Then, we found out the real truth. What the witnesses said about other religions was true. Only they are just as bad or worse. When you find that out, it's a hard pill. It made me very angry. To the point that I didn't want anything to do with any so called religion. None of them. They all say one thing and do something else. Yeah, they are all the one true religion. Different shit same smell. But weeeee go from door to door! Oh, so glad you told me that! Well we can forget about the false prophecies then. We can forget about the child sex abuse cases then. We can forget about the shunning of family members then. Forget about the NGO membership with the UN then. The investments. The miracle wheat. Beth Sirim. Millions Now Living Will Never Die. Stay Alive Until 75. This generation will by no means pass away. Organ transplants is cannibalism. No blood transfusion card. The Overlappers. Yeah, but we go door to door! When I hear them say that it makes my blood boil. They are enough to give a dog's ass heartburn!

    • @sasukeuchiha8648
      @sasukeuchiha8648 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@jimbobaggans1564 That sums it all up. Good thing I woke up by doing research and got woken up when I read about Fred Franz’s Crisis of Conscience.

  • @michaelherzog5411
    @michaelherzog5411 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    In august of 2019, I turned in my letter to an elder in my congregation: 26 reasons I found watchtower to be a false religion. At about that time, I mailed my 2 best friends- I knew since the 1980’s, about the same letter, stating on top front page, 26 reasons you may consider watchtower a false religion. I could clarify the matters, or mention more issues if you want to hear more. They immediately shunned me and blocked my phone # as though I am dead. I owed them that much. I was taught to speak the truth.

  • @eriolyaotzin
    @eriolyaotzin 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I Now understand my position in this mess. I don't really want to lose my mom if I am shuned, and that caused me too much stress. Now I think I have the correct decision and a bit more peace in mind. Thanks for your viewpint. Best wishes

  • @JillyC5
    @JillyC5 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Much respect to the caller. I took the long road and faded out, but my family still shun me and I wish I'd just taken the hard cut at the time instead of the thousands of small wounds! It does get MUCH better. You will develop new and genuine relationships. And there is a very large community who understand exactly what you are going through and will support you.

  • @juliefreeman2
    @juliefreeman2 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Poor man, my heart goes out to him. Excellent and unbiased advice Lloyd. I would say to fade over a long period of time.

  • @ziggylaurie2268
    @ziggylaurie2268 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I wrote my letter three weeks ago. I’m currently without any support. Thank goodness I have some non JW contacts but I’m still mostly alone

  • @milham76
    @milham76 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    What a really, really good answer. When I heard the question, I honestly had no idea what Lloyd's answer would be. I found myself nodding as he made different points and even said " right on, Lloyd" at one point.

  • @motorway2roswell
    @motorway2roswell 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I feel for you man. I'm in a similar situation with my elders, but they haven't really reached out to me yet. I pretty much became a Coronavirus Ghost while the rest of my immediate family (wife & kids) are still in as well as my parents. My kids are fairly young and haven't been baptized so hopefully I can keep them out of the pool.

    • @princessag584
      @princessag584 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Good point becoming a “Coronavirus Ghost”. That certainly would make things a lot easier if you choose to fade. 🤔

  • @jeneb52
    @jeneb52 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    I would reiterate that what ever happens that he still loves them, but it's not him cutting off association with him. It's funny how they twist it around, and make the one questioning things seem like the bad guy. Great answer as always Lloyd, now that's how all elders should be, and sprinkling oil on the person- like the book of James says. Instead they him and haw then say we'll get back to you, but never do!

  • @mikespilligan1490
    @mikespilligan1490 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Must say an amazing call in, very honest plus very hard to hear. Thanks for your bravery in sharing.
    As a shunned person by one remaining parent a sister and nephew for 5 years now, never give up hope, one by one they might wake up.

  • @carolyncasey8960
    @carolyncasey8960 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Lloyd, I like the fact that you do not give directions, but lay out the possibilities and look at likely outcomes. Live and Let Live… Accept the things I cannot change… other people.

  • @jewell92
    @jewell92 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Good job, Lloyd.

  • @xTROLLINGx
    @xTROLLINGx 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    This was my exact thought. Some people that leave the religion based of other people findings may lead them to not understand the concept of a free mind and end up in another religion or a robot as you said.

  • @7eyeswideopen177
    @7eyeswideopen177 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I feel for you with the struggle you will face. If you choose to disassociate do the letter with love your family will fully believe they love you unconditionally, just maybe you will leave a crack, they know no other way then to cut you off remember it's not by their choosing don't give the opportunity to hate. A great weight will be lifted from your shoulders that sadly will be replaced by a broken heart. You have time on your hands to make a new life the world really does have some wonderful people out there. I send you true love whatever your choice. I have faded after 65 years at the same time we were waking up I lost the love of my life it is soul destroying, give yourself time to breath and to heal

  • @wayhappiernow8878
    @wayhappiernow8878 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Good advice to him. I don't suggest writing a letter if you don't have any worldly family like one of your parents isn't in the truth or siblings/ cousins. I feel bad when someone makes that decision and didn't think it through. You need some level of support.

  • @donniebgood1486
    @donniebgood1486 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    I went online and purchased some of the original books written by Russell and Rutherford to show my parents how man made and uninspired this religion is. When they still defended it I got super pissed off and wrote my letter of disassociation.

    • @jimbobaggans1564
      @jimbobaggans1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yeah, they got light getting brighter to cover all that.

    • @ready2danceagain
      @ready2danceagain 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It is a desperate attempt to not face reality. It is so sad.

  • @stardust3142
    @stardust3142 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    There is a lot to say, mainly depending on your character, relationships with your family, time, mental endurance etc. My situation is not as sad, my mom wouldn't have shunn me either way (99%sure), but because of the increasing pressure from GB to shunn, I acted before it's too late. I made a lot of mistakes as I was too impacient and bombed her, almost harassed her sometimes, with shocking information. Don't do that, if you can. But now I calmed down, I requested a bible study with someone who has knowledge as I was baptised as a child and I said a lot of the things were to complicated for me to understand, and used the example of a bad basis in school, if the teachers keep teaching but you miss the basis, the rest won't stick. So I did that, and let her know all my questions, answers discussions etc. In the most neutral, calm way I could. Then, when obviously the answers weren't coming, I let her know that it is not going well, showed her why I am saying that and how my questions are not answered but dodged in most situations. And now, I told her I will make a list with reasons why I can't believe, and I told her when I will finish it I will pass by at her place and I want to have a long discussion to let her know what are my struggles and from then on she decides. The reason I mentioned above your relation with your family, is because my mom knows me very well and she knows I am not easy to please with answers, I am like that in everything, so it's nothing new for her. I don't conform just because, I never did, even when I was a jw. I was always a bad one. Even when I tried. Find the sensitive spot. Plant a what if they would change this teaching. It will be enough. Also, I understand Lloyd's point of view with being loving, it is also in Steven Hassan book (read them if you didn't very helpful), I think it also depends on your character. For me, I see it as a parent abandoning their child. If in the future the parents want to re-establish connection, not all children will be willing to. I told my mother, that if she shunns me, it's a decision she makes forever. As I will not forgive her. It sound hars, it is, but I don't think I could. I could forgive my daughter for shunning me, my brother, my sister, my friends, but not parents. It is our job to be there no matter what for our children. Needles to say I have hard time forgiving if someone seriously hurts me cause they didn't want to talk it out, discuss, and make a very very very informed decision. I hope you find your way in dealing with the situation. Good luck.

  • @celticfiddle7605
    @celticfiddle7605 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    We've all got to make our way through life the best we can".......great advice for us all from Lloyd Evans.

  • @lesliemartin5034
    @lesliemartin5034 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    As a non JW i am horrified at the shunning. And the CSA cover up by GB. I was raised as a christian and if a church/ congregation wasn't the one for you. You are free to leave and find a church/ congregation that you choose. As always your videos are advice based on love,compassion, empathy and the facts.

    • @jimbobaggans1564
      @jimbobaggans1564 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      You are free to leave the Jehovah witness church too. Whenever you want. Just be ready for the consequences when you do.

    • @instasingingvids3529
      @instasingingvids3529 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jimbobaggans1564 that’s not what being free to leave means. At least it shouldn’t mean there are detrimental effects to it

  • @madamecurious
    @madamecurious 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Excellent advice!!!!

  • @CeceKruchkoSmith
    @CeceKruchkoSmith 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    You are so sane. Thank you. I send postcards to my loved ones. Yes - love 💖💞

  • @chikifree
    @chikifree 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    I mean if theyre going to shun you, id probably at least plant the seeds of doubt with all the evidence

    • @krabbypattified
      @krabbypattified 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      This happened to me and with my father being a devout witness I can tell you that isn't the way to go in that case. Cognitive dissonance alarms go off in his head and he shuts down. I would much rather have made an offer like Lloyd said to keep some sort of relationship because that would probably be more likely to make a difference in the long run. I regret how it ended on such a negative note and I think that offered him closure and set the tone to this day.

    • @bruderk4257
      @bruderk4257 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      I have not spoken a word with my father in years. I had told him back then that i can not believe that utter nonsense.
      We argued, i left, that's it. I have never tried to get back in contact with him ever after. I can't, it would feel wrong to run after him.
      I decided to never again make myself small enough to fit in where somebody else wants to put me in. Life is so much bigger than watchtower. My father needs watchtower desperately in his life, i can not stand watchtower in my life anymore. Doesn't go together. So be it. Hurts less than running after him.

    • @millyday
      @millyday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      As an ex JW I was taught to glaze over when someone sounded not so JW anymore and I would avoid them thereafter! Remember you are considered worse to have know 'the truth' than not at all as it's a matter of life or certain death! The Insanity still knocks me over!

    • @ready2danceagain
      @ready2danceagain 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@bruderk4257 so sorry, so sad... I hope this Borg crumbles one day

    • @bruderk4257
      @bruderk4257 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@ready2danceagain
      I wish so too, but i have doubts. I fear they might be going down in flames sometime soon.

  • @tamaradobson5146
    @tamaradobson5146 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I feel for this man and I know the dread he must be feeling, knowing that he will likely lose his family, but, look at it this way. When you come into the truth from outside, those people typically lose their families too & the organization tells you that now you have a new family of fellow believers. New brothers and sisters. I come from a very large family and the truth is, I'm not close to any of my brothers or sisters. I've found that as adults, we create our own families. So I guess what I'm saying is, it's going to be hard in the beginning, but it's a new start & it'll get easier with time & I'm certain that you're going to be happier living an authentic life. You know, living in truth, not living a lie just to pacify others.

  • @bruderk4257
    @bruderk4257 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Dear unknown caller.
    I could talk so much, i could give you advice after advice. I could tell you my story. I thought about all that and decided to give you just one advice: Say goodbye, express your love and leave as peaceful as you can.

  • @ziggys6213
    @ziggys6213 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Lloyd you are really great in your messages. Is really nice to listen to this.

  • @jadedstar7442
    @jadedstar7442 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Listen to this several times, as you will get a new point each time. In short. What can you say? Nothing. Be cordial be kind and be quiet.

  • @Will0wFire
    @Will0wFire 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Poor chap. I feel for him. 😔
    I just hope he has a good support system in place for what comes next. So brave.

  • @ziggylaurie2268
    @ziggylaurie2268 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    My advice is similar to Lloyd’s. I would tell them your door is always open, you love them but you can’t pretend any longer. Make sure you have a support system set up and grab everything you need prior to writing the letter.Someone mention pictures, birth certificate etc

  • @JoshuuaLee
    @JoshuuaLee 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I think about becoming a jehovah's witness every day just so that my father will speak to me again, it's been over 7 years.. He holds my thoughts and feelings I had as a child against me and who I am today. Without even know who I am.
    Thank you for making these videos Lloyd.

  • @peachsangria8704
    @peachsangria8704 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    If your parents are both JW's there's nothing you can say or do. I tell JW youth to separate from their parents. I made the mistake of trying to maintain a relationship with my JW mother and I've gotten nothing but abuse that years of therapy still hasn't resolved.

  • @joegonzalez842
    @joegonzalez842 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Why is it that people feel chained to this group, When Jesus says that he will set you free from all this BS. Matthew 24:4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. ( you don't need an ORG. it's all personal )

  • @filipepiedade5123
    @filipepiedade5123 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Difficult situation indeed. Thankfully I left as POMI so didn’t have to deal with such thing but no doubt it’s probably the most unfair position that you can think of, having to choose between your conscious and your family and friends. Having to face a completely new world, empty. All because you found out that you have been lied to.
    I have the outmost respect for you and wish you the best of luck to what will come ahead.
    As for Lloyd once again, a great and kind human being with great advice. I hope that you’re staying well and safe and genuinely wish that all goes well in this difficult period of your life. Ex jw’s and jw community in general are grateful for your hard work and dedication. Stay strong

  • @pansepot1490
    @pansepot1490 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Best of luck! 👍🍀

  • @paulsimpsonboatbuilder8131
    @paulsimpsonboatbuilder8131 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    That was great information

  • @Vanderhoven1
    @Vanderhoven1 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Excellent response Lloyd; clear, concise and empathetic.

  • @denverpatton7287
    @denverpatton7287 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    my sister always said shed never go back because it would be fake. when you said you cant beleive what you cant hold true or something to that effect, made me remember

  • @candiceyoung8244
    @candiceyoung8244 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I hope hes reading the comments. I just wanted to say ,good on u for waking up. All us worldly people are ,ull find out pretty darn good,if I do say so myself. Lol In all seriousness, I truly hope you can keep some communication with ur family, and I wish u all the best,ull have alot of support out here. 😊

  • @tyedup8884
    @tyedup8884 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Awwww this title 😩😩😩

  • @justinporter458
    @justinporter458 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Nicole my wife of 23 years still loves me as a apostate she's still a.jw. And we get on fine I don't try to wake her up I just try to be the best husband I can so when her jw friends ask about me in curiosity she can tell them his so wonderful and loving apostates make the best husbands.

  • @isaiah30v8
    @isaiah30v8 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    What helped me recover was this end time disfellowshipping prophecy that can only be fulfilled by EX-JWs:
    .
    Isaiah 66:5
    Hear the word of Jehovah, YOU men who are trembling at his word: “YOUR brothers that are hating YOU, that are excluding YOU by reason of my name, said, ‘May Jehovah be glorified!’ He must also appear with rejoicing on YOUR part, and they are the ones that will be put to shame.”
    .
    [Name of person] is no longer one of JEHOVAH's Witnesses ---->> excluding YOU by reason of MY NAME
    .
    .

  • @HeliRy
    @HeliRy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    I know, ask them:
    “Does this smell like chloroform to you?”
    Ask for forgiveness later once you’ve deprogrammed them 👌

    • @millyday
      @millyday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      😂😂😂

    • @stardust3142
      @stardust3142 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      😂😂

    • @runcanica
      @runcanica 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@stardust3142 Bunā Ce faci? 😊

    • @runcanica
      @runcanica 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      🤣🤣

    • @stardust3142
      @stardust3142 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@runcanica hey, ma bucur sa vad români pe aici

  • @oskaipwn
    @oskaipwn 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Evolution of a Jehovah's Witness
    I am in the Truth
    I used to be in the Truth
    I was raised in "the Truth"
    Ewww did they just call it the truth? They must have just left.

    • @millyday
      @millyday 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      😂😂😂

    • @beekind14
      @beekind14 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      So so true. I remember when I realised that I was calling it that despite being out a while. Now it's painful to hear. Language matters.

  • @lynncarter4964
    @lynncarter4964 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I had some unkind and damaging elders, and years later, some much nicer ones (after my divorce), helping me decide if I can continue to be a JW. I texted w them occasionally, asking things like "can I be a JW if I can't yet decide if 1914 is a real thing to believe in etc" and after that last question, I never heard from them again. I was the one telling them about ARC and the Divine Plan of the Ages, they'd never heard about any of it. They said they'd look into it and get back to me. They didn't. That was 3 years ago.

  • @jessicanerpio-cauldwell4987
    @jessicanerpio-cauldwell4987 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    In 1978 I wrote a Disassociation Letter...back then I still had a relationship with my JW family....Later much later I was Labelled (Judge) an Apostate... today the WT ORG pushes hard on Apostates ( Shun ) even tho I'm the Same person back then as I am today ...just taking a "Neutral Stand" towards the WT GB ORG (Cult)...🤨🤔

  • @gbunting7905
    @gbunting7905 3 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    You could just fade, say over a year or two without expressing your doubts. That way they don't have to shun you

    • @debbiemaguire671
      @debbiemaguire671 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That’s what I did. Being shunned now since last February. Properly shocked me. And so it begins after being out for 29 years

    • @catmeow333
      @catmeow333 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      I faded too, but 2 close family members woke up same time as me. My sister told the elders to, “go to hell” when she refused to shun her suicidal df’d son. Other sister and I just stopped going. Older brother has been in 51 years. He studied the old publications like Finished Mystery etc. He’s still stuck in cult-mode.

    • @georgestrimpopoulos9708
      @georgestrimpopoulos9708 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@catmeow333 He studied the finished mystery and he didn't wake up?I mean was he convinced that barbed wire and bicycles are proof of the last days and Christ's presence since 1874?

    • @catmeow333
      @catmeow333 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@georgestrimpopoulos9708 He read those old publications way back in the 70s. Maybe studied is the wrong word, He believes everything the org puts out and in my opinion has no critical thinking skills. He’s invested his entire life waiting for the new system. He’s in his 70s now and is polite to us but refers to the religion as his real family.

  • @debbieyule8565
    @debbieyule8565 3 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Tell them look at Russell and Rutherford books utter nonsense. A money making scam

    • @debbieyule8565
      @debbieyule8565 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@Lucas-ud1hy then when the invisible god came 1919 🤣😂 why would he choose an organisation that has no idea. A money making scam. Lot of love

    • @instasingingvids3529
      @instasingingvids3529 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Lucas-ud1hy i still don’t get that. Truth should be consistent no matter what. Especially the apparent only true organization in the history of humankind. So the truth is always changing making it false.

  • @azsli2
    @azsli2 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Hi hope you guys are ok now.

  • @greysign
    @greysign 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Fade slowly and if you cannot fade completely , just randomly go here and there.. and sustain that family relationship.. no point in creating conflict....

  • @susanneelisabethbiarinec6082
    @susanneelisabethbiarinec6082 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I never said anything to my family, I sent a letter of disassociation to society ... you would be better to just fade... you don’t have to see the elders

  • @gullettr1
    @gullettr1 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Having your parents tell you that their love for you is conditional on whether you go to their church is beyond cruel. I don't know how I could live with myself if I'd treated my child like that. Imo, It's still worth it to leave the JW church. At least you can have a better life.
    Telltale's story is haunting. He was a teenager who had to live in a girlfriend's closet after he was first disfellowshipped because there was no place for him to go and his girlfriends parents wouldn't have wanted him living in their house.
    My cousin is a JW who has turned her son into a total recluse. My cousin herself isn't very tightly wrapped either.
    I hate chicken shit sayings like: "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I lived with an undiagnosed brain injury for 38 years. I met people who showed me kindness when they didn't have to. I met even more people who used me to show their friends just how superior they were. It makes me a little sad but I'm quite comfortable with being hated by people like that now. No loss. That situation did make me stronger but it wasn't worth it and a teenager being disfellowshipped is wrong on so many levels. Even if it does make some of them "stronger". Parents abandoning their children like that are the lowest of the low. From under a low rock in a wet place.
    I would like to open my house to a disfellowshipped teen who does not have a criminal record. Somebody could easily turn that situation into a scam and rob me blind, but I can dream. :)

  • @moniqueperrin1459
    @moniqueperrin1459 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    really like this video. Love the advice you gave him. Made me think, why do JW have to write ''letters'' to begin with anyway...You don't see none JW write letters when they don't believe in Santa Claus anymore...You were a doctor , don't want to be one anymore , oh i will write that in a LETTER...for me , It was I don't want to be a JW anymore, and Jehovah ...HE KNOWS!...And my cong. shun me the second i stop going anyway..(.Or i shun them first because of the pedophilegate thing???)Anyway, love your videos... Hope you will be back in your Bunker real soon...And your family ,safe back home...

  • @spf234
    @spf234 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    So long and thanks for all the fish? ...
    But seriously that sucks. Heart breaking

  • @fullmetalatheist5205
    @fullmetalatheist5205 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I will never understand why are people talking to the elders when it is so obvious what will happen except that is what they want to happen

  • @willwilders1028
    @willwilders1028 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    You know what, as the years go by and you succeed in life just say to yourself that it was their loss and not yours

  • @catmeow333
    @catmeow333 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The GB always manages to get that 1 downvote in.

  • @barryroberts7159
    @barryroberts7159 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Its nothing to do with loyalty to God but loyalty to its man made organisation!!

  • @hustonmices3976
    @hustonmices3976 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    You should take them out for pizza before the big DFd!

  • @serg.r4860
    @serg.r4860 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I've just realised that the jw's are trinitarians too. Jehova (God the father) jehova (the governing body) and jehova (the organization)

  • @ziggys6213
    @ziggys6213 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    I don´t understand why one should write a letter. Is it not enough talking to them and just tell them you are out? There is a big world out there!! all the ones tha leave are brave. Is many of us outside :) :)

  • @user-qg7jb2vm2o
    @user-qg7jb2vm2o ปีที่แล้ว

    What's PIMO??

  • @ronaldcorinth4746
    @ronaldcorinth4746 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    It's so frustrating to realize that there is not much you can tell the people you love... Damn cult

  • @devon356
    @devon356 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Nice intro nice channel name

  • @joegonzalez842
    @joegonzalez842 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Romans 14:10 You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister ? Or why
    do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s
    judgment seat. 11 It is written, As surely as I live,
    says the Lord, every knee will bow before me every
    tongue will acknowledge God. 12 So then, each of us will
    give an account of ourselves to God.

  • @LoXena
    @LoXena 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    There is a new Caleb and Sophia video it's awful

  • @lewislinzy3437
    @lewislinzy3437 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    It's up to each person how to lead their own life. If you don't want to be a J. W., they are NOT forcing you to be one. If you don't want to be Catholic, protestant, muslim, etc. Nobody is forcing you to be one in the U.S.A. Your loved ones will wish you didn't get disfelloshiped but You have free will and YOU will be the one to suffer the consequences of your actions. (Joshua 24: 15)

    • @georgestrimpopoulos9708
      @georgestrimpopoulos9708 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Why are you sitting Joshua?This is a Cult and we are living in the 21st century,how can you tell a man that has discovered that the watchtower is a hoax,with evidence,and because his family is programmed not to look at that evidence must walk away from him is alright? This are the consequences of free will?Well then the watchtower organization must not complain that Russia says that it is an extremist cult but unfortunately the ones who pay the consequences are it's poor victims who go to jail in the place of those bastards,bastards like Anthony Morris and Steven Let.Nathan Nor and Freddy Franz were appointed by God?So if someone realize that he has been a victim of this bullshit he must accept as a consequence of this to loose his family?Are you so brainwashed?But why am I asking?You are so brainwashed