I'm glad that Cassie is mature enough to see that all is not lost - other colleges other than the "dream college" can get her just as far, and definitely applying for scholarships at any school that excels in her field can help tremendously. She and dad need to get together with school counselors and make a plan
From experience, this is totally true. My mom did this to me, despite her being the breadwinner. I would save my own money for summer camp, and one day the fund was gone. I found it in the trash after a week of tearing the house apart. My mom had new clothes that week.
@@featherskaijay3060 I did 4 years ago and it's been the best decision ever. I'm finally healing after a lifetime of trauma (I have diagnosed CPTSD now). My dad's healing after years of a loveless, one sided, abusive relationship, too. (He divorced her when I was 16.) We were both her victims.
first story: yeah, if Andrea didn't want Cassie to cut her off, she shouldn't have done what she did. it wasn't a 'mistake' either. addiction is a real and scary sickness, but you make CONSCIOUS choices to screw over people in your life in order to fuel it. 170k is a HUUUUGE amount of money to just lie about who stole it. if she doesn't have proper consequences, this will happen again- and the consequence of stealing almost $200k from somebody is that you don't get to have a relationship with them anymore. Cassie SHOULD cut Andrea off. this is something I would never forgive.
I agree! If you already don’t have the best relationship, then, oh I don’t know, *DON’T RUIN IT MORE BY STEALING THEIR COLLEGE FUND/RUINING THEIR LIFE!!!* I agree, Cassie *SHOULD* cut contract with a mother like that!
I was in cassies shoes, with a mother who has a drug addiction, and she did the same stuff. I knew what the ending of that story was going to be before i finished it, and its why me and my parents no longer have a relationship either, same goes for my entire family. they are all junkies and need help.
Aww, rSlash, that was a legitimately sweet gift you made your wife. As for the wife in that story, I’m against cheating as well and agree she should have just left him. Having recently seen someone go through divorce proceedings when their partner was sick, though, it might have been legally difficult on her. I don’t know.
the wife who cheated should be glad he was willing to stay with her. he probably did it for their children. not saying he is 100% in the right but i can understand why he would not be bringing home flowers for her weekly.
@@makeitpay8241 But he was acting that way even before she was cheating. He didn't stay for the kids, he stayed because he wanted to keep his submissive wife. And she fell right back into line without another peep.
Story 1: Cassie has EVERY REASON to go no contact with OP’s witch of a wife. If she didn’t wanna push her daughter away, maybe she shouldn’t have stolen from her.
The problem here is OP loves his wife and wants to help her get better, but it doesn't justify what she has done. In my opinion OP is trying to help the people that mean the most to him. As for the daughter, that's up her to choose how she treats the wife.
@@kurocollie6085 OP’s giving his love to someone who doesn’t deserve it who clearly doesn’t love him back. No one who truly loves you is fine with you taking the blame for something horrible they did. ESPECIALLY something as horrible as stealing from your child.
@@alifmuhammadchicago oh. it’s the symbol from that movie “Now You See Me” that came out in like 2014 Or something. I thought it looked cool when I made my email.
WTF did I just hear in that first story?! OP you NEED to report this to the police and check yours and your daughters credit immediately! If your wife really has a shopping addiction there is a very strong possibility that she attempted to take out loans in yours and your daughters names. The fact that there is even a debate here is insane! I can't believe that there are people trying to deflect blame away from her!
If her name is on the account, it isn't theft as far as the law is concerned. It isn't even considered theft if she emptied out a joint account she had with him even if she put zero money in herself. The cops won't do anything here unless her name wasn't on the account.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 Yeah, this is why you have to set up legit trust accounts and not just hope people will do the right thing. But if the money was given in trust and she squandered it, the daughter should sue for whatever she can get. Sell that fancy car, the shoes, and whatever else she has. Make the mom pull cash out of her retirement funds, if she has any.
@@fdm2155 as sad as it is, if your name is on an account, you can do whatever you'd like with what is in it if what is in it comes from any marital assets. Taking her to court likely won't help if she took money out of what is likely considered partly her account. Also as the child's legal guardian, the only way the child can really come for her in court is if it's money a minor child earned themselves or it was gifted to the child already (seperate inheritance for example). You holding money in an account that you've earmarked for college for your child, outside of 1 or 2 very limited exceptions, is also up for grabs in the event you experience bankruptcy or divorce as well. My grandfather was divorced 20 years, he still used the checking account he had with his ex-wife because he found it to be easier than opening a new one. He didn't consider what would happen in the future. He took her name off his checks but not the account. The day after he died, she legally cleaned it out because her name was on that account paperwork. Yes, a trust is the vastly superior choice if you want to make sure the money you're saving only belongs to the child. Too late for this kid though.
Story 3: That girlfriend is one vile, cruel person. I’ve heard so many stories of petty exes, both online and real life. A friend of mine had to get the police involved when his ex-girlfriend stole his great-great grandmother’s silver locket which was a family heirloom. She cheated on him and when he dumped her she decided she wanted the heirloom as a ‘memorial’ of their relationship. Luckily he got it back before she tried to sell it! But to take a person’s pet, a living creature that also forms a bond with their owner, refuse to return it out of pettiness and spite and then deny even just a visit when that person is _terminally_ ill?! You’ve got to be completely heartless to be so cruel.
That story hurt my heart. Poor guy... I can't even imagine. And he only stopped fighting for his dog when he got sick 😪 When he had those few hours with his dog he must have been aware that was the last time he was going to see it.
Yeah. I don't care how terrible their relationship snd/or breakup was, there is NO excuse for this kind of shit. NONE. She is an absolutely disgusting, heartless abomination of a human being. Stealing his dog is bad enough already, but keeping a terminally ill guy from seeing it one last time is incredibly cruel and fucked-up. She is a monster. I hope OP dumps her worthless ass and makes surr she doesn't get her claws into anything that's his. Honestly, I think he should take the dog too, she obviously doesn't care about it and just took it to hurt her ex, and OP already showed himself to be an infinitely better person than her.
Story 1: Addiction be damned, that's not even the worst part of it. She felt NO remorse WHATSOEVER until she was forced to suffer consequences. Even when she got caught, she tried to wheel and deal to get OP to take the fall. She deserves FAR worse than she's getting in payback for this.
I’m glad to have an update for the first story. I hope there’s a future update where he tells us that he or Cassie pressed charges against the mom. IT’S THEFT!! (grand larceny?) She needs to be held legally and financially responsible.
@@dx1450 Aren't there supposed to be safeguards against spending money set aside for an education? Like, this whole situation feels like funds misappropriation. I feel like that should be a literal crime.
@@_.WildMoonChild I believe you're right. Only if it's in a trust and it's spelled out what the money can be used for. But if it's a regular bank account, which I suspect was the case here, then anyone whose name is on the account can use it for whatever they want.
The second story reminds me so much of my parents’ relationship, except my mom never cheated. My dad never cleaned up after himself, he rarely got my mom flowers or took her out to dinner. Even if it was for special occasions like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or her birthday. It felt like my brother and I always had to pick up his slack (not that I wouldn’t have done it either way). They separated for a bit over a year from 2021-2022 and IMMEDIATELY my dad started sleeping with multiple women. His excuse? He felt that my mom was growing distant towards him “as a wife” (not sleeping with him and withholding affection, overall being cold towards him). Like dude?? You weren’t being a husband to her for the entirety of the 25+ years you’ve been together. He wasn’t even there for my birth because he wanted to get more sleep!! It’s so crazy how absolutely clueless some people can be. They’re so absent minded on how they treat their partners, but can’t handle it when they get the exact same treatment.
Worse is EVEN telling them what they did wrong they'll find more excuses and blame them or other rather then themselves because they cant be wrong I hope your mom is happy
@@hunnykun101 Unfortunately she took him back this past August. There was a bit of an overlap between them getting back together and the last woman my dad was in a relationship with. He ended up emotionally cheating on my mom for about a week before he decided he “wasn’t that type of man”. I have absolutely no respect for him anymore. I’ll acknowledge him as my dad and the man that was there for MOST of my life, but apart from that, he’s nobody to look up to. He’s taught me what a man SHOULDN’T be. He’s been trying to make it up to her by finally taking her out and buying her things, but it’s a little too late for that. I’m just focusing on my relationship with my mom, and I’ll support her no matter what she decides even if I disagree with it.
My parents were in the EXACT same kind of marriage ! My mother took all of the house work + her job, and my father lied down or just worked in his garrage all day. I came to the conclusion my mother stayed because she knew what her place was in the marriage, even though she hated it. She often spoke to me for HOURS on end to tell me how horrible my father was to her, hpw she wish she could leave, how one day I would come home and she would be gone... Let me tell you : I WISHED she cheated. That way, maybe she would have been a bit happier, and who knows, maybe she would have found within herself the gut to finally leave. Ecause, despite everything she told me, she never left
@@karbonythe My mom mostly stayed for a financially stable household for my brother and I, but it also has to deal with how their generation were raised on what marriages are. That men went to work, and women were there to run the households. However, my mom was also very independent as in she almost always work a full-time job, and tan the house even when my dad left us. He kind of hated it because he felt it made her think that “she didn’t need him”. Obviously he was just insecure. Nowadays, their generation is starting to realize allowing yourself to be disrespected and walked on is not worth it.
If you assumed than the mom spent the money over the course of the entire 17 years of the daughter’s life, that’s $10,000 a year In embezzlement. That’s an insane amount of money to spend, on top of the mom’s paycheck spending money. And, it’s likely the college fund wasn’t started from the daughter’s birth.
OP and his wife have only been together for eight years. That means she spent over $21k per year of her daughter's money. She's a narcissist and a thief. She deserves every bit of the fallout.
The sad thing is that it’s super easy to spend 170k. I am a very minimalistic person and if I was told I had to spend even a million dollars in a month I would be done in 2 weeks. Granted I would have land a decent car and a decent truck to show for it and not stupid shoes but to each their own.
You forgot interest. Because of interest, a couple of hundred dollars shortly after the fund was started would short the current balance by thousands (assuming 8 years, shortly after OP married Andrea.
@@Batman-lg2zj Then what is ? Staying with a woman who commited a felony and tried to throw you under the bus for it ? Especially when that kind of solution would lead to the daughter to hate you too ? Nah man, divorce the shit out of her and go for scorched earth.
@@Juju2927 I can argue that she has a mental illness. Keep her accountable but also help her. Divorce is not always the be all end all. Then again this is my opinion. Edit for clarification. I do not condone what the wife she. What she did was 100% wrong and messed up. It just gets very annoying very fast that's the very first thing people think of. And so I reacted.
I'd hardly say that the daughters' life is ruined, hold crap. there's millions of Americans that never went to college that are extremely well off. The daughter is, apparently, very smart, she'll qualify for financial aid if the family can't support her. and, Get this: She can work whilst in college!
Story 1: The motive of the theft is pretty messed up. Like, she had a shopping addiction fueled partially by her being worried about how others would look at her? Like, what the peck? That's unhealthy!
The woman definitely is showing some narcissistic tendencies. She isn’t a narcissist because she has told the immediate family the truth instead of lying and controlling the narrative. Others have mentioned destroying her career and life over this. That’s too easy and quick. Real punishment is making her pay it back and controlling every bit of her life from now on. In Frank Herbert’s Dune series this called “Bene Gesserrit punishment”. At first you think you’ve been let off the hook with a slap on the wrist. But you quickly find out you’re an indentured servant for the rest of your natural life. Time goes by you think redeemed yourself. Then your Superior (or handler whichever you prefer) says something about it and you realize how ducked you still are. Let’s be real here he’s 58, his stepdaughter is around 18. So, let’s assume his wife is 10years than him. She’s past her prime and can’t reset with a new man. That’s where all this “contrition” is coming from. Because I’m petty I’d take her back with a postnup, financially control everything, open phone policy, restrict her friend (because that’s what made her fall) etc. If she doesn’t like that. Then there’s the door with no hope of seeing your daughter forgive you.
I know someone who never does anything without considering what random strangers might think of her. It's exhausting having any conversation with her because she always asks for opinions about which clothes look best, then gets angry when I don't tell her one or the other. I'm no fashionista and thinks everything looks good on her
Yeah, I suspect she's claiming an addiction because saying "I don't give a fuck about my daughter and wanted to spend her college fund on myself" is gonna get a lot less sympathy!
Well, we don’t know over how long of a period of time this was happening. The stuff might be degraded or lost. And the car is immediately going to lose value just driving it off the lot (which is something I never understood about the car industry, like wtf?).
Be that as it may, they should still get rid of it all. Every little bit counts, plus why should the wife get to keep the trophies of her daughter's pissed-away future?
That was one of my first thoughts. Even if they get a fraction of the value, they still get that fraction of the value rather than the big nothing (except useless stuff) that they have now.
She wouldn't get anywhere near half, especially if it was mostly clothes. BUT you are correct in that she should be forced to sell whatever she owns and giving back what she can.
first story: So I'm assuming the stuff the wife bought is still in her possession right? Why don't they sell them all? Might not exactly be the same money but I'm sure they could get a lot for the car and shoes and bags.
Story 3: The ex literally stole his dog and was willing to fight to keep the dog. OP pretty much fulfilled her ex's last wish. But seriously, *WHY THE PECK HASN'T OP LEFT YET?!?!* Like, I would've just magically vanished if I learned that someone I was dating stole from their ex out of bitterness
Honestly, the more I listen to these stories, the more I think the majority of people have very low self-esteem and are absolutely terrified of being alone. It just boils down to that. I am alone and I am content. I don't have to deal with sociopathic, narcissistic assholes and twist myself into a pretzel denying the reality.
the second i heard that my partner stole an ex's pet, i would leave asap and bring the pet back to the ex. that is evil shit and no one should be separated from their beloved pet.
Yeah, like how can you longterm imagine being with someone that could behave this way? Maybe OP has something the ex would steal and he doesnt wanna deal with it himself.
If someone stole my pet and the cops weren't helping I'd just go and take them back because F that person. I would not give a flying fuck if I got in trouble for it, they are my family and some a-hole kidnapped them so I WILL be getting them back no matter how. Also he took the dog BACK?! WTF man, just leave the poor dog with his ACTUAL person, fuck that girlfriend so much.
This. It's like all of the people who say 'just go no contact' with toxic abusers. It's not that simple. I have been NC with my abusive parents and their flying monkeys (most of my siblings and other extended family members) for more than 10 years. It was a difficult decision to make, one that I made then unmade (went back into contact) and remade multiple times. And now, more than a decade later there are still times when I want to try and establish contact with them (looking for love where there is none). And, in my case, I really could 'just' walk away. People in marriages, especially with kids, have entire extra legal layers to go through while also going through the process of psychologically and emotionally going through the process of deciding to leave (not to mention financial considerations, etc.). It's not the simple. People need to stop pretending that it is, and to stop implicitly and explicitly blaming the person for 'not just leaving'.
Yeah, that was my thought exactly. Cheating wasn't the best way, but just leaving isn't that easy. Once all the kids were teenagers or adults then dumping him on his ass is probably the best choice. If the children are all adults, she should try to leave and have her kids help her.
Story 1: The wife should be LUCKY that OP hasn't left her already. How does one defend themselves for using their kid's college funds for shopping? I wouldn't be shouting back at Cassie, I would just be sheepish and not say a damn word. The wife needs serious help, seriously.
In the next update its confirmed that he is divorcing her. Another channel covered some of these stories a little while ago. The boyfriend in the last story also broke up with the dog thief iirc
I suspect it was not so much a "shopping addiction" as it was her trying to keep up with her rich, shallow, and materialistic friends who made fun of her for driving an "old" Lexus.
12:40 Please PLEASE consider that alot of people KNOW they're in bad relationships and just can not leave. Especially the longer a relationship goes on, or the more dependant (emotionally or otherwise) they are made on it. I've been in an abusive relationship before and leaving is incredibly hard, it took her practically cheating for me to finally snap out of it and see this as over. I'm no psychologist and I can't explain why leaving is hard - but telling people to "just leave" is only driving the knife deeper, and makes us come up with excuses as to why we stay there. I assume rSlash didn't intend this to come across bad, but it is super important to call out.
I believe people experience things differently. I get what you’re saying but you’re not speaking for everyone. My uncle cheated on my aunt and they’ve been together for about 20 years and she divorced him immediately with no hesitation. Obviously she was hurt for a while but she also knew the relationship was over. And she had a child to think about. So imo you can leave. The only good reason to not leave is if you are financially dependent on your partner or are waiting for the right moment to leave. Anything other than those will just hurt you.
Yes, it's very common for people to just ignorantly say "just leave", bc in reality it's not that easy. And this is coming from someone who absolutely loathes cheating.
Especially since they were married and with kids, you can become really dependent on another. And divorce can be a messy and painful process, especially if you leave on bad terms
I think that sometimes people don't understand nor recognize that messy situations, no matter how black and white they may appear, are still messy. Dabney has always come across as someone who doesn't have a lot of experience in dealing with messy situations so it's easier to give a black and white answer. And I hope this doesn't seem mean or that I think the worst of him. I totally agree with him a vast amount of the time but I just have to keep in mind that Dabney is a person who doesn't have a ton of experience in some of these messier things in life.
I think he knows that, but his point was more towards the fact that cheating while in a bad relationship isn't a solution. I've seen so so many people say stuff like "cheating is fine if you're in an abusive relationship". That is just not true, because one, it doesn't really help the core problem, and two, if found out, the abuser could do terrible things to the victim.
Last Story: Yeah tbh i really dont care how bad their relationship was, if the dog was his before the relationship started, then he gets to keep it. Honestly i completely agree with what R/Slash said, seriously Op RUN lile crazy.
“So, I took my ex’s dog, won’t let him see it, and will actively threaten anyone who tries to change that, even though i’m well aware he’s dying.” And i must ask WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT
Story 2 - must be a work affair because she would have no other time to meet someone otherwise. Not with doing all the house chores, taking care of the kids, her mom and husband. Also, leave your partner, don’t cheat on them. Story 3 - 😭 sad but heartwarming the guy got to see his dog one last time.
Other people watch rslash for his Reddit content, I'm here for the extreme joy his takes in talking about his wife and daughter. I LOVE when TH-camrs gush about their families and you can feel, even just through their voices, how much they love and care for them.
Your comment about what you got your wife for Christmas was adorable. That's an amazing idea for a present. Using something you love to make something for the people you love.
Story 1: OP should either press charges, force the wife to sell all the stuff that she spent the college fund on and give the money back to the daughter, or both.
So I never dealt with it from an addiction issue, but as someone who really struggled with shopping as an emotional “coping” thing- you really would be surprised how much stupid shopping can add up. $170k is a LOT of money but easily hidden behind food/snacks while out getting clothes or whatever when you take into account the amount of time this probably covered. Especially if shes getting high end stuff that he doesn’t understand cost of. Although I will say, this is a GREAT example of why everyone should be checking all their financial accounts monthly, or at least quarterly. As a former banker, I have seen much worse than this. It’s usually credit cards, but same concept.
Rslash talking about his Lego gift for his wife is so adorable. My cousin does something similar, making bobblehead Lego sets for people's favourite characters. I adore this!
rslash you will never cease to be the ideal husband, your wife is absolutely blessed to be with a guy as nice as you god im in tears, you treat her and your daughter wonderful 😭
First story: what was Andrea‘s plan initially to explain the missing money from the college fund if OP hadn’t found The discrepancy when he did? Was she going to throw him under the bus in front of Cassie? Andrea really is a terrible person, she can’t be trusted and she doesn’t deserve to have any connection to either her daughter or OP.
That's an awesome gift Dabney! You put a lot of thought into it. I would've been thrilled to get a gift like that! Hubby and I haven't exchanged gifts for over 20 years, but since he retired, he is doing all the laundry, helps clean the litter boxes(at least 2x/wk, and we have 5 cats, used to be 10), vacuums, and does the grocery shopping(he'll buy me treats that I like(rice cakes, ice cream, chips, etc.). So, I now have the gift of being in his thoughts every day, I wouldn't take a diamond ring over what he does for me. So after a 35+ year marriage, he's the best husband ever!
For the first story, it seems like a fairly simple fix. The mom just has to be the one to go $200K in debt with student loans. The girl gets to go to school like she planned, and the mom spends the next 30 years paying for the debt.
Surely step 1 for Andrea would be to sell the car, shoes and whatever else she can to try and get as much of the cash back as possible 🤷🏻♂️ I’m soooooooo sorry Cassie, as she sobs in her Benz 😂
So, the first story, if she goes into counseling and even into a shopaholic group, they are going to tell her she needs to tell and make peace with those who she has hurt, that includes Cassie. She might as well just rip the bandage off and tell Cassie now.
2:06 I'm sorry, but there is no saving the relationship between Andrea and Cassie. I know I have said it before, and I will say it again. The quickest way to ruin a relationship, intentionally or unintentionally, is hurting people where money was/is involved. $170k is not an amount you easily give back. That trust is permanently gone
I know it sounds hard to believe but she probably is spending all this money on shopping. I worked at a storage facility a while back where we had a lady with a similar problem. She rented storage units had the invoices and mail sent to a P.O. box would buy things store them in the storage facility and slowly swap them out with the old items in her house so her husband wouldn't notice.
This man really needs to cover more story updates because I'm sure that most of the people haven't heard the updates from relationship advice and am I the a and sometimes it's frustrating but still entertaining content. Also on the last story at the end of it I said dude why are you still with her then rslash says the same thing and I said. Hey that's what I said!
The first story OP should sell all the things his wife bought with the money until she gives back EVERY penny from the 170k. Sell the car, the shoes. . . EVERYTHING.
Cant help but smile at Dabney here sharing his love of his wife, child and lego. I hear ya man, Legos are the best and it warms my heart that you love your wife and kid. Congrats on spending a buttload of time working with lego pixels, that is some serious dedication!
I remember hearing the first story. People were tearing OP apart for even considering taking the fall for his gem of a wife and not divorcing her ASAP. Story 2: yea, you are kinda bragging. Just sayin' Story 3: why is OP is dating someone who steals their ex's dog, then refuses to let them see him/her ??? You know how cold blooded u have the be to do sh+t like that???? Dude, run!!!
1st Story: I'm with r/Slash on this one. For the LOVE OF EVERYTHING, I hope OP checks all of his and Cassie's accounts, change ALL the damn passwords, contact your bank, just do whatever you can to block Andrea OUT. Also yeah, I hear dating's the dating scene's rough, but it's not impossible for someone in their 50's to find someone-- OP's clearly worth more than that. Right now I'd just focus on divorce, supporting Cassie and therapy. Last Story: ... OP WTF are you doing with this witch?! Is the adult fun-time really THAT good?! I feel SO bad for the ex. That dog is also an extension of him, so it should really go to his mother, if she's able to take care of it.
im scared of what i might do if i get a terminal disease and my ex stole my dog and wouldnt let me see him. i might spend the last weeks of my life in jail.
Always share nice stories from your own life, if anyone complaints it's virtue signalling they are idiots, that's those youtubers who give homeless people money in front of the camera so they can seem nice and make the money back. You just did a fun thing for your family.
The first story is hitting me so freaking hard rn. Idk what caused it but, my mom orders stuff from Shein and Amazon practically every damn week and she's done many poor financial decisions for years not jist shopping online. Vacations, expensive gifts, 2 used overpriced cars, many electronics, and even the damn grocery bill was over $200 every week. My dad (Thankfully they're divorced and have been for practically my entire life.) and my grandparents had to pay so many essential bills because of my mom's poor spending habits on everything else but the goddamn necessities. So I can feel for OP and Cassie on this. I really feel for them.
First story..... This shows why we must always keep a close watch on all accounts. And.... study the "I vs. Me Rule". Yeah, it's a thing. Last story..... Drop that toxic GF, after securing your finances, then tell her about the dog.
Story 1: Definitely need to leave that wife. In not just five bucks, or even 20 bucks she stole. ITS A FREAKING 170K. Plus it not even for them to use. It for her daughter's education. College is not cheap. I hear too many stories of students going to debt to pay their tuition. Some even have to live in their car during their study. I would divorce and demand she pay back every cent she stole.
Story 2: My parents separated when I was... what, 2? And in my opinion, it's probably something of the best thing they did. I love them both, but man are they not meant for each other. While my mom is active and outgoing, my dad has almost what I would call an extreme extrovert personality and has interests that just doesn't mix with my mom, and vice versa. This ended with them leaving on good term, didn't involve court and left on good terms. This is also why when I grew up, I just did not understand people who where upset when their parents divorced. *I was smart enough to never say so* but I just couldn't empathize because "If they don't love each other, isn't it a good thing that they are divorcing?" *that* is what OP's mom should have gone for, but instead decided to live in what I assume to be misery with her husband. And if someone goes "It's for the children" *trust me* in the long run it's much better than staying together in an broken family
First story: in regards to how OP can get the money back that the wife stole. I think that the wife should sell her car and her shoes to try to recoup the money that she stole from her kid.
First story: The second she asked you to take the fall is the second your marriage died. It doesn’t matter what OP does, his marriage is already dead and cold. Cold as in his wife doesn’t love him. She doesn’t care about anything or anyone other than herself. Her head is so far up her own ass she couldn’t even be bothered to push you under the bus herself! She had the audacity to *ask* you to throw yourself under the bus, wtf. I don’t think I could be with someone who stole 6 figures from my child, then asks me to take the fall for it.
If my ex stole my cat after we broke up I would raise H*LL to get him back! It's so sad but I hear that story all the time a vindictive ex steals a beloved pet from their ex just to get back at them, like what the F that is just so horrible.
First story: Yes you can spend that much money and more. My best friend went through this situation with his ex-wife. She spent over $100,000 on eating out, Walmart and Target over the course of eight years. The money was all on credit cards. They went through counseling and worked on the marriage "because of the kids." Four years later, he found out she emptied their college funds and did the same thing. This time she hid all the junk in a storage unit. My friend only found out when the bank called because she missed two payments. This amount was for $120,000. My best friend had divorce papers in hand by the end of the week. It is a ugly bitter divorce he is still dealing with until their second child graduated from high school this year.
The second story is sad. Yes, I agree that divorse is the best option, what should have happened. But that's how toxic relationships are. Often times, you want to leave, but can't stand to be without them. It seems too hard.
First story, HELL NO you shouldn't take the fall, thats outrageous. This is very easy, for your wife to even ask that of you tells me shes not sorry and she will do something like this again.
Story 1 the mother IS the one WHO ruined her relationship with her daughter and husband and she now ruined her daughter’s life op divorce that good for nothing woman and take full custody of Cassidy she need to be away from her mother op’s just amazing father figure honestly I am really glad he wants to pay her college and future and Cassie is like no I don’t want you to work until your 90 what an angel Jesus Christ
The last story is baffling! Why is he with this awful, awful woman?! I can't believe how many months of happiness that piece of garbage stole from her ex by keeping his dog. Also, what pos judge approved of her getting the dog in the first place when it was originally the ex's dog (assuming they were even married)? This is insane.
That last story upset me soooo much. If my ex EVER tried to take my cat, I would have broken into his house to get him back. There is NO reason for her to have taken the dog when it was originally his. I would have taken her to court to get the dog back. I understand that the man got sick and he probably thought at least the dog had someone when he passed. Which I understand. I guess the message to people with pets is, don't move in with ANYONE unless you're willing to take them to court over your beloved pet being stolen from you.
The shopping addiction isn't about having more stuff. It's honestly the good FEELING you get from buying that stuff. But yeah, it's a serious problem and the daughter and husband have a good reason to be mad at her.
No, based on the explanation, the women didn't care about the shopping, she actually felt that she needed to keep up with and trump her girl "friends" lifestyles. She needs to be seen as the most succesful and most wealthy one~
Story 2 idk man I agree the best is to get a divorce if you arent happy but the reality is not so simple, it might mean not only the situation with the kids but also a stable life turning to overwhelming rent/grocery/bills to both sides. The right solution is also the much much harder one for working class folk
Making architect Legos with my dad is one of my favorite activity to do! I suggest you to do the same when your daughter is old enough. It’s great memories ❤️
True love from a spouse means a gift that isn’t about money but a gift that is special to YOU. I grew up by Lake Superior and loved sitting on the beach collecting agates. I now have an illness that has left me wheelchair bound and travel difficult so going back to the lake difficult. For my birthday, my husband got a paint can size bucket of kinetic sand, ordered a bunch of Lake Superior agates from Etsy and buried them in the sand and gave it to me. So now whenever I am homesick, I can sift through the sand and find agates just like I used to as a little girl. It is the most precious gift I have ever received.
Oh my god, Dabney. When you talked about the gift you made for your wife I damn near cried. That was beautiful. Your relationship with your wife and daughter are the absolute best to hear about. You're an amazing husband and father. More men could learn from you.
"I don't want Andrea and Cassie to split up forever." unfortunately OP that's not your decision to make. You are a third party to this conflict and your wife has already dug her grave. Cassie deserves to know the truth and to decide if she wants to continue to have a relationship with her mother or not. And if the mother didn't want to lose her relationship with Cassie and already knew that their relationship was floating on rocky water then she should of had enough willpower out of pure love of her daughter to not jeopardize their relationship and prioritize herself. She knows what she was doing was wrong cause she was doing it in secret. So she fully knew that if she's actually dealing with an addiction then she needs to seek mental health services to address that for the sake of her and her daughter. Not continue to indulge in something she KNOWS is wrong just because it was too "tempting" until she gets caught.
the nerve of that woman in the first story to offer MONEY to "fix" the situation when she literally had to steal the money to feed her habit in the first place
The last story hit a nerve with me. I took my and my exes dog after we broke up because he was abusive. I couldn’t trust him with my dog because I thought he would literally kill him. He would message me, my friends, and my family to try and see my dog, but I couldn’t let him because I was so afraid that he would hurt him to get back at me. He told me our whole relationship he never actually loved me because he can’t feel love, so I don’t think he really cared about our dog. If someone were to bring my dog to my ex, I would immediately break up with them for stepping on my boundaries and risking my dogs life. I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s petty and selfish when not all the reasons for her taking the dog are known.
Getting an animal together while in a relationship with someone then taking it after the break-up is pretty different than an ex-partner taking a pet that the person had prior to a relationship with them. Being abusive towards the animal would be an exception, sure, but if it were a case of abuse, OP's girlfriend could've just told him that. Considering the ex cried upon seeing his dog, it doesn't sound like that was the case. And it was the OP that said their girlfriend's only reasons were petty and bitter, and he would be the one who would know, so him saying it seems pretty fair. It seems like he's scared of her.
I think that gift to your wife is incredibly sweet, thoughtful & you're wife is very lucky. I love hearing about couples doing sweet things like this. Not virtue signaling. Thanks for sharing your story.
that secret affair made ops mom in the second story feel something since her husband obviously doesn’t cherish her. honestly, i’m happy she found someone that she was able to have for herself even if it was just an affair and i’m glad op is treating his mom so well. that husband will never change and shell never leave him. i’m not mad at her for living
I often hear these stories from other channels before rslash covers them. However I always listen to rslash's take anyways. He's my favorite storyteller!
1st story: what's do confusing? Wife selfishly screwed over her own daughter then selfishly wants op to destroy his relationship with the daughter. Tell the daughter & let the wife take responsibility for her actions. Updated: Good for Cassie for dropping her mom from her life. Op needs to do what's best for him & Cassie now. Andrea needs help & til she's better, no contact is probably what's best.
I've heard that dog story on another platform before period I would have returned the dog, not just let it visit him. It was his dog, and she was a vindictive b word.
Dabney, the Lego pic of ur wife & daughter is a fab idea!! I always tell hubs n kids not to get me presents, I'd 100% rather them spend it on themselves, all I ask for is a mushy card or letter. Hubs always comes thru & his cards/letters (& sometimes a funny, rhyming, mushy "poem") are always the things I love & cherish the most & always keep ❤️
This episode is so hard to listen to. My life would be completely changed with $170, 000. I can’t even imagine how heartbreaking this would be to experience.
First Story: If the stepdad gets along well with the daughter, and the daughter has a strained relationship with the mom...if he takes the fall, he will take BOTH of them away from her. It's gross. If the mom didn't want to ruin her relationship with her daughter _she shouldn't have stolen $170,000.00 from her daughter._ Oh, Rslash said as much - lol
It sounds like the dad may have swallowed his pride and stayed with his wife for the sake of the kids. Now one of his kids is mad at him for not being affectionate to his cheating wife. The kid knows about one affair that mom had. Maybe there were more but dad just didn't announce it to he kids. There was also reference to multiple health problems that the dad has. This might be a factor in not helping much with housework. I agree that the kid is siding with the wrong parent.
Imagine seeing the whole world just in black & white, good & evil... Being so mentally deranged that you cannot comprehend that literally EVERYTHING is a spectrum of gray~ Fucking sad men~
Consequences are important. Ruining relationships with family is often what motivates addicts to get the help they need. There’s a big difference between “I stole a lot of money from my daughter (may or may not have convinced husband to take the fall for it) and now she’s mad so I should probably try therapy” versus “My daughter cut me off and my husband divorced me after I stole a ridiculous amount of money from my own child. They won’t talk to me. I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me, but I NEED therapy NOW so I can try to fix this. Once I resolve some issues, maybe I can talk to her again some day if I’m able to prove I’ve changed.” Consequences. Are. Necessary.
Agree on the first story. Don't take the fall. She was just being GREEDY and trying to appeal to her rich friends by stealing somebody else's money. That's far beyond "shopping addiction." That's entry level narcissism.
That father is a fucking champ omg... I hope that him and Cassie are able to fund her education without too many issues
I love their stepfather and stepdaughter relationship I hope in the future they will get even more closer
@@sophietremblay3795 hopefully not too close now lol
@@DandYEAHH i think I've seen that title on porn hub.
@@DandYEAHH yeah
I'm glad that Cassie is mature enough to see that all is not lost - other colleges other than the "dream college" can get her just as far, and definitely applying for scholarships at any school that excels in her field can help tremendously. She and dad need to get together with school counselors and make a plan
One of the worst things you can do as a parent is stealing money from your children, especially from a college fund.
From experience, this is totally true. My mom did this to me, despite her being the breadwinner. I would save my own money for summer camp, and one day the fund was gone. I found it in the trash after a week of tearing the house apart. My mom had new clothes that week.
@@t.l.bloodwolf7322 cut her the hell off.
Its a GREAT way to make sure ur kids go no-contact with you and come back when u die and dance on ur grave.
@@Frolkinator (taking notes)
@@featherskaijay3060 I did 4 years ago and it's been the best decision ever. I'm finally healing after a lifetime of trauma (I have diagnosed CPTSD now). My dad's healing after years of a loveless, one sided, abusive relationship, too. (He divorced her when I was 16.) We were both her victims.
first story: yeah, if Andrea didn't want Cassie to cut her off, she shouldn't have done what she did. it wasn't a 'mistake' either. addiction is a real and scary sickness, but you make CONSCIOUS choices to screw over people in your life in order to fuel it. 170k is a HUUUUGE amount of money to just lie about who stole it. if she doesn't have proper consequences, this will happen again- and the consequence of stealing almost $200k from somebody is that you don't get to have a relationship with them anymore. Cassie SHOULD cut Andrea off. this is something I would never forgive.
"If it can be destroyed by the truth...."
DITTO!
I agree! If you already don’t have the best relationship, then, oh I don’t know, *DON’T RUIN IT MORE BY STEALING THEIR COLLEGE FUND/RUINING THEIR LIFE!!!* I agree, Cassie *SHOULD* cut contract with a mother like that!
The relationship between Andrea and Cassie is over. And this should end in a divorce between OP and his wife.
I was in cassies shoes, with a mother who has a drug addiction, and she did the same stuff. I knew what the ending of that story was going to be before i finished it, and its why me and my parents no longer have a relationship either, same goes for my entire family. they are all junkies and need help.
Aww, rSlash, that was a legitimately sweet gift you made your wife. As for the wife in that story, I’m against cheating as well and agree she should have just left him. Having recently seen someone go through divorce proceedings when their partner was sick, though, it might have been legally difficult on her. I don’t know.
And they had a child
his gift is so nice omg i would cry
@@t.l.bloodwolf7322Bro… trauma dumping. This really didn’t have much to do with anything besides the word cheating
the wife who cheated should be glad he was willing to stay with her. he probably did it for their children. not saying he is 100% in the right but i can understand why he would not be bringing home flowers for her weekly.
@@makeitpay8241 But he was acting that way even before she was cheating. He didn't stay for the kids, he stayed because he wanted to keep his submissive wife. And she fell right back into line without another peep.
Story 1: Cassie has EVERY REASON to go no contact with OP’s witch of a wife. If she didn’t wanna push her daughter away, maybe she shouldn’t have stolen from her.
The problem here is OP loves his wife and wants to help her get better, but it doesn't justify what she has done. In my opinion OP is trying to help the people that mean the most to him. As for the daughter, that's up her to choose how she treats the wife.
@@kurocollie6085 OP’s giving his love to someone who doesn’t deserve it who clearly doesn’t love him back. No one who truly loves you is fine with you taking the blame for something horrible they did. ESPECIALLY something as horrible as stealing from your child.
Out of curiosity, what's the profile picture from?
@@alifmuhammadchicago oh. it’s the symbol from that movie “Now You See Me” that came out in like 2014 Or something. I thought it looked cool when I made my email.
@@bridi0821 ah yeah, I knew I saw that somewhere. Neat!
WTF did I just hear in that first story?! OP you NEED to report this to the police and check yours and your daughters credit immediately! If your wife really has a shopping addiction there is a very strong possibility that she attempted to take out loans in yours and your daughters names. The fact that there is even a debate here is insane! I can't believe that there are people trying to deflect blame away from her!
If her name is on the account, it isn't theft as far as the law is concerned. It isn't even considered theft if she emptied out a joint account she had with him even if she put zero money in herself. The cops won't do anything here unless her name wasn't on the account.
Yes, the daughter should sue the mom for financial abuse. I'd take her retirement fund... assuming she hasn't already squandered that too.
@@tazhienunurbusinezz1703 Yeah, this is why you have to set up legit trust accounts and not just hope people will do the right thing. But if the money was given in trust and she squandered it, the daughter should sue for whatever she can get. Sell that fancy car, the shoes, and whatever else she has. Make the mom pull cash out of her retirement funds, if she has any.
@@fdm2155 as sad as it is, if your name is on an account, you can do whatever you'd like with what is in it if what is in it comes from any marital assets. Taking her to court likely won't help if she took money out of what is likely considered partly her account. Also as the child's legal guardian, the only way the child can really come for her in court is if it's money a minor child earned themselves or it was gifted to the child already (seperate inheritance for example). You holding money in an account that you've earmarked for college for your child, outside of 1 or 2 very limited exceptions, is also up for grabs in the event you experience bankruptcy or divorce as well.
My grandfather was divorced 20 years, he still used the checking account he had with his ex-wife because he found it to be easier than opening a new one. He didn't consider what would happen in the future. He took her name off his checks but not the account. The day after he died, she legally cleaned it out because her name was on that account paperwork.
Yes, a trust is the vastly superior choice if you want to make sure the money you're saving only belongs to the child. Too late for this kid though.
Story 3: That girlfriend is one vile, cruel person.
I’ve heard so many stories of petty exes, both online and real life. A friend of mine had to get the police involved when his ex-girlfriend stole his great-great grandmother’s silver locket which was a family heirloom. She cheated on him and when he dumped her she decided she wanted the heirloom as a ‘memorial’ of their relationship. Luckily he got it back before she tried to sell it!
But to take a person’s pet, a living creature that also forms a bond with their owner, refuse to return it out of pettiness and spite and then deny even just a visit when that person is _terminally_ ill?! You’ve got to be completely heartless to be so cruel.
Agree. Also agree with Dabney that OP needs to leave. And take the dog with him.
I'm considering this the equivalent of not waiting your ex see the kids I consider it on the same level.
That story hurt my heart. Poor guy... I can't even imagine. And he only stopped fighting for his dog when he got sick 😪
When he had those few hours with his dog he must have been aware that was the last time he was going to see it.
Yeah. I don't care how terrible their relationship snd/or breakup was, there is NO excuse for this kind of shit. NONE. She is an absolutely disgusting, heartless abomination of a human being. Stealing his dog is bad enough already, but keeping a terminally ill guy from seeing it one last time is incredibly cruel and fucked-up.
She is a monster. I hope OP dumps her worthless ass and makes surr she doesn't get her claws into anything that's his. Honestly, I think he should take the dog too, she obviously doesn't care about it and just took it to hurt her ex, and OP already showed himself to be an infinitely better person than her.
the boyfriend what he did was sweet but too take it back? How scare do you have too be too take it back too the person who stole it
Story 1: Addiction be damned, that's not even the worst part of it. She felt NO remorse WHATSOEVER until she was forced to suffer consequences. Even when she got caught, she tried to wheel and deal to get OP to take the fall. She deserves FAR worse than she's getting in payback for this.
I’m glad to have an update for the first story. I hope there’s a future update where he tells us that he or Cassie pressed charges against the mom. IT’S THEFT!! (grand larceny?) She needs to be held legally and financially responsible.
Unfortunately, it's not theft if the mom's name was on the bank account.
@@dx1450 Sad, but true.
@@dx1450 Aren't there supposed to be safeguards against spending money set aside for an education? Like, this whole situation feels like funds misappropriation. I feel like that should be a literal crime.
@@duckatali I believe only if it's held in a trust - but I could be wrong. A regular bank account wouldn't have the same rules.
@@_.WildMoonChild I believe you're right. Only if it's in a trust and it's spelled out what the money can be used for. But if it's a regular bank account, which I suspect was the case here, then anyone whose name is on the account can use it for whatever they want.
The second story reminds me so much of my parents’ relationship, except my mom never cheated. My dad never cleaned up after himself, he rarely got my mom flowers or took her out to dinner. Even if it was for special occasions like Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, or her birthday. It felt like my brother and I always had to pick up his slack (not that I wouldn’t have done it either way). They separated for a bit over a year from 2021-2022 and IMMEDIATELY my dad started sleeping with multiple women. His excuse? He felt that my mom was growing distant towards him “as a wife” (not sleeping with him and withholding affection, overall being cold towards him). Like dude?? You weren’t being a husband to her for the entirety of the 25+ years you’ve been together. He wasn’t even there for my birth because he wanted to get more sleep!! It’s so crazy how absolutely clueless some people can be. They’re so absent minded on how they treat their partners, but can’t handle it when they get the exact same treatment.
Worse is EVEN telling them what they did wrong they'll find more excuses and blame them or other rather then themselves because they cant be wrong
I hope your mom is happy
@@hunnykun101 Unfortunately she took him back this past August. There was a bit of an overlap between them getting back together and the last woman my dad was in a relationship with. He ended up emotionally cheating on my mom for about a week before he decided he “wasn’t that type of man”. I have absolutely no respect for him anymore. I’ll acknowledge him as my dad and the man that was there for MOST of my life, but apart from that, he’s nobody to look up to. He’s taught me what a man SHOULDN’T be. He’s been trying to make it up to her by finally taking her out and buying her things, but it’s a little too late for that. I’m just focusing on my relationship with my mom, and I’ll support her no matter what she decides even if I disagree with it.
@@SoosLives keep making your mom happy.
Sad that your dad had to make up for it now
My parents were in the EXACT same kind of marriage ! My mother took all of the house work + her job, and my father lied down or just worked in his garrage all day.
I came to the conclusion my mother stayed because she knew what her place was in the marriage, even though she hated it. She often spoke to me for HOURS on end to tell me how horrible my father was to her, hpw she wish she could leave, how one day I would come home and she would be gone...
Let me tell you : I WISHED she cheated. That way, maybe she would have been a bit happier, and who knows, maybe she would have found within herself the gut to finally leave. Ecause, despite everything she told me, she never left
@@karbonythe My mom mostly stayed for a financially stable household for my brother and I, but it also has to deal with how their generation were raised on what marriages are. That men went to work, and women were there to run the households. However, my mom was also very independent as in she almost always work a full-time job, and tan the house even when my dad left us. He kind of hated it because he felt it made her think that “she didn’t need him”. Obviously he was just insecure. Nowadays, their generation is starting to realize allowing yourself to be disrespected and walked on is not worth it.
If you assumed than the mom spent the money over the course of the entire 17 years of the daughter’s life, that’s $10,000 a year In embezzlement. That’s an insane amount of money to spend, on top of the mom’s paycheck spending money.
And, it’s likely the college fund wasn’t started from the daughter’s birth.
OP and his wife have only been together for eight years. That means she spent over $21k per year of her daughter's money. She's a narcissist and a thief. She deserves every bit of the fallout.
The sad thing is that it’s super easy to spend 170k. I am a very minimalistic person and if I was told I had to spend even a million dollars in a month I would be done in 2 weeks. Granted I would have land a decent car and a decent truck to show for it and not stupid shoes but to each their own.
I think they said in the story that the fund was started 8 years ago
You forgot interest. Because of interest, a couple of hundred dollars shortly after the fund was started would short the current balance by thousands (assuming 8 years, shortly after OP married Andrea.
Its pretty easy to spend 170k when you spend most of that on a shiny new mercedes.
Okay. Horrible stories aside, can we talk about how beautiful that present is that RSLASH gave to his wife. That's adorable RSLASH.
RSLASH put a lot of time and effort into something that shows his love for his wife. That was a great gift.
It's a wonderful intersection of romantic and nerdy. That's our Dabney!
I'd honestly do that as well.
Yeah I wanna see the gift lol
Divorce the thief, sue her and send her to jail. Ruin her life like she ruined that of her daughter.
Divorce isn’t the answer
@@Batman-lg2zj Then what is ? Staying with a woman who commited a felony and tried to throw you under the bus for it ? Especially when that kind of solution would lead to the daughter to hate you too ?
Nah man, divorce the shit out of her and go for scorched earth.
@@Juju2927 I can argue that she has a mental illness. Keep her accountable but also help her. Divorce is not always the be all end all. Then again this is my opinion.
Edit for clarification. I do not condone what the wife she. What she did was 100% wrong and messed up. It just gets very annoying very fast that's the very first thing people think of. And so I reacted.
@@Juju2927 i am. i will op would report her and give me the details
I'd hardly say that the daughters' life is ruined, hold crap. there's millions of Americans that never went to college that are extremely well off. The daughter is, apparently, very smart, she'll qualify for financial aid if the family can't support her. and, Get this: She can work whilst in college!
Story 1: The motive of the theft is pretty messed up. Like, she had a shopping addiction fueled partially by her being worried about how others would look at her? Like, what the peck? That's unhealthy!
The woman definitely is showing some narcissistic tendencies. She isn’t a narcissist because she has told the immediate family the truth instead of lying and controlling the narrative. Others have mentioned destroying her career and life over this. That’s too easy and quick. Real punishment is making her pay it back and controlling every bit of her life from now on. In Frank Herbert’s Dune series this called “Bene Gesserrit punishment”. At first you think you’ve been let off the hook with a slap on the wrist. But you quickly find out you’re an indentured servant for the rest of your natural life. Time goes by you think redeemed yourself. Then your Superior (or handler whichever you prefer) says something about it and you realize how ducked you still are. Let’s be real here he’s 58, his stepdaughter is around 18. So, let’s assume his wife is 10years than him. She’s past her prime and can’t reset with a new man. That’s where all this “contrition” is coming from. Because I’m petty I’d take her back with a postnup, financially control everything, open phone policy, restrict her friend (because that’s what made her fall) etc. If she doesn’t like that. Then there’s the door with no hope of seeing your daughter forgive you.
I know someone who never does anything without considering what random strangers might think of her. It's exhausting having any conversation with her because she always asks for opinions about which clothes look best, then gets angry when I don't tell her one or the other. I'm no fashionista and thinks everything looks good on her
Yeah... that's the point of an addiction. It's unhealthy
Yeah, I suspect she's claiming an addiction because saying "I don't give a fuck about my daughter and wanted to spend her college fund on myself" is gonna get a lot less sympathy!
@@fdm2155 Yes, I don't think it's so much an addiction as it is trying to keep up with her shallow and materialistic friends.
So if Andrea still has the stuff she bought, why doesn't he just sell that because even if he gets half that's still like 90k
Well, we don’t know over how long of a period of time this was happening. The stuff might be degraded or lost. And the car is immediately going to lose value just driving it off the lot (which is something I never understood about the car industry, like wtf?).
Be that as it may, they should still get rid of it all. Every little bit counts, plus why should the wife get to keep the trophies of her daughter's pissed-away future?
@@Tustin2121 its like how Gamestop gives you 8 bucks for a game that you paid 60 for even if you bring it back within a few hours in mint condition
That was one of my first thoughts.
Even if they get a fraction of the value, they still get that fraction of the value rather than the big nothing (except useless stuff) that they have now.
She wouldn't get anywhere near half, especially if it was mostly clothes. BUT you are correct in that she should be forced to sell whatever she owns and giving back what she can.
first story: So I'm assuming the stuff the wife bought is still in her possession right? Why don't they sell them all? Might not exactly be the same money but I'm sure they could get a lot for the car and shoes and bags.
Story 3: The ex literally stole his dog and was willing to fight to keep the dog. OP pretty much fulfilled her ex's last wish.
But seriously, *WHY THE PECK HASN'T OP LEFT YET?!?!* Like, I would've just magically vanished if I learned that someone I was dating stole from their ex out of bitterness
Right, GTFO and take the dog! If the GF was only keeping it to spite her, who knows what she would to it now that the ex is gone.
Honestly, the more I listen to these stories, the more I think the majority of people have very low self-esteem and are absolutely terrified of being alone.
It just boils down to that. I am alone and I am content. I don't have to deal with sociopathic, narcissistic assholes and twist myself into a pretzel denying the reality.
the second i heard that my partner stole an ex's pet, i would leave asap and bring the pet back to the ex. that is evil shit and no one should be separated from their beloved pet.
Yeah, like how can you longterm imagine being with someone that could behave this way?
Maybe OP has something the ex would steal and he doesnt wanna deal with it himself.
If someone stole my pet and the cops weren't helping I'd just go and take them back because F that person. I would not give a flying fuck if I got in trouble for it, they are my family and some a-hole kidnapped them so I WILL be getting them back no matter how.
Also he took the dog BACK?! WTF man, just leave the poor dog with his ACTUAL person, fuck that girlfriend so much.
Telling someone to "just leave" a toxic marriage is never actually that easy, especially when you have kids.
This.
It's like all of the people who say 'just go no contact' with toxic abusers. It's not that simple.
I have been NC with my abusive parents and their flying monkeys (most of my siblings and other extended family members) for more than 10 years. It was a difficult decision to make, one that I made then unmade (went back into contact) and remade multiple times. And now, more than a decade later there are still times when I want to try and establish contact with them (looking for love where there is none). And, in my case, I really could 'just' walk away.
People in marriages, especially with kids, have entire extra legal layers to go through while also going through the process of psychologically and emotionally going through the process of deciding to leave (not to mention financial considerations, etc.).
It's not the simple. People need to stop pretending that it is, and to stop implicitly and explicitly blaming the person for 'not just leaving'.
Yeah, that was my thought exactly. Cheating wasn't the best way, but just leaving isn't that easy.
Once all the kids were teenagers or adults then dumping him on his ass is probably the best choice. If the children are all adults, she should try to leave and have her kids help her.
This! In addition, we don't know if there is financial abuse going on. It's not always that simple.
For some people it is that easy and for some it isn’t. All there is to it
Giving advice doesn't imply that it's easy to follow through on. It might not be easy but it is necessary nonetheless.
Story 1: The wife should be LUCKY that OP hasn't left her already. How does one defend themselves for using their kid's college funds for shopping? I wouldn't be shouting back at Cassie, I would just be sheepish and not say a damn word. The wife needs serious help, seriously.
In the next update its confirmed that he is divorcing her. Another channel covered some of these stories a little while ago. The boyfriend in the last story also broke up with the dog thief iirc
I suspect it was not so much a "shopping addiction" as it was her trying to keep up with her rich, shallow, and materialistic friends who made fun of her for driving an "old" Lexus.
12:40
Please PLEASE consider that alot of people KNOW they're in bad relationships and just can not leave. Especially the longer a relationship goes on, or the more dependant (emotionally or otherwise) they are made on it. I've been in an abusive relationship before and leaving is incredibly hard, it took her practically cheating for me to finally snap out of it and see this as over. I'm no psychologist and I can't explain why leaving is hard - but telling people to "just leave" is only driving the knife deeper, and makes us come up with excuses as to why we stay there. I assume rSlash didn't intend this to come across bad, but it is super important to call out.
I believe people experience things differently. I get what you’re saying but you’re not speaking for everyone. My uncle cheated on my aunt and they’ve been together for about 20 years and she divorced him immediately with no hesitation. Obviously she was hurt for a while but she also knew the relationship was over. And she had a child to think about. So imo you can leave. The only good reason to not leave is if you are financially dependent on your partner or are waiting for the right moment to leave. Anything other than those will just hurt you.
Yes, it's very common for people to just ignorantly say "just leave", bc in reality it's not that easy. And this is coming from someone who absolutely loathes cheating.
Especially since they were married and with kids, you can become really dependent on another. And divorce can be a messy and painful process, especially if you leave on bad terms
I think that sometimes people don't understand nor recognize that messy situations, no matter how black and white they may appear, are still messy. Dabney has always come across as someone who doesn't have a lot of experience in dealing with messy situations so it's easier to give a black and white answer. And I hope this doesn't seem mean or that I think the worst of him. I totally agree with him a vast amount of the time but I just have to keep in mind that Dabney is a person who doesn't have a ton of experience in some of these messier things in life.
I think he knows that, but his point was more towards the fact that cheating while in a bad relationship isn't a solution. I've seen so so many people say stuff like "cheating is fine if you're in an abusive relationship". That is just not true, because one, it doesn't really help the core problem, and two, if found out, the abuser could do terrible things to the victim.
Last Story: Yeah tbh i really dont care how bad their relationship was, if the dog was his before the relationship started, then he gets to keep it. Honestly i completely agree with what R/Slash said, seriously Op RUN lile crazy.
“So, I took my ex’s dog, won’t let him see it, and will actively threaten anyone who tries to change that, even though i’m well aware he’s dying.”
And i must ask WHY WOULD YOU BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT
Story 2 - must be a work affair because she would have no other time to meet someone otherwise. Not with doing all the house chores, taking care of the kids, her mom and husband. Also, leave your partner, don’t cheat on them.
Story 3 - 😭 sad but heartwarming the guy got to see his dog one last time.
Other people watch rslash for his Reddit content, I'm here for the extreme joy his takes in talking about his wife and daughter. I LOVE when TH-camrs gush about their families and you can feel, even just through their voices, how much they love and care for them.
Dabney constantly brings "the straights are okay" energy to his videos, and I am 100% here for it!
Your comment about what you got your wife for Christmas was adorable. That's an amazing idea for a present. Using something you love to make something for the people you love.
Story 1: OP should either press charges, force the wife to sell all the stuff that she spent the college fund on and give the money back to the daughter, or both.
OP and his wife need to sell the car, at least. I heard the used car market is ridiculous now, where you can sell it for a good price.
So I never dealt with it from an addiction issue, but as someone who really struggled with shopping as an emotional “coping” thing- you really would be surprised how much stupid shopping can add up. $170k is a LOT of money but easily hidden behind food/snacks while out getting clothes or whatever when you take into account the amount of time this probably covered. Especially if shes getting high end stuff that he doesn’t understand cost of. Although I will say, this is a GREAT example of why everyone should be checking all their financial accounts monthly, or at least quarterly. As a former banker, I have seen much worse than this. It’s usually credit cards, but same concept.
The fact she had control of the finances up to that point is insane. The husband is a total fool
Rslash talking about his Lego gift for his wife is so adorable. My cousin does something similar, making bobblehead Lego sets for people's favourite characters. I adore this!
rslash you will never cease to be the ideal husband, your wife is absolutely blessed to be with a guy as nice as you god im in tears, you treat her and your daughter wonderful 😭
First story: what was Andrea‘s plan initially to explain the missing money from the college fund if OP hadn’t found The discrepancy when he did? Was she going to throw him under the bus in front of Cassie? Andrea really is a terrible person, she can’t be trusted and she doesn’t deserve to have any connection to either her daughter or OP.
That's an awesome gift Dabney! You put a lot of thought into it. I would've been thrilled to get a gift like that! Hubby and I haven't exchanged gifts for over 20 years, but since he retired, he is doing all the laundry, helps clean the litter boxes(at least 2x/wk, and we have 5 cats, used to be 10), vacuums, and does the grocery shopping(he'll buy me treats that I like(rice cakes, ice cream, chips, etc.). So, I now have the gift of being in his thoughts every day, I wouldn't take a diamond ring over what he does for me. So after a 35+ year marriage, he's the best husband ever!
For the first story, it seems like a fairly simple fix. The mom just has to be the one to go $200K in debt with student loans. The girl gets to go to school like she planned, and the mom spends the next 30 years paying for the debt.
Surely step 1 for Andrea would be to sell the car, shoes and whatever else she can to try and get as much of the cash back as possible 🤷🏻♂️
I’m soooooooo sorry Cassie, as she sobs in her Benz 😂
The fact this isn't part of the story suggests to me this story is total bull.
The dad in the first story brought me to tears, wish mine was like that lol
And that’s not even her birth father! He’s only been her dad for 8 years and he’s this wonderful!
So, the first story, if she goes into counseling and even into a shopaholic group, they are going to tell her she needs to tell and make peace with those who she has hurt, that includes Cassie. She might as well just rip the bandage off and tell Cassie now.
The mom could sell that car and those shoes, then get a second job.
Exactly what i thought!
And besides: friends that critizise you for your "measly" car are no friends!
2:06 I'm sorry, but there is no saving the relationship between Andrea and Cassie. I know I have said it before, and I will say it again. The quickest way to ruin a relationship, intentionally or unintentionally, is hurting people where money was/is involved. $170k is not an amount you easily give back. That trust is permanently gone
Rslash restored a bit of my faith in humanity w the story about the Lego mosaic lol, that’s literally the sweetest XD
I don't think you're virtue signaling, Dabney you put a lot of thought into the gift you made for your wife. I say good on you dude.
I know it sounds hard to believe but she probably is spending all this money on shopping. I worked at a storage facility a while back where we had a lady with a similar problem. She rented storage units had the invoices and mail sent to a P.O. box would buy things store them in the storage facility and slowly swap them out with the old items in her house so her husband wouldn't notice.
That gift for your wife is honestly the sweetest!!!
Rslash you get
5/5 in the good husband score and
5/5 in the good dad score
That gift is an amazing idea
This man really needs to cover more story updates because I'm sure that most of the people haven't heard the updates from relationship advice and am I the a and sometimes it's frustrating but still entertaining content. Also on the last story at the end of it I said dude why are you still with her then rslash says the same thing and I said. Hey that's what I said!
ignorance is bliss
The first story OP should sell all the things his wife bought with the money until she gives back EVERY penny from the 170k. Sell the car, the shoes. . . EVERYTHING.
In the last story, OP should definitely leave that heartless woman, and take the dog too.
Cant help but smile at Dabney here sharing his love of his wife, child and lego. I hear ya man, Legos are the best and it warms my heart that you love your wife and kid. Congrats on spending a buttload of time working with lego pixels, that is some serious dedication!
I remember hearing the first story.
People were tearing OP apart for even considering taking the fall for his gem of a wife and not divorcing her ASAP.
Story 2: yea, you are kinda bragging. Just sayin'
Story 3: why is OP is dating someone who steals their ex's dog, then refuses to let them see him/her ??? You know how cold blooded u have the be to do sh+t like that????
Dude, run!!!
I like the way Rslash Always welcomes us, like:
_Hey there, welcome, come on in, welcome to_
_r/eithergreatrevengeorpuredepression, come on in!_
Honestly I love hearing about rSlash's wife and daughter
You can really feel the love he has for both of them
it inspires me
Stealing money from your child’s college fund is just guaranteeing years of debt and heartache that didn’t need to happen
Story one: they should sell everything the mom bought
Story three: the guy should leave and take the dog with him
1st Story: I'm with r/Slash on this one. For the LOVE OF EVERYTHING, I hope OP checks all of his and Cassie's accounts, change ALL the damn passwords, contact your bank, just do whatever you can to block Andrea OUT. Also yeah, I hear dating's the dating scene's rough, but it's not impossible for someone in their 50's to find someone-- OP's clearly worth more than that. Right now I'd just focus on divorce, supporting Cassie and therapy.
Last Story: ... OP WTF are you doing with this witch?! Is the adult fun-time really THAT good?! I feel SO bad for the ex. That dog is also an extension of him, so it should really go to his mother, if she's able to take care of it.
im scared of what i might do if i get a terminal disease and my ex stole my dog and wouldnt let me see him. i might spend the last weeks of my life in jail.
I think the mom in the first story needs to be forced to sell as many of her expensive items as possible to get even part of that money back.
Always share nice stories from your own life, if anyone complaints it's virtue signalling they are idiots, that's those youtubers who give homeless people money in front of the camera so they can seem nice and make the money back. You just did a fun thing for your family.
I think the term "virtue signalling" was invented by people who never do good things for others, to make themselves feel better.
The first story is hitting me so freaking hard rn. Idk what caused it but, my mom orders stuff from Shein and Amazon practically every damn week and she's done many poor financial decisions for years not jist shopping online. Vacations, expensive gifts, 2 used overpriced cars, many electronics, and even the damn grocery bill was over $200 every week. My dad (Thankfully they're divorced and have been for practically my entire life.) and my grandparents had to pay so many essential bills because of my mom's poor spending habits on everything else but the goddamn necessities. So I can feel for OP and Cassie on this. I really feel for them.
First story..... This shows why we must always keep a close watch on all accounts.
And.... study the "I vs. Me Rule". Yeah, it's a thing.
Last story..... Drop that toxic GF, after securing your finances, then tell her about the dog.
Story 1: Definitely need to leave that wife. In not just five bucks, or even 20 bucks she stole. ITS A FREAKING 170K. Plus it not even for them to use. It for her daughter's education. College is not cheap. I hear too many stories of students going to debt to pay their tuition. Some even have to live in their car during their study. I would divorce and demand she pay back every cent she stole.
Story 2: My parents separated when I was... what, 2? And in my opinion, it's probably something of the best thing they did. I love them both, but man are they not meant for each other. While my mom is active and outgoing, my dad has almost what I would call an extreme extrovert personality and has interests that just doesn't mix with my mom, and vice versa.
This ended with them leaving on good term, didn't involve court and left on good terms. This is also why when I grew up, I just did not understand people who where upset when their parents divorced. *I was smart enough to never say so* but I just couldn't empathize because "If they don't love each other, isn't it a good thing that they are divorcing?" *that* is what OP's mom should have gone for, but instead decided to live in what I assume to be misery with her husband. And if someone goes "It's for the children" *trust me* in the long run it's much better than staying together in an broken family
First story: in regards to how OP can get the money back that the wife stole. I think that the wife should sell her car and her shoes to try to recoup the money that she stole from her kid.
Love the channel. It's been part of my morning routine for a couple years now
Same lol every morning
Same here in Germany
First story: The second she asked you to take the fall is the second your marriage died. It doesn’t matter what OP does, his marriage is already dead and cold.
Cold as in his wife doesn’t love him. She doesn’t care about anything or anyone other than herself. Her head is so far up her own ass she couldn’t even be bothered to push you under the bus herself! She had the audacity to *ask* you to throw yourself under the bus, wtf.
I don’t think I could be with someone who stole 6 figures from my child, then asks me to take the fall for it.
If my ex stole my cat after we broke up I would raise H*LL to get him back! It's so sad but I hear that story all the time a vindictive ex steals a beloved pet from their ex just to get back at them, like what the F that is just so horrible.
First story: Yes you can spend that much money and more. My best friend went through this situation with his ex-wife. She spent over $100,000 on eating out, Walmart and Target over the course of eight years. The money was all on credit cards. They went through counseling and worked on the marriage "because of the kids." Four years later, he found out she emptied their college funds and did the same thing. This time she hid all the junk in a storage unit. My friend only found out when the bank called because she missed two payments. This amount was for $120,000. My best friend had divorce papers in hand by the end of the week. It is a ugly bitter divorce he is still dealing with until their second child graduated from high school this year.
The second story is sad. Yes, I agree that divorse is the best option, what should have happened. But that's how toxic relationships are. Often times, you want to leave, but can't stand to be without them. It seems too hard.
First story, HELL NO you shouldn't take the fall, thats outrageous. This is very easy, for your wife to even ask that of you tells me shes not sorry and she will do something like this again.
Story 1 the mother IS the one WHO ruined her relationship with her daughter and husband and she now ruined her daughter’s life op divorce that good for nothing woman and take full custody of Cassidy she need to be away from her mother op’s just amazing father figure honestly I am really glad he wants to pay her college and future and Cassie is like no I don’t want you to work until your 90 what an angel Jesus Christ
The last story is baffling! Why is he with this awful, awful woman?! I can't believe how many months of happiness that piece of garbage stole from her ex by keeping his dog. Also, what pos judge approved of her getting the dog in the first place when it was originally the ex's dog (assuming they were even married)? This is insane.
Literally you can sell all of her stuff at jacked up prices. Even then you might not even get half of that money back
That last story upset me soooo much. If my ex EVER tried to take my cat, I would have broken into his house to get him back. There is NO reason for her to have taken the dog when it was originally his. I would have taken her to court to get the dog back. I understand that the man got sick and he probably thought at least the dog had someone when he passed. Which I understand.
I guess the message to people with pets is, don't move in with ANYONE unless you're willing to take them to court over your beloved pet being stolen from you.
The shopping addiction isn't about having more stuff. It's honestly the good FEELING you get from buying that stuff. But yeah, it's a serious problem and the daughter and husband have a good reason to be mad at her.
No, based on the explanation, the women didn't care about the shopping, she actually felt that she needed to keep up with and trump her girl "friends" lifestyles.
She needs to be seen as the most succesful and most wealthy one~
Story 3: I hate the ex never take the man's dog in a divorce take the car, take the house even take my money but not the damn dog
Story 2 idk man I agree the best is to get a divorce if you arent happy but the reality is not so simple, it might mean not only the situation with the kids but also a stable life turning to overwhelming rent/grocery/bills to both sides. The right solution is also the much much harder one for working class folk
Making architect Legos with my dad is one of my favorite activity to do! I suggest you to do the same when your daughter is old enough. It’s great memories ❤️
Always a great morning when rslash posts, love that your videos go up as soon as I get to work so I get to listen every day
True love from a spouse means a gift that isn’t about money but a gift that is special to YOU. I grew up by Lake Superior and loved sitting on the beach collecting agates. I now have an illness that has left me wheelchair bound and travel difficult so going back to the lake difficult. For my birthday, my husband got a paint can size bucket of kinetic sand, ordered a bunch of Lake Superior agates from Etsy and buried them in the sand and gave it to me. So now whenever I am homesick, I can sift through the sand and find agates just like I used to as a little girl. It is the most precious gift I have ever received.
Oh my god, Dabney. When you talked about the gift you made for your wife I damn near cried. That was beautiful. Your relationship with your wife and daughter are the absolute best to hear about. You're an amazing husband and father. More men could learn from you.
"I don't want Andrea and Cassie to split up forever." unfortunately OP that's not your decision to make. You are a third party to this conflict and your wife has already dug her grave. Cassie deserves to know the truth and to decide if she wants to continue to have a relationship with her mother or not. And if the mother didn't want to lose her relationship with Cassie and already knew that their relationship was floating on rocky water then she should of had enough willpower out of pure love of her daughter to not jeopardize their relationship and prioritize herself. She knows what she was doing was wrong cause she was doing it in secret. So she fully knew that if she's actually dealing with an addiction then she needs to seek mental health services to address that for the sake of her and her daughter. Not continue to indulge in something she KNOWS is wrong just because it was too "tempting" until she gets caught.
Story 1 I heard this one for. Im op wised up and didn't where the blame.
the nerve of that woman in the first story to offer MONEY to "fix" the situation when she literally had to steal the money to feed her habit in the first place
You're not bragging man, you're pointing out something awesome that you did for your wife. Well done btw!!
The last story hit a nerve with me. I took my and my exes dog after we broke up because he was abusive. I couldn’t trust him with my dog because I thought he would literally kill him. He would message me, my friends, and my family to try and see my dog, but I couldn’t let him because I was so afraid that he would hurt him to get back at me. He told me our whole relationship he never actually loved me because he can’t feel love, so I don’t think he really cared about our dog. If someone were to bring my dog to my ex, I would immediately break up with them for stepping on my boundaries and risking my dogs life. I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s petty and selfish when not all the reasons for her taking the dog are known.
Getting an animal together while in a relationship with someone then taking it after the break-up is pretty different than an ex-partner taking a pet that the person had prior to a relationship with them. Being abusive towards the animal would be an exception, sure, but if it were a case of abuse, OP's girlfriend could've just told him that. Considering the ex cried upon seeing his dog, it doesn't sound like that was the case. And it was the OP that said their girlfriend's only reasons were petty and bitter, and he would be the one who would know, so him saying it seems pretty fair. It seems like he's scared of her.
I think that gift to your wife is incredibly sweet, thoughtful & you're wife is very lucky. I love hearing about couples doing sweet things like this. Not virtue signaling. Thanks for sharing your story.
Gifts are better made than bought. It shows the time and effort you put into it even if it does come out looking like a giant Lego dong. KEKW.
that secret affair made ops mom in the second story feel something since her husband obviously doesn’t cherish her. honestly, i’m happy she found someone that she was able to have for herself even if it was just an affair and i’m glad op is treating his mom so well. that husband will never change and shell never leave him. i’m not mad at her for living
It's always easy to say just leave. Actually leaving isn't that easy.
Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. But it can become necessary.
I often hear these stories from other channels before rslash covers them. However I always listen to rslash's take anyways. He's my favorite storyteller!
Good morning I hope everyone has a great day today
mornin! i'm sick, but you have an awesome day as well :D
3pm here
I hope you have a great day
1st story: what's do confusing? Wife selfishly screwed over her own daughter then selfishly wants op to destroy his relationship with the daughter. Tell the daughter & let the wife take responsibility for her actions.
Updated:
Good for Cassie for dropping her mom from her life. Op needs to do what's best for him & Cassie now. Andrea needs help & til she's better, no contact is probably what's best.
I've heard that dog story on another platform before period I would have returned the dog, not just let it visit him. It was his dog, and she was a vindictive b word.
Dabney, the Lego pic of ur wife & daughter is a fab idea!! I always tell hubs n kids not to get me presents, I'd 100% rather them spend it on themselves, all I ask for is a mushy card or letter. Hubs always comes thru & his cards/letters (& sometimes a funny, rhyming, mushy "poem") are always the things I love & cherish the most & always keep ❤️
The last story tells You all You need to know about how horrible of a person the gf is
This episode is so hard to listen to. My life would be completely changed with $170, 000. I can’t even imagine how heartbreaking this would be to experience.
I will never understand why people feel the need to steal money
From children
@@maxbenson9982 right so wrong on so many levels
If you can't comprehend that, you must be atleast as ignorant, as the people you wanna dehumanize.
@@Robin93k ok
First Story: If the stepdad gets along well with the daughter, and the daughter has a strained relationship with the mom...if he takes the fall, he will take BOTH of them away from her. It's gross. If the mom didn't want to ruin her relationship with her daughter _she shouldn't have stolen $170,000.00 from her daughter._
Oh, Rslash said as much - lol
Imagine being the cheater in the relationship and you’re now the sympathetic figure in your kid’s eyes 😆😂 bruh, fucking hilarious
It sounds like the dad may have swallowed his pride and stayed with his wife for the sake of the kids. Now one of his kids is mad at him for not being affectionate to his cheating wife. The kid knows about one affair that mom had. Maybe there were more but dad just didn't announce it to he kids. There was also reference to multiple health problems that the dad has. This might be a factor in not helping much with housework. I agree that the kid is siding with the wrong parent.
did you not hear the part where op said this behavior and treatment was happening before the affair?
@@LexxLo0 and? Does it justify the cheating?
Imagine seeing the whole world just in black & white, good & evil...
Being so mentally deranged that you cannot comprehend that literally EVERYTHING is a spectrum of gray~
Fucking sad men~
Consequences are important. Ruining relationships with family is often what motivates addicts to get the help they need. There’s a big difference between
“I stole a lot of money from my daughter (may or may not have convinced husband to take the fall for it) and now she’s mad so I should probably try therapy”
versus
“My daughter cut me off and my husband divorced me after I stole a ridiculous amount of money from my own child. They won’t talk to me. I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me, but I NEED therapy NOW so I can try to fix this. Once I resolve some issues, maybe I can talk to her again some day if I’m able to prove I’ve changed.”
Consequences. Are. Necessary.
Love your videos!!
Agree on the first story. Don't take the fall. She was just being GREEDY and trying to appeal to her rich friends by stealing somebody else's money. That's far beyond "shopping addiction." That's entry level narcissism.