How to Meet Mr Darcy // Regency Era & Victorian Guide to Introduction Etiquette
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 พ.ย. 2023
- Shop Brooklinen’s biggest sale of the year by clicking my link here bit.ly/elliedashwood. ❤︎ (ad) Imagine walking into a drawing room in Regency Era England and meeting Mr. Darcy. What would you do? Well, in this video we go through all the required etiquette around starting a relationship and getting introduced in the 19th century. We also look at the good (and the bad) examples of how to behave in Jane Austen's England. So join me in this video we we cover Regency and Victorian Etiquette to prep for your next trip to 1812.
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Celnart, E. (1833). The Gentleman and Lady's
Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment:
Dedicated to the Youth of Both Sexes.
United States: Allen and Ticknor and Carter, Hendee.
Day, C. W., Orsay, A. G. G. d. (1843). Etiquette,
Or, Guide to the Usages of Society. With a Glance
at Bad Habits. United States: Wilson&Company.
Earl of Chesterfield, P. D. S., TRUSLER, J. (1778).
The Principles of Politeness and of knowing the
World. J. Trusler ... The fourth
edition. United Kingdom: (n.p.).
The Habits of Good Society: A Handbook for
Ladies and Gentlemen. (1863). United States:
Carleton.
Manners and Rules of Good Society,
Or, Solecisms to be Avoided. (1888).
United Kingdom: F. Warne.
Sensible Etiquette and Good Manners of the
Best Society ... to which is Added The Art of
Writing. (1882). United States: G.W. Carleton.
Wells, Samuel Robert.
How to Behave:
a pocket manual of Etiquette, and guide to
correct personal habits, etc. (1865).
United Kingdom: (n.p.).
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It is interesting that nowadays if you walk down the street with a friend and meet another friend it is rude to NOT introduce them.
Right?! Things change so much.
It might be misanthropic of me, but as a person with very high anxiety (not social anxiety, but anxiety about everything and everyone) I’m perfectly comfortable telling my friends that they can skip introducing me to an acquaintance if we pass one one the street. Maybe I should have been born a lady 😂😂
The rise of egalitarianism?
(A good thing, imo)
I think it's really just an extension of this, though. If you don't introduce them then you're basically saying you think one of them isn't good enough to be introduced to the other...that the other person would be burdened by having to know them. So the change isn't in introductions, the change is in our (un)willingness to tell people they're not good enough.
@@kray3883 In modern day Ukraine and Russia being the first to introduce yourself and greet the other person is a sign of deference actually. A person of lower status makes the first move. To not initiate contact is a sign of disrespect or challenge to authority.
I adopted two guinea pigs a couple of weeks ago, and decided to call them Darcy and Bingley. They are polite gentleman, have amazing side burns and yes fellow ladies they do have 10,000 poos a year.
Should have as many likes 😂
That's cute😊
Lol
You honestly couldn’t have picked better names, that’s awesome
Bowing acquaintance: The equivalent of knowing someone from work or school.
Social Calls: Becoming friends on social media and/or texting, phone calls, etc.
Dinner/Party: Hanging out
I love the modern translation! 🔥
And cutting is ghosting 🙃
I don't know about the social media thing. I would consider someone that I am friends with on FaceBook, but we've never really DMed each other to be a "bowing acquaintance." DMing each other on a regular basis puts you in the "social calls" category.
@@aeonarinmore like cancelled, since it has to be public
I kept thinking of the line from And Then There Were None: "We tell the story in Ireland about the two Englishmen who were cast away on a desert island for three years and never spoke to each other, because they hadn't been introduced."
Oh is this why Mr Collins received such a reaction for tapping Darcy on the arm to introduce himself?
As an avid reader of classic novels, I got a little bit of understanding about the social rules of the time. But nothing compares to the in-depth of your videos! Thank you so much for explaining the details. Now I love Mr. Darcy even more! Such respect for Lizzy!! 😍
Aw, I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!! 😊💕 And there are so many reasons to love Mr Darcy!
I always thought that Mr Darcy, introducing Elizabeth to his sister, was kind of getting his sister to meet and hopefully approve of Elizabeth. He had already decided to renew his attentions to her
Yes. I think it was also a way of getting Elizabeth to see him in a better light. Georgiana idolized him and he doted on her. He probably knew Georgiana would to make his sensitivity more apparent.
@@Aelffwynn because he didn't have a cat .....
For me it has always seemed like a way to get some closer connection to Elizabeth via his sister. And now, knowing the meaning in actually asking her for permission to do so, I see no reason for changing my opinion.
28:30 "a salutation that Mr. Darcy just deigned to return."
That doesn't sound like a cut. That sounds like Mr. Darcy returned the greeting. I checked in the dictionary in case I misunderstood "deign", but it's "do something that one considers to be beneath one's dignity", so it's the _mot juste._
Yeah her reading and interpretation of that line made me wonder if maybe she doesn't know what the phrase "deign to" means 😬
The scene is definitely an illustration of how coldly Mr Darcy feels towards Mr Wickham, but it's not an example of cutting.
In Persuasion, Elizabeth Elliot goes back and forth on this in her acquaintanceship with Captain Wentworth. On the day that he first comes to Bath and walks into Mollonds, Anne Elliot steps up to acknowledge him and they chat. Captain Wentworth sees Elizabeth and she sees him, but Elizabeth does not acknowledge Captain Wentworth, in spite of his knowing her sisters well, his sister is renting their house, and their having been introduced to each other in the year 1806. Anne feels that Elizabeth is being unreasonably rude. Then, at the concert, when Anne again steps forward to meet Captain Wentworth as he is coming in, Sir Walter and Elizabeth make a slight acknowledgement of him. Once Lady Dalrymple sees Captain Wentworth and thinks that he is good-looking, then Elizabeth and Sir Walter take a much greater interest in becoming closer acquainted to Captain Wentworth because he'd look well walking around in her drawing room. When next she sees him, she speaks to him more than once and makes a particular effort to give him one of her cards. So in the course of about two days, Elizabeth goes from cutting Captain Wentworth to giving him her card and inviting him to come call on the family for the evening party. He is clearly annoyed by her previous rudeness and her change of conduct without any sort of apology.
Modern day ho
Moral of the story: “And I suppose one can’t be introduced in a ballroom?”
Finally, Ellie has made the video she really, really wanted to make.
😂 I like to think everyone is equally obsessed with meeting Mr. Darcy.
It shows 😅 and we live it
I was hoping Ellie would mention the incident where Lady Catherine visits Lizzie. This video ust changed my understanding of that scene, since I always thought it was a mark of Lizzie's shock that she needed to be reminded to introduce her mother! But obviously it was more of a sign of rudeness of Lady Catherine that she didn't even ask for an introduction until well after barging into Mrs Bennet's home!
Yes, good point! I always interpreted it the same way, but now I'm wondering.
When Marianne sees Willoughby in the ball, he tries to cut her, isn't it? And she insists on talking to him, poor thing. I love your videos!"❤
Well, a gentleman wasn't supposed to publicly cut a lady, so he's really being quite rude and it's no wonder that all of her friends are against him for it
Great video. I am thinking about Emma not wanting to acknowledge the farmer who courted her friend and about lady Catherine refusing to be introduced to the Bennets despite being on their door step at some weird early hour. Super cool!! Plus how Lucy Steele got herself introduced to the right people to score an invitation to the right neighbourhood to meet Eleanor. Hmmmmmm!!!
I instantly thought about Mrs. Elton wanting to introduce Emma to all her friends in Bath and Emma is like "That would be an embarrassment for me! I don't want to be associated with THAT persons friends"
I’m pretty sure Mrs Elton’s wealthy relatives feel the same about the people of Hertfield. I wonder how long they would have put off visiting before Mrs Elton realized that?
What a gorgeous cat! He steals the show.
The cat is the real main point of this video. 🐈⬛🔥😂
This was really interesting. We still use "a nodding acquaintance" or "on nodding terms", at least here in Britain, which seems to be the modern equivalent of a bowing acquaintanceship.
We also still use the phrase-
“Please allow me to introduce _____”
Now I'm wondering if "passing acquaintance" is related
Thank you so much for spending your energy to make this video - I really appreciate you! Also, I actually had one of these situations. I was walking with a good friend, M, when someone came up to talk to them. I thought it was very weird that M did not introduce us. As we walked away, M apologized for not introducing us, but 'that was not a good person she had just talked to, and she did not want them to know my name.'
This was super interesting - I love the context this gives to my rereads of P&P!
Only one thing, when I read the scene where Wickham and Mr Darcy meet each other, I didn't interpret it as Mr Darcy "cutting" Wickham.
Jane Austen mentions that "Mr Darcy *just* deigned to return [the salute]". When one "deigns" to do something, it means that one decides to do it, so Mr Darcy actually did respond to Wickham's salute (but only just).
If it said "he did _not_ deign to return [the salute]", then I'd interpret it as Mr Darcy "cutting" him
I am old enough to remember my 3rd grade teacher teaching us how to formally and informally introduce people. Even to know who was the social superior and to say their name first.
19:20 Mr. Collins's self-introduction
It's another instance where Mr. Collins shows that he isn't familiar with the social rules appropriate to his status. It's an especially strong contrast with Mr. Darcy, whose formality is consistent with his coming from a _slightly_ higher standing than the Bennetts.
Mr Collins had had a university education, where he would have mixed exclusively with other elite young gentlemen for several years. I'm intrigued as to how he could graduate from that environment still not knowing the rules of upper class behaviour. Instead he seems overly reliant on books for guidance on social conduct ( e.g. the behaviour of "elegant young females" he has read about). He also frequently misreads/misses/can't predict other people's emotions - which is why he is blithely oblivious to Charlotte' Lucas's true feelings about him. I sometimes wonder if he might be neurodivergent .
@@a24-45 I think Mr. Collins does know the social etiquette but disregards it due to the fact that he's a clergyman and so have the privilege to socialize with everyone in society regardless of class, and the fact that Mr. Darcy is the nephew of Lady Catherine de Burg.
@@hippolyte90Yes, I agree that Mr Collins has convinced himself that he is in uniquely elevated position. Oddly enough, Mr Darcy and Mr Collins actually share some traits -- both are proud, both are snobby, both are noticeably more formal in their manners than their peers (such as Mr Bingley).
@@a24-45 Never thought about Mr. Darcy and Mr. Collins being alike, but you're right! And they both propose to Elizabeth and fail miserably.
The inappropriate introduction reluctance is so apparent when lady Catherine visits Elizabeth at longbourne.
There is a scene in Persuasion that beautifully illustrates the thought that went into introductions. The scene where Elizabeth and Sir Walter are discussing whether or not to introduce Lady Dalrymple to Admiral and Mrs. Croft. They are worried that Lady Dalrymple will be offended by the introduction and decide not to attempt it and decide to "Let them find their own level".
Thank you for a fascinating, detailed video!
And for a bit of humor... There's a point in Alice Through the Looking-Glass (the book) when Alice is made a Queen and there's a big dinner party. Alice is introduced to the leg of mutton, and when she offers to carve it for serving, is told that "It isn't etiquette to cut anyone you've been introduced to."
I think my ONLY quibble with the ‘95 pride and prejudice was how Elizabeth introduced the gardeners to Darcy. It confused me that she highlighted her aunt, when it’s her uncle who is her blood relative.
I think it was because Mrs Gardiner was from the town of Lambton, 5 miles from Pemberley. And being a native of Derbyshire might make her more socially accessible to the Darcys?
@Toriolees Actually I think the opposite. Even though Darcy was being really courteous and she was embarrassed to be there, she kind of tested him because Aunt Gardiner was of lower social status, and she wanted to see how he reacted.
Oh, and might also be that introducing the woman first was polite, but I still think there was a bit of "let's see how he responds to that" vibe going on.
@annbsirius1703 I agree. She was watching him for hints of snobbery. He passed the test.
Ladies first!
One question. Mr Bennet called on Mr Bingley even without an introduction as he was a new neighbor. Was this an exception to the rule? Were there social obligations like someone moving into the neighborhood which could excuse the lack of a mutual acquaintance?
Exactly! There were special rules about calling on new families that moved to the neighborhood. I cover more about social call etiquette in this video: How Did the Victorians Social Network? Calling Card and Paying Calls Etiquette 101
th-cam.com/video/QtlpjS_nGpU/w-d-xo.html
Thanks! I had the same question😊
It would have helped if I read the comments before posting my own comment where I raised this question as well. At least it'll help the algorithm. 😂
He probably just left his card, which is a sort of request to be acquainted without putting anybody on the spot or making them feel obliged to accept it.
@@mouseketeery Wouldn’t it be rather rude though to leave a card if the person is at home and willing to receive visitors? Chapter 2 did say he visited so I assume he actually… went to Netherfield? Also in Chapter 3, Mr Bingley is said to have returned the call by spending 10 minutes with Mr Bennet in the library. I assume he wouldn’t have done that if Mr Bennet merely left a card.
4:30 drawing back from introductions
So _that's_ why the recommended form is to ask the higher-status person for leave to introduce the lower-status person. I used to think it was just a matter of precedence, but now I see it's a genuine request which might well be denied.
My mom and I typically groan whenever we see Mr. Collins on screen so it's awesome to have a NEW reason to hate on Mr. Collins 🤣
Thank you for making such a long luxurious video LOL. Love it!!! ETA: OMG. Thank you. I now understand that whole scene between Mr. Collins forcing to introduce himself to Mr. Darcy, why Elizabeth was like 'NOOOO'...and how the whole thing unfolded...no wonder Mr. Darcy's coldness was justified.
I’m surprised you didn’t cite Tilney seeking his introduction to Catherine and Mrs. Allen in the pump room.
I have always wondered why Katherine Moreland never introduced the Tilneys to the Thorpes. Now I know.
Thanks for your Masterclasses!!! No one should read Austen without watching your videos! Have you considered talking about the Brontës?
I agree! If you haven't already, you should look at Dr Octavia Cox's videos. She discusses literature through the lens of historical context, too.
As someone who reads Pride and Prejudice variations, this might be one of my favorite of your videos. I felt you thoroughly explained things, reinforcing things where necessary, without belaboring any point. I especially liked your explanation of Mr. Darcy asking to introduce Georgiana to Elizabeth.
I will be saving this so I can reference it again as it really adds dimension to what to us is a common occurrence. Thanks!
Anyone else get the feeling that this is just the live-action version of managing Facebook friends? The cut direct = unfriend...
Hmm, do my homework, or learn about meeting people in the past? Well, it is educational
Excellent priorities. 🔥
I love the way you talk about history, it just addictive
Aw, thank you! I’m so glad you’re enjoying it!
This is sooo interesting to learn about and has helped me understand PandP so much better. I always thought that Elizabeth's good opinion of Darcy was formed way too quickly but knowing that Darcy showed humbleness, respect, and appreciation for Lizzie's character and family through those introductions makes a lot of sense.
Edit: and I always wondered why Darcy was so pissed at Collins in that scene xD. Cause I never saw what was so wrong about introducing urself to someone you esteem
Thank you so much for this. I fall even deeper into Elizabeth and Darcy's world after watching your videos. Most of all I understand how much Darcy must have loved Elizabeth to have negotiated with Wickham and organize his marriage to Lydia. If acquaintanceships were important then how much more so would a possible in-law relationship be.
Great video! A follow-up about Ballroom etiquette and introduction would be appreciated 😊
Your regency etiquette guides are invaluable to the lady-authoress who wishes to accurately depict the period. :)
No wonder being presented at court was such a huge deal!
Great video! Lots I didn’t know, and it helps make sense of these Jane Austen books. Curious to know if these norms applied only to the educated/upper class or if they were for everyone. Curious about how they would have applied to Harriet and Robert Martin from “Emma.” Also interested in Ellie’s thoughts on the secret relationship in Elizabeth Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters.
I might be remembering this wrong since it's been a bit since I've read Emma, but I think Mrs. Goddard was acquainted with the Martins and made that introduction.
Yay! More Ellie videos :) Glad to see you back with the historical ones 🙂
Thank you for all the time and energy you put in this video!! A half hour long! You must have been doing a lot of research for this❤
Thank you so much! That means a lot. I really, really appreciate it! ❤️
AHHH!!! Thanks so much for the long video! You're my favorite TH-camr and have gotten me back into history content :))
Ahhh! Thank you so much! And I'm so glad you enjoy the videos!!!! 😃☺️💕
I'd love to listen to a series where you read the Jane Austen books and explain things as you go, like a book explanation/analysis and audio book all rolled into one.
I just had the whole Henry Tilney meets Mrs Allen and Catherine Morland scene in my head the whole time this was playing and him having to get the host to introduce each other. And then Caroline Bingley deciding she would like to hardly know Elizabeth Bennett
Thank you for doing the research and providing such an understandable explanation of this subject. I've never seen this area so well explained before. You've given me a new appreciation and perspective on Austen's character interactions. I hadn't realised the full significance of introductions and acquaintances in regency society.
“…one looked white, the other red.” Such a great line. So ambiguous, yet so explanatory after the fact.
Pale=anger=Mr. Darcy
Red=embarrassment=Mr. Wickham
Or it could be red with anger (Mr. Darcy) and pale with fear at being exposed (Mr. Wickham). That's why I love the line, because it almost works both ways...
Enjoyed the part of a previous video about Mrs. Darcy using the best linens for her guests. It brought back old memories. My Grandmother's family were linen farmers in Poland and she learned the skill of pulling threads from woven linen to create patterns
Thank you for all the research that went into this video Ellie! This adds so much more dimension to actions in the films.
Modern example of the cut:
Harry and Megan at the church wedding- they arrived late on purpose. There is video of them waiting at the door afterwards, it seemed like someone had been assigned to stand with them as they waited for their car to arrive. Lots of booing from the crowd as they descended the stairs- because the crowd didn’t have to restrain themselves.
I would love to have you explain all about “the regiment”. How did people just buy a commission, and why? Was it for gentlemen or just anybody? Was it a non-heir occupation? What were the ranks? And so-forth? You great deep-dives!
Is it possible for you to explore about balls? And how/who threw it and why....is it a normal thing to throw, comparison between 'village' or 'town' type of balls. Also, I have a question on 'calling on someone.' What's the etiquette on that, because we remember how in the beginning Mrs. Bennet was so insistent that Mr. Bennet go to call on Mr. Bingley.
Very interesting! I've often wondered why Sir Thomas was angry about being introduced to the Hon. Mr. Yates since Mr. Yates was the son of an earl. I'd have thought that would be a good connection but Sir Thomas would have rather avoided the acquaintance. Nothing is said about Mr. Yates having a bad reputation (that I recall) but perhaps this scene is meant to imply that he did. A nuance that Regency Era readers would have appreciated more than modern readers.
There are still some questions left after I read the book and watched the movie. Maybe someone here can explain.
1. Why was Darcy's home open to visitors in his absence? Was that a common thing in the Regency era? To give people a sightseeing tour no matter who came over? What was the reason behind this? Did they get some extra money for it like today?
2. Why did everyone become silent in the ball scene when Darcy, Bingley and his sister arrived? Sure they are rich and Darcy descents from an Earl, but there was also Sir William Lucas at the ball who is higher in rank than Darcy, isn't he, since he has a title of his own? No one gives him the same treatment. Or is it just because Sir William Lucas isn't a good looking single man?
Loved this! Thanks, Ellie! ❤
Love your video❤ great to see u update
Thank you for your entertaining and enlightening videos. My goal is to re-read all the Austen books over the winter and I believe I will understand so much more due to your videos.
This is great ! Thank you for doing Austen content ❤
Such a great video! I learned so much!!! ❤
Thank you for the video, so many things now make so much more sense. I’ll remember this when I watch/read Austin’s work again.❤
I don't like to talk to people that are not introduced to me because if someone introduces someone to me I know I can assume that it is alright to talk to this person. Strangers are difficult to handle...
Ellie, you are always so interesting. Thank you 🙂
Thank you sooo much for this super fascinating video. I am learning SO much through your videos. It gives context to all the interactions and how serious things were and why introductions were so important.
This was fascinating and so well done! Thank you
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻so happy to see this kind of content back on your channel!! 🤟🏻
Your videos give me life! Thank you for taking the time to put so much effort into the videos, they're insightful beyond measure and always makes me look at the Austen novels with a fresh perspective.
Wonderfull! It adds so many shades to Jane Austen's stories! Thank you :)
Finally! What a pleasure to watch a new video from you on the Regency era, Ellie. Thanks for sharing
Great video! I learned so much! And I enjoyed it very very much!
Back then, social connections were as important as wealth in high circles. That’s probably why it was so structured. Instead of meeting someone, imagine it as giving 20 quid to someone. You probably wouldn’t give 20 quid to a stranger, and if you did give 20 quid to a stranger and everyone knew about it and they went on to like, buy drugs or do something bad work the money it would be embarrassing to you
Love the bibliography at the end ❤ Another great video Ellie thank you
I really love your videos! Thank you!
Thank you for explaining how introduction works in this era. Watching your videos has inspired me to rewatch the movies, and I am seeing them in a new light.
Yay she’s back!!❤❤❤❤
Great video Ellie, I understood the basics of how introductions worked, but you really filled in some of the nuances I didn't know, well done!
This was a great video! Thanks for such a clear, fun explanation🙂
Wonderful video on an important topic! Love your bibliography at the end, its great that you do so much research for us!
Excellent video Ellie. You did a phenomenal job explaining minutiae that is quite foreign to many modern people. This is you at your best.
I love those videos! ❤ I listen to Jane Austen audiobooks to fall asleep every night and every time when I learn something new from you, it adds a new layer to the books 😊
As usual, the video is wonderfully and professionally done. I learned so much. Thank you!
Your channel is such a goldmine thank you
Wow - this is going to bring a new level of understanding to my regency reading! So helpful! Thanks Ellie! ✨
What a terrific video! This is so interesting.
This info really adds a depth to Elizabeth's encounter with Darcy at Pemberley that I just didn't pick up on before. Fantastic video.
This was super interesting, thank you so much! Learned a lot. :)
Happy Friday, Ellie!😊😎☀💙💙💙💙💙💙🌷💖💖💖💖💖💖🎇👍.
I discovered your channel about a week ago, and it's one of those cases. I like your content so much, I must have watched about 50 videos these last few days.
The amount of research that goes into those videos is outstanding! You are a true academic. Subscribed 🩷🩵
This video was so informative! It’s definitely going to help me navigate social interactions in books of this era!
Thanks, this was highly éducative information and it changes my perspective on périod drama in general ! I love learning about différences between cultures and the past is sometimes as strange as another continent.
Super cute top hat. Very enjoyable video. THANK YOU!
This was so helpful. Thank you 🙏
Thank you, Ellie, for this Jane Austen content! I always love reading annotated versions of the novels because I always want more!
Ellie, you're so amazing, you make a lot of the scenes in this book make even more sense. You're really good at explaining these regency era concepts and codes of condust, I think you would be the most wonderful English teacher. I never want to go back to school, but I feel so nostalgic of my middle school English classes when I hear you talk... When we would get a reading assignment and then the teacher would read it in her perfect American accent and I was just learning English then, then I would go home and reat it again with her voice in my head... It was addictive in the best way. Thanks for this channel!
Your fascinating videos aside, you do a really nice job pitching for your sponsor. I actually watched the whole thing through. LOL.
A Nice video as allways ❤
Thank you for putting together such a wonderful video on this topic! Are you planning on doing a more in-depth look into how introductions were handled in the ballroom? I would love to see that if it fits into your schedule. 😄
This vid was so interesting! I really enjoyed it. Could you talk about how things were handled at ballrooms in a part 2?