As a dark skinned black man, I went through a phase in which i didn’t feel as attractive as other guys because of my skin color. I dressed nice, clean cut, in great shape but I felt like I wasn’t as attractive. When I finally opened up to one of my best friends about feeling that way he told me “ You are one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen. You better start acting like you know that” That is what helped me start to see myself as beautiful in my own skin and once I did…I found that all other races and skin tones agreed. I say this because it always starts with YOU. Do not let people treat you less than you deserve to be and YOU better know you’re beautiful no matter what you look like in order for others to see it.
2 things. 1: The problem some black gay men have with desirability is not that they're unattractive its that they're constantly chasing whites and non-black men. I'm gonna keep it 💯 many non-black people still have anti-black attitudes. We black gay men need to love ourselves and stop chasing acceptance from everyone else. 2: Many of us (myself included) didn't learn what they now call "looks maxing" until our 20s. I found that once I started getting haircuts on the regular, working out, taking care of my skin, and growing facial hair that I became much more desirable. Once I started putting in the work to maintain a certain look it was much easier to hook up & date other gay black men. It's not PC to say it now but you gotta put effort into your looks to be attractive. There are now videos on TH-cam that explain looks maxing for black men.
Or maybe they date white men because they dont make an issue out of their skin color like you do in your post. If you were constantly faulting skin color as the source of your problems, I wouldn’t want to date you either. Maybe you are sad because nobody is dating you? Regardless of skin color or shade, who other guys are dating is irrelevant to you. It’s not personally impacting your life. You are choosing to make yourself into the victim of your own imaginary problems.
@@chrisjackson8151 I've gotta second this. Especially if we're talking black gay men who are more feminine and don't want to conform to a masculine look (the facial & body hair) While it's true that interracial dating can be tough for feminine black men (or just men who don't conform to what the black community deems attractive), it's not surprising why you see black men like this not dating other black men because they don't fit the black gay standard of attractiveness and just go to men who may appreciate them more in comparison and they just happen to be non-black.
Agreed. And it still begs a few questions: 1) How do we Black gay men treat one another (is it any different from what str8s learn, 2) Is inter-racial love possible outside of the politics?
I can honestly say that I have never chased after anyone. I was only interested in those who were interested in me. I am glad to be out of the game though.
I appreciate your vulnerability! Our stories are so similar it’s insane. You’re lucky you found your husband. Being single after the glow up sucks! The new attention is often just sexual. And there’s the added problem of jealousy, competition, and game playing because now you’re an ego threat. There’s also still the expectation that you put other phenotypes on a pedestal, and they can be disrespectfully bold and entitled when they’re interested in you. And the sweet guys like your husband disqualify themselves and don’t even try! Other former “ugly” dark skinned guys also tend to be so excited about the new attention that they end up participating in really demeaning relationship/sex dynamics without much of a clue. And they look at you like the enemy, like you’re one of the black men that didn’t like them before. They almost never see the value in coming together as a couple. And if they do, they aren’t willing to pursue you in the same way they do other phenotypes.
this is so vulnerable, now im 23 but I had a problem with my skin color for years, even being mixed, grew up having too much to compare it with as a gen z I think we're flooded with lighter skin in publicity and media that sometimes make us feel like we don't belong or that certain clothes don't fit us, and trying to break that socially (and in our own mind) is hard sometimes sending love 💕 love your videos
@@marlondavis5128 No this is very much a thing. It’s more covert though as in back-handed compliments such as “You’re really handsome for a dark skinned guy” and sadly that was usually coming from other black people. I think it has gotten much better over time but it’s definitely still a thing
I always wanted a boyfriend during my teenage years, but now I'm not really boy crazy anymore. I feel a lot better now that I have decentered men from my life. Being gay is more than finding or having a partner imo.
I often get the same kind of treatment when it comes to being dark skin, most black gay men seek Latino or White men, or have a fetish to it, no matter how good you look, they will always look past you, I usually don’t get men that approach and I’m a bottom so it’s hard to determine if men are attracted to me, either I have to do the chase and get rejected or I’m lucky enough to have someone come up to me which never ever happens, sex apps do seem to work when you build conversation with people and they block you mid way conversation, it’s tough being a gay black bottom nowadays .
@@TheAlfredPlatform Question: 😢 How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck and him dance stroking him
I am very glad you are in this place now. Your reflections sound self deprecating. In my opion you missed out on nothing, your walk is your walk. Nobody gets the same walk. Think back & remember you were ok. It got you here!
I'm a white gay man who has always been intensely attracted to dark-skinned black men. I've been derided and castigated intensely by black gay men as a racist fetishist for being so. To me, I just love the beauty of black men. That's my truth. It's frustrating as Hell when I feel my appreciation for black men is actually so pure.
You say it’s not fetishism.. but you’re only attracted to “dark skin” black men. I’m AfroLatino. I love all black men from light skin to dark skin. I love African Americans, AfroLatinos, Afro Brazilians, Africans from the continent, Afro Caribbean men .. and all Africans in the diaspora. I also love our cultural heritage from Africa; participate in our struggles and feel part of the community.. something you could never understand. It’s simply a fetish for you
You do you. If you fall in love with a black man, then go for it! These people are bitter and are living in their own victimhood complex. You cant win with these people. If you are not attracted to them, then they call you a racist, but if you are attracted to them, they call you a fetishist…and a racist.
Thank you I lost my hubby last year after 23 years of marriage and at age 52 I don’t look unpretty but I do feel unpretty thank you for doing this my man! I appreciate your encouragement.
You are right about the difference in the textures of our hair. I noticed a few years ago when watching these tutorials on TH-cam to achieve curl and wave when I eventually recognized that all of these guys were bi-racial, Puerto Rican, or some other exotic combination.
Glad he grew his hair out alot of the brothers don’t realize those 20+ years of visits to the barber for THE SAME Cesar or buzz cut is why there more in those late 30s early 40s balding at the crown, temples etc. did the same and I’m flourishing
I've always been attracted to black men: their sense of self, confidence, family, and undeniable masculinity. Masculinity isn't just about outward appearance(s) -- it's a general demeanor and individual character. I'm of mixed background. (Ukrainian/Polish & Polynesian) I don't really understand what seemingly is, gay men's aversion to black men and darker skin, to be more exact. I mean, I do, but I don't because I can never truly comprehend it. This was very insightful. 👍🏼
I think maybe it was where you grew up and went to college when you were young because you were STILL very cute when you were younger, and I know there would've been some black guys around your age that would've been into you. Are you SURE nobody young and black was checking for you when you were young, or were you not checking for any young blacks that were giving you play?
I am confused. In my personal journey I find black men and dark skin black men are well desired. I am from the Caribbean and I do live in New York city so maybe in places where black people are few there might be an issue. If you are black but are interested in white men then that might be an issue as well.
I'm also in NYC and I'm also confused. I'm white and my boyfriend is black. There're a lot of mixed couples here. I suspect that NYC is a kind of bubble different from most of the USA. If a guy is not open to other races he severely limits his options, maybe that's why people are less concerned with race? I'm just guessing at explanation s for what I've seen.
Let's not be dishonest, majority of the actors, singers, and athletes from the black community are dark skin black men. Dark skin black men are preferred in n the heterosexual community but it's different in the LGBT community
This was a nice watch, I have a lot to say about this but I would need to say it face to face lol. I will say I had a “snow queen” phase that i thankfully woke up! Also I’m glad you gained that confidence
I know where you’re coming from. I’m an olive complexion,wavy thick hair, always tanned and exercised and met my husband. I now have slowed down on it and I still get attention but not like before or I just don’t notice bc I’m dedicated to him. People can sense confidence and happiness and they want that. When they see they can’t have you, they want you. I’m barely hitting 147 pounds at 5’11” at 40 and am starting to love myself little by little. Guys, start taking collagen bc it really helps. Aloe Vera also does wonders for the skin. I used to hate my hair but for my age, I’ve got a thick ass set of hair still. Love your content and I’m now subscribed. Also, gay culture can be very toxic bc it’s all about looks. My husband is a little bigger than me and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Thank you for a very informative blog on this subject. You are brave and I appreciate your honesty and openness about your journey. I am a dark skinned black man at 72. I have tried to age gracefully in my journey and am happily married to a great guy and have been blessed. I was in Washington DC in the 1980s when I was in my late 20s and somehow survived the AIDS crisis that was rampant at that time. A lot has changed since then but when you look at it, a lot of things are still the same. Your video is just what young men need to calm their insecurities about who they are what they bring. Bravo for your courage in presenting this content!
I didn't see it. I thought you looked good when you were younger. You were a little thin but still cute. It might have just been your confidence. But I love dark skin men. I love every skin tone. And many other men of color. I love us men.👍🏼
I've been 2 years in the US and black men are so precious. Sometimes, I'm intimidated by their physical appearance and intellect. I find so much humility in them. it's not all about dick, there's more and I can also feel and sense the repression a certain group takes on them and others to keep the power entitlement. Moreover, I've been in situations where black men gay offended when taking something from a racial angle when it's not really the case. I had to learn to understand that. I wish I could be with someone black, but I guess as a brown guy I'm not that interesting physically, I cannot compete with them. You're a treasure!
@Anc654 thank you for the kind sentiment. There are plenty of black dudes you can try to get to know and see what happens. I never ever thought I would be married to a Mexican man until it just happened. I hope you let life surprise you. Open arms 💪🏾
I'm glad that you grew comfortable with your skin to become the butterfly that you are today. But listen, umm, who is that guy with the big booty in the thumbnail? And what is your social media accounts? I need to start following you.
As I am listening to you; It is sad that as Black (dark) gay men that our aesthetic is not valued!!!! Its 2024 we still worship whiteness and lightness.....SMH
I think you looked great in every one of those pictures. But I know from personal experience that what matters most is what you feel inside. I had a wonderful partner in my late 20's (he passed when I was 30) and he was the first person who made me feel that I was loved. He was my one and only partner. That was back in the 80's. Kudos to you that you got to that acceptance of self phase.
I’m married but filing for divorce, I met my husband when I was 22 years old I’m 38 now, I also don’t have a hoe phase , or didn’t have one also as I thought we were monogamous, well we were not we were in an open relationship, I just didn’t know about it, until I found out a year ago!!! Trust me friend, yess a minute or two of pleasure is not worth ruining years l and years of sacrifice and dedication your husband gave to you, all that time it took to build that trust will be gone in a millisecond and your relationship with your husband as you know it will be over.
Noah’s ARC is a show that perfectly represents a lot of different men in the black gay community. It’s from early 2000’s but it had a few seasons and a movie
The thing about being gay, is you gotta find your lane. There is a gang of people for everybody, but you gotta find ya pool of men. I have a dad bod per say, not every gay man like that, but there is a group of gay men who love my body type with my masculinity. You just gotta find ya pool. I do agree there is a lack of black or Afrocentric focus on the gay community, but that’s a general thing black women fo through this all the time, gotta be bold to rock that Afro in that gay club.
You told no lies! Rocking anything afrocentric in a gay club requires nerves of steel. I just reached a point where I just don't care who likes my long hair because I like it. It's so freeing to no longer go to clubs looking for dates etc; just there for the music and a good time.
@@TheAlfredPlatform ive deef been to a gay club with my fro out and they use the tired line "is it dark in here" in a dark club smhhhh but im not attracted to the average gay dude either. i deff like the, quirky, nerd types, so the ones who would reject me, id most likely reject them too or only fuck them at best. but i cant think of one concept of typical gay life style the also encourages Afrocentricity. but then again most pro black hetero males would say you cant be both gay and pro black, so i see why the average black gay leaves it behind. its just complicated LOL . out internal issues trickles all the way down to are attraction.
I dont have these problems are outlook on myself period hey alfred fun content but i love my skin and being black 🖤 i dont chase anyone black are white nyc in the house and you are attractive.
You might have had your eyes closed. Even now my bf will point out the guys who were eyeing me or flirting with me and I do the same with him. It's a bit of a confidence booster and we see it much more often now. Looking back, a few guys were flirting with me back in high school. I had a bad breakup and wanted to finally have a hoe phase once I'd gotten over it. The first guy that I went out with locked me down and we've been together for 8 years.
Honestly, you were handsome back then. Especially 25-27 years old. I like how you eventually embraced your long hair era, but you looked good even with a low cut/bald and less scruff. If anything you're style could've been a lil better. Plus, you were desirable enough for your husband. So don't be too hard on your past self. The only thing I would somewhat question is your point of dark skin men not being desired enough. Colorism is definitely a thing. However, I think dark skin men are still considered the PEAK of black male masculinity. Also, when you're dark skin and athletic in the gay community, you're definitely more desired. But even then, you're more likely to be fetishized (BBC). Also, location plays a big factor in how you're perceived. So I don't wanna completely negate your experience, it's valid.
I agree dark mean are viewed as peak black masculinity. You wouldn’t expect predominantly spaces that validate and uphold whiteness to have other than Eurocentric views. However, there are many predominantly black (and includes many people who aren’t black) spaces .. bars, clubs, cruising sites, social clubs,even pornography where no one is checking for white men. Some black gay pornstars.. light to dark skinned.. have many thousands of followers. If no one was “into “ them, this wouldn’t be the case
>However, I think dark skin men are still considered the PEAK of black male masculinity. But that's kinda the thing. Not every black man is mascucline and thus will not fit that arbitrary standard. Plus it kinda falls into a certain porn-based stereotype when you look at the other aspect of that proclamation. So you take a dark skin black feminine guy who is not a top and well... The experience writes itself.
Alfred I have to say it like this “I don’t think your undesirability came from your appearance” . For me I’m a southern boy from Alabama and I’m not the most “urban” either so can resonate with you . I think overall being a dark skinned black man most think it’s only one way to exist; and when we don’t fit in those norms of what society team as attractive personality / style etc , it paints the illusion of being undesirabled
Good observations. ALSO, I'm from Kentucky but my folks are from Alabama and the anti-Blackness between us seems to increase the further south you go...we long for European traits. But I also know that as a kid, it was ONLY other Black people that would bully me, not whites. I had to make the conscious decision NOT to allow myself to get pushed out of my own community,
Alfred, Thank you for sharing this video and showing how you’ve "transformed" over the years. To be honest, I thought you were handsome even when you were 16 years old! Sometimes, youth and family make fun of our appearance due to their own insecurities. You were handsome then, and you are handsome now! Even when you were gaining weight, you were still handsome:). I’m happy to hear that you are happy and that you found a man who later became your husband and who loves and treats you well. You deserve it:). Much love and respect.
I didn’t think that I was undesirable but I did think that I only got by. Although I had also began the never ending project of grooming myself and I was determined to lift up and encourage darker complected people like myself. It’s paying off.
The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Growing up everyone thought I was cute, including child molesters. As I got older people did and do treat me different, their more friendly with me, but there have been many unwanted advances from women and men. All in all, we have to accept the things that we have no control over and that's how we are born.
I never thought about it that way; the unwanted attention younger attractive people face from predators. I did not have that experience and I thank you for sharing.
I am finishing my master's in psychology but I think I should have finished it in sociology. What I noticed in social circles of heterosexual proclivity, or same sex proclivity amidst different ethnicities or cultures is an "Absolute and/or fixed mindset" as it relates to opportunism and romanticism. The following examples are real life experiences observed in social circles. 1. I was invited to a same sex strip club in town and was reluctant but also curious. As a social experiment, I wore very attractive form fitting clothing. I styled my persona and grooming to meet modern day beauty standards. And then I set my mind to observe and take mental note of the behaviors. : it should be noted that during this experiment, I was by most standards considered very handsome by many. As I entered the scene, one of the barely clothed white male dancers immediately greeted me with insincerity. He attempted to direct me to where the bar was and where some friends of mine might be seated. The insincere greeting was further exascerbated by my close approach to his ear. The music was so loud until I was barely able hear and when he saw my approach toward his personal space to ask where the restrooms were, he aggressively pulled away thinking I was going in for a kiss on the cheek. 2. As I was headed to the bathroom, I saw a group of congregated and isolated black males who immediately eyed me as one of the unfamiliar "hot" guys began plotting on ways to incorporate me into their social circle. I immediately felt the obligatory "ethnic dog whistle" calling to me to shun any other potential suitors with the implied meaning "They don't understand the black experience". 3. There were the occasional Latinos who were apprehensive about approaching me due to the established social hierarchy . And so , I sat with my friends who also noticed the social dynamic and watched the show with limited entertainment. What am I saying? It has been my experience , those with a fairer skin tone and more traditionally All American features perceive fellow attractive males as one of two things; competition or cooperation. Very very seldom are African American males of any carriage or demeanor considered desireable or romantically viable (no matter the commonly accepted attractive checkpoints) In another example, there was a popular attractive TH-camr who found me attractive momentarily but discovered my playful harrassment of another TH-camr who was also popular and attractive ( to a lesser end). The more popular TH-camr was white and the less popular was Spanish(of Spanish ethnicity). I was in commnication with the Latino TH-camr for many years before I was in the cross hairs of the more popular white TH-camr and we had an established "back and forth" . Later, I found out that the more popular White TH-camr had sex with the lesser popular TH-camr Latino after my indirect introduction of them to each other. Conversely, the white TH-camr rejected speaking to me when we were in the same city and town. Put simply, the Latino was a romantic appeal, and I was an attractive rival ( and not a viable romantic interest). All in all , it has been my social observation ( with very few exceptions) the ethnic populous majority has difficulty breaking their media driven conditioning of beauty standards/romantic compatibility . P.S. later, the selfsame Latino TH-camr began slandering and publicizing the connection had with the White popular TH-camr thus diminishing his popularity. I would have felt vindication but instead only sadness at the foolish judgment employed by an opportunistic ethnic populous majority. Anywayz, that's my tirade for the Fourth of July . ( for what it's worth)
Your social experiment simply resulted in the fact that some people are racist @ssholes and they victimise themselves as they make their ethnicity into their entire personality trait. No need for an expensive piece of paper and a thesis to say that 😂
We have a similar background so I understood where you were coming from. I’m from Texas, ran track and looked similar to you growing up. We both had amazing skin and a beautiful smile. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts and encouraging younger dark skin men to see their worth now at their young age.
You are very handsome, you should be proud of your appearance. What I have noticed, with a few of my adored black lovers, is their underlying "guilt or shame" for being gay or Bi. They would tell me it was from the BS shoved in their faces by either their families or the church implying "black men aren't gay." Their basic human dignity being denied and treated as second class citizens. It's heartbreaking. But in fact: black men, and other men of color, ARE HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL and should be relished in society. All of us should strive to see the beauty in all of us, regardless of our skin tones.
@@chrisjackson8151he’s pointing out an inconsistency. Has nothing about to do with him not liking the picture itself. But I def understand where he’s coming from
I've always had a mixed feeling about this because growing up while I didn't think I was "ugly" or anything like that, I also was aware that I wasn't really considered attractive to any of my peers as I never had anyone say they had a crush on me, even girls which obviously as a gay man that isn't a big deal at all but I've heard other gay men share their young experiences and how they seemed to have at least one girl crush on them so I definitely couldn't relate to that lol. But around my 8th grade and into my high school years I started experimenting with a more alternative & androgynous look as I found my love for rock & metal music around this time and wanted to dress in a more rocker/alternative way and did just that which definitely caused me to get the whole "trying to be white" accusation from other black people which was annoying but it was what it was and having to deal with all that nonsense helped me develop a self-confidence in myself of knowing that I'm just presenting myself in what I genuinely like even if it's not considered attractive to black people, I just did my own thing and sorta internalized the feeling of "I may not be considered attractive to anyone but I like how I look and I'm going to just stay true to myself" When I got into the gay dating world at 18 and started taking notice of how black gay men are either highly rejected because of our race or very fetishized (the annoying BBC fetish), that kinda did mess with me a bit but in some strange way, I never let non-black men make me feel bad about myself because I just figured that we simply weren't a match. I was also expressing myself in a more feminine presenting way at this point and I knew that that was gonna make dating even more of a challenge than it already was/is. I don't have many pictures of what I looked like back then but the few I have, I definitely think that like you, I grew into my own albeit in a much different direction because I prefer overtly feminine looks which sure, not many men are into but I'm content with my own look and maybe one day I'll find that right match who likes it too lol. I think your advice for interracial dating is solid though, if you're black you should never act like you're the inferior one in the relationship and feel like the guy is settling for you and that you should be grateful for that. I can understand feeling grateful for finding that right someone after searching for a long time but don't let it be based on your race, let it be on the fact that gay dating can be a struggle in general and that despite the obstacles, you were able to find someone.
Dark men are my preference but they always seem to prefer white or light skinned dudes. I hate some have a complex about their complexion. But i haven't walked in their shoes.
As a darkskin black man myself, I always found other darkskin guys to be sexy. I even find Asian men to be attractive. These two demographics seems to be the most undesirable in the dating pool for societies standards. But I wholeheartedly disagree, we are the most attractive demographics in my opinion. Great video!👍🏾
OMG Your younger pics mirror my Last LOVE of my Life! DAMN. He left me for a WHITE Man. He too struggled with self esteem issues. to date, He STILL credits me for instilling self respect/worth within him. Sounds weird, but our friendship dynamic has shifted to Father /Son
@TheAlfredPlatform this video touched me even as a transwoman, but as a transwoman what are good skincare products I can use to better my skin cause I wear makeup? Is it possible you can give me the a list of the hair products you use again so I can implement them. A person thing is that I feel undesirable and unappealing to most because guy never want to date me but they always just want to hookup with me and move on which is disheartening to me.
You're not ugly, you just got really low self esteem which is a turn off to me. Most people don't look good with weight gain ... I have a sweet spot weight range as well
I agree we as dark-skinned men dont have much positively but i embrace being dark-skinned 😉💯💯 then u also had 2 find yourself & thats okay because it took me yrs 2 find myself also no lies detected😉 u do gain weight as u age but u have 2 keep your metabolism high this by far is my fav cause i can realte❗️❤️❤️
I am sorry that your mother said those things to you and that awful barber 💈 shop as well. Parent’s can be very stupid and say the most ignorant things and barber 💈 shops are nothing but men behaving like women gossiping and talking shit. You are a beautiful 🤩 soul and have blossomed into what you always were meant to be.
Old white man going to poke my nose in where it’s not wanted. There are very outwardly handsome men in every race and mixtures of races, but the truly handsome men love themselves and their skin. I do miss living in London and being young and single, my flat was like the United Nations on the weekend. So many men from all over the world, best time of life. I’m now into a 20+ years relationship with a Korean and still loving life. I’ve had long relationships with white guys and one black guy and I loved them all the same
I would love to date a man of color. I love dark skin black men. I wish I could meet a great guy. It seems they are hard to find. As a thick black man there are many who dont like thicker guys.
No it's not, it's all about race and colorism. White guys want all Black and Brown guys to be tops, if you are not top they want nothing to do with you.
I kind of know what you mean. In my straight life women had little interest in me. After I came out I was suddenly desirable. I can't follow you with the light skinned thing. I'm white and have had LTR's with two different black men and in both cases I was definitely the one dating up.
As a brown skin it man. Maybe consider to be light but I do stop in a 7, so I like to get brown and I want to time. Is you know? They talk brothers, they? I don't know if they're scared. They're gonna approach you. I mean, you especially if you kind of sound like you're white or something and I'm black. But the same time license in the manufacturing in a heartbeat. Light manufac me in hard beat. But the dark skin aint breathing and I'm like he's scared and I probably do if I go up cause I'm a bottom. And no no not very aggressive and then you have the brothers just cure the fuck out of you
Hi! Alfred greetings from Amarillo Texas,am a Mexican national and I think you looked very fine,I love dark skin men and so if any single dark skin gay guys on The Texas Panhandle are watching this video am single and ready to mingle,we all love you now because of your brain
Yeah, I don't part to limit the amount of manipulation and tension on the hair. I try to keep it simple; clean scalp, moisturized ends, minimal manipulation, no combs or brushes.
No you didn't miss out! You chose monogamy over promiscuity ( no judgement)....whose happier? I pride myself on monogamy it safeguarded me from the AIDS pandemic of the 80's. Chart your own course!
Question: Alfred. 😮 How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck
I am sorry you had the negative "inner dialogue" about your appearance because, to me, you looked attractive in all your pics. However, I 'get' it. I have been really skinny all my life (due to Crohn's Disease). It is not something I have been able to markedly alter, despite 40+ years of help from Licensed Dieticians, every diet known to mankind, every variation of popular exercise routines, etc.
As a dark skinned black man, I went through a phase in which i didn’t feel as attractive as other guys because of my skin color. I dressed nice, clean cut, in great shape but I felt like I wasn’t as attractive. When I finally opened up to one of my best friends about feeling that way he told me “ You are one of the most handsome men I’ve ever seen. You better start acting like you know that” That is what helped me start to see myself as beautiful in my own skin and once I did…I found that all other races and skin tones agreed. I say this because it always starts with YOU. Do not let people treat you less than you deserve to be and YOU better know you’re beautiful no matter what you look like in order for others to see it.
There was nothing wrong with your appearance.
Play the role of a woman/ stupid/ you ass is not a vergina / do not change things / it is a exit for shit not an entrance
I love that you promote black men to love ourselves. Thank you!!
Amen!
🗣🗣🗣❗️💯💯
2 things.
1: The problem some black gay men have with desirability is not that they're unattractive its that they're constantly chasing whites and non-black men. I'm gonna keep it 💯 many non-black people still have anti-black attitudes. We black gay men need to love ourselves and stop chasing acceptance from everyone else.
2: Many of us (myself included) didn't learn what they now call "looks maxing" until our 20s. I found that once I started getting haircuts on the regular, working out, taking care of my skin, and growing facial hair that I became much more desirable. Once I started putting in the work to maintain a certain look it was much easier to hook up & date other gay black men. It's not PC to say it now but you gotta put effort into your looks to be attractive. There are now videos on TH-cam that explain looks maxing for black men.
I agree .. never found white men attractive. Nor did I seek their validation and acceptance.
Or maybe they date white men because they dont make an issue out of their skin color like you do in your post. If you were constantly faulting skin color as the source of your problems, I wouldn’t want to date you either. Maybe you are sad because nobody is dating you? Regardless of skin color or shade, who other guys are dating is irrelevant to you. It’s not personally impacting your life. You are choosing to make yourself into the victim of your own imaginary problems.
@@chrisjackson8151 I've gotta second this. Especially if we're talking black gay men who are more feminine and don't want to conform to a masculine look (the facial & body hair) While it's true that interracial dating can be tough for feminine black men (or just men who don't conform to what the black community deems attractive), it's not surprising why you see black men like this not dating other black men because they don't fit the black gay standard of attractiveness and just go to men who may appreciate them more in comparison and they just happen to be non-black.
100 percent correct!!! Non-black gay men in general are not attracted to black men.
Agreed. And it still begs a few questions: 1) How do we Black gay men treat one another (is it any different from what str8s learn, 2) Is inter-racial love possible outside of the politics?
Hookups aren’t worth it.
You were always beautiful..
Light skin folks go through the same thing of feeling awkward and unattractive..
I can honestly say that I have never chased after anyone. I was only interested in those who were interested in me. I am glad to be out of the game though.
I appreciate your vulnerability! Our stories are so similar it’s insane. You’re lucky you found your husband. Being single after the glow up sucks! The new attention is often just sexual. And there’s the added problem of jealousy, competition, and game playing because now you’re an ego threat. There’s also still the expectation that you put other phenotypes on a pedestal, and they can be disrespectfully bold and entitled when they’re interested in you. And the sweet guys like your husband disqualify themselves and don’t even try! Other former “ugly” dark skinned guys also tend to be so excited about the new attention that they end up participating in really demeaning relationship/sex dynamics without much of a clue. And they look at you like the enemy, like you’re one of the black men that didn’t like them before. They almost never see the value in coming together as a couple. And if they do, they aren’t willing to pursue you in the same way they do other phenotypes.
this is so vulnerable, now im 23 but I had a problem with my skin color for years, even being mixed, grew up having too much to compare it with
as a gen z I think we're flooded with lighter skin in publicity and media that sometimes make us feel like we don't belong or that certain clothes don't fit us, and trying to break that socially (and in our own mind) is hard sometimes
sending love 💕 love your videos
The skin tone thing is such an internal thing. Usually pushed by dark skin men that don’t desire other dark skin
Just go on dating sites you’ll see people write down they don’t want black or Asian men
@@marlondavis5128 No this is very much a thing. It’s more covert though as in back-handed compliments such as “You’re really handsome for a dark skinned guy” and sadly that was usually coming from other black people. I think it has gotten much better over time but it’s definitely still a thing
🤔I'm a dark-skinned black male that's attracted 2 other dark-skinned men🤷♂️😉
I always wanted a boyfriend during my teenage years, but now I'm not really boy crazy anymore. I feel a lot better now that I have decentered men from my life. Being gay is more than finding or having a partner imo.
I often get the same kind of treatment when it comes to being dark skin, most black gay men seek Latino or White men, or have a fetish to it, no matter how good you look, they will always look past you, I usually don’t get men that approach and I’m a bottom so it’s hard to determine if men are attracted to me, either I have to do the chase and get rejected or I’m lucky enough to have someone come up to me which never ever happens, sex apps do seem to work when you build conversation with people and they block you mid way conversation, it’s tough being a gay black bottom nowadays .
the zendaya pic is taking me out lol
love u alfred but please get a painting done of you and your man theres no way that blonde white man is representing him 😂😂😭😭❤️
@bigtimestar I know right 😅😟
@@TheAlfredPlatformyou got it fucked all the way up! YOU'RE undesirable. NOT gay dark-skinned black men in a general sense... that's a fuckin lie
@@TheAlfredPlatform Question: 😢
How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck and him dance stroking him
22:20 the painting on the wall of the bedroom looked quite interesting too 😂
I am very glad you are in this place now. Your reflections sound self deprecating. In my opion you missed out on nothing, your walk is your walk. Nobody gets the same walk.
Think back & remember you were ok. It got you here!
I'm a white gay man who has always been intensely attracted to dark-skinned black men. I've been derided and castigated intensely by black gay men as a racist fetishist for being so. To me, I just love the beauty of black men. That's my truth. It's frustrating as Hell when I feel my appreciation for black men is actually so pure.
Yo momma wud cry if she knew.
It sort of is a fetish
You say it’s not fetishism.. but you’re only attracted to “dark skin” black men. I’m AfroLatino. I love all black men from light skin to dark skin. I love African Americans, AfroLatinos, Afro Brazilians, Africans from the continent, Afro Caribbean men .. and all Africans in the diaspora. I also love our cultural heritage from Africa; participate in our struggles and feel part of the community.. something you could never understand. It’s simply a fetish for you
You do you. If you fall in love with a black man, then go for it! These people are bitter and are living in their own victimhood complex. You cant win with these people. If you are not attracted to them, then they call you a racist, but if you are attracted to them, they call you a fetishist…and a racist.
@@OatmealLiftsthat’s called projection and it says a lot about how you desire to be seen…
Thank you I lost my hubby last year after 23 years of marriage and at age 52 I don’t look unpretty but I do feel unpretty thank you for doing this my man! I appreciate your encouragement.
You are right about the difference in the textures of our hair. I noticed a few years ago when watching these tutorials on TH-cam to achieve curl and wave when I eventually recognized that all of these guys were bi-racial, Puerto Rican, or some other exotic combination.
Another thing that is very helpful for you is that you sound and act masc, this is a valuable quality in the gay community
So sorry to hear you felt undesirable for so many years.
I love how everyone is complimenting him instead of contributing to the conversation.
Glad he grew his hair out alot of the brothers don’t realize those 20+ years of visits to the barber for THE SAME Cesar or buzz cut is why there more in those late 30s early 40s balding at the crown, temples etc. did the same and I’m flourishing
I think hair loss is more tied to genetics…
I've always been attracted to black men: their sense of self, confidence, family, and undeniable masculinity.
Masculinity isn't just about outward appearance(s) -- it's a general demeanor and individual character.
I'm of mixed background. (Ukrainian/Polish & Polynesian)
I don't really understand what seemingly is, gay men's aversion to black men and darker skin, to be more exact.
I mean, I do, but I don't because I can never truly comprehend it.
This was very insightful. 👍🏼
@@ElliesCousin Racism. It's not supposed to make sense because it's ignorance.
You blossomed as you got older but you also found love! That helps! Love covers a multitude! Great testimony!
I think maybe it was where you grew up and went to college when you were young because you were STILL very cute when you were younger, and I know there would've been some black guys around your age that would've been into you. Are you SURE nobody young and black was checking for you when you were young, or were you not checking for any young blacks that were giving you play?
I am confused. In my personal journey I find black men and dark skin black men are well desired. I am from the Caribbean and I do live in New York city so maybe in places where black people are few there might be an issue. If you are black but are interested in white men then that might be an issue as well.
I'm also in NYC and I'm also confused. I'm white and my boyfriend is black. There're a lot of mixed couples here.
I suspect that NYC is a kind of bubble different from most of the USA. If a guy is not open to other races he severely limits his options, maybe that's why people are less concerned with race?
I'm just guessing at explanation s for what I've seen.
Let's not be dishonest, majority of the actors, singers, and athletes from the black community are dark skin black men. Dark skin black men are preferred in n the heterosexual community but it's different in the LGBT community
Im brown skinned and gay and attractive I don't have these problems.
This was a nice watch, I have a lot to say about this but I would need to say it face to face lol.
I will say I had a “snow queen” phase that i thankfully woke up!
Also I’m glad you gained that confidence
I know where you’re coming from. I’m an olive complexion,wavy thick hair, always tanned and exercised and met my husband. I now have slowed down on it and I still get attention but not like before or I just don’t notice bc I’m dedicated to him. People can sense confidence and happiness and they want that. When they see they can’t have you, they want you. I’m barely hitting 147 pounds at 5’11” at 40 and am starting to love myself little by little. Guys, start taking collagen bc it really helps. Aloe Vera also does wonders for the skin. I used to hate my hair but for my age, I’ve got a thick ass set of hair still. Love your content and I’m now subscribed. Also, gay culture can be very toxic bc it’s all about looks. My husband is a little bigger than me and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Thank you for a very informative blog on this subject. You are brave and I appreciate your honesty and openness about your journey. I am a dark skinned black man at 72. I have tried to age gracefully in my journey and am happily married to a great guy and have been blessed. I was in Washington DC in the 1980s when I was in my late 20s and somehow survived the AIDS crisis that was rampant at that time. A lot has changed since then but when you look at it, a lot of things are still the same. Your video is just what young men need to calm their insecurities about who they are what they bring. Bravo for your courage in presenting this content!
Thank you for this we def need love and healing
You aren’t lying about the tretinion being the holy grail. It’s changes your skin drastically and I wish more black folks knew about it.
I didn't see it. I thought you looked good when you were younger. You were a little thin but still cute. It might have just been your confidence. But I love dark skin men. I love every skin tone. And many other men of color. I love us men.👍🏼
I've been 2 years in the US and black men are so precious. Sometimes, I'm intimidated by their physical appearance and intellect. I find so much humility in them. it's not all about dick, there's more and I can also feel and sense the repression a certain group takes on them and others to keep the power entitlement. Moreover, I've been in situations where black men gay offended when taking something from a racial angle when it's not really the case. I had to learn to understand that. I wish I could be with someone black, but I guess as a brown guy I'm not that interesting physically, I cannot compete with them. You're a treasure!
@Anc654 thank you for the kind sentiment. There are plenty of black dudes you can try to get to know and see what happens. I never ever thought I would be married to a Mexican man until it just happened. I hope you let life surprise you. Open arms 💪🏾
I'm glad that you grew comfortable with your skin to become the butterfly that you are today. But listen, umm, who is that guy with the big booty in the thumbnail? And what is your social media accounts? I need to start following you.
As I am listening to you; It is sad that as Black (dark) gay men that our aesthetic is not valued!!!! Its 2024 we still worship whiteness and lightness.....SMH
I think you looked great in every one of those pictures. But I know from personal experience that what matters most is what you feel inside. I had a wonderful partner in my late 20's (he passed when I was 30) and he was the first person who made me feel that I was loved. He was my one and only partner. That was back in the 80's. Kudos to you that you got to that acceptance of self phase.
I’m married but filing for divorce, I met my husband when I was 22 years old I’m 38 now, I also don’t have a hoe phase
, or didn’t have one also as I thought we were monogamous, well we were not we were in an open relationship, I just didn’t know about it, until I found out a year ago!!! Trust me friend, yess a minute or two of pleasure is not worth ruining years l and years of sacrifice and dedication your husband gave to you, all that time it took to build that trust will be gone in a millisecond and your relationship with your husband as you know it will be over.
Noah’s ARC is a show that perfectly represents a lot of different men in the black gay community. It’s from early 2000’s but it had a few seasons and a movie
@@LadyYunalesca I loved it.
Yes it was a great show. I loved it. The main actor was handsome. Especially since there were no black character in queer as folk.
The thing about being gay, is you gotta find your lane. There is a gang of people for everybody, but you gotta find ya pool of men. I have a dad bod per say, not every gay man like that, but there is a group of gay men who love my body type with my masculinity. You just gotta find ya pool.
I do agree there is a lack of black or Afrocentric focus on the gay community, but that’s a general thing black women fo through this all the time, gotta be bold to rock that Afro in that gay club.
You told no lies! Rocking anything afrocentric in a gay club requires nerves of steel. I just reached a point where I just don't care who likes my long hair because I like it. It's so freeing to no longer go to clubs looking for dates etc; just there for the music and a good time.
@@TheAlfredPlatform ive deef been to a gay club with my fro out and they use the tired line "is it dark in here" in a dark club smhhhh but im not attracted to the average gay dude either. i deff like the, quirky, nerd types, so the ones who would reject me, id most likely reject them too or only fuck them at best. but i cant think of one concept of typical gay life style the also encourages Afrocentricity. but then again most pro black hetero males would say you cant be both gay and pro black, so i see why the average black gay leaves it behind. its just complicated LOL . out internal issues trickles all the way down to are attraction.
I dont have these problems are outlook on myself period hey alfred fun content but i love my skin and being black 🖤 i dont chase anyone black are white nyc in the house and you are attractive.
Good for you man...I didn't loose my virginity till I was 22 yrs...no need to rush
You might have had your eyes closed. Even now my bf will point out the guys who were eyeing me or flirting with me and I do the same with him. It's a bit of a confidence booster and we see it much more often now. Looking back, a few guys were flirting with me back in high school.
I had a bad breakup and wanted to finally have a hoe phase once I'd gotten over it. The first guy that I went out with locked me down and we've been together for 8 years.
You are a beautiful black man! I love your vulnerability. Continue my brother...
Honestly, you were handsome back then. Especially 25-27 years old. I like how you eventually embraced your long hair era, but you looked good even with a low cut/bald and less scruff. If anything you're style could've been a lil better. Plus, you were desirable enough for your husband. So don't be too hard on your past self.
The only thing I would somewhat question is your point of dark skin men not being desired enough. Colorism is definitely a thing. However, I think dark skin men are still considered the PEAK of black male masculinity. Also, when you're dark skin and athletic in the gay community, you're definitely more desired. But even then, you're more likely to be fetishized (BBC). Also, location plays a big factor in how you're perceived. So I don't wanna completely negate your experience, it's valid.
I agree dark mean are viewed as peak black masculinity. You wouldn’t expect predominantly spaces that validate and uphold whiteness to have other than Eurocentric views. However, there are many predominantly black (and includes many people who aren’t black) spaces .. bars, clubs, cruising sites, social clubs,even pornography where no one is checking for white men. Some black gay pornstars.. light to dark skinned.. have many thousands of followers. If no one was “into “ them, this wouldn’t be the case
>However, I think dark skin men are still considered the PEAK of black male masculinity.
But that's kinda the thing. Not every black man is mascucline and thus will not fit that arbitrary standard. Plus it kinda falls into a certain porn-based stereotype when you look at the other aspect of that proclamation. So you take a dark skin black feminine guy who is not a top and well... The experience writes itself.
Alfred I have to say it like this “I don’t think your undesirability came from your appearance” . For me I’m a southern boy from Alabama and I’m not the most “urban” either so can resonate with you . I think overall being a dark skinned black man most think it’s only one way to exist; and when we don’t fit in those norms of what society team as attractive personality / style etc , it paints the illusion of being undesirabled
Good observations. ALSO, I'm from Kentucky but my folks are from Alabama and the anti-Blackness between us seems to increase the further south you go...we long for European traits. But I also know that as a kid, it was ONLY other Black people that would bully me, not whites. I had to make the conscious decision NOT to allow myself to get pushed out of my own community,
I’m from Alabama as well and I agree
Alfred,
Thank you for sharing this video and showing how you’ve "transformed" over the years. To be honest, I thought you were handsome even when you were 16 years old! Sometimes, youth and family make fun of our appearance due to their own insecurities. You were handsome then, and you are handsome now! Even when you were gaining weight, you were still handsome:).
I’m happy to hear that you are happy and that you found a man who later became your husband and who loves and treats you well. You deserve it:).
Much love and respect.
I didn’t think that I was undesirable but I did think that I only got by. Although I had also began the never ending project of grooming myself and I was determined to lift up and encourage darker complected people like myself. It’s paying off.
The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. Growing up everyone thought I was cute, including child molesters. As I got older people did and do treat me different, their more friendly with me, but there have been many unwanted advances from women and men. All in all, we have to accept the things that we have no control over and that's how we are born.
I never thought about it that way; the unwanted attention younger attractive people face from predators. I did not have that experience and I thank you for sharing.
Woooow that’s worst than feeling unattractive. 😮 Clearly this makes us think twice about complaining about our situation.
The Zendaya pics 😩😩😩😩
I am finishing my master's in psychology but I think I should have finished it in sociology. What I noticed in social circles of heterosexual proclivity, or same sex proclivity amidst different ethnicities or cultures is an "Absolute and/or fixed mindset" as it relates to opportunism and romanticism. The following examples are real life experiences observed in social circles.
1. I was invited to a same sex strip club in town and was reluctant but also curious. As a social experiment, I wore very attractive form fitting clothing. I styled my persona and grooming to meet modern day beauty standards. And then I set my mind to observe and take mental note of the behaviors.
: it should be noted that during this experiment, I was by most standards considered very handsome by many.
As I entered the scene, one of the barely clothed white male dancers immediately greeted me with insincerity. He attempted to direct me to where the bar was and where some friends of mine might be seated. The insincere greeting was further exascerbated by my close approach to his ear. The music was so loud until I was barely able hear and when he saw my approach toward his personal space to ask where the restrooms were, he aggressively pulled away thinking I was going in for a kiss on the cheek.
2. As I was headed to the bathroom, I saw a group of congregated and isolated black males who immediately eyed me as one of the unfamiliar "hot" guys began plotting on ways to incorporate me into their social circle. I immediately felt the obligatory "ethnic dog whistle" calling to me to shun any other potential suitors with the implied meaning "They don't understand the black experience".
3. There were the occasional Latinos who were apprehensive about approaching me due to the established social hierarchy . And so , I sat with my friends who also noticed the social dynamic and watched the show with limited entertainment.
What am I saying? It has been my experience , those with a fairer skin tone and more traditionally All American features perceive fellow attractive males as one of two things; competition or cooperation. Very very seldom are African American males of any carriage or demeanor considered desireable or romantically viable (no matter the commonly accepted attractive checkpoints)
In another example, there was a popular attractive TH-camr who found me attractive momentarily but discovered my playful harrassment of another TH-camr who was also popular and attractive ( to a lesser end). The more popular TH-camr was white and the less popular was Spanish(of Spanish ethnicity). I was in commnication with the Latino TH-camr for many years before I was in the cross hairs of the more popular white TH-camr and we had an established "back and forth" .
Later, I found out that the more popular White TH-camr had sex with the lesser popular TH-camr Latino after my indirect introduction of them to each other. Conversely, the white TH-camr rejected speaking to me when we were in the same city and town. Put simply, the Latino was a romantic appeal, and I was an attractive rival ( and not a viable romantic interest). All in all , it has been my social observation ( with very few exceptions) the ethnic populous majority has difficulty breaking their media driven conditioning of beauty standards/romantic compatibility .
P.S. later, the selfsame Latino TH-camr began slandering and publicizing the connection had with the White popular TH-camr thus diminishing his popularity. I would have felt vindication but instead only sadness at the foolish judgment employed by an opportunistic ethnic populous majority. Anywayz, that's my tirade for the Fourth of July . ( for what it's worth)
Your social experiment simply resulted in the fact that some people are racist @ssholes and they victimise themselves as they make their ethnicity into their entire personality trait. No need for an expensive piece of paper and a thesis to say that 😂
What a transformation. You look fantastic.
We have a similar background so I understood where you were coming from. I’m from Texas, ran track and looked similar to you growing up. We both had amazing skin and a beautiful smile. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts and encouraging younger dark skin men to see their worth now at their young age.
You are very handsome, you should be proud of your appearance. What I have noticed, with a few of my adored black lovers, is their underlying "guilt or shame" for being gay or Bi. They would tell me it was from the BS shoved in their faces by either their families or the church implying "black men aren't gay." Their basic human dignity being denied and treated as second class citizens. It's heartbreaking. But in fact: black men, and other men of color, ARE HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL and should be relished in society.
All of us should strive to see the beauty in all of us, regardless of our skin tones.
......afrocentric BLACK men ......but the portrait on the wall tells aNOTHER story smh...how Sad
Why do you care what’s on his wall? Dont like it? Then dont look at it. You are the perpetual victim of your own imaginary problems. Now THAT is sad!
@@chrisjackson8151he’s pointing out an inconsistency. Has nothing about to do with him not liking the picture itself. But I def understand where he’s coming from
I really really really identified with this…
I'm glad you know you aren't alone ❤️🐺
I've always had a mixed feeling about this because growing up while I didn't think I was "ugly" or anything like that, I also was aware that I wasn't really considered attractive to any of my peers as I never had anyone say they had a crush on me, even girls which obviously as a gay man that isn't a big deal at all but I've heard other gay men share their young experiences and how they seemed to have at least one girl crush on them so I definitely couldn't relate to that lol. But around my 8th grade and into my high school years I started experimenting with a more alternative & androgynous look as I found my love for rock & metal music around this time and wanted to dress in a more rocker/alternative way and did just that which definitely caused me to get the whole "trying to be white" accusation from other black people which was annoying but it was what it was and having to deal with all that nonsense helped me develop a self-confidence in myself of knowing that I'm just presenting myself in what I genuinely like even if it's not considered attractive to black people, I just did my own thing and sorta internalized the feeling of "I may not be considered attractive to anyone but I like how I look and I'm going to just stay true to myself"
When I got into the gay dating world at 18 and started taking notice of how black gay men are either highly rejected because of our race or very fetishized (the annoying BBC fetish), that kinda did mess with me a bit but in some strange way, I never let non-black men make me feel bad about myself because I just figured that we simply weren't a match. I was also expressing myself in a more feminine presenting way at this point and I knew that that was gonna make dating even more of a challenge than it already was/is.
I don't have many pictures of what I looked like back then but the few I have, I definitely think that like you, I grew into my own albeit in a much different direction because I prefer overtly feminine looks which sure, not many men are into but I'm content with my own look and maybe one day I'll find that right match who likes it too lol. I think your advice for interracial dating is solid though, if you're black you should never act like you're the inferior one in the relationship and feel like the guy is settling for you and that you should be grateful for that. I can understand feeling grateful for finding that right someone after searching for a long time but don't let it be based on your race, let it be on the fact that gay dating can be a struggle in general and that despite the obstacles, you were able to find someone.
Dark men are my preference but they always seem to prefer white or light skinned dudes. I hate some have a complex about their complexion. But i haven't walked in their shoes.
As a darkskin black man myself, I always found other darkskin guys to be sexy. I even find Asian men to be attractive. These two demographics seems to be the most undesirable in the dating pool for societies standards. But I wholeheartedly disagree, we are the most attractive demographics in my opinion. Great video!👍🏾
Humans are born. How we are raised and develop is not always testament to how we treat others. Lust, friendship and love is no different.
OMG Your younger pics mirror my Last LOVE of my Life! DAMN. He left me for a WHITE Man. He too struggled with self esteem issues. to date, He STILL credits me for instilling self respect/worth within him. Sounds weird, but our friendship dynamic has shifted to Father /Son
@@KenTurnerSings 😂🤣 you crazy. I'm sorry that happened but the dude wasn't worth it then.
@@TheAlfredPlatform Yeah, but we’re Good Now. Love him 4 Life
@TheAlfredPlatform this video touched me even as a transwoman, but as a transwoman what are good skincare products I can use to better my skin cause I wear makeup? Is it possible you can give me the a list of the hair products you use again so I can implement them.
A person thing is that I feel undesirable and unappealing to most because guy never want to date me but they always just want to hookup with me and move on which is disheartening to me.
Work with a dermatologist. My skincare routine came from my dermatologist.
Great video
Narration on point 💯
You a Handsome man😮 and your happy now😊 that is what matters🫠
You're not ugly, you just got really low self esteem which is a turn off to me. Most people don't look good with weight gain ... I have a sweet spot weight range as well
I agree we as dark-skinned men dont have much positively but i embrace being dark-skinned 😉💯💯 then u also had 2 find yourself & thats okay because it took me yrs 2 find myself also no lies detected😉 u do gain weight as u age but u have 2 keep your metabolism high this by far is my fav cause i can realte❗️❤️❤️
The dudes who get it, get it 👌🏾
I am sorry that your mother said those things to you and that awful barber 💈 shop as well. Parent’s can be very stupid and say the most ignorant things and barber 💈 shops are nothing but men behaving like women gossiping and talking shit. You are a beautiful 🤩 soul and have blossomed into what you always were meant to be.
Thank you. You don't know how your words have brightened my day. May all your dreams come true ❤️
Old white man going to poke my nose in where it’s not wanted. There are very outwardly handsome men in every race and mixtures of races, but the truly handsome men love themselves and their skin. I do miss living in London and being young and single, my flat was like the United Nations on the weekend. So many men from all over the world, best time of life. I’m now into a 20+ years relationship with a Korean and still loving life. I’ve had long relationships with white guys and one black guy and I loved them all the same
Well said ❤
Brother your veido is so beautiful🔥💙🔥
That’s good that you are staying loyal to your husband. Maybe you guys could be open but that could also ruin everything
Rejection is Protection.
I would love to date a man of color. I love dark skin black men. I wish I could meet a great guy. It seems they are hard to find. As a thick black man there are many who dont like thicker guys.
I find it sad that you thought because you were thinner you were undesirable.
Please stop worrying about skin colour, it’s all about character
No it's not, it's all about race and colorism. White guys want all Black and Brown guys to be tops, if you are not top they want nothing to do with you.
I kind of know what you mean. In my straight life women had little interest in me. After I came out I was suddenly desirable.
I can't follow you with the light skinned thing. I'm white and have had LTR's with two different black men and in both cases I was definitely the one dating up.
As a brown skin it man. Maybe consider to be light but I do stop in a 7, so I like to get brown and I want to time. Is you know? They talk brothers, they? I don't know if they're scared. They're gonna approach you. I mean, you especially if you kind of sound like you're white or something and I'm black. But the same time license in the manufacturing in a heartbeat. Light manufac me in hard beat. But the dark skin aint breathing and I'm like he's scared and I probably do if I go up cause I'm a bottom. And no no not very aggressive and then you have the brothers just cure the fuck out of you
Im not understanding the Zendaya inserts. Are you being satirical/ironic or just a stan?
It is proven that we are 20% more attractive than we think we are
17:25 😂 you hilarious for that
Nobody is saying it, but It was the weight gain and the beard, bro.
Hi! Alfred greetings from Amarillo Texas,am a Mexican national and I think you looked very fine,I love dark skin men and so if any single dark skin gay guys on The Texas Panhandle are watching this video am single and ready to mingle,we all love you now because of your brain
You went from cute to adult and hot! You should not have worried so much. But... society I guess.. Its so sad... xx
Today's show 😮 really made difference with me use Shea butter but I've never seen someone melt it I also use alovera gel🎉
So Relatable
Enjoying the love story! ❤️
A lot of the things your talking about has Nothing to do with skin tone.
I've seen some very handsome black men!
You twist your hair the same way i do
I dont know how to part 😩
Yeah, I don't part to limit the amount of manipulation and tension on the hair. I try to keep it simple; clean scalp, moisturized ends, minimal manipulation, no combs or brushes.
Oh no I thought gay Asian man are the ones struggling with this the most.
No you didn't miss out! You chose monogamy over promiscuity ( no judgement)....whose happier? I pride myself on monogamy it safeguarded me from the AIDS pandemic of the 80's. Chart your own course!
Where did you get your hair transplant?
Question: Alfred. 😮 How do you guys feel if your going to a gay club with your boyfriend and his friend and before you leave he's dancing on one of his friends who is a gogo dancer with his hands around their neck
One of the random men you’ve used in this videos thumbnail has expressed over and over again that he would like for you to remove him from it.
I am on Code with emancipating my chocolate man to keep it nice and beautiful.
I enjoyed your message,
They Do!!
You looked older when you were younger.
You're not giving a genuine deep dive about the real issue in the community. (RACE, COLORISM, & PREFRRED SEXUAL POSITION)
In other words: self-victimhood complex.
I am sorry you had the negative "inner dialogue" about your appearance because, to me, you looked attractive in all your pics. However, I 'get' it. I have been really skinny all my life (due to Crohn's Disease). It is not something I have been able to markedly alter, despite 40+ years of help from Licensed Dieticians, every diet known to mankind, every variation of popular exercise routines, etc.
Why are you using someone elses photo WITHOUT their permission in the thumbnail? you didn't even CONTACT the person.