Ness Djelali - I was thinking to myself, Justin is 33 and I’m 37. But because of his dad’s sensitivity and authenticity.... I find myself incredibly attracted to his Dad.
Hearing Justin say he felt as if he had “permission to cry” (11:45) hurts my soul. Just the word PERMISSION speaks volume to how much something so human and simple as crying is frowned upon.
As a 50 year old man, I love this so much. I'm watching this series for the second time, wishing to God I could've been a member at a table like this in the 80s.
I stopped saying “Man up” a long time ago. I say “get your courage together” now to both men and women so people can reach into their place of strength to know that it’s going to be okay and so they can accomplish what they want to do.
saharaxxxx 💯 I found that this is what people are trying to say when they say things like “Man up”, “you have balls” or “grow a pair”. We have to change our vocabulary to match what we are actually trying to say.
Jessimus Prime I definitely agree with you. A friend of mine always says that to try and give others strength but she doesn’t realise that it’s not giving the right message that she wants to or thinks she’s giving
This series is wonderful. I've sent the first video to my boyfriend and he's been talking about his fears to open up and how he's always felt like he had to be the bread winner. We had such a beautiful conversation on how we want to reverse these preconceived notions with our future children. Thank u so much for these enlightening videos. I can not wait to watch the rest
This is ground break material for a lot of men & women. Because women do see these issues too and we do discuss them often with our girlfriends or sisters & mothers too but rarely do we talk to men about it. Media & society tell you men aren’t suppose to be venerable or too caring, too loving, or too affectionate, or too open, or too touchy... unless their with women. However, because of media & society creating this wall as a guide, women too don’t get any of this from men they are in a relationship with, be it a father, uncle, brother, friend, or boyfriend, son, etc. Even if women encourage them to let it out they look for that wall and run behind it anyways. & women subconsciously or consciously send hint for them to put that wall up before, during or after they encourage them to bring it down sometimes. If a hard construction to break when both parties have been re-enforcing it for so long. It like ur trying to break it but then take a step back to look at ur work & feel threatened...because ur wall is meant to protect u right? So u forget what u we’re doing & think I have to rebuild it & sometimes reenforce it so it doesn’t happen again as easily.
As a girl (almost 18 years old) I just love to see man talk without girls around, it's so refreshing to see them open up or to see what they really want to talk about and don't talk about when girls are around
as a guy (almost 17) i dont open up with my friends. im more likely to open up in the internet as someone anonymous than to be vulnerable around someone i trust. its almost like theres no "right time" to be vulnerable. i cant really explain it well but thats just how it is
@@iguessyeah8687 I actually feel the same way, i open up with strangers not with my friends, because my friends know a part of me and if you tell them more they change the way the see you and think of you
A closeted 34 year old gay is watching this. Thank you Justin Baldoni for putting this together. You guys are all the friends I don't have in my personal life. I'm going to share this with my nieces so they can better understand at least some men.
Also.. when father and son hugged - said they love each other. May I just say, on a totally different note... How important it is for a human to have a relationship with their parents - and really also when you are an adult. A lot of parents maybe think their job is done as a parent when their kid is legally grown. And as the daughter or son as an adult , that you don’t need your parent emotionally anymore. But you do! Parents need to still listen to their kids. Still be willing to teach and talk openly and spend time with their adult child. It’s so important. And when I saw the two hug, I was just thinking how sad I am that I don’t have that. I have a dad who I don’t have a connection to, and a mother who I do desperately try to always reach out to, but she has closed the door. She doesn’t want a real Relationship with her kids anymore. And I can’t shout enough how much it’s messing me up- as a full grown adult to not a parents. My parents still live, but I don’t have parents. It is making me very very sad and suicidal. So whoever has parents like this guys dad, truly value it! And never take it for granted. Not even for a second.
I understand that sooo well ! I thankfully have a very strong relationship with my mom. But as a 22 year old woman, i have to say that not having a closer relationship with my dad affects me a lot. I used to try to reach out to him but i gave up a while ago because it hurt too much to see that he never really heard anything i said and never tried to change anything...
The only sad thing to me is the literal wall they kept between each other. They hugged over the wall. They didn’t come to each other and fully hug and hold each other. I think that is more yet again how men don’t feel like in public they can show love openly to another man. Maybe it was an unconscious thought process to hug over the wall. But it still was apart of it.
I think it's interesting how sharing emotion or sharing ourselves, becomes equated with "struggling" or sharing our points of weakness. It's not always negative, it's positive stuff too. A fundamental issue seems to be equating emotions with weakness. Emotion is not a whisper or a weakness, it's a source of strength and the heart of what makes us human. We forget....we make it a liability.
Following Hough's comment "Men rather die than to open up," I would add that men rather kill their entire family (wife and kids) and then kill themselves than to admit they cannot provide for them, or acknowledge they need help. If you think about it many homicide-suicides involve the "man of the family" as the perpetrator. At least that is the general trend I've seen in my country, especially after 2008.
I think it has to do with the idea that men have to always be in charge. But not just in charge of themselves, they also have to be in charge of everything around them, including their significant other and family. So these crimes against women (domestic violence, rape, murder etc.) often result out of the women "acting out" or challenging that idea, which in turn, makes them "a bad reflection of the man's masculinity". So they have to be destroyed in order to restore that. It's true: a lot o crimes would be avoided if more men had these talks.
Correct me if i'm wrong, but what I understand from your statement is that women are the cause of their murder in homicide-suicides. If so, I strongly disagree with you. Women should never pay with their lives for a man's incapability of acknowledging he's doing something wrong and asking for help. However, I do agree with your original idea that men, or most men, believe (feel, think, presume, want, etc) that they always have to be in charge of everything around them. My point is that once they perceive (feel, believe, know, etc) that they are starting to loose the grip on things, or recognize (consciously or subconsciously) that they are no longer in control, instead of asking for help, or saying "I cannot do this by myself", or "I don't know what to do," they keep pushing onward, until they arrive at a wall were the only thing that they see as a way out is to kill their families and themselves. It may appear as an impulsive decision to everyone around them, but in reality that man thought about it and planned out how to kill his family or spouse and then kill himself. That same man was struggling for awhile by himself, because, as Hough said, "men rather die than open up." That is the problem; the notion that opening up is worse than dying and killing, which is irreversible, a crime, unjust, selfish AF, etc. That notion needs fixing. Yes, these conversation are important to point out the problem and figure out a solution. Defining what is masculine and using toughness as a positive trait is noxious to men and women. This custom transcends cultures and religions, it is passed over from generations. It will be difficult to deconstruct and reconstruct what masculinity is (if there is such a thing). The first step is for men to look at themselves, truly, and be honest when recognizing what characteristics of their character are positive and which ones are detrimental for them and those around him. Mindfulness and taking responsibility for your actions is the first step, but not the only step. It is simple: "What am I doing wrong or not doing?" not "what did she do to make me act this way?" When that question does not have an answer get help, if it does, get help to solve your problem.
thank you for that hint. I sure made it sound quite victim-blamy. I didn't mean that at all though. My comment was more intended to reflect what might be going on in a perpetrator's mind; not what's actually the case. Of course the woman doesn't ask for any of these crimes committed against her with her actions, nor does she deserve them. I wrote this because of a personal impression I have due to my own experiences. When I was 20 I came out to my then boyfriend about my own experiences with sexual assault and his response wasn't understanding or supporting me. He didn't really want to hear about it and wanted me to just move on, but I was still struggling with it (especially because he was the first man I'd slept with afterwards and I'd waited 7 years til then). He then dumped me for being "too tragic" and that made me realise that apparently some men/boys are lead to believe that they have to be heroes and girls are there to admire them. And if they can't be that, say: if they can't protect a girl, because she's already been assaulted and the damage is done, you can't undo her history, then it's an attack on his masculinity. She doesn't function as a decent reflection of how he wants to be seen. So to him I was just a cracked mirror. He couldn't "exercise his manliness" on me. I think that's where a lot of the victim-blaming comes from. Because men are raised with the idea that they have to be in charge, always. And a rape-story couldn't be more of a contrast to that. So they reject this story as a complete narrative, because they're not equipped to hear a tale that starts with hope and ends with catastrophe.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm truly sorry that someone sexually assaulted you and someone else, you trusted, made you feel like a cracked mirror, because of something done to you. Assault can definitely break you and it's incredibly hard to fix oneself afterwards, especially because is very hard to be ok with yourself. It is a surreal experience and you see yourself in a third person point of view for a long time. Everyone's road to healing is different. I can only imagine how lonely it must feel when you finally are comfortable enough with yourself to share the assault with a partner for the first time and the reaction be indifference or antipathy. No one deserves that. It sounds to me like your ex-boyfriend didn't have much emotional intelligence, and he, like so many others, walked away instead of looking for tools, such as just listening, to help you heal. Most definitely having such conversations are uncomfortable for most men, because of different reasons, but mainly because they don't know what to do with vulnerability or someone expressing their emotions. The lack of knowhow is the reason why these conversations are important, and need to happen amongst men, men and women, and women, regardless of sexual orientation. In some way everyone is affected by a man's "manliness" and how he chooses to express it.
Gabriela Lopez Rodriguez thank you for your response! You're absolutely right about the conversations that need to happen. And sometimes I wonder whether the metoo movement made him think of me again and wonder whether he did the right thing or what he could do better. The problem was also that he was surrounded by people who made him believe it was good enough for him to sound nice in order to be perceived as a good person. So he actually believed he was. The moral bar for men isn't set quite as high as it is for women... Hopefully he'll reexamine his behaviour.
*Many men have so much baggage that they do not know how to be vulnerable, peel back layers and open up truthfully about the trauma they may have endured in life* 💯😔
Speaking of vulnerability... I grew up in a classic mediterranean patriarchical family,with a strong and emotionally silenced (by his upbringing) father. I was the bookish townboy girl,trying to be a boy in any way possible so he could notice me more than my girly sisters. The first time I heard him say the words "I love you" was when I was 22. He is the protector type after all. Storytime: When I was 11,the first boy that I had a crushed on asked me to date him and the next day he and his friends told me that it was a prank. In my heartbreak I said something to myself that became a twisted affirmation: " *boys do not have feelings* " I entered all my relationships being sure that the guy would betray me eventually. After all, all the "cool" boys were kind of bad. It took 10 years for me to shed that toxic image of masculinity and manhood,thanks to my wonderful husband. He tought me with his constant support and openess that we are equal in needs,fears and humanity. Bringing up a son made me realize how vulnerable boys truly are. I realized that as women we have to embrace our strength and stand up to the patriarchy crap, but alongside our men who suffer also. Of course there will be people who feel safe in a role resisting their own truth. We just have to keep love each other and express it constantly. Thank you for the amazing work you do. Lots of love from Greece.
26:07 man... this guy just keeps dropping stuff I never thought I needed to hear from a guy so badly. I've heard women say this so often, but we're not alone on the planet. It's nice to know men appreciate what we do and what we've been fighting for. Gives me hope really...
Where to begin??? I was raised by a single parent (female) and she was very vulnerable around me. At the same time, I could not be 100% vulnerable around her because boys do not cry, get scared, tell on others (snitch), complain, and feel hurt. It was a "boy shut up" type of child rearing during certain pivotal years. So, in this episode I can highly relate to some about not feeling open to be vulnerable. However, the more experienced I became.....the more open I became to certain people I felt were trustworthy to my feelings. I do feel like I need a circle of friends, however, to share more of my vulnerability. That would be nice and therapeutic.
"Do things from the human standpoint" is likely my favorite conclusion here: it's not a matter of being a man or anything else; crying, emotions, all the things we feel are hardwired into us for a reason, and they don't differ between genders
This channel is amazing, have only watch a few so far so I may be wrong, but I would love to see some asian american representation as well on the channel. I know that masculinity in asian men is always attacked and topic that would be interested in hearing an asian man talk about at one of these conversations.
Reconciling with this issue of toxic masculinity in our culture as a “feminine” male was not an easy path at home as a child, or in school. I am so happy that this is finally a publicized conversation, showing us how we’ve limited ourselves, and others. When we all break the limits of our consciousness that have been created through the conditioning we’re exposed to from day one, and even in our present day to day lives, healing will replace suffering. This stands true in every single facet of human life for all men and women alike.
I'm glad you find it helpful, for sure. That said, These guys aren't very masculine though. Just more feminized males, which is totally OK, they're just not the standard bearers of what it means to be masculine.
I am so happy you put this series together! It's really interesting to listen to the common fears and ideas you all have despite varying upbringings, social, and cultural backgrounds. It's also interesting because I am a straight female and have all the same fears and discomfort with vulnerability as you all do. I want to be the strong one, the rock that anyone can come to, I hate showing weakness, and it takes a lot for me to open up about struggles. I have always despised commonly used phrases like "you throw like a girl", "man up", "don't be a sissy", etc. even when they were directed toward guys. I made the connection at a young age that having characteristics deemed "feminine" were weak, inferior, and lesser than. I made it a goal not to be dramatic, emotional, wimpy, or basically anything that was exclusively something "women" do. I have loosened up a lot as I've gotten older and am more comfortable having both "masculine" and "feminine" qualities. I'm really trying to reprogram my brain to understand that nothing is wrong with acknowledging, feeling, and sharing, but it's hard. I think a lot of women struggle with what you were discussing because we're constantly trying to make in a "man's world." And there's so much you can't do, say, feel, or show in order to accomplish that and be respected. It's fascinating that you as men are also struggling to make it in a "man's world".... So really, who's world are we actually trying to make it in?
I am watching this in 2023! Please keep doing shows and content like this to reach as many people as possible. The road we are going down is the complete opposite of the conversations you are having here. Accepting people for who they are! Being vulnerable and open! What your series is about is what we need more of❤
I just stumbled across this and I am addicted. I just texted my boyfriend and he will be checking it out tomorrow. I told him I have many many questions after he sees it.
We all have to take responsibility for this issue, especially all us wives and girlfriends out there. Be sure to check in with your man on the regular.. Just because he is faithful towards you, provides for your family, and makes YOU happy DOESNT MEAN HE'S HAPPY. Pay attention to the signs..Is he drinking more often than you'd like? Is he really happy with his job? Is he achieving goals for himself? Sometimes we have to be the ones to start the conversation that will eventually open them up to talk about deeper issues. Make it extremely clear to the men in your life that they always have permission to be venerable around you. This is not to say that you are responsible for their happiness, cause your not. However, Ive seen allot of females ignore signs that something might be bothering their man emotionally, just because they feel like the relationship between them is going well. It could have NOTHING to do with you, so just ask.
Love everything Justin is doing. I was 25 years old before I was vulnerable enough to take off my mask I'd worn every day of my life, and summed up the courage to come out to my father. Before that day I had never had a real, honest, conversation in my life, with anyone. I'm now 54 years old and realize how grateful I am for that extremely difficult conversation I had with my father 29 years ago, and blessed to have had 25 years of an honest, open, loving relationship with my father before he passed. I also had the chance to go to the same driving range with my Dad when he visited me a few years ago.
I think I speak for a lot of people and women watching this . . . we're in love with each and every man (including Justin's father) in this spectacular conversation. As a result, I changed a program I'm working on from "Making Love our new reality by stein the divine feminine free" to "Making Love our new reality by setting the divine Human free." Thank you ALL. Keep on keeping on!
I agree with the professor, its important to create spaces to open up. Thus, it is a place to go to when we struggle and just need to cry or someone to talk to. This also prevents that we only focus on our vulnerable side, and that's equally wrong.
This is incredible. These conversations need to happen, they need to become a natural part of life in American and global society. I am so glad that this group of men were able to sit down and discuss and open up. I wish there were more of this in daily life
Amazing conversation. Love the honesty and the courage to share. Men want to be seen as strong and in control and yet there is a reward you gain from the stoicism, the show of strength. To create safe spaces for anyone to be vulnerable means everyone (all humans no matter how you identify), have to be more empathetic. Wisely choose who you share yourself with.
I can barely find the words to express my awe, gratitude, and appreciation for you Justin, and all of your wonderful guests. Your courage and love is mind-blowing. These conversations will change the whole of humanity! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is so needed for us all.
I was recently suffering from overthinking cycles. I just realized how important it is to be vulnerable sometimes, women have it so much better then men when it comes to venting out.
I'm a 71 year old woman who has had numerous good relationships with women but never honestly with the men in my life. I have worked very deeply clearing out a lot of old stuff from my psyche to be able to have better relationships with men and watching your programs- bumped into totally by 'accident'- is helping me understand you all more. Women understanding men more will help all of us just like the reverse. Even if not many men watch, the women watching may very well be able to get the ball rolling. Wonderful sharing, wonderful honesty and insights. Thank-you.
lol can i doubt about honesty?? you know, a bunch of men in front of a camera, with perfect hairstyle, dress, always the perfect thing to say.... and i know that a lot of women love hollywood fairytale , but please...
I'M A FEMALE AND THIS SHOW SAVED MY LIFE. I HATED MALES BUT NOW I SEE AND I HEAR YOU. THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT AND BEING REAL AND SPEAKING WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL. THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN. BEYOND THE LIMITING LABELS.
The most scary thing a man can say is, "help". I took that home. It sunk in deep. I wish I had such conversations when I was a teenage. It changes absolutely everything.
I wish I could have had that conversation with my father. We had a complicated relationship, like many others, but we didn't really let our guard down until we were crying as I held onto what was left of him in his hospital bed. I had to fly out for basic training the next morning and I started trying to hold it in right away. But, I got lucky and most of us on the course did our best to look out for one another
I completely relate to Derek's comment about wanting more male connection. Many times in my life, I have been acutely aware that I crave more good, healthy male connection.
The beautiful relationship between Justin and his father made me teary eyed. My father has been a kind and soft person , but somehow my brother had distant himself away from all of us . My dad yearns to have a friendly relationship with my brother , but it hasn't happened so far. Being from south Asia ,men are not taught to be expressive by the world around them. It makes me yearn when I look at my friends whose siblings are their close friend. It makes me cry . Hope god will fill my brother's heart with love for all of our family.
My spanish grandfather raised my father in this cultural idea that men provided, don't cry or need help and when faced with a threat to his job, is role of provider, my father commit suicide in part because of this idea that he couldn't be vulnerable and seek help. Moreover the huge clue that this stereotype is engrain in male's mind and pass to generation to other, is that in his letter he told my little brother (18 year old at the time) that he was now "the man of the house".
My husband's father just passed away 3 weeks ago (not from suicide), but he also was very much a stereotypical masculine man and taught his sons to be like that too (we're Egyptian like Bassem Youssef but I think their family was even more decidedly "masculine" than most other Egyptians I know). My husband is only 26 but he became so different. He definitely considered himself to have become the "man of the house" and tried to take on every job that his father used to do. He refuses to let him mom or his 2 younger brothers do anything because that's what his dad used to do. I think part of it is that he has no sisters, and in their family, their mom always took a back seat to their father, in all the decisions that were made or even in expressing opinions. He was the dominant voice in the family and she considered it her role to support him in everything he decided or believed. So I think in their family, it was both parents who encouraged this idea of how a man should be. It will definitely take time but I think since being in his life, I've slowly started to help him see things differently. I will try to get him to watch this, I hope it resonates with him. On another note, my brother is completely different. We have another sister and he is the youngest of us, raised mainly by my mom, so he grew up around only women and he's much more comfortable sharing emotions. Of course there are still ideas about masculinity that he's adopted from societal standards, but not to the extent of my husband
My brother didn't change much after my father death. First of all because my mother and I didn't tell him about this sentence in his letter, it was a burden we didn't want him to carry, and second because my mother raised him to be able to express his emotions, she opposed my grandfather or my father when they told my brother that "a man don't cry" for example. I think that it's with people like you and my mother that we can change future generation and avoid situation like my father who told us regularly that we needed him only because he was the provider, that we showed him affection when we wanted money.
More men need to see this. It's all well and good for women to see this and connect with it so that we can better connect with the men we know, and support them in becoming their best selves and direct them towards content like this to help achieve that goal, but this is primo content for all the men out there who feel like there's something missing. I wish I could individually direct each of the men who need this to this series.
I started watching this video and as time passes my heart became sadder and sadder. I watched 6 amazing man, talking so intellectually about vulnerability but never showing it themselves. All dressed up with perfect make up and every single hair in its place. Never spilling sauce/gravy over their cloths, never getting parsley/lettuce stuck in their teeth or their hair get messed up. Never starting to say something but the words get out wrong or even can't come out at all and always sound like they have the perfect answer with the best way to say it. Removing all the vulnerability moments in the editing room. Teaches us the opposite. It teaches us that to make an important point you MUST be perfect and have ALL the answers all the time. Being perfect all the time with all the right answers is what manhood or toxic masculinity is all about, isn't it?
This is such an amazing series. Great and long overdue conversation. I know I respect and love a man more when he has the strength to go against what society (mistakenly) tells him to do - when he is brave enough to let down his guard, cry if he needs the release for self-care and self-respect, and open up and create the kind of intimacy we all need as human beings.
I can relate I’ve always struggled or get very uneasy with crying with a significant other where I don’t want them to see me cry even if I’m tearing up. I believe it’s due to my dad was away for deployment, he would tell me all the time to be strong. To this day, that phrase still resonates in the back of my mind.
I love how Bassam starts the conversation pointing out how comfortable men are on going "deep" on so many subjects like politics, science and other subjects that we deem masculine. It makes me think about how we as men need to change now that those realms have been opened to women. A very interesting thing to think about. Once again Bassam showing how much he has to offer this conversation, I really respect him so far.
I loved that section on vulnerability. It is your strength. Many men like to consider their integrity to be at the core of their strength, but there is no integrity without honesty, and no honesty without vulnerability. The biggest case of cognitive dissonance in the world is men saying that integrity is strong, whilst believing vulnerability is weak.
"Heh the world's gonna go on". Best thing this doctor has said yet. I couldn't agree more, the most freeing thought is that the people who are invested enough to care are also invested enough to forgive.
Cheers Justin. This show is an amazing step forward for any man willing to watch it. You're doing so much good, this show deserves way more views. I'm looking forward to the next episode.
It’s so freaking sad that the first time I see such an honest open vulnerable conversation between men, are men I don’t know - on TH-cam. It’s lovely to hear. To see. But I’ve never had such a deep conversation with any man ever. Not even my ex boyfriend or my best guy friend. I see it in every guy I know. That they put on a mask. They play the role of the masculine guy. But deep inside want to be hugged and talk. Cry. But I’ve never seen it in my circle of male friends. May I just say... the father and son conversation on the golf course, just broke my heart. When he said that his dad never taught him traditional manly things, but he taught him the most manly thing of all - how to love. I mean🖤 that was just beautiful.
But I’ve never had such a deep conversation with any man ever. We're cavemen :(((( I see it in every guy I know. That they put on a mask. They play the role of the masculine guy. But deep inside want to be hugged and talk. Cry. But I’ve never seen it in my circle of male friends. damn u really nailed it, my favorite one is the tiger mask, always dreamed about being a japanese wrestler, never dreamed about being a mediocre actor/crybaby like baldoni to be honest, bet your friend are like me :D May I just say... the father and son conversation on the golf course, just broke my heart. When he said that his dad never taught him traditional manly things, but he taught him the most manly thing of all - how to love. I mean🖤 that was just beautiful. Definition of "fake as fuck"
this comment you are giving, just further proves the point of this talk. you are probably so insecure , that you can't even deal with what you see here. because there is absolutely no need to answer my answer with such stupidity.
The point of this talk is pointless, like your comment :D you are probably so insecure , that you can't even deal with what you see here. nahhh fairytale like this talk is totally bulllshit, doesnt surprise me that lot of women like u fall in love for this crap, i mean hes soooo fake and so glamorous , of course women love him And almost forgost... he cried.... he cried a lot, he cried a lot deep inside
dont forget..... May I just say... the father and son conversation on the golf course, just broke my heart. When he said that his dad never taught him traditional manly things, but he taught him the most manly thing of all - how to love. fake as fuck, 99,9% of true men can recognize this crap as bullshit , enjoy ur fake idol
it has nothing to do with his status. idols or anything like that. its the subject. you clearly don't get it at all..... and luckily i dob't have to ever talk to you in real life, or waist anymore energy here either. bye bye.
I love watching this. Makes me feel better about myself as a gay man who always feels like im not worth it. Its nice to know that even famous people have insecurities and all that. Thanks for these videos y'all are making.
I think you are really manly guys for doing this! I decided to watch this to understand my husband better and maybe find a clue to help him flip the switch and be emotionally open to me. I think it is hard for men to be one way in the world and then suddenly turn all that off when they come home. I told him that I wanted to be strong for him sometimes and felt that our relationship would be more equal and better if we took turns being vulnerable and strong. I asked him if he thought I was mentally weak for getting emotional around him and he said no. Understanding him was my reason for watching and then I realized you guys were liberating me also; I started understanding myself better too. I realized that I felt like I failed in all the female categories and maybe there was a way for me to rethink somethings. I will say that not being able to be a Mom made me feel like I was not a real woman...It took me listening to you guys talk about the rules you feel you have to follow helped me understand my own issues as a woman. I don't want to take over because this is a male space here and it is about you guys here but when you started questioning I started questioning my own unspoken/spoken rules for women (lots of rules actually) and then decided to ask my husband what he liked about me as a woman and every thing he told me was not on the traditional list for women which actually made me feel a lot better. I also told him all the ways I thought he was manly and only half of them were on the traditional list. I think we began a journey with that conversation that I hope my husband and I can continue. Maybe husbands and wives can have these kinds of conversations and together dismantle some of these gender role rules by affirming each other. I think my husband was surprised when I told him that I thought it was manly when he refused to fight with a really rude person that was harassing him and trying to get him to fight; he was firm and asked the man to leave and did not lose his temper. I actually wanted to punch that guy cause he was really rude to my husband!
The more i listen to this the more i feel like the “men” around me ar so guarded, almost as if they are scared to show their so called feminine side. I think that projects like this are needed now more than ever. Thank you for these videos!
Prophet Muhammad PBUH is the role model for humanity, he was vulnerable, he was sad, He cried a lot, he laughed, he loved women, he was authentic, he was honest 🎀
Women struggle with being vulnerable also. Being vulnerable is something that I’ve struggled with most of my life. Until, the last year or so I’ve always felt that it was a weakness. People take advantage of vulnerability. I’ve even had women complain… you’re always crying.. you cry about everything. So I learned to hide my feelings because people don’t appreciate my “softness” it’s a nuisance.
Quite an interesting project. This is really insightful and enlightening. In most cases, being vulnerable as a man is often misconstrued as a sign of weakness, which we are strongly reprimanded for in our early years of aging. A lot of dialogue and analysis in trying to unpack these kind of internalized ideologies really needs to be done amongst men. You've taken a great step already!!
many of the things shared are universal feelings and i felt so relieved to know men feel these things to -that we are not divided or seperate..it gives me hope thank u
This is a great series and I wish that it could be shared in my country, South Africa and across the world. Our struggle to end gender based violence would be made so much easier. I intend getting my organization, Masimanyane Women's Rights International to use this series in our work with men in the communities we serve.
Thank you for making this. I relate to this so much and I'm so glad its being discussed bc my entire life I've been told im too famine for this or that.
I really would have loved to see more of Bassem in this one. He got some good screen time in the beginning and then nothing for the rest of the episode. It's a shame because he was so insightful and such a clear communicator
This is a powerfull series. I want to share it with my youth group, I was wondering if there is a plataform where I can access this videos with captions in spanish, since I am from Puerto Rico 💃. Thank you so much for this.
Wow! How fabulous to be able to watch the authenticity that comes through in observing not only intellectual conversation between a group of men, but to see sincere emotions (feelings) show up! And have some of my stereotyping mindsets about men be dispelled and instead be enriched with a respect for men who realize that males should not limit themselves on what they can talk about personally to anyone.
This is really a professional n mature man talk it has different race n culture that as a young man in the military I can now fmake more time n sit down n actually listen n understand the concept of these mans n they OWN believes so please continue I love the stories ....
This is absolutely amazing, and so real. I am so glad that in 2018 we can have these conversations and I hope that what you've done here allows other men to open up and allow themselves to be more vulnerable and real. I'm a huge fan and can't wait to see what you come up with next!
This is so authentic and tears down masculinity to its core,the stereotypes and i like the part about vulnerability.And No i am not watching in secret,am proud of this content.
This is powerful! l love the way everyone opened up and felt safe to do so. l would love to see a day time talk show with men sitting around the table and have authentic conversations like this. l see it in sports not so much in any other settings. Thank you for using your platform to create a safe place were men can have these conversations and be vulnerable in front of the whole world. I am here for this, keep up the good work! l hope to see more of this ❤️
Thank you for using your platform to create a safe place were men can have these conversations and be vulnerable in front of the whole world. I am here for this, keep up the good work! l hope to see more of this ❤️ safe what?????? VULNERABLE in front of the whole world??? jesus christ XDDDDDD
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | เปิดใจ "อาจารย์ เบียร์ ฅนตื่นธรรม" นักสนทนาธรรมสายดุดัน!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vqaBI_mnoDk/mqdefault.jpg)
I want all the men in my life to watch this. Such an important project.
Then please, send it to them
I hope they laugh at it
It’s worth the watch
I second that! I want all men and women in my life to see this!
I’m coming back to listen to all these again. I saw your comment and am wondering if you ever come back and watch any of these again or share them.
Justin's dad is amazing💕
Ness Djelali - I was thinking to myself, Justin is 33 and I’m 37. But because of his dad’s sensitivity and authenticity.... I find myself incredibly attracted to his Dad.
Hearing Justin say he felt as if he had “permission to cry” (11:45) hurts my soul. Just the word PERMISSION speaks volume to how much something so human and simple as crying is frowned upon.
As a 50 year old man, I love this so much. I'm watching this series for the second time, wishing to God I could've been a member at a table like this in the 80s.
I stopped saying “Man up” a long time ago. I say “get your courage together” now to both men and women so people can reach into their place of strength to know that it’s going to be okay and so they can accomplish what they want to do.
"Get your courage together" Love that! Using that from now on
saharaxxxx 💯 I found that this is what people are trying to say when they say things like “Man up”, “you have balls” or “grow a pair”. We have to change our vocabulary to match what we are actually trying to say.
Jessimus Prime I definitely agree with you. A friend of mine always says that to try and give others strength but she doesn’t realise that it’s not giving the right message that she wants to or thinks she’s giving
I like to say.... You've got this... 😊 so much is in the language we use.
Justins dad is so sweet! Not gonna lie i teared up a bit when justin said “the most manly thing you ever taught me is you teach me how to love”
This series is wonderful. I've sent the first video to my boyfriend and he's been talking about his fears to open up and how he's always felt like he had to be the bread winner. We had such a beautiful conversation on how we want to reverse these preconceived notions with our future children. Thank u so much for these enlightening videos. I can not wait to watch the rest
I'm going to do that too
This is ground break material for a lot of men & women. Because women do see these issues too and we do discuss them often with our girlfriends or sisters & mothers too but rarely do we talk to men about it. Media & society tell you men aren’t suppose to be venerable or too caring, too loving, or too affectionate, or too open, or too touchy... unless their with women. However, because of media & society creating this wall as a guide, women too don’t get any of this from men they are in a relationship with, be it a father, uncle, brother, friend, or boyfriend, son, etc. Even if women encourage them to let it out they look for that wall and run behind it anyways. & women subconsciously or consciously send hint for them to put that wall up before, during or after they encourage them to bring it down sometimes. If a hard construction to break when both parties have been re-enforcing it for so long. It like ur trying to break it but then take a step back to look at ur work & feel threatened...because ur wall is meant to protect u right? So u forget what u we’re doing & think I have to rebuild it & sometimes reenforce it so it doesn’t happen again as easily.
As a girl (almost 18 years old) I just love to see man talk without girls around, it's so refreshing to see them open up or to see what they really want to talk about and don't talk about when girls are around
as a guy (almost 17) i dont open up with my friends. im more likely to open up in the internet as someone anonymous than to be vulnerable around someone i trust. its almost like theres no "right time" to be vulnerable. i cant really explain it well but thats just how it is
@@iguessyeah8687 I actually feel the same way, i open up with strangers not with my friends, because my friends know a part of me and if you tell them more they change the way the see you and think of you
23:36 is truly the most beautiful moment you can see between a father and his son.
A closeted 34 year old gay is watching this. Thank you Justin Baldoni for putting this together. You guys are all the friends I don't have in my personal life. I'm going to share this with my nieces so they can better understand at least some men.
Thanks for sharing ❤ I hope you're well
Also.. when father and son hugged - said they love each other. May I just say, on a totally different note...
How important it is for a human to have a relationship with their parents - and really also when you are an adult. A lot of parents maybe think their job is done as a parent when their kid is legally grown. And as the daughter or son as an adult , that you don’t need your parent emotionally anymore. But you do! Parents need to still listen to their kids. Still be willing to teach and talk openly and spend time with their adult child. It’s so important. And when I saw the two hug, I was just thinking how sad I am that I don’t have that. I have a dad who I don’t have a connection to, and a mother who I do desperately try to always reach out to, but she has closed the door. She doesn’t want a real Relationship with her kids anymore. And I can’t shout enough how much it’s messing me up- as a full grown adult to not a parents. My parents still live, but I don’t have parents. It is making me very very sad and suicidal. So whoever has parents like this guys dad, truly value it! And never take it for granted. Not even for a second.
I understand that sooo well ! I thankfully have a very strong relationship with my mom. But as a 22 year old woman, i have to say that not having a closer relationship with my dad affects me a lot. I used to try to reach out to him but i gave up a while ago because it hurt too much to see that he never really heard anything i said and never tried to change anything...
The only sad thing to me is the literal wall they kept between each other. They hugged over the wall. They didn’t come to each other and fully hug and hold each other. I think that is more yet again how men don’t feel like in public they can show love openly to another man.
Maybe it was an unconscious thought process to hug over the wall. But it still was apart of it.
“ If I reveal to you that I’m not all I pretend to be, than you’ll see I’m a fraud “ Best quote ever 👏🏾💋💋
I think it's interesting how sharing emotion or sharing ourselves, becomes equated with "struggling" or sharing our points of weakness. It's not always negative, it's positive stuff too. A fundamental issue seems to be equating emotions with weakness. Emotion is not a whisper or a weakness, it's a source of strength and the heart of what makes us human. We forget....we make it a liability.
Following Hough's comment "Men rather die than to open up," I would add that men rather kill their entire family (wife and kids) and then kill themselves than to admit they cannot provide for them, or acknowledge they need help. If you think about it many homicide-suicides involve the "man of the family" as the perpetrator. At least that is the general trend I've seen in my country, especially after 2008.
I think it has to do with the idea that men have to always be in charge. But not just in charge of themselves, they also have to be in charge of everything around them, including their significant other and family. So these crimes against women (domestic violence, rape, murder etc.) often result out of the women "acting out" or challenging that idea, which in turn, makes them "a bad reflection of the man's masculinity". So they have to be destroyed in order to restore that. It's true: a lot o crimes would be avoided if more men had these talks.
Correct me if i'm wrong, but what I understand from your statement is that women are the cause of their murder in homicide-suicides. If so, I strongly disagree with you. Women should never pay with their lives for a man's incapability of acknowledging he's doing something wrong and asking for help.
However, I do agree with your original idea that men, or most men, believe (feel, think, presume, want, etc) that they always have to be in charge of everything around them. My point is that once they perceive (feel, believe, know, etc) that they are starting to loose the grip on things, or recognize (consciously or subconsciously) that they are no longer in control, instead of asking for help, or saying "I cannot do this by myself", or "I don't know what to do," they keep pushing onward, until they arrive at a wall were the only thing that they see as a way out is to kill their families and themselves. It may appear as an impulsive decision to everyone around them, but in reality that man thought about it and planned out how to kill his family or spouse and then kill himself.
That same man was struggling for awhile by himself, because, as Hough said, "men rather die than open up." That is the problem; the notion that opening up is worse than dying and killing, which is irreversible, a crime, unjust, selfish AF, etc. That notion needs fixing.
Yes, these conversation are important to point out the problem and figure out a solution. Defining what is masculine and using toughness as a positive trait is noxious to men and women. This custom transcends cultures and religions, it is passed over from generations. It will be difficult to deconstruct and reconstruct what masculinity is (if there is such a thing). The first step is for men to look at themselves, truly, and be honest when recognizing what characteristics of their character are positive and which ones are detrimental for them and those around him. Mindfulness and taking responsibility for your actions is the first step, but not the only step.
It is simple: "What am I doing wrong or not doing?" not "what did she do to make me act this way?"
When that question does not have an answer get help, if it does, get help to solve your problem.
thank you for that hint. I sure made it sound quite victim-blamy. I didn't mean that at all though. My comment was more intended to reflect what might be going on in a perpetrator's mind; not what's actually the case. Of course the woman doesn't ask for any of these crimes committed against her with her actions, nor does she deserve them.
I wrote this because of a personal impression I have due to my own experiences. When I was 20 I came out to my then boyfriend about my own experiences with sexual assault and his response wasn't understanding or supporting me. He didn't really want to hear about it and wanted me to just move on, but I was still struggling with it (especially because he was the first man I'd slept with afterwards and I'd waited 7 years til then). He then dumped me for being "too tragic" and that made me realise that apparently some men/boys are lead to believe that they have to be heroes and girls are there to admire them. And if they can't be that, say: if they can't protect a girl, because she's already been assaulted and the damage is done, you can't undo her history, then it's an attack on his masculinity. She doesn't function as a decent reflection of how he wants to be seen. So to him I was just a cracked mirror. He couldn't "exercise his manliness" on me.
I think that's where a lot of the victim-blaming comes from. Because men are raised with the idea that they have to be in charge, always. And a rape-story couldn't be more of a contrast to that. So they reject this story as a complete narrative, because they're not equipped to hear a tale that starts with hope and ends with catastrophe.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm truly sorry that someone sexually assaulted you and someone else, you trusted, made you feel like a cracked mirror, because of something done to you.
Assault can definitely break you and it's incredibly hard to fix oneself afterwards, especially because is very hard to be ok with yourself. It is a surreal experience and you see yourself in a third person point of view for a long time. Everyone's road to healing is different. I can only imagine how lonely it must feel when you finally are comfortable enough with yourself to share the assault with a partner for the first time and the reaction be indifference or antipathy. No one deserves that. It sounds to me like your ex-boyfriend didn't have much emotional intelligence, and he, like so many others, walked away instead of looking for tools, such as just listening, to help you heal.
Most definitely having such conversations are uncomfortable for most men, because of different reasons, but mainly because they don't know what to do with vulnerability or someone expressing their emotions. The lack of knowhow is the reason why these conversations are important, and need to happen amongst men, men and women, and women, regardless of sexual orientation. In some way everyone is affected by a man's "manliness" and how he chooses to express it.
Gabriela Lopez Rodriguez thank you for your response! You're absolutely right about the conversations that need to happen. And sometimes I wonder whether the metoo movement made him think of me again and wonder whether he did the right thing or what he could do better. The problem was also that he was surrounded by people who made him believe it was good enough for him to sound nice in order to be perceived as a good person. So he actually believed he was. The moral bar for men isn't set quite as high as it is for women... Hopefully he'll reexamine his behaviour.
So happy this series is now up on TH-cam, this discussion is so important. Please keep it going 😁
"We're not men, we're not women, we're Humans". My new mantra
"you taught me how to love" --so beautiful. We are all humans.
*Many men have so much baggage that they do not know how to be vulnerable, peel back layers and open up truthfully about the trauma they may have endured in life* 💯😔
Wow! So many great points and stories. And at 18:50...that exchange and moment brought me to tears. Please continue this great work.
Speaking of vulnerability...
I grew up in a classic mediterranean patriarchical family,with a strong and emotionally silenced (by his upbringing) father. I was the bookish townboy girl,trying to be a boy in any way possible so he could notice me more than my girly sisters. The first time I heard him say the words "I love you" was when I was 22. He is the protector type after all.
Storytime:
When I was 11,the first boy that I had a crushed on asked me to date him and the next day he and his friends told me that it was a prank. In my heartbreak I said something to myself that became a twisted affirmation: " *boys do not have feelings* "
I entered all my relationships being sure that the guy would betray me eventually. After all, all the "cool" boys were kind of bad.
It took 10 years for me to shed that toxic image of masculinity and manhood,thanks to my wonderful husband. He tought me with his constant support and openess that we are equal in needs,fears and humanity.
Bringing up a son made me realize how vulnerable boys truly are.
I realized that as women we have to embrace our strength and stand up to the patriarchy crap, but alongside our men who suffer also.
Of course there will be people who feel safe in a role resisting their own truth. We just have to keep love each other and express it constantly.
Thank you for the amazing work you do. Lots of love from Greece.
26:07 man... this guy just keeps dropping stuff I never thought I needed to hear from a guy so badly. I've heard women say this so often, but we're not alone on the planet. It's nice to know men appreciate what we do and what we've been fighting for. Gives me hope really...
Where to begin??? I was raised by a single parent (female) and she was very vulnerable around me. At the same time, I could not be 100% vulnerable around her because boys do not cry, get scared, tell on others (snitch), complain, and feel hurt. It was a "boy shut up" type of child rearing during certain pivotal years. So, in this episode I can highly relate to some about not feeling open to be vulnerable. However, the more experienced I became.....the more open I became to certain people I felt were trustworthy to my feelings. I do feel like I need a circle of friends, however, to share more of my vulnerability. That would be nice and therapeutic.
"Do things from the human standpoint" is likely my favorite conclusion here: it's not a matter of being a man or anything else; crying, emotions, all the things we feel are hardwired into us for a reason, and they don't differ between genders
This channel is amazing, have only watch a few so far so I may be wrong, but I would love to see some asian american representation as well on the channel. I know that masculinity in asian men is always attacked and topic that would be interested in hearing an asian man talk about at one of these conversations.
19:13 favorite quote on this: "do things from a human standpoint... "
Reconciling with this issue of toxic masculinity in our culture as a “feminine” male was not an easy path at home as a child, or in school. I am so happy that this is finally a publicized conversation, showing us how we’ve limited ourselves, and others. When we all break the limits of our consciousness that have been created through the conditioning we’re exposed to from day one, and even in our present day to day lives, healing will replace suffering. This stands true in every single facet of human life for all men and women alike.
I'm glad you find it helpful, for sure. That said, These guys aren't very masculine though. Just more feminized males, which is totally OK, they're just not the standard bearers of what it means to be masculine.
Amazing yet again. Well done Justin with this whole channel. ❤️ This is so needed and I hope this video is spread EVERYWHERE.
I am so happy you put this series together! It's really interesting to listen to the common fears and ideas you all have despite varying upbringings, social, and cultural backgrounds. It's also interesting because I am a straight female and have all the same fears and discomfort with vulnerability as you all do. I want to be the strong one, the rock that anyone can come to, I hate showing weakness, and it takes a lot for me to open up about struggles. I have always despised commonly used phrases like "you throw like a girl", "man up", "don't be a sissy", etc. even when they were directed toward guys. I made the connection at a young age that having characteristics deemed "feminine" were weak, inferior, and lesser than. I made it a goal not to be dramatic, emotional, wimpy, or basically anything that was exclusively something "women" do. I have loosened up a lot as I've gotten older and am more comfortable having both "masculine" and "feminine" qualities. I'm really trying to reprogram my brain to understand that nothing is wrong with acknowledging, feeling, and sharing, but it's hard. I think a lot of women struggle with what you were discussing because we're constantly trying to make in a "man's world." And there's so much you can't do, say, feel, or show in order to accomplish that and be respected. It's fascinating that you as men are also struggling to make it in a "man's world".... So really, who's world are we actually trying to make it in?
I am watching this in 2023! Please keep doing shows and content like this to reach as many people as possible. The road we are going down is the complete opposite of the conversations you are having here. Accepting people for who they are! Being vulnerable and open! What your series is about is what we need more of❤
I just stumbled across this and I am addicted. I just texted my boyfriend and he will be checking it out tomorrow. I told him I have many many questions after he sees it.
When Justin hugged his dad. So many emotions. I really wish I could hug my dad one more time.
We all have to take responsibility for this issue, especially all us wives and girlfriends out there. Be sure to check in with your man on the regular.. Just because he is faithful towards you, provides for your family, and makes YOU happy DOESNT MEAN HE'S HAPPY. Pay attention to the signs..Is he drinking more often than you'd like? Is he really happy with his job? Is he achieving goals for himself? Sometimes we have to be the ones to start the conversation that will eventually open them up to talk about deeper issues. Make it extremely clear to the men in your life that they always have permission to be venerable around you. This is not to say that you are responsible for their happiness, cause your not. However, Ive seen allot of females ignore signs that something might be bothering their man emotionally, just because they feel like the relationship between them is going well. It could have NOTHING to do with you, so just ask.
This is ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! I need more people to watch this. Let's share it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love everything Justin is doing. I was 25 years old before I was vulnerable enough to take off my mask I'd worn every day of my life, and summed up the courage to come out to my father. Before that day I had never had a real, honest, conversation in my life, with anyone. I'm now 54 years old and realize how grateful I am for that extremely difficult conversation I had with my father 29 years ago, and blessed to have had 25 years of an honest, open, loving relationship with my father before he passed. I also had the chance to go to the same driving range with my Dad when he visited me a few years ago.
I think I speak for a lot of people and women watching this . . . we're in love with each and every man (including Justin's father) in this spectacular conversation. As a result, I changed a program I'm working on from "Making Love our new reality by stein the divine feminine free" to "Making Love our new reality by setting the divine Human free." Thank you ALL. Keep on keeping on!
I agree with the professor, its important to create spaces to open up. Thus, it is a place to go to when we struggle and just need to cry or someone to talk to. This also prevents that we only focus on our vulnerable side, and that's equally wrong.
This is incredible. These conversations need to happen, they need to become a natural part of life in American and global society. I am so glad that this group of men were able to sit down and discuss and open up. I wish there were more of this in daily life
These conversations are healing me in such a profound way. Thank you.
Amazing conversation. Love the honesty and the courage to share. Men want to be seen as strong and in control and yet there is a reward you gain from the stoicism, the show of strength. To create safe spaces for anyone to be vulnerable means everyone (all humans no matter how you identify), have to be more empathetic. Wisely choose who you share yourself with.
I can barely find the words to express my awe, gratitude, and appreciation for you Justin, and all of your wonderful guests. Your courage and love is mind-blowing. These conversations will change the whole of humanity! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is so needed for us all.
thank you for making this! I am a sexologist and this will be a very helpful tool to open a conversation with younger people!
What a great video to see intelligent, thoughtful men being vulnerable and speaking their truth.
I was recently suffering from overthinking cycles. I just realized how important it is to be vulnerable sometimes, women have it so much better then men when it comes to venting out.
Awesome! Well said, "we confuse vulnerability for weakness. "
I'm a 71 year old woman who has had numerous good relationships with women but never honestly with the men in my life. I have worked very deeply clearing out a lot of old stuff from my psyche to be able to have better relationships with men and watching your programs- bumped into totally by 'accident'- is helping me understand you all more. Women understanding men more will help all of us just like the reverse. Even if not many men watch, the women watching may very well be able to get the ball rolling. Wonderful sharing, wonderful honesty and insights. Thank-you.
lol can i doubt about honesty?? you know, a bunch of men in front of a camera, with perfect hairstyle, dress, always the perfect thing to say.... and i know that a lot of women love hollywood fairytale , but please...
I'M A FEMALE AND THIS SHOW SAVED MY LIFE. I HATED MALES BUT NOW I SEE AND I HEAR YOU. THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT AND BEING REAL AND SPEAKING WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL. THAT WE ARE ALL HUMAN. BEYOND THE LIMITING LABELS.
The most scary thing a man can say is, "help". I took that home. It sunk in deep. I wish I had such conversations when I was a teenage. It changes absolutely everything.
I wish I could have had that conversation with my father. We had a complicated relationship, like many others, but we didn't really let our guard down until we were crying as I held onto what was left of him in his hospital bed. I had to fly out for basic training the next morning and I started trying to hold it in right away. But, I got lucky and most of us on the course did our best to look out for one another
I completely relate to Derek's comment about wanting more male connection. Many times in my life, I have been acutely aware that I crave more good, healthy male connection.
The beautiful relationship between Justin and his father made me teary eyed. My father has been a kind and soft person , but somehow my brother had distant himself away from all of us . My dad yearns to have a friendly relationship with my brother , but it hasn't happened so far. Being from south Asia ,men are not taught to be expressive by the world around them. It makes me yearn when I look at my friends whose siblings are their close friend. It makes me cry . Hope god will fill my brother's heart with love for all of our family.
My spanish grandfather raised my father in this cultural idea that men provided, don't cry or need help and when faced with a threat to his job, is role of provider, my father commit suicide in part because of this idea that he couldn't be vulnerable and seek help. Moreover the huge clue that this stereotype is engrain in male's mind and pass to generation to other, is that in his letter he told my little brother (18 year old at the time) that he was now "the man of the house".
My husband's father just passed away 3 weeks ago (not from suicide), but he also was very much a stereotypical masculine man and taught his sons to be like that too (we're Egyptian like Bassem Youssef but I think their family was even more decidedly "masculine" than most other Egyptians I know). My husband is only 26 but he became so different. He definitely considered himself to have become the "man of the house" and tried to take on every job that his father used to do. He refuses to let him mom or his 2 younger brothers do anything because that's what his dad used to do. I think part of it is that he has no sisters, and in their family, their mom always took a back seat to their father, in all the decisions that were made or even in expressing opinions. He was the dominant voice in the family and she considered it her role to support him in everything he decided or believed. So I think in their family, it was both parents who encouraged this idea of how a man should be. It will definitely take time but I think since being in his life, I've slowly started to help him see things differently. I will try to get him to watch this, I hope it resonates with him.
On another note, my brother is completely different. We have another sister and he is the youngest of us, raised mainly by my mom, so he grew up around only women and he's much more comfortable sharing emotions. Of course there are still ideas about masculinity that he's adopted from societal standards, but not to the extent of my husband
My brother didn't change much after my father death. First of all because my mother and I didn't tell him about this sentence in his letter, it was a burden we didn't want him to carry, and second because my mother raised him to be able to express his emotions, she opposed my grandfather or my father when they told my brother that "a man don't cry" for example.
I think that it's with people like you and my mother that we can change future generation and avoid situation like my father who told us regularly that we needed him only because he was the provider, that we showed him affection when we wanted money.
I think that it's with people like you and my mother that we can change future generation
doesnt happen , trust me :D
More men need to see this. It's all well and good for women to see this and connect with it so that we can better connect with the men we know, and support them in becoming their best selves and direct them towards content like this to help achieve that goal, but this is primo content for all the men out there who feel like there's something missing. I wish I could individually direct each of the men who need this to this series.
More men need to see this.
No thanks, we dont like acting like these guys for pandering women...we need to become better, not mediocre actors...
this series is gold.. I hope we can have a similar one in middle east where masculinity can't be just toxic but fatal and criminal
Beautiful. I'm crying thinking of my dad.
Thank you for this. My friend Tailyr brought me to this series.. I truly appreciate you making this.
I started watching this video and as time passes my heart became sadder and sadder.
I watched 6 amazing man, talking so intellectually about vulnerability but never showing it themselves.
All dressed up with perfect make up and every single hair in its place.
Never spilling sauce/gravy over their cloths, never getting parsley/lettuce stuck in their teeth or their hair get messed up.
Never starting to say something but the words get out wrong or even can't come out at all and always sound like they have the perfect answer with the best way to say it.
Removing all the vulnerability moments in the editing room.
Teaches us the opposite.
It teaches us that to make an important point you MUST be perfect and have ALL the answers all the time.
Being perfect all the time with all the right answers is what manhood or toxic masculinity is all about, isn't it?
Just perfect, funny thing is that the totality of women here doesnt get it :D, but its natural , baldoni and his friend are so charmy and elegant ...
This is such an amazing series. Great and long overdue conversation. I know I respect and love a man more when he has the strength to go against what society (mistakenly) tells him to do - when he is brave enough to let down his guard, cry if he needs the release for self-care and self-respect, and open up and create the kind of intimacy we all need as human beings.
I love to see men talking to each other honestly and openly, feast for the eyes and mind!
Honestly????? LOL
This dad/son moment killed me...
Man Enough is a public notoriety program !
Go, go men ! We believe in you ! o/
I need all the guys in my life to watch this.
Great job men. Justin you are changing lives. You guys made me realize how hard opening up is. Thanks
I can relate I’ve always struggled or get very uneasy with crying with a significant other where I don’t want them to see me cry even if I’m tearing up. I believe it’s due to my dad was away for deployment, he would tell me all the time to be strong. To this day, that phrase still resonates in the back of my mind.
I love how Bassam starts the conversation pointing out how comfortable men are on going "deep" on so many subjects like politics, science and other subjects that we deem masculine. It makes me think about how we as men need to change now that those realms have been opened to women. A very interesting thing to think about. Once again Bassam showing how much he has to offer this conversation, I really respect him so far.
Once again this doctor coming at us with real "science", a study from the 70's. I think I should just skip his sections.
I loved that section on vulnerability. It is your strength. Many men like to consider their integrity to be at the core of their strength, but there is no integrity without honesty, and no honesty without vulnerability. The biggest case of cognitive dissonance in the world is men saying that integrity is strong, whilst believing vulnerability is weak.
"Heh the world's gonna go on". Best thing this doctor has said yet. I couldn't agree more, the most freeing thought is that the people who are invested enough to care are also invested enough to forgive.
Cheers Justin. This show is an amazing step forward for any man willing to watch it. You're doing so much good, this show deserves way more views. I'm looking forward to the next episode.
It’s so freaking sad that the first time I see such an honest open vulnerable conversation between men, are men I don’t know - on TH-cam. It’s lovely to hear. To see. But I’ve never had such a deep conversation with any man ever. Not even my ex boyfriend or my best guy friend.
I see it in every guy I know. That they put on a mask. They play the role of the masculine guy. But deep inside want to be hugged and talk. Cry. But I’ve never seen it in my circle of male friends.
May I just say... the father and son conversation on the golf course, just broke my heart. When he said that his dad never taught him traditional manly things, but he taught him the most manly thing of all - how to love.
I mean🖤 that was just beautiful.
But I’ve never had such a deep conversation with any man ever.
We're cavemen :((((
I see it in every guy I know. That they put on a mask. They play the role of the masculine guy. But deep inside want to be hugged and talk. Cry. But I’ve never seen it in my circle of male friends.
damn u really nailed it, my favorite one is the tiger mask, always dreamed about being a japanese wrestler, never dreamed about being a mediocre actor/crybaby like baldoni to be honest, bet your friend are like me :D
May I just say... the father and son conversation on the golf course, just broke my heart. When he said that his dad never taught him traditional manly things, but he taught him the most manly thing of all - how to love.
I mean🖤 that was just beautiful.
Definition of "fake as fuck"
this comment you are giving, just further proves the point of this talk. you are probably so insecure , that you can't even deal with what you see here. because there is absolutely no need to answer my answer with such stupidity.
The point of this talk is pointless, like your comment :D
you are probably so insecure , that you can't even deal with what you see here.
nahhh fairytale like this talk is totally bulllshit, doesnt surprise me that lot of women like u fall in love for this crap, i mean hes soooo fake and so glamorous , of course women love him
And almost forgost... he cried.... he cried a lot, he cried a lot deep inside
dont forget.....
May I just say... the father and son conversation on the golf course, just broke my heart. When he said that his dad never taught him traditional manly things, but he taught him the most manly thing of all - how to love.
fake as fuck, 99,9% of true men can recognize this crap as bullshit , enjoy ur fake idol
it has nothing to do with his status. idols or anything like that. its the subject.
you clearly don't get it at all..... and luckily i dob't have to ever talk to you in real life, or waist anymore energy here either. bye bye.
I love watching this. Makes me feel better about myself as a gay man who always feels like im not worth it. Its nice to know that even famous people have insecurities and all that. Thanks for these videos y'all are making.
Beyond Great, Candid, & Intimate Conversation as Human Beings. Thanks For Sharing.
I think you are really manly guys for doing this! I decided to watch this to understand my husband better and maybe find a clue to help him flip the switch and be emotionally open to me. I think it is hard for men to be one way in the world and then suddenly turn all that off when they come home. I told him that I wanted to be strong for him sometimes and felt that our relationship would be more equal and better if we took turns being vulnerable and strong. I asked him if he thought I was mentally weak for getting emotional around him and he said no. Understanding him was my reason for watching and then I realized you guys were liberating me also; I started understanding myself better too. I realized that I felt like I failed in all the female categories and maybe there was a way for me to rethink somethings. I will say that not being able to be a Mom made me feel like I was not a real woman...It took me listening to you guys talk about the rules you feel you have to follow helped me understand my own issues as a woman. I don't want to take over because this is a male space here and it is about you guys here but when you started questioning I started questioning my own unspoken/spoken rules for women (lots of rules actually) and then decided to ask my husband what he liked about me as a woman and every thing he told me was not on the traditional list for women which actually made me feel a lot better. I also told him all the ways I thought he was manly and only half of them were on the traditional list. I think we began a journey with that conversation that I hope my husband and I can continue. Maybe husbands and wives can have these kinds of conversations and together dismantle some of these gender role rules by affirming each other. I think my husband was surprised when I told him that I thought it was manly when he refused to fight with a really rude person that was harassing him and trying to get him to fight; he was firm and asked the man to leave and did not lose his temper. I actually wanted to punch that guy cause he was really rude to my husband!
The more i listen to this the more i feel like the “men” around me ar so guarded, almost as if they are scared to show their so called feminine side. I think that projects like this are needed now more than ever. Thank you for these videos!
So many good men in the world. I love this series. More please!
I’m watching and very pleased with the discussion. We need more ppl to come together talk about things like this
As a lesbian, I'm ready to date Matt
He's so beautifully pensive and aware. It's alluring as hell.
😂😂👏👌
Which one is that?
Prophet Muhammad PBUH is the role model for humanity, he was vulnerable, he was sad, He cried a lot, he laughed, he loved women, he was authentic, he was honest 🎀
Women struggle with being vulnerable also. Being vulnerable is something that I’ve struggled with most of my life. Until, the last year or so I’ve always felt that it was a weakness. People take advantage of vulnerability. I’ve even had women complain… you’re always crying.. you cry about everything. So I learned to hide my feelings because people don’t appreciate my “softness” it’s a nuisance.
Quite an interesting project. This is really insightful and enlightening. In most cases, being vulnerable as a man is often misconstrued as a sign of weakness, which we are strongly reprimanded for in our early years of aging. A lot of dialogue and analysis in trying to unpack these kind of internalized ideologies really needs to be done amongst men. You've taken a great step already!!
I don't why but I love it when I see men cry and get real vulrenable 😍
Agreeing with the human comment by his father
many of the things shared are universal feelings and i felt so relieved to know men feel these things to -that we are not divided or seperate..it gives me hope thank u
"when we are intoxicated we can be anything we want"...Wow!....
I saw men have a real talk " Finally" 😍👏👏👏👍
The show is absolutely lovely. Happy for men that such a platform and a role model is now available. Want to see more episodes! Good job.
This is a great series and I wish that it could be shared in my country, South Africa and across the world. Our struggle to end gender based violence would be made so much easier. I intend getting my organization, Masimanyane Women's Rights International to use this series in our work with men in the communities we serve.
Thank you for making this. I relate to this so much and I'm so glad its being discussed bc my entire life I've been told im too famine for this or that.
I really would have loved to see more of Bassem in this one. He got some good screen time in the beginning and then nothing for the rest of the episode. It's a shame because he was so insightful and such a clear communicator
This is a powerfull series. I want to share it with my youth group, I was wondering if there is a plataform where I can access this videos with captions in spanish, since I am from Puerto Rico 💃. Thank you so much for this.
Wow! How fabulous to be able to watch the authenticity that comes through in observing not only intellectual conversation between a group of men, but to see sincere emotions (feelings) show up! And have some of my stereotyping mindsets about men be dispelled and instead be enriched with a respect for men who realize that males should not limit themselves on what they can talk about personally to anyone.
I love it .. thank you so much for this amazing show .. keep going guys
What a brilliant honest discussion...thank you gentlemen. You are all role models. Superb insights. I have learnt so much. Thank you and God bless!🙏🙏🙏
August,2024
I’m here learning and studying from this
Thank you. I needed this.
This is really a professional n mature man talk it has different race n culture that as a young man in the military I can now fmake more time n sit down n actually listen n understand the concept of these mans n they OWN believes so please continue I love the stories ....
This whole series has been so worthwhile!!! I hope you guys keep doing this!!!
This is absolutely amazing, and so real. I am so glad that in 2018 we can have these conversations and I hope that what you've done here allows other men to open up and allow themselves to be more vulnerable and real.
I'm a huge fan and can't wait to see what you come up with next!
2 years late but better late than never
Love it, what a wonderful initiative, so important!! Also, his dad is amazing.
This is so authentic and tears down masculinity to its core,the stereotypes and i like the part about vulnerability.And No i am not watching in secret,am proud of this content.
nothing wrong in gettin proud of bullshit
This is powerful! l love the way everyone opened up and felt safe to do so. l would love to see a day time talk show with men sitting around the table and have authentic conversations like this. l see it in sports not so much in any other settings. Thank you for using your platform to create a safe place were men can have these conversations and be vulnerable in front of the whole world. I am here for this, keep up the good work! l hope to see more of this ❤️
Thank you for using your platform to create a safe place were men can have these conversations and be vulnerable in front of the whole world. I am here for this, keep up the good work! l hope to see more of this ❤️
safe what?????? VULNERABLE in front of the whole world??? jesus christ XDDDDDD
Thank you for this
18:31 very touching and truthful
A lot of facts here. Good talk.