Two Mothers Face "Impossible Decision" After Hospital Error | Robin Dawkins & Gavin Parker Analysis
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- This video answers the question: Can I analyze case of Robin Dawkins and Gavin Parker?
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Six
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This is heartbreaking. Although I agree switching them back at 2yrs old would have been the best decision. However, as the Mom of 2 sons, I understand the decision. By 2 years old I had an unbreakable bond with my sons. These mothers were put into a traumatic and devastating situation, so were the kids.
The amount of money they were awarded to should have been more than traveling expenses. In my opinion.
I'm a mom to three sons and I agree, the bond I had with each child by 20 months was unbreakable. No way I could have given away any of them. However, I wonder if suddenly finding out that wasn't my child would have changed my emotional attachment. I also wonder if sperating a child with it's primary caregiver at this stage of development would have psychologically injured the child.
So you would have put your bond ahead of what was best for the child? That's interesting.
I could never give up a child I had for two years. Co-parenting would be the only solution.
@@ChristinaTodd1970 This would have been a no brainer for me; I would have wanted to switch the kids back immediately.
Exactly. Not as easy as it sounds.
I think the trauma from switching back the babies to their bio moms would have been much shorter in comparison to the lifetime trauma and agony of knowing your biological kid is being raised by someone other than you. I am a mom and I couldn't do it.
I mean they could have still stayed in each others life and both moms could have visited the boys while raising their own.
It's sad that one mom ultimately lost both.
I can’t believe anyone would “switch” back after bonding. I don’t care who were the sperm and egg donors, once you’ve loved a baby for a year, it’s your baby. By caring so much about dna (which is pretty much similar in all people) you disrespect adopted children.
@@judyives1832 I would. It is the best at the end. When they are not switched back, it seems to end badly.
@@judyives1832 It's not disrespectful to adoptive families, because in cases like this, the placement of the children was completely _unintentional_ - no-one in the situation was psychologically prepared for adoption, they were psychologically prepared to give birth and take home the babies they had gestated. Adoption remains a valid family set-up.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing. I don’t know what I would have done 😢
Our children share our DNA. we are more than sperm and egg donors. They share our biological makeup. They are unique and share characteristics of their biological family. I have met people who have met their bioparents after adoption and have found them to be very connected and similar. I would certainly get my child back. This whole situation would have been resolved if they had done that and parted ways. @@judyives1832
I remember watching a documentary about this, and coming away feeling like money was the deciding factor for Robin to be with his biological mother. He said he felt that it was unfair for the other boy to have the things that he couldn't have, and the other boy had absolutely no interest in his biological mother bc she didn't have money. I feel so sorry for the woman who's lack of $ made her unlovable to those children.
Yes, I feel terrible for Sandy. First you have a son, then find out he's not yours. Then, later, you have no son. It's so heartbreaking.
It's hard to imagine a child choosing ANYONE other than his mom, the mom he's known since the day he was born. Unbelievable.
What's interesting is I got the impression that Megs was snooty and thought she was better than Sandy, socially superior. 15 years later and her biological son thinks the same thing. Maybe it's in their DNA. Food for thought.
@@crowmedicine3890I mean they’re not being materialistic but rather honest about quality of life and luck, I mean imagine knowing you have no opportunities because your birth mother chose another child
@@ChristinaTodd1970good point
My mom's 87 and I still ask her " to return me to my real , rich , mother " . She just smacks my head and walks on by . 😁
LOL
😂😂😂
When my Dad asked "Where did we get you from"? I would tell him to "Give me to the Gypsies "....then HE would get pissed 😑at ME
My dad used to tell me he found me under a gooseberry bush! 😂
🤣🤣🤣
I was taken home by the wrong mother back in the 1950s. It was discovered about 12 hours later. The mother who took me lived about an hour away from the hospital and didn’t have a telephone. Thankfully the doctor and nurse drove to her house and got me back. I often wonder how my life would have turned out if the mistake hadn’t been discovered.
Wow, just wow.
Thank goodness you were returned to your parents.
What state and town were you born?
Do you know how it was discovered? So happy that the doctor and the nurse took things seriously and fixed the situation!
That’s fascinating. Wish I could hear more details about your story.
The biggest tragedy of this is what happened to Sandy. She thought she was making the best decision for all parties involved only to end up with neither child😔
Sandy was poor I was poor growing up. No child will want that even if it's their bio mom. Being poor is not a flex. Living in westernized countries put that in our faces.
She was poor and decided to have another child. It doesn't sound like she was the most responsible person.
Fair comment, excellent observation, being poor in the West is a very tough gig. @@TheYoli182
@@TheYoli182nonsense.
@@OJ_Pimpson How what I said is nonsense?
As a former perinatal nurse, I have no words. An absolute nightmare.
Thank you, Dr. Grande.
The real tragedy here is that the mothers weren’t awarded more money in the lawsuit. Given that the mothers decided to keep the children where they were, I feel the hospital had a responsibility to financially support both mothers to least bring them to parity. This would have given Sandy a fighting chance.
How utterly devastating for all involved.
The hospital is responsible for a payout but certainly not 'support'
@@kingcosworth2643 I agree with you but it’s semantics. Probably a poor choice of words on my part. What I meant was a large enough pay out that it would actually Support them in the difficult task of navigating the situation the hospital ultimately caused. 50k or what ever it was is a ridiculously low ball amount, even for the era it was in. People who slipped and fell in a store with no long term injury, or people who got sick from undercooked food got pay outs larger than that in the same era. Absolutely ridiculous.
I think they should have been awarded the funds to both take a year off, move in together and gradually take over more and more of the care of their biological child. That way switching back the children wouldn't be more traumatizing to the boys than parents breaking up. They would have stayed in each others' lives with less conflict - you can't criticize the way a woman is raising her own biological child, even if you saw him as yours when he was a baby and still love him.
Y'all do know where hospitals get their money, right?
@@freshrot420 In a case id imagine it would be covered by their malpractice insurance (one would assume but these things vary by country). But the more important question would be, what difference does that make to what we were discussing?
Some time ago, I saw a documentary on a baby mix up in Italy. If I remember correctly, the girls were about 5 yrs old when the mix up was discovered. The children were switched back to their birth families. The gov't provided counseling for both families. In the end, the families became friends and most holidays were spent together as extended family. I think a difference in this case was both families were stable, married couples, and the film clips and interviews definitely indicated emotionally healthy and supportive people - the adults, the girls and the siblings in both families.
Switching children at five years old is nuts. I have memories as far back as three years old and if I would've been given to another family even that young, I would've been devastated. It's like being kidnapped.
Exactly, stable, married couple are key words. Getting pregnant during an “encounter “ is never a good idea. Morals matter.
Switching families at 5 YO?! That's child abuse, period.
@@codyco3199 Maybe she just wanted a baby.
No one comes out of such a situation undamaged, but i do think that both families coming together and sharing in raising and loving both children is the best possible option. It wouldn't be easy, might even feel impossible, but objectively, I can't think of anything better. What a mess.
"So with only two babies in the maternity ward, the nurse could not keep them straight."
Dang Dr Grande
They did happen to look like almost identical twins.
@@stugrant01that’s why babies are given a wristband with their names .
I mean we were all thinking it.
I lived in south Africa years ago believe me can see how that would happen.
FACTS. The nurse was an idiot. Or a sadist.
Dr. Grande, I have to point out that your videos have gotten tremendously better over the past few years. I still enjoy your old content, but you really figured out audio, delivery, etc. Your videos are great, thanks for the informative content!
I'm loving the evolving cactus 🌵 theme!
Agree!
The pause in "I'll put the link in the description
for this video" is gone, and this is all that matters to me 🙈
This reminds me of something my grandmother told me...there were only two cars in the town she grew up in and they crashed into each other.
That's weirdly poetic
😭😭😭
That's awesome Grandma's are filled with insight ..My Grandma said during the depression era you could buy pound of bologna for only a nickel (5 cents ) but no one had a nickel and her house was so small and crowded there wasnt enough room to skin a cat
I’m sure it’s my 15 year old son’s fever dream that he has a rich biological mom somewhere who wants him.
So youre saying youre poor and you dont want your son?
I did, Lol!
Wait, are you saying he doesn’t have a biological mom who wants him? His biological mom doesn’t want him and he has to dream of having a mom who wants him?
Kids are the worst between ages 13-19. I swear you will like him again around age 20!
@@Andreamom001that is not at all what she said or even implied. Learn to comprehend what you're reading before trying to be a smart aleck.
As a parent I can't imagine how horrific this would have been.
You really don’t have to be a parent to imagine it, I promise it’s not hard
What’s horrific about this do you plan on something horrifying over this?
@@brianclingenpeel5123 they said it was horrific what’s so deadly about this?
@@brianclingenpeel5123 ?? buddy it IS your child. you woke them up everyday. fed them. took care of them. YOU RAISED THEM. being THAT attached to human DNA over human connection is the only horrifying part of this.
@@rodneythe3rd122 Horror "an intense feeling of fear, shock, or disgust" .
Horrific ''causing horror''.
My aunt was given the wrong baby when she gave birth to one of my cousins. She immediately told them this was not her baby, and they told her it was, she was just tired from a long labor. She started getting really upset, telling them they were wrong, so much so that they had to remove the baby from the room. Hours later they returned with the right baby and apologized for "the mixup." She had the rest of her children at home. Unbelievable.
My friend's mother (Sharon) told me this could have almost happened to her. In February 1986, after she gave birth to my friend, the baby boy was whisked away to be cleaned up and such and when returned, the nurse handed her a different baby, with a much darker complexion. My friend's dad is black and has quite dark brown skin, and Sharon, his mom, is mixed, (Black and Native American) so she is a bit lighter in complexion but still has a good amount of melanin. When born, her baby (my friend) was pretty light, which isn't an uncommon occurrence from what I have seen, but for whatever reason, the nurse thought a different baby was hers. When she tried to hand the baby to Sharon, she immediately knew it wasn't the child she had just given birth to, and she said so. The issue was resolved very quickly, but it makes me wonder if this happens more than we realize. This truth in this story wouldn't have come out if Megs ex-partner had been willing to pay child support or if she hadn't gone to a lawyer when he denied her support.
This is one reason why you shouldn’t let them remove your child from your room while you are in the hospital.
Reading the comment section I’m surprised at reading how many people are saying it almost happened to them or someone they knew. You would think this would be a very rare occurrence but by the comments section it almost sounds common!
On 2005 in my country there were 2 babies switched at birth too, they were 10 months old and the families decided to switch them back so each couple could raise their biological son. It's mind boggling to me that these kids weren't switched back since they were still so young.
ETA: it wasn't an easy or fast decision to make. The families even decided to sign a contract to guarantee that each couple would keep contact with the other child even if the adults grew apart. Both families still meet from time to time and they don't regret switching back.
You can't compare two years old and ten months.
sure you can.@@thecatatemyhomework
They should have been switched, the trauma caused by them keeping the non biological son would have been avoided
@thecatatemyhomework it's not that huge a difference. They should have switched them back
@@sarahp8937Not switching them was a selfish decision. They should have been switched back-full stop.
Never let your baby out of your sight at the hospital.
Yep, ... The absolutely most moral and intelligent thing, would have been to switch them back as quickly as possible. All of the bitterness, resentment, and emotional trauma suffered by Sandy and Robin would never have happened. Sandy was deeply troubled by this terrible situation. It wasn't helpful that Megs became a spiteful, hardhearted harpy.
In one respect that’s absolutely true. But the trauma incurred by the children from being separated from the person they’d known to be their mother since infancy would be terrible and may have stayed with them their entire lives. It could have had terrible consequences, addiction, behavioral problems, depression, cptsd, etc… they should’ve been awarded far more money for this catastrophe. It was ruinous and caused long-term damage to everyone’s health
AGREED!!! They should have switched the boys back as soon as they found out. The boys would have never remembered because they were just 2 years old and the trauma and heartache to both Moms would have been avoided at least to some extent.
@@milliewoo337oh stop it. These kids were 20 months old. While trauma at that age - particularly physical trauma - can have long lasting effects, the effects are - in the grand scheme of things - not significant, and more importantly, they would not have remembered a thing. Children regularly spend extended periods of time with people who are not their parents, whether due to injury, adoption, foster care, or otherwise. The vast majority of those children turn out just fine.
Switching the children was by far the most rational decision to make, and I'm astounded that they chose otherwise.
@@milliewoo337 Should have watched the video
@@JohnDoe-td7mu You don't appear to know ANYTHING about 20 months old, do you?
I thought the first part of life was vital in forming healthy attachments. Would switching the primary caregiver at that age not have an impact on the babies?
I would like to know the answer to this question too. I thought the same thing
I believe it would have had an impact but less of an impact than not switching them. Even babies who are adopted immediately after birth never even held by the birth mom, it has an impact on these kids because bonding begins in the womb. But i think returning the babies, they babies would have instinctively felt a connection to the birth mom that would have helped heal the separation wound.
Anyway the babies whether returned or not some damage was done.
What a total case of "YOU HAD ONE JOB!" on the nurse when the 2 boys were born. Sad.
She knew it would one day make a great Dr Grande video.
"Of course there would be trauma, but they wouldn't remember it."
Some part of a young child remembers, believe me.
Right? This comment was ridiculous.
Yep. Just read "The Body Keeps the Score." We don't have to consciously remember things for them to have a lasting impact.
I was also very surprised at this comment by Dr. Grande. Although children so young might not have autobiographical memory, they most certainly have implicit memory, which is far more powerful. Being separated from their primary caregiver would have been very traumatic and had a lasting negative impact on the children's development unless it was done carefully. A gradual process of getting to know the birth mother and forming an attachment would be necessary. Attachment disorders underlie most of the serious problems in adulthood. That said, I agree that switching the children back would have been the best decision.
He meant they would never be able to recall it happening/visualize the actual event because they were under the age where memories form. But the effects of trauma would still be there. Dr. Grande spoke correctly.
Yes, if you are restricting your definition of memory to autobiographical memory. The implication is that the trauma would be less significant.
This is unimaginable. I honestly don't think I could swap back if one of my kids turned out not to be mine, I loved them instantly. What a horrible situation.
No mention of what happened to the nurse who made the switch.
I feel really bad for Sandy. I hope both boys reach out to her and let her be a part of their life.
That is a great idea!!!
@@Katie-vy5rd Let's hope the two men watch this video and read the comments 🙂
If that is to happen , it most likely would have happened by now. This was late 80s, early 90s. Hopefully they did!
For those interested they made 2 documentaries about this following the boys as they were growing up. Gavin seemed to be the one least effected by the situation having being brought up in a wealthy family and sent to private school. He was glad he had the life he did. Where as Robyn felt robbed that Gavin was living what should have been his life. All in all such a sad situation for both women and both boys. I honestly feel sorry for Sandy ...because of living in poverty she was judged and ultimately lost both of the children. Gavin didn't want a relationship with her. Meg wanted both boys and when Robyn went to live with her he didn't get on with being sent to a private school which caused tension.
I wish they had made a 3rd documentary...I've often wondered how they all are now.
Shameful amount of money that was awarded to the mother's in my opinion. I can't imagine having to decide whether to keep the child you love or swap for your biological child ...although given the ages of the boys it made more sense to swap back. Love is a tough thing. ❤
I wish I was switched at birth😂 ...ok thank you Dr. Grande, have a great weekend, stay away from the Garden State 😱
Maybe you were switched but were the unlucky one?
@ronald3836 could be...but I'm a better person for it 😊
I wouldn’t have minded getting a different mom either. However, we never know it could always be worse even much worse.
And like you i can see the positive side of being in a dysfunctional home. I don’t wish it on anybody but i would not trade what i got out of it with anyone either.
By being in a dysfunctional home and feeling unloved, i found God who became everything to me. I clung to Him to get through those years and He was good to me. If i had not gone through what I did, i doubt I ever would have turned to God or appreciated Him like I do today. So it was worth it to me!
@@stst77 totally agree!
Ok my solution. The two moms live together for 6 months and gradually switch the kids back. No shock, no trauma to anyone.
GRADUALLY? How do you do that ?
@@cadillacdeville5828 Gradually.
Reflecting on the biblical story, where King Solomon decided to “split the baby,” when suddenly the real mother stepped up to say “No! Let her have my baby,” it seems that neither of the women cared more about the babies than they did themselves. Had the babies been returned to the biological mothers, the only one who would suffer was the mother. But because they selfishly kept the babies they had in order to avoid their own trauma, they inflicted trauma on the children as well, I.e., they “cut their babies in half“ to soothe themselves. 😢
I agree totally
I've wondered about the nurse that switched them. Was it an actual error or was there something wrong in her head. Seems impossible to make this mistake with only 2 babies.
Even if they switched them as babies, there were different parenting styles and routines and they were actually strangers to their own mothers. If only there was a way for them to all live in a duplex and share parenting.
I was thinking that, too. Neither of the women had a great relationship with the men in their life. But knowing how hard it can be for two women to live together in a shared household, I suspect it would not work out. And one or both of them would have had to move away from their community, at a time when they most needed whatever community they had.
That would work only if they respected each other. Otherwise it would be open warfare 24/7.
I also thought something like that would be best.
@@EXROBOWIDOWIt’s just as hard for two men to live in a house together as two women. It’s more about personality than the sex of a person for people to cohabitate.
I wonder if things would have been different if both mums were financially equal
It seems there was a lot of malice from the rich mother and that was the problem,not the difference in the financial situation. If she didn't have more money, she would've used some other way to "win"
@@Anna-cx4tg hmmm i would have to disagree. I think money was a huge factor for both boys in the end which made me feel very sorry for sandy but I did read elsewhere that she was not a good mother. What an awful situation for them all though
Megs was more maternal than Sandy, I think. I think Robin really craved that and figured she is his biological mother, so why not go live with her at 15. Gavin and Sandy never bonded, I think that’s why he didn’t want anything to do with her. Robin may have given them the lowdown on Sandy which would make Gavin not want anything to do with her either. Maybe Robin told Gavin that Sandy’s homophobic or something. Gavin came out as gay. Megs was accepting of that but maybe he thought Sandy wouldn’t be.
I'm not going to lie I'd be mad asf too if I was Robin. Waking up every morning like why am I poor, like Gavin's literally living my best life lol
I would have too 😭 everyone is acting like he's a bad person for feeling that way but imo if you can't support a child don't have one otherwise they will eventually resent you for being poor, shrimple as.
I'm glad Robin got to reclaim some of what was rightfully his and I don't blame Gavin for not wanting anything to do with his biological mother
@bleedingberryjuice Wow, many folk grew up poor and loved their parents.
@@helenmcdonnell2585 yeah because they don't have choice, that man had options lol. Hell Gavin didn't even want to go vist that environment
@@bleedingberryjuice She was apparently also pregnant again, so it'd be supporting 2 children.
@@helenmcdonnell2585 Not me
Obviously, switching could be the best decision for the children. I'm sure, if these women were married at that time, the outcome might be different. The right one.
In a perfect world the families would have switched them back but remained very close so they could be involved in the other child's life.
I would love to see an interview with boys now and their viewpoints of the situation.
Which one would cut the boy in half?
King Solomon...
Wasn't that situation different and about one stolen baby and the question asked so the birth mother could be found out? Both of these ladies gave birth to living children in this case.
Either decision would be gut wrenching, but I think I'd want my biological child back and just sever ties with the other mother and child. Simpler than keeping another woman's child and trying to arrange visitation. Especially since they were not even 2 years old yet when it was found out.
Sued the government? The moms should have sued the hospital for as much money as they could get.
Considering neither father wanted the kid the two women should have moved in together. Thats what would have been in the best interest of the children.
I saw this documentary and what really bothers me is that after it came out (by the way she was still living when he was a young teen) it doesn't appear the hospital was held financially responsible for this horrible situation. The least that could have been done was assure these 2 children BOTH had financial security and access to good education and mental health professionals for life!
Megs or Sandy is dead? The government or hospital paid for all their annual get togethers on top of their measly settlements. They received counseling, but I don’t know who paid for that. Maybe their universal health insurance did. Dr. Grande left that out about the trips being paid for.
They should just move in together and raised them together
That was totally my thought as well.
Financially, it would have been really good for them too.
Given how they didn't particularly like each other, tho, I don't think it could have worked.
They were only five hours apart, so it would have been nice for them to move next door to each other at a town in the middle.
l)))llĺk😊l ll l😊😊😊xi i.
The mother's didn't get on, and neither did the two boys
There was a case in the 80s of 2 girls who were switched. One died from leukemia, I believe, and the birth parent wanted their bio daughter. It was made into a popular made for tv movie.
I remember seeing that
Kimberly Mays
God that's twisted. Grief can really warp people's minds.
Arlena Twigg died from complications of her heart surgery. She was born with a defective heart.
Also another case where one of the families died in a car crash. Callie Johnson and Rebecca Chitman.
I agree they should have switched back. They both seem to be worried more about their feelings vs the boys. Great points again. Thanks Dr G😊💜💜
I prefer the King Solomon solution.
I would have switched back without a second thought. The boys even resemble their Bio mom!
I agree Dr. Grande. Its absolutely mind boggling that they made the decision to keep their respective kids. It was an absolutely shortsighted and selfish decision.
I find it weird that everyone keeps saying the boys would never remember their first two years. I remember a lot from my first two years - my first and second birthday, first Christmas, my home, neighbors, random moments, etc. I think that even if kids don't remember those early years, they certainly would know that they were no longer in their home with the same parents and the confusion and hurt would follow them all their lives.
I think this happens more often than we will ever know.
Another reason for home birth! I know my son is my son.
@@Andreamom001love home births. I’ve got 6 kids and 4 home births. But when I did have hospital births I never let them leave the room.
But with all the DNA testings we might find out
Take it as a lesson, never give birth as hospitals. Lord knows what they do if you fall asleep or go unconscious. A hospital literally decapitated a baby recently and tried to hide it from the mom. Imagine what other shit they do.
@@Andreamom001but does his dad know if the child is his? 🤔
They should've switched the babies back & sued the hospital & should've been awarded enough to make them equally financially stable . The mothers should've both received therapy.
This just happened in Indonesia. Two boys got switched at the hospital but thank to the persistent of one of the mother they're going to be switch back by the end of this month after the cross dna matching proved that both babies were switched at birth.
Nobody properly considered the nature side of the dilemma. Decisions were based on nurture and consideration was not given to the inherited behavioural genetics of these children having personalities similar to their biological parents.
I know it's not the same, but this makes me think of the woman who kept taking DNA tests because they came back that her own son wasn't hers, might have been a couple of children, I can't recall...but she was a chimera. They had to test the DNA from a bone or internal organ before they found out she was carrying two sets of DNA...it happened so long ago lol But that would be an interesting story to look at. And since I don't remember many details, it'll be like hearing a whole big brand new story!
Lynda Fairchild.
None of her children tested as hers.
It was found out when she applied for welfare and they had to prove who the father was.
She was accused of welfare fraud and her kids were taken away.
She was pregnant and a welfare person had to be there at birth to prove she wasn't lying.
I remember that. Iirc it came up because she and her husband split and somehow they realized their two kids didn't share dna with her. She almost lost custody of them completely. However, she was pregnant at the time and when the baby came they had a dna test done immediately. No relation. Turns out she absorbed a fraternal sister in utero, hence the two sets of dna.
I have heard of that too! That was Lydia Fairchild who nearly lost her kids in the early 2000's. She had apparently absorbed her own twin.
I say switch back but still have some visitation with the other child occasionally as family friends, the kids were under 2 years, it wouldnt have made a major impact on kids at that age.
Yes it would. It would have been traumatic. But many people are able to overcome early trauma (not all). It may have been a better choice, but it would have been very hard on the moms and the kids.
If you become a parent one day, look at your 2 y/o and imagine having to give him away. Devastating for both of you. 😢
@@Andreamom001 the kids were under 2 years and also, I was talking about the babies. At that age, it wouldnt have affected them.
Switch the toddlers and resolve to have absolutely no contact ever more, so each knows nothing about the other family.
The best interest of the child should have been the only criteria, and at 20months old that would have been to be switched back to their biological mothers. But like always, hindsight is 20/20.
I am really bad at remembering faces so when I had my first child I kept scanning her face and trying to remember every little detail so I could tell if I was brought the wrong baby. ( phones weren’t that good at photos yet) ALSO. I’m half black and half Asian and my husband passes for white. The baby favored looking Asian at the time plus didn’t have my melanin. The staff kept stepping in with her and then backing out of my room thinking it was a mistake. So I started keeping the baby in my room no matter what only taking micro naps, scared they were going to give my baby away to someone else.
Didn't the baby have a name tag? Babies in Ontario get a name tag before they leave the delivery room. No chance of a mix up.
As a mother, I think whatever is best for the kids is the best decision. The mom has pain any way you look at it. And you have to put the kids first. Having said that, I understand why the decision wasn’t clear. Babies and moms bond right away. I have known several adopted children who struggle horribly with attachment issues. This could be because the child wasn’t given any love as a orphan. This one is really tough. Was Sandy such a bad mom, or was Robin just jealous of the money he missed out on? What a mess. I wish the best for all of them.
A child is always connected to their biological family. If someone else was living the life meant for them and had the affection of the mother they were supposed to have while they suffered anyone would feel resentment.
@@perfectpeace352 if that was the truth then the other child would've gone back to Sandy.
They both rolled the dice on an agreement. An agreement is an agreement is an agreement and must be honoured. If one mother loses the trust of her adopted boy then she must live with it. They should not have been put in that position. The state should have paid equal compensation and ordered the return of the children. Then they should have gone their separate ways. It is fortuitious that the children were both healthy.
As both mothers were separated from the fathers, I would have combined households and lived together. Many advantages, though not sure if mothers' personalities/temperaments could have sustained that kind of relationship. 🤷🏼♀️
One thing that I have learned is to let go of resentments. At one point in my life, I was jealous of people who had life easier than me. Now, I wouldn’t change my tough experiences. Not for anything
3:48 😅😅😅😅 omg that was so funny when you said, "she was quite certain she was pregnant and delivered a child" LOL 🤣 As a mother myself, I can't imagine what the hell was going through her mind at the time...
What happened to the nurse? With 2 babies,they had to know who the nurse was.
Same
I think I understand Robin’s choice to go back to his bio mom. Sandy said on an interview that she wanted his bio son to survive and have a better life than what she could offer. I bet that comment made Robin resent Sandy and made him feel like no one was thinking about his well-being.
It makes her sound like a cockcoo that laid her egg in another's nest.
I would’ve switched to get my child back but also tried to maintain a relationship with the other mom and child. That payout was bogus. They should ALL be millionaires.
I don't know about it being about money. Unless that kid was completely selfish or the mother was living in a slum. I think it may be more with how he was raised. Kids really won't leave just for money and opportunity, in my opinion. They might if their home life was terrible. Again if not, they would stay with the person who loves and cared for them, no matter what, just an opinion.
That boy leaving his mom, so sad. The other boy not wanting to him see her. Even more sad.
i think both boys not wanting anything to do with sandy shows she probably provided a poor life environment. more likely something is wrong with her, than both boys being selfish uncaring assholes.
There could have been a solution: Move into the same house and co-parent the children. Not easy, but maybe not as painful as the other options
Came here to say the same thing. It would've been interesting if that was put as an option. I wonder if it would've helped the women not feel so competitive with each other or if their personalities would've clashed anyway. It's sad to think that it could've been a really supportive situation for all involved but ended up very divisive instead.
Then this would be a switched a birth mother murder mystery.
I agree
This was close to what I said. Similar, but I suggested moving close enough together to effectively co-parent, and attending therapy sessions together.
They could have potentially been a functional, even strong family unit together.
@@jackiemyers2773 you very well may be right
What a sad story. The answer wouldn't have been easy but I feel they should have switched the children while they were young enough not to remember it. I feel your analysis is correct Dr. Grande. They should have made the switch. It may have felt like a death of a child had they done so but they would have healed knowing they had their own child with them. Sandy was the real loser in this. I feel bad for her. The story kind of reminds me of King Solomon, how he had to decide who the real mother was when both women claimed to be her. 🧚♀
Even if the children didn't remember it could become traumatic and lead to long term attachment and emotional issues down the road due to how big of a disturbance it would be to the child during crucial developmental time. Even if the child did not remember. 2 year olds are two far along and have deeply bonded with their parents, life and routine and will be well aware of the changes. I think the best option would be a slow transition. Co parenting and eventual switch. Acknowledge that there's no reset at this point. Just because most people have little memory of their toddler years doesn't mean what happens at that time is inconsequential.
How sad for the parent who didn't have enough financially but she obviously gave the ultimate gift of LOVE! I so feel for her. 😢😢😢
Sounds like she was an awful drunk. Most likely held resentment as well
So...sounds like the guy whose refusal to support "his" child prompted the baby switch discovery, didn't end up paying any child support after all.
Indeed. Perhaps Sandy should have sued him!
I'm impressed with the accuracy of the geography! I've lived in Pietermaritzburg, Johannesburg, the East Rand and Pretoria. Hello from South Africa!
Great coverage! Such an interesting case. Was the nurse reprimanded for the big mistake!??
I don’t think this became an issue of money. A child who loves his mother and has a good bond with her would not leave in search of a more posh environment. There seems to be a very poor relationship between the boy and the “poor” mom.
apparently she was an alcoholic and I think that plays a huge factor in his wanting to go back to his bio mom
I thought this too. Wasn't just about money.
The father didn’t seem interested in Robin or his biological son, Gavin. Sandy also had a biological daughter to raise. Maybe Sandy and her ex-partner treated her better since she is their biological daughter or because the mom preferred a daughter. Robin mentioned (as a child in the documentary) that she would give him a good hiding (spanking). Maybe she was physically and verbally abusive since she was an alcoholic. Maybe she never truly bonded with Robin, even when she thought he was her biological son for the first year and a half. On their annual visits with each other, I think that Robin and his biological mother, Megs, bonded. Sandy and Gavin probably didn’t bond much, or at all on the visits. Maybe Robin told Megs what was going on at home and she told him to come live with her as soon as he’s old enough to be able to do that.
I agree. I made a similar comment. Actually my birth mom was abusive but middle classed. But my grandparents were dirt poor and when i say dirt poor I mean no indoor plumbing or electricity. Lived on a mountaintop with nothing around and no car to get anywhere. They pretty much just lived off the land. Nevertheless I LONGED to live with them because they were so loving, pure and kind. I didn’t care about money, clothes, or nice things. I just wanted to be loved. I think that’s the most important thing to children.
Think of Elvis Presley. His parents were poor but he adored them. There’s no way he would have traded his parents for all the money in the world.
Love trumps money every time.
What a horrible choice to have to make! I would have wanted to switch to my biological child. At least they could keep contact with each other. Thank you for this thought provoking video Dr. Grande!
We all think that, I think that too, but imagine having bonded with that child from minute one. That IS your child. This sounds torturous.
@@crowmedicine3890Yeah, I immediately was thinking, "I hope they don't want him back; he's mine now!"
But I don't care much about biology. I'm unable to have my own kids because I'm a transplant recipient, so I've always been fine with adopting. All my animals had owners before me, and I love them just the same.
It's easy to say you would want the child switched back. You're not saying anything about the child that you had in your life since birth. Think back to one of your biological children and imagine at age 2 giving up that child. An impossible decision.
@@thecatatemyhomework I feel like you would have to pry him from my cold, dead arms. When I think back to my babies that's what I think.
@@crowmedicine3890but it isn’t your child. Your bond is based partly on believing that you created and gave birth to this child. Caring for a child that isn’t yours isn’t the same thing
I'd like to think if I were in the same position where I decided to keep the non-biological child (and was the more financially secure parent), I would voluntarily supplement the income of the custodial parent of my biological child so the children would grow up feeling equal. The pittance that these parents were given as settlement for their lawsuit was awful.
Horrible situation.. Just my opinion but the right thing to do was to return the children to biological parents. They werent willing to sacrifice short term feelings for permanent benefits. Looks like Meg was mentally stronger and came out ahead of Sandy. Sad.
this happened to my mom, with my brother. thankfully it was figured out after i think about 24 hrs. we grew up in a fairly remote, small city. my dad ended up running into a random guy hunting and they were telling stories and the guy told the story of his son being switched at birth.and it ended up being the father of the other boy.
that being said i grew up knowing the other kid, and would see him around frequently,
my mom said she knew right away when they handed her the kid that it looked different, but never assumed it wasnt her child. it was her first kid so she was maybe a little out of sorts. our family looks completely different from theirs tho...unlike the people in this story.
I was sitting in a chair with a view to the hospital hallway as a nurse was making my bed the morning after I gave birth. I saw a nurse wheeling my baby past my room, so I yelled "that's my baby!". She backed up, looked at his bracelet and said "yes he is". I always wondered where she would have taken him. Get a good look at your baby after birth and keep close track of them. I think the baby tracking systems these days are better than 30 years ago, but you never know.
I had a similar experience in 1975. I had a blonde 2 year old boy at home, and gave birth to my much-wanted dark haired daughter. The handful of mothers were invited to sit in the "rocking room" daily to feed the babies. We sat in rocking chairs, (at Sturdy Memorial Hospital in Attleboro, MA) and the nurse would come and hand the babies to us, then return and bring them back to the nursery. On the first day I noticed a woman near me had a little blonde girl, and I noticed that she resembled my little son at home, quite a bit. We spoke about that, and thankfully we BOTH compared the looks of our babies as we fed them. The next day, the nurse came into the room with my dark haired daughter and walked right over to the other mother. As she passed by me, I noticed the swirl of my daughter's hair and said "That's MY baby!" The nurse asked the other mom to read off the numbers on her wristband (which did NOT match the baby's). When she read it off, the nurse silently turned and took off to the nursery with my baby. When she returned with the appropriate baby for the other mom, I said "You were trying to give MY baby to her!" She said "No, we don't make mistakes like that here." She then went and got my baby and handed her to me, after we compared wrist band numbers. I quickly told the story to my pediatrician, who believed me, and who then ordered my baby to be put in an isolette, making sure she was separated from the others. Of course, they compared wrist bands, so it would have been found out eventually. However, in the meantime, my relatives came the first night and Oood and Awwwd over my daughter through the nursery window. The next night, unbeknownst to me, the switch had taken place, and they viewed the wrong baby in the little plastic bed with MY last name taped on it... and came to my room to say how different she looked. I should have gotten up out of my bed and accompanied them down the hallway to the nursery window; but I didn't. I actually thought my sister-in-law was a little odd, thinking my baby's looks had "changed" a lot in one day. Anyhow, thankfully I came home with my real daughter.
I just gave birth three months ago in PA. The babies are instantly given an ankle monitor of sorts. Funny enough, our room was the closest to the end of the hall and exit door. My husband was pacing around the room with our son not an hour after he was born and walked too close to the door (still inside our room) and apparently set off the ankle tag. Sirens went off and everything. It sparked a huge panic with nurses and guards bursting in to see where the baby was and guards were sent throughout the building to look for a snatched newborn. So good to know the system works!
@@TheLights045 Wow! I know hospitals are being more careful about everything these days. But I bet that was disconcerting to have all that commotion.
Babies got name tags 74 years ago. I remember my sister's name tag which was made of small beads with her family name on it was not taken off when she left the hospital. My mother had those little glass beads spelling our name in a bottle for years. It was a keepsake of my sister's birth, I guess. I'm sure I clipped off the plastic name tag on my babies when I got them home and not before. What was going on in South Africa? Tags here are put on in the delivery room before the baby leaves it.
I have to wonder about how both these boys were raised where money was such a strong deciding factor. I can understand robin feeling resentful that he grew up without it but I do not understand him leaving the mom that raised him because of it.Also cannot understand the other boy not wanting to have his biological mother more in his life.
Why didn’t they just switch kids? 😖 The kids would have forgotten and they could have just kept in contact and become like an auntie to them
LOL it’s unbelievable to me that the mothers considered ”switching kids” and even more so that Dr Grande preferred this choice! Obviously they should hold on to the child they had raised and loved since birth. It seems incredibly old fashioned to give so much importance to genes! Robin’s decision to abandon his mum out of greed is also very surprising and disappointing.
Remember, it is Dr. Grande's OPINION based on his perceptions!!!
Plan C
Switch the boys back to their biological parent after a gradual introduction and bonding of the other parent. Maybe even live together as a new parent or step parent would. Then gradually increase the time spent with the new parent until the old parent fades to black. It's certainly better for a toddler to handle than the sudden and extreme loss had they switched immediately. It's a shame the mothers couldn't put their differences aside to achieve this.
I can't believe the hospital got away with so little monetary ramifications! Given the money she deserved, which should have been a million plus, Sandy would have been able to provide the lifestyle and financial stability Robin deserved. How awful!
The fact that I can mouth every word of the intro/disclaimer is something I’m actually proud of.
Can you do an analysis of the triplets separated at birth? This case reminded me of that situation
There's a recent documentary about that: Identical Strangers
This very same scenario took place years ago in my small town. The mothers switched their children back after the mistake was discovered about 18 months later.
Where at? When?
This is ghastly! I think non poor people romanticize or ennoble poverty unrealistically. Robin probably endured deprivations due to his situation, and he was likely not presented with the same structure and guidance that Gavin had. It's not remarkable that he would resent this when he struggled in adolescence.
The biggest mistake they make is not to switch back those kids from an early age hm my god
Agree. I would want my own child. They could have kept meeting so they became familiar with the right mother then switch.
I'm not a big fan of keeping secrets. However, I do not think I would disclose this information to my son. Some things are better left unsaid. Especially if they're children. Many people seem more than happy to share burdens with their children and I think that's just wrong.
Leaving my opinion while watching the intro of the video... solution would to be to buy a property somewhere agreed upon and be one big family, letting each of them to get to know another safely.
The dry humor about the car trying to save itself from dying of cigarette smoke, so it crashed itself 😂
Thank you, Dr. Grande
Makes me wonder if there was ever a possibility of the two mothers and boys trying to come up with some sort of co-parenting situation wherein the boys lived together with both moms, or even alternating between the two, at least temporarily. I'm willing to bet that one mother being substantially better off financially than the other possibly had something to do with it. Greed can be a hell of a motivator. Especially when your thinking is distorted to the point where you see your bad behavior as justified and/or necessary.
Great vid, Doc. As always!
The right thing would have been to switch the children back to their biological mothers immediately. The mothers with their real children would have bonded properly over time. It was somewhat of a selfish act from each mother.
They were selfish
I would be interested to hear from more nurses on what factors they think could have led to the mix up.
Aren't babies normally identified with bracelets?
I most definitely would have made the gut wrenching decision to raise my own bio child. I just couldn't let someone else raise him but I acknowledge that it would hurt like hell to give up the baby that I had raised. I would still want to stay in touch with the switched child as well as to allow my child some time with the other mom.
I'm afraid I have to disagree here. There was a far superior third decision, which was to act cooperatively instead of competitively. They both had the opportunity to raise both boys in a Loving, stable home, or at least much closer together than they ended up being. They could have worked together to eat better and to omit alcohol. I also believe that the hospital should have footed the bill to make all of this possible, since it was their enormous blunder that necessitated this unusual situation to begin with.
They should have switched back. Imagine being the son wrongly growing up in a poor household with few opportunities had it not been for the mixup. That would really mess up your head when you reached adolescence. A switch would result in a bit of pain, but nothing compared to staying with the nonbiological parent given the circumstances in the long run.
And where were the damn DEADBEAT DADS to assist and to bolster these two boys and women? If the "patriarchy" was intact it could have gone a LONG WAY to clear this up. Maybe at least ONE dad woykd have spotted the mix up. Nobody me ruins those damn useless dads who left these 4 to suffer . And they say money doesn't but happiness......while I get it takes more than money, in tbis situation, money woukd have enabled them to establish a convenient living situation ....switch the boys boys back, and live closer together or have the financial means to travel in comfort and ease. Money makes a difference. Fell so sad for all 4.
I have a 2 year old daughter. If this would happen to me I could never switch her. She is my everything. I would literally die from the inside out if she was taken from me.
Absolutely
Exactly.
Imagine you had been given a different child and now saw the daughter you love so much. Can hou imagine wanting her?
@@andreaschwertleite8169 if i had been given a different child and i believed that this different child was my own for 2 years i would 100% love that child like it was my own. My love for my daughter goes beyond all boundaries. Beyond all genetic tests, beyond all social constructs, beyond what anybody could say or do. I will love her until i die, no matter what. If somebody would tell me now that she wasn't mine it would hurt my ego very much but it would not affect my love for her. if someone told me that some other 2 year old child was my real daughter i would wish her the best but i would understand that she had bonded with other parents. Love is not selfish. It's not about what i want it's about what is best for the little ones you love. If my real daughter had drug addicts for parents or something like that i would try to safe her of course but if she had good parents i would respect their boundaries.
This makes no sense, just emotion driven. You're not considering the future well being of the child.
There’s always a small chance that one of them will want both and the other will not want either. Fingers crossed!
Two things interest me: 1) Has anyone investigated the possibility that the nurse involved could have intentionally switched the children as an expression of "random sadism?" Such a thing could happen. IMO it's actually similar to nurses who intentionally harm patients. 2) I think it's quite revealing that "greed" wins out. The kids couldn't care less who their real parent was; the preferable parent was the one with the treasures. I actually find that quite believable....and depressing.