Many are. There’s a lot of forums of moms saying how much motherhood is hard and not for them or they regret it. A lot of women were pressured to have kids from religion, patriarchy, family etc.
Like I said,, these moms ARE JEALOUS of the freedom and autonomy us childfree women have. They are so jealous they deleted my comment 🤣 they need to go somewhere and parent!
@@Cozyposies I'm a mother and I have been telling women stay child free because this economy is absolutely horrible. Until things change nobody should bring children.
As a mother I’m not sitting here comparing my life to other women in general, child free or not. Bitterness and jealousy comes from the lack of internal peace. Protect your womb♥️💯
I rarely come across a woman who is triggered by me not wanting kids. Its always men. Men act like I'm secretly miserable because im not a mom. They tell me that ill never be fulfilled and that im going to die alone. I always get men telling me "Just have one. You still have time." Sir I am 45 years old.
I'm a social media group/movement deep diver lol - the women who get attacked by other women/women with children generally communicate their distain and that triggers women with children and rightfully so.
Good point usually it's been men who get the most triggered and a lot of my friends with kids encourage my decision. Men find it wild I don't want a child which I find funny cause a man has literally no idea what women go through bringing children into the world.
The lady who’s mad at childfree ppl not being activists is a leap for me. TBH most of the mothers explaining why they’re not triggered but then explaining why they are, lost me.
What bothered me the most is everyone knows that CF women get much more crap than mothers. Sure some people are mean to mothers or don’t want to CF people to tell them where their kids can go, but moms do not even come close to getting the societal hate that CF women do, yet they were the angriest in the video. The moms in this video did nothing but verify that they are bitter deep down.
I dont get it. I have two kids and when women at my age say they don’t have any kids, I say “oh okay, enjoy your life” women NEED to enjoy their lives ALONE. Having children ain’t for everyone. As years go by I realize that my children have saved me, but that is me. I have a wonderful husband who makes taking care of children easy, so for ME having children works. A lot of women should not have kids. Who cares whether women have children or not, no mother should be mad at other women for not having kids- it is not an easy job especially if you don’t have a great father for your kids. 😌
I found something very interesting about what the woman at 13 minutes said. She says mothers just want childfree women to understand how hard it is, but then she realizes they probably do have some idea how hard it is for them to choose not to do it. I think that's the root of what triggers them, the thought process of "childfree women don't understand how hard my life is" -> "maybe that's why they chose not to do it" -> "did I make the wrong choice?"
Not their problem "to care". Theyre happy being child free. Meanwhile mommies are pouting nobody cares "how hard it is". Childfree women -They DO know. That's why they chose not to have kids😂
exactly. we childfree women DO understand. we see it all the time in the store. POS crying babies all over, poop machines, horror stories from other parents. we know wtf we are doing by not having kids and these mothers still dont understand that we DO understand. they just want us to feel the same pain as them no matter what choice we make and they're mad we're not suffering like they are because of their choices.
The lady who talks about the resentment for the lack of community is the reason why I avoid parents as friends now. They ALWAYS expect community for their needs as a family, but they NEVER reciprocate. They want you to babysit, loan them money, plan events for them, celebrate with them, but when it comes to you as a single OR childfree person your needs for community are never important enough or valuable enough for them to contribute to the relationship. They won't drive you to the airport, they won't celebrate your graduation, they won't attend any of your performances etc. And their lack of community is because THEY don't contribute anything to the community all they do is take. They always whine about lack of community but don't GIVE anything to make a community themselves. They simply want free labor from women and to be catered to. They're mad that they can't use women like men do.
OMG THIS IS 💯 BIBLE. I recently came to the conclusion that one of my criteria for friendship is no married mothers or single mothers because ALL my experience always ends up in disappointment from them , and silent resentment on my end,not worth it. They're full of rage that their husbands are useless and we're expected to replace them! No ma'am .
@@thespot2035I have always been the one friend without children. My best friend was like this and as I matured I finally ended the relationship. It was one sided.
“I want to have money. I don’t want to be broke, I want to travel”. Is a weird comment? Girl it’s the TRUTH! Why are you mad because that’s something we can do as children free women.
Like how is that bad to say when mothers STAY complaining about their lack of funds, and inability to move and go about as they please? Ofc ppl will be happy they don’t have those problems
The woman who complained about how people want "childfree places" probably is the type to keep it moving even when her child is screaming and throwing a tantrum in places people relax in. People want childfree places because people with kids will take their kids EVERYWHERE even in adult only places. Your kid does not need to be in a bar, they do not need to be in a place people are trying to quietly study in, they dont need to be in a non kid movie area etc. No one wants to listen to all of that.
Now be fr when have you ever seen a child at a bar? You’re just chatting. children can be anywhere they’re allowed. We share this earth and not having grace for children is disgusting.
@neshasantana6456 Yes! I've also heard stories of people sharing how they would see parents with kids at the bars trying to leave them for the bar tends to watch. Yes idiots take their kids to a bar because they can't find anyone to watch then. No, in places where adults should be kids should not. You don't bring a kid to a bar because there's nothing for them to do and their surrounded by drunk adults. You don't bring a baby to a movie they can't event watch and comprehend, etc. People want childfree places because kids are loud and obnoxious and need to be constantly entertained. There are plenty of places to take a kid out everywhere is not one of them.
@neshasantana6456 Your entitlement speaks volumes. There are parks, playhouse,kid gyms, etc to take kids. No one wants to hear your child throwing a tantrum in a coffee place for example why you sit there and ignore them forcing everyone to have to listen to that. They have no place there take your coffee to go, people go there to study. Parents may be able to tune out their kids behaviors but strangers won't want to hear it.
As a mother who loves her child, I can’t even comprehend thinking like that. I have a right to love that I’m a mother and childfree women have the right to love their lives as well.
@@dejanaejones3717 You’re birthing another wage slave. Stop trying to justify dragging another person into this shit. This isn’t a good world and it’s not fair to them. They push women to have kids and are working so hard to ban abortion because it will decrease the workforce in the future. Can you see they’re slowly trying to force women to birth by banning abortion? Of course they’re going to play up motherhood to be this magical experience so they can trick you.
We childfree arent screaming about reproductive rights?! How the heck does she suspect we are all staying childfree? Chastity belts?! We are constantly advocating for our reproductive rights! I seriously dont know a single childfree woman who isn't fighting for reproductive justice!
Right‽ I think most of my followers have me muted because I’ve posted so much about abortion rights. Children should be wanted and loved- people who don’t want kids shouldn’t be forced to have them because both the parents and children will suffer.
@@kellharris2491yes it's literally the main point conservative people use as a point to get rid of reproductive rights, that the only women that care about reproductive rights are single childfree harlots that just want to sleep around "without consequences".
I work at a male dominated factory and get shit a lot for being CF from men that I know either don't do shit with their kids, are cheating, and sometimes even have extra families. I just laugh at them.
These men hate you because you can't be controlled. You're a threat: competition at work and on top of that you ruin the image of the easily manageable woman.
I’m not “the village.” I warned my African mother and sisters, there’s no village here with me. Ignoring red flags in men, getting married and having children are all risks and choices you made. My mom fought me about being single and child free by choice. My dad supports me feeling this way. He knows the men of today are no good. Now my sister’s realize it’s hard and lonely being single mothers and, they try to make me a babysitter. Absolutely not. My education always comes first. I graduate in a few weeks and in the fall semester, I’m going after my doctorate. I never wanted to be a mom. That life is not for me. Plus, the dating pool is trash. 🚮 When I get home from work tonight, I get to go to bed uninterrupted and wake up whenever I feel like it. It’s a choice.
Exactly. Its the issue of being forced into a village unbeknownst to you which is a responsibility that you didn't even want for yourself. I think people should plan their family, and a part of it should be asking people if they even want to be a part of the village...building it up. People shouldn't be surprised to find out that they are a part of a village and responsibilities thrust on them.
Your response is one of the most narcissistic things I’ve ever heard & it makes sense that you’re getting your doctorate because it’s statistically proven narcissistic people flock to professions like doctors, policemen, nurses, judges, etc. you literally refuse to be there for your family because you believe their shortcomings make them unworthy of support. That is evil.
@@neshasantana6456she’s just ONE person with their own opinion so don’t assume that just because she’s getting a doctorate she’s narcissistic. The issue is ppl don’t like when it’s women who let it be known they’re not for the shenanigans ( family included) but don’t say nothing when it’s the brothers , nephews etc who become judges, policemen & doctors & don’t even think to be there for their families either. They too think of them as less than worthy and don’t deserve support. Let’s not forget the same men running around telling women to “pick better & choose better” are also someone’s son , cousin, brother or nephew & they definitely apply that same logic towards their sisters, female cousins and nieces. So in your words that is evil too. Have that same energy.
Exactly! Well, unfortunately I am now part of a village who's parents are busy making ends meet but I am paid to do this babysitter thing (I love kids, even when my nephews are still babies I took care of them) which is okay for me. Actually it's tiring even though I only worked 8 hrs. and 30 mins. per week but my gosh! I can say, it's really frustrating which I know it already that's why one of the reasons I didn't have kids of own. Well, at least I'm paid and after worked I can rest as much as I can especially on weekends. 😅😃 Anyway, it's really a choice only they open their eyes at beginning before entering motherhood so that they stop complaining or blaming other people by their choices. They're the one who played in the bed and spread their legs. So, be conscious on what you're doing and asked around before doing that if someone is willing to be part of your consequences or if you can afford to pay a village to help you and check your partner beforehand. Simple as such, 'cause that's we what I did. We are all capable to that. Don't waste your brain to analyze everything, use it. 🤷😅 🕊️♥️🍀
As a 34 year old childless person, I've now inherited the burden and responsibility of supporting my nieces and nephews because their parents failed to become anything in life. So the village argument is absolutely garbage to me because it requires other people who didn't participate nor asked to be responsible for something they shouldn't be responsible for. I have paid for driving classes, birthday parties, entire Christmases, field trips, school clothes, healthcare, class trips and more because the one who are suppose to be the the chiefs of the villages FAILED!
I'm sorry that happened but kudos to you for stepping up (even though I know it can be frustrating and feel unfair (because it IS unfair.) Hopefully the kids appreciate it...
When Dark Knight Rises came out I was at the theater and several people brought their very young children like under 6. When I tell you I've never been so mad. Cause the poor kid was terrified the whole time screaming and crying. Like it's not the child's fault but they didn't belong there.
Also, the only time someone is gonna complain about kids being at kid-friendly places is if the kids are acting a fool and the parents aren't getting them in line. She tried it.
I live in Las Vegas….where mothers are on the Strip with strollers and all…giving go go dancers the stink eye and clutching their pearls as if they are not in the naked people in public capital of the world… They tried to make Vegas child friendly back in the 90s, and as you could guess, it was a disaster. Daycares inside of casinos is WILD! Kids were going missing, and all kinds of shenanigans. I love kids, but dragging them everywhere is not only annoying, but it sucks for those kids, too….and it is definitely LESS SAFE than a sitter….
The problem with parents that wanting a village is that they don't ask the village BEFORE they have kids. They just expect us to drop everything and support their decision. That's not how life works.
Its the fundamental divide between the two people. One person (childree woman) really takes having children seriously. The other person (mother) doesn't. So, they are stuck in a web of miscommunication because the mother didn't do any kind of family planning that includes figuring out the village. People shouldn't have to feel like being a village member is thrust upon them unknowingly...especially when they didn't want kids of their own. This is why the divide exists. The chilfree woman was observant for years and knew what motherhood entailed. The mother did not, now she is resentful about thay deep down inside. She didn't take having children as seriously as the childree person and she underestimated the time, money, emotional, spiritual and physical commitment.
I had friends like that who had children early in their twenties and expected me to babysit almost every weekend. Hhmm. No thank you. I have a child now and I never relied on anyone except for my husband. We don’t have a village and I am honestly ok with that because my husband is a great father. Between us, we got this!
I think mothers can get triggered by childfree women because they know, deep down, that the self-sacrifice to be a mother was a CHOICE, often a net negative choice for women. Mothers age faster, have poorer health, die younger, and do far more work than childfree women do. Single mothers are also more likely to be in poverty than single childfree women. Acknowledging your part in your own struggle is very difficult, and it's easier to project and get angry at other women. Also, patriarchy thrives when women compete against each other. So some moms who get triggered are also very likely to be 'boy moms', male-identified, or pickmes/brainwashed.
As a mother and someone who always wanted to be a mother, I’m not sitting watching other women’s lives comparing myself to them. Us mothers have our purpose in life just as much as the childfree women but there’s always going to be insecure women who regrets their choices in life and projects onto the next woman, mother or not. God bless everyone reading this🤍
Actually, mothers do not age faster, die younger or necessarily even do more work than childfree women. I am not sure where you got your information to claim all that, but it’s actually the opposite (yes, surprisingly): CF can age faster due to other stresses and while mothers can age faster depending on stress levels or stress management, support or lack of support, how many children they have, etc., they don’t necessarily age faster in all cases as that’s based more on genetics and lifestyle choices than parenthood. Mothers may definitely live longer than many childless women as stated in many studies conducted, and concerning workload, that may or may not be true in many cases, however, many childfree women work pretty grueling jobs so I’m not sure where your argument stems…🤷🏻♀️ life is hard, CF or not. Adding a child to the mix can make it harder or more rewarding depending on your frame of mind. If you think about it, it makes sense that children add meaning to many peoples lives (and not bashing CF people with this statement btw, i know CF people have meaning in their lives) and they also force people to better their habits and health so of course, it makes sense that a longer life span for parents vs child free people would be the case, possibly though. It goes by a case by case basis for both groups honestly. I respect CF people btw, I just don’t agree with your statements.
I don’t think these mothers resent their kids as much as they resent the men they procreated with. They didn’t expect that motherhood with the average man meant fulfilling the lion’s share of responsibilities with no help. That’s enough to drive anyone mad. Their enemies aren’t child free women, although they hold a picture to a life that’s more enviable than their current situation. Their enemies are the men who’ve set them up for a life of thankless work, career stagnancy and limited upward mobility
So true!!! I could barely support myself and I saw the men not sticking around when a child came into the picture or being huge cheater's while their wives were home taking care of the kid's.
Absolutely!! Just last night my mom was telling some family friends about how she could NOT trust my dad to take care of us. The few times she did it was disastrous, my sister walked right out of the house at 18 months bc he was distracted watching tv and luckily was found and brought back by a neighbor. She’s giving all these examples laughing and I’m like HUH?? You think it’s funny that you had a useless husband and father to your children? Now as an adult I don’t have a relationship at all with my dad, only my mom, but why would I? She said so herself, he couldn’t be trusted to be a parent. Edit: spelling.
I just realized.... this whole hate towards child free women is male centered. Someone in the comments said childfree women are more enticing to men. In other words, their baby daddies.
The person who is this upset because people say they don't want their body "ruined" or getting broke because of kids, and says "You just shit on my entire life" is not giving off the vibe of being 100% happy and secure in her choice because if you really think motherhood is this amazing thing, those things would not get to you because you know this is your road to happiness. As a childfree by choice woman, if someone tells me that I'll never know real unconditional love, that is a big dramatic statement that can certainly read as "shitting on my entire life" and yet it rolls right off me because I KNOW motherhood would make me miserable and I AM secure in my choice.
No I think she’s valid in what she’s saying. She’s only annoyed by unnecessary comments about her personal life decisions. Being 100% secure and happy doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed at rude questions. You’re not mad because you’re suddenly questioning yourself. You’re mad at the sheer audacity of a stranger thinking they know what’s best for you. It’s the same way I got annoyed at a coworker who tried to tell me that will change my mind about having kids despite only knowing each other for a few weeks.
That one was confusing, because it sounded like child free reasons she may have heard from others, which would not be about her specifically. I took it as either she was insecure and those specific things stuck, because they bother her OR the slight, but more unrealistic possibility that a child free person was dogging her about those things. Like “Isn’t it true it’ll ruin your body? That’s what I heard.” But like I said, that seems unlikely based on the way she presented the statements.
My sister is one of those mothers. Mad because she can't live her life the way she wants to. 😂 Then she always tries to force her kids onto me. A village ain't lay down and make them kids, you did. Leave me tf alone.
My family used to be really dismissive about my life. My sister had 4 kids and life full of drama (then). I used to drop everything for her to watch/pickup the kids, and I was glad to do it. But when they would laugh when I told them I was busy (I was building my media company), it really pissed me off. I started to call them out at a point. I was married, responsible as hell, and seldom brought my issues to my family. My brother doesn’t want kids either, so he gets it. But I had to remind them that my time was just as important as theirs and to put some respect on my name. It led to me keeping my distance for a while until they started to understand I was serious. Now that everyone is older, they are a bit more respectful, and are NOW saying I was so smart not to have kids. The irony tickles me, but I give them grace. It really is hard for some women to see themselves as “important “ outside the context of motherhood. Not me, girl! 👀
As a woman with 1 child I’m for child free women! Please don’t have a child unless you are mentally together and ready. I suffer from depression and work a lonely career, I can’t be there for my son the way I wish I could as a mother, it makes me feel like a awful mother but I have to do what I have to do.
As people have already said, your self-awareness puts you way ahead of the game. That said, I can relate to the depression. It makes even going to work a struggle for me.
@@sg5720yes! Their children also effect other children too! My nephew does not like being around other children because they are too loud/overwhelming!
@@sg5720Yes Kids should be acting normal but it sounds so me from some People as if they want to FORBID Kids to enter outside their Homes 😂 the Streets are free and im not closing my Kids in the Closet for others to feel better and my Kids never dare to throw Tantrums outside!
@@Anemonolis it segregation to not let children into bars? Is it segregation to not allow childfree adults to wander aimlessly around elementary schools? Is it segregation to not allow white people into black cultural/community centers? To not allow non-queer people into gay bars? Part of living in an organized society is recognizing some places are designed for everyone, some places are designed for you, and some places are not welcome to you. There is absolutely a reasonable line to be drawn. For example, banning kids from restaurants that dont serve alcohol is extreme, but having a childfree hour is completely fair. I want to have spaces where I dont have to listen to screaming kids. I have misophonia & their screams feel like someone is tearing my skin off. I deserve to enjoy places without kids within reason. Likewise, kids also deserve fun places catered to their desires without boring old ladies like me ruining the fun.
Right?! That's some crazy shit and I had to deal with that myself. They'd always say, "there are men around". I do understand it to a certain extent, but if you don't trust the men in your life around your children, you shouldn't have those men in your life.
If there is a man in the house the every female should wear a bra. It has nothing to do with not trusting the men it’s just respect. Even in my own house if I have a male family member come over I will wear a bra or bathroom or something decent out of respect for myself and my family.
This!! Cuz I was EVERYONES village straight outta high school up until I was 28 and I just moved to another state. Even after moving back I’m not as involved as I used to be as that’s no love lost but it’s my time now. I arrive to all parties after setup and leave before cleanup😊😊😊#richauntieera
Identity crisis. I think it's because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that the only things that can give us meaning and purpose in life are having children and being wives. Many women still feel that way. They've lost themselves while trying to be only that. When they see childfree women finding purpose, meaning, and identity outside of where we were conditioned to find those things, they deep down feel scared. It's that little question: "If this isn't my purpose, what is it? Who am I?" They project their fears onto other women because based on the things they've attached to their identity, they can never be free like us. A good chunk (not all) of them.
I agree..so true. I became a mother at 22, before I got a chance to know who I was. Now that my sons are grown, I'm still wondering what my purpose is outside of being a mother, grandmother and caregiver. It can be depressing at times. I fully support childfree and childless women. Being a mother is not for everyone. Women shouldn't bash each other on either side. Live and let live!..😉
The woman who was resentful for not having a village for her child want those of us who are childfree to bear/fulfill some responsibility that's not really our responsibility. People really need to be ready to be parents and find or create the environment they want. I've had to end many friendships once they became moms because they felt entitled to my time and help. I don't mind helping but I resent the entitlement. I don't tell people unless they ask because by and large when I just offer the information I get so much vitriol and judgment.
Misery loves company. Mothers that are secure and happy about their role as mothers don’t feel the need force motherhood on other women. Miserable people love to sabotage others, whether they do so consciously or not.
💯 my mom enforces everyday she loves being my mom❤ She owns it and has made the right decision for herself and I am a product of a woma who loves motherhood with all the burdens.
Same! My best friend has no kids we’re a year apart she’s 28 and I never feel the need to impose kids on her or make her feel guilty. We do have conversations about her having kids and while I def believe she’ll be a good mom it’s up to her when she’s ready and I support her all the way
Exactly. As long as they decide it before they actually have them. It becomes a problem when they decide they don’t want to have kids after they’ve already had them
Exactly. One of my best friends doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them, and I fully support her for that. But I’m a mom and she also supports me in my journey. We both root for each other to succeed, and we’re sympathetic/empathetic with each other when things are hard. I don’t understand the animosity between women who have kids and women who don’t.
The lady @ 12:00 is part of why its a bit hard to befriend women with kids. It always seems as if they're scanning me to determine if I could be a baby sitter. I appreciate that they trust me enough to be that for them, but there are times I felt the woman didnt even vibe with me that well but kept me around in case she needed me to help her with her child. It doesnt feel good when you know someone only wants you to use you in a way they will not be reciprocating. I get that kids need villages, but as a mother its your job to make sure you have that. If you need assistance be respectful and mindful of other peoples time when you request it!
Exactly! Women should think about their village before bringing another member into it, like a child! Childfree women aren’t obligated to help anyone with kids, that’s the reality. She should seek out women who don’t mind helping them out, not because they’re childfree. That’s not fair and it’s actually disrespectful to assume that someone is going to drop their lifestyle to attend to someone else’s.
@@SmileyAdventures Thank you for understanding. I was hoping I didnt sound too harsh. I actually love children, but I know motherhood is not something I've ever desired.
@@Faaade_ur right they also want access to ur resources so I had so much women with kids tell me sob stories just so they can live rent free I'm normally nice and will let you get ur life together but not paying me for over 10months straight naw time for you and your kids to go
@@shaypope4732 not paying you a dime for over 10 months (without a solid reason) is flat out taking advantage of you. I hope that person was able to access more resources outside of yours. I notice the same thing about resources, sometimes they'll weaponize their kids to get free things/money from you. I had a friend that would contact me to go out then somehow would always bring up how she had so little money to fish for me to pay for drinks/food. I didnt mind at times but other times I was saddened that she really thought I was so stupid.
I think a lot of mothers get triggered is that they either didn't know/feel like they had a choice in the matter and are now stuck or motherhood wasn't the spiritually ascending Instagram-curated experience they thought it was going to be. So they see women who actually thought it through and chose not to have kids and become upset at their own lack of forethought and project it onto childfree women. This is also why they're adamant that nobody can possibly know what it's like to be a parent unless you are one. They lacked observational skills so nobody else could be observant enough to understand what motherhood/parenthood is like to make an educated decision to not have children. Childfree people don't think they're entitled to a childfree world, but there are places where it's entirely reasonable that children shouldn't be or should be able to regulate themselves enough to be in that environment. Childfree people aren't going to Chuck-E-Cheese or a 12pm showing of a kids' movie on a Saturday and complaining about children being around. We're at bars, restaurants, museums (not a specifically child-oriented museum), or late-night movies and having our experience disrupted by children and parents who refuse to actively teach their child decorum and emotional regulation. Nobody is paying to hear your child play Bluey on the iPad you've shoved in front of your child's face because you want to be disengaged from your child at a meal or your child having a meltdown over whatever weird toddler thought process has them upset. Not to mention, parents are raising their children to be liabilities but also think they never should be held responsible for their children, so businesses are starting to outright bar children because they don't want to end up being sued due to the (in)actions on the part of the parent for a child's injury or death. As for the one resentful that she doesn't have a village, I can guarantee she wasn't village-oriented when she decided to have babies. Did she have a sit-down discussion with her friends and family about having children and seeing if they were on board with being a member of the village? Was she village-oriented prior to marriage and deciding to have kids? You can't sit here and make all these decisions unilaterally but expect a bunch of people that you felt didn't have the right to have an opinion prior to now offer up time, money, and resources to serving your personal choices.
These parents want a village but have never been there for anyone else in a significant way. Yet the expect people to deal with their children, and kids are a huge liability if they get hurt in your care. Kids are always hurting themselves and some even learned from their narcissistic parents about how to fake hurt to get attention. There's no way I'd take on care for someone's kids, not even if I charged them $200 per hour.
Hmmm... I've heard quite a few child-free influencers advocate for reproductive rights. Maybe that lady should actually look for people talking about it. Ijs 🤷🏾♀️
The first seed planted in my mind that made me a child free woman was when my own mother told me at the young age of 5, " If you have kids, have them for YOU. Men leave, your support system goes away, and I'm not going to stop my life to raise them for you. " Immediately, I picked up that maybe my own mom wasn't so gungho about her own children. Maybe having kids is optional. Perhaps, she had her own regrets. I'm grateful for that lesson.
Girl same. My mom obviously loves me and my sister but I'm a 100% sure she'd have accomplished more if she'd been allowed to. She's smart AF and even with all the setbacks and my shitty dad she's a millionaire and comfortable in her life. When I said I didn't want kids she got a weird look and said she was proud of me. But she'd also be proud if I changed my mind.
About the village one and repeating is this person safe for my kid: the majority of S abuse against children comes from that village. It’s most often a trusted friend or family member compared to a stranger.
That lady talking about community got me irritated. This is because I see this all the time. Single moms or married single moms act like they are owed understanding or time from others just because they got it. THAT'S A BIG NO FOR ME!!!!! You do not get to act like a martyr because to made the decision to sacrifice your time, money and identity to have kids. If you want a village so bad join a mom group at your kids school. You guys can carpool , share babysitters, arrange playdates without expecting anything from childfree folks.
Honestly yes that's one of the things I find a little bit confusing about moms because I heard that it was always so easy to make friends with another mom if you're currently a mom so yes doing play dates and using each other for help just make sense
I remember an article that pissed me off about a mother who complained in Disney because she saw adults walking around without children. The parents at Disney are so miserable and look it as well. Why are you concerned about a person being single? ever thought to yourself that there are adults who for whatever reason never got to go to Disney because their parents couldnt afford it? Some adults never got to go to Disney and despite how you feel about Disney, this woman was clearly mad because she is strapped to children she regrets having. That's why seeing childfree people irk her. The only time I am pissed off in public is if someone is invading my personal space. Other than that, I dont care if you are childfree. Many parents become bullies because they hate being parents. I have seen more toxic public behavior from parents than childfree people. Irresponsible mothers who had no business being mothers in the first place are triggered.
@@kit76149Yup. I'm from the UK. I grew up in a poor neighbourhood. The notion of paying some £80 (back then about $180) for a passport per person, then about £100 ($200) for a ticket for each person when there may even be siblings too. Plus the plane ticket to the US.... Not gonna happen. One girl in our class went to Tenerife and it was basically treated like the darn trip of a lifetime (it was cheap to go after the tragic disaster). Paris is also super expensive to be in. Travelling there is cheaper but holy cow is that city expensive. So yeah, quite a few of my former classmates went to Florida as adults and loved it.
Yup! This right here! Most women even moms I know tell me not to rush and not to have kids if I'm not ready or don't want it. It's the men who are upset. The only person who should even be asking me such personal things is the person I fuck. 😂😂😂 not some old men at work.
The lady that triggered by influences… She’s the type that blames everything on social media influencers. Because what did any of that have to do with being triggered by women that are child free by choice?
Sounds like there's unreasonable people on both ends. I don't have children yet I understand how they're our future as species and a society and also just have some human instinct to tolerate and even protect them with the way I act. Children aside we're only this far because we built societies and communities and there isn't such without mutual compromise and tolerance.
@@SA-ey6nt children are the future. That’s why we need focus more on protecting and raising the ones that are here first. And bringing life into better environments and communities. IMO , it seems like the focus is simply adding more humans then just letting life eat the alive. We could at least see value in already existing children.
Girl ok! And the kicker is is that she can have as many baby sitters as she wants. She will just have to PAY them for their LABOR! What she really means is that no one won’t watch her litter for FREE! Being a nanny is a job, pay someone and you wouldn’t have a problem. These “moms” are something else chile! 😂🤣
"I suffered, so must you!" It's like the folks who were mad about student loans forgiveness. People who had to pay back were mad at those whose debt was erased.
You can't force someone that doesn't want children or want to be around children to help you just because you need "a village" to help you. This is called free will. We all have it. That lady at the 15:00 mark is delusional.
The woman who talked about having a traumatic background and wanting an identity that was supported and cared for by society made me so sad. I’m glad she was able to reflect on those things and recognize where they came from. So many people never are able to fully acknowledge and process the traumatic experiences they went through. She’s very smart and self-aware. I hope she’s leading a happy life.
I believe anyone who feels strongly about someone else’s decision on what to do with their own life, is simply insecure about the decision that they themselves made. People project. Happy moms live their best life’s and happy CF people live theirs. If you’re not truly happy, it shows either way .
I got fed up having small children around me all the time growing up, my mom being a kindergarten teacher, me having to care for my brother, then my niece and nephew. I also can’t handle the screaming, It’s grating and makes me anxious and angry, I understand that children should be allowed in public, so I remove myself, because I know I’m the one with a problem. I’m the first daughter, I didn’t get to be a child, and really don’t want to have children. It wouldn’t be fair to me or the child to make me a mother. And despite knowing this, family members still insist I should. I know I resent people who pry and prod into why I don’t want kids and no matter my answer it’s always “oh but your clock is ticking” or “you just haven’t met the right man” or “you’ll die alone with your 15 cats who’ll eat you after you die” mind your own fucking business.
I have the same sensory issue and we need to take up space, cause I always remove myself too! But having children screaming and crying in distress is horrible, not just for us, but other children, people with disabilities, mental health issues etc! The noise levels of screaming is a public hazard!
Stand your ground. I've heard all that too from coworkers and "well meaning" people trying to pressure me into having more kids. I was furious. They hinted my life was over or meant nothing without them ( marriage or kids) . Those same fools now are divorced or on their 2/3 rd marriage miserable and bitter.
I'm the first daughter too and I have a disabled sister who I looked after my whole life. For me, I already raised my child. My best friend in the entire world and it's enough. As for who will care for me when I'm old? Well, I'll have my sister, so I won't be alone. Not for long anyway. I won't be long behind her.
This whole "you'll die alone" thing is like the most insensitive thing ever. What about all the people who just can't have children (even though they want to) or the ones who lost their children at a young age? Do you not care about their wellbeing? It seems like some people are just throwing around stereotypes about being childfree because they don't know any better. If they did they would respect it everytime whenever someone says that they don't want children - because hell no, please don't have children if you are going to resent them.
I have 2 kids and am not triggered by people who are childfree. In fact, I always hoped that seeing me out in public with 2 boys acting like little boys would be enough to make every childfree person around think twice about wanting (or getting trapped with) kids. I hope I was a good reminder to women all around me to TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL!
“Marketed as”was the key phrase not selfless. Its selfish to have kids just because you want them. Especially when you havent healed trauma or prepared your life for them.
Especially when you realize the world you brought them into. I feel incredibly guilty about the world I’m leaving my kids! They didn’t ask for all this. My kids are Gen Z who grew up with active shooter drills. I never wanted that for them. They’ll have no pressure from me about having kids of their own. I wouldn’t blame them choosing a CF lifestyle.
The second girl is me! My biggest supporters for remaining child free are mothers and those who love to berate ne or debate me on my desire to remain childfree are women who want kids but dont have them yet. Can we please stop policing women's bodies and our wombs!?
Heck yes. Motherhood is glorified slavery 😂 under an adorable, smelly captor. Those same women who think they know are gonna be sick when they get what they want.
I am 40 and childfree, and I feel I didn’t really had a choice. I have always wanted children since I was little. When I got older some mental health issues starting to develop, still wanted kids. The mental health issues got worse, and I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Still wanted kids, but I started to sense that there was this ominous, sinister impending doom was lurking underneath. That turned eventually into a monster that got me diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. That was the moment that I realized I would never be a mom, that I will never experience how it is to love someone so unconditionally, never experience the joy and pride when your child starts to talk and walk etc. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I struggle with it a lot. I just can’t bring a child into this world who has an extremely high chance of inheriting my mentally illness for one, and I can’t bring a child into this world when I’m sometimes can barely take care of myself. Since I don’t feel the need to tell everyone my story when they ask: “Oh you and your husband don’t want kids?”, I usually give a vague answer about freedom, other priorities etc
Heyy I’m in my late 20’s but I get the same feeling about the possibility of kids. I have bipolar 1 disorder and had it for years. However my husband and I are loving the childfree life. We have a beautiful home and time for hobbies/travel outside of work. I also give a vague answer when ppl ask me when we’re having kids. It’s still a choice to me though regardless of mental health/fertility. TY for sharing💜!
This is the most loving thing you could have done for them, thank you. You are a very good person, I hope you are proud of yourself, and live a great life.
I absolutely don't understand that woman who was upset that childfree by choice women are not speaking about reproductive rights because some people are forced to give birth. What are they supposed to say exactly? Were there not tons or protests? A lot of them do support it and they are getting sterilized more than ever now. Being childfree is a personal choice, not a legal one. The laws must change but lawmakers are ignoring people. It's conservative parents who complained and made these abortion bans happen, she should be mad at them instead. Why can't people with children speak out on it? She probably thinks childfree people have more free time so they should do that work. Surveys have shown that the majority supports reproductive rights, but since the right-wing people took over the courts, they are proposing these awful laws.
I'm confused about the "forced to give birth" part she mentioned. Was she also "forced" to get pregnant or did she disregard the precautions against it and got mad at people who won't march for her consequences? Am I missing something?
And what kills me is she had the option to get an abortion so I don't understand why she's mad about something that she really didn't have to do. Also why is it everyone else's responsibility to be shouting from a soap box why doesn't she do it?
They must regret falling for the idea that having kids would make them whole. And they are looking for help like you say. I always saw motherhood like an MLM scheme for most people. It never appealed to me. I also have served enough time taking care of my parent.
Here's my thing: Require help, support, and a village from your husband, baby daddy, and family first. What also grinds my gear is they never complain or require these things from men or childfree men, so why the big tantrum for children women? Omg! The lady that essentially says childfree women want a child-free world? Come on?! Just teach your child how to act in public or at the very least control them. Sigh.
Honestly I'm hella confused about this thing about not wanting children in certain spaces There places where children just don't need to be, like someone's wedding or bars etc And when they complain about their kids being taped acting out, idk how they don't realise that even kids don't get a free pass to be a public nuisance and it's one of their many responsibilities as parents to keep their children in line and raise them properly. These are the same parents who got mad at Sephora for banning children after they watch them absolutely wreck the place or do straight up blackface in the isles and see nothing wrong with their precious little angels running amock like tiny goblins
I only heard about "child-free weddings" on the internet. Is that an American thing because of alcohol or something? I always viewed it as a family thing, so if you have children in your family, there are going to be children at your wedding.
@@nehalilisays some people don't like to cater to children during their weddings (which honestly it's perfectly reasonable) They want to focus on celebrating and partying without needing to worry about crying toddlers or renting bounce houses and kids catering Also some people feel that bringing a young child at the wedding might take away from the experience since people will constantly have to watch out for them and be on their toes
It's entitlement and the belief that other people will keep an eye on your kid for free babysitting while you do what you want to do. These parents are so mad they don't get to force people to hear a tantrum/screaming child. Asking for 1 or 2 childfree places among all the other places your kids are allowed and getting mad at that just shows how selfish some of these parents are.
What about fathers getting triggered by childfree men? Some fathers shame me for being childfree and spit out the bingos while some others have wished they never had children once I listed valid points why people shouldn’t procreate. If people want children, they should consider adopting or fostering children who are already here and in need.
That’s what I always say! There are plenty of unwanted kids to choose from, unfortunately. On average, 25k age out of the system every year and become homeless. 💔 But it seems like a lot of breeders are unable to love someone who isn’t “theirs”.
I have a wonderful little boy, but I had a difficult pregnancy so I'll probably not have another biological kid. I would LOVE to have another, but, even though I have a decent, full time job, I can only afford the 2 bedroom apartment I have (and I only have it because I moved in 8 years ago, so rent isn't too bad). I doubt I would be allowed to adopt or foster, just because of lack of space. If I had another kid the old-fashioned way though, no one would bat an eye if they shared a room with their big brother. There are a lot of people who would love to adopt, but would never be allowed to. It's have their own or none at all.
Mom here. I spend my time and energy on my life. I don’t have the time and energy to spend on someone else’s life. I don’t care if some other woman is child free by choice. Any woman who is triggered by someone else’s choices probably needs to go to therapy.
Some mothers get triggered because though they love their children, they know they have made an irreversible mistake. Motherhood has certain HARD aspects that no woman would undertake if the rules were laid out beforehand 😢 Unfortunately, once they are in, they see the challenges and want others to join so they have a bigger pool of experience to draw from.
Im unsure why CF women need to be around children? The whole point is we are CF . We don’t owe you anything. Many of us realised there was no village and this reinforced our resolve not to have any. I never hear parents talking about how to connect with us. Like if your whole identity wasn’t wrapped up in your childs existence you may still preserve a part of yourself that can be invested in friendships without children and enhance your parenting over time and once kids are grown you still have a sense of self.
My SIL is child free. But she does still have a niece and nephews whose life she wants to be part of. She chose not to raise them herself, but she loves the kids in her life. She has friends who are CF as well. Being CF doesn’t mean avoiding them altogether, just means not raising them herself.
@@tinasapienza6552 I’m aware of that i was responding to the part of the video where the woman said we CF women should be involved. If we WANT to we will its choices all round for us and we wont be pressured into being anyone’s village. Right now you SIL is involved and she remains free to ajust the level to which shes involved anytime she wants. Also please make sure you lean into her CF life and dont use your kids as a reasonnit to be able to. Reciprocate her efforts.
As a mother don’t have kids it is extremely hard work nobody appreciates it and your whole life will have to revolve around your kid specially if you have very little support even going to the gym is something I can’t easily do and have to plan for.
What in the world was the chick at 9:12 talking about? The question was: Why are mothers triggered by childfree people? She went on talking about Roe v. Wade and activism, etc. The vast majority of childfree "influencers", activists, etc., are the MAIN ones FIGHTING for womens rights/womens reproductive rights! Again, WTH was she babbling about?
I think she was saying childfree women dont talk about forced births enough! It’s mostly about having freedom and saving money for them. She’s saying some women want to actually be childfree, but don’t have a choice. So childfree women should advocate for those women who are forced to have babies more. I think some child free women do speak about these issues, but i haven’t seen it enough honestly. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s the responsibility of childfree women to do that… why aren’t the women who were forced to have babies fighting and advocating for their own issues???
imo, she was giving vibes like "the cfbc need to fight against forced births like mine was. I secretly vote for these restrictions like my hubby wants me to bc I'm too cowardly to do otherwise." Suffering & being a part of the problem at the same time, but looking for somebody else to save her. 😮
The lady at 11:20 wanting childfree people to scream about healthcare rights and we do, but sounds like she specifically seeks out people who don’t. Theres a lot who do, a majority Even because WE DONT WANT KIDS and don’t want to be FORCED into carrying one. “I’ve yet to see one-“ yet I can see twenty with hardly any digging if you can call it that or off the top of my head
The mother who spoke about being in foster care and wanting a new identity that she felt was of worth and then realizing what motherhood was like afterwards unexpectedly touched my heart. I appreciate the women who have made certain decisions in life and are able to be reflective and honest with other women about it who don't want to make that choice. Many times child free women and women with children are saying the same things about what goes into to the decision to have or not have a child and don't realize it because we approach it from the point of an argument vs an honest conversation.
We also need to talk about the mothers that had their children at a young age and have to work a little harder to make ends meet who look down at women who waited to have children who focused on their careers first and established themselves before having kids. It was very annoying with the comparison and hate. Like oh you’re an “old” mom or you don’t have the energy needed for kids. There are a lot of perks in waiting.
I'm child free, but not because I didn't want to be a mom, but because I have terrible genetics, that not only do I refuse to pass on, but would also negatively affect my parenting, along with having PTSD and having been severely emotionally neglected, as a child, which again, will negatively impact my parenting. Between my childhood abuse, the issues surrounding my health and my mental health because of the combination of the two, I'm terrified that I would have devolved into my sh*t mom, and no kid should be raised by anyone who makes a 7 year old pray that they won't wake up in the morning.
Women with children certainly envy those without, especially in the early twenties. I know someone who became a mother at the age of 21. She wanted to travel abroad, live her best life. But all that came to an end when she had her child so now she keeps pestering other women to get married and have children
Lots of comments have expressed my exact sentiments! But I just wanted to add that people want CF spaces because too many parents refuse to control their children. Their behaviour is over stimulating and in the extreme triggering and stressful. Control your children, they are not the worlds responsibility and not everyone can switch off their screaming. I also believe that women who can do this and do it EVERYDAY are bad mothers, who shouldn’t be allowed to have children!
Becoming a parent doesn’t entitle you to a village. If that’s what you’re expecting, you might want to consult that village first, because they might have other plans. I spent all of my 20s and most of my 30s taking care of my niece and nephew. My niece, as an adult now, knows that when/if she chooses to have children, I’m in my 40s now… don’t call me to watch your kids. Once in a while, okay, but I’m not about to spend my older years again raising/watching somebody else’s children… being their village… being stressed.. being exhausted, with no gratitude from their parents. Not this time around fam. Not this time around.
It kind of does, because there's a lot of pressure to have kids. My mom kept talking to me about having babies for like 10 years. I never met the right person. She never even liked my boyfriends or my first husband. My second husband and I have 1.5 kids. Yeah you'd fucking better help out after stressing me out and pestering me until then. They don't bc they're too far away, but I built my own village. We're making do. What other option is there? Just drown? Complain? No
I have a child and I love y'all! Support each other and I will gladly cheer y'all on! Triggered Mama's get triggered by other mothers as well- it's some sort of sick competition. I don't play into any of that. Think about it, if they divide us, we are weaker. The person I am mad at? The women who were in my life when I was a child, the one's centered on men but hating their kids and lives. I still always wanted my son but I never would be made at others for making the choices they do. I applaud y'all for making the right choice for yourself!
You are right! I have heard the horrible remarks from mothers to other mothers! It’s another reason why I didn’t want children because I can’t stand all the school drama!
Yesss, watching moms shame other moms for really trivial things was always terrifying to me. They can be so harsh!! Over stupid stuff too, like what brand of cracker another mom gave her kid. All the mothers I knew growing up were hypercritical, high-strung, and super anxious. When I was younger, I used to think "If I ever have kids, I'm staying away from other moms."
I have to say for that one lady talking about children not being in public spaces. I don't think that's the issue in itself. I think the issue is the lack of disciplining your children. I'm not talking about taking corporate punishment out on them. But just tell them that hey other people exist. You're not the only kid. Have respect for other people, their boundaries and their space. And a lot of parents are entitled and therefore their children become entitled. And a lot of single people don't want to be around that. That's what it is. And then for the other lady talking about community. I think maybe she should have tried to join single mother's groups before she had children and try to build up her community before then. The thing is with other single child-free women is that we build a community with each other. If I know I'm going to have a kid I'm going to try to build my community. Talk to other moms you know. Go to mom groups etc. I'm not going to be expecting other child-free women to take care of my children. I'm going to try to involve myself into children friendly activities and groups and communities. And then like another commenter said on here. A lot of these women. They have a kid two or three kids and then they expect their single friends to help them and be there for them. But it's never reciprocal. They don't reciprocate. They don't really ask the woman how she's doing who's child free. It's both like oh when are you going to get a man and have kids. And that's frustrating. And it's like a lot of these kids. They don't have any respect for other people and their boundaries out in public. It's like okay, You're sitting there reading a book quietly on the beach in your own secluded corner and here comes some random kid. Just starts jumping around around you. Throwing sand, throwing stuff around you. And their parents is just sitting there looking. Or you go out and about in public to a theme park and some random parent doesn't even care that you're standing there and just runs you over with the stroller. Like it's very frustrating. 😕
I don’t have kids. Best decision I’ve ever made. I am not worried about mothers. Mothers are the ones worried about why I don’t have kids. Most mothers hate being moms. Most moms regret being moms specially if she’s a single mom! Gotta go, gonna enjoy my child free life 😎
The mother with the mullet got pregnant on "accident" at 38 is triggered by CFBC not being advocates loud enough...for her....😂 The point of me not being a mother is bc I DONT WANT TO PERFORM UNPAID LABOR DAILY😂
Exactly! 💯 Same here! 💯 Plus, how TF do you get pregnant "by accident", regardless of age???? I utterly despise when people say they got pregnant "by accident!" That aggravate the hell outta me! You can't purposefully, deliberately and intentionally engage in sex and then say you got knocked up "by accident!" You engaged in an act that you KNEW lead to pregnancy! So how is it an "accident"???? These be the same types of people that'll say abstinence and birth control isn't 100% effective! Well if you know that, why take it then? And how is abstinence NOT 100% effective???? And "grape" doesn't count! But yes, I completely agree! I'm not trying to mess up my body or do unpaid labor! Plus, I'm disabled and even if I wasn't, I'd STILL DON'T want kids!
@@marissa._So, fertile women shouldn't have sex with men unless they want to get pregnant? That sounds kinda bitter/jealous as well. But I do think that if a 38 old is really childfree by choice she would usually use the most effective birth control available. As far as I know that would be getting your tubes not just tied but removed. The biggest mistake you can make is relying on your declining fertility as "birth control".
@@marissa._ it’s an accident when you weren’t intending it. We can argue all day that sex, even with protection, can lead to pregnancy but that doesn’t mean an unintended outcome Isn’t an accident
So are we pretending like mothers havent made being a mother their entire personality? 🤔 Are we pretending like non-mothers havent experienced equally rude ass comments like "you dont know love until you have a kid"? Im glad the tide has changed bc now they realize how goofy they sounded when pressuring single by choice moms to have kids....simply bc they themselves have kids. When asked if i have kids, i say "ewww no..." based off instincts. 😂 thats not a slight to mothers/parents. Thats my own opinion....bc why would you think that?!😂😂😂
Chile I'm not screaming about reproductive rights. First of all I'm confused about why that woman thinks it's the responsibility of all childfree women to put on a cape for that cause. It literally doesn't affect the majority of us. When you know you want to live a childfree life, you do what's necessary to preemptively prevent that result. I think that woman represents a segment of the childfree movement... (women that wanted a childfree life and ended up getting pregnant anyway) So she'd be the perfect person to should scream about roe v wade. She's giving off a serious "Who's going to do something about this?!?!" vibe. Her expectation for the rest of us is bananas, and her logic is not sound.
One more thing, people who are like "Why are there kids here?" are weird. Like, if you don't want to be around kids, do us all a favor and stay home. That's the most entitled thing I've ever heard "why are there kids here?" Do people really ask that? I cannot imagine that's a real thing.
Also a mom of two here and we took our newborns out almost right away into public and kept at it, they knew how to behave in public. I will say as a mom, some places should be child free though.
my parents did the same with me. My siblings and I are not the nicest at home but we do behave in public (and save the tantrums for later when we are home). Also, some places should be childfree to protect the child. Imagine children running around in a crowded bar with drunk people. People can bump into them, glasses can shatter etc.
Okay so I'm from South Asia. Born & brought up in a massively community oriented culture, in the 80s. Let me clarify how children are Actually raised in a Village. 1. All children of similar age, regardless of gender, social status, or parental earnings, get together & play in the fields. Sometimes there's only a couple of schools in the community, which everyone attends. Every damn person knows every other damn person. 2. Any parent can look after AND discipline any child if they break group norms. I can't tell y'all how many times I got yelled at by my neighbour aunty for creating ruckus lol. They don't wait for our respective parents to teach us anything. Nobody minds. Elders are elders & kids listen to them, whether they like it or not. 3. You are absolutely Not allowed to have your own fancy food preferences or anything outside your own house. Flex in communal space, get laughed at & shunned from the rest of your peer group. Many other such social unwritten rules. THIS IS HOW BEING RAISED BY A COMMUNITY LOOKS LIKE. Honestly, these Western moms whining about "it takes a CoMMuNitY" makes my own childfree teeth cackle.
This is exactly it. So many people want the benefits of the “village” without the obligations. Most of them weren’t particularly invested in this whole village thing until THEY needed help. (And these are often the same people who get angry when others offer the “wrong” kind of help!)
I am a village for plenty of people in my life - not just my friends and family with children. I help and support the people I love. What I'm NOT is a doormat. I am not your built in babysitter. I am not your built in therapist. My time is not less valuable because I don't have children, and unfortunately there has been many times where I've been treated that way.
Why do people go so hard for what others do or don't do. I met a new girl at work, and she thought I was her age until someone told her otherwise. Then she was like, "Do you have a man, at least?" Like, girl, I know what I have at most!. She is young, and I have no time to explain to her about being comfortable with yourself instead of seeking validation in someone else. If she asks again, though....
That’s what my happily single mom did 😂😂 I think she’s resentful that she has to actually work at building a village. IMO sounds like it stems from entitlement
9:15 whaa-? The people im seeing being the most vocal are currently childfree women... also i understand some ppl are extreme with the "why are there kids here?" In certain spaces but why do a large majority of parents think that because theyre a paying customer they can bring their kids anywhere? Especially a freaking bar! Im probably going to be child free because ive sat and thought about the fact im raising another human and i will not be the cause of an innocent persons trauma.
This is a matter of perspective. Back home, children aren’t excluded from most of society. Even in most places in Europe (besides the northwest) that is still the case. There has definitely been a shift in the level of intolerance towards children in public spaces. Which I find ironic in a way because there are plenty of adults that don’t know how to behave civilly these days.
I've stopped going out to many places because of this. It's getting out of hand where babies and children are allowed to go. There's a bar/lounge that turns into a nightclub at night that has a bouncer checking ID. There were 4 families in there one night, and one family had toddlers. Adult only spaces are being over run by kids. Every bar and brewery is filled to the brim with screaming and out of control children. The parents NEVER watch their kids. The last time I went to a brewery a kid slammed into the waitress carrying my flight, the drinks fell to the ground. Glass and beer everywhere on the floor and the parents yell at the SERVER for not paying attention. It's a nightmare. They complain about the low birth rates, but all I see are entitled parents taking their children to places and spaces that they shouldn't be.
@@missesLMA I think you touch on an important issue which is the behavior of many children in public. Or, more specifically, how parents sometimes allow their children to behave in public. I lived and traveled in Europe for many years and, from my observations anyway, it seems that parents there often have different expectations in terms of what is acceptable behavior for children and teach them from a young age to behave within these parameters. For example, I was surprised when I first visited France to see small children in very nice restaurants. But it was even more surprising to me to see how well these children behaved. They were quiet and patient. There was no running around, no shouting, no disturbing other diners. This is often not the case in America where parents let their kids run around like wild things, expecting everyone around them to accommodate them. (And, to be clear, I'm American, and do not enjoy perpetuating these negative stereotypes about my own countrymen. But, unfortunately, in these types of situations, they are often true...)
I don’t have kids but if it’s in the cards for me I’ll be happy to be a mom and if not I will still be happy with my life. I remember one day my cousin who is the same age as me had wanted to hang out. Since having her first baby, she was just itching to get out the house and grab drinks. Of course I was down for my girl I knew she really needed the support and some relaxation so the baby was well taken care of by Grandma while we went out. Next few days passed by and my cousin calls me up to plan her birthday trip. I said ok cool where is the destination? She says Las Vegas for a week so of course I was down but then things started getting crazy and my cousin was all over the place. She apparently wanted me to help her find a baby sitter for the week we would be gone and also ask me to help her pay for the sitter. Then said oh and because Brian (Childs father) isn’t working right now can you help get my flight for the trip and I’ll cover everything else. At this point I was definitely irritated but because she’s family of course I agreed to everything. After Finding flights and hotels before I hit submit payment I got a strange feeling about everything and next thing I know my grandma is calling me asking is my cousin was with me ? I said no I’m at home on my laptop booking arrangements so my cousin ends up calling me asking if I can either loan her some money or babysit for her. I’m like it’s 7 at night grandma is looking for you why do you need a babysitter right now and money for what ? Turns out my cousin had this baby because Brian (child’s father made all these promises and seem to be ok financially before they had the child. He got involved with some scandal mess my cousin was now apart of it and meanwhile the child she had is suffering because my cousin was becoming neglectful and just concerned about partying and trips and looking good and finding dudes with money to take care of her. She literally said Girl you don’t no what it’s like to have a child I’m miserable I don’t have much help and I need support. In which my response was instead of worrying about the wrong stuff get a job and take care of your responsibilities. I never laid down with you to have this child nether did grandma so don’t blame us for life being miserable for you. I’m more than willing to lend a hand but I won’t help anyone that doesn’t want to help themselves. And yes I will continue to enjoy my child free life and freedom until I am mentally, emotionally, financially stable enough to bring a child into this world. Your selfish mindset thinking that just because you had a child that the world owes you something is crazy and that’s why you will forever be miserable. She got very upset said very mean hateful things about me and we never spoke again. I feel like as women or what ever you identify as out there, if you want children have them and do your best by them and love them. But don’t judge the people that don’t have children yet or at all and for those who don’t want children continue to live in your truth and your freedom but have grace on people who do have kids and provide help if you can.
My parents are my biggest supporters of my childfree decision. They didn't sugarcoat nothing but of course were nice about it. Also, seeing the struggle that my aunts and other family members (and now friends) went through makes me stand firm in my decision. I'm too selfish because I want my time, energy, and money to go to the things that I want to do not sacrifice everything. Kudos to parents
I was in Malta (2021) with my hubz. We were at a luxurious hotel. We were having breakfast at 8am. Hubby and I don’t have convos in the morning. He knows I don’t talk. I only want him to hug, touch me. The table behind us had a woman with THREE kids. Holy fvcking sh!t!!! I felt so stressed out. 😂 The kids were going mad wild and she seemed so beyond exhausted! 😢 I could NEVER be that active so fvcking early.
Maybe we are aware and conscious of the inner healing required before bringing a child into physical manifestation. For example the woman talking about her reasons for becoming a mother was her lack of inner self and identity. So she has birthed her own karmic patterns, trauma and ancestral wounds in the form of a child. That is not selfless. That is selfish.
As a mother I so agree with the first woman. I really don’t get hating on CF people, having kids is hard! But what really grinds my gears is when people criticise us for having kids. Like let people be, CF or not!
Having kids is hard, that's why CF people don't have them. They made a decision and are disciplined enough to avoid that. Most people with children complain to everyone they meet about kids, live with their kids but do not parent them. So yes, we want to avoid them. I'm so sick of parents dumping the work of raising kids on others. This is what you chose. In public spaces, parents just leave the kids to run wild and blame everyone else. No one wants to deal with that. They should not have to. That's why they criticize. We LOVE a well-behaved child
@@mogulmade there are definitely people that just hate kids full stop. There can be truth in both. Are many parents nowadays not disciplined enough with their kids? Yes 100%. But western society has also become intolerant of children where even children just being children is an inconvenience to them (mostly white folks tbf). Which is very ironic considering so many adults don’t even know how to behave in a civilised manner these days. I have travelled the world and seen how different societies view children in general. My children are well behaved but thats also because we are hands on parents. When we have long haul flights with western airline carriers we get death stares just for having children with us, that’s despite them never crying since we come prepared. In other parts of the world, children are simply accepted as they are. Western society has become very individualistic and this is only one aspect of it.
I'm a mother of one and I support the movement; I'm here to help. I don't tell women NOT to have kids, I just give them an honest answer about my experience and view of motherhood - the shyt is overrated!
The truths of why many of us opt out triggers many who opted in and ended up regretably living that truth...so yes, for some, misery loves company. Many folks just conclude that we are selfish. Call me what you like, but one thing no one's gonna call me is someone's mother.
Maybe they’re jealous of the freedom and autonomy that childfree women have.
Many are. There’s a lot of forums of moms saying how much motherhood is hard and not for them or they regret it. A lot of women were pressured to have kids from religion, patriarchy, family etc.
Yup.
Like I said,, these moms ARE JEALOUS of the freedom and autonomy us childfree women have. They are so jealous they deleted my comment 🤣 they need to go somewhere and parent!
That's been my observations. Men are triggered even more than mothers, from what I've seen.
@@Cozyposies I'm a mother and I have been telling women stay child free because this economy is absolutely horrible.
Until things change nobody should bring children.
As a child free woman I never think about mothers. Never. I focus on my own life and not others.
💯
Same
As a mother I’m not sitting here comparing my life to other women in general, child free or not. Bitterness and jealousy comes from the lack of internal peace. Protect your womb♥️💯
Same hun
Good for you. Do what’s right for you in life.
The problem is there are childfree women trashing on parents. And that’s not cool.
I rarely come across a woman who is triggered by me not wanting kids. Its always men. Men act like I'm secretly miserable because im not a mom. They tell me that ill never be fulfilled and that im going to die alone. I always get men telling me "Just have one. You still have time." Sir I am 45 years old.
It's because they see it as a rejection of them
@@ecclairmayo4153 Exactly.
I'm a social media group/movement deep diver lol - the women who get attacked by other women/women with children generally communicate their distain and that triggers women with children and rightfully so.
Good point usually it's been men who get the most triggered and a lot of my friends with kids encourage my decision. Men find it wild I don't want a child which I find funny cause a man has literally no idea what women go through bringing children into the world.
Yeah, I really don’t understand why men care. Most of them don’t even take care of their own children.
The lady who’s mad at childfree ppl not being activists is a leap for me. TBH most of the mothers explaining why they’re not triggered but then explaining why they are, lost me.
What bothered me the most is everyone knows that CF women get much more crap than mothers. Sure some people are mean to mothers or don’t want to CF people to tell them where their kids can go, but moms do not even come close to getting the societal hate that CF women do, yet they were the angriest in the video. The moms in this video did nothing but verify that they are bitter deep down.
It was bizarre and made absolutely no sense. She was seriously grasping at straws.
Right! 😹😹😹😹😹🤡🤛🏾
I dont get it. I have two kids and when women at my age say they don’t have any kids, I say “oh okay, enjoy your life” women NEED to enjoy their lives ALONE. Having children ain’t for everyone. As years go by I realize that my children have saved me, but that is me. I have a wonderful husband who makes taking care of children easy, so for ME having children works. A lot of women should not have kids. Who cares whether women have children or not, no mother should be mad at other women for not having kids- it is not an easy job especially if you don’t have a great father for your kids. 😌
@IndiTol-mi4lh what? CF people don't care about people having kids. We just want you to take care of them and not let them run amuck.
I found something very interesting about what the woman at 13 minutes said. She says mothers just want childfree women to understand how hard it is, but then she realizes they probably do have some idea how hard it is for them to choose not to do it. I think that's the root of what triggers them, the thought process of "childfree women don't understand how hard my life is" -> "maybe that's why they chose not to do it" -> "did I make the wrong choice?"
🎯💯
I learned from other people's example!
Yup, it's the fact that they found out too late!
Not their problem "to care". Theyre happy being child free. Meanwhile mommies are pouting nobody cares "how hard it is". Childfree women -They DO know. That's why they chose not to have kids😂
exactly. we childfree women DO understand. we see it all the time in the store. POS crying babies all over, poop machines, horror stories from other parents. we know wtf we are doing by not having kids and these mothers still dont understand that we DO understand. they just want us to feel the same pain as them no matter what choice we make and they're mad we're not suffering like they are because of their choices.
The lady who talks about the resentment for the lack of community is the reason why I avoid parents as friends now. They ALWAYS expect community for their needs as a family, but they NEVER reciprocate. They want you to babysit, loan them money, plan events for them, celebrate with them, but when it comes to you as a single OR childfree person your needs for community are never important enough or valuable enough for them to contribute to the relationship. They won't drive you to the airport, they won't celebrate your graduation, they won't attend any of your performances etc. And their lack of community is because THEY don't contribute anything to the community all they do is take. They always whine about lack of community but don't GIVE anything to make a community themselves. They simply want free labor from women and to be catered to. They're mad that they can't use women like men do.
OMG THIS IS 💯 BIBLE. I recently came to the conclusion that one of my criteria for friendship is no married mothers or single mothers because ALL my experience always ends up in disappointment from them , and silent resentment on my end,not worth it.
They're full of rage that their husbands are useless and we're expected to replace them! No ma'am .
@@thespot2035same sis! Same!
👏👏👏❤️
@@thespot2035I have always been the one friend without children. My best friend was like this and as I matured I finally ended the relationship. It was one sided.
This.💯
“I want to have money. I don’t want to be broke, I want to travel”. Is a weird comment? Girl it’s the TRUTH! Why are you mad because that’s something we can do as children free women.
Like how is that bad to say when mothers STAY complaining about their lack of funds, and inability to move and go about as they please? Ofc ppl will be happy they don’t have those problems
Right! 😂
And maybe she has experienced many mothers struggling.🤷🏽♀️.
@@Nita_Vibes101- exactly. Its circular logic
Lolsss. Not all child free women travel and live the luxurious life and not all married women with kids stay home and can’t travel. Lolsss.
The woman who complained about how people want "childfree places" probably is the type to keep it moving even when her child is screaming and throwing a tantrum in places people relax in. People want childfree places because people with kids will take their kids EVERYWHERE even in adult only places. Your kid does not need to be in a bar, they do not need to be in a place people are trying to quietly study in, they dont need to be in a non kid movie area etc. No one wants to listen to all of that.
Clock it
EXACTLY!!!
Now be fr when have you ever seen a child at a bar? You’re just chatting. children can be anywhere they’re allowed. We share this earth and not having grace for children is disgusting.
@neshasantana6456 Yes! I've also heard stories of people sharing how they would see parents with kids at the bars trying to leave them for the bar tends to watch. Yes idiots take their kids to a bar because they can't find anyone to watch then.
No, in places where adults should be kids should not. You don't bring a kid to a bar because there's nothing for them to do and their surrounded by drunk adults. You don't bring a baby to a movie they can't event watch and comprehend, etc. People want childfree places because kids are loud and obnoxious and need to be constantly entertained. There are plenty of places to take a kid out everywhere is not one of them.
@neshasantana6456 Your entitlement speaks volumes. There are parks, playhouse,kid gyms, etc to take kids. No one wants to hear your child throwing a tantrum in a coffee place for example why you sit there and ignore them forcing everyone to have to listen to that. They have no place there take your coffee to go, people go there to study. Parents may be able to tune out their kids behaviors but strangers won't want to hear it.
"You just shit on my entire life" if you where truly happy in your choices you wouldnt care...
I don't know who she's been around, but I don't say anything to mothers. I don't care enough.
She sounded so insecure
Facts!!!
Right. If somebody simply saying they want to travel and have money "shits on your entire life" I think that's what we call being triggered.
As a mother who loves her child, I can’t even comprehend thinking like that. I have a right to love that I’m a mother and childfree women have the right to love their lives as well.
It’s the resentment that we uncovered the scam of motherhood before they did. That’s it. That’s all.
YES!!!
Yup, they figured it out too late
Simply put. Period.
YEP! That’s it
@@dejanaejones3717 You’re birthing another wage slave. Stop trying to justify dragging another person into this shit. This isn’t a good world and it’s not fair to them. They push women to have kids and are working so hard to ban abortion because it will decrease the workforce in the future. Can you see they’re slowly trying to force women to birth by banning abortion?
Of course they’re going to play up motherhood to be this magical experience so they can trick you.
We childfree arent screaming about reproductive rights?! How the heck does she suspect we are all staying childfree? Chastity belts?! We are constantly advocating for our reproductive rights! I seriously dont know a single childfree woman who isn't fighting for reproductive justice!
Exactly 😂
Right‽ I think most of my followers have me muted because I’ve posted so much about abortion rights. Children should be wanted and loved- people who don’t want kids shouldn’t be forced to have them because both the parents and children will suffer.
That’s true!
Honestly I feel like the CF women are the loudest. What was she even talking about?
@@kellharris2491yes it's literally the main point conservative people use as a point to get rid of reproductive rights, that the only women that care about reproductive rights are single childfree harlots that just want to sleep around "without consequences".
I work at a male dominated factory and get shit a lot for being CF from men that I know either don't do shit with their kids, are cheating, and sometimes even have extra families.
I just laugh at them.
The absurdity of it all!
@@LadyAstarionAncunin
Why hello there handsome vampire friendo
Love bg3 too
They're mad that you see them for who they really are. I get that too from guys. Furious I won't sleep with them.
These men hate you because you can't be controlled. You're a threat: competition at work and on top of that you ruin the image of the easily manageable woman.
They are the last group of people to be talking. Useless leaches
I’m not “the village.” I warned my African mother and sisters, there’s no village here with me.
Ignoring red flags in men, getting married and having children are all risks and choices you made.
My mom fought me about being single and child free by choice. My dad supports me feeling this way. He knows the men of today are no good.
Now my sister’s realize it’s hard and lonely being single mothers and, they try to make me a babysitter.
Absolutely not.
My education always comes first. I graduate in a few weeks and in the fall semester, I’m going after my doctorate. I never wanted to be a mom. That life is not for me. Plus, the dating pool is trash. 🚮
When I get home from work tonight, I get to go to bed uninterrupted and wake up whenever I feel like it. It’s a choice.
Exactly. Its the issue of being forced into a village unbeknownst to you which is a responsibility that you didn't even want for yourself. I think people should plan their family, and a part of it should be asking people if they even want to be a part of the village...building it up. People shouldn't be surprised to find out that they are a part of a village and responsibilities thrust on them.
Your response is one of the most narcissistic things I’ve ever heard & it makes sense that you’re getting your doctorate because it’s statistically proven narcissistic people flock to professions like doctors, policemen, nurses, judges, etc. you literally refuse to be there for your family because you believe their shortcomings make them unworthy of support. That is evil.
@@neshasantana6456she’s just ONE person with their own opinion so don’t assume that just because she’s getting a doctorate she’s narcissistic. The issue is ppl don’t like when it’s women who let it be known they’re not for the shenanigans ( family included) but don’t say nothing when it’s the brothers , nephews etc who become judges, policemen & doctors & don’t even think to be there for their families either. They too think of them as less than worthy and don’t deserve support. Let’s not forget the same men running around telling women to “pick better & choose better” are also someone’s son , cousin, brother or nephew & they definitely apply that same logic towards their sisters, female cousins and nieces. So in your words that is evil too. Have that same energy.
I already told my sister that if she has a child and wants me to take care of him on a sporadic day, she should pay me otherwise I won't.
Exactly! Well, unfortunately I am now part of a village who's parents are busy making ends meet but I am paid to do this babysitter thing (I love kids, even when my nephews are still babies I took care of them) which is okay for me. Actually it's tiring even though I only worked 8 hrs. and 30 mins. per week but my gosh! I can say, it's really frustrating which I know it already that's why one of the reasons I didn't have kids of own. Well, at least I'm paid and after worked I can rest as much as I can especially on weekends. 😅😃
Anyway, it's really a choice only they open their eyes at beginning before entering motherhood so that they stop complaining or blaming other people by their choices. They're the one who played in the bed and spread their legs.
So, be conscious on what you're doing and asked around before doing that if someone is willing to be part of your consequences or if you can afford to pay a village to help you and check your partner beforehand. Simple as such, 'cause that's we what I did. We are all capable to that. Don't waste your brain to analyze everything, use it. 🤷😅
🕊️♥️🍀
As a 34 year old childless person, I've now inherited the burden and responsibility of supporting my nieces and nephews because their parents failed to become anything in life.
So the village argument is absolutely garbage to me because it requires other people who didn't participate nor asked to be responsible for something they shouldn't be responsible for.
I have paid for driving classes, birthday parties, entire Christmases, field trips, school clothes, healthcare, class trips and more because the one who are suppose to be the the chiefs of the villages FAILED!
I wish this could be pinned! I’m children by choice.
Ayoooo! Tell me about it. 🤦🏾♀️
I'm sorry that happened but kudos to you for stepping up (even though I know it can be frustrating and feel unfair (because it IS unfair.) Hopefully the kids appreciate it...
It sounds like your family is using you. It’s not your responsibility to pay for your family members’ kids and their expenses.
You did not inherit or got the burden to pay for it, you fully chose that yourself. No one can make you pay all that without your consent.
the only time any one hears someone ask "why are there kids here?!" Is because .... There shouldn't be kids there
When Dark Knight Rises came out I was at the theater and several people brought their very young children like under 6. When I tell you I've never been so mad. Cause the poor kid was terrified the whole time screaming and crying. Like it's not the child's fault but they didn't belong there.
Everything is Not for kids! Speaking as someone who has kids.
Also, the only time someone is gonna complain about kids being at kid-friendly places is if the kids are acting a fool and the parents aren't getting them in line. She tried it.
@@LadyAstarionAncuninexactly! Like transport! Where we can’t leave!
I live in Las Vegas….where mothers are on the Strip with strollers and all…giving go go dancers the stink eye and clutching their pearls as if they are not in the naked people in public capital of the world…
They tried to make Vegas child friendly back in the 90s, and as you could guess, it was a disaster. Daycares inside of casinos is WILD! Kids were going missing, and all kinds of shenanigans.
I love kids, but dragging them everywhere is not only annoying, but it sucks for those kids, too….and it is definitely LESS SAFE than a sitter….
The problem with parents that wanting a village is that they don't ask the village BEFORE they have kids. They just expect us to drop everything and support their decision. That's not how life works.
Right!!!!! lol, don’t just be dumping your responsibilities on me!
Its the fundamental divide between the two people. One person (childree woman) really takes having children seriously. The other person (mother) doesn't. So, they are stuck in a web of miscommunication because the mother didn't do any kind of family planning that includes figuring out the village. People shouldn't have to feel like being a village member is thrust upon them unknowingly...especially when they didn't want kids of their own. This is why the divide exists. The chilfree woman was observant for years and knew what motherhood entailed. The mother did not, now she is resentful about thay deep down inside. She didn't take having children as seriously as the childree person and she underestimated the time, money, emotional, spiritual and physical commitment.
I had friends like that who had children early in their twenties and expected me to babysit almost every weekend. Hhmm. No thank you.
I have a child now and I never relied on anyone except for my husband. We don’t have a village and I am honestly ok with that because my husband is a great father. Between us, we got this!
I love this! I was worried about not having a village but I can imagine with a great partner things can work out well!
@@angielorenza3503 absolutely it can.
Misery wants company. That is all.
Thank you!!! Child free women dont give af about women with kids. But they seem to think about us a lot...
I think that's exactly what it is.
I think mothers can get triggered by childfree women because they know, deep down, that the self-sacrifice to be a mother was a CHOICE, often a net negative choice for women. Mothers age faster, have poorer health, die younger, and do far more work than childfree women do. Single mothers are also more likely to be in poverty than single childfree women.
Acknowledging your part in your own struggle is very difficult, and it's easier to project and get angry at other women. Also, patriarchy thrives when women compete against each other. So some moms who get triggered are also very likely to be 'boy moms', male-identified, or pickmes/brainwashed.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 All of this! All of it!
Yesss so true
As a mother and someone who always wanted to be a mother, I’m not sitting watching other women’s lives comparing myself to them. Us mothers have our purpose in life just as much as the childfree women but there’s always going to be insecure women who regrets their choices in life and projects onto the next woman, mother or not. God bless everyone reading this🤍
🎯
Actually, mothers do not age faster, die younger or necessarily even do more work than childfree women. I am not sure where you got your information to claim all that, but it’s actually the opposite (yes, surprisingly): CF can age faster due to other stresses and while mothers can age faster depending on stress levels or stress management, support or lack of support, how many children they have, etc., they don’t necessarily age faster in all cases as that’s based more on genetics and lifestyle choices than parenthood.
Mothers may definitely live longer than many childless women as stated in many studies conducted, and concerning workload, that may or may not be true in many cases, however, many childfree women work pretty grueling jobs so I’m not sure where your argument stems…🤷🏻♀️ life is hard, CF or not. Adding a child to the mix can make it harder or more rewarding depending on your frame of mind.
If you think about it, it makes sense that children add meaning to many peoples lives (and not bashing CF people with this statement btw, i know CF people have meaning in their lives) and they also force people to better their habits and health so of course, it makes sense that a longer life span for parents vs child free people would be the case, possibly though. It goes by a case by case basis for both groups honestly. I respect CF people btw, I just don’t agree with your statements.
I don’t think these mothers resent their kids as much as they resent the men they procreated with. They didn’t expect that motherhood with the average man meant fulfilling the lion’s share of responsibilities with no help. That’s enough to drive anyone mad. Their enemies aren’t child free women, although they hold a picture to a life that’s more enviable than their current situation. Their enemies are the men who’ve set them up for a life of thankless work, career stagnancy and limited upward mobility
Thank you !!
No, no, they're targeting strangers that won't punch them at first insult 😂
So true!!!
I could barely support myself and I saw the men not sticking around when a child came into the picture or being huge cheater's while their wives were home taking care of the kid's.
Absolutely!! Just last night my mom was telling some family friends about how she could NOT trust my dad to take care of us. The few times she did it was disastrous, my sister walked right out of the house at 18 months bc he was distracted watching tv and luckily was found and brought back by a neighbor. She’s giving all these examples laughing and I’m like HUH?? You think it’s funny that you had a useless husband and father to your children? Now as an adult I don’t have a relationship at all with my dad, only my mom, but why would I? She said so herself, he couldn’t be trusted to be a parent.
Edit: spelling.
I truly think that is the case. They don't have a good partner and do it all by themselves. Of course they would be unhappy.
I just realized.... this whole hate towards child free women is male centered. Someone in the comments said childfree women are more enticing to men. In other words, their baby daddies.
Well I’m a childfree lesbian and a lot of people forget we exist and been about this life lol
That part 🙄😔
The person who is this upset because people say they don't want their body "ruined" or getting broke because of kids, and says "You just shit on my entire life" is not giving off the vibe of being 100% happy and secure in her choice because if you really think motherhood is this amazing thing, those things would not get to you because you know this is your road to happiness. As a childfree by choice woman, if someone tells me that I'll never know real unconditional love, that is a big dramatic statement that can certainly read as "shitting on my entire life" and yet it rolls right off me because I KNOW motherhood would make me miserable and I AM secure in my choice.
No I think she’s valid in what she’s saying. She’s only annoyed by unnecessary comments about her personal life decisions. Being 100% secure and happy doesn’t mean you can’t be annoyed at rude questions. You’re not mad because you’re suddenly questioning yourself. You’re mad at the sheer audacity of a stranger thinking they know what’s best for you. It’s the same way I got annoyed at a coworker who tried to tell me that will change my mind about having kids despite only knowing each other for a few weeks.
That one was confusing, because it sounded like child free reasons she may have heard from others, which would not be about her specifically.
I took it as either she was insecure and those specific things stuck, because they bother her OR the slight, but more unrealistic possibility that a child free person was dogging her about those things. Like “Isn’t it true it’ll ruin your body? That’s what I heard.” But like I said, that seems unlikely based on the way she presented the statements.
Preach
she's really not happy. The hostility was bubbling up more the longer she went on.
My sister is one of those mothers. Mad because she can't live her life the way she wants to. 😂 Then she always tries to force her kids onto me. A village ain't lay down and make them kids, you did. Leave me tf alone.
They make unsuspecting people a part of thr village without even asking and then wonder why nobody wants to be a part of it
My family used to be really dismissive about my life. My sister had 4 kids and life full of drama (then). I used to drop everything for her to watch/pickup the kids, and I was glad to do it. But when they would laugh when I told them I was busy (I was building my media company), it really pissed me off. I started to call them out at a point. I was married, responsible as hell, and seldom brought my issues to my family. My brother doesn’t want kids either, so he gets it. But I had to remind them that my time was just as important as theirs and to put some respect on my name. It led to me keeping my distance for a while until they started to understand I was serious.
Now that everyone is older, they are a bit more respectful, and are NOW saying I was so smart not to have kids. The irony tickles me, but I give them grace. It really is hard for some women to see themselves as “important “ outside the context of motherhood. Not me, girl! 👀
Same! My sister knows not to call me.
Stand your ground. Tell her to pay for a babysitter
Preach 😂 😂
As a woman with 1 child I’m for child free women! Please don’t have a child unless you are mentally together and ready.
I suffer from depression and work a lonely career, I can’t be there for my son the way I wish I could as a mother, it makes me feel like a awful mother but I have to do what I have to do.
The fact you're self aware enough to be afraid of being a bad mom means you're not a bad mom. Bad moms won't call themselves bad moms.
Thank you for being honest. I appreciate your honesty. Giving advice to young women adults.
I'm sorry the kid's father won't step up and help. The burden shouldn't be solely on you.
As people have already said, your self-awareness puts you way ahead of the game.
That said, I can relate to the depression. It makes even going to work a struggle for me.
@@INGEN_Dahnie-el-aha-ha well actually he’s around… he’s in jail for assault w/ a deadly weapon towards me…
2:14 Nobody has to cater to your kids baby. A lot of moms are so entitled. Learn to raise your kids so everyone doesn't have to be impacted.
I agree 💯. They want to make our lives uncomfortable like we have to honor them or something😹😹😹😹🤡🤛🏾
As a mother I agree. If my kids can be in public and not cause problems so can theirs. It starts with discipline in the home. 🙂
@@sg5720yes! Their children also effect other children too! My nephew does not like being around other children because they are too loud/overwhelming!
A mother seems to tend to be an overgrown girl at least from what I’ve seen.. that’s why they want you to do it so young.. truly disable you
@@sg5720Yes Kids should be acting normal but it sounds so me from some People as if they want to FORBID Kids to enter outside their Homes 😂 the Streets are free and im not closing my Kids in the Closet for others to feel better and my Kids never dare to throw Tantrums outside!
I don't understand why they get angry with child free people wanting child free spaces. Have they seen what Gen Alpha has done to their teachers.
Because it’s entitled to try to segregate children because you don’t like them.
@@Anemonolis it segregation to not let children into bars? Is it segregation to not allow childfree adults to wander aimlessly around elementary schools? Is it segregation to not allow white people into black cultural/community centers? To not allow non-queer people into gay bars?
Part of living in an organized society is recognizing some places are designed for everyone, some places are designed for you, and some places are not welcome to you. There is absolutely a reasonable line to be drawn. For example, banning kids from restaurants that dont serve alcohol is extreme, but having a childfree hour is completely fair.
I want to have spaces where I dont have to listen to screaming kids. I have misophonia & their screams feel like someone is tearing my skin off. I deserve to enjoy places without kids within reason.
Likewise, kids also deserve fun places catered to their desires without boring old ladies like me ruining the fun.
@@AnemonolHave you seen the inside of a sephora lately
@@chriiiiis YUP, e.g. the Drunken Elephant section AlWAYS being. freaking mess now.
@@LilChuunosuke Beautifully and respectfully explained.
My question is why do mothers get mad at their daughters not wearing a bra around their own house?
Because those mothers know the father, step father, boyfriend, uncle, brother, or other male in the home is a s exual deviant.
Right?! That's some crazy shit and I had to deal with that myself. They'd always say, "there are men around". I do understand it to a certain extent, but if you don't trust the men in your life around your children, you shouldn't have those men in your life.
If there is a man in the house the every female should wear a bra. It has nothing to do with not trusting the men it’s just respect. Even in my own house if I have a male family member come over I will wear a bra or bathroom or something decent out of respect for myself and my family.
@@Indyawillis85 #Facts
Make it make sense
@@Indyawillis85 period!
Im no one’s village. I’m sorry I can’t 😭
I had to learn the hard way😒😑💯
This!! Cuz I was EVERYONES village straight outta high school up until I was 28 and I just moved to another state. Even after moving back I’m not as involved as I used to be as that’s no love lost but it’s my time now. I arrive to all parties after setup and leave before cleanup😊😊😊#richauntieera
@@ThaDuhch at one point I was planning to move to a different country to get out of the village. lol
@@TinkOutLoud I’m still thinking about doing that 🤣
@@ThaDuhch I support it! 😂
Identity crisis. I think it's because so many of us have been conditioned to believe that the only things that can give us meaning and purpose in life are having children and being wives. Many women still feel that way. They've lost themselves while trying to be only that. When they see childfree women finding purpose, meaning, and identity outside of where we were conditioned to find those things, they deep down feel scared. It's that little question: "If this isn't my purpose, what is it? Who am I?" They project their fears onto other women because based on the things they've attached to their identity, they can never be free like us. A good chunk (not all) of them.
I agree..so true. I became a mother at 22, before I got a chance to know who I was. Now that my sons are grown, I'm still wondering what my purpose is outside of being a mother, grandmother and caregiver. It can be depressing at times. I fully support childfree and childless women. Being a mother is not for everyone. Women shouldn't bash each other on either side. Live and let live!..😉
Yep I used to feel like I was a failure for not getting married and having kids. That was my upbringing. It was like I was behind or something.
The woman who was resentful for not having a village for her child want those of us who are childfree to bear/fulfill some responsibility that's not really our responsibility. People really need to be ready to be parents and find or create the environment they want. I've had to end many friendships once they became moms because they felt entitled to my time and help. I don't mind helping but I resent the entitlement. I don't tell people unless they ask because by and large when I just offer the information I get so much vitriol and judgment.
Why can't she build a community with other mothers? Does she not have friends?
IMO "Village" is not only about village elders, but village fools as well. They can't pick & choose whom they want to be included in their Village.
Misery loves company. Mothers that are secure and happy about their role as mothers don’t feel the need force motherhood on other women. Miserable people love to sabotage others, whether they do so consciously or not.
💯 my mom enforces everyday she loves being my mom❤ She owns it and has made the right decision for herself and I am a product of a woma who loves motherhood with all the burdens.
As a mom, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to decide not to have children .
As a mom, I'm *happy* for women that made their OWN decisions, in this effing society, and didn't just go along to get along. I love that for them. 😊
Same! My best friend has no kids we’re a year apart she’s 28 and I never feel the need to impose kids on her or make her feel guilty. We do have conversations about her having kids and while I def believe she’ll be a good mom it’s up to her when she’s ready and I support her all the way
@@sayitasis8326 right ! My best friend is the same. She takes her role as a godmother seriously though so she asks to come over or take the kids.
Exactly. As long as they decide it before they actually have them. It becomes a problem when they decide they don’t want to have kids after they’ve already had them
Exactly. One of my best friends doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them, and I fully support her for that. But I’m a mom and she also supports me in my journey. We both root for each other to succeed, and we’re sympathetic/empathetic with each other when things are hard. I don’t understand the animosity between women who have kids and women who don’t.
The lady @ 12:00 is part of why its a bit hard to befriend women with kids. It always seems as if they're scanning me to determine if I could be a baby sitter. I appreciate that they trust me enough to be that for them, but there are times I felt the woman didnt even vibe with me that well but kept me around in case she needed me to help her with her child. It doesnt feel good when you know someone only wants you to use you in a way they will not be reciprocating. I get that kids need villages, but as a mother its your job to make sure you have that. If you need assistance be respectful and mindful of other peoples time when you request it!
Exactly! Women should think about their village before bringing another member into it, like a child! Childfree women aren’t obligated to help anyone with kids, that’s the reality. She should seek out women who don’t mind helping them out, not because they’re childfree. That’s not fair and it’s actually disrespectful to assume that someone is going to drop their lifestyle to attend to someone else’s.
@@SmileyAdventures Thank you for understanding. I was hoping I didnt sound too harsh. I actually love children, but I know motherhood is not something I've ever desired.
@@Faaade_ur right they also want access to ur resources so I had so much women with kids tell me sob stories just so they can live rent free I'm normally nice and will let you get ur life together but not paying me for over 10months straight naw time for you and your kids to go
@@shaypope4732 not paying you a dime for over 10 months (without a solid reason) is flat out taking advantage of you. I hope that person was able to access more resources outside of yours. I notice the same thing about resources, sometimes they'll weaponize their kids to get free things/money from you. I had a friend that would contact me to go out then somehow would always bring up how she had so little money to fish for me to pay for drinks/food. I didnt mind at times but other times I was saddened that she really thought I was so stupid.
@@Faaade_Baby you did not sound harsh at all, whoever got offended reading that can go cry in the corner eating popcorn.
I think a lot of mothers get triggered is that they either didn't know/feel like they had a choice in the matter and are now stuck or motherhood wasn't the spiritually ascending Instagram-curated experience they thought it was going to be. So they see women who actually thought it through and chose not to have kids and become upset at their own lack of forethought and project it onto childfree women. This is also why they're adamant that nobody can possibly know what it's like to be a parent unless you are one. They lacked observational skills so nobody else could be observant enough to understand what motherhood/parenthood is like to make an educated decision to not have children.
Childfree people don't think they're entitled to a childfree world, but there are places where it's entirely reasonable that children shouldn't be or should be able to regulate themselves enough to be in that environment. Childfree people aren't going to Chuck-E-Cheese or a 12pm showing of a kids' movie on a Saturday and complaining about children being around. We're at bars, restaurants, museums (not a specifically child-oriented museum), or late-night movies and having our experience disrupted by children and parents who refuse to actively teach their child decorum and emotional regulation. Nobody is paying to hear your child play Bluey on the iPad you've shoved in front of your child's face because you want to be disengaged from your child at a meal or your child having a meltdown over whatever weird toddler thought process has them upset. Not to mention, parents are raising their children to be liabilities but also think they never should be held responsible for their children, so businesses are starting to outright bar children because they don't want to end up being sued due to the (in)actions on the part of the parent for a child's injury or death.
As for the one resentful that she doesn't have a village, I can guarantee she wasn't village-oriented when she decided to have babies. Did she have a sit-down discussion with her friends and family about having children and seeing if they were on board with being a member of the village? Was she village-oriented prior to marriage and deciding to have kids? You can't sit here and make all these decisions unilaterally but expect a bunch of people that you felt didn't have the right to have an opinion prior to now offer up time, money, and resources to serving your personal choices.
Beautifully stated! 💓
These parents want a village but have never been there for anyone else in a significant way. Yet the expect people to deal with their children, and kids are a huge liability if they get hurt in your care. Kids are always hurting themselves and some even learned from their narcissistic parents about how to fake hurt to get attention. There's no way I'd take on care for someone's kids, not even if I charged them $200 per hour.
Spot on
"whatever weird toddler thought process has them upset" The accuracy, though. 😂
So well said!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Hmmm... I've heard quite a few child-free influencers advocate for reproductive rights. Maybe that lady should actually look for people talking about it. Ijs 🤷🏾♀️
Yeah, she hasn't been looking. Every childfree person I've seen content from has talked about it.
How the heck does she think we're child free in the first place?
Yeah if anything we’re the biggest advocates for it!
@@loosilu Abstinence/Celibacy also works.
The first seed planted in my mind that made me a child free woman was when my own mother told me at the young age of 5, " If you have kids, have them for YOU. Men leave, your support system goes away, and I'm not going to stop my life to raise them for you. " Immediately, I picked up that maybe my own mom wasn't so gungho about her own children. Maybe having kids is optional. Perhaps, she had her own regrets. I'm grateful for that lesson.
Girl same. My mom obviously loves me and my sister but I'm a 100% sure she'd have accomplished more if she'd been allowed to. She's smart AF and even with all the setbacks and my shitty dad she's a millionaire and comfortable in her life. When I said I didn't want kids she got a weird look and said she was proud of me. But she'd also be proud if I changed my mind.
About the village one and repeating is this person safe for my kid: the majority of S abuse against children comes from that village. It’s most often a trusted friend or family member compared to a stranger.
Yup.
That lady talking about community got me irritated. This is because I see this all the time. Single moms or married single moms act like they are owed understanding or time from others just because they got it. THAT'S A BIG NO FOR ME!!!!! You do not get to act like a martyr because to made the decision to sacrifice your time, money and identity to have kids. If you want a village so bad join a mom group at your kids school. You guys can carpool , share babysitters, arrange playdates without expecting anything from childfree folks.
This. One. Wins.
She used a lot of words to say she doesn't want to raise her own kids.
@@petunia7623 Yes, she's irritated that others don't want to baby-sit for her
Honestly yes that's one of the things I find a little bit confusing about moms because I heard that it was always so easy to make friends with another mom if you're currently a mom so yes doing play dates and using each other for help just make sense
And like where are the men who made the child with them? Why are they begging for others? Lol
I remember an article that pissed me off about a mother who complained in Disney because she saw adults walking around without children. The parents at Disney are so miserable and look it as well. Why are you concerned about a person being single? ever thought to yourself that there are adults who for whatever reason never got to go to Disney because their parents couldnt afford it? Some adults never got to go to Disney and despite how you feel about Disney, this woman was clearly mad because she is strapped to children she regrets having. That's why seeing childfree people irk her. The only time I am pissed off in public is if someone is invading my personal space. Other than that, I dont care if you are childfree. Many parents become bullies because they hate being parents. I have seen more toxic public behavior from parents than childfree people.
Irresponsible mothers who had no business being mothers in the first place are triggered.
YESSSS!!!
Plus disney doesn't exist in every country. People from other countries will only get to see disney as an adult because it's an overseas trip.
@@kit76149Yup. I'm from the UK. I grew up in a poor neighbourhood. The notion of paying some £80 (back then about $180) for a passport per person, then about £100 ($200) for a ticket for each person when there may even be siblings too. Plus the plane ticket to the US.... Not gonna happen. One girl in our class went to Tenerife and it was basically treated like the darn trip of a lifetime (it was cheap to go after the tragic disaster). Paris is also super expensive to be in. Travelling there is cheaper but holy cow is that city expensive.
So yeah, quite a few of my former classmates went to Florida as adults and loved it.
But sometimes adult disney kids are too much
Disney is overpriced garbage. All women with screaming brats can go there. Cuz theres no way I would waste my money by going there.
TBH every mom I have seen tell me not to rush when it comes to having kids. It is actually the men who gets triggered and say I should get kids.
Yup. It's probably most conservative women thing. And men are more often conservative.
Yup! This right here! Most women even moms I know tell me not to rush and not to have kids if I'm not ready or don't want it. It's the men who are upset. The only person who should even be asking me such personal things is the person I fuck. 😂😂😂 not some old men at work.
"You don't know how hard it is to have kids!!!"....yes we do, that's why we don't have them
True!👍👍👍👍
The lady that triggered by influences… She’s the type that blames everything on social media influencers. Because what did any of that have to do with being triggered by women that are child free by choice?
Sounds like there's unreasonable people on both ends. I don't have children yet I understand how they're our future as species and a society and also just have some human instinct to tolerate and even protect them with the way I act. Children aside we're only this far because we built societies and communities and there isn't such without mutual compromise and tolerance.
she had me so confused 💀
@@SA-ey6nt children are the future. That’s why we need focus more on protecting and raising the ones that are here first. And bringing life into better environments and communities.
IMO , it seems like the focus is simply adding more humans then just letting life eat the alive. We could at least see value in already existing children.
@@CORMEAYE me too. Lol
The lady at 14:00 is wilding out. She resents not having a bunch of babysitters 😂
😂 I was thinking the same! Shaming others because they aren't interested in her children. Where are your family & friends, lady?
Exactly. I had to laugh at that 😭
Not having a bunch of baby sitters is a regrettable position to be in
😹😹😹😹🤦🏾♀️
Girl ok! And the kicker is is that she can have as many baby sitters as she wants. She will just have to PAY them for their LABOR! What she really means is that no one won’t watch her litter for FREE! Being a nanny is a job, pay someone and you wouldn’t have a problem. These “moms” are something else chile! 😂🤣
"I suffered, so must you!"
It's like the folks who were mad about student loans forgiveness. People who had to pay back were mad at those whose debt was erased.
Ikr..🤣😉
You nailed it❤
The debt wasn't erased. Taxpayers who never took out those loans will now have to pay for them. Nothing is free.
@@happy777abc College should be free via the state anyway.
Too bad for selfish MURICAN TAXPAYERS🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You can't force someone that doesn't want children or want to be around children to help you just because you need "a village" to help you. This is called free will. We all have it. That lady at the 15:00 mark is delusional.
The woman who talked about having a traumatic background and wanting an identity that was supported and cared for by society made me so sad. I’m glad she was able to reflect on those things and recognize where they came from. So many people never are able to fully acknowledge and process the traumatic experiences they went through. She’s very smart and self-aware. I hope she’s leading a happy life.
I believe anyone who feels strongly about someone else’s decision on what to do with their own life, is simply insecure about the decision that they themselves made. People project. Happy moms live their best life’s and happy CF people live theirs. If you’re not truly happy, it shows either way .
I got fed up having small children around me all the time growing up, my mom being a kindergarten teacher, me having to care for my brother, then my niece and nephew.
I also can’t handle the screaming, It’s grating and makes me anxious and angry, I understand that children should be allowed in public, so I remove myself, because I know I’m the one with a problem.
I’m the first daughter, I didn’t get to be a child, and really don’t want to have children.
It wouldn’t be fair to me or the child to make me a mother.
And despite knowing this, family members still insist I should. I know I resent people who pry and prod into why I don’t want kids and no matter my answer it’s always “oh but your clock is ticking” or “you just haven’t met the right man” or “you’ll die alone with your 15 cats who’ll eat you after you die” mind your own fucking business.
I have the same sensory issue and we need to take up space, cause I always remove myself too! But having children screaming and crying in distress is horrible, not just for us, but other children, people with disabilities, mental health issues etc! The noise levels of screaming is a public hazard!
Stand your ground. I've heard all that too from coworkers and "well meaning" people trying to pressure me into having more kids. I was furious. They hinted my life was over or meant nothing without them ( marriage or kids) . Those same fools now are divorced or on their 2/3 rd marriage miserable and bitter.
I'm the first daughter too and I have a disabled sister who I looked after my whole life. For me, I already raised my child. My best friend in the entire world and it's enough.
As for who will care for me when I'm old? Well, I'll have my sister, so I won't be alone. Not for long anyway. I won't be long behind her.
This whole "you'll die alone" thing is like the most insensitive thing ever. What about all the people who just can't have children (even though they want to) or the ones who lost their children at a young age? Do you not care about their wellbeing? It seems like some people are just throwing around stereotypes about being childfree because they don't know any better. If they did they would respect it everytime whenever someone says that they don't want children - because hell no, please don't have children if you are going to resent them.
At least I'm providing for my cats!
I have 2 kids and am not triggered by people who are childfree. In fact, I always hoped that seeing me out in public with 2 boys acting like little boys would be enough to make every childfree person around think twice about wanting (or getting trapped with) kids. I hope I was a good reminder to women all around me to TAKE YOUR BIRTH CONTROL!
Same!
Thank you for your service 🫡
😂😂😂😂😂💛💛💛
So in other words your kids are a lesson on how motherhood sucks? What the fuck is wrong with you? They are people!
“Marketed as”was the key phrase not selfless. Its selfish to have kids just because you want them. Especially when you havent healed trauma or prepared your life for them.
Especially when you realize the world you brought them into. I feel incredibly guilty about the world I’m leaving my kids! They didn’t ask for all this. My kids are Gen Z who grew up with active shooter drills. I never wanted that for them. They’ll have no pressure from me about having kids of their own. I wouldn’t blame them choosing a CF lifestyle.
Y bring future wage slaves into this sick world to suffer?
The second girl is me!
My biggest supporters for remaining child free are mothers and those who love to berate ne or debate me on my desire to remain childfree are women who want kids but dont have them yet. Can we please stop policing women's bodies and our wombs!?
Heck yes. Motherhood is glorified slavery 😂 under an adorable, smelly captor. Those same women who think they know are gonna be sick when they get what they want.
Because they're in the pain of regret...
Say it louder and want to punish everyone for their decision
Everyone always has something to say about someone else's life.
Exactly...🙏🏾
I am 40 and childfree, and I feel I didn’t really had a choice. I have always wanted children since I was little. When I got older some mental health issues starting to develop, still wanted kids. The mental health issues got worse, and I got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Still wanted kids, but I started to sense that there was this ominous, sinister impending doom was lurking underneath. That turned eventually into a monster that got me diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. That was the moment that I realized I would never be a mom, that I will never experience how it is to love someone so unconditionally, never experience the joy and pride when your child starts to talk and walk etc. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make, and I struggle with it a lot. I just can’t bring a child into this world who has an extremely high chance of inheriting my mentally illness for one, and I can’t bring a child into this world when I’m sometimes can barely take care of myself. Since I don’t feel the need to tell everyone my story when they ask: “Oh you and your husband don’t want kids?”, I usually give a vague answer about freedom, other priorities etc
Heyy I’m in my late 20’s but I get the same feeling about the possibility of kids. I have bipolar 1 disorder and had it for years. However my husband and I are loving the childfree life. We have a beautiful home and time for hobbies/travel outside of work. I also give a vague answer when ppl ask me when we’re having kids. It’s still a choice to me though regardless of mental health/fertility. TY for sharing💜!
It sounds like you’ve given this a lot of thought ❤ I hope you find joy in other facets of life
I am in the same boat. No way I'm putting a kid through a fraction of what I've been through with mental illness.
You're being responsible.
This is the most loving thing you could have done for them, thank you. You are a very good person, I hope you are proud of yourself, and live a great life.
I absolutely don't understand that woman who was upset that childfree by choice women are not speaking about reproductive rights because some people are forced to give birth. What are they supposed to say exactly? Were there not tons or protests? A lot of them do support it and they are getting sterilized more than ever now. Being childfree is a personal choice, not a legal one. The laws must change but lawmakers are ignoring people.
It's conservative parents who complained and made these abortion bans happen, she should be mad at them instead. Why can't people with children speak out on it? She probably thinks childfree people have more free time so they should do that work. Surveys have shown that the majority supports reproductive rights, but since the right-wing people took over the courts, they are proposing these awful laws.
Exactly. Her anger is completely misplaced.
I'm confused about the "forced to give birth" part she mentioned. Was she also "forced" to get pregnant or did she disregard the precautions against it and got mad at people who won't march for her consequences? Am I missing something?
She's full of it because we absolutely do care and advocate as this affects us.
Thats a good point! She believes the burden & labour must be on CF woman as per usual! Because of course we have absolutely nothing better to do!
It's conservatives without kids too.
The girl wit the mullet still mad 🤣🤣🤣 that’s what I’m getting 🌚
And what kills me is she had the option to get an abortion so I don't understand why she's mad about something that she really didn't have to do. Also why is it everyone else's responsibility to be shouting from a soap box why doesn't she do it?
I feel that she regrets her child. Which is just disgusting when she knew what motherhood was all about.
They must regret falling for the idea that having kids would make them whole. And they are looking for help like you say. I always saw motherhood like an MLM scheme for most people. It never appealed to me. I also have served enough time taking care of my parent.
Here's my thing: Require help, support, and a village from your husband, baby daddy, and family first. What also grinds my gear is they never complain or require these things from men or childfree men, so why the big tantrum for children women? Omg! The lady that essentially says childfree women want a child-free world? Come on?! Just teach your child how to act in public or at the very least control them. Sigh.
As a mother myself I fully support childfree women. To each its own, motherhood is not for everyone...😉
The ability to Procreate is the default. Not everyone has the discernment to not Participate 😉
Neither of my girls are having children. One through choice, the other through disability. I’m relieved.
Honestly I'm hella confused about this thing about not wanting children in certain spaces
There places where children just don't need to be, like someone's wedding or bars etc
And when they complain about their kids being taped acting out, idk how they don't realise that even kids don't get a free pass to be a public nuisance and it's one of their many responsibilities as parents to keep their children in line and raise them properly.
These are the same parents who got mad at Sephora for banning children after they watch them absolutely wreck the place or do straight up blackface in the isles and see nothing wrong with their precious little angels running amock like tiny goblins
Exactly!
I only heard about "child-free weddings" on the internet. Is that an American thing because of alcohol or something? I always viewed it as a family thing, so if you have children in your family, there are going to be children at your wedding.
@@nehalilisays some people don't like to cater to children during their weddings (which honestly it's perfectly reasonable)
They want to focus on celebrating and partying without needing to worry about crying toddlers or renting bounce houses and kids catering
Also some people feel that bringing a young child at the wedding might take away from the experience since people will constantly have to watch out for them and be on their toes
It's entitlement and the belief that other people will keep an eye on your kid for free babysitting while you do what you want to do. These parents are so mad they don't get to force people to hear a tantrum/screaming child. Asking for 1 or 2 childfree places among all the other places your kids are allowed and getting mad at that just shows how selfish some of these parents are.
What about fathers getting triggered by childfree men? Some fathers shame me for being childfree and spit out the bingos while some others have wished they never had children once I listed valid points why people shouldn’t procreate. If people want children, they should consider adopting or fostering children who are already here and in need.
Well said :)
💯
That’s what I always say! There are plenty of unwanted kids to choose from, unfortunately. On average, 25k age out of the system every year and become homeless. 💔
But it seems like a lot of breeders are unable to love someone who isn’t “theirs”.
I have a wonderful little boy, but I had a difficult pregnancy so I'll probably not have another biological kid. I would LOVE to have another, but, even though I have a decent, full time job, I can only afford the 2 bedroom apartment I have (and I only have it because I moved in 8 years ago, so rent isn't too bad). I doubt I would be allowed to adopt or foster, just because of lack of space. If I had another kid the old-fashioned way though, no one would bat an eye if they shared a room with their big brother. There are a lot of people who would love to adopt, but would never be allowed to. It's have their own or none at all.
Mom here. I spend my time and energy on my life. I don’t have the time and energy to spend on someone else’s life. I don’t care if some other woman is child free by choice.
Any woman who is triggered by someone else’s choices probably needs to go to therapy.
They're triggered because they realise that they actually had a choice and they maybe regret theirs.
Some mothers get triggered because though they love their children, they know they have made an irreversible mistake.
Motherhood has certain HARD aspects that no woman would undertake if the rules were laid out beforehand 😢
Unfortunately, once they are in, they see the challenges and want others to join so they have a bigger pool of experience to draw from.
Some of these women are annoying. Child bye.👋🏾
😂 honestly! I had to skip past the hit dogs!
Im unsure why CF women need to be around children? The whole point is we are CF . We don’t owe you anything. Many of us realised there was no village and this reinforced our resolve not to have any. I never hear parents talking about how to connect with us. Like if your whole identity wasn’t wrapped up in your childs existence you may still preserve a part of yourself that can be invested in friendships without children and enhance your parenting over time and once kids are grown you still have a sense of self.
My SIL is child free. But she does still have a niece and nephews whose life she wants to be part of. She chose not to raise them herself, but she loves the kids in her life. She has friends who are CF as well. Being CF doesn’t mean avoiding them altogether, just means not raising them herself.
@@tinasapienza6552 I’m aware of that i was responding to the part of the video where the woman said we CF women should be involved. If we WANT to we will its choices all round for us and we wont be pressured into being anyone’s village. Right now you SIL is involved and she remains free to ajust the level to which shes involved anytime she wants. Also please make sure you lean into her CF life and dont use your kids as a reasonnit to be able to. Reciprocate her efforts.
As a mother don’t have kids it is extremely hard work nobody appreciates it and your whole life will have to revolve around your kid specially if you have very little support even going to the gym is something I can’t easily do and have to plan for.
What in the world was the chick at 9:12 talking about?
The question was:
Why are mothers triggered by childfree people?
She went on talking about Roe v. Wade and activism, etc. The vast majority of childfree "influencers", activists, etc., are the MAIN ones FIGHTING for womens rights/womens reproductive rights!
Again, WTH was she babbling about?
I think she was saying childfree women dont talk about forced births enough! It’s mostly about having freedom and saving money for them. She’s saying some women want to actually be childfree, but don’t have a choice. So childfree women should advocate for those women who are forced to have babies more. I think some child free women do speak about these issues, but i haven’t seen it enough honestly. But at the same time, I don’t think it’s the responsibility of childfree women to do that… why aren’t the women who were forced to have babies fighting and advocating for their own issues???
imo, she was giving vibes like "the cfbc need to fight against forced births like mine was. I secretly vote for these restrictions like my hubby wants me to bc I'm too cowardly to do otherwise."
Suffering & being a part of the problem at the same time, but looking for somebody else to save her. 😮
There are so many terrible parents, downright horrid people that are toxic for children, and I do not think everyone should be a parent.
The lady at 11:20 wanting childfree people to scream about healthcare rights and we do, but sounds like she specifically seeks out people who don’t. Theres a lot who do, a majority Even because WE DONT WANT KIDS and don’t want to be FORCED into carrying one. “I’ve yet to see one-“ yet I can see twenty with hardly any digging if you can call it that or off the top of my head
Plus I doubt she would support issues that single women may go through.
The mother who spoke about being in foster care and wanting a new identity that she felt was of worth and then realizing what motherhood was like afterwards unexpectedly touched my heart. I appreciate the women who have made certain decisions in life and are able to be reflective and honest with other women about it who don't want to make that choice. Many times child free women and women with children are saying the same things about what goes into to the decision to have or not have a child and don't realize it because we approach it from the point of an argument vs an honest conversation.
We also need to talk about the mothers that had their children at a young age and have to work a little harder to make ends meet who look down at women who waited to have children who focused on their careers first and established themselves before having kids. It was very annoying with the comparison and hate. Like oh you’re an “old” mom or you don’t have the energy needed for kids. There are a lot of perks in waiting.
I'm child free, but not because I didn't want to be a mom, but because I have terrible genetics, that not only do I refuse to pass on, but would also negatively affect my parenting, along with having PTSD and having been severely emotionally neglected, as a child, which again, will negatively impact my parenting. Between my childhood abuse, the issues surrounding my health and my mental health because of the combination of the two, I'm terrified that I would have devolved into my sh*t mom, and no kid should be raised by anyone who makes a 7 year old pray that they won't wake up in the morning.
Women with children certainly envy those without, especially in the early twenties.
I know someone who became a mother at the age of 21. She wanted to travel abroad, live her best life. But all that came to an end when she had her child so now she keeps pestering other women to get married and have children
She'll change her mind when they're 40 and out of the house. She'll be encouraging you to go on vacation with her and not have kids lol
Lots of comments have expressed my exact sentiments! But I just wanted to add that people want CF spaces because too many parents refuse to control their children. Their behaviour is over stimulating and in the extreme triggering and stressful. Control your children, they are not the worlds responsibility and not everyone can switch off their screaming. I also believe that women who can do this and do it EVERYDAY are bad mothers, who shouldn’t be allowed to have children!
I agreed
Becoming a parent doesn’t entitle you to a village. If that’s what you’re expecting, you might want to consult that village first, because they might have other plans. I spent all of my 20s and most of my 30s taking care of my niece and nephew. My niece, as an adult now, knows that when/if she chooses to have children, I’m in my 40s now… don’t call me to watch your kids. Once in a while, okay, but I’m not about to spend my older years again raising/watching somebody else’s children… being their village… being stressed.. being exhausted, with no gratitude from their parents. Not this time around fam. Not this time around.
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It kind of does, because there's a lot of pressure to have kids. My mom kept talking to me about having babies for like 10 years. I never met the right person. She never even liked my boyfriends or my first husband. My second husband and I have 1.5 kids. Yeah you'd fucking better help out after stressing me out and pestering me until then.
They don't bc they're too far away, but I built my own village. We're making do. What other option is there? Just drown? Complain? No
I have a child and I love y'all! Support each other and I will gladly cheer y'all on! Triggered Mama's get triggered by other mothers as well- it's some sort of sick competition. I don't play into any of that. Think about it, if they divide us, we are weaker. The person I am mad at? The women who were in my life when I was a child, the one's centered on men but hating their kids and lives. I still always wanted my son but I never would be made at others for making the choices they do. I applaud y'all for making the right choice for yourself!
Wow that’s a good point
You are right! I have heard the horrible remarks from mothers to other mothers! It’s another reason why I didn’t want children because I can’t stand all the school drama!
Yesss, watching moms shame other moms for really trivial things was always terrifying to me. They can be so harsh!! Over stupid stuff too, like what brand of cracker another mom gave her kid. All the mothers I knew growing up were hypercritical, high-strung, and super anxious. When I was younger, I used to think "If I ever have kids, I'm staying away from other moms."
@@shimmeringchimps3842 This is what I did. I am always perceived as stand off ish..no girl, I don't want your drama or your opinion.
That’s crazy to think child free people owe you to help you with your kids. What?
I use to have to tell people I have one for a reason.
I have to say for that one lady talking about children not being in public spaces. I don't think that's the issue in itself. I think the issue is the lack of disciplining your children. I'm not talking about taking corporate punishment out on them. But just tell them that hey other people exist. You're not the only kid. Have respect for other people, their boundaries and their space. And a lot of parents are entitled and therefore their children become entitled. And a lot of single people don't want to be around that. That's what it is.
And then for the other lady talking about community. I think maybe she should have tried to join single mother's groups before she had children and try to build up her community before then. The thing is with other single child-free women is that we build a community with each other. If I know I'm going to have a kid I'm going to try to build my community. Talk to other moms you know. Go to mom groups etc. I'm not going to be expecting other child-free women to take care of my children. I'm going to try to involve myself into children friendly activities and groups and communities.
And then like another commenter said on here. A lot of these women. They have a kid two or three kids and then they expect their single friends to help them and be there for them. But it's never reciprocal. They don't reciprocate. They don't really ask the woman how she's doing who's child free. It's both like oh when are you going to get a man and have kids. And that's frustrating.
And it's like a lot of these kids. They don't have any respect for other people and their boundaries out in public. It's like okay, You're sitting there reading a book quietly on the beach in your own secluded corner and here comes some random kid. Just starts jumping around around you. Throwing sand, throwing stuff around you. And their parents is just sitting there looking. Or you go out and about in public to a theme park and some random parent doesn't even care that you're standing there and just runs you over with the stroller. Like it's very frustrating. 😕
I don’t have kids. Best decision I’ve ever made. I am not worried about mothers. Mothers are the ones worried about why I don’t have kids. Most mothers hate being moms. Most moms regret being moms specially if she’s a single mom! Gotta go, gonna enjoy my child free life 😎
The mother with the mullet got pregnant on "accident" at 38 is triggered by CFBC not being advocates loud enough...for her....😂
The point of me not being a mother is bc I DONT WANT TO PERFORM UNPAID LABOR DAILY😂
Exactly! 💯
Same here! 💯
Plus, how TF do you get pregnant "by accident", regardless of age????
I utterly despise when people say they got pregnant "by accident!" That aggravate the hell outta me! You can't purposefully, deliberately and intentionally engage in sex and then say you got knocked up "by accident!" You engaged in an act that you KNEW lead to pregnancy! So how is it an "accident"????
These be the same types of people that'll say abstinence and birth control isn't 100% effective! Well if you know that, why take it then? And how is abstinence NOT 100% effective???? And "grape" doesn't count!
But yes, I completely agree! I'm not trying to mess up my body or do unpaid labor! Plus, I'm disabled and even if I wasn't, I'd STILL DON'T want kids!
@@marissa._So, fertile women shouldn't have sex with men unless they want to get pregnant? That sounds kinda bitter/jealous as well. But I do think that if a 38 old is really childfree by choice she would usually use the most effective birth control available. As far as I know that would be getting your tubes not just tied but removed. The biggest mistake you can make is relying on your declining fertility as "birth control".
Sometimes birth control fails. She's mad that state denied her her own reproductive rights, maybe?
@@marissa._ it’s an accident when you weren’t intending it. We can argue all day that sex, even with protection, can lead to pregnancy but that doesn’t mean an unintended outcome Isn’t an accident
WHATS GRAPE? DO U WANT GRAPE?
So are we pretending like mothers havent made being a mother their entire personality? 🤔
Are we pretending like non-mothers havent experienced equally rude ass comments like "you dont know love until you have a kid"?
Im glad the tide has changed bc now they realize how goofy they sounded when pressuring single by choice moms to have kids....simply bc they themselves have kids.
When asked if i have kids, i say "ewww no..." based off instincts. 😂 thats not a slight to mothers/parents. Thats my own opinion....bc why would you think that?!😂😂😂
0:13 because misery loves company
True💯😹😹😹😹🤡🤛🏾
Exactly💯
Chile I'm not screaming about reproductive rights. First of all I'm confused about why that woman thinks it's the responsibility of all childfree women to put on a cape for that cause. It literally doesn't affect the majority of us. When you know you want to live a childfree life, you do what's necessary to preemptively prevent that result. I think that woman represents a segment of the childfree movement... (women that wanted a childfree life and ended up getting pregnant anyway) So she'd be the perfect person to should scream about roe v wade. She's giving off a serious "Who's going to do something about this?!?!" vibe. Her expectation for the rest of us is bananas, and her logic is not sound.
One more thing, people who are like "Why are there kids here?" are weird. Like, if you don't want to be around kids, do us all a favor and stay home. That's the most entitled thing I've ever heard "why are there kids here?" Do people really ask that? I cannot imagine that's a real thing.
Yeah I agree with you. That was entirely weird.
Very odd 😳
Quite funny that she was convinced she was saying something profound 😁
@@user-np2dp8ck4j Exactly!
It would of you were in a state that doesn't make exceptions for rape.
Also a mom of two here and we took our newborns out almost right away into public and kept at it, they knew how to behave in public. I will say as a mom, some places should be child free though.
my parents did the same with me. My siblings and I are not the nicest at home but we do behave in public (and save the tantrums for later when we are home). Also, some places should be childfree to protect the child. Imagine children running around in a crowded bar with drunk people. People can bump into them, glasses can shatter etc.
Okay so I'm from South Asia. Born & brought up in a massively community oriented culture, in the 80s.
Let me clarify how children are Actually raised in a Village.
1. All children of similar age, regardless of gender, social status, or parental earnings, get together & play in the fields. Sometimes there's only a couple of schools in the community, which everyone attends. Every damn person knows every other damn person.
2. Any parent can look after AND discipline any child if they break group norms. I can't tell y'all how many times I got yelled at by my neighbour aunty for creating ruckus lol. They don't wait for our respective parents to teach us anything. Nobody minds. Elders are elders & kids listen to them, whether they like it or not.
3. You are absolutely Not allowed to have your own fancy food preferences or anything outside your own house. Flex in communal space, get laughed at & shunned from the rest of your peer group.
Many other such social unwritten rules.
THIS IS HOW BEING RAISED BY A COMMUNITY LOOKS LIKE.
Honestly, these Western moms whining about "it takes a CoMMuNitY" makes my own childfree teeth cackle.
This is exactly it. So many people want the benefits of the “village” without the obligations. Most of them weren’t particularly invested in this whole village thing until THEY needed help. (And these are often the same people who get angry when others offer the “wrong” kind of help!)
This doesn’t sound bad at all. It sounds nice?
I am a village for plenty of people in my life - not just my friends and family with children. I help and support the people I love. What I'm NOT is a doormat. I am not your built in babysitter. I am not your built in therapist. My time is not less valuable because I don't have children, and unfortunately there has been many times where I've been treated that way.
Why do people go so hard for what others do or don't do. I met a new girl at work, and she thought I was her age until someone told her otherwise. Then she was like, "Do you have a man, at least?" Like, girl, I know what I have at most!. She is young, and I have no time to explain to her about being comfortable with yourself instead of seeking validation in someone else. If she asks again, though....
Lol do it. Bc that child childfree author in the black... yes say "I'm childfree bc you seem miserable with yours" lmaooo
If she wants/needs a "village," then why not create one with the women who want or have kids? That's what my wife did😂.
That’s what my happily single mom did 😂😂 I think she’s resentful that she has to actually work at building a village. IMO sounds like it stems from entitlement
9:15 whaa-? The people im seeing being the most vocal are currently childfree women... also i understand some ppl are extreme with the "why are there kids here?" In certain spaces but why do a large majority of parents think that because theyre a paying customer they can bring their kids anywhere? Especially a freaking bar! Im probably going to be child free because ive sat and thought about the fact im raising another human and i will not be the cause of an innocent persons trauma.
This is a matter of perspective. Back home, children aren’t excluded from most of society. Even in most places in Europe (besides the northwest) that is still the case. There has definitely been a shift in the level of intolerance towards children in public spaces. Which I find ironic in a way because there are plenty of adults that don’t know how to behave civilly these days.
I've stopped going out to many places because of this. It's getting out of hand where babies and children are allowed to go. There's a bar/lounge that turns into a nightclub at night that has a bouncer checking ID. There were 4 families in there one night, and one family had toddlers. Adult only spaces are being over run by kids. Every bar and brewery is filled to the brim with screaming and out of control children. The parents NEVER watch their kids. The last time I went to a brewery a kid slammed into the waitress carrying my flight, the drinks fell to the ground. Glass and beer everywhere on the floor and the parents yell at the SERVER for not paying attention. It's a nightmare. They complain about the low birth rates, but all I see are entitled parents taking their children to places and spaces that they shouldn't be.
@@missesLMA I think you touch on an important issue which is the behavior of many children in public. Or, more specifically, how parents sometimes allow their children to behave in public. I lived and traveled in Europe for many years and, from my observations anyway, it seems that parents there often have different expectations in terms of what is acceptable behavior for children and teach them from a young age to behave within these parameters. For example, I was surprised when I first visited France to see small children in very nice restaurants. But it was even more surprising to me to see how well these children behaved. They were quiet and patient. There was no running around, no shouting, no disturbing other diners. This is often not the case in America where parents let their kids run around like wild things, expecting everyone around them to accommodate them. (And, to be clear, I'm American, and do not enjoy perpetuating these negative stereotypes about my own countrymen. But, unfortunately, in these types of situations, they are often true...)
I don’t have kids but if it’s in the cards for me I’ll be happy to be a mom and if not I will still be happy with my life. I remember one day my cousin who is the same age as me had wanted to hang out. Since having her first baby, she was just itching to get out the house and grab drinks. Of course I was down for my girl I knew she really needed the support and some relaxation so the baby was well taken care of by Grandma while we went out. Next few days passed by and my cousin calls me up to plan her birthday trip. I said ok cool where is the destination? She says Las Vegas for a week so of course I was down but then things started getting crazy and my cousin was all over the place. She apparently wanted me to help her find a baby sitter for the week we would be gone and also ask me to help her pay for the sitter. Then said oh and because Brian (Childs father) isn’t working right now can you help get my flight for the trip and I’ll cover everything else. At this point I was definitely irritated but because she’s family of course I agreed to everything. After Finding flights and hotels before I hit submit payment I got a strange feeling about everything and next thing I know my grandma is calling me asking is my cousin was with me ? I said no I’m at home on my laptop booking arrangements so my cousin ends up calling me asking if I can either loan her some money or babysit for her. I’m like it’s 7 at night grandma is looking for you why do you need a babysitter right now and money for what ? Turns out my cousin had this baby because Brian (child’s father made all these promises and seem to be ok financially before they had the child. He got involved with some scandal mess my cousin was now apart of it and meanwhile the child she had is suffering because my cousin was becoming neglectful and just concerned about partying and trips and looking good and finding dudes with money to take care of her. She literally said Girl you don’t no what it’s like to have a child I’m miserable I don’t have much help and I need support. In which my response was instead of worrying about the wrong stuff get a job and take care of your responsibilities. I never laid down with you to have this child nether did grandma so don’t blame us for life being miserable for you. I’m more than willing to lend a hand but I won’t help anyone that doesn’t want to help themselves. And yes I will continue to enjoy my child free life and freedom until I am mentally, emotionally, financially stable enough to bring a child into this world. Your selfish mindset thinking that just because you had a child that the world owes you something is crazy and that’s why you will forever be miserable. She got very upset said very mean hateful things about me and we never spoke again. I feel like as women or what ever you identify as out there, if you want children have them and do your best by them and love them. But don’t judge the people that don’t have children yet or at all and for those who don’t want children continue to live in your truth and your freedom but have grace on people who do have kids and provide help if you can.
My parents are my biggest supporters of my childfree decision. They didn't sugarcoat nothing but of course were nice about it. Also, seeing the struggle that my aunts and other family members (and now friends) went through makes me stand firm in my decision.
I'm too selfish because I want my time, energy, and money to go to the things that I want to do not sacrifice everything. Kudos to parents
If you’re triggered by someone who has or doesn’t have kids, THAT IS A PERSONAL PROBLEM.
I’m 35 single, no kids, and a homeowner. I want kids someday, as of now, I enjoy my freedom and peace
I was in Malta (2021) with my hubz. We were at a luxurious hotel. We were having breakfast at 8am. Hubby and I don’t have convos in the morning. He knows I don’t talk. I only want him to hug, touch me. The table behind us had a woman with THREE kids. Holy fvcking sh!t!!! I felt so stressed out. 😂 The kids were going mad wild and she seemed so beyond exhausted! 😢 I could NEVER be that active so fvcking early.
I’m a mother but i wish i was child free. Cause eeww it’s not for the weak
Are there women who hate being parents so much that they become child free advocates?
Maybe we are aware and conscious of the inner healing required before bringing a child into physical manifestation.
For example the woman talking about her reasons for becoming a mother was her lack of inner self and identity. So she has birthed her own karmic patterns, trauma and ancestral wounds in the form of a child.
That is not selfless. That is selfish.
As a mother I so agree with the first woman. I really don’t get hating on CF people, having kids is hard! But what really grinds my gears is when people criticise us for having kids.
Like let people be, CF or not!
I agree. We probably should all be keeping our opinions about other people's lives to ourselves.
I think both groups of women should peacefully coexist and cause division *for NO REASON.* ❤️🩹
@@seekinghimdaily92 agreed 🙌
Having kids is hard, that's why CF people don't have them. They made a decision and are disciplined enough to avoid that. Most people with children complain to everyone they meet about kids, live with their kids but do not parent them. So yes, we want to avoid them. I'm so sick of parents dumping the work of raising kids on others. This is what you chose. In public spaces, parents just leave the kids to run wild and blame everyone else. No one wants to deal with that. They should not have to. That's why they criticize. We LOVE a well-behaved child
@@mogulmade there are definitely people that just hate kids full stop. There can be truth in both. Are many parents nowadays not disciplined enough with their kids? Yes 100%. But western society has also become intolerant of children where even children just being children is an inconvenience to them (mostly white folks tbf). Which is very ironic considering so many adults don’t even know how to behave in a civilised manner these days.
I have travelled the world and seen how different societies view children in general. My children are well behaved but thats also because we are hands on parents. When we have long haul flights with western airline carriers we get death stares just for having children with us, that’s despite them never crying since we come prepared. In other parts of the world, children are simply accepted as they are. Western society has become very individualistic and this is only one aspect of it.
I'm a mother of one and I support the movement; I'm here to help. I don't tell women NOT to have kids, I just give them an honest answer about my experience and view of motherhood - the shyt is overrated!
The truths of why many of us opt out triggers many who opted in and ended up regretably living that truth...so yes, for some, misery loves company. Many folks just conclude that we are selfish. Call me what you like, but one thing no one's gonna call me is someone's mother.