The Source of all INTJ Problems - Trickster Extroverted Feeling (Fe)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2024
- Jon discusses how having Trickster Fe for an INTJ can help answer a lot of issues that an INTJ faces in addition to why it makes INTJs unique.
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Maybe I’m wrong but to me Fe dom sometimes is not “gentle” or “nice” at all. They can gaslight others and be bipolar/mood swing when things don’t go their way. They can be the bullies and people-pleasers at the same time. They trust their feeling too much that they force the weaker (children, weaker friends…) follow their rules. They mostly are the people who say “you’re getting bullied because you’re doing something wrong”.
Spot on.
I don’t think Fe doms are all that nice, for me its the exact opposite: manipulative and selfish “for the group”
All functions have a dark/unhealthy side. Definitely.
Many of the worst and most manipulative leaders throughout history have had Fe high in their stack.
Agreed. That's why most depiction of mean girls are Fe doms...but I don't want to talk negative about a type on my channel 🙃
@@justcallmejon22 okie. I just mentioned it because I always was confused by Fe 🤣
What timing Jon.. 🤩🤩🤩
Someone just told me yesterday "you don't know how to care or show affection"..
I was completely taken aback because I thought my giving him time was a compliment of the highest order.
Yes! Was told this before too, and I was just like, BUT I AM SPENDING MY TIME with you!
@@bekkifromwisconsin Thanks. Am not the only one then 🤣
How did that situation pan out, if you don't mind sharing?
@@Somparna it lasted a year. He was VERY sensitive to my directness & Tone. Oh well.
Trust me, I've been through something similar so many times in my life that I lost count 🙃
My coworker told me that I don't care about relationships. But what I'm understanding is that my buying him stuff even on my birthday, helping him whenever he asks, was not enough. He wanted more cutsie pie displays which I can't and will NEVER do.
I like your channel a lot.
i hate how others treat INTJ like a teenage edgylord or others who think we are inhuman machines.
But everything you say I can relate to because you see everything as a whole.
truthful, educated, intelligent and mature I really enjoy hearing you say truths about INTJ and not just negative lies and meaningless stereotypes.🎉🎉
I respect everyone on a very basic level, but I respect very few in specialized abilities.
I adore when I meet somebody I can respect and multiple ways! It's like it lets me breathe and relax. Feeling other people being competent truly gives me a sigh of relief
Exactly! Most people think I'm crazy when I question "experts" because to them, anyone with an expert title shouldn't be questioned 😡
I’ve had 2 Fe dom besties for the better part of 15-20 years. And they sure have taught me a thing or 2 about Fe! Enough to feign it….occasionally. But it will NEVER feel like home and I always feel like I’m actually being fake when I attempt it. When I get in trouble with them it’s ALWAYS an Fe related issue, I haven’t considered feelings, conventions or cues. For me it just takes so much ENERGY to care about those things. Social status? Your accomplishments? Who gives a s$#t! Can you engage my Ni? Impress my Te? Play to my lil baby Fi? Well THEN you might matter to me. Meeting new people, dating = HELL. And what even is flirting? Who tf knows or cares! 😂
Fe really is the cause of most of the INTJ issues. People think that it's Se but what they dont realize is that Se doesn't come into play much for an INTJ because we don't engage with the world as much as people want to engage with us using Fe. I understand your pain 😂
@justcallmejon22 wooow that makes a lot of sense 🤔
That's because it is fake 🤣🤣🤣😂😂
Fe users are always a little fake because well they have to for the sake of preserving harmony and being agreeable.
One can be sincere with Fe sure but it requires some level of inauthenticity 🤧
Sorry to all Fe users but it's true lol 🤷🏾♂️
@@justcallmejon22 I think more than anything our aversion to Se just holds us back in life. Think of how unstoppable we could be if we were to lean into it a little more often! Whereas Fe, we just continuously put our foot in it because it is a true blind spot, we can’t choose to see what we just don’t see, you feel me?
@@audiofeinz5754 I see what you mean, however I don’t believe that an Fe dom who is mature and healthy would be fake in their use of Fe. They have a genuine desire for tribe emotional harmony. So the intent is real. However, if maladapted and unhealthy I do believe they can be master emotional manipulators and in effect yes, extremely fake. It’s all in how they use it, and this dictated by their own personal subconscious wounding.
Extroverted feelings ARE exhaustive and time wasting. You hit me in the feels there. Of course, no one can tell.
80% waste of time, 20% required to maintain our humanity 😂
As an INTJ who decided to leave my country to live somewhere else where I am better for my goals + everything you said about envy or fitting it etc
I feel attacked haha, my nickname is basically free spirit or lone wolf in my family and friends
It’s really interesting to know that it’s linked to Fe
I’ve always found ENFJ so intriguing yet so far from my own way of thinking. First time I met an ENFJ and talk to them,
Me: wow, there is actually people thinking that way about others? It seems so tiring
I appreciate ENFJ a lot but no wonder they struggle a lot with boundaries
Everytime I speak to ENFJs, I’m really amazed about their way of living life
Where you consider to go live?
@@TokyoTaisu I’m French but I currently live in Barcelona, Spain right now
I decided that I would live in different countries during my life, and not coming back to France
@@The-Labbed-Life cool I studied in BCN. Any countries on your short list to go to?
@@TokyoTaisu a lot! I would like to go to Brazil, Canada, Vietnam, Taiwan, Philippines and many more
Keep chasing your dream INTJ! Life is too short to live as if it's not. I agree with what you said about ENFJs, Fe sounds so tiresome 😅
Can you do a training video on how to Fe? One particular problem is dealing with jealousy from other people. This has happened on both the personal and professional arena. It seems like people feel threatened by my competence. I have been advised to play dumb and ask my male manager questions that I already know the answers to in order to placate his ego. I've refused to take this tactic. It's not just the INTJ problem but also the gender issue of being female in science. There ought to be some way where I can fully be myself and still coexist in harmony with others. Your videos give me hope.
I feel your pain fellow INTJ because I've been there too many times to count. I'll make sure my next video addresses how to Fe because I get that question a lot. In the meantime, my suggestion is to type your manager and figure out how they enjoy feeling appreciated. It may seem fake but that's life in the Fe world. You got this fellow INTJ ✊
Yes! Please!!! This Fe world makes ZERO sense; further complicated by no ‘operating manual’ and anyone who is proficient failing to communicate honestly or offer actionable assistance.
I could write a book about my journey - what would potentially not be interesting enough, to be worth the writing - but from my experience most important rule: Respect the fears those people have, getting some information, what shakes the world of their experience. This limits the "be yourself" a lot, but my family and friends know me and are able to stand something or appreciate my special abilities. In professional.... dont open up, play chess and find a place where it works for you. There are leaders and people where it is a delight to work with, but I had to take a lot before. You are a threat to all less capable people, this will never change. Be kind, helping, patient and efficient in work. You always have mad people to handle, this is valid to everyone. Trust on you, best wishes 😊
Just out of curiosity, how do you even know that other people are jealous of you? Like can you give evidence that leads to that?
I am an ENTP, my father always said mean things to me, but I jumped to the conclusion that he looked down at me, thinking that I was inferior to others, it took me a very long time to realise that the whole time that he was jealous of me.
@@helenshianimation7567 Sometimes it was with the help of an INFJ who pointed out that the other person's behavior was a sign of jealousy. Other times, the person would directly tell me they are jealous.
I can still vividly remember struggling hard with Fe growing up for all the reasons you pointed out in this video. The dating world was like a mine field 0 sum game that you were just setup to lose from the outset, and so eventually I just stopped trying to the point where if someone did show genuine interest in me, it would fly right over my head.
I still remember one fight my girlfriend and I had because there was a coworker she had that was kinda into me, and I just didn't even pick up on it because good old Fe never taught me to pick up on those subtle hints, which resulted in me being more friendly than my girlfriend would have preferred toward her. At one point while I was visiting her at work, she genuinely looked like she was really busy with some guests and I'd spent the time I was hoping to talk with her talking with her coworker. After awhile I was just like, "This is probably just a bad time to try and hang out/grab lunch so I'll just dip out." As I start to leave she chases me down and we get into a fight over her thinking I was flirting with her coworker and I just remember being so thoroughly confused because I hadn't made a single move or shown anything other than what I felt was just maintaining a general conversation to not be rude. The next day we talked through it and got everything all sorted out, but I will never forget that feeling of just utter confusion from someone interpreting the actions I took in what felt like such a totally different manner than how I felt they were going.
That is an example of what Jon said trying to engage with Se (by being polite and friendly) but did it wrong. Good that it got clarified.
Same thing happened with me and a coworker, she was a new hire they literally had me train her and ALL I DID was open the door for the girl... next thing you know my Christmas present is being throw in the garbage
So you said you stopped trying and didn't notice any signs of interest, then started talking about your girlfriend in the next sentence. I think you missed a few paragraphs.
No INTJ blabbers like this. No grammar, paragraph breaks, nor sense.
You are so self aware; it's incredible! Thank you for taking the time to create this video!! ENTP here and all of this is so super helpful. :)
Happy to hear that ✊
GREAT VIDEO !!! Damm bro !! Thanks so much ❤❤ . So much value. So funny and yet full of value and understanding on how we see the world. Thanks so much !! Its so inspiring. You make me remember the things that really matter.
Thank you 🙏
Wow. 20 min. of explaining myself to me. The only point of disagreement was Ayln Rand, I really disagree with her - it's not logically the best over the long run. But who's going to stop me? I will be water, not rock, when I encounter barriers.
Agreed with disagreeing with Aynn Rand but I do admire her snarky attitude 😅
Yeah bro, I even cringed when he brought up Ayn Rand. In her defense, as despicable as she is, she speaks her truth.
Same. Ayn Rand's theories don't compute with my Fi, but she sure made an impact.
Very insightful video, once again. Thank you, Jon, for all the work you put in giving us the knowledge that helps at least me to better understand myself and grow as a person.
Actually yes, Fe is one of the biggest struggles in my life, if I hadn't this function I assume I would be in another whole place😔
Intjs lucky u guys 🍀🥺
I'm happy that I would be "adding a value" in my intj friend 🥺🧚🏼♀️
If you're curious about the value, just ask the INTJ, they'll be happy to explain it in a Te way 😅
Extroverted feeling has been the bane in my life, my entire life. It was so hard for me growing up, a little easier now that i am 40. It's so amplified being a girl because girls are supposed to talk and be chatty. I learned early on to default to silence because I'm going to say something wrong. Then try to explain...ugh.. i am thankful for all the extroverted girls I've met over my life that take me under their wing. The second part is so true to me as well. I compartmentalize people exactly like this. I think this why i get along with people who have totally different values, example like i have friends who are Republicans and and who are Democrats. I see value to certain topics they discuss. Ha i left home at 18 yeah i was not scared, but excited. This video really sums me up, good job, because i don't know how you get this out of your head to explain so well.
Any advice you want to share with younger INTJs that want to leave home at 18?
@JustcallmeJon well, first thing I did was make the decision I was going to move out after I graduated. Because the mental part is huge in my determination factor. So while I was in high school I worked, mostly my senior year. I had the on the job training class, the one that let you leave school early to go to work. I had all my credits already for graduation, so I had free periods that would just be filled with electives anyway. I worked my first job, I hated it, fast food. So I switched to a grocery store. Much better, I worked as much as the laws would let me. And I saved most of my money. I did change jobs after I graduated I worked a couple different places, but discovered I liked working the overnight shift so I did that a few years, then switched back to evenings when I started school again. I did end up moving in with my boyfriend at the time, who is now my husband so that helped having 2 incomes to pay for a place. We rented a couple years, but decided to buy a condo up north. Yes I've moved a few times and lived in 4 different states. Now I'm in the south again but I like it here the temperature is great
'Who's going to f*ing stop us' love it 😂. Fe trickster can be hard to understand for me (as Fe is so natural to me and Te not at all) so this helps! Yes I get how it feels like a waste of time to use the trickster function. Even for me with Te as the trickster, which means I'm generally not focused on being efficient in terms of my actions in the moment. Still I see using Te as a 'waste of time' because I KNOW I'm bad at it. So why even bother, I'd better use one of my other functions to solve my problems.
Because of lack in Te people often see me as impractical, overly sensitive, and lacking in discipline since for me for example writing a book in my head feels like an accomplishment.. Even if it isn't in physical reality yet. I guess Te cares more about physical accomplishments. Problem is, for INFJs basically all of our logic is in our head. Fe Se is just.. vibing 😂.
Interesting how you mention not caring much about people's opinions, that's impressive to me, almost hard to believe that it is so easy for you guys. Since it is something that can definitely slow INFJs down, the danger of becoming insecure and people pleasers.
"Still I see using Te as a 'waste of time' because I KNOW I'm bad at it." Saying Te is a waste of time is blasphemy! (jk..sorta) Te isn't technically about physical accomplishments but more along the lines of checking things off the list or fixing a problem. As a fellow Ni user, I'm sure you can understand that there are so many things or ways to approach something but having Te as our aux means that there's no excuse not to chase our Ni dream whether it's physical or mental. I didn't mention it in this video but Te is also willing to listen to a person's emotional problems if listening will fix the problem. In regards to other people and their opinions, you INFJs are perfect the way you are. I appreciate the effort you guys put in to take care of the ones you love 🙏
Love how well you explain... me to me. Its actually ackward, but in a good way.
I'll only add in my intj journey, the hardest part of social life are often the "feelers" trying to place me (or so my trickster interprets", then my hero function PRESUMES the bad case scenarios... before I even have a chance to stop it.
Work in progress... and the only way I can think of to better develop my social reality, is to try again and again until it "clicks".
Glad to hear that you're trying! I learned what's best for me is to just disguise Te as Fe, most people will never know the difference 😂
My ISFJ sister calls me a bitch because i don't bitch and whine 24/7 like she does...like either fix your problems or move on...the bitching and whining is helping no one...that's my Fe advice 😅
I relate to that sentence so much with my ISFJ siblings 🙃
I always thought that having trickester Fe affects my social situations but on the flip side it helps me a lot , Great video! Can you do videos on all the shadow functions of INTJ ?
I'm working on it 😅
Have other INTJs here connected the dots that we all display emotionally unavailability (but deep down we all crave human connection blah blah etc)?!
Logic>emotion due to “intuition” isn’t the healthiest…I really wish someone would conduct a poll on INTJ vs attachment styles. I almost guarantee we’re all dismissive avoidants 🥴
I'm sure cognitive function stacking influence our attachment styles and I think the INFJ content creator, Joyce Meng, did a similar video before. Check out her channel if you haven't already!
The laugh track represents how authentic many public displays of emotion seem to us.
It's the Holiday Season, which is the time for us INTJs to learn how bad we are at Fe... once again.
Always gotta be aware of our weakness so that we can continue improving ✊🏼
understanding the fact that my Fe is super low and completely ignored, has helped me try to behave more, human, in other ways? to my loved ones that is, its super hard, extremely hard, but being aware of this fact has helped me resolve social problems. Maybe in the future it will get better (says every intj ever...) anyway thanks for the video!
@@ponchoking55 LMAO YEAH, you give up in the end and realise that it will take infinity to be able to do anything normal anyway-
I've been in so many situations where I would ask myself, "What would my ESFJ friend do?". It usually works out because they're better at being a human than I am most of the time 😅
@@justcallmejon22 hmm yeah, thats a good idea, i'll try that🤔 thank you!
using Fe is also pretty exhausting to me, but i tend to exercise it frequently and willingly in the group setting for my own benefit (?);
trying to match the vibe of the group so that i don't stand out too much, and make them feel like im part of the team/included (even though i couldn't care less about that, emotionally), which potentially leads them into thinking that my opinions should be taken into consideration, or that at least i can just have a say on something as an agreeable member :))
(only to find out that i disagree with most of their ideas, and lowkey try to convince half of them to change their minds, or take my side instead 🤡)
although, i would do such thing only when I FEEL like (heh..typical Fi dom) my opinions could be really useful at the time, if not then i might just turn into a goofy clown who minds her own business.
I agree. I learned that it's so much easier to influence through Fe than Te in most situations 😄
Great video. I agree with everything you said. However, I’m exceptionally good at reading the room.
Would love to hear some insight into this. I’m an INTJ. The first third of this video (speaking about not being able to read a room or other people’s emotions) is definitely not me. All the rest is a very good fix. I wonder if that specific trait (reading others) was something I had to develop early on for my own sake, and therefore it’s been very fine tuned and comes naturally now, or if I’m being mistyped. I’ve always turned out to be an INTJ on tests (I know that doesn’t say so so much)
8:42 It's so fucking true why in the world I would go to some relatives marriage who I don't even care about!!!
Just random Fe things 😅
My gf invited me to her cousins out of town wedding. Still looking for good excuses if you have any to NOPE on outta there.
@@aocbbl I would say try to be honest with her if you want a good and long relationship with the other person than you should tell her what you really feel and think if she understand than well and good and if don't than you have to make some compromise person you really care about... (that's just an opinion)
Great insights here!
I still don’t know what type I am for sure. I typed as an INFJ, but when reading into it, and listening to people who are INFJ, I can’t relate to Fe at all - it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. However, I do relate to Ni Se.
It’s funny you said INTJs can be free spirits - my mother calls me little bird. About 6 years ago I told her I had left my job, and that I was moving to Ireland for an exchange programme in a few months (I am Brazilian). I only told her when everything was already done. I was 23, so an adult.
A lot of people thought that it was crazy because it was so sudden, when in fact I had it all “planned out” since my early teens. I’ve wanted to study abroad.
I am sure my mother understands though, she herself typed as an INTJ and I can definitely see the traits in her.
Your plan to move to Ireland sounds INTJ to me! Most people will see INTJ actions as random but they don't understand how long it takes for us to arrive to an Se decision. Keep living your best life fellow INTJ ✊
I'm literally in the process of doing the same but to Canada 😅...and I'll only tell my mom when everything is ready...guess a two week notice will do ^.^
@@barbzdukane good luck to you! Ups and downs, but it worked out well for me if that’s worth knowing. I still live in Ireland. My mom and I meet once a year, she either comes to Europe and we travel together, or I go home. No grudges held but she is one of a kind.
I love your content. I thought I'd leave this here because it might make you laugh (My results from the Sakinorva cognitive functions test)
Ni - 46.2
Ti - 41
Fi - 35
Te - 27
Ne - 26.6
Si -15
Se - 15
Fe - 3
Thank you for the kind words! I've never taken the Sakinorva test, do you recommend it?
@@justcallmejon22 - If approached with the 'pinch of salt', sure! 96 questions in total, and like any personality test, the key is always to truly 'know thyself'. I'd be very interested in your results if you do decide to take it. Perhaps the results may induce enough analysis for a video.
Are people with Demon Fe is even worse than us about Fe? My husband is ESTJ and i feel i'm still better than him at reading other people emotion, but he is better at social skill than me
You're overanalyzing way too much with this typology nonsense. Even if you want to accept the mbti framework into your worldview, those 2 function stacks are so low that they are irrelevant in comparison.
@@aocbbl 😅 ooh okay i see... just pop up in mind.
I can read the room, I just don't like explaining myself and I'm not going to show my feelings just because you show yours. I can't stand following dumbass rules that make no sense. I can't pretend to care about your social status or how many degrees you have. I also absolutely understand the whole why tf do I need to talk to you if there's nothing in it for me.
Sounds like you've activated Se! I think reading the room is difficult once we start engaging with it using Ni & Te. The moment you get me to start my INTJ thought process/ INTJ rant is the moment where I have a difficult time realizing that people are getting uncomfortable 🙃
Yeah, it’s a good social vetting device though. Helps you out who your real friends are very quick.
💯
Dating......with Fe trickster...😂😂......no wonder the results 🤭🤭🤣
😂
Everything is so spot on. How much time have you spend analysing yourself and having these monologues?!🤯 Fascinating 👏
Too long dude, but it was all worth it 😁
I agree with you, and i really like how you verbalize this thing, that the negative trait of fe doesn't impact us. It's really true and i fell free because of that, compare to other person: they having hard time dealing with envy etc.
Fe sounds so exhausting sometimes 🙃
Jon can you make a video about living with an INTJ romantic partner?
My new husband is intj and I am learning how to navigate his very intense introversion as an enfj.
Congrats on marrying an INTJ! I'm not the best at providing relationship advice but I think the best advice I can provide is to accept Te for what it is. Te is not afraid to tell other's what's needed but will try to figure things out ourselves. So trust him when he tells you what he needs and allow him to fix his own problems if he tells you that he's got it under control. The ENFJ/INTJ pairing is very powerful so I'm excited for the two of you 😁
I read Goggins's book, it's quite sad what a fuckton of unprocessed childhood trauma can do to a person. He's a good example for a lot of pathological tendencies stemming from it.
Great people tend to have a messed up childhood that drives them. I'm not surprised that Goggin is on of them 😞
Not sure how/where you learned to type but David Goggins is clearly an ENTP. Not sure if you actually typed him yourself or just looked online and took what you saw. Althought PDB has him as ISTP which is also wrong. He is not direct or outcome focussed. He is informative, gives a lot of extra information, also progression i.e. journey, he is all about the process. He's also Ti/Fe. Does not care about credentials and wants to help others. The main thing he talks about is suffering (Si), and using past experience to keep progressing. So all you got right was an initiating NT temperament. All top 4 cognitive functions are wrong.
I might be wrong, who knows 😁
I am totally the dog person. It’s not my dog!
Jon! How awesome I really understood you tonight for some reason. I love it when a plan comes together! Oh, never mind that saying. Its from an old 80s 90s show, The A Team. I'm pleased I completely got it and didn't have some things go over my head lol. My guy is such an INTJ whew! Something I have noticed as an INFJ is that INTJs are very correct when they think no one understands them. I can't understand what is so hard to know about them. They're the best next to INFJs ;) Anyway, great job tonight. I think you should consider a job teaching. I'd even bring you an apple ;)
I agree with you, Jon should consider teaching or even coaching. He has himself figured out and can explain it to the world. I love his approach.
Thank you both! I am teaching, I'm just teaching on TH-cam instead of the traditional classroom 😄(so I still want the apple!)
@@justcallmejon22 Lol, I live in the NC mountains, Jon. Excellent apples. In the apple season, Fall, we'll talk lol.
@@oliviarinaldi5963 I live in the Tennessee mountains. We are neighbors!
@@justcallmejon22 I'm here for however you want to share your knowledge. I love growing and learning. Your approach works very well for my brain. 🫶
YES! I'm literally the most free spirited person I know. I'm so open minded and accepting and I make decisions that seem bold and outrageous to other people but I've actually thought them through in so many different angles. I've always never given a f*
Keep living your best life ✊
As a young intj i have a question for you. Have you ever had summer job as a teenager? Most of my friends have one and i feel weird. It's not like i don't want to work, but i find it boring. I would rather read 20 books about investments and i think it's more beneficial to me. What do you think?
Change your mindset.
Work parttime, read 10 books about investing.
That way you learn to invest and you have actual money to invest.
Exactly what @dodopson said. You can't learn how to be effective in the workforce just by reading. There are so many little nuances and subtle implications attached to being in the work environment that you will have to learn eventually. It's best to learn it earlier in your life where it doesn't affect your livelihood as much than if you're a parent later in life with mouths to feed. You got this INTJ, we've all been there ✊
@@justcallmejon22What kind of job beside waiter do you recommend?
@@Paintlor depends on your interests.
Farms usually have summerjobs too; it's hard work but you'll be outside a lot.
Perhaps offer house/babysitting as many people like to go out during the summer days.
Find your ideal dream job and dissect the job title. Work your way backwards towards accomplishing those prerequisites to land the job. Need a degree? Do it. Need a new skill? Figure it out. Don't sweat(no pun intended) summer jobs. They will not serve you in the long-term. Accept that being young and broke is totally normal but not old and broke.
Can an INTJ develop Fe to any appreciable level? Or is it a fool's errand?
Of course! Any type can learn to utilize a function similar to using a tool. Some tools just take longer to learn but you'll get there with enough patience and practice ✊
can you make a video on isfjs? I can't decide if I'm one or an infp...also, great video. I have a hard time understanding and getting along with my intj friend
I made a previous video on how INTJs see ISFJs. That video should provide some clarity to our differences.
'She's a mess, but she's *OUR* mess' is how I'd describe my ti trickster for sure -enfp
I never even considered what it meant to have Ti trickster 😅
It's funny how I tried to fit in so bad before to then just gave up because I looked like a clown for not being myself.
Even though most of the time, I'm trying to do my usual "masking", my authenticity would still stand out the way to the point where I can't even control it lol.
So yeah, Fe is very exhausting indeed.
I believe it's a rite-of-passage for INTJs to feel like a clown so much that we eventually realize that engaging the world with Fe is a (lack of a better word) 'waste of time'. I'm glad you figured it out fellow INTJ, the world is so much more peaceful once you do ✊
I feel like growing in a family of FE doms and secondaries has been rather beneficial to me as an INTJ. Being able to read people is still out of my reach, but seeing the good of the group as a net positive that sometimes even trumps the good of the individual from a TE-FI standpoint had definitely been a net positive in my life.
I also appreciate them understanding that me being cooped up in my room with no lights, no heating, and thick curtains over the windows is actually optimal for my best intellectual performance and overall comfort.
My room is known as The Cave.
It's on the 2nd floor of the building.
A point about envy btw. I used to be really envious of a childhood friend. He was the eldest son of a succesful pediatrician with seemingly all the money in the world. And us being kids, having the newest gadgets and clothes and foreign trips and a bathtub large enough for 10 people etc. made him The Man to know in our town.
I was really envious of him, since, uncharacteristically for an INTJ, I wanted to be liked and part of the group. But coming from a poor family that lived in the middle of nowhere and being the awkward, bullied kid, I had nothing to offer. So I had to swallow all of these feelings, and do my best to keep living as I was.
Move along a couple of years, and he got hit with narcolepsy during middle school, forcing him to abandon the hopes he had about becoming a pilot.
Another few years, his dad died of a sudden uncurable disease, only a year after it was diagnosed.
I am no longer envious of what he had back then.
It's sad to hear about what happened to your childhood friend and I hope he and his family are doing well. On the other hand, I'm happy to hear that your family accepted you for who you are. It's okay be envious of other people as long as it doesn't deter you from your own goals within your means. It's only bad when it starts dictating your life.
I got on a airplane at age 18 and left home for five years. Not because anything was wrong at home. I just had to go.
I did something similar when I was 21.
Audio is low compared to others on TH-cam. Crank it! Can’t hear you on site
Yeah, I'm learning that my audio is low due to a few things the hard way 🙃
@@justcallmejon22 at least we’re not telling you to turn it down so we can hear our mothers, aunties, n papayas coming back into town.
I think it's really hard to have fe as blind spot there is a big foucs on fe expectations, very hard to deal with.
💯
I don’t think Ayn Rand is really an INTJ. I think she was an extremely disregulated INFP or whatever MBTI is equivalent to a Sexual 8w7. Have you actually read her books? She’s all about power over others.
She might be an INFP, who really know? Power understanding power dynamic and how to influence people is a very Te/Fe thing, so if she's an INFP then she's amazing with her 4th function 😄
My mom was a secret fangirl of hers. I read the Rand books she kept in the basement. No one was better at understanding power dynamics than my mom. She was an ex Air Force Intelligence Officer whose turf was Chinese mind control techniques of the 1950s. My mom is easily enough to type as a Sx8w7. I’m an INTJ 5w6. Our motivations are completely different. I can’t read Rand without seeing my mother’s agenda…which is hidden beneath the rhetoric. I think folk are typing Rand’s rhetoric rather than her agenda
i just have a miscomunication with my partner, everything you said in this video explained 100% of what just happend between my Fe hero vs his Trickster Fe, defintely send this video to him
I hope it helps 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 future video idea: what is your mbti discovery story?
The hierarchy comment hit home. Same for the not being envious. So true.
Fe sounds so exhausting 😂
Thanks for the video Jon. I find the functions INTJs don’t like are becoming more important post covid to socialize due to isolation trauma. We can’t just “do our INTJ thing” and attract others like the old times, we need to learn Fe. What do you think? Any advice?
This is an interesting way to put it. Those two years during the pandemic were the greatest times in my life. It's not like life was horrible before that, it was just fine.
But I did notice an extremely odd case by the time covid ended. People have become pretty desperate socially, and it has caused me a lot of problems worse than usual, thinking old social tricks would still work but they didn't. I had lost a lot of friends right after due to this.
You made me realize that I should've probably put a disclaimer section in the video about not ignoring Fe too much lol. Use Fi to understand someone's Fe. If a person reaches out to you then there's probably an Fi reason and you should probably hear it out and determine whether you want to Fe or not. If you're feeling lonely, then Ni-Te your way in front of people and do the opposite of being alone. I didn't want to go out the other night but my Te told me that it's necessary to make friends and I went out and met some cool people. As an INTJ, when in doubt, Ni-Te your way out! 😂
What I don’t like about Fe as an Intj is how its sometimes used as an excuse for stupid rules, justifying harming others for the sake of the group (no individual justice) and being too inefficient. What I noticed about Fe being a struggle for Intj is how its very opposed to individuality. I think intjs are the type to be very invisualistic because if you look at the function stack it can be very self serving with Ni as the lead, everything turns to our own goals, and Te is the tool to achieve them, where as infjs, have fe auxiliary so it balances out hence why they are seen as humanitarian. Intjs however, are very individualistic. We don’t see the point in caring much about the external world (se) and we value our own emotions (fi) but more than that we value our own time and the freedom to do what we want with it, at least as an intj I do 😅and Fe is just so so tedious and fake for me. I mean, unless this other person is someone I care about, why cater to these social dynamics and rules? Ni seeks for meaning and purpose in things, patterns and ideas, and lol I just watched up to the point where you mention exactly that! I know Fe is important but it has been something I have struggled with time and time again, but over time I have learnt to use it and see its benefit. But one thing I will never buy into is Fe utilitarianism, hell for philosophy I even wrote a whole essay critiquing the theory. Utilitarianism is very Fe, and I think for the most part Intjs would not buy into it. Majority does not matter to intj unless we have a individual goal, but its not a ethic.
I agree with 99% of what you said with a 1% caveat (which isn't really me disagreeing but just adding on to a train of thought you had). Utilitarian is something an INTJ usually won't buy into unless the INTJ believes that it's the only way (or most efficient way) to take care of the people that are part of our Fi. But at that point we're pretty much backed up in a corner and will self-sacrifice for whatever our Fi cares about 😅
Hell yeah, glad to see the ethics mention. Utilitarianism embodies everything we don't stand for, so it's basically inconceivable to accept any part of it (aside from the fact that it's premises already cripple and defeat itself by sheer contradiction).
I’m a libertarian who has never read any of her books, for two reasons: too many people have told me how it changed their lives and made them libertarian which I already am (born that way plus Milton Friedman Econ 101 textbook), she sounded like a very poor communicator to other Types (my INTP uncle was a board member of the Association for Psychological Tyoe in the 1960-70’s and I knew Rand wasn’t going to win enough people to my cause of better economic education), and it would be a waste of time. We are a minority, so communicating with the majority types is critical so we can train them to be better voters and elected officials. (I don’t intend to go live on Mars or some floating space station and leave my non-INTJ family members and maintenance workers behind. So we need to educate for peace, prosperity, health, and freedom.)
Fi is everything.. I found a friend just the same as me, at 70, and for the past 5 years, it's been a rollercoaster love in! INTJ-T both.
The one person that ever understood me.
Congrats on finding another INTJ! I hope you two explore and learn as much as you can together 😀
@@justcallmejon22thank you! All our values align and eliminating all that's unimportant.. Is pure bliss..
Yes, when I see the problems of the world around me I want to find ways to educate the public to value freedom, sound money, and the peace, prosperity, and good health that result. I want to help everyone help us all by ceasing to steal from each other via the ballot box, engaging in voluntary exchanges, and generally resuming the escape from poverty that came before the American experiment in free market capitalism. I see too much suffering to be content with hugs and sympathy cards. Look for Fe in life-saving and life enhancing innovations on a big scale. Leave the pats on the head to others (not saying they don’t help the individual).
Every first impression of me is basically an asshole. The only people who like me are those who stick for longer.
Sounds like they're not worth your time🙂
same
Impressive.
Another great video ! I like the background and the little light.
Thanks 🙏
This is GOLD!
Thank you 🙏
Love this video. Please more content like this ❤️
Thank you and I try 😁
love the new setup! But missed the kitty co host snoozing in the backgroud. Always eager to learn more about the INTJ brain to better understand my favorite person 🥹🥰🫶 thanks for doing what you do Jon!
My cohost will return! I typed her as an ISFJ so she'll join when she feels pretty enough 😂
@@justcallmejon22 😂😂Now I need my cats typed!!!!
@@stephaniehubert11ez since all animals are sensors
I got a call from a former neighbor.
Them: Yo, wassup? How're you doing?
Me: Meh. Playing a video game.
Them: I missed you.
Me: Ok.
Them: Damn! You're supposed to say "I missed you, too".
Me: 🤨 Ok? (Internally: Why would I say that when I don't?)
Them: (insert awkward invasive questions here)
Me: Hey, I'm on a discord call with some friends. I'm gonna go.
Then I hung up.
Sounds like a typical INTJ response 😅
"Deodorant doesn't make scents!" Homonyms are more easily seen than heard/herded.
Would an intj give up a doctorate to be a more present parent? (infj)
It depends on what the Ni-Fi goal is. If you want the INTJ to stop doing something or reconsider doing something, you have to connect with his Fi and the best way is to engage him with your Fi.
@@justcallmejon22 thanx Jon. By the way, you are quickly becoming one of my favorite mbti youtubers. Love from greece
Thx uncle Jon
Learn A bit FE for develop EQ stuff who intj default are bla bla BLA
Intresting with
The twin auntie fi and FE are dinamic duo
You're welcome nephew! I feel like Fe should be easier for people like us with an Asian/Islander background to learn and incorporate because it's all over our culture ✊
The psycho fur people (ugh) are such a great example!! 🤣
Everything without proof is an assumption. Everything straight forward is questionable. Any evidence must be stringently examined.
Just an average everyday social exchange.
- An INTJ female.
I don't personally believe things are that black & white but I understand the message that you're trying to convey. It's very Te heavy 😂
How Fe blindness manifests with me:
Me: talking about my grand plans.
Someone: Wow!
Me: Wait, is he making fun of me? I should talk less. I don't care what he thinks, but I feel bad about holding myself to low standards. (this happens even if I logically know for sure the other guy is not making fun of me)
I always ask someone if they're making fun of me because I can't tell as well 😅
My gossip skills ↘️
⬇️
( rock bottom)
I moved again to chase after expanding my business, that I moved for initially, worth it. And yes certainly miss the friends and communities from each. Solution is to spend the time to fly in and visit.
💯, Quality of time spent together is just as effective as quantity of time together
My INTJ father loved his four children (including 2 INTJs) and never talked baby talk to us or any other child or dog. (He once said he was glad he had dogs before he had kids.). In short, he treated dogs, kids, and adults with equal respect. I grew up expecting the same from others. Besides, the Dog Whisperer says you should ignore the dog until it settles down and you can greet each other calmly. After all, Dad was raising adults.
I agree “lack of emotional range” has nothing to do with it. But I’m an INTJ, too, so I don’t need to see and hear emotion to detect feelings from others.
The other thing he did was to get down to a child’s level and talk face to face, listening and asking questions. You make me wish I had seen him with dogs more often, but my ISTJ mom had enough chaos from four children and didn’t want to add dogs. I imagine his childhood dogs would have been very lucky, without being infantilized, and shared a subtle communication style.
Your father sounds like a fair parent and I can feel your admiration towards him in your comment. I'm sure he would've loved having dods around 🙂
Absolutely brilliant.
Thank you 🙏
What I can’t understand is I’ve met some INTJ and they tend to reject MBTI. Makes no sense, they are dismissing what can help them massively.
I was a non-believer at first until I tested the theory and applied it to my own life. It makes sense that it's difficult to believe. That there are 7 billion people in the world and we can explain everyone's behavior by distilling their information through one of 16 different boxes 🙃
Its good, cz only coming in their super ego isfj mode, its isfj hero plus ultra vibe, thats why everyone loves cillian murphy even though everyone knows his zoning out (intj issue), my entps perfect ti sure that only he is intj other celebrities .not sure,,,,ti ego,,,
But infj Intj both believes my weird truth that no personality in the world would believed, not even entp and enfp
but infj dont care about intj (te absent) and intj too(fe absent)
but youtuber lijo told this fe absent things easily; saying "i dont remember my childhood fe feeling that much cz its not a needing memory for me now" my ne fe mirror sympathy broke me, by this statement
fe has the positive peoples feeling based memory
ne fe is like a movie mmemory for entp , dont need but gives us a positive mindset
Memories don't really do much for an INTJ. It's nice to think about and realize that we lived a fulfilling life but we also realize that the person that we remember isn't the same person that we are today so there's a slight disconnect. However, there are a few memories that I cherish but those memories no one will ever know about because of how much it means to me so don't fret 😅
Unless your name is mom, or God... so true!
who's gonna stop us?? society at large, that's what's fucked up...
It's annoying, sure, but you can't be great if you don't face difficult challenges ✊
After rigorous analyzing I came to the same conclusion. Many problems I face or have faced are a result of undeveloped FE.
I hope you've been working on improving your relationship with Fe 😀
Since when do INTJs have extroverted feeling??
Someone didn't watch the video before he posted 😉
I love dogs. I’m particularly fond of how the Paiute regard the Trickster Coyote as the Creator of the Universe. I just never felt the need to “own” one. I do now, and I wait on him hand and foot. 😀
😂
Can confirm this applies to me, up to and including packing up and moving abroad where I didn't know anyone. Especially liked your point around jealousy and milestones, especially because I'vehad people try to 'motivate' me with comparisons. Will pick up Ayn Rand; first time I heard someone talk about her in relation to anything other than Atlas Shrugged
My mom stop comparison motivating me since I was a teen because she realized it had the opposite effect. Aynn Rand is an INTJ superstar but just remember that true individualism doesn't work because...we need people and we need to care about them 😂
"Sitting in your room, listening to fallout boy, alone"
Chill, No need to call me out so hard...
I was there with you....just in my own room 😂
I studied people’s behavior from the age of 5 to 14 years old. I was lucky to have siblings. I studied them and wore their attitudes and expressions until I decided what was useful and what was not. I only decided to do this to make friends. I didn’t have an urge to meet people until high school. So I used this information and decided to engage. In my opinion I was successful at 15. I made friends with three girls in my drama class. By the way, Ms. Rand was too black and white and lacked mature compassion. However, I did admire some of her rumination’s.
I was lucky enough to be raised in a family that prioritizes community so I learned how to engage with people similar to you. I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only person who kept observing and eventually decided to create my own identity ✊
Can Ni Te seem to be like Ti? I am a young intj but my friends say that I am an istp so what are the difference between ISTP and INTJ?
Dude, if you're young, don't worry too much about which MBTI type you are and engage with the world as much as possible so you fully flesh out your cognitive function stacks. Ni & Ti can sound very much a like but since INTJs have Ni as our dominate function, Ti will always sound a bit off, and vice versa.
I should pay you to be my therapist!! Oh my gosh only INTJs should counsel other INTJs!!!
💯
INTJs lack empathy?
We do, but only comparatively to other types especially Fe users 🙃
You remembered me when my intj classmate said that she don't understand why people get sad when there parents dying cuz that doesn't make sense to her 😭, it was rude listening to this talk but i always remind my self ( fe blind spot 😅)
Blind Fe is wild 🙃
Well done. I am giggling at the "I love you" example, what to say? No matter what you say in such situation, it's going to be wrong to others. Given a bit of time, that spontaneous utterance will earn a wonderful recognition in some way.
Exactly! Be true to yourself and the truth will show itself eventually ✊
Oh. That explains why I never got jealous of my friends for having cool things or able to do things. Whenever I see them do something cool like type very very fast on the keyboard, I learned to type the way they do too then said "huh, look at me. I can do it too"
Yup! Friends are happy buying new houses or a new car and here I am just happy that I got new tupperware 😂
Thanks for the content sir
Hope you enjoyed it ✊
@@justcallmejon22 sure did! it has helped me a lot
I love this. I find so much of this to be relatable as an ISTJ, much more than I thought I would considering my demon Ni.
I keep telling my ISTJ friends that we're very similar but they usually give me an awkward stare because they can't see past the sensory. ISTJs are easily one of my favorite types ❤
Thx for pointing out differences with female intj (since there is also different upbringing and expectations of society) , pls continue to do so.
Of course ❤
13:42-18:53 Individuation
Having low Fe is actually the root of my own personal problems.. great video
You're not alone ✊
To all INTJs - Sending love your way. -INFJ
❤️
Bro, the things you talk made me think that you know more of me than I do
Maybe I was you in another life 🙃
When i was in kindergarten my eyes were opened and saw the school system as prisons for children.
I actually enjoyed it until I got to high school. Then, yes, I felt the same way 😅
Love this video, find bits really funny, because they are so well described and explained, seems like pointing at me all the time. I have good friends telling me there were guys trying really hard to impressed but i didn't acknowledge them at all, not ignoring in purpose, but too focus on what I was doing. Not giving a damn towards social expectation and asked difficult questions have given my parents enough headache when i was younger. Like what was said in the video, at the same time what bothers most people don't affect me, I moved from country after country, 3 big moves to experience the world and achieve my dreams. So true you pointed out about different people I respect or like have different purpose for me, they serve different cognitive functions! Because of that I can point out easily why this person is good in certain ways but... as a result I don't worship or admire anyone like a god liked figure.
It's nice to hear from INTJs that are nomads like myself. It really shows that the stereotype of INTJs is incomplete and that we need to usher in new ones for younger INTJs to aspire to 😊
Excuse me. INTJs have Fi, not Fe.
Someone commented without watching the video 😉