When Is It Too Soon to Spend the Night? (Matthew Hussey & Stephen Hussey)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
- How many dates should you wait before going over to someone's house?
If you're worried it's moving too quickly and you're becoming "like a couple" (or even just too sexual) faster than you want, here's what you can do...
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Going for a long walk is a fantastic idea. You’d be susprised how often you find the other person quite boring at the end of it!
Completely agree. I was invited over after the 4th date and it ended up that he never wanted to go out again, anytime I wanted to see him, I went to his place. The complacency was insane. Actually ended it today.
I'm sorry. You have to change it up and meet up for outdoor and public activities only in order to keep the sexual part at bay. Hard.
Me too
Its not too weird, I have the same with some girls. Especially when girls are easy it can get boring quik.
Girl, reddit attacked me for saying the exact same thing. Apparently, expecting to go out on dates is "high maintenance" nowadays.
Perhaps he just wanted a sexual relationship?
Had my new guy over first night out... we married 2 / half years later stayed married 40 years, until he just suddenly passed... miss him.. I think you know. We had a fabulous life... he left me very blessed!
I’m hoping for this! I know our swells can take over sometimes and I just don’t want do anything I regret or end up getting ditched
About 8 or 9 years ago (I was becoming frustrated being chronically single going on dates with guys that never amounted to anything), one of my closest friends told me “it won’t matter if you sleep with a guy on the first date, or on the 100th date… if they are interested, they will want to be with you.”
Dating these days is like Russian roulette.
Dating has always been that way, it’s just gone digital so it feels more like a game.
So true!!! and so disappointing
It seems more like winning the lottery. I have a greater chance of being hit by lightning than finding a good match for me.
it's a trade-off society has chosen
Fr! I wish people were more open w their intentions, just say “ I just wanna find a sex friend” “I wanna date because I want to get married” “I just want to fool around”
And that's why I'm waiting until marriage. All my past relationships and situationship were revolved around sex to the point where sex didn't mean anything to me anymore. I didn't see my body as a temple. I'm currently working on myself because I want something different. I deserve better
👏👏👏
I think you should try dating someone that's a little bit distant from you, might help u get use to relationship without frequent sex.
I get that! I have had too much meaningless sex and I want to wait until marriage so that I can get a strong emotional bond with a partner before adding sex
@@hannahberlinpetry450
That's a great decision Hannah.
My last relationship didn't go too well cos my partner always wanted sex for fun and I knew it wouldn't help the relationship grow, so I turned her down most times and now she's backed out.. I'm still hoping to find a lady with likewise understanding so we can grow together although it's taking longer than I expected.
Yes girl more of this though. I'm doing the same..
6:08 "Relationships with solid foundation arise out of an abundance of conversation"
Nice!
Casual dating is not for me. I trust my intuition and my gut
Same
Same
I’ve had so many offers to “come to my house for dinner, no sex I promise” He either pushes and pressures me, or tells me that I’m guarded and no fun. I’ve also had men not see me any longer because I didn’t sleep with them by the 3rd date. It feels as though men do not value intimacy, just inter course. Obviously these men didn’t mean it when they said they wanted a solid, long term relationship
Yes it seems like people just want one thing and that goes for women too that is why men are like this as well. It is rare to find people who understand what a healthy wholesome relationship is.
So true. When you like someone you don't necessarily want to rush. It feels too special.
I like Carrie and Aidan's scene in Sex and The City where he's taking his time and she gets all suspicious that something is wrong.
That's what modern dating does to us sometimes. Everything is so rushed and fast food-like.
I think taking the time can be extremely sexy x
It depends on relationship to relationship. Me and my partner knew within a day that we wanted to be together and we’ve been happy since then.
@@Rayis4444 you're very lucky.
♥️♥️
"The only thing hotter than having sex...is NOT having sex" -SATC
@@KR-pp2ou I'm guessing Samantha didn't say this. I think she'd disagree lol
And... in home dates with a random Guy met online is quite risky for women 😓
I agree totally
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Met a guy on-line...he lived an hour away...came down to take me out to dinner for about 5 times...no real emotional intimacy...he wanted to pick me up on the fifth date..but I wasn’t there yet...b:c I knew he wanted sex. Next day, I sent him a text...he ghosted me. The night before he said, ‘I am waiting for the other shoe to drop OR for you to Wow me!’ WTF???? Crazy stupid statement! Bye/Bye, Loser!
Going to his house on a first date it's like going to the lion's den
If you accept your saying YES to intimacy.
Hahaha brilliant 😂
Depends on the country, in Germany if you don't sleep together until 3 dates, it's abnormal for them.
@@alinamunir6933I think sleeping too early it's a chance you will get ghosted , it hurts less when you don't get physically involved.
it's only first date, you're not his girlfriend yet
Glad to have found this video. I feel like guys keep pushing to move into the physical stage too quickly and they feel that asking to slow down and build the emotional connection is too much to ask. It has made me feel very uncomfortable because I am dating to find a serious partner and I don't see the need to rush. I want to see if we really like each other and connect on a deeper level first.
Exactly 💯🎯
How refreshing to see two, young men discussing these issues!!..... Having said that, young people are SO casual. It is so much in their culture. It's just what happens, so it must be very difficult to find someone who mutually wants to go slowly. "Relationships with solid foundations arise out of an abundance of conversation."
When he has already shown you all the red flags but Red is your favorite color 😜
🙊
Truth
lol
then you're just volunteering for slaughter
Hahahahhahahahahahhahaha
If both are securely attached mature people, sleeping together on a first date is open so long as you both are on the same page with what it is you're looking for. In general, most people aren't securely attached let alone mature so waiting is usual best.
the problem is nowadays during pandemic, it seems there is no where to go. either walking outside or inside a home, be it a house, a condo, an apt. if the weather is not amicable, it's getting worse that there is no other choice but to go inside...pandemic sometimes works as an easy catalyst to get intimate so fast.
That's so true, during winter there was nothing to do aside go inside a mall, or someone's house, too cold to walk outside and restaurants and caffess closed... But somehow I met a guy that still try to avoid as possible sex with me on the first dates, I have never feel more respected in life!
Pandemic babies. 😅😂 bloody hell read a book, walk the fields, take up gardening.
That's true
So true. I started sth with my co workek, I know, :( and it was in a middle of the pandemic... The 1st date was in his apartment... I had been there couple times before with other co workers, cuz his apartment is just next to the working place... And that night nothing really happens but I stayed at his place... We only hugged and I slept in his bed...the next day in the morning we made out in his bed till afternoon (2nd base) everything was way too fast for me... I really liked him and I think I already had feelings too, but he only wanted to have sex with me.... End of the story he treated me really shit in the end and I quit that job... Still stalking him on social Media and he has another woman again :(
You have to get to know someone, but both sides have to want that. I want emotional intimacy that arises from conversation not physical intimacy.
very nicely said.
Same sis😇🌹
Same but most guys dnt start convo with pure convo 😅
THANK YOU Matthew for bringing up this topic . This always bothers me and question myself most of the time if I'm too uptight or I'm just a boring single lady . I value myself so much that I don't cater to guys that just look at me like a sex object.. it's very disappointing meeting guys who act this way .
Just get a gay bf
"Allowing it to unfold in a more meaningful way"
YES, exactly!! Thank you Matthew!! Those are the best words I've ever heard to describe why I don't feel good just jumping into bed with someone I hardly know. To me it's like biting into a hard, green apple that hasn't ripened yet. Better to wait until the apple is red, sweet and juicy. It's much more fulfilling to wait until I know a bit more about all of the great and cherishable qualities he has rather than to discover that he's a sour, bitter apple after I already slept with him.
My partner brought me flowers and spent the night on the first date and now we’ve lived together for three years. Haven’t watched the video yet but I LOVE her for her ability to be fearless and unattached to the outcome of “what I might think of her if she stays the night too early.” She just goes with what feels right, and that’s what made me see her authenticity. She’s unique and doesn’t follow the mainstream agenda.
Really appreciated your comment and transparency! We have similarities in our current committed-partner stories. Your partner sounds lovely, and YES to being fearless and doing what feels right to you!
You just got someone as sinful as you
@@smc3927 she sounds DESPERATE lol, she brought him flowers and gave him her body on the first date 🤦🏽♀️
@@smc3927 This is not for you to judge. God is universal and unconditional love.
I always listen and follow my heartstrings ....never wrong! And when you in love give first before taking ...then you will always get back more than you ask for
The last man I was talking with, wanted me to come to his house. 12 acres of wooded land and no one around! Creepy
Girl same 😂☠️
No thanks...!!
Meanwhile the man is proud of his property... 🤣
Lol....exactly right!!!!
Girl...mi have my own property and I'm not hiding in the woods
Yeah I can’t sleep with a guy after 3-4 dates. I feel like I’ll be emotionally attached when I do, so in order to protect my heart I need to know what we have is heading somewhere 😅
🎉🎉🎉
😅 3:05 3:49
😅😢 6:10 6:16
As a guy, I’m not comfortable going over to a woman’s house on the first date. If your sole intentions with me are first and foremost physical pleasure, then I’d rather not spend the time of day with you. I’m a human being not a sex doll
When the time is right for both of you. You'll either be comfortably ready or too scared. Depends also on any history, previous relations, etc. My last was a comfy ready for me yet I had no idea he was still fully focused on an ex so guess what happened? Hurt on my part.
There are plenty of guys who want something serious, and women that are more interested in physical- or even non-monogamy. But, getting to know each other is paramount no matter what. Since covid shut down so much (restaurants, bars, movies, museums, etc) how do you get around this to account for “dates?” idk- I go with 2nd or 3rd-but I need to see how a person lives and see their space to know if I’m compatible with them as well. (Clean freak) No sleep overs until there’s sex though. Dating in these times is tricky. Everyone needs physical touch and has been isolated for too long.
I so love your honesty 🙂
Me and my hubby moved fast as we fell for one another quick and felt the same we connected on so many different levels not just sexual or mentally we connected spiritually too and we been together nearly 14 year and been married 7 year nearly still extremely happy so it did work out good for us personally but I don’t think this happens often
every couple is different. the reason they tell ppl to slow down cuz it protects you from getting too emotionally attached too quickly without even understanding his intentions. not saying sex should be used as a reward in dating just a step when u seriously trust the guy and know he’s the real deal.
11:32 That's true. Tell what you want and what you don't want. It won't put off someone who really wants to be with you.
It's right that if you like someone and you want to spend more time together, there's no rush. If you're looking for someone to share your life with, there isnt a rush to race to the end of life. Just enjoy it and take your time and be okay with disappointing people when you tell them "no". The one's who respect your "no" and can communicate with you easily are the mature ones to actually consider. ❤
I met a guy and he really make me feel so low. He almost never make any plans initially and mostly asked me where I wanted to go. Everytime I met him, he touched me physically "accidentally". Later he said he has feelings for me but he disappeared multiple times. I felt like trash every time I thought of him. I remember years ago I met him on the street, he didn't even look at me and pretend I wasn't even there. Now, I am out of this "zone" full of insecurities
Don't let anyone define who you are, let alone someone who makes you feel like trash.
The timing of this video is impeccable for me..I feel like I want to forward this to the guy I've been dating..
I like to wait. Over a month but ideally 2-3 depending on how I'm feeling about the person.
Frankly, while I’ve definitely put myself in some inadvisable situations, I don’t understand why anyone would *expect* to sleep with someone without putting in the time/effort to get to know them first. It seems like anything goes for guys as long as the girl is down for it-like, the more he’s up for, the more masculine it makes him. But what’s wrong with guys being classy because that’s the person *they* want to be, instead of making what the girl is comfortable with the only benchmark of their behavior? Like, I want a guy who wouldn’t dream of getting physical with me until we’ve both established the fact that neither one of us is crazy 🤪. Is that too much to ask? Because I find physical intimacy without mental/emotional intimacy kind of insulting. I mean, dating to get to know someone is one thing, but being physical with someone you wish you hadn’t . . . you’re not getting that part of your story/dignity back.
No it's not too much to ask I feel the same
Hey Kirsten,
Just want to leave my perspective on it:
I want to make sure that a person isn't crazy before I sleep with them for sure, because I hate psychopathic or abusive people.
I'm quite a sensitive person, and I enjoy exploring my emotions or talking about emotions, and I make an effort to get to know someone when I like them.
However, I don't like to wait too long before having sex with a girl I'm seeing. If a girl is waiting a long time, I assume that she's not interested in me in that way, and that she doesn't care about the sexual part in my personality. That she wouldn't love me for it. This might be related to toxic shame around sexuality, judgemental upbringing surrounding the topic of sex, or to the fact that men are often characterized as those pigs who just want to fuck, always in a pejorative manner. If I know that the girl loves me even with my sexuality, I feel loved way more wholly, and the experience becomes way more meaningful to me. Obviously, a relationship that doesn't include curiosity about each other's personality and the excitement to get to know the other person, is flat and boring and not something I'd appreciate.
But all in all, that's why I don't want to wait too long before sleeping with someone, because emotionally it won't feel like love to me anymore.
The only thing I could understand is when they get very easily emotionally attached, and they wait to make sure they're not getting into a hell hole. I have empathy for that.
And for clarification, I hate guys who believe their value depends on how fast they sleep with someone, or how many women they sleep with, or want to sleep with someone, regardless of their personality, who turn this into this ego pride status thing. So that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about my honest, subjective experience of love and intimacy.
How do you feel about my perspective?
@@Sebastian-42-69 I know you're talking to Kirsten but for what it's worth, I think your perspective is a healthy one.
@@linda8485 hi Linda. Thanks for letting me know. I find it encouraging, or at least nice that there are women on the same wavelength as me.
I read “how to bag a high caliber man in 12 weeks”. They recommend having sex after commitment only bc this is when the man is in love. Before commitment, he might disappear after sex. I liked this because at least it’s a clear answer and you know on average the man needs 12 weeks to fall in love so you know if he asks you to commit after 12 weeks of no sex, he really likes you and won’t disappear
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Sounds like BS. That's three months. We should hold back and not do what we want if we feel like it just for the miraculous chance to maybe "make him commit". Well that's highly overrated. Screw those rules.
IT was hard for me to NOT spend time on 'home dates' during winter. Covid restrictions meant that we couldn't go anywhere and only spend time at home, so I had to suggest different and interesting dates. I think it got a bit too couple-y, samey, casual and was one of the factors that created the start of the end
Same here. What are the options inside, if not outside. I really feel that adult couples should have other things to do together outside of getting intimate. But, as it happens, that's what couples end up doing. Reading a book together, cooking, watching OTT and playing board games is all I can think of. What else?
@@unlovebreather Well, the things I suggested were baking together, drawing celebrities and guessing what we drew, building a fort. I literally googled ideas so there’s a lot of suggestions out there if you do a quick Google. Good luck x
I think the issue was that you were the one to put in the effort by coming up with new fun ideas, instead of him doing it. He may have felt like you are trying to distract him away from sex with these ideas, instead of him doing the work to impress you
If he doesn't present you as his "girlfriend" it's too early. He gets SEX..what do you get? Usually a broken heart.
I mean you also get sex. Sex is enjoyable for both parties...what should there be anything in return?
You also run the risk of pregnancy/STIs, even if you use protection.
@@lizzdlugojordan8774 Assuming that you’re able to enjoy the physical connection without a mental/emotional connection . . . Statistically, many women can’t, and the ones who allegedly can are arguably (a) a bit neurotic and/or (b) lying to look sexy at other women’s expense. But I guess it depends on how you define dating. To me, it implies a relationship. Anything else would be hooking up or hanging out. And any guy who expects more than a platonic friend date from a “hangout” deserves to be shot 😉.
@@kirsteneobrien Actually, no one in this life deserves to be shot over anything...wtf...who thinks like that...
Exactly please keep saying it OUT LOUD!
As a woman who attracts men & they immediately want me & younger men who ask me out, I find setting boundries very helpful. I'm not even looking for a lover. I think the meeting of minds, great conversation and asking the person about themselves and really listening is key. The problem is is when you hear red flags & you ignore them! Of course, great sex is nice, but getting those those values aligned is key. I admire people who know who they are & what they want. My goal is to be absolutely whole in myself. ❤
Have sex when you feel ready, excited, and like the other person has genuinely invested in you. Sometimes that's within the first few dates, other times it's longer than that.
We're all individuals and setting blanket guidelines generally doesn't make sense. For example, there are countless studies that show many couples in successful marriages got intimate rather quickly. It's all about what you're looking for and what you're both comfortable with.
Thank you!!
You're totally right about this not being a gendered thing. I'm a guy and have found quite often that if I sleep with a girl kindof quickly she starts to feel like that's all it is and suddenly doesn't want to do any other things and really boxes in our dynamic. In fact if I start being abit couply that's often enough to make things seem a little too real for her and she leaves. So then I went to other extreme and would almost avoid sex as long as possible, and girls started pushing for it and chasing it, to the point that I couldn't really hear what part of her behaviour was just excitement brought on by the chase and what part was truly her, what part is real in a sense. I found that in that scenario I wouldn't really get to even meet the real girl until after I've let things progress to intimacy; to use your phrase Matt, I was dating her representative. That's scary bro, I don't wanna meet the real her for the first time after we've had sex! After becoming emotionally invested in essentially a stranger. So having tried both extremes, I personally prefer the first one. I'd rather risk losing the partners who either don't want intimacy or cheapen its importance even though I feel strongly about them, than risk waking up one morning and realizing the person I've been falling for this whole time is actually someone completely different from who they've been saying they were to get me to this point. (see, its not gendered) And a lot of women do that, they hold back who they are and what they want and what they mean. Its incredibly common as I'm sure you're aware, and I get it, there's good reasons for it. But nonetheless, I want to meet the real her the genuine her, so now I've gone full circle and make room things to unfold that way rather quickly, even though waiting is more fun. I still try to get to know her in every other way I can before that, but along that path and mostly because she needs that, and I do so with the realization that she'll completely change who she is after sex and I shouldn't get attached. I still get the issue of now she thinks its only about sex and makes it all in or all out, but its a better problem to have, and if I sense that's how she wants to treat things, I can recognize it now and walk away. No one like being seen in one dimension or less.
Love your videos Matt, always learn so much hearing your perspective! I hope sharing my perspective, as guy who loves dating and loves women and wants forever, is helpful to women who read it, in understanding why/how we come to the conclusions we do
Thanks for sharing your experience.
so are you trying to say that as a guy, just because you had sex early on, that's not the ONLY thing you want from her but she thinks that it is?
"have found quite often that if I sleep with a girl kind of quickly she starts to feel like that's all it is and suddenly doesn't want to do any other things and really boxes in our dynamic".
You mean you suggest the couply stuff and she doesnt wanna do it?? But isnt that what she wanted in the first place?! To do couply stuff with the guy she is attracted to?? She should be happy you suggested it lol. Could you pls explain further on this?
As I've gotten older and through experience it doesn't even appeal to me to get involved too soon. There needs to be time and feelings developed. Like what's the energy like? Are we compatible? Do we like each other? I need to know who this person is as a human being.
This is the truth! Don't skip the dating and experiencing things together part, there is no substitute. Sometimes it is not about the hookup, it is about finding out if you fit into his schedule and it will stall out.
Never too soon. It’s like trying in shoes, eventually you get the one that fits you whether they cost $5 or $100. Meaning you could find the right person rich or poor.
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The pandemic and the social restrictions on public venues/activities is forcing all of us to brush up on our boundaries when it comes to dating and inviting people over. This is challenging everything we’ve known up to this point.
"buy shit you dont need", omg i love matthew's sense of humor
It's true that when you like someone ask them if they are looking for a meaningful relationship or just a hookup. Mostly men are honest about what they want and can tell you upfront as well if you ask the right questions. 🤗
I like Matthew what you said here. It can work even if you move fast at the beginning. On the contrary, it can be a trap-like feeling if you start to get attached and later find out that you are not really a great match sexually with the other person. At the same time, it's possible to completely lose interest even if the connection is amazing sexually if one can't connect mentally and emotionally with the other person over time.
It's good to hear a man tell other men, it's not always on the woman to say let's wait. It's sad how still in this day, it's assumed the woman needs to be the one to say no. I'm waiting for the time when men step up and take responsibility.
The problem with this kind of stuff is it really does not matter how long you wait (if the reason is you are worried a guy is only after sex with you), if he only wants you for sex AND sees you as still valuable/hot, a man can wait and put up with a hell of a lot to get to that goal(sex for love, love for sex etc....). Doesn't matter if its week or months sometimes, if you are on his radar for a notch on his belt, he can hold out as long as it takes to get it. A guy who only wants sex will still only want sex regardless of time. Personally I dont think you should wait all that long, get it over and done with so you can know if you even are sexually compatible at all to begin with. If libidos are too out of sync, you wont work as one of you is never really satisfied. Are there some acts you consider important in the bedroom but he/she doesn't? Sexual compatibility is not a given. Some guys don't like "dead fish", some guys absolutely only want that. Some guys want a woman with experience and can handle herself, some guys want girls who know nothing and feel like they are the sole ones responsible for your good sex rmemories. Everyone has different likes and sexual energy and to me, its something you can "tease out" but going longer than like a week of build is legit just getting annoying. As Jim Jeffries once said, "if you dont wanna fuck me as much as I wanna fuck you, then fuck off"
Jim Jeffries quote - Thats hilarious 😅
TBH the most satisfying long term relationships I've had began with sex on the first date or even just the first time we met.
I feel that you have to know what type of person you are and what you want out of a relationship. Sex doesn't necessarily stop a person from seeing the other sides of a person and what value they bring to your life. I just think some people are more astute than others.
Before marriage is too soon for me, thanks. This is my reformed mind at 37.
You might want to do a test drive once he's committed and before marriage. My mom confessed to me after I became an adult that my Dad didn't "sleep" with her for 5 yrs after they were married! Needless to say the sex never was very good.
I'm just divorced so newly single and #lovingit.... I wanted to thank you for your videos they have been very helpful in remembering how this works 😂😂😂😂😂😂.... I also wanted to add ...I have found establishing what you are wanting out of something new (being just a physical 'relationship' or actually dating someone) helps a lot in say a months time when he's starting to get 'guy weird' 🤣🤣😳 reiterate what was said from the start kinda calms that down a bit 😳😉....
+=( 1 =9 =7)= 2= 9 =4 =7 =0 =7= 0= 2
+=( 1 =9 =7)= 2= 9 =4 =7 =0 =7= 0= 2
If I go out for coffee or anything with a man, I let my daughter know everything that I know about this man.
That's fair enough
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Why do people need RULES about all this stuff? When you love and trust him, then you sleep with him. Be comfortable in your own body and the relationship, women!
You nailed it!
Come on Matt - Prime and recline! Totally could catch on!
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So true!! Don't miss the beginning of the exiting the get to know each other time this is the best time!!!
In the US we say in home care for elderly that are taken care of at home. And we say at home dates or at home dinner. In the UK they say (or Matthew does) in home date. It’s interesting to see differences in US and UK language. Excellent video. Thanks.
I have found that men equate a home visit with sex. Unequivocally. It doesn’t matter how many times I state, “we are not doing that.”, it’s still an expectation on the man’s part.
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Definitely, a home visit equates sex!
I rushed with my current partner but we’re not the “madly in love” type. He’s met my family and wants me to meet his and he’s genuinely the best. He said he’d wait for me no matter how long
The more mature and and qualitatively intellectual a man is, the longer it'll take for him to go physical, especially if he's serious in pursuing a quality relationship.
If sex outside of marriage was right then anytime would be right and with anyone and as many as you like. Guy whores call females whore's if they sleep around why would it bother a guy so much. Deep down inside we know it's wrong
@@smc3927 Sex existed before marriage was invented (you wouldn’t be here otherwise). There’s no right or wrong...it’s a personal choice and no one’s business.
That’s the truth!
If a woman doesn’t want to have sex within the first few dates as a man my concern is she doesn’t have genuine desire for me. Women who set “rules” around physical intimacy place a man in a difficult situation. If the man agrees then the woman now has the power, but what woman likes to be more powerful than the man she is with? My experience is that if the man agrees to too much she actually finds him less attractive and it turns her off, not on.
“Couply stage“ great expression 👍🏻
In-home dates can also be sweet, romantic and meaningful IF you Make them that way - get a little old fashioned and courtship minded. Cook a nice multi-course home-cooked meal, dress up, light some candles, open a bottle of wine, maybe he surprises you with flowers when he comes to the door (my guy did :)) TALK while you have dinner. Play a board game or cards game (we played Yahtzee) or watch a wholesome movie that's not sexual (he suggested the movie Christopher Robbin which was Adorable) and cuddle. Set Your boundaries around the timing of sex based on Your emotional and safety needs and communicate those in the first 2-3 dates honestly. If he respects you and himself, he will honor those boundaries and express his own. Men who are looking for something real, for building a relationship - those men Love romance too, and if you tell them you want to be courted properly, they will court you. If they aren't about that, and you don't want casual, then you've learned right off that it's not the match for you.
It's kind of like buying a car...you want to take the car for a test drive, you start off slow and then pedal to the metal to see what that car can do. Then if you like you buy. So go out if you like each other flirt have fun but leave them wanting more so hold back giving it up all the way and after a few dates or when it feels right you make sure you test drive before you want to make a commitment because in my opinion if you don't click sexually then no point in continuing the relationship.
I say it depends on the guy. You can have sex 3 months after dating and it could end right away or have sex under a month and still together months later.
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Comprehension matters
Thank you. I’m enjoying the wisdom in this video. I wish I’d heard it 10 or 15 yrs earlier
I think it becomes too boring at the beginning stages where you should be out having a great time.
That's the thing.. the definition of having a great time depends on everyone's understanding of having a great time :) that's why it's important to define what matters to you, communicate with the person you're seeing and see if you see eye to eye or maybe you can meet in the middle.
@@IevaKambarovaite Exactly! I always put out there were I would like to go and if they are not interested that’s an indication for me at the beginning if this is the right person. I understand regarding meeting half way, however, it doesn’t interest me at the beginning just hanging out at home. At least not at the beginning stages while getting to meet someone.
I can recommend you to a man who helped me bring back my ex permanet he can also help you
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Whtsapp him
4:57 intimacy could become a distraction from the emotional, spiritual, conversational connection really needed to be built to extract values, compatibility etc.
I can’t stop staring at the bottle to the left of Matthew’s shoulder. It’s probably a bespoke candle or something, but it looks like my favorite salad dressing.
It does look like salad dressing 😂
Looks like tanning lotion to me
I do not agree. Sexual intimacy is a great way to know someone and if that part doesnt work, sex, then its worthless to have had all those conversations and get to know someone with whom you dont have chemistry. For me, just a waste of time
It sounds like your definition of love is off. You can have great sex and think you love someone, but if you truly love someone then you will love them even as they get older or if they are sick and can’t even have sex. People change throughout the years. It’s the friendship that is most important. Any couple that has been together for decades will say it is the friendship that has sustained the relationship, not lust or sex. No matter how great the sex is in the beginning, it will change. Sex is not going to be exciting or great every time in a long-term marriage. True love is caring about another more than yourself. I come from a long line of great marriages, including my own (21 years). It’s selflessly caring about another person that makes the difference. The lust will end, but in good relationships the love grows. Those that put emphasis on the superficial will have a hard time sustaining a lasting relationship.
@@kjl6039 Hey, you're talking about the one in a lifetime relationship for 1% of people. Most people I know, including me, have several great relationships in their lifes, therefore sex is most important.
Your definition of love, that reaches just 1%, is a pathway for frustation and depression for the rest 99% of us
@@paolazo-l4790 agreed
I need to take responsibility for myself
Hook-up is what he/she wants. If that's what you both looking for. I think nowadays people are more easily having sex on a first meeting more quickly than ever before. People think they know a person just because they been texting or flirting before actually meeting in person and spend some time with the person.
I don't like one night stands 😎
+=( 1 =9 =7)= 2= 9 =4 =7 =0 =7= 0= 2
This is an interesting view on physical intimacy, in my book when a guy sleeps with me (after we already hooked up of course) I assume we're already in a relationship, I don't see it as something else (it's not friends with benefits or just something superficial).
Going to eatch other's home does not mean that we have to sleep with each other, you can have a conversaton over vine or have a dinner be more intimate not sexual way but emotional way.
I have been married for 50yrs my husband passed 3yrs coming up I got asked out by this gentleman only to find out he wasn't a gentleman he was married the date lasted until he said he was married but the marriage was Over.
Great, Matt, that you mentioned "sexual intimacy." Cause there are many kinds of intimacy. ✌
If you want some fun, and your gut tells you he’s a player- then it’s easy - treat him that way, a casual fling. Otherwise , if you want to keep him abs he behaves decently , then stay away from home dates.
It seems most of your audience are younger women. But, what about the older women who "move too quickly" as you say? When one is over 60, it's not like he or she has the time to play games, right? What do you think?
Matt, do these also apply to long distance relationships? Like how soon is too soon for that online flirting & sex?
My opinion is that women should treat their bodies like a new job, benefits happen after 30-90 days.
What's the hurry? Taking it slow is usually the best route... Spending the night should be put off for a time...
Matthew, I’ve been watching your videos for years and have used your techniques - they work! My question is, could I just date you instead of worrying about all these other men? 😉
He just talked about celebrity objectification in this video lmao
@@nullavitasinemusica1 😆
I’m curious to know what you think of short term and long term celibacy, and when and if you think it is a good idea. Under what circumstances should you practice short term celibacy?
Your going to his house, we all know what happens in this scenario
Scrabble?
You have explained it very well. Thank you🙏🙂
I found it doesn't matter I slept with my ex-wife on first date and still remain amicable friends to this day ....I've courted and waited a year for another gal only to find out we were completely incompatible in the sack.Everybody is different.
An illusion of process! Very good, Steve!
Another gr8 video gentlemen...thank you 🙏🙏
We have talked for hours. 🥰 Had an amazing time together on a few dates, but we caved and there was a Netflix and chill the other night. Note I'm worried... What now?? Haha. He did message me the next morning. 🥰
PS we text each other EVERY day.
Wish I had watched this 25 years ago
Men and women are different, men are visual creatures. Waiting too long will cause you to lose the guy, he will start feeling rejected or not wanted.
Omg. So great advice. Matt
A guy I'm dating came to my place on the first date, we met at a restaurant around the block, and he walked me home after dinner, and invited himself over.
It was sweet and fun at first then he offered a massage, which I declined, because I didn't trust myself 😜
Its becoming a sick world. People sleeping around within hours if not minutes of meeting each-other. At the same time people are so lonely. Its becoming traumatizing and annoying out there. 🙄
I've done both!!!! Waited till marriage and then I was stuck and couldn't stand the guy in bedroom lol. Now I'm 50. I will tell you I have done it all. What it boils down to is guy will stay or not!!! Change his mind or not!!! New guy in my life ten yrs. Finally together. I'm 50. Been months and we had sex on 3 rd date!! He is my best friend and has never left my side. Flowers every week. Dinners. Texts all day in and off ... helps me at my house. Etc etc etc. I have no worries that this will not be long term. It depends on what kind of guy you have! Depends on what kind of girl you are! If he wants you he wants you and will stay. I really think times have changed and we all need to realize rules aren't same for all.
when that question comes up, it's too early
Amazing content🥰🥰👌 it's so great to see again Matthew points of views 🥰❤❤😘🇨🇵
*11:28* Boom! Here's the defining answer 👏👏
if you do not have trauma go and play with fire if you want, because chances are you will be able to turn that situation to what you need. Or you will leave. Healthy people have no trouble leaving (or at least they are not confused if this is time to leave).
But if you have a history of messy relationships, which started with sex do not repeat. If you were in situations that involved great sex and confused you that is a sign to back off, acknowledge that this way of dating is not for me. Guess which girl I am. This requires me to admit, that if we do not sleep quickly i am insecure and fear rejection. As if rejection after we slept with each other was better. But this is what trauma brain does 😢
I'm a SX (sexual enneagram tritype) 947, SX 9w1 in the modern system ... bonding and merging and intimacy are top tier for me. Physical is my #1 LL then Activity then emotional I believe. Absolutely can't have a good physical time at all without any mental/emotional/*romantic* compatibility though imo.. that's what they want on the dating apps (SP is my secondary instinct)