But she didn't even have a saviour complex. She was in denial of his trauma and thought he was lying. Getting upset about hearing someone else's trauma is one thing, but the fact she could not comprehend abuse as a concept because she was raised to believe it didn't happen in her little perfect world inside her head is deeply troubling. The only ones lying to her were her parents for pretending the world was all smiles and rainbows growing up.
This is so much worse than a mere saviour complex. This is a woman who has grown up so sheltered that the simple idea that abuse exists was enough to completely shatter her psyche the moment it was proved to her.
@@Thefriendlydruid Another story similar to this recently popped up where the OP was protecting his home where his disabled mother was staying during a break in, but his girlfriend said violence is never the answer to a problem. During an attempted robbery, Some people are so caught up in their easy lives that they are removed from the reality that other people _have_ to live.
1st Story: What the fiance does not understand is that not all people were privileged enough to have the kind of parents she did. That's the only way any adult can so be confidently wrong in this naive way of thinking. She ruined her own relationship because she wanted to be right.
Mormonism is a cult; you can't expect her to have that much critical thinking. In their tiny little world everything is about God, everything is done by God, everything is done in God's name, everything is the will of God. Her behavior is proof of this, everyone must love God, and the bible is the only truth, therefore you must be a liar!
Damn. Story 1 OP hurt himself while hurting his Ex-Fiancée. He literally backtracks years of therapy just to prove a point. Hope he can recover. As for the Ex, she’s a telltale example of what happens when you act in a Savior Complex.
Not only that. After everything happened it's me,me,me. She Talks about betrayal when she betrayed her daughter even worse. She Talks about broken Trust when she appearently lets her husband get all the Shit of her bratty daughter. I mean He didnt even Trust her enough to share how hard lily's Treatment was on him. That says alot
@@nikkonreinold3317, true, OP's only upset that the daughter was mad at her. I don't think _they_ agreed on when to tell Lily, that was all OP's. Her way or the highway.
@redline49 eh, if it sounds like a cult, acts like a cult, and many of the ex members have come out and said it's a cult, there's a certain point where the semantic difference doesn’t really matter anymore.
@@redline49lmao it is a cult though, especially in utah. outside of the state you'll meet some cool mormons that don't care if you're a member or not. but in the state if you're not a member they stay away from you or try to get you to join them. you might find a few that have ventured outside the state and have had a real world experience (besides their mission) and know ok not everything has to do with my "religion" but it's mainly cult like behavior. also the more you look at their practices and what they do in the temple it's definitely a cult. 😂
Story 2: OP forced that secred onto her husband and he was forced to lie to the daughter every single day (even if he agreed to tell her later) and get disrespected all the time. Where is her respect for him?
In what way did he lie? He was either her father and felt that way with every fibre of his being, or he didn’t. Of course, his actions do suggest that there is some doubt there.
@@FKKTruthahn I honestly don’t know anyone who creates the distinction you are attempting to imply. Moreover, if Matt had not diluted his status in his own mind and harboured resentment which needn’t have existed, there really is no difference. It’s a case of perception and genuine feeling, his and Lilly’s.
Story 2 smh….she went through with divorce because she couldn’t face the judgement he earned, and now she’s got 2 baby daddies. Hmm wonder who’s the issue….
I don't see how he could have even had a functioning relationship when they see the world through completely different lenses but there's definitely relationships like that where they don't talk about anything real until a situation falls in their lap
Story 2: Op in this story seems like the worst out of them all. Just cause he's been in her life since she can remember doesn't make him her dad. And I can't imagine he had much say in HER daughter, (she said "my" not our), finding out the truth and most likely went with it to keep peace in their relationship/dynamic. He was the dad that stepped up. Then she belittled his feelings about being appreciated while not appreciating the 15 years he gave to that kid. With an executive order kicking him out. Yet divorced him for that exact same premise? Her entitlement was screwed from the start and didn't sound like her thearpy was working. When he adopted her, that should've been the for discussion and should've had the daughters input for reassurance. Should've never gotten that far and therefore wouldn't have been ammo for him, but maybe ammo for her daughter to use against him. Either way, that secret was going to hurt someone the longer it was dragged out, and Mommy dearest lied for 16 years. Yet everyone's says he's the bad guy? Even biological parents do less for their kids, let alone a relative stranger who was more than willing to help. Someone tell me how OP can be treated like a scorned soul.
In the first story I pity op's now ex. She grew up believing that every parents love their child(ren) but was oblivious to parents abandoning and/or abusing their child(ren).
S1: Ngl I don't blame the parents for their daughter. Some people grow up loving families and hide behind their delusion and ignorance S2: YTA and men should avoid dating single mothers and "stepping up" for them. Matt was Lily's father and had every right to tell her the truth, especially if she's acting like a brat. Was it wrong for him to say it in anger? Yes, but it's a simple mistake that could've been easily avoided if OP told Lily the truth or put a stop to her behavior in the first place. Kicking him out shows how a single mother can let you go without a second thought. Also find it hilarious how Matt could get disrespected for years and OP didn't bat an eye, but once she's getting the same treatment she already wants a divorce 😂 😂 😂
I think it says a lot that the parents are clearly nowhere near as extreme in their beliefs as their daughter. And for Mormons, that's saying a lot that it goes in the reverse order, this time. But given that OP mentions how the ex-fiance has never even left her own town, that tells us a lot about how sheltered she is.
@@SnowyWolborg the problem with her is not really even about being extreme. It's about being delusional. Tons of stories in bible has familial feud and abuse. Heck the first major story after Adam and Eve was thrown out of the Paradise is Cain killing his own brother. Another story is Joseph being sold by his brothers. Family can do bad things to you.
Story 1: it’s kind of crazy to me that OP got to the point of proposing to Emily at all. Not to say she’s a bad person, it seems like she has genuine personal issues she needs help working through, I get the sense this is not a savior complex case at all. But I would think having a partner who not just emphasizes and supports you, but actually *believes* you when you share your past, is too crucial to just ignore. At least OP realized that before the wedding, but I’m surprised he didn’t come to that conclusion much sooner.
Maybe Op should have blocked his ears after the first line from his father, then talk about his wedding, then walk away and leave his fiancee to deal with his father. As the saying goes "out of sight, out of mind", figuratively anyway. Maybe the aftermath could have been easier to Op
She wasn't really a savior/saviour because that implies something is broken and in her mind the op was just lying for some weird reason and his parents were just giving a bit of tough love instead of the abuse he actually went through.
Story 2 op is sipineles and seems like a narssasist sure matt crossed a line but she should have told her daughter much sooner sixteen is definitely old enough for her daughter to know, and frankly I dont even blame matt for blowing up like that, I have both been a teenager grown up with teenagers and have raised teenagers, there is going to inevitably be a big fight where someone says something they shouldn't say or don't mean, was it right for him to say no, but you are lying if you say you have never said something stupid out of anger, and lastly she mentions how he hasn't bothered trying to fix their relationship but op doesnt even try to come up with stuff that shes done to save it herself, its like shes expecting him to put all the work in to do something that is a two person job, I feel so bad for lilly her bio dad is awful her mom is a karen and the man that raised her broke her trust and is now leaving
Whilst it is true to say that Lily is the primary victim in all this I think you are far too lenient on Matt. Using the information in such a targeted way speaks to doubts about his love for her. He wrecked trust in two relationships so yeah, I think the burden of restoration fell on him. And by the sounds of it, he wasn’t up to the task. Who are we as outside observers to judge when the right time was to break such momentous news to a child or young adult?
"I wanted to wait until she was mature enough to handle it" means she had no plans to tell Lilly. Then when it finally gets out because she kept kicking the can down the road instead of talking it out like adults with her husband she just can't right now and throws him out of the house. I can't blame Matt for not wanting to repair the relationship because as you said OP isn't doing a damn thing herself.
@@asherdales That is entirely projection on your part, you do know that? These sort of situations have come up before and waiting until they are eighteen is hardly unusual.
Story 2 is the reason I can’t stand humanity. Why is it a bad idea to wait until someone’s brain is developed enough to not have an explosive impulsive reaction?
@@cj_.44._cf because you have access to child therapists that allow you to tell incredibly young children difficult things in age appropriate ways. Also lots of adopted kids know right away from a young age but growing up normally. What's cruel is giving someone a world view and after they are solidified in it you tear it away at 16, 18, 21, 24...
16 is more than old enough to understand the concept of “Bio dad didn’t want you, but adoptive father did.” In fact, OP made things far worse by waiting for so long. Could’ve had this conversation a few years earlier. This could have given the daughter a whole new appreciation for Matt and improved her treatment of him during her teenage years. But lets be real, OP was _never_ going to say it was the right time. She was _always_ going to find some excuse not to tell her daughter. And Matt feeling unappreciated? I’m not surprised because he very much was unappreciated. Evidenced by the fact that OP kicked him out when the incident happened and then pushre forward with divorce because “muh feelings.” What about _Matt’s_ feelings?Where was the OP’s concern *for her Husband and adoptive father of her daughter need I remind you* in all this? Fucking no where. Because she doesn’t care about him, and it seems more like he was a convenient patsy rather than her husband. Matt was wrong to blurt the truth out like that, but it’s ultimately the OP’s fault. She had _years_ to have a conversation and avoida all this.
Look I know you feel the betrayed but what are you doing to make it up to your husband that your daughter has been treating him like s*** and being disrespectful to him he has a right to snap back after a while so what have you done to improve and apologize for allowing your daughter to treat him like that yes he may have adopted her and made him his daughter but you are doing nothing as the mother to adjust her attitude towards your husband who deserves your respect and backing up of trust you know that thing you're complaining about in your story what have you done to rebuild your trust with him let's hear that since you're such the betrayed wrong spouse
S3: I also have a pretty face and girl parts that are pleasing. I've had stalkers, guy "friends" that in the end just want to have sex. So many poisonous relationships when I was just being friendly. If I don't allow myself to be used, I'm a cold bitch. To protect myself I've become very analytical regarding male encounters. Yes, that sounds cold, but I'm not their toy, tool, or mommy just because they have a hormonal response to me. Be strong!
Honestly why did you stay with her after denying your trauma and telling you you were lying? You deserve all the pain you got from this bro. So does she
12:34 I'm sorry but Lilly is not the biggest victim, everyone forgets every second and penny Matt spent on Lilly was out of love and not obligation, so ungrateful kids are worst then a bad kid
Story 2 sorry but YTA as you are the one at fault, your MIL is probably saying why is it you get to make bad decisions and punish him for it. I hope he gets Noah before you screw him up
2nd story: I am going to go against some of what you all said because I don't think Matt did anything wrong. Opie's daughter was acting unruly and disrespectful and he had come to his wits end, it's too late to take it back now but the question is was it a lie? No it wasn't we all know it wasn't allowed because Opie stated that she got pregnant by the guy and he up and left her when he supposedly found out if that's the true story. Because all she had to do was take him to court for a child support and he would have been either backed up in child support or paying.
Story 1: bro dodged a huge bullet. It’s crazy how women hate men having boundaries. And even crazier that Reddit protects women by removing stories where they are the bad guys.
On a seperate note id say utah is great for work probably because its also known as the mlm capital aka lax laws allowing mlm companies to thrive and exploit workers who think theyre their own boss.
S1: Wtf?! That's not a Mormon thing.. that's just stupidly ignorant. Exe got super lucky to find someone good like OP cause alot of people could/would mess her up. She REALLY fu€ked things up for herself.
S2: That it even occurred to him to use it as a weapon in an argument tells you a lot and none of it is good. I think the Reddit commenter is way off btw. If Matt were a true dad and Lilly saw him in that light, waiting until she’s 18 is fine. And either way, it’s a decision/announcement you make together. Ultimately, he caused lasting psychological harm in his daughter and I don’t actually believe he was genuinely contrite for doing so. You can totally understand why this ended in divorce. Good luck to the OP and her family.
@@mikea491 The whole situation suggests to me that he’d been harbouring resentment for years, and likely airing this with his mother instead of his wife. He then used his daughter as a target, shattering the trust in multiple relationships. I don’t think you can have much if any sympathy for him.
@@Nicho_Ldnliterally a delusional take . Raising a kid on a lie isn’t some heroism that people are tying to make it out to be. This guy was her dad, and what he said, while harsh, is something a 16 year old is old enough to hear. Because it’s reality. He stepped up . Now OP gets to see what happens when there is no father
@@Lemonteaxi How did he step up exactly? By being a bully and putting his petulance ahead of his daughter and marriage? By destroying trust? By bottling up resentment and not communicating? And then doesn’t even have the humility to own what he did.
story 2 both parents are aholes. matt did what he did out of spite for his child, even if she knew, i feel like op wouldn’t be wrong for reacting the way she did to what he said they made that decision together and they should’ve told her early on. this would’ve been a lot easier for her to handle had she known from the start but he had as much right to make that decision as op because they’re BOTH her parents and both parents failed
It seems like a parody in the story. IRL it's not. I told my hubby (BF att) about my Mom. How I was raised,things that she said and done. He listened. He didn't believe me. Thought I was exaggerating. He never told me that. One day after meeting my Mom and being around her a bit. He admitted that he didn't believe me until now. It didn't surprise me. With how he was raised. With how his Mom and Stepdad were. He'd never be able to relate.
@lindah3803 That's not what I'm talking about. I can believe that there are people sheltered enough to not believe abuse victims, but nobody acts the way she supposedly acted when confronted. In reality she'd either start crying and apologising or, depending on how deep her convictions ran, start making excuses for the parents, saying they must have called at a bad time or that OP needs to take a joke, etc. It takes a lot to cause the kind mental breakdown that OP describes, and I'm talking _days of torture,_ not one unpleasent phone call.
@Eden_Laika you'd be surprised. Theres a lot of delusional people that haven't experienced reality as a whole only figments of imagination crafted out of ignorance. I personally know a guy who believed he was a topshot/gigachad who landed the cute popular girl but when he found out she only is with him because he's the "safe" option, he had a whole meltdown.
@@maximkusanagi There's a difference between being upset and having a tantrum - to be honest, _I'd_ be upset if I was in his position - and having a complete psychological breakdown. I don't know what to tell you; the human psyche just isn't _that_ fragile: if it was, we'd've never made it out of the caves.
@Eden_Laika The girl was definitely heavily indoctrinated in the family faith. Her parents also raised her with the thought that all families and life are love and harmony. She is emotionally immature as well. Everything just collided. Probably some type of mental illness in the mix as well.
*Story 1:* I hate people with a savior complex.
But she didn't even have a saviour complex. She was in denial of his trauma and thought he was lying. Getting upset about hearing someone else's trauma is one thing, but the fact she could not comprehend abuse as a concept because she was raised to believe it didn't happen in her little perfect world inside her head is deeply troubling. The only ones lying to her were her parents for pretending the world was all smiles and rainbows growing up.
This is so much worse than a mere saviour complex.
This is a woman who has grown up so sheltered that the simple idea that abuse exists was enough to completely shatter her psyche the moment it was proved to her.
@@Thefriendlydruid Another story similar to this recently popped up where the OP was protecting his home where his disabled mother was staying during a break in, but his girlfriend said violence is never the answer to a problem. During an attempted robbery, Some people are so caught up in their easy lives that they are removed from the reality that other people _have_ to live.
I would rather be single than to deal with someone with someone who has a Savior complex.
I dont think thats what this is. Its just delusion.
Story 1: He not only broke up with her, He completely broke her. That is taking the term literally
Good for him,dodged a tactical nuke.
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She did that to herself to be honest
My thoughts too. Her brain broke because reality set in and she's refusing to believe it.
It was bound to happen. Even delusions have limits.
1st Story: What the fiance does not understand is that not all people were privileged enough to have the kind of parents she did. That's the only way any adult can so be confidently wrong in this naive way of thinking. She ruined her own relationship because she wanted to be right.
Mormonism is a cult; you can't expect her to have that much critical thinking. In their tiny little world everything is about God, everything is done by God, everything is done in God's name, everything is the will of God. Her behavior is proof of this, everyone must love God, and the bible is the only truth, therefore you must be a liar!
Honestly hers are probably as bad but just on the opposite side of the spectrum interesting of bad parents.
Exactly. Kind and humane parents and family is a luxury and not everyone has it!!! What dumb navie woman she is
Story 1: Wow... she'll need a lot of therapies after that reality check
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Story 1: Sounds like the ex finally got a taste of the real world. And coukd not handle it at all.
some people do not comprehend child abuse because they just can not believe that such evil exists.
Damn.
Story 1 OP hurt himself while hurting his Ex-Fiancée.
He literally backtracks years of therapy just to prove a point. Hope he can recover. As for the Ex, she’s a telltale example of what happens when you act in a Savior Complex.
As a Christian, I am shocked that she ignores the many times where family members hurt one another in the Bible.
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@@PolemistisNAY Aye, my first reply would be "I guess Cain and Abel were best buddies and nothing happened between them, right?"
@@zackkatian3436 Exactly!
@@PolemistisNAY Wasn't she a Mormon? Don't they have a different book, or do they also have the Bible?
Story 1 I hope op got his ring back.
Legally he should. It's a sign of a contract, not a gift.
S2 : this is why you should tell in age appropriate term the truth
This is why you shouldn't date single mothers or single fathers.
Story 2 is infuriating. OP is delusional. Let this fester for so long because she was afraid of telling the truth. Just legit terrible parenting.
@@Lemonteaxi yup and once therapy started opening her husband up to voicing the feelings she said "oh so you have feelings now? How about divorce."
Not only that. After everything happened it's me,me,me. She Talks about betrayal when she betrayed her daughter even worse. She Talks about broken Trust when she appearently lets her husband get all the Shit of her bratty daughter. I mean He didnt even Trust her enough to share how hard lily's Treatment was on him. That says alot
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If the daughter was old enough to have a curfew, she was way past the age of being old enough to know.
@@nikkonreinold3317, true, OP's only upset that the daughter was mad at her. I don't think _they_ agreed on when to tell Lily, that was all OP's. Her way or the highway.
S1
Fiancée needs to reread the Bible and how families have hurt one another.
Cultist actually rarely do.
@@anonmouse15calling religion a cult is wild
@@anonmouse15 Sadly, Mormonism is not a cult, even if it feels like it is.
@redline49 eh, if it sounds like a cult, acts like a cult, and many of the ex members have come out and said it's a cult, there's a certain point where the semantic difference doesn’t really matter anymore.
@@redline49lmao it is a cult though, especially in utah. outside of the state you'll meet some cool mormons that don't care if you're a member or not. but in the state if you're not a member they stay away from you or try to get you to join them. you might find a few that have ventured outside the state and have had a real world experience (besides their mission) and know ok not everything has to do with my "religion" but it's mainly cult like behavior. also the more you look at their practices and what they do in the temple it's definitely a cult. 😂
Story 2. OP is a hypocrite because shes holding her husband to a standard she didnt even follow.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
How? She never told Lilly and wasnt planning to yet rightly or wrongly
@@emanx222 she's bold talking about betraying trust while being mad that he didn't keep lying to her daughter.
Maybe mommy dearest could have helped discipline the daughter instead of letting adoptive dad get to that point. No wonder he felt unappreciated.
Story 2: bold of her to talk about "breaking trust" when talking about lying to her daughter.
people that have good families can not comprehend just how toxic some families can be.
Story 2: OP forced that secred onto her husband and he was forced to lie to the daughter every single day (even if he agreed to tell her later) and get disrespected all the time. Where is her respect for him?
In what way did he lie? He was either her father and felt that way with every fibre of his being, or he didn’t.
Of course, his actions do suggest that there is some doubt there.
She doesn't have respect for him
@@Nicho_Ldnhe's the daddy, not the father.
@@Nicho_Ldn being the dad or father is not the same.
@@FKKTruthahn I honestly don’t know anyone who creates the distinction you are attempting to imply. Moreover, if Matt had not diluted his status in his own mind and harboured resentment which needn’t have existed, there really is no difference. It’s a case of perception and genuine feeling, his and Lilly’s.
Story 2 smh….she went through with divorce because she couldn’t face the judgement he earned, and now she’s got 2 baby daddies. Hmm wonder who’s the issue….
S1: Never had the daughter apologized or reflected. He one and only concern was how to get back to neverland after being thrown out by her actions.
Story 2- im sure the "plan" that OP had was dropping it on the daughter at 18 just before leaving for college.
I don't see how he could have even had a functioning relationship when they see the world through completely different lenses but there's definitely relationships like that where they don't talk about anything real until a situation falls in their lap
1.- He waited way too long.
2.- "When she's mature enough" = "Never if I have any say in it".
Story 2: Op in this story seems like the worst out of them all. Just cause he's been in her life since she can remember doesn't make him her dad. And I can't imagine he had much say in HER daughter, (she said "my" not our), finding out the truth and most likely went with it to keep peace in their relationship/dynamic. He was the dad that stepped up. Then she belittled his feelings about being appreciated while not appreciating the 15 years he gave to that kid. With an executive order kicking him out. Yet divorced him for that exact same premise? Her entitlement was screwed from the start and didn't sound like her thearpy was working. When he adopted her, that should've been the for discussion and should've had the daughters input for reassurance. Should've never gotten that far and therefore wouldn't have been ammo for him, but maybe ammo for her daughter to use against him. Either way, that secret was going to hurt someone the longer it was dragged out, and Mommy dearest lied for 16 years. Yet everyone's says he's the bad guy? Even biological parents do less for their kids, let alone a relative stranger who was more than willing to help. Someone tell me how OP can be treated like a scorned soul.
Treat her as a scorned soul? No. Don't give her that kind of mercy. That thing is no woman
In the first story I pity op's now ex. She grew up believing that every parents love their child(ren) but was oblivious to parents abandoning and/or abusing their child(ren).
I could imagine her brain as one of the few conspiracy theories gif's where their arms go ever trying to explain how everything connects.
@fiyahquacker2835 At the same time, I blame her parents
S1: Ngl I don't blame the parents for their daughter. Some people grow up loving families and hide behind their delusion and ignorance
S2: YTA and men should avoid dating single mothers and "stepping up" for them. Matt was Lily's father and had every right to tell her the truth, especially if she's acting like a brat. Was it wrong for him to say it in anger? Yes, but it's a simple mistake that could've been easily avoided if OP told Lily the truth or put a stop to her behavior in the first place. Kicking him out shows how a single mother can let you go without a second thought. Also find it hilarious how Matt could get disrespected for years and OP didn't bat an eye, but once she's getting the same treatment she already wants a divorce 😂 😂 😂
I think it says a lot that the parents are clearly nowhere near as extreme in their beliefs as their daughter. And for Mormons, that's saying a lot that it goes in the reverse order, this time. But given that OP mentions how the ex-fiance has never even left her own town, that tells us a lot about how sheltered she is.
@@SnowyWolborg the problem with her is not really even about being extreme. It's about being delusional. Tons of stories in bible has familial feud and abuse. Heck the first major story after Adam and Eve was thrown out of the Paradise is Cain killing his own brother.
Another story is Joseph being sold by his brothers. Family can do bad things to you.
Story 2: I want to know what Lily said to him that made him snap that way. I'm glad the therapist at least addressed it.
Story 3: The guy sounds like an incel.
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S2: Good for Matt getting out of there, gonna be on the hook for child support though.
She’s 16 so only 2 years
@@Notoriouscj1 nah bro he has that son noah with her apparently. He's fucked.
@@Notoriouscj1They have a son too.
Story 1: it’s kind of crazy to me that OP got to the point of proposing to Emily at all. Not to say she’s a bad person, it seems like she has genuine personal issues she needs help working through, I get the sense this is not a savior complex case at all. But I would think having a partner who not just emphasizes and supports you, but actually *believes* you when you share your past, is too crucial to just ignore. At least OP realized that before the wedding, but I’m surprised he didn’t come to that conclusion much sooner.
Story 1: She sounds dreadful and ignorant. OP should have dumped her instead of contacting those horrible parents of his.
Story 1: knew the OPs fiancé was Mormon just from the title
Maybe Op should have blocked his ears after the first line from his father, then talk about his wedding, then walk away and leave his fiancee to deal with his father. As the saying goes "out of sight, out of mind", figuratively anyway.
Maybe the aftermath could have been easier to Op
Or even passed the phone to the finacee and let her have it raw.
OP 2 is blowing this issue out of proportion. Therapy is fine but what was said was said out of frustration.
Story 1 is why people don't get involved with people who are in cults.
Not all Mormons are delusional like OPs girlfriend!
that breakdown seems a little extreme.
Saviours are the worst
She wasn't really a savior/saviour because that implies something is broken and in her mind the op was just lying for some weird reason and his parents were just giving a bit of tough love instead of the abuse he actually went through.
Story 2 op is sipineles and seems like a narssasist sure matt crossed a line but she should have told her daughter much sooner sixteen is definitely old enough for her daughter to know, and frankly I dont even blame matt for blowing up like that, I have both been a teenager grown up with teenagers and have raised teenagers, there is going to inevitably be a big fight where someone says something they shouldn't say or don't mean, was it right for him to say no, but you are lying if you say you have never said something stupid out of anger, and lastly she mentions how he hasn't bothered trying to fix their relationship but op doesnt even try to come up with stuff that shes done to save it herself, its like shes expecting him to put all the work in to do something that is a two person job, I feel so bad for lilly her bio dad is awful her mom is a karen and the man that raised her broke her trust and is now leaving
Whilst it is true to say that Lily is the primary victim in all this I think you are far too lenient on Matt. Using the information in such a targeted way speaks to doubts about his love for her. He wrecked trust in two relationships so yeah, I think the burden of restoration fell on him. And by the sounds of it, he wasn’t up to the task.
Who are we as outside observers to judge when the right time was to break such momentous news to a child or young adult?
Tbf second story mom failed everyone her mat was just an easy out he should leave they both failed at setting firm boundaries for the daughter
"I wanted to wait until she was mature enough to handle it" means she had no plans to tell Lilly. Then when it finally gets out because she kept kicking the can down the road instead of talking it out like adults with her husband she just can't right now and throws him out of the house. I can't blame Matt for not wanting to repair the relationship because as you said OP isn't doing a damn thing herself.
@@asherdales That is entirely projection on your part, you do know that? These sort of situations have come up before and waiting until they are eighteen is hardly unusual.
@Nicho_Ldn if you have to wait til 18 to tell them, you're raising immature brats, not people.
Story 2 is the reason I can’t stand humanity. Why is it a bad idea to wait until someone’s brain is developed enough to not have an explosive impulsive reaction?
@@cj_.44._cf because you have access to child therapists that allow you to tell incredibly young children difficult things in age appropriate ways. Also lots of adopted kids know right away from a young age but growing up normally. What's cruel is giving someone a world view and after they are solidified in it you tear it away at 16, 18, 21, 24...
because you will trigger something else, the child will see their whole life as a lie
16 is more than old enough to understand the concept of “Bio dad didn’t want you, but adoptive father did.” In fact, OP made things far worse by waiting for so long. Could’ve had this conversation a few years earlier. This could have given the daughter a whole new appreciation for Matt and improved her treatment of him during her teenage years.
But lets be real, OP was _never_ going to say it was the right time. She was _always_ going to find some excuse not to tell her daughter.
And Matt feeling unappreciated? I’m not surprised because he very much was unappreciated. Evidenced by the fact that OP kicked him out when the incident happened and then pushre forward with divorce because “muh feelings.” What about _Matt’s_ feelings?Where was the OP’s concern *for her Husband and adoptive father of her daughter need I remind you* in all this? Fucking no where. Because she doesn’t care about him, and it seems more like he was a convenient patsy rather than her husband.
Matt was wrong to blurt the truth out like that, but it’s ultimately the OP’s fault. She had _years_ to have a conversation and avoida all this.
Story 2: Another reason not to marry single mom.
Painting with broad brushes is a huge sign that you're stupid
#3. this is what always kept me childfree. OP is just a subject of shaedenfreude.
Look I know you feel the betrayed but what are you doing to make it up to your husband that your daughter has been treating him like s*** and being disrespectful to him he has a right to snap back after a while so what have you done to improve and apologize for allowing your daughter to treat him like that yes he may have adopted her and made him his daughter but you are doing nothing as the mother to adjust her attitude towards your husband who deserves your respect and backing up of trust you know that thing you're complaining about in your story what have you done to rebuild your trust with him let's hear that since you're such the betrayed wrong spouse
S3: I also have a pretty face and girl parts that are pleasing. I've had stalkers, guy "friends" that in the end just want to have sex. So many poisonous relationships when I was just being friendly. If I don't allow myself to be used, I'm a cold bitch. To protect myself I've become very analytical regarding male encounters. Yes, that sounds cold, but I'm not their toy, tool, or mommy just because they have a hormonal response to me. Be strong!
Honestly why did you stay with her after denying your trauma and telling you you were lying? You deserve all the pain you got from this bro. So does she
this is how supervillains are made.
Story 2: woman overreacts, listens to Reddit, ends up divorced.
12:34 I'm sorry but Lilly is not the biggest victim, everyone forgets every second and penny Matt spent on Lilly was out of love and not obligation, so ungrateful kids are worst then a bad kid
Day 179 of telling secretvoices to have a good day
Day 173 of telling you to have a great day
@@SecretVoices25you are 6 days off my friend
HADES GAMEPLAY!? YEAH
Story 2 sorry but YTA as you are the one at fault, your MIL is probably saying why is it you get to make bad decisions and punish him for it. I hope he gets Noah before you screw him up
Story 1: good think op broke it off, she blatently and without care stepped, danced and shat on ops boundaries.
2nd story: I am going to go against some of what you all said because I don't think Matt did anything wrong.
Opie's daughter was acting unruly and disrespectful and he had come to his wits end, it's too late to take it back now but the question is was it a lie?
No it wasn't we all know it wasn't allowed because Opie stated that she got pregnant by the guy and he up and left her when he supposedly found out if that's the true story. Because all she had to do was take him to court for a child support and he would have been either backed up in child support or paying.
Story 1: bro dodged a huge bullet. It’s crazy how women hate men having boundaries. And even crazier that Reddit protects women by removing stories where they are the bad guys.
2 story lmao nta i mean yeah she shouldnt hide a truth bit weaponizing a truth while arguing with 16 year old?
On a seperate note id say utah is great for work probably because its also known as the mlm capital aka lax laws allowing mlm companies to thrive and exploit workers who think theyre their own boss.
S1: Wtf?! That's not a Mormon thing.. that's just stupidly ignorant. Exe got super lucky to find someone good like OP cause alot of people could/would mess her up. She REALLY fu€ked things up for herself.
I know, right!
Out of curiosity what is the game being played during the story
Story 1 LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah man... The first story have dialogs, it's unfortunately or fortunately is not real
S2: That it even occurred to him to use it as a weapon in an argument tells you a lot and none of it is good.
I think the Reddit commenter is way off btw. If Matt were a true dad and Lilly saw him in that light, waiting until she’s 18 is fine. And either way, it’s a decision/announcement you make together.
Ultimately, he caused lasting psychological harm in his daughter and I don’t actually believe he was genuinely contrite for doing so. You can totally understand why this ended in divorce. Good luck to the OP and her family.
He was insecure about keeping such a secret and not knowing how the kid would react. As far as a final straw, this was as good as it was gonna be.
@@mikea491 The whole situation suggests to me that he’d been harbouring resentment for years, and likely airing this with his mother instead of his wife. He then used his daughter as a target, shattering the trust in multiple relationships. I don’t think you can have much if any sympathy for him.
@@Nicho_Ldnliterally a delusional take . Raising a kid on a lie isn’t some heroism that people are tying to make it out to be. This guy was her dad, and what he said, while harsh, is something a 16 year old is old enough to hear. Because it’s reality. He stepped up .
Now OP gets to see what happens when there is no father
@@Lemonteaxi How did he step up exactly? By being a bully and putting his petulance ahead of his daughter and marriage? By destroying trust? By bottling up resentment and not communicating?
And then doesn’t even have the humility to own what he did.
@@Nicho_Ldn a bully? he raised her! And yes, her mother should had tell this way sooner. Nobody was good in the story especially the mother.
Fake as hell
story 2 both parents are aholes. matt did what he did out of spite for his child, even if she knew, i feel like op wouldn’t be wrong for reacting the way she did to what he said
they made that decision together
and they should’ve told her early on. this would’ve been a lot easier for her to handle had she known from the start
but he had as much right to make that decision as op because they’re BOTH her parents
and both parents failed
Show us on the doll where you were hurt by all men
Ops husband did not need her permission to tell her daughter that he wasn't her father.
Re. story 1: this never happened. That was like a parody of a mental breakdown.
It seems like a parody in the story. IRL it's not.
I told my hubby (BF att) about my Mom. How I was raised,things that she said and done. He listened. He didn't believe me. Thought I was exaggerating. He never told me that. One day after meeting my Mom and being around her a bit. He admitted that he didn't believe me until now. It didn't surprise me. With how he was raised. With how his Mom and Stepdad were. He'd never be able to relate.
@lindah3803 That's not what I'm talking about. I can believe that there are people sheltered enough to not believe abuse victims, but nobody acts the way she supposedly acted when confronted. In reality she'd either start crying and apologising or, depending on how deep her convictions ran, start making excuses for the parents, saying they must have called at a bad time or that OP needs to take a joke, etc. It takes a lot to cause the kind mental breakdown that OP describes, and I'm talking _days of torture,_ not one unpleasent phone call.
@Eden_Laika you'd be surprised. Theres a lot of delusional people that haven't experienced reality as a whole only figments of imagination crafted out of ignorance. I personally know a guy who believed he was a topshot/gigachad who landed the cute popular girl but when he found out she only is with him because he's the "safe" option, he had a whole meltdown.
@@maximkusanagi There's a difference between being upset and having a tantrum - to be honest, _I'd_ be upset if I was in his position - and having a complete psychological breakdown. I don't know what to tell you; the human psyche just isn't _that_ fragile: if it was, we'd've never made it out of the caves.
@Eden_Laika The girl was definitely heavily indoctrinated in the family faith. Her parents also raised her with the thought that all families and life are love and harmony. She is emotionally immature as well. Everything just collided. Probably some type of mental illness in the mix as well.
Day 387 of commenting to help secretvoices
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