Honestly, not exaggerating at all, but with your bone structure, muscular profile, soothing voice, and your humble/wise personality, I think you’re more attractive than about 90% of the rest of the population. I think you could really do anything but I think seeing you with a real smile on your face will do more than any clothes ever could! Really rooting for you man, I can see the upward trajectory from here!
Just be straight up with them when your on a date. Say I'm on the spectrum. Fuck it, own it. You might find someone that think it's interesting. If they don't. Who cares. You've got nothing to lose. You don't want a girl that doesn't like you for you anyways. Good luck man.
I am straight guy but I can tell you’re a good looking dude. You have that going for you. You’re are highly intelligent and articulate. If you go with the mentality of you’re screwed, you are. If you have a talent like music, use it as an icebreaker. The fact that you have your own place shows you’re independent, even at 44. You have to count your blessings, not what you’re lacking. You seem like you’re athletic, you should join a coed volleyball, kickball or some kind of league. That will open doors to meeting people and even chance relationships. If you stay in your comfort zone, you will truly stay uncomfortable in the long term. Don’t worry about what your false beliefs are telling you, go out prove those distorted notions wrong! You got this man!
You are very handsome and it's refreshing to see a man trying to be so self aware. If I wasn't terminally ill I'd shoot my shot with ya! But I'd just hold you back. Godspeed to you! 💛💛💛💛💛✌️🤟🤙
I would encourage you to look for a partner who shares your introversion so you don't feel too much pressure to be someone else. It may take some time for such a woman to open up, but once she does, I think you will be able to enjoy each other's company tremendously.
As a middle aged introvert I agree. I’ve tried dating more extroverted women and it goes nowhere fast. As I get older I have grown even more introverted - the thought of going out socially these days is dreadful lol. The problem is, where do introverted guys meet these introverted women? Dating apps are too messy
I dunno about this. Ever hear the saying 'opposites attract"? I mean, with 2 introverts, there is nobody to push you outta the comfort zone some, no one to challenge him. IF they both hit a depression, they'll be in separate rooms 'understanding' each other and respecting they need space. The next thing you know he's 60 and he's posting about where did the past 5 yrs go? How he doesn't even now his wife anymore, she's like a piece of furniture, and he doesn't know how to respectfully get his wife outta the den! LoL Know what I mean? My thoughts are be careful of attracting to another introvert, it might be a little tooo much quiet respect goin down. A person who has some extrovert characteristics in their personality are EXACTLY what the Dr. ordered!
although in some cases opposites attract but ONLY if each partner has respect for the others personality and usually only works if an extrovert loves an introvert. in one of those rare cases you can be married till death because its so balanced. In many cases the extroverted understanding woman might make his life a whole lot easier validating him for just being Whereas an introverted woman would probably require more work and validation i.e. an extroverted man. I'm introverted and love extroverted women if she isn't obnoxious. The key is being able to be with a woman without speaking AT ALL enjoying each others presence while you both are completely at ease and comfortable, if you can get someone like that you've got a winner.
I disagree. Introversion doesnt mean you hate social interaction. It just means you are productive when alone and expect other people to initiate with you. Initiating is a burden for an introvert but not for an extrovert.
Your hair looks good, i think it really suits you. You're a good-looking guy, Aaron! And you're hard working, responsible, smart, soft spoken, creative and you don't come off aggressively or angrily. You're a total catch in my book. From where I'm sitting your only real issue is low self-esteem, which is incredibly difficult to overcome on your own. Have you considered therapy for that?
Yep, I agree with what you're saying. I know ugly dudes with higher self esteem. Old, ugly dudes. Sounds like because he works alone, he's not even experiencing interacting with women just on a platonic level.
Why do people care about low self-esteem when you can see he is such clearly an amazing person. Maybe he has low self esteem due to unfair treatment by other people, you've never met or known.
I completely agree....great looking, sweet, observant, hardworking....Aaron, it really is your self esteem. I'm sitting here thinking...this guy is really cute and endearing!!! I'm being totally honest!
@@fshoapsreally low self esteem in a man in a killer in the dating world. Most women want a strong confidant man - they don’t want a low energy depressed guy that they will have to lift up all the time
Aaron, I’ve been following you since your FIRST video; you may not see it, but we all can...YOU HAVE DEFINITELY GROWN, emotionally and psychologically! With so many loyal and supportive subscribers now, perhaps you will consider RENTING A HALL for an evening and presenting a mix of your music and an essay(testimonial) of your experiences since among your talents, you are very articulate. You can charge a small entry To cover expenses! You can announce it via several videos a few months ahead; see what kind of responses you get. I bet that hall will be PACKED, and perhaps offer an opportunity for ALL OF US to meet someone, a NEW FRIEND... Stay blessed, Aaron. Robert-
As a fellow autistic male, who has been very successful in dating(two long term, 4 years+ relationships, and a ton of sexual partners, over 50 partners to be exact) and I have even been with my wife for almost 13 years now, just some words of encouragement for ya here: 1. Understand that you are not meant for everyone. All this means, is there is someone or some people who will be down to be with and some who won’t. 2. Don’t get discouraged by the rejection you will have from time to time. It happens to everyone. 3. Keep improving yourself and you speaking abilities. The better you can articulate and explain things, the better conversations and connections you can make. 4. Be interesting, and if you can’t be interesting, be informed on a multitude of topics. Being able to connect with people on something they love will get your foot in the door sometimes so to speak. 5. Some times it’s not what you look like, but how you approach it. This one rule has got me a lot of action. 6. Be careful not to info dump too soon. 7. Be yourself, talk about things that you think are important and interesting. But don’t over share too soon. This rule is hard. I know. 8. Listen to what they say, and if you don’t understand what they mean or how they mean it, ask them to explain better. The words “I hear what you are saying, but I am still sort of confused on (insert whatever it is here), can you clarify for me? Will get you far. 9. Don’t rush things. Don’t love bomb, but also don’t wait too long. Ask the person(after you get to know them some) do you have minimum requirements that have to be met before we (insert whatever action here)? 10. Look up questions to ask if you run out of things to talk about or you feel the conversation dwindling. 11. Most important of all, don’t bring anger into the relationship. Simply leave it in the past.
Your very first video randomly popped up on my suggested videos today, I watched it then binge watched the rest of your videos (I’m supposed to be working 😬). Please don’t change yourself to try to meet someone, you will only meet the right person if you are truly yourself (I like your hair btw) 😉 I wish you could see yourself from everyone elses perspective as I think your perception of yourself is so very different to how you come across to others. I’m a 39 year old woman and you seem like the ideal man to me! You’re good looking, responsible, take care of yourself, have a stable job, you’re talented, you seem like a really nice person. In my opinion there is nothing more attractive than a man who knows his own feelings and can articulate them like you do (especially to the whole of TH-cam). I have really struggled with men who keep their feelings to themselves. Women want to know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling and what experiences have made you the person you are today, but I find most men struggle to be forthcoming in this area and it can be such a barrier in relationships. You have so much to offer and you’re so much more amazing than you give yourself credit for. I hope you continue to grow in confidence and meet someone equally as amazing ❤
I wouldn't wish loneliness on my worst enemy, it is truly despairing. You are one of the strongest most resilient people I've come across on the internet. You are very well spoken and articulate yourself better than most and you're a handsome looking guy with hobbies and interests. You've gone through too much pain to be broken now. Ignore the negative voices in your head trying to tear down your self-esteem and make it seem like you're not good enough. Struggle and contend, I'll pray for all of us that are struggling...
What's so wonderful about your channel is that you are connecting with so many people who share your struggles. It's a relief to know that people aren't out here alone trying to figure this life out!
im on a binge, youre so magnetic, not often do people unmask themselves...i just see the same grief that i once felt and it makes me want to jump into the screen and become you, this is beyond solvable, your day in the sun is coming it is palpable
Do NOT change your style unless you get a professional opinion. The women on the forum seem to like your hairstyle. It looks good on you as it is. That is partly why you come across as good-looking because your hair appears styled. You are fit and you seem to take care of yourself. You have a good work ethic as well and you are making attempts to reach your goals plus you have an interest in music. I would not just take anyone else's opinion regarding how you look unless you can see how THEY look first.
@@aaronsjournal139 I see a big improvement in you in this video. Try not to compare yourself to other people, compare yourself today to who you were yesterday, aim for a 1% improvement each day, in a year all going well that's a 365% improvement. If I could give you one piece of advice for active personal development, it would be to volunteer for a charity that helps other people, you'll help people with their problems and you wont be stuck thinking about your own. You would get to socialise more, work on small talk, but not have to engage in lengthy conversations, people will be happy to see you because you'll be helping them. And the more you care for others, the less you'll care about yourself which will make you happier, and more pleasant to be around.
So from a young female perspective (or at least my personal perspective)... you're a good looking man! I was quite surprised watching your other video about feeling lonely in your 40s. You workout, you have a big passion for music... that sounds like a interesting guy! Oh, also i agree that you should be shooting your shot more. Sure, it will be very difficult at first but try not to take it too personal if you get a no because, after all, you already have the "no" right? Let's go after the yes! And yes, having some sort of confidence during your approach is important. The hairstyle is not ugly buut it is a bit outdated so changing it probably is going to help. I saw a comment that said that maybe you should try dancing classes, like salsa or something and i think it's a good idea! If you're interested of course. Knowing how to cook a few dishes is great! But don't worry you don't have to be a masterchef. Changing your style a bit probably is going to help as well, it doesn't have to be a huge change, your shirts seem normal so maybe change the shoes? Something simple but modern looks good(no dad shoes!) Maybe you could change the style of your jeans as well? i don't know which ones you wear. Also, thank you for sharing your story, i subscribed and will definitely be watching your journey, wishing you all the best from Brazil!
The unfortunate nature of interpersonal relationships; especially the dating type is that there is a huge degree of subtlety and art to it. There are rarely, if any, direct clear communications. Its an intricate dance of showing interest and seeking reciprocation. A wink across the room, multiple brief moments of eye contact. For those who are socially skilled this can all come naturally. For those of us that don't think and process the world in that way it can be very complicated. I was only ever successful with any kind of relationship that was established and began online. Text is so much more clear to me than the interactions in the real.
I also struggle with the thought that every time I interact with a woman it is the absolute worst part of their day. Most of the time I feel like an absolute bane of their existence, maybe at best an annoyance. I don't know how it changes. Maybe one freaking positive interaction would help! Maybe if ONE woman ever reciprocated the good intentions... I'm not a fat slob either. You and I have the same body type, but you have hair. So you got that going for you! Keep making waves, man. Let us know how it goes.
Are you physically unattractive(facial bone structure/height)? They have utter distain for ugly men. Its where the word "creepy" comes from. Its sickening, but its true.
How old are you though? What are you saying to these women? Perhaps your delivery is off a bit? I’ve learned that most women don’t mind being approached as long as it’s the right time and the words are creepy or over-aggressive
@@brianmeen2158 the right time? H0w is one suppose to know when that is? without asking her of course! Also, just a note, I'm SURE you meant to type "and the words are NOT creepy or over-aggressive." I'd bet $ on it , and I'm not a gambler, ONLY when I KNOW I'm right! Cheerz😉
One of the other reasons I think you look youthful is because you have a solid diet model as well as a workout plan. Most 40 year olds aren't working out I can tell you that! Keep up the videos Aaron!
I'm in my 40s and very likely could get an autism diagnoses if I sought one. Have you considered that it's fine to remain single? Personally, I'm ambivalent about being in a relationship and I've been in several. Here are some of my reasons: 1) I think there are few women who I am both physically attracted to and who have a personality that I'd be compatible with long term. If I meet someone while doing the things I like to do, then great, if not, that's cool to. 2) How many rejections and break ups do you want to go through? Being the rejector or the rejectee both sucks. Why not just keep it simple? The breakup of a long term relationships can be disastrous. 3) I consider myself very lucky to be someone who is quite content single. I can also spend a lot of time alone from anyone. 4) I have hobbies I love. I have friends (although I need to be careful to maintain them. I have let some fade away too much.). I have a dog and we stay active. I have many interests and hobbies I actively work on. 5) I've realized that sex is a large reason I want a girlfriend. There are easier less risky ways to take care of that need. I think that sex can be sort of a "trap" into attachment when that's not what's best for me. 6) I don't want kids. I'm not saying I'm right. This is all about personal preferences and what tradeoffs you want to make in your life. And I guess that's really my point: realize that having a girlfriend is a tradeoff, not a costless ideal.
Aaron, your channel really touches my heart. You remind me so much of a guy I’m secretly in love with. We met through work a few years ago and have gradually become friends. I really want to be with him romantically but it’s ok if that never happens - I know he has challenges with self-esteem and getting close to people. I’m just happy to have him in my life in any capacity. Like you, he’s exactly 44 years old, has ASD, lives alone and keeps to himself, never had a very serious relationship, and is very handsome, fit, etc. Your channel helps me understand more about what his inner world might be like, since he doesn’t talk much about feelings. It’s eye-opening and makes me want to hug the both of you. I think I’m more open-minded because my dad and my ex-husband also both have ASD. So even though I’m NT, guys with ASD have always seemed “normal” to me because that’s what I’ve always known! Maybe you can find a partner who has family members with ASD. Everybody is different, but it might be easier with someone who already has an idea of what she can expect in a relationship with you. Just a suggestion. I hope you keep the videos coming. Your voice is resonating with a lot of people, including me. Sending you lots of hugs from the east coast!
Tell your crush you like them more than just as friends - you may be surprised. Not easy, I know, but it's worth a try. He might be sitting there at home wondering how to say the same to you.
I suffer from low self-esteem and confidence as well because of constant teasing/life experiences. You're taking an awesome big step here socially. I'm proud of you for getting out here! Keep up the great work!
You don’t have to change a single thing. Not what you wear, how you act, or anything else like that. All you truly have to change is how you perceive yourself. Once you decide you’re going to be happy REGARDLESS of any relationship and make real peace with that, you will be able to form one should the opportunity arise. Therapy would be great for you too because you ruminate a lot (I do the same) and it can help you change some of your thinking patterns and come to some realizations that you might not make on your own. You’ve already taken a great step just talking about everything.
23 year old aspie here and can relate to you in a lot of ways. Sometimes I feel like I creep a girl out, or I fail to pick up on signals and it fucking blows. After watching your last video about being alone, it hit me in so many ways despite myself not being middle aged. It's good to see you trying to see the light ahead of you and maybe trying something new. It took me a long time to work up the courage to even work in a cashier position, order myself a pizza, or even to talk to people on the phone to set up appointments. Keep going my friend and don't stop, it's very encouraging and inspiring to see you moving forward. It helps me in ways that make me want to try new things in my own life. Subbed.
Please remember not to be scared of rejection dude. Another thing that's important is that I was never looking for a girl when I found my wife, I literally met her on the internet and now we live together. Sometimes it's easier to find things when you're not looking for them.
Your style is fine. As someone with ASD who has struggled with a lot of the same things you really do need to just get out there and shoot your shot if you want to meet a woman. You're a good looking guy and you can get a high quality girl if you want to, but its going to take some 'work'. I'd start with something very minimal like a mixed sport, club or volunteering with no expectations. Focus on being authentic and social, don't force things they don't have to work. If it isnt a fit try something else. I went the route of approaching girls on the street in my 20s and got used to it that way but that is quite a stressful and painful way to do it. I'd reccomend you write down and set up a progressive overload routine like you would in the gym for social activities, push yourself little by little for 3 weeks and then deload for a week and go again. Youve got time and I promise you relationships arent the be all and end all. Most dont find the perfect one but if anyone can you probably have an edge because youre genuine and self aware. Dont sweat it... Its not all its cracked up to be and has its own problems like everything in life. But if you want it go after it. Its not your looks holding you back and your personality is fine.
I have friends who go out each weekend and consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Over the last decade it's proven to been both financially and physically taxing on them. My memory is far sharper, I have younger looking skin and overall my health is far better than theirs is now. I'm really grateful that I like being alone, it's kept me out of so much trouble with the people I know.
I had your problem and went through similar feelings at age 25. Was a perpetual loner and a virgin. Self-destruction in the philosophical sense is what helped. When you are different in a way that can be seen as negative and you are constantly aware of it in your interactions, it makes you seem desperate. I hit rock bottom on purpose and hooked up with an escort to gain some confidence and experience. Then I practiced shooting my shot and becoming indifferent to rejection so it didn’t hurt as bad. Eventually found my gf on Tinder and we’ve been serious now for a year and a half. This is partially an identity problem. In order to experience new things, you have to put yourself in situations you’ve never been in. Going your whole life on the outside then trying to go in requires you to let go of the baggage of your own past- your doubts, insecurities, complexes, etc. Stoicism helps. You’re looking good bro I saw your first video then checked your channel and already see an improvement in your well-being. Something else worth mentioning is that you should not expect a relationship to solve your problems. After a while, it’s just normal. This is the human condition. We are always seeking to grow and change in positive ways. It’s not a feeling that goes away just because you are in a relationship, so you might as well try to embrace the journey.
I'm a sigma so I don't worry about what others think. I was shy before sports but then I was undefeated national champion wrestler. I have recalled many past lives so I have no fear. What is your purpose in life? What drives you? I live for gaining knowledge of this prison planet soul trap and how to return home.
You just need to feel celebrated my dude. We all feel worthless and self-conscious at times. Hell Ive had shit luck with ladies, and it brings me down too believe me. I felt you when you said "Ive had decades of seeing myself in a certain light". Its suppppper hard to see yourself how others might see you, but youre VALUABLE. The brain is the worst enemy. I always self doubt, and second guess. You just have to let yourself have fun my dude, a big part of this whole struggle of being shy, you NEED to talk to other people out loud. Talking to yourself (which we both probably do waaay too much) is the echo chamber you dont need to be in all the time. Social interaction and laughing is the way to help yourself feel better. And lastly man, GIRLS ARENT THE ONLY THING. Start with a friend group if you can find other people that are similar and maybe share similar interests. Go OUT. Its scary, but no one is there to judge you. You dont have to put a ton of pressure on yourself to perform or be the center of attention to prove to yourself that youre likable. It starts with having a beer with a friend, buying new clothes, the social media universe that we all subscribe to has made interactions SO weird. But youre a good looking dude, you seem very pure of heart and just wanting love and a hug. I subscribed and hey if you ever want to open a convo up to others so we can all discuss our problems hahah im game!
All I can say is I admire you for being so open and honest. About your struggles. About the difficulty of finding someone. The person you're looking for. But. Looking at you from outside the way. You seem like a good person.The one thing you have to realize is that you're not alone. A lot of people go through the similar struggles,Loneliness. And I guess more than anything. Sometimes we need. Someone to tell us, keep going. And that's what I'm telling you. Keep going. Keep being positive as much as you can. Thank you.
count me in, I feel the same and I am sure there is plenty of women out there who do. And this video also makes me realise I should be more confident in myself as I know I also have a lot to offer, but it took me a long time to see it. I know I could treat a man well. So now I am in similar situation as Aaron trying to get out of it but it's not that easy for both women and men in the same boat. It's such a good thing to be open about this. I see people commenting that a woman would only like a confident man etc., for me I much prefer a guy with some introspection and who knows where he is coming from and the work he has done to get where he is at. I have a lot of respect for that. It gives you a different more wise and lived through confidence in the end I believe.
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
You are one the THE most physically handsome men I've ever seen. Your spiritual aura is bright and I love to hear you speak. Everything you think should be turned around and looked at backwards. You are a catch for a special woman that deserves you and I think you are protected for just the right one. YOU are few and far between and good women are the same. YOU ARE BLESSED. If I weren't so much older and I lived closer? I'd ask you out myself. We have things in common. Especially music and goodness of heart.
I stumbled across your channel and saw a couple of videos. I get the impression, and correct me if I am wrong, that when you approach women you are too serious, it's so important to you that you might come on too "intense" too sincere, which then gets picked up by the woman as "creepy". Sad but true. I know this is easier said than done, but be lighthearted, don't take yourself AND HER too seriously. Dare to make fun of yourself and her. Don't be mean about it of course, just friendly and happy. If you come on too strong, too serious, too cool, too intense then most women will reject you. Trust me you worry too much about your looks, you got no issue there.
In our formative years, school is just a tiny society of immature minds. Their view of you is not (and never was) the truth. You are an infinitely valuable being of energy, light, and love. Created to be diverse. Perfectly made. And, someday, you will come to see it too. ❤
Another glass-half-full observation: It seems to me like you are very introspective - probably by nature, but also your solitude must have given you plenty of opportunities to look inward over time. And so now you have developed it like a skill. Even in frustration or fear or sadness or apathy, you’ve dug around and found the words to articulate in a way that resonates with thousands of people! Powerful. AND you have the courage and initiative to post those thoughts for the world to see, and the result is that thousands of people feel more seen and less alone themselves. All of this is majorly attractive. You come across as an intelligent, authentic, well-spoken man, who thinks about what’s wrong and takes steps to make it right. I understand your ASD has been a hurdle in dating. You didn’t gain the same skills through the same experiences as most of your peers did, when they were learning how to connect and socialize and share life. But I would observe that in that time, you have still built your own tools that will help you connect with others, and even find love.
People always tell me I look way too young for my age as well (42) and I have always felt this belief as well. I just haven't been through all the normal life experiences others around me my age have gone through. First time i've actually heard someone else say it verbally. Keep on with the videos, the sharing, introspection. I think it is doing good for not only you, but many many others who relate to you. Cheers.
You sound more positive man. Keep hitting the gym and working on improving yourself/your situation just like you are now. I've always thought I might be autistic to some degree or at the very least I have some of the symptoms. I wouldn't want to say I am though as I haven't been diagnosed and been too afraid to go to a doctor. When I was a kid I definitely had a lot of symptoms that went ignored by those around me. Things you said about being alone for years at a time, that's been me for most of the last decade. Brief relationships with few friends, work and being at home alone. Not knowing how to act or what to say in certain situations. The more I lift weights and focus on turning my life into something more, even though my life is the same currently. I feel I'm a little more capable of navigating social situations and life in general. I'm glad you put that video out made me think we're less alone in these struggles. Not that I'm trying to compare my life or situation to you etc and I wish none of us had to feel like this but it's nice to know there's other people who can appreciate the struggle.
You know, I like you dude. I think you’re a solid person and your self awareness is very respectable. I think that you putting yourself out there on youtube may just be the push you needed to be someone you want to be. I hope to see the changes you want to see.
IDK how you ended up on my feed but can't stop watching your content, You can't expect someone to make your life complete that's way too much pressure for someone. You need to be comfortable in your own skin first and like who you are hell we all do.
That is certainly a very good point regarding looking at yourself in certain ways during your formative years. I think big into nature vs nurture. I have often wondered if by the luck of the draw, your first few experiences in those formative years with talking to the opposite sex shape your outlook going forward, as opposed to saying "Oh, I had a good/bad experience, but lets see what the next turn brings". Like lets say my first few experience was a string of bad ones- then I am more shy, I think I'm "weird", I think she doesn't like me, etc. I have struggled with "being good enough" my whole life. Ive struggled with weight- but with age and experience, you just see that things weren't the end of the world as you thought. I grew up being made fun of because of my weight. But when I look back at photos, I wasn't a fat kid. I just wasn't rail thin like other little boys. So that put me in a category- and as a kid, you don't know any better. You listen. Because what else are you going to do? You start to let the words beat you up, because you really start to not care. So you DON'T care, and then the weight DOES happen for real. But when I go back and look at my photos, I was a handsome kid and had good fashion sense and was a nice kid. Its not until the hindsight kicked in that I realized how many girls were attracted to me, and I didn't know how to receive it because of the static in my own head. Either I thought they were "being nice", or "being nice to me to mock me". I had twisted attitudes. Today I am nothing of a super model. And YES, now I REALLY do have work to do to get back to the healthy side of the line. But I HAVE learned self worth through the years as I have come to realize that everyone is winging it and the people who have negative attitudes toward you really don't matter. Despite not being a 5 star model, I have never been unlucky in love because I have learned that humor is like food for the soul, and women love to eat. So my personality has been my saving grace in the dating scene. The backdrop behind all of this is that women are nothing mystical to be marveled at in the sense that they too are just out here figuring things out. They like jokes. They like to eat pizza. They like to talk. And IF they'd reject you, hey, its a part of life. But you live to fight another day. None of this happens without you stepping out of your comfort zone. If any younger guys are reading this who struggle with something similar, I am going to tell you something that I WISH that I could go back in a time machine and tell myself in my worst of times- but since I can't tell myself in the past, I'll tell you in the present: If you can make a girl laugh, you BECOME the supermodel. Let's read that again: If you can make a girl laugh, YOU... BECOME... THE... SUPERMODEL ❤❤ You might not understand what that means until you pull it off once or twice. But keep yourself well informed. Make em laugh, but don't be pushy. And LISTEN TO THEM, and ask questions about what they say/their hobbies/their job/life/etc. Luv ya's
Working out is hard. It’s a challenge-But look at what it gets you! You are in really great shape for your age and that is a real accomplishment. Here’s another challenge- stop looking at yourself and look toward something bigger than you. For me, it’s God. Look outside of you. Look in places you may have never thought of. Hang out in new social situations. It’s ok to be quiet and shy. It’s ok to be neurodiverse. I think we all have a bit of that going on to an extent. What makes you laugh? What makes you smile? Try to imagine what it would be like to look at yourself in the 3rd person and be able to empathize and be able to laugh at things. Think about this moment and what you can do today… even if it’s just a little thing… a real thing. If you could change your situation even by a little bit, what does that look like? Don’t listen to that voice that says “stop and look at how this isn’t working and how much of a failure you are.” I think there are many folks out there that feel the way you do. Never stop moving. The more of this kind of thing you do, the more you might realize that all of the doubt and fear is not what it appears to be. I wish you all the best.
I am the same way as you I think. I could never tell if a girl was in to me or not. I got lucky with my now wife, because she was just very persistent. I had (and to some extent still have) insecurities about myself. Initially when my wife flirted with me, my brain twisted it to think she was somehow making fun of me. The best advice I think I would give is to assume the best intentions from those around you. Assume that they have some interest in you, even if it is only as a friend. I know that is the hard part, but if you're anything like me just start with assuming neutral interest. Anything but an assumption of negative interest. I don't know if that makes any sense, but feel free to message me if you want to talk more about it. There is always hope and I am rooting for you man!
Don't even worry about "shooting your shot" bro. Change your mindset. You have a ton going for you. Be thankful and excited about it. You do that, and things will change quick.
Recording is a great way to break into the music biz and meet bands, see what people like and where to play. You seem to have an aptitude for all the confusing software that goes with Recording
I've been single all my life also. We have many things in common, I can see that by watching all your videos. Thank you for putting yourself out on here. That is something I don't think I can ever do. And just wanted to add that I am too hard on myself. We can be our own worst citics, right?
you are my favorite person in the world man. thank you for being here and able to help us similar with your own experiences. life sucks right now, but hearing you talk abt these topics actually give me hope that i’ll see the sunshine for another day
I share many similarities with you, though I am married. But I have a big tip for you, and that's to smile whenever possible. My wife tells me all the time to smile because I "look like a serial killer' when I don't. We both laugh when she says that because it's true, lol. It's VERY hard for me to smile at strangers and I have to make a conscious effort to do it, but it really is a night and day difference when I do. After you smile at someone, try to gauge how big of a smile you get back and use that as one of those social cues. Even when making these videos, when saying something that makes you feel remotely happy, throw a smile on the end of it. They are worth their weight in gold.
Seeing this video - everything lead to this point - and only this video. * Get therapy, asap. You wont get out of your misery alone. *Start small-talking whereever when ever. *Expose yourself. * Try younger women, this compensates for you not being developed. *You look good enough, you are smart enough, you have enough solo-hobbies. *Basically anything that pushes your limits will boost experience and selfconfidence. *it took you 44 years to come to this point, getting out will be a lifelong and fullfilling process. *Overcome fear and old avoidance patterns and realize we are mortal, there is so many chances in life. You got this man! Dont waste your life, I believe in you. Wasting your life makes me sad !
So, for the last half hour I've been debating writing this. I could be your classmate. Like many other women in the comment section, I concur that you are a handsome fellow. Also, I had married a man that hadn't dated anyone until 42. That was me. Never lose hope, but don't dwell too much on it. I want to be a mom, and married my first husband at 29. No baby is here. I concluded today that hope will remain and to focus on what I can do about it. Since I just watched your first video, I threw caution to the wind, and decided to get way personal. Keep your head up, bud.
I see so much of myself in your stories. So, if I can, anyone can change what ever they want about them selfs. Keep going, keep pushing and have a good one
Just seeing your thumbnails go from bummed to smiling made me smile man. I just stumbled into your page but boy do I know lonliness and depression. Im here for ya man, and im glad to see you are a fellow beat maker as well! I really hope the youtube videos have helped you find some friendly comfort, the internet can be scary and its tough feeling vulnerable, especially when you think no one cares. But we care a hell of a lot. And you better believe that, youre loved more than you probably know, and your videos help others feel alright. Keep on keeping on my dude.
Yo bro, didn't know what words of encouragement to give but I'll just say that I'll be praying for you and I'll be following your channel and I hope that he will give you the desires of your heart.
Aaron, you’re doing amazing. You’re a good looking dude who’s highly intelligent. social skills can be learned and no man is born good at flirting. it’s learned at some point or another, some just learn sooner than others. you will do great things in life. i’ll be rooting for you and praying for you. much love bro🤙🏼
This is great to see man. You can almost see under and behind the curtain. A bunch of this happens and is just the human condition; your friend that says exposure exposure; he’s correct… it’s how we all do it. At any rate, this is great to see you taking stock of other perspectives, considering different possibilities, and considering possible holes in your own approach (shooting foot). You’re going to find what you’re searching for if you keep wanting and trying. Seeing a perspective shift in anyone can be beautiful, but this little twinkle you saw was cool to see happen dude.
I think your hair is great and I’m a hair stylist, it suits you very well and looks nice. It’s nice that you are feeling more upbeat and hopeful than you were in the first video. Practice makes perfect, it can’t hurt trying and just look at it as practice, just be yourself because who you are is great and the right person for you will think so too.
I think you took a bigger step than I would personally by being so brave in putting yourself out here with your videos.. because I know it's hard for me to film myself drumming, even though my friends tell me I'm talented. I'm proud of how brave you are to have endured life alone and your willingness to pick yourself up by experimenting. I'd think a key point here is to always maintain a frame that of all these things are an effort to improve and add excitement to YOUR life with women as a fun bonus. You're on the right track, I promise!!
Without sugar coating things you need to ask yourself what’s going to be worse, being uncomfortable initially trying to approach girls which will eventually make you confident and being success or being alone. You seem like a calm and sensible man and girls like that.
I heard this really good talk on rejection. Long story short, this woman found out after years why her crush had rejected her invitation to prom. Turns out, he had liked her and really wanted to go but he was embarrassed he had nothing to wear. He had assumed that everyone had clothes like that ready to go and felt ashamed he didn’t. She herself, for all of those years, assumed it was something wrong with her.
What a difference in the last video from 3 months ago I just watched. It’s so easy to get in our heads. You’re a good looking guy, it looks like you take care of yourself. Keep shooting your shot and keep practicing with it no matter how many times you fall into the dirt. You’re fully capable of loving and being loved.
Yes! Shoot your shot! Its totally tough, but totally worth it. This authenticity work we are seeing in your videos is totally awesome and people will respect it. Keep us updated on meetups and music man! Keep em achievable and go for em! Side note: think the hair is good. But whatever you do keep the look clean. People definitely pick up on that stuff in first impressions.
I just binged all your videos and I feel you so hard, although I am younger than you are (25). The change from the first video to this one is unreal, you made so much progress. One tip I have, start a gratitude journal, it helped me alot to change my crippling thoughts to live giving ones.
Go for it, man. The one thing that can keep you held back is expectations, otherwise it's a constant hurdle of disappointment, grief and regret. If it doesn't succeed, that's okay, go for the next. If you need to rest, do so. Having the energy can help show that you're up for anything your way. At the end of the day, at least you tried, but take a deep breathe and have some sort of mentality that tells you, "I did it." or "Keep moving.", something that makes you realize that progress is still in the works.
Hey man I’ve seen a few of your vids, you are doing good man be positive. Way easier said than done. Experienced some things myself. Hey man I’ll be your friend. You seem like a very genuine and kind guy. Not enough of those around these days. Few and far between. Keep up man
You’re changing bro Keep it up 👍 it’s all in your head man. Shoot your shot try it on a woman you don’t find attractive to practice. We’re all rooting for you
3:00 I feel like this is the entirety of my life, I feel like we all have this exact feeling. Very difficult hurdle but you can absolutely make it happen man. Just have to find the right path.
Yes, it is ALWAYS about perspective! I just found your first video the other night while at work. Now, watching the little bank of what you have online. I see a positive change already. Your demeanor in this video is already immediately obviously more upbeat and positive. Your head is up higher, there’s almost a spark of a smile. 🙂 I can tell you, if there’s one thing that is an immediate attraction it is positivity. You’re doing great!
Hello. Just my thoughts... You don't have to change anything. You look good just the way you are. I think you have a good taste as well. I'm in my 40s and still single and lives on the other side of the world and lol Idk why TH-cam recommended your channel but anyway, yes don't be discouraged I think you will find someone someday that matches you in all aspect if not all at least 80 percent and the other 20 percent can be compromised😁. Stay safe.
Bro at 37yo I look younger than most people I know who are in their late 20s. No kids no wife no stress. There are POSITIVES to the way things went down in the last 25 years for you. I struggle with dwelling on things. Always have, I should have been a millionaire at 30. Never wanted kids but I should've been married by 35. It does us no good. Look to the future as hard as it may be. Yours looks bright bro. You are wrong about a lot of things you say, honest though which is refreshing. Your a catch right now. Never had kids, NO baggage, you got your shit together, your attractive. You need to realize on your next date, she would be lucky to have you. You may have been alone for 25 years that doesn't make you any less of a catch. Just bullshit with her, do not try to impress, be yourself. You will win almost everytime.
I’ve found this to be the hardest thing to do as well. Always felt like I was unworthy. Learning to accept who I am is extremely difficult, but I’m making progress. You can too, brother. God bless.
It cant hurt to try if thats what you want to do, and as long as you can do it while retaining your sanity. However, sometimes false hope and constant rejection can be much worse than acceptance and finding contentment in other things. Only you really know whats best for you.
You are so right about caring that non-Nuro typical label down the road and it can create us not to be confident in ourselves. 😢 I threw that label out along time ago, but it took an enormous amount of work to do it.
Honestly, not exaggerating at all, but with your bone structure, muscular profile, soothing voice, and your humble/wise personality,
I think you’re more attractive than about 90% of the rest of the population.
I think you could really do anything but I think seeing you with a real smile on your face will do more than any clothes ever could!
Really rooting for you man, I can see the upward trajectory from here!
yet it doesn't heed results... apps, real life, etc. Women are blowing drug dealers daily instead
Just be straight up with them when your on a date. Say I'm on the spectrum. Fuck it, own it. You might find someone that think it's interesting. If they don't. Who cares. You've got nothing to lose. You don't want a girl that doesn't like you for you anyways. Good luck man.
This is something I tell them now.
✨️ 🙏🏾💚☯️✨️
I am straight guy but I can tell you’re a good looking dude. You have that going for you. You’re are highly intelligent and articulate. If you go with the mentality of you’re screwed, you are. If you have a talent like music, use it as an icebreaker. The fact that you have your own place shows you’re independent, even at 44. You have to count your blessings, not what you’re lacking. You seem like you’re athletic, you should join a coed volleyball, kickball or some kind of league. That will open doors to meeting people and even chance relationships. If you stay in your comfort zone, you will truly stay uncomfortable in the long term. Don’t worry about what your false beliefs are telling you, go out prove those distorted notions wrong! You got this man!
You are very handsome and it's refreshing to see a man trying to be so self aware. If I wasn't terminally ill I'd shoot my shot with ya! But I'd just hold you back. Godspeed to you! 💛💛💛💛💛✌️🤟🤙
I would encourage you to look for a partner who shares your introversion so you don't feel too much pressure to be someone else. It may take some time for such a woman to open up, but once she does, I think you will be able to enjoy each other's company tremendously.
As a middle aged introvert I agree. I’ve tried dating more extroverted women and it goes nowhere fast. As I get older I have grown even more introverted - the thought of going out socially these days is dreadful lol. The problem is, where do introverted guys meet these introverted women? Dating apps are too messy
I dunno about this. Ever hear the saying 'opposites attract"? I mean, with 2 introverts, there is nobody to push you outta the comfort zone some, no one to challenge him. IF they both hit a depression, they'll be in separate rooms 'understanding' each other and respecting they need space. The next thing you know he's 60 and he's posting about where did the past 5 yrs go? How he doesn't even now his wife anymore, she's like a piece of furniture, and he doesn't know how to respectfully get his wife outta the den! LoL Know what I mean? My thoughts are be careful of attracting to another introvert, it might be a little tooo much quiet respect goin down. A person who has some extrovert characteristics in their personality are EXACTLY what the Dr. ordered!
Good luck finding that... Men like us have zero options.
although in some cases opposites attract but ONLY if each partner has respect for the others personality and usually only works if an extrovert loves an introvert. in one of those rare cases you can be married till death because its so balanced. In many cases the extroverted understanding woman might make his life a whole lot easier validating him for just being Whereas an introverted woman would probably require more work and validation i.e. an extroverted man. I'm introverted and love extroverted women if she isn't obnoxious. The key is being able to be with a woman without speaking AT ALL enjoying each others presence while you both are completely at ease and comfortable, if you can get someone like that you've got a winner.
I disagree. Introversion doesnt mean you hate social interaction. It just means you are productive when alone and expect other people to initiate with you. Initiating is a burden for an introvert but not for an extrovert.
Your hair looks good, i think it really suits you. You're a good-looking guy, Aaron! And you're hard working, responsible, smart, soft spoken, creative and you don't come off aggressively or angrily. You're a total catch in my book. From where I'm sitting your only real issue is low self-esteem, which is incredibly difficult to overcome on your own. Have you considered therapy for that?
Yep, I agree with what you're saying. I know ugly dudes with higher self esteem. Old, ugly dudes. Sounds like because he works alone, he's not even experiencing interacting with women just on a platonic level.
Why do people care about low self-esteem when you can see he is such clearly an amazing person. Maybe he has low self esteem due to unfair treatment by other people, you've never met or known.
I completely agree....great looking, sweet, observant, hardworking....Aaron, it really is your self esteem. I'm sitting here thinking...this guy is really cute and endearing!!! I'm being totally honest!
This is awesome! I’ve found a corner of the internet where people are supportive and honest! They aren’t lying, Aaron. You are a catch.
@@fshoapsreally low self esteem in a man in a killer in the dating world. Most women want a strong confidant man - they don’t want a low energy depressed guy that they will have to lift up all the time
Hi from the Netherlands. You are so brave. Do you know how much strength you need to possess to be able to share yourself online? Respect
Aaron, I’ve been following you since your FIRST video; you may not see it, but we all can...YOU HAVE DEFINITELY GROWN, emotionally and psychologically!
With so many loyal and supportive subscribers now, perhaps you will consider RENTING A HALL for an evening and presenting a mix of your music and an essay(testimonial) of your experiences since among your talents, you are very articulate.
You can charge a small entry To cover expenses! You can announce it via several videos a few months ahead; see what kind of responses you get.
I bet that hall will be PACKED, and perhaps offer an opportunity for ALL OF US to meet someone, a NEW FRIEND...
Stay blessed, Aaron.
Robert-
As a fellow autistic male, who has been very successful in dating(two long term, 4 years+ relationships, and a ton of sexual partners, over 50 partners to be exact) and I have even been with my wife for almost 13 years now, just some words of encouragement for ya here:
1. Understand that you are not meant for everyone. All this means, is there is someone or some people who will be down to be with and some who won’t.
2. Don’t get discouraged by the rejection you will have from time to time. It happens to everyone.
3. Keep improving yourself and you speaking abilities. The better you can articulate and explain things, the better conversations and connections you can make.
4. Be interesting, and if you can’t be interesting, be informed on a multitude of topics. Being able to connect with people on something they love will get your foot in the door sometimes so to speak.
5. Some times it’s not what you look like, but how you approach it. This one rule has got me a lot of action.
6. Be careful not to info dump too soon.
7. Be yourself, talk about things that you think are important and interesting. But don’t over share too soon. This rule is hard. I know.
8. Listen to what they say, and if you don’t understand what they mean or how they mean it, ask them to explain better. The words “I hear what you are saying, but I am still sort of confused on (insert whatever it is here), can you clarify for me? Will get you far.
9. Don’t rush things. Don’t love bomb, but also don’t wait too long. Ask the person(after you get to know them some) do you have minimum requirements that have to be met before we (insert whatever action here)?
10. Look up questions to ask if you run out of things to talk about or you feel the conversation dwindling.
11. Most important of all, don’t bring anger into the relationship. Simply leave it in the past.
Your very first video randomly popped up on my suggested videos today, I watched it then binge watched the rest of your videos (I’m supposed to be working 😬).
Please don’t change yourself to try to meet someone, you will only meet the right person if you are truly yourself (I like your hair btw) 😉
I wish you could see yourself from everyone elses perspective as I think your perception of yourself is so very different to how you come across to others. I’m a 39 year old woman and you seem like the ideal man to me! You’re good looking, responsible, take care of yourself, have a stable job, you’re talented, you seem like a really nice person.
In my opinion there is nothing more attractive than a man who knows his own feelings and can articulate them like you do (especially to the whole of TH-cam). I have really struggled with men who keep their feelings to themselves. Women want to know what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling and what experiences have made you the person you are today, but I find most men struggle to be forthcoming in this area and it can be such a barrier in relationships.
You have so much to offer and you’re so much more amazing than you give yourself credit for. I hope you continue to grow in confidence and meet someone equally as amazing ❤
Same here!
I wouldn't wish loneliness on my worst enemy, it is truly despairing. You are one of the strongest most resilient people I've come across on the internet. You are very well spoken and articulate yourself better than most and you're a handsome looking guy with hobbies and interests. You've gone through too much pain to be broken now. Ignore the negative voices in your head trying to tear down your self-esteem and make it seem like you're not good enough. Struggle and contend, I'll pray for all of us that are struggling...
What's so wonderful about your channel is that you are connecting with so many people who share your struggles. It's a relief to know that people aren't out here alone trying to figure this life out!
im on a binge, youre so magnetic, not often do people unmask themselves...i just see the same grief that i once felt and it makes me want to jump into the screen and become you, this is beyond solvable, your day in the sun is coming it is palpable
Do NOT change your style unless you get a professional opinion. The women on the forum seem to like your hairstyle. It looks good on you as it is. That is partly why you come across as good-looking because your hair appears styled. You are fit and you seem to take care of yourself. You have a good work ethic as well and you are making attempts to reach your goals plus you have an interest in music. I would not just take anyone else's opinion regarding how you look unless you can see how THEY look first.
Yeah, the more I thought about it, the more I decided I'm not doing a thing wrong with my style.
@@aaronsjournal139 I see a big improvement in you in this video. Try not to compare yourself to other people, compare yourself today to who you were yesterday, aim for a 1% improvement each day, in a year all going well that's a 365% improvement.
If I could give you one piece of advice for active personal development, it would be to volunteer for a charity that helps other people, you'll help people with their problems and you wont be stuck thinking about your own. You would get to socialise more, work on small talk, but not have to engage in lengthy conversations, people will be happy to see you because you'll be helping them. And the more you care for others, the less you'll care about yourself which will make you happier, and more pleasant to be around.
@@aaronsjournal139 Yeah, you look great.
So from a young female perspective (or at least my personal perspective)... you're a good looking man! I was quite surprised watching your other video about feeling lonely in your 40s. You workout, you have a big passion for music... that sounds like a interesting guy!
Oh, also i agree that you should be shooting your shot more. Sure, it will be very difficult at first but try not to take it too personal if you get a no because, after all, you already have the "no" right? Let's go after the yes!
And yes, having some sort of confidence during your approach is important. The hairstyle is not ugly buut it is a bit outdated so changing it probably is going to help.
I saw a comment that said that maybe you should try dancing classes, like salsa or something and i think it's a good idea! If you're interested of course. Knowing how to cook a few dishes is great! But don't worry you don't have to be a masterchef.
Changing your style a bit probably is going to help as well, it doesn't have to be a huge change, your shirts seem normal so maybe change the shoes? Something simple but modern looks good(no dad shoes!) Maybe you could change the style of your jeans as well? i don't know which ones you wear.
Also, thank you for sharing your story, i subscribed and will definitely be watching your journey, wishing you all the best from Brazil!
The unfortunate nature of interpersonal relationships; especially the dating type is that there is a huge degree of subtlety and art to it. There are rarely, if any, direct clear communications. Its an intricate dance of showing interest and seeking reciprocation. A wink across the room, multiple brief moments of eye contact. For those who are socially skilled this can all come naturally. For those of us that don't think and process the world in that way it can be very complicated. I was only ever successful with any kind of relationship that was established and began online. Text is so much more clear to me than the interactions in the real.
I also struggle with the thought that every time I interact with a woman it is the absolute worst part of their day. Most of the time I feel like an absolute bane of their existence, maybe at best an annoyance. I don't know how it changes. Maybe one freaking positive interaction would help! Maybe if ONE woman ever reciprocated the good intentions...
I'm not a fat slob either. You and I have the same body type, but you have hair. So you got that going for you! Keep making waves, man. Let us know how it goes.
Are you physically unattractive(facial bone structure/height)? They have utter distain for ugly men. Its where the word "creepy" comes from. Its sickening, but its true.
How old are you though? What are you saying to these women? Perhaps your delivery is off a bit? I’ve learned that most women don’t mind being approached as long as it’s the right time and the words are creepy or over-aggressive
Have you tried, spending time finding a therapist the understands your challenges and needs, and spoke with them about these thoughts?
also? Hm. Thanks for your post. It gives me an idea of where he's at about now. Cheerz
@@brianmeen2158 the right time? H0w is one suppose to know when that is? without asking her of course! Also, just a note, I'm SURE you meant to type "and the words are NOT creepy or over-aggressive." I'd bet $ on it , and I'm not a gambler, ONLY when I KNOW I'm right! Cheerz😉
One of the other reasons I think you look youthful is because you have a solid diet model as well as a workout plan. Most 40 year olds aren't working out I can tell you that! Keep up the videos Aaron!
I'm in my 40s and very likely could get an autism diagnoses if I sought one. Have you considered that it's fine to remain single? Personally, I'm ambivalent about being in a relationship and I've been in several. Here are some of my reasons: 1) I think there are few women who I am both physically attracted to and who have a personality that I'd be compatible with long term. If I meet someone while doing the things I like to do, then great, if not, that's cool to. 2) How many rejections and break ups do you want to go through? Being the rejector or the rejectee both sucks. Why not just keep it simple? The breakup of a long term relationships can be disastrous. 3) I consider myself very lucky to be someone who is quite content single. I can also spend a lot of time alone from anyone. 4) I have hobbies I love. I have friends (although I need to be careful to maintain them. I have let some fade away too much.). I have a dog and we stay active. I have many interests and hobbies I actively work on. 5) I've realized that sex is a large reason I want a girlfriend. There are easier less risky ways to take care of that need. I think that sex can be sort of a "trap" into attachment when that's not what's best for me. 6) I don't want kids.
I'm not saying I'm right. This is all about personal preferences and what tradeoffs you want to make in your life. And I guess that's really my point: realize that having a girlfriend is a tradeoff, not a costless ideal.
I just wanted to tell you, Aaron that I'm rooting for you and making this channel is a huge step in opening up! I'm glad for you!
Aaron, your channel really touches my heart. You remind me so much of a guy I’m secretly in love with. We met through work a few years ago and have gradually become friends. I really want to be with him romantically but it’s ok if that never happens - I know he has challenges with self-esteem and getting close to people. I’m just happy to have him in my life in any capacity.
Like you, he’s exactly 44 years old, has ASD, lives alone and keeps to himself, never had a very serious relationship, and is very handsome, fit, etc. Your channel helps me understand more about what his inner world might be like, since he doesn’t talk much about feelings. It’s eye-opening and makes me want to hug the both of you.
I think I’m more open-minded because my dad and my ex-husband also both have ASD. So even though I’m NT, guys with ASD have always seemed “normal” to me because that’s what I’ve always known! Maybe you can find a partner who has family members with ASD. Everybody is different, but it might be easier with someone who already has an idea of what she can expect in a relationship with you. Just a suggestion.
I hope you keep the videos coming. Your voice is resonating with a lot of people, including me. Sending you lots of hugs from the east coast!
Tell your crush you like them more than just as friends - you may be surprised.
Not easy, I know, but it's worth a try. He might be sitting there at home wondering how to say the same to you.
Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I wonder if he's secretly in love with you, too.
I suffer from low self-esteem and confidence as well because of constant teasing/life experiences. You're taking an awesome big step here socially. I'm proud of you for getting out here! Keep up the great work!
You don’t have to change a single thing. Not what you wear, how you act, or anything else like that. All you truly have to change is how you perceive yourself. Once you decide you’re going to be happy REGARDLESS of any relationship and make real peace with that, you will be able to form one should the opportunity arise. Therapy would be great for you too because you ruminate a lot (I do the same) and it can help you change some of your thinking patterns and come to some realizations that you might not make on your own. You’ve already taken a great step just talking about everything.
23 year old aspie here and can relate to you in a lot of ways. Sometimes I feel like I creep a girl out, or I fail to pick up on signals and it fucking blows. After watching your last video about being alone, it hit me in so many ways despite myself not being middle aged. It's good to see you trying to see the light ahead of you and maybe trying something new. It took me a long time to work up the courage to even work in a cashier position, order myself a pizza, or even to talk to people on the phone to set up appointments. Keep going my friend and don't stop, it's very encouraging and inspiring to see you moving forward. It helps me in ways that make me want to try new things in my own life. Subbed.
Please remember not to be scared of rejection dude. Another thing that's important is that I was never looking for a girl when I found my wife, I literally met her on the internet and now we live together. Sometimes it's easier to find things when you're not looking for them.
Did you buy a place together or did she move in with you?
Good advice and so very true. Sometimes it's necessary to go through being rejected/hurt to find the right person.
Your style is fine. As someone with ASD who has struggled with a lot of the same things you really do need to just get out there and shoot your shot if you want to meet a woman.
You're a good looking guy and you can get a high quality girl if you want to, but its going to take some 'work'.
I'd start with something very minimal like a mixed sport, club or volunteering with no expectations. Focus on being authentic and social, don't force things they don't have to work. If it isnt a fit try something else.
I went the route of approaching girls on the street in my 20s and got used to it that way but that is quite a stressful and painful way to do it.
I'd reccomend you write down and set up a progressive overload routine like you would in the gym for social activities, push yourself little by little for 3 weeks and then deload for a week and go again.
Youve got time and I promise you relationships arent the be all and end all. Most dont find the perfect one but if anyone can you probably have an edge because youre genuine and self aware.
Dont sweat it... Its not all its cracked up to be and has its own problems like everything in life. But if you want it go after it. Its not your looks holding you back and your personality is fine.
I have friends who go out each weekend and consume ridiculous amounts of alcohol. Over the last decade it's proven to been both financially and physically taxing on them. My memory is far sharper, I have younger looking skin and overall my health is far better than theirs is now. I'm really grateful that I like being alone, it's kept me out of so much trouble with the people I know.
You are quite handsome and so very well spoken! I honestly think you see yourself very differently than the rest of us!
I had your problem and went through similar feelings at age 25. Was a perpetual loner and a virgin. Self-destruction in the philosophical sense is what helped. When you are different in a way that can be seen as negative and you are constantly aware of it in your interactions, it makes you seem desperate. I hit rock bottom on purpose and hooked up with an escort to gain some confidence and experience. Then I practiced shooting my shot and becoming indifferent to rejection so it didn’t hurt as bad. Eventually found my gf on Tinder and we’ve been serious now for a year and a half.
This is partially an identity problem. In order to experience new things, you have to put yourself in situations you’ve never been in. Going your whole life on the outside then trying to go in requires you to let go of the baggage of your own past- your doubts, insecurities, complexes, etc.
Stoicism helps. You’re looking good bro I saw your first video then checked your channel and already see an improvement in your well-being.
Something else worth mentioning is that you should not expect a relationship to solve your problems. After a while, it’s just normal. This is the human condition. We are always seeking to grow and change in positive ways. It’s not a feeling that goes away just because you are in a relationship, so you might as well try to embrace the journey.
I'm a sigma so I don't worry about what others think. I was shy before sports but then I was undefeated national champion wrestler. I have recalled many past lives so I have no fear. What is your purpose in life? What drives you? I live for gaining knowledge of this prison planet soul trap and how to return home.
You got this man! I`m cheering for you!
You just need to feel celebrated my dude. We all feel worthless and self-conscious at times. Hell Ive had shit luck with ladies, and it brings me down too believe me. I felt you when you said "Ive had decades of seeing myself in a certain light". Its suppppper hard to see yourself how others might see you, but youre VALUABLE. The brain is the worst enemy. I always self doubt, and second guess.
You just have to let yourself have fun my dude, a big part of this whole struggle of being shy, you NEED to talk to other people out loud. Talking to yourself (which we both probably do waaay too much) is the echo chamber you dont need to be in all the time. Social interaction and laughing is the way to help yourself feel better.
And lastly man, GIRLS ARENT THE ONLY THING. Start with a friend group if you can find other people that are similar and maybe share similar interests. Go OUT. Its scary, but no one is there to judge you. You dont have to put a ton of pressure on yourself to perform or be the center of attention to prove to yourself that youre likable. It starts with having a beer with a friend, buying new clothes, the social media universe that we all subscribe to has made interactions SO weird.
But youre a good looking dude, you seem very pure of heart and just wanting love and a hug. I subscribed and hey if you ever want to open a convo up to others so we can all discuss our problems hahah im game!
All I can say is I admire you for being so open and honest. About your struggles. About the difficulty of finding someone. The person you're looking for. But. Looking at you from outside the way. You seem like a good person.The one thing you have to realize is that you're not alone. A lot of people go through the similar struggles,Loneliness. And I guess more than anything. Sometimes we need. Someone to tell us, keep going. And that's what I'm telling you. Keep going. Keep being positive as much as you can. Thank you.
This is exactly the kind of guy I wish I could find.
count me in, I feel the same and I am sure there is plenty of women out there who do. And this video also makes me realise I should be more confident in myself as I know I also have a lot to offer, but it took me a long time to see it. I know I could treat a man well. So now I am in similar situation as Aaron trying to get out of it but it's not that easy for both women and men in the same boat. It's such a good thing to be open about this.
I see people commenting that a woman would only like a confident man etc., for me I much prefer a guy with some introspection and who knows where he is coming from and the work he has done to get where he is at. I have a lot of respect for that. It gives you a different more wise and lived through confidence in the end I believe.
you are probs 250 pounds
with 5 kids
Be you dude. The right woman will see this and be about it. Own your own skin because the critics don't.
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
Apparently this is how Ramana Maharshi "woke up". He imagined that he died, and discovered what remained.
You are one the THE most physically handsome men I've ever seen. Your spiritual aura is bright and I love to hear you speak. Everything you think should be turned around and looked at backwards. You are a catch for a special woman that deserves you and I think you are protected for just the right one. YOU are few and far between and good women are the same. YOU ARE BLESSED.
If I weren't so much older and I lived closer? I'd ask you out myself. We have things in common. Especially music and goodness of heart.
I stumbled across your channel and saw a couple of videos. I get the impression, and correct me if I am wrong, that when you approach women you are too serious, it's so important to you that you might come on too "intense" too sincere, which then gets picked up by the woman as "creepy". Sad but true. I know this is easier said than done, but be lighthearted, don't take yourself AND HER too seriously. Dare to make fun of yourself and her. Don't be mean about it of course, just friendly and happy. If you come on too strong, too serious, too cool, too intense then most women will reject you. Trust me you worry too much about your looks, you got no issue there.
"Mode of thinking" you nailed it, follow your heart and soul brother its golden. Thinking isnt always true.
In our formative years, school is just a tiny society of immature minds. Their view of you is not (and never was) the truth. You are an infinitely valuable being of energy, light, and love. Created to be diverse. Perfectly made. And, someday, you will come to see it too. ❤
Another glass-half-full observation:
It seems to me like you are very introspective - probably by nature, but also your solitude must have given you plenty of opportunities to look inward over time. And so now you have developed it like a skill. Even in frustration or fear or sadness or apathy, you’ve dug around and found the words to articulate in a way that resonates with thousands of people! Powerful.
AND you have the courage and initiative to post those thoughts for the world to see, and the result is that thousands of people feel more seen and less alone themselves.
All of this is majorly attractive. You come across as an intelligent, authentic, well-spoken man, who thinks about what’s wrong and takes steps to make it right.
I understand your ASD has been a hurdle in dating. You didn’t gain the same skills through the same experiences as most of your peers did, when they were learning how to connect and socialize and share life.
But I would observe that in that time, you have still built your own tools that will help you connect with others, and even find love.
People always tell me I look way too young for my age as well (42) and I have always felt this belief as well. I just haven't been through all the normal life experiences others around me my age have gone through. First time i've actually heard someone else say it verbally. Keep on with the videos, the sharing, introspection. I think it is doing good for not only you, but many many others who relate to you. Cheers.
You sound more positive man. Keep hitting the gym and working on improving yourself/your situation just like you are now.
I've always thought I might be autistic to some degree or at the very least I have some of the symptoms. I wouldn't want to say I am though as I haven't been diagnosed and been too afraid to go to a doctor.
When I was a kid I definitely had a lot of symptoms that went ignored by those around me. Things you said about being alone for years at a time, that's been me for most of the last decade.
Brief relationships with few friends, work and being at home alone. Not knowing how to act or what to say in certain situations.
The more I lift weights and focus on turning my life into something more, even though my life is the same currently. I feel I'm a little more capable of navigating social situations and life in general.
I'm glad you put that video out made me think we're less alone in these struggles. Not that I'm trying to compare my life or situation to you etc and I wish none of us had to feel like this but it's nice to know there's other people who can appreciate the struggle.
you’re cute and I like listening to you talk ❤️
Aw, thank you so much 😊
You know, I like you dude. I think you’re a solid person and your self awareness is very respectable. I think that you putting yourself out there on youtube may just be the push you needed to be someone you want to be. I hope to see the changes you want to see.
I find your talks so refreshingly honest and soothing. You are brightening people’s lives with each video you put out!
I hope you know that sometimes once you get a lot better a set back can happen and that doesn’t make all your progress invalid… !!! God bless. ♥️
IDK how you ended up on my feed but can't stop watching your content, You can't expect someone to make your life complete that's way too much pressure for someone. You need to be comfortable in your own skin first and like who you are hell we all do.
That is certainly a very good point regarding looking at yourself in certain ways during your formative years. I think big into nature vs nurture. I have often wondered if by the luck of the draw, your first few experiences in those formative years with talking to the opposite sex shape your outlook going forward, as opposed to saying "Oh, I had a good/bad experience, but lets see what the next turn brings".
Like lets say my first few experience was a string of bad ones- then I am more shy, I think I'm "weird", I think she doesn't like me, etc.
I have struggled with "being good enough" my whole life. Ive struggled with weight- but with age and experience, you just see that things weren't the end of the world as you thought. I grew up being made fun of because of my weight. But when I look back at photos, I wasn't a fat kid. I just wasn't rail thin like other little boys. So that put me in a category- and as a kid, you don't know any better. You listen. Because what else are you going to do? You start to let the words beat you up, because you really start to not care. So you DON'T care, and then the weight DOES happen for real. But when I go back and look at my photos, I was a handsome kid and had good fashion sense and was a nice kid. Its not until the hindsight kicked in that I realized how many girls were attracted to me, and I didn't know how to receive it because of the static in my own head. Either I thought they were "being nice", or "being nice to me to mock me". I had twisted attitudes.
Today I am nothing of a super model. And YES, now I REALLY do have work to do to get back to the healthy side of the line. But I HAVE learned self worth through the years as I have come to realize that everyone is winging it and the people who have negative attitudes toward you really don't matter. Despite not being a 5 star model, I have never been unlucky in love because I have learned that humor is like food for the soul, and women love to eat. So my personality has been my saving grace in the dating scene. The backdrop behind all of this is that women are nothing mystical to be marveled at in the sense that they too are just out here figuring things out. They like jokes. They like to eat pizza. They like to talk. And IF they'd reject you, hey, its a part of life. But you live to fight another day. None of this happens without you stepping out of your comfort zone.
If any younger guys are reading this who struggle with something similar, I am going to tell you something that I WISH that I could go back in a time machine and tell myself in my worst of times- but since I can't tell myself in the past, I'll tell you in the present: If you can make a girl laugh, you BECOME the supermodel. Let's read that again: If you can make a girl laugh, YOU... BECOME... THE... SUPERMODEL ❤❤ You might not understand what that means until you pull it off once or twice. But keep yourself well informed. Make em laugh, but don't be pushy. And LISTEN TO THEM, and ask questions about what they say/their hobbies/their job/life/etc.
Luv ya's
Working out is hard. It’s a challenge-But look at what it gets you! You are in really great shape for your age and that is a real accomplishment. Here’s another challenge- stop looking at yourself and look toward something bigger than you. For me, it’s God. Look outside of you. Look in places you may have never thought of. Hang out in new social situations. It’s ok to be quiet and shy. It’s ok to be neurodiverse. I think we all have a bit of that going on to an extent. What makes you laugh? What makes you smile? Try to imagine what it would be like to look at yourself in the 3rd person and be able to empathize and be able to laugh at things. Think about this moment and what you can do today… even if it’s just a little thing… a real thing. If you could change your situation even by a little bit, what does that look like? Don’t listen to that voice that says “stop and look at how this isn’t working and how much of a failure you are.” I think there are many folks out there that feel the way you do. Never stop moving. The more of this kind of thing you do, the more you might realize that all of the doubt and fear is not what it appears to be. I wish you all the best.
You are very refreshing to watch. You are attractive, intelligent, self aware, empathetic.
I am the same way as you I think. I could never tell if a girl was in to me or not. I got lucky with my now wife, because she was just very persistent. I had (and to some extent still have) insecurities about myself. Initially when my wife flirted with me, my brain twisted it to think she was somehow making fun of me. The best advice I think I would give is to assume the best intentions from those around you. Assume that they have some interest in you, even if it is only as a friend. I know that is the hard part, but if you're anything like me just start with assuming neutral interest. Anything but an assumption of negative interest. I don't know if that makes any sense, but feel free to message me if you want to talk more about it. There is always hope and I am rooting for you man!
You’re so thoughtful, intelligent, well spoken and introspective. I really enjoy listening to you. You earned a new subscriber.
Don't even worry about "shooting your shot" bro. Change your mindset. You have a ton going for you. Be thankful and excited about it. You do that, and things will change quick.
Recording is a great way to break into the music biz and meet bands, see what people like and where to play. You seem to have an aptitude for all the confusing software that goes with Recording
Stay up bro, wishing all is well or turns well!
this vid hit me bro i also struggle with self image , I’ve had people tell me to not be too hard on myself. But tbh you look great brah
I've been single all my life also. We have many things in common, I can see that by watching all your videos. Thank you for putting yourself out on here. That is something I don't think I can ever do. And just wanted to add that I am too hard on myself. We can be our own worst citics, right?
you are my favorite person in the world man. thank you for being here and able to help us similar with your own experiences. life sucks right now, but hearing you talk abt these topics actually give me hope that i’ll see the sunshine for another day
Your voice radiats your loneliness, it reflects it
you got this man! thanks for sharing
I share many similarities with you, though I am married. But I have a big tip for you, and that's to smile whenever possible. My wife tells me all the time to smile because I "look like a serial killer' when I don't. We both laugh when she says that because it's true, lol. It's VERY hard for me to smile at strangers and I have to make a conscious effort to do it, but it really is a night and day difference when I do. After you smile at someone, try to gauge how big of a smile you get back and use that as one of those social cues. Even when making these videos, when saying something that makes you feel remotely happy, throw a smile on the end of it. They are worth their weight in gold.
We are all rooting for you brother! stay strong, your patience will pay off. Much love from Northern Ireland.
It’s so good to see you much more confident my guy!!!! Hell yeah!
Seeing this video - everything lead to this point - and only this video. * Get therapy, asap. You wont get out of your misery alone. *Start small-talking whereever when ever. *Expose yourself. * Try younger women, this compensates for you not being developed. *You look good enough, you are smart enough, you have enough solo-hobbies. *Basically anything that pushes your limits will boost experience and selfconfidence. *it took you 44 years to come to this point, getting out will be a lifelong and fullfilling process. *Overcome fear and old avoidance patterns and realize we are mortal, there is so many chances in life. You got this man! Dont waste your life, I believe in you. Wasting your life makes me sad !
That Bolt can't outrun aging with kids got me so hard I laughed my ass off! Thanks man!
So, for the last half hour I've been debating writing this. I could be your classmate. Like many other women in the comment section, I concur that you are a handsome fellow. Also, I had married a man that hadn't dated anyone until 42. That was me. Never lose hope, but don't dwell too much on it. I want to be a mom, and married my first husband at 29. No baby is here. I concluded today that hope will remain and to focus on what I can do about it. Since I just watched your first video, I threw caution to the wind, and decided to get way personal. Keep your head up, bud.
I see so much of myself in your stories.
So, if I can, anyone can change what ever they want about them selfs.
Keep going, keep pushing and have a good one
Just seeing your thumbnails go from bummed to smiling made me smile man. I just stumbled into your page but boy do I know lonliness and depression. Im here for ya man, and im glad to see you are a fellow beat maker as well! I really hope the youtube videos have helped you find some friendly comfort, the internet can be scary and its tough feeling vulnerable, especially when you think no one cares.
But we care a hell of a lot. And you better believe that, youre loved more than you probably know, and your videos help others feel alright. Keep on keeping on my dude.
Yo bro, didn't know what words of encouragement to give but I'll just say that I'll be praying for you and I'll be following your channel and I hope that he will give you the desires of your heart.
I'm so proud of you. Seriously. That's the way to think! Keep trying and don't give up!
Aaron, you looking good! And you seem like a very self aware person. Youre winning in my eyes
Omg! I just watched your first video and had to come check to see how you’re doing. I’m happy to say, you’re looking good…sounding better. Keep going.
Aaron, you’re doing amazing. You’re a good looking dude who’s highly intelligent. social skills can be learned and no man is born good at flirting. it’s learned at some point or another, some just learn sooner than others. you will do great things in life. i’ll be rooting for you and praying for you. much love bro🤙🏼
This is great to see man. You can almost see under and behind the curtain. A bunch of this happens and is just the human condition; your friend that says exposure exposure; he’s correct… it’s how we all do it. At any rate, this is great to see you taking stock of other perspectives, considering different possibilities, and considering possible holes in your own approach (shooting foot). You’re going to find what you’re searching for if you keep wanting and trying. Seeing a perspective shift in anyone can be beautiful, but this little twinkle you saw was cool to see happen dude.
I've got faith in you bro, watching this space!
Love your channel.
I think your hair is great and I’m a hair stylist, it suits you very well and looks nice. It’s nice that you are feeling more upbeat and hopeful than you were in the first video. Practice makes perfect, it can’t hurt trying and just look at it as practice, just be yourself because who you are is great and the right person for you will think so too.
You’re fantastic!!!!
I think you took a bigger step than I would personally by being so brave in putting yourself out here with your videos.. because I know it's hard for me to film myself drumming, even though my friends tell me I'm talented.
I'm proud of how brave you are to have endured life alone and your willingness to pick yourself up by experimenting. I'd think a key point here is to always maintain a frame that of all these things are an effort to improve and add excitement to YOUR life with women as a fun bonus. You're on the right track, I promise!!
Without sugar coating things you need to ask yourself what’s going to be worse, being uncomfortable initially trying to approach girls which will eventually make you confident and being success or being alone.
You seem like a calm and sensible man and girls like that.
I heard this really good talk on rejection. Long story short, this woman found out after years why her crush had rejected her invitation to prom. Turns out, he had liked her and really wanted to go but he was embarrassed he had nothing to wear. He had assumed that everyone had clothes like that ready to go and felt ashamed he didn’t. She herself, for all of those years, assumed it was something wrong with her.
They both held these beliefs that didn’t suit them at all. 😭🥺❤️
Another great one I heard once: “not everything you think is right”
What a difference in the last video from 3 months ago I just watched. It’s so easy to get in our heads. You’re a good looking guy, it looks like you take care of yourself. Keep shooting your shot and keep practicing with it no matter how many times you fall into the dirt. You’re fully capable of loving and being loved.
Yes! Shoot your shot!
Its totally tough, but totally worth it. This authenticity work we are seeing in your videos is totally awesome and people will respect it. Keep us updated on meetups and music man! Keep em achievable and go for em!
Side note: think the hair is good. But whatever you do keep the look clean. People definitely pick up on that stuff in first impressions.
I just binged all your videos and I feel you so hard, although I am younger than you are (25).
The change from the first video to this one is unreal, you made so much progress.
One tip I have, start a gratitude journal, it helped me alot to change my crippling thoughts to live giving ones.
Go for it, man. The one thing that can keep you held back is expectations, otherwise it's a constant hurdle of disappointment, grief and regret. If it doesn't succeed, that's okay, go for the next. If you need to rest, do so. Having the energy can help show that you're up for anything your way. At the end of the day, at least you tried, but take a deep breathe and have some sort of mentality that tells you, "I did it." or "Keep moving.", something that makes you realize that progress is still in the works.
get out there ! you got this aaron my man !!!!
Hey man I’ve seen a few of your vids, you are doing good man be positive. Way easier said than done. Experienced some things myself. Hey man I’ll be your friend. You seem like a very genuine and kind guy. Not enough of those around these days. Few and far between. Keep up man
You’re changing bro
Keep it up 👍 it’s all in your head man.
Shoot your shot try it on a woman you don’t find attractive to practice. We’re all rooting for you
3:00 I feel like this is the entirety of my life, I feel like we all have this exact feeling.
Very difficult hurdle but you can absolutely make it happen man.
Just have to find the right path.
You are making great progress! It's not easy but you are working toward your goal, and that is inspiring
Yes, it is ALWAYS about perspective! I just found your first video the other night while at work. Now, watching the little bank of what you have online. I see a positive change already. Your demeanor in this video is already immediately obviously more upbeat and positive. Your head is up higher, there’s almost a spark of a smile. 🙂 I can tell you, if there’s one thing that is an immediate attraction it is positivity. You’re doing great!
Hello. Just my thoughts... You don't have to change anything. You look good just the way you are. I think you have a good taste as well. I'm in my 40s and still single and lives on the other side of the world and lol Idk why TH-cam recommended your channel but anyway, yes don't be discouraged I think you will find someone someday that matches you in all aspect if not all at least 80 percent and the other 20 percent can be compromised😁. Stay safe.
Bro at 37yo I look younger than most people I know who are in their late 20s. No kids no wife no stress. There are POSITIVES to the way things went down in the last 25 years for you. I struggle with dwelling on things. Always have, I should have been a millionaire at 30. Never wanted kids but I should've been married by 35. It does us no good. Look to the future as hard as it may be. Yours looks bright bro. You are wrong about a lot of things you say, honest though which is refreshing. Your a catch right now. Never had kids, NO baggage, you got your shit together, your attractive. You need to realize on your next date, she would be lucky to have you. You may have been alone for 25 years that doesn't make you any less of a catch. Just bullshit with her, do not try to impress, be yourself. You will win almost everytime.
Praying for you.
It's nice to see he is making progress.
I’ve found this to be the hardest thing to do as well. Always felt like I was unworthy. Learning to accept who I am is extremely difficult, but I’m making progress. You can too, brother. God bless.
It cant hurt to try if thats what you want to do, and as long as you can do it while retaining your sanity. However, sometimes false hope and constant rejection can be much worse than acceptance and finding contentment in other things. Only you really know whats best for you.
You are so right about caring that non-Nuro typical label down the road and it can create us not to be confident in ourselves. 😢 I threw that label out along time ago, but it took an enormous amount of work to do it.
You got a lot going for you man honestly would’ve thought you were mid 30s and people aren’t lying to you when they say your not ugly