Living Alone for 5 Years | Pros & Cons, Experience & Advice
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 มิ.ย. 2024
- Welcome back to another #CoffeeTalk. Today's video is everything I've learned and would tell my younger self about living alone; from tips for staying safe, dealing with loneliness and the pros and cons ☕️
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All Things Koze Blog & Shop ▹ allthingskoze.com/
All Things Koze Instagram ▹ / allthingskoze
Koze Flow Instagram ▹ / kozeflow
Kalyn's Instagram ▹ / kalynnicholson13
Coffee Talk Chapters ☕️
00:00 - Welcome ✨ Today's Topic
02:00 - How to stay safe?
06:32 - Did you ever get scared?
08:06 - How to enjoy alone time - did it get lonely?
13:19 - What I did a lot of while living alone
15:26 - How did you stay social and deal with distance?
16:34 - What did it teach you about yourself?
19:59 - What life skills did it teach you?
21:56 - Pros of living alone
22:47 - Cons of living alone
24:40 - Final Thoughts
Kalyn's Books:
Catcher [dystopian fiction] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/B07G7QSGM2/...
Dancing With Elephants [poetry] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/1999415132/...
#FEELS [self-development] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/1999415124/...
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health specialist, just a Canadian gal with an old soul who likes to crack the ice on deep conversations that can foster personal growth and positive change.
❤ This Coffee Talk is not sponsored, no links are affiliate ❤
Stay Koze-y
I’m 24 now, and this is my first time living alone! I went from living with my parents my whole life to living with my ex for 3 years, and I just started living on my own about a month ago. This coffee talk came at the most perfect time❤️
Girl same here in fall I’ll live at college and spent the last 3.5 years with my ex but now I’ll be living fully alone in august
Im in the exact same position! Im 24, first time living alone. With my parents my whole life, then my ex for 4 years now im on my own. Its been 6 months so far ♥️
Women were property 100 years ago. That means if a woman started her own business, her husband could appropriate ALL her earnings. In 1976, i was 13. Women were just starting to work outside the home while having kids. Families were just beginning to have 2 cars. That means if the dad took the car to work, the mom had to stay within walking distance of the house. Birth control was just starting to be safe and was starting to become popular. My mom workedan evening nurse (8 hour shift back then) and made her own money. In 1976, we went to a car lot for her to buy a car and the salesman would not sell her the car unless her husband, my dad was with her. Back then, a woman could not easily rent an apartment on her own, not allowed. So many examples like that.
It is so so inspiring to see the young women of today starting their own businesses. i have a friend from high school that started her own business and she lives alone. We were acknowledging that it is the first generation where women can live alone EVER.
The one thing I don’t like about living alone is that if something goes wrong financially, there is nobody there to help. Like if you live alone and lose your job, you get evicted. When you have Roomates or a spouse, they would be there to pick up the slack until you get back on your feet
I’m 31 now, and this is my first time living alone! I went from living with my parents my whole life to just 4 months ago living alone in a Studio Apartment and I been doing Great so far. Love the fact of coming home and just relax and move things around they way I want(:
By the way which Tea are you drinking?
I have never lived completely alone but the mere fact that I didn't live with my parents and had to organize my own living made me much more self-confident for sure!
I feel like I kind of missed out on the living alone phase of my life. I moved out of my parents house my senior year and in with a bunch of friends, then lived with a different group of friends in college, then in with my boyfriend. I ended up getting pregnant, and then I moved out of my boyfriend's (even though we were still together) and my dad got an apt with me, a lot nicer and cleaner than my bf's lol. Then I moved back to my hometown after breaking up with my boyfriend, and at that point I kind of lived on my own, except of course with my son, for about 6 mo before getting a roommate, then later moving in with my new boyfriend, then moving over an hour away again to get away from that him and living with my mom and her husband for a few months while I found an apartment near her. Then it was just my son and I for about 2 years until I met the love of my life and we moved in together, bought our first home and are happily married :)
It was crazy to write that all out lol. I'm in the middle of my 13th week of pregnancy with my second child and have more or less found peace with the way my life has unfolded to bring me here. Cheers to loving good men and having sweet cuddly babies lol
Hmmmm.....been wondering if I would ever meet someone or start a family since I was 22. I'm now 38 and been single since I was 22 😭😭 it's LONELY.
I feel you ❤
I've lived alone for one year exactly this month, the first year was spent partying and using the house in the wrong way but I've had it a year this month and finally I am showing up as my higher self and I'm seeing the apartment with fresh eyes and I just love it so much, even more so than ever. its my safe space and it's my little cosy haven. I can't wait for another year of living alone, cherishing it this time. x
I am drinking a white chocolate and raspberry coffee, delicious. I'm almost 33, living in my first cottage and wish I had a boyfriend I loved and a baby like you! I am scared that will never happen now x
I'm 24 and I've been living alone for 1,5 years now, and it's just the best thing ever! I've always lived with other people, sometimes I wouldn't even have my own room and as an introvert, it was a relief to move out and start to live by myself. I was struggling a bit at the beginning with the safety part, I was anxious when I heard noises at night from outside, but it really helped me to get my dog. It is true that our little companions give us a feel of safeness by always alerting when something is going on. My dog is also Bentley-sized, so couldn't do harm to no-one, but at least lets me know about any danger :) I really enjoyed your video! Thank you!
The timing is wild! I just left a 8year relationship and am living on my own like today is the first day I woke up alone in 8 years!
I lived alone before the relationship so I know I can do it, and it’s so healthy for my mental and physical well being. Seeing you upload at the same time is a good synchronicity. I have such a bad cold and have been killing it getting the adulting stuff done. But hecking heck I’m tired! Thanks for the camaraderie at just the right time.
I’m 24 and living alone now for the first time! I always had roommates during and after college, but I’m loving living alone. I echo that sometimes I miss having someone to hangout with, but I have my dog which helps a lot. I also really enjoy all the quiet time for books and journaling and I feel as though I have developed a much stronger relationship with myself here. It feels easier to do self care living alone because there’s just much more free time to take that bubble bath or spend all day reading.
21 and just moving into my first solo apartment post break up. Very excited-but its definitely a big adjustment
I just moved to a new place this very week and am entirely alone. Thank god for my pup. Had a very long cry last night about all the change that occurred so suddenly. I look at this video popping up as serendipitous.
I just wanted to say that I have been watching you for years now... when you lived in Kingston... Toronto and when you moved to your current home and its so amazing to see you grow like this! Wish you all the best
I'm 23 and I've been living alone since I was (late) 17 for college at first. The first year was so so fun because my classmates/friends lived in the same apartment complex so we learned to live alone together by often cooking / hanging together. Then a year later they moved away and I stayed. Still had some friends close by for the next two years but I didn't always have someone to eat with either. Then me and 6 of my friends moved to a smallllll town in Québec (from France) so it was just us 6 and the friends we made at school. But we all had our own places so we really didn't see each other out of school every day. Then the pandemic hit and they mostly went back and that's when I started to truly be alone. Though at least we could call, with the time difference it was harder to call whenever I felt alone. I had moved to a new city, still in Québec but knew no one and could meet no one since it was the pandemic and I was out of school. But then I moved to a shared apartment. Worst decision ever, I'm moving out by the end of april. At least since then I finally managed to make some friends in the same city and started going out more, which I wouldn't really do before because being alone is, I find, pretty comfortable to me. I can live close to other people but it seems sharing a space really doesn't work if the people don't live in quite the same way (I like my tranquility and my roommates LOVE to invite people out of the blue without telling me first. Also they are so so damn messy. I don't really mind my own mess but I try to keep it out of shared spaces which they don't.) So at a time where you are living your last moments alone I am yearning for the ones to come. I think my life setting is pretty good right now and I will not feel as lonely as in the middle of the pandemic. I realized when going back to live with other people that it stops me from being my true comfortable self... For example I have a habit to have an urge to clean EVERYTHING in the middle of the night, which is not something I can do out of respect for my roommates. I can't really talk about personal things on calls with my friends and family because my roommates could hear and we're not that close. I can't cook whenever wherever because of them as well. I truly don't hate them but living with other people makes me feel like my space is invaded at all times and I simply cannot breathe. I have a boyfriend now and though I love him I'm not even sure I want to move him with him before a long long time because I found out I really need the alone time. I'm super excited to move though. Sorry for the huge life story, you resonated with me 😂😂 Thanks for the video as always, I'm excited for you and what's to come in your life !
The alone time section really hit home…very very much appreciated! I moved out a little bit ago and was really struggling with it. Thank you ♥️
Can you do more on how you healed your core loneliness? It’s something so many people are struggling with! Would be much appreciated 💕💕
I was most happy and spent the most time learning to be OK with being alone with my thoughts when I lived by myself. I loved every second of it.
I lived alone in my early 20s for two years and I learned so much about myself and grew a lot. Just living doing things for yourself, and no one sees you learn what you like to do when you are on your own and you get to develop a strong relationship with yourself.
I used to be so scared to move by myself. It was definitely an adjustment and it was hard at first, but now it’s like I’ve lived alone for several years and feel like I would now struggle to adjust to having other people in my space 24/7
Ok but KALYYYYYYN!!!!! WE ALSO NEED ONE ON HOW TO LIVE WITH SOMEONE ELSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
As someone who's mostly lived alone for 9 years now, I've related so much to the "am I always gonna be alone" feeling. It's kinda scary right now thinking about a future where I won't be alone at home. Thanks for putting that into words.
It feels good to live alone for a few years!, so you can understand your ways ("your bad habits"), and also what makes you the person that you are. I think that is a good way to understand yourself my living alone!!🤔🤔
That knife bit took me out ngl🤣these tips are very helpful. I've also been living alone for approx. 5 years and there's always something to be spooked about. BUT I've truly enjoyed my solitude and getting to know myself
You have no idea how happy I am for you, we started living alone at pretty much the same time and seeing how great you're doing it and how your life just keeps getting better and better 💖 I'm so proud of you
I've never lived alone completely as I've always had my babies with me or other people when I was much younger, but there's times when I wish it was back to just me and my babies. I miss the calmness, the predictability, the consistency of being the only adult in the house.
I miss when there was only mess in my house that was made by me or my kids and I didnt feel annoyed to clean it. I honestly miss my house just being clean - used to almost always be tidy and clean and now the mess is just created faster than I can clean and the other adult still doesnt clean up after himself.
I miss going out and knowing how much milk or bread I have and getting back and still having that same amount rather than suddenly it's all used and now theres no milk for coffee or cereal in the morning.
I miss knowing if I heard a sound in the house it was one of the kids rather than it could be another adult.
I miss getting up in the morning to the bathroom not being all fogged up from someone having had a shower before me.
I miss not having some underlying expectation that having another adult around is supposed to make life easier or better in any way at all but realising that's complete bs and the reality of having another adult around is just a constant stream of annoyance, disappointment and resent.
I have never been more unhappy with my life and living arrangements than I am right now and when I figure out how to it will be time to make a change because this is slowly destroying my happiness, my peace and my general enjoyment of life and i cant let that happen to me again.
Oh, and I'm drinking chamomile tea 👌🏻 love your talks - I missed your videos so much during my 2 year break from social media
I’ve definitely been there before with an ex boyfriend. Once you get the “ick” with them, everything they do bothers you. I hope things get better for you soon ❤️
Such a beautiful video Kalyn🥺😍I feel like living alone can be empowering in some ways, you definitely learn to depend on yourself and realize it’s all on you, it’s scary but like you said it teaches you about yourself and I think it really does set you up for a better future. It really spoke to me when you talked about the lonely nights wondering if it’ll always be this way and then coming full circle to where you’ll never have a lonely night again and some nights might even wish for some alone time! 😂😂 it really brought me hope, I’m in my early 20s and honestly do enjoy being alone rn but I do hope that one day I’ll finally have my forever person and a family. You’ve always been an inspiration to me and I look up to you so much, so to see the new chapter of your life opening up is super exciting. Sending love and light your way 💜✨
I SO WISH that I had lived alone for a time in my younger 20’s but I could never afford it, I always needed to have roommates to split rent with 😭
As a side note: I have 7 siblings and we shared a 3 bedroom house so I grew up very used to never being alone but I didn’t necessarily enjoy it. I always longed for alone-ness!
Now I am 28 and living with my fiancée and 10 month old daughter and I still contemplate who I could have or might have been if I had been in a position to live alone and get to know myself deeply as you have. This is not to say that I have regrets - I looovve my family and my life! But you can’t help wondering
Where are you from?
Just curious as I’m currently living alone and struggling to pay my rent and will likely move back with housemates in the near future
Ooh I definitely need to hear this perspective. THANK YOU!
Our house was haunted. I caught it on our camera and showed some family members. They said ghost. It never did anything bad though. And a medium said it is a guardian so that made me feel better.
Once again, a fantastic video Kalyn! I'm about 10yrs older than you but I relate to your content as it relates to 'life skills' that most people have to learn at some point (whatever age!)
Thank you for this talk
Thank you for this video! Thank You so so so much for sharing all your tips.
Thank you for sharing ur experience leaving alone ❤ appreciated
I lived alone for 3 years in my earlier 20's and absolutely loved it for the reasons you mentioned, but there are still things I wish I'd thought of then. In the time since I've lived with roommates, gained a partner for the first time in my life, and am now working as an au pair so it's been a massive change from doing things my own way to sharing a space with others all the time. For the summer I'll be au pairing for a family with a separate studio so I feel like it will be a nice chance to have a place to myself and do the things I wish I had earlier on before I move in with my partner!
You are a wizard Kalyn!! Every time I think about something I need advice on you answer my thoughts. Thank you
I’m not sure if you’ve done an episode on this before but what about one about life transitions? I’m graduating college in 2 weeks and I’m mentally struggling so much to let go and be open to change and the unknown. I’m sure others would relate at this time of year. Been watching for 4 years now and tysm for this podcast! 💖
Drinking my 2nd coffee of the day and listening to this while I work. So relaxing and you always give the best advice/tell the best stories. I personally have never lived alone and the idea truly scares me a bit just safety-wise. However, I do look forward to experiencing it for myself one day and gaining that independence.
Thank you for your vulnerability. This was really helpful. Living alone has gotten really hard recently. I feel more hopeful! sending lots and lots of hugs!
I’ve been living alone for a little over a year and I find this video to be incredibly relatable
As someone really into haunted videos you did exactly the right thing. Only wanting energy of love and light in your home :) which I know you are contributing to every single day ❤️
i broke up with my partner recently and he’s going to move out in a few days. it’s been two years since i lived alone last time and i was worried how i’m going to live by myself, but i feel like i’m comfortable to be alone now after watching this video. thank you for sharing you story ❤️
I feel seen. Thank you so much for this
Im 19 and it’s definitely a dream of mine to live completely alone and get that experience. I’ve been manifesting it so im glad this vid popped up!
My literal favorite 🥲 I’m 20. Going to be 21 in January when I move out on my own. This video was perfect 💕
This is just what I needed to hear - I'm saving up for a house and hopefully moving out by the end of the year 🤞 8 months to go 🙌
I'm living at home with my parents and before that I was living with my ex and before that my last year of uni i was on my own. The thing I've learnt is that I can feel lonely in whichever setting which is so important to know.
The thing I've learnt this year is that people suck at keeping in touch and making effort and you have to do the leg work if you want to make friends. I'm still working on finding people who are BFFL material (and actually make a LITTLE effort back...) but I'm doing it! Yay! Personal growth! 💪
I'm also trying to get used to my alone time and like the most baby of steps is getting comfy being on my lonesome in a cafe and/or going shopping. It's stupid but i feel so out of place and like i shouldn't be there but I'm slowly but surely tuning out that voice...
As a 23 year old who lives alone in a different city from the town she was born: I fully agree on everything
Awe this video is coming in such perfect timing💛 My bf and I just moved from Ontario to Alberta this past Fall, but now he's back working in Ontario for the spring and I am totally alone here. But I love what you said about this time being what shapes you into becoming the person you need to be when life progresses. I'm actually super grateful for this time to tune in with myself and build my own habits! I am wondering tho, does anyone have any advice on making friends in a new city??
I really wish I had a time in my 20s when I lived alone, I think I would know myself a little better. As is, I'm in my early thirties and I met my partner and had babies young. I'm grateful for my family but I wish I'd had that period in my life to explore myself and travel and pursue hobbies. I guess I'll get to do all of that stuff in ten year or so when all my kiddos are in their teens and don't need me so much 🤷♀️
A few months ago, I realized that I probably will never live alone. I grew up with my parents and siblings, later went to college with roommates and now I'm moving in with my boyfriend this summer. Crazy to think about. I think living alone would be very peaceful to me actually, but I'm also excited to live with my boyfriend 😊
Great advice ❤❤❤❤
All love to you Kalyn
I'm 38 year's old I live with my parents my whole life well just my mom my dad passed away unexpectedly a year now I was his care taker when he was going through Dialysis and I'm also a care taker for my sister both at the same time was difficult , I also been with my boyfriend off and on almost 18 years we both live at home so far it works for us I enjoy my alone time
i technically don’t live alone because i live with my 1 year old daughter but i can imagine it feels a whole lot like living alone sometimes. i went from living with my parents, to my aunt & uncles house, to my ex boyfriends house, to having a roommate in my apartment, to finally having the apartment to myself with just my daughter and i. definitely has its pros and cons but i’m really grateful for the experience.
My favorite thing to do while drinking my fresh ground coffee blended with grass fed butter and virgin organic coconut oil is to sit in my summer reading garden alone in the peace and quiet of my backyard homestead. I'm single by choice after 21 years of marriage and a subsequent relationship with a disappointing man that thankfully ended. I feel safe thanks to my capabilities, security cameras, a Glock, and two sweet guard kitties. Oracle cards and my latest tarot reading point to finding a partner again but I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and am in no hurry to disrupt it.
I think it’s good to live alone for 1 year of one’s life (or with 1 roommate if necessary) in between living with parents and living with a partner. I’m still living with my parents but I plan to move in the coming months-year. All of this is why I didn’t move! And of course, Covid..but I’m ready to move too!!! 💙
As a fellow Pisces ♓️ I can really relate to your experience! I love my alone time a bit too much but at the same time it can get lonely. But having that close circle of your favorite people really helps. I know live close to family so that helps a lot. ♥️ I also get the fear that I’ll be alone forever but really liked the things you said about that so thank you 🙏
My husband works overnights and I work days. The neighbors are all great and we all know each other. We do have a security system and our dog. I am also a baby because I sleep with all of the lights on.
It is a bit shallow question: but you used your Apple watch a lot in the late 2017-2020 video. Would you recommend it as a gift to a 23-year-old young woman single woman? She is like you: her "Maria/Larissa" and she sing along to Taylor Swift on their way to go skiing for instance.
My favourite videos of yours over the years have always been your book reviews, what apps are on my phone ( you are a young businesswoman), and your organization tricks. Love it where you share your philosophy of the world.
I am the one that told you where you were in Bali that you needed to find an educated craftsman farmer. Your manifestation list for a guy is so good! That is so typical "Kalyn Nicholson". That is your brand right there. Finding out what you need and take the steps to get there. Thank You for sharing it in Koze podcasts i think.
Have you heard of "Binchtopia podcasts"? I would love to see a collaboration.
YES BENTLEY
I lived alone for a year and it was an experience hahah. I learned I feel calmer when someone else is around. Note on protecting yourself: BEAR SPRAY IS ILLEGAL IN SOME CANADIAN CITIES AND YOU CAN BE CHARGED. Please check your local laws on using bear spray within municipality limits.
I mean if someone breaks into your home, i say use all the illegal bear spray that you want 😆
Sooo happy to hear that I’m not the only one doing those tips and tricks to sleep and have those thoughts! Living alone since I’m 18 - so 13years and it’s been at times really lonely (especially during my depression) but making it through this alone and thanks to my dog as well, I am finally good again living alone and enjoy it deeply! So much even that I’m afraid that I will never be able to live with someone as I really enjoy the peace of of and being alone after a long social day or activity and I do have my perks and like to have it as I have things🤷🏻♀️ next struggle to work with and grow! Never stop growing and learning 🤗
I just wanted to ask you what brand of lipstick are you using in the video?
😂
Funny to think about that I know how much groceries I need but when a frind of mine visits me for a week I'm panicing about the groceries :D Bc I just have no idea how much someone else eats hahaaa
I lived alone once. It was so much fun but also so terrifying. Mainly because I'm pretty sure the apartment I was in was also hunted. Lol. The fridge was always making weird noise and then one night I woke up because I swear, something blew on my face. I had no windows open or anything. It was the creepiest thing and mind you, I don't watch any crime shows or horror movies because I am one scared-y cat. But then due to work and life, I had to move back in with my parents. It was one heck of an experience, though. I think the good things out weighted the bad, though.
I’m living alone for two years
Start feeling going crazy 😵💫
Living alone…there is no one to hold me accountable with my bad habits.
I am 27. And on some days i Wish i would me more Like you. Independent. I am really strongly attached to people i Love. And when i am alone, i think of all the people i Love and they might go throug especially those people who have chosen to leave me.
Not going to be living alone. Recently me and my bf got the house 🏠 can't wait. First somebody out bid us then next thing we know our realtor called and and told us we won the bid idk how that happened lol 😆
Living solitary rules. I'm not a fan of roommates. I alot of space and freedom.
🤗❤️
coffee if u must know
Is there a video where you talk about your ghost stories? 🤪
Wait, creepy guy in the basement? You can’t just leave us hanging on that 🤣
I was forced into living alone by awful roommates. I like it better alone
Epiphany...living alone can be really lonely. When is the last time I invited people over? 🤯
Damn you got a dog that aint alone😂. I live 3 years without social contacts
How is it?
im alone 4 years. i wanna die
Pro Tip: If you keep a weapon in your room, a baseball bat is more useful for defense than a kitchen knife. If you don't have a gun, have something BIG that you CAN SWING. It will do a LOT more damage and keep you FARTHER from an intruder than a knife.
As someone who is currently dealing with health anxiety (hypochondria) but also really wants to live alone, I have A LOT of fears regarding feeling safe in my own presence, trusting myself (my body, mind and general habilities) and most times I wonder if I'll ever be able to actually be okay on my own. Loved this video, definitely helped me be less afraid, but I would love to hear more of your thoughts regarding how to feel self-suficient in a healthy way and how to be more confident
I was literally about to drop this in the discord channel over the weekend. Very soon I'll be completely living alone for the first time (not counting the 4 years of uni cause that "alone" is different). While I am very excited about the change, I am also pretty anxious. The last bit about "cherish this while you can" is something I'll repeat to myself whenever I get low or lonely.
Kalyn, there is one question, maybe you can cover it in a future video. How did you manage to regulate your emotions and thoughts (say a mini bout of anxiety or feelings of anger or frustration) when living alone? Having someone around helps dilute some internal narrative about strong feelings and brings some balance. How did you manage really bad days or moments of anxiety/frustration living alone?
‘Except for the creepy guy in the basement’ yooo girl, you can’t just gloss over that one 😳😰🫣
This is perfect timing, I moved into my first own apartment this month🤍🤍