TRUST YOUR LIFE TIMING | let go of expectations & time lost, trusting yourself & finding inspiration
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 พ.ค. 2024
- Let’s talk about feeling behind in life, like you lost time to your mental health, the pressures of making the big life decisions like a partner, home, career, kids and how to make going through the motions of your day-to-day feel like monotonous and more inspiring. This ‘Ask Kalyn’ episode is all about freeing ourselves from the expectations of life or society, the regrets of the past, the anxieties of the future and freeing ourselves to trust in the present and our ability to sail the seas of our lives.
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Catcher [dystopian fiction] ▹ www.amazon.com/dp/B07G7QSGM2/...
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Disclaimer: I am not a mental health specialist, just a Canadian gal with an old soul who likes to crack the ice on deep conversations that can foster personal growth and positive change.
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I have a different interpretation and answer to these questions, but mainly the second question about losing time.
As a person healing from trauma, I lost my entire childhood and developmental years to abuse. I did not have the space to be a child, it wasn't safe to do so. My advice is to be angry about it. Mourn it. Let yourself feel the feelings that you feel.
And while you process those feelings, claim the time ahead of you. Make it yours, give yourself time and space to explore what you missed as best as you can. I am not a better person because of the trauma I went through. I am a better person because I chose to be one. The wording behind "being a better person because of what you went through" is literally what my abusers used when they tried to justify their actions when they continued the cycle of abuse, and it takes all of the credit, blood, sweat, and tears of the emotional labor I have put in to grow into myself and gives it to the most damaging parts of my life. A huge portion of my own journey has been to unlearn the many cruel lessons I was taught by people who hurt me and to allow my inner voice to come through.
I am a better person *_despite_* my trauma, not because of it.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I completely agree with you.
yes! this!!! i get kalyn's perspective but i agree so much more with yours
It is common spiritual bypassing, which is on the same lines of toxic positivity. It overlooks the damage trauma does and what it actually robs from people. It also comes from privilege, ignoring poverty, disabilities, chronic illness, minority and generational immigration. In reality we have very little control and bad things do and can just happen without a deeper purpose or reason. It can simply be a consequence of someone else's behaviour, including systematic problems. Plenty of people learn great skills without it being a result of mental illness. Your mental illness does not need to lead to growth. Depression and anxiety are normal responses and communication piece. Clinical depression and anxiety is not "a bad year", it's disabling. It does not make you a better person for it. You do actually lose time from it, you do miss opportunities, you do lose connections. Especially if you're unable to access support. Some people never grow because it is actually disabling. It doesn't build a foundation. Unless we are trying to argue genocide makes you a stronger person and you just need a prespetive change and we all go through hard times. And I highly doubt we're willing to say that.
@@lunarose9042 yes. The causes and effects of trauma are disabling where one can lose life and capacity to function. Thank you for sharing this.
Perfect timing
I had so many high hopes for my mid 20s, but family drama and my physical/mental health have held me back so much. I'm still fighting through and determined to arrive at my dreams, just later than expected. This was such a great coffee talk to journal along with today. Thank you, Kalyn
It’s ok 💕
I’m now 30 and my mental health held me alot in my twenties and now I’m starting to take a baby steps towards my goals and dreams
you are not alone or behind in life take your time and believe that everything will be more than ok 💕💕
same
That is totally fine. Life obstacles are unpredictable. Especially, when it comes to physical and mental health. I am 23 years old. The past few years, I struggled with my mental health. Due to personal reasons and external factors I could not control, I couldn't study at a university right after highschool. My dream has always been to study and become a psychologist. I couldn't fulfil my goal back then, but I can now. I have started preparing for entrance exams, hoping to start studying psychology at the age of 24. Age is just a number and it doesn't define our life's path in any way. We are conditioned to believe that we have to achieve certain goals in a specific societally structured timeline, but that is not the case. I shared my personal experience, in order to motivate you to go after your dreams, regardless of your current state, or chapter you are in. Let's never give up and achieve our goals! ❤
The past 5 years has for suuuure been a lot for me. From graduating college during the pandemic, missing out on promised internships, getting a job in a career I thought I didn't want anymore, to moving out of my hometown. So much has changed and I constantly reminisce on the life I had before I graduated. I'm noticing more how my upbringing has shaped me into who I am today--and I keep getting hung up on that.
I've been scared to let go for fear of "forgetting" that part of me, but now I realize that _that_ version of me will never be gone, she's still in there with me. But that version is also someone I've outgrown and I need to find who I am now.
This talk was SO helpful in realizing that. 💖
You did so well! For me life went totally downhill ever since the pandemic - I quit my studies and my mental health plummeted so I am very impressed by how much you’ve achieved even though it was such a hard time!
My mother passed away in January, and I have going through all the stages of grief this year and feeling lost. You talk about a lot of things I have been struggling with lately. Very inspiring and uplifting ♥
I'm so, so sorry for your loss, sending you lots of love and softness during this time ♥️
@@KalynsCoffeeTalk Thank you♥
One of the best coffee talks, Kalyn. Thank you. ♥ Also respect the hell out of you for not re-recording the whole thing just bc of a tiny fleck of spinach. LOL. Love that you prioritized the other things you wanted to make space for in your day rather than how you would appear to others. As always, thank you for being you -- however that shows up in the present moment. 💖
I appreciate these philosophical friendship talks. 🫶🏼
Somehow you always know what and how we are feeling.. thank you kalyn for your wise and kind words
Incredible perspective on embracing life's journey without the weight of expectations! It's also beneficial to periodically set aside time for self-reflection to appreciate our paths and the resilience we've built along the way. 🌟
girl, i am so excited to hear what you have to say. feeling like a failure with barely a career and savings at 29. living at my parents :/
Didn't watch the video, so take it with a grain of salt. I wasn't feeling... well. Due to similar reasons as yours, but then, Lo and behold, I received a little relief through an instagram post. It said: *"don't be afraid to start over again, this time you're not starting from scratch, you're starting from experience"* This gave me solace. I had ups and downs, frustrations, lack of action, resolution, persistence for a various reasons of things which I'm also accountable for, but whether I like it or not, all of this led me to today, they helped me learn - I'm not talking about bad things, hurt, trauma, although they can serve us for perception, they were never meant for us. I'm talking about confusion, not knowing what to do, being scarred from past situations, all of this journey of trying led me to figure out myself. Obviously, I need to thank God because of that, He helped me with things I was not mentally capacitated to resolve and gave me light on what to do. Today I'm not confused, I know exactly what I want, I'm not 100% confident and shamelessly powerful in myself yet, but I'm way more "mature", more ME than I was before, most of my scars have healed, now I just need to pour into myself more with my real program: I am worthy, I am capable, I deserve good things to happen to me. And guess what, I'm 30 years young, living with my grandma, and just restarting a job that I left some months ago. I was pursuing something but I faced a wall, a failure, I was too confident in my skills, and found myself at risk of not having money for my expenses (while living with my grandmother, which is a big no no as I don't want to burden her) so I quickly went on a job hunt and I ended up reaching out to my previous job and I was accepted (which is something I usually don't do); so yeah, back to my old job. But remember that instagram phrase? I'm not starting from scratch: I'm not the same person, I'm not as hurt anymore, I'm not confused anymore, I'm no longer so focused on the future that I hinder myself of enjoying the present, I'm more intentional, I have less fcks to give, I'm not trying to sprint or look so much at other's peoples lives as a timer for my own, I know myself more, I have experience, failure helped me see my flaws and what I need to do better, I have job! that will cover my expenses and help me live life! at the best of my abilities, I live with my grandma and although it can be annoying sometimes, it helps me save, and I'm definitely living in the now, not expecting to reach certain milestones to enjoy what I want. You're not starting over, you just needed to clear the fog to actually get a hold of what's really in your heart. This is not to say feelings of being "old" or "left out" or the weight of starting over don't poke at me, but at the end of the day, I'm aware enough to know that I'm only this clear minded because I am here Now. So, don't let it affect you too much. Grieve, cry and treasure yourself, nurture yourself. Gather all data from the past and see what does it tell about what you want to do, only you can tell that, but I'm confident all this time as at least given you clues of what you really REALLY don't want to do. It's a journey, don't try to sprint unnecessarily when your mind needs rests, don't program things aaaaall the way to the end of the world when you can save, plan, readjust and peacefully enjoy it now, even if it's not grand, see it as a taste of what's to come. Do you and enjoy life, don't save it unnecessary for tomorrow, live now, live for yourself. Your life is yours. ^^ Take care. 👍🏽
Youre not alone 💗 im turning 29 this year. Moved back in with my sister because I had to quit my job (mental health related) its been almost a year and I am barely getting back on my feet.
This particular video hit home at this point of life that I’m in right now how crazy we all get to experience being human together going through similar things and being strangers on the internet
There are no strangers… only kindred spirits that have yet to meet-KWAI CHANG CAINE 👊🏻
Thankyou SOOO much! I just came out of therapy appointment and have been dealing with so much suffering lately. The way you handle topics like this with such grace and perspective is truly needed. Please keep sharing your kind words they are needed in this world🤍
Girl you are talking your shit!! 😂 There was so much wisdom in this video. This is one I will keep coming back to. ❤
Wow this episode is one of your best coffee talks 💕
Thank u Kalyn for your wise and kind words 🫂💕💕
RIGHT?!?!
thank you!! ♥️
This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, Kalyn! 🤍
What a fantastic video. Thanks for sharing I really appreciate these videos they help me reflect on my own life. You are such a wonderful human.
I LOVE this video, amazing content thank you so much ❤
Truly needed to heard this. Thank you ❤
"The obstacle is the way" Thank you for this reminder!!
This series is SO GOOD. Been following your videos for a long time and I can tell you've definitely gotten older and wiser.
I’ve been going through this as someone who turned 29! I went through so much in my 20s so it feels disappointing not to be at certain milestones yet. Excited to listen 🤍
Wow! This is SO timely. Exactly the message I needed to hear. I have been feeling so down on myself for where I'm at in life and have been feeling so behind. Thank you for making this video. And things stuck in our teeth happen. It sucks, but honestly I didn't even notice! You look beautiful in your video and very very wise! Keep up the amazing work ❤️
Just subscribed to your channel! I found this video super powerful and refreshing to hear. You’ve given a fresh perspective on this topic. Thank you for sharing this with us 👏
So for me this really hits hard my family always had high hopes and high expectations for me that I was going to be accomplished that I was going to have a husband and be a mother that I would be the best friend to everyone and that it’s okay to be treated like a foot stool by everyone.
I struggled through my 20s because I had the worst confidence and self esteem I struggled to take any sort of commitments because I suppose I have emotional damage and I honestly started depending on anything that could damage me such as alcohol and I would watch sad movies to make myself cry so I wouldn’t have to bother anyone with my emotions so people always thought I was happy and I gave people the best version of me so people could get the best from me but it actually damaged me on the inside.
I sit here at nearly 32 engaged to a woman, I don’t see anyone who treated me like a punching bag, I honestly wish I could go back in time and tell myself that it will get better you won’t be sat in your room damaging yourself and letting yourself be treated like you are being used for everyone else’s happiness and not yours.
If anyone feels like this right now I hope this helps you.
Love you to the moon and back.
Lu 🧡
You read my mind❤
Loved this so much❤
0:16 BARS! So true
1:45 that’s me, still learning
This came in my feed at the perfect time. Just subscribed, thank you for your message ❤
A couple weeks ago i started a new job that i waited for 8 months to start. After a couple weeks i decided that i hated it and just didn’t go in one day. Then I was fired and i feel really good about that.
The thing is Kalyn is that it is impossible to feel rooted at home when you are renting because the landlords will not let you personalize your space. They don’t want you to paint or hang things which is the one thing you can do to personalize your space.
Try looking up some rent-friendly ways to personalize your space!! I know it depends on the landlord/area you live in, but in the spaces I've rented I was able to hang things up and even paint if I wanted so long as I patched and repainted it back to the the original colour when moving out. Check out your rental agreement and surf the inter web for some ideas!
I think I need to start noticing little pieces of help from the universe more. I think I have lost a big portion of my self-assurance and self-confidence and I was asking myself - how do I know this is my intuition speaking, or my fears and anxieties or my intrusive thoughts? And now you just mentioned it. I need to find that podcast episode now ❤
Enjoyed watching this video🤌🏽🌸thank you so much
This was so good! Thank you, Kalyn!
Glad you liked it 🤍
This spoke to me 🫶🏼
I’ve just stumbled upon your channel and I’m stocked at how much I needed to hear this episode right now. I’ve been so upset the last month thinking I wasted the last 5 years. Thank you for helping me to reframe my thinking❤
You're welcome, I'm glad to know this talk helped someone out there ♥️
Thank you for this video 🙏🏾✨
You are so welcome
Love you❤ thank you
Thank you for this today
Hey Kalyn, what you said about marriage is something I really struggle with. How did you get to the point of accepting that there might be a chance that even the worst case scenario could happen?
In my mind, I have the same image as you - a partner for life. And in my last relationship, I simply couldn't accept the thought of us not being together. He was saying he can see both paths - us working out, but also was accepting that we might not work out. He said it's important to know that one would be okay with both scenarios. I found it almost offensive that he even considered the fact we might not be together. I was thinking: "how can I get married and have children with a person who thinks like that? Where is the safety?" Now I am realizing that my own beliefs and perspectives might have been very limiting in this regard and I think this was one of the things that might have driven him away.
I would love to get anyone's feedback on this, because I really struggle to know what to think. 🙏❤️
Would it be ok if I use your question as a thought starter for a full Coffee Talk? ♥️
Wow this video randomly popped up in my home page and I am grateful it did…. This was such a beautiful message 🙏🏼🥰🥰
So glad! Thanks for hanging out
Always helpful 👍Thank you 💖💗💖💕💓
Great content thank you ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing this! It was an epiphany to me.
Glad you enjoyed it!
This is a perfect video I’ve been going through some lifestyle changes last year I had surgery and found out I have endometriosis and I have been suggested to change my diet to help control inflammation
That is really tough, I'm sorry
OMG I USED TO WATCH U IN MIDDLE SCHOOL OMG OMG it’s so cool to see u on my fyp i’m almost 21 now !?
No way 🥰 hello again!
Thanks!
I really appreciate the message behind this video because it’s true and wise, but I have a hard time hearing this stuff from people who already have it all. Kalyn owns a house, has a lucrative career, a fiancé, and children. At 30, she has already achieved all the big “success” life milestones. It’s easy to say to others who haven’t that they simply need to trust and be patient, but if you already have everything they want, it comes across as tone-deaf at best and patronizing at worst.
I'm sorry thats how it was received on your end. I was asked for advice and did my best to share my thoughts based on my own experiences and the lessons they have taught me. It's certainly not meant to sound like frivolous "trust and be patient" as you compare where you stand to where I do based on what is seen as conventionally successful. Pull away all of the material and life milestones and you'll find the energy of trial and error, dedication, making the most of circumstances, making tough decisions, putting myself out there, waiting my turn in a state of overwhelming loneliness, and definitely some strokes of good timing and good luck, which is the moral of what I was trying to communicate in this chat. I am very grateful for my job, family and home, and I want nothing more than for every other soul on the planet to receive what they dream of and wish for in full form. My intention is only to spread some light and encouragement along the way!
I can understand your viewpoint but I think that If you know Kalyn you would know that that’s not her intention at all. Being patronizing - That’s so far from who she is. It happened that her passion for youtube provided her with most of those things in the end but if you think about it that’s not why she ever did youtube, it’s just a bonus outcome. Also she struggled with most of the things mentioned in this video through the years so... please cut her some slack 😊
@@CherryBerryFashionFair enough! I don’t think it’s intentional at all, I’m just shedding light on how this sort of thing could be received. I’m sure just as many people will benefit from the message.
I think that hearing to be patient from someone who hasn't reached important goals is the weird scenario. How would they know?
It can only be tone deaf if someone who has it all and always had, talks about these things.
And in those cases those people still had their live lessons and heart aches. It's just less relatable.
I have been following Kalyn for years and I can't imagine her being tone deaf. Her 'out loud thinking' and talking us through it have given me so much insight and has always made me feel so seen and understood. Subjects so complex that it can't be done by someone who hasn't really experienced life and 'real' problems.
That being said, it brings me all the joy seeing Kalyn reaching all those milestones and the life she build for herself despite of all the challenges see faced. It's absolutely awesome and I am getting tears in my eyes right now writing this. The internet is a weird place, tearing up over someone on a screen. But I think it's justified 😌. I am rambling so bye🤣🩷
I get what your saying. But I have seen all of Kalyns struggle the past 10 years. She crawled to her Mountain top and has been in all the places she describes❤despair, sadness, loneliness and also loss and pain.
I have been hearing a lot about autopilot lately. And I feel like I have done that to myself. I have been trying to do something different.
The first time I hear about human values. I never knew what I want from my life 😅😅😅😅
💗 really needed this 💗
Adding:
Wow.. I saw 3:33 at 11:20 and i was thinking of my grandma, she passed in august last year. I laid back and just started thinking “im so proud of myself” “she would be so proud of me” “shes sending me signs and i love it thank you lala for giving me the strength to keep going” then at 11:28 i was listening to you talk about the angels and i started tearing as i listened to those beautiful words 😌✨🥹 thank u lala for giving me the sign to watch this video and hear this after i just saw your number. Thank you Kalyn for making this video ✨🤍.
No wonder you’re an author- you’re so intellectual
Love you so much.
I named my daughter after you :)))
goodness gracious, if that is true then that is beyond an honour. If it is not true, you have very funny humour hahaha. Also, thank you!
@@KalynNicholson so true
She’s 5 months now. Kalyn Williams
I’ve been following you since day 2017 and I have always been inspired by you, so thank you for existing. Lysm
🥹 that's such an honour. Sending you and your family many blessings and good wishes
❤❤❤
This era is not a good era… it SUCKS BIG TIME, and I’m sure many will agree with me 😮
❤
i just entered my 30s and i feel so lost and confused as to what i should be doing, should i suddenly go and rush to get married and have kids and get married and buy a house and settle down but then again my 20s were horrible and all i want is to live my life first before i have the kids and the husband but am i wrong for wanting kids later? IDK im so lost and confused and overwhlemed rn i wish 30s had the same carefree-ness as 20s where peole are like youre a baby you’re so young don’t worry about it you have all the time in the world but 30s does come with alot of pressure thanks to society or atleast mine
I had my first panic attack on a Ferris Wheel it felt like I was going to die. And with that being said I am now terrified of going on Ferris wheels
Whats the book called ?
I'm drinking and oat milk coffee
The aim is to be happy regardless of where I am or what I have. Fuck owning anything. We own nothing in life. We are just waiting to die from the day we are born. We didn’t ask to be here but yet we now are forced to navigate this shit life
Hey Kalyn, really nice video ! I was wondering if I could help you with Best Quality Editing in your videos better than your Editor with good pricing and also make a highly engaging Thumbnail which will help your videos to reach to a wider audience ? Pls let me know what do you think ?
I always wanted a family and I am now getting that but I’m not sure if it’s with the right person even though we met in the best way after meeting years later from when we wanted to or when he wanted to. I just wasn’t interested I was in my late teen and now I’m in my early 30s. I moved to where he lives and I hate it and love at the same time but I also hate my job and everyday seems grey and I’m struggling to be ok with where I am.
This video is just my new soulful song!🎵🎈