This is a fantastic interview and you give such important advice at the end. Thank you so much for always being willing to contribute your story and experience to Silver Linings Foundation. Even better when you can use it to introduce the topic on your channel. I'm unbelievably proud of you and the progress you've made over the last two years. Your voice on this issue is absolutely needed ❤. Bring on the ✨second channel✨!!! (eventually)
Lmfao, ah yes the second channel. One day hopefully soon. Thank you so much for providing the opportunity to represent men in this interview. I hope I did you all proud. And thank you so much for the huge role you played in my recovery!
Love this interview Christopher! I think you should talk in detail about your eating disorder on your channel more! I’ve struggled with Binge Eating Disorder w/ heavy periods of extreme restriction for over 30 years. I was at war with myself inside my head and dealing with it all alone! I was finally diagnosed about 15 years ago when I had no other choice but to seek help for severe anxiety that led to a mental breakdown! My behaviors started with me hiding food underneath my bed when I was very young and eating it secretly in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping then my teenage years I would be driving from fast food place to fast food place and binging on all of it in my car that I’d park in an empty parking lot. My 20’s to mid 30’s I was drinking a lot more alcohol & then binging on crap after the bars closed to now almost being 41 and thankfully In therapy and active recovery! I didn’t even consider myself as having an eating disorder for more than 20 years because I was in full denial and I would tell myself lies all the time to justify my actions. My friends & family had absolutely no idea I had any problems because I kept it all so secret and I was a master at disposing of the evidence!
Bobbi! Firstly, let me just take the time to genuinely say thank you for leaving such an open and vulnerable comment about your own experiences. It helps so much with allowing me to understand the individuals in my audience. I said this is a reply to another similar comment, but once again, when I am reading this I can just feel the years' worth of pain and intense behaviors through this comment. And what is wild is this comment is but a fraction of the true nature of what you went through. Although I am not happy to hear you have struggled with ED's for so long, it does help me feel less shame that it took me 10 years to accept I was disordered, and 12 years to enter recovery fully. The fast food and eating in the car to hide the behaviors is something I resonate with so deeply. I still struggle with eating in the car and wanting to relieve those kinds of unrestrained binges. I am so thrilled to hear that you are both in therapy and in recovery, so few people will realize how much strength it takes to do that, especially after so many years of being in denial. I feel like there is a stigma that ED's are for teens and that having one into your late 20's and beyond is some how less valid. IDK if that makes and sense of if you have felt similar. Once again, I just want to say thank you for taking the time AND the vulnerability to share your own experiences with me, it means a lot ❤️
This was so interesting, insightful, and, unfortunately, relatable. Well done to both of you for being so validating, concise and bringing a bit of hope to those of us struggling with this. ❤
Thank you for such a kind comment Not the Queen. I am sorry to hear that you relate, the experiences I discuss were years' worth of hardship and misery. I hope you are in a good place with whatever ED's you might have struggled with!
This interview is so valuable for me and others, thank you for your vulnerability! As a male with Anorexia (restricting type), my eating disorder has manifested behaviorally and symptomatically different; however, the core of it and it’s impact on my life still heavily relates to your experience. The insights you have share have unsighted further self reflection on my own 9 year battle in which I’m at one of lowest points now. My ED voice constantly tells me it’s not a disorder bc I’m a male and not emaciated (I actually get praise for how lean I am). The point you bring up about looking at its impact on your life is the key for me to focus on. Food and exercise is my whole life. No energy for friends, exploring life, being my authentic self, and striving for my true values bc I’m too focused on the ED. Hope to hear more from you as it helps everyone
Wow, Joey, what a vulnerable and in-depth comment about your own experiences. It means the world when anyone leaves these kinds of comments, but as a man, it is special to me when other men discuss their own ED's with me in the comments. I can't begin to tell you how much I relate to the reasons your ED voice uses to convince you otherwise. Often I feel like the only male forms of ED that are accepted is when the person is extremely overweight or underweight, but what do you do when you have a body that isn't either and looks "healthy"? As you said, my ED body was always praised as desirable and healthy despite the immense amount of pain and destruction it cost to get there! I am glad the point about focusing on the impact it has on your daily life resonated with you. Such an important way to recontextualize your disorder as something that is seriously taking from the quality of your life. I am rooting for you Joey and I am so passionate about continuing to talk about this subject in the future!
@@East-Bound Thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed comment! I’ve been following since your first nicotine video and related to all the other life challenges you have talked about so have watched them all lol. You’re truly a role model for me and so happy you are back with content! A lot of content creators have a massive audience but no depth while you truly connect and change the lives of all who engage which is so evident on the relationships on live streams. I’ve been lurking for a long time and have had paralysis by analysis to say anything (like with everything in life) but I hope to lean into the loving community you have here if you’ll have me. After the years of treatment (IOP, PHP, residential), therapy, self work and practices, I’m truly an open book and vulnerable as I hope to one day share my journey to help others just as you are doing! So much to my struggles but if anyone understands it seems to be you and your incredible community😇
@@mental_hypertrophy Firstly, always feel empowered to either reach out to me directly or be a part of my livestreams. I would love to hear both from you and more about you. Second, you've said so many kind and encouraging things when I need them the most, so I appreciate that! One of my biggest goals is to empower others to boldly tell their own stories in whatever capacity they see fit. Be it on TH-cam, Instagram, etc. When you start sharing your story place, do let me know because I would love to follow along
Great interview. Thanks for being this open. It's a shame you don't feel comfortable taking about your eating disorder in detail on your channel. I get the fear of judgement like you don't look thin enough/sick enough....blabla. eating disorders come in so many forms, ways and sizes. Who are they to decide if you're "really" suffering from this illness? And I get the part where people change the way they treat you based on your body size. I was bullied all through my childhood. I was scared to death going to school. When my ED kicked in with 16 I lost a lot of weight. And I noticed people were suddenly nice to me. It's actually disgusting. I was the same person but suddenly had more value to them just because I was thinner. I wish we could just stop commenting on other people bodys all together. But I guess it's not possible in this weight obsessed world.
Honestly, most of my struggle is just living in the shadow of my ex's ED, which was far more intense and far more "typical anorexia." I feel like I don't have the right to claim my own ED history. However, I am slowly trying to overcome that and there is so much content on this topic that I want to create. I am sorry to hear you also have ED experience at such a young and formative age as well. I hope your are in a good place with it now. I feel you on the weirdness that is being complimented. Some of the times I was the sickest was when my body was the most celebrated by others, especially strangers. It was hard to let go of that. I agree that I wish we would stop making assumptions about each other based on our bodies when bodies are such a poor indicator of anything of value! Thank you for the lovely comment Lena!
Really great interview! We don’t see many men online talking about EDs, but I suspect that a lot more men struggle with it that most people realize. Like you experienced, maybe the way that ED presents itself for many men isn’t as easily recognizable.
Great interview East!! You have worth my friend! Our heavenly Father wanted someone just like you! Which is why He created you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Try to remember and even speak these affirmations allowed if necessary when those negative thoughts come in! May you have a blessed night in Jesus Christ mighty name!
Shepherd's voice! I like that a lot: "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!" If you don't mind expounding on what exactly the fearfully part means? Like the context surrounding that particular choice of words. Fearfully has so many different connotations!
@@East-Bound ☺️ Well firstly, I will address the definition of the word "fearfully" as defined in the Hebrew dictionary, as the words that I speak come from Father's word (The Bible - KJV), So, because it comes from Father's word, from the Old Testament, which was written in Hebrew, we must take the Hebrew definition for the word. Fearfully - Hebrew word #3372 The word in Hebrew is Yare (pronounced Yaw-ray) - it is a prime root meaning to fear; moreover, to *Revere* - to be had in reverence. Now that we've established the definition of the word - so you can have complete context, I will give you the verse from which it comes out of the book of Psalm - and this will be a bit lengthy, because I believe for you to grasp the entire context, you should read the entire and complete Psalm. This is from Psalm 139 - which is a Psalm of (King) David. The verse: Psalm 139 verse 14 I will praise thee (Father God) *for I am fearfully and wonderfully made* marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. PSALM 139 (To the chief Musician - A Psalm of David) 1 O LORD thou hast searched me and known me. 2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandeth my thoughts a far off. 3 Thou compassed my path and my lying down, and art aquatinted with all my ways. 4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. 5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. 7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence. 8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. 12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and light are both alike to thee. 13 For thou hast possessed my reigns: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. *14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well* 15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiosity wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! 18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. 19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. 20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. 21 Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? And am I not grieved with those that rise up against thee? 22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. May this be a blessing to you and may you have a great blessed day in Jesus Christ mighty name! ☺️
Thank you, I really enjoy this style of video This topic hits hard I had multiple eating disorders starting with bulimia at 14, I had always been told growing up I was fat and ugly and had very low self esteem. I broke up with my first love at 18 (it was a very abusive relationship) I moved and started a new relationship and started taking drugs to lose weight and still binge purging. After leaving that abusive relationship I went moved back in with my ex and what a mistake that was it was far worse second time around. My eating disorder got worse I started over exercising binge purging. When that finally ended and he moved about 9 hours away from me and we ended contact. I got with my current partner of nearly 11 years, we had children and that’s when I my eating disorder spiralled I was over exercising restricting purging anything I ate I couldn’t hold down a plum tomato was taking weight loss pills, My BMI dropped. when I sought help and was told by my partner I was taking up someone’s space that really needed it and that that was nothing wrong with me (which is what I feared) I continued loosing weight and ended up with heart rhythm problems. It was only when my doctor and therapist said I needed inpatient treatment (I wouldn’t leave my children to do that) I decided I needed to take the some space or I wouldn’t have space here at all. I stopped losing weight and started working on myself and accepted I had anorexia at that time. I’m soo much better now and continue to heal. I still need time to heal from a much darker time in my childhood but I’m. Getting there. Please take your space and own it in every category you need! Sorry for the short story 😅😂
Wow, Jade, firstly thank you for leaving such a detailed and VULNERABLE comment. I never take it for granted when people take the time to leave beautiful comments like this. Reading this comment I can just feel the years' worth of intensity and turmoil. I remember when my ex got to the point in her anorexia where she started having heart problems and it was scary times. I also heavily relate to the messiness that is the ED behaviors you engaged in, in the sense of it being a bit of everything rather than just one stereotype of a disorder. Although I identify with BED and exercise bulimia primarily, I had long periods of restriction and orthorexia on top of my base ED's. Once again, I want to acknowledge how horrible it must have felt to be told you were taking someone else's space unnecessarily when you were struggling so much. I'm glad you had the strength to pull yourself out of it for your sake and your kids, and I wish you continued success in dealing with your childhood trauma! I'm slowly trying to get out of the shadow of my ex's ED and claim the space that is rightfully my own. Excited to finally make content about ED's in earnest. Thank you again for the time and vulnerability you gave me in this comment Jade!
Nat! One of my OGs! How are you doing? And thank you for the kind words of inclusion. For a lot of reasons, I felt excluded from being able to publicly claim my ED. But finally finding the strength to do so, and I look forward to properly diving into these topics in the future!
@@East-Bound OH MY GOD Do you actually remember me?? I'm so damn excited! I was just about to leave you a comment saying that we could probably be really good friends:) I was listening to your videos and I'm just stunned and amazed at the fact that you have so much wisdom and knowledge about yourself. It reminded me of a good friend of mine that could analyze her thoughts and feelings to the bottom, really. BUT in therapy she learned that feelings are meant to be FELT. And thats probably the hardest part of them all. Sit with the feelings. There are so many comments I would like to leave but it feels like theres not enough room for it all! hahahah:) The main thing is that I feel like youre getting to the actual root of everything. I am no specialist in any way or form BUT had alot of experience in my life to say that usually, when we get to the root, it becomes so damn difficult. We see how many thoughts and feelings were ingrained in us from a very young age and how that comes bursting in flames years later. Our coping mechanisms (addictions, ed's) are there to keep us from reaching to the actual root. Trauma. From your live stream I got that it was too much, that you felt so fed up and couldn't consume the tzunami of memories, feelings and thoughts. BUT! In the meanwhile I've been experiencing my own tzunami and your true self, the way you put yourself in here with no apologies, really really helped me, mirrowed my own struggles and maybe even their root in some way. If you'd like, im always here and you're always welcome to share if something feels too much. In the matter of space, space is a really tough subject to hold. On one hand we want to have it so badly, we want to scream and shout and sometimes physically show that something is wrong But on the other hand, we out ourselves last. One thing that really stood out to me is that your experience with Sara might have been some recreation of the constant situation where you had no space. No space to be yourself (You got bullied just for being just it) No space to express the trauma which you probably (and rightfully so) tried to avoid. Just as you said, running endlessly, doing sports and activate self harm isn't the hard part. Finding healthy options IS the hard part. Taking the space you rightfully deserve IS the hardest part. And you are making it, every day, step by step. It's really weird saying that but here I am, tears in my eyes and shaking. Because YOU are giving space to all of us. YOU create this incredible space and bring so many things to the surface. And although I don't know you, I feel as if I do. Thank you, for remembering me.❤️
@@Nat-yp4jp Of course, I remember you! If you wanna be friends, my Instagram DM's or emails are always open! There is so much glowing kindness in this reply that I hardly know what to do with it, haha. I agree with your point about it becoming the hardest the closer we get to the root of our issues. As far as things that feel to much, I am struggling with videos about my SA. It's another space that I don't feel like I belong in. WOW, you hit the nail on the head in a way I hadn't considered before. I have never felt like there was space for me: not in my family, not with my peers, and not with my traumas/disorders. I have always sacrificed that space to make things easier on others, so trying to claim any space now is so hard. Thank you for that brilliant observation Nat! Awh, yes I want to create a space on TH-cam for other people struggling to find a path forward
Awh thank you, my good friend. I was pretty nervous about doing the interview and worried I had nothing of value to say. Relieved to hear it wasn't a complete waste of time ❤️
I feel like exercise bulimia in men is so extremely common in the fitness industry it just goes unnoticed because they all because they fit society's beauty standards that people assume are healthy but yeah there's so many guys that kill themselves to achieve that physique and it doesn't make them happy it's all just a persona and it gets socially accepted and validated also the guys that get super jacked but still have such low body fat that they have the same symptoms as anorexia it's really sad a lot of them are struggling and either don't know they're struggling or don't admit they're struggling because society just doesn't wanna see it because it's not the lifetime movie depiction everyone's familiar with but that doesn't make the suffering any less valid for me that these people are any less deserving of recovery regardless of what you're struggling with you belong in the space and you belong claiming your truth you don't have to compare yourselves to others just because others have it worse or whatever it doesn't make your struggle less valid
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Christopher…always honest, always brave 😊
This is a fantastic interview and you give such important advice at the end. Thank you so much for always being willing to contribute your story and experience to Silver Linings Foundation. Even better when you can use it to introduce the topic on your channel. I'm unbelievably proud of you and the progress you've made over the last two years. Your voice on this issue is absolutely needed ❤. Bring on the ✨second channel✨!!! (eventually)
Lmfao, ah yes the second channel. One day hopefully soon. Thank you so much for providing the opportunity to represent men in this interview. I hope I did you all proud. And thank you so much for the huge role you played in my recovery!
Love this interview Christopher! I think you should talk in detail about your eating disorder on your channel more! I’ve struggled with Binge Eating Disorder w/ heavy periods of extreme restriction for over 30 years. I was at war with myself inside my head and dealing with it all alone! I was finally diagnosed about 15 years ago when I had no other choice but to seek help for severe anxiety that led to a mental breakdown! My behaviors started with me hiding food underneath my bed when I was very young and eating it secretly in the middle of the night when everyone was sleeping then my teenage years I would be driving from fast food place to fast food place and binging on all of it in my car that I’d park in an empty parking lot. My 20’s to mid 30’s I was drinking a lot more alcohol & then binging on crap after the bars closed to now almost being 41 and thankfully In therapy and active recovery! I didn’t even consider myself as having an eating disorder for more than 20 years because I was in full denial and I would tell myself lies all the time to justify my actions. My friends & family had absolutely no idea I had any problems because I kept it all so secret and I was a master at disposing of the evidence!
Bobbi! Firstly, let me just take the time to genuinely say thank you for leaving such an open and vulnerable comment about your own experiences. It helps so much with allowing me to understand the individuals in my audience.
I said this is a reply to another similar comment, but once again, when I am reading this I can just feel the years' worth of pain and intense behaviors through this comment. And what is wild is this comment is but a fraction of the true nature of what you went through. Although I am not happy to hear you have struggled with ED's for so long, it does help me feel less shame that it took me 10 years to accept I was disordered, and 12 years to enter recovery fully.
The fast food and eating in the car to hide the behaviors is something I resonate with so deeply. I still struggle with eating in the car and wanting to relieve those kinds of unrestrained binges. I am so thrilled to hear that you are both in therapy and in recovery, so few people will realize how much strength it takes to do that, especially after so many years of being in denial. I feel like there is a stigma that ED's are for teens and that having one into your late 20's and beyond is some how less valid. IDK if that makes and sense of if you have felt similar.
Once again, I just want to say thank you for taking the time AND the vulnerability to share your own experiences with me, it means a lot ❤️
This was so interesting, insightful, and, unfortunately, relatable. Well done to both of you for being so validating, concise and bringing a bit of hope to those of us struggling with this. ❤
Thank you for such a kind comment Not the Queen. I am sorry to hear that you relate, the experiences I discuss were years' worth of hardship and misery. I hope you are in a good place with whatever ED's you might have struggled with!
Thank you so very much for sharing your story.
This interview is so valuable for me and others, thank you for your vulnerability! As a male with Anorexia (restricting type), my eating disorder has manifested behaviorally and symptomatically different; however, the core of it and it’s impact on my life still heavily relates to your experience. The insights you have share have unsighted further self reflection on my own 9 year battle in which I’m at one of lowest points now. My ED voice constantly tells me it’s not a disorder bc I’m a male and not emaciated (I actually get praise for how lean I am). The point you bring up about looking at its impact on your life is the key for me to focus on. Food and exercise is my whole life. No energy for friends, exploring life, being my authentic self, and striving for my true values bc I’m too focused on the ED. Hope to hear more from you as it helps everyone
Wow, Joey, what a vulnerable and in-depth comment about your own experiences. It means the world when anyone leaves these kinds of comments, but as a man, it is special to me when other men discuss their own ED's with me in the comments.
I can't begin to tell you how much I relate to the reasons your ED voice uses to convince you otherwise. Often I feel like the only male forms of ED that are accepted is when the person is extremely overweight or underweight, but what do you do when you have a body that isn't either and looks "healthy"? As you said, my ED body was always praised as desirable and healthy despite the immense amount of pain and destruction it cost to get there!
I am glad the point about focusing on the impact it has on your daily life resonated with you. Such an important way to recontextualize your disorder as something that is seriously taking from the quality of your life. I am rooting for you Joey and I am so passionate about continuing to talk about this subject in the future!
@@East-Bound Thank you for taking the time to leave such a detailed comment! I’ve been following since your first nicotine video and related to all the other life challenges you have talked about so have watched them all lol. You’re truly a role model for me and so happy you are back with content! A lot of content creators have a massive audience but no depth while you truly connect and change the lives of all who engage which is so evident on the relationships on live streams. I’ve been lurking for a long time and have had paralysis by analysis to say anything (like with everything in life) but I hope to lean into the loving community you have here if you’ll have me.
After the years of treatment (IOP, PHP, residential), therapy, self work and practices, I’m truly an open book and vulnerable as I hope to one day share my journey to help others just as you are doing! So much to my struggles but if anyone understands it seems to be you and your incredible community😇
@@mental_hypertrophy Firstly, always feel empowered to either reach out to me directly or be a part of my livestreams. I would love to hear both from you and more about you.
Second, you've said so many kind and encouraging things when I need them the most, so I appreciate that!
One of my biggest goals is to empower others to boldly tell their own stories in whatever capacity they see fit. Be it on TH-cam, Instagram, etc. When you start sharing your story place, do let me know because I would love to follow along
Great interview. Thanks for being this open. It's a shame you don't feel comfortable taking about your eating disorder in detail on your channel. I get the fear of judgement like you don't look thin enough/sick enough....blabla. eating disorders come in so many forms, ways and sizes. Who are they to decide if you're "really" suffering from this illness? And I get the part where people change the way they treat you based on your body size. I was bullied all through my childhood. I was scared to death going to school. When my ED kicked in with 16 I lost a lot of weight. And I noticed people were suddenly nice to me. It's actually disgusting. I was the same person but suddenly had more value to them just because I was thinner. I wish we could just stop commenting on other people bodys all together. But I guess it's not possible in this weight obsessed world.
Honestly, most of my struggle is just living in the shadow of my ex's ED, which was far more intense and far more "typical anorexia." I feel like I don't have the right to claim my own ED history. However, I am slowly trying to overcome that and there is so much content on this topic that I want to create.
I am sorry to hear you also have ED experience at such a young and formative age as well. I hope your are in a good place with it now. I feel you on the weirdness that is being complimented. Some of the times I was the sickest was when my body was the most celebrated by others, especially strangers. It was hard to let go of that. I agree that I wish we would stop making assumptions about each other based on our bodies when bodies are such a poor indicator of anything of value!
Thank you for the lovely comment Lena!
Really great interview! We don’t see many men online talking about EDs, but I suspect that a lot more men struggle with it that most people realize. Like you experienced, maybe the way that ED presents itself for many men isn’t as easily recognizable.
Thank you for the supportive feedback meep, I have a lot of thoughts on how EDs present in men and can't wait to start creating that content!
Great interview East!!
You have worth my friend!
Our heavenly Father wanted someone just like you! Which is why He created you! You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Try to remember and even speak these affirmations allowed if necessary when those negative thoughts come in!
May you have a blessed night in Jesus Christ mighty name!
Shepherd's voice! I like that a lot: "You are fearfully and wonderfully made!" If you don't mind expounding on what exactly the fearfully part means? Like the context surrounding that particular choice of words. Fearfully has so many different connotations!
@@East-Bound ☺️ Well firstly, I will address the definition of the word "fearfully" as defined in the Hebrew dictionary, as the words that I speak come from Father's word (The Bible - KJV), So, because it comes from Father's word, from the Old Testament, which was written in Hebrew, we must take the Hebrew definition for the word.
Fearfully - Hebrew word #3372
The word in Hebrew is Yare (pronounced Yaw-ray) - it is a prime root meaning to fear; moreover, to *Revere* - to be had in reverence.
Now that we've established the definition of the word - so you can have complete context, I will give you the verse from which it comes out of the book of Psalm - and this will be a bit lengthy, because I believe for you to grasp the entire context, you should read the entire and complete Psalm. This is from Psalm 139 - which is a Psalm of (King) David.
The verse: Psalm 139 verse 14
I will praise thee (Father God) *for I am fearfully and wonderfully made*
marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
PSALM 139 (To the chief Musician - A Psalm of David)
1 O LORD thou hast searched me and known me.
2 Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandeth my thoughts a far off.
3 Thou compassed my path and my lying down, and art aquatinted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
5 Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
7 Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence.
8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12 Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and light are both alike to thee.
13 For thou hast possessed my reigns: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.
*14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well*
15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiosity wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
19 Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20 For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21 Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? And am I not grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
May this be a blessing to you and may you have a great blessed day in Jesus Christ mighty name! ☺️
Thank you, I really enjoy this style of video
This topic hits hard
I had multiple eating disorders starting with bulimia at 14, I had always been told growing up I was fat and ugly and had very low self esteem. I broke up with my first love at 18 (it was a very abusive relationship) I moved and started a new relationship and started taking drugs to lose weight and still binge purging. After leaving that abusive relationship I went moved back in with my ex and what a mistake that was it was far worse second time around. My eating disorder got worse I started over exercising binge purging. When that finally ended and he moved about 9 hours away from me and we ended contact. I got with my current partner of nearly 11 years, we had children and that’s when I my eating disorder spiralled I was over exercising restricting purging anything I ate I couldn’t hold down a plum tomato was taking weight loss pills, My BMI dropped. when I sought help and was told by my partner I was taking up someone’s space that really needed it and that that was nothing wrong with me (which is what I feared) I continued loosing weight and ended up with heart rhythm problems. It was only when my doctor and therapist said I needed inpatient treatment (I wouldn’t leave my children to do that) I decided I needed to take the some space or I wouldn’t have space here at all. I stopped losing weight and started working on myself and accepted I had anorexia at that time. I’m soo much better now and continue to heal. I still need time to heal from a much darker time in my childhood but I’m. Getting there.
Please take your space and own it in every category you need! Sorry for the short story 😅😂
Wow, Jade, firstly thank you for leaving such a detailed and VULNERABLE comment. I never take it for granted when people take the time to leave beautiful comments like this.
Reading this comment I can just feel the years' worth of intensity and turmoil. I remember when my ex got to the point in her anorexia where she started having heart problems and it was scary times. I also heavily relate to the messiness that is the ED behaviors you engaged in, in the sense of it being a bit of everything rather than just one stereotype of a disorder. Although I identify with BED and exercise bulimia primarily, I had long periods of restriction and orthorexia on top of my base ED's.
Once again, I want to acknowledge how horrible it must have felt to be told you were taking someone else's space unnecessarily when you were struggling so much. I'm glad you had the strength to pull yourself out of it for your sake and your kids, and I wish you continued success in dealing with your childhood trauma!
I'm slowly trying to get out of the shadow of my ex's ED and claim the space that is rightfully my own. Excited to finally make content about ED's in earnest.
Thank you again for the time and vulnerability you gave me in this comment Jade!
Great job & lots of insight, EAST!
Liz! Whew, I was nervous talking about this in-depth for the first time! Glad it went well!
@@East-Bound I understand that feeling. You did very well. The interview also serves as a good overview for newbies.
There is ALWAYS a place for you.❤
Nat! One of my OGs! How are you doing? And thank you for the kind words of inclusion. For a lot of reasons, I felt excluded from being able to publicly claim my ED. But finally finding the strength to do so, and I look forward to properly diving into these topics in the future!
@@East-Bound OH MY GOD Do you actually remember me?? I'm so damn excited!
I was just about to leave you a comment saying that we could probably be really good friends:) I was listening to your videos and I'm just stunned and amazed at the fact that you have so much wisdom and knowledge about yourself.
It reminded me of a good friend of mine that could analyze her thoughts and feelings to the bottom, really. BUT in therapy she learned that feelings are meant to be FELT. And thats probably the hardest part of them all. Sit with the feelings.
There are so many comments I would like to leave but it feels like theres not enough room for it all! hahahah:)
The main thing is that I feel like youre getting to the actual root of everything. I am no specialist in any way or form BUT had alot of experience in my life to say that usually, when we get to the root, it becomes so damn difficult. We see how many thoughts and feelings were ingrained in us from a very young age and how that comes bursting in flames years later. Our coping mechanisms (addictions, ed's) are there to keep us from reaching to the actual root.
Trauma.
From your live stream I got that it was too much, that you felt so fed up and couldn't consume the tzunami of memories, feelings and thoughts.
BUT! In the meanwhile I've been experiencing my own tzunami and your true self, the way you put yourself in here with no apologies, really really helped me, mirrowed my own struggles and maybe even their root in some way.
If you'd like, im always here and you're always welcome to share if something feels too much.
In the matter of space,
space is a really tough subject to hold.
On one hand we want to have it so badly, we want to scream and shout and sometimes physically show that something is wrong
But on the other hand, we out ourselves last.
One thing that really stood out to me is that your experience with Sara might have been some recreation of the constant situation where you had no space.
No space to be yourself (You got bullied just for being just it)
No space to express the trauma which you probably (and rightfully so) tried to avoid.
Just as you said, running endlessly, doing sports and activate self harm isn't the hard part.
Finding healthy options IS the hard part.
Taking the space you rightfully deserve IS the hardest part.
And you are making it, every day, step by step.
It's really weird saying that but here I am, tears in my eyes and shaking.
Because YOU are giving space to all of us. YOU create this incredible space and bring so many things to the surface. And although I don't know you, I feel as if I do.
Thank you, for remembering me.❤️
@@Nat-yp4jp Of course, I remember you! If you wanna be friends, my Instagram DM's or emails are always open!
There is so much glowing kindness in this reply that I hardly know what to do with it, haha.
I agree with your point about it becoming the hardest the closer we get to the root of our issues. As far as things that feel to much, I am struggling with videos about my SA. It's another space that I don't feel like I belong in.
WOW, you hit the nail on the head in a way I hadn't considered before. I have never felt like there was space for me: not in my family, not with my peers, and not with my traumas/disorders. I have always sacrificed that space to make things easier on others, so trying to claim any space now is so hard. Thank you for that brilliant observation Nat!
Awh, yes I want to create a space on TH-cam for other people struggling to find a path forward
@@East-Bound You're more than welcome dear!!:))
Also, Could I ask for your Email/ IG account? It would be awsome to have more platforms:)
This is such a good video, Christopher!
Awh thank you, my good friend. I was pretty nervous about doing the interview and worried I had nothing of value to say. Relieved to hear it wasn't a complete waste of time ❤️
such a good interview
Thank you scarlit! This is the first time I've talked about my ED's in any depth in my videos, so I'm glad it went well, and I was able to make sense!
I feel like exercise bulimia in men is so extremely common in the fitness industry it just goes unnoticed because they all because they fit society's beauty standards that people assume are healthy but yeah there's so many guys that kill themselves to achieve that physique and it doesn't make them happy it's all just a persona and it gets socially accepted and validated also the guys that get super jacked but still have such low body fat that they have the same symptoms as anorexia it's really sad a lot of them are struggling and either don't know they're struggling or don't admit they're struggling because society just doesn't wanna see it because it's not the lifetime movie depiction everyone's familiar with but that doesn't make the suffering any less valid for me that these people are any less deserving of recovery regardless of what you're struggling with you belong in the space and you belong claiming your truth you don't have to compare yourselves to others just because others have it worse or whatever it doesn't make your struggle less valid
Very insightful. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration.
Such a kind thing to say Alexandra ❤️
Your fiance died?