Best treatment is to find good friends. Avoid getting attached to acquaintances, just don't expect anything from them or invest too much in them. Focus on those people who reach out to you, people who ask questions about your life but who are also displaying good sense of boundaries. They set limits for themselves and able to say no. RSD is learned behaviour. Anything learned can be unlearned
I never experienced any more rejection than a typical person and I still have it. I think it's just the way my brain is wired... if anything, I've probably experienced less of it than most people because I avoid the possibility of it happening in the first place. I think avoiding it does have the effect of making me MORE sensitive to it because I haven't developed emotional callouses to it
For me when it hits, I cry for huge periods of time to the point I can't sleep, waking up crying, and the entire time I'm like this doesn't make sense why I'm reacting like this to small things like this, that something is wrong--which makes me feel so ashamed that I just can't get through it. And of course, that causes me to spiral more. And because of this, I've been called abusive and manipulative because I overreact to small triggers by pufferfishing that I've just resorted to isolating to avoid it. I've left so many friend groups "before it gets bad". Man... I hate RSD. What an isolating experience.
@@DerynEilis how I myself react, I keep up thinking over what happened and what people said about me and keep returning to it. The more I return , the worse it becomes. Sometimes I get so angry I hurt myself with something now my wrist hurts a littlebit. I cant sleep now its the third day only slept for 3 hours. I cant handle these feelings at all.
RSD sufferer here ✋. I'm ASD without ADHD, although not yet been assessed yet (on waiting list). I don't score high in ADHD tests I've tried, but very high in ASD ones especially PDA. I don't know if the RSD is innate, or triggered by childhood trauma as I never remember a time before I felt it. Being told to "suck it up" has never helped either!
Apart from being another good video, I wanna say that I love this presentation style! The written tables with the topics that you talk about help me so much following your talk. I've got comorbidid auditory processing disorder and English is not my native language so again, this really helps! 😊
I doubt I felt RSD, but life-threats and total investment in a relationship (marriage with offspring) where I'm abandoned without recourses, i may have been over distressed compared to allistic elite in a similar. This isn't predicament I'm clear about. Perhaps alexithymia is why it lost me?
I think the ASD brain is just wired to be more affected by (and thus more motivated by) negative experiences rather than being driven forward by possibility of experiencing positive experiences. I would imagine this is related to serotonin, which if severely deficient can contribute to OCD (commonly comorbid with ASD), so theoretically focusing on raising serotonin and its precursors could be helpful for that. I am borderline ASD (less aspie than I used to be) and still have fairly severe rejection sensitivity. I also have a general fear of emotional confrontation of any kind, so I'm afraid of having to reject people as well... as you can imagine, I have exactly zero friends. Basically my way of dealing with this RSD situation is to convince myself that I am not interested in being accepted by anyone in the first place. Fortunately I got into a good long-term relationship when I was still young and pretty (and so being a female I had the advantage of being pursued... otherwise I doubt I'd ever have had the ability to pursue a mate), so I have him and my family to keep me company, and my dog. But I have given up on friends entirely, I know it's just not in the cards for someone like me.
I've been literally searching for this because I always just heard about it in the context of ADHD, but I am autistic and really struggle with this too, but there was never anything about this for autistic people. Thank you. Oh, definitely noticed being a people pleaser. Also with avoiding things, though that is at least something I get better at by now. And totally think it's a trauma response. Actual trauma, not just failing friendships and romantic relationships, though that does not help too. One gets abused and mistreated just so much as an autistic person. Oh, negative bias, that too, sure, that makes sense. For me, getting mood stabilizers, antidepressants and antipsychotics for the shitton of unrelated mental illnesses helped a lot, but I still have this enough that it seriously impacts me.
God dammit, your the only one who seems to address these obscure things. you should be a professional counselor. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.....I realize for the past 20 years i have had it so bad that i have just given up......
100th like! First a small grammar note correction: at 3:00 iconographic - Faun is a mythological creature half-goat. Fawn on the other hand is trauma response - fawning was a great discovery for me. Fawning is related to RSD and social anxiety. So I would encourage anyone struggling with RSD to study it and learn more about it. On topic, I see RSD interchanging with many other complex issues that may appear not connected to untrained third party: These are all interchangeable: RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) = Social anxiety = Emotional Dysregulation = Complex Trauma = Toxic shame = After-effects of ACoA & ACE = After-effects of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse = Hypervigilance/hypovigilance = PureOCD = Unfavorable power dynamics = Trauma response = Trauma bonding = Neurodivergence = Spectrum, not binary thinking = Amygdala hijacking = Trauma triggers and flashbacks = being criticized for something you can't control = having high moral and ethical standards and enforcing them = someone random complains about our errors when we done superhuman efforts to avoid ALL mistakes which 98.5% percent of people never invest neither physically nor mentally = toxic person complaining and expecting us to know something for the first time without mistakes = Perfectionism = Protesting: someone toxic complaining without fair assessment and basing their protest on bias and prejudice and oversimplification = Protesting: trauma panic symptoms related in an attempt to express OUR OWN judgement and negative evaluation and holding criminals narcissists accountable for their crimes and hidden selfish agenda of exploiting others = Not conforming = Conforming (fawning) to unreasonable standards and neurotypical norms = Conforming to narcissistic abuser and psychopath who would punish us if we don't conform to their Coercive control, hidden agenda and manipulation and pathological lying = Being authentic true speaking the truth to fake people and toxic people who have hidden covert agenda to exploit others = being Agreeable (Big 5 personality trait) = being Open (Big 5 personality trait) = Being Neurotic (Big 5 personality trait) = being healthy, friendly and open to life and people = Attachment issues = Codependency = Listening to our gut feeling = Quiet BPD (PureBPD) = BPD Splitting = Inner critic = Imposter syndrome = Being exposed to Operant Conditioning of Negative reinforcement (rejection, cold shoulder) = Being exposed to Negative reinforcement Breadcrumbs hoping positive reinforcement will come instead = doing the best we can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement = Avoidance = Victim of false accusation and slander (overt or covert) = overcompensation and masking and making trauma and or abuse to be functional = being wounded and reacting to someone future faking our voids being fulfilled to hook us up to their lies I see RSD stemming from being exposed to narcissistic abuse of constant discipline and perfectionism and corrections all the time by untreated mentally ill parent: Average child with ADHD hears 20,000 additional critical or corrective messages before their 12th birthday. That can have significant impact on self-image and self-worth. They have feeling they're profoundly defective, incompetent. YT William Dodson So due to exposure to constant error corrections punishments and put downs in early age when we were making errors that was a normal and healthy learning curve - we were operantly conditioned to trigger errors and flaws and mistakes with low self worth and toxic shame. Hence we end up with RSD and all interchangeable issues I wrote in text above. I liked what you said about confidence. Due to exposure to constant criticism and verbal abuse when making mistakes - we learned to depend on other people in order to feel validated and good about ourselves - and in the same time we get triggered when people criticize us and notice our mistakes and errors and we interpret them as personality disaster flaw. That is basically definition of social anxiety. IT is lack of confidence in ourselves - since we do not have Self. So IFS Model will help to understand what is actually happening and what to do about it to create Extinction of operant conditioning. With fear of criticism - which is RSD and social anxiety definition - we won't be confident ever. We will fear reaction from others and this will keep us in limbo of being passive and isolated. And the worst thing to do is to listen to others - because anything we do in this state of self rejection and self hatred will result in catastrophe and more of anxiety and more of pain. We need to activate our core Self - so that we make decisions in life , without depending on other people's approval and validation. And that would be state of true confidence.
Symptom this: Symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (when criticism hurts) - Being easily embarrassed - Heightened fear of failure - Unrealistically high expectations for self - Assuming people don't like you - Avoiding social settings - Perfectionistic tendencies What triggers RSD? Everyone's RSD triggers are different, but they may include: - being rejected or thinking you're being rejected, like not getting a response to a text message or email - a sense of falling short or failing to meet your own high standards or others' expectations - being criticized for something you can't control 9 Signs if Quiet BDP 1. You are calm on the outside but suffer on the inside 2. You have a high need for control, and hate uncertainty 3. You withdraw from people and shut down very easily 4. You mentally retreat or dissociate, as coping mechanism 5. You have an unclear sense of self, resulting in low self-esteem 6. You always blame yourself for everything, and self sabotage a lot 7. You avoid conflicts and anger at all cost, and check yourself as not to offend anyone 8. You are extremely fearful of both abandonment and intimacy 9. You look 'perfect' from the outside, but deep down inside you keep on isolating yourself more - Quiet BPD subtype Also known as High-Functioning BPD One of the subtypes of BPD, people living with "quiet" or "discouraged borderline" live in extreme emotional turmoil because they don't show their distress. - not easily detectable - those with the disorder often struggle alone because they feel like a burden - common people-pleasing behavior - withdraw when upset - feel detached from the world to cope - fear of rejection and abandonment - fear of being alone - social anxiety and self isolation (Healthline, 2020) ; thebrightbabe - QuietBPD A person living with quiet BPD will typically internalize their emotions, which creates invisible feelings of turmoil that can make life extremely difficult. While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of BPD that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obivious). As a result of this, quiet BPD often tends to go undiagnosed, misdiagnosed as something else (eg depression, social anxiety, autism), or takes longer to diagnose because of the lack of classic symptoms. - Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics - struggles with maintaining interpersonal relationships - struggles with codependency - impulsive or dangerous behaviors - anxiety and hypervigilance - fear of abandonment - conflict avoidance/fear of conflict - constantly seeking approval - struggles with authority figures - poor communication - struggles with emotional regulation - poor self-esteem and self-image, or constantly feeling "different" 10 Common Struggles for Adult Children of Alcoholics 1. Being rigid and inflexible 2. Difficulty trusting or being closed off 3. Shame and loneliness 4. Self-criticism 5. Perfectionism 6. People pleasing 7. Being highly sensitive or reactive 8. Being overly responsible...
@@ranc1977 Yeah there is a lot of overlap between those things. In my case I don't have BPD. I don't meet the requirements. Also my parents were not alcoholics but they were abusive in other ways.
@@Catlily5 -you miss the point here. The symptoms here are not for judgement or as a mechanism to take away your human rights. They are here so that we light up the dark rooms in our unconsciousness. When we have no idea what secret urges and desires are governing our panic, quick automatic decisions - we will repeat them as a compulsion over and over again. Regarding the ACoA - first of all alcoholic hide their addictions, second of all, alcoholism does not have to be connected to alcoholism in order to be abusive: It doesn't necessarily have to be alcoholism in the household. And a lot of times we don't really understand what dysfunctional households are because what our normal is - is our normal. So we might not necessarily recognize dysfunction from the beginning. We might recognize traits but not always dysfunction. Look at dysfunction in terms of stress. Was there a lot of stress and tension in the house growing up? Sometimes that is easier to identify. 🟥 The Intimacy Gram
Think it as hopeless even entertaining the idea of a relationship when l know have adhd & recognisable autistic traits, prob 2/3rds through life anyhow so will stick to my cat, maybe a dog one day, pets are less critical!?!
Just so you don't feel rejected, here's a Thumbs Up!
Best treatment is to find good friends. Avoid getting attached to acquaintances, just don't expect anything from them or invest too much in them. Focus on those people who reach out to you, people who ask questions about your life but who are also displaying good sense of boundaries. They set limits for themselves and able to say no. RSD is learned behaviour. Anything learned can be unlearned
I thought that the cause of RSD was a lot of rejection. Which both ADHD and autistic people often experience.
I never experienced any more rejection than a typical person and I still have it. I think it's just the way my brain is wired... if anything, I've probably experienced less of it than most people because I avoid the possibility of it happening in the first place. I think avoiding it does have the effect of making me MORE sensitive to it because I haven't developed emotional callouses to it
We need to talk about this more in the world.
they have known about it for since the 1920's....and simply seemed to ignore autism. Not its fashionable to address it.
For me when it hits, I cry for huge periods of time to the point I can't sleep, waking up crying, and the entire time I'm like this doesn't make sense why I'm reacting like this to small things like this, that something is wrong--which makes me feel so ashamed that I just can't get through it. And of course, that causes me to spiral more.
And because of this, I've been called abusive and manipulative because I overreact to small triggers by pufferfishing that I've just resorted to isolating to avoid it. I've left so many friend groups "before it gets bad". Man... I hate RSD. What an isolating experience.
@@DerynEilis how I myself react, I keep up thinking over what happened and what people said about me and keep returning to it. The more I return , the worse it becomes. Sometimes I get so angry I hurt myself with something now my wrist hurts a littlebit. I cant sleep now its the third day only slept for 3 hours. I cant handle these feelings at all.
Let’s goooooo
RSD sufferer here ✋. I'm ASD without ADHD, although not yet been assessed yet (on waiting list). I don't score high in ADHD tests I've tried, but very high in ASD ones especially PDA. I don't know if the RSD is innate, or triggered by childhood trauma as I never remember a time before I felt it.
Being told to "suck it up" has never helped either!
😊😊😊😊
Important and sensitive topice. Great that you bring this up.
Impressive video. Very helpful.
It's described as a sort of innate part of ADHD/ASD. Is it possible is a response the trauma that is growing up AuDHD?
yes...yes it is....
Apart from being another good video, I wanna say that I love this presentation style! The written tables with the topics that you talk about help me so much following your talk.
I've got comorbidid auditory processing disorder and English is not my native language so again, this really helps! 😊
I’m really glad you found it useful! I love this format for my videos too, I’m glad it works for you! ❤️
I doubt I felt RSD, but life-threats and total investment in a relationship (marriage with offspring) where I'm abandoned without recourses, i may have been over distressed compared to allistic elite in a similar. This isn't predicament I'm clear about. Perhaps alexithymia is why it lost me?
Well said
2 thumbs up...👍👍👍
I think the ASD brain is just wired to be more affected by (and thus more motivated by) negative experiences rather than being driven forward by possibility of experiencing positive experiences. I would imagine this is related to serotonin, which if severely deficient can contribute to OCD (commonly comorbid with ASD), so theoretically focusing on raising serotonin and its precursors could be helpful for that.
I am borderline ASD (less aspie than I used to be) and still have fairly severe rejection sensitivity. I also have a general fear of emotional confrontation of any kind, so I'm afraid of having to reject people as well... as you can imagine, I have exactly zero friends. Basically my way of dealing with this RSD situation is to convince myself that I am not interested in being accepted by anyone in the first place.
Fortunately I got into a good long-term relationship when I was still young and pretty (and so being a female I had the advantage of being pursued... otherwise I doubt I'd ever have had the ability to pursue a mate), so I have him and my family to keep me company, and my dog. But I have given up on friends entirely, I know it's just not in the cards for someone like me.
I've been literally searching for this because I always just heard about it in the context of ADHD, but I am autistic and really struggle with this too, but there was never anything about this for autistic people. Thank you.
Oh, definitely noticed being a people pleaser. Also with avoiding things, though that is at least something I get better at by now.
And totally think it's a trauma response. Actual trauma, not just failing friendships and romantic relationships, though that does not help too. One gets abused and mistreated just so much as an autistic person. Oh, negative bias, that too, sure, that makes sense.
For me, getting mood stabilizers, antidepressants and antipsychotics for the shitton of unrelated mental illnesses helped a lot, but I still have this enough that it seriously impacts me.
This subject hit me really hard last night and I had a meltdown.
Isn't this just the other side of imposter syndrome? The only difference seems to be success in what you have done.
Yeeeeeees😊
I've been wondering if my 7 year old might be displaying signs of adhd & I think she might experience rsd bless her 😢
I'm audhd & bpd so...I have a great time with rsd 😢😅
Thank you this was v helpful.
God dammit, your the only one who seems to address these obscure things. you should be a professional counselor. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria.....I realize for the past 20 years i have had it so bad that i have just given up......
100th like!
First a small grammar note correction:
at 3:00 iconographic - Faun is a mythological creature half-goat. Fawn on the other hand is trauma response -
fawning was a great discovery for me. Fawning is related to RSD and social anxiety. So I would encourage anyone struggling with RSD to study it and learn more about it.
On topic,
I see RSD interchanging with many other complex issues that may appear not connected to untrained third party:
These are all interchangeable:
RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) = Social anxiety = Emotional Dysregulation = Complex Trauma = Toxic shame = After-effects of ACoA & ACE = After-effects of narcissistic abuse, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, mental abuse = Hypervigilance/hypovigilance = PureOCD = Unfavorable power dynamics = Trauma response = Trauma bonding = Neurodivergence = Spectrum, not binary thinking = Amygdala hijacking = Trauma triggers and flashbacks = being criticized for something you can't control = having high moral and ethical standards and enforcing them = someone random complains about our errors when we done superhuman efforts to avoid ALL mistakes which 98.5% percent of people never invest neither physically nor mentally = toxic person complaining and expecting us to know something for the first time without mistakes = Perfectionism = Protesting: someone toxic complaining without fair assessment and basing their protest on bias and prejudice and oversimplification = Protesting: trauma panic symptoms related in an attempt to express OUR OWN judgement and negative evaluation and holding criminals narcissists accountable for their crimes and hidden selfish agenda of exploiting others = Not conforming = Conforming (fawning) to unreasonable standards and neurotypical norms = Conforming to narcissistic abuser and psychopath who would punish us if we don't conform to their Coercive control, hidden agenda and manipulation and pathological lying = Being authentic true speaking the truth to fake people and toxic people who have hidden covert agenda to exploit others = being Agreeable (Big 5 personality trait) = being Open (Big 5 personality trait) = Being Neurotic (Big 5 personality trait) = being healthy, friendly and open to life and people = Attachment issues = Codependency = Listening to our gut feeling = Quiet BPD (PureBPD) = BPD Splitting = Inner critic = Imposter syndrome = Being exposed to Operant Conditioning of Negative reinforcement (rejection, cold shoulder) = Being exposed to Negative reinforcement Breadcrumbs hoping positive reinforcement will come instead = doing the best we can to avoid and mitigate negative reinforcement = Avoidance = Victim of false accusation and slander (overt or covert) = overcompensation and masking and making trauma and or abuse to be functional = being wounded and reacting to someone future faking our voids being fulfilled to hook us up to their lies
I see RSD stemming from being exposed to narcissistic abuse of constant discipline and perfectionism and corrections all the time by untreated mentally ill parent:
Average child with ADHD hears 20,000 additional critical or corrective messages before their 12th birthday. That can have significant impact on self-image and self-worth. They have feeling they're profoundly defective, incompetent.
YT William Dodson
So due to exposure to constant error corrections punishments and put downs in early age when we were making errors that was a normal and healthy learning curve - we were operantly conditioned to trigger errors and flaws and mistakes with low self worth and toxic shame. Hence we end up with RSD and all interchangeable issues I wrote in text above.
I liked what you said about confidence.
Due to exposure to constant criticism and verbal abuse when making mistakes - we learned to depend on other people in order to feel validated and good about ourselves - and in the same time we get triggered when people criticize us and notice our mistakes and errors and we interpret them as personality disaster flaw. That is basically definition of social anxiety.
IT is lack of confidence in ourselves - since we do not have Self.
So IFS Model will help to understand what is actually happening and what to do about it to create Extinction of operant conditioning.
With fear of criticism - which is RSD and social anxiety definition - we won't be confident ever. We will fear reaction from others and this will keep us in limbo of being passive and isolated. And the worst thing to do is to listen to others - because anything we do in this state of self rejection and self hatred will result in catastrophe and more of anxiety and more of pain. We need to activate our core Self - so that we make decisions in life , without depending on other people's approval and validation. And that would be state of true confidence.
I have all the proposed symptoms except for the first one.
Perfectionism killed my university career.
Symptom this:
Symptoms of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
(when criticism hurts)
- Being easily embarrassed
- Heightened fear of failure
- Unrealistically high expectations for self
- Assuming people don't like you
- Avoiding social settings
- Perfectionistic tendencies
What triggers RSD?
Everyone's RSD triggers are different, but they may include:
- being rejected or thinking you're being rejected, like not getting a response to a text message or email
- a sense of falling short or failing to meet your own high standards or others' expectations
- being criticized for something you can't control
9 Signs if Quiet BDP
1. You are calm on the outside but suffer on the inside
2. You have a high need for control, and hate uncertainty
3. You withdraw from people and shut down very easily
4. You mentally retreat or dissociate, as coping mechanism
5. You have an unclear sense of self, resulting in low self-esteem
6. You always blame yourself for everything, and self sabotage a lot
7. You avoid conflicts and anger at all cost, and check yourself as not to offend anyone
8. You are extremely fearful of both abandonment and intimacy
9. You look 'perfect' from the outside, but deep down inside you keep on isolating yourself more
-
Quiet BPD subtype
Also known as High-Functioning BPD
One of the subtypes of BPD, people living with "quiet" or "discouraged borderline" live in extreme emotional turmoil because they don't show their distress.
- not easily detectable
- those with the disorder often struggle alone because they feel like a burden
- common people-pleasing behavior
- withdraw when upset
- feel detached from the world to cope
- fear of rejection and abandonment
- fear of being alone
- social anxiety and self isolation
(Healthline, 2020) ; thebrightbabe
-
QuietBPD
A person living with quiet BPD will typically internalize their emotions, which creates invisible feelings of turmoil that can make life extremely difficult. While quiet BPD is not an official diagnosis, the use of this term denotes a subtype of BPD that tends to turn symptoms inward rather than outward (which makes it less obivious).
As a result of this, quiet BPD often tends to go undiagnosed, misdiagnosed as something else (eg depression, social anxiety, autism), or takes longer to diagnose because of the lack of classic symptoms.
-
Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics
- struggles with maintaining interpersonal relationships
- struggles with codependency
- impulsive or dangerous behaviors
- anxiety and hypervigilance
- fear of abandonment
- conflict avoidance/fear of conflict
- constantly seeking approval
- struggles with authority figures
- poor communication
- struggles with emotional regulation
- poor self-esteem and self-image, or constantly feeling "different"
10 Common Struggles for Adult Children of Alcoholics
1. Being rigid and inflexible
2. Difficulty trusting or being closed off
3. Shame and loneliness
4. Self-criticism
5. Perfectionism
6. People pleasing
7. Being highly sensitive or reactive
8. Being overly responsible...
@@ranc1977 Yeah there is a lot of overlap between those things.
In my case I don't have BPD. I don't meet the requirements. Also my parents were not alcoholics but they were abusive in other ways.
@@Catlily5 -you miss the point here.
The symptoms here are not for judgement or as a mechanism to take away your human rights.
They are here so that we light up the dark rooms in our unconsciousness.
When we have no idea what secret urges and desires are governing our panic, quick automatic decisions - we will repeat them as a compulsion over and over again.
Regarding the ACoA - first of all alcoholic hide their addictions, second of all, alcoholism does not have to be connected to alcoholism in order to be abusive:
It doesn't necessarily have to be alcoholism in the household. And a lot of times we don't really understand what dysfunctional households are because what our normal is - is our normal. So we might not necessarily recognize dysfunction from the beginning. We might recognize traits but not always dysfunction. Look at dysfunction in terms of stress. Was there a lot of stress and tension in the house growing up? Sometimes that is easier to identify.
🟥 The Intimacy Gram
Think it as hopeless even entertaining the idea of a relationship when l know have adhd & recognisable autistic traits, prob 2/3rds through life anyhow so will stick to my cat, maybe a dog one day, pets are less critical!?!
The understanding of autism needs to be embedded in our worthless educational system....
They'll just pretend hey understand it like they lie about the rest of their nonsense subjects and courses that leave you skill less.