@@Bewareinjustice Me as well. Currently prescribed Adderall and recently Hydroxyzine for Anxiety. I’ve blown through thousands of dollars my Mom left me after she passed with really nothing to show for it (investments etc). It’s absurd.
I know I have ADHD because it was so painful to stay focused and get through this video. The constant “what we’re gonna tell you later” and long winded had me check out. I had to pause and replay for days to get through it. My mind is always wanting people to get the the point and fast.
Great information. Although the use of swear words was very distracting from the point of the video. I kept thinking of those swear words and I couldn't focus on the video
I am reading and listening, struggling to tell the orchestra to hush so l can focus😅 this has induced such conflicting emotions, it is describing my life since l was around 8 or 9 years old, to date at 58. I have always described myself as having scoobiedoo wire for a brain, I am literally unable to think straight, its away's been such a jumble in my head. l tell people its like l am trying to grasp a cloud, when grasping concepts, it is always just out of my reach, yet I have been highly functioning and successful, but l think the veneer is wearing thin and exhaustion is coming all to quickly these days. Thank you Mel for sharing your journey. You have given me much to think about and act on going forward.
I was doing other stuff, surfing fb and talking on messenger and whatapp, researching, posting and listening double time, and talking to the family....
The grief. The grief. The grief. The sorrow of loss never goes away. Diagnosed at 42. It takes years to learn how to control the habitual behaviors. The lost potential from all the screw ups. Thank you for this podcast. I have never posted before.
I'm 41...just made an appointment myself for the 'official diagnosis' I've known already. Just like all the 'annoying ADHD qualities' of my mother...they're now annoying to my friends, family and coworkers
Me too 64 feeling a bit tearful & sad so many years wasted living with a narc 25 yrs (seperated for 19 yrs) also just a few weeks ago self diagnosed contacted GP filled in form diagnosed as borderline so they need more extensive explanations I've scribble notes _ repeated & repeated that was 2 months ago trying to make sense of my scribbles so I can send it off to see if they will see me for an official diagnoses well if I'm not then I sure am crazy!
I'm tearing my hair out at the mo was made redundant 2020 was having a bit of a breakdown anyway so was relieved but also scared tried a cleaning job lasted 3 evenings! Now on a placement in a retail store (16 hrs) pw for 4 weeks but don't get paid no air con sweating buckets along with everyone else but allowed water bottles buses are only every hour
Also ex narc is playing up we've managed to be civil for 19 yrs but he let his mask slip a few weeks ago when I locked myself out then devalued me when babysitting & told me not 'to be so sensitive WOMAN ' which totally triggered me but I DID Say DONT CALL ME WOMAN
Diagnosed at 59. But friends and family were in denial even though I told them that this explains why I have struggled so much in my life. But they never saw these struggles because I am good at masking. But masking for your whole life is EXHAUSTING !!
I’m 55 and just now realizing (and diagnosed by a doctor) that ADD/ ADHD has been my issue. Years and years of depression, anxiety & other issues have gone by with me thinking I’m defective. Thank you for sharing.
Everyone , look into childhood trauma. It is much more reasonable of an explanation. Especially since it seems your family isn't supportive in general. Likely it is your friends and family that is making you sick. Sadly enough. Ritalin ruined my life.
I looked for anything that could give me relief from my self loathing. This included alcohol drugs promiscuity (I didn’twant sex but attention gave me some dopamine). At 58 when I self diagnosed I wanted to cry but couldn’t because how exhausted I was. My life has been a disappointment myself and to many around me. At least I know now.
Thank you Mel! It’s so hard when a person with ADHD says “I am exhausted and overwhelmed”and they get a reply like “yeah but you are always exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s like that’s where you want to be”. And I think to myself, who wants to be exhausted and overwhelmed all the time?! 🤦🏻♀️
@@carpediem4413my heart goes out to u brother. Accept that she’ll never understand cuz even when she does. She’ll say “u making up excuses “ they’ll never understand why bother explaining
People don’t understand , I didn’t understand until diagnosed, and we do get exhausted and overwhelmed. This talk has helped tremendously, its good when you have someone with ADHD, talking about ADHD.🙏
❤️Mel, This podcast could easily become a study session for ALL young girls ❣️ I'm 61 now but when I was in my twenties I was diagnosed with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder, also had psoriasis, chronic trouble sleeping, & ALL the other attributes You describe. I was a "hyper" child, but I skipped 1st grade, and tested at 9th grade college prep education, when I graduated 6th grade. Then I became a latchkey kid (my parents got divorced that summer). Thrown to the wolves from seventh grade on where I basically raised myself. I fit the profile you describe so perfectly, it's uncanny and disturbing. We have got to do more to let this information reach girls & womens brains!!!!!!!! Mel, I'm finally getting my college education. I'm getting it from You, and I thank You ❣️
I got diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 16, spent my whole life fighting ADHD. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. This is something that really need to be use globally to help people with related health challenges.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Mushrooms are very medicinal. This is why anybody familiar with psilocybin and any other kind of fungi will tell you, "They are alive." They have a very ancient wisdom. To my experience, all mushrooms have always said, "Pay attention to your life. How you think, how you feel, and what will you do with the information that you always knew, but now are seeing in this point of view." This is why mushrooms are so respected in tribal cultures. This mental health treatment works for me too. Half micro doses do the trick for me. At least a few days at a time with lengthy time in between. Never addictive. Thank you for sharing this point!
I’m 80 years old in January 24. I have self diagnosed with ADHD in this past year - ever since I heard my son and daughter have both been officially diagnosed. For decades I thought there was something wrong with me personality wise. I’m completely unnerved by what I’m learning. I now realise my mother had ADHD. It’s too late for me now - how I wish this neurological disorder was understood decades and decades ago… when I was getting “smacked” at school - from 5 years old - for not concentrating, talking all the time, fidgeting etc etc. Add that to being born into a high control religious cult and I wonder how I’ve made it to this age without killing myself. I now live alone and look after myself well. I feel in old age I’ve finally sailed into a calm harbour and my adhd has calmed down finally.
Hello Carol.. My name is Andy, I live in Queensland Australia and same birth date as mine, I’m 69 years old.. My whole life has been a train wreck, hurting people that loved me, and I have no real friends. It has been a long long battle to see what was wrong with me. I have lived in denial and yes I know now things would have so different if I sort help 40 years ago. I have finally got into a psychiatric after a twelve moth wait. He has put me on Aspen Dexamfetamine 5mg, but I don’t feel any better.
It’s not too late to get treatment! You deserve to feel the peace of getting help. It doesn’t matter what your age is, you still have value, and can make a difference. Don’t let your age be the reason you don’t seek a formal diagnosis by a psychiatrist. I took an ADHD med for the first time about 3 weeks ago, and I had NO IDEA my brain could be “calm and quiet”. I could focus at work, and am able to carry out more “executive functioning” tasks easier.
I am a teacher and I have been trying to tell others about the difference in symptoms from boys to girls. Many have looked at me like I am crazy because the girls do not show outward signs. Listening to this podcast confirmed everything I have been saying. I will continue to share with others. Thank you!
Wow I knew I was different! Am over 60 now. I relate to all you have taught! What a life. Especially the low self esteem and feeling so negative about myself! Lol surprised I am still alive? What to do now???
My daughter has inattentive ADHD and just diagnosed at 20! She did well in elementary school and it slowly progressed until she got to college and it blew up! I wish I had the education to realize the issues with her that I know now. I really am beating myself up about it.
You just might have helped save my life. I’m 55 and yes, I felt you were diagnosing me as I listened. Been hiding behind a mask all my life with one suicide attempt that God saved me from, but I don’t think I’ll get another chance if it happens again, and it almost did 2 days ago. I begged God for answers and today I found you. I can’t thank you enough. Going to dig deep in this topic. GOD IS GREAT!
@colleenlois8943 Me too, I'm 68. It's like when I found the word 'fibromyalgia' - I knew I wasn't crazy, there was a word for it! What a relief - scary, too,though. x
We are all with you. We go through the same things. We know it’s sucks but the more you can embrace it and learn about it the better. Good luck to you!
I’m a male with all the symptoms you describe that typically present in women. One of the hardest parts of growing up with all of this was having the super creative side of me constantly squashed by those around me, both adults and other kids, who were threatened by a boy whose interests didn’t fit the mold of our traditional American gender norms for boys. And even though I was straight, it was widely thought by many people that I was gay. When I describe my experience in school to people, the reaction is always a mix of not surprised or so shocked they don’t know what to say. I remember being beaten up, spat on, and called a fa**ot at every turn. Constantly. You pile that onto the ongoing personal trauma in my life that I had been living in since the age of 5 and it’s actually amazing that I didn’t kill myself, though I considered it many times. If you met me on the street today, you’d think I was just another “normal” boring 40-something white guy but it just goes to show you that you never really know what someone has been through or might still be trying to deal with. Thanks for sharing your story with all of us
Wow. That sounds so familiar. I'm artistic and creative, and was called those names and more. Physically abused by my peers, and had issues at home. Diagnosed with ADHD at 38. I'm 57, on low dose of focalin xr, and living a great life
14:55 symptoms overall 17:50 impact on women 27:55 what actually happens 33:07 adhd research brain scan 39:00 difficulty in control emotions 41:00 high functioning
Getting my diagnosis at 30 was life-changing for me. Truly one of the most healing answers. And the IRONY is that I’m a clinical psychologist and I had gaslit myself for years, thinking ‘It’s just burnout; maybe it’s depression; I’m just lazy, etc etc etc.”
I was diagnosed in my mid thirties when I was working as an LCSW as a mental health consultant. When I started double booking meetings and became distracted easily in an open office setting, I went to have it checked out. I was very good at hyper focusing and this helped. Around that time I found a book called, “I am not lazy, crazy, or stupid” written by a woman with ADHD for women. It helped me shift from being so hypercritical, but there is no magic bullet. I am in my 60’s now and it is still work. Great video, btw. I will share this friends.
I'm self diagnosed but the phrases I have heard in my head so many times is "lazy, unmotivated, lack of drive, what's wrong with me". I have learned to not over schedule myself, set timers and alarms as I hate being late, say no more often to things I really don't want or need to do so I can joyfully and gladly say yes when it matters. Crocheting has really brought calm and peace to my busy mind. I also fall asleep to a movie or podcast, interviews, etc so my mind shuts off without the stress of things running and running in my mind.
Thank you! I was diagnosed at 57! Yes, yes, yes! My life closely parallels yours. All I have to say is go get diagnosed! Now it’s no longer “What’s wrong with me?” but INSTEAD AFTER MEDS: “OMG IS THIS HOW NORMAL PEOPLE THINK?!” What can we do to help get rid of the stigma of treating our brains? I’m a pastor and my church committee that oversees me told me to not talk about my ADHD, my meds, or going to the Psychiatrist..Really!? You tell me all about your colonoscopies and hemorrhoid treatments. I’m not going to hide this part of my life! Someone like us needs to hear it.
@azaleaemb As a pastor you're a walker of Truth so I say be your unapologetically beloved self! Your church committee needs to do their own inner work & I suggest Matt Kahn's teachings, that'd really throw them for a loop! lol, lol :) So glad to hear you got to the bottom of it & are now rising to the top!! :)
But, if you please, how do I go about "just go get diagnosed"? I go to a psychiatrist, and all he wants to do is tell me I have depression and here are prescriptions. What do I do?
At 59…& bipolar. Lamotrigine is all I’ve taken since then. I also spent 7 yrs with counseling one-on-one and weekly “Group”. Just chatting/listening, with no sideways looks is liberating.😄
@krmccarrell Your Psychiatrist might not do testing. You can see a clinical psychologist or Psychiatrist who specializes in testing (not all of them do.) There are also Neurologists who do neuropsychological testing. If your Psychiatrist isn't willing to help you with testing, find someone who can.
I’m sixty-nine years old and was diagnosed at 45 after a lifetime of anxiety, poor self esteem, chronic tardiness, disorganization, etc etc. I managed to get a doctorate at age 34, but gave up on a social life, a husband, and kids, because I knew I couldn’t handle it all. I didn’t know why except that there was something wrong with me. Even though I was intelligent, I couldn’t function like a normal person, so I spent my life hating myself.
I’m 30, male, and an attorney. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 25 after I failed the LSAT 3x to get into law school. All my life I skated by school and did “ok” but was always told that “if I applied myself I’d do so much better.” Getting diagnosed with ADHD was such a breath of fresh air and really validated a lot of things that I felt over the years. Since my diagnosis my life was dramatically improved and I’m much happier. Wishing y’all the best 🙏🏻
I’m 63, a retired pharmacist who wasn’t diagnosed until age 36, and yes, I heard that EXACT SAME LINE from all of my teachers all the way through school! Luckily for me, I had a high IQ, and an ALMOST-photographic memory so I was able to “skate” through grades 1-12 with minimal effort, but I had to LEARN how to study for college level calculus/chemistry/physics etc. And in pharmacy college, I became the “Queen-of-the-all-night-study” group (just like Mel mentioned). I needed that ADRENALINE RUSH of the last-minute/late-night studying in order to get my brain to FOCUS! But when you’re having to learn and retain MASSIVE VOLUMES of material, you really can’t continue using that as a study strategy! 😳
If I had even .1 for each time I heard “if you only applied yourself” from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, etc I would probably be a millionaire from those pennies alone. I can relate so much to this!!
I was born in 1950 and ADHD was not on the radar. No treatment and no one understood it. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD in my 40’s. Suffered from low self esteem and not feeling worthy, depression, anxiety, never felt good enough! It was so difficult to overcome! It is worth the effort to overcome and you’re never too old to start the process learn how to cope with it.
I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out. No one has ever understood me as much as this video. I have thought I was damaged and that something was wrong with me all my life. EVERYTHING YOU MENTIONED. It’s like you’ve studied my life. It’s such a relief that I know now. I recently gave in and sought out help. It’s been so heartbreaking knowing that I have struggled for 33 years with self loathing. Educating myself has been so empowering.
I could have copied and pasted your comment as my own. I cried during the entire thing and I didn't know why. I bumped my head on the corner of a cabinet while I was listening and you would have thought my world was ending, I was sobbing. As I continued listening, so many things came clear to me. It's comforting to know I'm not crazy, I'm not weak and I'm not alone. I just don't know where to start to get the help I need but I'm going to keep researching and educating myself and pray I find the answers and guidance so I don't waste the next half of my life the way I have until now. I just turned 49 on Friday and I am starting to realize that I have suffered from this my whole life. I appreciate your comment and just wanted to acknowledge that your words helped me and made me feel better today
Me too. Burst into tears. SO MY LIFE. Except I have Aspergers-Autism and I'm diagnosed with complex ptsd as well. I paused this podcast and rang an ADHD hotline. Waiting for a call back. I'm getting worst with the ADHD and it's ruining my life, and this is after years of working on the trauma brain and autism symptoms and lack of functionality they brought. It was my two youngest sons who alerted me to the possibility of ADHD as they both struggle similarly to me. It doesnt help much being "gifted" as its such a grief to feel you have so much potential but you can't actualise it to the degree one could if one had the right supports. I'm definitely on the path to access thise supports now. I've had enough of this poor functioning.
Got gaslighted by an older, male psychiatrist when I was supposed to be getting assessed for adhd and autism. Instead, he gave me a generic anxiety and depression assessment and told me my anxiety is just very extreme and that is causing all my issues. This video is very validating. Im currently seeking a female psychiatrist who specializes in adhd and autism in BC, Canada.
Those are both possible co-morbid DX. I guess the challenge to the professional is to figure out which to treat first. Does not excuse the non-acknowledgement by the psych. I am a late DX'd male with the inattentive presentation. Look at some of the videos from Russell Barkley PhD., Dr. Tracey Marks, & How To ADHD.
As i understand from yt videos of already diagnosed people (scientists and doctors usually talk a bit different more useless stuff in my opinion), you have to look for somebody who is specifically in a niche of adhd and/or asd, cause other may really not see the forest behind the trees. And yes, ADHD almost never comes alone, it usually is surrounded by bouquet of other things, it's just they are not it. So try to look for someone in the actual field of ADHD, especially that, i suppose, you might have lots of opportunities for that in Canada. (only after writing the whole thing, i saw that you already wrote about the niche thing yourself, haha) I got to a woman psychiatrist not that long ago in other country (here mental health sucks), and she sent me to a psychologist for testing, and overall they diagnosed me with just anxiety-depression disorder, too. And the psychologist actually called me hypochondriac, like i make things up (for real, never thought i'd meet such unprofessionalism). Only symbolically suggesting that it might not be his niche. But still also freaking saying that "well, i believe, if you'll need, eventually you'll find some doctor to GIVE this diagnose to you, but i think you don't have it". GIVE! Like some candy that i need. I mean... before you go to other specialist - prepare notes and proofs, examples of why you think you have ADHD/ASD, and afterwards if they will still tell you you don't - ok, but make them prove it, explain clearly why those things are ONLY anxiety and not more. Also you may start from actual ASD, cause they say that a lot of people with that have ADHD too, so it might be more easy/useful to start from there. Good luck with your journey))
Same, I have to find other doctor to diagnose me. I had to lie to them that I don't have anxiety just to get the doctor to focus on my adhd symptoms instead 😩
I cry because I went through the same. I got diagnosed with dyslexia age 15, burnout age 23 and generic anxiety and hormonal depression with 28. No freaking therapist got it right until a girl friend of mine who is kids psych that I talked to said "but you know you have ADHD don't you?" and my head just exploded - this was 2 yrs ago. She told me many things mentioned in this video. Actually after giving birth to my son my ADHD got worse and I do struggle. But now I am so much in love with myself and understanding that its not me being a total mess but my brain working a little different.
I am 58 years old, post menopausal. Diagnosed in 5th grade. Such a tomboy. I have lost so many jobs over my ADHD! I am working towards advocacy for adults with ADHD, especially in the workforce. I am on TikTok..... Thank you!
I actually cried listening to this Mel. I found out 6 months ago at the age of 48 and the grief of a lost past, is so overwhelming. I believed i had chronic anxiety and depression and was put on anti depressants at a young age, it wasnt, it was undiagnosed adhd. My life passed me by and im trying so hard no to not put myself through a battle now of what ifs!!
That's me... beating myself up, knowing that I could have been someone great...helping others in the medical field. I got my college degree at 49 after pursuing it for many years. I accomplished it...and did nothing with it. I'm 61 now and trying to accept myself, and just enjoy the rest of my life. It is what it is.
We have so much shame because we thought something was wrong with us. Now that you know it's not you, mourn the loss of life not going the way we would have wanted, focus on forgiving yourself and embracing yourself as you are (You are amazing!). When you love yourself despite your flaws, you will change your life and how you show up ❤ Since I have done all of these things, I have become a life coach (own my own business) and am making changes I never thought would be possible at 48 years old. It's never too late to make a change(s) and love your life ❤ I'm proof. I was that girl daydreaming in kindergarten, forgetting homework and other important tasks/events, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and shaming myself for 45 years. I no longer believe in the lies I told myself for years. Don't give up, ladies! It's never too late to love your life! I promise you! 💜🔥💜
I just found it yesterday, at my 43. Absolutely same feelings here, totally overwhelmed. If I knew earlier...Still what a relief to know what's going on at last! Let's work out how to repair the repairable and accept the rest.
Very important also for women to know, menopause can make ADHD worse! That is when I was finally diagnosed although the signs were totally there all my life!
I'm going through this atm I'm 39 my sons recently diagnosed with asd i've been in such a spiral of anxiety and depression (which ive always had but never to this level) I've been getting hot flushes too which are brushed off as the anxiety but I've been reflecting and questioning so many things lately..
Our bodies are fascinating it's hard to see the bigger picture if doctors are telling conditional things eg ritalin concerta but for the anxiety some downers at the same time seek natural options all the while are you hot cold healthy unhealthy??!!! Too many things contradicting especially if you have brain uncertainty all the girls/ladies that just got put on sooo many antidepressants etc made to zombies without any thoughts of their future self harm dissociation of the body wrecking beautiful minds horrible overlooking potential
I already know I have ADHD and hearing this today is my wake up call. The part about going to the library distracted. I earned a masters and it took my entire energy every day to do assignments and write papers. I never realized it until I did my internship. Thank you for your work to help women.
I liked studying at the library during college.. it was the QUIETEST place in campus.. until the elevators open/closed, groups of ppl started talking etc😵💫😵💫 .. I didn’t figure out until years later( when I went back for my MBA).. that I had TO WEAR EARPLUGS.. to block all the distractions out.. I guess some ppl can listen to music .. I can ONLY listen to very monotone classical music(no singing).. to block out distractions 😳
I was about 40 years old. I was a banker w lots of doctors as clients. One day a retired pediatrician was in my messy office as I struggled to find her file. I jokingly said “ oh it’s my ADHD acting up again”. She said “you know you have ADHD don’t you?” I said no I was just joking. She said “ you most definitely have it “. It took several more years to be diagnosed. This was about 20 years ago. However it wasn’t until this week when I started bingeing you tube videos that I can see how it affects every single one of my actions. To everyone out there struggling- you are not a loser and you you are not alone ❤️
Oh sure that’s another modern theory. ITS HELL. I guess you don’t believe in “labels” either which basically is a diagnosis. Sure your likely an artist but creativity does earn you a living unless your a genius. But go ahead and say there’s nothing wrong with you. Lying to yourself won’t help.
It saddens me to think about all the undiagnosed ppl, especially females who committed s-word thinking they were damaged goods when all they had was ADHD.
just went in to get assessed for this myself, turning 60 this year and tired of working so dang hard to do everything wow im crying getting off the phone with drs that are trying to help me my Gosh I had no idea before this podcast!! sheesh
The more I learn about ADHD, the more I am beginng to think millions of people were misdiagnosed with depression and should have been tested for ADHD. I am beginning to think that depression is a symptom of ADHD and not the root cause for what is going on in our heads. I cried too. For a split second I felt relief that I had a name for how my brain worked and then I cried for all the times I felt stupid and bad about myself and all the opportunities that I missed out on. I cried for how much easier my life and my husband's life would have been if I would have been diagnosed earlier. I spoke to my ADHD counsellor about it and her response was "Yes, if you were a kid today, teachers would recognize it and you would be diagnosed and get help asap. But when you were a kid, those resources were not available". I didn't feel that was a helpful response, telling someone it is, what it is, is just not helpful. Please know that you are not alone in all of this. Many people are right there with you.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers (autism spectrum disorder) in early 40s (50 next year) and it explained so much. As time has gone on there is still an unknown factor of something I don't understand, one more puzzle piece. That puzzle piece is Adhd and now just about everything makes sence, the ASD explained most stuff but not every thing. Its a relief as I always feel so horrible and selfish when I'm unable to send a birthday card or gift on time, or be on time even though I stress so much about being late, its just hard to achieve. Thanks so much for this as it has been an eye opener (sad but happy) and explains so much.
When were you? I’m 78 and I know I’ve had ADHD all my life. Mom used to say “teachers would say that if I applied myself …” All the symptoms fit! Do you take medication? I’d love to hear that it’s never too late.
I’m 87 yrs and I always felt like an outsider - I struggled in school but never let anyone know so I just slipped thru the cracks. I was constantly distracted but would try to make myself just do it!! Thanks for you pod cast I will speak to my doctor.
Go for it. Glad you're proactive. God bless. Try going to an integrative doctor, alternative doctor and nutritionist so instead of meds, you're given the option of giving your body missing nutrients. Lack on certain nutrition and replacing them, makes a big difference. God bless and take care.
Good for you! Please ask your doctor about this. I read an honest article about many women undiagnosed adhd in late life becoming forgetful. They can be diagnosed with dementia and the medication for that makes the adhd way worse. Hope you find what you need. Hugs S.
My heart reaches out to you, Rosemary! Those of us born before 1970 missed the benefit of better insight on learning disabilities or improved teaching methods. OR parents who could think outside of the box and try to find ways to improve a situation for a child. My sister, born in '52, had a terrible childhood due to 2 learning disabilities that led to low self-esteem and 50+ years of trauma and sadness. She did at least stop the drugs and booze in her mid-40's, but still had a tough emotional life of low self-esteem through her elder years... Only a few years ago did she start feeling happier. I hope your own happiness will grow larger every day! Blessings to you, Rosemary!
I went to law school and graduated at 50. Found out about ADHD when had trouble passing bar. Did pass and became a criminal defense attorney also. Am of course still dealing with this crap. You're right about the lost generation. Thank you for this podcast. Be kinder to yourself. You are so worthy of being loved by you.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, but I think it should be ADHD instead. It’s just that when I was younger, schizophrenia was a hyper trigger diagnosis. I have written two books. I am on page 149 on my third. I am tired of hearing my friends tell me how smart they are. I don’t think it’s wise. Maybe I should say that I don’t want to be your friend anymore because you have sharing problems with how smart you are. I simply don’t want to hear it. With my thirty years of working, there is no reason for jealousy. It’s just that there are lots of insensitive people around who don’t care about other people’s feelings.
How are you a lawyer with ADHD? I got terrible grades in school, but I did not feel dumb. Sometimes I felt smarter than others. Just not academically, or when being taught/instructed with something.
My boyfriend made a flippant comment to me at 25 years old that I had adhd. Took me a minute to realize he was being serious. Talked to a psychiatrist and was officially diagnosed a few months later. So many things all of a sudden made sense. I thought I just sucked at being a responsible adult cause I just wasnt good enough. The more I learn, the more I realize so many things about myself are related to the adhd. Girls are also really good at masking and developing coping systems to hide symptoms, especially if they are intelligent. I never could manage to do my homework and was always scrambling the night before a project was due, but I could still ace a test like nothing and so I managed to keep all As and Bs. So no one ever noticed while I was growing up, that I was just a constant hot mess and barely holding my shit together day in and day out
❤ I feel you! I am 47 just diagnosed with adhd Only have primary school No drivers license My IQ test was so high when i was 11 that my parents need 2 come 2 school. My sister did everything you can think of in school. Studies, work, more studies, buying houses.. learned many language. And me, i couldn't write, spel, focus or anything. Went out the house at 15.. alcohol, drugs boyfriends bla bla bla ... 1000 jobs, never money and whwn i had money it was gone in a day😮 Now i know because of all the problems i had and didn't know it was adhd ... i have also bpd. Next week my meditation will start and afther that the program dialectical therapy. I hope one day there will be peace ❤ Goodluck and love from Amsterdam
I completely relate. But the last minute thing gets harder as you get older. I'm almost 40 now and have been affected by long covid so I don't have the same stamina so relying on adrenaline to get me through isn't really a viable option. It's a tough combination of conditions. I'm still waiting for an assessment (UK NHS) so am technically undiagnosed but I know I have ADHD. It's good you found out whilst still relatively young, but you still had years of not knowing and self criticism that could have been helped if you'd known sooner. Best wishes 💗
Mel just summarized 35yrs of my life in 1hr and I’m crying. I agree that many women may be suffering out there by the mere fact that the possibility of ADHD is overlooked. Kudos to Mel for providing such great information and awareness to the public.I was living what appeared to be a successful life with a high paying job but the frustration and self loathing just kept snowballing the more I lived my life. Blaming everything as a character flaw is real. I felt completely exhausted, helpless, and hopeless to the point I was having constant suicidal inner dialogue. After multiple incorrect diagnoses and some tens of thousands spent in therapy later, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD last year and it has been life changing.
21 and found out I have inattentive adhd. late everywhere, can’t follow through with anything, daydream for hours, dropped my college classes 3 semesters in a row, switch to a new job every month. began to feel like a complete disappointment. this is so helpful and I can finally make changes in my life. thanks so much Ms. Robbins!! 💕
My husband just got diagnosed with Inattentive ADD last week. He's 58😢. So sad for him that it came so late. I am so happy for you to now know about this.
I have and am learning little tricks to overcome my ADHD issues after a lifetime of struggles. I went back to college after dropping out 30 years ago and graduated with honors! Ride the wave, baby! Big believer in CBT. Changed my now 62 year old life!
Thanks Mel, I am 54 years old and never been diagnosed but I know I have it. Did poor in school, could never focus I just thought I was dumb. But yet I am a business owner and can focus on going after what I want for the most part. The down fall is I don’t let myself relax I go go go and have to keep myself busy or I am not happy. I get very frustrated with myself all the time if I am not super women!
Me too Christine- After 6pm I am not liking life. I don't know what to do? I try and watch TV with my husband and we can never find anything to help me stop my brain. I ask myself why can't I just be happy not doing:)
Hi Mel, I'm 71 and never been diagnosed but have known for a long time that this is what I've has. Life has been a roller-coaster! Not easy at all, ever but I somehow figured out how to get things done. I have worked in the social field for about 40 years, battered women, the elderly, the sick and dying, the handicapped, teaching yoga (also teaching yoga in a men's prison), and the last 15 years in a shelter for teenagers. I've always tried to help people find their full potential but never found their own.
I am 75 years old and after watching this, am in tears over how different my messed up life would have been. Every single word you said describes me to a T. Thank you so much!
I was just officially diagnosed with ADHD and I am about to be 37. I am a recovery addict and alcoholic and just recently celebrated 16 years clean and sober. I reflect on my life and so relate to what you said about mourning. I am so very grateful to be officially diagnosed after many years of trying to get the assessment. The medication has been life changing. I have been in therapy for 16 years and will continue ❤to
I'm 37 I was sober for 10 years from alcoholism and been in counseling ever since I was a kid and this was the first time they recommended ADHD testing and psychological testing last year. I can relate good luck keep up the good work. It's so relieving when you finally find out what the real problem is.
@@Rockers1121 I am working on getting sober now and trying to work up the courage to see a doctor about testing me for ADHD. Trying to get sober first so they don't blame any of my issues on the alcohol use.
@@katiezellar4956 .. my sobriety is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It took a few tries to figure out that I couldn't stop on my own. I went and got help. I went to a 12 step group and followed direction and it worked for me. ... it's not an easy route to go but it worked for me when nothing else would. I wish you the best ! There is help out there ! You are not alone.
Nothing is wrong with you. As she said, dopamine seeking and addictive behaviors are common. Binge drinking and other types of substance use disorder is so common for people with untreated ADHD! I didn’t know that I had undiagnosed ADHD until I was 2 years sober. I’ve studied it in depth now and realized how extremely common it is. Please get evaluated if this is you. I always thought something was wrong with me. There is hope and help available. Sending all of you love! ❤ Thank you, Mel!
When she said “I felt so incompetent “, I started to cry. I am part of the lost generation. I was very high functioning and outwardly successful - until I became a mom. 😢
Yep, my many, many coping mechanisms started to fall apart with kid #2 especially. Working on getting a diagnosis now at age 40 after my first was diagnosed AuDHD. It explains my entire life.
Thank you. I was 55 years old when I was diagnosed with ADHD. like you, I suffered😮 self-esteem, self-loathing, depression, and anxiety for many years.
I’m 27 and just got properly diagnosed with ADHD, but I have known for about 3 years. When I started this journey it answered all the questions I’d had for my entire life, it answered the why to my struggles. I found out years ago that my mom had been advised by my kindergarten teacher to get me looked at because she thought I could have ADHD, but my mom never did. And I feel the same way, that my life would be a lot more different if I’d been diagnosed earlier. I do believe I have become the advocate and voice box for these issues with my family though, because I believe at least 2 of my younger siblings also have adhd. My parents aren’t bad people, they just grew up in a different mindset and we’ve worked together and fought each other for the past 4 or 5 years to gain this knowledge, it took time for them to see, but I’m just grateful we can have conversations now and work on healing together.
I'm not officially diagnosed ADHD but my psychiatrist suspects I am. I've always struggled from hormonal migraines and even with my medicine, it's hard for me to focus at work if I start getting blind spots and the dull ache is still there. I always feel terrible because when I have a flare up, I have to leave work early, and I start to feel like I'm slacking and get anxious that I'II lose my job.
I'm wondering if your Psych has suggested trying the CBD oil, I have had great success using the full spectrum cbd for a few months now and it's amazing, my daughter is using the cbd gummies works well for us.
@@vanettareimerstl8248 Autism is often marked by co occurring ADHD. Got my ADHD diagnosis at 29 and at 31 1 notice the autism, lots of pills with side effects,hospitals etc..still didn't get the help i need no matter how hard i try , it’s very frustrating. I live in UK ,anyway you could help on how to get a cbd around or an online store ?
....On Instagram, I get mine from them, it's very inspirational that you have been strong and have been pushing through. I'm Sending lots of love positive energy.
Thank you for bringing this full circle. I’ve always sworn I was ADHD/OCD but I’ve never discussed with a physician and would you believe I’ve worked in hospitals for 30 years. I have all 6 on the list. I also have one other that wasn’t mentioned and that is that I talk non stop. I just learnt that from a Doctor on TH-cam. I’ve been telling myself to see a doctor because the older I get the worse I get. I’m at my worst with overspending, disorganization, anxiety, depression blah blah. I talk down to myself constantly annoying my family and friends. I tell myself to SHUT UP but my brain won’t shut down. One great thing is I am very creative but then I’m still never good enough. So THANK YOU … I’m making an appointment because I’m 65 and I’d like to REST in a more normal state of mind for the days I have left on planet earth.
@@DAVEMYZTIKAL Of course she talks to herself! 😂 That's how she knows what she's thinking! Also, she does need good advice sometimes. At least, those are things I've told *my*self. 😮
I definitely recognise myself in a big way i want sooo much to get help .im 68 and still going worse i know i MUSTdo this for myself with your brilliant help Mel you are so good for doing your podcasts free for people like myself im a carer for my daughter so im on a restricted budget....so a big THANK YOU Mel you light up the way forward every day for me.😁
I know you posted this over a year ago but it hits home. How are you doing now? I was diagnosed quite awhile back but finally bit the bullet and accepted medication. Wish I would have sooner because it has helped so much. I also match the 6 and talk a lot. Also think I have mild OCD because when I clean it's never good enough. Not OCD where I have to make it perfect now but it weighs on me. Now that I'm on meds I still talk more than most but I don't interrupt nearly as much, I can focus (sometimes almost too much so I have to be mindful of time) and that leads into being on time more. Basically it's because I actually think about it and set time to leave instead of doing everything on a whim. Anyway, a lot of similar issues so I figured I would ask how you were doing. Hope all is well and I hear back
I was lucky to be born in 2003 and knew I had adhd since I was about 9. I’ve had years to master it, learn to help it and control it, and use it for things I need. Still, I had two drs refuse to treat me over the years because women don’t have adhd! I’m sorry to you guys, who were undiagnosed for most of your lives. I love you ladies!
You are very lucky you got diagnosed in the 2000's. I was born in 1981 and was diagnosed at 6 years old. At that time, they didn't know as much as they know now. I have some pretty gnarly stories from school, especially elementary school.
One of my sons is three years younger than you, and was diagnosed at six with ADHD and ASD. (Around 2012.) I just now, at 40, received my diagnosis. It took jumping through so many hoops to even get them to test me, and I've presented strong symptoms since I was a toddler. It's a shame they waited until I was old enough to have high blood pressure, because now I can't take stimulants.
Also, those doctors failed you deeply, and I am so incredibly sorry you were forced to go through this. Medical gaslighting of women is a severely overabundant threat. I have some choice words for doctors who do this, and none of them can be typed here without the TH-cam timeout chair being used.
At the age of 63 I have had relationships blow up around me many times from what I now know is ADHD. I have had a lot of success in my life with being a great problem solver and creative. My daughter was diagnosed and pointed it out to me a while ago... but the light bulbs have really just come on about how much this has impacted my life. How much shame I have carried with me from a young age due to my siblings and parents not understanding me... and what I have passed on by not understanding my son and daughter who were both ADHD. There is such a stigma with my generation about "using labels" as excuses for our behavior. This is the start of my journey. Just beginning to explore and learn. Thanks Mel for the great podcast.
I have a desk job so I can relate. My conclusion is being sat at a desk all day and not moving is not natural. We weren’t designed to sit all day. Secondly, it is highly possible that desk jobs are just fucking boring and have nothing to do with ADHD. I do my job because it pays well. Nothing else.
I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 55. I am struggling with forgiving myself for all of my “failures” in life. Thank you very much for this video.
@lifewithmelaniebthat’s exactly how I feel. Like a loser compared to a very successful brother. I am sure 3 of my 4 children feel this way about their older sibling (female) who has HER head on straight and they are scattered - like me. Thank you for this information it is me 100%……. I’m overwhelmed 😂and grateful for this information I MENTALLY don’t know what to do next. My issue for 50 years now 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I just want to finish/ accomplish SOMETHING in my life😭
@@desireemoore3809Talk to a doctor if you’re able to. I’m 55 and currently take Adderall and Hydroxyzine. I used to be on Wellbutrin and Zoloft and still didn’t finish my Master’s degree with only 2 courses left smh.
@desireemoore3809 I thought that I was the loser of my family next to my very successful brother as long as I can remember but never said it out loud. I always thought something was wrong with me. Until I did alot of work around self-judgement and accepting myself. Still, hearing someone else say the thing I have thought secretly for years makes me feel less alone and more understood. Thank you 💜
Mel, I am male. I define adhd, as an extreme difficulty in controlling focus, not an inability to focus, very much like you said, characterized by both hyper & hypofocus...leading to an assault on ego & especially self esteem. You described the mechanics & a lot of the characteristics very well. I am 56. I was diagnosed in my 30s. When I asked my daughter's school to test her for adhd, they guilted & shamed me & accused me of trying to medicate behavioral problems. I knew my daughter could overcome the concentration issues. It was the assault on self esteem I wanted to stop. I understood this strictly from personal experience, people constantly laughing, joking, making fun, report cards, notes on homework (if I turned it in), saying "Marcus has so much potential...but he won't apply himself. If he would try, if he would work... oh how wonderfully he would do & be" Meanwhile, I was working 10x harder than anyone else, just getting less results. I value your talk. It was very good. But, I can't understand how anyone could think that just because a boy is bouncing off the wall (I certainly was) that he is nor also simultaneously beating the pure Hell out of himself for under achieving, & constantly being called lazy or as my first wife said "mentally lazy). When you work harder for less, you can't help, male or female, but think you are stupid or defective. I just want you to know that everything you said about girls is also true about boys + the visible. I am glad you are pointing out that girls are under diagnosed & under-rated, leading to "horrendous" outcomes. I just want you to know that even though it is more visible & recognized in boys, it is still internalized, still creates massive anxiety and if untreated or unsuccessfully treated also leads to horrible outcomes for boys as well. Ps. I have also been grateful for adhd. I credit my ability to think critically & independently to being a birthright outcast. I may have coined the term. Probably not. Being inherently unable to fit in, we are somewhat relieved of the pressure to conform or not to conform for that matter. Already outcast there is nothing to fear in thinking for ourselves. Just another benefit, perhaps my favorite. Your talk was great. I just wanted you to know that it described me nearly as well as it described me. The diagnosis, at first had a negative effect. It further undermined my confidence. I had returned to grad school. I was already struggling mightily, but getting by through Herculean end of semester feats. Then K had a diagnosis, something wrong with me. It was hard before, now I have to do it with a defective brain. At first I couldn't see the benefits. Yes, I have had problems with alcohol, school, work, RELATIONSHIPS...rage. Thank you for your work. It's important
I’m only 23 but I ruined my life due to a crazy spiral of self pity not understanding what’s wrong with me. This has helped me so much today and I am ready to get help. Thank you so much for opening up and not making me feel crazy.
Oh. My. God. You just explained ADHD way better than I ever could. I was diagnosed in 2016 with combined type ADHD in the 99th/100th percentile. I was 28 years old then. I am now 35 and medicated, but my symptoms have gotten worse in the past 5 years. My executive dysfunction has caused hoarding-like clutter and destroyed my relationship with my spouse, who doesn’t believe in ADHD. In searching for videos to explain it better than I can as a last attempt, I found yours. Amazing! Thank you so much.
Hey, take a look at the minerals that your medication uses in your body, adhd meds are connected to lower zinc, magnesium, and omega3. All of which actually lower adhd symptoms, now take in the fact that these minerals are naturally deficient with those that are adhd, and add medication; which uses them. If your symptoms are worse, most likely, you are extremely low on certain minerals that your medication uses to work properly. What a rant🤣🤣🤣, yes I am diagnosed with adhd by a professional. Thats crazy, I almost never comment on anything. But if you see this after 8 months, check out those minerals. And talk to your pcp before taking them.
My executive functioning with clutter is a huge issue. I'm a high performer at work but not home. I find my clutter issue overwhelming and it impacts significantly on my family. I find putting wireless headphones on listening to podcasts of interest while I declutter helpful. Give it a try. You forget your focused on cleaning and become productive. ❤
I love it. My life got much worse after grad school. I was seriously thinking I had early onset dementia. For several years, I worried and suffered in silence. Scared to death of what was happening. I was diagnosed about 10 months ago at 54yoa.
The problem with going to your primary doctor is that you may be met with resistance! I’m a 71 year old undiagnosed ADHD person who has gone to about 8 different doctors who said I was crazy for wanting to be tested! Too tired to continue looking! I just drink my potful of coffee each morning and make my check off lists to get through my life!! I’m happy for you Mel that you were able to find someone to listen to you! My son was diagnosed by a pediatric psychologist 37 years ago. That therapist told me that I had it and was using my coffee as my Ritalin. No one wanted to test me because back then adult therapist wouldn’t be paid for the services!
Self diagnosis & coffee is completely valid. Sorry you've had such awful experiences. It took complete burnout for me to get diagnosed so well done for holding out despite being less to manage on your own.
I was 85 when I discovered that I have ADHD. Whenever I mentioned it to my primary care doctor I got a dementia test. At least they decided that I do not dementia. They don't think l have ADHD but some kind of anxiety. Anti anxiety medication turned me into a zombie. Am not on medication but am addicted to working jigsaws and playing solitaire on my phone. Have no patience for things I'm not interested in and have been scatter brained all my life.
Wow, Iam a 70yr old women. Mel, I just found you on TH-cam. I subscribed and am looking forward to hear you talk about this suject. I had, a mild breakdown several years ago. Went to see a psychologist was told by him I have ADHD. Shocked to learn at my then age adults have this. He put me on a med, which was not ritland. Can't remember the name, but for the 1st time in my life I was able to focus. But I had side affects, terrible headaches. So I quit them. Never went back to that Dr nor saw anybody else to get more tests or some other kind of meds. Any ways, I am seeing a Behavioral counselor and a Dr who hopefully can get me on a course of the combination of meds, long story, and therapy. I feel that I need a MRI of my head and a Dr who can properly diagnose me. I need help, what kind of Dr should I go to to be diagnosed so I can get the help I've felt I've needed most of my life. Marlamae
Sorry forbyour experience Patricia. So far woth my experience a diagnosis isn't doing me much good anyway. They're trying to medicate, but I'm not having the ah ha moment that many describe, and the sife affects keep moving me to different meds. (Trying Vyvanse now) Watch the allies of the field and do your own research for methods and skills that help you. As adults the treatment and teaching that happens for kids is not there, so to me it feels like a journey of self discovery of what works with the help of the internet more so then therapists. Good luck!
I’m so glad I found this episode Mel! I got diagnosed at 45 years old and it was like a light came on and so many of my destructive behaviors began to make sense. So much of this is taboo in the African American household. We don’t talk about it, this is a “white folks” disease or problem. Their kids are bad YOU’RE not. Stop getting in trouble and just PAY ATTENTION in school it’s not that hard. And so much more…Especially the video game addiction I had when I was young. Thank you for bringing more attention to this disorder. No I’m not stupid, no I’m not a bad person, a bad Mother, a bad spouse or a bad person. And yes I can still be successful even though I have this. Appreciate you Sis!! This was GREAT!! You definitely have a new subscriber in me. 😊
Got my diagnoses today ! Combined adhd with complex ptsd… . I remember when I was 12 years old my dad took me to a counselor because I had anxiety with panic attacks … I now know this is when my adhd began. They just said she is depressed and doesn’t deal with change. 57 years old and I begin meds tomorrow. Thank you! This episode I have watched more than twice ❤
@@Nancy-ki6ky it took me two years for someone to listen to me ! I put myself in counseling during that time my mother passed away tragically … I finally told the therapist please find me someone to test me … I found a nurse practitioner that specializes in adhd especially in woman … she had adhd and her 60 s … I just had to keep pushing and looking for the right person to talk to and understand what I was feeling … I didn’t want meds as a quick fix I wanted someone to listen and explain my racing thoughts and short attention span… sadly we have to advocate for our own mental health !!!! Prayers you find your answers soon … but never give up!!! I research everyday !
Hey Mel I'm 62. Last week I told someone that my brain is like a washing machine on full spin 24/7. I also have Fibromyalgia & ME so have that to contend with as well. Thank you for this. I've thought for a while that I have ADHD. Now I'm convinced that I do! I used to work with Special Needs students in a high school. 99% of my students were boys. Peace & love from across the pond ❤🇬🇧
Thank you! I am crying again. My ADHD has brought me so much pain, mostly from people misunderstanding me and shaming me. You are perfectly describing my journey. I am 73. For 15 years of my life, I was so aided by ritalin in raising my children alone, and looking like a good valuable employee. I have been shamed off of the ritalin in my later years, and I am so suffering from Adhd again. You have given me the courage to again try to get this stigmatized help. I love you
Whoever shamed you off what made you successful are people you should shame back by the turnaround going back on your meds will do for you. Dont tell them at first😅. Have fun letting them admire the changes and then blast them with the reason.
People who 'shame' probably do not deserve to know which way your going. And have proved they dint understand. It's your mind, body and your choices, for you. Let them admire or shame, from more of a distance. And, frankly, when it comes to medicine, who in our life should be privy or privileged enough to know about that, except mostly our doctor. And if it is a doctor, well, they did not understand this patient and what was required for their treatment. People 'outside' of you/ourselves always have an opinion or thoughts and some very well meaning. But at the end of the day, you are in charge and taking care of you. You're plan and thoughts always trump.
@ellenjordan7525 something I'm growing from in my ADHD is releasing the people pleasing and it's so freeing. You're going to offend people regardless what choices you make (especially in today's culture) so you might as well just be you and choose what you know is best for yourself. I believe in you and am rooting for you ❤
I am 73 and I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago. I am struggling. My life would have been so much better if I would have known. Made better decisions.
I’m 73 and diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. Yet, Mel’s description of ADHD seems to fit real well. Thank you, Mel. I’m going to work with my medical team to see what else I can do. I have already been told the medication is probably not an option due to other medical issues.
72 and my doctor allowed me to try some Adderall. I finished a painting the very first time I took it. I seldom to complete anything and have at least 3 to 4 projects on the go at all times. It felt good to hear somebody else say the things I’ve always been thinking.
Wow. I'm a 61 year old man who was diagnosed on my 50th birthday when I finally asked the right person " what the hell is wrong with me?!?!". Adhd has taken a huge toll on my life. I now have stage 4 copd from.m decades of tobacco dependence and drug addiction. I feel like it's just too late for me to get much benefit from being diagnosed other than the relief of getting an answer. I'm not just crazy, the root of my problems has a name and now I understand. The negative self talk is so ingrained now though I don't have much hope of.changing.
I'm certain people have already suggested therapy, and it can help, it's nice to have someone else help you catch the bad habits because it makes it easier for you to see how to fix it. But, also, therapy isn't very well designed for men. So if you decide you want to try to get a therapist get one that can talk to you and adapt to alexythymia. Men are a lot more likely to have it, "male normative alexythymia" is what it's called. And it comes from years and years of men being told not to cry and to be tough and people being surprised that men like cute animals too. That stuff all builds up inside you. So, a good therapist (probably a guy, but some women can be pretty good too), can help you not obly catch the thoughts, but also learn how to know when the feelings are coming, and it's so useful for the therapy. And it's worthwhile for you to do it obviously for yourself, but also For any younger family you have, but even for the people on the internet you might meet. Dr. K is a good place to start for a lot of younger guys, but is probably pretty good for you too, and I like Patrick teahan a lot too. He helps with trauma a lot, which you probably have at least a little.
Watch Dr. Joe Dispenza. He's repetitive,(deliberately because he's about helping reprogram), but I did his meditations and the results were good and haven't lessened much in the two years since, but I definitely have to do it again. My health is much better, and my negative voices are much quieter and more immediately noticed and dealt with.
That is totally m e I am 66 diagnosed late 40s all of this is helpful but my people close to me have no idea about all this they just think I'm f----- up lazy and just not responsible not dependable ...... that I can controll but don't want to so ........
I am a doctoral candidate for a Psych Ph.D. and I didnt even think about ADHD for myself until my son was diagnosed. It made SO much sense and all the horrible feelings I had about myself would have been avoided if I had parents that had thought to have me tested along with my younger brother. My oldest just had his neuro testing and we're testing our youngest just to know if we need to give him extra help. Just in case. Neuro testing SHOULD be covered by insurance and it isn't in many cases, and it prohibits many parents and adults from getting the understanding we need.
I started to cry. This is . I also am a lawyer and nurse and don’t know how the hell I made it through. Every symptom you listed, I have. The things I’ve done for a dopamine rush, quite embarrassed about some of it. I’m 58. What a waste of a life. I hope it gets better from here. A simple thank you is not enough for this enlightening formation. My grandson on medication for it, but I believe my daughter, granddaughter and I all have it. I work night shift as a nurses because I could never shut the noise out during the day. I spent a lot of my free time at home doing the work I couldn’t get done during working hours. Thank you from the bottom of my head. I’m so grateful I stumbled upon your podcast today!
So glad you’re covering this topic! I’m a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD & I’ve seen the devastating effects when ADHD is missed or misdiagnosed. People are always surprised to learn that adult adhd diagnosis & treatment was NOT taught in med school until very recently (if at all). In fact, not covered in many psychiatry residency programs. As you so correctly point out, undiagnosed/treated - it will inevitably lead to anxiety &/or depression. Men are also deeply impacted, as are marriages. My hope is that with education & advocacy the world will gladly accommodate ADHD brains so they can be the innovators & creatives they naturally are.
How does a person go about getting diagnosed? I was in my doctor's office in tears and was told, "don't seek a diagnosis," and that just confuses the hell out of me.
@@roxannafultz9386Change doctors or seek a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine). My D.O. treats everything from my ADHD & Anxiety to my Asthma and High Blood Pressure.
51 here diagnosed at 43. Thank you for addressing adhd. I wish I had been diagnosed when I was young. It took a huge toll on my self worth, self esteem, future relationships and direction in life’s purpose. Knowing myself better now allows myself to extend grace and love to my younger and present self.
Diagnosed at 36 (last Nov) and it explained EVERYTHING I struggled with since the age of 12. I am now thriving for the first time in my life. And now I can help my daughter avoid so many struggles I had to go through. SO SO thankful for a work colleague who mentioned for me to look into it and for you, Mel, to share this education with others.
You are talking about me … clutter ,dates, appointments , being late… feeling anxiety , depression … all of that. Your experience is empowering and so vulnerable . Bless you
I was diagnosed when I was 35. It changed my life knowing what was "wrong with me". I still feel like I have a lot more to learn. I would love more episodes about Everything ADHD! Thank you Mel❤
It is like finding the missing puzzle piece. I do hate hearing 'you should just x, y, z' from my mother...and I try to do my best as a mother or whatever. And she lacks sympathy entirely. So I keep a lot to myself and don't divulge much to her. But I do wonder what life would have been like had I had medicine back in the day.
Thanks for sharing, Mel. I was diagnosed as ADHD combined in 2019 at 53yo. Then further assessed as an Aspie 2 years later in 2021. The relief and understanding that that gave me was profound and has led to a great deal of understanding and acceptance of myself. BUT it also cam along with an extreme amount of grief about what my life could have been with a diagnosis and support as a younger person. The battering that my self esteem has taken over a lifetime of being intelligent enough to do anything I want to as a career, but not managing to use my time well partially due to executive function difficulties, as well as time blindness, rock bottom self confidence, and difficulties knuckling down and just doing 'The Thing' that my brain doesn't have any interest in. I have focus ability in spades on anything that interests me - why exactly is this diagnosis called 'attention deficit'?? I only have a deficit of attention when I'm not interested in it! Thanks Mel for shining a light on this less well-known challenge, particularly for adult women who are often gaslight about their challenges.
@@KS-un3pi for me, diagnosed young, my mother had me try various medication. ritalin left me with a permanent dislike for it. looking back... i think i was on too high of a dose. dry mouth, no hunger at all, little to no desire for playing or human interaction... and got straights As in all my classes with near perfect scores on my tests. my mother thankfully saw me not being myself, a lifeless husk of the energetic playful kid i was. she took me off. im grateful to her for this. might have had to repeat a few years in school but with lots of help, i did it, and still got to be me. years later, 33, living on my own not able to hold relationships, messy apt, impulsive spending habbits, lots of started long term goals with no one completed or having any kind of progress and having the complete inability to make my all over the place thoughts shut up for just a moment.. i decided to go back on medication, said i wanted to start low dose. wad given concerta. i figured all these years learning to cope and having systems, a little help may be all i need. the very first day was this recent saturday. an hour or two after i took it, i just sat there, calm, realizing... there was silence. almost like a loud fan that had always been on making a ton off noise, was turned off. i sat there for about an hour or so, just in shock. i was in shock, because i never realized it was a problem. it was normal to me to hear that inner voice of mine rambling on about something. sometimes many topics at once. i didn't know it was possible to clear out thought like that...
@Zalibidas What a revelatory experience for you! May you continue to find what works for you on a daily basis. At 42, I finally found someone who recognized ADHD in the description of my issues. Now two decades later, I have many methods including medication that help me accept and work with the ways this diagnosis can manifest. Best is using compassion and humor to lighten those self-judgemental thoughts. It’s a process but I’m much more joyful! Best to you!
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age of 44. Single mom, no job….i felt grief about my ex life in a way. That i have realized that my huge love broke up sadness was ADHD not real feelings. All my panick attacks, all my insomnia.. I cannot say i did have a bad life, adhd people can be successfull. But having kids with ADHD is disaster for this type of brain. All woman our there with ADHD - it wont be easy, take care of your physical body first, your vitamins, supplements, long walks, breathing and meditations. It cannot treat but it can make your life easier. I feel you ADHD people out there- you are not alone…❤
I'm 54. My son has ADHD. I have always been so focused on him that I never realized that I have it myself. When I mentioned to him that I think I may have it, he said, "Duh, you really didn't know that you have ADHD?" He's 19. He thought that I knew it. But so many of the things that you said kind of surprised me. I thought those things were normal. Eye opener. I just subscribed. Thank you for doing this.
I was finally diagnosed by my therapist at 49, only a year or less ago. I feel the same way, "what's wrong with me?" An old friend once said to me why are you 48 and you don't have your life together? I didn't know any of what you're saying until today and all fits in and make sense perfectly. Thank you! 😊
"Friend" seems like a generous term for someone who'd make a comment like that! 🙃So glad you finally got diagnosed and are finding answers. Wishing you a smashing second act! : - )
And I cried at the "unable to control emotions." I hated myself for my "anger issues". And, while I've heard of "disregulated emotions " this is the first time it's been personalized so I could really understand and feel what it means. Thank you, again! Now I am sharing this with my granddaughters (both have ADHD,though no official diagnosis because of money...why is health-care in this country so damned expensive?!) parents.
I’m a 62 yr old female - why am I just finding out (I hit all the criteria you & other women talk about) I have this?! Been on meds for depression & anxiety for 25 yrs (3 months off them now). After a car accident(5 yrs ago), concussion & tbi much of my “symptoms” have doubled & after getting no support from drs etc I started researching this year & started seeing late life adhd videos. I’m a mess & now am seeing I’ve had this my ENTIRE LIFE! It’s just much worse now! I’m unpacking this all right now. Thank you so much for making these TH-cam videos! I’m so emotional watching this. I’ve carried so much shame all these years. I want help I need help. My orchestra hasn’t stopped in YEARS!! I can’t sleep can’t function or enjoy my life anymore. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You are amazing . I might find help. I had given up on drs & therapy. I just downloaded the book your mentioned. Thank you! I have hope for first time in YEARS! Lost generation of women 🙋🏻♀️
OMG!!!!! THIS IS ME!!!!!! I have been struggling since I was 11 years old, anxiety , depression, I have done tons of internal work, therapy, readying, educating myself....but THIS IS ME!! I feel like you've just released me from prison. Thank you! OMG, it's life changing. And I'm so desperately sad that I've wasted so much of my life. Could you please do more podcasts on natural stimulants and how you treat it????
I can so relate, just got official dx last January, at age 63. You must get official dx, then decide on med or natural. I'm anti-Pharma, but, man, Vyvanse is life-changing for me. Don't mourn the wasted years: we learned how amazing we can be, and we understand why we fell short. The older we get the dx, the less time we have for regrets. You are a mere newborn in your new life...start walking!
There is NO natural stimulant. You MUST be professionally diagnosed, preferably a psychiatrist because they are the ones who prescribe correct meds. Just do it. You will not regret it.
Diagnosed at 58. It took a good year to forgive myself for the emotional breakdowns, the opportunities lost by overwhelm, the loss of friendships, and the financial struggles I never could shake. My generation of women was the most significant population to attend college, get into management, and be career-oriented. My friends breezed through the challenges and I struggled so much that I became bulimic for many years. I had so much talent, but could not navigate the rejections. I am so happy that younger women are being diagnosed early and getting help. There were so many of us who were put into a box and called "too much". Thanks for this episode Mel. It helped with the continued healing.
Glad to hear this. PROFOUNDLY underdiagnosed. A doc did a study in Colorado at a women's prison and found that if they treated them for ADHD, repeat offenders then stayed out of prison, were able to hold consistent jobs, and dumped bad partners. When they were "rehabilitated" for their crimes, they kept coming back and ending up in the same (usually abusive & on/off) unhealthy relationships. Apparently one of the major contributing symptoms was that women were ending up with partners who they would do anything for, but the partners would treat them like they were dispensable. I think another was that they were misdiagnosed with bipolar but the bipolar meds weren't doing anything. Crazy, huh. More sane than only diagnosing little boys with it, but still crazy
Mi Vida Loco! I wasn't truly diagnosed with ADHD until about 3 years ago. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder with depression and anxiety, and was treated for these. I've found a wonderful psychiatrist who took the time to have me tested and to listen to my answers from situations I had found myself in. The county I was living in refused to help either my mother or myself. (She and I purchased a home together in July of 2016.) By the Fall of 2018, we were both exhausted and went looking at Assisted Living Facilities in the area. We found the perfect one and she loved the location. It was on the ground floor, had a huge picture window overlooking a grassy courtyard that we could put her bird feeders in front of so she could watch them. There's so much that happened to us that belongs in a deposition, not what should be listed here. The entire county system was cahoots with each other. I contacted several attorneys which all told me I had a case and our rights had been violated. However, since they were small firms, they would need a minimum of $20,000 to start with. I'm a disabled 64 year old woman living on $1,0xx per month so very unattainable for me. Two different firms in or near the Twin City area told me they no longer get involved with Crow Wing County because "the corruption in that county is so deep, it just doesn't pay to send attorneys there anymore." I've been told by a few friends to watch "I Care Alot" but as of yet I haven't. I'm just wondering if you have any attorney connections in Minnesota that may want to take this on. Laws have been broken with no regard to professional ethics or any consequences for their actions. Hoping you may know someone who would be interested in taking this on. Nearly $500,000 that should have never been taken out of my Special Needs Trust or property probated. If you know of anyone who might have info on an attorney that could handle this in Minnesota, I would be forever in your debt. One attorney told me that in a jury trial over this, the settlement could be well over $1,000,000. Thank you!
Having owned this diagnosis for awhile, your words still brought about all the tears. Thanks for putting words to what so many of us feel. My son is diagnosed as well and I try so hard to help him embrace his differences so that he may never feel less than.
I was diagnosed at the age of 55 years old! I know what grieving is like for the years I struggled and didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me! It’s been a relief to know. I’m on medication and for me the medication has almost been a miracle. I also have a ADHD life coach. There is hope! Get diagnosed
I was diagnosed two years ago. I'm 59. I cried. All these years I suffered with this condition that could have been managed many years ago. Fortunately Mel, I did the same thing you did after I learned of my condition. I read everything I could find. Through my research I learned how to see my condition differently and I learned to appreciate my strengths that comes from an ADHD brain. It's become my superpower.
I’m a gen x and I’ve struggled with ADHD my whole life. I didn’t realize what the source of my frustration was until I was diagnosed in my late 40’s. I’m now 55 and I’m still untreated. I’m a recovering addict and have been on a narcotic medication for 15 years to treat my addiction. Doctors aren’t willing to prescribe ADHD medication since I take suboxone. It’s either treat the addiction or treat the ADHD. I choose to treat my addiction and manage my ADHD as best as I can. Remembering things has always been a problem. I’ve worked as a waitress my whole life since it’s a job where I can move around. Ive also realized along the way that I’m a true introvert. I get drained easily from work and social situations. At least I understand why I am the way I am. I don’t use that as an excuse but I have to push myself daily to get things done.
Thank you Courtney for sharing your truths. I am not yet fully diagnosed and/or treated for my ADHD ( I never had the Hyperactivity component.) However my children do with all of us having the overlays of family physical and mental abuse from their father. and me from my family of origin as well.
I really appreciate you sharing your story about being on subuxone. I'm 57 and on belbuca--the buprenorphine without the naloxone. I've been 24 years on buprenorphine for pain as well as for the addiction/dependence cycle, but I suppose that means they won't be able to give me a stimulant. I didn't know that. I probably have to choose the buprenorphine over the stimulant because of me being almost 25 years on it. It's way too hard, if not impossible, to get off it. The longer one takes something that strong, the more it's impossible to stop taking it. Besides, my psychiatrist doesn't want to give me stimulants because of the conflict it has with certain antidepressants that I already am taking. Furthermore, I'm not sure if she knows that I'm taking the buprenorphine. Oh, and I'm an introvert as well, and I often get super overwhelmed when spending time with certain people, especially with lots of people, too often, for too much time. And I definitely get overwhelmed after going out, even if it's to go shopping or go to a doctor's appointment. The combination of going out (getting ready, getting transportation, trying to be on time, etc.), coupled with dealing with the public, really exhausts me. I thought this was age-related! Or it's my not-so-great health. So, yes, I can totally relate, and like you, I might not be able to use stimulants.
61 yo and I have an appointment scheduled. I know I have felt with this all of my life. The negative voice has always been there tell me I’m not good enough. Ty!!
This made me cry and also so happy that someone undestands what you go through on a daily basis. So thankful for people like Mel Robbins who just gets it and that’s a blessing. ❤
I was diagnosed at age 53- two years ago. Sometimes I wonder what my life might have been like had I had an earlier diagnosis. It’s not that I haven’t achieved anything in my life but I could have achieved so much more in my life. The pain is still there from all the times I was judged as being erratic, flaky, unfocused, fickle. People would despair with me, but they would never be as despairing as I was about myself. I became an alcoholic- thank God. Been sober 24 years now, but when I drank it literally saved my life. I’ve had moments of brilliance too. Is a mixed bag. A blessing and a curse. Thank you speaking about this.
I was just diagnosed at 54. Great podcast! I am starting over with self knowledge, firm boundaries, no regrets and living in the Now. No regrets. #LiveNow
Diagnosed at 55, agree it's never too late. Meds have been tricky for me but the validation has helped me to start to be a little less hard on myself. I've always known something was up and therapy only helped so far.
Just ignore it and concentrate on today. The past is not real. If you think it is please please show me yesterday. I personally I had big cry over missed opportunities and a more productive successful life. But here I am. ❤
I'm 37 and recently resching about adhd because my 7-year-old boy shows adhd signs. And start to wonder if I'm having it and on my way to diagnosing. I'm in tears listening to this. This is me, have been struggling so much with managing CPTSD, depression, anxiety, and being overweight and having trouble losing it!
I found this video two days after I was diagnosed with adhd as an adult, and I have never felt so understood. Tears of sadness and happiness streamed down my face during the whole episode. Mel, you honestly have changed my life
Mel, I thank you for this! I was recently diagnosed (at 45) with ADHD. I've since heard people say, "oh everyone has ADHD these days." After listening to your story, I realized that I am not alone and this is something legitimate that I have struggled with my entire life. The story you describe is my life. I appreciate being able to identify with someone and also to validate that I'm not crazy. I've been on meds for depression and anxiety for over 10 years and still suffer from the symptoms you describe. This made me feel further depressed like what the hell is wrong with me, why can't I get it together?! Why did I buy that on Amazon, how did I spend $40 at the dollar tree and how many bins should 1 person own?! How did I acquire all this debt and nothing to show for it?! Since my diagnosis I've begun practicing mindfulness techniques and established personal goals. I have to stop myself and check in with my goals (daily). This has helped a bit. Thank you again for being so open and sharing your personal experience.
55yo and was just diagnosed last month. The diagnosis is taking me OUT. Doing my best to not live in regret of what more, i could have done in my life. I feel like I've been trudging through chest high mud, my whe life, while everyone else has been skipping happily by me without a care in the works. Couldn't understand why i could never accomplish my best, and everyone is telling me that i am the smartest person they know. And, these medications the doctor prescribes are horrible.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago, I wish they had inquired into my history at that time. Now, going through menopause with ADHD has almost wiped me. The shame, confusion, and lack of compassion and understanding is suffocating. I am so happy to listen to your story, it is so similar to mine. Thank you Mel ❤
As a 65+ Senior....retirement has shown me that I have ADHD! I suddenly don't have the structure that forced me to be directed previously. I've been at a loss to get things done! I'm really going to dig into this. Thank you so much!!!
Sounds different? She couldn't handle the structured office environment. She liked waitressing and jobs that kept her moving in different directions at the same time.
Yep, I hear ya Mel. Diagnosed at 54 after researching to understand my diagnosed daughter. Anxiety, depression, low self esteem, self harm, suicide attempt and an eating disorder. All undiagnosed ADHD. Thank you for speaking about this. x
I was diagnosed 3 months ago at the age of 46. I am going through this period of deep grief you mention, feeling like I have wasted my life and coming to terms with this final explanation to all the mistakes, addictions and issues I dealt with my entire life. Thank you for this podcast. I can now start to heal and go on with the rest of my life.
I learned about this after sitting at a table in tears with my 2nd grader over homework....2nd grade. She was in the California school system and had the worst case scenario for her..a shared teaching situation where she had 2 teachers that each worked 2 days of the week and traded off Wednesdays. She was doing well with one and getting little sad faces sent home with her daily from the other. She was as a small child being told daily that she was a "bad girl" and being told to bring home a sad face and give it to me. Imagine what that was doing to her little brain. The principal I met with...literally.no help at all. Thank God for her 3rd grade teacher..who just happened to be the teacher in her new school that had been sent to learn about add and adhd and recognized it within 2 weeks of having her in class. Yes I also have it..but after trying to get diagnosed I was told no you concentrate just fine...after doing nothing but sitting me in front of a machine similar to the vision test at the dmv..where you push a button when you see the light flash. My whole life has been exactly what you are talking about...
Thank you, for this. I shared it with my husband. Not only have I battled ADHD my entire life ... loss of focus, day dreaming ... feeling scattered ... feeling like a fraud, it IS getting so much worse now as I get older. I'm 48. But on top of ADHD, my husband & I suffer from trauma and PTSD (like Dr. Amen said in his book, trauma damages your brain). Our son, our only child, was born perfect and healthy. One of the kindest, sweetest, funniest and angelic humans you would ever meet ... but unbeknownst to us, he had a ticking time bomb in his brain (Adrenoleukodystrophy). We were forced to watch the disease destroy him ... and us, as a couple. My husband & I lost each other, and hurt each other badly. So if you think I felt like a failure before ... imagine what I feel like now. The disease also came from me so ... while I know I had no clue, it sucks to know that Christopher would have been better off with a different mom. It's scary to feel like I just listened to you describe my life to a tee ... yet I don't know what I can do to heal. I really don't. Our son, even though he was given 3 yrs to live ... has exceeded that. He is still here, 6+ years later but make no mistake ... he is full care and disabled. No smile. No eye contact. No speaking. And even though against all odds, our marriage survived (I still don't know how, it had to be God) ... we are still in lock down with this disease, not getting help. We don't get date nights. There is no real vacation ... yes, we get bored! I'm scared to take medication for ADHD because I also have a heart condition (mitral valve prolapse) but honestly, something has gotta give. I do have a therapist but he's isn't licensed to prescribe meds. He's just helping deal with grief. But at this point, I gotta get meds. I am that super busy person ... who is scattered. Forgetting birthdays, feeling like a crappy friend. I procrastinate despite knowing it'll bite me in the butt. I'm exhausted all the time ... burnt out. Honestly, I'm grateful for my enormous faith in God because if I look back, I probably would have checked out by now, if not for this crazy and supernatural hope that only God can give. I don't care for anonymity ... pray for our son. Google: "Christopher Gray in Watertown, CT." Put a gorgeous face to your prayers. And thank you so much for this! ADHD is lonely. When you feel like a failure, no one gets it because they aren't in your head.
I like how you said you ard in lockdown, I too have a child with a disability, and for the past 7 yrs, barely left the home. My brain kept me awake as well, worrying about all the scenarios. Thank God your marriage survives. Mine didn't. God bless you and your family in this struggle.
@@lorrmarie7281 well, then, you will be in my prayers. I'm sorry about your marriage. What shocked me most, were the wolves in sheep's clothing. Our pain is public here because Christopher made an impact on people. I was shocked to see how people had no scruples ... narcissistic and preying on pain. What my husband & I had to eventually realize, love is a choice. It is not what happens on the way to the alter. That part is easy. It's what happens when real life comes, kicks your ass ... and yes, you can quit ... but you don't. You try to fix what broke, even when it feels impossible. Obviously, Christopher is carrying the largest cross of us all ...I was just being straight up honest. We ARE in lockdown. Just today ... Christopher was stable, no sooner did we leave the house, trying to enjoy a nice lunch, he started to have issues. Our outing had to end. The thing is, we would have called ourselves homebodies before ALD struck ... but there is a huge difference between choosing to stay home, and not having a choice. We love our son, we would never wish him away. We just wish we had rest. God bless you. God bless your child. I pray you find peace and joy ... even if it's sporadic.
@@lorrmarie7281 And I just thought of this ... not sure if you listen to Christian music or if it's not your thing. But I remember 6 years into this disease, crying to my husband that it feels like we've been forgotten. Like people aren't praying anymore, that even God has forgotten us. Not only did I hear an amazing message in church the same day to remind me how wrong I am, but when I came home, I heard "Recue" by Lauren Daigle. She sings: "You are not hidden There's never been a moment You were forgotten You are not hopeless Though you have been broken Your innocence stolen" There are not many songs that hit me in the heart ... but that one did. There's even a line: "I hear you whisper underneath your breath I hear you whisper, you have nothing left" I cried. That is exactly what I felt. I have nothing left. So maybe listen to it and when you do, remember you are not alone. God is with you. If it feels like He isn't, that's the lie of the devil. He's there. And a mom in CT (me) also understands ... mother to mother. God bless!.
Yes me too. At 42 I watched info about ADHD to check if it was relevant for my kids. And yes, I also thought THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ME! It has been such a relief to find communities, tips, tricks and coping mechanisms online. I'm not a weirdo, I was just always an ADD girl. 😅
THIS. IS. ME. 43 years old walking in circles in the grocery store in full blown menepause and couldn't understand why. The shame that comes with it.......ugh. Thank you for this show!!!
I'm 62 and living in UK. Im currently taking medication prescribed by my doctor for anxiety and depression......your talk today has left me in tears but enlightened. You spoke to me and described me and my internal life from being that scattered, anxious little girl to the defeated woman I feel I am today. My son was diagnosed ADHD at 14 after trying to get help for him since he was 3 years old. He is now 41, a teacher and living in the far east. After his diagnosis, both he and i had to manage this ourselves. There was very little or no help given those days in the UK, other than medication. It's only in 10 years that there has been any acknowledgement in the UK that ADHD is real. Some still disbelieve. Labelling it bad parenting or bad behaviour. This is simply my experience in the North East of England. It may differ in other areas of the UK. But thank you so much for your message today. I'm possibly not the idiot I believe I am. Will certainly think about speaking to my doctor about this. ❤❤
![[Live] : ONE 168 วันนี้!! "โจนาธาน vs ซุปเปอร์เล็ก"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/0jIN65KgJsI/mqdefault.jpg)
Summary:
1. Hyper focus
2. Difficulty controlling emotions
3. Impulsive shopping/overspending or other addictions or impulsivity
4. Poor time management
5. High functioning/workaholic
6. Highly self-critical
All of me 😮
Well shit... Here I am starting to think I need to get this managed...
Got ‘em all
Wow I have them all too plus anxiety 😢
@@Bewareinjustice Me as well. Currently prescribed Adderall and recently Hydroxyzine for Anxiety. I’ve blown through thousands of dollars my Mom left me after she passed with really nothing to show for it (investments etc). It’s absurd.
I know I have ADHD because it was so painful to stay focused and get through this video. The constant “what we’re gonna tell you later” and long winded had me check out. I had to pause and replay for days to get through it. My mind is always wanting people to get the the point and fast.
That’s how I usually am with many videos.
I think because I related to everything in this video….it held my attention.
We had the same symptoms. The whole family must have ADHD! 😳
Great information. Although the use of swear words was very distracting from the point of the video. I kept thinking of those swear words and I couldn't focus on the video
I just woke up from drifting off.... Do I have ADHD 😂
I am kidding. I know I do
This is my typical morning of rabbit hole "learning" videos
And at the same time if you want to tell something you are all over the place? 😬😂
Who else is reading the comments while trying to listen to the video...
I am reading and listening, struggling to tell the orchestra to hush so l can focus😅 this has induced such conflicting emotions, it is describing my life since l was around 8 or 9 years old, to date at 58. I have always described myself as having scoobiedoo wire for a brain, I am literally unable to think straight, its away's been such a jumble in my head. l tell people its like l am trying to grasp a cloud, when grasping concepts, it is always just out of my reach, yet I have been highly functioning and successful, but l think the veneer is wearing thin and exhaustion is coming all to quickly these days. Thank you Mel for sharing your journey. You have given me much to think about and act on going forward.
Coz shes babbling alot in between important points
And also, 2x speed 😂
I was doing other stuff, surfing fb and talking on messenger and whatapp, researching, posting and listening double time, and talking to the family....
Reading, writing and listening 😂😂
The grief. The grief. The grief. The sorrow of loss never goes away. Diagnosed at 42. It takes years to learn how to control the habitual behaviors. The lost potential from all the screw ups. Thank you for this podcast. I have never posted before.
I'm 41...just made an appointment myself for the 'official diagnosis' I've known already. Just like all the 'annoying ADHD qualities' of my mother...they're now annoying to my friends, family and coworkers
The grief yes , its the harvest thing for me . I found it 4 months ago, I'm 42 and its not being easy 😭
I get to know about adult/ woman ADHD about 2 months ago. I'm 40. All my life I was told: don't complain, life is hard for everyone!
😢😢😢💯💯💯
What is the 'harvest thing' you mention?@@criarcomercrescer
Age 63 here and JUST self-diagnosed myself!!! I’ve struggled GREATLY and today I cried in deep mourning for my crazy life! This is huge!
aww im so happy you did~
Me too 64 feeling a bit tearful & sad so many years wasted living with a narc 25 yrs (seperated for 19 yrs) also just a few weeks ago self diagnosed contacted GP filled in form diagnosed as borderline so they need more extensive explanations I've scribble notes _ repeated & repeated that was 2 months ago trying to make sense of my scribbles so I can send it off to see if they will see me for an official diagnoses well if I'm not then I sure am crazy!
I'm tearing my hair out at the mo was made redundant 2020 was having a bit of a breakdown anyway so was relieved but also scared tried a cleaning job lasted 3 evenings! Now on a placement in a retail store (16 hrs) pw for 4 weeks but don't get paid no air con sweating buckets along with everyone else but allowed water bottles buses are only every hour
Also ex narc is playing up we've managed to be civil for 19 yrs but he let his mask slip a few weeks ago when I locked myself out then devalued me when babysitting & told me not 'to be so sensitive WOMAN ' which totally triggered me but I DID Say DONT CALL ME WOMAN
Apologies for going on but things seem to becoming to a perfect storm 😭
Diagnosed at 59. But friends and family were in denial even though I told them that this explains why I have struggled so much in my life. But they never saw these struggles because I am good at masking. But masking for your whole life is EXHAUSTING !!
I'm 59 - and realizing this may explain everything!!! And yes.....I'm exhausted!!
I’m 55 and just now realizing (and diagnosed by a doctor) that ADD/ ADHD has been my issue. Years and years of depression, anxiety & other issues have gone by with me thinking I’m defective. Thank you for sharing.
Everyone , look into childhood trauma. It is much more reasonable of an explanation. Especially since it seems your family isn't supportive in general. Likely it is your friends and family that is making you sick. Sadly enough. Ritalin ruined my life.
What do you mean masking
I looked for anything that could give me relief from my self loathing. This included alcohol drugs promiscuity (I didn’twant sex but attention gave me some dopamine). At 58 when I self diagnosed I wanted to cry but couldn’t because how exhausted I was. My life has been a disappointment myself and to many around me. At least I know now.
Thank you Mel! It’s so hard when a person with ADHD says “I am exhausted and overwhelmed”and they get a reply like “yeah but you are always exhausted and overwhelmed, it’s like that’s where you want to be”. And I think to myself, who wants to be exhausted and overwhelmed all the time?! 🤦🏻♀️
That’s the reply my wife gives me all the time. I am always exhausted & overwhelmed and she just doesn’t understand.
@@carpediem4413my heart goes out to u brother. Accept that she’ll never understand cuz even when she does. She’ll say “u making up excuses “ they’ll never understand why bother explaining
People don’t understand , I didn’t understand until diagnosed, and we do get exhausted and overwhelmed. This talk has helped tremendously, its good when you have someone with ADHD, talking about ADHD.🙏
❤️Mel, This podcast could easily become a study session for ALL young girls ❣️
I'm 61 now but when I was in my twenties I was diagnosed with a Generalized Anxiety Disorder, also had psoriasis, chronic trouble sleeping, & ALL the other attributes You describe.
I was a "hyper" child, but I skipped 1st grade, and tested at 9th grade college prep education, when I graduated 6th grade. Then I became a latchkey kid (my parents got divorced that summer). Thrown to the wolves from seventh grade on where I basically raised myself. I fit the profile you describe so perfectly, it's uncanny and disturbing. We have got to do more to let this information reach girls & womens brains!!!!!!!!
Mel, I'm finally getting my college education. I'm getting it from You, and I thank You ❣️
EXACTLY!!!
I got diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 16, spent my whole life fighting ADHD. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. This is something that really need to be use globally to help people with related health challenges.
Congrats on your recovery. Most persons never realizes psilocybin can be used as a miracle medication to save lives. Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death bud, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped
you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
YES very sure of Dr.alishrooms. I have the
same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
Mushrooms are very medicinal. This is why anybody familiar with psilocybin and any other kind of fungi will tell you, "They are alive." They have a very ancient wisdom. To my experience, all mushrooms have always said, "Pay attention to your life. How you think, how you feel, and what will you do with the information that you always knew, but now are seeing in this point of view." This is why mushrooms are so respected in tribal cultures. This mental health treatment works for me too. Half micro doses do the trick for me. At least a few days at a time with lengthy time in between. Never addictive. Thank you for sharing this point!
How can I reach out to him? Is he on insta
"wonder why is it effortless for everybody else but you..." I am crying
This part scared me the most. I used to ask my friends, how do you do it. As though there’s a method I just wasn’t taught to follow
Me too😢😢
I'm 68 and this has explained my depression, frustration, and low self-esteem. Why I can't stay on top of things in my life. I'm crying for you and I
100%!!!!
I’m 80 years old in January 24. I have self diagnosed with ADHD in this past year - ever since I heard my son and daughter have both been officially diagnosed. For decades I thought there was something wrong with me personality wise. I’m completely unnerved by what I’m learning. I now realise my mother had ADHD. It’s too late for me now - how I wish this neurological disorder was understood decades and decades ago… when I was getting “smacked” at school - from 5 years old - for not concentrating, talking all the time, fidgeting etc etc.
Add that to being born into a high control religious cult and I wonder how I’ve made it to this age without killing myself. I now live alone and look after myself well. I feel in old age I’ve finally sailed into a calm harbour and my adhd has calmed down finally.
Cult survivors r beyond the epitome of strong. And Aquarius!
Which cult?
Hello Carol..
My name is Andy, I live in Queensland Australia and same birth date as mine, I’m 69 years old..
My whole life has been a train wreck, hurting people that loved me, and I have no real friends.
It has been a long long battle to see what was wrong with me. I have lived in denial and yes I know now things would have so different if I sort help 40 years ago.
I have finally got into a psychiatric after a twelve moth wait. He has put me on Aspen Dexamfetamine 5mg, but I don’t feel any better.
My birthday is January 26 🙂 I also think my mum has ADHD. Sending love and good wishes 💖
It’s not too late to get treatment! You deserve to feel the peace of getting help. It doesn’t matter what your age is, you still have value, and can make a difference. Don’t let your age be the reason you don’t seek a formal diagnosis by a psychiatrist. I took an ADHD med for the first time about 3 weeks ago, and I had NO IDEA my brain could be “calm and quiet”. I could focus at work, and am able to carry out more “executive functioning” tasks easier.
I am a teacher and I have been trying to tell others about the difference in symptoms from boys to girls. Many have looked at me like I am crazy because the girls do not show outward signs. Listening to this podcast confirmed everything I have been saying. I will continue to share with others. Thank you!
Wow I knew I was different! Am over 60 now. I relate to all you have taught! What a life. Especially the low self esteem and feeling so negative about myself! Lol surprised I am still alive? What to do now???
Luv. U.
My daughter has inattentive ADHD and just diagnosed at 20! She did well in elementary school and it slowly progressed until she got to college and it blew up! I wish I had the education to realize the issues with her that I know now. I really am beating myself up about it.
Men are absolutely capable of turnin inwards why do you promote a black and white dichotomy?
I could have written this!
You just might have helped save my life. I’m 55 and yes, I felt you were diagnosing me as I listened. Been hiding behind a mask all my life with one suicide attempt that God saved me from, but I don’t think I’ll get another chance if it happens again, and it almost did 2 days ago. I begged God for answers and today I found you. I can’t thank you enough. Going to dig deep in this topic. GOD IS GREAT!
Me too 54 ugh why didn’t I know sooner
@colleenlois8943 Me too, I'm 68. It's like when I found the word 'fibromyalgia' - I knew I wasn't crazy, there was a word for it! What a relief - scary, too,though. x
I'm glad you're here. You're important and loved very much.
We are all with you. We go through the same things. We know it’s sucks but the more you can embrace it and learn about it the better. Good luck to you!
I’m a male with all the symptoms you describe that typically present in women. One of the hardest parts of growing up with all of this was having the super creative side of me constantly squashed by those around me, both adults and other kids, who were threatened by a boy whose interests didn’t fit the mold of our traditional American gender norms for boys. And even though I was straight, it was widely thought by many people that I was gay. When I describe my experience in school to people, the reaction is always a mix of not surprised or so shocked they don’t know what to say. I remember being beaten up, spat on, and called a fa**ot at every turn. Constantly. You pile that onto the ongoing personal trauma in my life that I had been living in since the age of 5 and it’s actually amazing that I didn’t kill myself, though I considered it many times. If you met me on the street today, you’d think I was just another “normal” boring 40-something white guy but it just goes to show you that you never really know what someone has been through or might still be trying to deal with.
Thanks for sharing your story with all of us
I’m so very sorry. Big hug!
Me too man
Wow. That sounds so familiar. I'm artistic and creative, and was called those names and more. Physically abused by my peers, and had issues at home. Diagnosed with ADHD at 38. I'm 57, on low dose of focalin xr, and living a great life
😅
Thank you for sharing your story with us and opening our eyes to another perspective 🙏🏼
14:55 symptoms overall
17:50 impact on women
27:55 what actually happens
33:07 adhd research brain scan
39:00 difficulty in control emotions
41:00 high functioning
Thanks for mapping this. Very helpful.
Thankyou, my attention span is t as long as this video ❤
Thanks! Had to speed up the podcast. Seems the beginning repeats the same info over and over.
thank yoouu❤
Great! Thanks
Getting my diagnosis at 30 was life-changing for me. Truly one of the most healing answers. And the IRONY is that I’m a clinical psychologist and I had gaslit myself for years, thinking ‘It’s just burnout; maybe it’s depression; I’m just lazy, etc etc etc.”
I was diagnosed in my mid thirties when I was working as an LCSW as a mental health consultant. When I started double booking meetings and became distracted easily in an open office setting, I went to have it checked out. I was very good at hyper focusing and this helped. Around that time I found a book called, “I am not lazy, crazy, or stupid” written by a woman with ADHD for women. It helped me shift from being so hypercritical, but there is no magic bullet. I am in my 60’s now and it is still work. Great video, btw. I will share this friends.
I'm self diagnosed but the phrases I have heard in my head so many times is "lazy, unmotivated, lack of drive, what's wrong with me". I have learned to not over schedule myself, set timers and alarms as I hate being late, say no more often to things I really don't want or need to do so I can joyfully and gladly say yes when it matters. Crocheting has really brought calm and peace to my busy mind. I also fall asleep to a movie or podcast, interviews, etc so my mind shuts off without the stress of things running and running in my mind.
At 53, this is me. And my daughter is 15, this is her. I'm calling our doctors in the morning. ❤
Thank you! I was diagnosed at 57! Yes, yes, yes! My life closely parallels yours. All I have to say is go get diagnosed! Now it’s no longer “What’s wrong with me?” but INSTEAD AFTER MEDS: “OMG IS THIS HOW NORMAL PEOPLE THINK?!” What can we do to help get rid of the stigma of treating our brains? I’m a pastor and my church committee that oversees me told me to not talk about my ADHD, my meds, or going to the Psychiatrist..Really!? You tell me all about your colonoscopies and hemorrhoid treatments. I’m not going to hide this part of my life! Someone like us needs to hear it.
@azaleaemb As a pastor you're a walker of Truth so I say be your unapologetically beloved self! Your church committee needs to do their own inner work & I suggest Matt Kahn's teachings, that'd really throw them for a loop! lol, lol :) So glad to hear you got to the bottom of it & are now rising to the top!! :)
But, if you please, how do I go about "just go get diagnosed"? I go to a psychiatrist, and all he wants to do is tell me I have depression and here are prescriptions. What do I do?
At 59…& bipolar. Lamotrigine is all I’ve taken since then. I also spent 7 yrs with counseling one-on-one and weekly “Group”. Just chatting/listening, with no sideways looks is liberating.😄
😅 3:36 😅😅 3:36 😅😅😅😅😅😢😮
@krmccarrell Your Psychiatrist might not do testing. You can see a clinical psychologist or Psychiatrist who specializes in testing (not all of them do.) There are also Neurologists who do neuropsychological testing. If your Psychiatrist isn't willing to help you with testing, find someone who can.
I’m sixty-nine years old and was diagnosed at 45 after a lifetime of anxiety, poor self esteem, chronic tardiness, disorganization, etc etc. I managed to get a doctorate at age 34, but gave up on a social life, a husband, and kids, because I knew I couldn’t handle it all. I didn’t know why except that there was something wrong with me. Even though I was intelligent, I couldn’t function like a normal person, so I spent my life hating myself.
I’m 30, male, and an attorney. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 25 after I failed the LSAT 3x to get into law school. All my life I skated by school and did “ok” but was always told that “if I applied myself I’d do so much better.” Getting diagnosed with ADHD was such a breath of fresh air and really validated a lot of things that I felt over the years. Since my diagnosis my life was dramatically improved and I’m much happier. Wishing y’all the best 🙏🏻
If I had a quarter for all the times I heard “if you apply yourself…” in school, I’d be rich. I skated by too.
I was told the same thing all through school. Your experience sounds very familiar.
I’m 63, a retired pharmacist who wasn’t diagnosed until age 36, and yes, I heard that EXACT SAME LINE from all of my teachers all the way through school!
Luckily for me, I had a high IQ, and an ALMOST-photographic memory so I was able to “skate” through grades 1-12 with minimal effort, but I had to LEARN how to study for college level calculus/chemistry/physics etc.
And in pharmacy college, I became the “Queen-of-the-all-night-study” group (just like Mel mentioned).
I needed that ADRENALINE RUSH of the last-minute/late-night studying in order to get my brain to FOCUS! But when you’re having to learn and retain MASSIVE VOLUMES of material, you really can’t continue using that as a study strategy! 😳
If I had even .1 for each time I heard “if you only applied yourself” from parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, etc I would probably be a millionaire from those pennies alone. I can relate so much to this!!
The story of my life "'if you apply yourself"
I was born in 1950 and ADHD was not on the radar. No treatment and no one understood it. I was officially diagnosed with ADHD in my 40’s. Suffered from low self esteem and not feeling worthy, depression, anxiety, never felt good enough! It was so difficult to overcome! It is worth the effort to overcome and you’re never too old to start the process learn how to cope with it.
I’m sitting here bawling my eyes out. No one has ever understood me as much as this video. I have thought I was damaged and that something was wrong with me all my life. EVERYTHING YOU MENTIONED. It’s like you’ve studied my life. It’s such a relief that I know now. I recently gave in and sought out help. It’s been so heartbreaking knowing that I have struggled for 33 years with self loathing. Educating myself has been so empowering.
I could have copied and pasted your comment as my own. I cried during the entire thing and I didn't know why. I bumped my head on the corner of a cabinet while I was listening and you would have thought my world was ending, I was sobbing. As I continued listening, so many things came clear to me. It's comforting to know I'm not crazy, I'm not weak and I'm not alone. I just don't know where to start to get the help I need but I'm going to keep researching and educating myself and pray I find the answers and guidance so I don't waste the next half of my life the way I have until now. I just turned 49 on Friday and I am starting to realize that I have suffered from this my whole life. I appreciate your comment and just wanted to acknowledge that your words helped me and made me feel better today
Me too. Burst into tears. SO MY LIFE. Except I have Aspergers-Autism and I'm diagnosed with complex ptsd as well. I paused this podcast and rang an ADHD hotline. Waiting for a call back. I'm getting worst with the ADHD and it's ruining my life, and this is after years of working on the trauma brain and autism symptoms and lack of functionality they brought. It was my two youngest sons who alerted me to the possibility of ADHD as they both struggle similarly to me. It doesnt help much being "gifted" as its such a grief to feel you have so much potential but you can't actualise it to the degree one could if one had the right supports. I'm definitely on the path to access thise supports now. I've had enough of this poor functioning.
Same
Exactly my feeling . I jus couldn't put it into words . Thankyou
Same here 😢. Makes so much sense now. I'm 40. I know I've had this my entire life.
Got gaslighted by an older, male psychiatrist when I was supposed to be getting assessed for adhd and autism. Instead, he gave me a generic anxiety and depression assessment and told me my anxiety is just very extreme and that is causing all my issues. This video is very validating. Im currently seeking a female psychiatrist who specializes in adhd and autism in BC, Canada.
Those are both possible co-morbid DX.
I guess the challenge to the professional is to figure out which to treat first.
Does not excuse the non-acknowledgement by the psych.
I am a late DX'd male with the inattentive presentation.
Look at some of the videos from Russell Barkley PhD., Dr. Tracey Marks, & How To ADHD.
As i understand from yt videos of already diagnosed people (scientists and doctors usually talk a bit different more useless stuff in my opinion), you have to look for somebody who is specifically in a niche of adhd and/or asd, cause other may really not see the forest behind the trees. And yes, ADHD almost never comes alone, it usually is surrounded by bouquet of other things, it's just they are not it. So try to look for someone in the actual field of ADHD, especially that, i suppose, you might have lots of opportunities for that in Canada. (only after writing the whole thing, i saw that you already wrote about the niche thing yourself, haha)
I got to a woman psychiatrist not that long ago in other country (here mental health sucks), and she sent me to a psychologist for testing, and overall they diagnosed me with just anxiety-depression disorder, too. And the psychologist actually called me hypochondriac, like i make things up (for real, never thought i'd meet such unprofessionalism). Only symbolically suggesting that it might not be his niche. But still also freaking saying that "well, i believe, if you'll need, eventually you'll find some doctor to GIVE this diagnose to you, but i think you don't have it". GIVE! Like some candy that i need. I mean... before you go to other specialist - prepare notes and proofs, examples of why you think you have ADHD/ASD, and afterwards if they will still tell you you don't - ok, but make them prove it, explain clearly why those things are ONLY anxiety and not more.
Also you may start from actual ASD, cause they say that a lot of people with that have ADHD too, so it might be more easy/useful to start from there. Good luck with your journey))
Same, I have to find other doctor to diagnose me. I had to lie to them that I don't have anxiety just to get the doctor to focus on my adhd symptoms instead 😩
Bless you! Wish I were there!
I cry because I went through the same. I got diagnosed with dyslexia age 15, burnout age 23 and generic anxiety and hormonal depression with 28. No freaking therapist got it right until a girl friend of mine who is kids psych that I talked to said "but you know you have ADHD don't you?" and my head just exploded - this was 2 yrs ago. She told me many things mentioned in this video. Actually after giving birth to my son my ADHD got worse and I do struggle. But now I am so much in love with myself and understanding that its not me being a total mess but my brain working a little different.
The grief that comes with a late diagnosis is insurmountable
I have felt a degree of grief everyday since… diagnosis is a mixed blessing
No it isn't.
54 and not diagnosed but absolutely postitve I'm AutiHD. It is so hard to think about the past and how hard life was/is.
I agree but all we can do now is move forward with more grace for ourselves …and others.
I dont feel any sort of grief, just happy to know whats happening and working on it.
I am 58 years old, post menopausal. Diagnosed in 5th grade. Such a tomboy. I have lost so many jobs over my ADHD! I am working towards advocacy for adults with ADHD, especially in the workforce. I am on TikTok..... Thank you!
Link to your tik tok please
I actually cried listening to this Mel. I found out 6 months ago at the age of 48 and the grief of a lost past, is so overwhelming. I believed i had chronic anxiety and depression and was put on anti depressants at a young age, it wasnt, it was undiagnosed adhd. My life passed me by and im trying so hard no to not put myself through a battle now of what ifs!!
That's me... beating myself up, knowing that I could have been someone great...helping others in the medical field. I got my college degree at 49 after pursuing it for many years. I accomplished it...and did nothing with it. I'm 61 now and trying to accept myself, and just enjoy the rest of my life. It is what it is.
❤
We have so much shame because we thought something was wrong with us.
Now that you know it's not you, mourn the loss of life not going the way we would have wanted, focus on forgiving yourself and embracing yourself as you are (You are amazing!). When you love yourself despite your flaws, you will change your life and how you show up ❤ Since I have done all of these things, I have become a life coach (own my own business) and am making changes I never thought would be possible at 48 years old. It's never too late to make a change(s) and love your life ❤ I'm proof. I was that girl daydreaming in kindergarten, forgetting homework and other important tasks/events, diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and shaming myself for 45 years. I no longer believe in the lies I told myself for years. Don't give up, ladies!
It's never too late to love your life! I promise you! 💜🔥💜
I just found it yesterday, at my 43. Absolutely same feelings here, totally overwhelmed. If I knew earlier...Still what a relief to know what's going on at last! Let's work out how to repair the repairable and accept the rest.
@@AngelaSeedorff Hey, what about the daydreaming men?)) Guess we are all in the same boat. Bless you!
Very important also for women to know, menopause can make ADHD worse! That is when I was finally diagnosed although the signs were totally there all my life!
Yes, peri-menopause has exacerbated my adhd terribly
I'm going through this atm I'm 39 my sons recently diagnosed with asd i've been in such a spiral of anxiety and depression (which ive always had but never to this level) I've been getting hot flushes too which are brushed off as the anxiety but I've been reflecting and questioning so many things lately..
Wowsers, sounds like what happened to me...
Our bodies are fascinating it's hard to see the bigger picture if doctors are telling conditional things eg ritalin concerta but for the anxiety some downers at the same time seek natural options all the while are you hot cold healthy unhealthy??!!! Too many things contradicting especially if you have brain uncertainty all the girls/ladies that just got put on sooo many antidepressants etc made to zombies without any thoughts of their future self harm dissociation of the body wrecking beautiful minds horrible overlooking potential
Psychosomatic things ailments also flair up with lady years ❤
I already know I have ADHD and hearing this today is my wake up call. The part about going to the library distracted. I earned a masters and it took my entire energy every day to do assignments and write papers. I never realized it until I did my internship. Thank you for your work to help women.
I liked studying at the library during college.. it was the QUIETEST place in campus.. until the elevators open/closed, groups of ppl started talking etc😵💫😵💫 .. I didn’t figure out until years later( when I went back for my MBA).. that I had TO WEAR EARPLUGS.. to block all the distractions out.. I guess some ppl can listen to music .. I can ONLY listen to very monotone classical music(no singing).. to block out distractions 😳
I was about 40 years old. I was a banker w lots of doctors as clients. One day a retired pediatrician was in my messy office as I struggled to find her file.
I jokingly said “ oh it’s my ADHD acting up again”. She said “you know you have ADHD don’t you?” I said no I was just joking. She said “ you most definitely have it “.
It took several more years to be diagnosed. This was about 20 years ago. However it wasn’t until this week when I started bingeing you tube videos that I can see how it affects every single one of my actions.
To everyone out there struggling- you are not a loser and you you are not alone ❤️
AMEN...I WAS 50 WHEN WAS DIGANOSED X
I’m 62 and recently diagnosed. Hug you all!! Everything is gonna be better!!! Nothing is wrong with us! 🥰🥰🥰
Oh sure that’s another modern theory. ITS HELL. I guess you don’t believe in “labels” either which basically is a diagnosis. Sure your likely an artist but creativity does earn you a living unless your a genius. But go ahead and say there’s nothing wrong with you. Lying to yourself won’t help.
@@dorothywillms115 neither will being bitter and resentful.
@@dorothywillms115iipp
It saddens me to think about all the undiagnosed ppl, especially females who committed s-word thinking they were damaged goods when all they had was ADHD.
just went in to get assessed for this myself, turning 60 this year and tired of working so dang hard to do everything wow
im crying getting off the phone with drs that are trying to help me my Gosh I had no idea before this podcast!! sheesh
Hi Mel, I was diagnosed at age 70. I went to see a psychiatrist after I read Delivered from Distraction. OMG, suddenly my whole life made sense.
I so relate to your comment, it’s my story as well. So good to know we don’t stand alone. 😊
I cried watching this episode! I finally understood my depression and feeling of not being enough with everything I did.
Same!
The more I learn about ADHD, the more I am beginng to think millions of people were misdiagnosed with depression and should have been tested for ADHD. I am beginning to think that depression is a symptom of ADHD and not the root cause for what is going on in our heads. I cried too. For a split second I felt relief that I had a name for how my brain worked and then I cried for all the times I felt stupid and bad about myself and all the opportunities that I missed out on. I cried for how much easier my life and my husband's life would have been if I would have been diagnosed earlier.
I spoke to my ADHD counsellor about it and her response was "Yes, if you were a kid today, teachers would recognize it and you would be diagnosed and get help asap. But when you were a kid, those resources were not available". I didn't feel that was a helpful response, telling someone it is, what it is, is just not helpful. Please know that you are not alone in all of this. Many people are right there with you.
me too.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers (autism spectrum disorder) in early 40s (50 next year) and it explained so much. As time has gone on there is still an unknown factor of something I don't understand, one more puzzle piece. That puzzle piece is Adhd and now just about everything makes sence, the ASD explained most stuff but not every thing. Its a relief as I always feel so horrible and selfish when I'm unable to send a birthday card or gift on time, or be on time even though I stress so much about being late, its just hard to achieve. Thanks so much for this as it has been an eye opener (sad but happy) and explains so much.
Me too
I'm 83 years old and learning so much about who I am and who I was. Life is such an adventure.
When were you? I’m 78 and I know I’ve had ADHD all my life. Mom used to say “teachers would say that if I applied myself …” All the symptoms fit! Do you take medication? I’d love to hear that it’s never too late.
I’m 87 yrs and I always felt like an outsider - I struggled in school but never let anyone know so I just slipped thru the cracks. I was constantly distracted but would try to make myself just do it!! Thanks for you pod cast I will speak to my doctor.
Go for it. Glad you're proactive. God bless. Try going to an integrative doctor, alternative doctor and nutritionist so instead of meds, you're given the option of giving your body missing nutrients. Lack on certain nutrition and replacing them, makes a big difference. God bless and take care.
Good for you! Please ask your doctor about this. I read an honest article about many women undiagnosed adhd in late life becoming forgetful. They can be diagnosed with dementia and the medication for that makes the adhd way worse. Hope you find what you need. Hugs S.
You deserve answers. Good luck.
My heart reaches out to you, Rosemary! Those of us born before 1970 missed the benefit of better insight on learning disabilities or improved teaching methods. OR parents who could think outside of the box and try to find ways to improve a situation for a child. My sister, born in '52, had a terrible childhood due to 2 learning disabilities that led to low self-esteem and 50+ years of trauma and sadness. She did at least stop the drugs and booze in her mid-40's, but still had a tough emotional life of low self-esteem through her elder years... Only a few years ago did she start feeling happier. I hope your own happiness will grow larger every day! Blessings to you, Rosemary!
I'm 78 and never diagnosed. but strugglesd d
I went to law school and graduated at 50. Found out about ADHD when had trouble passing bar. Did pass and became a criminal defense attorney also. Am of course still dealing with this crap. You're right about the lost generation. Thank you for this podcast. Be kinder to yourself. You are so worthy of being loved by you.
I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, but I think it should be ADHD instead. It’s just that when I was younger, schizophrenia was a hyper trigger diagnosis. I have written two books. I am on page 149 on my third. I am tired of hearing my friends tell me how smart they are. I don’t think it’s wise. Maybe I should say that I don’t want to be your friend anymore because you have sharing problems with how smart you are. I simply don’t want to hear it. With my thirty years of working, there is no reason for jealousy. It’s just that there are lots of insensitive people around who don’t care about other people’s feelings.
Good for you for accomplishing so much later in life, with ADHD no less!
Congratulations on passing the Bar. That’s no easy feat for anyone especially for someone dealing with ADD/ADHD. So, kudos to you!!
How are you a lawyer with ADHD? I got terrible grades in school, but I did not feel dumb. Sometimes I felt smarter than others. Just not academically, or when being taught/instructed with something.
Congratulations
My boyfriend made a flippant comment to me at 25 years old that I had adhd. Took me a minute to realize he was being serious. Talked to a psychiatrist and was officially diagnosed a few months later. So many things all of a sudden made sense. I thought I just sucked at being a responsible adult cause I just wasnt good enough. The more I learn, the more I realize so many things about myself are related to the adhd. Girls are also really good at masking and developing coping systems to hide symptoms, especially if they are intelligent. I never could manage to do my homework and was always scrambling the night before a project was due, but I could still ace a test like nothing and so I managed to keep all As and Bs. So no one ever noticed while I was growing up, that I was just a constant hot mess and barely holding my shit together day in and day out
Omg yes! I always thought I just worked better under pressure 😊
How beautiful it is to read comments that show me I am not alone nor crazy.
❤
I feel you!
I am 47 just diagnosed with adhd
Only have primary school
No drivers license
My IQ test was so high when i was 11 that my parents need 2 come 2 school.
My sister did everything you can think of in school.
Studies, work, more studies, buying houses.. learned many language.
And me, i couldn't write, spel, focus or anything.
Went out the house at 15.. alcohol, drugs boyfriends bla bla bla ... 1000 jobs, never money and whwn i had money it was gone in a day😮
Now i know because of all the problems i had and didn't know it was adhd ... i have also bpd.
Next week my meditation will start and afther that the program dialectical therapy.
I hope one day there will be peace ❤
Goodluck and love from Amsterdam
I completely relate. But the last minute thing gets harder as you get older. I'm almost 40 now and have been affected by long covid so I don't have the same stamina so relying on adrenaline to get me through isn't really a viable option. It's a tough combination of conditions. I'm still waiting for an assessment (UK NHS) so am technically undiagnosed but I know I have ADHD. It's good you found out whilst still relatively young, but you still had years of not knowing and self criticism that could have been helped if you'd known sooner. Best wishes 💗
Omg same!!!!!!!!! Diagnosed at 30 yesterday! And I am exactly like you describe yourself
Mel just summarized 35yrs of my life in 1hr and I’m crying. I agree that many women may be suffering out there by the mere fact that the possibility of ADHD is overlooked. Kudos to Mel for providing such great information and awareness to the public.I was living what appeared to be a successful life with a high paying job but the frustration and self loathing just kept snowballing the more I lived my life. Blaming everything as a character flaw is real. I felt completely exhausted, helpless, and hopeless to the point I was having constant suicidal inner dialogue. After multiple incorrect diagnoses and some tens of thousands spent in therapy later, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD last year and it has been life changing.
21 and found out I have inattentive adhd. late everywhere, can’t follow through with anything, daydream for hours, dropped my college classes 3 semesters in a row, switch to a new job every month. began to feel like a complete disappointment.
this is so helpful and I can finally make changes in my life. thanks so much Ms. Robbins!! 💕
My husband just got diagnosed with Inattentive ADD last week. He's 58😢. So sad for him that it came so late.
I am so happy for you to now know about this.
Hugs to you Celeste!!! I'm 57 and just now starting to realize I must have this or some form of it.
I have and am learning little tricks to overcome my ADHD issues after a lifetime of struggles. I went back to college after dropping out 30 years ago and graduated with honors! Ride the wave, baby! Big believer in CBT. Changed my now 62 year old life!
Now, I know!
Same
Thanks Mel, I am 54 years old and never been diagnosed but I know I have it. Did poor in school, could never focus I just thought I was dumb. But yet I am a business owner and can focus on going after what I want for the most part. The down fall is I don’t let myself relax I go go go and have to keep myself busy or I am not happy. I get very frustrated with myself all the time if I am not super women!
@ᴍᴇʟ ʀᴏʙʙɪɴs What is this?
Me too Christine- After 6pm I am not liking life. I don't know what to do? I try and watch TV with my husband and we can never find anything to help me stop my brain. I ask myself why can't I just be happy not doing:)
Same here... successful business owner... now retired (51)... I'm really struggling and drinking way to much.... this is my wake up call 🤙
Hi Mel, I'm 71 and never been diagnosed but have known for a long time that this is what I've has. Life has been a roller-coaster! Not easy at all, ever but I somehow figured out how to get things done. I have worked in the social field for about 40 years, battered women, the elderly, the sick and dying, the handicapped, teaching yoga (also teaching yoga in a men's prison), and the last 15 years in a shelter for teenagers. I've always tried to help people find their full potential but never found their own.
I am 75 years old and after watching this, am in tears over how different my messed up life would have been. Every single word you said describes me to a T.
Thank you so much!
It's overwhelming to have this realization that this has been your 'problem' your whole life. How much different our lives could have been.
I'm 52 and feel the same way.. described me to a T !
Ditto.
I was just officially diagnosed with ADHD and I am about to be 37. I am a recovery addict and alcoholic and just recently celebrated 16 years clean and sober. I reflect on my life and so relate to what you said about mourning. I am so very grateful to be officially diagnosed after many years of trying to get the assessment. The medication has been life changing. I have been in therapy for 16 years and will continue ❤to
Congratulations on your sobriety. Great job!!
I'm 37 I was sober for 10 years from alcoholism and been in counseling ever since I was a kid and this was the first time they recommended ADHD testing and psychological testing last year. I can relate good luck keep up the good work. It's so relieving when you finally find out what the real problem is.
I'm 43 ... I have 2 and a half years sober ... and I think im adhd ... idk I think I need to try meds or something...
@@Rockers1121 I am working on getting sober now and trying to work up the courage to see a doctor about testing me for ADHD. Trying to get sober first so they don't blame any of my issues on the alcohol use.
@@katiezellar4956 .. my sobriety is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It took a few tries to figure out that I couldn't stop on my own. I went and got help. I went to a 12 step group and followed direction and it worked for me. ... it's not an easy route to go but it worked for me when nothing else would. I wish you the best ! There is help out there ! You are not alone.
Nothing is wrong with you. As she said, dopamine seeking and addictive behaviors are common. Binge drinking and other types of substance use disorder is so common for people with untreated ADHD! I didn’t know that I had undiagnosed ADHD until I was 2 years sober. I’ve studied it in depth now and realized how extremely common it is. Please get evaluated if this is you. I always thought something was wrong with me. There is hope and help available. Sending all of you love! ❤ Thank you, Mel!
When she said “I felt so incompetent “, I started to cry. I am part of the lost generation. I was very high functioning and outwardly successful - until I became a mom. 😢
Why until you became a mom?
I am 16 months into motherhood. I fully feel like I’ve been able to cope pretty well until recently.
Omg, yes.
Yep, my many, many coping mechanisms started to fall apart with kid #2 especially. Working on getting a diagnosis now at age 40 after my first was diagnosed AuDHD. It explains my entire life.
@@MommaBeeb I bet you are a good mom though. Trust me I do not say this often.
Thank you. I was 55 years old when I was diagnosed with ADHD. like you, I suffered😮 self-esteem, self-loathing, depression, and anxiety for many years.
I just turned 50 and diagnosed .
Must be tough…
I am 58 and just realizing that I have ADHD and now a lot of things about my life make sense.
I’m 27 and just got properly diagnosed with ADHD, but I have known for about 3 years. When I started this journey it answered all the questions I’d had for my entire life, it answered the why to my struggles. I found out years ago that my mom had been advised by my kindergarten teacher to get me looked at because she thought I could have ADHD, but my mom never did. And I feel the same way, that my life would be a lot more different if I’d been diagnosed earlier. I do believe I have become the advocate and voice box for these issues with my family though, because I believe at least 2 of my younger siblings also have adhd. My parents aren’t bad people, they just grew up in a different mindset and we’ve worked together and fought each other for the past 4 or 5 years to gain this knowledge, it took time for them to see, but I’m just grateful we can have conversations now and work on healing together.
I'm not officially diagnosed ADHD but my psychiatrist suspects I am. I've always struggled from hormonal migraines and even with my medicine, it's hard for me to focus at work if I start getting blind spots and the dull ache is still there. I always feel terrible because when I have a flare up, I have to leave work early, and I start to feel like I'm slacking and get anxious that I'II lose my job.
I have both adhd and autism, I feel like I'm going through hell most of the time.
I'm wondering if your Psych has suggested trying the CBD oil, I have had great success using the full spectrum cbd for a few months now and it's amazing, my daughter is using the cbd gummies works well for us.
@@vanettareimerstl8248 Autism is often marked by co occurring
ADHD. Got my ADHD diagnosis at 29 and at 31 1 notice the autism, lots of pills with side effects,hospitals etc..still didn't get the help i need no matter how hard i try , it’s very frustrating. I live in UK ,anyway you could help on how to get a cbd around or an online store ?
@@wilsonjennings323 Look up albovegateway
....On Instagram, I get mine from them, it's very inspirational that you have been strong and have been pushing through. I'm Sending lots of love positive energy.
Thank you for bringing this full circle.
I’ve always sworn I was ADHD/OCD but I’ve never discussed with a physician and would you believe I’ve worked in hospitals for 30 years.
I have all 6 on the list. I also have one other that wasn’t mentioned and that is that I talk non stop. I just learnt that from a Doctor on TH-cam.
I’ve been telling myself to see a doctor because the older I get the worse I get.
I’m at my worst with overspending, disorganization, anxiety, depression blah blah. I talk down to myself constantly annoying my family and friends. I tell myself to SHUT UP but my brain won’t shut down.
One great thing is I am very creative but then I’m still never good enough.
So THANK YOU … I’m making an appointment because I’m 65 and I’d like to REST in a more normal state of mind for the days I have left on planet earth.
Omg..this is me
@@DAVEMYZTIKAL
Of course she talks to herself! 😂 That's how she knows what she's thinking!
Also, she does need good advice sometimes.
At least, those are things I've told *my*self. 😮
I definitely recognise myself in a big way i want sooo much to get help .im 68 and still going worse i know i MUSTdo this for myself with your brilliant help Mel you are so good for doing your podcasts free for people like myself im a carer for my daughter so im on a restricted budget....so a big THANK YOU Mel you light up the way forward every day for me.😁
I know you posted this over a year ago but it hits home. How are you doing now? I was diagnosed quite awhile back but finally bit the bullet and accepted medication. Wish I would have sooner because it has helped so much. I also match the 6 and talk a lot. Also think I have mild OCD because when I clean it's never good enough. Not OCD where I have to make it perfect now but it weighs on me. Now that I'm on meds I still talk more than most but I don't interrupt nearly as much, I can focus (sometimes almost too much so I have to be mindful of time) and that leads into being on time more. Basically it's because I actually think about it and set time to leave instead of doing everything on a whim. Anyway, a lot of similar issues so I figured I would ask how you were doing. Hope all is well and I hear back
I was lucky to be born in 2003 and knew I had adhd since I was about 9. I’ve had years to master it, learn to help it and control it, and use it for things I need. Still, I had two drs refuse to treat me over the years because women don’t have adhd! I’m sorry to you guys, who were undiagnosed for most of your lives. I love you ladies!
This means so much. Thank you for your generosity of spirit. ❤
You are very lucky you got diagnosed in the 2000's. I was born in 1981 and was diagnosed at 6 years old. At that time, they didn't know as much as they know now. I have some pretty gnarly stories from school, especially elementary school.
One of my sons is three years younger than you, and was diagnosed at six with ADHD and ASD. (Around 2012.) I just now, at 40, received my diagnosis. It took jumping through so many hoops to even get them to test me, and I've presented strong symptoms since I was a toddler. It's a shame they waited until I was old enough to have high blood pressure, because now I can't take stimulants.
Also, those doctors failed you deeply, and I am so incredibly sorry you were forced to go through this. Medical gaslighting of women is a severely overabundant threat. I have some choice words for doctors who do this, and none of them can be typed here without the TH-cam timeout chair being used.
Thankyou❤️
At the age of 63 I have had relationships blow up around me many times from what I now know is ADHD. I have had a lot of success in my life with being a great problem solver and creative. My daughter was diagnosed and pointed it out to me a while ago... but the light bulbs have really just come on about how much this has impacted my life. How much shame I have carried with me from a young age due to my siblings and parents not understanding me... and what I have passed on by not understanding my son and daughter who were both ADHD. There is such a stigma with my generation about "using labels" as excuses for our behavior. This is the start of my journey. Just beginning to explore and learn. Thanks Mel for the great podcast.
You described me with the office job. The feeling I have from working behind a desk was like doing time in jail. I currently work outside and love it
Same! I can't sit at a desk for longer than an hour.
Ohhhh WOW! I am not alone. I need a active career move.. 🙏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
No way I could have a desk job..... How can someone sit all. day
I have a desk job so I can relate. My conclusion is being sat at a desk all day and not moving is not natural. We weren’t designed to sit all day. Secondly, it is highly possible that desk jobs are just fucking boring and have nothing to do with ADHD. I do my job because it pays well. Nothing else.
I was diagnosed a few months ago at age 55. I am struggling with forgiving myself for all of my “failures” in life. Thank you very much for this video.
@lifewithmelaniebthat’s exactly how I feel. Like a loser compared to a very successful brother.
I am sure 3 of my 4 children feel this way about their older sibling (female) who has HER head on straight and they are scattered - like me.
Thank you for this information it is me 100%……. I’m overwhelmed 😂and grateful for this information I MENTALLY don’t know what to do next. My issue for 50 years now 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I just want to finish/ accomplish SOMETHING in my life😭
Literally my story!
@@desireemoore3809Talk to a doctor if you’re able to. I’m 55 and currently take Adderall and Hydroxyzine. I used to be on Wellbutrin and Zoloft and still didn’t finish my Master’s degree with only 2 courses left smh.
@desireemoore3809 I thought that I was the loser of my family next to my very successful brother as long as I can remember but never said it out loud. I always thought something was wrong with me. Until I did alot of work around self-judgement and accepting myself. Still, hearing someone else say the thing I have thought secretly for years makes me feel less alone and more understood. Thank you 💜
You and me both
Mel, I am male. I define adhd, as an extreme difficulty in controlling focus, not an inability to focus, very much like you said, characterized by both hyper & hypofocus...leading to an assault on ego & especially self esteem. You described the mechanics & a lot of the characteristics very well. I am 56. I was diagnosed in my 30s. When I asked my daughter's school to test her for adhd, they guilted & shamed me & accused me of trying to medicate behavioral problems. I knew my daughter could overcome the concentration issues. It was the assault on self esteem I wanted to stop. I understood this strictly from personal experience, people constantly laughing, joking, making fun, report cards, notes on homework (if I turned it in), saying "Marcus has so much potential...but he won't apply himself. If he would try, if he would work... oh how wonderfully he would do & be" Meanwhile, I was working 10x harder than anyone else, just getting less results. I value your talk. It was very good. But, I can't understand how anyone could think that just because a boy is bouncing off the wall (I certainly was) that he is nor also simultaneously beating the pure Hell out of himself for under achieving, & constantly being called lazy or as my first wife said "mentally lazy). When you work harder for less, you can't help, male or female, but think you are stupid or defective. I just want you to know that everything you said about girls is also true about boys + the visible. I am glad you are pointing out that girls are under diagnosed & under-rated, leading to "horrendous" outcomes. I just want you to know that even though it is more visible & recognized in boys, it is still internalized, still creates massive anxiety and if untreated or unsuccessfully treated also leads to horrible outcomes for boys as well. Ps. I have also been grateful for adhd. I credit my ability to think critically & independently to being a birthright outcast. I may have coined the term. Probably not. Being inherently unable to fit in, we are somewhat relieved of the pressure to conform or not to conform for that matter. Already outcast there is nothing to fear in thinking for ourselves. Just another benefit, perhaps my favorite. Your talk was great. I just wanted you to know that it described me nearly as well as it described me. The diagnosis, at first had a negative effect. It further undermined my confidence. I had returned to grad school. I was already struggling mightily, but getting by through Herculean end of semester feats. Then K had a diagnosis, something wrong with me. It was hard before, now I have to do it with a defective brain. At first I couldn't see the benefits. Yes, I have had problems with alcohol, school, work, RELATIONSHIPS...rage. Thank you for your work. It's important
I’m only 23 but I ruined my life due to a crazy spiral of self pity not understanding what’s wrong with me. This has helped me so much today and I am ready to get help. Thank you so much for opening up and not making me feel crazy.
Hunnie im 56 i was diagnosed witj ADHD AT 50 IV HAD ALL MY LIFE....get diagnoed by your docter
Oh. My. God. You just explained ADHD way better than I ever could. I was diagnosed in 2016 with combined type ADHD in the 99th/100th percentile. I was 28 years old then. I am now 35 and medicated, but my symptoms have gotten worse in the past 5 years. My executive dysfunction has caused hoarding-like clutter and destroyed my relationship with my spouse, who doesn’t believe in ADHD. In searching for videos to explain it better than I can as a last attempt, I found yours. Amazing! Thank you so much.
Peace be with you
I'm a pro organizer with adhd. If you can get your home 100% organized, it makes maintaining much easier and not overwhelming. Hope this helps.
My hoarding has become worse and worse...ymthus explains so much...
Hey, take a look at the minerals that your medication uses in your body, adhd meds are connected to lower zinc, magnesium, and omega3. All of which actually lower adhd symptoms, now take in the fact that these minerals are naturally deficient with those that are adhd, and add medication; which uses them. If your symptoms are worse, most likely, you are extremely low on certain minerals that your medication uses to work properly. What a rant🤣🤣🤣, yes I am diagnosed with adhd by a professional. Thats crazy, I almost never comment on anything. But if you see this after 8 months, check out those minerals. And talk to your pcp before taking them.
My executive functioning with clutter is a huge issue. I'm a high performer at work but not home. I find my clutter issue overwhelming and it impacts significantly on my family. I find putting wireless headphones on listening to podcasts of interest while I declutter helpful. Give it a try. You forget your focused on cleaning and become productive. ❤
I love it. My life got much worse after grad school. I was seriously thinking I had early onset dementia. For several years, I worried and suffered in silence. Scared to death of what was happening. I was diagnosed about 10 months ago at 54yoa.
I felt like this too❤
The problem with going to your primary doctor is that you may be met with resistance! I’m a 71 year old undiagnosed ADHD person who has gone to about 8 different doctors who said I was crazy for wanting to be tested! Too tired to continue looking! I just drink my potful of coffee each morning and make my check off lists to get through my life!! I’m happy for you Mel that you were able to find someone to listen to you! My son was diagnosed by a pediatric psychologist 37 years ago. That therapist told me that I had it and was using my coffee as my Ritalin. No one wanted to test me because back then adult therapist wouldn’t be paid for the services!
Self diagnosis & coffee is completely valid. Sorry you've had such awful experiences. It took complete burnout for me to get diagnosed so well done for holding out despite being less to manage on your own.
I was 85 when I discovered that I have ADHD. Whenever I mentioned it to my primary care doctor I got a dementia test. At least they decided that I do not dementia. They don't think l have ADHD but some kind of anxiety. Anti anxiety medication turned me into a zombie. Am not on medication but am addicted to working jigsaws and playing solitaire on my phone. Have no patience for things I'm not interested in and have been scatter brained all my life.
I hear you 😢
Wow, Iam a 70yr old women. Mel, I just found you on TH-cam. I subscribed and am looking forward to hear you talk about this suject.
I had, a mild breakdown several years ago. Went to see a psychologist was told by him I have ADHD. Shocked to learn at my then age adults have this. He put me on a med, which was not ritland. Can't remember the name, but for the 1st time in my life I was able to focus. But I had side affects, terrible headaches. So I quit them. Never went back to that Dr nor saw anybody else to get more tests or some other kind of meds.
Any ways, I am seeing a Behavioral counselor and a Dr who hopefully can get me on a course of the combination of meds, long story, and therapy.
I feel that I need a MRI of my head and a Dr who can properly diagnose me. I need help, what kind of Dr should I go to to be diagnosed so I can get the help I've felt I've needed most of my life.
Marlamae
Sorry forbyour experience Patricia. So far woth my experience a diagnosis isn't doing me much good anyway. They're trying to medicate, but I'm not having the ah ha moment that many describe, and the sife affects keep moving me to different meds. (Trying Vyvanse now)
Watch the allies of the field and do your own research for methods and skills that help you. As adults the treatment and teaching that happens for kids is not there, so to me it feels like a journey of self discovery of what works with the help of the internet more so then therapists. Good luck!
I’m so glad I found this episode Mel! I got diagnosed at 45 years old and it was like a light came on and so many of my destructive behaviors began to make sense. So much of this is taboo in the African American household. We don’t talk about it, this is a “white folks” disease or problem. Their kids are bad YOU’RE not. Stop getting in trouble and just PAY ATTENTION in school it’s not that hard. And so much more…Especially the video game addiction I had when I was young. Thank you for bringing more attention to this disorder. No I’m not stupid, no I’m not a bad person, a bad Mother, a bad spouse or a bad person. And yes I can still be successful even though I have this. Appreciate you Sis!! This was GREAT!! You definitely have a new subscriber in me. 😊
Got diagnosed at 52. My whole life was a f*cking struggle! And now I know why. So, re-building a life at 53 years old is hard, and exciting!
Got my diagnoses today ! Combined adhd with complex ptsd… . I remember when I was 12 years old my dad took me to a counselor because I had anxiety with panic attacks … I now know this is when my adhd began. They just said she is depressed and doesn’t deal with change. 57 years old and I begin meds tomorrow. Thank you! This episode I have watched more than twice ❤
Candace I have severe depression and PTSD but I believe I have ADHD and I don't know what to do
@@Nancy-ki6ky it took me two years for someone to listen to me ! I put myself in counseling during that time my mother passed away tragically … I finally told the therapist please find me someone to test me … I found a nurse practitioner that specializes in adhd especially in woman … she had adhd and her 60 s … I just had to keep pushing and looking for the right person to talk to and understand what I was feeling … I didn’t want meds as a quick fix I wanted someone to listen and explain my racing thoughts and short attention span… sadly we have to advocate for our own mental health !!!! Prayers you find your answers soon … but never give up!!! I research everyday !
Hey Mel I'm 62. Last week I told someone that my brain is like a washing machine on full spin 24/7. I also have Fibromyalgia & ME so have that to contend with as well. Thank you for this. I've thought for a while that I have ADHD. Now I'm convinced that I do! I used to work with Special Needs students in a high school. 99% of my students were boys. Peace & love from across the pond ❤🇬🇧
I was diagnosed at 42. Made everything in my life suddenly make sense. I just felt like so much time, so many years of struggle were wasted.
Thank you! I am crying again. My ADHD has brought me so much pain, mostly from people misunderstanding me and shaming me. You are perfectly describing my journey. I am 73. For 15 years of my life, I was so aided by ritalin in raising my children alone, and looking like a good valuable employee. I have been shamed off of the ritalin in my later years, and I am so suffering from Adhd again. You have given me the courage to again try to get this stigmatized help. I love you
Whoever shamed you off what made you successful are people you should shame back by the turnaround going back on your meds will do for you. Dont tell them at first😅. Have fun letting them admire the changes and then blast them with the reason.
People who 'shame' probably do not deserve to know which way your going. And have proved they dint understand.
It's your mind, body and your choices, for you.
Let them admire or shame, from more of a distance.
And, frankly, when it comes to medicine, who in our life should be privy or privileged enough to know about that, except mostly our doctor. And if it is a doctor, well, they did not understand this patient and what was required for their treatment.
People 'outside' of you/ourselves always have an opinion or thoughts and some very well meaning. But at the end of the day, you are in charge and taking care of you. You're plan and thoughts always trump.
@ellenjordan7525 something I'm growing from in my ADHD is releasing the people pleasing and it's so freeing. You're going to offend people regardless what choices you make (especially in today's culture) so you might as well just be you and choose what you know is best for yourself. I believe in you and am rooting for you ❤
God Bless..
I am 73 and I was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago. I am struggling.
My life would have been so much better if I would have known. Made better decisions.
I’m 73 and diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. Yet, Mel’s description of ADHD seems to fit real well. Thank you, Mel. I’m going to work with my medical team to see what else I can do. I have already been told the medication is probably not an option due to other medical issues.
72 and my doctor allowed me to try some Adderall. I finished a painting the very first time I took it. I seldom to complete anything and have at least 3 to 4 projects on the go at all times. It felt good to hear somebody else say the things I’ve always been thinking.
Wow. I'm a 61 year old man who was diagnosed on my 50th birthday when I finally asked the right person " what the hell is wrong with me?!?!". Adhd has taken a huge toll on my life. I now have stage 4 copd from.m decades of tobacco dependence and drug addiction. I feel like it's just too late for me to get much benefit from being diagnosed other than the relief of getting an answer. I'm not just crazy, the root of my problems has a name and now I understand. The negative self talk is so ingrained now though I don't have much hope of.changing.
I'm certain people have already suggested therapy, and it can help, it's nice to have someone else help you catch the bad habits because it makes it easier for you to see how to fix it.
But, also, therapy isn't very well designed for men. So if you decide you want to try to get a therapist get one that can talk to you and adapt to alexythymia. Men are a lot more likely to have it, "male normative alexythymia" is what it's called. And it comes from years and years of men being told not to cry and to be tough and people being surprised that men like cute animals too. That stuff all builds up inside you. So, a good therapist (probably a guy, but some women can be pretty good too), can help you not obly catch the thoughts, but also learn how to know when the feelings are coming, and it's so useful for the therapy.
And it's worthwhile for you to do it obviously for yourself, but also For any younger family you have, but even for the people on the internet you might meet.
Dr. K is a good place to start for a lot of younger guys, but is probably pretty good for you too, and I like Patrick teahan a lot too. He helps with trauma a lot, which you probably have at least a little.
Watch Dr. Joe Dispenza. He's repetitive,(deliberately because he's about helping reprogram), but I did his meditations and the results were good and haven't lessened much in the two years since, but I definitely have to do it again. My health is much better, and my negative voices are much quieter and more immediately noticed and dealt with.
Thank you @@user-fi9vt5tt3jI appreciate you sharing that with me.
@@steggopotamusthanks for the feedback
That is totally m e I am 66 diagnosed late 40s all of this is helpful but my people close to me have no idea about all this they just think I'm f----- up lazy and just not responsible not dependable ...... that I can controll but don't want to so ........
I am a doctoral candidate for a Psych Ph.D. and I didnt even think about ADHD for myself until my son was diagnosed. It made SO much sense and all the horrible feelings I had about myself would have been avoided if I had parents that had thought to have me tested along with my younger brother. My oldest just had his neuro testing and we're testing our youngest just to know if we need to give him extra help. Just in case. Neuro testing SHOULD be covered by insurance and it isn't in many cases, and it prohibits many parents and adults from getting the understanding we need.
I resonate with what you said so very much! My story is similar. Still trying to find help for my son. It’s makes my head spin!
I started to cry. This is . I also am a lawyer and nurse and don’t know how the hell I made it through. Every symptom you listed, I have. The things I’ve done for a dopamine rush, quite embarrassed about some of it. I’m 58. What a waste of a life. I hope it gets better from here. A simple thank you is not enough for this enlightening formation. My grandson on medication for it, but I believe my daughter, granddaughter and I all have it. I work night shift as a nurses because I could never shut the noise out during the day. I spent a lot of my free time at home doing the work I couldn’t get done during working hours. Thank you from the bottom of my head. I’m so grateful I stumbled upon your podcast today!
So glad you’re covering this topic! I’m a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADHD & I’ve seen the devastating effects when ADHD is missed or misdiagnosed.
People are always surprised to learn that adult adhd diagnosis & treatment was NOT taught in med school until very recently (if at all). In fact, not covered in many psychiatry residency programs.
As you so correctly point out, undiagnosed/treated - it will inevitably lead to anxiety &/or depression. Men are also deeply impacted, as are marriages. My hope is that with education & advocacy the world will gladly accommodate ADHD brains so they can be the innovators & creatives they naturally are.
How does a person go about getting diagnosed? I was in my doctor's office in tears and was told, "don't seek a diagnosis," and that just confuses the hell out of me.
I don’t have any gold
Please play around and bought
Thank you
@@roxannafultz9386Change doctors or seek a D.O. (Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine). My D.O. treats everything from my ADHD & Anxiety to my Asthma and High Blood Pressure.
51 here diagnosed at 43. Thank you for addressing adhd. I wish I had been diagnosed when I was young. It took a huge toll on my self worth, self esteem, future relationships and direction in life’s purpose. Knowing myself better now allows myself to extend grace and love to my younger and present self.
Diagnosed at 36 (last Nov) and it explained EVERYTHING I struggled with since the age of 12. I am now thriving for the first time in my life. And now I can help my daughter avoid so many struggles I had to go through. SO SO thankful for a work colleague who mentioned for me to look into it and for you, Mel, to share this education with others.
You are talking about me … clutter ,dates, appointments , being late… feeling anxiety , depression … all of that. Your experience is empowering and so vulnerable . Bless you
I was diagnosed when I was 35. It changed my life knowing what was "wrong with me".
I still feel like I have a lot more to learn. I would love more episodes about Everything ADHD! Thank you Mel❤
It is like finding the missing puzzle piece. I do hate hearing 'you should just x, y, z' from my mother...and I try to do my best as a mother or whatever. And she lacks sympathy entirely. So I keep a lot to myself and don't divulge much to her. But I do wonder what life would have been like had I had medicine back in the day.
@@KS-un3pi❤I don't want to take pills.
Thanks for sharing, Mel. I was diagnosed as ADHD combined in 2019 at 53yo. Then further assessed as an Aspie 2 years later in 2021. The relief and understanding that that gave me was profound and has led to a great deal of understanding and acceptance of myself. BUT it also cam along with an extreme amount of grief about what my life could have been with a diagnosis and support as a younger person. The battering that my self esteem has taken over a lifetime of being intelligent enough to do anything I want to as a career, but not managing to use my time well partially due to executive function difficulties, as well as time blindness, rock bottom self confidence, and difficulties knuckling down and just doing 'The Thing' that my brain doesn't have any interest in. I have focus ability in spades on anything that interests me - why exactly is this diagnosis called 'attention deficit'?? I only have a deficit of attention when I'm not interested in it!
Thanks Mel for shining a light on this less well-known challenge, particularly for adult women who are often gaslight about their challenges.
@@KS-un3pi for me, diagnosed young, my mother had me try various medication. ritalin left me with a permanent dislike for it. looking back... i think i was on too high of a dose. dry mouth, no hunger at all, little to no desire for playing or human interaction... and got straights As in all my classes with near perfect scores on my tests. my mother thankfully saw me not being myself, a lifeless husk of the energetic playful kid i was. she took me off. im grateful to her for this. might have had to repeat a few years in school but with lots of help, i did it, and still got to be me. years later, 33, living on my own not able to hold relationships, messy apt, impulsive spending habbits, lots of started long term goals with no one completed or having any kind of progress and having the complete inability to make my all over the place thoughts shut up for just a moment.. i decided to go back on medication, said i wanted to start low dose. wad given concerta. i figured all these years learning to cope and having systems, a little help may be all i need. the very first day was this recent saturday. an hour or two after i took it, i just sat there, calm, realizing... there was silence. almost like a loud fan that had always been on making a ton off noise, was turned off. i sat there for about an hour or so, just in shock. i was in shock, because i never realized it was a problem. it was normal to me to hear that inner voice of mine rambling on about something. sometimes many topics at once. i didn't know it was possible to clear out thought like that...
@Zalibidas
What a revelatory experience for you! May you continue to find what works for you on a daily basis. At 42, I finally found someone who recognized ADHD in the description of my issues. Now two decades later, I have many methods including medication that help me accept and work with the ways this diagnosis can manifest.
Best is using compassion and humor to lighten those self-judgemental thoughts. It’s a process but I’m much more joyful! Best to you!
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age of 44. Single mom, no job….i felt grief about my ex life in a way. That i have realized that my huge love broke up sadness was ADHD not real feelings. All my panick attacks, all my insomnia.. I cannot say i did have a bad life, adhd people can be successfull. But having kids with ADHD is disaster for this type of brain. All woman our there with ADHD - it wont be easy, take care of your physical body first, your vitamins, supplements, long walks, breathing and meditations. It cannot treat but it can make your life easier. I feel you ADHD people out there- you are not alone…❤
I'm 54. My son has ADHD. I have always been so focused on him that I never realized that I have it myself. When I mentioned to him that I think I may have it, he said, "Duh, you really didn't know that you have ADHD?" He's 19. He thought that I knew it. But so many of the things that you said kind of surprised me. I thought those things were normal. Eye opener. I just subscribed. Thank you for doing this.
I was finally diagnosed by my therapist at 49, only a year or less ago. I feel the same way, "what's wrong with me?" An old friend once said to me why are you 48 and you don't have your life together? I didn't know any of what you're saying until today and all fits in and make sense perfectly. Thank you! 😊
"Friend" seems like a generous term for someone who'd make a comment like that! 🙃So glad you finally got diagnosed and are finding answers.
Wishing you a smashing second act! : - )
And I cried at the "unable to control emotions." I hated myself for my "anger issues". And, while I've heard of "disregulated emotions " this is the first time it's been personalized so I could really understand and feel what it means. Thank you, again! Now I am sharing this with my granddaughters (both have ADHD,though no official diagnosis because of money...why is health-care in this country so damned expensive?!) parents.
I’m a 62 yr old female - why am I just finding out (I hit all the criteria you & other women talk about) I have this?!
Been on meds for depression & anxiety for 25 yrs (3 months off them now). After a car accident(5 yrs ago), concussion & tbi much of my “symptoms” have doubled & after getting no support from drs etc I started researching this year & started seeing late life adhd videos.
I’m a mess & now am seeing I’ve had this my ENTIRE LIFE! It’s just much worse now! I’m unpacking this all right now. Thank you so much for making these TH-cam videos!
I’m so emotional watching this. I’ve carried so much shame all these years. I want help I need help. My orchestra hasn’t stopped in YEARS!! I can’t sleep can’t function or enjoy my life anymore.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. You are amazing . I might find help. I had given up on drs & therapy.
I just downloaded the book your mentioned. Thank you! I have hope for first time in YEARS!
Lost generation of women 🙋🏻♀️
💯 percent with you 😮
OMG!!!!! THIS IS ME!!!!!! I have been struggling since I was 11 years old, anxiety , depression, I have done tons of internal work, therapy, readying, educating myself....but THIS IS ME!! I feel like you've just released me from prison. Thank you! OMG, it's life changing. And I'm so desperately sad that I've wasted so much of my life. Could you please do more podcasts on natural stimulants and how you treat it????
I can so relate, just got official dx last January, at age 63. You must get official dx, then decide on med or natural. I'm anti-Pharma, but, man, Vyvanse is life-changing for me. Don't mourn the wasted years: we learned how amazing we can be, and we understand why we fell short. The older we get the dx, the less time we have for regrets. You are a mere newborn in your new life...start walking!
There is NO natural stimulant. You MUST be professionally diagnosed, preferably a psychiatrist because they are the ones who prescribe correct meds. Just do it. You will not regret it.
Kratum
I feel every exclamation point. Hugs for your heart.
Diagnosed at 58. It took a good year to forgive myself for the emotional breakdowns, the opportunities lost by overwhelm, the loss of friendships, and the financial struggles I never could shake. My generation of women was the most significant population to attend college, get into management, and be career-oriented. My friends breezed through the challenges and I struggled so much that I became bulimic for many years. I had so much talent, but could not navigate the rejections. I am so happy that younger women are being diagnosed early and getting help. There were so many of us who were put into a box and called "too much". Thanks for this episode Mel. It helped with the continued healing.
Glad to hear this. PROFOUNDLY underdiagnosed. A doc did a study in Colorado at a women's prison and found that if they treated them for ADHD, repeat offenders then stayed out of prison, were able to hold consistent jobs, and dumped bad partners. When they were "rehabilitated" for their crimes, they kept coming back and ending up in the same (usually abusive & on/off) unhealthy relationships. Apparently one of the major contributing symptoms was that women were ending up with partners who they would do anything for, but the partners would treat them like they were dispensable. I think another was that they were misdiagnosed with bipolar but the bipolar meds weren't doing anything. Crazy, huh. More sane than only diagnosing little boys with it, but still crazy
Mi Vida Loco! I wasn't truly diagnosed with ADHD until about 3 years ago. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder with depression and anxiety, and was treated for these. I've found a wonderful psychiatrist who took the time to have me tested and to listen to my answers from situations I had found myself in.
The county I was living in refused to help either my mother or myself. (She and I purchased a home together in July of 2016.)
By the Fall of 2018, we were both exhausted and went looking at Assisted Living Facilities in the area.
We found the perfect one and she loved the location. It was on the ground floor, had a huge picture window overlooking a grassy courtyard that we could put her bird feeders in front of so she could watch them.
There's so much that happened to us that belongs in a deposition, not what should be listed here.
The entire county system was cahoots with each other.
I contacted several attorneys which all told me I had a case and our rights had been violated. However, since they were small firms, they would need a minimum of $20,000 to start with.
I'm a disabled 64 year old woman living on $1,0xx per month so very unattainable for me.
Two different firms in or near the Twin City area told me they no longer get involved with Crow Wing County because "the corruption in that county is so deep, it just doesn't pay to send attorneys there anymore."
I've been told by a few friends to watch "I Care Alot" but as of yet I haven't.
I'm just wondering if you have any attorney connections in Minnesota that may want to take this on.
Laws have been broken with no regard to professional ethics or any consequences for their actions.
Hoping you may know someone who would be interested in taking this on. Nearly $500,000 that should have never been taken out of my Special Needs Trust or property probated.
If you know of anyone who might have info on an attorney that could handle this in Minnesota, I would be forever in your debt.
One attorney told me that in a jury trial over this, the settlement could be well over $1,000,000.
Thank you!
Having owned this diagnosis for awhile, your words still brought about all the tears. Thanks for putting words to what so many of us feel. My son is diagnosed as well and I try so hard to help him embrace his differences so that he may never feel less than.
I was diagnosed at the age of 55 years old! I know what grieving is like for the years I struggled and didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me! It’s been a relief to know. I’m on medication and for me the medication has almost been a miracle. I also have a ADHD life coach. There is hope! Get diagnosed
I was diagnosed two years ago. I'm 59. I cried. All these years I suffered with this condition that could have been managed many years ago. Fortunately Mel, I did the same thing you did after I learned of my condition. I read everything I could find. Through my research I learned how to see my condition differently and I learned to appreciate my strengths that comes from an ADHD brain. It's become my superpower.
Any recommendation on what you read?
I’m 56 and thought I must be the oldest person alive to just NOW be diagnosed… glad to know I’m not alone!
I’m a gen x and I’ve struggled with ADHD my whole life. I didn’t realize what the source of my frustration was until I was diagnosed in my late 40’s. I’m now 55 and I’m still untreated. I’m a recovering addict and have been on a narcotic medication for 15 years to treat my addiction. Doctors aren’t willing to prescribe ADHD medication since I take suboxone. It’s either treat the addiction or treat the ADHD. I choose to treat my addiction and manage my ADHD as best as I can. Remembering things has always been a problem. I’ve worked as a waitress my whole life since it’s a job where I can move around. Ive also realized along the way that I’m a true introvert. I get drained easily from work and social situations. At least I understand why I am the way I am. I don’t use that as an excuse but I have to push myself daily to get things done.
Thank you Courtney for sharing your truths. I am not yet fully diagnosed and/or treated for my ADHD ( I never had the Hyperactivity component.) However my children do with all of us having the overlays of family physical and mental abuse from their father. and me from my family of origin as well.
By age 45 I have become (like my parents and son) 30% more introverted
I really appreciate you sharing your story about being on subuxone. I'm 57 and on belbuca--the buprenorphine without the naloxone. I've been 24 years on buprenorphine for pain as well as for the addiction/dependence cycle, but I suppose that means they won't be able to give me a stimulant. I didn't know that. I probably have to choose the buprenorphine over the stimulant because of me being almost 25 years on it. It's way too hard, if not impossible, to get off it. The longer one takes something that strong, the more it's impossible to stop taking it. Besides, my psychiatrist doesn't want to give me stimulants because of the conflict it has with certain antidepressants that I already am taking. Furthermore, I'm not sure if she knows that I'm taking the buprenorphine. Oh, and I'm an introvert as well, and I often get super overwhelmed when spending time with certain people, especially with lots of people, too often, for too much time. And I definitely get overwhelmed after going out, even if it's to go shopping or go to a doctor's appointment. The combination of going out (getting ready, getting transportation, trying to be on time, etc.), coupled with dealing with the public, really exhausts me. I thought this was age-related! Or it's my not-so-great health. So, yes, I can totally relate, and like you, I might not be able to use stimulants.
61 yo and I have an appointment scheduled. I know I have felt with this all of my life. The negative voice has always been there tell me I’m not good enough.
Ty!!
This made me cry and also so happy that someone undestands what you go through on a daily basis. So thankful for people like Mel Robbins who just gets it and that’s a blessing. ❤
I was diagnosed at age 53- two years ago. Sometimes I wonder what my life might have been like had I had an earlier diagnosis. It’s not that I haven’t achieved anything in my life but I could have achieved so much more in my life. The pain is still there from all the times I was judged as being erratic, flaky, unfocused, fickle. People would despair with me, but they would never be as despairing as I was about myself. I became an alcoholic- thank God. Been sober 24 years now, but when I drank it literally saved my life. I’ve had moments of brilliance too. Is a mixed bag. A blessing and a curse. Thank you speaking about this.
I was just diagnosed at 54. Great podcast! I am starting over with self knowledge, firm boundaries, no regrets and living in the Now. No regrets. #LiveNow
Diagnosed at 55, agree it's never too late. Meds have been tricky for me but the validation has helped me to start to be a little less hard on myself. I've always known something was up and therapy only helped so far.
Very good attitude. How do you get over the regret? All the confusion about what was going on, so many years, so much damage....it hurts a lot.
Just ignore it and concentrate on today. The past is not real. If you think it is please please show me yesterday. I personally I had big cry over missed opportunities and a more productive successful life. But here I am. ❤
I'm 37 and recently resching about adhd because my 7-year-old boy shows adhd signs. And start to wonder if I'm having it and on my way to diagnosing. I'm in tears listening to this. This is me, have been struggling so much with managing CPTSD, depression, anxiety, and being overweight and having trouble losing it!
I found this video two days after I was diagnosed with adhd as an adult, and I have never felt so understood. Tears of sadness and happiness streamed down my face during the whole episode. Mel, you honestly have changed my life
Mel, I thank you for this! I was recently diagnosed (at 45) with ADHD. I've since heard people say, "oh everyone has ADHD these days." After listening to your story, I realized that I am not alone and this is something legitimate that I have struggled with my entire life. The story you describe is my life. I appreciate being able to identify with someone and also to validate that I'm not crazy. I've been on meds for depression and anxiety for over 10 years and still suffer from the symptoms you describe. This made me feel further depressed like what the hell is wrong with me, why can't I get it together?! Why did I buy that on Amazon, how did I spend $40 at the dollar tree and how many bins should 1 person own?! How did I acquire all this debt and nothing to show for it?! Since my diagnosis I've begun practicing mindfulness techniques and established personal goals. I have to stop myself and check in with my goals (daily). This has helped a bit. Thank you again for being so open and sharing your personal experience.
55yo and was just diagnosed last month. The diagnosis is taking me OUT. Doing my best to not live in regret of what more, i could have done in my life. I feel like I've been trudging through chest high mud, my whe life, while everyone else has been skipping happily by me without a care in the works. Couldn't understand why i could never accomplish my best, and everyone is telling me that i am the smartest person they know. And, these medications the doctor prescribes are horrible.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago, I wish they had inquired into my history at that time. Now, going through menopause with ADHD has almost wiped me. The shame, confusion, and lack of compassion and understanding is suffocating. I am so happy to listen to your story, it is so similar to mine. Thank you Mel ❤
As a 65+ Senior....retirement has shown me that I have ADHD! I suddenly don't have the structure that forced me to be directed previously. I've been at a loss to get things done! I'm really going to dig into this. Thank you so much!!!
Sounds different? She couldn't handle the structured office environment. She liked waitressing and jobs that kept her moving in different directions at the same time.
Yep, I hear ya Mel. Diagnosed at 54 after researching to understand my diagnosed daughter. Anxiety, depression, low self esteem, self harm, suicide attempt and an eating disorder. All undiagnosed ADHD. Thank you for speaking about this. x
😊😊
I was diagnosed 3 months ago at the age of 46. I am going through this period of deep grief you mention, feeling like I have wasted my life and coming to terms with this final explanation to all the mistakes, addictions and issues I dealt with my entire life. Thank you for this podcast. I can now start to heal and go on with the rest of my life.
I learned about this after sitting at a table in tears with my 2nd grader over homework....2nd grade. She was in the California school system and had the worst case scenario for her..a shared teaching situation where she had 2 teachers that each worked 2 days of the week and traded off Wednesdays. She was doing well with one and getting little sad faces sent home with her daily from the other. She was as a small child being told daily that she was a "bad girl" and being told to bring home a sad face and give it to me. Imagine what that was doing to her little brain. The principal I met with...literally.no help at all. Thank God for her 3rd grade teacher..who just happened to be the teacher in her new school that had been sent to learn about add and adhd and recognized it within 2 weeks of having her in class. Yes I also have it..but after trying to get diagnosed I was told no you concentrate just fine...after doing nothing but sitting me in front of a machine similar to the vision test at the dmv..where you push a button when you see the light flash. My whole life has been exactly what you are talking about...
Thank you, for this. I shared it with my husband. Not only have I battled ADHD my entire life ... loss of focus, day dreaming ... feeling scattered ... feeling like a fraud, it IS getting so much worse now as I get older. I'm 48. But on top of ADHD, my husband & I suffer from trauma and PTSD (like Dr. Amen said in his book, trauma damages your brain). Our son, our only child, was born perfect and healthy. One of the kindest, sweetest, funniest and angelic humans you would ever meet ... but unbeknownst to us, he had a ticking time bomb in his brain (Adrenoleukodystrophy). We were forced to watch the disease destroy him ... and us, as a couple. My husband & I lost each other, and hurt each other badly. So if you think I felt like a failure before ... imagine what I feel like now. The disease also came from me so ... while I know I had no clue, it sucks to know that Christopher would have been better off with a different mom.
It's scary to feel like I just listened to you describe my life to a tee ... yet I don't know what I can do to heal. I really don't. Our son, even though he was given 3 yrs to live ... has exceeded that. He is still here, 6+ years later but make no mistake ... he is full care and disabled. No smile. No eye contact. No speaking. And even though against all odds, our marriage survived (I still don't know how, it had to be God) ... we are still in lock down with this disease, not getting help. We don't get date nights. There is no real vacation ... yes, we get bored! I'm scared to take medication for ADHD because I also have a heart condition (mitral valve prolapse) but honestly, something has gotta give. I do have a therapist but he's isn't licensed to prescribe meds. He's just helping deal with grief. But at this point, I gotta get meds. I am that super busy person ... who is scattered. Forgetting birthdays, feeling like a crappy friend. I procrastinate despite knowing it'll bite me in the butt. I'm exhausted all the time ... burnt out. Honestly, I'm grateful for my enormous faith in God because if I look back, I probably would have checked out by now, if not for this crazy and supernatural hope that only God can give.
I don't care for anonymity ... pray for our son. Google: "Christopher Gray in Watertown, CT." Put a gorgeous face to your prayers. And thank you so much for this! ADHD is lonely. When you feel like a failure, no one gets it because they aren't in your head.
❤️🙏❤
I'm praying for your son, your husband and yourself DG that you find support for all of you 💕🙏🏼 like respect for a date night❤
I like how you said you ard in lockdown, I too have a child with a disability, and for the past 7 yrs, barely left the home. My brain kept me awake as well, worrying about all the scenarios. Thank God your marriage survives. Mine didn't. God bless you and your family in this struggle.
@@lorrmarie7281 well, then, you will be in my prayers. I'm sorry about your marriage. What shocked me most, were the wolves in sheep's clothing. Our pain is public here because Christopher made an impact on people. I was shocked to see how people had no scruples ... narcissistic and preying on pain. What my husband & I had to eventually realize, love is a choice. It is not what happens on the way to the alter. That part is easy. It's what happens when real life comes, kicks your ass ... and yes, you can quit ... but you don't. You try to fix what broke, even when it feels impossible. Obviously, Christopher is carrying the largest cross of us all ...I was just being straight up honest. We ARE in lockdown. Just today ... Christopher was stable, no sooner did we leave the house, trying to enjoy a nice lunch, he started to have issues. Our outing had to end. The thing is, we would have called ourselves homebodies before ALD struck ... but there is a huge difference between choosing to stay home, and not having a choice. We love our son, we would never wish him away. We just wish we had rest.
God bless you. God bless your child. I pray you find peace and joy ... even if it's sporadic.
@@lorrmarie7281 And I just thought of this ... not sure if you listen to Christian music or if it's not your thing. But I remember 6 years into this disease, crying to my husband that it feels like we've been forgotten. Like people aren't praying anymore, that even God has forgotten us. Not only did I hear an amazing message in church the same day to remind me how wrong I am, but when I came home, I heard "Recue" by Lauren Daigle. She sings:
"You are not hidden
There's never been a moment
You were forgotten
You are not hopeless
Though you have been broken
Your innocence stolen"
There are not many songs that hit me in the heart ... but that one did. There's even a line:
"I hear you whisper underneath your breath
I hear you whisper, you have nothing left"
I cried. That is exactly what I felt. I have nothing left. So maybe listen to it and when you do, remember you are not alone. God is with you. If it feels like He isn't, that's the lie of the devil. He's there. And a mom in CT (me) also understands ... mother to mother. God bless!.
Yes me too. At 42 I watched info about ADHD to check if it was relevant for my kids. And yes, I also thought THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT ME! It has been such a relief to find communities, tips, tricks and coping mechanisms online. I'm not a weirdo, I was just always an ADD girl. 😅
THIS. IS. ME. 43 years old walking in circles in the grocery store in full blown menepause and couldn't understand why. The shame that comes with it.......ugh. Thank you for this show!!!
I'm 62 and living in UK. Im currently taking medication prescribed by my doctor for anxiety and depression......your talk today has left me in tears but enlightened. You spoke to me and described me and my internal life from being that scattered, anxious little girl to the defeated woman I feel I am today. My son was diagnosed ADHD at 14 after trying to get help for him since he was 3 years old. He is now 41, a teacher and living in the far east.
After his diagnosis, both he and i had to manage this ourselves. There was very little or no help given those days in the UK, other than medication. It's only in 10 years that there has been any acknowledgement in the UK that ADHD is real. Some still disbelieve. Labelling it bad parenting or bad behaviour. This is simply my experience in the North East of England. It may differ in other areas of the UK. But thank you so much for your message today. I'm possibly not the idiot I believe I am. Will certainly think about speaking to my doctor about this. ❤❤