As someone who works in the industry, in my opinion, the biggest lie about therapy is that therapy is the end all be all for mental wellness. I think, as a society, we place all the responsibility on individuals to "fix themselves" and we don't focus on the environment that drives people to those mental issues, and finding ways to fix that and creating good community, support systems, social services, etc. etc. (my point being: we should be using both at the same time)
omg this. I've been in therapy on and off, mostly on, since I was 11 (I'm now 36) and recently my current therapist said to me I wasn't the problem - I have the tools and skills, I'm emotionally mature, I communicate well, I have a lot of self kowledge, I manage my own shit well. The fact I'm struggling is actually now entirely lack of social support systems, lack of support so I can work (I'm Autistic), etc.
I think a big one is that sometimes feeling sad or anxious or lethargic are just normal and totally appropriate responses to certain situations rather than a sign that you have a mental health problem and maybe therapy won’t help because your brain isn’t the issue. A few years back I went to the drs in relation to getting a diagnosis for a pain problem, the drs continually dismissed it and I was left for months experiencing pain attacks that were causing me to spend hours most nights crawling on the floor in pain, I was exhausted from the sleep deprivation and on top of that, I’d recently had a new baby, got a new job and moved house. I broke down in tears to my doctor in one of my appointments and she decided that my outbreak was signs of a mental health crisis, rather than an absolutely appropriate response to having a health issue that was being ignored and was causing horrendous pain and being unable to manage my day to day because of the resulting exhaustion. I was sent to therapy and I still felt lethargic and sad and uninterested. That feeling didn’t stop until I got an operation to fix my pain and was able to sleep again. The kicker? I now have to declare that mental health diagnosis every time I’m asked about my medical history. It impacts the cost and availability of my health and life insurance, all because a dr would rather declare me mentally unwell, than acknowledgement my complaints of pain.
YES! i come up against a lot of things (e.g. being neurodivergent and trans/non-binary) in therapy sessions where reality testing doesn't work as a tactic for easing anxiety because people are legitimately shit about them, and my therapist always recommends the same: agency and community. find something, anything, you CAN change about your situation, and people to change it with and to support you while things are still shite. best advice i've ever been given tbh.
UP!!!! Oftentimes, people forget that mental health issues are an amalgamation of different factors: biological, social, emotional, spiritual, etc. Therapy is just one way to guide the client to the right direction towards healing. It's not similar as sickness and other medical issues, for example, that you can simply take medications for and be done with it (excluding chronic conditions and disabilities, of course. You get what i mean, just oversimplifying an explanation for the sake of an example). It's always a constant inner work alongside the tools given to you like medications and therapy to build resilience.
Yeah in therapy previously there's defo been situations where I've looked at my therapist and she's looked at me like... Yeah no we both know that's structural and there's no gaslighting your way outta that one gal... 😅
For a second there I thought Better Help finally managed to break you down! On a serious note, sorry that happened to you and so glad you’re doing better!
my experience of therapy and counselling so far is that LOADS of professionals are not equipped to handle clients who have like... put in thought about their illness or issues. i turn up like "hi, this is my experience, it probably stems from x, this is how i cope with it but i really need help to get to a point where i'm not just coping." and then the therapist is like "oh so here's ways to cope (that you've already said don't work), and have you considered that [thing i figured out years ago]?" and then after a while they either tell me i'm fine (i'm objectively not) or they're like "huh idk try meds i guess"
(to be very clear i am not against meds, but in my specific situation they'd be essentially like taking painkillers for a broken leg but not actually putting the leg in a cast. like, yeah, give me the painkillers, but please actually fix the problem also)
I relate to this. I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and ever since I got that diagnose I've been kind of dismissed by professionals in that they can't help me any more, other than prescribe ADHD meds. And it's really frustrating because knowing what's going on isn't the same as knowing how to cope with it, both in a practical and an emotional way. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago and I've felt lost, drifting between professionals ever since. I am exhausted.
Hi! I have been through something similar, and I have found that a lot to it is about the type of therapy you are getting. For example, I was FOR YEARS going to CBT, when I actually needed trauma specialized therapy. This led to loads of shame about not getting better. Therapist SHOULD give more information about other types that have evidence besides from their own, and loads of them are not doing this, which is a great mistake in my view. Hopefully this helps.
Is there not some therapists that's are specialized with what you have. I know that some therapists are specialized with ed, for example. I mine worked with people with sleep disorders like mine, and that's why i like her and that came to her after experiencing a psy that clearly didn't really understand how my narcolepsy affected my life.
Just a quick correction. Coaching [life coaching for example] is not a qualification and is essentially an expensive friend who gives you advice. Therapist/mental health worker/counsellor/psychiatrist are qualified specialists who can provide help with mental health. Please do not confuse the two.
Be sure to check the rules in your country though. In some countries, the only protected profession is psychiatrist and for all others, anyone can claim the title with 0 qualifications.
As a therapist who worked for a lifecoach as a bit before realizing it was bunk and getting an MA, THANK YOU. It’s often a very predatory space as well.
Not to mention this distinction is important for client safety. I know if my therapist did something inappropriate, I could report her to her governing body. If your life coach is being inappropriate, there is no path for recourse.
Definitely an important distinction to make. The term 'coach' doesn't have a fixed definition, and anyone can call themselves that. You are not allowed to call yourself a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist unless you have the required qualifications.
In my country coaching is recognised as a legit job and figure if you get the proper qualifications. It is not as protected as therapy but it has it’s own field and scopes separate from therapy and I know about some therapists that work in both fields, and all the qualified coaches have a certain amount of mental health coaching together with finance advising and other fields. It is mostly a process to make life better, or help someone achieve their goals, and all the coaches that I met are VERY adamant in the distinction of legitimacy between the ones with trading and the predators without.
Before I got married, my partner and I did pre-marital counseling with a licensed therapist, which, not only showed how great we were for each other, has made me super comfortable knowing that therapy is always a tool in my toolbox should I need it.
I'm definitely obnoxious about therapy. I'm alive! Not only am I alive, I would have to force my brain out of a regulated state when I'm dealing with insanely high stress experiences in order to go back to where I was. I've dealt with so much since I did therapy and I'm, fine? Like, genuinely fine? I struggle obviously, we all have struggles, and life is objectively really tough right now, but I'm genuinely okay. I have coping skills for the long and short terms. I will add, I paid for my therapy myself. I may never own a house because I spent my £8000 mortgage savings on a mix of individual therapy, group DBT (specifically aimed at my BPD diagnosis) and EMDR (trauma processing therapy, for my diagnosed C-PTSD.) I'll never be a homeowner but I'm alive. I will always cherish my life. I'm hugely privileged to have been able to do that, but it also definitely changed my perspective on what my priorities are.
I love this comment I'm so happy to read it, being alive is way better than owning a home. Also hurrah for DBT definitely one of my fave therapeutic modalities.
see? things kinda are okay for you because you still have hope and have that life force to go on, to feel grateful, to be able to see and feel the good bits. not everyone has that actually.
Lil additional info for everyone looking into therapy: there are different schools/ types of therapy, which are best suited for different topics /people. The biggest two are psychoanalysis/depth psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is based on empirical studies and often recommended for phobias/anxiety, depression, eating disorders or substance abuse issues. Psychoanalysis/depth psychotherapy typically matches the stereotypical lying on a couch and talking about your childhood vibes more than CBT, and can be beneficial for issues around trauma/abuse or personality disorders, or depression. Most psychotherapist are only educated in one or two kinds of therapy, so the type of therapy s.o. offers might be a good first indicator when contacting potential therapists. There are more 'schools' and any therapist can tell you what specific kinds of topics they work on, so this is just a general overview! (Source is my bachelor's in psychology, but please always check anyway what some random person in the yt comments says. All the best to you! ❤)
this comment is so heartwarming and wholesome. Thank you person of the internet, I will you an amazing day because you made mine :) Thanks for spreading info and awareness.
As the world of psychotherapy becomes bigger and more advanced, I find myself having to dismantle many preconceptions I’ve had about it. The comparison to going for any other medical checkup definitely helps put into perspective how it really should be seen as a normal, healthy thing.
You can read all the self-help books, psychological books, and watch youtube videos, but still, I think, therapy is superior because it is DEEPLY personal, and it responds directly to all your personal thoughts and experiences. It can be invaluable to have someone (proffessional and trained) to have that objective outsider's perspective on your struggles. I'm 30 and I have been going to therapy for 6 months now and it really helps a lot. I wish I started therapy sooner. I have been working on my mental health (through books and YT videos) for a long time, and I did make progress, but I think if I just went to therapy instead that progress would take ma a year, not 7 years.
I was raised with the old fashioned idea that you only went to therapy if you had something "serious", e.g. a traumatic experience, or if you were "crazy" (whatever that meant). And so if I went to therapy I would be considered a "crazy person"... which is such a disturbing mindset towards therapy. So I always thought things like: "my past wasn't "that" traumatic so I don't seek help", "I am not running around naked and stuff so I am too 'normal' to seek help...", "I don't have serious external problems in my life so I'm not miserable enough, so I can't seek help..." Well it turns out i did seriously needed help with my mental health... So, just seek help if you feel you want help. Don't let other people tell you all the reasons why "they think" you shouldn't, can't or aren't allowed to seek help.
My friend is retraining to be a therapist after volunteering during the pandemic made her realise she wanted to help people more than her current career. I think that's great but I did say to her I find therapy intimidating not because I don't think it can be valuable but because I kind of don't want to look deeply into that void I'd be scared what would come out. Come six months later and a load of shit came crashing out of that bloody void anyway. Moral of the story: avoiding therapy because you don't want to look at your shit - the shit comes for you anyway.
I'm 27. I've been in therapy for 1 year and 4 months because I couldn't phisically stay anymore in class at uni, at other people's houses, at the bar, and everywhere else. I couldn't exit my house anymore without experiencing physical pain or nausea or panic attacks. Therapy has helped me so much, i still can't believe the progress i made. I told my therapist about all of my traumas and all the s**ual violence i've experienced and it feels so good to say that stuff to another human being. Basically we found out that i struggle to recognise violence against myself and this concept is mindblowing.
As a trainee therapist, I really appreciate you spreading this information! If you're interested, here's my perspective from the other side of the fence on what you've said One of the biggest challenges that my class and I face is the whole talking as a friend vs talking as a therapist thing because it is SOOO EASY to slip into that friend mode when if you're doing that you aren't giving therapy. So much of being a good therapist is knowing when to keep your mouth shut lol Planning before a session will entirely depend on what kind of therapy you do, the kind of therapy I'm training in is client centred therapy meaning that I don't try and steer the conversation at all, so you can't plan for it, but I'm sure there are other kinds that do require planning. However having recovery time afterwards is huge. My teacher loves saying that we "have to sit in the pit of despair with the client, not standing on the edge trying to throw them a rope" so that is incredibly emotionally taxing. Being less ill is a MOOOOOOD. Anyone who has any doubts that mental illness contributes to physical illness, go read "The Myth of Normal" by Gabor Mate and come back to me. On the 'who needs therapy' point, there is literally NO ONE on the planet who would not benefit from it at some point in their life. We've done a unit on child development and it is literally impossible to raise a child perfectly, therefore everyone has hang ups from their childhood that are affecting how they think, feel or behave as an adult which therapy can really help you address and get on better with life. With the 'you need to be 100000% ok to stop therapy "note the guy who LITERALLY INVENTED the approach I'm studying said "yeah 99% of people choose to stop therapy before they get to that point, you'll probs have only 1 or 2 in your whole career who go all the way, if that" Vibe check is SUUUUUUUUPER IMPORTANT! Carl Rogers (the guy I mentioned who invented the approach) legit said that the first condition required for a successful therapy relationship is basically "vibe check" (also shout out to you Leena because when I was umming and ahhhing about whether I wanted to make the commitment to change my career, hearing your 'in the climate crisis what we'll need is more therapists' argument was one of the things that tipped the balance for me)
Thanks Leena! ^^ I'm a (neurodivergent) therapist myself and this video was actually really helpful to get a sense of what other people's perception on therapy can look like. Btw I have also started to make clothes partially because of you :D Your authentic stories make it less daunting
Okay so as someone who's in the mental health field, I see that there is often a confusion about qualifications and language around them. (just a disclaimer that I am from Serbia and speaking from that experience, this definitely differs in other places) For someone to become a therapist, they firstly need to have a Bachelor's degree in some of the humanities - mostly it's psychology (I have a BA in Psychology), social work, special education and pedagogy. Besides that, psychiatrists (that finished med school and their psychiatry specialisation) can also finish psychotherapy courses. So - the psychotherapy education. Firstly, you need to choose which branch of psychotherapy you want to do - Psychoanalysis, Transactional Analysis, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Gestalt Psychotherapy, EMDR, Systemic Family Psychotherapy, Body Psychotherapy, Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT)... and some more, they all have their differences but this is already a too long of a comment hahaha. All of these last about 4-6 years, and are very very very expensive. When you finish the first 2-3 years, you usually can start working as a "Psychotherapist under supervision" which indicates to you that they are still in training and will be sharing details from your session with their supervisor (not your name etc. but the process) and it's completely okay for you to not feel comfortable with that. After doing some years under supervision, and completing your course and education (which you get a certificate for, just like with a degree), you are able to be a "Psychotherapist" without the supervision part. A Counselor is in my experience usually someone who "just" has a BA in Psychology and Counseling, and going to someone with that title or simply a psychologist means that they are not able to do an elongated deep process like a therapist would, but rather focus on some specific problems. And, the title of a (mental health or life or whatever) Coach is as far as I know the most unregulated term out of all of these and as it is a newer concept, I don't know much about it. Finally, studies have shown that the most important factor and indicator of a successful therapy process isn't the branch or the kind of therapist you go to, the relationship between the therapist and the client is what's truly the most healing part of the process. Sorry for this novel of a comment, but this is often confusing to people (and rightfully so - IT IS very complicated lol) so I take every chance I get to explain. 😄 And as always, great video Leena! I'm also going through therapy myself right now, and related to so much. And from the professional point of view, it was spot on!
It works extremely differently in the US. :) You cannot do anything with a Bachelor's, not therapy, not counseling, nothing, you can be a receptionist at a psych clinic :D You can also be a psychiatric aid w/out any degree or a psychometrist w/ a BA only (psychometrists only administer the tests, they don't measure the results, they basically list the questions to patients). You can practice therapy with a Master's or doctorate. To call yourself a psychologist, you need a PhD or PsyD in psychology, with a master's in clinical psychology or counseling psychology, you can't be a psychologist and with most master's in psychology, you cannot be a therapist or counselor either. PhDs take 5 - 8 yrs, PsyDs 4 -5 + a few yrs to get licensed (3000 hrs but most is during school). If you want to be a therapist with a master's you either need a master's in social work and become a licensed clinical social worker OR get a master's in counseling and become a licensed professional counselor OR get a master's in marriage and family therapy and become a licensed marriage a family therapist. These take 3 yrs + 3000 hrs (2-5 yrs) until getting licensed. Essentially all these three things (clinical social worker, counselor, and marriage and family therapy) do the exact same thing: they are therapist that offer therapy. You can also get a PhD in counseling, but not in social work and I don't think you can in marriage & family therapy either. Therapy and counseling (mental health counseling!) essential means that same thing, most use the term therapist though. These master's level therapists generally do the same thing as PhD or PsyD level psychologists (therapists), though psychologists do in-dept assessments (IQ, autism etc) and may work with some of the more difficult/serious cases (e.g. schizophrenia will likely need a psychiatrist and a psychologist). But when it comes to depression, anxiety, ocd, eating disorders, phobias, and all those other usual/common issues, a doctorate level therapist and a master's level therapist do the same thing. I think the US is the most different from most countries and in most countries, everything falls under the psychology umbrella and you can usually do something with a bachelor's only.
@@LauraPalmerD thank you SO MUCH for this! because of social media and the fact that the most therapists which my algorithm shows me are from the US, I was always extremely confused about how you become a psychotherapist in the US. It also confused me like the type of specifications when it comes to US therapists, only the term "CBT therapist" is the same as here. You rarely hear "holistic therapist" here, it's usually "Gestalt therapist", "psychoanalytical therapist" and so on. Again, thank you so much for this comment! ✨
It works differently here in Australia too :-p Those with the most training (& who can be seen/funded through Medicare) are Psycholists & Psychiatrists, the former often offering CBT (with EMDR etc less common/more specialised so often with less government funding), & psychiatrists are the only ones who can prescribe medication (thus have a medical background etc - I believe they require a doctorate to claim the title of psychiatrist) - Psychologists require at least a Masters etc. Hope that helps folk around my neck of the woods ❤
So therapists rarely use their style of therapy as an adjective. They will say they are a therapist, psychotherapist, counselor, mental health counselor, marriage & family therapist, psychologist, etc. They may occasionally use their speciality as a qualifier, eg addiction counselor, eating disorder therapies, couples therapist, trauma therapist. But they will very rarely if ever say they are a CBT therapist, Gestalt therapist, Adlerian therapist. They learn about all these schools of psychology (already on the bachelor's level) and ARE trained in all these different fields (exactly what may depend on their specific degree/school/interests!) + after they get licensed, they regularly have to take classes (continuing education credits) to keep their license, so they are always learning new strategies. You can see the techniques they are trained in on their profile or ask during the first session. :) Many therapists also adjust their style to the client, eg. on client may benefit from CBT or DBT, another one may need exposure therapy, for other psychoanalysis is the best. CBT is one of the most well-known and it's commonly used but it's far from the only one. As for holistic therapy, that's not an official thing. Of course, many therapist have a holistic mindset (more and more) but using the term holistic can make someone look like they are woo-woo/new-age and not offering real therapy, so I think they try to stay away from it. When a therapist describes themselves as having an eclectic strategy/mindset, you will know that they are more holistic with their approach. It is very confusing though, even within the US. But between countries...ugh, I'm a US/EU dual citizen and even within Europe, it differs from country to country. The main ideas all stem from the same thing (psychology) and therapy is for the most part essentially the same with all the same strategies, but how you get there, what education is required, etc, it's super different and can be incredibly confusing. I'm always jealous when master's level therapists in other countries can use the term psychologist (heck, even at the bachelor's level), when it's not allowed here. Psychologist sounds so much better :D When I was living in the Netherlands people insisted that I was a psychologist since I had a BA in it, but I always protested since I was used to the US way :D Now that I'm working towards my second master's, now in therapy, I just tell my European friends that I'm studying to become a psychologist, because explaining all this is way too confusing for them :D
@@LauraPalmerD yeah, I don't blame people who are not in the field for getting confused hahah it was a ride to explain all of this to my civil engineer mum but also, here in Serbia laws and regulations when it comes to psychotherapy are very in need of revision, so we'll see how it's gonna be in the future 🥲 and thanks so much for clearing up the term "holistic therapy", I thought that that's how people in the US would call someone coming from a Gestalt background or Reich's Body therapy or something like that, as these are "more holistic" lol
Thanks for sharing this! I'm in the US and sessions where I live generally cost $200-300 per hour, usually not covered by insurance, and as far as I understand, they have to be licensed by the specific state they practice in - so if you live in FL like me, you can't just do online therapy with your friend's amazing therapist in NY. Currently looking for a new therapist since although mine is really nice and sympathetic and seems to want to help (and is actually covered by my insurance), she just doesn't have the training or experience to be much help for my issues. So many I've contacted either don't respond or aren't seeing new patients, or I have a consultation with them and they're just not a good fit for one reason or another. It's definitely tough trying to find a suitable one in the first place!
As someone who has gone to therapy for many years and through conflicts of all sizes, some red flags I'd add: - using invalidating rhetoric or ableist language (e.g. calling a past client "crazy" or asking what you did for someone to hurt you) - taking a long time to call back when you leave a voicemail or email; this is not the field to be taking things at whatever pace they want - trying to become too friendly and/or talking about themselves a lot; a version of this is called countertransference and puts the therapeutic relationship at risk because they are making things about what they want, not about you and your needs - not answering the question of what type of therapist they are; someone who can't name specific techniques, schools of thought, or practices they follow is a lot more likely to be doing random shit that doesn't have scientific evidence to work together Now, even when things are often totally fine, I wouldn't give up my therapy sessions. It's a version of self-care for me to prioritize working through my thoughts and feelings of any size. If you DO want to go to therapy forever, that's also ok. My therapist is amazing, and I still learn new things from her all the time.
14:23 Can't stress this enough!! Also just going through the process of finding a therapist and getting set up with sessions when you are in absolute crisis mode can feel almost impossible.
I have been in therapy for a looong time - I’ve been seeing my current psychologist for almost 9 years. It has done wonders for my mental health. I was in crisis when I first started - luckily that is no longer the case, but as someone with multiple underlying issues, regular sessions help maintain my good mental health. And it is NOT just like venting to a friend! (That’s aimed at my dad specifically 😂) My psychologist studied for a long time to gain the skills they have. And we know each other so well now that we have a kind of shorthand, which makes sessions even more efficient. They also charge me a reduced rate - it’s still very expensive, but I agree that I’m paying them what they’re worth, and I’ve just decided that this is an investment in my wellbeing, and it’s where I’ve decided to prioritise my spending.
I laughed out loud at your comparison of therapy to the dentist, optometrist or obstetrics. I had the literal opposite thought process this year. As a frequently psychotic human who has never (since my first proper mental health crisis) questioned that I "need" therapy - I super struggle to justify spending the same amount of money on other health services that I deem less necessary. A few months ago, I convinced myself that it was okay to spend the same amount I do on mental stuff on the other medical stuff. I can now eat without head-splitting pain, and have glasses that enable me to see more than 20m ahead of me, and have learned that I am not being dramatic and there is an actual real physical reason that my menstruation is so very painful. To your point re:spending money on mental health care before it is a crisis - I think a lot of people (myself certainly) have the same attitude towards a lot of medical stuff. My issues with eyes, teeth, uterus didn't completely prevent me from functioning in the same way my psychological & neurological stuff has, so it was hard to justify the expense. I would get check ups for my epilepsy even though it is pretty much controlled but not for my teeth which (it turns out) have been cracked for years. Thinking about all health care as necessary without needing there to be a crippling issue seems so logically logical, but it's so hard to get myself on board. Like yeah, I know preventative stuff is always most effective and it's always easiest to address problems earlier rather than later, but getting past the "I pay HOW MUCH to do WHAT?" is a fun game I play every time for anything that has not hit crisis point. I love what you said about all aspects of health care being health care.
Am in the US, though, and addressing a lot of my issues would also put me out on the street. I got really sick last year and had to go to the ER and I am STILL paying that off even WITH insurance coverage.
That's a fair point. I am lucky to live in Australia, where efforts are made to make healthcare affordable. It is still expensive, but would never cost more than what I pay in rent. @@faeriesmak
The dentist has to pay for his equipment and probably has an assistant that has to help him. The dental appointment lasts shorter but they have more costs than the psychotherapist. In Germany, the radiologist (that also does mri and ct scans) is the doctor with the highest earnings because his equipment etc is so expensive and his electricity bill is so high.
Ok but I've also been traumatized by cars an it's not that there's something wrong with us and our orientation towards them, but that our cities are too car-centric (due to capitalists lobbying to have them be the main forms of transportation) and cars are fucking dangerous for pedestrians, cyclists, and the people in them. We just need to by and large get rid of cars. Therapy is great, don't get me wrong, and it's good you can feel safe in a car and walking, but our car-centric societies are absolutely the problem.
I feel this in my bones and is one of the big reasons I didn’t go for so long ; I would love to do a video on how casually driving should be a thing of the past, and not such a huge part of life, but it might be for the far future. For now, while I also believe that’s true, I needed to learn to function in the world I currently live my day to day in, and not feel like having a cry and a panic every time I crossed the road. Both can be true x
book rec: The Body Keeps the Score -- this is all well and good but good luck to any middle or lower class americans trying to get any semblance of decent mental health care. it doesn't exist unless you have top of the line insurance which... heh... so few and far between.
Wow. I'm in the US and I WISH therapy was so inexpensive out of pocket. £50-70 isn't a small amount by any means, but in my country therapy is completely unaffordable for most of us. Even after paying hundreds of dollars a month for private health insurance, therapy can still cost $100-400 per appointment.
As someone who’s been in therapy since I was 8 it’s fascinating to see my father going to therapy for the first time in his 60s and seeing the difference in mindset . I grew up with therapy being a normal thing and seeing others be weirded out by it was so interesting as it was so helpful having someone on my side helping me understand myself and the world . I am grateful that therapy is available to me , and it was upsetting to see my father trying to get his therapy approved and getting blocked by doctors saying it’s not worth it and he should just go drinking . He is so much more open now and I am able to understand him better because where able to communicate and our relationship is getting better . Therapy is so important .
I was very fortunate in that I was able to get 6 free sessions of counselling through work (I work in education). A few months later, I was really struggling and so I phoned my local mental health services. I got a consultation on the phone then was told that there was over a 9 month wait (I know for others it can be way longer). This was scary for me and I was considering private therapy. However, I got a call about 3 weeks later and was offered therapy via the NHS with a trainee CBT therapist. I accepted and it was the best decision I have ever made! I found it so useful and the techniques have stayed with me through any random and traumatic times. As Leena mentioned, please please please set this time aside if you can, speak to your work to see if you are entitled to some free sessions and ask for help via the NHS. Thank you for this video, Leena, as always with your videos!
For Canadians the Affordable therapy network is great to find sliding scale and low cost therapists for in person and online therapy! You don't need a diagnosis, you don't need to be in crisis. You are worth it, you are worthy of someone listening to you.
Also, accreditation and protection of titles is different in different places. In Ontario you can't call yourself a psychotherapist unless you're registered. Please look people up on their governing body's website like if someone is an RSW psychotherapist in Canada their information will be available on the college of social workers and social service workers website. This will also tell you if they have any strikes against them.
Such a great video ! I’d also like to share awareness about Creative arts therapies eg. Art Psychotherapy, Drama Psychotherapy , Music Psychotherapy, Dance and movement Psychotherapy. They are really helpful for people who find verbal communication more difficult, for whatever reason. These therapists should also have qualifications and be registered with a governing body!
The body keeps the score is also an amazing book about trauma and how it’s stored in the body- also talks about the neuroscience behind it & v interesting
Just in case this helps someone: I got diagnosed with PTSD in October and I thought I'd never improve and that the series of negative experiences was not something I'd recover from. I started EMDR in January and it's very hard but it's also *working*! It took a LONG time to find someone who could help me but it worked out eventually and I'm now actually receiving treatments and my symptoms are decreasing.
the "it's too late for me" is such a good point. my dad started going at like 55 yo and it really helped our relationship. i'm so grateful he went even if it took very long for him to decide to do so.
A lovely overview of the therapy world! I like that you brought up the special social dynamic that occurs within the therapy room. It was only after going to therapy for 5+ years that I truly understood that your relationship with your therapist, as unique as it is, is still a social relationship, and as such it will probably stumble upon challenges/conflicts along the way (ex. talking about fees, establishing what you are or aren’t ready to talk about, etc). A good professional will be aware of this and make things smoother for the both of you
One thing I felt was missing: There are different kinds of therapy; behavioral and psycho-analysis therapy are different and you might want to check the kinds out before you get your therapist because they do different things. The psycho-analysis was not working for me. I needed behavioral therapy.
I've struggled A LOT with my mental health over the course of my 25 years and as someone that has started therapy because I was in crisis, I still highly encourage people to go if they aren't actively in crisis. You aren't just helping yourself (even though that would be reason enough), you will also make it easier for people in your life to talk to you about mental health topics that might struggle more than you. I have to do a lot of emotional labour for people because of ableism (and other stuff) and that's a lot easier if someone's mind has been 'opened' by therapy.
another thing to consider on the subject of what you are paying your therapists for: counsellors (different to therapists) are required to have regular counselling sessions themselves, as well as make very thorough notes in between sessions.
My former therapist re-traumatized me through cross-transference. Haven't found a new one since. That was two years ago. I'm not sure I can trust another one. 😢
yeeeesss therapy is Punk! loved this video! As a fellow UK person, there is a huge stigma around therapy. It is honestly the best and hardest thing I've ever done for myself. I am definitely, 100%, the person that tells everyone to get a therapist :D :D no shame.
Im so sorry to hear you went through that Leena! I was just thinking, if your trauma stops you from driving or makes it unsafe for you to drive you might be able to get a disabled bus pass - you would probably have to give up your licence but if youre not driving anyway it might save you some money. Worth chatting to your GP about. Great advice on therapy anyway, i found therapy life-changing and it helped me realise so many harmful thought patterns and where they came from and how to start unravelling them ❤
So sorry you went through that, and so glad to hear you're doing better! Absolutely LOLing at "so if you hate my video, you only have them to blame" about the Gumption Club. 😂
therapy has given me the means to understand myself and reflect about what I am and what I want to be, it gives me the resources to be able to heal, forgive and comfort MYSELF (instead of expecting someone else to do it. I'm the best person to do that). and by taking caring of myself, I can take much better care of the people I love!
Suffering from severe arachnophobia for my entire life, I finally scheduled therapie sessions 10 months from moving to Australia. You know, Big Spider Country. I remember being scared we wouldn't have enough time to deal with it before moving. To my surprise, and to the surprise of my entire family and friends, I was letting a huge spider running on my hands after 2 (!) sessions. My mind was blown. I wouldn't say I'm completely healed, but the steps you can take in therapy can be so huge! Soooooo... 10/10 would recommend. Also I almost said I never had therapy, until I remember that I did see a licenced therapist for this, so it was actual therapy. I wasn't having any serious psychological problems and functioned just fine and still benefitted hugely from it.
Thanks for sharing your experience and making this video Leena. Just to update, IAPT is now called NHS Talking Therapies. As you mentioned the BABCP is a good place to look for accreditation and they can check you still meet the guidelines while you are registered, so not just when you register. There's different types of therapy which are helpful for different things. E.g. CBT is more of a short term therapy and works well if you have a specific goal. NHS talking therapies mainly offer CBT so if it is something else you're looking for it may either mean going private or depending on your presentation a different NHS service.
Good timing, I’ve literally just emailed a new therapist about starting sessions again! I have also had several very annoying conversations with a friend who believes all these lies and more (“people just go to therapy so they can blame their parents for all their problems”, “therapists’ motives can’t be trusted because if you get better you’ll stop paying them”, “private therapists are bad people because if they really cared about their clients they’d be working for the NHS”). EXHAUSTING. If I’d watched this first I’d have been able to articulate my responses much better 😂
'Privilege' is not the same as luxury. Having privilege means having an unfair advantage. So being able to acces certain kinds of therapy is certainly a privilege. But that does not mean it's bad to get it, it does not mean you're egoistic if you go get it, and it does not mean you're taking it away from anyone else! :) Privilege just means you have more access to certain things than others might be. Everyone has certain kinds of privilege and lacks others. Privilege is a neutral term in its core. But it is a very real thing that affect everyone in good and bad ways.
It takes forever to become a therapist in Germany, its 10 years now 😮💨 and almost no one gets call themselves psychotherapist (you cant even say you are a psychologist if you „only“ have bachelors in it). I am studying it now, the info load is insane, we are learning neuroscience and anatomy and statistics 😵💫
I’m so glad you are sharing your thoughts on this!! Another book I found useful is Lori Gottlieb’s Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. I found it at the library. It shifted my assumptions about how to participate in my own recovery (depression, anxiety) . Keep a notebook to help keep track of the things we talked about for future reference.
Yes, having adhd I find it so hard to stuff all the new info into & revelations from therapy into my brain all at once. Taking notes really eliminates the stress of trying to retain it all.
It's taken me a little while to write this but I relate to some of these so deeply, and that's coming from someone who's trained in counselling. I had therapy sessions last year after a horrific crash that honestly should have killed me and I'm forever greatful that I did. I really hope you're doing okay and I'm happy you took the steps to help towards a healthier brain 💛
Oh god, I really feel for you, I’m sorry it happened to you! I’m sorry for both of us! For me it was weird computing that I was physically unharmed but easily could have (logically should have) died, but still felt harmed even though my body was fine??? Very confusing. The fact that it was deliberate on the other drivers part was what messed with me too, I think. That a stranger actively wanted me to die / didn’t care if I did. Hope you’re getting on okay with processing it. It’s a very weird life experience ! Xxx
As a cousellor, thanks 🙈 there's so many types of therapy too and so people looking into should have a look at what modalities their potential counsellor practices as well as making sure they are qualified AND registered with a professional body 🙌 in a lot of places there's no requirements to call youself a thetapist/counsellor which means no accountability to an ethical standard which is so so so important 🙌
Science teacher here. We call the new or correction of knowledge is call the "half-life of knowledge" personally I add a unit of this and how to research in science "good or bad" research and the language. What I am getting at is... All adults should learn how to research science and we should be open to knowledge in an area changing (yes teachers should teach it)
Yassss, so glad you’ve had a nourishing experience with therapy. I’m an art psychotherapy student and I’ve been shocked by how expensive it is to become a therapist 😅 I’m studying part time over 3 years and as well as the uni fees we have to pay for our own therapy during that time. Once qualified you have to pay for registration with HCPC (UK) and when working privately, your own supervision. If you’re doing in person sessions, there’s rental of the space and if you’re an art therapist there’s also art materials! All therapists keep clinical notes and art therapists will sometimes make response art to help them process a session. Thank you for validating our work both financially and emotionally!
i think the problem is that not many therapists are equipped to deal with AuDHD clients. i’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and am looking to get an ASD diagnosis and i don’t know enough therapists who are actually trained in dealing with AuDHDers, which is really frustrating because these conditions affect my everyday life, especially my work life. how am i supposed to earn enough money to pay these therapists in the first place if i don’t do well at work because of my conditions, which most therapists aren’t equipped to handle?
Yea..that one is tough. I am pretty certain that I also have AuDHD. Both of my sons have different diagnoses because they are 7 years apart. The older one ADHD, the younger one AuDHD. The older one is textbook autistic, though. It was the 2000s, though, and they didn’t give dual diagnoses back then.
You might find mentorship or peer support helpful? Just finding someone who you click with, who validates your feelings and helps you to implement small changes in your life can be a good place to start. I know it's not the same as seeing a trained therapist, but when there aren't appropriate therapists for you, it might be worth trying? I've found a neurodivergent occupational therapist and she's so helpful, even though we aren't digging into my emotional distress, we're tackling a lot of the practical issues about how to live better, which has made more of a difference than any psychotherapist ever has
@@faeriesmak it can be very difficult to realise that you are AuDHD when you grew up not realising it for most of your life. i'm glad that you have the chance to figure out whether or not you have it, because for some, it's really critical to know more about yourself if you want to take steps towards improvement. i hope you and your sons find therapists that understand your and their dual conditions and can help guide you towards leading your best lives :)
@@helenm1085 i think that's a good idea! i guess my main issue is that i'm looking for qualified psychologists and psychiatrists who actually understand my (possible) autism and ADHD and can help me in a non-judgmental way (hard to find in malaysia, where i live!) and also help me career-wise, because both conditions affect my work life. thanks for the suggestion :)
Therapy has changed my life. Especially the last few years, when I found the best therapist for me. I quit my steady job last year and can hardly afford anything apart for my bills, but if I can I still try going once in a while.I spent around a year while I still had a steady job with going 2-3 times a month, but here( my country) the hour is around 150 pounds. I tried through a GP, but the demands of me not functioning because of my mental health made me illegible. I had a lot of psychosomatic issues, and they are almost gone, so my nervous system is almost trustworthy now, very peaceful.
One thing people should know about therapy is that it is not a panacea. It doesn’t work for every issue for every person. Personally for me, most of the therapy I’ve gone to ended up being a waste of time and money. Based on my personal history, it’s likely that I need a very specific type of therapy that my research revealed is not widely available. I must say that the last 3 year stint I did in therapy resulted in me becoming very self-centered. Like I am trapped inside my own head, looking only at myself. I used to care about others and just wanted to show people how wonderful they are. Now, I have to remind myself to express empathy and force the associated non-verbal behaviors. I used to care about humanity in general and now I’m pro human extermination. I don’t like myself at all anymore. It’s extremely important to find the right therapist and therapy discipline for yourself, so you don’t end up like me.
I've seen about 8 counsellors/therapists in my life due to various mental health issues and, at the time undiagnosed, neurodivergence. Therapy helped me so much, but it definitely took a while to find the right one for me.
I think the perception of therapy as selfish is perhaps perpetuated by the Hollywood portrayal of people being in perpetual therapy for their “messed up lives” that aren’t actual psychiatric disorders. If therapy is working you shouldn’t become dependent on it, you should be able to get to a point to move on. Obviously, if you do have a serious mental health condition like DID or an antisocial personality disorder, then yes, you probably need a lot of therapy. Also, if your job is a therapist, probably a good thing that you have to have a therapist .
Also, if you are a teacher in a local authority school, you can refer yourself to your local authority counselling programme. A certain number of sessions will be charged to your school without your school being told who is accessing the help.
Love the video - going to go off on a tangent because what you said at 14:40 about how it's not our job to know what we need but we should just show up and get the professionals to tell us. That used to very much be my attitude on anything medical ("you studied this for years so of course you will know what I need!") and it's taken many many bad experiences with the NHS for me to accept that no actually, they don't. Structurally, the NHS is not made to deal with the complexity of health conditions, and the worse you have it, and the more you need help, the more they are going to fail you. On top of that, it has been run into the ground so now even the very simple things are broken. The idea that we can just go to a GP and trust what they say is essentially utopian now, and we might as well adjust our behaviour to reality. Ok shutting up now since this is very much not the point of the video. 😅
This is such an underrated comment! So spot on. And for a lot of sick and Mad folk, we've had to find out this the hard way. Sometimes I find it useful with the NHS to mostly see professionals as gatekeepers, particularly with "severe" mental health issues. Do the research yourself, decide what treatment you want, learn where in the country they provide that treatment, learn who is the best specialist etc. Then pressure your health provider to actually provide. Also with therapy in particular, you need to have a plan because the amount of therapy is so short you need to know what you are doing. The comment you made about the most in need getting the least help is unfortunately very true, just how it is structured at the moment.
I've been in and out of NHS funded therapy (always cbt) since i was about 14. This year I finally have accepted that if I want any other kind of therapy I am going to have to pay for it. The cbt helped with the obvious symptoms (anxiety, depression) without ever getting to the root cause (cptsd and emotional disregulation because of autism/adhd). Trying a partially subsidised service first, but the max sessions they can do is 12. After that I'm going to look into a long term private therapist I can return to because having reached my late 30s now, I am sick and tired of having to retell all my issues every single time ahhh
What a coincidence, I just started therapy two weeks ago and have my second session today. I struggle quite a bit in new social situations and I have a really tough time being open, but the setting was calming and I had prepared myself for that appointment, so I really managed to be vulnerable almost right away and talk about some of the things. I didn't find it awkward, despite crying in front of a stranger. I've been telling myself I need to see a therapist for years because of my anxiety and my other struggles. It's 60€ a session so I only go every two weeks, it's a lot of money for someone who only works part time and is trying to save money for an emergency fund, but I like to think of it as an investment into my health, my well being, my future and my relationships. I'm just starting on the journey, but I'm really hopeful!
As a certified rehabilitation counselor in my final year of supervision for licensure (and long time Leena appreciator) this video refreshed and supported me in such an impactful way. Thank you!! ❤
Wish me luck, guys! After years of ignoring myself I finally looked into therapy and was extremely lucky to find a therapist in a matter of weeks. Next week is my first session.
I'm a therapist (counsellor/psychotherapist) and I regularly have therapy myself! It is so beneficial for our mental health to have a trained professional alongside you. And boy, does it take a long time (and money) to qualify! I loved hearing these arguments for accessing therapy throughout your life, and was really pleased with how accurate Leena got it! If anyone is interested I'm on Counselling Directory. My name is Miriam Gilmore, and I'd love to have free call with anyone that might be thinking of starting therapy 😊
Amazing video Leena, so helpful as someone who has never had therapy before! Also, side note - that dress is gorgeous and the colour looks so good on you 😍
This is such an important video!!! And for all my friends struggling to find a therapist right now, Beyond Blue is such a lovely help for me if ever I've needed something. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. even if it seems 'silly' or 'not that bad'. You're worth everything and you should and can always ask for help if you need it x
I wasn't against therapy exactly, I just thought I didn't feel "bad enough" to need it. It wasn't until a friend helped me accept I'd probably benefit from therapy that I actively sought it out. I got super lucky that my therapist was great right off the bat. Something I didn't expect was how easy it would be to open up to a stranger about my feelings and at the same time I didn't expect the magnitude of emotions I was burying. Going to therapy helped me understand that experiences I thought "weren't that bad" were actually negatively affecting the way I functioned.
I've been in therapy for 10+ years and it genuinely saved my life more times than I can count. As you said, if your leg was broken you'd go get it checked out, so do the same for your brain
Such great timing, I'm aware I need to give therapy another try. I tried last year but that self-preservation instinct stopped me from being able to fully explore the issues I struggled with. I would definitely recommend doing the thing I didn't do, which was going through a quick rundown of the moments in your life you see that you feel were notable/impactful/important, like Leena said. And perhaps clarifying what it is you want from your therapy, to make it a more focused experience ❤
I’m only five mins into the video, but had to pause to write this comment! I started therapy in May of last year I too had the same feelings and judgement that you have just touched on. Thanks for confirming I’m not the only one!
Just to play devil's advocate and stoke a conversation- What about people who therapy doesn't work for? People say you need to find the right type of therapy or the right therapist to click with etc. But at what point is it reasonable to decide therapy just doesn't help you and you should give up? 5 therapists? 10 therapists?
It all depends on so many factors. Sometimes the problems we face are caused by deep underlying issues. Building enough trust with a therapist to work on those can literally take years, which can feel daunting. I personally don’t believe that there is a certain group of people for whom therapy just doesn’t work. But I understand that it can feel like that, and I’m sorry it that’s what you’re going through 💜
I believe there is always a form of therapy and a therapist for every person (or forms of self-therapy), but it's up to the patient to find it. There can be many reasons why it's not working, always keep hope and keep trying. - Someone could sabotage themselves without knowing. E.g. They make the appointments and so they think they are making "the effort", but as soon as "the real therapy" starts they cancel with all sorts of excuses. Even short sessions with "the wrong therapist" were learning experiences for me, to teach me what I'm not looking for. But you have to have some capacity to self-reflect on that if it's avoidance, or it's really the wrong person. - On the other hand, it could also be that the patient keep seeking out the wrong types of therapy, and no therapist tells him that. Again, you need to be assertive and change things up after you have tried several times. I myself have ADHD and CBT just doesn't work for me, even if it's still praised as the "best form of therapy", because I just forget to do the homework assignments, and so then the therapy doesn't work off course... So when I realised that, I specifically looked out for therapy forms that are 'active' in the session itself without homework.
Therapy is just a fancy form of social connection that is designed to lead your brain down new paths and create new thought patterns that make you feel better. Humans are social creatures, and have neuroplasticity, thus it should be possible for everyone to connect in some way.... However it is hard when you're being fundamentally misunderstood (I saw SO many unhelpful therapists before I worked out I was autistic), or have trouble with social connection in the first place. For me, finding someone to talk to who was like me, or who could validate my experiences, was critical. And you might not be able to find that within accredited therapists...
😂 though there are a lot of differences between Mary Musgrove/Elliot and Leena. 😂 but the association👍🏻 I wonder how one could view those Austen characters (M Musgrove and Mrs Bennet) that are often labelled „hypochondriac“ with today’s knowledge. Gaskell does something different with her characters (Mrs Hale - in Mrs Thorntons eyes, has a „fine-ladyish disposition“ dies, and Mrs Hamley, Mr Gibson says that people might think that she isn’t really ill, but he knows better, also dies, only H Gibson, is like a milder version of Mrs Bennet?) but they probably would have profited from psychotherapy…?!
No you're right Leena is very far away from resembling Mary ^^ Just the picture of it is hilarious and done so well :) I think so too. For Sure they would have profited from therapy :) I think the therapy is in the writing if that makes sense. How all the Charakters are displayed as they are (exagerated of course) .. From a point of Humor and with great compassion in a time where they had no such thing as therapy :-) I am german btw so pls excuse my spelling mistakes and grammar 🙈
This really was a kick up the backside to get on with the therapy search (it’s a 2024 goal that still needs actioning) along with lots of advice! Fab video ❤❤❤
The term psychotherapy is protected in certain provinces (countries etc... licensing will differ). For instance, in Ontario CA you need to be registered with the CRPO. Just want to mention for people interested in short term therapy-look for solution focused brief therapy (SFBT) or CBT, and for more exploratory work I recommend psychodynamic psychotherapy (ie. connecting childhood experiences to the here and now). There are so many modalities, many treat the same thing from a different approach and efficacies will vary. Great video!
I appreciate this video. I've had all these thoughts about therapy and worse, while simultaneously knowing in the back of my brain that these thoughts were bs and possibly an excuse to avoid something I know will be challenging. I think I'm so slowly coming around to the idea that this is something I need to pursue. It's overwhelming though
For the LGBTQIA+ folks Pink Therapy has a list of therapists who are also trained in Queer issues, many are in the community themselves. It can make it a bit less terrifying because at least you know in advance that your identity isn't going to be an issue.
Well done Leena! I am one of those annoying people constantly parroting the benefits of therapy. I wish it were more widely accepted as I genuinely believe everyone can benefit from regular therapy to keep our mental health in check in the same way regular dentist check ups help keep our teeth healthy!
Leena, draped on her settee held forth and it was good! The draping and the thoughts. Thanks! And oh yes! I too am part of history and read in popular science book when I was 15 that brain cells don’t renew. I was devastated! Every stupid toenail and appendix could renew, but not the best of us? The bit that (then) was deemed to differentiate us from other animals. By the time they finally made it official and threw neuroplasticity in the media wash I was pretty certain that we can change.
Unfortunately it depends on the area you live in and the GP does not have any access to NHS talking therapies waiting time so they don't have any idea how long it is unless they're told by the service.
Leena i really appreciate your videos and your takes. I'm a registered systemic psychotherapist and family therapist and wanted to address one point. An aside comment of yours that essentially communicated "if the government just paid for therapy then everyone would be more productive, saving money overall", i think considering your general politic, could be broken down further. Therapy under neoliberal capitalism is posited as exactly this, a means for people to go back to the status quo. As a therapist in process with decolonising and anti oppressive methods, its worth mentioning that my aim would be to assist people to mobilise towards whatever their goals are: contributing diversely and perhaps in ways that powers that be do not see as valuable. Unfortunately many therapists who are not systemically trained (i.e. those taking a highly individualistic or deterministic approach) can miss this ecological approach. Therapy is not a vacuous experience, and SHOULD be critiqued as so. I understand some people are still beginning to come around to the idea that therapy is useful at all, but certainly these days it has become highly normalised that a lot of the time people can self-therapise in both useful and less useful ways. Therapy as a process is useful when the client says it is, so it is an agentic client centred process. At the same time, therapists hold power and expertise that can be useful if delivered in an effective way for that person. Therapy is a space for "both, and", multiple truths delicately balanced within the space of the therapeutic relationship. There is much more to say, but i do suggest mad in america as a great resource on critical approaches to MH, mad studies movements, hearing voices movement, liberation psychology, post modern methods such as narrative therapy and solution focused brief therapy. The world of therapy spans far and wide but i find these critical and somewhat radical approaches refreshing both personally and professionally, since many people i see have tried all free (short term CBT) pathways and feel distrust and jaded about the MH system when we first meet.
It's also good to ask potential therapists about their cancellation policies, and if they want you to book in blocks or if you will pay on a week by week basis. You shouldn't feel like you have to pay for more than you want or can afford, especially when you are seeing a new therapist.
Just lovely to have a therapy positive video not sponsored by Betterhelp 😅
yeah i was really worried it would be
THIS is why Leenas patreon is the only one I subscribe to. So few content creators create things of value without silly spons.
I'm almost certain she did a "people I won't sponsor" video in which BetterHelp was quite the feature
I don’t get how every other TH-camr seems to have just conveniently forgotten their bullshit
I got an advert for them at the start though 🤦🏻♂🤦🏻♂
As someone who works in the industry, in my opinion, the biggest lie about therapy is that therapy is the end all be all for mental wellness. I think, as a society, we place all the responsibility on individuals to "fix themselves" and we don't focus on the environment that drives people to those mental issues, and finding ways to fix that and creating good community, support systems, social services, etc. etc. (my point being: we should be using both at the same time)
omg this. I've been in therapy on and off, mostly on, since I was 11 (I'm now 36) and recently my current therapist said to me I wasn't the problem - I have the tools and skills, I'm emotionally mature, I communicate well, I have a lot of self kowledge, I manage my own shit well. The fact I'm struggling is actually now entirely lack of social support systems, lack of support so I can work (I'm Autistic), etc.
I think a big one is that sometimes feeling sad or anxious or lethargic are just normal and totally appropriate responses to certain situations rather than a sign that you have a mental health problem and maybe therapy won’t help because your brain isn’t the issue.
A few years back I went to the drs in relation to getting a diagnosis for a pain problem, the drs continually dismissed it and I was left for months experiencing pain attacks that were causing me to spend hours most nights crawling on the floor in pain, I was exhausted from the sleep deprivation and on top of that, I’d recently had a new baby, got a new job and moved house. I broke down in tears to my doctor in one of my appointments and she decided that my outbreak was signs of a mental health crisis, rather than an absolutely appropriate response to having a health issue that was being ignored and was causing horrendous pain and being unable to manage my day to day because of the resulting exhaustion.
I was sent to therapy and I still felt lethargic and sad and uninterested. That feeling didn’t stop until I got an operation to fix my pain and was able to sleep again.
The kicker? I now have to declare that mental health diagnosis every time I’m asked about my medical history. It impacts the cost and availability of my health and life insurance, all because a dr would rather declare me mentally unwell, than acknowledgement my complaints of pain.
YES! i come up against a lot of things (e.g. being neurodivergent and trans/non-binary) in therapy sessions where reality testing doesn't work as a tactic for easing anxiety because people are legitimately shit about them, and my therapist always recommends the same: agency and community. find something, anything, you CAN change about your situation, and people to change it with and to support you while things are still shite. best advice i've ever been given tbh.
UP!!!! Oftentimes, people forget that mental health issues are an amalgamation of different factors: biological, social, emotional, spiritual, etc. Therapy is just one way to guide the client to the right direction towards healing. It's not similar as sickness and other medical issues, for example, that you can simply take medications for and be done with it (excluding chronic conditions and disabilities, of course. You get what i mean, just oversimplifying an explanation for the sake of an example). It's always a constant inner work alongside the tools given to you like medications and therapy to build resilience.
Yeah in therapy previously there's defo been situations where I've looked at my therapist and she's looked at me like... Yeah no we both know that's structural and there's no gaslighting your way outta that one gal... 😅
The real question is: how do we drop off people at the therapist who need it because their behaviour makes other people need to go to the therapist?
For a second there I thought Better Help finally managed to break you down!
On a serious note, sorry that happened to you and so glad you’re doing better!
Never! 💪
I came straight to the comments to see if this was a Better Help shill 💀
my experience of therapy and counselling so far is that LOADS of professionals are not equipped to handle clients who have like... put in thought about their illness or issues. i turn up like "hi, this is my experience, it probably stems from x, this is how i cope with it but i really need help to get to a point where i'm not just coping." and then the therapist is like "oh so here's ways to cope (that you've already said don't work), and have you considered that [thing i figured out years ago]?" and then after a while they either tell me i'm fine (i'm objectively not) or they're like "huh idk try meds i guess"
(to be very clear i am not against meds, but in my specific situation they'd be essentially like taking painkillers for a broken leg but not actually putting the leg in a cast. like, yeah, give me the painkillers, but please actually fix the problem also)
I relate to this. I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and ever since I got that diagnose I've been kind of dismissed by professionals in that they can't help me any more, other than prescribe ADHD meds. And it's really frustrating because knowing what's going on isn't the same as knowing how to cope with it, both in a practical and an emotional way. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago and I've felt lost, drifting between professionals ever since. I am exhausted.
100% This is exactly my problem.
Hi! I have been through something similar, and I have found that a lot to it is about the type of therapy you are getting. For example, I was FOR YEARS going to CBT, when I actually needed trauma specialized therapy. This led to loads of shame about not getting better. Therapist SHOULD give more information about other types that have evidence besides from their own, and loads of them are not doing this, which is a great mistake in my view. Hopefully this helps.
Is there not some therapists that's are specialized with what you have. I know that some therapists are specialized with ed, for example. I mine worked with people with sleep disorders like mine, and that's why i like her and that came to her after experiencing a psy that clearly didn't really understand how my narcolepsy affected my life.
Just a quick correction. Coaching [life coaching for example] is not a qualification and is essentially an expensive friend who gives you advice. Therapist/mental health worker/counsellor/psychiatrist are qualified specialists who can provide help with mental health. Please do not confuse the two.
Be sure to check the rules in your country though. In some countries, the only protected profession is psychiatrist and for all others, anyone can claim the title with 0 qualifications.
As a therapist who worked for a lifecoach as a bit before realizing it was bunk and getting an MA, THANK YOU. It’s often a very predatory space as well.
Not to mention this distinction is important for client safety. I know if my therapist did something inappropriate, I could report her to her governing body. If your life coach is being inappropriate, there is no path for recourse.
Definitely an important distinction to make. The term 'coach' doesn't have a fixed definition, and anyone can call themselves that. You are not allowed to call yourself a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist unless you have the required qualifications.
In my country coaching is recognised as a legit job and figure if you get the proper qualifications. It is not as protected as therapy but it has it’s own field and scopes separate from therapy and I know about some therapists that work in both fields, and all the qualified coaches have a certain amount of mental health coaching together with finance advising and other fields. It is mostly a process to make life better, or help someone achieve their goals, and all the coaches that I met are VERY adamant in the distinction of legitimacy between the ones with trading and the predators without.
This pink dress draped across the colorful sofa is giving All’s Well book cover and I love it
I know! 😍
would be even weirder if she matched the colour of the dress with the sofa, then she'd be a weird kind of disembodied head.
It didn't know this book but the setting and colour reminded me of "My year of rest and relaxation"
Before I got married, my partner and I did pre-marital counseling with a licensed therapist, which, not only showed how great we were for each other, has made me super comfortable knowing that therapy is always a tool in my toolbox should I need it.
I love this for you!! ☺️
brilliant
Such a good idea! Good for you
I’m just so happy that this isn’t sponsored by Better Help 😂
I'm definitely obnoxious about therapy. I'm alive! Not only am I alive, I would have to force my brain out of a regulated state when I'm dealing with insanely high stress experiences in order to go back to where I was. I've dealt with so much since I did therapy and I'm, fine? Like, genuinely fine? I struggle obviously, we all have struggles, and life is objectively really tough right now, but I'm genuinely okay. I have coping skills for the long and short terms.
I will add, I paid for my therapy myself. I may never own a house because I spent my £8000 mortgage savings on a mix of individual therapy, group DBT (specifically aimed at my BPD diagnosis) and EMDR (trauma processing therapy, for my diagnosed C-PTSD.) I'll never be a homeowner but I'm alive. I will always cherish my life. I'm hugely privileged to have been able to do that, but it also definitely changed my perspective on what my priorities are.
I love this comment I'm so happy to read it, being alive is way better than owning a home. Also hurrah for DBT definitely one of my fave therapeutic modalities.
can't really own a home if you're not alive, so being alive is def no.1 on the list like you say.. I'm so happy for you ❤
see? things kinda are okay for you because you still have hope and have that life force to go on, to feel grateful, to be able to see and feel the good bits. not everyone has that actually.
Lil additional info for everyone looking into therapy: there are different schools/ types of therapy, which are best suited for different topics /people. The biggest two are psychoanalysis/depth psychotherapy and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). CBT is based on empirical studies and often recommended for phobias/anxiety, depression, eating disorders or substance abuse issues. Psychoanalysis/depth psychotherapy typically matches the stereotypical lying on a couch and talking about your childhood vibes more than CBT, and can be beneficial for issues around trauma/abuse or personality disorders, or depression. Most psychotherapist are only educated in one or two kinds of therapy, so the type of therapy s.o. offers might be a good first indicator when contacting potential therapists. There are more 'schools' and any therapist can tell you what specific kinds of topics they work on, so this is just a general overview!
(Source is my bachelor's in psychology, but please always check anyway what some random person in the yt comments says. All the best to you! ❤)
this comment is so heartwarming and wholesome. Thank you person of the internet, I will you an amazing day because you made mine :)
Thanks for spreading info and awareness.
@@Raquel-hk8wh aww, thank you so much!
As the world of psychotherapy becomes bigger and more advanced, I find myself having to dismantle many preconceptions I’ve had about it. The comparison to going for any other medical checkup definitely helps put into perspective how it really should be seen as a normal, healthy thing.
You can read all the self-help books, psychological books, and watch youtube videos, but still, I think, therapy is superior because it is DEEPLY personal, and it responds directly to all your personal thoughts and experiences. It can be invaluable to have someone (proffessional and trained) to have that objective outsider's perspective on your struggles. I'm 30 and I have been going to therapy for 6 months now and it really helps a lot. I wish I started therapy sooner. I have been working on my mental health (through books and YT videos) for a long time, and I did make progress, but I think if I just went to therapy instead that progress would take ma a year, not 7 years.
I was raised with the old fashioned idea that you only went to therapy if you had something "serious", e.g. a traumatic experience, or if you were "crazy" (whatever that meant). And so if I went to therapy I would be considered a "crazy person"... which is such a disturbing mindset towards therapy. So I always thought things like: "my past wasn't "that" traumatic so I don't seek help", "I am not running around naked and stuff so I am too 'normal' to seek help...", "I don't have serious external problems in my life so I'm not miserable enough, so I can't seek help..." Well it turns out i did seriously needed help with my mental health... So, just seek help if you feel you want help. Don't let other people tell you all the reasons why "they think" you shouldn't, can't or aren't allowed to seek help.
My friend is retraining to be a therapist after volunteering during the pandemic made her realise she wanted to help people more than her current career. I think that's great but I did say to her I find therapy intimidating not because I don't think it can be valuable but because I kind of don't want to look deeply into that void I'd be scared what would come out. Come six months later and a load of shit came crashing out of that bloody void anyway. Moral of the story: avoiding therapy because you don't want to look at your shit - the shit comes for you anyway.
I'm 27. I've been in therapy for 1 year and 4 months because I couldn't phisically stay anymore in class at uni, at other people's houses, at the bar, and everywhere else. I couldn't exit my house anymore without experiencing physical pain or nausea or panic attacks. Therapy has helped me so much, i still can't believe the progress i made. I told my therapist about all of my traumas and all the s**ual violence i've experienced and it feels so good to say that stuff to another human being. Basically we found out that i struggle to recognise violence against myself and this concept is mindblowing.
As a trainee therapist, I really appreciate you spreading this information! If you're interested, here's my perspective from the other side of the fence on what you've said
One of the biggest challenges that my class and I face is the whole talking as a friend vs talking as a therapist thing because it is SOOO EASY to slip into that friend mode when if you're doing that you aren't giving therapy. So much of being a good therapist is knowing when to keep your mouth shut lol
Planning before a session will entirely depend on what kind of therapy you do, the kind of therapy I'm training in is client centred therapy meaning that I don't try and steer the conversation at all, so you can't plan for it, but I'm sure there are other kinds that do require planning. However having recovery time afterwards is huge. My teacher loves saying that we "have to sit in the pit of despair with the client, not standing on the edge trying to throw them a rope" so that is incredibly emotionally taxing.
Being less ill is a MOOOOOOD. Anyone who has any doubts that mental illness contributes to physical illness, go read "The Myth of Normal" by Gabor Mate and come back to me.
On the 'who needs therapy' point, there is literally NO ONE on the planet who would not benefit from it at some point in their life. We've done a unit on child development and it is literally impossible to raise a child perfectly, therefore everyone has hang ups from their childhood that are affecting how they think, feel or behave as an adult which therapy can really help you address and get on better with life.
With the 'you need to be 100000% ok to stop therapy "note the guy who LITERALLY INVENTED the approach I'm studying said "yeah 99% of people choose to stop therapy before they get to that point, you'll probs have only 1 or 2 in your whole career who go all the way, if that"
Vibe check is SUUUUUUUUPER IMPORTANT! Carl Rogers (the guy I mentioned who invented the approach) legit said that the first condition required for a successful therapy relationship is basically "vibe check"
(also shout out to you Leena because when I was umming and ahhhing about whether I wanted to make the commitment to change my career, hearing your 'in the climate crisis what we'll need is more therapists' argument was one of the things that tipped the balance for me)
Thanks Leena! ^^ I'm a (neurodivergent) therapist myself and this video was actually really helpful to get a sense of what other people's perception on therapy can look like. Btw I have also started to make clothes partially because of you :D Your authentic stories make it less daunting
I appreciate hearing this from a British person. My British ex-wife as very mocking of therapy and her family was vicious in their criticism.
Okay so as someone who's in the mental health field, I see that there is often a confusion about qualifications and language around them. (just a disclaimer that I am from Serbia and speaking from that experience, this definitely differs in other places)
For someone to become a therapist, they firstly need to have a Bachelor's degree in some of the humanities - mostly it's psychology (I have a BA in Psychology), social work, special education and pedagogy. Besides that, psychiatrists (that finished med school and their psychiatry specialisation) can also finish psychotherapy courses.
So - the psychotherapy education. Firstly, you need to choose which branch of psychotherapy you want to do - Psychoanalysis, Transactional Analysis, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Gestalt Psychotherapy, EMDR, Systemic Family Psychotherapy, Body Psychotherapy, Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT)... and some more, they all have their differences but this is already a too long of a comment hahaha. All of these last about 4-6 years, and are very very very expensive.
When you finish the first 2-3 years, you usually can start working as a "Psychotherapist under supervision" which indicates to you that they are still in training and will be sharing details from your session with their supervisor (not your name etc. but the process) and it's completely okay for you to not feel comfortable with that. After doing some years under supervision, and completing your course and education (which you get a certificate for, just like with a degree), you are able to be a "Psychotherapist" without the supervision part.
A Counselor is in my experience usually someone who "just" has a BA in Psychology and Counseling, and going to someone with that title or simply a psychologist means that they are not able to do an elongated deep process like a therapist would, but rather focus on some specific problems.
And, the title of a (mental health or life or whatever) Coach is as far as I know the most unregulated term out of all of these and as it is a newer concept, I don't know much about it.
Finally, studies have shown that the most important factor and indicator of a successful therapy process isn't the branch or the kind of therapist you go to, the relationship between the therapist and the client is what's truly the most healing part of the process.
Sorry for this novel of a comment, but this is often confusing to people (and rightfully so - IT IS very complicated lol) so I take every chance I get to explain. 😄
And as always, great video Leena! I'm also going through therapy myself right now, and related to so much. And from the professional point of view, it was spot on!
It works extremely differently in the US. :) You cannot do anything with a Bachelor's, not therapy, not counseling, nothing, you can be a receptionist at a psych clinic :D You can also be a psychiatric aid w/out any degree or a psychometrist w/ a BA only (psychometrists only administer the tests, they don't measure the results, they basically list the questions to patients). You can practice therapy with a Master's or doctorate. To call yourself a psychologist, you need a PhD or PsyD in psychology, with a master's in clinical psychology or counseling psychology, you can't be a psychologist and with most master's in psychology, you cannot be a therapist or counselor either. PhDs take 5 - 8 yrs, PsyDs 4 -5 + a few yrs to get licensed (3000 hrs but most is during school). If you want to be a therapist with a master's you either need a master's in social work and become a licensed clinical social worker OR get a master's in counseling and become a licensed professional counselor OR get a master's in marriage and family therapy and become a licensed marriage a family therapist. These take 3 yrs + 3000 hrs (2-5 yrs) until getting licensed. Essentially all these three things (clinical social worker, counselor, and marriage and family therapy) do the exact same thing: they are therapist that offer therapy. You can also get a PhD in counseling, but not in social work and I don't think you can in marriage & family therapy either. Therapy and counseling (mental health counseling!) essential means that same thing, most use the term therapist though. These master's level therapists generally do the same thing as PhD or PsyD level psychologists (therapists), though psychologists do in-dept assessments (IQ, autism etc) and may work with some of the more difficult/serious cases (e.g. schizophrenia will likely need a psychiatrist and a psychologist). But when it comes to depression, anxiety, ocd, eating disorders, phobias, and all those other usual/common issues, a doctorate level therapist and a master's level therapist do the same thing. I think the US is the most different from most countries and in most countries, everything falls under the psychology umbrella and you can usually do something with a bachelor's only.
@@LauraPalmerD thank you SO MUCH for this! because of social media and the fact that the most therapists which my algorithm shows me are from the US, I was always extremely confused about how you become a psychotherapist in the US. It also confused me like the type of specifications when it comes to US therapists, only the term "CBT therapist" is the same as here. You rarely hear "holistic therapist" here, it's usually "Gestalt therapist", "psychoanalytical therapist" and so on. Again, thank you so much for this comment! ✨
It works differently here in Australia too :-p Those with the most training (& who can be seen/funded through Medicare) are Psycholists & Psychiatrists, the former often offering CBT (with EMDR etc less common/more specialised so often with less government funding), & psychiatrists are the only ones who can prescribe medication (thus have a medical background etc - I believe they require a doctorate to claim the title of psychiatrist) - Psychologists require at least a Masters etc.
Hope that helps folk around my neck of the woods ❤
So therapists rarely use their style of therapy as an adjective. They will say they are a therapist, psychotherapist, counselor, mental health counselor, marriage & family therapist, psychologist, etc. They may occasionally use their speciality as a qualifier, eg addiction counselor, eating disorder therapies, couples therapist, trauma therapist. But they will very rarely if ever say they are a CBT therapist, Gestalt therapist, Adlerian therapist. They learn about all these schools of psychology (already on the bachelor's level) and ARE trained in all these different fields (exactly what may depend on their specific degree/school/interests!) + after they get licensed, they regularly have to take classes (continuing education credits) to keep their license, so they are always learning new strategies. You can see the techniques they are trained in on their profile or ask during the first session. :) Many therapists also adjust their style to the client, eg. on client may benefit from CBT or DBT, another one may need exposure therapy, for other psychoanalysis is the best. CBT is one of the most well-known and it's commonly used but it's far from the only one. As for holistic therapy, that's not an official thing. Of course, many therapist have a holistic mindset (more and more) but using the term holistic can make someone look like they are woo-woo/new-age and not offering real therapy, so I think they try to stay away from it. When a therapist describes themselves as having an eclectic strategy/mindset, you will know that they are more holistic with their approach. It is very confusing though, even within the US. But between countries...ugh, I'm a US/EU dual citizen and even within Europe, it differs from country to country. The main ideas all stem from the same thing (psychology) and therapy is for the most part essentially the same with all the same strategies, but how you get there, what education is required, etc, it's super different and can be incredibly confusing. I'm always jealous when master's level therapists in other countries can use the term psychologist (heck, even at the bachelor's level), when it's not allowed here. Psychologist sounds so much better :D When I was living in the Netherlands people insisted that I was a psychologist since I had a BA in it, but I always protested since I was used to the US way :D Now that I'm working towards my second master's, now in therapy, I just tell my European friends that I'm studying to become a psychologist, because explaining all this is way too confusing for them :D
@@LauraPalmerD yeah, I don't blame people who are not in the field for getting confused hahah it was a ride to explain all of this to my civil engineer mum
but also, here in Serbia laws and regulations when it comes to psychotherapy are very in need of revision, so we'll see how it's gonna be in the future 🥲
and thanks so much for clearing up the term "holistic therapy", I thought that that's how people in the US would call someone coming from a Gestalt background or Reich's Body therapy or something like that, as these are "more holistic" lol
Jumpscare when. you mention me! So kind. Brilliant video as ever and so glad you've had a positive experience of it! xxx
I was so nervous this was going to be a BetterHelp ad, I expect that everywhere online but it would hit hard coming from Leena.
Thanks for sharing this! I'm in the US and sessions where I live generally cost $200-300 per hour, usually not covered by insurance, and as far as I understand, they have to be licensed by the specific state they practice in - so if you live in FL like me, you can't just do online therapy with your friend's amazing therapist in NY.
Currently looking for a new therapist since although mine is really nice and sympathetic and seems to want to help (and is actually covered by my insurance), she just doesn't have the training or experience to be much help for my issues. So many I've contacted either don't respond or aren't seeing new patients, or I have a consultation with them and they're just not a good fit for one reason or another. It's definitely tough trying to find a suitable one in the first place!
As someone who has gone to therapy for many years and through conflicts of all sizes, some red flags I'd add:
- using invalidating rhetoric or ableist language (e.g. calling a past client "crazy" or asking what you did for someone to hurt you)
- taking a long time to call back when you leave a voicemail or email; this is not the field to be taking things at whatever pace they want
- trying to become too friendly and/or talking about themselves a lot; a version of this is called countertransference and puts the therapeutic relationship at risk because they are making things about what they want, not about you and your needs
- not answering the question of what type of therapist they are; someone who can't name specific techniques, schools of thought, or practices they follow is a lot more likely to be doing random shit that doesn't have scientific evidence to work together
Now, even when things are often totally fine, I wouldn't give up my therapy sessions. It's a version of self-care for me to prioritize working through my thoughts and feelings of any size. If you DO want to go to therapy forever, that's also ok. My therapist is amazing, and I still learn new things from her all the time.
14:23 Can't stress this enough!! Also just going through the process of finding a therapist and getting set up with sessions when you are in absolute crisis mode can feel almost impossible.
I have been in therapy for a looong time - I’ve been seeing my current psychologist for almost 9 years. It has done wonders for my mental health. I was in crisis when I first started - luckily that is no longer the case, but as someone with multiple underlying issues, regular sessions help maintain my good mental health. And it is NOT just like venting to a friend! (That’s aimed at my dad specifically 😂) My psychologist studied for a long time to gain the skills they have. And we know each other so well now that we have a kind of shorthand, which makes sessions even more efficient. They also charge me a reduced rate - it’s still very expensive, but I agree that I’m paying them what they’re worth, and I’ve just decided that this is an investment in my wellbeing, and it’s where I’ve decided to prioritise my spending.
I laughed out loud at your comparison of therapy to the dentist, optometrist or obstetrics. I had the literal opposite thought process this year. As a frequently psychotic human who has never (since my first proper mental health crisis) questioned that I "need" therapy - I super struggle to justify spending the same amount of money on other health services that I deem less necessary.
A few months ago, I convinced myself that it was okay to spend the same amount I do on mental stuff on the other medical stuff. I can now eat without head-splitting pain, and have glasses that enable me to see more than 20m ahead of me, and have learned that I am not being dramatic and there is an actual real physical reason that my menstruation is so very painful.
To your point re:spending money on mental health care before it is a crisis - I think a lot of people (myself certainly) have the same attitude towards a lot of medical stuff. My issues with eyes, teeth, uterus didn't completely prevent me from functioning in the same way my psychological & neurological stuff has, so it was hard to justify the expense. I would get check ups for my epilepsy even though it is pretty much controlled but not for my teeth which (it turns out) have been cracked for years.
Thinking about all health care as necessary without needing there to be a crippling issue seems so logically logical, but it's so hard to get myself on board. Like yeah, I know preventative stuff is always most effective and it's always easiest to address problems earlier rather than later, but getting past the "I pay HOW MUCH to do WHAT?" is a fun game I play every time for anything that has not hit crisis point.
I love what you said about all aspects of health care being health care.
Am in the US, though, and addressing a lot of my issues would also put me out on the street. I got really sick last year and had to go to the ER and I am STILL paying that off even WITH insurance coverage.
That's a fair point. I am lucky to live in Australia, where efforts are made to make healthcare affordable. It is still expensive, but would never cost more than what I pay in rent. @@faeriesmak
Therapy is £50/hour but a dental check up is £50 for like ten minutes so...
Yes, but you get a dental checkup once a year. Meanwhile, you need an X amount of therapy sessions for it to work and the costs add up.
@@SamuraiShizuo that's true - I was referring more to the point about the perceived value of the time rather than the actual affordability
The dentist has to pay for his equipment and probably has an assistant that has to help him. The dental appointment lasts shorter but they have more costs than the psychotherapist. In Germany, the radiologist (that also does mri and ct scans) is the doctor with the highest earnings because his equipment etc is so expensive and his electricity bill is so high.
Ok but I've also been traumatized by cars an it's not that there's something wrong with us and our orientation towards them, but that our cities are too car-centric (due to capitalists lobbying to have them be the main forms of transportation) and cars are fucking dangerous for pedestrians, cyclists, and the people in them. We just need to by and large get rid of cars. Therapy is great, don't get me wrong, and it's good you can feel safe in a car and walking, but our car-centric societies are absolutely the problem.
I feel this in my bones and is one of the big reasons I didn’t go for so long ; I would love to do a video on how casually driving should be a thing of the past, and not such a huge part of life, but it might be for the far future. For now, while I also believe that’s true, I needed to learn to function in the world I currently live my day to day in, and not feel like having a cry and a panic every time I crossed the road. Both can be true x
book rec: The Body Keeps the Score -- this is all well and good but good luck to any middle or lower class americans trying to get any semblance of decent mental health care. it doesn't exist unless you have top of the line insurance which... heh... so few and far between.
Wow. I'm in the US and I WISH therapy was so inexpensive out of pocket. £50-70 isn't a small amount by any means, but in my country therapy is completely unaffordable for most of us. Even after paying hundreds of dollars a month for private health insurance, therapy can still cost $100-400 per appointment.
As someone who’s been in therapy since I was 8 it’s fascinating to see my father going to therapy for the first time in his 60s and seeing the difference in mindset . I grew up with therapy being a normal thing and seeing others be weirded out by it was so interesting as it was so helpful having someone on my side helping me understand myself and the world . I am grateful that therapy is available to me , and it was upsetting to see my father trying to get his therapy approved and getting blocked by doctors saying it’s not worth it and he should just go drinking . He is so much more open now and I am able to understand him better because where able to communicate and our relationship is getting better . Therapy is so important .
I was very fortunate in that I was able to get 6 free sessions of counselling through work (I work in education). A few months later, I was really struggling and so I phoned my local mental health services. I got a consultation on the phone then was told that there was over a 9 month wait (I know for others it can be way longer). This was scary for me and I was considering private therapy.
However, I got a call about 3 weeks later and was offered therapy via the NHS with a trainee CBT therapist. I accepted and it was the best decision I have ever made! I found it so useful and the techniques have stayed with me through any random and traumatic times.
As Leena mentioned, please please please set this time aside if you can, speak to your work to see if you are entitled to some free sessions and ask for help via the NHS. Thank you for this video, Leena, as always with your videos!
For Canadians the Affordable therapy network is great to find sliding scale and low cost therapists for in person and online therapy! You don't need a diagnosis, you don't need to be in crisis. You are worth it, you are worthy of someone listening to you.
Also, accreditation and protection of titles is different in different places. In Ontario you can't call yourself a psychotherapist unless you're registered. Please look people up on their governing body's website like if someone is an RSW psychotherapist in Canada their information will be available on the college of social workers and social service workers website. This will also tell you if they have any strikes against them.
Such a great video ! I’d also like to share awareness about Creative arts therapies eg. Art Psychotherapy, Drama Psychotherapy , Music Psychotherapy, Dance and movement Psychotherapy. They are really helpful for people who find verbal communication more difficult, for whatever reason.
These therapists should also have qualifications and be registered with a governing body!
The body keeps the score is also an amazing book about trauma and how it’s stored in the body- also talks about the neuroscience behind it & v interesting
Just in case this helps someone: I got diagnosed with PTSD in October and I thought I'd never improve and that the series of negative experiences was not something I'd recover from. I started EMDR in January and it's very hard but it's also *working*!
It took a LONG time to find someone who could help me but it worked out eventually and I'm now actually receiving treatments and my symptoms are decreasing.
the "it's too late for me" is such a good point. my dad started going at like 55 yo and it really helped our relationship. i'm so grateful he went even if it took very long for him to decide to do so.
A lovely overview of the therapy world! I like that you brought up the special social dynamic that occurs within the therapy room. It was only after going to therapy for 5+ years that I truly understood that your relationship with your therapist, as unique as it is, is still a social relationship, and as such it will probably stumble upon challenges/conflicts along the way (ex. talking about fees, establishing what you are or aren’t ready to talk about, etc). A good professional will be aware of this and make things smoother for the both of you
One thing I felt was missing: There are different kinds of therapy; behavioral and psycho-analysis therapy are different and you might want to check the kinds out before you get your therapist because they do different things. The psycho-analysis was not working for me. I needed behavioral therapy.
I've struggled A LOT with my mental health over the course of my 25 years and as someone that has started therapy because I was in crisis, I still highly encourage people to go if they aren't actively in crisis.
You aren't just helping yourself (even though that would be reason enough), you will also make it easier for people in your life to talk to you about mental health topics that might struggle more than you.
I have to do a lot of emotional labour for people because of ableism (and other stuff) and that's a lot easier if someone's mind has been 'opened' by therapy.
another thing to consider on the subject of what you are paying your therapists for: counsellors (different to therapists) are required to have regular counselling sessions themselves, as well as make very thorough notes in between sessions.
My former therapist re-traumatized me through cross-transference. Haven't found a new one since. That was two years ago. I'm not sure I can trust another one. 😢
I think more and more employers cover costs of counselling sessions. Through my work I can get up to 6h of therapy.
yeeeesss therapy is Punk! loved this video! As a fellow UK person, there is a huge stigma around therapy. It is honestly the best and hardest thing I've ever done for myself. I am definitely, 100%, the person that tells everyone to get a therapist :D :D no shame.
Im so sorry to hear you went through that Leena! I was just thinking, if your trauma stops you from driving or makes it unsafe for you to drive you might be able to get a disabled bus pass - you would probably have to give up your licence but if youre not driving anyway it might save you some money. Worth chatting to your GP about. Great advice on therapy anyway, i found therapy life-changing and it helped me realise so many harmful thought patterns and where they came from and how to start unravelling them ❤
So sorry you went through that, and so glad to hear you're doing better!
Absolutely LOLing at "so if you hate my video, you only have them to blame" about the Gumption Club. 😂
therapy has given me the means to understand myself and reflect about what I am and what I want to be, it gives me the resources to be able to heal, forgive and comfort MYSELF (instead of expecting someone else to do it. I'm the best person to do that). and by taking caring of myself, I can take much better care of the people I love!
Suffering from severe arachnophobia for my entire life, I finally scheduled therapie sessions 10 months from moving to Australia. You know, Big Spider Country. I remember being scared we wouldn't have enough time to deal with it before moving. To my surprise, and to the surprise of my entire family and friends, I was letting a huge spider running on my hands after 2 (!) sessions. My mind was blown. I wouldn't say I'm completely healed, but the steps you can take in therapy can be so huge! Soooooo... 10/10 would recommend. Also I almost said I never had therapy, until I remember that I did see a licenced therapist for this, so it was actual therapy. I wasn't having any serious psychological problems and functioned just fine and still benefitted hugely from it.
Thanks for sharing your experience and making this video Leena.
Just to update, IAPT is now called NHS Talking Therapies.
As you mentioned the BABCP is a good place to look for accreditation and they can check you still meet the guidelines while you are registered, so not just when you register.
There's different types of therapy which are helpful for different things. E.g. CBT is more of a short term therapy and works well if you have a specific goal.
NHS talking therapies mainly offer CBT so if it is something else you're looking for it may either mean going private or depending on your presentation a different NHS service.
Good timing, I’ve literally just emailed a new therapist about starting sessions again!
I have also had several very annoying conversations with a friend who believes all these lies and more (“people just go to therapy so they can blame their parents for all their problems”, “therapists’ motives can’t be trusted because if you get better you’ll stop paying them”, “private therapists are bad people because if they really cared about their clients they’d be working for the NHS”). EXHAUSTING. If I’d watched this first I’d have been able to articulate my responses much better 😂
'Privilege' is not the same as luxury. Having privilege means having an unfair advantage. So being able to acces certain kinds of therapy is certainly a privilege. But that does not mean it's bad to get it, it does not mean you're egoistic if you go get it, and it does not mean you're taking it away from anyone else! :) Privilege just means you have more access to certain things than others might be. Everyone has certain kinds of privilege and lacks others. Privilege is a neutral term in its core. But it is a very real thing that affect everyone in good and bad ways.
The thumbnail looks like a renaissance painting! Love the dramatic pose and pink dress. I'm glad you made this video to debunk the lies. 🥇
It takes forever to become a therapist in Germany, its 10 years now 😮💨 and almost no one gets call themselves psychotherapist (you cant even say you are a psychologist if you „only“ have bachelors in it). I am studying it now, the info load is insane, we are learning neuroscience and anatomy and statistics 😵💫
I’m so glad you are sharing your thoughts on this!! Another book I found useful is Lori Gottlieb’s Maybe You Should Talk To Someone. I found it at the library. It shifted my assumptions about how to participate in my own recovery (depression, anxiety) . Keep a notebook to help keep track of the things we talked about for future reference.
Yes, having adhd I find it so hard to stuff all the new info into & revelations from therapy into my brain all at once. Taking notes really eliminates the stress of trying to retain it all.
It's taken me a little while to write this but I relate to some of these so deeply, and that's coming from someone who's trained in counselling. I had therapy sessions last year after a horrific crash that honestly should have killed me and I'm forever greatful that I did. I really hope you're doing okay and I'm happy you took the steps to help towards a healthier brain 💛
Oh god, I really feel for you, I’m sorry it happened to you! I’m sorry for both of us! For me it was weird computing that I was physically unharmed but easily could have (logically should have) died, but still felt harmed even though my body was fine??? Very confusing. The fact that it was deliberate on the other drivers part was what messed with me too, I think. That a stranger actively wanted me to die / didn’t care if I did. Hope you’re getting on okay with processing it. It’s a very weird life experience ! Xxx
As a cousellor, thanks 🙈 there's so many types of therapy too and so people looking into should have a look at what modalities their potential counsellor practices as well as making sure they are qualified AND registered with a professional body 🙌 in a lot of places there's no requirements to call youself a thetapist/counsellor which means no accountability to an ethical standard which is so so so important 🙌
Science teacher here. We call the new or correction of knowledge is call the "half-life of knowledge" personally I add a unit of this and how to research in science "good or bad" research and the language.
What I am getting at is... All adults should learn how to research science and we should be open to knowledge in an area changing (yes teachers should teach it)
Yassss, so glad you’ve had a nourishing experience with therapy. I’m an art psychotherapy student and I’ve been shocked by how expensive it is to become a therapist 😅 I’m studying part time over 3 years and as well as the uni fees we have to pay for our own therapy during that time. Once qualified you have to pay for registration with HCPC (UK) and when working privately, your own supervision. If you’re doing in person sessions, there’s rental of the space and if you’re an art therapist there’s also art materials! All therapists keep clinical notes and art therapists will sometimes make response art to help them process a session. Thank you for validating our work both financially and emotionally!
i think the problem is that not many therapists are equipped to deal with AuDHD clients. i’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and am looking to get an ASD diagnosis and i don’t know enough therapists who are actually trained in dealing with AuDHDers, which is really frustrating because these conditions affect my everyday life, especially my work life. how am i supposed to earn enough money to pay these therapists in the first place if i don’t do well at work because of my conditions, which most therapists aren’t equipped to handle?
Yea..that one is tough. I am pretty certain that I also have AuDHD. Both of my sons have different diagnoses because they are 7 years apart. The older one ADHD, the younger one AuDHD. The older one is textbook autistic, though. It was the 2000s, though, and they didn’t give dual diagnoses back then.
You might find mentorship or peer support helpful? Just finding someone who you click with, who validates your feelings and helps you to implement small changes in your life can be a good place to start. I know it's not the same as seeing a trained therapist, but when there aren't appropriate therapists for you, it might be worth trying? I've found a neurodivergent occupational therapist and she's so helpful, even though we aren't digging into my emotional distress, we're tackling a lot of the practical issues about how to live better, which has made more of a difference than any psychotherapist ever has
@@faeriesmak it can be very difficult to realise that you are AuDHD when you grew up not realising it for most of your life. i'm glad that you have the chance to figure out whether or not you have it, because for some, it's really critical to know more about yourself if you want to take steps towards improvement. i hope you and your sons find therapists that understand your and their dual conditions and can help guide you towards leading your best lives :)
@@helenm1085 i think that's a good idea! i guess my main issue is that i'm looking for qualified psychologists and psychiatrists who actually understand my (possible) autism and ADHD and can help me in a non-judgmental way (hard to find in malaysia, where i live!) and also help me career-wise, because both conditions affect my work life. thanks for the suggestion :)
Therapy has changed my life. Especially the last few years, when I found the best therapist for me. I quit my steady job last year and can hardly afford anything apart for my bills, but if I can I still try going once in a while.I spent around a year while I still had a steady job with going 2-3 times a month, but here( my country) the hour is around 150 pounds. I tried through a GP, but the demands of me not functioning because of my mental health made me illegible. I had a lot of psychosomatic issues, and they are almost gone, so my nervous system is almost trustworthy now, very peaceful.
One thing people should know about therapy is that it is not a panacea. It doesn’t work for every issue for every person.
Personally for me, most of the therapy I’ve gone to ended up being a waste of time and money. Based on my personal history, it’s likely that I need a very specific type of therapy that my research revealed is not widely available.
I must say that the last 3 year stint I did in therapy resulted in me becoming very self-centered. Like I am trapped inside my own head, looking only at myself. I used to care about others and just wanted to show people how wonderful they are. Now, I have to remind myself to express empathy and force the associated non-verbal behaviors. I used to care about humanity in general and now I’m pro human extermination. I don’t like myself at all anymore.
It’s extremely important to find the right therapist and therapy discipline for yourself, so you don’t end up like me.
I've seen about 8 counsellors/therapists in my life due to various mental health issues and, at the time undiagnosed, neurodivergence. Therapy helped me so much, but it definitely took a while to find the right one for me.
Having tools in place you know you can go back to anytime you might need them is so empowering! Therapy can be that for life challenges
I think the perception of therapy as selfish is perhaps perpetuated by the Hollywood portrayal of people being in perpetual therapy for their “messed up lives” that aren’t actual psychiatric disorders. If therapy is working you shouldn’t become dependent on it, you should be able to get to a point to move on. Obviously, if you do have a serious mental health condition like DID or an antisocial personality disorder, then yes, you probably need a lot of therapy. Also, if your job is a therapist, probably a good thing that you have to have a therapist .
Also, if you are a teacher in a local authority school, you can refer yourself to your local authority counselling programme. A certain number of sessions will be charged to your school without your school being told who is accessing the help.
Love the video - going to go off on a tangent because what you said at 14:40 about how it's not our job to know what we need but we should just show up and get the professionals to tell us. That used to very much be my attitude on anything medical ("you studied this for years so of course you will know what I need!") and it's taken many many bad experiences with the NHS for me to accept that no actually, they don't. Structurally, the NHS is not made to deal with the complexity of health conditions, and the worse you have it, and the more you need help, the more they are going to fail you. On top of that, it has been run into the ground so now even the very simple things are broken. The idea that we can just go to a GP and trust what they say is essentially utopian now, and we might as well adjust our behaviour to reality.
Ok shutting up now since this is very much not the point of the video. 😅
This is such an underrated comment! So spot on. And for a lot of sick and Mad folk, we've had to find out this the hard way. Sometimes I find it useful with the NHS to mostly see professionals as gatekeepers, particularly with "severe" mental health issues. Do the research yourself, decide what treatment you want, learn where in the country they provide that treatment, learn who is the best specialist etc. Then pressure your health provider to actually provide. Also with therapy in particular, you need to have a plan because the amount of therapy is so short you need to know what you are doing. The comment you made about the most in need getting the least help is unfortunately very true, just how it is structured at the moment.
I've been in and out of NHS funded therapy (always cbt) since i was about 14. This year I finally have accepted that if I want any other kind of therapy I am going to have to pay for it. The cbt helped with the obvious symptoms (anxiety, depression) without ever getting to the root cause (cptsd and emotional disregulation because of autism/adhd).
Trying a partially subsidised service first, but the max sessions they can do is 12. After that I'm going to look into a long term private therapist I can return to because having reached my late 30s now, I am sick and tired of having to retell all my issues every single time ahhh
What a coincidence, I just started therapy two weeks ago and have my second session today.
I struggle quite a bit in new social situations and I have a really tough time being open, but the setting was calming and I had prepared myself for that appointment, so I really managed to be vulnerable almost right away and talk about some of the things. I didn't find it awkward, despite crying in front of a stranger.
I've been telling myself I need to see a therapist for years because of my anxiety and my other struggles. It's 60€ a session so I only go every two weeks, it's a lot of money for someone who only works part time and is trying to save money for an emergency fund, but I like to think of it as an investment into my health, my well being, my future and my relationships. I'm just starting on the journey, but I'm really hopeful!
As a certified rehabilitation counselor in my final year of supervision for licensure (and long time Leena appreciator) this video refreshed and supported me in such an impactful way. Thank you!! ❤
Wish me luck, guys!
After years of ignoring myself I finally looked into therapy and was extremely lucky to find a therapist in a matter of weeks. Next week is my first session.
🤞🤞🤞
I'd love to see you interviewing a therapist? that would be so interesting to see!
What cute animations before the start!
I'm a therapist (counsellor/psychotherapist) and I regularly have therapy myself! It is so beneficial for our mental health to have a trained professional alongside you. And boy, does it take a long time (and money) to qualify! I loved hearing these arguments for accessing therapy throughout your life, and was really pleased with how accurate Leena got it! If anyone is interested I'm on Counselling Directory. My name is Miriam Gilmore, and I'd love to have free call with anyone that might be thinking of starting therapy 😊
Amazing video Leena, so helpful as someone who has never had therapy before!
Also, side note - that dress is gorgeous and the colour looks so good on you 😍
As someone who has been in some form of counselling or therapy since like 8 it’s really interesting to hear about therapy from the other side!
Therapist also have to pay for the space they rent, software they use and all the other stuff companies do
This is such an important video!!! And for all my friends struggling to find a therapist right now, Beyond Blue is such a lovely help for me if ever I've needed something. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. even if it seems 'silly' or 'not that bad'. You're worth everything and you should and can always ask for help if you need it x
I wasn't against therapy exactly, I just thought I didn't feel "bad enough" to need it. It wasn't until a friend helped me accept I'd probably benefit from therapy that I actively sought it out. I got super lucky that my therapist was great right off the bat. Something I didn't expect was how easy it would be to open up to a stranger about my feelings and at the same time I didn't expect the magnitude of emotions I was burying. Going to therapy helped me understand that experiences I thought "weren't that bad" were actually negatively affecting the way I functioned.
I've been in therapy for 10+ years and it genuinely saved my life more times than I can count. As you said, if your leg was broken you'd go get it checked out, so do the same for your brain
Such great timing, I'm aware I need to give therapy another try. I tried last year but that self-preservation instinct stopped me from being able to fully explore the issues I struggled with. I would definitely recommend doing the thing I didn't do, which was going through a quick rundown of the moments in your life you see that you feel were notable/impactful/important, like Leena said. And perhaps clarifying what it is you want from your therapy, to make it a more focused experience ❤
I’m only five mins into the video, but had to pause to write this comment! I started therapy in May of last year I too had the same feelings and judgement that you have just touched on. Thanks for confirming I’m not the only one!
Just to play devil's advocate and stoke a conversation- What about people who therapy doesn't work for? People say you need to find the right type of therapy or the right therapist to click with etc. But at what point is it reasonable to decide therapy just doesn't help you and you should give up? 5 therapists? 10 therapists?
It all depends on so many factors. Sometimes the problems we face are caused by deep underlying issues. Building enough trust with a therapist to work on those can literally take years, which can feel daunting.
I personally don’t believe that there is a certain group of people for whom therapy just doesn’t work. But I understand that it can feel like that, and I’m sorry it that’s what you’re going through 💜
I believe there is always a form of therapy and a therapist for every person (or forms of self-therapy), but it's up to the patient to find it. There can be many reasons why it's not working, always keep hope and keep trying.
- Someone could sabotage themselves without knowing. E.g. They make the appointments and so they think they are making "the effort", but as soon as "the real therapy" starts they cancel with all sorts of excuses. Even short sessions with "the wrong therapist" were learning experiences for me, to teach me what I'm not looking for. But you have to have some capacity to self-reflect on that if it's avoidance, or it's really the wrong person.
- On the other hand, it could also be that the patient keep seeking out the wrong types of therapy, and no therapist tells him that. Again, you need to be assertive and change things up after you have tried several times. I myself have ADHD and CBT just doesn't work for me, even if it's still praised as the "best form of therapy", because I just forget to do the homework assignments, and so then the therapy doesn't work off course... So when I realised that, I specifically looked out for therapy forms that are 'active' in the session itself without homework.
Therapy is just a fancy form of social connection that is designed to lead your brain down new paths and create new thought patterns that make you feel better. Humans are social creatures, and have neuroplasticity, thus it should be possible for everyone to connect in some way.... However it is hard when you're being fundamentally misunderstood (I saw SO many unhelpful therapists before I worked out I was autistic), or have trouble with social connection in the first place.
For me, finding someone to talk to who was like me, or who could validate my experiences, was critical. And you might not be able to find that within accredited therapists...
Pose and dress so very Mary Elliot 😂 self-reflecting though ^^ I love it, thank you Leena :D
😂 though there are a lot of differences between Mary Musgrove/Elliot and Leena. 😂 but the association👍🏻
I wonder how one could view those Austen characters (M Musgrove and Mrs Bennet) that are often labelled „hypochondriac“ with today’s knowledge. Gaskell does something different with her characters (Mrs Hale - in Mrs Thorntons eyes, has a „fine-ladyish disposition“ dies, and Mrs Hamley, Mr Gibson says that people might think that she isn’t really ill, but he knows better, also dies, only H Gibson, is like a milder version of Mrs Bennet?) but they probably would have profited from psychotherapy…?!
No you're right Leena is very far away from resembling Mary ^^ Just the picture of it is hilarious and done so well :)
I think so too. For Sure they would have profited from therapy :) I think the therapy is in the writing if that makes sense. How all the Charakters are displayed as they are (exagerated of course) .. From a point of Humor and with great compassion in a time where they had no such thing as therapy :-)
I am german btw so pls excuse my spelling mistakes and grammar 🙈
This really was a kick up the backside to get on with the therapy search (it’s a 2024 goal that still needs actioning) along with lots of advice! Fab video ❤❤❤
Sending you luck! Cxx
I’m so sorry that happened to you and wish you content and peaceful journeys as a passenger!!
The term psychotherapy is protected in certain provinces (countries etc... licensing will differ). For instance, in Ontario CA you need to be registered with the CRPO. Just want to mention for people interested in short term therapy-look for solution focused brief therapy (SFBT) or CBT, and for more exploratory work I recommend psychodynamic psychotherapy (ie. connecting childhood experiences to the here and now). There are so many modalities, many treat the same thing from a different approach and efficacies will vary. Great video!
I appreciate this video. I've had all these thoughts about therapy and worse, while simultaneously knowing in the back of my brain that these thoughts were bs and possibly an excuse to avoid something I know will be challenging. I think I'm so slowly coming around to the idea that this is something I need to pursue. It's overwhelming though
Great timing!! I’m going to therapy for the first time on Thursday and I had a lot of the same worries and questions as you. Thanks Leena! 😃
Aw good luck and congrats on starting! X
Thank you, this video digested for a couple of weeks and helped me decide to try therapy. I've booked an appointment!
Xxx
For the LGBTQIA+ folks Pink Therapy has a list of therapists who are also trained in Queer issues, many are in the community themselves. It can make it a bit less terrifying because at least you know in advance that your identity isn't going to be an issue.
Well done Leena! I am one of those annoying people constantly parroting the benefits of therapy. I wish it were more widely accepted as I genuinely believe everyone can benefit from regular therapy to keep our mental health in check in the same way regular dentist check ups help keep our teeth healthy!
Leena, draped on her settee held forth and it was good! The draping and the thoughts. Thanks!
And oh yes! I too am part of history and read in popular science book when I was 15 that brain cells don’t renew. I was devastated! Every stupid toenail and appendix could renew, but not the best of us? The bit that (then) was deemed to differentiate us from other animals. By the time they finally made it official and threw neuroplasticity in the media wash I was pretty certain that we can change.
Highly recommend reading The Body Keeps The Score ✨
Trauma therapists actually don't recommend it!!! It can be very re-traumatizing and invalidating!
I've been on the NHS therapy waiting list for nearly a year ... Originally the GP said 4 to 6 months... Lol.
Unfortunately it depends on the area you live in and the GP does not have any access to NHS talking therapies waiting time so they don't have any idea how long it is unless they're told by the service.
I am so sorry that happened to you, I hope you're doing okay!! 🩵🤍
Leena i really appreciate your videos and your takes. I'm a registered systemic psychotherapist and family therapist and wanted to address one point. An aside comment of yours that essentially communicated "if the government just paid for therapy then everyone would be more productive, saving money overall", i think considering your general politic, could be broken down further. Therapy under neoliberal capitalism is posited as exactly this, a means for people to go back to the status quo. As a therapist in process with decolonising and anti oppressive methods, its worth mentioning that my aim would be to assist people to mobilise towards whatever their goals are: contributing diversely and perhaps in ways that powers that be do not see as valuable. Unfortunately many therapists who are not systemically trained (i.e. those taking a highly individualistic or deterministic approach) can miss this ecological approach. Therapy is not a vacuous experience, and SHOULD be critiqued as so. I understand some people are still beginning to come around to the idea that therapy is useful at all, but certainly these days it has become highly normalised that a lot of the time people can self-therapise in both useful and less useful ways. Therapy as a process is useful when the client says it is, so it is an agentic client centred process. At the same time, therapists hold power and expertise that can be useful if delivered in an effective way for that person. Therapy is a space for "both, and", multiple truths delicately balanced within the space of the therapeutic relationship. There is much more to say, but i do suggest mad in america as a great resource on critical approaches to MH, mad studies movements, hearing voices movement, liberation psychology, post modern methods such as narrative therapy and solution focused brief therapy. The world of therapy spans far and wide but i find these critical and somewhat radical approaches refreshing both personally and professionally, since many people i see have tried all free (short term CBT) pathways and feel distrust and jaded about the MH system when we first meet.
It's also good to ask potential therapists about their cancellation policies, and if they want you to book in blocks or if you will pay on a week by week basis. You shouldn't feel like you have to pay for more than you want or can afford, especially when you are seeing a new therapist.
Currently getting my masters in counseling! Excited to see this video and glad you had a meaningful experience
Your brain is wonderful.
I've just started watching and fuck, I forgot that happened to you.