Thank you everyone. For the support but also the understanding - I didn't expect so many people to relate so heavily to certain things in this, I've been so frightened to open up on stuff. Especially 13:00 onwards.
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there lay within me an invincible summer" Find your summer Beckie, I know you will and I know you can and you are unbelievably talented, push through the fear, push through the winter, feel the cold, feel the FAILURE and feel the LOVE ❤️
I am so sooo sorry that somebody said that to you. That is so deeply hurtful that someone would say that to you. Please hear me- please I beg you to listen to me- I have only just discovered your channel this very day, and I have been so deeply moved by your creativity and your willingness to share your life. You have moved me to tears with almost every video. Your life is so touching and the way you bare your soul so totally is unimaginably brave and it is such a privilege to be let into your inner life. You are an inspiration, and the current of art that runs through your whole life is just such a beautiful, so deeply beautiful part of who you are as a human being. And don’t be too hard on the 17 year old you. She was wonderfully creative too, and I’d give her a huge hug if I could. And she is still a part of you today. I am writing this literally through sobbing tears because I have been so deeply moved by discovering you today. For you it has been a lifetime of creativity and for me I was able to peruse it all in a few hours. So the profundity of your experience is of course greater but the profundity shines through in your work. And I say this as an artist of sorts myself- a classical and jazz pianist- periods of inspiration come in waves. Sometimes they utterly stop (u recently went through a period where I stopped playing for nearl THREE MONTHS (that is an absurd length of time). But I found, when I felt the piano calling to me finally again, that I was more inspired and creative than I had been in years. And I have discovered new things about my music and about music in general. You listen to me good now, my kindred spirit- you listen good- your inspiration WILL RETURN TO YOU. It’ll happen at the most unexpected time and when you’re totally unprepared to take advantage of it, and you’ll have to excuse yourself from some table randomly to go DO IT and it will be beautiful and wonderful just like you are as a person. You are NOT a failure. That person who wrote that is simply factually incorrect. They simply don’t know enough about the world to accurately comprehend what she is looking at. And it just kills me and hurts my heart so deeply to know that those words were able to throw you off course so drastically. YOU LISTEN TO ME DAMNIT- I BELIEVE YOU ARE JUST A GORGEOUS WONDERFUL PERSON AND YOUR LIFE MAKES THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE. You may take that as absolute incontrovertible fact, because I know what I’m talking about and those idiots who seem to enjoy tearing down such a sweet, gentle wonderful girl aren’t worth their own weight in petrified gnome shit. Now you listen here young lady- I have been moved so unbelievably deeply discovering your content today. I started weeping on your age progression video and haven’t stopped crying throughout all of your posted content. I am writing this through a torrential downpour of tears. The world needs MORE OF YOU, not less of you. You are just so infinitely wonderful and it is such a deeply joyful experience to see your work and watch you throw little bits of your essence into the world. Please- I need more of that joy and I would love to see more of your work. As much of it as you can put out and it still wouldn’t be enough. You hace my deepest appreciation, respect, admiration and love. Please, please don’t let any outsiders get you down. It’s all very simple you see- I’m right and they’re wrong. Sending you a huge bear hug from New York. I love you in a way that I don’t understand. I just find you so very beautiful. Matt
Gonna keep this short and useful: you should implement focused attacks. Learn to choose your battles. Take/attend some online courses or in person bootcamps for one of those goals that you mentioned, like book cover design, illustrator proficiency, etc. Then create a better focused portfolio. Sometimes we have proficiency for jobs, but can't show it well because we don't know the sector's practices or standards. If you think your old TH-cam content is tying you down, consider a clear and clean break, and deletion of all content. I know this is very hard to do or consider, but your future is more important than all of that. Lastly, be confident. You are a beautiful soul. You have a good heart. You can do a lot. Cut yourself some slack. Don't be too harsh on yourself. But, be confident, act confident. Nobody is inherently better than anyone. Don't let anyone make you feel less. I am sure you will pull yourself up ready to take on the whole world again tomorrow. Because that's our Rebecca.
You make some great points Alex! As far as her YT videos go she could put them on "Private" so only she can see them without deleting them/losing them. Then that gives her the option later. Also, Instead of thinking of ALL one must do to get to point B, sometimes it is best to just do ONE thing at a time. Focus on ONE class not the entire degree.... and before you know it, all could be achieved by taking 1 step at a time. The big picture can overwhelm many of us
I relate to so much of your thinking. I'm unemployed, never had any kind of career, hate the way society is, have no idea where to go next or what to do. I live with my mam and we rent, I'm in debt, I have crippling anxiety and depression and very intense emotions that make daily life really hard. Honestly I promise you are not alone. Thank you for being so honest. P.S. I hate hindsight too
Props for saying all this out loud and sharing it. I feel the same in many ways and sometimes it’s enough to know you’re not alone (not that i would wish this on anyone) Sending hugs and hope you find your way through to the next level of happiness.
She wasn't stupid.....she was 17. Things change as we grow and gain experience. The honesty in this video was eye opening. Keep taking care of yourself. Your supporters are still listening.
I relate to this so much. Feeling stuck, unmotivated or not good enough when it comes to my own creative pursuits and passions. I have an interview tomorrow for a job in a field that is related to my degree, but its a field that I never wanted to go into because of how stressful and anxious it makes me feel. At this point though, the need for financial stability has replaced my dreams of being a published author. Sending all the love your way
I'm flabberghasted. The fact that people in Interviews will not only go through your social media, but then proceed to use it against you as a reason to turn you down for jobs? I'm just, speechless. How do places get away with behaviour such as that? The UK government needs to sort that shit out.
I don't see anything wrong with looking at someone's social media, but to confront you with it in an interview is completely wrong, not to mention unprofessional! If you don't like what you see, don't even call the person in.
Every time a video of yours pops up i feel this warm, nostalgic feeling. You are one of the best people to watch, even if you ramble for hours we’d still listen. We love you no matter what. You are not a failure, your path is just different and those who love you can tell you how far you’ve come, that even someone hundreds of miles away knows, loves and supports you. Wish you nothing but the best💙
Being denied from jobs can really take a hit on confidence. It makes us with anxiety and low confidence ask ourselves "why am I not good enough?" The job market is so competitive and employers can be so picky. Anytime I've been rejected, I tried my best not to take it to heart, it can be difficult though if you're being denied daily. Whenever I question myself, I remind that I know myself, and know the things I am capable of. Employers can't see our life experience and how far we've come and how much we've achieved from a 10 minute interview and a CV. They don't know the true us
It breaks my heart to hear that you had to hear such words of hatred towards you. I have been watching your content since 2008. I am 25 now and when I was 15 I got through many days because I felt connected to you, somebody I saw as being kind and strong, and I still see that. Thank you for sharing your feelings, I can relate to so much of this.
I’m so sorry, Rebecca. I remember the forum & I remember people sending it to me when I mentioned you on twitter. And I remember how petty and ridiculous it was. I was, and still am, so shocked that people circled around you so maliciously. I’ve been following you for a very long time - even when I stepped away because religion is a trigger for me - I kept coming back. You are truly so honest & so clearly kind hearted & good intentioned. I don’t know what to write to send comfort, but I hope you know that I very desperately want to. I understand these emotions so personally. And as difficult as the position is, I hope you can internalize - even a bit - that you’re not alone. xxxx
Hi Beckie, I'm in a very similar position at the moment. I am struggling with what I want to do with my life, mental health issues and have been thinking a lot about children recently, and whether I will end up dying alone (Cheerful). Just to let you know that you are still making a difference, no matter if the platform is smaller, everything has a butterfly effect. I really got some catharsis from knowing how similar your situation is, its tough when you feel you should be excited about your future but you cant help but be scared.
Loved seeing an upload from you in my subscription box. I love how open and honest you are. This videos just feels like I'm chatting with an old friend and I just want to give you the biggest hug. I have watched you for years and you have grown so much, it makes me proud. And yes Rebecca you have that spark (always have always will). Never forget your light!
You've never let me down with your expressions and I'm somebody who has been keeping up with you, your writing, your photography and your various other artworks for several years. There simply won't come a time when I don't care about how you're doing. But I know how it is. Little things I do that nobody else thinks anything of at all drive me nuts and I'm always critiquing myself, always thinking up little ways of doing things better and fighting feelings of dread and disappointment if things don't progress as I'd like. I can also relate to looking back on past content and feeling like struggles inspired an odd sort of quality. Pain & inner turmoil brought out a lot of outrageous and surprisingly energetic sarcasm from me years ago here on TH-cam. I think you're doing great. The artwork you recently added to your Etsy is lovely. I liked this video too. I think you've got an energy, a speed, a brutal honesty...a sort of spark, that if you'll pardon me for saying so, seemed to have flickered and dimmed for a bit there. And I truly believe that one day you'll find your place and be happy with who you are and where you are.
Job hunting is absolute crazy-making bull shit that is made to break you down and settle for less. its not you, its capitalism. I'm grateful that you keep coming back and sharing with us. Thanks for being here with us and for being you
Beckie, The number of times I've wished I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. I wish you well, wish there was some way I could help. Sending hugs.
Oh Becki. I am pretty sure you don’t remember me. We met at summer in the city in the bathroom. I watched your videos for years at this point and you tought me so much. So now I want to give back. If you want to, you can come to Berlin and stay here for a few days at our apartment just to get some different air and maybe some space to think and evaluate. You are so much more than you can see at the moment. ❤️
I have had anxiety all my life and i have learned that reaching your goals does not lift your anxiety it simply transfers it to a new place. working on accepting where and who you are in the moment while working towards your goal is everything (just because you aren't where you want to be does not mean where you are now is a bad place). if you are always needing to be in the next place to be happy you will find it very hard to be happy. its okay to be proud of where you are and still move forward to do the new things. i became very ill a few years ago and all my goals had to change overnight, it taught me that i needed to live in the moment and see where i am as an achievement even if all i could do in my life at that point was simply be alive. it was easy for me, and still is, to feel i had failed myself and everyone around me, i hadn't and i mostly know that now but my mind was so determine to break me down and i lived in panic/failure mode for such a long time. we expect far too much of ourselves sometimes. its okay to have a long road in front of you, everyone does. life is about experiencing the journey not reaching the targets. its always full of unexpected moments and sometimes when we think its all going wrong we are actually being taken in the direction we are suppose to be going in no the one we think we should. things will improve for you and you will look back at this one day and be happy to see the change in yourself once again. take one step at a time, work on the way you perceive life first and everything else will feel easier to face. you got this! i'm sorry if this is one long ramble full of spelling errors. its very late and making words from my thoughts is difficult right now.
This one hit me hard, incredibly relatable. Amid career struggles, anxiety and health issue you have to think about adult stuff like having kids. And it feels whatever you choose won’t be a right answer. I wish I could say some words of comfort that would help, but I don’t know any. Except this - you made a difference and your work inspired people all around the globe, and there is a spark - and always will be. Even now, the way you honestly talked about difficult matters helps a lot, may be it is not joyful Spark, but pure sincerity spark. Sending love and all the best wishes ❤️
Beckie, my friend I can only say you are right. We with mental health issues are discriminated against. I am glad you made this video. I was recently hospitalized for three days. I collapsed, and lost 9 hours of my life before waking up. I am 62 years old. Your comment on children for what it is worth to you, I would find employment before having children. Having raised two daughters I can speak by experience. You can have a career. And children. And it is important you and James are on the same page on this. Much hugs, and love to you.
So many of us are addicted to the story of our own suffering, but eventually, we have to choose; do we reinvent ourselves, or keep living within the same broken framework? Part of our healing is to let go of thar victim consciousness. It’s a long way to go, but as someone who lives well with bipolar disorder and has recovered from long term addiction - it’s possible, but only if we let go of our victim mentality. Very brave of you to share this! All the best 💓
I have never related to something so much. Thank you for sharing, I’ve been following your journey for years and as you said you're not alone and you can do it! We can do it! This pushed me to keep going. Thank you.
I find it really frustrating to read through the comments and see so many people giving unsolicited advice. I understand they mean well but when I was in the depths of applying to jobs, feeling totally unmotivated and stupid and insecure, any unsolicited advice about what I should be trying when I was working my absolute hardest was soul destroying. I understand sometimes people can offer perspectives or advice you maybe hadn’t through about but I think people forget how many comments you’re getting on the internet. Sometimes it helped me when someone said “you’re right, this really really sucks and it’s really unfair. Things will get better, but that’s no help right now. I’m here to support you and if I can’t then I can listen.” Beckie I don’t think there’s much I can do in the way of support but there are many people who are listening, and your words are stay with me and I think of them often when I feel totally alone.
Thank you so much for posting this. So relatable, im also 27, struggling with mental and physical health issues, career issues, deciding whether to have kids. You are a beautiful human and you help so many people feel less alone. I'm so sorry that helping us has had a negative influence on your career; the world is bonkers. Have followed for years, found out that that trich was a thing from your videos and felt less alone. Thanks so much for the positive effect you've had on my life.
Also job hunting is brutal. It is by definition a string of failures because as soon as you succeed you get to stop doing it. But nn matter what your brain wants to tell you, it doesn't make you a failure. That feeling that we will look back at this time later is reassuring to me, I hope it helps you too.
Thank you for opening yourself up. I know that you have helped me feel not alone for the past 5 or so years of my life. I wish I could magically be there for you.
A good friend once told me something that stuck with me. "When someone insults you, it's about them, not about you." In other terms, someone who makes it their daily mission to hurt strangers on the internet says a lot more about their own life choices in doing so, than they say about the lives of the people they're insulting. I haven't commented before, but I've been watching your channel off and on for three or four years, usually for a couple hours at a time during the wee hours of morning when I'm too stressed or wired and my brain won't shut up to let me sleep. This morning it was COVID that had my brain on fire. I thought of your channel and decided I needed some Beckie Jane Brown in my life, I wanted your take on it and you did not disappoint. Then I saw this video and it was just like, woah. Perspective. Bam. You make me feel like less of an alien. I don't know how to explain it exactly, something about seeing another regular person trying to overcome daily and also lifelong battles, discussing valid anxieties and problems openly... We're also in basically the same boat, financially, right now, while this crazy thing is happening around us. I don't know. It's gotta be a weird millennial thing, because it's like having a friend that I've never met or spoken to, because the internet exists. And so do you, and you are valid and wonderful and I am glad that you exist. This video made me want to give my sad, wonderful friend-I've-never-met a hug, so I figured I'd comment and try to say something kind, since you kept bringing up being kind in your COVID videos. I realize this comment is really long but I have to stress that WHAT YOU DO FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS IS IMPORTANT. Keep fighting the good fight Beckie, you do more good than you know.
Beckie, I silently watch your videos for more than a 5 years now and for the past year I gathered the courage to actually write something. Whenever I felt down, variaty of anxieties beging apart of my life, you and your support, energy, real mental health talks and so much more you give here helped me a ton. To take different perspective, to be more grateful, all the things I appriciate about your character that makes me better person aswell. So right now I just couldn't help it and had to let you know all of this. Every single worry you express in this video is valid, I wish ppl who are this hateful walked at least a few miles in your shoes. But at the same time, when the times seems to be the darkest, you're still here and I couldn't be more grateful for that. Take all the time you possibly need to heal, even thought it's known it can take a lifetime. I'm so happy you found love with James and I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you will love yourself fully one day aswell. So simply thank you for being you, being here on planet Earth, I draw inspiration from you and your journey almost every single day. xx sincerely from silent but thankful viewer
feeling sick with anxiety, your videos always make me feel less alone. Thinking deeply of you. Bullying causes lasting damage, but I promise it can be managed. Your voice matters x
As so many others have said, I can relate to what you've articulated and what was more visceral to me was the emotion in your voice and face. I never know what I look like when I am struggling but I know what I sound like and how I feel, and though I never wish to have anyone else feel lost, it does help me to know I'm not alone. And I do, so very often, feel alone. Thank you for taking the risk and sharing.
I related to this video so much. My life also took a nosedive in 2016. Society lets people screw up for a short period -- or collapse for a short period -- but there's always supposed to be a corresponding upswing a couple month later where you emerge better! stronger! and more magical! than ever before. When you've struggled for years, it's so isolating. I don't think people who haven't been there can understand.
I know how you feel. I finished my masters and did not have a holyday in years. Now I'm looking for a job and get rejected A LOT. I'm working in two jobs and try to find work. After eleven applications I got one interview. Eleven is not a lot, but I'm looking for a job in the field of forensics, which is really hard and positions are rare! Selfdoubt, feeling miserable? Been there done that... still doing it. But other times will come. Stay positive! But please do me a favor! Do not isolate yourself! You need people around you, that show you something different.
I am 41 and have trouble leaving my bed let alone my home. My depression/anxiety got so bad I atrophied a lot of muscles I had and am now trying to get the gumption to do small exercise. What I mean by stating this is, you are not alone. In 2020 most people in "civilized" societies have crippling anxiety (okay not like Denmark and the other Nordic countries but I think that's cuz they have it right) We all are working just to survive rather than living. You said it yourself you hold on to your home by the skin on your teeth. We are all fighting just to stay afloat rather than enjoying the swim. I don't know, other than society no longer commodifing all of life, of any other path. I prefer to look at our ancestors for guidance. Become one with our life and all life around us. And stop chasing the paycheck...though in today's society that paycheck barely covers being able to take a full breath. I am at a loss Rebecca. I hope you find your way. It is good to see and hear you again. The extra few pounds (kgs? Metric...)looks good on you. Despite your obvious stressed look, you look healthier with the few extra stone (? )
collapsible canes are really useful - just pop it into your handbag and if you need it, just flip it out! navigating disability stuff can be really hard, but there are lots of little things here to help you out. i take one with me in my wheelchair bag to make stuff/transferring easier, and you can get really nice patterned ones too. hopefully that’s at least slightly useful! 🌻✨
I am sorry. You are worthy. You are very creative. You are not a failure. I admire your strength, and your videos have given me the courage to face my own struggles. I am grateful of how open you have been about your mental health, and I am sorry people bring that at all in a job interview. You are amazingly talented, and you do have a lot of artistic, editing, digital media skills (and many more). Thank you for still making vids after all these years and struggles. 💜
I’m autistic and couldn’t relate more to most of what you’ve said. Anxiety, fear of failure, exhausted all the time. Psychological pain that results in physical pain. But we keep plodding on and pushing through hard times. Cats make things better and working on believing in ourselves.
I failed my game design studies because of my depression and dermatillomania. Now I want to be an animal carer and I'm doing all I can to achieve that. I'm so much happier now. Because now my needs are the most importat thing in my life for me.
I believe I came across some of your videos a couple of years ago?? So I don’t know that much about anything. But this video popped up today, and I am resonating so so much with the fear of failure. I’m so much afraid to try anything, and it stops me from even going for a walk (which I need to do for my health). So I know I don’t now you. I can see you’ve got huge thoughts about a lot of things and about being stuck. I love that you have things you want to do and that, even though there’s the fear and low self esteem, there is passion in there. It just needs some healthy space. Wishing you all the best. These are big things. Take a breath. It’s going to be ok. Stupid sayings, I know. But you’ve got this. All the stuff you’ve mentioned, and as you say, it’s all completely valid. Biggest thing. Seeing this video.i just wanted to step in and say, take a breath. Take care. Best wishes from a stranger in Australia
Looking at this video and all the comments has assured me I'm not alone when it comes to mental health, creativity, negativity, self-doubt, self-esteem, anxiety, disabilities, failure, troubles with employment - and so much else I'm either forgetting or can't place here. I try to watch your videos, Beckie, when I get the chance. Your voice is gentle and who you are and what you do inspires me in the tiniest of ways.
Thank you for sharing! And if it can make you feel any better, I truly dont think youre a failure. You actually inspire me. You are so so talented in many things and you explore those talents no matter what age you are. You are very intelligent and hardworking and I truly believe you will find your motivation and get back on track, whatever it is you choose to do. Good luck with every aspect of your life. I truly hope you feel better. :)
I can honestly relate to the majority of the things you mentioned. Being 27 and being stuck and left behind by your peers is devastating. Being rejected every single day makes things even worse. I was in a job i hated (retail) and where I was bullied by my boss so I quit a few months ago. Decided to study for a Master's which turned out to be awful and I withdrew from it. I'm now 27, unemployed with 2 Bachelor' s degrees, living with my parents and I have no clue as to what to do with my life. I was even rejected from a waiting position as "there were applicants with more experience and better skills" than mine. This threw me off so bad. No one wants to hire me because I don't have experience but how on earth am i supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? It's a vicious cycle and I hate society so much!
Joy is also a catalyst for great creativity also!! What makes you joyous!? What makes you feel light and free?! What lights you up?! Focus on that!! Get into the flow and the creativity will COME!!
This video puts my own feelings into words where I lack the eloquence to explain to my family or therapist or job agencies why I'm stuck and I can't get out. Thank you.
I think those of us who are creatively geared tend to struggle so much more with these sorts of 'stuck' issues, and circling around all these different passions and desires and feeling lost. You have the added trouble of this online presence from before which has seemingly haunted you into adulthood. I found you through those videos a decade ago when I was first learning about my trichotillomania - so I for one am extremely grateful for your contribution to breaking down stigma. I also sympathise so much about stigma in general. I work with ex offenders who are so often nothing like the people they were when they were convicted of their offences. Stigma more than anything else holds them back. My only advice really is to remind yourself that this WILL pass. Yes, you have ongoing physical and mental health issues that fluctuate and remain unpredictable, but as an anxious person the greatest freedom came from realising I have NO control, only perceived control. Just do your best. God loves you as you are, and doesn't see you as a failure. Even suffering is a part of his big picture (even though is sucks), so try to hold on to these truths about you. You are exceedingly talented, educated, and capable. Anything you decide to do will be absolutely fine. You are not letting anyone down.
So much love for you Beckie. You can only do as much as you can do. You speak so well to everything you've been through and it is truly encouraging to me as someone who also struggles with anxiety and failure. Thank you so much for sharing.
I highly recommend the short courses at University of the Arts, London. I've done three of their one week illustration courses and a weekend Wacom course. Take a look!
My heart goes out to you becca. You are by no means a failure, you are a wonderful, kind, beautiful human being that anyone would be lucky to have in their lives. I'm sorry that things are tough for you, what you describes sounds extremely difficult to go through and you deserve so much better in your life. I hope that people can see you for how valuable and wonderful you are and I hope that someone out there gives you the boost you deserve ❤️ If you need a positive soul in your life feel free to say hi to me and I'll be here to listen. I'm cheering for you girl xx
I know that sometimes words fail. And that's about where I'm sitting. Your video made me feel so much that I don't know what to say. I could tell there were times you tried not to cry. I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd needed to turn the camera off to let some tears flow. I know the frustration. I was let of a job I loved because they outsourced my job to the Philippines. After that I had a hard time finding a job I could fit my experience into. There aren't many and I have yet to find another I love. So I am currently a stay at home mom and the caregiver for my husband's grandmother, and I worked a finance job before. I'm nearly 10 years older than you and I wish I was close enough to wrap you up and give you a long comforting hug. You sound like you could really use one right about now. It's just too bad I'm in NM, USA, and not the UK. I know it's just words, but all I can really say is try to keep your head up, you may just find something you really enjoy when you least expect it. It could be the job you applied for, but weren't really wanting. You never know where your next opportunity is. A huge blanket hug from the US.
You inspire me to keep trying. You motivate me to not give up on myself. If it’s worth anything, I really truly deeply believe in you. And you’ve made a massive positive impact on my life and I’m so grateful you’re here. Thank you for making and sharing this video.
Love this post because so many people have felt stuck at one point or another. I've been there! The only thing I can say is thank you for posting and just keep plugging away, even if you're just going through the motions. It gets better :) I found focusing on 1% changes really helped (recommend reading Atomic Habits)!!!
I've always thought that you are so genuine in a world where there's so much fakery. You were never afraid to show us your real feelings, to show us your struggles, your insecurities. You're so brave for doing that and I admire you. Don't let the haters get to you. They're insensitive and dumb. I'm sure you inspired and helped many people with your vlogs. You should be proud of that and I wish you the very best for the future.
"I no longer relate to the person in my videos" YES! This is what social media is in so many ways. I totally get why this is painful. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you find what you need in your employment and personal life
Attitude is more important than anything and self love and not caring what others think, including interviewers. Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. Focus on positive vibes and things will work out!!! Stand ur ground, the only relevant thing is this moment not the you from 10 years ago! ❤️❤️❤️
I relate to so much of this. I'm a creative, anxious, 33 yr old who is currently unemployed and at home. Who wishes she could get back into education, but that seems, like you, very unlikely. I hated education at the time, my mental health was at an all time low, but as you say, hindsight. What I do know, is that you are strong. And smart. And brave. And so am I. And our brains, and society often tell us otherwise. But today at least, I know we are. I send much love 💪🏼💚
You are braver than I could ever imagine myself being. You've managed to articulate so well what so many of us are going through. May God Bless You and keep you safe through this difficult time.
Wow really agree on the confidence when it comes to jobs, I applied for so many and hearing nothing back from hundreds of applications started effecting my own self worth, I really empathise with you
You are by far one of the strongest and most self reflective persons I have ever come across. And you are one of the few I truly admire. And I could listen to your voice forever. I would listen to any pod cast you do.
I hope all those people who have been mean to you realize their mistakes and learn how awful they’ve been. You are a WONDERFUL human being. Don’t let anyone bring you down.
Beckie- take an improv class/ I beg you. Learn that failure isn’t a death sentence it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. If you keep waiting to be in a good place before you share things you’ll live in a hole with the sun barely peeking through. I think it would help you a lot to do something physical that gets you out of your head, talking to folks, getting new ideas, and learning how to stop judging yourself and learn to be excited about failure! I have been in it 3 years and it’s changed my whole life and ability to art! I’m a full time artist and can’t wait on “inspiration” to create. You have to create daily. It can be bad. Awful even. But creating anything is a success, and any “failure” in process is learning. I have days and days of failure in line sometimes, but i am a far better artist than when I started 9 years ago, and I’m so excited to suck some more today so I can be better tomorrow! (And I say that knowing I like my art, but always want to improve) I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you’re able to find the fun in failure and get back to a happier zone. You can do it, you just gotta DO! I think we follow eachother on insta, but if you ever wanna y’all art or vent to a bud or ask questions I am here! @darkredheart on insta
Hi, I don't know you, this is the first video I see of yours. But everything you've just said it spoke to me to every single feeling I've had stuck, depressed and really scared of the world, I'm anxious. It's like looking in a mirror, goodness sake at this point I don't even know if you see messages but holy shit if you do happen to read this one I want you to know that you're not alone. Your life is worth living, the art that you make speaks to other, the content that you make, the words you say, they DO connect to others, and you've just hit another stranger on the internet and this stranger already feels absolutely on your corner on your team. I wish you all the best, and in a selfish weird way by wishing you the best I also learn that I want to wish me the best too, I want us both to grow and learn and be happy and good opportunities flow so we can reach others and teach others and help others. I know my words are probably meaningless in the endless sea of this digital space... but if they do reach... you're not alone and you will THRIVE!
Thanks you for opening up about this. People need to be more aware about these issues! Take care. I hope things will turn out better for you in the near future.
You’re so brave for posting this, and I just want to give you a hug, because I can totally relate to these emotions and the lack of self confidence and self worth. You’re vulnerability is inspiring, and I have been watching for a few years and you have come a long way. Love from Texas!❤️
I relate to so many points in this video. The anxiety and self worth issues. The “failure is not an option”, I once had this big art project for a university class that I was genuinely excited for but I didn’t think it would turn out the way I wanted it to or it wouldn’t turn out good. So I avoided working on it, didn’t do it, didn’t turn anything in and missed the day of final exams when it was due.
The way you express yourself in this video is like a monologue plucked straight from my brain - the back and forth between anxiety, doubt, trying to stay hopeful and optimistic and motivated and GRATEFUL! beating yourself up and feeling bad about it...trying to lift yourself up but faced with harsh realities/real limits, and all the while the SENSE that someone outside yourself is scrutinizing it all so you backtrack on your own thoughts. I've been watching your videos for ages and I'm not even myself sure what it is that has me watch every single one but absolutely part of it is the way you so eloquently express these intensely difficult moments in time - and equally express gratitude and aspirations for the future. Anyway, I really deeply appreciate your existence and all the types of content you create. I don't truly know you of course but whatever happens know that I support and believe in you 🙂
I relate to your fear of failure so so much. That same fear made me drop out of the physics bachelor I was trying to get, because I wouldn't solve problems due to the fear of having them wrong. I still have it to this day, but luckily it's not as present anymore. Much love Rebecca, you deserve all of it!!
I am right around your age, and while I've struggled with anxiety, stress, self esteem and eating issues for a while, it finally came to a head this year and brought me to a really low point. I feel like I'm getting better with the help of some key people in my life, including a personal trainer and a therapist. I can relate to you so much though and I just want to say that I really admire you, I DON'T think you're a failure, and you've helped me realize certain things about myself and helped me understand my own BFRB disorder.
Wow. I can't even express how much I relate to everything you said. Have watched you since about 2016, and your honesty is seriously so refreshing. God bless you Rebecca, I wish the best for you 💕
It is more dispiriting to criticise than be criticised ! Hiding behind a keyboard as well! I think you are very brave to be so open about yourself. Ignore the haters, their lives are a failure if they have nothing better to do than be negative to feel better about themselves. Lots of love Beckie X
It's so heartbreaking to.see you this discouraged. Who tells a person in their twenties that their life is a total failure? That kind of cruelty is just mind-boggling. You are not broken. And things will get better. I have loved so many of your videos and you seem like such a lovely genuine person. I am also many times feel broken because of the type of person I am. I know it is not true. It is never true. You are not broken. You are not a failure. Sending you all the encouragement and love in the world!
You have com so far, you are so strong. Even when you think you can’t do it anymore, you are still doing it. You are still alive and kicking. Keep it that way, because you are valuable for a lot of people
I complete relate to feeling unworthy to even apply for jobs, I'm a few years younger but feel so stuck at present. Wishing you all the best, thank you so much for sharing this
Thank you so much for your honesty. It is brave, and really refreshing to have someone speak so candidly about job struggles and unemployment. Thank you!
Becky you are absolutely NOT a failure! You are incredibly talented! Try not to think or worry about what others say about you - no one has it all together. Like you, EVERYONE is doing what they know how. As we learn more, we do better, if we're wise. You seem overstimulated with all that's going on in your life. Perhaps you can find a very mundane job that is stable - maybe office work. Find a mundane, boring but stable job and commit to doing it well. Sometimes we don't need what we want, we just need what we need. I pray you will feel better about yourself.
I can really relate to this. Thank you for sharing. I know that no matter what anyone says, you will feel what you feel. Me telling you that I think you're incredible and someone I look up to won't change how you feel. But please try to hold onto the fact that no matter what, you are worthy. You have worth. That is inherent and intrinsic to you and every other living being. You are worthy. Your failings (if you must call them that) are not linked to your identity. Yes, think about your successes but don't use that to tell yourself you're not a failure. Focus on the fact that you are alive, you love, you are loved and you have worth x
Thank you so much. I am stuck in the limbo of trying to find a job and trying to do something that i actually like.. The overwhelming anxiety of interviews to the point of preferring to starve over applying really resonated with me. I love you and it hurts me to see you struggle like this. Hug. I have no solution either, but you are not alone in this.
I compare my current anxious depressed self to my younger optimistic productive self as well. It's like, when you're young, carefree, and even ignorant, you do more and anything that comes to mind without thinking of consequences like failure or negative opinions. Ignorance is truly bliss.
I'm so proud of you for posting this video - it's MAJOR & I really want you to know how brave you are. I relate to so much of what you're going through - especially the comments about being a 'failure'. As cliche as it is, you aren't ever alone. Always wishing you well, take care.
You said you miss making a change in relation to mental health, but for me, you still are. Though I am sure I have no idea what you are going through at the moment, the sole fact of whatching this video, seeing you are back, it motivates me to tackle my mental disorder and start being productive, start looking for a job and all that. So I just can say thank you. Thank you for helping me find motivation! Lots of hugs!!
Thank you for saying all of this. You're a light to so many of us. I hope no matter how dark it gets, you keep on keeping on because there's an army of us behind you
I have endless thoughts like this and this makes me feel less alone with you opening up and also the comments of other people, I was very much the same at 27 I'm now very close to 30 and I swear it gets better or should I say easier to cope
Rebecca, I don’t even know if I can put into words how it makes me feel hearing you talk about jobhunt anxiety and confidence here. This is exactly how I’ve felt for years. I used to be so confident and knew my own worth and maybe even had an overinflated ego, but then I spent years only feeling my own inadequacies in my job, and my anxiety over feeling inadequate only made me less capable in that job. It got to the point this past Christmas where I felt I couldn’t even apply to new jobs - and it’s a critical time! I’m graduating soon. And logically I would look at my CV and I knew I’ve done things and have skills, but I couldn’t make myself believe it in my heart that I was capable of all that and more again. Part of me starting to crawl out of that has been that suddenly I’m involved in end-of-degree projects where my rusty skills are suddenly needed, where I shockingly did know more than some people, and it helped me believe in myself a little bit. That’s been nice. It’s helped me take more chances on myself and have more faith. Throwing myself into my own art practice and hanging out with other artists on Instagram also gave me some confidence and a sense of community. It both hurts my heart and gives me comfort to understand this confidence issue around jobs is affecting you, too, because no one I know seems to be struggling with their anxiety so intensely as me. Everyone I know is figuring it out, and I’m still in a panic, knowing I’m fighting ten years of psychological issues and knowing I’ve got limited time to make some mental progress before my current job contract runs out and I’m hustling for the next job with little savings built up, and knowing my rent agreement is going to run out and I’ve got to move somewhere monstrously expensive with no guarantee of being able to pay rent. As dumb as it sounds, I felt very alone in the particular ways in which I was struggling.
I relate so much, Beckie. I've been more or less "stuck" in a job that isn't terrible, but isn't good for me and tends to help enable my habits. I've stayed and delayed getting a new one for fear of discomfort at best, failure at worst. I've followed you since 2008. You've conquered stuff before, and you sure will conquer it again! ❤ You are beautiful, persistent, and a voice for the hopeless! We are here and listening. ❤ Thinking of you and sending hugs. And have yourself a holiday, if you can! 😊
I relate to this so much! Especially the last few years. It’s really hard to keep things going when the world feels like it’s crumbling around you. Especially when mental and physical health come into play. Stay strong Beckie! You’ve always been someone Ive enjoyed watching on TH-cam and keeping up with on Instagram so I’m always cheering for you! ☺️ Lots of love and good vibes to you from across the ocean! 💙
I can very much relate to what you're saying and thank you for opening up. Hope that saying all this out loud helped you. For me reflecting my situation is always helpful in sorting my mind, opening the gate out of the struggle I'm in, alongside with accepting the situation I am in right now, knowing that it will eventually change, and enjoying good moments and don't let myself overrun by my past or a potential (unpredictable) future. Everything is good and every experience makes us stronger.
Can definitely relate to the loss of creativity that was much stronger in adolescence, which was (although definitely not as bad as yours) admittedly a worse time for me. It's very heartbreaking to not know how to rekindle an industrious and creative streak and it definitely has something to do with the fear of failure and lack of confidence. So many thoughts of yours on this feel much like my own on this matter, especially the acknowledgement of various passions and career interests (book illustration, etc) but not knowing how to connect it in a meaningful way that can get you where you want to be in life (especially the desire to learn new skills such as pro-create and improve drawing) due to low self esteem and experiencing so much failure. Although I'm hardly apt to comment on the situation, given that I'm in a somewhat similar mindset (although I am far younger which is much more forgiving and haven't experienced as much rejection or mental health issues) I feel like in order for things to improve you have to have more compassion for yourself, especially considering the fact that you've mentally been through much more than most people will probably experience in 'a lifetime. There are definitely more people in this situation than we'd like to think, and you are very lucky to have so many wonderful skills at your disposal such as wonderful articulation, creativity, painting, editing, and writing. It's a real shame that you have experienced so much rejection given that you are trying so hard and deal with so many disadvantages. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and therefore maybe, as you said, when you are older you might look back at your late 20's and will be able to joyfully minimise what you've been through. Forgive yourself, believe in yourself. Take Care. :)
You’re not alone ❤️ I think you’ve just verbalised how so many of us are feeling, particularly your thoughts of self-doubt or being unworthy of anything good. I can’t offer advice because I’m kinda going through the same thing right now but please now that you’re not alone and I’ve never found there to be anything inherently “unworthy” or “less than” about you. You’re intelligent and creative and so many people love you. Keep going
I appreciate this video more than you can know. I was struggling hardcore a couple of years ago and what saved me was my parents' pushing me out of the nest (selling the nest really lol) and forcing me to take the plunge and move somewhere I knew I'd have more job opportunities. I still feel hopeless sometimes, because I'm not doing the work I really want to do (what that is I haven't quite figured out yet) and I'm perpetually a single bingle, but I have a job now that allows me the flexibility to pull myself to together. I'm following your journey avidly on Instagram and so admire your bravery to be so vulnerable. I understand how difficult it is to apply for jobs and put your best foot forward when you aren't proud of yourself, but it's all a mindset and I know you'll get there and there are going to be so many people who are cheering you on when you land the dream job.
Hi Beckie, I just wanted to mention a quick book that helped my anxiety a lot, it was called "when panic attacks" by dr david burns, and it has helped me tremendously. It basically has CBT techniques for people to use at home for anxiety.
i know that a lot of us have been watching your channels for many years you have brought a lot of issues to light helped so many people made us all happy by your decision to open your life to us, thank you so much for being who you are I know I am a better person because of you much love
Thank you everyone.
For the support but also the understanding - I didn't expect so many people to relate so heavily to certain things in this, I've been so frightened to open up on stuff. Especially 13:00 onwards.
Maybe get something like this? It's a retractable compact walking stick ❤️ Sending love!!
"In the midst of winter, I finally learned there lay within me an invincible summer" Find your summer Beckie, I know you will and I know you can and you are unbelievably talented, push through the fear, push through the winter, feel the cold, feel the FAILURE and feel the LOVE ❤️
Oh wow, I have a chronic "failure" self talk as well. 90%+ or I'm a failure also
I am so sooo sorry that somebody said that to you. That is so deeply hurtful that someone would say that to you. Please hear me- please I beg you to listen to me- I have only just discovered your channel this very day, and I have been so deeply moved by your creativity and your willingness to share your life. You have moved me to tears with almost every video. Your life is so touching and the way you bare your soul so totally is unimaginably brave and it is such a privilege to be let into your inner life. You are an inspiration, and the current of art that runs through your whole life is just such a beautiful, so deeply beautiful part of who you are as a human being. And don’t be too hard on the 17 year old you. She was wonderfully creative too, and I’d give her a huge hug if I could. And she is still a part of you today. I am writing this literally through sobbing tears because I have been so deeply moved by discovering you today. For you it has been a lifetime of creativity and for me I was able to peruse it all in a few hours. So the profundity of your experience is of course greater but the profundity shines through in your work. And I say this as an artist of sorts myself- a classical and jazz pianist- periods of inspiration come in waves. Sometimes they utterly stop (u recently went through a period where I stopped playing for nearl THREE MONTHS (that is an absurd length of time). But I found, when I felt the piano calling to me finally again, that I was more inspired and creative than I had been in years. And I have discovered new things about my music and about music in general. You listen to me good now, my kindred spirit- you listen good- your inspiration WILL RETURN TO YOU. It’ll happen at the most unexpected time and when you’re totally unprepared to take advantage of it, and you’ll have to excuse yourself from some table randomly to go DO IT and it will be beautiful and wonderful just like you are as a person. You are NOT a failure. That person who wrote that is simply factually incorrect. They simply don’t know enough about the world to accurately comprehend what she is looking at. And it just kills me and hurts my heart so deeply to know that those words were able to throw you off course so drastically. YOU LISTEN TO ME DAMNIT- I BELIEVE YOU ARE JUST A GORGEOUS WONDERFUL PERSON AND YOUR LIFE MAKES THIS WORLD A BETTER PLACE. You may take that as absolute incontrovertible fact, because I know what I’m talking about and those idiots who seem to enjoy tearing down such a sweet, gentle wonderful girl aren’t worth their own weight in petrified gnome shit.
Now you listen here young lady- I have been moved so unbelievably deeply discovering your content today. I started weeping on your age progression video and haven’t stopped crying throughout all of your posted content. I am writing this through a torrential downpour of tears. The world needs MORE OF YOU, not less of you. You are just so infinitely wonderful and it is such a deeply joyful experience to see your work and watch you throw little bits of your essence into the world. Please- I need more of that joy and I would love to see more of your work. As much of it as you can put out and it still wouldn’t be enough.
You hace my deepest appreciation, respect, admiration and love. Please, please don’t let any outsiders get you down. It’s all very simple you see- I’m right and they’re wrong.
Sending you a huge bear hug from New York. I love you in a way that I don’t understand. I just find you so very beautiful.
Matt
@@matthewnewton8812 My sentiment, too. Beckie is such a soul that it's easy to feel toward her as the sister/daughter one didn't but would have.
Gonna keep this short and useful: you should implement focused attacks. Learn to choose your battles.
Take/attend some online courses or in person bootcamps for one of those goals that you mentioned, like book cover design, illustrator proficiency, etc. Then create a better focused portfolio. Sometimes we have proficiency for jobs, but can't show it well because we don't know the sector's practices or standards.
If you think your old TH-cam content is tying you down, consider a clear and clean break, and deletion of all content. I know this is very hard to do or consider, but your future is more important than all of that.
Lastly, be confident. You are a beautiful soul. You have a good heart. You can do a lot. Cut yourself some slack. Don't be too harsh on yourself. But, be confident, act confident. Nobody is inherently better than anyone. Don't let anyone make you feel less.
I am sure you will pull yourself up ready to take on the whole world again tomorrow. Because that's our Rebecca.
You make some great points Alex! As far as her YT videos go she could put them on "Private" so only she can see them without deleting them/losing them. Then that gives her the option later. Also, Instead of thinking of ALL one must do to get to point B, sometimes it is best to just do ONE thing at a time. Focus on ONE class not the entire degree.... and before you know it, all could be achieved by taking 1 step at a time. The big picture can overwhelm many of us
Lex, you‘re awesome.
I relate to so much of your thinking. I'm unemployed, never had any kind of career, hate the way society is, have no idea where to go next or what to do. I live with my mam and we rent, I'm in debt, I have crippling anxiety and depression and very intense emotions that make daily life really hard. Honestly I promise you are not alone. Thank you for being so honest.
P.S. I hate hindsight too
I don't know what to say, because I relate to this so much, my thoughts are racing. I just want to say; Thank you for existing. ♡
I know and relate to when words fail. Hug
Props for saying all this out loud and sharing it. I feel the same in many ways and sometimes it’s enough to know you’re not alone (not that i would wish this on anyone)
Sending hugs and hope you find your way through to the next level of happiness.
She wasn't stupid.....she was 17. Things change as we grow and gain experience. The honesty in this video was eye opening. Keep taking care of yourself. Your supporters are still listening.
I relate to this so much. Feeling stuck, unmotivated or not good enough when it comes to my own creative pursuits and passions. I have an interview tomorrow for a job in a field that is related to my degree, but its a field that I never wanted to go into because of how stressful and anxious it makes me feel. At this point though, the need for financial stability has replaced my dreams of being a published author. Sending all the love your way
I'm flabberghasted. The fact that people in Interviews will not only go through your social media, but then proceed to use it against you as a reason to turn you down for jobs?
I'm just, speechless. How do places get away with behaviour such as that? The UK government needs to sort that shit out.
I don't see anything wrong with looking at someone's social media, but to confront you with it in an interview is completely wrong, not to mention unprofessional! If you don't like what you see, don't even call the person in.
Your honesty is really admirable
Every time a video of yours pops up i feel this warm, nostalgic feeling. You are one of the best people to watch, even if you ramble for hours we’d still listen. We love you no matter what. You are not a failure, your path is just different and those who love you can tell you how far you’ve come, that even someone hundreds of miles away knows, loves and supports you. Wish you nothing but the best💙
Being denied from jobs can really take a hit on confidence. It makes us with anxiety and low confidence ask ourselves "why am I not good enough?" The job market is so competitive and employers can be so picky. Anytime I've been rejected, I tried my best not to take it to heart, it can be difficult though if you're being denied daily. Whenever I question myself, I remind that I know myself, and know the things I am capable of. Employers can't see our life experience and how far we've come and how much we've achieved from a 10 minute interview and a CV. They don't know the true us
It breaks my heart to hear that you had to hear such words of hatred towards you. I have been watching your content since 2008. I am 25 now and when I was 15 I got through many days because I felt connected to you, somebody I saw as being kind and strong, and I still see that. Thank you for sharing your feelings, I can relate to so much of this.
Those people who interviewed you and subjected you to a review of your past videos should be reported to authorities! This is discrimination!
This is the most honest thing I've heard someone say in a very long time
Thank you for sharing this.
I’m so sorry, Rebecca.
I remember the forum & I remember people sending it to me when I mentioned you on twitter. And I remember how petty and ridiculous it was. I was, and still am, so shocked that people circled around you so maliciously.
I’ve been following you for a very long time - even when I stepped away because religion is a trigger for me - I kept coming back. You are truly so honest & so clearly kind hearted & good intentioned.
I don’t know what to write to send comfort, but I hope you know that I very desperately want to. I understand these emotions so personally. And as difficult as the position is, I hope you can internalize - even a bit - that you’re not alone.
xxxx
I can't help with much but a folding walking stick that fits in your bag. Life. Changer.
Hi Beckie, I'm in a very similar position at the moment. I am struggling with what I want to do with my life, mental health issues and have been thinking a lot about children recently, and whether I will end up dying alone (Cheerful). Just to let you know that you are still making a difference, no matter if the platform is smaller, everything has a butterfly effect. I really got some catharsis from knowing how similar your situation is, its tough when you feel you should be excited about your future but you cant help but be scared.
Loved seeing an upload from you in my subscription box. I love how open and honest you are. This videos just feels like I'm chatting with an old friend and I just want to give you the biggest hug. I have watched you for years and you have grown so much, it makes me proud. And yes Rebecca you have that spark (always have always will). Never forget your light!
You've never let me down with your expressions and I'm somebody who has been keeping up with you, your writing, your photography and your various other artworks for several years. There simply won't come a time when I don't care about how you're doing. But I know how it is. Little things I do that nobody else thinks anything of at all drive me nuts and I'm always critiquing myself, always thinking up little ways of doing things better and fighting feelings of dread and disappointment if things don't progress as I'd like.
I can also relate to looking back on past content and feeling like struggles inspired an odd sort of quality. Pain & inner turmoil brought out a lot of outrageous and surprisingly energetic sarcasm from me years ago here on TH-cam.
I think you're doing great. The artwork you recently added to your Etsy is lovely. I liked this video too. I think you've got an energy, a speed, a brutal honesty...a sort of spark, that if you'll pardon me for saying so, seemed to have flickered and dimmed for a bit there. And I truly believe that one day you'll find your place and be happy with who you are and where you are.
Job hunting is absolute crazy-making bull shit that is made to break you down and settle for less. its not you, its capitalism. I'm grateful that you keep coming back and sharing with us. Thanks for being here with us and for being you
Beckie, The number of times I've wished I could reach through the computer and give you a hug. I wish you well, wish there was some way I could help. Sending hugs.
Oh Becki.
I am pretty sure you don’t remember me. We met at summer in the city in the bathroom.
I watched your videos for years at this point and you tought me so much. So now I want to give back. If you want to, you can come to Berlin and stay here for a few days at our apartment just to get some different air and maybe some space to think and evaluate.
You are so much more than you can see at the moment. ❤️
I have had anxiety all my life and i have learned that reaching your goals does not lift your anxiety it simply transfers it to a new place. working on accepting where and who you are in the moment while working towards your goal is everything (just because you aren't where you want to be does not mean where you are now is a bad place). if you are always needing to be in the next place to be happy you will find it very hard to be happy. its okay to be proud of where you are and still move forward to do the new things. i became very ill a few years ago and all my goals had to change overnight, it taught me that i needed to live in the moment and see where i am as an achievement even if all i could do in my life at that point was simply be alive. it was easy for me, and still is, to feel i had failed myself and everyone around me, i hadn't and i mostly know that now but my mind was so determine to break me down and i lived in panic/failure mode for such a long time. we expect far too much of ourselves sometimes. its okay to have a long road in front of you, everyone does. life is about experiencing the journey not reaching the targets. its always full of unexpected moments and sometimes when we think its all going wrong we are actually being taken in the direction we are suppose to be going in no the one we think we should. things will improve for you and you will look back at this one day and be happy to see the change in yourself once again. take one step at a time, work on the way you perceive life first and everything else will feel easier to face. you got this!
i'm sorry if this is one long ramble full of spelling errors. its very late and making words from my thoughts is difficult right now.
This one hit me hard, incredibly relatable. Amid career struggles, anxiety and health issue you have to think about adult stuff like having kids. And it feels whatever you choose won’t be a right answer. I wish I could say some words of comfort that would help, but I don’t know any. Except this - you made a difference and your work inspired people all around the globe, and there is a spark - and always will be. Even now, the way you honestly talked about difficult matters helps a lot, may be it is not joyful Spark, but pure sincerity spark. Sending love and all the best wishes ❤️
Beckie, my friend I can only say you are right. We with mental health issues are discriminated against. I am glad you made this video. I was recently hospitalized for three days. I collapsed, and lost 9 hours of my life before waking up. I am 62 years old. Your comment on children for what it is worth to you, I would find employment before having children. Having raised two daughters I can speak by experience. You can have a career. And children. And it is important you and James are on the same page on this. Much hugs, and love to you.
So many of us are addicted to the story of our own suffering, but eventually, we have to choose; do we reinvent ourselves, or keep living within the same broken framework? Part of our healing is to let go of thar victim consciousness. It’s a long way to go, but as someone who lives well with bipolar disorder and has recovered from long term addiction - it’s possible, but only if we let go of our victim mentality. Very brave of you to share this! All the best 💓
I have never related to something so much. Thank you for sharing, I’ve been following your journey for years and as you said you're not alone and you can do it! We can do it! This pushed me to keep going. Thank you.
I find it really frustrating to read through the comments and see so many people giving unsolicited advice. I understand they mean well but when I was in the depths of applying to jobs, feeling totally unmotivated and stupid and insecure, any unsolicited advice about what I should be trying when I was working my absolute hardest was soul destroying. I understand sometimes people can offer perspectives or advice you maybe hadn’t through about but I think people forget how many comments you’re getting on the internet.
Sometimes it helped me when someone said “you’re right, this really really sucks and it’s really unfair. Things will get better, but that’s no help right now. I’m here to support you and if I can’t then I can listen.” Beckie I don’t think there’s much I can do in the way of support but there are many people who are listening, and your words are stay with me and I think of them often when I feel totally alone.
Thank you so much for posting this. So relatable, im also 27, struggling with mental and physical health issues, career issues, deciding whether to have kids. You are a beautiful human and you help so many people feel less alone. I'm so sorry that helping us has had a negative influence on your career; the world is bonkers. Have followed for years, found out that that trich was a thing from your videos and felt less alone. Thanks so much for the positive effect you've had on my life.
Also job hunting is brutal. It is by definition a string of failures because as soon as you succeed you get to stop doing it. But nn matter what your brain wants to tell you, it doesn't make you a failure. That feeling that we will look back at this time later is reassuring to me, I hope it helps you too.
Thank you for opening yourself up. I know that you have helped me feel not alone for the past 5 or so years of my life. I wish I could magically be there for you.
A good friend once told me something that stuck with me.
"When someone insults you, it's about them, not about you." In other terms, someone who makes it their daily mission to hurt strangers on the internet says a lot more about their own life choices in doing so, than they say about the lives of the people they're insulting.
I haven't commented before, but I've been watching your channel off and on for three or four years, usually for a couple hours at a time during the wee hours of morning when I'm too stressed or wired and my brain won't shut up to let me sleep. This morning it was COVID that had my brain on fire. I thought of your channel and decided I needed some Beckie Jane Brown in my life, I wanted your take on it and you did not disappoint. Then I saw this video and it was just like, woah. Perspective. Bam. You make me feel like less of an alien. I don't know how to explain it exactly, something about seeing another regular person trying to overcome daily and also lifelong battles, discussing valid anxieties and problems openly... We're also in basically the same boat, financially, right now, while this crazy thing is happening around us. I don't know. It's gotta be a weird millennial thing, because it's like having a friend that I've never met or spoken to, because the internet exists. And so do you, and you are valid and wonderful and I am glad that you exist. This video made me want to give my sad, wonderful friend-I've-never-met a hug, so I figured I'd comment and try to say something kind, since you kept bringing up being kind in your COVID videos. I realize this comment is really long but I have to stress that WHAT YOU DO FOR MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS IS IMPORTANT. Keep fighting the good fight Beckie, you do more good than you know.
Thank you for sharing your life with us. You’re a beautiful soul. Take care of yourself. 🥰
Beckie,
I silently watch your videos for more than a 5 years now and for the past year I gathered the courage to actually write something.
Whenever I felt down, variaty of anxieties beging apart of my life, you and your support, energy, real mental health talks and so much more you give here helped me a ton. To take different perspective, to be more grateful, all the things I appriciate about your character that makes me better person aswell.
So right now I just couldn't help it and had to let you know all of this.
Every single worry you express in this video is valid, I wish ppl who are this hateful walked at least a few miles in your shoes. But at the same time, when the times seems to be the darkest, you're still here and I couldn't be more grateful for that. Take all the time you possibly need to heal, even thought it's known it can take a lifetime. I'm so happy you found love with James and I wish you from the bottom of my heart that you will love yourself fully one day aswell. So simply thank you for being you, being here on planet Earth, I draw inspiration from you and your journey almost every single day.
xx sincerely from silent but thankful viewer
If someone asks me how my life is going, I can show them this. I love how you explain your feelings. You are not a failure❤️
feeling sick with anxiety, your videos always make me feel less alone. Thinking deeply of you. Bullying causes lasting damage, but I promise it can be managed. Your voice matters x
As so many others have said, I can relate to what you've articulated and what was more visceral to me was the emotion in your voice and face. I never know what I look like when I am struggling but I know what I sound like and how I feel, and though I never wish to have anyone else feel lost, it does help me to know I'm not alone. And I do, so very often, feel alone. Thank you for taking the risk and sharing.
I related to this video so much. My life also took a nosedive in 2016. Society lets people screw up for a short period -- or collapse for a short period -- but there's always supposed to be a corresponding upswing a couple month later where you emerge better! stronger! and more magical! than ever before. When you've struggled for years, it's so isolating. I don't think people who haven't been there can understand.
I know how you feel. I finished my masters and did not have a holyday in years. Now I'm looking for a job and get rejected A LOT. I'm working in two jobs and try to find work. After eleven applications I got one interview. Eleven is not a lot, but I'm looking for a job in the field of forensics, which is really hard and positions are rare! Selfdoubt, feeling miserable? Been there done that... still doing it. But other times will come. Stay positive!
But please do me a favor! Do not isolate yourself! You need people around you, that show you something different.
I am 41 and have trouble leaving my bed let alone my home.
My depression/anxiety got so bad I atrophied a lot of muscles I had and am now trying to get the gumption to do small exercise.
What I mean by stating this is, you are not alone.
In 2020 most people in "civilized" societies have crippling anxiety (okay not like Denmark and the other Nordic countries but I think that's cuz they have it right)
We all are working just to survive rather than living.
You said it yourself you hold on to your home by the skin on your teeth.
We are all fighting just to stay afloat rather than enjoying the swim.
I don't know, other than society no longer commodifing all of life, of any other path.
I prefer to look at our ancestors for guidance. Become one with our life and all life around us. And stop chasing the paycheck...though in today's society that paycheck barely covers being able to take a full breath.
I am at a loss Rebecca.
I hope you find your way.
It is good to see and hear you again.
The extra few pounds (kgs? Metric...)looks good on you. Despite your obvious stressed look, you look healthier with the few extra stone (? )
collapsible canes are really useful - just pop it into your handbag and if you need it, just flip it out! navigating disability stuff can be really hard, but there are lots of little things here to help you out. i take one with me in my wheelchair bag to make stuff/transferring easier, and you can get really nice patterned ones too. hopefully that’s at least slightly useful! 🌻✨
I am sorry.
You are worthy. You are very creative. You are not a failure.
I admire your strength, and your videos have given me the courage to face my own struggles. I am grateful of how open you have been about your mental health, and I am sorry people bring that at all in a job interview.
You are amazingly talented, and you do have a lot of artistic, editing, digital media skills (and many more).
Thank you for still making vids after all these years and struggles.
💜
I’m autistic and couldn’t relate more to most of what you’ve said. Anxiety, fear of failure, exhausted all the time. Psychological pain that results in physical pain. But we keep plodding on and pushing through hard times. Cats make things better and working on believing in ourselves.
I failed my game design studies because of my depression and dermatillomania. Now I want to be an animal carer and I'm doing all I can to achieve that. I'm so much happier now. Because now my needs are the most importat thing in my life for me.
God bless x Animals are great :)
I believe I came across some of your videos a couple of years ago?? So I don’t know that much about anything. But this video popped up today, and I am resonating so so much with the fear of failure. I’m so much afraid to try anything, and it stops me from even going for a walk (which I need to do for my health).
So I know I don’t now you. I can see you’ve got huge thoughts about a lot of things and about being stuck.
I love that you have things you want to do and that, even though there’s the fear and low self esteem, there is passion in there. It just needs some healthy space.
Wishing you all the best. These are big things. Take a breath. It’s going to be ok. Stupid sayings, I know. But you’ve got this. All the stuff you’ve mentioned, and as you say, it’s all completely valid.
Biggest thing. Seeing this video.i just wanted to step in and say, take a breath.
Take care. Best wishes from a stranger in Australia
Looking at this video and all the comments has assured me I'm not alone when it comes to mental health, creativity, negativity, self-doubt, self-esteem, anxiety, disabilities, failure, troubles with employment - and so much else I'm either forgetting or can't place here.
I try to watch your videos, Beckie, when I get the chance. Your voice is gentle and who you are and what you do inspires me in the tiniest of ways.
Thank you for sharing! And if it can make you feel any better, I truly dont think youre a failure. You actually inspire me. You are so so talented in many things and you explore those talents no matter what age you are. You are very intelligent and hardworking and I truly believe you will find your motivation and get back on track, whatever it is you choose to do. Good luck with every aspect of your life. I truly hope you feel better. :)
I can honestly relate to the majority of the things you mentioned. Being 27 and being stuck and left behind by your peers is devastating. Being rejected every single day makes things even worse. I was in a job i hated (retail) and where I was bullied by my boss so I quit a few months ago. Decided to study for a Master's which turned out to be awful and I withdrew from it. I'm now 27, unemployed with 2 Bachelor' s degrees, living with my parents and I have no clue as to what to do with my life. I was even rejected from a waiting position as "there were applicants with more experience and better skills" than mine. This threw me off so bad. No one wants to hire me because I don't have experience but how on earth am i supposed to get experience if no one will hire me? It's a vicious cycle and I hate society so much!
Joy is also a catalyst for great creativity also!! What makes you joyous!? What makes you feel light and free?! What lights you up?! Focus on that!! Get into the flow and the creativity will COME!!
This video puts my own feelings into words where I lack the eloquence to explain to my family or therapist or job agencies why I'm stuck and I can't get out. Thank you.
I think those of us who are creatively geared tend to struggle so much more with these sorts of 'stuck' issues, and circling around all these different passions and desires and feeling lost.
You have the added trouble of this online presence from before which has seemingly haunted you into adulthood. I found you through those videos a decade ago when I was first learning about my trichotillomania - so I for one am extremely grateful for your contribution to breaking down stigma.
I also sympathise so much about stigma in general. I work with ex offenders who are so often nothing like the people they were when they were convicted of their offences. Stigma more than anything else holds them back.
My only advice really is to remind yourself that this WILL pass. Yes, you have ongoing physical and mental health issues that fluctuate and remain unpredictable, but as an anxious person the greatest freedom came from realising I have NO control, only perceived control.
Just do your best. God loves you as you are, and doesn't see you as a failure. Even suffering is a part of his big picture (even though is sucks), so try to hold on to these truths about you.
You are exceedingly talented, educated, and capable. Anything you decide to do will be absolutely fine. You are not letting anyone down.
So much love for you Beckie. You can only do as much as you can do. You speak so well to everything you've been through and it is truly encouraging to me as someone who also struggles with anxiety and failure. Thank you so much for sharing.
I highly recommend the short courses at University of the Arts, London. I've done three of their one week illustration courses and a weekend Wacom course. Take a look!
My heart goes out to you becca. You are by no means a failure, you are a wonderful, kind, beautiful human being that anyone would be lucky to have in their lives. I'm sorry that things are tough for you, what you describes sounds extremely difficult to go through and you deserve so much better in your life. I hope that people can see you for how valuable and wonderful you are and I hope that someone out there gives you the boost you deserve ❤️ If you need a positive soul in your life feel free to say hi to me and I'll be here to listen. I'm cheering for you girl xx
I know that sometimes words fail. And that's about where I'm sitting. Your video made me feel so much that I don't know what to say. I could tell there were times you tried not to cry. I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd needed to turn the camera off to let some tears flow. I know the frustration. I was let of a job I loved because they outsourced my job to the Philippines. After that I had a hard time finding a job I could fit my experience into. There aren't many and I have yet to find another I love. So I am currently a stay at home mom and the caregiver for my husband's grandmother, and I worked a finance job before. I'm nearly 10 years older than you and I wish I was close enough to wrap you up and give you a long comforting hug. You sound like you could really use one right about now. It's just too bad I'm in NM, USA, and not the UK. I know it's just words, but all I can really say is try to keep your head up, you may just find something you really enjoy when you least expect it. It could be the job you applied for, but weren't really wanting. You never know where your next opportunity is. A huge blanket hug from the US.
You inspire me to keep trying. You motivate me to not give up on myself. If it’s worth anything, I really truly deeply believe in you. And you’ve made a massive positive impact on my life and I’m so grateful you’re here.
Thank you for making and sharing this video.
Love this post because so many people have felt stuck at one point or another. I've been there! The only thing I can say is thank you for posting and just keep plugging away, even if you're just going through the motions. It gets better :) I found focusing on 1% changes really helped (recommend reading Atomic Habits)!!!
I've always thought that you are so genuine in a world where there's so much fakery. You were never afraid to show us your real feelings, to show us your struggles, your insecurities. You're so brave for doing that and I admire you. Don't let the haters get to you. They're insensitive and dumb. I'm sure you inspired and helped many people with your vlogs. You should be proud of that and I wish you the very best for the future.
"I no longer relate to the person in my videos" YES! This is what social media is in so many ways. I totally get why this is painful. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you find what you need in your employment and personal life
Attitude is more important than anything and self love and not caring what others think, including interviewers. Other people’s opinion doesn’t matter. Focus on positive vibes and things will work out!!! Stand ur ground, the only relevant thing is this moment not the you from 10 years ago! ❤️❤️❤️
I relate to so much of this. I'm a creative, anxious, 33 yr old who is currently unemployed and at home. Who wishes she could get back into education, but that seems, like you, very unlikely. I hated education at the time, my mental health was at an all time low, but as you say, hindsight.
What I do know, is that you are strong. And smart. And brave. And so am I. And our brains, and society often tell us otherwise. But today at least, I know we are.
I send much love 💪🏼💚
You are braver than I could ever imagine myself being. You've managed to articulate so well what so many of us are going through.
May God Bless You and keep you safe through this difficult time.
Wow really agree on the confidence when it comes to jobs, I applied for so many and hearing nothing back from hundreds of applications started effecting my own self worth, I really empathise with you
You are by far one of the strongest and most self reflective persons I have ever come across. And you are one of the few I truly admire.
And I could listen to your voice forever. I would listen to any pod cast you do.
I hope all those people who have been mean to you realize their mistakes and learn how awful they’ve been. You are a WONDERFUL human being. Don’t let anyone bring you down.
i love how real you are!! i’ve been following you for years at this point and i love seeing how much you’ve grown. ❤️
Beckie- take an improv class/ I beg you. Learn that failure isn’t a death sentence it’s an opportunity to learn and grow. If you keep waiting to be in a good place before you share things you’ll live in a hole with the sun barely peeking through. I think it would help you a lot to do something physical that gets you out of your head, talking to folks, getting new ideas, and learning how to stop judging yourself and learn to be excited about failure! I have been in it 3 years and it’s changed my whole life and ability to art!
I’m a full time artist and can’t wait on “inspiration” to create. You have to create daily. It can be bad. Awful even. But creating anything is a success, and any “failure” in process is learning. I have days and days of failure in line sometimes, but i am a far better artist than when I started 9 years ago, and I’m so excited to suck some more today so I can be better tomorrow! (And I say that knowing I like my art, but always want to improve)
I wish you nothing but the best, and hope you’re able to find the fun in failure and get back to a happier zone. You can do it, you just gotta DO! I think we follow eachother on insta, but if you ever wanna y’all art or vent to a bud or ask questions I am here! @darkredheart on insta
As a 27 year old as well, I can relate to this video b i g t i m e.
For what it's worth, what you always say about doing what you can with what you have, that sticks with me.
Hi, I don't know you, this is the first video I see of yours. But everything you've just said it spoke to me to every single feeling I've had stuck, depressed and really scared of the world, I'm anxious. It's like looking in a mirror, goodness sake at this point I don't even know if you see messages but holy shit if you do happen to read this one I want you to know that you're not alone. Your life is worth living, the art that you make speaks to other, the content that you make, the words you say, they DO connect to others, and you've just hit another stranger on the internet and this stranger already feels absolutely on your corner on your team. I wish you all the best, and in a selfish weird way by wishing you the best I also learn that I want to wish me the best too, I want us both to grow and learn and be happy and good opportunities flow so we can reach others and teach others and help others. I know my words are probably meaningless in the endless sea of this digital space... but if they do reach... you're not alone and you will THRIVE!
Thanks you for opening up about this. People need to be more aware about these issues! Take care. I hope things will turn out better for you in the near future.
You’re so brave for posting this, and I just want to give you a hug, because I can totally relate to these emotions and the lack of self confidence and self worth. You’re vulnerability is inspiring, and I have been watching for a few years and you have come a long way. Love from Texas!❤️
I relate to so many points in this video. The anxiety and self worth issues. The “failure is not an option”, I once had this big art project for a university class that I was genuinely excited for but I didn’t think it would turn out the way I wanted it to or it wouldn’t turn out good. So I avoided working on it, didn’t do it, didn’t turn anything in and missed the day of final exams when it was due.
The way you express yourself in this video is like a monologue plucked straight from my brain - the back and forth between anxiety, doubt, trying to stay hopeful and optimistic and motivated and GRATEFUL! beating yourself up and feeling bad about it...trying to lift yourself up but faced with harsh realities/real limits, and all the while the SENSE that someone outside yourself is scrutinizing it all so you backtrack on your own thoughts. I've been watching your videos for ages and I'm not even myself sure what it is that has me watch every single one but absolutely part of it is the way you so eloquently express these intensely difficult moments in time - and equally express gratitude and aspirations for the future. Anyway, I really deeply appreciate your existence and all the types of content you create. I don't truly know you of course but whatever happens know that I support and believe in you 🙂
I relate to your fear of failure so so much. That same fear made me drop out of the physics bachelor I was trying to get, because I wouldn't solve problems due to the fear of having them wrong. I still have it to this day, but luckily it's not as present anymore. Much love Rebecca, you deserve all of it!!
I am right around your age, and while I've struggled with anxiety, stress, self esteem and eating issues for a while, it finally came to a head this year and brought me to a really low point. I feel like I'm getting better with the help of some key people in my life, including a personal trainer and a therapist. I can relate to you so much though and I just want to say that I really admire you, I DON'T think you're a failure, and you've helped me realize certain things about myself and helped me understand my own BFRB disorder.
Wow. I can't even express how much I relate to everything you said. Have watched you since about 2016, and your honesty is seriously so refreshing. God bless you Rebecca, I wish the best for you 💕
It is more dispiriting to criticise than be criticised ! Hiding behind a keyboard as well! I think you are very brave to be so open about yourself. Ignore the haters, their lives are a failure if they have nothing better to do than be negative to feel better about themselves. Lots of love Beckie X
It's so heartbreaking to.see you this discouraged. Who tells a person in their twenties that their life is a total failure? That kind of cruelty is just mind-boggling. You are not broken. And things will get better. I have loved so many of your videos and you seem like such a lovely genuine person. I am also many times feel broken because of the type of person I am. I know it is not true. It is never true. You are not broken. You are not a failure. Sending you all the encouragement and love in the world!
You have com so far, you are so strong. Even when you think you can’t do it anymore, you are still doing it. You are still alive and kicking. Keep it that way, because you are valuable for a lot of people
I complete relate to feeling unworthy to even apply for jobs, I'm a few years younger but feel so stuck at present. Wishing you all the best, thank you so much for sharing this
Thank you so much for your honesty. It is brave, and really refreshing to have someone speak so candidly about job struggles and unemployment. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerable bits. Always nice to hear from you. BIG HUG!! ❤️
Becky you are absolutely NOT a failure! You are incredibly talented! Try not to think or worry about what others say about you - no one has it all together. Like you, EVERYONE is doing what they know how. As we learn more, we do better, if we're wise. You seem overstimulated with all that's going on in your life. Perhaps you can find a very mundane job that is stable - maybe office work. Find a mundane, boring but stable job and commit to doing it well. Sometimes we don't need what we want, we just need what we need. I pray you will feel better about yourself.
I can really relate to this. Thank you for sharing.
I know that no matter what anyone says, you will feel what you feel. Me telling you that I think you're incredible and someone I look up to won't change how you feel.
But please try to hold onto the fact that no matter what, you are worthy. You have worth. That is inherent and intrinsic to you and every other living being. You are worthy. Your failings (if you must call them that) are not linked to your identity. Yes, think about your successes but don't use that to tell yourself you're not a failure. Focus on the fact that you are alive, you love, you are loved and you have worth x
Thank you so much. I am stuck in the limbo of trying to find a job and trying to do something that i actually like.. The overwhelming anxiety of interviews to the point of preferring to starve over applying really resonated with me. I love you and it hurts me to see you struggle like this. Hug. I have no solution either, but you are not alone in this.
I compare my current anxious depressed self to my younger optimistic productive self as well. It's like, when you're young, carefree, and even ignorant, you do more and anything that comes to mind without thinking of consequences like failure or negative opinions. Ignorance is truly bliss.
I'm so proud of you for posting this video - it's MAJOR & I really want you to know how brave you are. I relate to so much of what you're going through - especially the comments about being a 'failure'. As cliche as it is, you aren't ever alone. Always wishing you well, take care.
You said you miss making a change in relation to mental health, but for me, you still are. Though I am sure I have no idea what you are going through at the moment, the sole fact of whatching this video, seeing you are back, it motivates me to tackle my mental disorder and start being productive, start looking for a job and all that. So I just can say thank you. Thank you for helping me find motivation! Lots of hugs!!
Thank you for saying all of this. You're a light to so many of us. I hope no matter how dark it gets, you keep on keeping on because there's an army of us behind you
I have endless thoughts like this and this makes me feel less alone with you opening up and also the comments of other people, I was very much the same at 27 I'm now very close to 30 and I swear it gets better or should I say easier to cope
Rebecca, I don’t even know if I can put into words how it makes me feel hearing you talk about jobhunt anxiety and confidence here. This is exactly how I’ve felt for years. I used to be so confident and knew my own worth and maybe even had an overinflated ego, but then I spent years only feeling my own inadequacies in my job, and my anxiety over feeling inadequate only made me less capable in that job. It got to the point this past Christmas where I felt I couldn’t even apply to new jobs - and it’s a critical time! I’m graduating soon. And logically I would look at my CV and I knew I’ve done things and have skills, but I couldn’t make myself believe it in my heart that I was capable of all that and more again.
Part of me starting to crawl out of that has been that suddenly I’m involved in end-of-degree projects where my rusty skills are suddenly needed, where I shockingly did know more than some people, and it helped me believe in myself a little bit. That’s been nice. It’s helped me take more chances on myself and have more faith.
Throwing myself into my own art practice and hanging out with other artists on Instagram also gave me some confidence and a sense of community.
It both hurts my heart and gives me comfort to understand this confidence issue around jobs is affecting you, too, because no one I know seems to be struggling with their anxiety so intensely as me. Everyone I know is figuring it out, and I’m still in a panic, knowing I’m fighting ten years of psychological issues and knowing I’ve got limited time to make some mental progress before my current job contract runs out and I’m hustling for the next job with little savings built up, and knowing my rent agreement is going to run out and I’ve got to move somewhere monstrously expensive with no guarantee of being able to pay rent.
As dumb as it sounds, I felt very alone in the particular ways in which I was struggling.
I relate so much, Beckie. I've been more or less "stuck" in a job that isn't terrible, but isn't good for me and tends to help enable my habits. I've stayed and delayed getting a new one for fear of discomfort at best, failure at worst.
I've followed you since 2008. You've conquered stuff before, and you sure will conquer it again! ❤ You are beautiful, persistent, and a voice for the hopeless! We are here and listening. ❤ Thinking of you and sending hugs. And have yourself a holiday, if you can! 😊
This really felt like a Heart to heart with a good friend! So much insight into your life and thoughts, that must have been difficult to Share ♥
I relate to this so much! Especially the last few years. It’s really hard to keep things going when the world feels like it’s crumbling around you. Especially when mental and physical health come into play. Stay strong Beckie!
You’ve always been someone Ive enjoyed watching on TH-cam and keeping up with on Instagram so I’m always cheering for you! ☺️ Lots of love and good vibes to you from across the ocean! 💙
im so admirable of your honesty. this was a really good watch, and im so glad youre posting this despite past (and possibly current) harassment.
I can very much relate to what you're saying and thank you for opening up. Hope that saying all this out loud helped you. For me reflecting my situation is always helpful in sorting my mind, opening the gate out of the struggle I'm in, alongside with accepting the situation I am in right now, knowing that it will eventually change, and enjoying good moments and don't let myself overrun by my past or a potential (unpredictable) future. Everything is good and every experience makes us stronger.
Can definitely relate to the loss of creativity that was much stronger in adolescence, which was (although definitely not as bad as yours) admittedly a worse time for me. It's very heartbreaking to not know how to rekindle an industrious and creative streak and it definitely has something to do with the fear of failure and lack of confidence. So many thoughts of yours on this feel much like my own on this matter, especially the acknowledgement of various passions and career interests (book illustration, etc) but not knowing how to connect it in a meaningful way that can get you where you want to be in life (especially the desire to learn new skills such as pro-create and improve drawing) due to low self esteem and experiencing so much failure. Although I'm hardly apt to comment on the situation, given that I'm in a somewhat similar mindset (although I am far younger which is much more forgiving and haven't experienced as much rejection or mental health issues) I feel like in order for things to improve you have to have more compassion for yourself, especially considering the fact that you've mentally been through much more than most people will probably experience in 'a lifetime. There are definitely more people in this situation than we'd like to think, and you are very lucky to have so many wonderful skills at your disposal such as wonderful articulation, creativity, painting, editing, and writing. It's a real shame that you have experienced so much rejection given that you are trying so hard and deal with so many disadvantages. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and therefore maybe, as you said, when you are older you might look back at your late 20's and will be able to joyfully minimise what you've been through. Forgive yourself, believe in yourself. Take Care. :)
You’re not alone ❤️ I think you’ve just verbalised how so many of us are feeling, particularly your thoughts of self-doubt or being unworthy of anything good. I can’t offer advice because I’m kinda going through the same thing right now but please now that you’re not alone and I’ve never found there to be anything inherently “unworthy” or “less than” about you. You’re intelligent and creative and so many people love you. Keep going
I appreciate this video more than you can know. I was struggling hardcore a couple of years ago and what saved me was my parents' pushing me out of the nest (selling the nest really lol) and forcing me to take the plunge and move somewhere I knew I'd have more job opportunities. I still feel hopeless sometimes, because I'm not doing the work I really want to do (what that is I haven't quite figured out yet) and I'm perpetually a single bingle, but I have a job now that allows me the flexibility to pull myself to together. I'm following your journey avidly on Instagram and so admire your bravery to be so vulnerable. I understand how difficult it is to apply for jobs and put your best foot forward when you aren't proud of yourself, but it's all a mindset and I know you'll get there and there are going to be so many people who are cheering you on when you land the dream job.
Hi Beckie, I just wanted to mention a quick book that helped my anxiety a lot, it was called "when panic attacks" by dr david burns, and it has helped me tremendously. It basically has CBT techniques for people to use at home for anxiety.
i know that a lot of us have been watching your channels for many years you have brought a lot of issues to light helped so many people made us all happy by your decision to open your life to us, thank you so much for being who you are I know I am a better person because of you much love