90 Day: The Single Life - (Natalie #4) - Not Good Guy - Therapist Reaction
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda, couples therapist, reacts to 90 Day: The Single Life - Natalie. Includes clips from 90 Day: The Single Life, Season 2.
Therapist reaction to the reality television.
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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This dude is the dictionary definition of "nice guy" I was nice, so she owes me now. Definitely cover your drinks around this dude.
He's a severe problem in the making.
Pretty big leap to call him a rapist.
@@apache313 -Nice guy
@@apache313 is this you?
@@apache313 He’s invading her space
So, so happy doc called this guy out. Its so scary that society thinks its OK to ignore boundaries, especially physical or emotional ones.
I wish more people would see it for what it is, abuse.
I keep thinking about his past flings. Nathalie is pretty strong and everything but what about shy girls. I dont know he gives me bad vibes
Yeah it sad I wish it didn't happen to people
Doc doesn't know a thing about me or the 3 straight days of filming with this crappy production
God knows how many women have been in this situation and had a freeze response because you knew he would cast you as "crazy" or a "prude" for having boundaries. Good on Natalie, I think she has good defenses
I’ve had too many experiences like this especially as petite girl.
I don't care what he'll think, just the shock of him doing that unexpectedly would have sent me in freeze mode.
I once went on a first date with a civil rights lawyer (also ex-cop) who put me in a HEADLOCK in his apartment, when I tried to get up from his couch to leave. I fortunately was able to "disarm" him by loudly saying, "ow." He had a huge smile on his face, much like this dude's expression when he grabbed Natalie. He then insisted on walking me home (which I politely declined) and then he slammed the door behind me when I left without a kiss. Fast-forward to the next day, he texted me to set up a future date, and I explained to him exactly why i was disinterested and why he's not a "nice guy." He told me I was the crazy one, and that he didn't do anything wrong in his eyes. Fast-forward a week later when I told this story to my sister and her boyfriend. Their response: "Well, everyone's been locked up during the pandemic, of course he's gonna wanna get laid, don't be so self-victimizing." Self-blame is taught to women from a toxic masculine point of view, and there are a lot of women who allow and enable it. It's embedded in our collective mind.
That’s fucking horrible. I cannot believe he actually thought you would go out with him again, I’m glad you got out of there safely. I am very sad that your sister and her boyfriend responded the way they did. You were assaulted and unsafe, they should have been relieved you were able to get out of there safely. I’m sorry you went through this, I’m glad you were able to get out of there and stand up for yourself.
So glad you got out of there before something even more horrible happened. The headlock alone is a horrible red flag. 🚩disgusting.
Cop to Civil Rights lawyer is a very odd career move - makes me think he's odd as well.....
"self-victimizing"......... urgh. I am very worried about your sister. We tend to love siblings more than we love ourselves... so if she will treat you like that how is she treating herself? what is she putting up with?
Wow. Physically assaulted you on a first date. Just need a moment for that to sink in. Forget dodging a bullet. You dodged a blast from the Death Star.
I’m not really a fan of Natalie but I definitely agree with how she handled this situation. It felt like a physical assault to me.
Yeah she clearly told him not to touch her. What did he think was going to happen?
Agreed. It makes me view her defensive tendencies in way more of a positive light. I know the times I have been in similar situations I just freeze and become kind of paralyzed. Good for her sticking up for herself.
And they were being filmed. Imagine if they would have been by themselves.
It was.
@@saras.301 I just said that! :)
I hate that we are taught to feel bad for defending ourselves. Natalie did what was right!!!!
He put his hands on after she repeatedly told him to knock it off. He didn’t understand with words that’s why he got smacked
100!! He definitely deserved it!
Yes totally agree "taught to feel bad for defending ourselves"! It's the fact that a lot of woman are taught we "over react" and that behavior is fine. Taught those things while we are small and boys and girls pick up on this behavior, might display it at very young ages. But she's also from Russia (I think that's where she's from) and they aren't very romantic or physical, so this behavior is a lot more offensive to them, than most Americans.
No one, especially a lady, should never feel bad about defending themselves. I have sisters and I told them that all their lives.
I agree no means no but clearly, she is simply not ready to date anyone.....I would not want to date a woman who is in the same mental space as Natalie. She said it herself when she said it's not you it's me.....why would I invest time in a woman who is clearly not ready to date.
"I just didn't listen to her about her boundaries and psychically grabbed her when she told me multiple times that she doesn't want to be touched. Clearly she's the problem and I'm a perfect gentleman."
I don't get people like this.
I don't like Natalie at all. But this dude is horrible.
Sure, but if a girl had pulled a guy in, the reaction would be polar opposite
@@gideonbrown2366 no it would not, look at the entire context here, ur seeing it through a different genders perspective, look at it from Natalie's perspective, as a woman! This is a violation even if it was the other way around.
@@bashmeesh 'no it would not' uhhh? yes it would?
@@gideonbrown2366 there are very few men that would turn down an advance from a woman so if it were the other way around yes it would be very different because she would’ve wanted it in this case he’s forcing his will upon her. he is showing typical signs of an abuser.
No, I think you called it. It is assault. The amount of men I’ve gone on dates with or met on nights out who don’t seem to be able to read physical body cues, who try to grab you and forcibly give you a hug or try to kiss you, even after you pull away. The girl will be obviously uncomfortable and the guy just uses more and more force. It’s creepy
@Alaric Grown adults should be able to understand the difference between movies and appropriate behaviour in real life
@Alaric If a man is genuinely taking dating advice from movies, instead of listening to what women in real life say they want, and this is causing him to physically assault women…that man needs serious help
Even worse, I believe they do read the cues, but just choose to ignore them, as if the girl's resistance is some sort of obstacle they need to overcome.
@@brunacinotti3804 Thats an excellent point. There’s no way that many of them don’t know exactly what their doing, especially these days when women have been so vocal about abuse and how we want to be treated with respect and boundaries
@@kamila7122 It's not only men! Lots of my girl friends have not gone on 2nd or 3rd dates with men who could've been good to get to know better because "[he was] too passive", "didn't try to kiss me", "we made out but then he said it was too soon to take me home". They have learned, from shows and books, that men are supposed to "break down" or "break through" a woman's false reluctance and "win" over them. When I watch Jeniffer (the woman from Colombia, with Tim and now Jesse) say she wants to be conquered and dominated, I think of these friends. This "women must be overcome" is not solely a Latino culture phenomenon!
I think he envisioned himself the macho romance novel guy who ignores the no and the heroine falls into his arms grateful for his masculinity. Fooled him. He absolutely deserved that smack. She told him repeatedly that she didn't want any touching until she was ready, and he totally ignored her. I have never liked Natalie, but I liked her in that moment, and the way she clearly told him to take her home, and did not let him walk her to the door of her hotel (as he put it, "Like a gentleman," a line which made me want to throw up!) For younger women out there though, if this should happen to you on a date where you are not being followed by a camera crew, call an Uber or a friend, but under no circumstances should you get in a car with him.
He seems dangerous.
To be honest, if a woman had pulled a guy over, a lot of people would have found it endearing
Calm down Gideon
@@bashmeesh I'm calm, do you have a point
@@gideonbrown2366 NO MEANS NO regardless of which gender says it... Learn to respect eachother's boundaries people.
Yikes!! This guy was really creepy. My heart goes out to everyone in the comments talking about their experiences with stuff like this ❤️
I had a similar experience too. I was angry for days.
@@amaniahmed5481 I can imagine!! I'm sorry you have experienced that. I have had men be verbally pushy with me (one going as far as to say that he would "cure" my lesbianism if I gave him a chance 🤮) and that alone is always really scary. I don't know what I would do if someone touched me like that 😔😔
Proud of Natalie for having the balls to stand up for herself. I too often (in the past) let men do whatever they wanted eventually because it was too hard to keep pushing them away. It sucks, and makes me sad for my past self but SO GLAD we're moving in the direction of knowing this is wrong.
🙌Preach
I was having a conversation w a guy friend recently and was telling him I've done things w guys despite not wanting to bc they would "respectfully" insist. he was shocked! And I was shocked to have said that too but it was the truth.
That passive aggressive good luck was definitely a show of true colors. Just because you dress Bruno mars and speak romcom doesn’t mean you don’t have to earn trust!
This comment made me laugh so hard! Truth!
🤣🤣🤣😂
Lmao
Whoa! She dodged a grenade there. Good on her. If he did that *on* camera, I can't imagine how aggressive he is *off* camera
He plays it up for the camera. Remember how he chugged his drink for the camera while on his way to "dispose" of it for Natalie?
@@Authentistic-ism I think you have it wrong. He wasn’t playing it up for the camera, he’s just dressing up his creepy personality as a joke. He takes a sneaky sip on camera when in real life he’d likely hide his alcohol use from her, he grabs at her on camera when in real life he’d likely full on assault her.
True
Seeing that man grab her and pull her was straight up triggering. I can't even begin to describe the terror of being alone with someone who's decidedly larger and stronger than you and suddenly feeling your body be moved in a direction you are not controlling.
huh? she is with an entire film crew tho
@@Hartleymolly the film crews in reality television are often contractually instructed not to interfere in any way- a LOT of lines can get crossed before anyone actually does anything
Same. I wouldn’t have gotten into the car with him after that. I’m surprised she did.
@@shrodzmartz Treu
It’s all About High Rating’s with reality TV Shows
And the scream. I know the screem. It took me right back.
i never reported my rape either, i was young and too embarrassed, felt guilty... what a horrible feeling. it took me a long time to convince myself it was not my fault even though i was naive. no means no. I'm gladd Natalie had the instinct to go home immediately, though i would have hitched a ride with the cameraman instead.
It wasnt your fault and i hope youre in therapy rn
I am so sorry that happened to you.
@@shera4276 I'm not currently, but it's been over 20 years and I'm ok now, I've done well processing it, just took a while. Ty though! ❤
Please protect your online privacy better
@@feelingoffbalance by using a vpn or not sharing my story? Because everyone can know about the latter I stopped hiding years ago, it was part of my healing
I really appreciate Kirk’s defense of Natalie here, so good for victims/survivors to watch. This guy gives me super sketchy vibes, never having seen the show
He seemed to think he was being playful, but her head whiplashed at one point. He yanked her hard. He didn't even playfully pull her toward him. He yanked the s out of her.
I feel like even if he had been gentle or “playfull” it wouldn’t have been okay simply because she’s already voiced to him she’s uncomfortable with touch. He’s gross and I feel so bad she went through this!
@@keegankupcakes827 No one would think it was gross if a woman pulled a man closer
@@gideonbrown2366 Why be this person? This comment is untrue and distasteful.
@@gideonbrown2366 just because some people wouldn’t think it’s gross doesn’t mean it’s right/appropriate. Men have just as much autonomy to their bodies and if a man said he didn’t want to be touched then that should be respected too.
Dr. Honda has talk about this before that often we over look abusive behavior when it comes from a woman.
@@gideonbrown2366 it doesn’t matter what people would think if The situation were the other way around because it’s not. He is forcing her to do things against her will that’s abuse stop trying to defend an abusive man
I remember I was on a first date with a guy who was constantly touching me. Told him I didn't want that because I wasn't comfortable with it and explained why - also said how I didn't feel attracted to him in "that way". He apologized and we moved on. Later, I stood on his balcony and he comes up to me and kisses my head. Reminded him again of my boundaries and he said "I don't move like a robot and I don't appreciate it when people do. I do what I want." Told him that he sounds rapey and that you can't push forward without someone wanting to. He then yelled at me and said "I know you're actually a slut but you're just pretending to be a good girl". I left at record speed
Oh my God. How scary. Good for you
@@kimosabe818 it was terrifying. I regret not slapping him and admire Natalie for standing up for herself like that
@@kosovareduraku8165 yeah, i get that. I have the same feeling with my experience. Why didn't i do this or that...but i think that it's part of the shaming that we do to ourselves. It's a shame that so many of us have these experiences and we are never thaught how to react and that our reaction is valid.
Wow. Unfortunately not surprised
Wow you dodged a bullet girl! I've had a couple experiences like that. Some peoples egos can't handle rejection and their true colors show.
As a Ukrainian can tell you that victim-blaming of women is up to the extreme here. "You wear this - you asked for assault", "you behave as you wanted it", "you choose this guy yourself", "you went with a stranger - you asked for assault", "why wouldn't you just relax and enjoy?". What's even worse - if you had the guts to report, you would hear all of this from the police officer! They would try their best to convenience the victim it was her fault or she understands the situation incorrectly.
And such narrative it's taught in the school in subject of "Basic of health" as a "victim behaviour", which you should avoid, because it attracts abusers.
Natalie will be considered crazy for overreacting to cute flirting from a Ukrainian perspective.
I can tell you that it isn't much different in the U.S., particularly the part about the police.
@@princesstelevision67 this is surprising. 911 calls and detective interrogations I found on youtube looks mostly respectful
@@ytk4rv there is a certain obligation to appear respectful of people who are reporting such crimes but in my experience they are very quick to lean on the old, 'oh, she's making it up for attention, she's trying to ruin his life, it's a he said she said situation' and ultimately nothing gets done but the victim has had to repeat the story tens of times to lots of strangers who pick apart their story to the point they start disbelieving it themselves, which is sometimes even worse than the assault. So, I guess the American setup is better because they pretend the report matters initially, but it doesn't feel much better from the other side.
I really would not compare sexism in EE to the US, it’s vastly different and incomparably worse. There were cases in the EE where a rape victim would be raped by again by police officers upon reporting it bc “she is already raped so what is the difference” , recently during protests in poland a trans woman was fingered by a police officer, in public, to show her that she was really a man, all of this with no consequences - does this happen in the US on regular basis? With no recourse for the victim?
@@stempki yes, it does. Particularly for non-white, non gender-conforming or SW victims..
as soon as he said "why can't you just give me a chance" I internally vomited. he's gotta go
he's practiced that one
@@Authentistic-ism I've heard it so many times from people.
Man.. He didn’t just pull her towards him (which would have been bad enough), he practically YANKED her arm out! I feel bad for her despite my usual opinions.
She was man handled. She's mad at herself because she thought he would go at her pace. She's mad because she misjudged his character. In no way do I blame her. But I think that's what SHE is feeling.
I could see that.
Agreed. In any interaction we have a basic level of trust in others, that they at least have the same amount of respect for others as we do, but that's often wrong. When you get violated, you often blame yourself too "how did I get here, why didn't I see this coming, maybe I could've prevented this, I feel so stupid". Natalie was guarged and that's very good, but this dude literally tried to play her. Glad he finally got exposed for what he really is. This is exactly the reason why I don't open up easily, especially about my past, hopes or fears to a literal stranger. They might use it to get closer, gain your trust and pretend to be exactly what you are looking for and then hurt you.
It doesn't make him less of a gentleman because he isn't a gentleman 💁♂️
He seemed to take "It's not you, it's me" as license to do what he wanted to her, and then he reveals what he really wanted to do. Scary dude imo.
THANK YOU FOR VALIDATING THE FACT THAT HER SLAP WAS A REACTION FROM FEELING ASSAULTED!👏👏 I watched this clip on another video platform and all the comments were along the line of 'Natalie is so childish🙄', 'She's so difficult', 'he seems like a great guy, of course she messes it up.' I thought I was crazy for supporting Natalie through that interaction. I'm sorry but for someone who has been SA and in abusive relationships multiple times through out my life, if a man grabbed me, my first thought is to defend myself. Even with my current partner the only time he does this is when I give him the consent to do so in the bedroom but if you decide to do so without it I'm sorry but I'm going to react.
Good for Natalie for putting forth those boundaries even before he decided to grab her, she communicated her discomfort and u fortunately he chose to ignore them. She deserves to be respected in all aspects of her life.
I like how this spinoff of Natalie so far, has already shown some of the typical BS us women have to put up with
She handle it so well. I’m so proud of her
I don't necessarily like Natalie but that dude was super creepy. She made her boundaries of her own body clear and he constantly crossed them. Only because you go out on two dates doesn't mean you have consent or are entitled to touch someone else's body. If it's just the back or shoulder or leg, doesn't matter. Her body, her decision. That dude seems like the 'creepy nice guy' who will only be nice because they have ulterior motives (aka wanting to get into your pans).
Agree, 100%!
'ulterior motives (aka wanting to get into your pans).' thats not an ulterior motive. You go on a date because you are interested in getting into someones pants or figuring out if you want to get into their pants. Why are we pretending otherwise?
@@gideonbrown2366 If someone made it clear that they are dating because they want a serious relationship, get married and have kids then by continuing to date them just to sleep with them IS IN FACT an ulterior motive. Or do you think creepa guy told Natalie he just wanted to casually sleep with her? It didn't look like that to me, but maybe I missed him telling her that.
@@florencefiancee I think if a woman was dating a man and just wanted to get laid, we wouldnt be all that worried if the man wanted more
@@gideonbrown2366 If I wanted to get laid, I just wouldn't date. I would go up to someone (or send a message on an app) and just ask if they wanted to get laid with me, no strings attached. I had men give me the same courtesy and I have nicely declined, if that wasn't what I wanted :). I think no matter the gender, letting each other know what you are looking for is very important! Wouldn't you agree? Or would you rather deceive and hurt someone as opposed to being honest?
Unfortunately many of us can relate to what happened to Natalie here..
This reminds me of so many bad dates I went on during my 30s, where I deflected and minimized the man's incredibly bad behavior. Once had a date at an outdoor bar and placed my rather sizeable purse between myself and my date on the banquette to create a bit of a physical barrier, and he grabbed it and put it on the other side of himself. I'm glad that time I had a pretty strong "wtf are you doing moving my bag? Put it back now!" reaction. There was no second date. Another guy literally grabbed my head to kiss me on a first date, and held on even as I leaned back and yelled "no!"
What I regret is that while I think of myself as an assertive I'm-not-gonna-take-that-kind-of-nonsense person, I didn't end either date immediately. It was the regularity of these kinds of male aggressions, big and small, that had me for quite some time not in to dating.
He got the “Date Mike” hat on 😬. Never a good sign.
On a serious note, Natalie had said “no” in various ways and he continued to put hands-on. He deserved that slap, and I’m glad Natalie defended herself and got home safely
This scene was so triggering. I hate how in the next episode she says she overreacted here. Uh, no you defended yourself.
I hate to say this, but having so many negative experiences with men like this has skewed my perception of men in general. Sometimes I will say I hate all men, but I shouldn't and I really don't. I know some really good guys and know theres others out there. Its not right to judge them all. Its just been the majority of my experience.
This comment moved me and I am so sorry to hear that. Men have to do much better in that regard. We need to socialize with the thought of respecting others. It takes a lot of courage to be as honest as you were here and to still proceed with an open heart.
@@brandonalejandroblanco Thanks. I like your statement about learning to socialize with respect. Everybody should. I know men who have the same conflict with women. We need to teach and example better to our children. Kindness, compassion and respect go along way.
I have never had an experience like this with men before. I am surprised that this is more common.
that guy is totally a 'but I'm a nice guy' type :/
Based on this guys comments from the beginning I definitely got vibes from him that he had this mentality like he is "good with women" and therefore can "bag anyone he wants" and probably feels entitled so when someone 'rejects' him like Natalie did he just pushes and pushes. Scary behavior and I hope like you said that it was just an anomaly or at least he rethinks his strategy here.
'Based on this guys comments from the beginning I definitely got vibes from him that he had this mentality like he is "good with women" and therefore can "bag anyone he wants"' there is a female version of this, Samantha on SATC, and everyone finds her charming and hilarious
I don’t care about Natalies craziness but here, I am on her side. This guy is not a good man to be around.
Remembering that time I went on a first date (camping, which sounded fun) and I asked him in advance “if you’re looking for sex tell me now cuz I’m not gonna do that” he said no. Fast forward, I spent the whole night fending him off. I must have said no a hundred times
Camping together on a first date is a really bad idea. It must have been a terrible night, disgusting guy!
I know what type of guy this is. It's the type that thinks you'll give in eventually and forget your own standards, but first he plays along to gain your trust 🤮
It's rapey
I've never reported any of the times I've been assaulted because each time I've disassociated and repressed what was happening so strongly that I don't really wrap my head around what happened until much later (whether that's hours or - more often - years). I internalize the shame and, despite having studied in Gender & Sexuality in uni, still somehow manage to give the guy the full benefit of the doubt and place blame on myself.
Even though I think assault is too often portrayed in media (whether to indicate that a certain character is "bad" or as "character development" for female characters), I wish there would be more examples of women fighting back instantly like Nathalie did here, and with a positive result. Too often IF women fight back in those stories, the man overtakes her anyway. There's a part of me that thinks maybe if I had seen more (or frankly ANY) examples of women successfully fighting off their assaulter, I would have been more likely to think of defending myself when being SA'd or PA'd, instead of defaulting to "he'll do what he wants/I don't have a choice/best not make too much of a fuss".
I wish Natalie could see how many people support her and relate to what she’s been through. Maybe that way she could have compassion for herself 🤍
So disgusting. I bet ya on the tell-all everybody will be like " oh she just so standoffish, let go Natalie, have fun" And blame her for this jerk face, the amount of shit all women have to go through in everyday life is insane. So sad we are still in a world where this behaviour happens everyday and men walk away be like: she totally overreacted, i was a gentleman. 🤮🤮🤢
I could definitely see that happening 😨
If they bring this guy back for the tell all, I'm burning TLC down. That's too far.
"Just because of what I said and did doesn't make me less of a gentleman"
-Johnny Red Flags 🚩🚩🚩
Having watched this right after Jennifer/Tim commentary, This guy is Jennifer’s dream come true.
I was thinking the same!
… I’m not sure I love that response. Preferring a sexually domineering partner is miles off from this guy that pretends to be soft and sweet as a way to disarm women to his own gain, after they’ve already asked to slow down
Same thought!
@@brittanyszymaski3543 This creep would not have to “disarm” Jennifer. He would be just his regular “sexually domineering” self. Ugh.. he gives me some seriously bad vibes. Wouldn’t like him for Jennifer or any other woman.
It's a double assault for me. I had a similar experience and both the experience itself as the response i got from him and others really really scared me. It's scary when people treat your phisical and emotional boundaries like you are a little cray cray in the head...
Right?! It's so patronizing
Ive had even guy friends do this to me. It's disgusting how a lot of men, in my experience, feel entitled to a women's body.
How much worse would it have been if the cameras/producer weren't present... And I think "it's me, not you" is a way to de-escalate or create distance when a female is feeling threatened and senses that blunt honesty (don't touch me) might inspire the male to violence.
exactly. she was trying to de escalate
For sure. She didn't feel safe to tell him the truth so she tried to "let him down gently" by falling on her sword. Somehow he took that as an open door because it "wasn't him."
This is what I was thinking, too
i think a good word to use is "violate" because he definitely violated her space and boundaries smh
Violated is great word. If that happened to me ( which unfortunately it did ) I would use this word yet assault comes close because it seems like an assault to grab her forcefully towards him.
Yes, not assault. But he violated her request. He acted like many guys trying to get the girl to loosen up. She was giggling at that moment, he thought he could loosen her up. Duh dude. The slap was unnecessary and reactionary, like her reactions to everything. It's why I think this was staged. Can he really be this lame?
Sometimes when you do come forward, nothing happens.
Yep 😥
The fact this guy felt comfortable enough to grab her like that and cause her head to snap over is disturbing. I've had people do that to me before and honestly I am pretty surprised she only slapped him, that adrenaline of being suddenly grabbed and having no idea what this person will possibly do to you is no joke.
It took me 2 seconds when they first met to see that this guy was bad news. There was something about the look in his eyes and the smugness on his face. To me, he could have been handsome if he had had a warm, genuine look on his face. Anyone else who doesn't judge by physical beauty but rather the emotions and heart that they exude?
You cant know that you are not influenced by physical beauty
@@gideonbrown2366 we all want someone easy on the eyes, but I am thinking of some very attractive people who don't have a warm eye contact (some actors are good examples like Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp) or a kind expression on their face.
@@gunillajohnson9727 I suspect that is cognitive dissonance, in the realm of friendship and family, we like people who are 'nice and kind' and therefore we want to believe that this is always the case with sexual desire, but although we may like those things, I think we are trying to force two things together that dont overlap perfectly. We can absolutely have desires we 'can't justify' to our polite self
@@gunillajohnson9727 I don't think that Johnny Depp is a good example to use in this case....
On a date I went on the guy thought it was okay to try to kiss me even though I told him clearly that I don’t do that. He said okay and then went on to do it twice more at which point I managed to leave the bar. It was a table with a bench that was closed on my side so I had to somehow get past him. Even the he followed me to the station and said “next time you’ll come to my home”. Sorry, what?? I ran down the stairs and jumped on the first train and only then when I realised he was not there was I able to breathe again. I wish I had slapped him and not just kept quiet knowing there were people around. I didn’t do anything because we all know it’s a he said she said situation and the likelihood of it going any further with the police is almost zero. Natalie was amazing here. We could all learn from her!
I know the feeling all too well. It's horrible when you keep replaying the moment in your head. The desire to say or do something more, but often times it's safer to just run away from the entire situation.
i think he was definetly physically aggressive and he obiviously has no respect for boundaries
I agreed to meet with a guy at a local bar for a quick drink. It wasn’t even a date and I made sure to pay for my Diet Coke. He was nice at first and I was keen on getting to know him. But then when he walked me to my car, he proceeded to try and kiss me. I politely turned my cheek and said no thank you, I just met you. He then grabbed me and held on tightly- he was much stronger than me and when I began pulling myself out of that embrace HE HUGGED ME EVEN TIGHTER. I had to start hitting him for him to stop. He finally let go and tried laughing it off. But just like Natalie said, it wasn’t funny. I hated every second of that exchange. Never spoke or saw him again.
He says he felt rejected. Yes indeed! She said don't and he did it anyway. He wasn't respecting or listening to her state her boundaries and thought he could force it. He deserved that smack. Now he has no chance. What does he expect?!
Imagine if the cameras weren't around
That's what makes it even more unbelievable to me. He was a hired actor doing this on film. Gotta wonder why 🤦🏼
The hat alone is a red flag
I hope Natalie finds what she's looking for!
The saddest part is most men continue to do this all the time. It doesn't matter how many times you say no, they still behave like this and when you confront them they try to convince you that your over reacting or being delusional. They simply won't be honest about their bad actions.
Dr. Kirk, you’re my best friend in my head. 😅 Love all your commentary and have learned so much from you over time. 😊
I think it's very sad that almost every woman (edit: and man as well) has stories about being unwillingly touched (and multiple times). I've been touched on my thighs, my hair, jabbed in my side, tighlty hugged when I went for a "goodbye hug". When I said I didn't like it it was just disregarded (not always but often, plus if the man is really creepy I might be too scared to outwardly reject him). I wish men would think about this more. It's not that we think about every man as a potential rapist, but the sad truth is, we are touched against our will way too often.
Sure but we dont perceive woman to man touches as invasive or wrong
@@gideonbrown2366 I know that aspect of the conversation is less talked about, but I see it as equally wrong. No one has a right to touch you without your permission, regardless of your gender.
@@AkakurothE real life date: 'I'm sorry to trouble you but may i formally request permission to shake your hand, my date, and please let me know where i can sign the triplicate form and also please let me know if you would like a notary republic present
@@gideonbrown2366 you can just say "is it okay if I hold your hand or something" and start from there. Believe me, I'd much muuch rather hear that than have someone suddenly grab my thigh because they thought I was trying to flirt with them.
And hearing someone trying to respect my boundaries would def make me respect them more xd so win win
This may not explicitly be assault but it is definitely a precursor. I had the exact same thing happen to me once...he grabbed my hand and pulled me into him after I told him nothing was going to happen physically that night. He was much bigger than me, so after that I felt powerless to say no. You can fill in the rest from there.
i'm so sorry, i understand :(
🙁😞
I am so sorry that happened to you
ANY unwanted touching is an assault under the laws of where I live in WA state
@@pinkpugginz Yeah, when a friend once got the wrong idea and held my hand then it was 'assault' but it would be a bit cruel to press charges against her
This guy is trying to make her think she is crazy for having boundaries and I feel bad for her because apparently, he said "she didn't put me off" by her actions in this episode and they continued to date. Whaaaat?
Also just cuz you agree to go on a date with someone doesn’t mean you’re saying “I want to sleep with this person”. The point of going on a date is to see if you like that person and might want to do that with them. Personally I’m very rarely attracted to someone immediately. Give it some time please!
I have a lot of female friends who have told me the same story about guys telling them things like, "No one will ever love you the way I do" , "I'm the best thing that ever happened to you.", etc. Its very irritating to them when a man speaks that way to them when he barely knows the lady. Overconfidence for sure, red flags everywhere. He completely ignored her request not to be touched.
I've been waiting to see you react to this scene..! This dude makes me so angry. Where do guys get all this confidence in themselves, even after acting like an asshole??
In the mirror
@@mamapoundcake Is that supposed to mean he's good looking.....?
@@stellannie86 no he pumped himself up in the mirror. He seems so rehearsed to me.
@@mamapoundcake He does give off weird pick up artist vibes.. 🙄 But at the same time i wish i could pump myself up like that. :D
Reddit.
You all are my ppl here. I have seen and read many blogs and post blaming Natalie, calling her a prude and saying she should keep her hands to herself 🤯….. like she should not not him ? I’m glad that here most ppl agree that what happened wasn’t ok and that boundaries need to be respected .
I think he should be happy that she only slapped him. I don't know what I would do if someone grab me that strongly against my will. I would walk home all by myself, not with him.
Shouldn't the Producers & Film Crew intercede when a cast member is attacked? God, TLC has no morals!
@@thedudeabides5695 I have to agree. TLC has no morals.
Thank you so much for defending Natalie and her reaction and all the other people out there who are assaulted/ touched against their will. Reactions online have been mixed with many blaming Natalie for what occurred, just like you said that the victim often gets blamed. Thank you for being a voice of reason, fairness and compassion as usual! ❤️
As a woman I often find that especially men seem to feel entitled to our bodies. I don't like to be touched. Hugs and stuff feel very invading. Yet as children we're told to kiss total strangers. I don't even like handshakes. As adults we're told we have to handshake with people. I was even told that during job interviews if I don't give a firm handshake I won't be hired. I hoped with the pandemic I'll have a break with mandatory touching, but of course everyone is back to touching.
'As a woman I often find that especially men seem to feel entitled to our bodies. ' That seems wildly unlikely to me. If men thought that, why would they put any effort into dating at all?
@@gideonbrown2366 You're not getting the point. I'm not talking about necessarily sexual touching, but also non-sexual touching. Hugs, kisses, putting an arm somewhere. Even in dating if a woman isn't comfortable with being touched in public or too much in private, it's viewed as offensive towards the man. While for a woman it doesn't occur to casually touch men.
@@IzzysTravelDiaries ' While for a woman it doesn't occur to casually touch men.' Of course it doesnt, why would they 'freely' give men the validation of touching who have not 'earned it'.
In my women's self defense class in college, they made a point of teaching us to say no if we don't want someone to hug us, even if it's Uncle Whoever. Some girls said how awkward it is to say no. But they instilled in us that we could and should say no to any touch we don't want.
Wow! This is very concerning and kinda scary. What if the production team and cameras were not there?? I don't wanna imagine what could have happened to her. TLC please stop putting dangerous people on your shows--men and women both!!
It takes someone like Natalie to push away a guy like this. But can you imagine him with a woman who has a need to please? Someone who's "too nice", someone who doesn't have strict boundaries? He seems determined; even if a woman said "no" he'd wait a bit and then try again.. And then give a guilt-trip of how he's just a 'gentleman'... Slightly manipulative? A woman who's softer and "too nice" might quickly find herself in bed with him, even if that wasn't what she really wanted.... Not because he'd r/\pe her, but because he'd keep pushing and pushing until it happens.... Sucks how us women, and especially "too nice" ones, always have to have a guard up! Otherwise sh*t can happen.
Definitely. Definitely. This comment section is full of people who think she was wrong to slap him 😒
Continuing to push until it happens is rape
I think Natalie is coocoo magoo but I think she was totally justified in this scene. It was hard to watch and I would have done the same thing. She told him very clearly and kindly that she didn’t want to be touched and he did it anyway. You don’t owe anyone anything on a date!
OMG! I can't wait for Dr. Honda's comment on her revelation in regards of her father
Good for you Natalie!! That guy was a creep. Wow! I feel terrible for her. Good for you girl! Don't let nobody make you feel bad about this moment. You took up for yourself.
-BadWolf
That was so, SO awful! People bashing on Natalie, but that was disgusting behavoiur on his part. NO! No, no, no!
I was triggered by this episode. Im in mid 30s as well trying to date and most men Ive met have been creepy or abusive like this.
This clip makes me horrified to get back out there.
PUA teas right here. All that touchy feely mess is a "strategy" they teach. Very caveman. Very embarrassing.
I don't think that's accurate. They do teach for men to be touchy but not bad touchy. Usually people are more expert in what the MSM says about PUA than what PUA teaches. I'm not a fan, I just think you are being inaccurate.
@@gideonbrown2366 I'm not surprised by your response.
@@lavinder11 Neither here nor there, I simply feel you are inaccurate and misinformed here.
@@gideonbrown2366 okay
That was assault. Maybe not criminal assault, but it was assault. Assault is intentionally putting another person in reasonable apprehension of an imminent harmful or offensive contact. Physical injury is not required. She made it clear that contact would be offensive.
I went out on a date with a guy like that years ago. He was way too touchy on our first date. Then when I politely asked him to stop, he made it racial and said that is why he likes dating other women better.
Notice he didnt even flinch when we got slapped? Probably not the first time he's been slapped for this kind of thing.
It’s so refreshing hearing Dr. Honda talk about this, and I would consider what he did as assault. Maybe legally it’s not called that, but I would call it assault. But this is one of the many reasons I love Dr. Honda’s videos, other than he obviously educates us on good communication and other important things. But he also talks a lot about how things like misogyny plays a role in sexual violence, and he acknowledges how much it can mess with your head. Most men I know would look at that scene and say “eh, not that bad, atleast you weren’t raped, get over it” and that’s all aboard. But the fact that Dr. Honda goes on to discuss all the messages and pauses the video and gets serious to talk about this, it gives me hope. Also I love how he talks about cultural differences and how racism plays a role in a lot of things too
I wish I had reacted like her in these situations. I just froze. 😔
I saw comments that he was only friendly, and she hit him. If someone pulls me like that, I won't want to stay in the same building with him. And any kind of communication would be impossible.
The more I think about it, the more I think he was not even in his mind trying to be playful. I think he was annoyed by her and thought that his annoyed feelings entitled him to be violent toward her, and he hid it under the guise of being playful. That yank was WAY too hard, with her head literally whiplashing.
Much more extreme, but I suspect something similar with the Alec Baldwin shooting. With the camera people walking off set earlier that day, I think AB was annoyed with the cinematographer, and he thought his annoyance entitled him to at least threaten her with the gun that he ended up shooting her with. He may not have known that it had a live round, but based on results it doesn't look like he cared.
Something about the word gentleman says a man who is gentle more gentle. I would go into misogynistic theories of why but it just makes sense lol.
That dude is a personification of a "c'mon". Some men have such blurred lines with consent, that literally anything a woman does is wrongfully considered a green light to push past the comfort zone. Natalie seemed like she teared up a bit and started smiling, and this dude just grabs her towards him. He could've just kept his distance and listen to what she was about to say. What he did was selfish and disgusting! We were right about his vibes, definitely seems like a player, "nice guy". Creepy to think what else he's capable of.
Ty so much 4 ur vidz. I appreciate ur perspective
I couldn’t even get myself to participate in the MeToo sharing. I considered writing some part of my story but I was overwhelmed, O Lord, where do I begin?! I couldn’t reopen the scars to even start. It helps to hear some strategies for choosing the right person to date.
“Oh boy” is so accurate Dr. Honda.
ive met a lot of men that talk and act like that, its not uncommon behavior, especially for a light built female to encounter
looking forward to ur videos is a huge highlight in my day. especially of natalie. i see myself alot in her
Feeling protective over Natalie. This guy is not. it. This is how he’s acting with a camera on.
Such a ‘nice guy’. She was grabbed! She gave him so many verbal no’s and he just went in and tried to physically grab her like that. So inappropriate!
Did anyone else have a physiological reaction to when the guy grabbed Natalie? I'm surprised it affected me so much, but my knees felt weak and I felt almost panic in my chest. I've never before physically experienced anything from watching these clips. I love how she handled the situation and stood up for her boundaries.
Oh the ungraceful things I would say to a man if he grabbed me like that.... 😤
Freaking "nice guy" right there. I'm sure he wonders why he can't get a girl when he's such a "nice guy". And as women we're taught that that behavior is freaking okay and we're in the wrong for slapping him and we shouldn't make a scene or we're being too uptight.
Well reverse the roles, if a girl pulls me in for a hug, if i slap her, you wouldnt be attacking her, youd be asking what my problem was
Love your quick intro… 👍
Natalie isn't perfect and she needs therapy, but that guy was out of line. He kinda deserved that slap. Honestly, I see what she really needs and wants. She's just not with the right guy, and she's looking at it in the wrong places. What Natalie wants is a naturally submissive, patient, classy, charming, respectful old school gentleman-type of guy.
There are men like that (however rare), and there are men - who can be both masculine (or an effeminate straight male who still acknowledges his masculinity as a man) - AND submissive to his woman but also generates respect, adoration and love from them (my favorite celebrity is exactly this, he's very charismatic and a heartthrob. He let his past girlfriends (and current wife) lead him most of the time just like he wants - it doesn't bother him at all - but he's not a wimp, he's just very loving and a total people pleaser). 'Submissive' isn't necessarily supposed to be negative like it's typically seen as (e.g: weak), it could also mean someone who gets great joy from pleasing their loved one(s), they love fulfilling their lover's needs, they're not miffed with letting their lover take the reins in some situations.
Natalie needs an understanding, gentle and intelligent lover (but NOT a complete pushover) who can make her lower her defenses and trust him enough that she'll listen to everything he says with respect and adoration, someone who exudes his role as a man, dependable and steady like a rock, who knows his worth, has a healthy self-esteem, but still isn't afraid to show how much he wants to make her happy and cherished, which would make her even more attracted to him and compelled to treat him like an equal partner because she grows to love him genuinely, she wants him to know she respects him too. It might take her some time to find a guy exactly like this though, wishing her the best. Again, she needs therapy first before settling down with a man and having a child.
Yet she adores Geoffrey who is now in jail for DV.
I’m reassured by the comments here that see this guys behavior as clearly as it was depicted, exploitive. Natalies personality and quirks don’t justify her having her wishes and boundaries exploited. Then to see how “whatever his name is” narrated the situation as her misunderstanding his intention to be gentleman like. Smh why is it so hard to believe and respect women?
This is the type of guy that would explain your own career to you and then when you dumped him would say you were a b**ch blech
That sounded like a hard slap. Guy must have skin like a reptile not be phased.
He's cold blooded
I hate the excuse that a woman claiming assault is trying to get fame/money, I heard it a lot around professional sports players. Makes me sick.