Jealous of Partner's Sexual Past - Normal in New Relationship?

Is it normal to feel jealousy, discomfort or even disgust about your partner's sexual past?
To some degree, yes - especially in new relationships. When it comes our respective sexual pasts, we can find ourselves inadvertently oversharing too much information. Or hearing about sexual adventures we'd rather not know about.
And if our partner is more experienced than us, we may well feel a bit intimidated or insecure while we establish a sexual connection. These feelings often subside over time.
Now if these feelings come but don't go, or the thoughts feel more intrusive, we could be in retroactive jealousy territory. Our partner's past feels triggering and we might feel the urge to ask for reassurance, or even make loaded or shaming comments about our partner's exes or past exploits.
Retroactive jealousy can also be a form of OCD if we're obsessing for a significant amount of time. The thoughts flood in early in the day and we spend the day chewing on them - or them chewing on us. Memories, images and mental movies involving our partner with others.
And if we're doing compulsions in response to these barrages of thought. Researching our partner's past, habitually snooping exes on Instagram, relentlessly questioning our partners about their past, dragging it up all the time, pushing our partners away.
Things we keep doing and thinking to try to shift the thoughts and feelings. Ways of coping with the jealousy, uncertainty, obsession. These are the hallmarks of RJ OCD, and it's no fun for either partner.
I discuss some of the differences between regular feelings of jealousy, retroactive jealousy and RJ OCD. Along with some suggestions for effective treatment and self-help.
#retroactivejealousy #ocd
See my website for more: jasondean.co.uk
The information provided by Jason Dean is solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or sexual health conditions. Although Jason Dean is a psychotherapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your doctor before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

[@Mattjohnson5192]

This is such great help for people. I think the attachment part is a huge factor. First wife was 19 yo virgin but because she was avoidant and I was anxious I obsessed about high school boyfriend because I blamed that for why I wasn't getting any affection and attention and he must have etc... I figured it was because she had feelings for him still... I didn't realize she was just broken in a different way than I was broken lol
Second wife had 3 previous husbands and a kid from each one but during her love bombing I never thought one minute about them because I was getting what I needed so I didn't care. That ended very badly but at least I figured out what my own issues were that I had to fix..

[@JasonDeanTherapist]

You've clearly learnt and grown a lot from those experiences, and that's a very honest and valuable insight to share. And as you say, yes attachment is a major factor in RJ.