A GUIDE TO ETIQUETTE & GOOD MANNERS FOR THE MODERN GENTLEMAN
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ต.ค. 2024
- Above all things, the way that a gentleman will be judged by his peers is upon the strength of his manners and the way he treats others, of higher and lower station in life than himself.
In this discussion video, I explain my own thoughts about the value of etiquette & good manners and the ethos of my own principles in daily life.
If you have a question to pose The Chap's Guide, please send it to: ash@chapsguide.uk
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Equipment used in this filming of this video (Amazon links):
Camera - Canon Eos 250D: amzn.to/3bFaY7F
Lens - Cannon EFS 24mm f/2.8 STM: amzn.to/3aFT0kd
Tripod - K & F Incept Tripod: amzn.to/3eR5BEy
GorillaPod - Joby: amzn.to/35cJW5d
Shotgun microphone - Rode Video Mic Pro: amzn.to/3aKoSEw
Lavalier microphone: amzn.to/3cOEuYM
Studio lights - Neewer dimmable 2-pack LED studio lights: amzn.to/2Y6BsLB
I still remember being around 4 years old and my dad teaching me how to look someone in the eyes and shake hands.
A tip that will stand the test of time forever - thanks for sharing sir. I need to have that conversation with my own son.
I just saw this one for the first time. Spot on. As a small business owner of 40 years I interact with a wide variety of people. Sometimes they look the part, but as soon as they open their mouth the true person comes out. Not always pleasant. And it works in reverse. One of the nicest and kindest women I have dealt with looks mad and kind of mean…but it’s just the way she was born. Never jump to conclusions by looks. Great video.
I must say , Sir , by watching your videos, I'm getting closer to the success
In a world where more and more people "interact " electronically, this guidance is needed more than ever. So many people seem uncomfortable when interacting with strangers. Sad.
I keep telling my five and eight year old sons : manners will get you everywhere boys. It’s sad that they are sorely lacking these days; and that when you display good manners people are pleasantly surprised. I am doing my best to educate my boys, who are watching this with me.
I'm constantly pushing the same message into my own 11-year old son. I think its beginning to work - lead by example and they will follow! Best regards, Ash
I've caught my self saying "what's up, buddy?" As a form of saying good morning to my colleagues. Im revising to, Good morning, so and so. Sounds formal, but much better than, "what's up, buddy?". Tomorrow morning, i make the change.
Manners and etiquette , for me, are merely the things we do to make others comfortable and feel at ease. They're not there to make others perceive or judge you in a certain way - all of these things should always be about the other person. That is the gentlemanly motive and approach.
You are a proper gent sir.
Salute sir!
@@tomsimpson5449 Well put! Manners are not about being sticklers for rules; they are about helping people feel comfortable because they know what is expected and how to behave.
Yes. It creates an air of comfort and sophistication and people appreciate and gravitate towards it. Real alpha male energy. Not all that tough guy bs.
Before I went to Japan I took the time to understand more about the culture and protocol which constitutes good manners. I discovered just how little I knew. It was an interesting area of personal development for me. Also was a pleasure being able to apply it in Tokyo and certainly helped building great relationships and friendships.
I think that this is the best examination of this subject on TH-cam. Spot on! Thank you for making this.
Glad it was helpful!
So right you are. I love how you present your views. Yes, a woman enjoys your channel too...
Ah, you must be the 0.01% of my viewers (even my wife does not watch my channel).
Thanks for your comments and for watching.
So very true and do very spoken about. Manners do make the man. Cruelty comes only from the weak, gentleness comes only from the strong. Well done Ash
Jolly good show old chap, great outstanding video, as we *need* videos like this today, as our young men are leaving the _nest_ and haven't a clue what a chap is.
Is their mindset what ever goes? We *need to teach* them what is a chap and how to behave like a chap!
Even etiquette is becoming endangered near becoming like the dinosaurs! I would like to see your take on dining etiquette - at home, a someone's place or a posh restaurant!
Absolutely spot on, Sir. A big Texas thank to you!,
Thank you sir, where are you from within Texas, I love the lone star state and have travelled there many times. On my last trip I managed to get to the top of Guadalupe Peak, the highest point in the state - what a magnificent day that was!!
Thank you! It is always surprising how many (apparently) people need help with basic manners and etiquette in 2021.
I couldn't agree more. It is surprising how many (apparently) well heeled people can be so arrogant and devoid of basic good manners.
Some people weren't taught this or forgot overtime.
Well done. I basically break manners down to showing people respect. Some of the old rules don't completely apply any longer (such as kissing a ladies hand. That one is really done!), but showing respect and courtesy are timeless, and little acts of classic etiquette are just good forms of demonstrating that respect. Being on time, Opening doors, removing your hat, standing when someone approaches, saying, 'Sir', 'Ma'am', 'thank you' and 'please' are prime examples. As you said, its down to the Golden Rule: " Do Unto Others As You Would Have Done To You'. Go by that and good manners naturally follow.
The perfect topic for todays seemingly less and less cultured society.
I've found that giving words of encouragerment and thanks to others not only makes them feel a little better but it makes my day as well.
Many congratulations from your viewers in Dublin,Ohio.
Thank you sir, I totally echo your sentiments and agree wholeheartedly. We will always be judged more by the way we treat others, than by any other aspect our our character.
I knew an All-American wrestler from Dublin, Ohio named Mike Feeney.
Thank you for this video Ash, very well put together as always.
I am an old soul when you take in to account my age. When I started a new job as a receptionist two and a half years ago, I was complimented on my telephone manner by my manager and other staff when I spoke in a way that I thought I should and was expected of me. Many people have been taken aback when I have addressed them as Sir or Madam, I have equally been surprised by many callers lacking the courtesy to say hello before launching into what is they would like. I learnt many of my manners, principles and standards from my late grandfather and although I slip from time to time I take pride in upholding them.
Ronnie, there is absolutely no substitute for good manners, regardless of whether you run the company, or if you greet people at the door as they enter. In fact, one could argue that your role has the potential to influence even more people than the CEO, as I suspect that you meet and impact upon far more people on a daily basis than him/her.
Top of the morning 👍🏻, A sunny day here in Denmark 🇩🇰
Politeness should come from within & good manners, etiquette, etc - build upon. Together with the Sartorial part - it should aim to ‘make’ a Gentleman.
A important topic you’ve brought up, thanks 🙏🏻
Good morning to you too Sir. It has been many years since I last visited Denmark, but my memories of your country are extremely positive, fondest regards, Ash
Great advice!
Very good video. I always say hello and acknowledge everyone at the office at the restaurants at the stores. I’ve noticed that my coworkers usually walked by the janitors in our office building. So I take the time to acknowledge them and say hello. It doesn’t take any energy. The same goes with the security guards. I strongly believe in being polite with everyone you meet. Like you said, you never know when you might meet someone later on in life again. By the way I love the art work you present at the introduction.
Many thanks, a true gent spends more time encouraging his subordinates than he does offering succour to his superiors.
Have recently found your channel, and been enjoying catching up on your videos 👍
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Some great comments in this upload. And as a corollary to your observations on ‘good manners’ I would add ‘Never underestimate ANYBODY’.
I say that because there have been a number of occasions in my life, where simply being courteous to strangers has had a beneficial effect - and two which have literally been life changing. That doesn’t mean I am courteous because I expect to benefit from it. But rather, like a smile, it costs nothing - and is most often very well received. ATB
I am deaf and my very sophisticated hearing aids receive, breakdown your voice into digital signals, then play those directly into my brain. I have a small hand held, nicely made simple sign, that I show to those who I am speaking with that I am deaf. When they are now aware their manners and consideration for me, and others around me, improves dramatically. I never let my hearing loss interfere with my being a gentleman in all manners. I always respond to their courtesy with grace and dignity.
I love your videos. You are not only a true elegant gentleman, but -more importantly- a person that treats other people with respect. Congratulations for your channel.
Thank you kind sir, you are most certainly a decent chap!
Excellent video.
Glad you liked it!
Good manners good etiquette punctuality All very important. Parents are a major influence My parents taught me well and I observed and was influenced by my Dad's social interactions with others.
Great video.
Sage advice for the younger generation indeed. Best regards, Ash
After 12 years in the Royal Marines I'm paranoid about punctuality 😀
Hello Ash, nice low key chat today.
I think you are right when you say etiquette evolves as time goes by. Some things are constant though, for example doors. I would hold a door for anyone, not just a lady, it is just good manners. It is a shame, and I think to a woman's detriment if she is offended by simple good manners, providing ofcourse that it is done without being patronising, which is the exact opposite of good manners.
In the age of Feminism everything is turned on its head, and now we have a new debate where pronouns are not fixed as they were in the past. Great video and great advice
Thanks Ash!
Excellent video
Thank you kindly
I have found that interacting with love and kindness goes a long way. When I went to Thailand I was warned never to display anger. Argue with a smile, or you will be seen as a barbarian.
I have also learned that some gestures we think of as normal are obscene in other cultures. Try Desmond Morris's book, The Human Animal. He explores gestures all over the world. Quite a variety.
My father was a bug on punctuality. Show up 5 minutes early., and not even a second late.
I agree with technology, especially smart phones.
I heard a wise man suggest that someone take the cotton out of his ears and put it in their mouth. I like your "two ears and one mouth."
Great video.
Good Morning Ash, I have been enjoying your videos over the last three months and have taken a lot of your advice onboard. I was wondering if you could maybe do a mini series on budgeting for the home? I feel myself and some of your viewers may find this interesting. Many Thanks.
A bit outside my wheelhouse really, but I'll certainly give it some thought - thanks for your idea.
I adapt to the circumstances. I address or refer to individuals based on their lifestyle (clothing style or fashion). I would say 'Ahey Boss' to a retail employee that I might need help from. If it's a young kid, I usually say 'hey buddy". To older men, 'Sir'. Older females, 'maam'. Younger women, 'hey girl' or 'hello'. The last one does sound a little rough but it always works with no problems so far in this time period. All this in Southern California, U.S.A.
Good manners are important and bad manners are a clear sign of weakness. I have taught my children this. A wise saying 'you can put a swine in a suit but can't stop it grunting'. Sending regards and hope you are well Ash. Another fine video and Sunday morning treat!
What a great saying, and so appropriate for these modern times
On the subject of punctuality, I thought that you should always be punctual on business appointments, but for social appointments, such as being invited to somebody's home for a dinner party, you should arrive perhaps about 5 minutes after. This is about putting the hosts at ease because they might not be entirely ready to receive you at the appointed hour.
Its always a balance to hit your arrival just right, but I think 5-minutes after the appointed start time is just perfect for a social event.
Sir, I have to say that the level of your channel is getting better and better. It is by far my favourite on TH-cam, and I cannot wait to watch the next video. Thank you very much!
Thank you for your kind words sir. It is heartening to discover that the sensibilities I discuss in these short insights into my thoughts, are shared by others. At one time I thought it was just me having these feelings towards a time where men could be better chaps. Now I know we are a small army. Ash
A Very Good video. To your point about swearing. I totally agree. Today swearing has become the norm. I'm sure to point, it always had been particularly in some circles.
However, it seems to have become too much a part of everyday usage.
The shock value of a good swear word had long since been lost. No one notices anymore.
I know people who drop the F-word every other sentence. I don't think they even know they're doing it anymore. I am SO tired of hearing it..LOL
I've been known to let off a few, usually under duress, or in surprise. However, these days I try not sware nay more than I can. At least not out loud.
And I never swear around people I've just met or I know I need to make a good impression on.
(ideally, you want to leave a good impression on everyone..)
In general, the idea of treating people like you'd like to be treated is the best approach.
Here in the states, I'm often referred to as Sir, Which makes me feel old. (Wait, I am Old !)
Regardless it's appreciated when you're shown even a small sign of respect.
Swearing is indeed for the lazy conversationalist. Its always better to articulate your displeasure or frustration in words other than profanity (although don't stand near me when I hit my thumb with a hammer)
I recently watched some "Black and White," Second world war, "Pathe News" footage where the elderly lady interviewee, was recounting a conversation with an A.R.P. Warden who had pulled her from the wreckage of her bombed-out house during "The Blitz." She seemed completely at ease, with being addressed as "Mother" by the warden, who was in fact, a complete stranger to her. How times have changed! In my opinion, not perhaps, always to the advantage of politeness.
I think displaying good manners and polished etiquette is perhaps the true sign of a gentleman (chap). After all, when you strip away all the clothing and finery, what remains beneath is manners and good grace.
Top fellow 'nuff said
Another interesting video. Thank-you, Sir. I was raised by my Grandmother, so certain old-fashioned values are instilled in me: I always stand up to shake hands; offer my seat to a lady, or older person; and I walk on the outside of a pavement. There are some differences I've noticed living in Ireland.For instance, there's such a thing as Irish Time, which is generally a bit behind what it says on the clock, so no-one minds if things happen a few minutes later than expected. Also, swearing is not frowned upon as much here. Most people wouldn''t be constantly effing and jeffing, but it's not generally considered too much o a crime to pepper informal speech with occasional expletives for emphasis or humour. I'd rarely call anyone Sir, but I often forget people's names. In Cork, the appellations Boy or Gal are acceptable and endearing. A slightly more respectful version, which I really like, is "My Friend." I entirely agree with you about the phone thing. If someone needs to take an important call. fair enough. But if I'm having a one to one conversation with someone who's constantly glued to their device, I find that extremely irritating and rude.
Nice one, sir. Politeness and good dressing sense forge an armour against crass behaviour and treatment from other people. A well dressed and polite gentleman is less likely to receive rude behaviour from less polite people. The armour evolves as combat evolves, so, etiquette also evolves as time passes by. 😁
Another great video with invaluable life information.
Great video thank you. I agree with everything you’ve said. I am looking to edify myself. I grew up fairly poor with my mother who’s from outside the U.S. I’m an adult now and have made some accomplishment in life but I feel I’ve reached a point where information on the proper way to go about society would be very useful. Even if it’s only to better enrich myself.
Thoroughly enjoy your videos Ash. I was brought up on gentlemanly principles. Recently, in business, I had the very situation you mentioned regarding having to judge a situation when to use etiquette. When it would be welcomed and when not. Its quite difficult nowadays and not as straightforward as it used to be. Your video is a good reminder on how to adapt and change in these different times but always remain a gentleman. More power to you Sir! As a fellow Welshman in Neath! Regards!
Ash my grand father used to say swearing is a weak mind trying to express itself. However sometimes troops understand direction far easier in some cases in a crunch when you swear. It clear and concise speech.
A sound rule to live one's life by.
While on a flight once,a woman next to me tried to start up conversation.Fair enough,but every third word was a cuss word or some popular slang term.I speak fluent German,and I know she did not,so after a few words,I enjoyed peace for the remainder of the flight
Thank you
Ash couldn't agree more. Always treat people the way you want to be treated. Foul language is a sign of poor education. One thing that also bothers me is men wearing hats while dining. I also try to listen while conversing with others and not just take turns talking as it were. We need more exchange of thoughts and ideas. Cheers Ron
Thanks Sir
Well said Ash! I completely agree with this video.
Now on the other hand I'm adopting you as my father haha 👍
Deal!
On a technical point - holding doors open for the ladies - you so often see well meaning men getting it wrong. It all depends on whether thedoor opens towards you or away from you; i.e. if you pull it or push it open. If you pull it open, it’s dead easy. You do just that and stand to one side. When it only opens by pushing the door, some men will attempt to hold the door open by extending their arm out across the door. This leads to disaster, particularly if the door is a heavy one, as the man has not enough strength to keep it more than half open with the aggravation that he has to stand in the doorway to do so in the first place, so reducing the size of the aperture. This can cause acute embarrassment if the lady has to brush her body against his, with everyone in the restaurant staring at the new arrivals. The answer is simple: the man should go in first and hold the door open from the other side.
Hello Ash, learning a lot from your videos.
I have a question for you about Manners and Etiquette. How should I treat a person who I know is not a decent human being?
What I mean is that what if a person is not a good person and is not doing any good for the people and community, should I treat him like I treat everyone else or should I treat him in any different way?
I'm aiming to answer this by way of a video response in the very near future sir.
Sometimes an unintended comment can trigger my PTSD causing good manners to be overridden, something that, at the moment, is outwith my control which is why I am very selective about what social events I attend 😞
As William of Wykeham said "Manners maketh man."
I am a 3 tour Vietnam combat veteran with VA diagnosed chronic PTSD. 2 years ago to aid myself I changed my dietary approach to eliminate all in inflammatory foods, sugar in all forms, and highly processed foods. The result is that my training as a gentleman by my father has resurfaced and my life is now very balanced every day all day. I now view my PTSD as a threshold that needed to cross and being a brand new gentleman is very rewarding.
Great video as always.
I appreciate that
When a person uses foul language in my conversation, I usually ask them to tone it down. If it happens a second time, I remind them. Third strike, I just walk away without saying a word. I might even roll my eyes on that, lol.
I had the great pleasure to be sitting next to a Mother and daughter in Venice these to ladies where from Worcester England . There opinion were true gentlemen on the continent are North Italian and Austrian
Also do travel to the southeast
Good Morning
Good morning to you sir.
Manners makuth the man 👍
I have got a work colleague who addresses his fellow co workers as "you mugs" I cringe when he does this . ... and tell him that is no way to you address your fellow workers .
Etiquette is the diminutive of éthique in French (ethics), small ethics, as it were. Etiquette, also called decorum, is a set of rules, social norms, called "good manners" that govern behaviour in society.
Hm, my comment seems to have been deleted? (Another example of the sinister censorship from Big Tech, perhaps?)
Let's just say I'm no huge fan of modern feminism. There are too many contradictions, I find.
It came up on my feed then disappeared. I thought that you made a valid point and I most certainly did not delete it - everyone has a right to express an opinion in my view.
A Gentleman is not defined by the cut of his suit or the content of his wallet but by the content of his character and his manners.
Dr. Edmond Locard "The French Sherlock Holmes"
Reject the modern world
I open the door for a woman the other day and she gave me a dirty look
It's tough to read the situation.
A losing battle...
👍🫡
I was educated right until I joined the military. The rudest bounch that I have met. I was changed after I left the military. Sometimes bad words just come out of my mouth. I think it is time to say goodbye to my past.
Please, may I, thank you and youre welcome cover a multitude of communicarion errors.
Please, may I, thank you and youre welcome cover a multitude of communicarion errors.
Please, may I, thank you and youre welcome cover a multitude of communicarion errors.
Please, may I, thank you and youre welcome cover a multitude of communicarion errors.