On the point of "trying to live and have a relationship as your assigned sex first." Let me just add that in every support group there are hundreds of trans men and women discussing how their partners left them once they transitioned. If you're serious about a relationship then you need to be open with them about your trans feelings as early as possible. If they aren't comfortable with you having those feelings, then they may not be the right person. Save yourself the heartache.
I transitioned straight out of high school in 1973 at age 18 and underwent gender reassignment surgery at age 19 in Jan, 1975. My surgery was performed at the Gender Identity Clinic located at Methodist Hospital in Jacksonville, Fl. It was the only center in the US that would consider surgical candidates under age 21at the time. My surgeon, Ira M Dushoff, followed the Harry Benjamin protocol. This meant I was required to successfully live and work as a teenage girl before I could be considered a candidate for surgery. This was before FFS. If you weren't blessed with good genes and couldn't "pass", surgery was discouraged. As a teenager, I was often referred to as the boy who looked like a girl. Of course I found it humiliating, but somehow I did go through male puberty w/o looking masculine. I had almost no body hair, very thin arms and tiny wrists, girly shoulders, a tiny waist and a beautiful face. I moved to Phila from Columbia, SC in 1977, where I attended art school and worked as a call girl briefly. Dr Dushoff advised me to never associate with other trans women because said they were "the cattiest woman" on the planet and they would be jealous of me. I didn't take his advice and in Philadelphia I met and had lunch with trans icon Rachel Harlow in Wanamakers Dept Store where she was employed. She was a celebrity in Philly and had operated a very successful nightclub for a few yrs in the city after undergoing sex reassignment surgery in 1971. She told me she had never taken hormones, and she never needed them. I'm almost 69, I've been married 36 yrs and I've always benefited from cis gender privilege because I was totally passable. In my 30's, I started taking 2mg of estradiol to address osteoporosis. I may have to cease HRT because of my age. I'm in very good health and hope to remain healthy for another 20 yrs at least. I've had friends ask if I ever considered writing an autobiography. The answer is emphatically no, because it would be a very boring book. I successfully blended in throughout my life and I agree with most of your advice.
While I do agree with much of this, I do think the last piece where you mentioned that, if there is someone who is *genuinely* transgender, and *genuinely* has gender dysphoria to the level of being transgender, but simply because they may not be able to pass as cis, they shouldn’t transition and just live as a ‘non binary person’ is… not the best take, sis. Even for people who may never pass, hrt and transition can still absolutely be life saving and provide enough healing and alignment to make life far better than it was just simmering with untreated dysphoria in the way it needed to be treated for them. Like I do understand the point, but at the same time… if someone really is trans, the way you and I are, the idea that they shouldn’t transition simply because they won’t pass.. just isn’t the way. Countless trans people have tried that, and it just flat out didn’t and doesn’t work. I’ve witnessed it and heard many of their stories. It’s also good to note that, just because they don’t pass, doesn’t inherently mean their life is ‘worse’ yea, they may face more discrimination, but internally, and in myriad other ways, it’s still… better than without transition. I understand the desire to be able to integrate and assimilate but, just cause it ain’t achievable for some people, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t still transition. Burying it and trying to repress it to try to make the ‘best of’ as most trans people know… usually ends in self destruction and pain.
Second this, I repressed myself for more than 2 decades and it really made it worse and worse every year. But I still think it is good to think about it for a long time and dont make quick decisions. Maybe dont wait over 2 decades like I did, but at least think about it carefully.
Exactly, how can she say that she doesn't judge people by how their looks and at the same time say trans people who can't pass shouldn't transition? I can recognize that passing can make your life so much better, but that isn't the metric that we should use to validate trans women. There's plenty of biological women who don't fit into female stereotypes, and they aren't any less women for not fitting in. The same goes for transwomen we're still valid transwomen who deserve to be happy and treated with respect and dignity even if we don't pass.
I cant in any way really relate to what yall have endured. I am a straight ,married ,woman. But I have to say,thank yall for being respectful when u had a disagreeing point. I bet you are both beautiful and above all hope you are kicking life's ass ❤️🤙keep vibing
You make some fantastic and valid points Lunar :) I think HRT helps with the internal and makes the external (however it looks) far better and way more bearable. Passable? I think lots of it about about internal confidence. HRT has so many benefits, not least the life saving effects it often provides. Both you and Maya make great points, but ultimately it is an individual thing.
It's worth noting that most non-passing people aren't in this situation on purpose for some kind of ideological reason. Passing just isn't achievable for everyone who needs to transition. I might never get there, and I can live with that if I have to. Not passing does restrict my freedom of movement and that does suck, but I still have a better life within these restrictions than I ever could pre-transition. I think everyone who transitions needs to understand that passing isn't guaranteed and be ready to make the best of whatever hand they are dealt. The issue of passing is also one of many reasons why I strongly disagree with the idea of making trans children suffer through a first-puberty to harvest gametes. First-puberty does long-term damage which makes some unlucky people unable to pass for the rest of their lives. That's a very serious risk that won't be worth it for everyone.
This, but then if you took away their passing they’d crumble into misery. It’s insane how they say passing doesn’t matter and then 2 seconds later say ‘I wouldn’t have transitioned if I couldn’t pass and assimilate I’d just die’
@@Boycott_Wendys I can say with FULL confidence that nobody is going to be clocked because of foot size. Even boob size has less of an impact than people think it does.
I think it's interesting the emphasis you put on "life or death" and how transition is a "last resort". I get that transitioning is difficult, but not every trans person has as debilitating of dysphoria, and i struggle to understand why surgeries for transitioning are treated with so much more reverence than other cosmetic surgeries. If someone has been thinking about a body mod for a long time and is sure they'd be happier with it, but isn't particularly unhappy with their current body, should they still not get it? If the reasons why not are 'further complications', 'regret', and 'financial problems', then i can't really take that seriously, because that could be applied to any medical procedure / body mod, necessary or not. But maybe I'm missing something
But the thing with the surgeries for transpeople tends to be that we need to basically fight for getting it, for convincing someone that we definitely want to take that decision, and have thought it through well, which is typically opposite to what the rest of plastic surgery tends to entail (which is also why the regret rate is so incredibly high in plastic surgery end results, along with possibly the reason being that some people get plastic surgery not necessarily for themselves, but for other people)... When it comes to cost, it can be as simple of having to seriously pay up for just the therapy sessions, and then comes the actual surgery. Fear for regret is the result of possibly losing all feeling in the genital area, or having to have more than just 1 surgery due to complications, which can also just simply cause a different look than what you expected the end result to look like, which doesn´t even have to happen due to complications, but can be the result of surgery in general. I personally as a transwoman have never been in a relationship nor have any experience with another person, so I feel I can not take the decision for vaginoplasty well informed: I might be fine with the reproductive organ I was born with in relation to someone else, or I might not be. Fact is that at the moment I can't say anything about that: I know about the current situation in that I do not experience explicit dysphoria with that part of my body, but that's it. [Edit] I have not previously passed the point where she sort of talks about this. I am on HRT and I have had an orchiectomy, but that is it. As for trying out a relationship as someone of my birth sex: yep, that was absolutely impossible. I was so uncomfortable with myself including the situation in which I did not understand a single thing about the required amount of communication (verbally and non-verbally) between me and a woman that I kept people at a distance even without me fully realizing it. I also had the problem that any time I had feelings of being in love with someone, next to it being for someone who was hyperfeminine (and thus a role model) it was typically also for someone absolutely unreachable, either due to an age gap or because of the person being very much married. In high school I was very short compared to birth-sex- and age-related peers, to the point I was also shorter than practically all girls in class, and unless you are very witty (and not experience undiagnosed gender dysphoria at the same time) you probably aren't the most interesting option for the girls (to give you an idea of the height difference: I would've needed 1, but probably 2 steps of a stairway to be able to get up to their eye-height.) The idea of love and experiencing sexuality always felt exceptionally alien to me when I grew up and it got much worse when boy puberty started, so not having had that experience then can put you at a disadvantage now in a way. I can at least say for sure that my experiences on a dating app are pretty much 100% negative: it has never ever resulted in a date, which is true for OKCupid and HER. A few words back and forth as DM's on the second one, but absolutely nothing else on the first one. After sending 98 "potential matches" or whatever they called them on OKCupid a message and only getting a reply back on the very last one that was also very much a negative response (and not even about my reply, but about her concern that I was younger than 18 and shouldn't be listed there, while I was 31 and she was 24), and having been on there for 1,5 years, I left. I take it that OKCupid being a Facebook-advertising partner deploys the same techniques that Facebook does: ranking profiles lower when they do not get a reply back on a DM in order to make sure that some people have the most negative experience on the platform, while still making sure they keep you there to milk you for your personal information, while the profiles with more success get even more success, to make sure their platform starts consisting out of supersuccessfull people and people who eventually leave because it is one of the biggest timewasters of their life.
it's definitely important for people to be prepared for transition and have realistic expectations. It's not easy even when it's going well, but you can find happiness in it.
@@Tanya-rh9vj I do think there is a problem with some people romanticizing the process or not understanding just how devastating issues can be. It also doesn’t fix everything I have a trans friend and she transitioned and looks great but she has severe self esteem issues and other issues going on be she convinced herself that the transition would fix it but it didn’t.
@@TonySomething. Well, I have some trans friends and as you can imagine, there are those who think they made the best decision of their lives and those that I know they regret, because they live a sad life and transition didn’t help with anything but changing their appearance.. Unfortunately, some people don’t understand transition must be the last resource. Maya is a good example, after transition she’s happy and comfortable with herself, also she’s really beautiful and looks definitely like a biological female, no women’s gonna be uncomfortable with her in restrooms because she’s just like one of them phenotypically. How you said, transition doesn’t fix everything and can bring more problems than solutions, that’s why many regret… Not all have the lucky to be beautiful and feminine like Maya too, most still look male.
I really appreciate this sober look at some of the obstacles to transition. Being real with your expectations - both of yourself and the world around you - is so important, and hearing it from you helps a lot.
I love how open and honest you are about all of this 💕 As someone that's been looking at transitioning more and more, getting a realistic and honest opinion is really important to hear
30 yr old transwoman and although I've only been on HRT for 20 months, I full heartedly agree with all reasons! Transitioning isn't for everyone and I myself had to make sure I was in a stable environment with stable income before starting the medical side of this! It's tough but if ur someone who wants to start transitioning you have to lay out ALL the pros and cons! And then conclude with "is this something that I really want to do, am I ready for this?" Because it truly is a life changing decision!
Good point... Actually yeah. Being new to whole process myself though difficult to know where to start. Where does someone like me start? I mean knowing individual steps one thing (which something have 0 knowledge about), and then knowing pros and cons which honestly. Feels near impossible to predict.
Being Trans, I have to admit, this IS Perfectly Well Done Maya! 🙌🏻 I hope this finds people & helps them with their issues based upon this great video! 💗👍
@Ana Luisa -figured that out all by yourself did you? *huggs* 🤗🤗🤗 It’s gonna be alright. We can’t hurt you cuz we don’t want to be seen in the first place, cuz we want to blend in. As for the rest? They have the need to be seen or heard, for them to feel like someone cares for them. Like you.
@@ladykavia -awe…. So sweet of you! I don’t hate/dislike anybody, though? They did delete themselves off after you posted on this thread, so thank You! Love your Playlists btw…. 💋
@@ditjedatje9741 you really think someone can’t pass as the opposite sex? You are delusional if that’s what you think. Clearly Maya gets called she everywhere she goes because people assume she’s female. Duh. 😂
@@tula1433 You are referring to Pandering. People with dysphoria have made it clear that they will turn to suicide if you do not support the charade. If you think he is being accepted as a woman you are mistaken and wishfully lying to yourself. People think it is sad, women are being told to shut up and take D. The gaslighting you are doing is misogystic. Maya is a MAN, a parody, a caricature of what HE thinks a woman is. It is insulting and degrading to women, like blackface is to black people.
@@ditjedatje9741 You’re insulting there is many identities and disorders in people that can be life threatening even with ignorant people like urself you defend them make a defenseless accusation it’s not the same for everybody and anybody can dress up however they want that’s what feminists say with the whole no body shaming that’s exactly what ur doing no matter a guy or girl we are biologically humans our brains are different each and everyone of us it doesn’t take a decent person to not get into a business of other people just because I’m not like them doesn’t mean I’m turn a blind eye to you misinforming people ur not a doctor don’t act like it when u don’t know everything are you gonna call the woman with no periods a man no I don’t think so or can’t create a baby no so I don’t think u can make statements that can’t even be provided with facts which I have done and just because those woman different individuals it doesn’t make them less of a woman they aren’t harming anybody though would harm themselves with no acceptance because of people like you and people that do harmful things those are completely separate even a cis straight male or woman can be a predator doesn’t matter identity that’s where ur wrong and that’s why even woman still stand with abusers that’s why they aren’t all in jail so take ur hate somewhere else and this information doesn’t work for everyone either we aren’t all equal because we aren’t all the same.
Ya know I have spent the last 7 or 8 years wondering if I should medically transition. I have read everything I could get my hands on and possibly know more than the average. But THIS I wasn't prepared for this video at all this answered a lot of my remaining questions and set me on a better course. Highly nuanced, I hope more people can get some kind of direction from this video. Once again from my deepest core thank you.
I started HRT at 32 just to see if anything would click for me, had thoughts of being a girl since I was 12. I lived a pretty fuckin' weird life, lots of isolation since I was a kid. But I thought I'd try HRT and I also thought since I was 32, I'd see no major changes for at least awhile and I could easily hide it, and if I didn't like it after a few months I could quit it. I got up to a B cup in like 3-4 months, so now I feel like I'm locked in. Really need to get my social life in order. Cut ties with people who won't understand and all of that fun stuff.
@@killertazz450 I recommend it if you done your homework and thought long and hard about how it’s a life sentence. It’s life altering medication. If you’re just looking to satisfy a sexual fantasy and go back to living a normal life as a guy, I don’t recommend it.
I think this is one of your best videos! And I agree that you should be 100 percent sure you NEED to transition before you start. Thanks again for another entertaining evening Maya 💜 Great hair btw 💖
@@ditjedatje9741 ‘groomer’ do you know what that word means? You probably do and are trying to redefine it so that actual nonces like you go undetected
@@ladykavia He is Normalising sexual lobotomies. He will never be more than a lifelong cashcow to pharma and cosmetics, a loophole to unethical science. A mutilated MAN, emotionally blackmailing people into submitting to, and playing along with his delusion. It is harmful, degrading, humiliating and unsave for women. He is a misogynist. You think you are an ally, but you are an enabler. You are giving diet pills to an anorexic, drugs to a junky.
Why? You don't need dysphoria to be trans... Don't be a transmedicalist. Transition if it makes you happier. You can have a perfectly happy life beforehand and just have a happier one after. That's not a "NEED" but it's still super valid and fine.
Maya, you are invaluable. This was such a cogent, mature, level-headed and objective video. I believe this video is something every person considering transition should see. Having this perspective presented is helping me so much in my writing. Thank you ever so much and I think the dark hair looks good on you.
I agree with everything here, except that transition can mean different things to different people. It doesn't have to be a last resort. That may be for some, but it could also be to solve somebody's daily depression or could even be a calling of their own inspiration. For myself personally, I'm still closetted and have been all my life. I'm 27 and it may be a long time yet before i'm ready, willing and financially capable to go through with the process. In the meantime, its lots of education and learning to become comfortable to be myself... in my own body... as I am now... which is petrifying and sad to admit.
Don't get yourself down; I'm 26 and while curious on the medical side, social transitioning has done wonders for me and has made me truly love myself. I am still nervous about being out and about, but socially just looking different has fostered good habits in me and is a big step to how I feel.
When I was a child, I was molested by my father, from 5 years old to 12 years old, and the whole time, I had gender disphoria . My little sister was the favorite, and I was constantly being abused by my father. My parents doctor shopped to put me on sedatives to make me more easily molestable but then when my father molested a child down the street from us and got caught my parents put me in a mental institution to cover up for it. After that my parents applied for Social security for me and when I turned 18 I got a lump sum of $35,000. And then my parents got most of it and I got a temporary contract for a house that I was paying for but it was in the middle of nowhere and I didn't have a driver's license or a car or a job. So I had to move to my parents house and then they charged me rent. I was a financial tool for them and they never gave a fuck about me. Now at 50 years old I'm broke and ugly and I'm trying to get my shit together and buid a somewhat normal life.
Your conversation shows how grounded you are, willing to view other experiences and reaffirm you had made the right choice for yourself. I hope you are as happy as you seem, and wish you all the best.
i just stumbled upon your channel and i love your voice and vibes! i'm a trans guy and i have so many questions and worries about physical transition and you feel like a sweet and rational internet older sister
Hey Maya. The clarity with which you hit every major aspect of transitioning is phenomenal. Your openness/honesty about such personal things as wishing you could have afforded banking your gametes was very touching. I'm sorry you weren't able to do that at the time because of where things were in your courageous journey.
I tried to transition at age 18. I moved out of my parents house, went into a bunch of debt, and ultimately had to move back in with my family and stop my transition. By trying to transition before I was in a good place to, I ended up actually setting my progress back. It sucks, but if you’re not in a place where you can transition, just wait. It does suck, but you have the rest of your life to be your true self.
@@kathleencastle8631 If I don't transition then I'll go insane and comit suicide. I was already going to do it 3 times past year, and I know for certain that if I give up on transition, then I'll also give up on my life as well. Money has no value to you when you're dead.
What do you actually mean by your true self though? I would say if I called myself a man, I would be lying to myself. Lies can be more comfortable than a truth. But why would I be lying to myself? Because to me, men and women don't boil down to fashions, interests, feelings, or otherwise. I am a woman because my body reflects my mother I have a period. They're uncomfortable and gross My father never experienced one and never had that struggle as a man I don't share her same interests or tendencies as other females I don't like pink, I never liked dressing up, never liked high heels, I'd wear "men's" cloths as long as they were comfortable like the rest of mine. I loved a lot of things that were marketed towards the male sex including many of the older video games with male main characters. I can role model myself after a male but I myself can never be male. I didn't relate to a lot of girls despite all the marketing towards them It has helped me to stop caring what other people think I should shape my behavior to be as a female. I don't strive to be a woman. I just am one because of my body. Bodies are uncomfortable. I'd be jealous of anyone who never had a struggle with their body in any form. But in the end, I realized that I could get over hating myself in the past by treating my body with the respect it needs and foster its health instead of treating it like something that should be changed. Eating healthy and getting out of toxic environments brought me up to a much healthier state of mind. We are freshly coming out of a misogynistic culture. Men and women have diverse minds even with an average. I wish more would adopt this outlook on life for a healthier self and future, but it's not for everyone.
On the subject of permanent physical changes: choosing not to receive bodymods leads to permanent physical changes, too. Any choice you make about whether or not to physical transition will be permanent in some way. Because I waited (against my desire) until after my male puberty, I made a choice to experience permanent physical changes. Now I permanently have a broader, taller skeletal structure. I wish I had chose differently. So, I 100% agree that these changes should be considered and the realities of these physical outcomes such as lower libido, etc. are 100% true and should be considered. But at the same time, inaction also leads to the same permanent outcomes. We don’t get to choose the body we’re born with just as much as we don’t get to choose quite how our bodymod outcomes happen. So I find this point to zero out because it’s true of either decision. But still overall a wonderful, needed conversation, thank you Maya
Thank you because its a very complicated topic. Sometimes not being sure about our identity is kinda part of our identity too. So difficult bc each case is so different
...how very refreshing and informative, thanks for the video. I personally believe that gender issues are something you're born with, right or wrong in the words of Lady Gaga 'baby you were born this way' and as I follow yogic culture you have to look inwards and listen to your body. I'm fast approaching 60 years old but only recently have 'come out of the closet' I simply crossdress and would never even consider hormones or other therapies result : in all my life I've never been happier. My very best wishes to you 👌
@@ditjedatje9741 Tired of all u TERFS! Fearmongering who and what we r is none of your business! When people see my DV plates they thank me for my service but when they see me step out of my car in skirt blouse heels and makeup they start laughing. Keep up the culture war when it doesn't work you'll just move on and what will happen we will continue to live and thrive. Living our truth we will be victorious. Trump walked in on Teen aged girls because he owned the pageant, Matt Gaetz Venmo'd money to a 17 year old u tell me who r the groomers now.
Thank you for explaining the seriousness of choosing to transition. Hopefully those who are considering it will see your sincerity and seriousness of the choice and get counseling. All the issues you mentioned are so true. As a cis female I can’t identify with your and others struggles with identity, but everything you talked about I agree with.
i've always admired how you're unapologetically honest and vocal about your views especially when it comes to this topic. thank you so much for making this video and letting us know what expect and hope for because i'm sure it'll help people decide on whether this is for them as it did to me. ❤️ luv youu
when you said "you transition to outwardly express how you feel on the inside" triggered a wave of calm, with a sense of clarity about my inner female identity, that sentence is the exact reason why I feel I need to transition and live as Emma, the woman I feel/know I am inside, when I give control over to her my life seems full of potential again and I actually want to live positively drastically in contrast with Leon my born identity whom with I've had the conscious belief from age 3-4, that I want to be dead would be happier if dead. I know this as I apparently expressed these thoughts to my mother who eventually mentioned it to me almost 40 yrs later, better late than never like my autism spectrum disorder which I received at age 38 (d.o.b. 7 April 1979- a Saturday) sorry for ranting on I had some realisations while typing this comment which was to thank you for saying those words as hearing them as had a profound impact.
Give control of your life over to God instead and you will find your purpose and true happiness. I’m not criticizing. Just asking you to consider that there is a better way! God created you just the way you are, and He LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY! ❤
I can't thank you enough for posting your upfront and honest experiences. No matter what we tell ourselves, reality can cruel and I chose to go through life with eyes wide open. That being said i am very happy your transition has brought you closer to who you want to be. Your content is certainly helping bring me closer to who i want to be whether that involves transitioning or not.
I can agree with some of these statements, but not all of it. Being trans is more than just going on hormones or doing surgery. It’s quite literally how you identify. You don’t need to be on hormones, do surgery or have it be a life or death situation to be trans. If you consider yourself trans, then that’s it, you’re trans. Some people might not have dysphoria when it comes to specific areas of their body, and that’s totally fine! At the end of the day, we should be able to decide how we want to live to better fulfill our happiness.
i truly feel that you're a great guide and inspiration for many people whether you're a transgender or not. I'm a straight male, yet watching your transition I've learned a lot not just about transgender people and what they must go through, but I've learned about myself as a human being, so thank you
I love you for putting so much of yourself out there. I am at the point where I pass for the first time ever. Your channel has been a big inspiration and I am grateful. I am so happy and have no plans to detransition.
Hi Maya! Pre-T trans guy here. I've only socially transitioned (which has made me really happy so far) but I agree with most of what you're saying here and I definitely plan on taking my time before going any further. Thanks and best wishes for 2023!
It's kinda long, but it is my thoughts: I can really identify with what you've said❣️I watched you since 2015 and I've found myself in you all the way❣️ I'm almost 24 and I'm mastering my emotions, since all my life I explored myself and only told it to my mom about my identity, when I was 17. My father is my world, having a pretty soft and maternal affection style, but plays it tough, masculine and he makes his best to support me, my family and everyone he can 🥰 The big problem is that he'd really banish me, get traumatized and sick, if he knew I have way stronger feminine base, and I feel he knows deep inside, but ignores it (he can smell gays and trans people. Luckily I'm not gay at all), since we strongly feel eachother + I am attracted to women. I'm very peaky and I want a relationship with a woman whom I can be opened and have kids with, to be proud on. Sometimes I find it difficult to handle my dysphoric moments.... I have subtle jealousy of other women, embracing their femininity, being opened and comfortable in their skin and wish to reach the reality of me letting all my femininity out someday (also when I was with my exes, something that everyone can subconciously pick on). Luckily, my face is more feminine, having rounder eyes, plumpy lips, long, wavy, thick-thick locks (cut it once, and it was refreshing and androgynous too 😅😌) and overall youthful face + I'm passing under the radar by sporting androgynous clothes. So, yes, I've learned to live in my own ways, by subtly expressing my feminine sides and mentaning adopted more masculine and self controlled frame (I learned doing it since I know myself). Another point: as "beginner" medicine student, I'm positive that genetics and bioengineering medicine will advance quicker by the years, as oppose to what you think + visualisations and spiritual practicings and books are my life saviours.... they saved me multiple times in crippling anxiety periods🙏🏻😌🥰❣️ In conclusion, stay strong, happy and peaceful ☮️
thank you so much, this is exactly what Im trying to say to people, everybody thinks Transitioning is something glamorous, when in reality it is very very tough. This isnt gatekeeping, what youre doing is safekeeping. Thank you again 💖🙏🏼
I agreed with pretty much everything in here but the life or death part I'm not too sure about. I did realize I was trans later in life, but I dealt with a lot of shame because of my religious upbringing. I didn't even really know what trans was until my late 20s. I floated through most of my life trying to forget I existed, and the few times in my life were I was stable, I always felt the urge to express to the people close to me how un-masculine I felt inside. It took me 6 years after realizing I was trans to accept it, and another 2 to get the nerve to start transitioning. I've had suicidal ideation on several occasions in my life but I don't think I would have ever gone through with it. I do think I could have kept trying to avoid life and stay buried in escapism for the rest of my life, but once I knew and understood why I hated myself so much, it seemed like the obvious path. Transitioning has made my depression clear up almost completely and I feel more prepared to deal with the baggage it left. I've been happier in the past year than I've ever been my whole life. So I don't think it's always going to be life and death, it could be the thing that makes life actually fulfilling vs just surviving. It definitely shouldn't be taken lightly, but I think it's worth exploring if it feels right for you.
@@Mayavhenry You absolutely do not need to feel like transition is life or death. You don't need dysphoria to be trans. Your internalized transphobia is really seeping through here in a bad way.
Your extreme good luck is that you decided as an adult for yourself, without any prompting and mind stimulation by other people. I think your chances to be successfull is tenfold more than a child who have been brainwashed.
Maya, for some reason I found your page 2 years ago. I am not trans, never agreed per se' . However, I found myself watching your channel. Right before your surgery in 2020. You're remarkable, & elegant. You don't look fake. Your nails, hair, makeup. Just beautiful & elegant. You're beautiful inside & out. I do hope you continue to help others. Blessings .
It’s because she is an actual true transsexual. The trans community is made up at its core of a very small percent of actual TS who are very different to every other “transgender” (whatever that means in 2022) It is effortless for Maya and she doesn’t make it her entire identity and is grounded in reality!
@@tula1433 you realize there are actual differences between transsexual and transgender. You have no authority to gate keep what it means to be trans. You’re being transphobic.
I've followed you from earlier on: I have been impressed with your honesty, your courage and your willingness to share your journey. Trolls will troll, you keep doing you.❤️🕉️
I cilcked thinking this was going to be transphobic, turns out it was wrong and just giving you realistic expectations so trans people can make an actual good decision on it.
There are a lot of good points in this video! - but anyone who delves far enough to read the comments should know that this is MAYA's experience and not a universal trans-MTF experience. I am a trans woman (undergoing HRT) and from speaking to health professionals myself, doing research as well as hearing other friend's and people's stories I can say that there are a lot of things that other people experience that are backed by science that aren't necessarily public knowledge because of how little testing is done. For example: SOME trans women DO experience a HORMONAL cycle. This isn't the same as a period and should not be linked to a cis menstrual cycle. It is a purely trans experience that has some overlaps with PMS symptoms. The same with changes in libido, depending on your own chemistry and how the hormones in YOUR body interact; libido fluctuates and settles after some time on oestrogen. But this could settle as lower or higher based on your physiology.
I know you will catch a lot of flack for this episode, but your advice is straight to the truth and the very best advice. Everyone wishing to transition should see this before making a decision. This is coming from someone who transitioned 60 years ago when things were much more difficult and dangerous. Thank you for being so brutally honest in a kind way.
1) I lived in a hostile environment. I became homeless and unemployed. My religious congregation disfellowshipped me and wished my death. My family supports a far-right party. 2) Being fired from my church job, I was unemployed and homeless and never got a stable source of income until I retired. That was hard. There were no employment protections in place. Now there are, but there are ways to circumvent those. If things go right, you are probably going to look a lot like your mom. Banking gametes was not possible in my time. So, my transitioning was brutal, but I am like a jumping from perfectly functioning planes kind of girl. I saw some girls die. A girl said that I have such amount of determination that I could transition successfully and live as a girl even though I wasn't one.
As a semi-passing girl, who’s over 6 feet tall, athletically built and with strong overall bone structure, I must emphasize the point that if you need to transition, you simply need to transition, being Cis-appearing or not. I will never, ever regret my evolution because it’s what I needed to do to feel happy with myself, and I know this has made my life harder, but it has been so worth it. Be realistic with yourself, and do what you need to do to be happy.
I really appreciate this video. I think before this, I still had a lot of doubts and self acceptance problems. Watching this has actually made me more secure in my choice to begin medical transition. I feel very ready now after watching and am nearly two months in. This feels more authentic when you realize you're thinking about the right things and that transitioning is a real viable option when considering realistic cons. You're also very well spoken which I kind of feel the trans community lacks in the media. Most I've met in real life are nothing like the trans people I see on TH-cam and other mainstream platforms. It's refreshing because I see that kind of passion in women but a lot of times not in trans media. You're amazing !
First, love your hair! Second, I could go on and on about how incredible this video was. I’ve been following you for a long time, and you’re always honest about your life as a trans woman. You should be a counselor for teens who are struggling with their gender identity because what you said is so reasonable and realistic. You’re an inspiration. ❤
Maya one of the best presentations you have ever made. Fallout of friends, family and work is highly lightly and negativity expressed either directly or indirectly.
Maya, I enjoy your posts and while you are often delightfully outrée, you also are thoughtful and provide great advice. As a recently transitioning 59 year old trans woman, I agree strongly with every point you made in this post. Transitioning means many things and the path that is right for each person is as unique as they are. Also, there is so much more to each of us than our trans identities. This is so important when maintaining relationships with loved ones and friends who are so afraid of losing you when you come out. Thank you!
I could have lived as an egg my whole life. Life or death is a dumb bar. I had no idea at the onset how wonderful this would be. I probably wouldn’t have done it if I’d held myself to that.
It’s brave to tell the truth like this. Heartfelt, honest words from a happy trans woman to anyone who suffers with the burning fire of gender dysphoria. Thank you for putting the love into this important message. Yes, it hurts to be told that you may not be as fortunate as Maya in the process of living your life in your inner-felt gender. But it’s true and needs to be said.
I suggest do not weight until it is life or death. We do know who we are deep down and we know what is right for our selves. Do transition if you know it is who you are, do not transition just to to have some where to fit in. If you can safely come out at a young age and be allowed to socially transition in school safely go for it. Do not take others word as to if you should or should not transition it is your choice no one else can make that choice for you. Do your research. Know what you are in for. Be true to who you are not who every one else says you are even if you have to hide it until it is safe to be out.
I have felt miserable and hated myself for a couple years and thought ALL of my negative thoughts were because of dysphoria, now, i feel amazing and feel like a woman, i get randomly dysphoric but my day to day i feel like a woman and i would *rather* have different body parts, but it never really gets to a major point. And i have felt like it for a while, my mental health has been unchecked forever and i have always had bad feelings about my chest and arms and stuff.
I’m a sis gender woman, I’m so deeply impressed by this video, I can’t imagine what a difficult process trans women go through , that is such a bravery inside of you all!
Hello Maya, I very much appreciate your level-headedness on all of this. I used to be a desperate teenager as well, for many things only one of which was gender related, and I'm so glad for the pushback I received from parents, psychiatrists etc... I'm 24 now and haven't started anything. Even though I still feel off in my body as a male, it's bearable and even positive at times. So while I'd still like to transition in some way, shape or form at some point, I see no reason to do so now. I'm no hurry because I am no longer in a life or death situation, and even then it was not because of gender specifically. For now I'm content to explore the ways I could be feminine that don't involve hormones or surgery: playing with my voice, with my body language, these sorts of things :) So again, thank you Maya for your level headedness and your sincerity, including about your regrets and what you wish you could have done differently, I wish you the best going forward 😁
I am not trans, I am a straight male and I think it’s interesting the things you mention here and having some insight into the things you have to consider while going through this transition. Thanks for sharing
This video is so important and wish these points were discussed more frequently. As someone who started transitioning because of how bad my gender dysphoria was I won’t lie it’s still been incredibly challenging. Transitioning has been filled with sacrifices even I didn’t fully comprehend and thankfully I’m able to live with. Definitely has to be a decision for oneself and definitely should be a last alternative when contemplating options. 💘💘💘💘
You're such a great pearson for sharing your experience and wisdom with everyone, it would be nice to have an actual conversation with you, you seem like great people ☺
I definitely had high hopes in the beginning, years ago. Now I'm so happy with all my little changes at around 5 months on hrt. I love all the points you brought up.
I respect and appreciate the honesty in your personal journey Maya! I like the way you maintain your integrity and openness, and the way your warning is based on your own experience! And it is clear you have a loving and caring heart for others!
Please don't say you're "kind of OCD". Either you have it or you don't. Thank you for pointing out that my OCD would never, ever shut up about everything that was wrong with this change just as much or even more so than about my current situation. This video was very helpful. Thank you for it. I will think about your points for a good while.
Your a very intelligent person, and l see you have much to offer people that have a distorted view of their self image. I can only wish you the best in the life you now live.
That was such wonderful and helpful information. In fact it is one of the most honest and genuine videos I've seen. As far as OCD is concerned, I was just the opposite. I had major OCD in early grade school. I wouldn't admit, even to myself, that something was wrong. I married a wonder girl. She was only 19 and I was 22 when we got married. We were married 47 years. She died of liver cancer. All the time she and our 3 children never knew of the things I did and thoughts I had. And, I wouldn't admit them to myself. Around 10 years after she died I began to suspect I was transgender and finally got up enough courage to talk to a therapist, and after a few sessions, I discovered I was transgender. Immediately the OCD went away, and I excepted all the things I had done and thoughts I had as they were the real me. When I was 80 years old I started HRT and I am now nearing my 16th month. I don't have any of the reasons you mentioned to not transition. I will continue to dress on the outside as a male. I feel my mission is to help people understand that being transgender is real and genuine while staying in stealth mode. I recently wrote a murder mystery eBook titled, “Who Killed Who? A Love Story” which I hope will help people have a better understanding of being transgender at a young age. Thanks so much for this wonderful video!!
I really appreciate that you are so real and honest and level headed while still supplying so much information and affirmation and giving such kindness to everyone.
LOVE LOVE the hair, whole new you, very beautiful. Really brings out those beautiful eye's. I remember those early vids when your dysphoria was REALLY kicking in.
So much wisdom and truth in this, love it. It makes me upset that so many people online would freak out at you (as I have experienced as well) for being realistic and scientific about all this. People questioning their gender identity should ask themselves all of these questions before committing to anything, it's so important to make informed decisions. Great video 😊
TY Maya I'm 63 year old who is an American Veteran. But as someone who knew from 4 years old that I was different. I was partially raised in the South when there was so much discrimination against BIPOC and Queer people. But as a Veteran I get free healthcare sometimes I forget how fortunate I am. But did live as a male for 62 year's. My ex caught me watching Trans and Gay porn and she asked why I would be watching stuff like that. But it's been hard because I've always known that I preferred guy's. May not ever have SRS but know that I want to live out the rest of my life as a Woman. The pic in my profile is someone who calls me Grandma. Love how young people r so accepting of me. But I do want to TY I've watched every VOD u have made because u have such a beautiful soul and heart 💕. But I'm one of those Non Passable Trans people and living in TX as a Trans Woman is hard I've been called the F slur and always end up crying my eyes out. I lived through the AIDS pandemic even had a lover that was HIV positive but we always practiced safer sex. But in the City that I live in there is a large community of Trans people who r very supportive of each other. Now I'm an advocate for Trans teens who like u especially in TX r being marginalized and has also been the new culture war. I love u for advocating for us I follow Keffals on Twitch and she makes me feel empowered same as u. Both of u r my Sheroes!
This is a great video! So many people think transition is just accessing and going on HRT, but there's so much more. Lots of folks aren't comfy with all of the different changes that happen - especially socially - so they should know in advance it's a possibility and decide if that's a deal breaker for them. Thanks for outlining some of those negative possibilities.
I am constantly pacing between “Am I trans, or not?” And this is helping me really learn. Sure I am still constantly wondering, but I’m glad to know that maybe I’m not (I’m of course not saying I would hate it if I was, I would like it too if I was, but, I’m just trying to get an answer)
If you're debating it like it's a new haircut, you're very clearly not experiencing gender dysphoria. You'll forget about it in a year. Try not to have any body parts cut off in the meantime.
I don't think there's a cis person in the world who wishes they were trans. If the thought of transition makes you happy, consider incorporating things into your life that you believe will be safe and uplifting. Transness aside, there is no reason to avoid happiness. If you know what you want and there's nothing in your way, there's no reason not to try.
@@SakuraSerial It's good to take the questioning process at your own pace and give yourself enough time to process everything, but putting a delay timer on it for no real reason will not help. Transness doesn't come from nowhere and it doesn't evaporate suddenly either. The idea of transness being a "phase" is made up by people who believe transness is a "teenager thing" (which it's not) and that teenagers only do things on total random whims (which they don't). You would know if you were trying to be trans on purpose for some whimsical reason. If the feelings are happening TO you, that's a sign.
I really appreciate your statement about safety in “Passing” its something very important to talk about, also on the sex drive topic i think your right that the feel increase in drive isn’t actually an increase in physiological drive rather just an increase in comfort.
I don’t get people “ transitioning “ into something they are not. It’s better to get REAL psychological help and learn to love yourself they way you were born.
An absolute masterpiece of advice. You are so objective and intelligent it's almost mind bogling. Should be mandatory for every person considering this life choice as opposed to the usual mindset of the medical business that this phenomenon has become. Great work, Maya. Thank you. So much!!
Living as a cis gender woman isn't "superficial". It's everyday life as a woman. You still gotta get up, take care of yourself and others, put on appropriate clothes for work and being in public, you're still going to talk to your friends/partners/coworkers, and you’re still going to be confronted with misogyny and sexism. Along with passive aggressive transphobia if people know. For those who can fit into the perceived gender norm (and it's wide) , being trans is only an issue to others if you talk about it. (Being a public figure on TH-cam makes that more unlikely) For many transition never ends because it continually gets brought up by others concerned with othering. But transition can end when you stop obsessing on a trans passed that is no longer relevant. The only thing that matters is who i am today, and who I'll be tomorrow. The time in the passed when i used to havre a penis and people called me by a different name is irrelevant. That person is dead. They were the facade forced on us by the social structure. And, those who protest don't get a say, they don't get to define who we are then or now. I live as a woman because I am a woman and always have been. It is easier to live as a woman the more I embrace my own desires and live naturally. We don't put on womanhood like a costume, we shed manhood like a skin layer by layer until all that is left is our truth. Limiting true womanhood or femaleness to things like birth genitals and DNA is to miss the point of what being part of a group means. To say that only those females who can reproduce via a uterus are "Grade A Females" is othering but also implies that "Grade A Males" are those who can reproduce through producing and depositing sperm means that anyone who has had their testes removed is no longer a man, just as any woman who has a hysterectomy would no longer be a woman. Women who've had hysterectomies as a part of life often feel othered and like society sees them as not female. The actual issue is not whether or not trans women are women but the obsession with reproductive viable as a measure of legitimacy and personhood deserving of dignity. My genital history is nobody's business but my own. Period. Nor is my womanhood up for debate. I earned the right to be female, and that's what I am. Mother. Aunt. Wife. Daughter. Any situation where someone wants to disrespect that is them being abusive and wanting to define me and my life for me (but that is not truth, that is abuse).
On the point of "trying to live and have a relationship as your assigned sex first." Let me just add that in every support group there are hundreds of trans men and women discussing how their partners left them once they transitioned. If you're serious about a relationship then you need to be open with them about your trans feelings as early as possible. If they aren't comfortable with you having those feelings, then they may not be the right person. Save yourself the heartache.
I transitioned straight out of high school in 1973 at age 18 and underwent gender reassignment surgery at age 19 in Jan, 1975. My surgery was performed at the Gender Identity Clinic located at Methodist Hospital in Jacksonville, Fl. It was the only center in the US that would consider surgical candidates under age 21at the time. My surgeon, Ira M Dushoff, followed the Harry Benjamin protocol. This meant I was required to successfully live and work as a teenage girl before I could be considered a candidate for surgery. This was before FFS. If you weren't blessed with good genes and couldn't "pass", surgery was discouraged. As a teenager, I was often referred to as the boy who looked like a girl. Of course I found it humiliating, but somehow I did go through male puberty w/o looking masculine. I had almost no body hair, very thin arms and tiny wrists, girly shoulders, a tiny waist and a beautiful face. I moved to Phila from Columbia, SC in 1977, where I attended art school and worked as a call girl briefly. Dr Dushoff advised me to never associate with other trans women because said they were "the cattiest woman" on the planet and they would be jealous of me. I didn't take his advice and in Philadelphia I met and had lunch with trans icon Rachel Harlow in Wanamakers Dept Store where she was employed. She was a celebrity in Philly and had operated a very successful nightclub for a few yrs in the city after undergoing sex reassignment surgery in 1971. She told me she had never taken hormones, and she never needed them. I'm almost 69, I've been married 36 yrs and I've always benefited from cis gender privilege because I was totally passable. In my 30's, I started taking 2mg of estradiol to address osteoporosis. I may have to cease HRT because of my age. I'm in very good health and hope to remain healthy for another 20 yrs at least. I've had friends ask if I ever considered writing an autobiography. The answer is emphatically no, because it would be a very boring book. I successfully blended in throughout my life and I agree with most of your advice.
While I do agree with much of this, I do think the last piece where you mentioned that, if there is someone who is *genuinely* transgender, and *genuinely* has gender dysphoria to the level of being transgender, but simply because they may not be able to pass as cis, they shouldn’t transition and just live as a ‘non binary person’ is… not the best take, sis. Even for people who may never pass, hrt and transition can still absolutely be life saving and provide enough healing and alignment to make life far better than it was just simmering with untreated dysphoria in the way it needed to be treated for them. Like I do understand the point, but at the same time… if someone really is trans, the way you and I are, the idea that they shouldn’t transition simply because they won’t pass.. just isn’t the way. Countless trans people have tried that, and it just flat out didn’t and doesn’t work. I’ve witnessed it and heard many of their stories. It’s also good to note that, just because they don’t pass, doesn’t inherently mean their life is ‘worse’ yea, they may face more discrimination, but internally, and in myriad other ways, it’s still… better than without transition. I understand the desire to be able to integrate and assimilate but, just cause it ain’t achievable for some people, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t still transition. Burying it and trying to repress it to try to make the ‘best of’ as most trans people know… usually ends in self destruction and pain.
Seconding this. As a trans woman, to any of the people watching this video and deciding to stop transition because of it: see you in a few years.
Second this, I repressed myself for more than 2 decades and it really made it worse and worse every year. But I still think it is good to think about it for a long time and dont make quick decisions. Maybe dont wait over 2 decades like I did, but at least think about it carefully.
Exactly, how can she say that she doesn't judge people by how their looks and at the same time say trans people who can't pass shouldn't transition? I can recognize that passing can make your life so much better, but that isn't the metric that we should use to validate trans women. There's plenty of biological women who don't fit into female stereotypes, and they aren't any less women for not fitting in. The same goes for transwomen we're still valid transwomen who deserve to be happy and treated with respect and dignity even if we don't pass.
I cant in any way really relate to what yall have endured. I am a straight ,married ,woman. But I have to say,thank yall for being respectful when u had a disagreeing point. I bet you are both beautiful and above all hope you are kicking life's ass ❤️🤙keep vibing
You make some fantastic and valid points Lunar :) I think HRT helps with the internal and makes the external (however it looks) far better and way more bearable. Passable? I think lots of it about about internal confidence. HRT has so many benefits, not least the life saving effects it often provides. Both you and Maya make great points, but ultimately it is an individual thing.
It's worth noting that most non-passing people aren't in this situation on purpose for some kind of ideological reason.
Passing just isn't achievable for everyone who needs to transition.
I might never get there, and I can live with that if I have to. Not passing does restrict my freedom of movement and that does suck, but I still have a better life within these restrictions than I ever could pre-transition.
I think everyone who transitions needs to understand that passing isn't guaranteed and be ready to make the best of whatever hand they are dealt.
The issue of passing is also one of many reasons why I strongly disagree with the idea of making trans children suffer through a first-puberty to harvest gametes.
First-puberty does long-term damage which makes some unlucky people unable to pass for the rest of their lives. That's a very serious risk that won't be worth it for everyone.
It’s always the rich who says that money doesn’t matter, and it’s always the young and gorgeous girls who says passing isn’t important.
100%
Literally
@@Criodine2 i wish I could pass, my feet are too big😢
This, but then if you took away their passing they’d crumble into misery. It’s insane how they say passing doesn’t matter and then 2 seconds later say ‘I wouldn’t have transitioned if I couldn’t pass and assimilate I’d just die’
@@Boycott_Wendys I can say with FULL confidence that nobody is going to be clocked because of foot size. Even boob size has less of an impact than people think it does.
THAT hair color is very flattering on you! Also! You have such a good handle on all of this. I'm glad you're sharing your knowledge.
Life or Death.
“Death is more universal than life. Everyone dies, but not everyone lives.”
― A. Sachs
I think it's interesting the emphasis you put on "life or death" and how transition is a "last resort". I get that transitioning is difficult, but not every trans person has as debilitating of dysphoria, and i struggle to understand why surgeries for transitioning are treated with so much more reverence than other cosmetic surgeries. If someone has been thinking about a body mod for a long time and is sure they'd be happier with it, but isn't particularly unhappy with their current body, should they still not get it? If the reasons why not are 'further complications', 'regret', and 'financial problems', then i can't really take that seriously, because that could be applied to any medical procedure / body mod, necessary or not. But maybe I'm missing something
But the thing with the surgeries for transpeople tends to be that we need to basically fight for getting it, for convincing someone that we definitely want to take that decision, and have thought it through well, which is typically opposite to what the rest of plastic surgery tends to entail (which is also why the regret rate is so incredibly high in plastic surgery end results, along with possibly the reason being that some people get plastic surgery not necessarily for themselves, but for other people)...
When it comes to cost, it can be as simple of having to seriously pay up for just the therapy sessions, and then comes the actual surgery.
Fear for regret is the result of possibly losing all feeling in the genital area, or having to have more than just 1 surgery due to complications, which can also just simply cause a different look than what you expected the end result to look like, which doesn´t even have to happen due to complications, but can be the result of surgery in general.
I personally as a transwoman have never been in a relationship nor have any experience with another person, so I feel I can not take the decision for vaginoplasty well informed: I might be fine with the reproductive organ I was born with in relation to someone else, or I might not be. Fact is that at the moment I can't say anything about that: I know about the current situation in that I do not experience explicit dysphoria with that part of my body, but that's it.
[Edit] I have not previously passed the point where she sort of talks about this. I am on HRT and I have had an orchiectomy, but that is it. As for trying out a relationship as someone of my birth sex: yep, that was absolutely impossible. I was so uncomfortable with myself including the situation in which I did not understand a single thing about the required amount of communication (verbally and non-verbally) between me and a woman that I kept people at a distance even without me fully realizing it.
I also had the problem that any time I had feelings of being in love with someone, next to it being for someone who was hyperfeminine (and thus a role model) it was typically also for someone absolutely unreachable, either due to an age gap or because of the person being very much married.
In high school I was very short compared to birth-sex- and age-related peers, to the point I was also shorter than practically all girls in class, and unless you are very witty (and not experience undiagnosed gender dysphoria at the same time) you probably aren't the most interesting option for the girls (to give you an idea of the height difference: I would've needed 1, but probably 2 steps of a stairway to be able to get up to their eye-height.)
The idea of love and experiencing sexuality always felt exceptionally alien to me when I grew up and it got much worse when boy puberty started, so not having had that experience then can put you at a disadvantage now in a way.
I can at least say for sure that my experiences on a dating app are pretty much 100% negative: it has never ever resulted in a date, which is true for OKCupid and HER. A few words back and forth as DM's on the second one, but absolutely nothing else on the first one.
After sending 98 "potential matches" or whatever they called them on OKCupid a message and only getting a reply back on the very last one that was also very much a negative response (and not even about my reply, but about her concern that I was younger than 18 and shouldn't be listed there, while I was 31 and she was 24), and having been on there for 1,5 years, I left.
I take it that OKCupid being a Facebook-advertising partner deploys the same techniques that Facebook does: ranking profiles lower when they do not get a reply back on a DM in order to make sure that some people have the most negative experience on the platform, while still making sure they keep you there to milk you for your personal information, while the profiles with more success get even more success, to make sure their platform starts consisting out of supersuccessfull people and people who eventually leave because it is one of the biggest timewasters of their life.
it's definitely important for people to be prepared for transition and have realistic expectations. It's not easy even when it's going well, but you can find happiness in it.
Thank u, I'll keep that in mind
Or severe regret and lifelong complications...
@@kezzokav5905 Yes, but if the person is prepared for the transition, then it’s prepared for the risks
@@Tanya-rh9vj I do think there is a problem with some people romanticizing the process or not understanding just how devastating issues can be. It also doesn’t fix everything I have a trans friend and she transitioned and looks great but she has severe self esteem issues and other issues going on be she convinced herself that the transition would fix it but it didn’t.
@@TonySomething. Well, I have some trans friends and as you can imagine, there are those who think they made the best decision of their lives and those that I know they regret, because they live a sad life and transition didn’t help with anything but changing their appearance..
Unfortunately, some people don’t understand transition must be the last resource. Maya is a good example, after transition she’s happy and comfortable with herself, also she’s really beautiful and looks definitely like a biological female, no women’s gonna be uncomfortable with her in restrooms because she’s just like one of them phenotypically. How you said, transition doesn’t fix everything and can bring more problems than solutions, that’s why many regret…
Not all have the lucky to be beautiful and feminine like Maya too, most still look male.
I really appreciate this sober look at some of the obstacles to transition. Being real with your expectations - both of yourself and the world around you - is so important, and hearing it from you helps a lot.
FrankenPuss
I love how open and honest you are about all of this 💕 As someone that's been looking at transitioning more and more, getting a realistic and honest opinion is really important to hear
30 yr old transwoman and although I've only been on HRT for 20 months, I full heartedly agree with all reasons! Transitioning isn't for everyone and I myself had to make sure I was in a stable environment with stable income before starting the medical side of this! It's tough but if ur someone who wants to start transitioning you have to lay out ALL the pros and cons! And then conclude with "is this something that I really want to do, am I ready for this?" Because it truly is a life changing decision!
Good point... Actually yeah. Being new to whole process myself though difficult to know where to start. Where does someone like me start? I mean knowing individual steps one thing (which something have 0 knowledge about), and then knowing pros and cons which honestly. Feels near impossible to predict.
@@tommychappell6359 1st thing I would do in ur position and have been before so is I would do ur research, as I have done before starting out!
Being Trans, I have to admit, this IS Perfectly Well Done Maya! 🙌🏻
I hope this finds people & helps them with their issues based upon this great video! 💗👍
Are you an MTF as well?
@@AntiMasonic93 -same as Maya. Just no breast augmentation. Haven’t had any cosmetic surgeries either, to expensive, or I would.
@Ana Luisa -figured that out all by yourself did you? *huggs* 🤗🤗🤗
It’s gonna be alright. We can’t hurt you cuz we don’t want to be seen in the first place, cuz we want to blend in. As for the rest? They have the need to be seen or heard, for them to feel like someone cares for them. Like you.
@@keikialanifrazee8892 this is the best comment. Subtract the last bit though, no one should care about a transphobe’s well-being.
@@ladykavia -awe…. So sweet of you! I don’t hate/dislike anybody, though? They did delete themselves off after you posted on this thread, so thank You! Love your Playlists btw…. 💋
As a post-op Trans women for 33 years, I co-sign everything said in this video.
you are a dude, stop insulting, degrading and humiliating women with the "ladyface"you do. You're parody, a caricature.
@Tell It Like it is There is no such thing as a "transwoman", only MEN playing out a fetish
@@ditjedatje9741 you really think someone can’t pass as the opposite sex? You are delusional if that’s what you think. Clearly Maya gets called she everywhere she goes because people assume she’s female. Duh. 😂
@@tula1433 You are referring to Pandering. People with dysphoria have made it clear that they will turn to suicide if you do not support the charade. If you think he is being accepted as a woman you are mistaken and wishfully lying to yourself. People think it is sad, women are being told to shut up and take D.
The gaslighting you are doing is misogystic. Maya is a MAN, a parody, a caricature of what HE thinks a woman is. It is insulting and degrading to women, like blackface is to black people.
@@ditjedatje9741 You’re insulting there is many identities and disorders in people that can be life threatening even with ignorant people like urself you defend them make a defenseless accusation it’s not the same for everybody and anybody can dress up however they want that’s what feminists say with the whole no body shaming that’s exactly what ur doing no matter a guy or girl we are biologically humans our brains are different each and everyone of us it doesn’t take a decent person to not get into a business of other people just because I’m not like them doesn’t mean I’m turn a blind eye to you misinforming people ur not a doctor don’t act like it when u don’t know everything are you gonna call the woman with no periods a man no I don’t think so or can’t create a baby no so I don’t think u can make statements that can’t even be provided with facts which I have done and just because those woman different individuals it doesn’t make them less of a woman they aren’t harming anybody though would harm themselves with no acceptance because of people like you and people that do harmful things those are completely separate even a cis straight male or woman can be a predator doesn’t matter identity that’s where ur wrong and that’s why even woman still stand with abusers that’s why they aren’t all in jail so take ur hate somewhere else and this information doesn’t work for everyone either we aren’t all equal because we aren’t all the same.
Ya know I have spent the last 7 or 8 years wondering if I should medically transition. I have read everything I could get my hands on and possibly know more than the average. But THIS I wasn't prepared for this video at all this answered a lot of my remaining questions and set me on a better course. Highly nuanced, I hope more people can get some kind of direction from this video. Once again from my deepest core thank you.
I love how matter-of-fact you are. Common Sense and emotion free comments from a source of experience! Kudos!
this is the best video i've ever watched about transitioning, thanks a lot Maya you are such a genuine being
I started HRT at 32 just to see if anything would click for me, had thoughts of being a girl since I was 12. I lived a pretty fuckin' weird life, lots of isolation since I was a kid. But I thought I'd try HRT and I also thought since I was 32, I'd see no major changes for at least awhile and I could easily hide it, and if I didn't like it after a few months I could quit it. I got up to a B cup in like 3-4 months, so now I feel like I'm locked in. Really need to get my social life in order. Cut ties with people who won't understand and all of that fun stuff.
best of luck courtney, hope it's working out 💛
Wow I was thinking the same as what you tried. Do you suggest it?
@@killertazz450 I recommend it if you done your homework and thought long and hard about how it’s a life sentence. It’s life altering medication. If you’re just looking to satisfy a sexual fantasy and go back to living a normal life as a guy, I don’t recommend it.
B cup at 3-4 months?? 😦
@theeperson3764 right, I'm an A at 9 months :/
I think this is one of your best videos! And I agree that you should be 100 percent sure you NEED to transition before you start. Thanks again for another entertaining evening Maya 💜 Great hair btw 💖
Thanks gorgeous 💗✨
@@ditjedatje9741 ‘groomer’ do you know what that word means? You probably do and are trying to redefine it so that actual nonces like you go undetected
@@ladykavia He is Normalising sexual lobotomies. He will never be more than a lifelong cashcow to pharma and cosmetics, a loophole to unethical science.
A mutilated MAN, emotionally blackmailing people into submitting to, and playing along with his delusion. It is harmful, degrading, humiliating and unsave for women. He is a misogynist.
You think you are an ally, but you are an enabler. You are giving diet pills to an anorexic, drugs to a junky.
Why? You don't need dysphoria to be trans... Don't be a transmedicalist. Transition if it makes you happier. You can have a perfectly happy life beforehand and just have a happier one after. That's not a "NEED" but it's still super valid and fine.
You are crazy.
Maya, you are invaluable. This was such a cogent, mature, level-headed and objective video. I believe this video is something every person considering transition should see. Having this perspective presented is helping me so much in my writing. Thank you ever so much and I think the dark hair looks good on you.
Thank you! 🤍
@@Mayavhenry repulsive insult. that is what you are.
I agree with everything here, except that transition can mean different things to different people. It doesn't have to be a last resort. That may be for some, but it could also be to solve somebody's daily depression or could even be a calling of their own inspiration.
For myself personally, I'm still closetted and have been all my life. I'm 27 and it may be a long time yet before i'm ready, willing and financially capable to go through with the process. In the meantime, its lots of education and learning to become comfortable to be myself... in my own body... as I am now... which is petrifying and sad to admit.
Don't get yourself down; I'm 26 and while curious on the medical side, social transitioning has done wonders for me and has made me truly love myself. I am still nervous about being out and about, but socially just looking different has fostered good habits in me and is a big step to how I feel.
When I was a child, I was molested by my father, from 5 years old to 12 years old, and the whole time, I had gender disphoria . My little sister was the favorite, and I was constantly being abused by my father. My parents doctor shopped to put me on sedatives to make me more easily molestable but then when my father molested a child down the street from us and got caught my parents put me in a mental institution to cover up for it. After that my parents applied for Social security for me and when I turned 18 I got a lump sum of $35,000. And then my parents got most of it and I got a temporary contract for a house that I was paying for but it was in the middle of nowhere and I didn't have a driver's license or a car or a job. So I had to move to my parents house and then they charged me rent. I was a financial tool for them and they never gave a fuck about me. Now at 50 years old I'm broke and ugly and I'm trying to get my shit together and buid a somewhat normal life.
@@ThomasHopkins-f8k Hope you are well God loves you deeply shalom 🤗🐼♥️✝️💐 Philippians 4:8
Your conversation shows how grounded you are, willing to view other experiences and reaffirm you had made the right choice for yourself. I hope you are as happy as you seem, and wish you all the best.
This is a very bold video and I appreciate your honesty and opinions. I hope people stay as civil as possible in this comment section...
i just stumbled upon your channel and i love your voice and vibes! i'm a trans guy and i have so many questions and worries about physical transition and you feel like a sweet and rational internet older sister
Hey Maya. The clarity with which you hit every major aspect of transitioning is phenomenal. Your openness/honesty about such personal things as wishing you could have afforded banking your gametes was very touching. I'm sorry you weren't able to do that at the time because of where things were in your courageous journey.
I tried to transition at age 18. I moved out of my parents house, went into a bunch of debt, and ultimately had to move back in with my family and stop my transition. By trying to transition before I was in a good place to, I ended up actually setting my progress back. It sucks, but if you’re not in a place where you can transition, just wait. It does suck, but you have the rest of your life to be your true self.
Don't transition. Stay true to your healthy body and save your money
But what if I won't be able to transition for the next 10 years or so?
@@kathleencastle8631 If I don't transition then I'll go insane and comit suicide. I was already going to do it 3 times past year, and I know for certain that if I give up on transition, then I'll also give up on my life as well. Money has no value to you when you're dead.
What do you actually mean by your true self though?
I would say if I called myself a man, I would be lying to myself. Lies can be more comfortable than a truth.
But why would I be lying to myself? Because to me, men and women don't boil down to fashions, interests, feelings, or otherwise.
I am a woman because my body reflects my mother
I have a period. They're uncomfortable and gross
My father never experienced one and never had that struggle as a man
I don't share her same interests or tendencies as other females
I don't like pink, I never liked dressing up, never liked high heels, I'd wear "men's" cloths as long as they were comfortable like the rest of mine. I loved a lot of things that were marketed towards the male sex including many of the older video games with male main characters.
I can role model myself after a male but I myself can never be male.
I didn't relate to a lot of girls despite all the marketing towards them
It has helped me to stop caring what other people think I should shape my behavior to be as a female. I don't strive to be a woman. I just am one because of my body. Bodies are uncomfortable. I'd be jealous of anyone who never had a struggle with their body in any form.
But in the end, I realized that I could get over hating myself in the past by treating my body with the respect it needs and foster its health instead of treating it like something that should be changed. Eating healthy and getting out of toxic environments brought me up to a much healthier state of mind.
We are freshly coming out of a misogynistic culture. Men and women have diverse minds even with an average.
I wish more would adopt this outlook on life for a healthier self and future, but it's not for everyone.
@@kathleencastle8631 you again 😂
On the subject of permanent physical changes: choosing not to receive bodymods leads to permanent physical changes, too. Any choice you make about whether or not to physical transition will be permanent in some way. Because I waited (against my desire) until after my male puberty, I made a choice to experience permanent physical changes. Now I permanently have a broader, taller skeletal structure. I wish I had chose differently.
So, I 100% agree that these changes should be considered and the realities of these physical outcomes such as lower libido, etc. are 100% true and should be considered. But at the same time, inaction also leads to the same permanent outcomes. We don’t get to choose the body we’re born with just as much as we don’t get to choose quite how our bodymod outcomes happen. So I find this point to zero out because it’s true of either decision.
But still overall a wonderful, needed conversation, thank you Maya
This is an excellent perspective
Thank you because its a very complicated topic. Sometimes not being sure about our identity is kinda part of our identity too. So difficult bc each case is so different
This is so interesting but I’m happy as a trans girl and never regretted my transitions from all the journey I went thru to be who I am today! ❤
Same! 💗
...how very refreshing and informative, thanks for the video. I personally believe that gender issues are something you're born with, right or wrong in the words of Lady Gaga 'baby you were born this way' and as I follow yogic culture you have to look inwards and listen to your body. I'm fast approaching 60 years old but only recently have 'come out of the closet' I simply crossdress and would never even consider hormones or other therapies result : in all my life I've never been happier. My very best wishes to you 👌
@@Mayavhenry Wait, Maya wasn't your last video literally focused on how much you regret your bottom surgery?
@@Mayavhenry Groomer, one day your misogynistic behaviour will be punished by the laws of nature.
@@ditjedatje9741 Tired of all u TERFS! Fearmongering who and what we r is none of your business! When people see my DV plates they thank me for my service but when they see me step out of my car in skirt blouse heels and makeup they start laughing. Keep up the culture war when it doesn't work you'll just move on and what will happen we will continue to live and thrive. Living our truth we will be victorious. Trump walked in on Teen aged girls because he owned the pageant, Matt Gaetz Venmo'd money to a 17 year old u tell me who r the groomers now.
Thank you for explaining the seriousness of choosing to transition. Hopefully those who are considering it will see your sincerity and seriousness of the choice and get counseling. All the issues you mentioned are so true. As a cis female I can’t identify with your and others struggles with identity, but everything you talked about I agree with.
You are a phenomenal individual! Being highly intelligent and analytical has fed your courage to go through this process. All the best Maya !
i've always admired how you're unapologetically honest and vocal about your views especially when it comes to this topic. thank you so much for making this video and letting us know what expect and hope for because i'm sure it'll help people decide on whether this is for them as it did to me. ❤️ luv youu
You are an amazingly well-spoken woman, and are such an asset to people considering this major life changing decision.
when you said "you transition to outwardly express how you feel on the inside" triggered a wave of calm, with a sense of clarity about my inner female identity, that sentence is the exact reason why I feel I need to transition and live as Emma, the woman I feel/know I am inside, when I give control over to her my life seems full of potential again and I actually want to live positively drastically in contrast with Leon my born identity whom with I've had the conscious belief from age 3-4, that I want to be dead would be happier if dead.
I know this as I apparently expressed these thoughts to my mother who eventually mentioned it to me almost 40 yrs later, better late than never like my autism spectrum disorder which I received at age 38 (d.o.b. 7 April 1979- a Saturday)
sorry for ranting on I had some realisations while typing this comment which was to thank you for saying those words as hearing them as had a profound impact.
No, you are not emma. You want to be emma, but you are not emma.
@@TheRisky9 yes she is in fact Emma, you're not the one to decide if she is or not.
If you're gonna be disrespectful leave
Give control of your life over to God instead and you will find your purpose and true happiness. I’m not criticizing. Just asking you to consider that there is a better way! God created you just the way you are, and He LOVES YOU UNCONDITIONALLY! ❤
I can't thank you enough for posting your upfront and honest experiences. No matter what we tell ourselves, reality can cruel and I chose to go through life with eyes wide open. That being said i am very happy your transition has brought you closer to who you want to be. Your content is certainly helping bring me closer to who i want to be whether that involves transitioning or not.
I’m a hairstylist and I love the hair change! Definitely didn’t see it coming but it looks beautiful on you ❤️
Thanks girl! 💗
PHENOMENAL video! So thoughtful. So thorough. I think your video should be mandatory viewing for anybody considering transitioning.
I can agree with some of these statements, but not all of it. Being trans is more than just going on hormones or doing surgery. It’s quite literally how you identify. You don’t need to be on hormones, do surgery or have it be a life or death situation to be trans. If you consider yourself trans, then that’s it, you’re trans. Some people might not have dysphoria when it comes to specific areas of their body, and that’s totally fine! At the end of the day, we should be able to decide how we want to live to better fulfill our happiness.
i truly feel that you're a great guide and inspiration for many people whether you're a transgender or not. I'm a straight male, yet watching your transition I've learned a lot not just about transgender people and what they must go through, but I've learned about myself as a human being, so thank you
I love you for putting so much of yourself out there. I am at the point where I pass for the first time ever. Your channel has been a big inspiration and I am grateful. I am so happy and have no plans to detransition.
Hi Maya! Pre-T trans guy here. I've only socially transitioned (which has made me really happy so far) but I agree with most of what you're saying here and I definitely plan on taking my time before going any further. Thanks and best wishes for 2023!
i love the darker hair!!!! it looks so much thicker and complements your skin tone so well
It's kinda long, but it is my thoughts:
I can really identify with what you've said❣️I watched you since 2015 and I've found myself in you all the way❣️ I'm almost 24 and I'm mastering my emotions, since all my life I explored myself and only told it to my mom about my identity, when I was 17. My father is my world, having a pretty soft and maternal affection style, but plays it tough, masculine and he makes his best to support me, my family and everyone he can 🥰 The big problem is that he'd really banish me, get traumatized and sick, if he knew I have way stronger feminine base, and I feel he knows deep inside, but ignores it (he can smell gays and trans people. Luckily I'm not gay at all), since we strongly feel eachother + I am attracted to women. I'm very peaky and I want a relationship with a woman whom I can be opened and have kids with, to be proud on. Sometimes I find it difficult to handle my dysphoric moments.... I have subtle jealousy of other women, embracing their femininity, being opened and comfortable in their skin and wish to reach the reality of me letting all my femininity out someday (also when I was with my exes, something that everyone can subconciously pick on). Luckily, my face is more feminine, having rounder eyes, plumpy lips, long, wavy, thick-thick locks (cut it once, and it was refreshing and androgynous too 😅😌) and overall youthful face + I'm passing under the radar by sporting androgynous clothes. So, yes, I've learned to live in my own ways, by subtly expressing my feminine sides and mentaning adopted more masculine and self controlled frame (I learned doing it since I know myself).
Another point: as "beginner" medicine student, I'm positive that genetics and bioengineering medicine will advance quicker by the years, as oppose to what you think + visualisations and spiritual practicings and books are my life saviours.... they saved me multiple times in crippling anxiety periods🙏🏻😌🥰❣️
In conclusion, stay strong, happy and peaceful ☮️
💜
This is one of your best videos, imo. Your honesty and just common sense advice is so valuable and appreciated. Thank you!
Ive been a follower for years now. Your videos are all so informed and compelling. Your new hair colour is stunning on you!
thank you so much, this is exactly what Im trying to say to people, everybody thinks Transitioning is something glamorous, when in reality it is very very tough. This isnt gatekeeping, what youre doing is safekeeping. Thank you again 💖🙏🏼
I agreed with pretty much everything in here but the life or death part I'm not too sure about. I did realize I was trans later in life, but I dealt with a lot of shame because of my religious upbringing. I didn't even really know what trans was until my late 20s. I floated through most of my life trying to forget I existed, and the few times in my life were I was stable, I always felt the urge to express to the people close to me how un-masculine I felt inside. It took me 6 years after realizing I was trans to accept it, and another 2 to get the nerve to start transitioning. I've had suicidal ideation on several occasions in my life but I don't think I would have ever gone through with it. I do think I could have kept trying to avoid life and stay buried in escapism for the rest of my life, but once I knew and understood why I hated myself so much, it seemed like the obvious path. Transitioning has made my depression clear up almost completely and I feel more prepared to deal with the baggage it left. I've been happier in the past year than I've ever been my whole life. So I don't think it's always going to be life and death, it could be the thing that makes life actually fulfilling vs just surviving. It definitely shouldn't be taken lightly, but I think it's worth exploring if it feels right for you.
In your story you said you had ideation though. That’s what I’m highlighting. I don’t believe “surviving” is truly living.
@@Mayavhenry You absolutely do not need to feel like transition is life or death. You don't need dysphoria to be trans. Your internalized transphobia is really seeping through here in a bad way.
Your extreme good luck is that you decided as an adult for yourself, without any prompting and mind stimulation by other people. I think your chances to be successfull is tenfold more than a child who have been brainwashed.
Maya, for some reason I found your page 2 years ago. I am not trans, never agreed per se' . However, I found myself watching your channel. Right before your surgery in 2020. You're remarkable, & elegant. You don't look fake. Your nails, hair, makeup. Just beautiful & elegant. You're beautiful inside & out. I do hope you continue to help others. Blessings .
It’s because she is an actual true transsexual. The trans community is made up at its core of a very small percent of actual TS who are very different to every other “transgender” (whatever that means in 2022) It is effortless for Maya and she doesn’t make it her entire identity and is grounded in reality!
@@tula1433 You may be thinking of activists. They are terrible. We are not all insane leftist zealots.
@@tula1433 not you gatekeeping what it means to be trans.
@@tula1433 you realize there are actual differences between transsexual and transgender. You have no authority to gate keep what it means to be trans. You’re being transphobic.
I've followed you from earlier on: I have been impressed with your honesty, your courage and your willingness to share your journey. Trolls will troll, you keep doing you.❤️🕉️
Namaste sweet soul, my comment is from my heart and soul.
Chaser
@@azborderlands ☮️👌🕉️
What a beautiful, intelligent and caring soul you are. This is very enlightening and gives so much food for thought. Thank you so much.😘
I cilcked thinking this was going to be transphobic, turns out it was wrong and just giving you realistic expectations so trans people can make an actual good decision on it.
There are a lot of good points in this video! - but anyone who delves far enough to read the comments should know that this is MAYA's experience and not a universal trans-MTF experience.
I am a trans woman (undergoing HRT) and from speaking to health professionals myself, doing research as well as hearing other friend's and people's stories I can say that there are a lot of things that other people experience that are backed by science that aren't necessarily public knowledge because of how little testing is done.
For example:
SOME trans women DO experience a HORMONAL cycle. This isn't the same as a period and should not be linked to a cis menstrual cycle. It is a purely trans experience that has some overlaps with PMS symptoms.
The same with changes in libido, depending on your own chemistry and how the hormones in YOUR body interact; libido fluctuates and settles after some time on oestrogen. But this could settle as lower or higher based on your physiology.
I know you will catch a lot of flack for this episode, but your advice is straight to the truth and the very best advice. Everyone wishing to transition should see this before making a decision. This is coming from someone who transitioned 60 years ago when things were much more difficult and dangerous. Thank you for being so brutally honest in a kind way.
Also when stuff was not as advanced
Your talking about your expiriences of transitioning at a time when it was still new
That's your experience.
1) I lived in a hostile environment. I became homeless and unemployed. My religious congregation disfellowshipped me and wished my death. My family supports a far-right party. 2) Being fired from my church job, I was unemployed and homeless and never got a stable source of income until I retired. That was hard. There were no employment protections in place. Now there are, but there are ways to circumvent those.
If things go right, you are probably going to look a lot like your mom.
Banking gametes was not possible in my time.
So, my transitioning was brutal, but I am like a jumping from perfectly functioning planes kind of girl. I saw some girls die.
A girl said that I have such amount of determination that I could transition successfully and live as a girl even though I wasn't one.
As a semi-passing girl, who’s over 6 feet tall, athletically built and with strong overall bone structure, I must emphasize the point that if you need to transition, you simply need to transition, being Cis-appearing or not.
I will never, ever regret my evolution because it’s what I needed to do to feel happy with myself, and I know this has made my life harder, but it has been so worth it.
Be realistic with yourself, and do what you need to do to be happy.
This is an amazing outlook! 🤍 thank you for sharing your experience and advice ✨😊
Correct. For me it was come out as trans and start that journey now or end up a suicide statistic within the next few weeks.
@@jwenting agp therapy exists for you hon
@@tula1433 you do gatekeep/protest too much.
@@Mayavhenry Thank you sis, we’ve gotta do what we can to paint the best picture possible. x
I really appreciate this video. I think before this, I still had a lot of doubts and self acceptance problems. Watching this has actually made me more secure in my choice to begin medical transition. I feel very ready now after watching and am nearly two months in. This feels more authentic when you realize you're thinking about the right things and that transitioning is a real viable option when considering realistic cons. You're also very well spoken which I kind of feel the trans community lacks in the media. Most I've met in real life are nothing like the trans people I see on TH-cam and other mainstream platforms. It's refreshing because I see that kind of passion in women but a lot of times not in trans media. You're amazing !
First, love your hair! Second, I could go on and on about how incredible this video was. I’ve been following you for a long time, and you’re always honest about your life as a trans woman. You should be a counselor for teens who are struggling with their gender identity because what you said is so reasonable and realistic. You’re an inspiration. ❤
Stunning as always maya. You just keep doin you and don’t worry what other people think. You’re just telling your experience
Such an amazing in depth video , I’m not trans but I love and appreciate how honest you are ❤
Maya one of the best presentations you have ever made. Fallout of friends, family and work is highly lightly and negativity expressed either directly or indirectly.
Love watching your vids - your content is thought provoking, more mature look with the darker hair & also just gorgeous!
Maya, I enjoy your posts and while you are often delightfully outrée, you also are thoughtful and provide great advice. As a recently transitioning 59 year old trans woman, I agree strongly with every point you made in this post.
Transitioning means many things and the path that is right for each person is as unique as they are.
Also, there is so much more to each of us than our trans identities. This is so important when maintaining relationships with loved ones and friends who are so afraid of losing you when you come out.
Thank you!
I could have lived as an egg my whole life. Life or death is a dumb bar. I had no idea at the onset how wonderful this would be. I probably wouldn’t have done it if I’d held myself to that.
It’s brave to tell the truth like this. Heartfelt, honest words from a happy trans woman to anyone who suffers with the burning fire of gender dysphoria. Thank you for putting the love into this important message. Yes, it hurts to be told that you may not be as fortunate as Maya in the process of living your life in your inner-felt gender. But it’s true and needs to be said.
I suggest do not weight until it is life or death. We do know who we are deep down and we know what is right for our selves. Do transition if you know it is who you are, do not transition just to to have some where to fit in. If you can safely come out at a young age and be allowed to socially transition in school safely go for it. Do not take others word as to if you should or should not transition it is your choice no one else can make that choice for you. Do your research. Know what you are in for. Be true to who you are not who every one else says you are even if you have to hide it until it is safe to be out.
I have felt miserable and hated myself for a couple years and thought ALL of my negative thoughts were because of dysphoria, now, i feel amazing and feel like a woman, i get randomly dysphoric but my day to day i feel like a woman and i would *rather* have different body parts, but it never really gets to a major point. And i have felt like it for a while, my mental health has been unchecked forever and i have always had bad feelings about my chest and arms and stuff.
Same 😔
Came from internal misogynistic thoughts and wanting to avoid being anything feminine or female related
I’m a sis gender woman, I’m so deeply impressed by this video, I can’t imagine what a difficult process trans women go through , that is such a bravery inside of you all!
Hello Maya, I very much appreciate your level-headedness on all of this. I used to be a desperate teenager as well, for many things only one of which was gender related, and I'm so glad for the pushback I received from parents, psychiatrists etc... I'm 24 now and haven't started anything. Even though I still feel off in my body as a male, it's bearable and even positive at times. So while I'd still like to transition in some way, shape or form at some point, I see no reason to do so now. I'm no hurry because I am no longer in a life or death situation, and even then it was not because of gender specifically. For now I'm content to explore the ways I could be feminine that don't involve hormones or surgery: playing with my voice, with my body language, these sorts of things :)
So again, thank you Maya for your level headedness and your sincerity, including about your regrets and what you wish you could have done differently, I wish you the best going forward 😁
I am not trans, I am a straight male and I think it’s interesting the things you mention here and having some insight into the things you have to consider while going through this transition. Thanks for sharing
This video is so important and wish these points were discussed more frequently. As someone who started transitioning because of how bad my gender dysphoria was I won’t lie it’s still been incredibly challenging. Transitioning has been filled with sacrifices even I didn’t fully comprehend and thankfully I’m able to live with. Definitely has to be a decision for oneself and definitely should be a last alternative when contemplating options. 💘💘💘💘
You're absolutely amazing in so many ways. Your self-love radiates throughout your personality. Great Video.
You're such a great pearson for sharing your experience and wisdom with everyone, it would be nice to have an actual conversation with you, you seem like great people ☺
I definitely had high hopes in the beginning, years ago. Now I'm so happy with all my little changes at around 5 months on hrt.
I love all the points you brought up.
I respect and appreciate the honesty in your personal journey Maya! I like the way you maintain your integrity and openness, and the way your warning is based on your own experience! And it is clear you have a loving and caring heart for others!
Please don't say you're "kind of OCD". Either you have it or you don't. Thank you for pointing out that my OCD would never, ever shut up about everything that was wrong with this change just as much or even more so than about my current situation. This video was very helpful. Thank you for it. I will think about your points for a good while.
She can say kind of ocd. Who cares? I have it too.
Your a very intelligent person, and l see you have much to offer people that have a distorted view of their self image. I can only wish you the best in the life you now live.
worst situation: your life is going to be harder, because you will never pass, but transitioning is a life and death decision for you ...
Story of my life
Maya thats why you are who you are , this was a great video for you to do. There are a lot of people who would listen to you. Your wonderful girl.
I think these are great things to think about and most importantly simply acknowledge!
Thank you so much for posting this video! This is so honest and well described and people absolutely need to hear this!
Good job on this difficult topic. Dont take the decision lightly... life or death... then go for it or not!
The precipice of choice ⏳
This is a remarkable video, Maya. Thank you. I appreciate you being so honest and for calling out remarks that probably aren't true.
That was such wonderful and helpful information. In fact it is one of the most honest and genuine videos I've seen. As far as OCD is concerned, I was just the opposite. I had major OCD in early grade school. I wouldn't admit, even to myself, that something was wrong. I married a wonder girl. She was only 19 and I was 22 when we got married. We were married 47 years. She died of liver cancer. All the time she and our 3 children never knew of the things I did and thoughts I had. And, I wouldn't admit them to myself. Around 10 years after she died I began to suspect I was transgender and finally got up enough courage to talk to a therapist, and after a few sessions, I discovered I was transgender. Immediately the OCD went away, and I excepted all the things I had done and thoughts I had as they were the real me. When I was 80 years old I started HRT and I am now nearing my 16th month. I don't have any of the reasons you mentioned to not transition. I will continue to dress on the outside as a male. I feel my mission is to help people understand that being transgender is real and genuine while staying in stealth mode. I recently wrote a murder mystery eBook titled, “Who Killed Who? A Love Story” which I hope will help people have a better understanding of being transgender at a young age.
Thanks so much for this wonderful video!!
The hair change suits you super well I think
I really appreciate that you are so real and honest and level headed while still supplying so much information and affirmation and giving such kindness to everyone.
LOVE LOVE the hair, whole new you, very beautiful. Really brings out those beautiful eye's. I remember those early vids when your dysphoria was REALLY kicking in.
I love your straight forward honesty - thank you Maya! X
So much wisdom and truth in this, love it. It makes me upset that so many people online would freak out at you (as I have experienced as well) for being realistic and scientific about all this. People questioning their gender identity should ask themselves all of these questions before committing to anything, it's so important to make informed decisions. Great video 😊
TY Maya I'm 63 year old who is an American Veteran. But as someone who knew from 4 years old that I was different. I was partially raised in the South when there was so much discrimination against BIPOC and Queer people. But as a Veteran I get free healthcare sometimes I forget how fortunate I am. But did live as a male for 62 year's. My ex caught me watching Trans and Gay porn and she asked why I would be watching stuff like that. But it's been hard because I've always known that I preferred guy's. May not ever have SRS but know that I want to live out the rest of my life as a Woman. The pic in my profile is someone who calls me Grandma. Love how young people r so accepting of me. But I do want to TY I've watched every VOD u have made because u have such a beautiful soul and heart 💕. But I'm one of those Non Passable Trans people and living in TX as a Trans Woman is hard I've been called the F slur and always end up crying my eyes out. I lived through the AIDS pandemic even had a lover that was HIV positive but we always practiced safer sex. But in the City that I live in there is a large community of Trans people who r very supportive of each other. Now I'm an advocate for Trans teens who like u especially in TX r being marginalized and has also been the new culture war. I love u for advocating for us I follow Keffals on Twitch and she makes me feel empowered same as u. Both of u r my Sheroes!
This is a great video! So many people think transition is just accessing and going on HRT, but there's so much more. Lots of folks aren't comfy with all of the different changes that happen - especially socially - so they should know in advance it's a possibility and decide if that's a deal breaker for them. Thanks for outlining some of those negative possibilities.
I am constantly pacing between “Am I trans, or not?” And this is helping me really learn. Sure I am still constantly wondering, but I’m glad to know that maybe I’m not (I’m of course not saying I would hate it if I was, I would like it too if I was, but, I’m just trying to get an answer)
I’m in the same spot, it’s come to a point where the thought of transitioning is exhausting and instead of pursuing I’d rather just lay in bed
@Ozsportscard Collector 2.5 it wasn't banned by gatekeepers 💀 it was spreading misinformation.
If you're debating it like it's a new haircut, you're very clearly not experiencing gender dysphoria. You'll forget about it in a year. Try not to have any body parts cut off in the meantime.
I don't think there's a cis person in the world who wishes they were trans. If the thought of transition makes you happy, consider incorporating things into your life that you believe will be safe and uplifting. Transness aside, there is no reason to avoid happiness. If you know what you want and there's nothing in your way, there's no reason not to try.
@@SakuraSerial It's good to take the questioning process at your own pace and give yourself enough time to process everything, but putting a delay timer on it for no real reason will not help. Transness doesn't come from nowhere and it doesn't evaporate suddenly either. The idea of transness being a "phase" is made up by people who believe transness is a "teenager thing" (which it's not) and that teenagers only do things on total random whims (which they don't). You would know if you were trying to be trans on purpose for some whimsical reason. If the feelings are happening TO you, that's a sign.
I really appreciate your statement about safety in “Passing” its something very important to talk about, also on the sex drive topic i think your right that the feel increase in drive isn’t actually an increase in physiological drive rather just an increase in comfort.
Dark hair really does perfectly suit your skin colour.
Who are you? I think that you are using Maya's image to try to scam money out of me. That is a very rude thing to do.
the dark hair is GORG
I don’t get people “ transitioning “ into something they are not. It’s better to get REAL psychological help and learn to love yourself they way you were born.
Exactly. You can never change the gender you were born.
Visiting the psychiatrist is literally the first step to HRT
An absolute masterpiece of advice. You are so objective and intelligent it's almost mind bogling. Should be mandatory for every person considering this life choice as opposed to the usual mindset of the medical business that this phenomenon has become. Great work, Maya. Thank you. So much!!
8:19 this is the best expression ever! maya, you are really intelligent, super well spoken, and very creative
you look amazing with darker hair, your facial features pop, and it suits your skin tone
This is a very good eyeopener. Well done.
Living as a cis gender woman isn't "superficial". It's everyday life as a woman. You still gotta get up, take care of yourself and others, put on appropriate clothes for work and being in public, you're still going to talk to your friends/partners/coworkers, and you’re still going to be confronted with misogyny and sexism. Along with passive aggressive transphobia if people know. For those who can fit into the perceived gender norm (and it's wide) , being trans is only an issue to others if you talk about it. (Being a public figure on TH-cam makes that more unlikely) For many transition never ends because it continually gets brought up by others concerned with othering. But transition can end when you stop obsessing on a trans passed that is no longer relevant. The only thing that matters is who i am today, and who I'll be tomorrow. The time in the passed when i used to havre a penis and people called me by a different name is irrelevant. That person is dead. They were the facade forced on us by the social structure. And, those who protest don't get a say, they don't get to define who we are then or now. I live as a woman because I am a woman and always have been. It is easier to live as a woman the more I embrace my own desires and live naturally. We don't put on womanhood like a costume, we shed manhood like a skin layer by layer until all that is left is our truth. Limiting true womanhood or femaleness to things like birth genitals and DNA is to miss the point of what being part of a group means. To say that only those females who can reproduce via a uterus are "Grade A Females" is othering but also implies that "Grade A Males" are those who can reproduce through producing and depositing sperm means that anyone who has had their testes removed is no longer a man, just as any woman who has a hysterectomy would no longer be a woman. Women who've had hysterectomies as a part of life often feel othered and like society sees them as not female. The actual issue is not whether or not trans women are women but the obsession with reproductive viable as a measure of legitimacy and personhood deserving of dignity. My genital history is nobody's business but my own. Period. Nor is my womanhood up for debate. I earned the right to be female, and that's what I am. Mother. Aunt. Wife. Daughter. Any situation where someone wants to disrespect that is them being abusive and wanting to define me and my life for me (but that is not truth, that is abuse).