I wish I knew this before moving overseas for love. Didn't work out and now I'm more successful than he is, but everyday i wake up I'm reminded why I came here and i have a hard time forgiving him.
It sounds like you are strong and a survivor . You don’t need to worry about your feelings of hurt and anger toward him, this is normal. Sometimes we make decisions we regret only to find they led us to the true love of our life. Hang in there!
I think you should try to frame your thinking not around him, but around the fact that life is unpredictable and will take you to places you never expected. This is coming from someone who relocated for a man. Focus on how well you're thriving despite being the one to take the leap.
@@gircakes2 you're right I'm trying my best right now. It still hurts because the lifei have now was suppose to be us two not just me. Plus i try to avoid places he might be.. it sucks
Thank you so much for this video. I met my now ex 7 years ago. We did 3 years in DC local (about 15 min from eachother) until she decided to leave without consenting with me to LA. 7 years later we are over. She gave me an ultimatum last week, 3 days to sign a lease in LA while I live in DC. I had no car, she didn’t offer her car to look at apartments while I was there. I had a ton going on in DC, sister having kids, work becoming intense, Dad in his older age and needs help. I told her I didn’t sign a lease but offered to come back out for a month or a week later, I also said she could come stay at my apartment for a month. She denied it all and ended our relationship. I simply couldn't make that cross country move especially after she told me she didn't trust me nor could I fulfill her needs. I believe I made the right decision.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My partner insists that I move in to her place, (she lives in another country) I really really dont want to do it lmao
Glad to have found this video. At a point in my life where I'm done with education for now(bachelor's), starting my career in a few months. And have got the prospect of career to decide on by either start working here and move over eventually or apply for higher education (masters or mba) over there, get work and then move in with the partner...
Mary Joe.. this applies to married people also. I have seen this dozens of times where one person wants to move for a job and the other does not want to move. Or, one person took the job and does a long distance commute. Or, they split and divorce. One of my best friends divorced his wife because she would not move. I personally did not agree to move for many of the reasons you mentioned. There was nothing attractive about it and I knew going in I would be miserable.
Being married means negotiating. I have moved for my hubby during our marriage because he was the primary bread winner and it was important for his career. Although I didn't want to go, it was 9 of the most significant years of my life. If we weren't married, that would be another discussion.
@@kunntakentay It was terrible in the beginning, but one of the biggest lessons in my life overall. Odd, how life teaches us by putting us in situations we resist.
This is why I don’t do long-distance relationships in the first place. Who wants the headache? I would definitely not give up my career or business and start over somewhere else for a relationship, especially if I had children. I was a single parent with a very secure government job with great pay and excellent benefits including healthcare and a pension. Would I have given that up for a relationship? HELL NO. If I were very young, not responsible for another human being, and not yet established in my career, and could happily live in the new location with or without my relationship, *and* could feasibly establish myself in the career of my choice in that new location, then why not? But if I’m an actor pursuing a career in New York or Los Angeles, I am not moving to Montana.
Thank you for this video. This is stellar advice. (For context for what I’m ab to say: I don’t put any importance on marriage or having kids. My partner doesn’t either.) My partner and I have been discussing closing the distance in our long-distance relationship for a while. We’re at a point where we’re really serious about each other-we have each grown SO MUCH together and we each agree that we will be in each other’s lives even if our romantic relationship ends. We truly want each other to achieve our dreams. As we discuss whether closing the distance between us is possible while we figure out where we each wanna move to, we are discussing our needs/purpose and the places where these things can be met. If we discover one or a few cities where we can each fulfill our needs/purpose AS INDIVIDUALS, and ALSO come up with a plan for how we’ll spend time together while in a same city, IS THIS A RESPONSIBLE DECISION? Does this feel like a good way to make sure we move for OUR DREAMS FIRST, then EACH OTHER second?
I met my boyfriend during last year of the university in USA. To stay close to my boyfriend I found job in the same place and stayed 1 year longer. I miss my family and I want to move back to Canada where my family is. My boyfriend does not want to consider relocating with me but he wonts continue relationship if I stay. My heart is broken. Does this tell me I should leave and if comes after me he is the one for me?
I am not sure that is the message of this video. I believe it’s suggesting that unless you guys are engaged or married there is no vision for the future w/ your boyfriend. Are you staying in hopes of getting married? If so, , you should be talking about an engagement. I would never relocate w/ o a secured future with the person I relocated for.
@@MaryJoRapini is it fair that I relocate back to my home town now and offer long distance relationship until my boyfriend is done with school ( one more year)? I am not sure if his love for me is big enough for me to sacrifice being away from my loving family.
I think that is a totally reasonable plan. He needs support so he likes having you there; but ask yourself why are you giving him your life if there is no plan or ring for the future? Do what you need to stay mentally healthy. That’s always the most emotionally mature option.
I’m going through the same thing, my bf and I of 8 plus years have been together since highschool, he went out of state for college and continued our relationship long distance for 5 years, he got a job out of state from where we currently grew up, and I moved with him thinking it will be great! My bf works majority of the month and travels for work 2-3 weeks at a time, I have no friends nor family and have been miserable, I want to live closer to my family so I can have support when he’s gone and not feel as lonely, he thinks I don’t love him enough to stay but wants to work it out, I told him I need to be home and want him to live with me too, but he may not want that since he’s work is here.
If it's true love definitely, and refuses to miss out an opportunity for true love and stay single just because they live in another town. after me and my narcissist dog of a partner separated I was so full of hatred the following few months couldn't even go to certain places that we use to hang out as it would bring back memories of our better days and how much things changed for a worse. I finally decided to moved away and start fresh with a new town and a new girl lol best move I ever made! My advice to people is if want to move for love and if it's true go for it, just don't be needy financially and make sure both live someone that you can both get jobs.
Thanks for this. I'am flying from oz to europe to meet a woman who wanted to reconnect with me from my travels 10 yrs ago. We have been whatsapp video calling past 4 months. She is looking to move here to Australia. Thankfully she is a nurse so she has no trouble with a visa. I will sit down with her mentioned what was said in this video. I want her to relocate for her not for me and not for love. I will be there to help her, create space first or else we will mess things up
Been doing long distance for 2 yrs. I would have to move out of state for us to stay together. I have a daughter 2O yrs old and my son 21 yrs old son but they don’t want to go. I’m having a hard time imagining being without them. I want to be with my partner and build a future. I have my house here and my kids are good so I’m seeing it as a journey. I’m gonna try it and if I don’t feel happy I’ll have to make a heartbreaking decision. We have plans. I am able to fly back and forth if needed
I would never move for love. My father drug my mother and I around and it was horrible. Plus living in a location I wholeheartedly love is top of the top essentials for me.
Hmm very good advice. I am currently in this situation.
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It’s definitely fiscally responsible! Some men get lazy and put off marriage due to already living together and playing husband and wife. Thank you for this video Mary!
I suggest u don't move far to pursue a relationship it's such a huge mistake and anything bad can happen. If it doesent work out there goes all ur money and stuff u spent to make it work. Don't do it. Find someone near u please
Thank you. I had this in mind..I like this girl. But idk if she into me like that. Should I fly out to her. She say she don't do long distance. But I'm willing to move if she into me. I expressed it before I was into her but she's in Atlanta and I'm in jersey. Should I leave it alone or give it a shot?
@vaporfoggreceptionist8744 your sure she may be not...I suffered alot mentally, physically and financially.....I lost myself for Love...still recovering
I’ve been with my BF for one year. I have high hopes for our future when it comes to our relationship. He’s moving to AZ and I do not want to move there with him. I was willing to a sacrifice leaving my whole family and everything I ever knew to live in a new state with him. He is not willing to do the same. How do I go about this? Does this mean the relationship is over?
First, I’d love to know what happened since it’s been 7mo since your comment. What happened? Second, we can’t expect people to make sacrifices in the same way we do. For example: even if your bf was willing to make the same sacrifices you were, that doesn’t mean HOW those sacrifices affect you each are the same. Sometimes we can’t make the same sacrifices. Third, secure relationship is made on many things, and one is compromise. If you were to move, what could your bf do to help you feel more-secure in that move? Could he help cover the costs of you traveling to family for the holidays? Can he expect that you’ll be traveling for the holidays? Fourth, IF it’s important to you to have a partner who will make similar sacrifices as you, you definitely need to end your relationship with him bc he’s unwilling.
@@cadencehashiraUPDATE: I moved to another state for him. Things aren’t bad at all. I’m finally settled in with my new job. I’ve been trying to convince myself daily that living in a different state is good for me. Maybe I’m just emotionally attached to my home state? I don’t know. I love him, but truthfully he doesn’t want to move back, I want to. I’m not trying to make any impulsive decisions that will ruin our relationship, but we have 7 months left on our lease and I’m planning on waiting it out to see what happens. My heart says to go back home, but only time can tell.
thx for sharing @@ClaraAlire . it can be a tough decision to make. i commend u for waiting it out and am excited for what you decide to do in the final instance
@@cadencehashirahello, I see that you've been active and replied back so I wanted to ask for your opinion. I'm 20 and gf is 20, I live in michigan and she lives in Ohio. I own a business and I've been looking forward on building it up till I could leave it and someone can manage over it, while I do other entrepreneurial careers. My gf is currently working at a job and wants to go to a medical field in a couple of months. We've been in a relationship for a year now. I've been visiting her every once a month or two. In 3 weeks, she's going to move in with me. I want to make sure that she could feel secured about moving in and with this relationship. We both have talked about what our back up plan would be, it sucks to talk about it but it's the reality. What other ways could I do to put in my half into this relationship, because her moving to another state is a big change and a lot of courage. I feel like I'm not doing enough effort as what she's about to do.
I wish I knew this before moving overseas for love. Didn't work out and now I'm more successful than he is, but everyday i wake up I'm reminded why I came here and i have a hard time forgiving him.
It sounds like you are strong and a survivor . You don’t need to worry about your feelings of hurt and anger toward him, this is normal. Sometimes we make decisions we regret only to find they led us to the true love of our life. Hang in there!
Sorry to hear that
Hmmmm it's hard
I think you should try to frame your thinking not around him, but around the fact that life is unpredictable and will take you to places you never expected. This is coming from someone who relocated for a man. Focus on how well you're thriving despite being the one to take the leap.
@@gircakes2 you're right I'm trying my best right now. It still hurts because the lifei have now was suppose to be us two not just me. Plus i try to avoid places he might be.. it sucks
Thank you so much for this video. I met my now ex 7 years ago. We did 3 years in DC local (about 15 min from eachother) until she decided to leave without consenting with me to LA. 7 years later we are over. She gave me an ultimatum last week, 3 days to sign a lease in LA while I live in DC. I had no car, she didn’t offer her car to look at apartments while I was there. I had a ton going on in DC, sister having kids, work becoming intense, Dad in his older age and needs help. I told her I didn’t sign a lease but offered to come back out for a month or a week later, I also said she could come stay at my apartment for a month. She denied it all and ended our relationship. I simply couldn't make that cross country move especially after she told me she didn't trust me nor could I fulfill her needs. I believe I made the right decision.
I did that and ended up being replaced by another woman.. I’m good I’ll never in life do that or make that mistake again!
I'm so sorry that happened to you. My partner insists that I move in to her place, (she lives in another country) I really really dont want to do it lmao
@@kunntakentay im in a similar situation, did you end up moving??
@@CHANELLEPLAYS nah they were a whore anyways so I dipped
Glad to have found this video. At a point in my life where I'm done with education for now(bachelor's), starting my career in a few months. And have got the prospect of career to decide on by either start working here and move over eventually or apply for higher education (masters or mba) over there, get work and then move in with the partner...
Mary Joe.. this applies to married people also. I have seen this dozens of times where one person wants to move for a job and the other does not want to move. Or, one person took the job and does a long distance commute. Or, they split and divorce. One of my best friends divorced his wife because she would not move. I personally did not agree to move for many of the reasons you mentioned. There was nothing attractive about it and I knew going in I would be miserable.
Being married means negotiating. I have moved for my hubby during our marriage because he was the primary bread winner and it was important for his career. Although I didn't want to go, it was 9 of the most significant years of my life. If we weren't married, that would be another discussion.
@@MaryJoRapini honest question, did you end up enjoying the move or did you end up regretting it?
Hi, I have a question. Why is it that you believe you would be miserable?
@@kunntakentay It was terrible in the beginning, but one of the biggest lessons in my life overall. Odd, how life teaches us by putting us in situations we resist.
@@MaryJoRapini interesting! Thank you for the response.
Thank you for the realistic advice!
This is why I don’t do long-distance relationships in the first place. Who wants the headache? I would definitely not give up my career or business and start over somewhere else for a relationship, especially if I had children. I was a single parent with a very secure government job with great pay and excellent benefits including healthcare and a pension. Would I have given that up for a relationship? HELL NO.
If I were very young, not responsible for another human being, and not yet established in my career, and could happily live in the new location with or without my relationship, *and* could feasibly establish myself in the career of my choice in that new location, then why not? But if I’m an actor pursuing a career in New York or Los Angeles, I am not moving to Montana.
Thanks for this message. U have no idea how this blessed me!
@@queendom4839: I’m glad. Always weigh the pros, cons, and what-ifs. 🥰
Thank you for this video. This is stellar advice.
(For context for what I’m ab to say: I don’t put any importance on marriage or having kids. My partner doesn’t either.)
My partner and I have been discussing closing the distance in our long-distance relationship for a while. We’re at a point where we’re really serious about each other-we have each grown SO MUCH together and we each agree that we will be in each other’s lives even if our romantic relationship ends. We truly want each other to achieve our dreams.
As we discuss whether closing the distance between us is possible while we figure out where we each wanna move to, we are discussing our needs/purpose and the places where these things can be met.
If we discover one or a few cities where we can each fulfill our needs/purpose AS INDIVIDUALS, and ALSO come up with a plan for how we’ll spend time together while in a same city, IS THIS A RESPONSIBLE DECISION? Does this feel like a good way to make sure we move for OUR DREAMS FIRST, then EACH OTHER second?
So glad I saw this video. I will be putting these thought processes to use
She’s so darn beautiful 😮
I met my boyfriend during last year of the university in USA. To stay close to my boyfriend I found job in the same place and stayed 1 year longer. I miss my family and I want to move back to Canada where my family is. My boyfriend does not want to consider relocating with me but he wonts continue relationship if I stay. My heart is broken. Does this tell me I should leave and if comes after me he is the one for me?
I am not sure that is the message of this video. I believe it’s suggesting that unless you guys are engaged or married there is no vision for the future w/ your boyfriend. Are you staying in hopes of getting married? If so, , you should be talking about an engagement. I would never relocate w/ o a secured future with the person I relocated for.
@@MaryJoRapini is it fair that I relocate back to my home town now and offer long distance relationship until my boyfriend is done with school ( one more year)? I am not sure if his love for me is big enough for me to sacrifice being away from my loving family.
I think that is a totally reasonable plan. He needs support so he likes having you there; but ask yourself why are you giving him your life if there is no plan or ring for the future? Do what you need to stay mentally healthy. That’s always the most emotionally mature option.
@@MaryJoRapini Thank you so much
I’m going through the same thing, my bf and I of 8 plus years have been together since highschool, he went out of state for college and continued our relationship long distance for 5 years, he got a job out of state from where we currently grew up, and I moved with him thinking it will be great! My bf works majority of the month and travels for work 2-3 weeks at a time, I have no friends nor family and have been miserable, I want to live closer to my family so I can have support when he’s gone and not feel as lonely, he thinks I don’t love him enough to stay but wants to work it out, I told him I need to be home and want him to live with me too, but he may not want that since he’s work is here.
Thank you for this video. very helpful. hope you can give more advice about ldr relationships. love you!
If it's true love definitely, and refuses to miss out an opportunity for true love and stay single just because they live in another town. after me and my narcissist dog of a partner separated I was so full of hatred the following few months couldn't even go to certain places that we use to hang out as it would bring back memories of our better days and how much things changed for a worse. I finally decided to moved away and start fresh with a new town and a new girl lol best move I ever made! My advice to people is if want to move for love and if it's true go for it, just don't be needy financially and make sure both live someone that you can both get jobs.
You are a smart lady!
Thanks for this. I'am flying from oz to europe to meet a woman who wanted to reconnect with me from my travels 10 yrs ago. We have been whatsapp video calling past 4 months. She is looking to move here to Australia. Thankfully she is a nurse so she has no trouble with a visa. I will sit down with her mentioned what was said in this video. I want her to relocate for her not for me and not for love. I will be there to help her, create space first or else we will mess things up
How has this gone?
Been doing long distance for 2 yrs. I would have to move out of state for us to stay together. I have a daughter 2O yrs old and my son 21 yrs old son but they don’t want to go. I’m having a hard time imagining being without them. I want to be with my partner and build a future. I have my house here and my kids are good so I’m seeing it as a journey. I’m gonna try it and if I don’t feel happy I’ll have to make a heartbreaking decision. We have plans. I am able to fly back and forth if needed
I guess it’s the guilty mom feeling.
They will grow to understand as long as u are still there for them. Being a supportive mother. They will one day also have to make a decision.
I would never move for love. My father drug my mother and I around and it was horrible. Plus living in a location I wholeheartedly love is top of the top essentials for me.
Hmm very good advice. I am currently in this situation.
It’s definitely fiscally responsible! Some men get lazy and put off marriage due to already living together and playing husband and wife. Thank you for this video Mary!
Love your content but pls increase your mic vol
I can't believe i traveled that far and she did what she did to me im so lost 😔
What happend?
I suggest u don't move far to pursue a relationship it's such a huge mistake and anything bad can happen. If it doesent work out there goes all ur money and stuff u spent to make it work. Don't do it. Find someone near u please
I agree.
Yes..I moved for Love and I became so sad
Thank you. I had this in mind..I like this girl. But idk if she into me like that. Should I fly out to her. She say she don't do long distance. But I'm willing to move if she into me. I expressed it before I was into her but she's in Atlanta and I'm in jersey. Should I leave it alone or give it a shot?
@vaporfoggreceptionist8744 your sure she may be not...I suffered alot mentally, physically and financially.....I lost myself for Love...still recovering
@@TRUTHaintHATINGdid u fly out to her?
I’ve been with my BF for one year. I have high hopes for our future when it comes to our relationship. He’s moving to AZ and I do not want to move there with him. I was willing to a sacrifice leaving my whole family and everything I ever knew to live in a new state with him. He is not willing to do the same. How do I go about this? Does this mean the relationship is over?
Im in a similar situation what ended up happening?
First, I’d love to know what happened since it’s been 7mo since your comment. What happened?
Second, we can’t expect people to make sacrifices in the same way we do. For example: even if your bf was willing to make the same sacrifices you were, that doesn’t mean HOW those sacrifices affect you each are the same. Sometimes we can’t make the same sacrifices.
Third, secure relationship is made on many things, and one is compromise. If you were to move, what could your bf do to help you feel more-secure in that move? Could he help cover the costs of you traveling to family for the holidays? Can he expect that you’ll be traveling for the holidays?
Fourth, IF it’s important to you to have a partner who will make similar sacrifices as you, you definitely need to end your relationship with him bc he’s unwilling.
@@cadencehashiraUPDATE: I moved to another state for him. Things aren’t bad at all. I’m finally settled in with my new job. I’ve been trying to convince myself daily that living in a different state is good for me. Maybe I’m just emotionally attached to my home state? I don’t know. I love him, but truthfully he doesn’t want to move back, I want to. I’m not trying to make any impulsive decisions that will ruin our relationship, but we have 7 months left on our lease and I’m planning on waiting it out to see what happens. My heart says to go back home, but only time can tell.
thx for sharing @@ClaraAlire . it can be a tough decision to make. i commend u for waiting it out and am excited for what you decide to do in the final instance
@@cadencehashirahello, I see that you've been active and replied back so I wanted to ask for your opinion.
I'm 20 and gf is 20, I live in michigan and she lives in Ohio.
I own a business and I've been looking forward on building it up till I could leave it and someone can manage over it, while I do other entrepreneurial careers. My gf is currently working at a job and wants to go to a medical field in a couple of months. We've been in a relationship for a year now. I've been visiting her every once a month or two. In 3 weeks, she's going to move in with me. I want to make sure that she could feel secured about moving in and with this relationship. We both have talked about what our back up plan would be, it sucks to talk about it but it's the reality. What other ways could I do to put in my half into this relationship, because her moving to another state is a big change and a lot of courage. I feel like I'm not doing enough effort as what she's about to do.