sometimes, what survivors need is to be away from their abusers and never see them again. i´ve cut ties with many toxic friends, couldn´t be happier. yes, i do believe they can and should transform and get better, but i don´t have the capacity or desire to be in any way a part of that process - or a part of their life in general.
This is helping me in my twelve steps programs. Often, twelve steps has been to say sorry and move on, but there is a need to provide leveled options for people who we harmed (and obviously violence would likely be precluded from a face-to-face meeting). I'm going to give that to people I've harmed and always give them the option to think about what I might be able to do to help in their healing process. I've thought long and hard about what my mother could do to help me after she neglected me and sent me off with my father who is an alcoholic. I realized I could use some financial support (and it's not a ton, but it's something) and her time. The thing is, if I didn't do these things, I would have resented her my whole life. I realized one of the most vulnerable things I could do was to ask. She's given these things with a good heart and I've accepted it because we all need help and healing at times. It has also helped me heal from those wounds which are real. I used to think that I needed to simply get over those issues, but if potential healing is available for you and you can ask for it, you owe it to yourself to heal. (And I certainly understand asking is not always available.) So many of us are walking around hurt and holding onto resentments. We refuse to stand up for ourselves. We are only victimizing our self then. It's okay to stand up for yourself and ask and pursue what you need. Holding onto resentments because you refuse to ask for what you need is just another form of self-pity.
Justice only they could answer but as someone that’s been harm and has been harmful to others in some way like all of us have- justice is changing our lives
What makes you think they will change, suddenly develop empathy. Can you change other sexual orientaions. Can't do much "estranged" from others. Transformed when inside great , to much stockhome syndrome. Justice ain't having the shame ameroled . To many helpers don't think what creeps sound like don't think of evolving distress, don't think of own motives.
sometimes, what survivors need is to be away from their abusers and never see them again. i´ve cut ties with many toxic friends, couldn´t be happier. yes, i do believe they can and should transform and get better, but i don´t have the capacity or desire to be in any way a part of that process - or a part of their life in general.
these videos are incredible resources for a subject that is infinitely dicey and difficult to approach. thank you so much!
My friends and I are really enjoying these videos. Thank you for the incredible work you do!
These are all so beautiful. Thank you!
this made me cry. these are the conversations i, and so many, need. thank you for doing this work
This is helping me in my twelve steps programs. Often, twelve steps has been to say sorry and move on, but there is a need to provide leveled options for people who we harmed (and obviously violence would likely be precluded from a face-to-face meeting). I'm going to give that to people I've harmed and always give them the option to think about what I might be able to do to help in their healing process.
I've thought long and hard about what my mother could do to help me after she neglected me and sent me off with my father who is an alcoholic. I realized I could use some financial support (and it's not a ton, but it's something) and her time. The thing is, if I didn't do these things, I would have resented her my whole life. I realized one of the most vulnerable things I could do was to ask. She's given these things with a good heart and I've accepted it because we all need help and healing at times. It has also helped me heal from those wounds which are real. I used to think that I needed to simply get over those issues, but if potential healing is available for you and you can ask for it, you owe it to yourself to heal. (And I certainly understand asking is not always available.)
So many of us are walking around hurt and holding onto resentments. We refuse to stand up for ourselves. We are only victimizing our self then. It's okay to stand up for yourself and ask and pursue what you need. Holding onto resentments because you refuse to ask for what you need is just another form of self-pity.
i agree i want the acknowledgment, commitment to transforming their behavior, but i also want retributive justice on top of that as well
and when i say retributive i do NOT mean prison
My question is what this would look like for people who are both survivors and harm doers.
Eg: someone who assaults, gets assaulted later in life.
Justice only they could answer but as someone that’s been harm and has been harmful to others in some way like all of us have- justice is changing our lives
What makes you think they will change, suddenly develop empathy.
Can you change other sexual orientaions.
Can't do much "estranged" from others.
Transformed when inside great , to much stockhome syndrome.
Justice ain't having the shame ameroled .
To many helpers don't think what creeps sound like don't think of evolving distress, don't think of own motives.
Thank you M G.