Let's talk about burn out from helping those in need....
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ต.ค. 2024
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You are not a soloist. You are a member of a choir. The choir can hold a note indefinitely so long as members individually take a breath when they need one. Take your breath.
That's a really good analogy.
Terrific metaphor. Thanks.
I love your analogy. It could be used in group therapy as a way to show your clients the strength of working together on issues.
Thank you. We all need to hear this, for almost all of us are carrying the weight of humanity on our shoulders. We need to know that we are not alone, that we are supported and loved, just because. 🕉️💞🙏
That was brilliantly said.
When I was a lifeguard, we were taught to approach panicking drowning people from behind, because they very well might drown you. It sounds harsh and awful, but it’s better for one person to drown than both of you. Please, to all of you doing this kind of work: set boundaries for yourself to keep yourself healthy and alive. You will do a lot more good for a lot more people if you are doing ok.
First lesson from BSA lifesaving merit badge, do not intervene and make the situation worse.
When the planes going down, put your own mask on first.
@@robertknoll9641 Girl Scouts, too.
@@robertknoll9641 wish cops can learn that
When I was a lifeguard I was taught to approach from underneath, grab them by the legs and spin them a couple times. Make sure the fight is out of them before you attempt to rescue.
That was American Red Cross training in the 70's.
I'm a retired social worker, I understand burn out. You must take care of yourself in order to help others.
Thanks for all you did, and tried to do.
Wish my dad could have taken that message to heart. He destroyed himself, mentally, emotionally, physically, trying to care for my mother who had Alzheimers.
I am one of those people who cannot separate myself from the person in need. I get very emotionally involved. I have my own struggles with mental illness and dealing directly with the issues is not doable for me. My support for social issues I care about is financial, although I will pack food, write letters to my representatives, do things behind the scenes. Thank you, Beau for helping me feel better about what I am capable of doing. I haven’t felt good about my limitations. But, I am doing what I can.
It's ok to take care of yourself first.
You keep up the good hard work, yup it is not easy but worth it :)
@@Martinbeef It's not just ok to take care of yourself first, you need to do so - it's like how in an emergency decompression on a plane, you get your mask on first then help other people - you'll always be more effective at helping others if you're taken care of too!
Similar for me. I'm disabled and can't even be around most people because of one disabling condition. I've owned/moderated support groups for roughly 12 years with a somewhat steady rate of 1,000 people, though, thankfully not each of them posted all the time. I really enjoyed it and found over time that more and more people learned the underlying science and reasons and "how-tos" and there was always a minimum of 5 or 6 people who would share how they coped with any of the myriad of things people have to cope with, including finding medical care and disability pensions and so on.
I was also able to learn to build my own content management system using php and then, because people were so vulnerable because we were the only means of support or contact for people in far flung areas of mostly US, Canada and Europe, I couldn't risk the chance of anyone's PC becoming infected with a virus or trojan or man-in-the-middle attacks, I figured out how to output html pages and ran no ads.
Like many "helpers", I'm limited in how much I am able to help otherwise, and so most often, I help via donations, petitions over the years, helping over the net with qualifying for disability, either Canadian or US based, though I am limited now on that, but I can still help with things like finding research and writing articles.
Where I fail we succeed, we need all of us doing every big and little thing. Thanks for being a good person :)
Howdy Beau, it’s the Internet people again! This is resonating with me strongly right now, thanks for being a voice of reason. 👍🏽
Talkin meerkats, what will they think of next. 🤪
🙏🏽❤🙏🏽
And the meerkats shall inherit the earth.👍
I'd expect religious services for meerkats to begin with, "Hakuna Matata."
As a lifelong 'helper' or 'fixer', I know that you have to be careful not to let 'helping' become all about the emotional validation of the gratitude for that help. If you put that expectation on someone, you make it all about the transaction, not the help. That's why anonymous help is a good thing sometimes, and reminding yourself not to put expectations on people's reactions but let them react how they will, if at all. I try to get satisfaction from doing the things I do, not the reactions to it.
Really good advice. Thank you.
You're a legend. Thank you.
As a disabled person with not a lot of resources, this is incredibly helpful to hear. Thank you for explaining this. I can't do as much as I wish I could, but I can run circles around the garden. I need to remind myself often that growing food and getting it to the right places is pretty damn important. And it is, in fact, enough.
Thanks, Beau.
It reminds me of a warning a friend posted to me once. "Infinite caring is self destruction." It's okay to take a step back and take care of yourself first. If you don't you'll be no help to anyone.
I do a lot of work with people struggling with addiction, being a recovering heroin and crack addict with 14 plus years clean.
It can be a little tricky, if i start to relate to the person. Definitely need to detach, and i always, always have to be aware OF MY OWN TRIGGERS.
Honestly, helping others try to stay clean almost always solidifys my sobriety, in remembering the hell that i came from, and reminds me how good my life is now.
First!!! 🏆💐👍🏾 A whole day ahead, I see.
Gratz on 14 years
@@stephenwilliams163 💐👍🏾👏🏾🥳
God bless you! Thank you for what you do!
Fair play to you 👏
This is how I feel about the political situation. I've been so hyped about it for 5 years, and now I can't even watch the news most days. I'm so worried about losing our democracy, and I feel like there's nothing I can do that would make a difference. I get so depressed by what's happening (Republicans limiting the vote, a few Dems refusing to toss the filibuster, gerrymandering, etc) that I have to stay away from it... But then I feel guilty and worry that not helping will contribute to the loss of democracy. Very frustrating and so freaking sad. 😭
In EMT school i learned a mantra to help myself remain detached and it is, "It is not MY emergency"
That’s good advice. I once worked as a nurse’s aide at a hospital, and while it was very difficult for me at times, it was clearly the EMTs that saw the most horrific things, and had the most “decompressing” to do!
There was a lot of very dark humor going around in the nurses lounge. I’m not sure how effective a coping mechanism making sick jokes is, but it seemed to help.
Take care!
Wife is a charge nurse, 28 died from the "rona" on her floor and she had to help the CNA understand how to get through it as many quit or collapsed and got burned out. I salute them all for the willingness to care for others.
@@BrianGay57 I don't want to imagine all the messed up things EMTs have to witness after ever accident. Witnessing the way bodies can be mangled can be horrific and never leave you.
@@Velvetx4cove I saw some very horrific things during my time there, and I only lasted a couple of years. It’s got to be 10X worse for EMTs. In only one way is a hospital worse. Sometimes you get to know the patients fairly well, and even their family. That makes it really tough when they die.
I’ve got lots of stories from my time there.
When I worked in the medical field for 25 years, a great deal of it in the ER, I found it easier to stay detached than I do now.
Yes, dark humor is a way that was used to deal with what you saw daily. Maybe it helped us stay detached too.💚☘
The biggest factor is that the person needs to want to get better. If not you cannot force it, it will backfire.
Yes. Been there, done that. Unfortunately it is frequently the innocent (like children) who suffer most from the behavior of those with the problem.
💡
"I do not go pick people up". "I get angry".
I feel ya Beau.
So did I. I felt that in my soul.
It's a way of life, being sober. It's hard for non-addicts to get it. I'm not an addict, so it's easy to get angry at all the progress wasted. But it's not wasted. Sobriety is a skill. You can't get mad at someone for not being a master painter if they've only been painting for 3 years. The addict still gets to keep those 3 years of training. They just have to be convinced to keep training again.
@@maxcovfefe I think what he was referring to was"domestic abuse"cases. In a situation where a man is beating on a woman, for whatever reason, I get angry. As far as sobriety I abused drugs and alcohol for what seems like many centuries before I got sober......... I understand addiction! I have the equivalent of a doctorate in that.
I took the Core Course to volunteer at the domestic violence shelter. They didn't let me take the certification test because my rage against abusers was extreme. I have alternate personalities that can get homicidal.
@@lyndachele hate to hear that. The alternate personalities part. I have one personality. It has absolute hatred for men who hit women and pretty much stays in a rage anytime I'm around one of them.
Being a veteran and serving in Iraq I saw cases of local nationals that suffered in bad circumstances and no matter how much we could help they were always under threat. I know that feeling of trying to be detached. It can be painful.
My mother works with a women's shelter as the latina outreach coordinator. She goes out into the pockets of society that most people aren't even aware of and pulls women away from generations of normalized abuse. She's the strongest person I know. By far.
Bravo to Mama, give her a big hug.
I think of geese flying in a V formation. The leader stays and then goes to the back and let's another goose lead to help the whole formation. The community works together and they all can regroup and take turns and breaks as needed.
Great analogy
@hognoxious It does, doesn't it? Funny how most things that actually help society sound like that.
I was going to make this comment.
Instead I will just like this one.
@JZ's Best Friend It's absolutely true for Canadian geese. I would think it would be so for other birds who are migratory.
@hognoxious I wonder what would happen if the birds skipped the "socialist" approach and instead tried "lift yourself up by your bootstraps"? I guess the expression
"Swan Song" would have a new meaning.
Burn-out is a very common hazard among the helping professions. I've been a Navy Corpsman, EMT, medical technician, nurse aide, and a therapist. There is always the danger of becoming embroiled in your patient's life. And sometimes, it's very hard not to get involved. Finding the balance is difficult. There are days I am so happy to have retired. But more days, I miss what I was privileged to do.
Thank you for being at the pointy end and enjoy your retirement.
I have lost my job after 22 years working in a construction company. I went back to College to upgrade some of my skills, I’m 54 now, and I’m more scare than before to end up homeless, I help homeless people and buy food for some of them, because I could be some time in their place.
"Do your little bits of good where you are. It's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." Desmond Tutu
I have worked with survivors of domestic and sexual violence for almost a decade and there is a reason why burnout, rates of depression and suicide, are so high amongst direct service workers, social workers, and mental health providers. It’s not easy. Our case loads are incredibly high and the tools we have often have for self care are insufficient.
xoxoxoxoxox
Even at my lowest, I can’t imagine devaluing people. There’s a terrible amount of selfishness and lack of empathy in the mindset of those opposing human rights. Very sad. But don’t lose hope. There are good people out there fighting that movement. Wishing you all good health and happiness. 💐
Self care is not selfish. You're no go to anyone if you burn out and crash. You cannot be everything to everyone, so you have to figure out what you can reasonably do for people and then be firm about your boundaries.
As someone who's experienced homelessness I can tell you that even the smallest gestures make a huge difference. When I was homeless the people who wanted to bend over backwards to save me were the ones I was most suspicious of. They felt like they had an agenda, like they were trying to reform me.
Finally, as someone who's spent the last nine years in recovery, the hard truth is that you can't save anybody. Addiction is a terrible disease and no one can break free from it until they want to for themselves. Getting clean for the sake of your spouse, kids, parents, friends, PA, or social worker doesn't work until you're ready to get clean for your own sake.
In Germany we have Weltschmerz (world pain) as a mental health condition wich just means looking at the state of the world (your town/city/community) makes you srsly depressed. A lot of ppl helping others on the frontlines (homeless/adicts/mentaly ill) get diagnosed with it after a burn out.
Sounds like what I deal with. Thanks for sharing.
@@FancyPocketWatch Its a German Concept wich dosent really exists anywhere else like "Ruinenlust" (Feeling delight walking through ruins), Torschlusspanik (Gate/Tor closing/Schluss panic/panik; the fear of missing out because you have not enough time, example a woman in her mid 30s having anxiety of not finding a suitable man to have children with) and "Zeitgeist" (Time/Zeit Ghost/Spirit/Mindset/Geist; cultural reflection of a certain point in time)
I've been suffering with this my whole life as an animal/nature/wildlife lover
I sometimes rescue dogs, but I also used to work with people in AODA recovery. Good analogy. The parts of the brain that respond to pain/reward have a lot to do with addiction AND feral animal handling. It's hard not to get a little mad when you get unexpectedly bitten, especially if it's seemingly unprovoked. It's natural to get kinda shook over it if you're the handler.
@@maxcovfefe that's not what I meant. I meant losing hope as more species go extinct. More pets abused as the alpha myth persists. Puppies and kittens being born when there are so many strays and abandoned/sheltered ones already. The hopelessness is difficult to cope with
@@GaasubaMeskhenet Please keep helping, and thank you.
I have always held that if I can change 1 life for the better than I have done more than most people ever will. I have been lucky enough to have helped many in profound ways with teaching woman’s self defense classes.
The whole country needs to be ready for some 12 step work.
And not just drugs and alcohol.
Your right Beau stepping out of the ring to catch your breath is not the same as throwing in the towel.
It is all about sharing our experience. Turning it to strength to offer hope to the suffering.
No man is an island unto himself.
If the religious parts are secularized for me, I think the 12 step program is amazing! I'm not even an addict, and it's helped me so much just in life and as a philosophy of how to be human.
12 step programs just replace an addiction for another, they make people think they are helpless and unable to get better without a god which is both harmful and false. Maybe check out Recovering from Religion, you'll find out what I'm talking about. Have a good one.
Couldn’t agree with you more. I fantasize about a 12-Step program for those who, IMO, are addicted to power and money.
@@eleSDSU I can't agree more about what you said regarding religion. Google offers multiple articles on the topic of "secular 12 steps" programs. If the traditional 12 steps don't work for you even when secularized, then I recommend trying other types of programs recommended by a physician. this article has some great resources for that: www.rehabs.com/pro-talk/if-not-aa-then-what-alternatives-to-12-step-groups/
12 Step programs are a mixed bag. Self-help, higher power help, old-time quotes, psychobabble and downright b.s. The most important thing to remember is near the end when they say in some meetings (maybe not a lot available right now), "Take what you can use and leave the rest." Been to enough to know.
They changed my life, but it had mostly to do with the people and discussions.
This afternoon, I took donations from a supply drive at my middle school to the local DV shelter because the student council I sponsor chose that as their community service project. They also voted to donate $250 from fundraiser sales, which is going toward summer enrichment programs for the kids in the shelter. I am so proud of these young women for their choice. 👩🏫🥰
PS: Think about how you might get involved at your nearest underfunded public school to make connections with your local community. It's just a thought. ✌
15 seconds after post and already a downvote on the video. You go, Beau!
You go, Beau... funny
4 minutes in, still only one.
That isn’t too surprising, there are selfish b*stands everywhere, and they can’t wait to spew their poison.
They even subscribe just to put a thumbs down on sites they don’t have the intelligence or compassion to understand.
So yes, “You go Beau.” Maybe those people will eventually get a clue.
@Jay'sWorld! Or scan their brain
@Jay'sWorld! They will just use the other thumb to spread ignorance.
In my 74 years I have learned to give a hand up, never a hand out. Enabling only disables. That was a difficult lesson to learn and then to follow through. I haven't given up hope in the human race but, I have learned to pick my battles.
It took me a LONG time to learn how important the part of rule 303 is the phrase "...while you can." It's the glue which holds the concept together.
I am a Behavior consultant working with adults and children with mental health disabilities. Alot of what Beau is talking about when it comes to addiction applies to other mental health disabilities as well. I'd love to hear more about burn out from this channel.
Beau... I become almost paralyzed just trying to determine what issue to focus on. There are so many worthy issues that I want to put my time toward. Can you talk about how to narrow down where to focus our energy?
...What are you good at and enjoy doing? Because you'll likely stay with something longer, and do better at it, if you're not miserable doing it.
Look around and see what your community needs, what does your community suffer from? Trash? Homeless? If it's trash I recommend getting some gloves, trash bag, and a pick stick and do your block, eventually you'll gain recognition, ask for donations for more equipment (like a power washer for graffiti or chemicals to clean the sidewalks) and gain volunteers. If it's homeless I highly recommend food not bombs, it's easy and simple (you just set up somewhere and distribute food) and once you gain recognition you and your crew can do more, we for example also distribute homemade soaps, toothbrushes, toothpaste ect. Just remember to take breaks.
@@anthonyl3517
Check the laws first.
...Some cities (like mine) have placed onerous restrictions on who can feed homeless people.
@@grmpEqweer Good point.
@@shawnr771
A pretty horrible, but true one.
"If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain." - Emily Dickinson
It's not about helping everyone or righting every wrong. Just gotta help who you can when you can, and that's enough.
Well howdy Beau!
When I did volunteer work for social services working with children that had been removed from their home due to neglect or violence, I couldn’t be around the parents after a few months, especially when I started seeing the same children back in the system, I would have ended up committing a felony ✌🏼
👋🏼 howdy 😊
I feel you.
Hi there. Hope your day is going well.
@@briansmutti hi friend. Hope you are feeling well today. Wish I could do something to help with your brush clearing situation. Stay safe out there.
@@sabotagesavant5277
yeah
after the brush is cleared then cones finishing the deck and painting the house
bleh
I've been hesitant to go to the weekly defund protests in front of the station but really felt I wanted to go, never have. This week I heard about a community food garden project and volunteered in minutes. I think this video sums up my decision process although I never really articulated it. But I know one will leave me angry for a week having arguments in my head with nobody, and the other will leave me smiling and maybe new friends in the neighborhood. And it will probably have a more immediate positive impact for people.
Beau thank you again. I feel like a broken record….. Two days in a row these videos have really hit home and this goes back for months. My friends can also benefit from this. I’ll pass it on. Thank you.
One of my favorite things to do is volunteer to support volunteers when I am burnt out. I can't volunteer with all programs due to my work schedule but I can bake and drop off treats for the folks doing the hard work. I can pick up, process, and drop off food for a pantry. I plan to donate the extra veggies from my garden to a pantry this summer.
Remember: taking a step back when the world is crushing your soul is *self-care.*
I have run a food pantry for several years. As you can imagine, the past 14 months have been challenging. It’s not just the 224% increase in numbers but it’s been difficult to realize that these people need more than food for their bodies. They have become more demanding and combative. A sense of entitlement pervades. My staff is disheartened and depressed. I have shared with them articles and videos about the psychology of poverty. It helps to understand the causes of their behavior but does not alleviate the overwhelming feelings of futility. Thanks for the advice. I think we need to take time to have fun.
The best way to help those in need is to provide them with the opportunities to help themselves, and then get the hell out of their way. Able bodied people will rise to the occasion. But I am speaking of people who are relatively healthy and mentally stable though.
Sobriety is more of a skill than a choice. You get better at it as you practice it, I think, and you get worse at it if you don't practice. It's like learning how to use a musical instrument or a weapon where you'll get rusty if you don't keep up with it. I'm not an addict, but I've known some. The body adjusts to whatever we put it through when we use repetition. Ideally, it's a quest to get more healthy and mentally balanced just like any other discipline that you must continuously and repetitively train your mind-body to accept.
I am not " able bodied" and I suffer from a mental illness. Those things do not mean that I cannot or should not " help others" in my own way. No offense but I find this language somewhat insulting.
@@maxcovfefe Congratulations on your sobriety, but it sounds like you need a lot more practice. No worries, you're obviously new to it.
@@pumpkinheadghoul As I said before, I'm not an addict. I used to work with people recovering from AODA issues and brain trauma. I'm not new to it. Science has learned a lot about human addiction/brain health. We know, for example, that sobriety isn't just a choice because pain, for example, is very real. Pain/reward cycles can become like a type of survival especially when brain trauma is added to the mix, like we see in so many military veterans. AODA and PTSD, for example, all too often come packaged together. Same with phantom pain and addiction. Some people don't struggle with it as much as others, but there's maybe an inherited trait behind some kinds of addiction. It's much more complicated than simply chalking it up to willpower.
Bottom line: We can't expect someone to be a master architect after only 3 years in the trade. Same thing with sobriety. Mistakes will happen, and being educated about it definitely helps.
Wow, I've spent the last few months feeling like shit and I just now figured out why. Thank you for this video. I guess I really needed to hear this. I am so burned out.
Beau been there 2.5 yrs with full blown PTSD 7 yr military loved one. Bad really bad. I saved his life. It was very very hard on me.
Currently watching this on break at food bank I volunteer for, and as usual your words hit home! Love the channel and the voice of reason and hope you gently offer! I In a world filled with Talking Heads trying their best to scream their dogma down your throat, I am very appreciative to have/share this little bastion of sanity! Keep up the great work, and remember there's still a cup of whatever you beverage you fancy, waiting for you if I ever get lucky enough to run into you!
Good afternoon from Scotland again
Also know that those working on relief of suffering are complimented by those of us working on fixing the root causes. Together let's make it right.
If I may ask, what is it that you’re doing to fix the root causes?
I’m at a transitional point in my life (domestic abuse, divorce, losing my house/car, *figuring out a new career* after staying home with the kiddos for a decade (and now an expired teaching license), and currently “living” in complete poverty/hunger, etc.)
I am DESPERATE for something new; *I’d Love to find a career that addresses the root issues plaguing our system in a way that actually effects change*...but I don’t even know where to start (not to mention, that at 40, I’m starting to believe that I’m too late to start over and I’ll die on the streets (it’s dramatic, I know, but I’m feeling pretty ’down’ today...ugh))
I’m eager to become, and am absolutely capable of being, more than I currently am-I just don’t know where to start.
Thoughts? (...if you have the time, of course).
Cheers to you.
Hi @@Beanstalks314, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, stay strong and keep going, I'm sure you can and will get through it all. Note that my purpose in posting my comment was to suggest that there is hope for deep change. While some folks work on alleviating the immediate problems there are others working on the root causes which means that hopefully there will be a day where the folks working on alleviating the problems can move on to other problems!
Not everyone will agree on the root cause for any given problem. I
myself believe there are two deeply entrenched root cause problems
wreaking havoc in the United States right now. I'll give a quick and
simple description below of the easiest one to understand, plurality
voting.
As for what you can do, well if you agree with my analysis below you
might check "The Center for Election Science" site
electionscience.org/library/approval-voting/ for volunteering
options. I have donated to them in the past and will be donating to
them again. They have had a couple of successes recently and I'm
hopeful that Approval will take hold over time.
I think that switching to Approval voting would increase the quality
of debate in elections, reduce smear campaigns and result in
politicians that more accurately reflect the values and desires of the
populace and genuinely popular ideas such as medicare for all would be
almost a given.
== description ==
Plurality voting or "first past the post" voting is extremely
susceptible to vote splitting and over time yields dysfunctional
politics. Nuanced discussion gets pushed out by drama and emotional
arguments. Plurality results in two dominant parties and over time one
or both become more extreme and not reflective of the voting public.
The fix is easy, it is called approval voting. Testing this out is
also easy. Get a bunch of friends with diverse tastes together and
vote on where to go for lunch or dinner. Create a challenge by having
many clones (similar choices) for one class of food. For example, two
Thai, one Chinese and two Vietnamese restaurants and one Mexican
restaurant. I.e. 5 Asian, 1 Mexican.
For plurality everyone gets one vote. If you voted for one of the Thai
restaurants you cannot vote for any other. If you had five friends,
two preferring Mexican and three preferring Asian, vote splitting will
likely result in the minority of Mexican food lovers winning the
"election", a non-ideal outcome
With approval voting the splitting due to many Asian options will be
lessened as each voter can vote on each restaurant. In fact this is
how most people vote in situations like picking a restaurant. It is
quite natural to do approval voting and plurality will feel weird when
tried in that context.
We learn from observation, people need to see someone successful who leads by example. If you are not taking care of yourself, you can't show them how to take care of themselves.
It's all about boundaries. You find yours and keep them strong and healthy. They are changeable as you change. Rule 303 says "if you have the means." Emotional burn-out may indicate you do not have the means at that time. Move in and out of roles as you need to. I can't lose hope for humanity because I know that I and my friends are part of humanity and we are doing our best to do good. And there are millions of us. Millions.
Clinical Social Worker here....working in addictions with the homeless and I can relate. I keep the successes in mind and try not to dwell on the failures
Would love to hear Beau speak about burnout in regards to Healthcare workers since Mrs. Beau is a nurse.
@Beau of the Fifth Column thank you for addressing this.
We are approaching the 1 year anniversary of thousands, if not millions, of newly aware USians waking up to how profoundly sick our society is, and how it's damaging our social fabric.
All of us have trauma work to do, and the hardest thing that I have had to learn to accept, is we can't do another person's healing.
Even harder was accepting that I can't help people who don't want/aren't ready to do the work....
It's rough seeing how simple the solutions actually are, and having an entire culture determined not to allow the simple solutions to be implemented.
Difference is, I've been doing this work for almost 4 decades now....
I know that I am only as effective as I am at controlling my emotional response.... living in a country that profits off of manipulating people into emotional dysregulation.
Thank you, Beau.
Wow, it's heartening to see how many caring people are here!
This happened to me when I was in high school. I decided I had to help everyone and I got to the point I was sleeping cause I didn't have time and I would just break down crying because I was so overwhelmed. My family got so concerned that they had me hospitals for fear I would hurt myself. I'm honestly glad they did because it gave me a break and I was able to realize I can't do everything for everyone on my own. And I was also able to see when I got back to school that everyone was still there and that they were able to survive without me just fine for those 2 weeks I'd been gone.
My roommate my first year of college was a sever anorexic bulimic. I tried so hard to help her. She ended up leaving school early to get help with her parents (her dad was the reason for her condition) and it killed me for her to leave but it was such a relief. I would sit with her for hours everyday trying to help. It was taxing.
Wow that hit home in such a personal way. I’ve tried to help many people who weren’t ready and I felt each death hard. Really freaking hard. Even tho I didn’t hand over money I was left feeling I didn’t do enough even tho I know the truth is they weren’t ready
Great post. I work at a nonprofit substance abuse treatment center and this is a real issue. Self care is vitally important in being a helper as described. Boundaries, knowing what affects you (like you and domestic abuse), giving yourself time to have human reactions, taking breaks - these are ongoing practices you have to work on to keep going. It's difficult and I admire those that get out there and do it. Personally, I get very overwhelmed by others distress so my focus is money - keeping the lights on so we can continue the mission.
Not a community assistance per se but my aunt and my mother are helping taking care of my grandmother and I will make sure they watch your video. I think they both need too. Thanks a lot Beau !
Seen this in so many nursing homes ... the best ones, most caring ones, nearly always tend to burn out within years. Some manage to step back. Many dont.
It hurts because there's suffering in almost every aspect of my life right now, from the broken families I provide childcare for, to my animal shelter job, to my hobby performance group, to my close friends. Its hard to escape.
Thank you sir.
When it is too painful to hold onto hope... That is depression.
Absent of hope.
2nd hand trauma is no joke. I work at a school for at risk youth in the most heavily segregated city in America (by some measures), and some of the days are truly deeply draining. Kids who have faced some of the worst that humanity and society have to offer come through our doors, and it is my job to both help them through their trauma and teach regular ass highschool history and citizenship too. It is not work that is for everyone, and I am not intending to stay in it forever, but the work does matter so I am going to keep doing what I can, when I can, where I can, for as long as I can. And when I need to I will leave and continue serving this community in my other ways.
I say this almost daily. I can’t fix everything.
Good to know I don’t have to. Thanks, Beau. 💕
"You can't fix it all, and you can't right every wrong." So true Beau. God bless you, sir. ♥♥♥
I know from experience just how close to the stove I can put my hand. It's not as close as I wish it was. I do what I can to help, but wish I can do more. I've seen too many good people get burned out, keep on dragging themselves, and end up really hurting themselves. My ex was one of them. Take care of yourselves.
Thank you, Beau. I needed to hear this.
This is such an important message and makes me feel so much better to just hear you say this!!! I have to serve from afar and I DO feel guilt about that but I know myself. I would end up with a houseful of strangers and broke in no time!! I have been told my heart is too big but that’s not true! While my heart is big my bank account is not big enough! I can give my time and energy but I cant adopt every child, every dog, buy enough food for the entire community, and send my son to college in the fall. Lol OR any variation of those scenarios! I’m only human.
I try to help people in different ways, as once being on the street, doing drugs and trying to forget how awful my world had become. Then I look around and there's always someone in worse shape. My experiences made me help others and at the same time, I was helping myself. Anyway Beau thanks for all you do.
Nothing as extreme, just public school teaching (the “just” is relative, I know how important it is.) After a bit more than twenty years, always high need high poverty schools, I had to stop. It was killing me. Thanks for helping to absolve some of the guilt.
Ayyy I made it early for once. Howdy other internet people!
Edit: Finished the video,
I think another thing that is important to emphasize when doing this kind of work is ensuring that you carve out the time for self care in between. Have your time to spend doing things you love and that bring you joy where you can create that separation and space. Don't skip it.
Yes! You cannot help others if you don't take care of yourself first.
I feel this in my soul
As a retired Correctional Officer I can say you are on point
Look at people who care for their relatives/childern who have disabilities. It burns you out slowly if you want or not, and many of them can't take holidays or sick leave or have just a few days off to do something good for them.
It can lead down a dark path. I met people who started to hate the people they deeply cared for. And they broke down on that. Because that was the only way out for them, stopping to function.
Great message! Knowing your limits and adapting your pace keeps you in the marathon :)
My own physical problems and brain cooties, (mostly depression, but also anxiety attacks) are a huge hill in trying to get to where I can help people.
...Well, I feel depressed about that.🙄🤦.
That's a good thing.
Sometimes, we have to help ourselves before we can help others. 🤗🤗🤗
Severe depression issues here. Makes it hard sometimes.
I have the same problems. Here's a way to make a difference:
Just make a point to speak kindly to the people you come in contact with day to day. Thank the disabled gentleman who bags your groceries. Be patient and understanding with the customer service rep on the phone, even when she can't figure out why your last payment wasn't credited properly to your account.
It'll always be a mystery what kind of difference you made, but you will know that you DID make a difference. I'm sure that at some time in your life, a kind word from a stranger turned your day around. Maybe it gave you the mental energy to accomplish an important task you would have otherwise let slide. Your encouragement of others will almost certainly result in some chain reactions of goodness in the world. It matters.
@@weebunny
Hmm. 😊 Good thought.❤️
I get the same feeling of despair when I look at the Senate.
My mother was an RN (on pediatrics) I would always go to work with her and wanted to be a social worker when I grew up she had a similar talk with me... I didn't become a social worker.
I got to go to boys state where I grew up. I was the county sheriff. If you were a cop you had to go to cop school. Someone asked the state trooper teaching us what is the worst part of the job. The stater said telling parents their kid is dead or being 1st on the scene to an accident with a child. It was at that point I said nope, seeing that over and over again would desensitize my humanity.
Thank you for these kinds of videos. As an educator, I deal with this because I support so many students who are in crisis, have trauma, or live in difficult economic and social situations. Those who help sometimes need help to carry on. RULE 303
Love from WA State ❤
Thank you for that message!
It isn't an easy lesson to learn and an even harder thing to try to communicate without sounding like you're firing the person from helping, or that their efforts are unappreciated.
Thank you beau for your wise words today......very very important....
Step back. Well done Beau. Thank you.
G'day Beau, this hit me like a tonne of bricks...
A good many years ago, I volunteered at CYSS (community youth support scheme), over time I drifted into helping those who were in difficult domestic situations. I loved the work, don't get me wrong, but I wasn't a trained counselor, just someone with an open mind, and a willingness to just listen to what people wanted to say. After about 18 months of constantly supplying the "tea and sympathy", as well as a lot of the relevant information needed, my empathy level was a shot duck...
Every now and then, when I least expect it, a memory from that time will creep up behind me and smack me in the back of the head... it "knocks ya for six" as they say in the classics...
Thank you Beau, for being the person you are... you are better than almost all of the social studies teachers I've ever had, I've learned a lot from you over the time I've been watching your videos and I hope to continue doing so... ;)
Profound insight.
Thank you for that.
This... so much this... thank you
For me working in the backstage, in the back store, in the background was the only way to avoid burnouts.
Thank you for all your insight and time spent talking to us hope you have a good weekend with your family 😊
We have finally opened 4 free fridges in Worcester Massachusetts only to have a specific van coming around and packing the entire contents in and taking off. We're all so 😩...
Were they hoarding? Or feeding a whole bunch of people?
@@carrieullrich5059 unknown. if they're trying to feed ppl we can provide it. We just need to know. We're trying to teach the sharing concept but not everyone gets it. We just hope there's enough for everyone until we can finally ask them if they'll let us help. Same with the heater during the winter. Someone stole 2 of them until we found out who it was and offered them enough heaters.
Important stuff right here. Help any way you can
I think there is a reason why flight attendants tell you to use your air mask first, before helping someone else with theirs. Without engaging in self care you endanger your ability to engage in care for others. Without maintaining your mental, emotional, and physical infrastructure... you simply can't bear the load of another's needs.
Stepping Back without stepping off. A good option.
I have a couple suggestions, though I’m afraid I’m not able to test or research them right now, so I can’t guarantee their effectiveness.
1: Rituals. Have something physical you can do to yourself (makeup, outfit, war paint, etc.) that you can put on when you start work that you can take off when you’re done. This way, you have a clear distinction between the you that attaches and the you that can detach.
2: Mask. Don’t go as you. Put on a character, even an accent or a silly voice if you have to, so that you can be a different person who doesn’t have to bear the emotional cost while working.
3: Restore. Have a distinct physical space (home if possible) where your mission is to recover. Call it a safe room or a recovery chamber. Here you will shelter yourself from distress and focus on off-gassing.
If you’ve had a job before, you probably have experience detaching from participating in an unethical system. You wore uniforms, put on airs, and detoxed when you got home. Hopefully doing these on purpose will protect you as you do more meaningful work.
Can definitely relate to what you're saying about really, really caring about something and still having to know your limitations because of the emotional drain. Getting burned out is pretty much never worth it.
I have a total man crush on this guy
Sometimes you need to change perspective by shifting positions. That may mean doing the "administrivia" that goes with "helping" people. That may mean cleaning bathrooms, shredding documents, updating databases, arranging closets, etc. It's the background stuff that makes the personal contact stuff go smoother.
You could get an "A-HA!" moment that helps more people, connects you or your organization to people or groups that would LOVE to support yours or work with yours, but you're still in, but in a less emotionally draining position.
Staying engaged, but not in the center. Keep on loving people.
Oh.....in case we don't get a second video today.....THANK YOU for continuing to consider the struggles of others, Mr!
Also, I see you in those sweaters lately, and I love it!
A million years ago (read: before kids) I worked with street aware kids. Our organization's verse was Galatians 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Thanks, doll! That was very supportive and very true. I took in over 33 homeless people over the years but I'm not taking in anymore. For one thing, many needed a PROGRAM not just shelter and they wasted my time and maybe stole from me. One stole my gun-! However i will continue to mail good books to prisoners when i have money for postage. May God bless you real good!
This is definitely one of the harder things to hear... I want so badly to make a difference, but I am very emotional and have huge problems struggling with feelings of helplessness. I'm a person in need as well, being disabled, but it KILLS me that I can't return the favor for anyone. I'm too physically busted up to offer labor, and I'm too emotionally vulnerable to be supportive, and it frustrates me to no end that I can't make a meaningful contribution to help other people.
Write letters to your representatives city, state and federal.
Just a suggestion but have you thought about writing letters to those in the military? I do that and it is rewarding to me that someone may hear their name at mail call. There are several organizations that provide names, you can find them online.
My wife needs to hear this.
Good morning Sir! Excellent message, that we know our limitations, triggers and need, not to take lead. Sometimes we can unintentionally do detriment to those we're trying to help or ourselves. Just as your message conveys. Thanks for the wisdom, and reminder👍
Hey Beau, I was medic in the Army.
I did it all field medics and all that goes with that. I did sickcall, ran clinics. Also MICU, which was where for 90% of our patients this was their last time in a hospital, CICU, SICU, and last NICU.
It was there for about two weeks I took care of a premie boy. I fed him every two hours, cleaned him, held him. I watched in those two weeks baby David grow and gain weight. Well they needed me back in MICU because we were at full occupancy. I'd find excuses the next two weeks of dropping by to see baby David. One night I go over and he's not there and the nurse tells me he's gone. It must have been my expression but she immediately telling me he went home.
I can handle anything except children sick or hurt. I realized that then.
I now do construction cause I like it and I'm good at it. But I do volunteer for home health care and checks for the elderly.
Good day all.
Be safe, be well, take care of yourselves.
This’n here hits way close.
Way to close
@@drawingdraws618 final 90s has me struggling. Damn.
👋🏼 howdy 😊