i learned that labeling any emotion as negative doesn’t help it release. Shame is an important emotion that need to be transmuted by coming through the light of consciousness. By labeling things as negative, folks just run away from it and it becomes elusive and gets deeper and deeper in darkness. The answer is to allow yourself to actually feel ashamed. We must feel our feelings instead of labeling them as good or bad. Judging emotions is putting the ego mind on top of emotions. Tge consciousness is boss, tgen emotions, then the mind beneath both.
When toxic shame becomes a chronic state of being, we mistake it for the True self. Therefore, we can't notice it or know it is there. It's so pervasive and sneaky that it is almost impossible to look at it. You want to see, grasp, notice, or understand how toxic shame operates, but you can't. It lurks in the back of your mind unnoticed. Shame is a painful emotion, and it influences all of our behaviors, including the thoughts we have about ourselves and others. It creates limiting beliefs and automatic defenses that become unnoticeable as they operate subconsciously. The biggest issue I had was self-consciousness. I was scrutinizing all of my actions in public. In other words, I was painfully self-conscious - I didn't know how to relinquish it. What can we do other than look inward? Maybe we need to grow our awareness to hyper levels? Could you please make an exclusive video about identifying shame? For those of us who can't notice it even when we try. Because - believe it or not - toxic shame was so deeply ingrained in us. It's so persistent. 24/7. Always. Non-stop.
*Energy Level 20: Shame* "The level of Shame is perilously proximate to death, which may be chosen out of Shame as conscious suicide or more subtly elected by failure to take steps to prolong life. Death by avoidable accident is common here. We all have some awareness of the pain of “losing face,” becoming discredited, or feeling like a “nonperson.” In Shame, we hang our heads and slink away, wishing we were invisible. Banishment is a traditional accompaniment of shame, and in the primitive societies from which we all originate, banishment is equivalent to death. Early life experiences that lead to Shame-such as sexual abuse- warp the personality for a lifetime unless these issues are resolved by therapy. Shame, as Freud determined, produces neurosis. It’s destructive to emotional and psychological health and, as a consequence of low self-esteem, makes one prone to the development of physical illness. The Shame-based personality is shy, withdrawn, and introverted. Shame is used as a tool of cruelty, and its victims often become cruel themselves. Shamed children are brutal to animals and to each other. The behavior of people whose consciousness is only in the 20s is dangerous: They’re prone to hallucinations of an accusatory nature, as well as paranoia; some become psychotic or commit bizarre crimes. Some Shame-based individuals compensate with perfectionism and rigidity, becoming driven and intolerant. Notorious examples are the moral extremists who form vigilante groups, projecting their own unconscious shame onto others whom they then feel justified in righteously attacking. Serial killers have often acted out of sexual moralism, with the justification of punishing “bad” women. Since it pulls down the whole level of personality, Shame results in a vulnerability to the other negative emotions, and therefore often produces false pride, anger, and guilt." - David R. Hawkins
Damn bro. That's some good information. From personal experience, more awareness/consciousness is the only solution. Obviously it takes time to deepen your awareness so you can see shame in all of its ways. I think shame will also hide under other negative emotions such as fear, guilt anger. By working to release these masking emotions, you start to get closer to the shame so you can work with it more directly.
You are so deep and smart and wise. Your perspective shines light on what I needed to see. The relationship between the limbic system, and the need to belong - man you are a genius. This is so true, now after I heard you saying it I see that clearly.
I was chronically shamed since my inception - in my mother's womb. I couldn't talk to people without feeling awkwardly paralyzed. When I was about to meet my girlfriend, I had crippling social anxiety (it made her feel awful in my presence, but she tolerated me because she was also dysfunctional). My heart was beating fast before and after meeting people. Not to mention that I was self-conscious even before encountering people; it was very intense. The bizarre thing is that I did not know I was shamed. I had no idea how to identify what I was going through. I was so confused. Everything was blurry, like always going through a mental fog. When I wanted to smile in public, I felt ashamed. When I tried to walk properly, I felt ashamed. When I wanted to say something, I felt ashamed. Whatever I was doing when people saw me, that intense feeling of shame interfered, blocking me from being spontaneous without worrying about anything. The feeling of toxic shame is automatic - it has its own autonomy by triggering itself without you doing anything. You can't control it. There are lots of downsides to toxic shame. You can't connect with people. They feel uncomfortable around you. They avoid you. I was in hell.
My mother was also shame-based. My grandfather used to curse my grandmother as she was pregnant with my mother. It is intergenerational trauma. I carried so much weight that I'm amazed I started to meditate and become spiritual. My father was an alcoholic, and my grandfather from my father's side committed suicide. I consider myself lucky for letting go and processing lots of pain, depression, horrific anxiety, and social awkwardness. At 31 years old, I'm still a virgin. Shame crippled every aspect of my life. Six years ago, I struggled to read even a sentence; that was also painful since I had ADHD, which is nothing more than a scattered mind. I was addicted to coffee, sugar, and refined carbs. I even smoked at some point but managed to quit. Shame is soul-murder - it is a painful and humiliating emotion. I was beaten harshly by my father when I was a kid. It was almost daily. He didn't have a job - only a pension from the state (I live in Romania) that he used for drinking. Shame was my core identity - it was always active within. But I started to let go of shame by focusing on the present moment. That was painful but I did it anyway. I continue to work on myself. I continue to let go and process all the pain that arises, consciously. I'm striving to de-energize the pain daily. I got a job at a restaurant so my shame gets triggered many times a day, just to let go of it and reprogram my brain. I'm way better now but I still have remains or leftovers of it that are not so intense. That's what I did for the past six years and I'm almost alright.
ugh, god. Thank you for this video. It truly felt like you were talking to me...or us (the audience). I feel shame whenever I know I should be doing something that is positive to my life like practicing my craft(photography) but I hate feeling stupid in the process of trying to learn stuff like editing a photo in photoshop. I take hours to learn something from watching a 15 minute video. I feel like a slow learner and so I run away from those feelings by watching tv or hanging out with this boy I kinda like. I feel like i cant rely on myself and then when people are asking me if my work is finished, I lie to them and I wait a whole month until I give them the photos..... I had no clue shame is the LOWEST vibration. that just makes me feel stupid for doing that to myself. I feel ashamed for hurting myself like that. I will try but I will also do the damn thing and work through my feelings of shame and give myself some grace.
Thanks for sharing. Shame can be tricky to deal with. It has a tendency to keep dragging you back into it. Just try to become super aware of when it arises and what triggers it, then you can start to change and stop doing the triggering things. I would suggest finding a good therapist or coach to help you with this as it will literally transform your whole life when you overcome it. Best of luck to you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’ve reached the point where I’ve become aware of my shame, and it has started to diminish, ever so slowly. However now I’ve become ashamed of the fact that I’ve let shame become so dominant in my life for so much of my 43 years on this earth. It’s hard to seek out guidance on this particular phenomenon during healing: the regret you experience for all the things you did before you started healing. I’ve always used cannabis and porn to run from these feelings of guilt and shame. Then I gave up porn, and now working on weed, and I’ve become aware of all this repressed stuff. I’ve learned to embrace the pain, but actually reprogramming the subconscious mind and changing my behavior is much harder. And the regret from the past makes this more difficult. I have to counter core beliefs that have been demonstrated and reinforced by my behavior for all these years.
Sounds like you're making great progress. Commend yourself for that. Yes, you may feel like you e wasted many years of your life but trust your past will teach you something invaluable 🙏🏽
I am going through the exact situation as you. I am 47 now. I find it to be most difficult to be sober minded and not constantly trash my self and my past decisions. I wish you peace on your journey of self discovery.
Bless the healing journey ❤️ Powerful insight- I’ve been blessed in my trauma not to have experienced much shame… it would have certainly crushed me. 🙏🏽 Kindness is king Keep going !
Thanks Brother. I had a very hard childhood and swung that into a drug and alcohol fueled existance as a muscianand writer. I lost all of my momentum, health and relationships. I now am sober for a long time and feel even worse . I am aware of the shame and its complexities but really needed to hear what you were saying in this video. Know that you helped me today and blessings Brother!
Thanks for sharing brother. I can tell you from personal experience healing from shame is like dragging yourself out of a heavy swamp. Even as you start to pull yourself out of it, it keeps sucking you back in. It's a struggle man. Best advice I can give you is to challenge yourself to build mental toughness, that will help you to finally free yourself. Best of luck 🙏🏽
You said was very good . We need to catch it before eruptions. Right now toxic shame is telling me shame on you you had a child as a teenager even though that kid is a adult. I feel like my boyfriend won't want me because I have had a kid. Now this is toxic shame because why should I be embarrassed about past mistake.
There are many ways to see shame in my opinion. Everyone has some shame if they have been around for awhile. To me it is what you choose to do with it. Shame is a powerful motivator and can stop you from repeating unhealthy bad behaviors. That is how you learn. I love the emotion of shame. It is there to teach you. Embrace it.
Shame like all emotions is part of the human experience and it serves a purpose. However, for some people it becomes a chronic state of being and that is not a healthy way to live.
does anyone have problem where shame affects your ability to make eye contact? or make your emotions in face stiff because you feel uncomfortable around others because of shame. i have that.
@@AuthenticSelfGrowth by default i dont have problem beeing seen, but i feel shame about things that i worry i have done morally wrong. it almost seems like i have moral scrupolasity ocd.
![overcoming malignant shame [cc]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kMeehIpxH5k/mqdefault.jpg)
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i learned that labeling any emotion as negative doesn’t help it release. Shame is an important emotion that need to be transmuted by coming through the light of consciousness. By labeling things as negative, folks just run away from it and it becomes elusive and gets deeper and deeper in darkness. The answer is to allow yourself to actually feel ashamed. We must feel our feelings instead of labeling them as good or bad. Judging emotions is putting the ego mind on top of emotions. Tge consciousness is boss, tgen emotions, then the mind beneath both.
When toxic shame becomes a chronic state of being, we mistake it for the True self. Therefore, we can't notice it or know it is there. It's so pervasive and sneaky that it is almost impossible to look at it. You want to see, grasp, notice, or understand how toxic shame operates, but you can't. It lurks in the back of your mind unnoticed. Shame is a painful emotion, and it influences all of our behaviors, including the thoughts we have about ourselves and others. It creates limiting beliefs and automatic defenses that become unnoticeable as they operate subconsciously. The biggest issue I had was self-consciousness. I was scrutinizing all of my actions in public. In other words, I was painfully self-conscious - I didn't know how to relinquish it. What can we do other than look inward? Maybe we need to grow our awareness to hyper levels? Could you please make an exclusive video about identifying shame? For those of us who can't notice it even when we try. Because - believe it or not - toxic shame was so deeply ingrained in us. It's so persistent. 24/7. Always. Non-stop.
*Energy Level 20: Shame*
"The level of Shame is perilously proximate to death, which may be chosen out of Shame as conscious suicide or more subtly elected by failure to take steps to prolong life. Death by avoidable accident is common here. We all have some awareness of the pain of “losing face,” becoming discredited, or feeling like a “nonperson.” In Shame, we hang
our heads and slink away, wishing we were invisible. Banishment is a traditional accompaniment of shame, and in the primitive societies from which we all originate, banishment is equivalent to death. Early life experiences that lead to Shame-such as sexual abuse- warp the personality for a lifetime unless these issues are resolved by therapy. Shame, as Freud determined, produces neurosis. It’s destructive to emotional and psychological health and, as a consequence of low self-esteem, makes one prone to the development of physical illness. The Shame-based personality is shy, withdrawn, and introverted. Shame is used as a tool of cruelty, and its victims often become cruel themselves. Shamed children are brutal to animals and to each other. The behavior of people whose consciousness is only in the 20s is dangerous: They’re prone to hallucinations of an accusatory nature, as well as paranoia; some become psychotic or commit bizarre crimes. Some Shame-based individuals compensate with perfectionism and rigidity, becoming driven and intolerant. Notorious examples are the moral extremists who form vigilante groups, projecting their own unconscious shame onto others whom they then feel justified in righteously attacking. Serial killers have often acted out of sexual moralism, with the justification of punishing “bad” women. Since it pulls down the whole level of personality, Shame results in a vulnerability to the other negative emotions, and therefore often produces false pride, anger, and guilt."
- David R. Hawkins
Damn bro. That's some good information. From personal experience, more awareness/consciousness is the only solution. Obviously it takes time to deepen your awareness so you can see shame in all of its ways. I think shame will also hide under other negative emotions such as fear, guilt anger. By working to release these masking emotions, you start to get closer to the shame so you can work with it more directly.
You are so deep and smart and wise. Your perspective shines light on what I needed to see. The relationship between the limbic system, and the need to belong - man you are a genius. This is so true, now after I heard you saying it I see that clearly.
I'm glad this helped 🙏🏽
I was chronically shamed since my inception - in my mother's womb. I couldn't talk to people without feeling awkwardly paralyzed. When I was about to meet my girlfriend, I had crippling social anxiety (it made her feel awful in my presence, but she tolerated me because she was also dysfunctional). My heart was beating fast before and after meeting people. Not to mention that I was self-conscious even before encountering people; it was very intense. The bizarre thing is that I did not know I was shamed. I had no idea how to identify what I was going through. I was so confused. Everything was blurry, like always going through a mental fog. When I wanted to smile in public, I felt ashamed. When I tried to walk properly, I felt ashamed. When I wanted to say something, I felt ashamed. Whatever I was doing when people saw me, that intense feeling of shame interfered, blocking me from being spontaneous without worrying about anything. The feeling of toxic shame is automatic - it has its own autonomy by triggering itself without you doing anything. You can't control it. There are lots of downsides to toxic shame. You can't connect with people. They feel uncomfortable around you. They avoid you. I was in hell.
Yeah I resonate with the things you have said. You can get better, but it takes time. How do you know you were shamed in the womb?
My mother was also shame-based. My grandfather used to curse my grandmother as she was pregnant with my mother. It is intergenerational trauma. I carried so much weight that I'm amazed I started to meditate and become spiritual. My father was an alcoholic, and my grandfather from my father's side committed suicide. I consider myself lucky for letting go and processing lots of pain, depression, horrific anxiety, and social awkwardness. At 31 years old, I'm still a virgin. Shame crippled every aspect of my life. Six years ago, I struggled to read even a sentence; that was also painful since I had ADHD, which is nothing more than a scattered mind. I was addicted to coffee, sugar, and refined carbs. I even smoked at some point but managed to quit. Shame is soul-murder - it is a painful and humiliating emotion. I was beaten harshly by my father when I was a kid. It was almost daily. He didn't have a job - only a pension from the state (I live in Romania) that he used for drinking. Shame was my core identity - it was always active within. But I started to let go of shame by focusing on the present moment. That was painful but I did it anyway. I continue to work on myself. I continue to let go and process all the pain that arises, consciously. I'm striving to de-energize the pain daily. I got a job at a restaurant so my shame gets triggered many times a day, just to let go of it and reprogram my brain. I'm way better now but I still have remains or leftovers of it that are not so intense. That's what I did for the past six years and I'm almost alright.
Read untethered soul by micheal singer
All of this makes an awful lot of sense, the way you put it..... Thanks for sharing this wisdom & namasté! 👊🏻
🙏🏽🙏🏽
ugh, god. Thank you for this video. It truly felt like you were talking to me...or us (the audience). I feel shame whenever I know I should be doing something that is positive to my life like practicing my craft(photography) but I hate feeling stupid in the process of trying to learn stuff like editing a photo in photoshop. I take hours to learn something from watching a 15 minute video. I feel like a slow learner and so I run away from those feelings by watching tv or hanging out with this boy I kinda like. I feel like i cant rely on myself and then when people are asking me if my work is finished, I lie to them and I wait a whole month until I give them the photos..... I had no clue shame is the LOWEST vibration. that just makes me feel stupid for doing that to myself. I feel ashamed for hurting myself like that. I will try but I will also do the damn thing and work through my feelings of shame and give myself some grace.
Thanks for sharing. Shame can be tricky to deal with. It has a tendency to keep dragging you back into it. Just try to become super aware of when it arises and what triggers it, then you can start to change and stop doing the triggering things. I would suggest finding a good therapist or coach to help you with this as it will literally transform your whole life when you overcome it. Best of luck to you 🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’ve reached the point where I’ve become aware of my shame, and it has started to diminish, ever so slowly. However now I’ve become ashamed of the fact that I’ve let shame become so dominant in my life for so much of my 43 years on this earth.
It’s hard to seek out guidance on this particular phenomenon during healing: the regret you experience for all the things you did before you started healing.
I’ve always used cannabis and porn to run from these feelings of guilt and shame. Then I gave up porn, and now working on weed, and I’ve become aware of all this repressed stuff. I’ve learned to embrace the pain, but actually reprogramming the subconscious mind and changing my behavior is much harder. And the regret from the past makes this more difficult. I have to counter core beliefs that have been demonstrated and reinforced by my behavior for all these years.
Sounds like you're making great progress. Commend yourself for that. Yes, you may feel like you e wasted many years of your life but trust your past will teach you something invaluable 🙏🏽
@@AuthenticSelfGrowth thank you so much, I appreciate the supportive words 🙏
I am going through the exact situation as you. I am 47 now. I find it to be most difficult to be sober minded and not constantly trash my self and my past decisions. I wish you peace on your journey of self discovery.
Bless the healing journey ❤️
Powerful insight- I’ve been blessed in my trauma not to have experienced much shame… it would have certainly crushed me. 🙏🏽
Kindness is king
Keep going !
Love that - Kindness is King ❤️
Thanks Brother. I had a very hard childhood and swung that into a drug and alcohol fueled existance as a muscianand writer. I lost all of my momentum, health and relationships. I now am sober for a long time and feel even worse . I am aware of the shame and its complexities but really needed to hear what you were saying in this video. Know that you helped me today and blessings Brother!
Thanks for sharing brother. I can tell you from personal experience healing from shame is like dragging yourself out of a heavy swamp. Even as you start to pull yourself out of it, it keeps sucking you back in. It's a struggle man. Best advice I can give you is to challenge yourself to build mental toughness, that will help you to finally free yourself. Best of luck 🙏🏽
I appreciate your content.
🙏🏽
You said was very good . We need to catch it before eruptions. Right now toxic shame is telling me shame on you you had a child as a teenager even though that kid is a adult. I feel like my boyfriend won't want me because I have had a kid.
Now this is toxic shame because why should I be embarrassed about past mistake.
Thank you.
And God bless you too
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you for your videos 💗
I wish I found this video earlier awesome content
Better late than never my friend
There are many ways to see shame in my opinion. Everyone has some shame if they have been around for awhile. To me it is what you choose to do with it. Shame is a powerful motivator and can stop you from repeating unhealthy bad behaviors. That is how you learn. I love the emotion of shame. It is there to teach you. Embrace it.
Shame like all emotions is part of the human experience and it serves a purpose. However, for some people it becomes a chronic state of being and that is not a healthy way to live.
Toxic shame is that natural shame but in overdrive due to trauma
Thank you 🌹
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Thank you , thank you for sharing your understanding
Probing beyond the feeling and disproving the beliefs & meanings we assume from it
Thank you
You are so welcome
❤
❤️
does anyone have problem where shame affects your ability to make eye contact? or make your emotions in face stiff because you feel uncomfortable around others because of shame. i have that.
I think what you're experiencing is likely common for people who are effected by shame. You're not comfortable being seen
@@AuthenticSelfGrowth by default i dont have problem beeing seen, but i feel shame about things that i worry i have done morally wrong. it almost seems like i have moral scrupolasity ocd.
yes!
The semf compassion part might be the part im missing. Thank you
It's a powerful peace. Great book on self compassion by Kristen Neff
Thank you 🙏🏻
You’re welcome 😊