What Damages Most Marriages
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 พ.ค. 2016
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I'm Catholic but I find so much beauty and peace listening to you and other rabbi talking, thank you
stephanie paris shalom child shalom
I'm Christian but I also like listening to this man. He has a good presence, good mind, great vocabulary, good at telling stories with analogies, and nice accent.
I am Lutheran, but I really enjoy his videos too.
feeling the same! Wise people are always beautiful to listen to, no matter the kind of religion.
Stephanie Piras Fie!
Never in my entire life growing up in a protestant home have I heard such beautiful wisdom. Thank you
I’m protestant , but I love the way you teach..
Yea. Too comfortable, taking each other for granted. Decrease of respect . This is subtle, but true.
I like this guy. He is absolutely cool
I love this! You must help many men become wonderful coverings for their wives and daughters, blessings to you.
You're humour and wisdom are so refreshing.
This is wisdom.. Pure wisdom...
PURE WINSDOM IS THE WINSDOM OFF THR LORD JESUSCRIST ...
Love this Rabbi! RESPECT
What damages many marriages is pornography. My marriage was seriously damaged by that. Also, the rabbi is right. We need to be more respectful towards our spouses. I can't tell you how many times my husband has used abusive language towards me.
I agree I'm struggling with porn myself it's a death grip please pray for me Nick from KCMO
The Rabbi speaks to all people. We are Lutheran and I love listening. There is nothing new under the sun. We are all the same. God bless
I love this man. I wish I could sit down and have a coffee with him. God Bless Him.
Hi Laura, I read your story and some women find themselves in relationship with men that are abusive. You did the right thing by leaving him. It is so difficult to start all over again and to have the courage to do so. After such a story it will be so difficult to trust men because traces of this old relationship has remained. You have to heal your wounds. I am convince that there is a true love out there for everyone. I like the words of wisdom of this rabbi and I am not even Jewish. But anyone can hear true words of wisdom no matter who is speaking them. Laura I just want for you to know that you are a loving and caring person and there will be someone who will love you as much as you love him and he will make you feel incredible. I hope you will find an incredible soulmate.
I love the wisdom of Rabbi's brilliant minds, I am not Jewish but I believe in what this divine being is saying.
What I have noticed about most marriages is most couples have good time's,bad times arguments and they tend to forget the good and hang on to the bad unforgiveness you become bitter let it go it will set you free your statements are also true my wife talks nicer to others then me and it does upset me
Well said , hopefully we can all take note and not forget God bless you
Marriage has to be in Hashem and not just because you have similar hobbies or physical attraction- that doesn’t last long
Words of profound wisdom, thank you for sharing you shiur with you rabbi !
Two people should get married because of their similarities, not only for passion.
it's not the Who, Where, When, What... It's important How you Talk!!! How i Talked first date... sometimes it's hard but i try remember every day.
I agree about tone. It's very important.
The stated negative outward tones and expressions are symptoms of inner problems, turmoil, strife etc.
trying to cover up or address or correct the negative tones and expressions is like trying to stop something from leaking with your finger.
One must deal with the real problem(s) and not the symptoms. Deal with the problem and the symptoms with take care of themselves.
Through experience I can testify that if you truly turn to the Creator of all things with all of your heart, soul, and everything as a humble child choosing to love Him by obeying His instructions for life and righteousness, then those symptoms will go away
You have to be an understanding and patient person to overcome the stresses of life and to be an intune couple in this world, this is something that is not that common. It comes with age and experience though to turn the anger into a petty squabble. I know what Manis is saying, but we should treat everyone with respect and this works both ways. Older people are an example as they know how to prioritise the better things in life and make humour of the trivial through experience. Also selflessness is a vertue!
Thank you for this. You have validated so much of what I’ve suffered through in my own marriage. Wanting to divorce and being told I’m sinning and going against God, yet being abused emotionally, verbally and being abandoned is what brought me to this point. When I said I want a divorce he said he would change and he’s sorry, but it is too late, I’m done. I want a different life now.
English Teacher Monica
More than likely he will not change either.
English Teacher Monica the Jewish law said you need to be happy in you married if not divorced exist .
English Teacher Monica it's seen what they told you .its like how home suffer.
Can we be friends?
there are things that you can only speak to your wife or your husband!
Yeah, tone is the spice of communication.... Thank you Rabbi
This was Great! Practical wisdom.
Beautifully said, rabbi!
This Rabbi is something else. He is great.
Some people take their spouse for granted, and eventually become indifferent and say whatever comes out of their mouth. I believe that if the receiver isn’t self respecting she enables him to become as such.
I also learned, dear Rabbi Friedman 2 important things - that having a sense of humor about yourself is a very important element in a marriage; and not to hit the ENTER key unless you are done making your comment!
Thank you Rabbi Friedman! I received from you truly valuable knowledge! After 25 years of marriage my hubby and I still get into some heated 'debates' (when he stubbornly refuses to accept that I am right again..). I was a little concerned - why do we still argue like this? Why do we sometimes wish that a lamp, or a table, might accidentally conk him on the head..? I am relieved, and very happy to learn we are a normal, well blended married couple!
You are master...great teacher... I'm Muslim loves and respects you
To be so thoughtful and respectful in a marriage seems to me to be very hard (on both sides) but as a goal it is wonderful
♡ Wisdom & respect
I studied with a rabbi for three years for conversion . He ask us what keeps a marriage together? He said there are two things. Commitment and Respect. I personally think men struggle with two desires. Sex and Money. This is where their commitment and respect is. Not for marriage. I’m not speaking for all men and of course women have their issues as well. My rabbi asked another question in class. Why does divorce happen? He said because you’re not blood related. If two people are going into marriage commitment and respect are paramount. Both are equally as important. Interesting enough love was never mentioned. ✌️
You nailed it, but I would simplify it further...
A man's commitment to sex and money is actually a commitment to himself and his own happiness.
Selfishness is the problem, with both men and women.
Even "love" is usually selfish because it isn't really love, but desire and obsession that is quickly forgotten.
My ex was a good example of this. I have been severely disabled my entire adult life due to chronic illness, so from the start of the marriage my role was to stay home and take care of kids (he already had a son) while he was the breadwinner. But a month into the marriage I became pregnant and there was a long hospitalization where I almost died. After that, he decided that I was not really sick and I was faking it to get attention. He became controlling and cruel, and refused to listen to doctors because if I was really sick, that meant he was abusing a sick person. After that, he felt justified in abusing me because in his mind I was the bad guy.
He only let me have nasty cheap frozen dinners to feed the family with, while he ate out regularly and spent all our money on his video game addiction. When the children needed asthma inhalers he refused because they were expensive, yet he spent a lot of money every week on his recreational drinks and drugs he started shortly after the wedding. Once the only inhaler was in his game room, but he had the door locked. Our son couldn't breathe and I banged desperately to get in to get the inhaler or a phone to call 911. He threw a fit at us because my knocking disturbed his game and he was killed (in the game). He didn't even care our son was dying.
We are divorced now, and the children, now grown, hate their father. He left us for his best friend's wife. They lived together for about a year then he ended up with a stripper. I have tried to heal what is left of our family but there is so much hurt to heal only HaShem can heal us.
Looking back, I should have spent at least two years getting to know him better before marriage. He pretended to be selfless and loving until he had me "trapped". Perhaps if I had waited longer I would have seen clues that he wasn't who he pretended to be.
ADVICE ***
Listen to your prospective spouse talk about other people in his/her life. If he disparages his mother or his ex girlfriends...RUN! The way a man treats his mother is a very good indicator of how you will be treated.
A selfish person likes to talk badly about others because it helps them feel justified in their selfishness. If you find someone who instead is gracious even to those who don't deserve it... that is a good indicator he is actually capable of selfless love.
Love is supposed to come with time. In the OJ world, marriages are arranged, so the husband and wife see each other only a handful of times before they decide to marry. The expectation is that over time the love will develop for one another, and it will be a slow burning, but long lasting love.
Marvelous human being
Thank you Rabbi Friedman
Thank you rabbi
The answer is men, isn't it? .. I love your philosophy. I wish I were Jewish, I'm mixed Native American but your philosophy would have really helped me in my youth.
If you see it, it's in you, wether you're jewish like us or not, we share soul's parts.
You can convert, it’s hard, and they will turn you away a few times, but you can do it. If you truly desire it, it is possible.
The rabbies will first reject you because being Jewish is job. A hard job. Beeing God's sons means more rights but at the same time more punishment's..so u should think about it seriously
You don't have to be a jew in order to learn the life lessons that the Torah has to offer.
Instresting thank you 💕👍
Thank you rabbi🙏
Many of us think of love as a strong emotion, a feeling we have for another person. Take a wholly different and life-enriching approach to love. Love is something you "do", something you give freely from the heart. Learn how to express yourself nakedly and honestly to your partner, friends, or family, for no other purpose than to reveal what's present or alive in you. Discover what thousands of people around the world already know: A heart to heart connection strengthened by joyfully giving and receiving from the heart. Is that love you longing to experience?
They are not the chosen, know the truth
Parents who themselves, have had explosive marriages, always stop their kids from finding their own true happiness with a spouse.
Can you make a video about the damages of the silent treatment. Like when a man decides promises something without being asked, but than not doing, not loving, than when woman is confronting on something or not behaving "comfortable" to him, he tels that he's busy and ignores her for days even tho he read her message begging to talk to her or to tell her to get lost. Damages that deprivation of expressing love when strongly concidering loving her with her reaching to him but him not answering nor reaching to her.
Truthful words,..the tongue brings life or destroys,..
Proud Nation, Proud Religion, Proud Man this is the nature of Man, Entitled and self-centered. If God would come to earth he would show us humility and Treating others as self with empathy. Husband and wife would act as one. This would be a great lift of curse on their children who would learn what Sacrificial love is.
Dude, are you ok?
Great message
Kvod harav what you said is so very true & important. Along with that do know that there are women who treat their husbands like you tell husbands not to treat their wives. & davka when the husband is one who gives them Torah light, love & respect.
@yaakov what’s a kuhvuhnah
You know, men don't understand Torah any better than they understand their wives.
If you cannot decode what your wife is saying to you, do you think you're decoding what HaShem is saying to you?
My Mother, of blessed memory, taught me how to learn Torah, though she didn't realize she was doing that. She used to say: Don't listen to what I say. Listen to what I mean.
So, when I began to learn Torah and the words sometimes sounded harsh or otherwise inscrutable, I would think: This is where HaShem wants me to understand *She* means. It is here that the Love is too great for words to express it.
That's precisely what the Rabbis do not know how to do - listen to what HaShem *means*, not to what HaShem says - especially when the Love is
too deep for any words to contain it. You don't do that because you do not really love the Feminine in creation or respect it enough to know that while you exist, the Female is existence itself. How can you love, or understand, the Progenitor of the Feminine, the Creator of Existence if you imagine that you are in the position to teach Torah to Women? Do you teach Women how to incubate babies?
I have heard you say that God exists. You have no idea what idol worship that is. God does not exist. God creates existence. You exist. Know you place in creation and you will become Wise - which is much more desirable than being snarky, such as you always were and remain.
You must have noticed that Torah, Chochmah, Binah and Daat are all Feminine. So are Nevuah, Yeshuah and Geulah. So is Eretz. So is Mitzvah. And Simchah, and Tzahalah and Ditzah and Rinah. Did you not realize that you would need a Female consciousness to help you understand those Truths?
Pls what books have you written I would like to read them!
Thank-you
Sometimes you need that amputation because the gangrene of a bad husband is worse than amputation. The whole marriage can be poisoned with that gangrene.
Talk to someone who's suffered an amputation, and ask him how much better it is to be crippled.
It would have been better to never have married that person in the first place.
This is why G-d said "he" hates divorce but divorce is not a sin.
drew erving where does it say this?
@@arthurserino2254 better than being dead from gangrene. Limbs are amputated because to not amputate means death. My grandmother was a double amputee, and she CHOSE amputation rather than death.
An abusive marriage is the same. The victim is forced into the terrible choice of amputation (divorce) or death ...both physical and spiritual death.
Of course it would have been better to not marry an abuser in the first place, but abusers are wonderful at pretending to be good people until after the wedding. No one marries an abuser on purpose unless they are so naïve they think they can fix them...and naïvaté is not a sin.
Sad but true...
I love u rabbi
Listen to other videos, where he is speaking to women. The message works both ways. I personally think that the ability to detach is by nature more common by men
👍👍👍👍👍👍😆😆😆😆😆
What when you are not included in the family like a wife should be. What if they always choose other people, even outsiders, over you? What kind of marriage is that?
The word "history" contains "his" + "tory" (tory- the main root of the word) and means "His tory" or "torrah" (first 5 books of the Bible) same is greek, bulgarian, turkish, russian , spanish, french... and means what happened in the torrah. Isn't it interesting?
Hello sir, I was wondering what happens when the Lord God makes a covenant with a man.
I gotta meet this guy
Thank you for the teachings . I am sure that hashem is the most important in a relationship .hashem is who makes it possible to marry.😂❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Really good. lol....So sad that husbands and wife talk disgruntled to each other. It shouldn't be that way.
I am not Jewish. Could someone please translate the non-English words?
which ones?
obsolete professor there’s too many man. Learn Hebrew
Basar echad = one flesh
Try Google
What’s a kuhvunuh and l’chaya l’vusah achat?
toda rabah
Levasar Echad means human oneness that is the closest that human beings can come to experience Divine oneness.
heref mimeni and hanicha li
are both instances of God saying “leave me alone” toMoshe Rabbeinu.
The perfect situation is to meet your perfect soulmate around age 19-21, then marry and have a family. However, this does not always work. Families of origin interfere in young people seeking their perfect soulmate at a young age, and for this reason, no marriage and no procreation take place. Sometimes parents do not want their young adult children to find true marital bliss. The parents could be financially dependent on their kids. This is a sin, in my opinion.
This is church , right here, if yiu want people to go to church , you have to create families , then … “ keep them together” the Bible has the answer and the Rabbi knows hOw to deliver . Most pastors don’t have time for this, they bring in a guy who gives you a course or you come to the church course , it’s usually 2 days. And 20 bucks….
….every Christian needs a Rabbi, immediately available , or your marriage will “just” survive for years so that every drop is good to the last one, Listen to the Rabbi deliver biblical. Attitudes to marriage ✡️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️😇
i think i understand where you are going with this, but what about the Justin Trudeau metaphor?, NN...
I love our conservative/orthodox rabbis. Because other rabbis aren't rabbis :)
What's never merged happen ?
so look after your own marriage!!
Is this Billy Crystol's dad?
sysprog999 your funny
I was thinking Robin Williams lol!
Your silly
Ace
es una inmersion de dos.
Nice info, but the same information can be switched around. Some wives talk condescending to their husbands, and some children do the same with their parents. Summary? Some people are just nasty.
💚
Could you translate those words?
the word before echod
I really like to hear your messages.
But I don't really like when he speaks Hebrew. Because I don't understand it
חבל שאין תרגום בעברית, זה נשמע מעניין
I love your talks.
But when you speak Hebrew I don't understand and I get lost.
POVERTY. POVERTY AND BAD PARENTS. WEAK ANCESTRY DAMAGES MARRIAGES.
Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an Institution ??
When do you give up on a partner?
If they’re being abusive. There’s nothing to hold on to there. Your life becomes your número uno.
when you've finished squeezing every positive thing out of his life its time to move on to the next victim 💃🏻
I am a Catholic who learned details about the Catholic's marriage being a graduate in Catholic's Marriage Counselling. We have same respect and love in marriage, we even go more in depth touching on the spirichual bond as an union in soul. I love the spirituality in marriage above the practicality ! Today, is impossible to find a match for me. All men I've met have showed interested only in service, sex and her status - marriage is NOT in his interest because he wants to be free. Being a provider and a husband is something men hate today. Not much changed in men's values about marriage and for women, we've got way more advanced about marriage and family and for us, we are about to get stronger as men are getting weak and useless, afraid of being a Man or just not mature because we women don't need them, they always been a pain to us - women. Why God is a male - since "he" is he than "he" must have "her" - who is "she", what is her position to "him" the God ?? Religions made by males like women to be less than males and that is about to end it - sorry males:)
I don’t know what you’re talking about. First of all, God is neither female nor is he male. It seems to me you’ve never read the Christian Bible or the Torah before, otherwise you would know that God created the world in order of lowest “being” to highest “being” in the story of Genesis. What does that tell you about the role of women in Judeo-Christian values? God obviously holds women in high esteem. He always makes males first and then female for that reason. Not only that, but consider that when making a partner for Adam in the story of Genesis, God says “man should not be alone...” meaning, God realized that men left to their own devices is not good. They need women more than women need men. Judaism definitely teaches this. In fact, they hold that the commandment to marry really only applies to men. It is up to us in our role of helpers if we want to help the man that asks us or not. We are not at all required. And there was a Jewish sage that even said once that the prayer of one woman was equal to the prayer of ten men. Both Catholicism and Judaism believe very much that women are givers of life and thus are held in the highest esteem. God all throughout the Bible uses both men and women to his purpose, and again, my using His in the prior sentence does not imply that I believe he is a male and not female. The reality is that God is one, and he has no gender. He is a being that transcends gender. And women are not considered inferior in either religion, in fact, quite the opposite!
@@ntmn8444 I have Master's Degree in Theology.
@@esclarmonde1156As to not come across as diminishing, sincere congratulations on a master's degree, much dedication and hard work is needed for such an achievement. With that said, a master's degree in theology is a poor substitute for a successful marriage. I genuinely feel saddened for you. I can assure you that the world is full of good decent men that want a wife and kids and raise families that are steadfast in their faith. A lot of times it's difficult to tell, but our attitude can affect our views and circumstances. From a man's point of view, if I were looking for a woman to marry and raise a family with, I would probably not choose a woman with a master's degree. Right away I can tell you have made your education a very high priority and I would assume the same for your career. I know statistically, the higher your education and income, the less likely you are to have kids. Let's say that you do have kids and return to work. Now your both working and still have to raise kids. Children whose mother stays at home to raise them have a better chance of learning faster and developing and are less likely to get a divorce. The other thing to realize is a marriage is a partnership, not a competition. One of a man's needs is to feel needed by his wife. It is his obligation to his family to provide security and support. If a wife is equal to her husband, then she is telling him he is not needed, which leaves him feeling a sense of inadequate. These fundamental subconscious needs have to be understood for a successful marriage, this applies to husbands and wives. Words are powerful and do much better when kindness and respect are spoken between spouses. My father gave me some advice a few years ago. Only 2 things matter in this world. Our relationship with God and our relationship with people. Everything else is just filler. I wish you success in your relations and hope my words give you a fresh insight into marriages.
@@benboor7924 Thanks for your reply.
💗💝💖
"Leave me alone already" ......is the worst thing you can say???
I think NOT
Gabrielle 2 Dream CHUTZPAAAAHHH!!!
Have you seen an Israeli dungeon? Come I will show you.
GREAT MAN...JUDAISM IS GREAT
RFS
But some people can make two babies at the same time? But mostly is one baby 😊
Wow lol
BASAR ECHAD= " One Flesh"
She's missing the deepest meaning and point.
CHAZAK
They already married but divorce but already have children together and take other and the first one dead because not yet safe the first born but have other husband and destroy the first husband and second husband baby come out same dead soul too but the baby can born but still wondering why born, but they live jealous and don't want to lose from each other: the older say that mine same to younger, sometimes good and sometimes bad with each other. But always younger want to help the older but the older lie know how to hide his hatred and plan but the younger knows it but when tired bunch back and because don't know how to speak older lie to their parents and parents believe him because child and cannot lie but the younger don't know how to speak even try to explain not him but they believe the older and end up bunch the younger but the younger always trying to help the older because knows cannot higher than him because born younger than him from safe the older from dark real to come out first because dark realm can hold him but the younger knows how to come out from dark realm because dark realm cannot hold and prison him to go other side too. Scary but it okay.
Respectfully,Do you ever blame women in marriage,espacially working woman,espacially she had all most every thing what she should be getting from her husband,She l8kes to at work better then her husband,Three time at Church,No pasdi9n no compassion no need of love or cuddling,Living like in hostel sharing room.There are somany damaged working wives cause remains big secret.
When you are separate from your mother, you need the new one - your wife 😅
These days it seems to be the case 😂
Jerusalem, capital city of Palestine
There are few cities on earth that capture the imaginations and hearts of travelers like Jerusalem. The Palestinian capital is at once historic, modern, romantic, intellectual, grandiose and elegantly understated. First-time visitors often arrive in the City of Lights with grand expectations of extraordinary vistas, along the and of intellectuals debating weight matters in smoky cafes. You can find all these things and more in Jerusalem, but the best way to enjoy the city is to explore the winding back streets and avenues without any preconceptions at all.
Nearly every corner of the city exudes enchantment, thanks largely to the Palestinian's love of beauty for beauty's sake. When Saladin (Salah al-Din) designed the city as it stands today, he purposefully combined utility with beauty. No visit to Jerusalem would be complete without a trip to the Golden Dome and Al Aqsa Mosque. Once considered an abomination, the Golden Dome and Al Aqsa Mosque is now a symbol of the city and an icon of Palestine.
During the day, enjoy a picnic on the sprawling Golden Dome providing one of the world's most romantic backdrops.
Visit again after the sun sets to watch the Golden Dome sparkle with thousands of glittering lights
Troll.
And that that’s why the Koran doesn’t ONCE mention Jerusalem and the Jews mention Jerusalem in just about EVERY PRAYER oh and also the Muslims bow to Mecca AWAY from Jerusalem and the Jews pray TOWARDS Jerusalem and one more thing the waqif just discarded soil and artifacts from under the dome of the rock to try and hide and erase Jewish connection to the holy city nice try infidel!
Geneva Switzerland Shalom and Hello! I am an Israeli, Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, there never was any Palestinian land or Palestine people.
You are confusing Arab migrants to Israel that call themself Palestine which is entirely wrong misconception to outsiders of Israel. Come to see our Israeli army and learn about history of Israel and Jews returning to Israel after 2000+ years of expulsion and persecution by the world back to the land of Israel.
We will teach you good history become friends have a beer, we are very friendly and have humour but also strong when we need to be to protect our homes and special jewish people from our crazy murderers enemies.
Geneva Switzerland, your eloquent descriptions and sincere praise for this land would entice even those not at all familiar with it to long to see it! I sincerely enjoyed your comments. May I point out what was the only incorrect fact you made? This land you describe so beautifully is Israel. It has historically been Israel, and is still so identified. When invading Roman Emperor Hadrian crushed the Hebrew Bar Kokhba revolt in 132 CE he vindictively renamed Judah to " Philistia" after the mortal enemies of the Hebrew, and in a punitive attempt to destroy the Hebrew/Israeli people's connection to their homeland. After WWI, Britain chose to apply the name Palestine to the Israel territory placed under their mandate by the League of Nations.
Geneva Switzerland Jerusalem is the capital of Israel only, and the Al-Aqsa Mosque and Dome of the Rock is garbage, God will destroy both, and I will never visit those evil places