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I would not have known the original upload did not work if our dear friend in Germany had not watched and told me something was wrong. She also misses her husband, he is abroad stuck in Mexico due to the virus. They are my John and my oldest and dearest friends and I know they miss eachother so very much. I hope the time comes soon when they can be together. May everyone please be well. Origina...

Wishing my deceased husband John a happy first wedding (2004 Multnomah county courthouse) anniversary. It was a long fight to become family. This is the anniversary of our first opportunity to marry. On March third of 2004 Multnomah county Oregon issued the first marriage licenses to same sex couples. We were there with thousands of others on that very first day. Hours later we were married. On...

Not sure why but my grieving for my deceased husband John has intensified again. Dreams of searching for and not finding you. I wake to realize you're gone and not merely at the grocery store. I love you.

Another day accompanying my deceased husband's mother to visit her fatally ill husband. We are strong but memories, bad ones, are made more vivid.

I took down the funeral black wreath and symbols of mourning. I want to celebrate my sweet husband's life so for his birthday I decorated his sculpture out by the road in cheerful colors. John always chose to try and be cheerful. Also I was with John's mother on his birthday. We visited her very unwell husband in a hospital in Portland. I am privileged to help your mother. I am strong for her a...

I love you John.

My sweet husband John died in my arms one year and a little over four months ago. I miss you my love so very much. Today is your second birthday since you died. I'm heart broken but in a way it's right because I would not be this sad had I not known true love. Please come to me my love. Happy Birthday my sweet monkey.

Today was the first anniversary of my husband John's death in my arms. I'm sorry for the wind noise I am still easily confused and did not remove the cover on our old tablet. My Johnny wrote and kept a journal of sorts ...writing on anything and everything he had at hand any given moment the desire struck him. Note pads to shopping bags were used. So my journal, much like his, is what it is. Un...

I miss my husband John so very much. The last time we attended the pride parade in Portland Oregon we took a wheelchair. People were kind for the most part and allowed John to get up front so he could see. He was in so much pain from medical mistakes that ultimately hastened his death but he kept smiling and supporting equality for all people. He always knew he was a happy spirit. I love you my...

Woke to an email from New Zealand, Hope for my dear lovely pen pals daughter, embarrassed I'm needing help from our friends from Germany, and missing my monkey, my lovely happy spirited husband John. I love you so very much my love.

This morning, July 10, 2018, started with a meeting at our cemetery. I met with the cemetery director to finalize placement of our headstone (bronze) to honor my deceased husband John. By late afternoon the work was finished and I returned to lay flowers for John and all our family. I miss him so very much and love him and know he loves me completely too. It took so long for everything to arriv...

Monday May 7, 2018 it's late at night and I've just returned from what I thought would be a safe trip to our small town local grocery. I've been going right before closing to avoid being grabbed by people I should easily recognised but I don't. It takes a moment but in that moment it's so strange and makes me know how much what ever broke in me broke. Also I go late to avoid people crying in fr...

Today is May first. I've cut flowers from our gardens to give to my husband's mother. I also received the found and repaired earring my husband's mother lost on the day of my husband's, her son's, funeral. These earrings were important to John's mother as she had given them to her mother many years ago. The jewler did an amazing job. I can't tell which one was run over by many cars in the drive...

John Would Love This Place

Cancer is a Scourge, All Life is Connected

I miss you so very much, laurel and cherry blossoms for John

Completed

Finished Gift for my Husband Who Died Recently

Cold Windy Easter Alone

Some Sleepless Nights, I've heard those words "Someone you love more than life itself has cancer".

I Panicked, Bad Feeling, My Deceased Husband Telling me to Be Careful

Most Books on Grief Feel Irrelevant to This LGBTQ Widower, Zero Overnight Guests.

Trying to Stop Falling

Sunset at Our Gravesite. Falling Backwards

Not Every Day Feels Forward Looking

An Anniversary Gift for my Deceased Husband John

Forgot to Upload, Maybe Grief Confuses Everyone

Up All Night Asking my Husband for Guidance (finished four pieces of furniture finally)

Three Kisses for John, A Record Night & the Who I Pray to Avoid Becoming