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What if i was/am the emotionally unavaiable parent? I have so much shame around that.

Yikes, it’s so important to recognize that and work out if it 🙏🏻

"Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgement, anger, "better than", and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It's an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can't control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they're going to react. - Atlas of the Heart" We endured actual unfairness and injustice. We weren't allowed to set boundaries. And our expectations to *not be abused and neglected* by our "parents" is completely reasonable. Experiencing resentment is a natural response to being abused, neglected, and dehumanized. I think the judgement of that resentment is the real issue, not the resentment itself. We are allowed to resent our ABUSERS, ffs. It's a very different type of resentment than seeing your coworker take a break and experiencing resentment bc you're not setting boundaries around your own rest. Stop judging the resentment targets of abuse experience as "bad" or "wrong". Were allowed to fully feel all our emotions without criticism or judgement.

I love how she phrased the beginning of this answer with “I think…” even though her books have provided me with significant insight that no amount of therapy has ever been able to and consequently, has tremendously helped me along my healing journey haha. As someone who has dealt with holding resentment towards their emotionally immature parent, and even resentment towards people who have shown me similar characteristics to that of my emotionally immature parent, what she is saying here is 100p true for me. The more I learned about this topic, the more I was able to emotionally heal and the more I was able to heal, the better I got to know myself, and the more I got to know myself, the less concerned I was with what other people (including my EI parent) thought of me. The less concerned I was about what other people thought of me, the less I cared to please them, the less I cared about pleasing others, the less resentment I felt because I was no longer putting myself and my needs on the back burner. My emotional needs that were never met in childhood were FINALLY introduced to someone that could consistently meet them, and that someone was ME ❤️. Thank you, Dr. Gibson, KNOW that your work is making a difference! 🙏

And as one of our fellow supports said, "Now, why would I seek the approval of people I don't approve of ?

So true. Thank you. I've watched some of your videos and it does help me❤

Made me feel so sad. Neither my mom or dad showed any love, concern, care, hugs, engaged me in conversation. If they did have to interact, shes right, I could literally see the pain and discomfort in their eyes and face. Whether it was because they just didnt know how to relate. They were escaping with alcohol, or shopping and didn't even know they were emotionally and physically neglectful. Been sad my whole life. Never felt love.

I feel like you’re describing my mom as well. Thank you for putting such accurate words to such a complicated and hard-to-explain dynamic. It’s brutal in such a specific way that people don’t understand unless they’ve experienced it. Thank you 🙏 ❤.

My mom was a crazy black woman and I grew up with physically abuse and who even got sick my senior year of high school in order to get my dad to pay her more money in support and she was physically abusive in every way possible and I have the scars to prove it and I worked for her as a caregiver while working 9 hours a day five days a week as a software engineer and now she is finally out of my personal life due to her death on 4/4/2024 and she asked me for her forgiveness on 9/5/2005 as a reason for her sadistic satisfaction

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Wow I’m blown away right now. This is my life. I have to do everything perfect. I have ti think and plan out my actions to make sure I have no fault or mishap. It made me very efficient but at the expense of constantly being burned out and never wanting to socialize but my brain is fried from constantly thinking my next moves.

They get what they want, and never listen to "no". These self entitled know no boundaries of even others human rights. Nobody or nothing gets in their way. Its like theyre getting what they never had the chance to as children. We just didnt know their real history. My advice here is to be very leary of someone from your spouses past just popping up as an old "family member". My exes half sister had an old grudge and destroyed my exes marriage. To me. Because him showing off was more important than prioritizing his own family. I got used to this with my adopted mothers family and my mother putting her brothers familys needs first. They took almost everything behind my back too. Why I trust people I just don't know. My advice to everyone here. Don't be in a rush to be liked seen, or wanted or accepted by another person or family. And as children of these emotional rebrobates, know they always had to win. And to me now, all my mother realky was, was someones opinion of her based on her supply. And the grade of it. Grade A supply. Who was more of a challenge to fool. But Im no fool. It just took me a minute to see this evil and accept that I was the garbage heap of all their sorry imperfections. I cant imagine being a soulless, heartless user of a childs innocence and genuine love. I ask my God to handle negative impact and to always not absorb anyone elses opinioms of my lying mothers from my past. I heard a rumor about my intellegence that lasted for 40 years this year. That I had a "learning disability". This was a lie from 1980 that lived in a 93 year old friend of mine. And I never spoke to her again after that gossip. Im not going to prove myself any longer. To a childs folly of my character. I went to college and the didability I really had, was being able to understand how anyone could be so hateful to their child. There was no hope for them ever growing up or ever being morally healthy, caring humans. The elders are dying off. But their children will continue if we believe their old lies. We are all created equal. God gets to judge. And I believe we wete jyst testamentaries to their greedy sins. Heavy. I know. But I'l never cast my pearls to any more swine on Gods green Earth again. .

Agreed 👍🏼👍🏼💯💯 true...

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My father calls me delusional but acts like he's holier than thou. It's like he can't see how hypocritical he can really be?He also tells me I could never do you any harm because I'm your father.

Childhood could be one of parent/caregiver put them on a pedestal etc. therefore house isn’t always on fire. Not sure how nor empathy would fit in that other way narcissist childhood makes them. And there are narcissists on the extreme spectrum(malignant) that absolutely are mean and abuse people in public.

This is a sign of toxic indeed...☢️ ☢️ indeed

Brilliant Najwa!

not so rare

Part II: Traits Of A Narcissist - Narcissism Master Class th-cam.com/video/-B_zQmUe45c/w-d-xo.html

How do I just watch your videos? If you go under the cite I get a lot of other videos and topics.

Thank you, Dr. Gibson❣️ The Universe is AMAZING and always provides me with guidance. Suddenly your videos popped up on my feed. I’m caring for my dad on hospice. Lots of issues coming to the surface for which you are helping me understand. Just ordered two books and a workbook. I’ll keep watching your videos until they arrive. Thankfully, I have a BRILLIANT therapist. Thank you!!! ♥️❤️♥️

This presentation by therapist Nicole Johnson was recorded as part of a free two part workshop on Narcissism. Join Nicole for weekly workshops inside the Academy of Self Help: whop.com/academy-of-self-help/

Very good video. But what I don’t understand is you say it is rare and you are unlikely to meet someone with NPD but then you say it is 3%. For me that is quite high and alone from expectancy value that means every 33rd person you meet should have NPD. Like 3% doesn’t feel low at all. Anyway I think NPD shouldn’t be such a hype but I think it helped me a lot to understand my own mom and I am thankful for that. There was so much confusion and guilt when I grew up and understanding helped me to feel more free myself.

Father wounds are very real.

What about an adult child with these qualities? I don’t hear that group mentioned much.

Can we add virtue and off-the-charts do-gooding to that list of grandiose self-identities they brag about? It is jarring when you hear it coming out of their mouth so casually.

I love this book so much. 'The answer to most problems is More Presence." 😊

You are describing the entirety of society.

What Book?

Both my parents not just one but both it’s been hell since I was born trying to learn ways to cope

I'm so sorry you were scapegoated as a child. That is devastating. My heart goes out to you. I saw this dynamic with my sister. I tried everything I could to keep my family together, but I went no contact by age 35. Smartest decision I ever made. It gave me a fighting chance. I never told other people about this because of their lack of ability to understand. I was able to thrive without my family and it really hurt to have to separate from them. I gave my parents an option to meet together in public restaurants as a way to protect myself but they refused - so that was that. It was my last idea to try to stay connected. They would rather never see me or their grand children again than meet in a restaurant. That is truly sad.

I have learning disabilities, I see Dad's side, but he won't acknowledge or apologize. He is narcissistic and sadistic. He thinks to abuse me makes me "tough", he was that bad!

Again, you just described a narcissist, so then tell me what is the difference?

But you just described a narcissist, there isn't much difference between the two

That’s just a trauma brain adult that still lives in the child like brain because they don’t know about healing their emotional wounds before having children….not doing it intentionally…they just aren’t aware they need healed…generations do this…

One of my best episode I heard on TH-cam. And every time I heard Dr. Lindsay Gibson calm and soughting voice, it makes me feel calm and validated my pain❤❤

The audio transitions between interviewer and interviewee are bad. Cuts off Lindsay’s audio to where you can’t hear her for a sentence or two because it’s so low.

Yes

Yup 1000% yup and now I’m paying for it and the messed up part is you can’t even hold your wonderful parents accountable. You have to do the work to stop feeling that way. Sometimes I felt like my parents wanted revenge for what happened to them when they were children. so I felt like when it was their time to parent they were in their mind saying OK now it’s my turn yeah and also felt like they did was for them everything like OK it’s time to do the parenting. This is what I remember. They did to me when I did it so now I’m gonna do it and then they walked away after they did the thing. OK I did the thing I’m satisfied and not caring about whatsoever just caring about how they felt if they felt they did the right thing then it was all good, but not paying attention Cho the child. Sometimes after life, we don’t have free will and the people that just didn’t go through this type of thing just lucked out and their situation. I feel like I would’ve been where they are. I didn’t treated the way. I did that instead of getting that I got piano lessons trip to the lake hugs and kisses. I would’ve been just like them and they would’ve been like me scared timed the feeling that I’m responsible for how adults feel. It just sucks man sucks really hard.

I continually feel so validated by this woman. 🌻

Hello Dr Sherrie, Thank you so much for this video. It has been so helpful for me and my toxic dad. I have been no contact for two years now. Sending love from New Zealand 🩷

Forgiveness and gratitude, heals all.

This is by far one of the best books I have ever read! Reading does for the mind what exercise does for the body! It’s a GAME CHANGER! 7-6-2024

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