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really enjoyed the insights shared in this video, it's clear a lot of thought went into it. but honestly, i feel like some of these techniques might oversimplify complex family dynamics. what do you guys think?

I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them, and I genuinely felt that I would belong with them because they’re my family. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families, not a quid pro quo’. But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?” I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in? Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. So whose kid am I? Where does that leave me then? and so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father. I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother. It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families. But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me. I used to envy other kids that had normal family homes, I stayed with some of them, but couldn’t actually live with them or claim it as my home all because I just, ‘wasn’t their kid’. They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… I was told that there was only one baby on the table… We never chose our parents. and I never chose this life…

Is this a safe space? I have left a career in creative video advertising behind to pursue an MA in CMHC and drama therapy and am currently drowning in family systems theory, a lot of Bowen. The way you've broken up these concepts and flavored it with your own language has been so helpful, as I feel I can better understand the bigger picture. Your use of symbols, both on-screen graphics and props-is such an effective educational tool! The examples you've used, including the one with your dog, are very helpful for understanding the theories too. I was feeling like this video was made for me and then you talked about a client name named Jenni and described a nuclear family structure that is basically mine (me being the youngest/only daughter). Looking forward to following you and referencing your videos throughout my education as I am differentiating myself while I learn about what that even is (a transformative nightmare of a healing journey). ⭐

this is such a well-produced video! i really appreciate the insights shared in the session. however, i can't help but feel that the techniques presented might oversimplify the complex dynamics of some families. not every family fits neatly into these frameworks, and sometimes a more personalized approach is needed. what do you all think?

You are so awesome and also your videos are very good work!

My 9 year old says “ I would like to know how you are feeling sometimes because I want to make sure you are ok. “

Fascinating. Totally makes sense

This is amaaaaaaaazing! As a new therapist, just what I needed!

“Decide to storm the capital” I busted out laughing when you said that

I have found myself binge watching your videos, lol. So, I am wondering what the "logo" is on this shirt. I saw it on another of your shirts about 8 videos ago, lol.

Oh, your tools are amazing too!!

Oh my gosh, these videos where Gogo talks are great!! So funny!!

For schizoids: Lisbeth Salander.

Thank you. Makes a lot of sense

We don't air our dirty laundry in public. Behind closed doors was fine.

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So interesting and so clearly put! Thank you!

Great explanation 🙌🏽 thank you!

You explained this so well!! Thank you!

you got Thanos'd

That pdf is awesome! Nice work

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Nice

What program do you use for the effects? Loving them!

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This is slightly off from what they talk about in the book. The 5-1 ratio is during conflict. The day to day interaction is 20 to 1.

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I love when you use Ken and Barbie, lol. You have a great sense of humor🥰

Excellent teaching. I learn something from you EVERY time I watch one of your videos. I am a registered clinical social worker intern and am moving slowly into private practice from work at a behavioral hospital. I especially like that so many of your videos are under 30 minutes. It allows me to zero in on a specific intervention and reflect on what you share regarding your interaction with clients. Being a therapist really is just as much an art as a science :) You are doing a great job!

Very helpful!

Couples Intimacy Quiz : www.mypeoplepatterns.com/couples-intimacy-quiz

Couples Intimacy Quiz : www.mypeoplepatterns.com/couples-intimacy-quiz

Thanks for your video’s, I find them really helpful and interesting.

Thank you for explaining what it actually means to parent yourself! I never understood what that was supposed to mean.

Wow! Thank you. This made me understand it well, how are you this underrated 😭

DROP IN!

Thank you very much! Makes a such a big difference to see it in the way you have explained. So easy and quite simple way to make a big change. Will start practicing ‘I’ statement and other given methods immediately in my everyday life😊

I’m finding your content really interesting and helpful. I’m trying to improve myself and my romantic relationships after recently becoming single again. I’m hopeful I can overcome the patterns of behaviour I keep repeating and also become better at choosing the right partner who’s willing to work through issues. I seem to attract avoidant people and I have an insecure attachment wound that is triggered during conflict. This can be very painful. Thank you 🙏🏻

Awesome

This is so good! I relate to the guardian and my husband seems like a maverick. We’ve been married for 21 years and are still very much in love. These descriptions are very helpful for understanding one another. Thank you😊

Thanks man you're awesome! As a family therapist myself, you've been a lifesaver when I'm stuck on a tricky case.

good for couples therapy

I am a new counselor. Your videos have changed everything I do with process group therapy. I have learned more from you than anyone in a long time. With that said, when do you plan to do a new process group or group therapy video? I love your explanations and ideas.

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Wonderful video!