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love you to bits but "you should be willing and ready to give the most personal data imaginable to corporations who can and will use every aspect of your DNA and other personal information to their advantage if it can be used to turn a profit" is not the take you think it is

Oh no, when you realise you're doing the thing at 19 minutes in except to people that you want around by accident, not to people you don't really want to or have the energy to see.

My favorite episode yet! I need to come to terms with the fact that I won't usually be understood in my differing views from my parents. And I'm in my late forties!

God, this was depressing for me. Now I have to worry about friends "leading me on"? This new worry that I'm an obligation feels like when marketers invent new insecurities. Life is so exhausting.

I really enjoy your in depth, honest conversations. Very on time with this one. I am a Singer songwriter that recently moved to Nashville to do my MBA and do music. And I don't feel like working on my music lol. I've been so self chastising and feeling like a quitter too. I've enjoyed researching for my classes and feel like I'm abandoning my musical dreams. Thanks for the reminders and thoughts.

I don’t necessarily agree with the idea of slowly fading away instead of being honest about your feelings. I remember an episode where someone shared how upsetting it was when another person distanced themselves without any explanation or reason. If that happened to me, I’d just feel even more guilty. And the person won’t necessarily understand, they’ll suffer and keep wondering 'what did I do wrong,' etc. Also, I believe it’s not about serving yourself, but about considering the feelings of others. Dragging things out is always worse than being direct. And it’s totally possible to be direct without being aggressive or disrespectful. Nothing in life is really that definitive, so I think the best path is always to be honest. I’m a big believer in never feeling guilty about our own feelings, especially when it comes to feeling obligated to see someone-whether a friend, partner, or family member. If your friends are mature and truly love you, they will understand any reason you have. What do you think? P.S. I love you girls, you make my days so much better.

One of my favorite episodes, thank you for sharing your wisdom :)

What an episode

I have 100% had the religious arguments with my grandma and her son and how they impose on me and my kids. With my uncles aggression, I had to go no contact completely and block him. My grandma still says what she wants in her teachings to my kids. On one hand, I hate it and want her to stop. On another, I understand that in order for my kids to be well rounded and make their own decisions, they need to have access to all the different kinds of ways people think and live. (Especially those that play a large role in their lives) Otherwise, I'm no better than the grandma for trying to shove my opinions down the kids throats. I do not yet have a solution for when she decides to take my kids to see her son. They don't like him either but choose to go for the activities he provides and the fact they want to hang out with grandma.

Whew!!!! Probably the best episode I’ve ever heard thus far. Gold! A+! 1. Thank you. Both of you are superb in your expression/processing of these very necessary conversations. 2. I feel like the themes expressed here are exactly what I’m navigating in lots of my interpersonal relationships in this stage of my life. 3. Everything Jess explained about the response being outsized/an over reaction compared to the situation itself, is so on the nose! I’ve often been stuck on the “how do you say…” and quite frankly when I don’t have the language to explicitly name the shift in the dynamic between me and someone else, I unconsciously start to take on the emotional responsibility of potentially alleviating pain or disappointment on someone else’s behalf and it’s just not what we’re here to do. We literally can’t. I’ve been thinking that even if we could and it absolved someone of those feelings, who’s to say it wouldn’t morph again?! A truth is, being responsible for the management of someone else’s feelings just isn’t sustainable.

Caroline speaking about not being understood was a lightbulb moment for me.

57:00 from one of my favorite artists/singers: "Giving up decisively also counts as courage."

i LOVE this episode!!! as a lifelong chronic people pleaser, at 31 i am FINALLY learning how to say no, and holy shit has it been scary and empowering.

I’m a dog trainer and your training advice is spot on.

How about a video on how we survive the coming storm? I’m scared and most folks I know are, too!

The thumbnail pics for these are always so cute!

Make your peace that she will choose Jeebus Cracker over you. Jeebus freaks are unrecoverable. It's like heroin for old women.

How I cleared my to-do list?; Cold TURKEY for one week. Like a staycation. Cancel Every Thing. Park your phone on the charger in the closet. And put your keys in a drawer. Do ONLY SPONTANEOUS things with the one in front of your face. That's all. Week 2: consider adding 2 pre-scheduled personal things for yourself: beauty or dr appts, self-care visits, join the gym, drink 64oz water, plan a menu. Week 3: schedule 2 private things for yourself: walk in the park with the dog, call your relative, write a letter, buy flowers, read a book. After that, you'll hear your own voice again. You're in The Flow & you'll Really Know what You want. No more breathless Panic Manic-Take your Life Back. (If you dare- clear your contacts/addresses. Purge everyone to the bottom with a Z-before their name. Give an A up-top for your Besties. It works!)

Great episode. It gave me a lot to think about and added perspective for my own behaviors and how to respond to those of others. Thank you.

Received a text out-of-the-blue from an old 'friend', co-worker last week. Noticed the previous text between us was almost exactly 4 yrs ago when I was celebrating a birth in the family. Never heard back from her then- and why now? She wanted to advertise her new craft/hobby selling holiday art cards and asked for my friends' emails. She hit me up because she scrolled by me in her contact list for $??! Man, it's over. It's okay to Grow Up and to Grow Better! it's not so sad really. Forgive yourself and lighten up! First of all, Be your own Best Friend #imisjudgedyouasbeingreal

Ugh, how are you two scientists not licensed therapists?! This is A+ shit right here.

Is it a lie to say, "I already have plans" if you already planned to say no next time they asked? 😅

kindergarten teaching the other adults in your life (clients, parents, etc) is SERIOUSLY the key. calm instructions and expectations, clear consequences, immediate results, and no shouting. it's how I got my pronouns and new name recognized, how I get my clients to get in line at work, and how I get major communication props from my coworkers. babes it's just toddler logic

Y'all this episode was a banger - you're in a flow state.

14:26 I agree with this thought but is it really this esoterical "I attract what I am" thing or rather about living with integrity? Like you said, I'd rather be single than live a lie, just because. I mean, if you discover that your people are actually liars, backstabbers and gaslighters, and it hurts, and you do act on it, it makes you prone to realise this earlier from now on, and, hopefully, refuse to get back into similar relationships and friendships. I just wonder if this "if I refuse this I will attract better and if I stay there I will attract just that" is even true or relevant. To me it is getting comfortable with the thought to do things for yourself even if there is never any outward reward.

Thanks for the great conversation, I learned so much and related with you. We also do the relationship check-in and we've changed it from once a week to 5 minutes daily. It sounds daunting but believe me, it's a lot better. Do we really do it every day? No. But it's a lot easier to pick up again when you've forgotten to do it for a few days. And because it's just the stresses of one day, I have so much less to remember. I also felt bad to be like "on Monday you did this and it mildly annoyed me", as if I'm super petty and keeping tabs. So this works out better, we try to use it to be mindful, remember some good things that happened that day and what we're grateful for. So it's a nice end of the day

1:11:05 this topic reminds me of famous film directors or actors doing "one for them, one for me" to keep that income but also fulfillment

I wish I had a friend who I can talk to the way you two talk. You’re so lucky. How long did it take you to this point?? I’m beginning to realize the reason I don’t have this is because I wasn’t willing to commit and give it “mud”. It was seem too hard.

12:30 “Normal” healthy people with a sense of humor understood that relationship video was a very funny, sophisticated way of sharing vulnerable life truths and experiences people can resonate with. Great content! ❤ Ya know, they say it takes a level of intelligence to understand humor and sarcasm. Only haters/envious and negative-minded people would feel it’s necessary to throw a wet blanket on your light. Don’t let them get to you. Why care about opinions from the party poopers.

Online diagnostics are stupid but i will say i'm autistic (never thought i was but now I've learned about it im like duh lol) and i relate to caroline in a lot of ways so that's probably why people say you are that or something else they relate to. Of course you can relate to people about something without them being the same as you. 😊

It creates an endless spiral. The only way I figured how to stop the spiral was to shut out all the noise to get to know myself as well as possible, which, for me meant connecting with all of the cultures that have made me me for a few centuries. We weren’t designed by modern day thinking.

Your lighting/tones on camera look purple and orange too lol

relationships are a two way street❤

My objection to genealogy data: not giving my insurance more fodder to deny me coverage and therapy. Not wanting to be catalogued and tagged on my DNA. I think it’s way worse than cell data.

Caroline - I’m not going to read other people’s comments, but I’m sure over the past several months, others have set you straight. St. Jude’s provides cancer care FREE to children. IT IS a charity, and an important one, and your “hot take” is uncharacteristically damaging and uninformed. I think there’s a good chance the stars donate their time to make the promos. These names may not mean anything to you, but if you call yourself a comedian, you might be familiar with Danny Thomas, comic icon of the 50s/60s. He started this charity and it continued to be headed by his daughter Marlo Thomas. She married Phil Donahue, both of them highly thought of in open minded progressive humanitarian circles . Do your research.

This was such a helpful episode! Learning how to believe our partners when they say nothing is wrong or it's not about you, but to just let them feel and process the way they need.

Love you gals ❤ thanks for making Thursdays the best day of the week. Would love to see each of your besties co-host an episode at some point!

Well then Im a rapist 😂

I was hesitant to do 23 and me for the same reason as you, Jess and it showed that my heritage is still 100%Lebanese. It was a major flex moment for me 😂

The last topic, sharing your deepest self-you guys should know how important and not silly it was to share. It makes total sense and is the crux of relationships.

I have been single for such a long time, and in some tumultuous situationships -- to the point where I do process and handle all my own feelings so much, that I will basically not bring a concern to someone. Like it all ends and begins with me. I broke this pattern last week and it was a wild experience. -- xoxo, love and appreciate y'all sharing with us. I can find angles on myself that I wouldn't have otherwise from hearing y'all. Y'all are da best

I appreciate this episode! In a group setting, I do become more of an observer and often let others talk over me, however, the way some people recognize it and say “oh I’m sorry what were you saying?” Or “sorry i interrupted you. What was XYZ you were talking about?” show that they are excited about our conversation and wanted to share what they wanted to say in a moment but are also aware there are other people in the room. I do get tired if I keep getting interrupted, but recently, I started being more appreciative of people who can carry conversation like this. I don’t have to keep pressure to say something when I don’t have much to contribute 😊 My husband is just like Ryan, and I totally feel you, Jess! After having a good amount of fights about this and realizing it’s just how his brain works, I told him that I want him to keep taking his time to respond back to me, but he has to say “I’m thinking” so that I know he heard me and is listening to me. Once we had this agreement, we haven’t had any arguments about this. I tried to be like him too (taking my time to respond but yeah I purposely didn’t tell him I was thinking. I was being a little mean haha), and he got worried what was going on lol I was like dude this is exactly how you are but okay. 😂 So funny!

Carolyn, you are a riot and very insightful, and is there any way you can begin to curb this habit of talking over someone? I realize you are excited about sharing your opinion, but it comes across as dominating, and I end up missing what she was trying to say. Both of you are wonderful and deserve to be heard. ❤

I admire you both so much, and this podcast has been a bright spot for me-but I sometimes wish you would read up more on some of the topics you cover. I know you’re not scientists! And I know you both have a lot going on. But I would be way more interested in hearing what you have to say on genetic testing, for example, if you had read a brief article or something. I know these topics come up spontaneously, so maybe you could have a segment where you circle back to them a few weeks later after doing a bit of research? Again, I know it’s not an educational podcast…but sometimes I wish you would get a little more curious if you’re going to bring these things up 🤓

The reason I wouldn’t want my dna out there is because I wouldn’t want health insurance companies to know about genetic dispositions to certain diseases

This ep was a banger

Bff guest spot???

Ladies I love you guys and your podcast but today I was listening to it on Apple podcast and the audio from Caroline’s microphone was horrendously bad. The podcast was good though.

I like your podcast, but I looooove this episode.

I'm just gonna chime in as I watch. I like how open both of you are as you go through this process. I think we all change and adapt according to our environment so I'm not sure it's possible to 100% replicate a one on one personal call with a friend in the same way when you know thousands of people will watch this and there can be ramifications for what you say. I listen to a lot of podcasts and if we compare it to a top podcast like Joe Rogan he is himself it seems and I think it comes with time and also not giving a fuck. If you do care what people think that's okay. I think as the title says this isn't for everyone and I think you have to be okay with losing a few people if you do share something people may not agree with. As you build your core audience they will know what you stand for I assume and you won't have to explain yourself so much. Having a fear of losing your livelihood is a real fear so I think you just gotta do what you are comfortable with and portray yourself in a way that feels safe to you.