ASMR Personality Test (FREE*) -The Church of Metatology (*Terms Apply, see description)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 พ.ย. 2020
- #asmr
*The Church of Metatology does not exist - it is an ASMR spoof cult and fabrication for the purpose of entertainment and relaxation. That being said, if you wanna slip your man $20,000…
Welcome, Peep, to the Church of Metatology. This *FREE* ASMR personality test is designed to relax you, give you tingles, and enlist you into an inescapable capitalist cult.
The video includes writing sounds, tapping, soft spoken personal questions, and cult dogma. Also, please be advised there are fairly strong 40hz frequencies used in this video. Enjoy!
Join my public Discord (currently limited applications accepted): t.co/8tQy5vECRs
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Follow me on Twitter! @asmr_jim
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Any additional sound effects from www.zapsplat.com
Disclaimer: This video is intended for relaxation. Any views, opinions, or advice expressed is purely for the purpose of entertainment, and to induce tingles through ASMR. These videos are not a substitute for traditional medicine, therapy, or any other professional medium, and should not be treated as such! Take all the advice with a pinch of salt, and certainly don’t take it to heart. That being said, please enjoy them, benefit from them, and hopefully get those warm, tingly feelings. Oh, and it’s not for kids. - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
![[TH] Esports World Cup : Knockout Stage Day 1](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ES-vr-FarFg/mqdefault.jpg)
Okay, but the photo of the Glorious Founder is fantastic.
lmao this is hilarious and i will remember it fondly when Jim "mysteriously vanishes"
I was about to say…
😂😂
@@MissYouCupcake That's where you're wrong! The REAL cult is a ruse too! The *real* real cult is actually an undercover rescue operation, protecting those of us who are susceptible to falling into a cult. So by pre-emptively dragging us into his fake "real" cult, he's actually protecting us from the EVIL cults out there!
@@MissYouCupcake ONE OF US. ONE OF US. ONE OF US!!!
"We don't really even believe in the brain."
-2 minutes later-
"This is higher brain functionality."
Yup, I already like where this cult is going!
"We eat pizza with every meal."
Literally next card
"Bread is bad."
Well his name is Jim and here we have our very own Jim Jones😂
Can we talk about how good his American accent is? He’s like a whole new person.
I'm American and did not notice any accent, so his fake American accent must be really good.
YES it's incredible!!! Jim's knack for adopting accents is one of his talents that I most enjoy seeing in his videos. It's just so impressive!
@@zebobez2715 it is!! He even got “idear” in there 😭
wait what??? i thought he was american this whole time.. 😐 hes british??
@@sunstream4 heheh yeah!! He’s really good at accents. There’s a few videos he’s done as himself where you can hear his actual voice. -unless that’s an accent too and he’s secretly an immortal shapeshifter-
"Best number in the alphabet...free." 😂 I actually loled. Haha, this character was like the Patrick Bateman of cult propagandists - just terrific!
As someone who has taken a personality test by a certain organisation (I was morbidly curious and had an hour to kill), this is surprisingly accurate.
Wait what organisation and where can I find this test? I am mildly obsessed with personality tests and I'm bored lol
I think talkgooder is referring to Scientology
So I took the Scientology test for fun and it was legit hilarious how many of the questions were basically "Are you a vulnerable person? Are you a quiet, obedient person who'd be easy for us to manipulate? Are you someone who'd be hard for us to control?" in disguise. Also it told me that literally everything is urgently wrong with me so like nothing groundbreaking here
@@monochromedream-eatingbaku curious, where did you find one? I've been wondering what kind of questions are on it for a while now XD
yup
You’re probably on some watch list in a mysterious office in Clearwater, FL now.
Oop
As a person who works at the mysterious office in Clearwater, FL, I deny this. We, in fact, know nothing about Subject AK-0345 and are not, at this very moment, sending black helicopters to kidnap Aaron Nelson AKA Subject BL-2567.
I was scrolling looking for a comment talking about my city haha
Food for thought: if the CIA ran a succesful disinformation campaign within the U.S. what would it look like?
@@BlastinRope, if it were successful you would never know. So it would appear as normal media. That being said, it’s incredibly hard to do that when your media isn’t state run. I think the diversity of media outlets is always a good sign that the media isn’t corrupted, even though you do end up getting a lot of crap sources that are barely news to begin with.
I snorted out loud at “David miscaviges of justice.” incredible
No one:
Me: *turns into the capitalist cult after watching ASMR*
I laughed my rear off at the intro.
ETA: Commented too soon, the whole thing is hilarious start-to-finish.
He made me laugh my head off🤣🤣🤣🤣
“The violin is considered too ethnic for the church” pffft. Great writing in this one. Do hope you don’t end up with some strange visitors after this...
@Vanessa Good catch! That's just beyond-his sense of humor is equal to his talent prowess, at least. Also, his 'deadpan skills' are off the charts, so some of his "jokes" are easy to miss.
Not 5 minutes in and I'm formally renouncing my misguided faith in the Flying Spaghetti Monster and his noodly appendage.
noooo not his noodliness YOu must stay>>...>..
R'amen.
Sacrilege!!!
I'll be the heretic if I can be boiled alive in a large vat of spag bol. With just a smidgin of paprika and topped off with plenty of cheese.
You make our noodleness weep
"WHO DO WE WANT? XENU!!! WHEN TO DO WE WANT HIM? IN THREE TRILLION YEARS!!!"
Turn that poop into wine!
@@experssion123 TURN THAT POOP INTO WINE!
Lol im the reincarnation of jesus christ
L. Ron Harvard is the true god.
As a lover of cult theory and the mentality that goes into them I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS.
(And I can tell that you’ve DEFINITELY done your research 👏👏👏)
69 nice
That incredible voice..you could read the phone book and I'd be enthralled. Class Act!
Over 20 copies sold. 😁
This is absolutely the type of Cult I'm on board with. Copy 21 just sold. 🖤
"We eat everything off of pizza"
okay I could get down with this
"Bread is banned-"
alright I'm out.
They cannot take my bread away from me!
OMG!!! 🤣🤣🤣 The nonsensicalness of this is truly next level! 🤣😂😅 Jim, if it wasn’t for you and your banana shirt 🍌👕, flash cards, mysterious devices, puns and innuendos 😉😉😈, ability to talk us into anything, and an apparent toaster fetish, I don’t know what I’d do with my down time. 🤣🤣🤣 Thank you for the new cult! It’s way better than my old one. 👀😬🥸 Much love!!! 💙💙💙
There needs to be a level called Jim Chi which no one can ever reach.
“I smell BS in you.”
Well, it must be reaching critical mass then 😂
“Bread is banned”
Me: Aight imma head out ✌️
You know a large part of the recruitment process of the church lmao. most things I see satirizing the church are not that accurate, you got it spot on. My mom and stepdad have been in it for around 15 years so I get the recruitment spiel a lot. It's probably the most invasive shit I've ever had to deal with.
"I guess you could call us... Peep." This quote killed me I love it omg
Is that an iPhone?
After the ''Truth about Cats ASMR'' this is the most funny ASMR xD Lovely work Jimbo!
"We call this a food plate and eat everything off of it including the pizza."
2 seconds later "bread is bad here, we don't believe in it" 🤯
Did someone perhaps also binge a certain show on Netflix recently?
"We do not call robots robots, we call them people"
Me, mechatronic technician: oh, yes, i thougt i have no friends, but now i see that robots are my friends 🗿thanks, Jim
*Proud to be part of the most*
*supportive community on TH-cam!* ❤️
me: alright just woke up, time to start off the day and get all my work done and be productive!!!!
jimchi: *uploads video*
me: and back to bed i go
I'm going to say "yes, yes, yes" to this video. 😂 I couldn't wait for this one. I wasn't disappointed. Any time you do comedy, it's just perfect. The frequencies were such a nice, tingly bonus.
I don’t often sit waiting for channels to upload but when I do you know you know it’s Jim.
I'm kind of relieved to be getting some videos that aren't (overtly) sinister. Your quality is always so high.
Jim: The correct answer is always yes.
Me: Alright, bet.
Jim (holding up a picture of a dog): Is this a cat?
Me: ...Y-Yes?
😂 Brilliant as always, love your videos!
I wish there was something like an ASMR Oscar this could win! This was an genuinely high-end quality masterpiece full of with and humor. And the toaster was such a nice easter egg! Applause and praise for you! 👏👏👏⭐⭐⭐
The SHADE this throws I’m screaming-
I have no idea what I just watched.
But I want more 😬
I admit I haven't seen every single one is your roleplays, but for my money this one is the most hilarious: the writing, the delivery, the structure and meta jokes, the persona, the voice -- it is just the perfect satire.
"There are no wrong answers. But there are correct ones."
"There are no wrong answers... but there are correct ones."
Me: *sweats nervously*
Edit:
"Your BS rating is high"
Me: It's a good thing your not my college professor then.
These are completely ASMR movies, he puts in so much work and quality into these. Thank you 🙏🏻
‘Magnum Dopus’ I’m already so invested
I was enjoying this and getting all mellow, and the ‘violin is considered too ethnic’ threw me off so much I burst out laughing
"...figuratively or literally rubbed off on you. You can smell that a mile away along with the BS". the writing on this is absolutely golden
‘If you wanna slip your man $20,000’ 🤣
£20,000 would be even better!!😂
This is the apex of British humor.
@@andrealanzoni8894 are you British?
@@Tactical_Pearlz No, why do you ask me?
@@andrealanzoni8894 just because you mentioned British humour is all ❤️
Jimchi, you are an endless well of creativity
I needed this today. “Flesh meat earth ship” just hysterical 😭
Think I finally found a “church” I can follow
I zoned out and when I zoned back in I heard "Is it ever right to put a baby in one of these?" and now I'm trying so hard to not wake up the entire house with my giggles.
Scientology hasn't been roasted so hard since South Park.
This reminded me of the episode of the IT crowd when Douglas joins "spacology" gets a helicopter and then, somehow, a robot arm.
The level of detail to his projects is astonishing. Get this man some subscribers, his Jersey to the rafters.
This the most hilarious and scarily accurate cult recruitment video I have ever seen.
The cards melted my brain! So Orwellian, part of me was rolling in laughter and the other part was screaming in terror!
This is definitely a different kind of ASMR! 😃
I'll rest now, knowing my Guide will break in at random moments in the night to give me my Latest Chi Reading.😂
"Miscaviges of Justice" 😂😂👍 Great writing and editing in this one. Closest I've been to this in real life is getting $5 tarot readings when I lived in D.C and they would always make those "true" personality readings that were just blanket statements that could apply to anyone.
I know how to read tarot (aka do the same thing, tell people what they want to hear, but it's all in fun. I don't charge), and I always found it amusing that every $5 tarot tried to sucker me in to buying $200 worth of crystals immediately afterwards. Never did it and they would always get mad 😂
Sidenote: there's actually a CoS (edited for confusion: Scientology) building in my city, people walk past it every day on one of the main streets. Nobody goes in and it's creepy af. Even homeless people in the area know better than to approach their followers 😖😳
Don't mind me, but, what is CoS? The first thing that came to my mind was the Church of Satan XD
@@cotorturi2794 Short for church of Scientology, it's what they call themselves and I just abbreviated it, mostly because I didn't want to actually say "church" because I don't think they're a real church. It's more like the Cult of Scientology.
@@cotorturi2794 Also, I respect what Satanists (the modern humanistic kind) are trying to do, and respect them far more than Scientology and some fundamentalist sects/hate groups within other religions. I don't know if they're a church, however, because they don't have organized "worship" of anything and they don't believe in God. I do, so I couldn't join them. I just consider them a very interesting community
@@picklesthewise Ah thank you so much, I was very confused. And thank you for the respect of Satanists, as one myself. I hope you have a good day/night!
"The only way we can save the planet is if you pay us $77,000" bahaha
Had long since wondered, with your spoofing of cults thing you've been doing recently, if you would ever do something in relation to Scientology, and dear lord you nailed it!
Found this video not only relaxing, but also amazingly funny. Excellent work, Jim, you glorious bastard you!!
This is so relaxing. I feel like I need a test like this as often as I can. I love this Jim, great job and thank you. ❤
Oh my god, I'm 2 minutes in and this might be my favorite one already. You truly are a genius of content.
Man, I fell asleep last night to this, and decided to rewatch today using headphones. OMG this was such a game changer! Great work Jim, as always!
Please make this a series - not only is it just funny/interesting but it’s one of the first videos I’ve been unable to finish because I keep falling asleep!
This is just perfect . I haven't laughed in so long...oh dear. Thank you!🖤🖤🖤🖤
i love this. i hope there will be more because this made me laugh quite a lot!!! love this new cult its so absurd and entertaining
This is the best video I've seen this year
OMG! I'm still laughing, this whole video is one big innuendo with a lot of one liners thrown in, how you were able to say any of this with a straight face is beyond me and could see many retakes on your list, the picture quiz was awesome and the answers even more so, you have a great sense of humor and are a treasure to visual arts, the B.S. meter was high on this one, you rock! :D
This is the single best piece of media I have ever consumed!
Jim a part two is desperately needed! I must ascend!
This was brilliant and made me chuckle quite a few times love it.💜
This is fucking fantastic. You get better and better with every video I watch.
I was really hoping to be notified with your upload, after such a shitty day 😭 this is a great one, I am enjoying it so much, and I knew it was gonna be dope 🙏
Is it the best place?
*shows bed*
Me in my own bed: Hell Yeah!!
Jim...you DIDN'T disappoint. I am as always, blown away. 😁
I just love everything about this video!
Your videos are just INCREDIBLE! My God, the production quality! The creativity! I know this was a year ago, it’s just the one I stopped to to comment on!
I really hope you are proud of yourself for the videos you create
HAHAHA that is a LOT of terms and conditions. Love it
You're so clever. I loved this so much
"Bread is bad"
Me: What about the pizza?🤔
Pizza is not bread, it is simply in a category of its own
@@logancamp9098 Pizza has ascended beyond mortal categories
Pizza are not bread, they're food plates. Please try to keep up.
@@Atzy I see you managed to increase your BS
You weren't kidding when you said it was a random themed series, this is fantastic. I was sold by the intro, thanks for the quality uploads as always!
i keep getting surprised by all the effort you put in these videos hhhhhhhh ty for your work
I love this kind of videos
This is amazingly on point I love this so much 😂😂😂
This is fantastically charming in all its crafted words 😆🖤
I have only watched the first few minutes and already laughed out loud many times ... this is going to be just hilarious. Im always amazed by the clever jokes and versatility of jim :)
I commend you on the correct pronunciation of Xylophon, but that was actually a Glockenspiel 😏 Apart from that, my bs leveled up and I gained ener-chi from laughing. Three yesses!
Yep! Металлофон! Someone noticed it too!:D Love you, Tina🤗💜
@@Mirrima And the orange was actually an apple...but I thought one quibble should be enough ;) Love you too
Cheeky. They're deliberately incorrect answers to make the test subject feel superior - it's a technique... Ahem... They use.
@@JimASMR yep, very picky Europeans, that's us🤭
This is still one of my favorite episodes. The acting is so on point!
Jim i dont know how you do it.This was amazing im lost for word brilliant 👏👏👏👏👏
I cannot get over the level of creativity of Jim. What is this sorcery and how can I have some too!?😫
A brilliant skewering. I bow to you sir.
You know, I always wanted a scientology/e-meter ASMR video, but thought it was too niche. This is why you're my favorite channel on youtube
I was wondering if I was crazy and just hearing sexual vibes towards the boat when you were talking about it, and then I realized. All machines are people. Including the boat.
I'm a healthy mixture of disturbed and entertained. XD
So the next video is the financial consult...
Fabulous video. Your talent, skill and creativity never ceases to amaze me.💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
Brilliantly executed, you really seem like you considered the concept more than others
This is a gem, Jim. I have a family member that was in a similar church for awhile and this is quite accurate. This video brought up some bad memories of that time, but it was funny and well done 👍
I've been unknowingly part of a cult for quite a long time and yeah you hit the nail in the head on the way they act! The special words they invented that only they know (that means a whole new dialect if you are a part of the cult), the vague tests they do to you that make you feel special and unique, the way the founder is a higher being who knows all, of course the fee lmaooo and finally the subtle brainwashing! It's terrifying as hell!! :')
Had to say, after having way too much fun with relistening, I must reclassify this from soothing to a "brain tickle" ASMR alongside the moon cat origins informational video. Nicely done, Jimち 先生 😂😄😁😀
The whole ASMR thing, for me, started as a deep desire for sleep (still true) but Jim-I mean, his is other level stuff-parody at it's very finest. I feel like he's brilliant at working in all these little jokes/burns/roasts, which hilight the absolute absurdity of the characters/situations he perfectly embodies. His brand of playful trolling is sublime, mostly by virtue of being equally funny and true. I find his style of humor wildly intelligent and perfectly deadpan (which I know is a British/UK thing) and it allows him make often poignant observations about different cultures,etc without getting ppl all riled up (which is it's own kind of genius). This character is profoundly American-like dyed in the wool (which, as an American, is as funny as it is depressing, but that's precisely the appeal). It's compelling work you do, Jim-you clearly put loads of work into your content, and I only hope you have as much fun constructing these vingettes as we do watching them. A big cheers to you sir-thanks for doing all that you do, with singular style, wit, and creativity. It makes a difference- please know this. 🖤
Jim you are the best. It feels like Christmas 🎄 you are spoiling us. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love your voice, man, it's calm and impactful at the same time 😁😧
this feels very Ephemeral Rift style, i like it
This is fucking amazing. Thank you! Omg I am crying 😂 “your bs rating is very high, that’s a good thing”. Thank you for being amazing Jim, omg.
Absolutely brilliant
Whenever I get homesick for the Catholic Church I grew up in, I come to your channel and watch your cult videos. They just smack of nostalgia and fix me right up
I laughed out loud at so many places, but also, so glad to understand more about Joe the mechanic and his deep, abiding love for toasters. He's just a metatologist!
You must have been told this 1000 times, but you really are a phenomenal actor! I could really see you on the big screen. Keep up the amazing work! 👏💪
Would love a video of another session, I love this character.
"There are no wrong answers. But there are correct ones" is what the psychologist handing you a personality disorder test is probably thinking.
--For real they're always like "Answer yes or no to each question. There are no wrong answers :)" and then I look at a question and I just KNOW that answering yes is a one-way ticket to the hospital.--